#thank you always for the kindness you have shown me Lola

[rubydragon16]

                                — ɪᴛ’ꜱ ᴍᴇᴀɴɪɴɢʟᴇꜱꜱ ᴡɪᴛʜᴏᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ —

ᴍᴀᴋᴏᴛᴏ ᴀɴᴅ ʜᴀʀᴜᴋᴀ ꜰᴏʀ @ᴍɪʏᴀᴋᴜʟɪ​ ✧ ʜᴀᴘᴘʏ ʙɪʀᴛʜᴅᴀʏ ʟᴏʟᴀ❣ ♡

#free! #free!edit #dailyfree #makoharu #fyeahsportsanime #fysportsanime #dailyanime #anisource #fyanimegifs #edits #sportsanimedaily #otp #my otp #otp forever #thank you always for the kindness you have shown me Lola #it means a lot #and i hope you like #this lil gift

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

She said

Wait. You heard the story? (You're that far behind?)

Anyway. She saw his body one last time. A long, oddly gentle moment as he knelt on the beach beside her. She was afraid he was going to tell her to go home, that the Order had called for her to step back, that maybe she wasn't going to find out about the drowning, that maybe if she didn't talk to the ants, or the seductive cat man, nothing much would change.

He didn't do any of those things, though. When she put her hand to his she saw something there — almost a kind of relief, but not quite, something she'd never seen before and she didn't know how to respond to. They were together on the beach. For once he could be himself without having to flatter her or manipulate her or anything.

Well, they were together in the sense that one person can be with another person. A seal could sit for hours in the same spot, the one time on the beach when no one would bother him, staring blankly at the sea. A person can do the same thing, in the same spot, together, and know that that's why.

She was silent. She let him feel her nearness. When he spoke he said, "There are two good things that have happened today." She felt him smile. She kept silent.

It was his way. To pretend that good and bad things are just his way of categorizing them — for his own soul, maybe, or as some kind of rhetorical convention, or, if he was John, some hollow sham that he didn't even believe, a game of shifting statistics or prone to exaggeration, a facet of his overactive imagination that was just as much a proof of his madness as his realizing himself as a drowned man. She didn't buy into this game, but if she didn't join him in it, that might set him off on one of his paranoid or furious rants.

But now she had a partner, a copilot. She could help him arrange his day. She could tell him that she was grateful. She could tell him I love you.

When she went to him — and when he stood — she held her hands out toward him. He held them too, and they held each other close. Their bodies came together, caresses in a synchronized waltz.

She held his hands and kissed him. And then, holding his hands and kissing him, she told him how much she loved him, and thanked him for his love and his grace, and hoped that he didn't think too much about what he had done to her, what she would have to go through in the next few days.

She kissed him deeply, and when she pulled back, she held his face in both of her hands and looked him in the eyes and said, "Tell me that I will survive."

He frowned. "Lola, my love," he said. "We live in an ancient universe. Of course you will survive. The goddess-cats have shown you their bodies to assure you that you will — or have you forgotten their dances, Lola?"

"I have not," she said. "But you know that I am more disturbed by all of this than I seem."

"Then I must try to shield you from it as best I can," he said. "You don't deserve to know what I have done in your name, Lola."

She could not have argued with him. She did not have the power to say that John had lied to her, or, if she had, she wasn't sure where it would have gotten her. And all the same, it felt right to her to trust John, to let him shield her.

She said, "You haven't been lying to me. I know you haven't."

He shook his head. "I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what to tell you. But I do know that I have a responsibility to you and to this world that is far greater than the responsibility I have to my own mental stability."

"Okay," she said, and she kissed him again.

While the kiss was going on, they both kept their eyes open. They had been staring at each other for a long time without blinking, and it felt right to them both to continue.

When they stepped apart, Lola said, "I will keep your words in my heart as long as I live. Whatever happens, I will keep them and I will remember them. Whatever I do, wherever I go, whatever I become, there will always be these words in my soul. And this last conversation will always be one of the things that my soul is about."

John smiled. "Then you're a good witch," he said, "a strong witch, a witch for whom the consequences of the curse mean something."

"So you've said," said Lola, and she touched her hand to his cheek. "So I've said."

They stood like that for a few moments longer, in the first hour of the next day. After a while, John said, "I think there are two good things that have happened today. I think there are three."

———

She'd been meeting with him almost every morning for two weeks. And all that time she was preparing herself for the day that was coming up. At the beginning, she didn't understand what was going on, and wasn't sure that she wanted it to go on for long. But in time she came to understand the purpose of it, and she wanted it to go on for a long time. It was the only thing to do, with the thing she was going to have to tell him. She'd had plenty of time to prepare — 19 days, to be precise.

At the beginning, she was terrified that if she met with him too often she might lose control of herself, and that before she'd had time to figure out how to keep him happy, she might have to find a way to keep him at bay. And then she'd have to reveal all her bad news, all her bad news that she had wanted to keep hidden.

At the beginning, she had to hide her preparations. She couldn't tell him where she was going, why she was going there, who she would be meeting with. He had to remain in the dark. He was still disturbed by her seducing the cat man, but it was her doing that allowed them to hide her sessions with the strangers (or at least it had been her doing in the beginning). She had to keep these meetings secret, because, if John suspected they were happening, he would stop them.

In the beginning, Lola sometimes felt like she had two selves. There was the self who talked to John about the world around him. The self who described things to him in a way that made them seem noteworthy and interesting, or sometimes important — not as they were, but as she knew they were. This self was the John she needed to give him — a kind of megaphone amplifying the thoughts of the real him, a kind of chorus adding layers and harmonies.

And then there was the self who should have talked to him. The self who talked to him about her.

This part of her that should have talked was all one self, with one mind, with one shared feeling, one single and unified Lola Cheng. But it was kept secret, and the rest of her didn't know about it, and she was the thing talking to him, and he didn't know about the other part.

It had been quite hard to keep the two selves apart, for a little while. But she was getting good at it. And she was getting good at what she wanted to tell John.

Finally she was ready. He'd been expecting it. He'd been wondering. He was getting used to the inevitability of it and could even accept it. So could she. There was a heavy weight lifted off her shoulders. She knew it was the right thing, and so did he.

She drove to her final meeting, and when she got there she was transformed. She took a deep breath, and all of the tension left her. It was still her, but now her body was the body of Lola, the girl who'd been her body for 19 days. But that girl was fully herself, and well.

And when she found herself with the John of her dreams, he seemed like a boy who'd aged 19 days. It wasn't him anymore, but it was a boy who looked like him, and could have been a version of him. She couldn't have asked for better.

John was going to listen to her talk to him, and the bad news

[enam3l]

hi mona! i’ve read a few of your pieces before and loved them (specifically eddie hates tommy lee & three fucking weeks) but i’ve spent a few days now bingeing your rockstar!eddie masterlist and omfg… i’m so in love with what you write and how you write it. i think you’ve managed to portray eddie so perfectly; his experiences with fame, children and obviously love seems so genuine and true to character (or at least the version i have of him in my head). the relationship between eddie and reader is perfect in my eyes. it’s made me feel incredibly lonely reading about it but honestly very few pieces have had as much of an effect on me like your work does so i do mean that as a compliment. i can’t wait to read more of what you write (i’ll get round to love, lola eventually) and if you want requests for blurbs or fics let me know because your version of eddie has just invaded my brain. amy <3

AMY!! this has just made my little heart triple in size and burst. I don't even know what to say, this is so ridiculously kind and thoughtful and means so much to me. I've loved getting notifications this week each day seeing where you've got up to on the master list 🥹

I'm so glad you love my version of Eddie! I've never done fanfic before and hadn't written fiction since I was like 16 in school. Then I watched Stranger Things for the first time last year just before S4 Pt2 and was just ??? so awestruck with Eddie's character in a way I just have never been before and I'm 24! I felt like a little kid again. I got plenty of beef with Duffer bros but they really did something with Eddie and I'm not even sure they realised what they did but regardless it was just perfect and obviously Joseph Quinn's characterisation is a big part of it.

I just felt so invested in him and found myself reading fanfic for the first time ever. Then I made the Tommy post as a joke because I didn't like everyone thinking my precious baby Eddie would like him. Then I stuck with it and it's been so fun. I think Eddie throughout the show is continually shown as someone who's always felt lost and wishing for a real family and in turn seeks out those who seem lost to give them a family. And yeah I just wanted to give him that!

Writing it has been so fun and emotional and same, it makes me sad because I kind of created a dream man and relationship. It hits hard because Eddie is so in need of love and so full of it. So I write how I would want to be loved.

Love, Lola is like an alternate version of rockstar Eddie. If maybe things didn't work out so smoothly and he has to wait a little longer for his happy ending but it's okay because he will get it!

My inbox is just always open for anything related to Rockstar Eddie: requests, blurbs, prompts, questions, debates - whatever!! I have a bank of them waiting and I just go back and pick one to do every now and again when I feel ready to reveal that part of his and reader's story.

But eeep thank you so much for reading and for this beautiful message, it's made my month. I can't wait to have some time again next week to start writing again 💕🫶🥰🦝

#enam3l asks #enam3ls rockstar eddie

[lovelybarnes]

family- p. parker

pairings: peter parker x reader, reader x ocs, peter parker x ocs

warnings: none? ig peter with glasses and a little freaking out at the beginning

about: requested! peter meets your family

a/n: thank you so much for requesting!! i hope you like this!

your eye twitched as you stared, hearing the words peter was saying but being unable to process them. this was not as serious as you were making it out to be, you knew that, but dammit, were you still nervous. your fingers were drummed lighty on your thigh, watching peter hunched over his desk, scrawling sentences on his notebook.

“y/n?” peter asked, suddenly at your legs. “are you okay? you kind of spaced out for a second there.”

you let out a long breath, squeezing your eyes shut, “i’m leaving to go visit my family for a weekend, and- i love them so much, but i’m going to miss you, and it’s so many people, i’m just really nervous, i haven’t seen my aunt gloria in like four years and my aunt maribel always ambushes me about the boyfriend and the-”

“hey, calm down, it’s- you’re gonna miss me?” peter asked, cutting himself off and you glared at him. “okay, not the point, why are you so nervous about this?”

you shrugged, nuzzling your head into his shoulder when he sat down next to you, “i love them but they’re just a lot. it’s just-” you sighed, a stray conversation between you and your mother from a few days ago coming back to you. “hey,” you started, lifting your head off of peter’s body. “do you have plans this weekend? my mom told me to extend an invitation to you if you were free.”

peter’s face lit up, and you relished in the shine in his eyes. “yeah! yeah, i’m free! you really want me to meet your family?”

you sucked in a small breath in remembering that fact but nodded, “yes. i kind of breezed over that fact, which i shouldn’t have, but now that i can think about it, i do. i’m so sure they’re going to love you.”

“i hope they do,” peter said, nerves laced within his voice and you pouted, pressing your lips to his jaw. “they will. i doubt anyone couldn't.”

peter snorted, “yeah, well ask flash. or the vulture. or-”

“they’re literal villains! and flash- they’ll love you, you’ll see.”

-

you were still nervous on the day you left for the huge cabin you and your family would be staying at; although considerably less so with peter’s arm wrapped around you and his lips repeatedly pressing kisses to your cheek in the backseat of your mother’s car. you could practically feel your anxiety melting with each press of his lips against your cheek.

as he rested his head against your shoulders, you twirled his hair around your fingers, appreciating the effect the shower he’d taken hurriedly had had on his hair; leaving it damp and curlier than usual. he was silent for the most part, until he lifted his head and you dropped your hand.

“so, tell me about your family members! what are all their names?” peter requested, and your mother raised an eyebrow, “that’s going to take a lot longer than this trip.”

you nodded, “she’s right, it’s better if i just introduce them to you when we get there.”

you whisper now, “i will tell you that my aunt lauren- really skinny and small- will ask you if you’re a secret superhero. she doesn’t know anything, she asks everyone that, don’t panic.

“i have a bajillion little cousins that will be all over you, so hopefully you don’t get too annoyed by children. my uncle carlos will clap you really hard on the back, my aunt lola likes to be called lolita and will bake you too many cookies to eat. please eat them even if you hate them, she’s just trying to make everyone happy.”

peter is nodding along, as focused as you’ve seen him in class. “she sounds sweet, and i doubt i’ll have any problems with your uncle carlos, seeing as i’m spider-man and all.”

you laugh softly, rolling your eyes. “yes, well, let’s see how well spider-man can handle twenty or so relatives throwing themselves at him.”

-

you almost feel dumb for stressing out so much about the event while you watch peter interact with your family- key word almost, when you notice the pleading look he’s sending you while being trapped in your grandmother’s embrace. you walk over to him at once, tapping your grandmother’s shoulder lightly, “grandma? pete needs to breathe,” you point out, and she pulls away, “oh, i’m sorry!” she exclaims, patting him on the cheek, “i have to attend to rosa’s mess of a dinner in the kitchen, it was nice to meet you,” she tells peter. he nods, and your grandma begins to walk away, stopping next to you. “he’s so cute,” she whispers to you, but, of course, peter catches it and beams.

your grandmother strokes your cheek before slapping it gently as a form of goodbye, walking away.

“they do like me!” peter whispers excitedly, and you smile at him, grabbing his hand, “of course they do, but these are the easy ones.” he tilts his head at you, looking so much like a puppy that you nearly coo. “what do you mean?” he asks, and you tug him by the hand, heading to another room.

you bite your lip, “my cousins. the first boyfriend i brought here, they told me they didn’t like him, and two months later, i found out he cheated. it’s happened two times, they’re, like, psychic.”

