#thank you for your patience whilst i clawed this together

[silverstarfics]

Today’s @thunder-pride prompt is ‘join the club’. I am way too sleep deprived right now to plot anything so I just started writing without any plan and this is the result...

AO3 link

The island was suspiciously quiet with the exception of voices chattering from the television in the den. Alan poked his head around the door to spy someone face down on the couch, mostly buried beneath an instantly recognisable clownfish-patterned blanket. Gordon wasn’t his first choice of confidant but he was still better than no one and Alan had to talk to someone or he might actually spontaneously combust within the next ten minutes. Seriously, he was having a whole crisis here.

“Help,” he declared, rolling over the back of the couch. Gordon let out a vague oof as Alan jammed his heels into his brother’s ribs. “I’m a bi disaster.”

“Join the club,” Gordon mumbled into the cushions. He flung out an arm, twirling a hand in the general direction of the TV. “Look at them. I don’t know who I’m more jealous of. Like, I know it’s basically a requirement to be annoyingly attractive to work in Hollywood but come on. This couple is just unfairly hot. I can’t cope.”

Alan momentarily forgot his crisis as he squinted at the screen. “Dude. Are you watching a rom com?”

There was a slight pause.

“Shut up,” Gordon growled, fumbling for the remote. “Anyway, what’s your specific reason for being a disaster? More of a disaster than usual, I mean?”

“Oh, god.” Alan shifted to balance on the armrest. “Okay, so…” He clasped his hands together grandly and tried to sound calm and more like an actual functional human being. “Brandon asked me out.”

Gordon popped up from the blanket like a delighted meerkat. “This is a brand-new development! Wait, why is this an issue? I know you’re chronically socially awkward-”

“Thanks.”

“-and, like, embarrassingly nerdy. Also, you’re basically a toothpick.”

Alan snatched the pillow from behind Gordon’s back and whacked him in the face with it. The brief scuffle ended with them both hopelessly tangled in the clownfish blanket. Gordon shuffled upright and settled against the armrest whilst Alan flopped dramatically across the couch.

“I’m still waiting to hear how this is related to you being a disaster.” Gordon prodded Alan’s knees with one foot. “We like Brandon, don’t we?”

Alan wrinkled his nose. “This is not a we situation. In what way is this a we situation?”

“Well, it’s true. We both like the Bear, just in very different ways for very different reasons.” Gordon reached for his mostly flat coke and took a long slurp. “For example, I like Brandon because you can almost see Scott’s sanity degrading whenever the kid’s around. You like Brandon because you’re a hormonal teenager with no taste.”

Alan wriggled free of the blanket and clawed his way over the back of the couch. “I’m leaving.”

“What? No. Alan. Allie, c’mon. I was kidding.” Gordon made a wild flail for the back of Alan’s shirt, widening his eyes in a mock plea. “Don’t leave me. I’m so bored right now. I promise I’ll be serious.”

Alan crossed his arms. “Do you even know what that word means?”

“Hey! I can be serious on occasion.” Gordon propped his chin on the back of the couch with a heavy sigh. “Okay, fine. I’ll make you pizza rolls while you tell me all the gossip. Deal?”

“This feels like a trap.”

“Pizza rolls, my dude.”

“…Deal.”

The pizza rolls were stuffed at the very back of the freezer. Alan perched on the counter and made no attempt to help as he laughed at Gordon’s attempts to reach them. He had to practically crawl inside to retrieve the packet and yelped about hypothermia the entire time. Neither of them had the patience to wait for pizza rolls to defrost so turned the oven up to extreme and tossed them in anyway.

“So…?” Gordon slid onto a bar stool and waited expectantly. “You’re a disaster.”

“Is that a question or an observation?”

“Both.” Gordon cackled. “Ah, always both.”

Alan drew his feet up to sit cross-legged on the counter.

“Ew.” Gordon pelted him with a stray ice cube which had escaped the freezer. “Hygiene, man. We prep food on that surface. Get your grimy feet off it. Sit on a chair like a normal person.”

Alan shot him a pointed look. “When has anyone ever described me as normal?”

“Valid point.” Gordon cracked open a second soda and slid it across to him. “Speak, my young Padawan.”

Alan cradled the can between his hands, staring into the foaming bubbles as if they could tell him the secrets of life’s greatest mysteries. It took him a moment to find his voice.

“So, Brandon asked me on a date.”

“As we’ve established.”

“Which is great. Fantastic, even. I really like him… and that’s kind of the problem, because when I like someone I get nervous and when I get nervous I tend to…”

“Act like an insane person?”

“I either say nothing or I can’t stop rambling. It’s like… I can hear myself talking and I know I should stop but the words just keep coming. It gets worse and worse. And I’m sitting there thinking, oh my god, what is wrong with me? Shut up already. But I’m incapable. I actually can’t function as a human, Gords. It’s a problem.”

“Blame Scott. He’s the one who decided to home school you.”

“Home schooling really isn’t the issue.” Alan ran a thumb around the rim of his soda with a despondent sigh. “Just kill me. Kill me dead. Like dead, dead. Brandon’s gonna think I’m a total weirdo and dump me before we can even make it official and I’m never going to get another date so I’ll inevitably die alone. Should I get a cat? I feel like that would complete the image. Okay, so I need to get a cat. Can you get me a cat for my birthday? Wait, no, get me a cat for Christmas. That’s sooner.”

“Wow,” Gordon drawled.

“I know.” Alan tangled his hands in his hair. “See? I’m a disaster.”

Gordon didn’t even try to hide his laughter. “Yep. Pretty much. You’re right – you’re doomed.”

“Great talk, Gordon. Thanks. Really helpful.”

“Oh, shut up.” Gordon retrieved the tray of sizzling pizza rolls from the oven and dumped it on the counter. “Here. Pizza cures everything.”

“I’m gonna eat my body weight in pizza until it fills the void in my soul,” Alan declared solemnly, instantly dropping the first roll with a yelp. “Holy shit.”

“Hot?”

“Like lava.”

“Dumbass. Wait for them to cool.”

“Yeah, right.” Alan cautiously pinched the very edge of a pizza roll and tossed it into the air, catching it in his mouth like a circus act.

Gordon eyed him suspiciously. “You good?”

“Fine,” Alan squeaked, making grabby hands for the mostly melted ice cube which was still skidding around the counter. “I have so many regrets right now, but I’m fine.”

Several minutes passed in pained silence as they chose to ignore all advice and consumed the tray of pizza rolls regardless of the temperature. Gordon slouched over the counter and propped his chin in his hands to give Alan his full attention.

“I don’t get it,” he admitted. “You guys game together nearly every other day and you don’t freak out. What’s the difference?”

“We’re not face-to-face then.” Alan picked at the final pizza roll miserably. “Maybe I should wear my uniform. I don’t have this problem when I’m in my suit.”

“Okay, definitely don’t do that.” Gordon drummed a hand against the counter as he considered the issue which he totally didn’t find hilarious in the slightest. “Have you considered just… not caring?”

“I’m not you,” Alan muttered as if it were an insult. “I’ve tried not to care what people think of me but the problem is that I still do. I especially care what Brandon thinks. So. You know. Not exactly a solution.”

“No, no, I don’t mean…” Gordon reached across and flicked Alan’s knee, earning both a wounded look and his brother’s actual attention. “Brandon’s asked you out. That means he likes you. So, being your weird, nerdy little self? That might actually be a good thing. He’ll probably think it’s cute or some crap like that because he basically has heart eyes whenever he looks at you.”

Alan looked up hopefully. “Wait, really?”

“Uh, yeah. Ask anyone who’s ever seen you two interact. It’s disgusting. He’s all like, oh Alan, you’re super cool and you’re like, oh my god thanks but you’re way cooler. See? Disgusting.” Gordon paused to drain the rest of his drink. “Point is,” he continued, “He’s probably just as nervous as you are. Be yourself, carpe diem, whatever the hell, just… don’t overthink it.”

Alan twisted his hands together with a heavy sigh. “I can’t stop overthinking.”

“Okay, I’ll be serious for a second.” Gordon grimaced. “Yuck, I can’t believe I just said that. This a whole sacrifice, you know? Anyway…” He dropped the joking tone for something softer which turned his grin into a warm smile. “Don’t try to be someone you’re not, okay? Because who you are is pretty great and if Brandon can’t see that then he doesn’t deserve you.”

Alan faltered, taken aback. “Thanks.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Gordon faked a shudder. “Serious talk over. Time for the gory details! If your date goes well, there’s this trick with-”

Alan practically vaulted off the counter. “No, no, no, shut up! I can’t hear you! I’m leaving now! Bye!”

#i'm sure i have some very important thoughts about this fic #but i can't remember them #head empty #this is what happens when you accidentally stay up until 3am writing fanfic #you're dead the next day #anyway #hopefully this reads ok #thunderpride #thunderpride 2023 #thunderbirds are go

[araekniarchive]

Request: Missing a friend but afraid to talk to them

Gotye ft. Kimbra, Somebody That I Used To Know

Drake, Unforgettable

Pittacus Lore, I Am Number Four

Billie Eilish, When I Was Older

Jas Ratchford, Nobody Else To Call

@jeigo (x)

Sufjan Stevens, The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades Is Out to Get Us!

Fleabag (2016-2019), 2x04

Bleachers, 45

#first request! here we goo!! #thank you for your patience whilst i clawed this together #mine #webs #web weaving #gotye #drake #pittacus lore #billie eilish #jas ratchford #@jeigo #sufjan stevens #fleabag #bleachers #theme: love #theme: loss #requests #theme: of course we will hurt each other

[t4rt4gl14]

hii can i request nasty making out hcs with xiao, morax n kaeya 😇😇😇

#.cmon! give me another kiss honey

!! featuring : xiao. zhongli { morax }. kaeya.

?! warning(s) :: mndi. dark content ahead. fem!reader + lots n lots of kissing / making out. vanilla -> smut. fingering. temperature play [ kaeya ]. soft!dom. subby xiao -> bondage + bl0wj0b + h4ndj0b

XIAO.

#.you and xiao had been relaxing at the wangshu inn. since you both fight together you thought a break would be nice. his arms wrapped around your waist whilst he snuggles his face into your chest, but he looks up upon your call, “xiaooo cmere”, he’s confused until you cup his cheeks and kiss him gracefully. suddenly you jumped on top of him, and deepen the kiss, sliding your tongue in and tilting your head to enjoy the sensation. you both hadnt expected to get into a heated make out.

#.pinning his wrists above his head with one hand and slowly sliding down his body with the other, “h-hey! what’s going on all of a sudd- ah!~”, unfortunately cut off by your palm grinding against his crotch, satisfied with the bulge forming underneath his pants. “i’m gonna milk you till you’re dumb- and you are gonna take it like a good boyyyy~ isn’t that right xiao?”, he wanted to act cold as he usually does but the pleasure was getting to him, “i-i’ll be good i promise!”. you grin whilst grabbing a silky ribbon from your nightstand- tying his wrists together. now he was just desperate, rubbing his thighs together for any friction- who would’ve known that they’d be able to see the conqueror of demons acting like a needy slut, “p-please wanna feel good y/n !”, your hand pulls down his pants, and soon wraps around his cock

#.kitten licking the tip- the saltiness of pre cum doesn’t seem to bother you but only turn you on more. you lay on your stomach whilst wrapping your arms around his thighs- sucking on the entire length before swirling your tongue around the tip- xiao mewls, “aaaah!~ m’gonna cum! anghh~ aa- i-i!~”, poor adeptus couldn’t even form words whilst spurting hot white steaks in the deep depths of your mouth. until…he tugs at the silky rope binding his wrists- whining and trembling, attempting to close his legs and push you away but you only continue to suck. “a-anghh oh-hhh- ough!~ ♡ i-i canttt! s-stop~♡!”, hes so cute- but you did say you were going to milk him, if you didn’t that’d be lying wouldn’t it?

ZHONGLI.

#..“y/n dearest sit here”, zhongli requests, patting his lap, you were confused at first but you sat anyway, your chest was facing his. his palm cupped your cheek, “by the seven…you’re more beautiful up close”, you giggle whilst a light blush tints your cheeks, “thank you honey and i-“, his lips meet yours before you could compliment him back, a large hand gently rubs your back whilst the other sits on your thigh, gently making its way to your crotch, not long after you both are panting and clawing at each other, your fingers wielding a tight grip on zhonglis smooth hair. when you both had finally pulled away, his teeth sunk into your neck. leaving the mark he takes pride in

#.now his hands slides up both your shirt and to your crotch, “you wouldn’t mind if i put it in? right dearest?”, your cunt is so wet and it’s yearning for his cock. you nod whilst unbuckling and unzipping his pants, admiring how he was already so hard and so fucking big, “g-gosh…”, he chuckles, “don’t worry dearest- i’ll make it fit”, you align the tip to your hole and slowly sink down, your face contorts into one of slight discomfort but zhongli grips your hips and nibbles at your ear, “shh it’s alright darling- it’ll feel so good soon”, you could tell he wanted to fuck you so badly, with the way he pushed you down on his cock even faster and at one point he lost all his patience and shoved it all in, he didn’t even have the decency to wait for your ease- it was as though he was in heat and that only turned you on more, you don’t mind being a cocksleeve, he was so big and it was stretching you so much. “fuck a-angh so tight♡!”, [ he swore 🙀 ]- but when he hit a special spot you swore you saw celestia. your eyes rolled back and your tongue lolled whilst your nails dug into his shoulders. it made you clamp down even more.

#.“i’m gonna cum! aaangh! ah zhongli!~”, his thumb rubbed your clit, “don’t worry darling let it out- let it all out”, and the moment you came- he came in deep inside, the warmth only making your vision hazy, but was zhongli done? ofc not! that’s exactly why he picked your hips up and fucked into you, chasing his orgasm once more.

KAEYA.

#.this smug fuck pulled you into an alleyway, kissing you whilst touching you all over, playing it off with smooth talk but we all know he’s tryna get you riled up, he stands behind you whilst wrapping his arms around your waist, tilting your head to kiss you whilst sliding his finger down your body. “sshh don’t make so much noise, people will find out unless you’re into that sort of thing naughty girl~”

#.cold slender fingers rub your clit, kaeya relishes in how you whine and unknowingly grind your hips back n forth just slightly, clawing at his wrist as he flips one finger inside you, you were so wet and tight, he wishes it was dick instead, he soon adds another finger then one more before moving them all at a fast pace, his thumb rubbing your clit all the while- and you’re about to cum until he goes slow then slower until you lose grasp of the knot that was about to snap. “arggh!! kaeya please ! stop it i just wanna cum!”, he hums whilst speeding up once more but then slowing down again, “beg one more time- and it’s captain ”, “c-captain i wanna cum! please make me cum”, and with that he was finally satisfied, kaeya helps you reach your orgasm but cools his fingers down, causing your voice to let out- ofc he doesn’t actually want to get caught so he kisses you to quieten your voice down, your whimpers are still audible but at least it isn’t as loud, he could tell you were gonna cum, your breathing turned heavy and your knees grew weak- but he pitied you and let yourself drown in pleasure, he helps you ride out your orgasm before stopping completely and aiding you to stand, licking the slick off his fingers.

#.you huff whilst adjusting your hair and clothes, “you’re gonna pay for this kaeya-“, “it’s captain”, he snickers, you roll your eyes whilst he drags you out the alleyway whilst your fingers are intertwined. “did you not enjoy it?”, he knows you did and you cant lie, “i-i did, thank you”, he only kisses your forehead in response. ( little did you know he plans on railing you when you both get home ).

