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stil-lindigo · 2 days

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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)

if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.

no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.

I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.

I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.

If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.

#cw: suicidal ideation #cw: suicide #cw: self harm #cw: mental health #cw: depression #i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it #i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague #it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves #so. please dont #for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic #with the state of the world as it is #having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful #but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full #and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead #i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us #there is no fix-all #and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile #i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it #thank you for reading #and please stay alive #stillindigo art #stillindigo comics

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cowboythewizard726 · 21 days

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beautiful orc girl leed helllOOOOO beautiful leed alert oh my GOD she's so cool WOOAHHHH beautiful siilly girl she was really pretty and awesome and so kind i think shes wonderful and there should be a statue made just for her thats really big and in the center of everything and she should get anything she wants ever smile face

#LEED LEED LEED!!!!#thank u for being s pussy chilchuck mouse man so she could yell at you #okay u wermnt being a pussy you just watn your friends to be okay i get it #i think its funny to call you a pussy #and mosue man #im sorry your're divorced i get it #this istn about YOU this is about LEED #LEED ORC LEADER #LEEEDDDD #GOD SHES SO COOL #AND AWESOME AND GREAT #yesterday i played dnd for the first time #and i got bonked in the head with a stone club #and now id like to imagine that was her she did that #wow #shes so cool #and shes really cute too awww awww #wonderful girl everyonme should love her #gonna be honest i wish she had eaten all of them #i support and encourage and endorse and urge women to eat people #leed dungeon meshi #leed delicious in dungeon #dungeon meshi #dunmeshi #delicious in dungeon #dungeon meshi spoilers #delicious in dungeon spoilers #dunmeshi spoilers

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ikeasharksss · 1 year

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hey im curious

feel free to rb & explain your answer in the tags!

#i will go first <3 #i reread my own fics all the time!!!#it's so fun!!#i am the target audience for every fic i have ever written #like even if it's a gift/for an event i write it bc i am genuinely interested in it #so of COURSE im going to enjoy looking back on those fics #i have uh 24 fics on ao3 now?#so i dont reread All of them #i mainly reread my longer fics bc i just have the most fun writing them #i encourage ppl to reread their own work bc #1 its fun to see how your writing has changed #(my writing has gone through So Much since i started in 2019 lol)#2 if you write for yourself then youll always love what youve written!#n e way thats my 2 cents #pls share w/ me i am very curious #thanks love ya #fanfiction #fanfic #<- promo tags ig

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marshmallowgoop · 12 days

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no thoughts just Heiji Hattori (HD)

#detective conan #case closed #amv #my amvs #eye strain #heiji hattori #harley hartwell #conan edogawa #shinichi kudo #funimation english dub script #video #happy two-year anniversary to 'no thoughts just heiji hattori'!#while it's not my first amv (it's maybe my... fifth?)#it was the first one i made with davinci resolve and the amv that really got me into editing amvs for real #it's the amv that made me believe i could make amvs 🥺#and in remastering it i deeply understood how ambitious it was! i thought i did a lot of audio mixing for 'messed up'#but that's not even close to all the audio mixing i did here--cannot believe that i did all this for my first big amv project #it took about 20 hours *just* to remaster!#which is something i've been meaning to do for a while now so i'm very happy to finally share the results!#to make this a 'remaster' and not a 'redo' the only changes i tried to make were to the source footage and audio #video now uses almost entirely hd remastered footage from my blu-rays or netflix rather than my dvds #but oh gosh was it *hard* not to touch anything else! i'd do so many things differently now #but this video will always be really special to me (and i can't believe i did it at all tbh!)#i hope seeing it in hd is fun too! i'm so blown away by all the love this vid's gotten #and that it helped increase interest in funi's old english dub is amazing and 100% what i was trying to do with it!#thank you everyone for all the support <333 i wouldn't be the video editor i am today without this vid or your encouragement for it <3333 #like the original the sources used are mostly from what funi dubbed (but mixed in hd by me!): eps 48-49 57-58 77-78 117 and 118 and movie 3 #but i also used episodes 141-142 174 189 239 263 277 291 293 345 479 491 517 and 522 #and ova 3 and tv special 6 (episode one) and movies 10 and 13 and ops 27 31 and 33 and the funi 5.2 dvd blooper for the one line lol #i'm sorry i've been so absent lately! i hope to be more active now... and there are 2 completely done amvs that i'm just waiting to post...