“this is making me nervous,” peter mumbled, drawing small circles on your hand. humming, you  turn to him, promising your next words, “you’re going to be fine, you’ll see.”

you kiss his nose and give his hand a squeeze, “they’re just little kids.”

you open the door, “with surprising intuitive abilities,” you mutter before your favorite little cousin spots and immediately runs to you. ��y/n!” she screams, and you grin, bending down to her level and picking her up. “hi, kami!” you greet, kissing her cheek, and she giggles. she pauses for a second, squinting at peter standing behind you. “who’s this?” she asks, and you turn slightly, “this is peter, he’s my boyfriend.”

peter extends his hand to her with a dorky smile, and she looks at him for a moment before taking it.

other small people are beginning to crowd around you, and you put kamila down, gasping at all the barbies being shown to you and eventually being directed to sit down at a chair, nodding along to an explanation of a video game you’d seen peter play before.

after a little while, diego is distracted enough for you to be able to look up and see peter, in his absolute element, playing with kamila, liam, and veronica. he’s smiling, watching kamila color with veronica in his lap. liam is poking at his arm, directing his attention to the tablet in his chubby hands. veronica swipes at peter’s glasses, which sit perched on his nose.

with brown curls falling over his forehead, black rimmed glasses on his face, and surrounded by your little cousins, you can feel yourself falling even deeper for him, because how can you not? how can you not love the boy who is sitting in a cabin with your family, entertaining the cousins you love?

before you can freak out properly, you are pulled away by kamila, who has appeared by your side and instructs you to play in the play kitchen with her.

not five minutes after, while you are in the middle of making a fake salad, peter appears beside you, offering his help to kamila. he gets right to work, turning the knobs on the plastic kitchen, and he turns to you and mouths trophy husband with a goofy smile.

seeing him mixing a bowl of plastic food, you’re reminded of the alarming realization of just how in love you are with peter parker.

#peter parker #peter parker fluff #peter parker x reader #peter parker x you #peter parker x y/n #spiderman #spider man #spider man x reader #avengers #marvel #peter parker x reader fluff #request #peter parker request #requests #peter parker imagine #peter parker blurb #fluffy peter parker

[dindjarindiaries]

Mandoctober - October 1: Mandalorian

summary: While spending a relaxing evening together, Din tells you stories of his people and the culture of the Mandalorians.

pairing: din djarin (the mandalorian) x gn!reader

warnings: pure fluff y’all (and possibly a little bit of canon divergence), happy mandoctober!

rating: T

word count: 1.194k

mandoctober masterlist

october 1: mandalorian

You don’t always get moments like these, dropped out of hyperspace and resting somewhere remote and safe at your riduur’s side. The baby’s sleeping peacefully on the ship while you and Din share your own makeshift bed on the ground beside it, looking up at the night sky together through a clearing in the surrounding wood. Din’s comfortable enough in this private space to rest without his armor and his helmet, leaving all of it in the ship as he lets you rest your head on his tunic-covered chest. His hand runs gently over your head as yours plays with the charm around his neck, the lines of the Mythosaur rolling over the pad of your thumb.

You shift your gaze from the night sky to the necklace in your hand, looking over the figure of the Mythosaur with wide eyes. You see Din’s still focused on the sky, his dark gaze reflecting the stars as they reveal all the warmth and peace he feels here with you. It makes you bite back a smile as you look back to the necklace.

“Din?” you whisper, regretful to break the peaceful silence but needing to feed your curiosity—and your desire to hear his voice.

“Yeah, cyar’ika?” Din responds, his own rasp light as you feel his gaze shift to you.

You turn the Mythosaur over in your hand, biting back a smile before you continue. “I want to hear about your people.”

“My people?” Din chuckles slightly as he runs his hand over your head again. “What about them?”

You shrug. “Anything.” You look up to meet his gaze, soaking in its warmth as you press a kiss to the Mythosaur in your hand. “Please?”

Din sighs lightly, easing your head back onto his chest as he moves his hand to your back. “Sure.” You smile with content, staring back up at the stars and waiting for the rumble of his baritone in his chest as he goes on. “I... didn’t know much about the Mandalorians when I was growing up. We weren’t used to any kind of action. That’s why that day took us by surprise.”

You grimace slightly at his words, entwining your free hand with his and giving it a squeeze.

“My mentor, the one who saved me, he filled me in. I could just… truly tell how much he loved Mandalore and its culture. It made me want to be the same way. So, I had him tell me new stories, every night—up until I was of age and no longer under his care.”

“What was your favorite story?” You’re smiling again, running one thumb over the back of Din’s hand and the other over the Mythosaur.

“My favorite? Oh, cyare… it’s been a long time.”

“I know you remember.” Your tone is teasing, and when you look up to face Din again, you see him biting back a smile up at the stars.

“The rebuilding of Mandalore.” Din’s voice is full of wonder as he speaks, making your smile impossible to remove as you listen to him speak about his people with such reverence. “I… well, I always thought it was incredible to hear about how the Mandalorians rebuilt their home after its devastation. They adapted and made the changes they needed to and it just makes… it makes me feel—.”

“Proud?”

Din nods and brushes his hand over your back. “Yeah. Proud.”

“I understand why.” You’re both silent for a moment, with you thinking on Din’s words while he waits for you to prompt him with something new. “The Mandalorians never made you feel like an outcast because you were a foundling, did they?”

“Never.” Din provides the answer quickly and with passion. “They always made me feel like one of their own.” He takes a gentle breath, and when you hear his head rustle around, you lift your own head to follow his gaze that points towards the Crest. “The foundlings are the future,” he murmurs, almost as if he’s saying it to himself. “This is the Way.”

“This is the Way,” you repeat after him, still keeping your soft tone as you smile at him. Din looks back to you and you just about melt at how warm and affectionate his gaze is. He gently encourages you to sit up with him, pressing his forehead to yours in a Keldabe kiss as soon as he’s able to. He takes both your hands between his as he smiles at you.

“You know what one of my very favorite things is about my culture?” Din questions, his voice as light as air and nearly breaking on a few words thanks to his rasp.

“What?” You use his same tone, unable to stop smiling as he gives your hands a squeeze.

“The importance of family.” Din closes his eyes, still smiling to himself as he brushes his nose against yours. “Your clan is everything. You protect them and provide for them with your life, no matter the cost.” He pauses, reopening his eyes to look deep into your own. There’s so much amazement and love swimming there that you feel your own gaze getting misty, your heart swelling in your chest as he continues. “Thanks to you and the baby, I finally have a clan of my own. There’s nothing I love more than caring for you two.” Din lifts one of his hands to gently brush his fingers over your cheek. “There’s nothing I love more than you.”

You can’t help giggling, needing to release the pure love and giddiness he’s built within you at his touching words. Your hands meet the sides of his face as you pull it to your own, kissing him with the same depth and passion he’s just shown you with his words. When you pull away, you add a kiss on his forehead and then lift his necklace again, also kissing the Mythosaur. “I love you too, Din—every part of you, especially your culture. It’s beautiful.”

Din smiles at you almost like he’s in a daze, his lips meeting your temple as his hands support your neck. “Gar mesh’la.” You’re beautiful.

You wince with slight embarrassment, hiding your face in his neck as he laughs softly at you.

“N'eparavu takisit,” Din continues to laugh, pressing another kiss to your head. I’m sorry. “Don’t hide from me, riduur.”

You lift your face again, meeting his affectionate gaze with nothing but warmth. “Do you ever worry if you’re too soft for a Mandalorian, Din?”

Din chuckles, running his thumbs over your cheeks as he raises an eyebrow at you. “There’s no such thing as a ‘soft Mandalorian,’ cyar’ika,” he assures you. “There’s only a Mandalorian very much in love.”

You shake your head at him, exchanging another smile before he kisses you again—his passion for his people easily matching that which he has for you.

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mandalorian tag list: @lola-wolf @professionalfangirl55 @themandadlorian @hoodedbirdie @chibi-liz05 @nerd-without-a-cause @hdlynn @thepjofanqueen @bwemph @starwarsslytherin @iellarenuodorian @littlevodika​ @jjemcarstairs​ @promiscuoussatan​​ @fahrenheit-not​​

#THIS GIF MATCHES MY VIBE #especially because my profile picture hehehe #mandoctober #din djarin #the mandalorian #din djarin x reader #the mandalorian x reader #fluff #dindjarindiaries

[roublardise]

my "Crowley isn't attracted to women" take

for @spnprideweek - day 2 - mlm

cw: dicussion of homophobia & transphobia all in all I wanted to highlight how canon gay Crowley is bc I love him 💕 thank u spn for Crowley even tho he deserved better

in the last weeks I've realized there's a huuge consensus in the fandom for pansexual Crowley. if you're pan or not and wanna hc Crowley as pan, power to you! but what's bothering me is the non-discussion of it all. the way it seems obvious for everyone. whereas, to me, Crowley has been canonically gay all this time.....

disclaimer: I'm aware Mark Sheppard alledgely said he saw Crowley as pansexual, however I can't even take these words for canon without context. Especially not when a year later he'd say Crowley's sexuality didn't matter. The way Mark Sheppard talks about characters' sexuality is more a "why are people making a big deal let them be" than "the character doesn't care." Moreover, actors pov can't be taken as canon imo. Jensen Ackles thought Dean straight for so long when Dean's been bi all this time as well. Sometimes actors are biased by their own experiences & stereotypes!

disclaimer #2: on god I don't wanna start discourse lmao. I just wanna share my silly thoughts about a tv show & question the way Crowley's sexuality is written in this silly homophobic tv show. don't @ me about what's making you think Crowley is indisputably pansexual bc I assure you I already know your points

That being said, here's why I think Crowley is a bear, a gay man, a trans gay man actually, a homosexual, who isn't attracted to women & some food for thoughts about why the unquestioned consensus towards pan Crowley could have roots in both homophobia & panphobia.

I don't think we can think of Crowley as your usual demon. We know too much about Crowley's life as a human, and the numerous ways in which he acts un-demony, almost humanly after. Considering him simply like a demon with no concept of gender preference who would be pan “by default” wouldn’t be right with his character. But we also can't question his sexuality in the exact same way we would a human's.

It also can't be thought in the same way as angels': as once-humans demons do have a concept of gender. Crowley especially cares a lot about his gender presentation and the way he's addressed. Not only does he literally sell his soul for a bigger d*ck as a human ; as a demon he uses the same vessel where other demons are shown to move once they had to leave one ; and for the few hours Crowley's possessing a woman, he clearly states he should still be referred to as king.

This will all be used for homophobic & transphobic jokes in the show, but I'll get back to that later on. Gender does matter to Crowley's identity, and I think it could be extended to his sexuality.

I've seen numerous descriptions of it all saying Crowley's sexuality was "ambiguous" and I guess it is, as he never explicitly used any label. However "ambiguous" doesn't mean bi or pan. It doesn't mean anything besides the fact we can't draw a clear-cut conclusion of his sexuality.

Imo we can actually draw a clear-cut conclusion of Crowley's sexuality but yeh, I'm getting there.

----------------

Let's take a look at canon events around Crowley & sexuality!

His character introduction is him enjoying making a homophobe man kiss him for a deal

It is rumoured that he was a demon's lover (Lilith's)

He heavily flirts with Bobby

He french kisses Bobby for a deal and takes a pic

He never kisses a woman on screen (tell me if I forgot anyone!)

He flirts with every single man he sees, and even more strongly when it's making the other uncomfortable

The other parent of Crowley's son is never mentioned nor even brought up

He has two orgies that we know of

He has sex with a demon who's possessing a woman (Lola) when he was addicted to human blood

He dates, has sex with, and asks Dean to rule Hell with him. He's in love with Dean

On late spn he drinks fruity drinks

He flirts with and implies he had sex with an angel (Naomi)

He flirts with Death (Billie)

He's into BDSM

I'm not gonna go into details with all the sexual stuff he says bc there's a lot.... But it's always about gay sex. (once again, if I'm forgetting smth pls tell me nicely)

Now, with all that I'd like to question specifically the elements people use to say Crowley is canonically attracted to women.

He has two orgies that we know of

There’s the one Crowley has while he’s himself possessing a woman ; iirc it’s a foursome with two other men and one woman. Crowley still counts as a King, as the show makes sure we know, admitedly this dialogue implies we should still think of him as a not-very-manly-man.

Honestly, if one is convinced Crowley is attracted to women based on this scene.. okay. Personally I don’t see it because the orgy is unplanned, it’s an opportunity Crowley takes. Is he even attracted to the two other men?? Who knows. We don’t even know if Crowley even touches the other woman, there’re so many ways to have group sex. Even if he did, having sex with one woman doesn’t make it impossible for him to be homosexual.

The second orgy is with Dean. Crowley describes it then: “We've done extraordinary things to triplets.” It’s interesting how before I went to check, I thought it was clear the triplets were women. But not at all! I’ve been tricked by heteronormativity myself. So this is up to interpretation. Even though the way the show doesn’t make sure we know the triplets were women is pretty telling (as I’ll talk about later).

It is rumoured that he was Lilith's lover

Well, this is a rumour. In this relationship Crowley would know Lilith as a demon possessing a woman, and Lilith would know Crowley as a demon possessing a man as well. Who's even to say they met in their vessels to sleep together. That's the kind of cases in which the ambiguity of Crowley human/demon situation makes it impossible to draw any kind of conclusion towards Crowley's attraction to women. Also if anything Lilith is clearly a lesbian lmao.

He has sex with Lola when he was addicted to human blood

Same thing here, the relationship is one of demon/demon. Though we do now they do meet in their vessels to sleep together. Besides that, the sex happens while Crowley is at a low point. She's the one bringing him human blood, which makes the sex more of a transaction than anything. It does fit a very grey area of consent which would be fair to question.

We can't know for sure whether the demon possessing the woman was a woman as well, but let's say she was: 1/ Crowley having sex once or twice with a woman doesn't prevent him from being homosexual. 2/ What is he seeing if not a demon's true form? 3/ Wasn't he in a self-destructive mental state?

It's a stretch, imo, to assume Crowley was attracted to her.

He flirts with and had sex with Naomi / flirts with Billie

This one is so ridiculous to me bc Naomi is an angel and as a demon, Crowley sees her true form. We don't even know who was her vessel when they had sex.

The flirt thing is interesting however, bc iirc Naomi and Billie are the only "women" we see Crowley actually flirt with. During the orgies or the demon sex there's no flirt involved. It's interesting bc, as Cas would say: "Naomi's vessel is a woman. Naomi is an angel."

Same case for Billie who's a reaper then Death. Spn is pretty unclear about how the whole thing works but we know reapers are kind of angels. In any case, I won't go as far as saying Billie has any connection to gender.

Moreover, the way Crowley flirts with them is pretty light next to everything else Crowley says to men. It's pretty personal, I'm aware, but I do relate a lot with the way Crowley flirts with them VS how I flirt with men just because (and I'm a lesbian).