#genshin drabbles #genshin impact drabbles #genshin headcanons #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact x you #genshin x you #genshin impact smut #genshin smut #xiao x y/n #xiao x you #xiao x reader #xiao x reader smut #xiao smut #sub xiao #zhongli x you #zhongli x y/n #zhongli x reader #zhongli x reader smut #zhongli smut #kaeya x you #kaeya x y/n #kaeya x reader #kaeya x reader smut #kaeya smut

[arvinsescape]

Could you write a Arvin x reader where he sees that reader is at school with some boy flirting with her but reader wants to tease Arvin so she kinda flirts back. He drags her home and Cue heavy smut with degrading and praise kink and lots n lots of dirty talk? Then the next day everyone knows who she belongs to and Lenora teases her for the marks all over. Thanks💞💞

A/N: Hiii my love! Sorry it took me a while to get back, thank you for your patience! I really hope this is what you were looking for and that you enjoy! I did change a few elements of the request, i.e i changed it to a work setting but i still hope you enjoy!

Warnings: Swearing, smut (Minors do not engage), sex, all of the above kinks from the request!

Requests currently closed.

You could feel Arvin’s stare from across the room, you were talking to one of the men that you worked with, he was new and you were showing him the ropes. Arvin hated him already, he constantly flirted with you and stared at your chest, in fairness he did but you still had to do your job. Arvin had come into work to pick you up but you were just finishing up explaining something to James and of course James was flirting.

You don’t entertain his flirting but something was different about today, you’d woken up feeling horny and needy for your fiancé who had already left for work and your neediness for him had only grown throughout the day. Basically you were gonna flirt back with James because you knew you’d get an absolute railing from Arvin for it.

You were very discreetly flirting back with James and you could feel Arvin’s stare as it burned a whole through your back. You gave it less than a minute before he was by your side. James not so discreetly stared at your chest as you folded your arms under your breasts to push them up slightly. You heard the stomp of his boots and the excitement between your legs grew in anticipation, you knew he was going to be pissed.

You felt his arms snake around your waist as he pulled you back into his chest, almost squeezing you. “Ready to go darling?” He half gritted out as you bit your lip to bite back your smirk.

“Yeah, just need to grab my bag.” You said as he nodded slightly, staring James down like an animal hunting its prey. You almost skipped into the changing room to get your bag as the excitement for getting home became unbearable, you were well and truly wet thinking about what Arvin was going to do to you, where he was going to do it. His truck? The bed, the couch?

You made your way back out and Arvin’s hand instantly found yours as he practically dragged you out of the café and into his truck. As soon as he started his truck he spoke.

“What the fuck was that?” He snapped.

“What?” You asked innocently as you clenched your thighs together to relieve some of the pressure.

“Flirting with that fucking dick?” He clarified and you smirked.

“I wasn’t flirting.” You said as you licked your lips slightly, the need for him growing tenfold.

“Are we playing that game doll?” He said through a clenched jaw as he glanced your way.

“What game? I was simply talking to him.” You said and he hummed.

“Sure you were.” He said again. He was still pissed and you were growing more excited, you were struggling not to jump him as he was driving. He pulled into your driveway and you hopped out of the truck, hastily making your way into the house you shared as you heard Arvin follow.

As soon as you made it into the house Arvin pulled you into him, back pressed to his chest as he found your left hand and pulled it in front of both of you, the beautiful ring he’d given you three months ago proudly sitting on your finger. He bit the skin that connected your shoulder and neck as he spoke.

“I think you need more than a ring to remind you who you belong to don’t you darling?” He spoke and you almost moaned at his words, you loved when he got jealous, it made for a lot more talking in the bedroom. He sucked harshly at the skin he’d previously bitten into as you rolled your head back onto his shoulder, a quiet whimper escaping your lips as you felt him mark you and you were sure it wouldn’t be the first one you received.

He dropped your hand as he spun you around to face him, jaw still clenched slightly. “Need to make more of those, remind that dick just who you belong to. He can’t make you feel as good as I do darling. Doesn’t know your body like I do.” He whispered against your lips, almost touching but not quite. Just as you thought he was going to kiss you he threw you over his shoulder as you yelped slightly as it caught you off guard.

He carried you upstairs and into the bedroom before placing you down onto the bed. You were absolutely dripping now as he crawled on top of you. “Such a fucking tease aren’t you? Making that poor boy think he had a chance. Shame he’s gonna get a reality check when he next sees you.” Arvin said.

“I’m not in work for another two days Arv, I won’t be seeing him to show your lovely marks.” You said innocently, you knew what you were doing, you were pissing him off further as he hummed.

“The marks I’m gonna give you are going to last all week baby.” He whispered into your ear huskily and you shivered at his words. “Gonna remind everyone who it is you belong to. Including yourself, you might think twice before you start acting like a little brat and teasing those poor boys who can’t keep their eyes off you.”

He stood back up as he removed his clothing and yours hastily followed. He looked at your dripping core and smirked. “You wet doll? All for me?” He asked and you nodded as he crawled back on top of you. “You gonna tell me who you belong to?” He asked as he took his hard length into his hand and teased your slit with it, collecting your arousal on his tip, teasing you.

“I’m yours Arvin, don’t want anyone else. All yours.” You whimpered as he continued to tease you.

“But you were flirting with that boy as if you weren’t.” He smirked and you shook your head, growing so needy for him.

“I’m all yours Arvin, no one could ever make me feel like you do. Make me as wet as you do.” You said as he slowly inched into you teasingly slow.

“Gonna have to do better than that you little fucking tease.” He groaned as he bottomed out and stayed still, your heat clenching and unclenching around him as you wrapped your legs around his waist to pull him closer to you. You were so ready for him. “Fuck, sweetheart, your needy little pussy is acting like I wasn’t in here yesterday, so fucking needy for my cock aren’t you?” He said as you moaned.

“So needy for you Arv. Fuck, I love your cock and how much it fills me up, how big you are. No one could ever fill me up like you do.” You moaned and he smirked.

“Such a needy little thing.” He said as he pulled his length almost all the way out and snapped his hips back to yours with force as you moaned. “Like it when I fuck you doll? Is that what you want?” He smirked as he watched your face contort with pleasure as he continued to pound into you, hiking a leg further up his waist so he could hit your g spot every time.

“Fuck, Arvin. I want you to fuck me so hard.” You moaned out as he gave you a particularly hard thrust that had you almost screaming his name. He moved his face to your neck and you felt as he sucked more marks onto the skin. “I’m all yours Arvin, don’t want anyone else.” You continuously moaned and showered him with compliments as he continued to fuck you into the bed.

You felt yourself getting closer and pulled him closer to you as you clawed at his back whilst he continued to thrust into you, every thrust hard, deep and hitting that spot that would have you seeing stars. His thrusts became sloppier the more you clenched around him and he was moaning into your neck as he too came closer to the edge. He moved his hand down to your clit and rubbed it to bring you closer.

“Fuck, Arvin. Feels so good.” You moaned and he groaned again. With one last particularly hard thrust at your g spot you came and you moaned his name repeatedly as he fucked you through your high, he came at some point but you weren’t sure when, so consumed by pleasure that you spaced out for a few minutes. Arvin collapsed on top of you breathing hard as he kissed at your face and rubbed his hand up and down your thigh as you recovered from the aftershocks of your orgasm.

Once you’d cleaned up and been to the toilet you looked at yourself in the bathroom mirror and smirked, your neck was littered with Arvin’s love bites and you knew they would take a few days to disappear. You made your way back into the bedroom on shaky legs as Arvin laughed at you slightly reaching a hand out to help steady you as you made your way onto the bed next to him.

“I love you.” You said as you snuggled into his chest.

“I love you too but you and your goddam teasing are gonna be the death of me.” He teased and you laughed through a yawn.

“Just like it when you fuck me like that.” You half shrugged and he laughed again as you drifted into sleep.

You’d completely forgotten that you were supposed to see Lenora the day after and make up was good but it would only do so much, it wasn’t enough to cover all the marks Arvin had left. You made your way into the kitchen and Arvin smirked when he saw his work.

“Morning.”

“Morning Arv, I can’t cover these very well and I have to see your sister today.” You laughed and his smirk grew wider.

“Shame.” He said in such a half arsed way that you couldn’t help but laugh as you cuddled into his chest and he brought his arms around you as he kissed the top of your head. It amazed you just how soft and cuddly Arvin could be, he could be an absolute animal between the sheets and in his normal everyday interactions with you he was so soft. It was one of the many things you loved about him, he’d give you an absolute railing and then cuddle you for hours.

You pulled away and he brought your left hand to his face as he kissed the back of it and admired your ring again.

“So fucking lucky to have you sweetheart.” He said as he placed one last kiss to your ring finger and you grinned.

“I think I’m the lucky one.”

Lenora arrived at your house and as soon as she saw your neck she smirked.

“Good night?” She asked and you blushed.

“It was, yeah.” You mumbled as you rubbed the back of your neck and she laughed, safe to say she teased you all day about your marks.

#Arvin Russell #arvin x reader #arvin russell imagine #arvin russell x y/n #arvin russel fluff #arvin russell smut

[dinosaurchestra-remade]

ant god sighting (NOT CLICKBAIT)

tw: body horror, blood, angst and minor descriptions of gore

“Ok, so, this is the trail that leads to the hill, nobody visits. It’s, as you can tell, very dark, and leafy-”

Maryelle giggled as she trudged through the woods, and Jill joined in.

“Y’think?” Jill teased whilst holding the camera.

“Yes, I do think, thank you very much!”

“Whatever you say, boss.”

Jill rolled her eyes playfully as Maryelle giggled more. It sure was leafy and dark - but it was also cold and damp, and their shoes were all muddy. The path seemed to stretch on forever; Jill was already bored, and it was rare for her to get bored on a ghost expedition, especially one where they were looking for a goddamn God!

Alas, she knew patience was key, and patient she tried to be. She sighed in boredom.

“Are we there yet?”

Maryelle points to a clearing in the leaves where the moon shines through.

“Just about.”

They excitedly ran out into the field - which was quite spacious for a field that would be in the middle of a forest, and had a hill smack dab in the middle of it.

“Jesus christ, this is beautiful,” Jill remarked, “so glad I’m catching this on camera.”

“Remember, don’t look at the moon or you’ll go insane,” Maryelle said.

“Yeah yeah, I know,” she replied, taking in the sight of the field before her.

Maryelle gently grabbed Jill’s hand and led her to the hill. “Now let’s get that Ant God or whatever!” She giggled.

They noticed a hole in the middle of the hill, which Jill pointed the camera at.

“Fitting,” Maryelle pondered aloud. “Y’know, since it’s an ant god and all. Gotta fit the theme.”

Jill laughed. “Come on out, anty anty anty! We’re waiting, our glorious gracious god!”

Maryelle gently nudged her. Of course, no god appeared.

“Come oooon! We have, um,” Jill paused. “Cookies! And awesome cookie crumbs! For you and your cool colony!”

Still nothing.

“Maybe we aren’t taking this seriously enough,” Maryelle said.

“Maybe not,” Jill shrugged, “maybe I’ll try something like ‘oh glorious ant god I’m terrified of.’”

She adjusted the camera.

“Oh, my glorious dearest god, Antheous,” she began, “please show us true… terror.”

Jill gave Maryelle a look that said Did I do that right? She nodded in approval.

“That was alright.”

Then, the earth below them started to rumble. They traversed down the hill and cowered in fear - did it work? Did they finally summon it?

The earthquake stopped, and a dark red figure slowly ascended from the hill. Its eyes burned into their backs and, when they finally looked behind them, they noticed its fangs were oozing with some form of substance.

“I will show you true terror,” bellowed the ant god.

Maryelle was the first to stand up. She stared deep, deep into the eyes of the god and stepped toward it, inch by inch. Jill also got up and grabbed her camera.

“Maryelle, what the fuck are you doing?” Jill yelled, though her voice quivered. “Get away from that thing!”

Maryelle ignored her and continued walking towards it, completely in a trance. She didn’t blink - Jill swore she wasn’t breathing either.

“Please,” Jill choked back a sob - not in sadness, but fear. “I don’t care if we need to prove anything, this is enough proof as is - I have everything on camera! Even then, this is fucking dangerous! You’re gonna get hurt! Please, come back. Please.”

Maryelle looked back.

“I’m sorry.”

She continued walking for what felt like ages to Jill. When she finally faced the god up close, it slowly brought its claws together-

Then stabbed her.

It stabbed her in the back and it came out of her ribs, and slowly her soul exited her freshly dead body. Blood dripped onto the previously untainted grass. Fresh blood. Fresh blood Jill couldn’t stop staring at.

She was numb. Nothing came out of her - not a scream, a whimper, or a sob. Just silence. Deafening silence.

Her entire body was shaking. The only thing she could even think about was Maryelle’s corpse - the same corpse she was still staring at.

She stepped towards the ant god.

Maryelle’s soul started slowly turning into an ant, antennas were sprouting out of her forehead.

Jill took another step.

Her antennas were slowly growing - long and beautiful.

Jill took another step.

Now her teeth were starting to grow, sharp and drooling with that same disgusting substance the god had.

Jill took another step.

Her arms slowly became elongated and eventually her hands were no more - she merely had sharp points that dug into the ground.

Jill took another step and clenched her fists.

“I fucking- hate you,” she sputtered out. “You only exist because of some fucking superiority complex. You think you can just feed off of fear as you please-”

She paused. Where was all of this coming from? The words she was spouting out, the confidence and rage burning inside? It started to die out for a moment.

Though, upon seeing the god slowly crumble, it flared back full force.

“Because you’re a fucking disgusting piece of shit that only cared about itself. You can try to deny it all you want, but you would be NOTHING without a bunch of poor gullible people who’ll believe anything! You wouldn't exist if people didn’t create some myth about you!”

She dropped her camera.

“You’re weak. You’re nothing without irrational fear.”

The ant god screamed in pain, as it slowly started to crumble faster and faster and faster. Red dust tainted the grass more, to the point where the entire field was now red. Jill covered her eyes.

Then there was silence. A deafening silence.

She opened her eyes and there wasn’t a hole in the hill anymore, but thankfully Maryelle was still there. Her corpse wasn’t, though.

Maryelle lay unconscious on the grass, now at the bottom of the hill. Jill ran over to her and shook her awake. She still had the antenna, claws and fangs.

“Maryelle?”

Maryelle’s eyes slowly opened and she groaned.

“Maryelle!”

Jill hugged her tightly and started sobbing in her shoulder. Maryelle, still numb from what happened, hesitantly hugged her back.

“Are you ok?” Jill looked her in the eye.

“I don’t know,” Maryelle replied.

“That’s ok. Are you as ok as you can be?”

“I guess.”

“I’m so glad.”

Jill cupped Maryelle’s cheeks and kissed her. Maryelle tightly wrapped her arms around her and closed her eyes, finally at peace. Though it had only been a few minutes, it felt like centuries.

“I’m so glad you’re ok.”

#writingz #oc: jill #oc: maryelle #the spirit line #Hai

[voltage-vixen]

Kiss Me Under the Mistletoe

‘Tis the Season of Smut Challenge Day 1

Prompt: Kiss me under the mistletoe (NSFW)

Fandom: Voltage (Court of Darkness)

Pairing: Guy Avari x MC (Female)

“Could you be bothered to remove the blindfold now?” MC sighed, impatiently fidgeting on the couch Guy insisted she wait on.