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iridescentmirrorsgenshin · 1 month

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the contents page so far for my essay on queercoding in genshin through the exploration of alhaitham and kaveh (The Essay is double spaced for my convenience!!)

So my laptop died!! With all my files on it!!! But quite literally the final few minutes before it short-circuited, i emailed the newest version to myself <33333

Update: The essay is live! It's available to read here and here as a pdf <3

#i have to redo my reference list along with trying to sort out a new laptop #and finding a laptop that will hold two hard drives?? in this day and age??#but the essay should be posted Soon!!#thank you for all your encouragement!!#alhaitham #kaveh #haikaveh #kavetham #genshin meta #haikaveh meta

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gentlebeard · 3 months

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Wake up in the morning feelin’ like Stede Bonnet // The party still won't stop on The Revenge

For @bizarrelittlemew 💕 Show: Our Flag Means Death - Season 2 Music: TiK Tok by Kesha YouTube || Season 1 Version

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 10 months

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Besties can't enable pvp on each other, right?

[First] Prev <--> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan jingyi #lan sizhui #jin ling #ouyang zizhen #nameless red diciple #Xue yang #yep that's right he's finally showing his true colours #I love the fact that SL and XXC's friendship is *so* legendary that even these teens know it's sacred #What they are wrong about is the fact that besties *can and will enact violence on each other*#If you aren't challenging your buddy to spar on the regular....are you really friends?#if you aren't immediately locked in a one arm fireman carry and held over their head like a handful of grapes.....whats the point #*This* is what all teens need to know about relationships. Its okay and encouraged to fight your friends. (half joking)#Don't worry about the juniors btw #XY just scoots them out of the house and makes them sit on the porch outside. I wonder what wacky hijinks they'll get up to out there?#Hopefully nothing dangerous!#My brain and body have been torched by my workload lately but I'm starting to adjust now B'*) Slowly we are getting to the end of season 1 #Thanks again for all the love and support <3 I'm leaving a half dead rat on your floor for you.

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canisalbus · 3 months

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The fact you don't have 'a thing' to read (comic, graphic novel, webtoon) but still manage to be very compelling and make others just.. feel things, when seeing your art, is very inspiring! It has made me reconsider what makes a narrative way of telling things 'valid' or 'complete', because while there's not a story being told in a traditional way, the investment is real. The entertainment is real. The artisty is! So, how important is the difference between a 'story' and what you offer when the heart receives it the same? What I'm saying is, if you made a comic or similar, I'd LOVE that, but the idea of an artbook where the reader is meant to piece it together themselves is fascinating and it activates my little artist brain~

#auh thank you for your sweet words! ;_;#that's such an encouraging thing to hear #I know people can be very perceptive and I love being able to leave some things up for interpretation #and then seeing people noticing and analyzing them #it's terribly validating #and it makes me believe I must be doing something right if all of this is working as well as it is #does that make sense #answered #sonyshock

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arahabakix · 7 months

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両面宿儺;

for @queenrojpag

happy birthday itz (*≧︶≦))(￣▽￣* )ゞ

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goldenn-moments · 1 year

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things I need in young royals s3:

• "I love you" "I love you too"

• MORE👏🏼GOLDEN👏🏼MOMENTS👏🏼

• wille in the eriksson house, at home and at ease w at least simon and linda (maybe even Malin included??��👀)

• simon in the palace, learning the crooks and crannies of the spots of the castle that wille found comfort in as a child (plus an awkward dinner w the in laws, hopefully followed by a royal bedroom scene, if yknow what I mean)

• rosh and ayub seeing wille again and simon being like "guys he's it for me" and the whole reconciliation that I'm sure will have to happen etc etc

• maddie becoming friends w simon and henry and walter being friendlier to simon, including him more - BASICALLY people at hillerska actually valuing simon for once, omfgs

• on the note of hillerska people, felice and simon teaming up to tease wille AT LEAST once. at least. they have so much material it would literally be criminal for them to not tease wille until he's giggling and red in the face