Anyway! Both Naomi and Billie are supernatural creatures, which brings the count of women Crowley flirts with to... zero.

-> What I take from all that is that Crowley is attracted to men for sure ; to angels and demons ; and doesn't care about the genitalia involved in the sex he has. We have nothing about the kind of relationships he had as a human. His gender presentation matters a lot to him. The only long-term commitment he has is with Dean. I wouldn't even say he had a committed relationship with Gavin's other parent bc we don't know anything about them.

----------------

But what's my deal with homosexual Crowley? One can wonder, if Crowley doesn't care about bodies, doesn't that mean he can still be written as pan?

No! First because sexual attraction isn't about genitalia (even if transphobes would argue the contrary but they're transphobic so...). And second, well....

I would refer to this point as "how do I know Crowley isn't attracted to women? bc Dean is"

I'm convinced that if the show wanted to write Crowley as anything other than a gay man, it would have been way more obvious.

This is a show who wrote Dean catcalling a faceless woman on the street, for no other reason than to remind the viewers Dean was attracted to women & to balance it with the following homoerotic scene.

One could say spn doesn't have lots of women characters to begin with, but that's my point exactly: when spn wants to show attraction towards women, they do find women for people to be attracted to. Hell, they even give Gavin some girlfriend but never ever bring up the topic of Gavin's other parent. Even though an entire episode is dedicated to learning about Crowley's past.

What's important to understand Crowley's sexuality isn't the people he slept with ; it's the people he doesn't show interest in.

The absence of something is the presence of the thing, blablabla. It's a way to look at homosexuality that heteronormativity makes hard to see because, unconciously, we don't tend to question attraction towards the expected gender. One would ask for a 10 pages essay on why a character is gay, but one would need only a 2 sec kiss to assure a character's heterosexuality or attraction towards the expected gender.

----------------

In Crowley's case, his attraction to men is a huge part of his character right from the beginning (thanks god, at least no one's questioning that). Spn as a show that hears what the fans are saying and twists writing accordingly, is perfectly aware of that. Yet rather than pushing women at him along the course of the show to remind everyone how Not Gay Crowley is - the opposite happens.

Yeh, Lola, Naomi, Billie, they all happen in the later seasons. But even then, the show somehow can't write Crowley as attracted to a human woman.

What happens then is: not only does Crowley fall for Dean ; he engages in some BDSM play with Lucifer : and he switches from drinking only the finest Scotch to fruity cocktails.

The BDSM thing as well as the drink thing are choices rooted in stereotypes, that's how spn is! But it does canonize Crowley's homosexuality. They're depriving him of his "masculinity" as the show goes on, because they purposely write him as homosexual. I don't think spn would have ever written a bi or pan character that way.

We learned a few days ago that Crowley died in a gutter. He died in a gutter for a bigger d*ck. I'm just gonna refer to Oscar Wilde & Mika on this : "some of us in the gutter are looking up at the stars."

The "referred to as king" scene isn't about Crowley being a demon and so not caring about gender - it's the opposite. Other demons are the ones poiting out Crowley's vessel. This is a transphobic joke. It's the demon edition of the "gay boy in a dress" transmisogynistic trope.

Viewers aren't supposed to be on Crowley's side ; we're supposed to be giggling with the other demons while Crowley is being emasculated. Crowley gets a woman vessel because he's a not-very-manly-man, because he's a trans man, because he's homosexual.

And I know that bc Dean is written as bi, and all they're doing is reaffirming the way he does like women while being extra subtle with his love for men.

Meanwhile Crowley is losing influence and power, loses his authority as he loses his throne in Hell, gets humiliated by Lucifer, until all his character revolves around is his love for Dean. The way Crowley is then protrayed as some lovesick ex who can't move on is, imo, a straight man fantasy. Crowley's love is both used as predatory and as a tool to validate Dean's Peak Masculinity.

Spn has been burying their gays all along, and Crowley was right there being punished for not only being in love with Dean but for not being attracted to women. For never being able to be a "normal" guy. For never being able to be seen as a "normal" guy. For checking every homophobic stereotypes in the books. Crowley as a human dies because he's a trans man. Crowley as a demon dies because he's homosexual.

----------------

That's what leads me to be uncomfortable with the way the fandom seems to have a consensus towards pansexual Crowley. (Once again: idc about people's personal hc of Crowley as pan, I just want to think critically about the way no one thinks twice about it & accepts it as canon so easily. Hell, just bc I dared to ask what started the pan Crowley confirmation I got accused of erasing his pansexuality. All I did was ask a question.)

To me, it feels like erasing everything his character went through because he was gay. And it seems to be taken from a reasoning which is going to assume Crowley is attracted to women.

I mean: the reasoning would go "oh, Crowley clearly has a non-straight sexuality -> he's attracted to men -> he's pan" His attraction to women being accepted by default, without needing any backup. And when I look at the canon I see nothing implying he'd be attracted to women. Taking Crowley's attraction to women for granted is following an heteronormative thinking.

Being into people isn't all about who one sleeps with. It's about love. And when we look at what spn shows about Crowley's close relationships, the only meaningful one he got is with Dean. When Rowena wants payback for Crowley making her kill Oskar, she goes for his son.

And it's SO interesting to me because if angels can't be in love because they don't have a soul - can demons? as they're beings with a destroyed soul? And if so, how powerful of Crowley to still fall in love with Dean Winchester.... the power of gay love :) (Crowley 🤝 Cas)

----------------

To conclude all this with some more stuff to think about if, like me, you love questioning everything:

While it's not wrong per se to hc Crowley as pan, it can be worth questioning what's making us so sure we collectively just vibe with it? To me there's a few things: - As I was saying: heteronormative bias - Crowley being a non-fully-human character - Crowley being masculine (despite the show's attempts to erase that) - Crowley being into BDSM - Crowley flirting and making sexual remarks in every context

These, unconsciously, gives a vibe of a character who's "outside" of the gender norm, not making big deal of their sexuality, not even questioning it. This creates this idea of "ambiguity" around Crowley's sexuality. The way Crowley particularly seems to be really chill about sex, is a demon (so what does he know about gender?), and heavily flirty, ... is what most people will link to pansexuality. That doesn't mean thinking of Crowley as pan is being problematic™ ; this means in western medias that's what fills the "pansexual character" imagery (like basically: the Jack Harkness type).

However, when we look at it like that, none of these elements are defining of pansexuality. None of them are excluding him from homosexuality. If not stereotypes.

That's where it gets personal ; but it does make me feel like the huge consensus towards a pansexual Crowley (when there is no clear-cut evidence of it) is erasing the complexity of homosexual experiences. As I said at the begining: I'm happy if pansexual people can relate to Crowley ; everone's free to headcanon. But saying Crowley is canonically pansexual is a stretch - and a take rooted in homophobic stereotypes.

Imo Crowley may have been created with all these traits pushing towards a pan reading of his character. However, as the show went, he was clearly written as a homosexual man. The changes in his portrayal took a turn to be specifically homophobic. He gets imagery that only strictly homosexual characters got (such as drinking fruity cocktails like Aaron. Meanwhile Dean, on the same scene, is allowed beer & whiskey.)

We're used to taking spn's homophobic rep and jokes to make it our own. Yet it seems, when it comes to Crowley, the fandom doesn't see it.

Sometimes people aren't attracted to the gender heteronormativity expects them to be attracted to.......... sometimes people are gay and it's not an umbrella term.

#crowley spn #spn crowley #crowley #trans crowley #spn meta #supernatural #spn #so..... i went off once again #homophobia #transphobia #i just kept adding stuff to it lmao and i would STILL have stuff to say but this is enough #long post #spnprideweek

[more-than-a-gentleman]

SaNami in Bege x Chiffon / Gotti x Lola

Before you read this post, please read the Post Hub first for explanation and clarity on what kind of post this will be, as well as my thoughts on this topic in the One Piece Manga and Story.

One of the really interesting parts when it comes to Lola and Chiffon is that both of them played a critical part in disrupting Nami and Sanji’s forced weddings. I just find that really symbolic and an amusing choice on Oda’s part.

To start of with, I want put the spotlight on a similarity I found when it comes to Sanji and Bege. Some always talk about Nami dislikes how Sanji “can not get serious” at times. And the “acting like an idiot” when he is around /doing something he loves for example, serving her or around women.

Well... no one can be serious 100% of the time, and the proof for that is Capone “Gang” Bege is literally a mafia boss and a supernova and yet...:

A character like him should be the most serious as they come. But whenever Bege is around his wife or his son, he does not care if he would come out as an idiot.

Why is it that when it comes to Sanji it is suddenly not allowed?

Moving onto Nami and Chiffon. A certain panel of Chiffon randomly peaked my interest, i dont know it sort of hit me:

The title of the chapter this panel is in is called “A Woman’s Honor”. We have seen multiple times where Nami thanks Sanji for whatever he has done for her, but this might be a hint that what Nami has done for Sanji is somewhat close to what Chiffon is saying but not quite...

And before anyone say that this a reach, the thing is... this is a side of Nami that we have already seen before:

Adding in Gotti and Lola, there are only two moments I can talk about. First, of course...

I dont think this needs any type of explanation.

But the next one sticked out to me. I just could not ignore it...

I need to say one thing, I know that not all girls are the same. But it is something that can not be denied:

“I DON’T KNOW WHO YOU ARE, BUT THANKS FOR SAVING ME”. In this situation, Gotti saved Lola because he thought she was Chiffon, but from Lola’s perspective he is a man who saved her when she was in danger even when he did not know her.

Going back to Arlong Park:

At this point in the story, Luffy Zoro and Ussop did not really spend that much time with Nami, but they at least traveled together, fought together and from Nami’s memories we saw them having fun with each other and it was all genuine. At this point, they are friends and as pirates it is normal to risk your life.

But something feels odd here... there is someone who is risking his life for her when they only interacted for a couple of minutes.

If you read Arlong Park again, During the fight Nami says Luffy, Zoro and Ussop’s names but not Sanji’s, she did not even know him let alone his name:

Sanji fought as well, he was on the floor bleeding, he jumped into the water to save Luffy, she saw him... so what? She did not care? Or she did not know him yet?

“SHE DID’T KNOW HIM, YET HE SAVED HER AND HER VILLAGE’S LIVES”

In Arlong Park, Sanji was special, just as Nami was in WCI.

What Sanji did was not normal... and it is even more impactful from Nami’s perspective. Why? Because when they met, all she saw in him was a “womanizer”, it was shown only to us readers his chivalrous nature, she did not know that either.

Her friends came to save her, but who is this guy?

#nami #sanami #sanji #one piece #sanji x nami #sanjixnami #sannami #vinsmoke sanji #black leg #cat burglar nami #Bege x Chiffon #Gotti x Lola

[ayellowcurtain]

What’s your favorite version of season 3?? And what about your favorite remake (in general)?

Those are easy questions that I’m gonna give a confusing answer to hahaha 

Season 3: I can’t pick one, there’s no way. It’s a tie between Robbe’s, Lucas’ and Martino’s. And I love them for very different reasons. 

Martino is this soft grandpa that acts a lot like me, he has an amazing group of friend that have some much chemistry it’s ridiculous. Italia usually feels a little more like home to me, the way they act, the way they talk, etc. I loved the pace, the color palette. I hate the unnecessary use of the N word, the way the boys talked about the girls, no news here. Nico is also this soft, gentle, mesmerizing guy that’s actually so relatable and patient, waiting for Martino to do things his way until he realizes what’s going on. 

Robbe is a koala baby and that’s enough explanation for me. He’s kind, sweet, patient, but also a little problematic deep down, saying shit he shouldn’t be saying. I get it about the “realism” and I don’t think it was OOC of him to say those words, it just bothers me how after a whole season about the assault, they decided to use that subject again so lightly and make him say so much bs to Sander. I was thinking about it earlier: the apologies should have happened later in that week, they should have shown Robbe going to Sander’s college and being turned down, trying to text him and going back to Sander’s college on Friday, then Sander goes to meet Britt and later the same day we have the cuddle clip.  Sander is brave, a mesmerizing creature that bows down to Robbe because who would be able to say no to those cute Bambi eyes and he only behaves like that with Robbe and we stan. I love the Casa Milan plot, it’s probably the best found family in the remakes, loved the music they used. I also hated the boys (Jens got some positive points at the end of the season, not enough tho), the pace and the Zoenne plot (this writers need to learn how to let season 2 and the Noora character go)

Lucas is the chaos. This boy has serious problems using his brain once he’s falling in love and we love him for that. He dives headfirst and we all wish we were as brave. That’s not always good, he’ll say shit as well while pretending to be the ~straight male alpha~ when around his friends, watching girls. Eliott is a little bit like Nico where both are this mesmerizing creature that inside it’s so soft and gentle that surprises everyone with it. I love Lucas, his relationship with the girls during his season, I learned to love Le Gang, how open they were to welcome Eliott, I loved the chemistry between Lucas and Eliott. I love Lucas x Manon (and it makes me so mad comparing them to Eliott x Lola...just don’t. It doesn’t compare). I hated whatever they made with them during the course of the next few seasons. 

And if you read all of that, you’ll probably come to the conclusion: Italian feels like the least problematic, but considering just season 3, I was a lot more invested in Robbe x Sander and Lucas x Eliott chemistry (doesn’t mean I feel the same after watching the seasons after that) and that’s just personal preference, so no right or wrong. Maybe Marti’s season was the more certain, calmer of the three, but I love the whole season 3 package equally.

Remake: That doesn’t seem fair to me! Some remakes have a million seasons, the chance to use original plots and characters and some only have four seasons or less and not enough screen time or budget to make all of that. And every single remake made big mistakes that makes impossible to me to choose a superior remake (hate that expression so much you don’t even know), so let’s make it like this: 

season 1: SKAM NL 

season 2: WTFock or Skam España (didn’t watch it, but love the way they did Nora’s season) 

season 3: WTFock, Skam Italia and Skam France

season 4: Druck!

extra points for Skam France for managing to get so many extra seasons, for good or bad, they did something right to pull this one out. For WTFock for creating WTFock Down, for SKAM NL for getting people so invested with only two seasons and for Druck for also getting original seasons and Skam Italia for getting the show to come back from the dead to be broadcasted by fucking Netflix! 