“Wait for me,” Guy’s deep voice abruptly boomed. “I wish to show you something, but I must finish the final preparations beforehand. Your patience is required for just a little while longer.”

Earlier that afternoon, Jasper had summoned her to the royal’s private quarters, insistent that Guy had an urgent matter to discuss with her. Since the loyal valet refused to answer any of her questions, MC was left in the dark when she arrived at Guy’s chamber. Then she was even literally left in the dark when her vision was suddenly concealed by a blindfold that magically wrapped around the circumference of her head.

Seconds turned into minutes, and minutes continued to pass until MC stood in a fit of restlessness. MC was about to voice her annoyance when Guy’s single finger appeared to have slipped under her chin. She was enraptured by the powerful gaze of his red tinted eyes as the blindfold slid down to the floor. Her mouth opened only to utter a short gasp when she witnessed the state of the room outside the focus of Guy’s face. Taking a step back, MC surveyed the room and found that a Christmas transformation had occurred.

A fireplace roared in the chimney, while stockings hung from the mantle above. Next to Guy’s bed sat a tall lit tree decked in illuminating lights and ornaments. Classy gold garland decorated the walls, and a light snow fall appeared and trickled down from the ceiling creating a winter wonderland scene in front of the fireplace. Rendered speechless, one of MC’s hands drifted over her mouth while the other rested onto Guy’s arm as he embraced her from behind.

“My research indicated that this this time of year is special in your world,” Guy stated, admiring the way her eyes lit up brighter than any of the lights he crafted in the room. “Something about holidays being meaningful to your people?”

“Guy,” MC sniffled, tilting her head to allow Guy to wipe away the tears straggling down the line of her cheek. “This is beautiful! Thank you so much! But answer me this….why go through all this trouble for me? I’ve never mentioned celebrating the holidays to you before.”

It was Guy’s turn to dwell in astonishment by MC’s sudden line of questioning. Something happened to the prince that very rarely ever happened-a faint crimson blush that was barely visible to detection creeped onto Guy’s face. Not wanting her to witness this side of him, Guy hurried to turn away, but his intent was foiled when MC caught the sides of his face with her palms.

“Tell me,” she pleaded, pressing her forehead against his. “I’m speechless. Seriously, I didn’t hold any expectations, yet they’ve been exceeded. Why would you go to such lengths though?”

Letting go of Guy’s face, MC rose to the tips of her toes and wrapped her arms around his neck. Her eyes twinkled wide in wonderment, and she looked like a vision as the snow had begun to cling to her hair. Captivated by her alluring gaze, Guy’s heart pounded when her eyelashes fluttered at him. It wasn’t often that the Prince of Avari found himself succumbing to the whims of others, but the woman standing before him was an exception. For there was no other that owned his very being unlike her.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Guy leaned down to murmur into the nape of her neck. “I promised I would ensure your happiness if you stayed with me. I’ve only simply begun to fulfill that vow, but-”

MC stole the breath uttering Guy’s declaration when their lips collided together. Touched by his sweet sentiment, MC was overflowing with her feelings of affection and she was determined to convey her emotions physically since words couldn’t fully express how much she loved him. Guy seemed to have the same idea in mind since he tightened his grip on MC and collapsed back onto the couch. Their fingers frantically tore away at each other’s clothing whilst they explored the intimate canvases of their bodies.  

Once they were both bare, MC climbed onto Guy’s lap. Settling herself over the heat of his arousal, she was about to lower herself onto him when a colorful flash up from above seized her attention.

Mistletoe.

MC’s smile sparkled in admiration at the twinkling decoration. The curl of her lips implied how obviously evident her joy was. Guy’s investigation into her former world’s traditions led to his discovery of the purpose that mistletoe served in retrospect of her customs. Yearning to witness more of MC’s innocent reactions, a beaming carnelian aurora radiated around the prince’s silhouette as he casted his powers to coat the remaining vacant spaces in mistletoe.

“Guy,” MC choked, her lower lip trembling from the surge of gratitude on behalf of the amount of consideration Guy put forth into preparing this astoundment.  

Stunned into a silence from Guy’s tokened generosity, MC nuzzled her head into his neck, lovingly expressing her appreciativeness for the thoughtful gestures. Wet tears streamed onto his chest, communicating the affirmation she held in her heart for him.  Driven by the desire of how ecstatic his actions impacted MC, the lust flaming from within his loins awoken his carnal instincts. His person trembled beneath her, longing to be joined in body and soul with the one he loved. Guy may be a powerful ruler, but underneath the surface he was just a man-and a selfish one at that. He had to have MC, and he had to have her now. Waiting was no longer a viable option.

“Every tear you shed is beautiful, but they’re even more beautiful when they are discarded from you coming undone by my touch,” Guy crooned, encasing the curves of her hips as he arose from the couch and sauntered over to fireplace. “However, I’m a greedy man and I demand more. Leave nothing unturned and show me all of you now.”

The flames roared in the fireplace while Guy placed MC down onto her back, allowing her to bask in the heat of the fire as his lips madly roamed her chest. Never one to neglect, Guy’s fingers traveled up the silk of her thigh, his fingers fervently stroking until the heat of MC’s nectar spilled onto him. Confident that she was ready to take him, Guy climbed on top of her. Gripping her ankle, he situated her leg over one of his arms before pushing himself as far and deep as MC was able to envelope him.

MC’s sensual cries echoed melodiously in his ears in sync to each of Guy’s thrusts. He uttered his own moan when her fingers curled into his back, madly clawing away at the warmth of his skin. Her face glowed from the perspiration beaded on her forehead. She was bordering on the edge of consciousness; each movement of Guy’s was delivering a rush of bliss that left her toes curling and her hands thrashing searching for the carpet to grip onto. Guy’s fingers swept down south of her body at a tantalizing pace and kept teasing until he reached the swell of her womanhood. His thumb massaged the sensitive bud, his rhythm deliberate and slow, eventually inducing her second wave of euphoria. Guy groaned as his arousal poured into MC, whose body was violently quivering from her elation.

He collapsed onto the floor beside her. Cradling her onto his chest, Guy played with her hair while MC snuggled closer into his warmth, comforted by the thumping sound of his heartbeat. She could always distinguish how much Guy cared for her by the delicate way he caressed her. MC relished in his affections and found her eyelids were growing heavy from how safe she felt in his arms….

“I pray that this will become a tradition of our own we can look forward to immersing ourselves in during future holidays,” Guy murmured lazily into her hair. “You can expect the future to be filled with joy, for one day you will be ruling by my side.”

MC didn’t respond, which caused Guy to prop himself up only to discover MC had drifted off into a peaceful slumber. Reaching over to intertwine their fingers together, Guy snaked his leg in between hers and placed gentle, languid kisses on her cheek before whispering a sweet goodnight to MC.

“Happy holidays, my future queen.”  

You can still join the challenge and find more info HERE!

#'tis the season for smut #court of darkness #guy avari #voltage inc #court of darkness smut #voltage smut #guy avari smut #cod guy #yes i'm posting day 1 on day 6 because i'm late #work has been hell and i need to play catch up!

[dracosearlgreytea]

indelicate marks (16)

indelicate marks: chapter sixteen - the admission

A/N: okay, i know it has been months, but i am back with another chapter! this fic has got a little attention over the weeks and honestly, all i can say is THANK YOU SO MUCH. i love to see people enjoying my work more than anything in the world, and bless you all and your patience for waiting for the next part. i am hoping to post a new chapter within the week! please feel free to drop by my inbox with any questions about the fic! i love you all very much - ivy <3 

warnings: language, very mild descriptions of scars, nsfw implications, punching, a little spicy drama

lovely tags: @h-annahayy @okaydraco @fanficflaneuse @thatoneasrastan @biinspiration @honeymelon22 @bitch-im-a-fangirl @erinisbadger @strawberriesonsummer @accio-rogers @candune @contentobsessor @darinaioana @bbeauttyybbx @letssingintherain

indelicate marks index 

And so the weeks began to slide by more easily. Ignoring the ominous words Draco had offered you that night was easier than trying to decipher them. That, you had more or less figured out in the first week of trying. In fact, ignoring most things that festered away and gave you that constant sick feeling was easier than having to acknowledge them at all. Not bringing them up to the boy you continued to meet more and more also appeared to be easier, and for a while, it stayed exactly that way. Until, that was, he went missing again. You'd agreed to meet at the classroom during your joint free period of the day. With Draco's 'task' growing only further demanding, nightly meetings were much more rare. Instead, you stole your moments with him throughout the day - although, you avoided broom cupboards. This time, his disappearance was much more concerning. Whilst doubt lingered from the last time Draco managed to vanish, you were quite sure that things between you were okay. You hadn't argued. You hadn't even pushed for more information on his involvement with the Deatheaters. By lunch, you knew something was wrong. Shaky, you sat at the end of the Slytherin table. It was summer, and the weather was nice, so most students had opted to go sit outside or take a trip to Hogsmeade, leaving the hall almost empty. What bothered you, however, was that Pansy Parkinson and the rest of Draco's 'gang', were sitting unnaturally quiet a few benches away. Parkinson did look particularly disgruntled, hair a mess and skin a shade paler than usual. You waited for as long as you could stand it, hands twitching as you stared at your plate, food untouched. The thoughts inside your head were loud, and sickening. If something had happened to Draco - did someone find out about his mark? Did Lestrange find him in my thoughts back in Easter? Fuck, Draco, where are you - Parkinson stood, as did the rest of the Slytherin group. Without a second of reluctance, you shot out of your seat. Anxiety clawed at your throat, but you bit it back, calling her name before you could change your mind. "Parkinson!" She paused. Pansy didn't even glance at you the first time, and for a second you thought she was going to ignore you. But, then, she turned, eyes flashing with a concoction of hostility and surprise as they met you. "Uh - Y/L/N?" Her eyebrow arched, scanning you with her renowned glare. Self-conscious washed over you as she did so, but you kept your features steely. "Can I help you?" "I - yeah." You stumbled, inwardly cursing. The group that usually gravitated around her and Draco had paused, putting you on the receiving end of several dangerous stares. Pansy was silent, only watching you with her perpetual, irritated look. "Just wanted to know where Malfoy is - that's all." "Draco?" You noticed the way she froze for a second, before you registered his name on her lips. Quick, you nodded, glancing back at the group, who seemed to be inching back towards you. Heart rate frenzied, you eyed Pansy with what you could only label as a pleading expression. Her eyes narrowed, suspicious. "What the hell do you want with Draco?" Oh, shit. "I gave him my Potions essay for him to copy off." You lied, hoping it came smoother than it sounded. Pansy's face stayed eerily set, almost reminiscent to the way Draco appeared most the time. "I need it back." Pansy was silent, again. "Pansy!" Blaise Zabini yelled from the doorway, shooting you a look as you stared at them. "Hurry up." Pansy didn't even acknowledge him, still scrutinising you. Then, she took a small, but intimidating step forward, setting you with a hard, guarded look. "You're a good liar." She muttered. "But you're behind on school gossip." You stayed silent. You didn't trust yourself not to have a complete breakdown there and then if you opened your mouth. Finally throwing a glance over her shoulder, she returned to look at you in a swift motion. "Potter cornered him in the bathrooms. He's in the hospital wing." No. Teeth grinding together, you stared at her, sharing a look between you. It was an odd feeling, hot, in your chest. The terror of not knowing exactly what had happened to Draco, the rage at Potter, and - and the unusual relief in the understanding of Pansy's eyes. Perhaps it was a skill she had, appearing like she knew everything, every little piece about you. Yet, the glint of recognition in her gaze told you otherwise. Before you could speak, she had turned and strode back towards her group, leaving you alone by the Slytherin table. It took you a second before the realisation of Draco's injury set in. Then, you were launching yourself down the corridors, straight to the hospital wing. "Miss Y/L/N?" Madame Pomfrey called as you rushed in, setting your rather terrified eyes on the professor. You knew her well, by now, after so many visits - you had no reason to shy from her temper. "Draco Malfoy." You said, without a second of hesitance. A bed at the far corner of the hospital wing was cornered off - whatever had happened in the bathrooms clearly wasn't a secret amongst students. How the hell did I miss this? "No visitors." She spoke with a firm tone, setting her eyes on you as you had to take in a breath. "You know I wouldn't come here for just anyone," You murmured, drained. The emotion, and worrying must have shown on your expression, resonating in the way her eyes softened in the slightest. "No visitors, Miss Y/L/N. I can't make exceptions." Stubborn as ever. "Then - I - is he okay?" "Yes." She sighed, lips dragging down in the slightest. "He'll live, dear. Now, please make yourself scarse, before Professor McGonagall thinks you're causing a scene." Madame Pomfrey began to gesture you back to the doorway you had sped through. Yet, before you could bite them back, a last, desperate attempt spilled from your mouth. "Can you at least let him know I tried?" Her lips etched further down in the tiniest. Your heart murmured in disappointment - but, as you were about to give in hope, she gave you a singular, firm nod.   "Fine. Now, out of my hospital wing, girl." The tone of her voice was enough for you to know you had pushed her to her limit. "Thank you." Your reply came as a breath you weren't quite sure was at all audible, soon to make it back out of the hospital wing. Draco was at least getting tended to - and Madame Pomfrey didn't seem too stressed. All good signs that whatever had happened wasn't too drastic, at least. Still, that persistent nausea remained, stubborn. You were definitely not in the mood for a mind numbing lesson of a History of Magic, that was for certain. The Classroom it is. At least if Draco gets out of the hospital wing I'll know if he stopped by to see me. So lost in thought on the way to the classroom, you could have almost missed it. The three famous faces of Hogwarts, huddled together, but speeding towards what you assumed would be the Gryffindor common room. If you'd have been paying more attention, maybe you would have noticed Harry Potter's laboured, terrified breathing, and Hermione's furrowed brow. But they didn't need to have been wearing Gryffindor robes for you to see red. For once, you didn't feel your usual jittering anxiety. You didn't weigh up what your actions would mean, what your reputation would do. Your strides became quicker, poised. Fists curled up, you bared your teeth and let out a yell. "Potter!" He didn't even turn to look at you. No, it was his two bodyguards that spun. Expressions tired, they looked ready to face another barrage of questions from nosy students, only to drop. Hermione's eyes lit up with panic at the sight of you, most likely looking a little deranged. Her lips shifted to say something, but your thoughts were too loud. He hurt Draco. He hurt Draco, and now I'm going to hurt him. Harry turned to face you at the last minute. Bringing back your arm, you swung your fist directly into his face. "Don't you fucking dare touch him again!" Your voice didn't even feel like your own as you glared down at Harry. He stumbled back, Ron quick to his aid and preventing his fall. "Y/N-" "No, Harry Potter, you fucking listen to me." Hissing, you pushed Hermione away from you as she attempted to pull you back, despite Harry's lack of retaliation. "You stay away from me, and you stay away from Draco." Your eyes glinted, taking in every inch of shock across his face. "Or I will do a lot worse than give you a black eye." "Y/N, go." Hermione urged, gaze pressuring and a little dangerous. It was only then that you realised there were a lot more eyes on you than you once noticed. All around the corridor - students of every year, every house. Staring. Whispering. Jaw grinding together, you threw another glare at Harry for good measure. Then, you stepped back, getting away from the corridor before anything could escalate. For once, there were no scalding, angry tears to follow your mistake. There was no pounding heartbeat, or panicked breathing. For once, as you made your way to the classroom, there was only the sting of your knuckles. And, the odd satisfaction of knowing you'd at least done something for Draco. You'd stood up for him, like he'd stood up for you - and whilst, yes, there was also the concern of him being angry at you for doing so - you knew it was all you could try and do. If Draco was going to get himself killed, you'd be there to try and prevent it to any measures necessary. You'd been sat at the window ledge for hours when Draco finally made an appearance. Dusk was setting in, casting the room that warm orange you felt so comfortable within. The moment the door clicked unlocked, your heart jumped, and before you could rush to the door he was already pushing it open, eyes locking with yours instantly. Swallowing, a second of silence settled between you. There was a million words coming to mind, yet they vanished. All you could do was take in the note of his familiar grey-blue gaze. "Evening." Finally, he spoke, twitching a corner of his lip upward as he slipped into the room and locked the door behind him. That. That was all it took. "Draco Lucius Malfoy, you complete and utter idiot-" You'd scrambled to your feet in a second, eyes darting all over his body as you marched towards him and pulled him into a less than gentle embrace. Draco let out a grunt, but then you pulled back again, setting a hand either side of his face. "What the fuck did you do? Merlin, are you alright? I've been fucking worried sick about you all day, I had to speak to Pansy bloody Parkinson just to find out where you are-" Draco's lips cut you off, his own hands coming to rest over yours. Your heart leapt as he did so, and despite his cool skin, you flushed warm. Every little bit of stress dissipated at the action, swiped away by his touch. Pulling back, he prized your hands off of him, although kept them tucked into his. His eyes glimmered with a certain tone of pride - one you hadn't seen him wear often in the last few months. "You gave Potter a black eye." Draco's face pulled into a grin as he spoke, as though he couldn't help himself. Chest fluttering, you realised - Draco was proud of you. "Well - yeah." You felt your own, faint smile play along your lips. "He put you in hospital, Draco. Fuck, are you alright?" Straight back to panicking, you searched him again, the sight of him standing so full in front of you almost thrilling after such a long day. "Can you stop fretting for one second?" He pressed. "No, I cannot! What happened?" Demanding, you set him with a firm look. "You gave Potter a black eye, that's what fucking happened!" Draco exclaimed, eyes alight and wide. "I'm aware. I did do it myself, you know." You sighed, finally accepting that you were not going to find anything out about Draco's injury anytime soon. "You're bloody brilliant." He murmured, kissing you again - this time, a lot more hastily, so much it took you by surprise. You allowed him to wrap his arms around your waist, your own hands grasping at the back of his hair as his lips played atop of yours. Only, for them to travel across your jawline, breath hitching as they did so. "I wish I was there to have seen it." Draco whispered, voice dark, tempting. "Stop sexualising my violence." You muttered, evoking a chuckle from the back of his throat. The sound so close to your ear that it made you shiver, his fingers dug into your waist a little deeper. Still, you pushed the feeling away. "Draco, please tell me what happened." Finally, Draco faltered, an echo of a sigh escaping his lips as he shifted back to take you in. "I don't think you want to know." Heart stumbling, you swallowed, eyes dropping to where your hands splayed over his shoulders. "Trust me." Your eyes flickered back to his. Gradual hesitation was breaking through his previous, much more playful gaze. "I want to know." A silence settled between you. Endless amounts of tension managed to fill the small space between your features. It was the type of tension that already made your heart clench in your chest, the type that made you not want to breath. Draco's expression had fallen, a mixture of withdrawal and unexpected dread - one he would usually try so hard to cover.  It was unnerving, seeing someone usually so hardened, so steely, dropping back into the terrified boy you only caught glimpses of before.   And, eventually, he spoke. "He knows." Your breath caught in the back of your throat. "He saw - saw the mark, when I went to visit Myrtle. Shot some spell I've never heard at me." Draco, once avoiding your glossy eyes, finally met them again. "Nearly killed me." Merlin, his tone was something you'd never even attempted to imagine, coming from Draco. Both haunted, yet accepting, as though he was comfortable with his own fear - and it terrified you, deep into your core. In any other situation, you would have noticed your own terror. The idea of Draco dying, without you having even known - it was unthinkable. He was everything you had, everything you'd ever wanted or needed after a life spent within your own head. If he died - But you didn't. No. For once, it was only anger. Draco's expression was only a spark to a fire pit built many years ago. Built the day you stepped inside Hogwarts, brimming with hopes and dreams, only to be met with rejection.   It took a moment for you to realise that Draco was still watching you, uncertain, brow furrowed in concern. For you. Not him, not the one who had almost died only a few hours ago. And so, you let out a careful breath, holding his face in your hands as though it was the most precious thing to exist. "I won't let that happen." You murmured, meeting his complex grey faze with a fierce one. Swallowing, Draco watched you a moment longer, as though trying to read the intensity of your words. "I know." His brow jolted in as he spoke, as though he were wounded to say it. There was an underlying tone to your admission, one you both appeared to ignore. But then, Draco pressed a chaste kiss to your lips, squeezing your waist tight in his grip. The movement brushed away the tension before you could even attempt to hold onto it. It left you feeling a little unhinged, blinking. "I'm alive, though." Draco reassured, catching your eye once again. "Madame Pomfrey fixed me up quite nicely." A soft chuckle left you as he spoke, breaking through the stiffness of your features. "Really?" You raised an eyebrow, teasing. "Any battle scars?" His lips twitched, gaze warm. "You're just trying to get me undressed." Shaking his head, you laughed again, watching as Draco shifted away from you to tug his shirt upward. There was a slight stutter in your chest as he did so, a sudden childish nervousness at the exposure of skin. But, as your eyes swept across the healed, rugged lines across his chest, it faded. Leaving you instead, with both a tinge of worry - and, a slight desire. Draco, however, seemed to note your expression. He didn't allow his shirt to fall back down till your eyes met again, except this time, they were a little darkened. "Like what you see?" A smug smirk plastered his features, but you only rolled your eyes. "Cocky as always, Malfoy." You teased, unable to stop yourself from smiling as he pulled you in closer again. Pressing short kisses to your jaw, he earnt a sharp intake of breath from you. "I never denied that." The mood, somehow, managed to stay warm for the rest of the evening. Settled on the window sill, soaking in Draco's presence and rare good mood - your anxieties faded. His arms were so tight around you, soft lips finding your skin, over and over. It was as though you were dreaming. The anger, however - the anger never quite left. You weren't quite sure if you wanted it to, either.