• more hand holding (so much. an obscene amount, actually)

• as edvin said, wille and simon smiling together

• sara redemption, but I kinda want that to be left open ended bc I doubt simon will forgive her all that easily (he will, inevitably. it's who he is. but he's put her first so many times, I want him to pit himself first for once)

• SIMON FINALLY ALLOWING SOMEONE (aka wille) TO FULLY COMFORT HIM AS HE BREAKS DOWN (I just want my boy to have a nice cry and then get all the hugs from wille)

• wille and simon being together in public and not giving a fuck (I mean, obvi they'll care abt being in the public eye. but they won't have to hide, and they'll revel in that, and that's what matters)

• STELLA AND FREDRIKA CONFESSION SCENE + DRAMATIC KISS

• on that note, also wilmon dramatic kiss (in the rain, after something intense happened, or when they're just horny as fuck I DONT CARE. just give me intense wilmon kisses I can use for edits please and thank)

• more exploration into simons family life (which I think we'll get w the sara arc, however they take it), like giving linda more screen time and bc they're probably gonna bring micke back, someone defending simon from micke if he needs it

• wille telling simon abt erik (and maybe even flashbacks??)

• august getting what's fucking coming to him

• wille AND simon breaking the fourth wall (preferably in the beginning of the first ep, bc I kinda want it to end w them walking away from us. but I'd be so down for the series ending w them both smiling at us)

• a look into how the public is reacting - ngl I wanna see the social media comments, the articles, their friends dissing those who are slandering them and at the same time showing them all the public support (I know) they're getting

• far fetched, but maybe a scene where wille and simon are having a Moment (maybe with simon in the palace👀👀) and krissy accidentally sees it and starts to finally fucking understand that taking simon away/denying him is taking away/denying her only remaining son's happiness (I imagine this taking place after an awkward dinner w the in laws)

• a celebration/party scene where wilmon are together and don't have to stare at each other from across a room or hide somewhere in order to be together

• wille defending simon (against their fellow hillerska students, the royal court, hell even micke, idc)

• simon defending wille (against someone from bjärstad who's making assumptions, krissy, the royal court, any of those idc)

-- basically the boys fighting for each other always

• THEM👏🏼AGAINST👏🏼THE👏🏼WORLD👏🏼

• more protective wille bc wille while he's being Crown Prince Wilhelm??? godDAMN

• simon and wille happy under the sun

• kinda related, maybe simon looking like he has a halo through some trick of the light??? paralleling to his glowstick halo in s1???

• wille panicking and simon being there (wille no longer having to be alone when the world gets too much) (do not enter is written on the doorway, why can't everyone just go away? except you - you can stay)

• wille and simon goofing around and being silly, maybe like trying to cook or trying to study or trying to actually play a video game and constantly getting distracted by each other

• simon getting his daily dose of wille's scent, lmao

• SIMON AND WILLE DANCING. dancing alone in one of their rooms, giggling and tripping on each other and swaying back and forth, wille humming a song he wants simon to sing and simon giggling and singing for him. the kind of dance that isn't for anyone but themselves, where they're wrapped around each other and blissfully in love, unable to stop smiling as they twirl each other around (I also wouldn't say no to a formal dance, like a waltz, where they're dancing together in a ballroom or some shit but the whole world melts away until it's just them. or a party scene where they're w all their classmates but they only have eyes for each other. those would be nice too)

• casual touch. so much casual touch. casually holding hands while walking, one of them resting their chin on the other's shoulder as they talk to friends, an arm around the others waist as they stand, sitting in each other's laps while working in a public space, one laying their head in the other's lap, leaning against each other as other things are happening around them. just - wille and simon being casually physically affectionate and always having each other to lean on, in all ways (and ofc, them always being wrapped up around each other. I'm sure wille's need to be close to simon will help me get this)

• henry continuing his curse of being a cockblock (and someone calling him out on it, lmaoo)

• boris. I want more of boris. give me a whole episode w just boris talking to wille and simon, idc, he's amazing and I adore him

• also more of the choir teacher!!! she believes in simon and I want to see her support him more

• simon singing more and flourishing even more in that area (and wille being a love struck fool every time simon sings even one note)