So, if you count all of that about the remakes, WTFock would be a little higher (in my opinion) for managing to create two good seasons, one following the other and for also putting the skam core to good use (using social media to basically create a tiny in-between season during a global pandemic). 

Did I bullshit my way through this to not give you a proper answer? Yes, I did. <3 

But thank you for the ask!!! This was actually fun! 

[jemej3m]

incarnate (p2)

yall rlly liked this for some reason so have some more - p1

*

Neil - the name he’d chanced upon and decided he preferred much better than Nathaniel - liked this realm. It was another version of Earth, sure, but it was significantly brighter than his own. 

For one, demons didn’t roam around freely, some how excluded by a convenient barrier that encircled this dimension. That meant that Neil really didn’t have to worry about Lola, or Jackson, or Romero, or DiMaccio popping out of the shadows to leer at him and bind him with platinum chains. They were all mutts of some kind because his father only employed those who were resistant to both human weaknesses and demon weaknesses. 

That was always bad news for Neil. His mother had died so long ago that he could barely recall her - his father had caught up with him enough times that he’d tampered with his memory - and yet the thought of her death still ached. 

She’d talked about this place, once. A dimension free of monsters, where magic flowed freely in humans called witches and fae. It’d be paradise for us, Abram, she’d whispered. If only we could cross the border. 

Their only hope of figuring out a way to cross said border was with his father’s journal, of which they’d (they, being Mary) stolen and then lost. It seemed as though it’d slipped through the folds of the universe anyway and right as his father’s knife had begun its arc downwards towards his chest, fate had skipped along and said nope, you’re not dying today: thanks to Andrew Minyard’s summons, he’d slipped away just in time. 

“You good, buddy?”

“Hm?” Neil looked up from where he’d zoned out. “Oh, right. Yeah, I’m good.”

Matt hopped over the back of the couch and landed right next to Neil with a bowl of snacks. Neil had never seen them before.

“What’s that?” 

Matt snorted. “You really crack me up, you know that? It’s popcorn.”  

Popcorn. Right. Neil took a few pieces and munched on them, turning his attention back to the television where a violent sport was being played. It seemed pointless to Neil, but maybe these sorts of games were what kept humans so civil. A demon’s version of fun was finding another demon to eat and seeing how loud their prey screamed when the bone marrow was sucked out from their femur bones. 

“What’s this sport called again?” Neil asked his roommate, averting his line of thinking as quick as he could. 

“Exy. You like it? We could try it with some of my - friends.” Matt jostled his shoulder. "You clock a faster mile on the treadmill than anyone I know: You might have fun as a striker.” 

Ah, yes. The treadmill. Neil had been momentarily weirded out by the thought of running but staying still, but it was good to get out his jitters on rainy days. There were a lot of those down in South Carolina. Neil hated the way the humidity made his curls untamable. He supposed it was better than getting his hair singed off by a blade made out of Hell’s Eternal Flame, so he’d get used to it. 

A strange whisper caught his attention, somewhere at the back of his attention span. Nathaniel. Nathaniel. Nathaniel. 

He felt the string on his soul be tugged on slightly and looked to Matt who was still chattering away about Exy - this would be awfully strange to explain when he got back - only to be summoned elsewhere. 

When Neil came-to, he found himself in an apartment. 

“There we go.” Andrew closed the Wesninski journal, satisfied. Neil looked around and observed many things: He was in Andrew’s bedroom, seeing as Andrew’s scent of woodpine and a sparked flame was strongest upon the unmade bed. The curtains were drawn over his windows: He had various plants across his dresser that curled and blossomed vivaciously, and countless books on spellcasting stuffed under the bed-frame. The other bed had to belong to Kevin, Andrew’s friend. His things were far more orderly, but with the cauldron and recipe books tucked under a shelf in the corner, Neil could tell the man was practised in alchemy. 

“You may have made things a little awkward at home.” Neil said, relaxing the glamours he’d put on his appearance. Andrew knew what he really looked like: There was no point in trying to hide it. The man gave his figure a once-over when the mirage slipped off. “I was sitting on the couch with my roommate. I didn’t want to tamper with people and live up to my namesake, but I can’t have him going and exposing me, can I?”

“Roommate?” Andrew asked curiously, walking over to open the curtains of his bedroom window and brushing his fingertips across the leaves of the plants closest to him. They all shivered. It made sense that Andrew had mastered that dichotomy between life and death. He seemed like a man who appreciated balance. 

“Well, I have to assimilate into human life somehow.” Neil said wryly. “He said his past roommate left to move out of state, but I’m pretty sure the guy died. Are all humans cagey around death? By the way, I’ve chosen the name Neil Josten. Do you like it?”

“What difference does my opinion make?” The man answered blithely.

“None.” Neil shrugged. 

Andrew paused momentarily. “I’m not cagey around death. But I’m one of the rare ones.” He looked up at Neil. “You should meet Renee.”

“Was that why you’ve called me here?”

“I called you here because I was bored and I want to spook Kevin when he gets home in -” Andrew checked his watch. “Forty three seconds. Now that I think about it, showing you off to Renee is a horrible idea. She’ll lecture me on responsibility.” 

“I’m not a trophy to be shown off.” Neil put his hands on his hips. “Although it was very miraculous you managed to figure out even half of my father’s ridiculous glyphs and encrypted ritual pre-tasks. Huh.” He cocked his head. “Maybe I am - what did Matt call it? A trophy-wife?”

Andrew seemed to choke on something, even though Neil hadn’t noticed him eating. “Matt?” He asked. 

It was too late: Kevin burst into the room in a flurry of movement and energy. 

“Fuck!” He cried out, scrambling for purchase against the bedroom door he’d fallen against at seeing Neil. “What are you doing here?”

“Not sure, really.” Neil answered and pointed to Andrew. “Ask him.” 

“You willingly summoned it? Again?” Kevin demanded. “Andrew, you’re going to be the death of us all!” 

“Untrue.” Neil supplied. “You humans always seem to die because of disease. Whether that be infectious or non-infectious. Although, I could cause a plague.” He glanced at Andrew. “If that’s what you want.”

“Tempting, but no.” Andrew said flatly. “I wanted to make sure you weren’t causing trouble, is all.” 

“How considerate.” Neil cooed, waving his fingers. “Anyway, can I head back? I have to fix things up with Matt now that he’s seen me vanish in the middle of a conversation.”

“Sure,” Andrew said, waving his hand dismissively. 

Neil waved Kevin goodbye. “Nice seeing you.” 

“Right.” The man said, weakly. “Nice seeing you too.” 

With a definitive pop! Neil was back in his living room, sitting by Matt. 

“Hey!” Matt crowed, throwing his phone away. “You’re back! I mean, you could have told me instead of vanishing mid-conversation, but I’m glad either way!”

All Neil could manage was a flat “What.” before Matt scrambled for his phone once more. 

“Yeah, Dan! He’s back. You owe me ten bucks: I told you there was something witchy about him!” 

Huh. Neil Josten, a witch. 

He could work with that. 

*

#andreil #andrew minyard #witch!andrew #neil josten #demon!neil #all for the game #matt boyd #up next: the foxes are a coven! #the foxhole court #fantasy au #magic au #jem writes

[popculturebuffet]

Loud House Reviews: The Purrfect Gig

The Sam/Luna trilogy comes to an end here, as we get to the most recent of their now annual episodes, each so far produced and aired toward the end of the season. That being said like last season Sam had at least one apperance before this as I saw her in the thumbnail to “Deep Cuts”, the OTHER Lunacentric episode this season. And while it sounded bad to me at first looking into it.. no. The writers, for the most part, gave almost every kid two episodes a piece, and last season gave each 3, so to the writers credit they TRY to ballance out who gets episodes.  

The exceptions are Lincoln, who has around 5 that don’t also feature the girls as a whole, and 2 of those are with Lana, Lori who has 4, 2 of them shared and justifed as she’s possibly leaving for College next season and thus her episodes outside of one focus ont hat, and Lana and Lola: Lana has 3, and Lola has 2, and both have one together. And really even with those imballances it’s really impressive the show juggles 14 leads, with the parents themselves getting 2 this year too, along with Clyde, not counting his ones with Lincoln. | And that’s WITH the baffling decision this season to have the first 5 episodes be “With THe Cassagrandes”, i.e. 5 episodes of the Casagrandes that are counted as loud house episode that weren’t produced over at the sister show for some reason. And I have nothing against the Cassagrandes, what i’ve seen it’s not a bad show: I already have gone on about how much I love bobby, and I also love CJ and new comer Sam. I love the fact it has plenty of representation and a diffrent kind of big family, I love the theme song and I love the fact Melissa Joan Heart is on it because she’s terrific and spent the last decade really not picking her roles well. She was the lead in Holiday in Handcuffs, aka the movie where she kidnaps Mario Lopez and holds him at gunpoint to pretend to be her fiance until he gets Stockholm syndrome for really flimsy reasons. But I dont’ feel i’ts fair to the show to wedge it into another show’s spot: The Cassagrande-Santiago clan has shown up in 2 half hour loud houses and 2 15 minute eps. The kids watching KNOW these characters, and reception of the loudest mission was positive enough to get a spinoff made. You don’t need to spend a huge amount of another show’s episode order to promote a show kids will likely watch because it has characters from a show that airs all the time and is uber popular and has a similar humor style, and fans of the Loud House will at least try becuase they like the mothership and have known was coming for years now. This show HAD an audience going in. I watched both American Dad and the Clevland Show because it was from the same crew as family guy which I liked at the time. Granted American Dad had a decent stretch and Clevland Show .. had David LYnch as a recurring cast member I guess? Seriously david, this and not gravity falls? The point is it feels insulting that they felt the need to try and promote the show more, and all they did was take up episodes of the loud house and confuse children, and possibly turn viewers off a show they would’ve watched anyways. And if your wondering why I took such a massive detour it’s simple: Other than noticing the fact they’ve been specifically making sure each sibling gets more than one spotlight episode, shared or not, and this dumb decision.. Season 4 isn’t THAT much diffrent than Season 3. It carries on plots started there  (Lori heading towards college, Luann and Luna’s relationship), but otherwise it’s basically just more shipping and shenanigans. But really. .that’s far from a bad thing, as I consider season 3 a highwater mark for the show, and it introduced a lot of neat new elements (Lynn’s Table, Stella, Leni having a job) that are still prevelant in season 4. It’s not bad and it’s even more understandable given that next season, every character is growing a year (thank you press releases), meaning they have tons of new plots to explore, and large status quo shifts with Lincoln going to middle school, which out of the four schools shown is so far the most underdeveloped and will need development, and Lori possibly moving out of the house and going to college, among many other things that have me chomping at the bit for next season. But that’s probably a few months away so for now, it’s time to get back on focus and with everything else out of the way, the actual review of this episode starts under the cut. 

We open with Luna sitting in bed sighing when her poster of Mick Swagger starts talking to her. Whatever she’s smoking I could really use some. Depression is a bitch. Anyways, her drug induced hallucination of her hero starts talking to her. I haven’t really talked about Mick yet since the show uses him sporadically but he’s exactly what you’d expect; The show’s version of Rolling Stones front man Mick Jagger, only slightly younger.. maybe. I dunno. Maybe he’s been around since the 60′s and is just a timelord. Or a groovy robot. Or has a dorian grey thing going on. We haven’t really gotten into Dino Spimoni situation yet where Luna helps her idol and has to help him reunite with a partner or convince him to stop faking his death. Just a reminder that Hey Arnold is great and that if you think it’s odd his crooner dean martin based idol got talked out of faking his death by a 12 year old, keep in mind he also tracked down the daughter his vitamise neighbor gave up so she could go to america and have a better life, helped convince his neighbors not divorce, and had to save his pig from being eaten in a revolutionary war reinactment. Hey Arnold was far weirder than I remembered and i’m here for it.  Anyways, Hallucination Mick asks if Luna is coming to his concert this weekend, and she HOPES so she just dosen’t have the money for  VIP pass to meet the actual version and do drugs with the actual mick swagger for a change. He says you never know when opportunity will come a knockin and it does in the form of the McBrides! Clyde’s dad’s Howard, the skinny one voiced by national treasure Micheal McDonald and Wayne Brady whose also great.. and i’m not just saying that because i’ve seen this. Don’t be absurddddd....

Howard and Harold are Clyde’s dads... and while Clarence and Steven Universe beat them to having Gay parents in a children’s cartoon, their still the first interacial gay couple in a children’s cartoon, and on a nicktoon period, and even if they weren’t either of those it’d still be fucking great. Anyways the two are nice characters, while i haven’t seen EVERY ep with them their a loving couple, nice parents, and treat the loud kids as their own.. granted that goes too far in one episode, but still, thems good people.  Anyway Howards having a panic attack, respect, and as his husband calms him down, we find out why: the mcbrides are going to pick up nana for the annual family reunion, and their catsitter cancled. Hence Howard’s freakout and Harold worrying about the 20 pounds of amish potato salad in the trunk. So naturally their hoping someone can watch their cats, Cleopawtra and Nefurtiti for the day, and them going to the louds makes sense, both for the obvious of the Louds being their closest friends in the neighborhood, and the not so obvious of a previous episode I haven’t seen having established the older kids as the best babysitters in royal woods, meaning that in addition to knowing them they have skill and this likely isn’t the first time. Luna, not thinking about herself, admits Lori went to hit the golf course early and Leni is at work, a nice way to explaning why it’s Luna that gets the job: She was there and it was implied by the fact she was getting high and talking to her hallucination that Luann isn’t, so most of the other options they’d have without some reservations are gone with no contrivance necessary.  Anyways Luna’s Drug Fueld hallucination,  points out money can be exchanged for goods and services, such as VIP passes, and also mentions sam already has hers. Either Luna’s forgot or her hallucination can use her phone. Either is probable, and is backed up by Hallucination Sam, before both start playing their guitars and Luna air guitars with them. I”m unsuprsied by all of this. She offers and the McBrides take her up on it immeditley. I do like that it avoids the “I don’t know if your up to this” cliche that always happens in these types of scenarios, the McBrides have no reason not to trust her, so they just.. do. Hell Harold only sets out one rule: don’t invite anyone over.. and it’s not even because he dosen’t trust Luna to have anyone over or anything like that, he just knows the cats get anxious with a crowd, though their therapist is working with them on that. And of course the two rich men with a single child have a cat therapist. I would too if I were rich. Harold and Clyde throw and unconcious Howard into the car and their off, they’ll be back at 6. And TOTALLY won’t be home hours early for hyjinks. Totally.  Luna arrives to find a massive binder on feline care. Someone went to the Amy Santiago school of binders. It says to feed the cats at 10 sharp.. and it’s 10:02. Luna tries feeding them but the cats instead attack her in a full on psycotic rage and dump food all over her, so dinners on her. 