#Draco Malfoy #draco malfoy angst #draco x reader #draco malfoy imagine #draco x you #draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy fluff #harry potter fanfiction #indelicate marks series

[catchlalune]

Original artwork here

a/n: Hello starbursts! Happy Juneteenth and I hope everyone is staying safe and still quarantining! This fic is very different from my usual works so I need to preface this in my authors note that all of the characters in the story are pretty awful. If you find yourself in any of these situations PLEASE seek help. I wrote this to highlight these issues and you should think of it much like a modern day Romeo and Juliette story (and what I mean by that is that everyone in that story was incredibly dense and really could’ve solved a lot of their issues by talking and working through things together.) Thank you to @skzctnightnight​ and @pockpop​ for actually helping me maintain my motivation for finishing writing in an actual day. (also tagging @jejublr​ )

Word Count: 3.6k 

Pairings: Lucas x Reader

Genre: Angst, CEO! Au, Arranged Marriage 

Warnings: unhealthy relationships, smut, abusive relationship (this is not between the reader and Lucas), this again is to highlight how awful people can be this is an extremely toxic scenario so please don’t read if you will be triggered. Also not proofread yet but I plan on fixing it later

This is not in any way, shape, or form meant to say that I believe Lucas is like this in the slightest. I am using his likeness to portray a completely fictional character and that is all. 

The entirety of the two years she has spent with Lucas culminates to the two of them in this moment. The sinful sounds the two of them make as skin slaps on skin. The feel of him inside her. Everything is hot and wet and passionate. As passionate as the kisses they’ve always shared. As hot as the sun on their skin as they sit and laugh in the sun, Lucas’ parents included. As wet as the rain as it pours outside, slapping on the pavement in hard droplets. 

They say that if it rains on your wedding day it means the relationship is meant to last forever. But what does it mean when it happens on a day of goodbyes? Are you fated to never say hello again? 

Whatever it means does not matter much to the two of them. Lucas is too busy coaxing his cock in and out of her to think of much other than their combined pleasure. They draw this out for as long as they possibly can. They know what will happen when they finish. But still Lucas must bring her to the apex of her pleasure, circling her throbbing bud as he stoaks the fire inside her belly. Her toes tingle, eyes shut tight and breathing ragged. Her fingers pinch and rub at her nipples until she's shaking. 

She comes undone with a sweet groan, gripping him until he releases into the condom. 

They lay there in the darkness of the night, the only illumination being the red of the alarm clock on Lucas’ bedside table. Glaringly it tells them the time but they ignore it as it looks in on them. It judges silently as the time reaches hours close enough for the sun to claw its way above civilization. They grasp for each other in the post-coituous haze. It does not matter, no matter how tightly they cling.

“I want to stay like this forever.” His whispers sound like music to her ears, the song of a siren. 

She does not answer him, anything she wants to say is caught in her throat. The memories that flood her mind hurt her before his words even can. Distinctly she remembers his mother telling her about the arranged marriage proposal from before he was even a child. Lucas doesn’t even know, she hadn’t even known up until two weeks ago. Their two year relationship had suddenly been reduced to nothing by those words. And his mother had been so casual about it, telling her as they searched for Lucas’ birthday present as if it was nothing more than an afterthought. ‘And  by the way, you will never be able to have my son. Not completely.’ 

She doesn’t realize the sobs that wrack her until Lucas pulls her close. He coos at her about how she always gets so emotional after sex. He jokes, tries to lighten the mood but nothing will quiet her mind. Not really. She knows that their graduation tomorrow means the end of this, of them. She knows she should at least tell him why, but she can’t bring herself to say the words. 

Instead she lets him hum the both of them to sleep, Lucas feeling bad about not being able to cure her of whatever ails her. She speaks to him after a brief period of rest, words hardly above the sound of the rustling of sheets. 

“Maybe we could’ve been, in another world.”

By the time he wakes the sun is just rising over the horizon, alarm clock blaring, and the bed cold. He doesn’t have to wait long to find out she is no longer with him. Some part of him feels the dread, knows something must’ve been wrong but he tries to brush it off. He does a good job of it too until he realizes he can’t reach her. Her number automatically disconnects, her things are no longer at her dorm room, and he doesn’t even catch a glimpse of her at graduation. When it is time for her to walk the stage there is a pregnant pause and the name of the graduate. He can’t imagine what must have happened to make her miss her own college graduation but he can’t even find the time to worry. Not when his parents are there and tell him the truth. 

---

“If I have to listen to another man tell me about how to run my own business I just might shoot myself in the foot.” 

Already the span of time has reached six long years. Leaving him was a decision she did not pride herself on. Some nights ended with dreams, ghosts of memories too long passed. Echoes of a time she felt safe, felt confident. Now she stands in the lobby of a convention center trying to figure out which panel would aggravate her the least. Two more long days she would have to deal with the misogyny, usually her patience wouldn’t be so thin but she hasn’t been able to sleep very well recently. She wakes up with the feel and taste of him on her. She feels dirty.

“I agree, we can do it together.” The woman-- who she hadn’t noticed-- smiles at her so brightly it makes her a bit uncomfortable. She was very pretty, the image of most men’s dreams probably. Perfectly manicured nails, long pin-straight hair, skin a milky complexion, lips a shade of pink that was not too bold and not too flirty. The woman also wears a dress she vaguely remembers seeing in a high fashion magazine not too long ago whilst waiting at the doctor's office-- in another word: expensive. She feels a bit embarrassed to have said that so loud where others could obviously hear her. It was obvious she was being watched, she was a woman in a man's world she was always being watched. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“Don’t worry about it. Your secret is safe with me!” The woman takes a moment to wink at her, she shifts on her feet still feeling a bit awkward. “My name’s Jaeun, you’re the CEO of Xuxi’s Publishing Group, correct? I’ve been trying to find you all day.” 

Jaeun launches into a story about how she’d stumbled upon her company and relaxes her enough for the two of them to have a conversation about things other than business. It had been such a long time since she had a friend and talking to Jaeun was extremely easy. Maybe it was the way she seemed so bright and bubbly, or even the way she navigated conversations with a natural grace. Whatever it was, Jaeun quickly became a staple in her life for the next two days. 

And then it all comes crashing down on her, just like the rain on that night it rains the last day of the convention. It comes down so hard it resonates within the convention center. But that’s not what she’s focused on. Jaeun had offered for her to meet her husband and his parents excitedly yesterday after talking to her about the lack of business prospects. It was supposed to be relaxed and informal but she was on absolute high alert. 

The years were kind to him in a way that she considered unfair. He was even more beautiful than the night she left him. 

“There you are! This is my husband Lucas. I showed him your business proposal and he wants to have a meeting for a merger.” 

--

It’s no more than a few days after the convention that he shows up on her doorstep in business casual attire that puts hers to shame. She’s not even sure if it was actually smart for them to be left alone together but she swallows the lump in her throat and lets in him. She offers him a plate of food that she made for their lunch but he declines. He does the same to her offer for water and coffee as well. He’s been there all of five minutes and already her palms are sweating. She almost feels silly as he tells her that she can eat, always feeling like the one taking instead of giving. 

"Do you really like her as a friend?" A strange conversation for him to start, but he needed to vet her nonetheless. 

"Yes." There is no doubt in her words, they are hard and come out leaving no room for doubt.

"Do you love and cherish her?"

"Of course I do, it's been so long since finding a friend like her." She fiddles with her fork wondering why this was being asked to her and not the other way around. 

"You know I think she loves you too. I don't know about cherish, that's a good change word. It's just that her mom is so skeptical of everyone, it's better that she doesn't get too close." 

"I know, but it doesn't change my answer. "

There's a brief pause between them before he speaks again, a small smile on his face. 

"I almost wish I was in an arranged marriage with you. I think it would be easy to fall in love. Should I just end it with her? You know I could." He says it with such conviction it makes her heart flutter. 

"Don't say things like that. Jaeun really likes you, she really wants to make it work." It almost sickened her how easy it was for him to just say those words to her. Maybe it was easy for him, but what about her friend? She was groomed her whole life for him. The way he would easily throw her away for another makes her resolve to forget the butterflies in her stomach that much stronger. 

"Let's get down to business now shall we? You came here to talk about a merger." She looks at him with her eyes and jaw set and he knows. He knows he is going to fall into her head first and drown. He knows that she is so loyal to her morals and her friendship that she would willingly let any sparks for him fizzle out and die. He knows it, and yet the beating of his heart only gets faster. 

"Let's."

She is exactly how he remembers her. And the way he remembers her is very intimate. If he closes his eyes he can faintly feel the way her body would meld perfectly against him. Lips laying kisses across the expanse of his visage. The smell of her, fresh and sweet; the smell of citrus and a hint of honey with jasmine blooms. He can still feel the way their hearts beat at each others ribcage, trying to find a way out and meld together. But they never did, and they never will. 

It has already been two weeks since their meeting and business between them is going off without a hitch. But of course that's all that is going on between them, business. She is just as intelligent and bright as she always has been and it seems if only she had been dealt a luckier hand in life her business would've surpassed his years ago. He shouldn't be but she makes it so easy to remember their summer tryst. She makes it so easy to remember how he cares for her. 