• MORE THAN SIX EPISODES PLEASE AND THANK YOU

• simon and wille getting invited to a girls night

• simon!!! in!!! makeup!!!! (yes, I'm aware this will likely kill wille. both wille and I are prepared to make that sacrifice if it means seeing simon in at least some eyeliner)

• simon and wille pissing of jan-olof and getting the last laugh

• actually, I wanna see jan-olof just croak. just let him die. it's what he deserves😌

• wille and simon having a good support system

• wille's album for simon growing and being able to see the album that I KNOW simon has of wille on his phone

• wille getting his sweater back and teasing simon abt it

• in general, many pretty, cinematic shots of simon and wille just generally being in love

• random, but what happens to my boy rousseau, who didn't deserve all this drama when he's just a horse who wants to eat hay and run free😔

• simon and wille being regular teenagers and being a little stupid around each other hut that's okay bc they're in love

• a parallel to their first meeting, with simon speaking up abt a social issue that these rich kids have no real idea abt, but this time wille chimes in and adds his thoughts and simon just beams at him, and wille can't help but grin bc he's finally saying what he wants to say, tradition be damned

• kinda random but simon interacting w a kid and wille, despite not liking kids all that much, just melting (I will accept simon being cute in general in substitute)

• oh, so out of left field but more of simon's extended family??? like I saw a post on here abt what linda was saying on the phone in the background of one scene, and like she was talking abt a get together??? idk man, I just want simon talking more spanish

• to go off of that, simon teasing wille and spanish and one of two things happening: 1) wille combusts and dies bc simon is killing him w that, or 2) wille surprising simon and speaking back in spanish bc he had to learn it bc he's a royal and simon combusting instead. I would like either variation please and thank

• linda being wille's mom. ik she's not perfect but I just read a fic where he called linda mama and she hugged him and he said "I love you mama" and I kinda want something like that in canon now, ngl

• OH, on the note of linda - her realizing the pressure simon takes upon himself and trying to lighten his burden bc he's her child and should be carrying it all

• wille picking up simon. we know he can do it. so let him, let him pick up his boy whenever he feels like it

• wille and simon playing with each other's hair PLEASE

• I saw a post say that simon should take up fencing to get that extra credit, and now I NEED simon w any kinda sword. please. omar, do a photoshoot or smth, I'm not above begging

• more power walks from simon and wille

• simon and wille being a power couple in general (I'm thinking twin judgemental stares as they stand w each other, glaring and backing each other up, a team in every way possible)

• just,,,, them. against the world. no matter what comes their way

thank you so so much to @mirabel-on-a-bicycle @darktwistedgenderplural @tagalongifyoudare and @retrieve-the-kraken for encouraging me to post this <3 yall are amazing

#sorry for the weird format i copied this straight from my notes app #and thank you!!!! so so much to everyone who encouraged me to post this #youre all amazing <33 #i love this fandom sm #young royals #simon eriksson #wilmon #prince wilhelm #wilhelm young royals #young royals s3 #BC I CAN TAG THAT NOW #YOUNG ROYALS BABY

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cry-ptidd · 2 months

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Thank you guys SO so much for 1k followers!!! I am eternally grateful for all your support, asks, tags, RBs, everything 😭🫶

This blog was originally planned as a backup for my NSFW twt (which is why they have the same user), i couldn't actually imagine it would be so appreciated here, especially my art and OCs 😭 I am more than happy to indulge you guys with many a Hellsing content!

Small celebratory art (it took me 8 hours)

#1k followers on tumblr is a milestone girl #insane #my art #hellsing oc #my oc #laura chastel #rendering my beloathed #peep the new watermark too #do you know how happy I am with all your support #i am TERRIBLE with compliments/affection so it physically makes me shake #i feel so encouraged and safe here thank you guys

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gendervapor14 · 9 months

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doflamingo would be dealt with. that’s what this note said, that letter here, this crumpled report. finally, doflamingo’s last hand was dealt. it must have haunted him, but love prevailed. it was printed on his shirt, inked after signatures, scrawled on his polaroids. now, he was free. law cracked the window, lit up, and coughed up. it was time to put those notes to rest. together.

artwork by @attyattlaw ♥ ~ prompt: smoke

previous prompt can be found here

thanks for hosting this event @corazon-week !