Anyways, Luna then tries walking the cats which goes as well as you’d expect.. not because she had to put harneses on cats and expect them to do anything at a certain time, but because they pull hard. I can relate to that with my dog.. not my cat. He just goes wherever he wants because he’s old and kind of an asshole.  Anyways, with the cats now messy from running over a guy with a cake, because of course, Luna looks up what to do next which is.. give.. them a bath. 

Who.. who does that. I know their messy, but use a rag or something. No animal likes being bathed but cats, esepcially one who this episodes shows aren’t declawed (And rightfully so but still), do not LIKE being bathed. Granted they wouldn’t like being cleaned off with a rag or something either, but it still feels less cruel to both them and any prospective babysitter to just hold one down and wipe it off then find the other and repeat. Look witht he walking thing I can see why someone would, in their case because their probably too skittish to let their cats wonder around, and in some cases because said cat is young. But this.. this even for a comedy contrivance is stupid. It’s not the worst uninetional cat abuse i’ve seen in media, Elmyra exists and the mother of the lead of get fuzzy tried putting her cat on a vegetarian diet, which Rob, said lead and a staunch vegetarian himself, not only found concerning but gave said cat the money for takeout.. keep in mind in this strip cats can talk and walk upright. Also I miss when Get Fuzzy was both daily and good. So Luna naturally ends up in the bathtub, soaked and depressed and not sure what to do when her friendly neighborhood sign that the drugs haven’t worn off yet comes by and tells her to shape up if she wants to go to the show with Sam. This gives Luna a great idea. LIke a Zack MOrris great idea it involves breaking the rules.. unlike a Zack Morris idea, it dosen’t involve sexual harassment or a zany scheme. She decides to call Sam, since she’s apparently great with cats and given we saw how she was with chickens last time, not a real stretch. She also pops Mick’s bubble which.. hurts him.. somehow. I dunno.  Anyway cut to Sam arriving. She arrived fast because she was picking a new character up from his gamer’s club meeting: Her brother Simon, who’d been mentioned in side materials but makes his first apperance here. I like him, he has a neat design and i’ts nice to give sam a family life of her own, and he’s a nice if glued to his not-nintendo switch kid. Frankly I hope he and LIncoln meet at some point. I mean he has an opening in his friend group starting next season there’s no way Rusty passes 5th grade. And even if he somehow does, it’s not like adding another member is too much of a stretch given, once they got past courting her, the rest of his group warmly welcomed stella in and it’d be an intresting dynamic having his sister’s girlfriend’s brother in the group. Also if your wondering if i’ll ever stop finding ways to bash rusty in these reviews even when he’s entirely absent..

Anyways, Luna slams the door in the kids face, which he takes in stride , and explains the situation, and after fred fliintstonning him is taken off the table, go with “Sneak him past the cats”. It works because cats never look up at the backs of a gay teenage couple sneaking a small child inside. Luna decides to leave Simon in the entertainment room while she and Sam watch the cats and he finds Clyde’s VR gear and asks to try it on, with Luna reluctantly agreeing as long as he’s careful.. which as far as we see.. yeah he entirely is. The Sharpe’s are good people. 

Cue a montage! Sam helps luna scrub the cats, with brushes as they should’ve done minute one, put them through spa type pampering which is also a call back to the first time we saw the McBride’s house in the series, take selfies, and then sing the cats to sleep, in a really sweet and really well sung lullaby, notable for being the first time Sam’s sung on the show and Allyson Stoner, who I haven’t mentioned but should’ve before this shame on me, does a terrific job and has done a terrific job as Sam in general. Luna thianks her for the help, Sam says no sweat they get to see the show together, and Sam ducks out... before realizing she forgot something. Her wallet... no wait she has that.. OH SHIT HER BROTHER. And before she can get him DOUBLE OH SHIT THE MCBRIDES ARE BACK.  Harold is grumbling about the potato salad... apparenlty Aunt Brenda brought some and wasn’t supposed to. I do like how both McBride dads have their own quirks:While Harold IS the more rational one, he can slip up just like anyone can. Luna prepares to leave.. only to realize oh shit her girlfriend’s brothers in the house still. Her not all complex scheme! She fakes having left something behind to get him out, and once sam calls comes up with a plan: Sneak Simon around back. Sam sneaks around with the bush she ducked into, and we get one of my faviorite tropes: A scooby doo doors sequence! Also the dads speak in unison. Dawww. We also get an adorable bit of Sam gesturing for Luna to hand her the boy. I couldn’t find a gif of it sadly, and I would’ve credited it, but I did find 50 tons of creepy Sam X LIncoln fanart. Just.. why. Why exactly. Why do you do this to me tumblr. And to be clear I have ZERO issue with shipping a character whose sexuality isn’t fully confirmed as just gay in canon with a male character, Bi and Pan representation is important. It’s why I get annoyed at the people who throw a hissy fit any time Della Duck is shipped with Launchpad. Here though I do because it feels like this ship is ENTIRELY a troll, especially since LIncoln has 80 other options, not at all including the icky incest ones, and that I cut and dry have every problem with, and is being done soley to annoy people who ship sam and Luna and are finally enjoying some gay/bi representation on children’s television. If this is a troll then kindly 

Thank you John. So anyways Sam does grab the boy and nearly gets him out the door.. only for the mcbrides to run into their bisexual catsitter shoving a small chubby child out their kitchen window only to have a lesbian fall out into their kitchen. Naturally Howard faints again and Harold is displeased... probably because his husband fainted again.. and you know the shenangians in his kitchen. The only time shenanigans are allowed in that kitchen are when Clyde is sleeping at a friends house for the night and only on the table dammit. They got reinforced oak for a reason.  We cut to the boys playing, which is a nice touch: Clyde being a nice kid dosen’t mind sharing, Simon has similar intrests, and the only time we’ve seen him be eh on sharing is letting Lincoln borrow his new console.. and he not only felt BAD for not wanting him to borrow it and having to try and get it back, but he only did so because the Loud house is insanley chaotic and understandbly he wasn’t sure it’d get back to him safetly. His dad’s rasied him well, he’s a good boy once he got past his ‘Stalking his friends older sister” phase and got into his “anything besides that “ phase.  Luna comes clean to the McBrides and.. Harold appricates the honesty. And both are impressed with how well they took them, with Sam and Luna giving each other credit. So instead of getting upset, especially since Luna was both honest and only called in Sam for help and Simon was an unexpected guest and they both did a fantastic job, they offer to split the money instead. Sam, in a really sweet gesture, then gives Luna her half with no hesitation or prompting from her girlfriend, Luna gives her a cheek smooch and they hug. Then Luna acciently wakes the cats, and we end on the girls singing the cats, Simon and the McBrides all to sleep. Also Luna’s hallucination is alsleep.. those drugs wore off hours ago after all.  Final Thoughts:  A really fantastic setup. Once again the show shows it��s slowly gained talent for taking stock plots (in this case a babysitting episode) and making them actually intresting, mostly by having the characters behave reasonably. While it didn’t really expand Sam’s character, it didn’t really need to , the previous ep with her having fleshed her out as a sweet, kind girl with a talent for animals, and Simon is a wonderful addition to the series massive cast of side characters that , unlike some additions , will hopefully show up again. Seriously half the reason I bitch about Rusty is that the show is great at making charcters, and improving them after a few bumpy episodes as seen with Clyde, Lori and Luann, but yet still uses him and dosen’t make him any funnier, while I can name handfuls of characters who either need more apperances (Girl Jordan) Or haven’t shown up again at all (Carol Pingery, Rocky, Maggie). And that’s not even all of them obviously, but my point stands. But given he’s the brother of one of the main characters girlfriend and would fit in with the main character well, I have a feeling we’ll see simon again at some point.  I also really liked seeing the McBrides, mostly because I haven’t seen many of their episodes, and found them to be delightful, helped by having wonderful va’s behind them as standard for the show and great chemsitry and it was a nice bonus to have the shows two main gay couples interact, without it feeling at all forced, and neither did Sam’s inclusion. And while we haven’t gotten a full on kiss with Sam and Luna, which really they should, CN beat them again on that, the cheek kiss and hug was still very sweet, as is the episode really. It’s funny, heartwarming, and really enjoyable. While itd osen’t have as much emotional weight as the last two eps, I like that it didn’t: For once the conflict was low key but understandable and now Sam and Luna are a full couple, they can just do cute couple shit and get into wacky shenanigans like any other couple on this show without any angst attached. It’s really nice. It also shows that no, a couple being together isn’t boring fuck off will they or won’t they, but i’ve ranted enough about stuff unrelated to this episode. I really liked it and hope to come back to these two someday.  For now as I sign off Pride Month is far from over... as next up I have multiple things planned, but one of the biggest is a FIVE PART series on Red Action and Enid from OK KO. Yes FIVE. All 3 of their romantic eps, and Red’s first two for proper context both for the finale, which uses both episodes as part of the plot, and for a proper view of her character arc and to ease readers into the series better. So be there for that, and a donald duck birthday celebration, and until then, later days! 

#Sam Sharp #Luna Loud #Saluna #the loud house #howard mcbride #harold mcbride #clide mcbride #simon sharp #the purrfect gig #pride month #lbgtq

[doof-doofblog]

"I'm Leaving Tomorrow!"

Tuesday 8th September 2020

Good evening everyone! Hope you're all enjoying your week so far! I once again apologise for this post being late, I just want to let you guys know that I am not slacking in any kind of way, I want to assure you all that I am just as excited about EastEnders as much as you guys are and I'm really looking forward to what the soap has in store for us. I know in recent weeks/months that I have been late with posts etc etc, I just want to explain to you guys that this blog, for me, is truly a hobby ... I work two jobs as well try to have a social life, I do this during my evenings whenever I'm not working and I will always make sure I am up to date with episodes! I just wanted to clear the air about that just in case some of you might have been thinking.

Anyway, we all know on Monday the soap came back with a huge bang! Now is the only time I've had to catch up on last night's episode, so lets jump straight into it!

So last night ended with Dotty telling Sharon the truth about how her son died and exposing Ian and his lies, and of course it starts right where we left off .... surely Ian isn't going to get away with it? Clearly Sharon is shocked to be hearing what Dotty is saying, Max is over on the other side of Vic listening in, and even he pipes up and claims that Ian was the one who saved Dennis, as he was there! But Dotty is eager to make Sharon believe her, she claims that she has no reason to lie, why would she? And oh of course Ian would bring up the fact that she was in court for possession of drugs because Ian reported her, but even so, that would have nothing to do with it! That really wouldn't make sense! And yet Sharon falls for it!!!!  She calls her an evil little bitch and smashes a glass in front of her ... did you guys clock that horrible smug grin on Ian's face?! Poor Dotty then gets thrown out the Queen Vic, everyone looking at her! Does anyone else feel for Dotty right now? She's been hiding this secret for months, being terrorised by Ian and blackmailed to make sure she keeps Ian's horrible secret, and as soon as she tells the truth, no one believes her! Sharon threatens her with the glass bottle, and warns her to never approach her or her family ever again!

As she does so, Bobby can be seen looking from a distance, it's been known that he has had a crush on Dotty for some time, whether he still does, i'm unsure ... but seeing her making unbelievable claims about his Dad, it disappoints him. I'm sure he wondering, "Why is she lying?" ... but I'm sure at some point, something will be found ... Dotty called out that she had a recording of Dennis from the boat, but it got deleted, could that still be found somewhere? Could someone else potentially have a copy? Ian tells Sharon to ignore Dotty, she's just a messed up kid in his words. Sharon decides to leave the situation to get some head space, leaving Ian to wonder what she could be thinking about. 

Aww now we see Chantelle meeting up with Kheerat, he's managed to get her the money she asked for. He asks whether her whether Gray can't help with the situation she may be in, but Chantelle can't bare to tell the truth. She explains the money is for her and her children and nothing else. The more this goes on and the more she confides in Kheerat, I do believe eventually she will say something about the abuse she's been suffering before she passes, unless something happens and Kheerat will find out the truth. But will he be too late? This is truly a sad story-line to watch, but of course it's very important to portray and tell the story! Chantelle decides to confide in Kheerat and reveals that she's divorcing her husband, this is clear surprise to him as it's shown in his eyes and the look on his face, he looks as if so many questions are rushing through his head. "Why would she be divorcing him?!" ... he promises to get her the money she needs to divorce him, she thanks him with a sigh of relief. But the look in Kheerat's eyes made me feel like he just wanted to hold her, wrap her up in cotton wool and take her away from what she's been suffering. It's as if he's Chantelle's true knight in shining armour. 

Awww and meanwhile, Ben is in the hospital along with his Dad and Lola, ready for his appointment to have his implant. He's looking longingly waiting for Callum to show up, Lola asks what would be the first thing he'd want to hear if the implant works, perhaps Lexi singing one of her songs? It's devastating that unbeknown to Ben, Callum is at work - having seen him appear on CCTV and revealing him taking part in the job with Danny Hardcastle, I do feel as much as Callum wants to be there for his boyfriend, he needs to hide the fact that it's his partner in the CCTV. I feel there could be some upsetting Ballum scenes ahead. At his house, Gray is working on his laptop, suddenly a advertisement pops up! "Are you looking for a divorce lawyer?" ... it's incredible how realistic that is! I'm sure all of you would agree that there have been times you've typed something in search bar on the internet, and a few hours later you'll be back online and there'll be an advertisement for something you've previously searched! Instantly Gray views the history on the laptop and it reveals everything has been deleted. Is he aware of what Chantelle might be up to? If so, I'm dreading what's going to happen next for Chantelle! 