Even at the company dinner she makes it easy, she glides through the room as if on air. Her pantsuit hugs her body in all the right places. He takes note of how it makes her stand out, of the power she exudes just by making a not so orthodox outfit choice. Of course some of the men would think she was a hardass because of it, but when she saunters away with a pretty brunette and stay in the bathroom longer than socially acceptable they begin to think other things. Of course even if these things are true it's none of their business and he tells them just that. Reminding them of the company rules against harassment and intimidation. 

This doesn't stop him from waiting for her though. After another ten minutes the brunette slipping out from the bathroom a satiated look on her face Lucas is waiting. He keeps his eyes trained on the bathroom door but when he feels it's been too long he doesn't wait anymore. It is a company wide policy that most bathrooms be gender neutral and luckily this was one such one. He makes his way quietly into the single toilet, he tells himself it's just to make sure that she's okay. But when he sees the way she looks he can't help but ask her. 

"Did you have fun?" It's an innocent enough question but the implications of it are anything but innocent. 

"Are you mad?" She doesn't even startle at his presence, as if she knew he would be looking for her. It takes him a second to really be able to answer her. He thinks about it long and hard.

"I can't be mad, because I was the one that let you slip away from me." He regards her with a soft wisftfulness that makes both their hearts ache. It hurts to look at her lipstick smudged and hair disheveled when he wasn't the one who's done it. He wonders if the woman she's just hooked up with knows. 

"If I had held you longer, maybe you wouldn't have slipped out of the bed that night. We could've woken up to each other we could've-" 

"You know that's not true. Don't even pretend for a second your parents would've given up your arranged marriage." 

"We don't know that, we could've been more persistent! We could've begged." His eyes are alight, wild with all of the things he might have done to stay with her had he known it would hurt him this much. 

"No, it wouldn't have changed anything. Just like every other rich person the only thing you and your whole family value is money and power. It doesn't matter how much they liked me." The words come out of her mouth as sharp as razor blades and they cut. They cut so deep and so hot it almost makes him dizzy. He knows she doesn't mean it, she's just upset because he'd almost caused her friendship to fall through. He deserves it but just because it was true about his parents doesn't mean it was for him. 

"You don't understand how much I love you." He steps forward, tears threatening to pour down his beautiful face. She will regret her next words for the rest of her life. But she must say them even if they aren't true, even if they hinder her from happiness. 

"I understand, but it's that my understanding does not matter. Jaeun loves you." Her words echo through different times and spaces it seems. They beat at the two of them brutally. They make it hard to breathe. 

"Do you love me?" He steps closer, words falling from his lips like water from a faucet. They begin to flood the room with their intensity, the water is at their shins. She steps back. 

"Jaeun loves you." A shake of her head and the room is flooded higher, the water at their hips now. He takes another step forward. 

"Do you love me?" The words are at their chests now and she shakes her head again, tears mirroring the ones steaming down his face. 

"Jaeun loves you." He stops when she is almost against the wall but doesn't proceed forward. 

"Do you love Jaeun?" 

"I do, with all that is in me. She's been my only friend through all of this. I can't betray her." The words are at their throats now, they choke her so that her speech is airy and labored. They press at her chest. He knew that he would drown in her, he just didn't realize he would never be saved. 

"But loving me, you already have." He steps away and she can already breathe better when her senses aren't so full of him. 

"I never said-" 

"You didn't have to." The smile he gives her is preposterously solemn for such a wide showcase of his teeth. 

"Jaeun loves you." She whispers back to him, head bowed and eyes looking at the shiny leather of his shoes. 

"I know, but I love you. " He turns away from her and begins his exit and subsequently his descent into madness. Every step he takes from her causes her to fall just a bit closer to the floor, by the time he is gone she is already on her knees gasping for air. 

Jaeun waits for him outside the room with an eerily stoic face. He knows she has heard everything but he doesn't care, he hopes she wants a divorce but to his surprise she offers him her usual smile. Normally he'd think it was full of charm but her words...her very words tell him she was simply a snake all along. 

"Let's go home, I'll help you forget about her." 

They were so caught up in the turmoil of their relationship they hadn't even seen the signs. The seeds that Jaeun had sowed. And now, they played right into her hand. But for her sake, he'd do everything to make sure she wouldn't find out.

"I don't need or want whatever it is you're offering me. What I want is for you to get the fuck away from me." His words come out scathing, he puts every bit of malice he can into each and every letter. But it just makes Jaeun laugh, she then fixes him with a look so sinister it almost makes him shiver. 

"Don't be silly. The second the two of you got together there was already a due date on your relationship. You were never meant to be forever, there was a deadline and it ended exactly when I decided it to. Really it's your fault for ever getting involved with her in the first place." She ends it with a sneer marring her pretty features and so loud he hushes her fearing that his lover might hear. 

"Is it really my fault?" The thought seems ludicrous to him but all Jaeun needs is that inch of doubt in his voice to take it a full mile. 

"Of course it is baby, you're just as awful as I am. But it's okay, I forgive you." He lets her pull him away after that, head so clouded with her words he can barely manage to walk correctly. It was true, he knew he was getting an arranged marriage and his parents knew but still he…

He would make sure that she'd be happy anyway he could even if it meant being in a relationship with Jaeun. 

The years spread between them like a desert, sands of time speeding up and slowing down in frequent intervals that they can't change though sometimes they wish they could. Lucas' marriage to Jaeun is nothing more than a facade and his deserves an Oscar for his performance every time she comes around. Sometimes he wonders why Jaeun keeps her if she doesn't really see her as a friend but then remembers that Jaeun is cruel and enjoys watching the two of them pine. Whenever he kisses Jaeun he feels her lips ghosting across his own. Whenever he touches Jaeun he feels her skin soft and supple. Whenever he fucks Jaeun he really wishes he could make love to her. And whenever he sees their daughter though he loves her to death, he wishes her mother was another woman. He especially wishes it when she comes around to babysit. 

Jaeun takes her cruelty to a whole new degree when she begins to ask her "friend" to babysit for her. 'She's just so tired and Lucas is always so busy.' And it isn't entirely a lie, but Lucas had long since been working from home just to be able to catch a glimpse of her in passing. He didn't think his heart could ache more but it does the moment he hears it. He watches from around the corner to the kitchen, peering in and spying like a shadow.

"Mommy can we have chicken for lunch?" His daughter had just begun to learn how to enunciate her words better. Four years old and Jaeun had hardly stepped in to care for the child, she wasn't a mother any more than she was a wife this much was evident from their daughters words. 

"I'm not your mommy darling, you can call me auntie though." She bends down to pat Jisoo on the head. Eyes tender with a longing she could not put into words. 

"But you act like a mommy, can't you be my mommy? Can we please have chicken?" The four year old pouts up at her, Lucas nearly swoons. Everyone knows that it's true, even the maid and butler agreed she was a much better fit for Jaeun at motherhood. But secrets should never be uttered aloud. 

"We can have chicken Jisoo, but you can't keep calling me that. At least not in front of everyone." Jisoo lights up at the prospect of some kind of compromise. 

"Does that mean I can still call you mommy?" She hushes the child and leans in close to her. Lucas has to strain to hear the words that come from her. 

"Yes, but only when we're alone and you have to be very quiet. It'll be our little secret, promise?" She holds out her pinky for Jisoo to wrap her smaller one around. 

Lucas returns to his office with a smile on his face, something he'd not worn in such a long time the staff gave him strange looks, whispers of rumors beginning. It made no difference to him, he'd just been so happy to keep their secret safe. A secret made for two. 

#wayv scenarios #wayv smut #nct scenarios #nct smut #lucas scenarios #lucas smut #xuxi scenarios #xuxi smut #kpop scenarios #kpop smut #kpop angst #wayv angst #nct angst #nct wayv #tw: unhealthy relationship #tw: manipulation #tw: abusive relationship

[puddygeeks]

Wᴇ Cᴏᴍᴇ Rᴜɴɴɪɴɢ - Tʜᴇ 100 Bᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ x OC - Cʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 21: Gᴜɴsʜᴏᴛs Iɴ Tʜᴇ Dᴀʀᴋ

Masterlist

Episode: Day Trip

Rating: Mature

Summary: During her time in the Skybox, Indigo formed a precious friendship with fellow outcast Octavia Blake, the girl under the floor. At first they thought their departure from the oppression of the Ark was a blessing, but quickly came to rely on Indigo's keen survival instincts. The 100 struggle to meet the challenges of Earth whilst Bellamy strives to lead the wavering teenagers and his irresponsible attitude fuels constant conflict with Indigo. Their only shared interest is in protecting Octavia and Indigo beings to suspect that there is a deeper cause to Bellamy's seemingly irrational choices. As the consequences of his actions mount up around him, he finally begins to confide in her and she discovers more than she ever bargained for. 

Fandom: CW’s The 100

Pairing: OC x Bellamy Blake

LONG TERM ONGOING PROJECT :)

My writing is entirely fuelled by coffee! If you enjoy my work, feel free to donate toward my caffeine dependency: will work for coffee

Warnings: Mature content. Non-consent, language, sex, self harm, suicide, anxiety, helplessness, torture, captivity/confinement, alcohol/drug use.

Chapter Twenty-One

I hurried as I travelled back to Raven and Finn, who were gathering a small group at the far end of the camp. The light was fading rapidly from the sky, so I occupied myself with building a fire that I could settle people around to keep them warm. Raven approached me with confusion. 

“What are you doing back here? I thought you two were dealing with the ship side?” She asked and my stomach lurched as I realised that my lies were starting to clash. I mentally cursed Octavia for cornering me into this and tried to think of a believable answer.

“There was hardly anyone left over there so I bought them over this way, I thought it would make sense to keep everyone together.” I commented, using some honesty to buy myself time. I had checked that there was no one near the dropship before returning, so I was confident in sharing this information. “Octavia’s staying there a little longer to double check there’s no leftovers.” I surprised myself at how easily I lied and I continued with my task to ensure that my words seemed casual and authentic. “Okay, the fire’s going, it’s getting darker so it’ll get real cold soon. Could you send anyone who is calm enough over this way and I’ll start wrapping them up. We also need to get water, we might as well try flushing it out of people. The sooner we can get this out of their system, the better.” I instructed as I tried to both change the subject from Octavia’s whereabouts and consider the needs of the camp simultaneously.

“Yes ma’am.” Raven replied willingly and I was surprised not to find any sarcasm in her tone. It was unusual for me to take control of a situation but as our normal leaders were off jaunting in the woods, I didn’t have much choice but to step up. My stomach lurched as Bellamy’s strange behaviour earlier flitted through my mind and I had to force it out so that I could concentrate on the situation in front of me. Finn slowly made his way over with several containers of water and I smiled at him as I took them gratefully. 

“Thanks. Are you sure you should be up and about just yet, Mr Big Hero?” I asked as I assessed him with concern. He seemed to be moving fine but I was uncomfortable allowing him to be so active without Clarke here to clear him for action. He smiled bashfully at the name. 

“I think I’m ready to manage a little babysitting.” He chuckled under his breath. “Raven said that you helped a lot with the surgery and all that. Thanks for keeping her calm, I know it can’t have been an easy task.” He spoke evenly and his tone was genuinely thankful. I cleared my throat awkwardly and decided not to mention that we likely wouldn’t be sharing a moment like that again for a while.

“You’re welcome, we’ve gotta keep our numbers up.” I replied as an excuse and he laughed. “Besides, I hardly did anything. Raven and Clarke were the real MVPs.” I replied gingerly, rubbing the back of my neck and hoped to scare off his kindness.

“I don’t know, I heard some pretty tough radio talk, even through my coma.” He laughed playfully as he peeked at me. “I think you might have missed your calling on the Ark, communications could have made great use of you.” He winked and I laughed in response to his assumption. “I’ll get you some blankets.” He stated as he shuffled away.

Soon people started to arrive following Raven’s directions and I wrapped them up in the makeshift blankets that Finn delivered and settled them around the fire with some water. It wasn’t long before I had my hands full with a confused group to babysit and Finn and Raven took up positions nearby to help keep an eye on the more active members. I no longer had to focus on distracting anyone, as the wanderers kept us plenty busy. It had gotten properly dark by the time Octavia sauntered over to the fire and I was growing restless as I considered that Bellamy and Clarke still hadn’t returned. Octavia nodded subtly from the edge of view, acknowledging a job completed. She then casually approached as Raven and Finn watched and I had to quickly remind myself of the narrative that I’d spun. 

“Hey Tavi, no stragglers left on your side of camp?” I asked, trying my best to seem casual as I hoped she would understand what I was doing and not accidentally reveal my lies.

“No movement that way, and I just dropped Jasper at his tent to join Monty for a nap. He’s finally stopped screaming about grounders so I think we’ve got a rough time scale for when it wears off now.” She laughed as she made her way over to sit beside me, and I was impressed at how naturally she caught on to the situation. I was also pleased to hear that the boys were safe and sighed in relief.

“Any sign of Clarke or Bellamy over there?” I asked with genuine concern as my mind returned to their absence. Octavia shook her head and I only grew more unsettled. “Okay, do you think you can take over here? They’re mostly all chilled by now but it sounds like effects should be wearing off soon anyway.” I asked as I got to my feet but she grabbed my arm and glimpsed up at me in concern.

“Of course, but where are you going?” She asked, checking me closely.

“I need to look for our missing leaders.” I smiled gently in the hope that she wouldn’t cause a scene but to my disappointment she glared back. I didn’t want to draw any attention to the fact that I was leaving and sat back down before anyone could notice that we were behaving strangely.

“No, absolutely not, you can’t go alone.” She spoke adamantly as she studied me and I sighed deeply. I didn’t have patience left to argue with her today and wished that for once she wouldn’t make things difficult.

“We don’t have the manpower to launch a full search party right now Tavi. I don’t even know where they went, so it’s not like I can go far. I’m just going to do a small venture in their direction and hopefully I’ll bump into them on their way back. If I don’t come back quickly enough, you’ll have more people back to normal to send a rescue group.” I smiled gently and she frowned back at me with an unconvinced face. “Come on, your brother’s out there and he could be hurt.I need to see what’s going on.” I reasoned as I gazed at her but she continued to frown at me. She sighed as she reluctantly let go of my hand. 

“Fine, don’t take too long, or I’ll send the whole camp.” She threatened and I didn’t doubt her seriousness for a moment. I got to my feet and I crept out quietly so as not to draw attention. I gathered some limited supplies and snuck into the woods.

I wandered aimlessly in the direction that I had seen them leave in and within no time struggled to tell where I was in the darkness. I tried to look for any signs of them, but it was much harder to track than Finn made it look when he led the group. I couldn’t ignore the building anxiety in my gut the further I went and kicked myself for believing that I would simply bump into them out here. I stopped walking and stared out into the dense gloom that surrounded me from all angles. I considered turning back, but I was haunted with horrendous images of the things that could have happened to them out here if they’d taken the nuts with them. I hesitated, frozen to the spot as I deliberated with myself. With no better ideas, I called out into the trees. 

“Bellamy! Clarke!” I shouted into the shadows and waited nervously for a few moments, but nothing changed. I couldn’t think of anything else to do and I knew that if I got lost out here there would be a frantic search party sent by Octavia. I was about to turn back towards camp when a gunshot rang out in the distance. I didn’t waste a second in reacting to it as I took off in the direction of the sound. My feet pounded in the mud at the same pace that my mind obsessed over the million awful scenarios that could surround the gunshot. I strained to keep my focus in the moment as I rushed blindly into whatever danger awaited me. Just as I started to worry that I may have lost the trail, two more gunshots carried between the trees and I followed them with a terror gripping my chest. My heart raced wildly and I panted in a mixture of exhaustion and fear.