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krakenfly · 1 year

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I I - T h e H i g h P r i e s t e s s

The next bug in my series of tarot designs, this is based on a hooded mantis

#bug #bugs #tarot #bugblr #arthropods #bugcore #bug art #thank you everyone for all your comments on my previous pieces #it's been really encouraging :)

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moeblob · 3 months

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New OCs

(briefly, humans and supernatural beings have to team up for building better relations with each other and all the supernaturals can shapeshift and take on human appearances but also have their 'original form'.)

OK so I was GOING to draw fanart today - I had a fun idea and everything! But health anxiety (and anti-anxiety meds) wore me out so I kinda .... slogged through OCs as a treat to me. I am going to go to the doctor tomorrow so HOPEFULLY it's all okay.

#my characters #also kite is the worst socially and says things he thinks are surely fitting for a human conversation #but ends up insulting grady with 99% of the comments and that makes grady not fond of him #but then grady is like super pleasant to others and doesnt know how to act around kite and flubs a lot too #its a disaster and the twins are like oh no this is painful #mr tengu that was so tacky you cant say that to a human #mr tengu you cant DO that to a human STOP BEING LIKE THIS #while callum is just like wow this is hilarious thanks for bothering my younger brother its adding character to his life #and kite is stressed because thats the least encouraging thing to hear ever thank you v much hes TRYING to adapt #but also kite isnt his real name and he doesnt know squat about humans BUT he knows they have the internet #and so hes like well the problem is i dont want to actually say my name to you all because what if i am Online (TM)#and so he asks for a new name and then is like he should name me - the tiny one who wants to kick my ass should name me #so grady is like ....... nooooo...... dont............ and then suggests kite bc he's done google research #and kite is a type of bird and according to wikipedia has some familiarity to tengu so therefore yeah #and kite is like !!!!!! DOES HE ! KNOW THINGS ! and happily accepts the slightly researched name while the other humans #are like grady stop that is bullying the poor guy leave him alone pick a normal name!#anyway not drawn yet but there is a human guy partner for the twins and he immediately is like perfect #i know which is which lets go out and explore the human world for your research #and they dont understand how he knows them apart so fast and none of the other humans seem to tell em apart #but then none of the humans are shocked at the guy who knows so the girls are like sir howst do you know #and hes just v casual oh right yeah younger identical twin sisters - i have Practice ! and they are endeared to him haha #anyway if you read all those tags ty #and yes in his tengu form he does actually have the long nose please do not be mad #i just dont draw noses normally and im too tired to practice rn so #i only drew the second one today anyway - the first pic was done a couple days ago but i didnt wanna post on main #but then here i am posting on main #im sorry

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eightyuh · 8 months

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Hey

Hey what would glen do if I, say, were to gently pick him up and tell him everything would be okay. What then.

(love love love your comic the art and writing are wonderful, you have such a chokehold on my emotions, it's great)

"I appreciate your concern."

(THANK YOU aah!!! :"D i have a few og stories, but i’m not used to sharing them publicly and having ppl understand haha. even tho there's only 2 chapters right now, i'm really glad that this resonates with you!)

#ask #untitled rpg #glendale goodwyn #glen #oc #*2 chapters right now (one with actual effort)#thank you so much... ahhhhh...#this is all so strange and weird and encouraging and heartwarming #so sorry if i haven't answered ur ask yet -- there's so many!#similar ones will b lumped together - so u may not get a notif that i replied to YOURS specifically

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iridescentmirrorsgenshin · 1 month

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An analysis of Alhaitham's egoism in relation to Kaveh

(Update: The essay this is taken from is now uploaded! It can be accessed here and here as as a pdf <3)

Max Stirner's anarchist egoism is speculated to be the basis of Alhaitham's personal egoism, therefore I will be drawing upon Stirner's 'The Unique and Its Property' for this analysis.

Property and power are key principles within this philosophy. The egoist recognises himself as an individual, separate from the general collective of “humanity”, in which concepts such as freedom and property are governed to and over the people, for then the individual is not considered as such, rather they are a part of “humanity”, rather than a whole individual (Stirner, 170). This thinking is demonstrated within Alhaitham’s Story Quest, where he dismantles Siraj’s Hivemind by targeting individuals that compromised the Hive and reminding them of their own beliefs and preferences – the individual in themselves is a whole, and is not a “part” of a system (Stirner, 170).