Back on the Square, Dotty is seen with her head in her hands, looking defeated. Bobby makes his way up to her, demanding to know what she was playing at. He tells her neither he nor anyone else believes what she's saying is true. She asks him that it doesn't even cross his mind that there might be some slight truth in what she is saying, again ... why would she lie? I mean, it's clear she and Ian have never gotten on in the first place, Ian basically sees her as Nick Cotton's daughter, which means with him as a father, she could be very much like him! Bobby then reveals to Dotty that Ian wants himself and Sharon to be more than friends, Dotty's face smirks into a huge grin, is she going to be able use that information to her advantage?! Dotty claims that Bobby thinks that she is just like her father, like everyone else seems to think to, and with the way things are going for her, she might as well prove them right! 

Next clip, Chantelle comes home from work, Gray is clearly waiting for her. He hears her footprints enter the house, he asks her how work was, she replies with "Fine" ... the next comment he makes is "I would've thought more than fine!" She makes her way into the living room, Gray watching her as she walks in ... she tries to lure him off the scent and says she's been with a client. The next thing which came out of Gray's mouth made my mouth drop ... "Is that what that's slutty top for?" ... He is clearly enraged, knowing that she's been looking for a divorce lawyer. But to call her slutty?! Sorry, but that is bang out of order! Is he making out that perhaps she's having an affair, which is why she may be looking for a divorce?! But then HE announces that he's actually seeking an divorce! Saying it's best for them to get HER out of everyone's lives! This clearly comes as a shock to Chantelle, to be honest, in all seriousness ... what actually has she done?! Chantelle has done NOTHING, she's the one who has been the victim of Gray's outbursts for years and years, and yet he's divorcing her?! I'd kind of wished Chantelle had told him sooner that she was divorcing him, but of course - in her situation, she had to it secretly. This is going to be such a blow for Chantelle, he's even letting on that she wont even be able to see her children. How the hell is she going to be able to turn this around?!

The next time we see Chantelle, she is in the bath, Gray's words clearly playing on her mind. Footsteps can be heard of Gray coming up the stairs and approaching the bathroom, she looks in fear to the door as the footsteps get closer. The door of bathroom unlocks and Gray appears, he again repeats himself and says he wants her out. She pleads with him to talk it through, saying the children can't be without their mother! He claims he can provide for them himself and keep them with him, she pleads for him to make their marriage work. He lets out a sigh and tells her to prove it! Prove what exactly?! She's curled up in ball in the bath as he slowly approaches her, with not even any form of emotion in his face. He leans onto the side of the bath and tells her "If you love your kids, prove it. Do this and we can call all this off!" ... At this moment in time, I'm thinking - what does he mean? "Do this?" ... Chantelle is begging him saying "Please not this!" ... does she have some kind of fear of water? Or is something darker about to happen? 

Next minute, we see Ian let himself into the Vic, he sees a light is on upstairs and he makes his way up, hoping to see that Sharon has returned. He finds her in the kitchen, they both share a look and Ian starts to make excuses for Dotty. Instantly Sharon interrupts him and says "What aren't you telling me?!" ... Sharon and Ian have friends for a very long time, you'd think she'd know if he had been hiding something from her. But once again he worms his way out of the big lie/secret, and instead informs Sharon that Dennis was posting abuse about Bobby instead. He explains that she was giving birth to Kayden while it was all going on and he thought he'd be able to handle it. But as a good point, Sharon says that that was then, so why has he kept quiet since then and not told her? It looks as if as soon as Ian is about to explain why, she answers for him ... He didn't want her to feel bad about him? Because she was going through enough already? ... Ian's eyes and ears are in absolute disbelief! Something else he's letting her believe, that he's being such a good friend to her ... when it actual fact, it's been lie after lie! She then thanks him!!!!! Oh my gosh!!! I am watching this with my face in my hands ... can Ian not stoop any lower?! How long is he going to worm his way out of this? The more he lies, the more worse it's going to be once the truth finally comes out! He even says "You've got nothing to thank me for!" ... hmmm - is that the guilt sinking in?! 

Suddenly, the scene goes back to Chantelle and Gray ... Chantelle can be seen lying underwater, with Gray watching over her. Gray is clearly timing her as she holds her breath underwater. She lets out a scream underwater and Gray raises his arm in a signal for her to come up. She is clearly gasping for breath. How long has she been having to hold her breath? He's pretty much nearly drowning her without actually physically touching her. Controlling how long she stays under water for. As she's gasping for breath and coughing, he shrugs it off and says "Wasn't so bad, was it?" Then as if nothing has happened, he tells her to get changed and go and pick up their children. I am absolutely baffled by this! Not only is Gray physically abusing his wife, but he's also playing mind games and controlling her. It's typical domestic abuse! 

Back at the hospital, Callum finally arrives to be with Ben for his appointment. Ben is seen with wires connected behind his ears, Phil watching and waiting, sat next to him. Callum bursts through the door, apologetic to his boyfriend, he asks them if he had missed anything. Phil says to him that he should've been there an hour ago, Callum explains that something came up at work - the next thing is really interesting - Phil asks him whether it was more important than being at the hospital with his boyfriend, Callum then pipes up to Phil and says "You tell me!" - there is clearly some tension between Callum and Phil, I can sense an atmosphere between them. Now Callum knows about the job they took part in, will he blame Phil for getting Ben involved? Which is way he seems so snappy at Phil! Suddenly Ben whispers "I heard you!" ... He turns to Callum and smiles and repeats himself "I heard you!" He laughs excitedly that the implant worked, could this mean that Ben's hearing could be returning?! Callum is thrilled for his boyfriend but can't help but feel let down that he had been lied to for weeks/months.

Oh!!!!! So that's how Ian got the money to spend on the Vic!!! He used the money from Max's share of the restaurant to buy the Vic!! It all makes perfect sense now! And of course, Max has absolutely no idea - that's someone else that's going to be annoyed with Ian when his lies and schemes come to light. Not only is Sharon going to be angry with him, but so will Max ... I have a feeling something is going to go very wrong for Ian and very soon. It's been revealed that Adam Woodyatt would be taking a long break from the soap, something to do with a story-line - is Ian going to flee before everything comes to light? Or are things going to be revealed and will he then make a run for it? Whichever way it goes, I don't think things will be the same for Ian, ever again. 

The last scene of the episode tonight, Chantelle is looking frail as she's walking the children home. She's scared, Kheerat calls over to her explaining that it's going to take him longer for him to get the money, if not days, a couple of weeks. She softly says that she doesn't have a couple of weeks, she then drops the bombshell and says that she is leaving tomorrow! You can see in her eyes she is desperate to get away from Gray as soon as she can! I do fear that somehow Gray will end up finding out - or she'll end up getting hold up and not being able to go through with her plans. It's also devastating too that right now she hasn't even confided in her Mum or Dad, we've seen nothing from Karen or Mitch - if only Chantelle could find the strength to tell her family and not suffer in silence! I do believe the next few episodes are going to be really hard to watch, as harrowing as it's going to be, I'm sure EastEnders will do a brilliant job in bringing it to the screen. It's a very important story-line and i'm positive both Jessica Plummer and Toby-Alexander Smith will do it justice! I hope you've all enjoyed my blog tonight, I once again apologise for posting so late. I'll be back again soon following the next episode. Enjoy the rest of your night folks! xXx

#eastenders #chantelleatkins #grayatkins #ianbeale #sharonwatts #dottycotton #kheerat panesar #bobbybeale #maxbranning #callumhighway #benmitchell #philmitchell #ballum

[brycecortez]

The Tiktok associated with the Lily Beach Resort in the Maldives 

Merry Christmas to my favorite girl @amberjade-rhodes

I’m sort of the worst when it comes to expressing my emotions in any way, shape, or form...if we’re being honest I would rather avoid the whole talking about feelings thing, but there’s something that’s telling me you need to hear this from me now more than ever. And so, here goes nothing.

You met me at a very weird time in my life. I was just getting back after being deployed for almost half the year. I was in love with not one, but two, girls that I’ve since learned we’re just better apart. One of them is still one of the greatest friends I’ve ever had, and the other is...well, I don’t really have to go into detail about that. I wasn’t looking for anything, in fact I didn’t want anything. I was perfectly content living in this stage of utter denial that was filled with me jumping from state to state, country to country, woman to woman. Until you. Meeting you changed everything for me.

When I look back on my history with Avery, there was no doubt that I was in love with her, and that I will always have some sort of love for her — but I think a lot of our spark came from me longing to get just a part of Jessica back. The two were a lot alike in that way; fun, free spirited, the happy go lucky types in which most of their minds consisted of sunshine and rainbows. I was trying to bring her back not realizing that I was with Jess before everything, when I still had this ounce of innocence and oblivion of the world. Before the accident, before deployment, before my dad died, before life. Truth is, the old me that would’ve worked well with Avery, the old me that probably wouldn’t have done a thing to hurt Avery, died in that accident. I was trying so desperately to bring something back, to bring a part of both me and Jess back that died six years ago.

There is not a single ounce of me that doesn’t regret what I put Avery and Lola through all of those years. I put them both through hell, and although there were some great times, I will forever be sorry that they got caught in the crossfire that was me, who was grieving a terrible loss. Truth is, is that instead of sunshine and rainbows, my mind is kinda sorta filled with these dark clouds and trauma that I’m trying to figure out every day, with the occasional sparkle that comes from Ryan’s baking (that’s a joke).

I guess the reason that I’m telling you this is because you’re sort of my new beginning; the fresh start that I didn’t know I needed until it was brought right to me. You see, being with you makes me realize that it’s okay to not be the person I was all of those years ago — but that I also can’t be pulling the whole running away shit for the rest of my life. I’m very big on timing, and a firm believer that everything happens for a reason; and while I will always be sorry that I couldn’t grow up when it came to her and Lola, a part of me believes that things had to pan out that way in order for me to get here...in order for me to be the person that you really do deserve. Maybe third time’s a charm? (again, that was a joke)

You previously expressed your feelings about me only wanting this relationship because of Avery, and I need you to know that couldn’t possibly be any further from the truth. At the end of the day, outside of Avery and I, my love for you both is both the same yet completely different. You need to know that I fell in love with you before we even decided to do anything with our relationship, not just because we are in a relationship now. What happened between me and Avery has absolutely nothing to do with you, but everything to do with us as individuals, and us as a couple. But even in the wake of our breakup, there hasn’t been a day that I woke up regretting the commitment I’ve made to you as your boyfriend.

Before you even begin to question how the hell I can be in love with someone who deems themself to be so unlovable, hear me out real quick. You’re resilient. The world has dealt you shitty hand after shitty hand, and yet you still somehow found a way to push through. Despite growing up in a world that’s shown you so much cruelty and negativity, you show nothing but kindness to everyone around you. Your kindness, passion, ambition, and strength is what I admire and love most about you. Most of the world wouldn’t be able to get through half the shit you’ve gone through, and that’s what makes you stronger than any solider in my eyes — and what makes me so fucking proud to be yours. It’s what makes me want to stop running, what makes me want to get better and grow; so that I can be the man and person you deserve, so that I can be someone who is deserving of you.

You have changed my life completely in just a little over six months, and I don’t think there are any words that would ever be able to describe just how thankful and appreciative I am to have you in my life. Thank you for listening and making me feel heard. Thank you for making me vulnerable, even when I didn’t want to be. Thank you for showing me that it’s okay if I’m a little damaged, but for also making me feel not so damaged. Thank you for simply just being there when I needed someone. Thank you for being my rock during all of this. Thank you for letting me love you the best way I know how. I can’t promise you that things would be easy, especially since I’m still enlisted. But I can promise you this: I’m not going anywhere. Even when I have to go for a few weeks for training, even we argue, or even when one of us is really going through some deep shit — I got you, and I will always be in your corner...and I will always do right by you.

As this is our first holiday season together, I hope you allow me to spoil you the way you truly deserve to be spoiled (and I hope you know I’m not leaving this house until you have watched all of the Santa Clause, Home Alone, and Polar Express movies). More importantly, I hope you allow me to take you on our first of many adventures together, this time just outside of the country. Can’t wait to take your passport virginity in a month ;)

Merry Christmas, beautiful. I love you.

Bryce x

#amber-jade #christmas2020 #under a read more because this man's letter is practically an essay lmao bye

[salanaayuumiasis]

○ What makes you feel loved? ○ Is something from your past preventing you from having compassion for yourself? ○ What is something you have gratitude for today, that you previously took granted?

A. It makes me feel loved every time my family and friends have shown affection, care, and appreciation to me regardless of what I have done from big to small things to them.

It also makes me feel loved when someone says thank you when I help them, When a stranger says hello or good morning to me, feels like they're saying it will be a good day when someone taps my back and say you've done a great job today, I'm a simple person, a simple appreciation makes me happy.

B. Rejection, When I was young, I'm afraid when people reject me. I always believe that I'm a girl full of love until now I'm still that girl, but my lola always says that it's okay if people will not like me. I can't please other people, and I always believe that no matter how cruel the world or people becomes, I must never let go of my kindness.

C. I am thankful because God gives me a lot of time to be with my family, that sometimes I took for granted. I realized that time is essential. I make sure to call my family and friends and asked about their whereabouts. I also make sure to say how much I love them, and how important they are to me.

@earisu salamat 🤗

[ship-obsessions]

The 100 Season 6 Speculations

Okay, so first of all I want to say I’m loving season 6 so far. Give me all of the delinquent interactions. I’m also obsessed with the Bellarke crumbs they are ALREADY GIVING US and how their repressed feelings for each other were shown (although not directly) in 6x02. A while ago I saw on Twitter that a reviewer compared The 100′s 6x02 episode to Motel California in Teen Wolf and now I totally see it. The way the plant toxin affects the delinquents parallels the werewolves being affected by the wolf’s bane... and the focus on the main group of delinquents (specifically Clarke, Bellamy, and Murphy) parallels the focus on the original core 4 in TW (Scott, Stiles, Allison, Lydia). I absolutely LOVED the core 4 dynamic in TW and I’m already loving this trio dynamic between Clarke, Bellamy, and Murphy. Give me more episodes like this! (and maybe add Raven after her and Clarke make up).