“Get the hell off of him!” I recognised Clarke’s panicked voice immediately and forced myself into a manic sprint. As I drew closer, I could hear the sounds of a struggle and I prayed that they were safe. Moments later I fell into a clearing and I could barely comprehend what I was seeing. There was a dead body of someone I didn’t recognise sprawled out in the middle of the clearing, and leaning against opposite trees facing each other were Clarke and Bellamy. Bellamy was screaming wildly and clawing at the air around him, whilst Clarke yelled over in his direction with desperation. As she was closer and seemed to be more lucid, I dropped down to her side first.

“Hey! Clarke, you’re okay, look at me.” I spoke firmly, taking her face in my hands and forcing her to meet my eyes. Her face felt warm in my hands, but she seemed to be past the point of fever and from what I could tell, she was able to concentrate on me. “You’re alright, what you’re seeing and feeling is just the effects of the nuts we found earlier, they’re causing everyone at camp to trip bollocks. Here.” I handed her a bottle of water from my belt after removing the cap to make it easier for her. “Start on this, you need to rehydrate all that fluid you’ve sweated out with your fever and we want to try flushing this out of your system as soon as possible.” I spoke firmly but slowly, ensuring that she was absorbing the information and she nodded in acknowledgment. Bellamy was getting louder behind me and I could hear that he had started to hyperventilate. “You just sit there and keep drinking, stay calm and let me know if you start seeing anything weird. I have to deal with him.” I explained quickly, watching her reaction to check that she would be okay alone.

“I’m okay, I can help.” She whispered in a hoarse voice as she tried to lift herself from the ground and I firmly pushed her back into a seated position.

“Clarke, the best thing you can do for me right now is to sit there and get sober so I can concentrate on Bellamy. Can you do that for me, please?” I stayed in her eyeline and waited for her to nod reluctantly. As soon as she did, I turned on the spot and began to approach Bellamy. He was screaming out gibberish between jagged breaths, and he repeatedly appeared to lash out at thin air. He didn’t seem to notice my presence at all, as if he were seeing straight through me. “God, he’s having a really bad trip, almost everyone else at camp is just having pleasant hallucinations.” I commented, as I slowly tried to enter his space and moved carefully in an effort not to startle him. “Has he been like this for long?” I called back to Clarke in question as I kept my eyes fixed on him. I reached out to touch him as gently as I could, but he immediately flinched away from me. Although our contact was brief, I was able to feel the scolding heat that poured off his skin and I could see the sheen on his face that indicated he was still running an extreme fever. 

“Hours, I can’t get through to him, it’s like he can’t even see me.” Clarke explained quietly between deep, steadying breaths. “He was lucid for a little while when we were fighting Dax, but straight after he went back into panic. This is the worst I’ve seen him yet.” She confirmed and I sighed regretfully as I processed this information. As I got closer, I could make out the obvious signs of a struggle, as there was hardly any part of his face that wasn’t swollen or blood smeared and I was saddened to see him in such a state again. 

“What have you tried already?” I asked, watching closely as he attempted to defend himself against whatever attack he was experiencing in his mind.

“I’ve yelled at him, shook him, I even tried slapping him to shock him out of it.” Clarke breathed, sounding remorseful about this choice. I sighed thoughtfully as I studied him and his jagged movements caused him to hit himself. He didn’t even seem to notice the impact as he was so lost in the visions and inspected him sympathetically. “He’s going to have a heart attack if he doesn’t calm down, hours is a long time for the human body to deal with that level of panic.” Clarke added poignantly and I wrecked my brain for a way to reach him.

“He’s too deep in the hallucinations, he might be too overstimulated already to react to shock.” I muttered, pacing around as I considered any other possible options. I didn’t have enough knowledge of drug use to know what would usually be recommended and I wished that I’d learned more useful skills before we were sent to Earth. 

As I observed his movements, he reminded me of Octavia as he began to scratch at his arms. During the beginning of our friendship in the Skybox, Octavia would have frequent panic attacks about returning to her cell. All of her years of hiding from the guards in her mother's quarters had left her with a residual fear of being contained. It took a while for us to find coping mechanisms to help her manage this fear and in the meantime, I had to learn how to calm her during an outburst. When I looked at Bellamy, despite their many differences, I noticed some similar behaviours in their panic and I began to wonder if the same method would work on him.

He was hyperventilating hysterically now and his lips were turning blue, a telltale sign of lack of oxygen that I remembered from Octavia. With little time left to hesitate, I approached him and fell into his space. I crouched over him, placing my knees either side of his thighs and pulled him into my arms. At first he fought me and only seemed to be more panicked by the sudden contact. It was substantially harder to contain him than it ever was with Octavia and I didn’t allow myself any time to doubt, as I knew I had no other ideas. I pulled him in tighter as I remembered that Octavia would continue to lash out with her arms until I stopped her and so I pulled his arms down to his sides and embraced him around them. I held him tightly in place, allowing him to feel the pressure around him and tried to speak gently in his ear. 

“It’s okay, you’re safe. What you’re seeing isn’t real, it’s not real Bellamy, you’re safe, shh.” I whispered gently as I felt his arms finally calming and after a few moments I dared to risk releasing them. They flopped loosely to his side and he didn’t attempt to hit anything again, much to my relief. Instead, he continued to tremble in my embrace and I slowly moved a hand to his neck to feel his pulse. It was hammering so fast that it was hard to even count and the heat that poured off him made me sweat. He was no longer shouting, but he continued to hyperventilate and I knew that we were still in a risky situation.

“You’re safe Bellamy, it’s okay, the threat isn’t real.” I spoke in a slow, calming manner as I held him to me, hoping to draw his attention to me over whatever horrors were happening in his mind. “If you can hear my voice, I need you to concentrate on it. Don’t listen to anyone else, listen to me.” I asserted and I felt his breathing hitch. I took this break in gasps as a sign that he was listening to me. “That’s it, you’re safe. Everything is okay, you’re just hallucinating. You ate some bad food and it’s messing with your head. I promise, what you’re seeing isn’t real.” I explained gently as I waited for him to calm. I moved my hand slowly to feel his pulse again and I noticed that it was finally starting to slow down. I let out a small sigh of relief and gripped him to me again. I cradled his head with one hand, tenderly stroking his hair in a soothing manner as I continued to talk to him. 

“That’s it, you’re doing well. Try to slow your breathing down for me. You’re safe. Raven and Finn are taking care of everyone back at camp and Octavia didn’t eat it, so she’s safe with them. Everything’s okay.” I spoke slowly as I tried to clear any concerns that may be bothering him and felt that his breathing was finally starting to become more regular. He didn’t seem to be any more lucid yet unfortunately, so I decided to try implementing some of the methods that I’d learned to refocus Octavia when she was lost to panic. “Listen to my voice, I want you to really focus on it. Good. Now, focus on the other things you can feel in your body. The cool, wet ground beneath you, the cool crisp air on your skin. Listen to my breathing, the wind in the trees. Can you feel my arms around you, my hand in your hair, my breathing near your ear? I need you to focus on those things around you Bellamy, what you really see, hear, smell, taste, feel. Pick them out in your mind. You’re safe, come back to us.” I have clear instruction and prayed that it would be enough to bring him out of his mind. As I finished guiding him through the technique, he finally spoke in a small, exhausted voice. 

“I-Indigo?” He asked with such deep uncertainty that my heart broke for him. I finally released him from my grip, leaning back into his lap to view his tear streaked face. 

“Hey you.” I smiled warmly and he stared back at me in wide eyed confusion. “Here, drink some water, you’re dehydrated and I need you to start flushing this crap out of your system.” I handed the open bottle to him and he took it from me with shaking hands, sipping from it delicately. “You just sit still and drink that okay? I’m just gonna go check on Clarke, I’ll be right there and then I’ll come straight back to you.” I explained quickly. 

I moved before my heart strings could stop me and rushed back to Clarke’s side. She looked much calmer now and I checked to find that she had drunk almost the whole bottle of water that I’d left her with. I held my hand to her forehead and felt that she was almost back to a normal temperature. As a last precaution, I took the flashlight from my belt and gently flashed it at one eye at a time, confirming that she was back to normal dilation. 

“Okay, you’re good. You can start gathering stuff to go back to camp. I’m gonna check on Bellamy and once he’s ready, we’ll move.” I ordered. Clarke nodded and started to get to her feet. I turned back to Bellamy, who was staring wide eyed at the body and was slowly losing control of his breathing again. I rushed back over and sat beside him on the opposite side from the body. I gently took his face in my hands and guided him to look at me. “Hey, no, don’t look at that, look at me. I need you to stay calm, it’s gonna take a little while for this stuff to fully work itself out of your body, so you can’t get too panicky or you’ll start tripping again. Stay focused on me and take some deep breaths. Alright, good. See, surely I can’t be that scary?” I smiled gently and felt a twinge of worry when he didn’t even flinch toward a smile back. It was unusual for him not to respond to humour, even in the most stressful situations. “You’re okay.” I breathed as I regarded him with sympathy. 

“No, I’m not.” He whispered with fresh tears rolling down his cheeks as he panted for breath. “My mother...if she knew what I’ve done, who I am-” He choked up momentarily with emotion, the pain of the time here crashing down on him all at once. “She raised me to be good. And all I do is hurt people.” He paused to sniff as his desperate eyes met mine. “I’m a monster.” He spat with a devastating conviction. 

“No Bellamy, that’s not true!” I gasped as I wiped his tears away and gazed at his broken expression with an aching heart. “Your mother raised you the best she could, as all parents on the Ark struggle to do in that stifling environment. But she also crushed you under the weight of the responsibility that you were far too young to bear. You have done everything in your power to keep Octavia safe and I know that she would be proud of you for that. None of us ever expected to be here in this situation, and I’m sure if she could see you now, she wouldn’t see a monster. She’d see a survivor, she’d see the man who made the difficult choices to keep us alive. We wouldn’t have made it this far without you. We need you Bellamy.” I spoke earnestly and even surprised myself at my own honesty. Bellamy scoffed and looked away from me. My stomach churned as I processed the self loathing of his words and I was compelled to guide him into a more beneficial thought process. “I know my words don’t take away the guilt and the pain you’re feeling. I can’t even begin to imagine what you feel, with everything that is on your shoulders. But it’s time to stop waiting for forgiveness for your mistakes and start facing them.” He looked back at me with fear in his eyes and I sighed. “And you know what, you may not want to hear this, but it’s time for you to forgive yourself. You are only one person thrown into a situation that is impossible to have prepared for. You made mistakes, yes. Shockingly you’re not perfect. But it’s time to stop beating yourself up over them and start acknowledging them. Take responsibility and face up to the consequences. You can’t run forever Bellamy.” I finished gently as I gazed into his eyes and he sighed, watching me with a terrified expression. 

“How do I do that?” He asked in a small shaky voice and I smiled at him with gentle encouragement. 

“One step at a time, but you’re not going to be doing it alone. I’ve got your back.” I asserted as I reached out to squeeze his hand.

“Jaha will kill me when he comes down.” He breathed and my stomach lurched at the mention of the Chancellor. I hadn’t even considered yet that he would be one of the people to come down and I felt a fire burning inside of me at the thought. 

“I won’t let that happen.” I growled with more fury than intended and he finally showed a hint of a smile at my veracity. “How much does Clarke know?” I whispered as I leaned into him inquisitively. 

“Everything.” He sighed and I raised my brows in surprise. I guessed it was hard to keep secrets when you have crazy hallucinogens in your system and tried to be understanding about him involving her in his crisis. 

“Okay, in that case, we’ll work it out on the way back to camp. Come on, up you get.” I helped him to his feet with difficulty as Clarke carefully approached us. “Let’s get back to camp, people are going to be getting worried.” I suggested as I supported Bellamy to find his balance weakly. 

“We have to go back to the building we found first, there’s supplies to collect. We can’t afford to risk anyone else finding them first.” Clarke stated firmly and I stared at her in surprise. I couldn’t imagine how we were going to transport them with them in such a weakened state but I reluctantly agreed so that I could get them moving. 

We walked slowly as we wandered in a tight formation back to their discovery. I reluctantly assisted in packing up the supplies they’d found, which mostly consisted of copious amounts of guns and we spread the weight between us as we started on our return to camp. Bellamy was unusually quiet during the walk and I noticed that he kept glancing back over his shoulder fearfully. I wanted to believe it was due to the paranoia of his earlier visions, but I’d been considering his strange behaviour this morning alongside some information I’d gathered since seeing him again and I had a suspicion that I knew what was really going on with him. Now that he was calmer, I couldn’t hold in my thoughts any longer and turned to look at him with impatience. 

“You weren’t planning on coming back to camp, were you?” I asked quietly to keep Clarke from hearing our conversation. His eyes shot to me in surprise and as he realised that I was awaiting an answer, he looked away in avoidance. I scoffed in response to his unintentional confirmation of my theory. “I knew something was wrong when you left. Were you even going to say goodbye?” As the question left my lips, I heard the hurt in my tone and inwardly kicked myself for allowing that to show. Bellamy stared at the ground with a guilty expression, his head hung low in a silent answer. “Did you really think you could just hide out in the woods? You must’ve known that I’d look for you?” I quizzed him before quickly stumbling over my words as I realised exactly what I’d said. “Among others of course.” I added hurriedly. 

“I didn’t think about it in any detail, Indigo. All I knew was that Jaha was making plans to come down here and if I stayed in camp I was a sitting duck.” He mumbled in a poor attempt at an explanation and I sighed deeply at him. I could tell that this fear of inescapable punishment was still messing with him as we marched back in the direction of camp. 

“Hey Clarke?” I called out to her as she walked with purpose just ahead of us and she slowed to meet my side. “You know all about this mess now, have you got any bright ideas for keeping Bellamy alive and in camp?” I asked as I shot an accusing glare at him for trying to abandon us, implying that I could tell that he was still considering running at this very moment. “Jaha isn’t known for his mercy and if he tries to punish Bellamy the way he would on the Ark...well, there’s gonna be more than one life lost, that’s for sure.” I spoke honestly as I imagined the guards trying to take him for execution and I couldn’t even account for the damage I’d be willing to do to stop it. She stared up at the sky thoughtfully for a while as we trudged through the forest. 

“I’ve known the Chancellor most of my life. I don’t approve of most of what he does, but he’s actually a much more reasonable man than most of the Ark realises.” She spoke in a distracted voice as she explained and I scoffed at her words. 

“Yeah, cuz the death penalty for any and all crime is totally reasonable.” I spat and she squinted at me in a defensive manner. “I’m sorry, I know you’re not the enemy. What was your point?” I spoke sheepishly following my unintentional attack. 

“Jaha is always willing to discuss terms, trades and compromises. I know him well enough to know how to convince him. I could help you talk to him.” She flashed Bellamy a hopeful smile but he only responded with confusion.

“What could we possibly trade him for? I can’t imagine we have anything he would want in this paradise.” He asked with a bitter tone as his exhausted face revealed his doubt.

“Information; you offer to tell him who asked you to shoot him, but only in exchange for a pardon.” Clarke sounded genuinely enthused with her idea and I felt a small shred of hope blossoming in my chest. Bellamy stared at her in surprise, and I joined him, before breaking into a wicked smile. 