In this, the egoist governs himself by what he owns and what he wants to own: “ownness is my whole essence and existence, it is myself. I am free from what I am rid of, owner of what I have in my power, what I control. I am at all times and under every circumstance my own”(Stirner, 106). This relates to the concept of freedom, which, for an egoist exists according to having the power to be free of something, for example, being freed of hunger, thirst, or societal expectations (Stirner, 105). This is reflected within Alhaitham’s description: “He lives free – free from the searching eyes of ordinary people,” but also extends to the power to own.

As power is considered something which the egoist owns, property then becomes something which the egoist exerts power over, and in this, can property be made use of by the egoist – all the while, the property remains an independent vessel (Stirner, 162). This is seen within Alhaitham’s view on his vision, in that it is “no more than a useful tool”, as it can be used to serve his own needs, and that since it in his possession, he has obtained it with his own power, it makes no difference to check on it as he continues to retain that power.

In this sense then, Alhaitham has constructed his life around this form of egoism, in that anything he wants, he has, such as his job as the Scribe, his house, the interests he pursues, the people he enjoys. In order to maintain this way of life, he will deal with, or be rid of, anything he deems as "harmful".

With this, the egoist seeks satisfaction in themselves through the satisfaction of another. Ownership, in relation to another person, can become love, which like all things the egoist has power over, is ultimately theirs – as in their love for a person (Stirner, 187), which is given willingly by the egoist, for loving a person is done for the satisfaction that love brings: “But I love them with the awareness of egoism; I love them because love makes me happy, I love because love is natural to me, it pleases me,” (186).

In loving another comes sacrifice, which the egoist can give into without compromising himself, as he himself sets the “purchase price of [his love]” (187) according to the happiness attributed to the loved one, as in return, the egoist shall also receive happiness (186). To enjoy someone, in an egoist fashion, is to be able to sacrifice all possessions and ownerships without foregoing the sense of an individual, of “ownness”, as the egoist would then lose his objectivity:

“I can deny myself countless things to heighten his pleasure, and I can risk for him what would be dearest to me without him, my life, my welfare, my freedom. Indeed, it forms my pleasure and happiness to feast on his pleasure and happiness. But me, myself I do not sacrifice to him, but rather remain an egoist and—enjoy him. If I sacrifice to him everything I would keep without my love for him, that is very easy… But if I sacrifice others to one passion, I still do not… sacrifice my particular worth, my ownness. Where this nasty incident occurs, love looks no better than any other passion that I blindly obey.” – The Unique and Its Property, 185

It is relevant to note that just as the egoist receives happiness from a loved one’s pleasure, so does an egoist suffer from a loved one’s despair. Just as the egoist would sacrifice something of their own to provide happiness for a loved one in order to exact their own happiness, so too would an egoist sacrifice something, or act, to eradicate the root problem of a loved one’s misery, as this, in turn, would then resolve their own misery:

“If I see the beloved suffering, I suffer with him, and I find no rest until I’ve tried everything to comfort and cheer him…. It doesn’t follow from this that the same thing causes suffering… his tooth gives him pain, but his pain gives me pain. But because I cannot bear the sorrowful crease on the beloved forehead, therefore, then for my sake, I kiss it away. If I didn’t love this person, he could go right on creasing his forehead, that wouldn’t trouble me; I’m only driving away my troubles. – The Unique and Its Property, 186

The phrasing of “driving away… troubles” is particular to note here, due to similar usages of language used within Alhaitham’s Character Stories, in relation to him acting in accordance with his self-governed rules and serving his own self-interest by: “[acting] on his own will and deals with anything that appears harmful in his eyes”.

Kaveh, however, interprets Alhaitham’s egoism as a detached, pragmatic view of humanity, in which the individual isolates themselves not only as a means of prioritisation, but by elevating oneself over others by refusal to intermingle and to cooperate for the benefit of others. Not only is this a harmful opposition to Kaveh’s view of individuals sharing their knowledge and talent in order to pursue a better society, but due to Kaveh’s experience of Alhaitham’s personal egoism, it is harmful to Kaveh personally. Kaveh refuses to prioritise himself over others because he has seen a negative consequence of egoism, in which he has been “cut to the quick” and it has ended one of the few stable relationships in his life.