That said, I watched the first two episodes when they were leaked, so I’ve been DYING for the next episode 6x03. (Note: I’ve also been streaming them again since they’ve officially aired, so I’ve watched each one like 4 times). Since new content is finally coming next week, I wanted to get out some of my random speculations for what’s coming up later this season even though we literally know so little about this new planet, these new people, the creepy children, etc.. Of course, being curious (like a psychopath), I went through all of the season 6 episodes on IMDb to see what (if anything) it could tell me. I’m sure someone else has probably already done this, but I found some interesting things I needed to put out there...

6x03 

We already have a name “The Children of Gabriel” as well as a description (Clarke tries to win over the leaders of Sanctum in order to let her people stay. Meanwhile, Bellamy, Octavia, and Echo discover a new threat while on a mission to retrieve the transport ship.), so we have somewhat of a gist of what is coming next week. I don’t think they will fully go into the backstory of these “children of Gabriel” but we obviously know the geneticist from the flashback was named Gabriel and the actor, Ian Pala, is only listed for 2 episodes on his personal page and one of those is Sanctum (uncredited). So I’d assume this means we won’t get another flashback of him specifically or the origins of his “children”. But I do think when Clarke meets Russell and the other people somehow this backstory/history (at least a shortened version) will be explained. We know that the episode titles are all explicitly mentioned or referred to in the episodes themselves somewhere, so that’s my reasoning there.

However, I noticed one other small thing in the cast list that stuck out as strange/interesting. Sarah-Jane Redmond’s character (aka the Sanctum hostage that tried to hijack the mothership) is named Taylee in 6x02 but Tilly in 6x03. At first I thought it could have been some kind of error (idk) but it’s listed the same way on her personal IMDb actor page. Is she playing twins?? Is there validity to this clone theory I saw floating around and read about in the Hypable review?? Either way, I’m definitely interested in whatever that’s about. 

Also, I’m excited to meet JR Bourne’s character this episode! We obviously know he is Russell Lightbourne but after all my research (lol I’m taking this WAY more serious than I ever took school), I’m wondering if he’s not just a descendant of the Lightbourne’s but is actually a clone or somehow has the same consciousness from Mr. Lightbourne (Josephine’s dad) in 6x02 (again saw this in the Hypable article around a similar flame storyline theory since Becca created Eligius tech as well). It’s worth noting that we don’t actually know the character’s real name and Sean Maguire is just credited as Mr. Lightbourne -- no first name. Hmmmmm

6x04

Again we have a name “The Face Behind the Glass” and a short description (Clarke embraces the traditions of Sanctum and tries to make amends for her past actions.), but not much else... (or do we??) This episode is probably where we will see Clarke dancing in the room painting and maybe even the lanterns floating in the sky (ie. Sanctum tradition?) -- I’m thinking several “happy” moments with her. I also have a theory -- going out on a limb here -- that it is where we could see the whole “flashback” scene of Clarke in Mount Weather from the trailer. It’s probably not an actual flashback but some kind of hallucination or psychosis thing again, (or maybe even a dream?) but maybe that is where the title comes from -- she’s literally looking at herself from behind the broken glass in MW’s contamination rooms. OR we’re not quite there yet and it’s referring to the stained glass-looking red window/door thing that Emori was trying to open before going crazy in 6x01. 

The kicker for me in this episode’s listing was Jordan Bolger’s credit as Shaw, who we all saw die in 6x01. In what capacity is he coming back? Maybe it’s Raven’s hallucination or even a dream? I could see them showing us her full reaction once she knows what really happened to him, but I’m not sure how or in what way he would come back at some point in the episode (I say “come back” because the actor will actually appear). It will be super interesting how the sci-fi elements work on this new planet. We’ve already seen the eclipse-induced psychosis but what other strange things will occur or happen to our characters? If they are all facing their demons (ie. Clarke with Mount Weather and Octavia with Blodreina) I wonder how those scenes will be played out.

6x05

Again Jordan Bolger is credited... is Miles Ezekiel Shaw back again??? What is going on? 

6x06 - 6x07

I didn’t really notice anything super strange in episode 6, but GUESS WHO IS CREDITED FOR EPISODE 7: none other than Chris Browning as Jake fucking Griffin. Maybe this is another flashback or memory or hallucination -- assuming by Clarke.

Note: Madi is not credited to appear in 6x06 or 6x08 so I’m thinking her “kidnapping” or whatever happens with the creepy person who is holding her captive in the woods happens in 6x07. Or maybe it’s even earlier in 6x05?

6x08

In episode 8, the cast list introduces 2 notable new characters: Josephine VII and Hope. Okay, so with Josephine VII it could be some descendant of the original Josephine Lightbourne in the 6x02 flashback, but it could ALSO be another hint at this clone and/or flame consciousness theory. But Hope... where have we heard that name before? Oh yeah, Diyoza’s unborn child. But Diyoza hasn’t even had her baby yet and in the promo trailers it looked like she was shot (and possibly killed?). Also, this actress who plays Hope is like 6 years old, not a newborn baby. It’s still weird to me though because what are the chances there is another character -- another child, no less -- with that same name Diyoza mentioned she was planning to give her baby. Just seems a little too coincidental to me.

6x09

Okay, I’m going out on a limb here, but THIS MIGHT BE THE ICONIC RAVE SCENE FROM THE TRAILER. Stay with me... I was originally thinking this would happen earlier in the series when I saw this in the trailer, probably like everyone else, but in the IMDb cast list there are 5 “dancers” credited. I mean it is more logical for a rave scene to happen early in the season (because usually all the good things or happy stuff comes in the first half of the season and NEVER this late), but what else would “dancers” be credited for??? The 100 doesn’t do dance numbers LOL. Anyway this idea has me shook because if it is this late in the season, there is a better chance that Bellamy and Echo have ended things by this point and that super short blurry speck in the bottom right corner of the rave dance scene could be Bellamy (you know what I’m talking about). Will they actually make my LIFE and have Bellamy and Clarke dancing at that rave together? Seems way too good to be true, but I had to throw the possibility out there. I mean who knows, my Bellarke-owned ass can always hope for the best. 

After the slim possibility of that amazing possibility, here’s a scary thought to consider (sounds kind of like the show itself), this is the last episode of the season that credits Lola Flanery as Madi... WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO HER. Does whatever experiment being done on her in the promo trailer kill her? Pls don’t hurt Clarke’s smol child.

6x10

So here is where I started low key freaking out because the cast list dwindles DRAMATICALLY for credits this episode. We only have Eliza as Clarke, Shannon as Jordan, and Luisa as Emori out of ALL of the main characters we know and love. Something major has to happen for everyone else to suddenly become absent from this episode. And I’m a little scared to know what that is.

6x11

Okay thank god, the main characters are all back on the credits list for this episode. ALSO there is a new actor credited as young Echo. OMG an Echo flashback?! Will we finally understand who she was and why she is the way she is? Will I even care to get invested in her this late in the game?

Also, IMDb lists that this is the episode Bob Morley directs!

6x12 - 6x13

Our other mains are gone AGAIN from the cast list. It’s back to only listing Clarke and Jordan among the characters we already know. WTF is going on. I need answers NOW. To reiterate, I’m saying that IMDb doesn’t list Abby, Bellamy, Octavia, Raven, Murphy, Echo, Kane, Madi, Miller, or Jackson in episode 10, 12, or 13 (+ Emori in 12 or 13).

I’m honest to god just hoping that IMDb isn’t fully updated with the entire cast list in these last episodes yet -- is that a thing? pls tell me it is -- because if we don’t have a finale that includes Murphy, Raven, or most of all, BELLAMY... I swear to God I will riot. Of course, I’m hoping no one dies (obvi), but now that we know there is a season 7, could J Roth be trying to kill us with some dramatic cliffhanger where Clarke and Jordan are separated from the rest of the group? (PSA: STOP SEPARATING CLARKE FROM EVERYONE). But if so, why would this absence of all of those other characters be TWO WHOLE EPISODES? And during the two part finale of all things. UGHHH my mind is spiraling, someone pls calm me down.

On the plus side, 6x12 lists Antonio Negret as the director for the episode and we all know he brought us the brilliant (yet angsty AF) episode 5x08 last season where Bellamy poisoned Octavia to save Clarke. But if Bellamy isn’t even in this episode WHY SHOULD I EVEN BOTHER CARING.

What’s left that I missed? Probably a lot LOL. I tried going back to watch what I might have missed from the extended trailer but I couldn’t find the video ANYWHERE. It’s like disappeared from YouTube (says it is “unavailable”). What is that about?

Anyways, the scene with everyone together in the house (standing at the bar, shot looking at us) has to be in one of the episodes where all main cast members are credited -- I don’t think it will be the next one so maybe 6x04 or 6x05? Same thought for the Madi/Clarke reunion, I feel like that is in the same episode. I also have no idea when in the season Bellamy is going to strangle Russell with Clarke and Murphy in the room (again my favorite new trio!). And that being said I’m confused on JR Bourne because he was all hyped up as a new character this season but he’s only credited in the next episode 6x03. Does the strangling take place next week? It can’t right? Because Bellamy is off with Echo and Octavia on the other mission and Clarke is the only one in the castle. Also if 6x04 is Clarke trying to embrace the traditions of Sanctum and make amends, there is no way she could do that the episode after Russell (the leader of Sanctum) is killed. 

Sorry for the crazy rambling and this long AF post, but I have so much on my mind after this speculation deep dive. I need to just go to bed.

#The 100 #the 100 season 6 #the 100 speculation #bellarke #bellamy blake #clarke griffin #john murphy #sanctum #the 100 6x03 #the 100 6x04 #parallels #teen wolf #teen wolf 3x06 #motel california #wtf did i get myself into #my mind is going crazy #i need the rest of the season now

[dindjarindiaries]

Mandoctober - October 31: Family

summary: You’re alone and in need of a family and a home—and the Mandalorian notices.

pairing: din djarin (the mandalorian) x gn!reader

warnings: insinuations of past harm/abuse, soft!din

rating: G

word count: 1.423k

mandoctober masterlist

october 31: family

The wind hasn’t been this bad in a while. It whips through the alleyway you’ve been accustomed to hiding in, shivering into the crates left abandoned by the local shop owners. Your hands grip at the sleeves of your run-down tunic, hoping that you can somehow fill the small holes that have started to tug at the fabric. You have no idea how many days it’s been since you ran from your old life, from your everyday torture—but you know whatever suffering you face in this alleyway now is much better than what you’re used to.

The galaxy isn’t kind and you’ve learned that the hard way. Years of trying to work as a servant to earn your freedom, instead getting shipped around like the items circulating in the nearby marketplace, has been enough to make you come to such a conclusion. You’d only been shown love by the animals that have crossed your path—and sometimes the children of those you served.

But this last one had been different. The entire family was out to get you, working you to the bone and barely paying you a single credit for it, constantly berating you about the Rebel past of your parents. They would purposely forget to feed you most days and nights and they’d make sure you went to bed late and then had to wake up early. Although most of the pain was psychological, you felt so worn down that you thought you’d break—and so you left it all behind. You ran as far as your feet could take you and now you’ve ended up here.

And shivering in an alleyway is a much better alternative to the life you used to lead. At least out here, you have freedom.

Your face hides in your arms as you cross them over your knees, hugging them tight to your chest. You can feel yourself trembling but many things have since become numb. The alleyway has always been windy thanks to its build, but today, it’s whipping harder than usual and you can practically feel every hair on your body standing on its end as you grit your teeth.

A shadow suddenly passes over you and you think it must be an oncoming storm. But then, there’s the sound of spurs treading the ground lightly, as if they’re trying to keep their steps light. The coldness of terror grips you as you dare to look up, instantly meeting the blank visor of a Mandalorian. His silver armor reflects the light of the overcast sky, making blink a few times as you adjust to it. The metal of his armor clinks as he bends down to your level, one of his elbows resting against his knee. You swallow hard.

“What do you need?” you ask, your voice hoarse from its lack of use since running away.

The Mandalorian doesn’t respond right away. Instead, his helmet tilts at you, as if he’s observing you more closely now. You flex your fingers nervously. “I would like you to answer that.” His voice is modulated and comes out in a rasp, sounding gentle yet also revealing how rough he’s used it in the past. It makes a chill run through you.

You shrug, fingers starting to grip at the dirty fabric of your pants. “I’m all right.”

The Mandalorian doesn’t move. You hold your breath, waiting for the moment he cuffs you and announces that your previous employers had sent out a bounty for you. Surprisingly, he stays in place and asks a question that knocks the breath from your lungs. “Has anyone asked to help you?”

You hesitate, wondering if this is somehow a trick. In your desperation, you decide it’s not, and you shake your head.

A grunt falls from the Mandalorian’s helmet in disapproval as he looks away from you for a moment. When his visor returns to your gaze, you watch him gingerly reach a gloved hand out to touch your upper arm. “I will be the first, then.” He pauses, never moving. “Do you like bone broth?”

You nod, opposed to refusing any kind of food when you’ve been living off scraps even before you ran away. The Mandalorian nods in understanding and stands up.

“Stay here. I’ll return with some.”

You nod again and hold your tunic close as your shivering continues. The Mandalorian hesitates, and you watch as he suddenly unclips his cape from his back and sets it over you. Your hands tug at the rough fabric graciously, your cheeks heating up a bit at his kindness. “Thank you—very much, sir.”

The Mandalorian simply nods yet again, heading off in the same direction he’d came. You notice now that he has a circular metal compartment following him, floating wherever he goes. You wonder what he’s bringing along as he disappears from sight, and you feel your shivering slightly beginning to subside thanks to the warmth of the Mandalorian’s cape. Though his actions seem gracious and nothing short of kind, you can’t help wondering what his intentions are, and you can only pray to the Maker that they’re not unkind.

You’re lost in these thoughts until the Mandalorian returns, a bowl of broth in hand that he gives to you once he kneels next to you again. You accept it with another word of thanks, holding it between both hands as you sip at it almost viciously. The Mandalorian remains silent beside you as you eat, nearly tearing up at the feeling of such warmth and fullness inside you. You’re amazed at the fact a Mandalorian finally got you to such a point.