“You know what, that could actually work. You’re secretly sly Clarke! I’ll have to watch you in future.” I chuckled as I was hit with a feeling of genuine relief. I turned back to face Bellamy. “What do you think Bellamy? Are you ready to deal with this?” I asked as I watched him closely, hoping with everything in me that he wouldn't turn and run. He finally broke into a smile and my heart fluttered at the sight. 

“Let’s do it. Nothing else left to try.” He answered and I breathed a quiet sigh of relief.

The remaining walk to camp felt easier and I was more relaxed than I had been in days. I knew that this was still a gamble, but I trusted Clarke’s judgement and her history with Jaha to pull this off. As we approached the edge of the fencing I split off from them, allowing them to make their grand, victorious entrance without my interference. Instead, I went to find Jasper who was finally back to his normal self and happily sleeping. Monty was also sitting in the tent and when I entered he shifted awkwardly.

 “Hey, if it isn’t my two favourite troublemakers.” I chanted with a smile as I sat beside him. “Are you guys feeling okay?” I asked with a hint of concern as I looked between them. 

“I’m fine. Jasper was feeling pretty exhausted, but it sounds like he spent a lot of his day panicking, so I don’t really blame him.” He explained as he watched Jasper with care. He cleared his throat and avoided looking back at me as he spoke again. “I’m really sorry if I came across as weird earlier, I tend to say some pretty wild stuff when I’m...you know.” He spoke in a small voice and fidgeted his hands awkwardly. I struggled to stifle a giggle as I remembered the numerous compliments he’d given me during the day and instead I focused on trying to ease his entirely unnecessary embarrassment. 

“You think you were wild? Did Jasper remember telling Octavia he loved her yet?” I asked playfully and Monty snorted in laughter. “Twice!” I crumbled into giggles at the memory and was glad to be able to share some humour after such a difficult day. “Seriously, we’re good, don’t worry about it. I’m just glad you’re both okay. I’m gonna find Octavia and I’ll leave you to comfort your friend here. I get the feeling his ego’s going to be a little bruised when he wakes up.” I winked, before heading back to the main activity of camp. 

I glanced around to seek out Octavia and I had already begun to approach her when I noticed Bellamy hovering awkwardly nearby, observing her with a beaten puppy expression. He hadn’t noticed my presence, so I quickly stepped to the side to remain out of his line of sight. I watched as he gingerly wrapped a blanket around her and she glanced back at him in annoyance. I wasn’t sure exactly what had happened between them in the last few days, but I had the impression that some hurtful words had been exchanged. I hoped that they could find a way to trust each other, but I knew that it would take time for this to build. I was too far from them to hear what was said, but I could tell from Bellamy’s body language that he was trying his best with her and I smiled at the sight.

“Bellamy!” Clarke called as she emerged from the tent where the communications with the Ark were stored. Unfortunately this was right beside the spot I was hiding in plain sight. Inwardly, I cursed her for interrupting their bonding moment until she spoke again. “It’s time.” She said with a significant tone and I glimpsed over in shock. I didn’t expect them to launch into their plan so quickly, I hadn’t had a chance to even discuss it with Bellamy yet. I made the quick decision to not involve myself in the situation. If he felt ready to do this now, then I was glad that they were immediately getting it out of the way before he could change his mind. He didn't notice me as he turned from Octavia and took a few steps toward the tent and I considered backing away. He suddenly stopped mid way and turned back to face her. 

“The grounder escaping, was that you?” He spoke with an accusing manner and my blood felt like it turned to pure ice at his question. Octavia didn’t even turn around, keeping her back to him and I found myself thanking every star that he wasn’t facing me as I tried to force myself to behave normally. I knew that he wouldn’t approve of my part in it and after how close we’d grown tonight, I was terrified of disrupting this hard earned peace. I genuinely couldn’t tell any longer if he’d be angry or if he would allow me the time to explain. I felt myself spiralling into panic as I awaited her response.

“I had nothing to do with it.” She replied coolly and my heart skipped a beat. I didn’t know how to feel about her involving me in her lie and I despised that I’d found myself caught between her and Bellamy. I forced the feeling to the back of my mind to deal with later as Bellamy sighed and continued toward the tent. I startled as he finally noticed me and I considered simply walking away, but his vulnerable eyes drew me toward him. I walked to him as if in a trance and simply put a hand on his forearm. I steeled myself as I stared up into his eyes with a confident smile. 

“You're going to be fine.” I spoke with an assertive sense of belief and he smiled nervously in return. “I’ll see you on the other side as a free man.” I breathed, releasing him to enter the tent. I tried desperately to force myself to leave, to trust them to manage the situation and fill me in after. I couldn’t help the slideshow in my mind of all the times things had gone wrong and Bellamy had run off, and I couldn’t bring myself to leave the edge of the tent. I waited right outside, straining to hear what was said.

“Mr Blake, I’ve wanted to talk to you for some time now.” The chancellor's voice was clear and assertive and it sent chills down my spine.

“Before you do, I’d like to say something. When you sent us down here you sent us to die, but miraculously, most of us are still alive. In large part, that is because of him, because of Bellamy.” Clarke’s voice was calm, but her words made it clear that trusting her was the correct choice here. She knew exactly how to present her case. “He’s one of us, and he deserves to be pardoned of his crimes just like the rest of us.” She asserted and I couldn’t help but to be impressed by her.

I felt like I could barely breathe as I waited for the Chancellor’s response. Although I knew that this was the best chance for Bellamy, I was also terrified that this was the moment I would find out that there was no hope for him here; I wrestled my anxiety at even the thought of it.

“Clarke, I appreciate your point of view, but it’s not that simple.” The chancellor replied and I felt like I might heave at any moment. I reminded myself that they hadn’t thrown in their trade yet, it wasn’t over.

“It is if you want to know who on the Ark wants you dead.” Bellamy spoke assertively and I felt my heart swell with pride. I waited for what felt like an eternity for a response and couldn’t even move a single muscle in my body.

“Bellamy Blake, you’re pardoned for your crimes.” The Chancellor’s answer was firm and decisive, and I felt myself gasp out for air. I dropped to a crouch, just catching myself before I hit the ground and held my head in my hands.  I felt tears freely roam down my cheeks and the relief poured over me in an overwhelming wave. I forced myself to a standing position so that I could rush to the tent to compose myself.

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[eyeofmud]

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Codex no. 4: Sightless Sybil, a folk song common amongst the middle class.

Sybil, oh Sybil, When the light shines Clear and crisp Spreading far into the mist What have you seen, Sybil, oh Sybil? 

Sightless eyes covered Brittle and featherlight To the darkness of eternal night Sybil, oh, Sybil, Have you seen the way?

To the tree Sybil, oh Sybil, To the light Sybil, oh Sybil, Save our people Sybil, oh Sybil,

Blessed be your sight Sybil, oh Sybil, Milky-white and contrite What have you seen, Sybil, oh Sybil,

Guarded by knights And thorny high heights Sybil, oh Sybil, Your path lies with the Fates Your pilgrimage waits

To the tree Sybil, oh Sybil, To the light Sybil, oh Sybil, Save our people Sybil, oh Sybil,

What have you seen, Sybil, oh Sybil, What have you seen? Sightless Sybil, oh Sybil

Codex no. 5: Into the Fey, an account taken from the private diary of a Rosenorn Knight conscripted to be a Hallvardr

Today marks the third day since finding Grimmnir. The path to YggDrasil remains fraught with unforeseen dangers, raw magic spills out and the air burns with it. Frigid winds pour across the landscape in dagger-sharp gusts even as the ground splits open with heat. It’s a senseless, mad place out here. Far more dangerous than I ever believed the Fey is… It is a sickness spreading across the land. 

Sybil remains calm even as we draw near to the end of our pilgrimage together. We should be reaching YggDrasil before nightfall. Or what passes for nightfall in this gods-forsaken blight. The strength of Sybil continues to elude me, they march without word for hours and only speak to tell us of pockets of raw magic or Viti or other dangers lurking ahead where we cannot see. 

I do not think the untrained could survive out here longer than a handful of hours. Even with all of my years in the Rosenorn Knighthood my lungs ache with every breath, my skin itches with every breeze, and the water we brought is foul against my lips. I think of nothing but a good solid meal but all we have is hardtack and strips of leathery jerky. 

Imagining a full meal is enough for my stomach to churn in emptiness but it is better than dwelling on the horrors of this place. It is poison. There are roaming Viti around every winding corner and at the end of every thick patch of fog another open sore of raw magic spits radiation hot with malice. And yesterday. 

Yesterday we lost Sveld. A prime example of a good knight, and a good friend. Viti ambushed us whilst Sybil conversed with Grimnar about the route to take next. There were three of them to our six but with the aid of surprise their attack dealt us heavy damage. 

Their attack was brutal and swift, ripping through our defensive line protecting Sybil with tooth and claw. It could have been a massacre. Sveld slew one but earned a large slash deep into his chest for it. He distracted the other two off by smashing his sword into his shield, creating a horrific clanging. The Viti could not ignore him, either the sound or his challenge inescapable to their beastial, corrupt minds. We met eyes and Sveld took to running, clanging and shouting at the Viti, and we lost sight of him in the thick fog. 

I do not think he would have survived even if he had not sacrificed himself. 

The next entry is dated a short two days after the previous

The waiting for Ljos to be relit is, perhaps, the most difficult part of this journey. Something in the air is heavy and thick with the metallic twang of copper. YggDrasil is a place I, nor anyone save Sybil and Grimnar, can enter. And I believe for good reason. 

A darkness sits upon YggDrasil, powerful and sinister. It coats the tongue when I breathe in the rancid air and it fills my lungs with a dread so potent I can feel it sink into the marrow of my very bones. I do not know the source of this corruption but it leaks out from the heart of YggDrasil and squeezes my own deep inside my chest. It is not a feeling I care for. 

Ljos must be lit. Sybil and Grimnar entered a mere handful of hours ago but I am listless for results. Some of the others have taken to pacing, or idly watching the light at the tower’s top. I cannot engage in these fruitless tasks though my soul aches for something other than this perilous waiting. 

We have been out here for almost three full weeks and the majority of it has been on the knife’s edge of danger. Protecting Sybil from danger and listening to their guidance, the whiplash of sitting still and doing nothing is causing my skin to ripple with unease. Our journey back will be fraught without Sybil’s warnings but the other Hallvardr are merely relaxing. 

It is nerve wracking.

The final entry concerning the pilgrimage is dated to a week after the first, five days since the previous

We are nearly home. Since we did not have to waste time looking for a needle of a man in a blighted haystack our path back to Voluspa is quick. We occasionally run into the lone Viti but these are fewer now. Our main danger is the raw magic filling the air and welling up from the ground. Tomorrow should be our last day in the Fey and I cannot wait to be out of this horrible place. 

Ljos’ light burns behind us and our duty is nearly complete. 

Codex no. 6: An Ancient History, found within a book lacking a cover on pages encrusted with mold. In many places the ink is barely visible and nearly illegible. 

Let it be known, far and wide and high and low, Aesir’s children were made to coexist. Humanity, firstborn and imperfect, are gifted Midgard and all of its magics to live upon in splendor. Crystals filled with wonder sparkle in the warm sunlight, the soil is rich with gems humming the song of energy, our water glistens with power. A gift! What glory is given to humanity!

Reynir, secondborn and beautiful, are given strength and magic to wield alongside humanity. The cities built by mortal and godlike hands stretch from one end of the world to another and light the darkness of night with their ceaseless brilliance. All is made possible by the aid of the Reynir. Behold! Towering giants of grace and vigor the Reynir uplift humanity. 

But beware, the vices of men are many and the patience of gods grows thin. 

The text devolves in quality over the next few pages, a handful are torn out and the rest are encrusted with mold. Only a few words and phrases, “The avarice of, through their greed exceeds, worship was not enough, sundered, Ginnar stayed behind being swayed by humanity’s, and Brjota” are clear. 

A final passage before the rest is utterly unreadable,

Oh, how the Aesir despair. Disgust fills Their hearts at the sight of Their creations squabbles, the war of wars devastating to Them. Turning Their backs upon Their children the Aesir abandon the world They brought into the light only for Their creation to throw themselves into darkness.

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[lovely0painter]

Intertwined chapter 2

Meanwhile on Planet Z

Zurg fumed at the steaming wreck of his machine, once again under construction. Not only had he failed to open a portal and fried its system, he’d humiliated himself in front of his idol!

Still, it wasn’t as bad as the constant string of insults he’d gotten while he worked with DRAC_2_LA. Zurg grumbled and tried not to whine in front of the centuries-old Antimatter Vampire. “How did this happen?!”

Grub No. 340 shook, clasping its hands. “Umm… you see, Evil Emperor Zurg… there was a glitch during the process...?” The grub was ready to run when it suddenly locked in place, plucked into the air by AL’s claws.

AL_2_CAR-D snarled, his hunger aggravated by the smell of fear. His faceplate cracked and exposed the first set of sharp teeth. “Choose your words wisely, my patience wears thin.”

“Ap-p-pparently we had an-an energy clash with another p-portal at the same t-t-time.”

Both villains turned and looked at the nearest brain to elaborate. AL dropped the grub and it ran off as fast as it could. Brain pod No. 55 scrambled, scraping together a stack of papers. “It appears another portal was activated at the same time, and the radiation caused a rift, a ‒ a tear. If it happens again, we may open a rift big enough for a planet to vanish into the space between universes.”

Zurg slammed his fist onto the nearest workstation, sending papers and tools flying. “Now I can’t open the portal without losing a planet!” If he started the portal back up and lost a planet that to DRAC, he would be maimed. He couldn’t afford the risk it. “Shut it all down! We'll continue this tomorrow night.” Zurg shivered, addressing AL. “I can’t believe our chance to conquer has blown up in our face!”

AL narrowed his eyes. “Consider this a lesson, Zurg, but you have brought us closer to our plan. As soon as the portal is ready, everyone will fall before us.”

Something twinkled in the Emperor’s eyes. “Thank you Lord AL_2_CAR-D. I have some other matters to attend to while we bide our time. Please enjoy your hunt on my minions.”

AL stood in silence until Zurg left the room, his body beginning to steam. This was one hell of a setback. There must have been another way to open a portal whilst Zurg’s machine was off... If Zurg found out about his plan, he would never trust him again. He hated how much he needed that fool. Just as he was going to take his leave to steep in his thoughts, he overheard one of the brains.

“It appears something entered our universe through the rift.” Brain No. 88 pointed out to its collaborator.

AL twisted his neck like an owl, cat eyes glowing brightly. “What has entered?” he hissed.

Every brain and grub in the area began slinking away, all except the brain fixed in AL’s gaze. The smell of the brain’s fear bloomed as it squeaked, “Only two small presences...”

AL’s whole body turned to the brain, making his way towards it. “Where?”

The brain shook. “I-I need to tell Zurg ‒ ACK!”

AL lifted the brain by its life support as tentacles sprouted from his back, zeroing in on its glass helmet. “You will tell me or I will make you into my next meal. I am working up quite an appetite.”

“I don’t know!” the brain choked, “They could be anywhere ‒ AAAH!”

AL threw the brain across the lab so hard that scraps of metal scattered across the floor. The nerve of that incompetent waste of a brain, attempting to keep this information from him. He looked down at a monitor that displayed two sightings of active portals. He allowed one tendril out of his palm to snake into a port, downloading the information. When he finished, his face plate cracked into a smirk, exposing his rows of ragged teeth. He left the lab, strolling down the halls. “It seems the other portal came from Star Command,” he hummed to himself. He knew Nos-4-a2 wouldn’t dare open his portal after the incident with Toontown. Nonetheless, if that parasite had done it again, AL would have the chance to open another portal and use those two visitors as a signal booster to their universe.