By Kaveh seeing Alhaitham’s comment about his altruism as malicious, Alhaitham has elevated himself over Kaveh, since Alhaitham does not have the same struggles as him, and has trivialised Kaveh’s trauma. To Kaveh, Alhaitham’s prioritisation of the self actively harms others as it desensitises the self to the emotions of others. Therefore, Kaveh opposes the egoism which Alhaitham advocates for, since he interprets it through his own lived experience. Hence, by Alhaitham asserting egoism over Kaveh as a means of Kaveh prioritising himself, it only reinforces Kaveh to strive to consider the feelings of others, as well as to not prioritise his own way of thinking if it undermines someone else’s.

In actuality, Alhaitham’s frustrations with Kaveh lie in his belief that Kaveh’s talents are incongruous with his values, and that if Kaveh were to prioritise himself, he would save himself suffering and enable himself to discover his “true self”, unrestricted by others placing labels onto him.

This is a personal frustration which Alhaitham would not compromise himself to assert onto a person he was indifferent to, due to his belief of not getting involved with other’s fates. However, he has been observed to ‘subvert’ his own rules to accommodate Kaveh. Through egoism, it can be seen that rather than ‘subverting’ these rules, Alhaitham adheres to them as an egoist, since he sees Kaveh as his mirror, they offer each other a contrasting perspective he believes they need to have a complete, objective vision of the world.

This is necessary for Alhaitham to consider within his own life, and therefore has extended his house to Kaveh, in order to expand his scope of thinking, and to consider perspectives he otherwise would not entertain. Kaveh’s ideals, his beliefs, and his philosophies explicitly interest Alhaitham, in contradiction with Kaveh believing that Alhaitham is disdainful of his perspectives.

In this way, Alhaitham enjoys Kaveh. He willingly pays for some of Kaveh’s tabs; pays for crates of wine for the two of them; and goes out of his way to pursue interactions with Kaveh. Just as Alhaitham is to Kaveh, Kaveh is an old friend, as unchanged in his beliefs as he was in the past and thus is a constant: “the most unshakable part of one's past is a friend that will never change”’.

Alhaitham strives to act in accordance to his own egoism and therefore assesses what “appears harmful” to him, in relation to these rules, so as to be rid of them. This can be extended to Kaveh, as Kaveh falls under what ‘belongs’ to Alhaitham, in the sense that ownership equates to Alhaitham’s enjoyment.

Alhaitham wants to have Kaveh in his life due to the alternate perspective which Kaveh offers him, thus expanding his horizons and granting him knowledge he otherwise would not obtain. As well as this, Kaveh is seen to be considered part of Alhaitham’s way of life that he wants to protect. In line with Stirner’s egoism, it follows that as Alhaitham enjoys Kaveh, as in, ‘owns’ the contentment Kaveh elicits, he therefore is affected by Kaveh’s self-inflicted grievances. Therefore, Alhaitham sees Kaveh’s altruism at the expense of his own wellbeing as something “harmful” to be dealt with, as this not only causes Kaveh inward misery, but also detriments Kaveh finding his “true self” (Alhaitham Character Story 3), which the egoist pursues above all else.

#i realised i hadn't actually discussed their philosophies in a post so here's an snippet from The Essay #kaveh's altruism is brushed over here but i didn't want this post getting too expansive oops #since their differences are the basis of the essay it's hard to filter that down into one post?#basically i'm aware that this reads as incomplete but i promise there is more where this came from!!!#also im reading that line: the two cannot reach a consensus even to this day #and im going insane because isn't that the resolution of their conflict? to find middle ground?#gee i wonder if that line is thematically crucial to their characters #also kaveh reads page 185 of the unique and its property and fights off a blush before denying everything #can they talk. please. im sick of them #the essay is coming along btw!!! thank you for all your thoughts and encouragement!!#haikaveh #alhaitham #kaveh #kavetham #haikaveh meta #genshin meta

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