When you finish, you set the bowl down onto the ground beside you, facing the Mandalorian with gratitude and curiosity. “Thank you,” you say genuinely, your voice low as you keep the conversation between him and yourself. “You’ve been very kind.” You hesitate, swallowing hard as you go on. “Now, may you answer my first question? What do you need from me?”

The Mandalorian lets out a sigh, crackling through his modulator as his visor never leaves you. Despite the fact there’s no gaze there, you can feel it burning through you, and you writhe a bit under its intensity. “You are alone.” The Mandalorian pauses as if waiting for confirmation of his statement. You nod. “You have lost your family.” You nod again. “You have no home.” You nod yet again. This time, the Mandalorian returns your nod. “Then I will provide you with both.”

Your brow furrows together as your mouth falls open in shock for a moment. “I… I—I’m sorry sir, you said you’ll provide me with a family and a home?” The Mandalorian nods again. You’re still at an utter loss for words. “How much will it cost me?” You expect there to be some work you must do in exchange for such hospitality.

Instead, the Mandalorian shakes his head. “No cost. No work.”

“But surely, you must need something in return.”

The Mandalorian simply bows his head. “This is the Way.”

For a quick moment, you smile, but you fade when you remember that a stranger is the one offering you this deal. Things could quickly become worse should his intentions switch up as soon as you leave with him. Your guard goes back up immediately and you can tell the Mandalorian notices.

“There’s no need to be afraid. I will not hurt you.” As if to prove it, the Mandalorian taps something on his vambrace, and the metal casing from before splits in two to reveal a small, sleeping form inside. Your eyes widen to see a tiny green baby, his ears like petals as soft snores tumble from his lips. He looks at ease—and you realize you won’t be the first one this Mandalorian’s taken in. “I was trained to protect and to uphold my Creed. This includes being of service to you—should you accept it.” The Mandalorian closes the contraption and faces you again. He’s now proven his ability to be true to his words and keep you safe, and so you let your smile return as you answer him.

“I will accept your gracious offer, Mandalorian.”

The Mandalorian nods at you, standing up and offering a gloved hand to you. “Then come, kar’ika. It’s time to bring you home.” You accept his hand as he helps you stand up, supporting your unsteady legs as he leads you to the family he’s just promised you, one that’s bound to last until the day you meet the Maker.

mandoctober tag list: @the-navistar-carol

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#the last one :( #but this classic! #i love soft!din please #din djarin #the mandalorian #din djarin x reader #the mandalorian x reader #mandoctober #drabbles #dindjarindiaries

[megalony]

Easy escape

Another part to my Ben Hardy as a single dad series ‘Swimming’ which I hope you are all enjoying. Mentions of abuse.

Taglist: @marshmallowmae  @likeit-or-leaveit  @they-call-me-peaches  @mcrmarvelloki  @bensrhapsody

Series masterlist

Enjoy.

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"Do you remember the first time you met her?"

Something inside the actor wished that memory was burnt out of his head so that this could all feel like some kind of warped dream. But it wasn't. This was the reality that Ben had to live with and that vital moment in his life that changed the path he was taking was scarred into his head.

Ben remembered the way her brown hair started to sway in the very light breeze that was drifting through the atmosphere around them. He could see how the edge of her scarf was beginning to lift in the air that was taking hold of it. That dark blood red cotton that looked like it had been dipped in a pool of blood to get it to that shade. If he closed his eyes he could see her pulling the material closer around her neck to stop the biting of the wind from nipping at her pale skin that looked to be made of silk.

He could feel the itch in his fingers that were bending with the urge to grasp hold of that old scarf and tighten it around her neck. To watch it puncture into her skin and stop her breaths from entering or leaving her blushing red lips that only spouted poison. The urge to watch her struggle becoming overwhelming.

Wishing he had known what would have happened from that point on in his life because then he would have used that scarf to make everything stop. To show her the smallest taste of her own medicine that so liked to give him.

Ben remembered how innocent she had seemed in that moment. The way she bit her lower lip when she smiled, her eyes locking with his own that seemed nothing but intriguing to his emerald orbs. The very same emerald orbs that she stole the light and life from because she thought she had the right. He could picture how she brushed a strand of chocolate brown hair from waving into her line of sight. Tucking the strand neatly behind her ear so she could keep her gaze on Ben. His memory even remembered her other hand was burrowed into her maroon jacket that had buttons trailing down the front and a strap around the waist to tie to keep it in place.

Maybe if he had tightened that belt to the extreme, it would have given her an impression of what it felt like to lose all the air from your lungs. It would have shown her how being breathless and in pain could impact someone, it would give her a taste of what it felt like when being punched or kicked.

His mind replayed the memory like it was a film on show in the theatre inside his brain. Replaying the moment he held the door to the cafe open for her, noticing how his eyes followed her frame as she nodded in thanks. Her head tipping to the side in a silent request for him to join her. Seeing she must have been there before for her to be able to keep looking at him as she made her way to a secluded table next to the side window out of the way.

"I shouldn't have sat with her." Ben mumbled.

It was a mistake to set his eyes on the monster in the first place, but to pursue her- or rather, let her pursue him had been an unmendable mistake. If he'd of gotten his drink and left with a smile and a silent look he wouldn't be here now. He wouldn't be answering these timid questions that were meant to be able to help him.

"What about the last time you saw her?"

It took a moment or two for Ben to work out when was the very last time his eyes had found themselves locked onto her form. The last time she had sent him some kind of verbal abuse or threat like she was so inclined to do on a daily basis whenever she got the chance to follow him or find him. Ben's mind had every moment that held her inside a locked box in his head, a box full of memories that only ever opened at a night time when he wanted to sleep. His mind soon found the memory that held the last time he saw her and listened to that voice that once sounded so sweet to his ears. A voice that had turned sour over time.

The last time he saw her was three days before he moved into his current flat. That had been over a year ago now. He remembered how he had to shield the flat from her prying deadly eyes, making sure that she couldn't catch even a glimpse of the boxes that littered the floor. Stopping her from seeing the bare walls that didn't hold any pictures or framed photos like they once did.

That moment seemed so contrasting to the first memory he had of her.

Her hair didn't look the same in his last memory, of course, it was a little shorter and she had a longer fringe than before, but there was still something else that was different. It didn't capture his eyes like it once did before she decided to trap him like a caged animal and not let him leave their relationship. Her hair gave only one appeal to Ben, to grasp the strands and rip them from their roots. To cause her immense pain in the way she had to him. To yank her head back by her hair like she did to him before she pushed him to the ground or pulled him to her height so she could spout her poison directly into his ear.

He could hear her voice that once sounded like it had been lathered in sugar it was so sweet. A voice that soon grated on his nerves or sent shivers down every inch of his body. A voice that imposed fear and delivered threats that were used as manipulation techniques to further trap him.

'You won't get away with this.'

It didn't matter if she knew she was the one in the wrong, that she was the one to deliver the abuse. She didn't care that everyone knew she was the bully, it didn't bother her that the courts had declared her an unfit mother and a danger to her daughter and to Ben. A restraining order never bothered her, being on police record looked like an achievement to her. None of that mattered to her because she always found her way back to Ben. Always managed to sneak around the rules and creep back into his life to show him he couldn't hide or run from her. She would always find her and there was nothing he could do to stop that.

She didn't look like the woman he used to know. The woman that Ben first found himself falling for. Her eyes weren't intriguing to him and nor were they shining like a spotlight, they were shooting daggers to Ben as if she were trying to put him six feet under. A thought he was sure she must have had on many occasion to be able to deliver such brutal agony to him.

Her look gave off the feeling of a mad woman demanding something she couldn't have, spouting her cruelness to the world. Her wild eyes scolding his skin, her body hunched over and tense, hair scraggly and falling in front of her eyes. This time not bothering to move the strands behind her ears. Her words said in pure evil like she had been the one to be abused for over two years and still not be able to find an escape.

"She was a different person."

"How did you feel when you had your daughter together?"

There was no simple way for Ben to answer that question. He felt a range of varied emotions throughout the pregnancy and he wasn't even the one to have the raging hormones.

Ben felt conflicted at first, he knew she was using this to her advantage, she saw the baby as a key that locked Ben in a cage that only she could let him out of. He had wanted to be a dad for so long, just not with her. He was happy to have a child but he knew that if he had the choice he would have anyone else be their mother. He didn't want to bring a new life into the world with that woman as a parent.

He knew the child meant that Ben needed to be careful, he needed to make sure that they didn't suffer in the way he did at her hands. It meant that he had to fight a harder battle when he had no weapons to do so. He was defenceless and given another reason to try and fight. Lola had definitely been the best thing in his life without a doubt, he just wished he could have changed the situation for both of them.

There had been a small time at the end of the pregnancy when Ben felt hope, something he hadn't been feeling for almost two years at that point. He thought that just maybe, she would change once she saw and held their child. That some kind of maternal instinct would kick in and she would realise what she was doing couldn't continue. That she needed to try and make things work between them for this new life they created, that she would feel she needed to protect and care for their daughter.

Ben had been the one to feel that and it was stupid of him to think she would feel anything remotely the same. She gave birth to Lola and when she looked at their daughter she saw a weapon. She saw a pawn to be used in her game and she knew she would win.

"Trapped. I had someone to protect when I couldn't protect myself. She saw an advantage over me, and I saw someone she would have no trouble in abusing if she got the chance." There was no doubt in Ben's mind that if his ex had found the opportunity, she would have done something wrong, applied some kind of abuse to their daughter because that was all she was good for. She knew just how to hurt people in such a way they would feel it was their own fault, she knew how to win the battle and get her way and gain control over others. Trapping Ben had been a walk in the park for her, she knew just what she was doing and she didn't care that it was wrong.

"If you had the choice to escape the relationship at the cost of not having your daughter, would you take it?"

"Never."

Ben's response was instant to a question that resembled thoughts he had already had in his mind many times before. Ben always used to wish that he had turned away in that cafe, that he should have carried on walking down the street or simply left the shop without going to talk to her. But every time Ben found a little moment in time where he would have been able to escape her claws, he was faced with the notion that if he escaped he wouldn't have Lola. And that was something Ben could never allow to happen.

He would relive every single piece of abuse that his ex ever pushed onto him if it meant he would get Lola in the end and have his life with her. Being without his daughter was something Ben couldn't bear to think about because it was a life he didn't want to live.

In those times when Ben felt his mind crumbling and a breakdown looming, he always had Lola. He knew he could get through it because he had his daughter to think about and look after. When it got too much and Ben felt like ending it all would be easier than living this life, Lola was the thought he kept coming back to. He couldn't do that because no matter how bad his life got, his daughter made him the luckiest man in the world.

"How do you feel towards her, knowing she's the mother of your daughter?"

The fact that she gave Ben the best part of his life didn't change how the actor felt towards her. Ben hated every single bone that she possessed in her body even if her body gave him his daughter. As far as Ben was concerned Lola wasn't her daughter, she was his and only his.

If she had felt some kind of love towards Lola or remorse then Ben would have some emotions towards her. Some kind of empathy because he would know she had a good part in her. But she didn't, she didn't go through the custody battle to get Lola back, she went through that to gain back her weapon that was used against Ben. Losing Lola lost every path she had to Ben, it cut all the ties she had wrapped around him and it set him free. She knew the battle meant she would be under more surveillance from the police and that anything wrong she did to him would have worse punishments that would stop her from seeing him. Lola meant nothing to her but meant everything to Ben.

"I feel hatred towards her. My daughter is mine, she isn't anything to do with her because she didn't love her like I do."

"What about what she did to you, how does that make you feel?"

Part of Ben felt useless because he could never fight back. Physically he should have been able to, she was no match for him because he was the taller one, he was the more muscular one, he was the one who went to the gym every week.

And yet he fell when she pushed him, he bruised when she punched and kicked, he bled when she cut him. His bones broke and shattered when she applied pressure to them, his mind screamed and felt like it was under attack when she spouted her poison into his ear and relentlessly battered him with her words. Ben had never been able to fight back. He couldn't force his fist to harm any part of her body because that wasn't him. He couldn't hurt her in the way she did him because it brought him down to her level. Ben could never do anything or say anything wrong because it gave her an advantage over him and it resulted in worse pain. She would give some kind of abuse as a form of punishment if he dared retaliate to her. She wanted him to back down, she wanted him under her influence and control and that was what she had gotten until he was set free by his sister.

Another part of Ben felt loathing and bitterness towards his ex because he never gave her a taste of her own medicine. Ben fought her by calling the police and using lawyers to fight his battles to keep her away and get custody of his daughter. He never saw her get inflicted with pain like she did him. Ben never witnessed him or anyone else kick her, punch her or break her bones, he never got the chance to push her to the ground and ask her how she liked it happening to her. He never trapped her hand in the door just to hear her scream in pain and tell her it was what she deserved. He didn't spit words of malicious content into her ear and watch her breakdown and cry in front of him.

Ben wanted to see her get a taste of her own medicine because that was what she always did to him. He wanted her to see that she couldn't to do that and get away with it. Ben wanted her to realise just what she put him through and to watch her realise her endless mistakes.

"How do you feel about her death?"

"She escaped. I have to live with what she did to me and she took the easy way out. I want her to be alive so I can see her get pushed to the ground and to ask her how she likes it. I want her to suffer through two years of abuse and see what happens when she manages to get free from that, I want to see that abuse change her and make her regret what she did." The words spewed from Ben's lips as did the tears from his glassy eyes.

Why was she allowed to have an easy escape?

Ben lived through her torture every day of his life and he had to deal with what she did to him. She took a form of escape like Ben tried and no one was there to stop her like they were with Ben.

Emily was relieved, glad even that this had happened. His sister saw it as a form of escape, a form of justice for her brother because she wasn't there to pose any threat to him or give out any form of abuse. Ben didn't see it that way, he saw her killing herself and not suffering in any way like he had done. She deserved to live out her life and realise her wrongdoings, to know what she had done and feel a self-hatred for what she did. Ben didn't want her to have it easy because she had lived the easy way when she was in a relationship with him. He was the one to suffer and now she didn't have a chance to see what it was like to be in that position.

Ben couldn't be upset or happy about her death because he wasn't being given justice.

"Do you forgive her?"

"Never."

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