“They will have front row seat to their own doom,” he purred. “I must look into this... It is time to sneak into Star Command once again.”

With a chuckle, he disappeared into smoke.

Mor giggled, sitting by her uncle’s side and attempting to spook her little sister. Nox had taken the seat next to Fletcher and Darwin. The hornets finished cleaning and had gone inside to hibernate. Nos and XR were still inside as well, leaving Nosfer to watch the boys.

“Well, the best part of living out here is that we get to see so many animals almost everyday.” Nox smiled as he sipped his oil. His optics followed a bird across the partially clouded sky. “We could even camp out here and watch the stars if we were not banned from staying out at night.”

Fletcher and Darwin tilted their heads.

Much to their surprise, Nox turned a shade of orange. “Well it's... it’s because I accidentally... let a pack of raccoons... inside the house.”

Darwin gawked, “That’s the reason you’re not allowed to be out on your own?”

Mor pouted and crossed her arms, turning violet.

“I wish it was only raccoons…” Nox mumbled into his hands.

Fletcher snorted, “What’s your guys’ deal? I’d be a shut-in if I faced all the stuff you have!”

Nox and Mor were too bashful to answer.

“Not only did Nox let in raccoons,” ALD piped up, pointing to Mor, “This one here let a bear inside, which then proceeded to give birth in our living room. They trashed the house and ransacked the food Nosfer had brought for safekeeping.”

Nosfer chuckled, leaning back in his seat.

“Juliet was scared!” More exclaimed, “I didn’t want her out in the cold, and it was safe in our home...”

Fletcher laughed, “Oh my god. I’ve never even SEEN a bear!”

ALD perked up, “Would you like to see one?”

“Is that... safe?” Fletcher asked.

“We can’t even think about getting close to any animals at home,” Darwin explained, “They’re still so new to their environments, the ecosystems are too delicate this soon after being reintroduced.”

“Don't worry, it is safe out here,” ALD soothed, “Most of the company we get out here are animals. Not many people come this far.” ALD stood up and the twins did the same, their optics filled with excitement. “Come on, I'll take you to a spot Juliet frequents with her cubs, Moe and Lou. If we are lucky, we may even see other animals by the lake.”

Fletcher only watched them. “Wait... I thought we might be able to contact our parents? I know you’re just trying to be nice and make the best of this situation, but... we’re still really, really freaked out, and our parents have no idea where we are.”

ALD took a knee next to Darwin and Fletcher’s chair. “I understand you are worried, but my brother and his mate are doing the best they can. Nox has been in the same situation you’re in now, only there was no way to contact him,” ALD patted Fletcher’s head. “My brother does not want you going through that and he is not one to give up on helping family.”

Fletcher felt static rise to his face, but when Darwin got up, he followed suit. “You think he thinks I’m family?”

Nox nodded. “That’s because you are. You’re an Energy Vampire, you are our older brother.”

“...You feel like that, too?” Fletcher asked softly, “We don’t know anything about each other.”

But before Nox could answer, ALD groaned, sensing his lunatic brother-in-law coming close. “Nutso approaches.”

“What’s ‘nutso?’” Darwin asked.

Mor waved up to the sky. “Uncle XL!”

ALD didn’t have it in him to deal with XL saying something insensitive to Fletcher. The tall Energy Vampire scooped all the kids into his arms sped into the forest. Nosfer chuckled as little Ana reached out for them. “It's okay little gem, let’s go see what your fathers are doing before your uncle shows up comes.”

Ana snuggled into the warmth of her grandfather's chest as Nosfer took her inside.

ALD slowed down when they came to the edge of the lake. Seeing XL hadn’t followed them, he placed all the kids on the ground. “Is everyone okay?”

Mor, slightly dizzy, fell on her back but gave a thumbs up as Nox nodded. Fletcher hovered upright without missing a beat. “What was that all about?”

Nox could only giggle, “It is just Uncle ALD’s way of getting far from our other uncle, XL. They really don’t get along.”

Mor sat up and tried to pull her hair down, but her curls were frizzled from the static. “They fight a lot and have what Papa calls ‘trivial competitions,’ but they do have one thing in common. They love us a lot.” ALD help smooth her hair out by running his fingers through it and draining the little shocks from her hair. “They want us to be safe, but the only way they work together is if they’re competing.”

ALD grumbled, rolling his head to work out the tense wires. “Does it matter? Your father chose me to be your guardian, who even cares about that imbecile?”

Darwin half-smiled. “You sure have a, uh... complicated family.”

“You have no idea,” Mor turned and spotted a creature, her optics lighting up like the stars. She pointed past them to the side of the lake. “Hey, look over there,” she whispered.

Fletcher and Darwin shifted their gazes to follow Mor’s finger. A deer stood on the shore, just downwind from a bear leading its cubs to the water.

Nos did all he could to calm himself, but with the children scared, he was far beyond frustrated. XR stood next to him, arms crossed and in a similar state. They faced a large screen, having been put on hold. Every second was more aggravating than the last, and when the five minute mark passed, both were ready to jump through the screen.

Finally, Nebula appeared. “What a surprise, just the couple I was gonna call ‒ ”

“You stole our blueprints!” XR was the first to shout, “Were you actually gonna call us to repair the portal AFTER pulling that off?!”

Nebula groaned, “Look, we needed a leg up against Zurg and you wouldn’t let us have the machine. Consider this working from where you left off.”

“This is what you call working from where I left off?” Nos snarled, “I warned you many times, this is not a toy. There are many risks, factors, and consequences you did not ‘work on’ as you so generously put it.” Nos picked his words carefully. “Thanks to your incompetence and lack of reasoning, there are two children that have been taken from their home and dropped into our living room. Their parents must be worried sick!”

XR glanced at his husband. Of course he would want to guard the kids’ identities. If Fletcher's dad was anything like his Nos, he wouldn’t want anybody finding out about his family, nevertheless the head of Star Command. It would be too easy for that information to leak.

“No problem!” Nebula waved, “We’ll start the portal back up ‒ ”

“Are you serious?! Even just warming your portal up might tear open a random rift and let something else come in,” XR exclaimed. How was the message not getting across? It was like his pops refused to hear a word they were saying. “Don’t you understand this is dangerous? You’re putting innocent lives on the line!”

“That’s highly un ‒ ”

Nos slammed his fist on the wall. Even XR flinched. “You will send us the information and shut down that second-rate portal!"

Nebula fumed as Nos growled, but XR squeezed his hand, reminding him where he was.

Nos took a moment to collect himself. He glared at Nebula, his optics gleaming. “If you do not do what is right, I will get the Galactic Alliance involved. I will do far more than have your inane portal operation shut down, I will ruin your reputation! I will do whatever I can to get these kids home to their parents, and I guarantee that anything you do to hinder me will blow up in your face.”

XR turned off the communicator before things could escalate any further, letting go of the breath he hadn’t meant to hold.

“So... crazy ten minutes,” XR spat. He hadn’t expected such blatant opposition from his pops. “We spent all that time on hold just for him to ignore us!”

Nos let his attention fall to XR, his rage ebbing in the face of concern. “How are you feeling, luv?”

“Well, there’s a burnt up floor in our living room that the hornets still have to clean, we need to figure out how Star Command managed to steal the blueprints from our locked lab ‒ I mean, it must have been either XL or Buzz, but I’m leaning towards XL ‒ I don’t feel as hurt as I think I should.” He gave a sharp laugh, “Oh, and have I mentioned the two kids in our backyard who we just scared to death?” He leaned against the wall, his head ducking into his cylindrical body. “I'm just... I'm just scared, and nervous.”

Nos leaned down, but XR shook his head. “I’m not bothered that there’s a kid who’s from you and someone else. I know he’s from another dimension. I’m not worried about the ‘what ifs’ or whatever. It's just, I feel useless right now, like when I couldn’t help Nox when he got sent to Toontown. All because XL wanted an autograph from some singer and ended up causing a malfunction. And all those other times when Nox woke up crying and he couldn’t talk to me about his nightmares. These kids are hardly any older than our twins and they have no idea where they are and I can’t comfort them. Fletcher was having a panic attack and I couldn’t do anything to help him.” XR felt himself spiraling. “I’m scared because I’m useless in this whole situation and I hate that especially being called useless behind my back.”

“That makes two of us,” Nos cupped XR’s head in his hand. “A child out of nowhere called me dad and all I said was ‘who are you?’ I could nott feel worse.”

XR felt his systems settle a bit and couldn't help but chuckle. How terrible was it to find comfort in sharing the feeling of shock? “You know this was kinda good for us, I guess. In case something like this happens again. I’m hoping there’s not gonna be another one, but maybe we can think of this as practice.”

Nos was relieved to see him calm. “More importantly, you are not useless, especially not to Nox. You have given him comfort even when he does not wish to talk. That’s all the reassurance he needs. You have done everything you can for Fletcher and Darwin, and we will get in contact with their family.”

They both turned when they heard their baby girl babbling away, reaching out to her fathers.

Nosfer laughed. “Well, that brightened my day. I have another grandchild you failed to tell me about.”

Nos shook his head. “I do not keep tabs on the children from other universes and you were off for four years. How was I supposed to contact you?” Nos smirked, but his expression dissipated into worry. “How is Fletcher, is he alright?"

Nosfer nodded. “He’s good, just a bit shaken up, but ALD is doing his best to make him feel at home. That Darwin seems to anchor him, too.” Nosfer smiled, “You know, I think Nox seems alright as well.”

“You noticed that, too? I was worried he may not be after opening up about Zurg.” XR winced. That topic was sensitive to say the least, strictly taboo at worst. For their son to talk about it... “I feel like I should be worried.”

Nosfer passed Ana to Nos, who wrapped her in his cape.

“Maybe Nox finds some common ground with the other child. He knows what it feels like to be taken to another world, this might have been just the push he needed to open up. Reminds me of a certain fiu of mine who used to be a stubborn mule with his feelings.”

Nos kissed his baby girl on the head, ignoring that comment. “I am just glad they are taking this so well. Rather, as well as we could hope.”

Nosfer’s smile faltered. “But under these circumstances, AL will come. That is what worries me the most when that copilul plânge idiotul used that contraption to throw my nepot into another universe!” Nosfer simmered. One crisis at a time.

XR frowned at the thoughtful silence. “You don’t think AL had a hand in this, do you?”

“If he did, he may be closer than we think,” Nosfer shook his head. “We need to prepare for anything.”

“I’ll get the security ready, wanna come with me sweetie?” XR asked.

Ana reached out and XR took her, making his way to the control room. Nos watched XR leave, trying not to think about how close AL might be.

Nebula glared down at his communicator but knew he had no choice. “If that means the project will be shut down…”

Janet came into the room right as the call ended. “What seems to be the trouble?”

“Your commanding officer is pissed off, that’s what! That Energy Vampire accused me of endangering kids that aren’t even his!”

“Really, sir?” Janet asked, a smirk growing across her face.

Nebula nodded, to distracted to notice her expression. “Tell the LGMs to keep the machine going. They have no idea what a successful run could do for this station, and if they really have such a big problem with it, they can send the kids back through our portal. I’d bet anything that once we get it up and running, nobody will be able to deny how much good we can do.”

Janet grinned, fangs peeking out. “Of course.” She left the room just as the real Janet walked in with her arms so full of paperwork that she couldn’t even see where she was going.

“That was fast.” Nebula smirked.

Janet raised a brow. “What’s fast? I just came from the faxing office, sir."

Nebula glared and slammed a button on the console. “Lockdown! I repeat, lockdown! There's an intruder in Star Command! I don't want anyone leaving!”

But by then the intruder was already gone.

The Antimatter Vampire sat on the surface of the moon of capital planet, eyeing the home of his enemies, his mind occupied by the little bat and his new friends.

AL looked down as he sensed the fear surging within the boys, malice flaring in his core. “Two little children were taken away, and that imitation parasite reacts violently to that overconfident fool?” He knew Nos was overprotective of his children, and as far as he can, he could sense a new Energy Vampire. “The real question is, who does this Energy Vampire belong to? Hmm... what do you think, Mr. Jackson?” He looked to the now empty space suit drifting into the void. He knew that replica was cautious of anyone being near his children, even those he had grown to trust. Already, AL was forming a plan.

His faceplate cracked, exposing his endless teeth. “I’d best introduce myself when the time is right. For now," he ripped his hand off, “it’s time to do a little scouting. Be my eyes and tell me everything. I will be there soon.” He whispered before letting his hand go. The hand shifted and formed into a creature as it flew toward the planet.

To be continued!

thank you for continuing on and reading our story

Please check out @mrsevetwo and her work!

Reminder!

The elements of Buzz Lightyear of Star Command Belongs to Disney 

the story plot belongs to @mrsevetwo and I @lovely0painter 

Fletcher and Darwin Belongs to @mrsevetwo 

AL_2_CAR-D, ALD-8n, Nox and Mor and Ana-X-4-a2, Janice and Nosfer Atu belongs to me.

Toontown in reference belongs to @eliana55226838

#intertwined #@mrsevetwo #Fletcher #Darwin Harley #nox-x-4-a2 #Mor-6a-X-4-a2 #ana-X-4-a2 #NOS-4-A2 #XR #commander nebula #Buzz Lightyear of Star Command #bendy mafia #eliana55226838

[fixingforeverandalways]

I know you need time...

And im listening, and im hearing you. I now understand, and this was my doing and honestly it’s the least I deserve. But I miss you, and I love you on such a level it’s hard to be without you - I know the past near 11 months since we got in contact again have not all been smooth sailing, but we have had some more than good times, you’ve become my safety in a world full of so much bad stuff.

You are my soul mate, and I will forever stand by that, it destroys me knowing that I’ve put us through this and all that echos in my head is you apologising for breaking my heart, well what about yours? I seen the look in your eyes today and I know you’re hurting just as bad as I am for being away from me, it feels so so wrong to be apart but I know that you deserve the time and space to establish your own life - so do I - so we can find the perfect way to fuse our lives together and settle down properly. by choice. without any rush or stress. Honestly we both deserve that - i so desperately need the stability of my own strength and i so desperately need a support system in place to turn to when things feel low - and despite getting there without having you 24/7, you will always be and are the centre of that support system, you’re my safe haven and the person I trust the most. In your arms with your voice soothing me, feeling your toastie tootsies at the bottom of the bed - that is the core of my support system and nothing will ever change or replace the feeling i get with you.

ive just taken that for granted too much. I like to think that in time, as I prove to you just how serious i am, and just how capable I am, that you will let me be yours too - i dont want to be the cause of your pain and suffering and i simply wont be any longer. i refuse. if it were down to me we’d be in a home together, taking a few days to ourselves but knowing we have the security of eachother at the end of it. because that’s something we both need, security - knowing that the other person has us 100%, and you’ve proven yourself to me time and time again and even more so in the last two days with your honesty and openness and willingness. and now it’s my turn.

honestly i know me and I know my personality and I know my ability to overcome in situations where i risk losing something i hold close to me. Ahead of me I’ve got 7 weeks of CBT over that period will cover a range of talking therapies based on the idea that thoughts, feelings, what we do and how our body feels are all connected. If we change one of these we can alter the others. so in turn, improving the way I view situations, and improving the way i treat my body will impact how i feel and how i act massively - especially in a situation where i can often feel way too strongly about stuff.

with the idea of CBT, it works based on the idea that ‘When people feel worried or distressed we often fall into patterns of thinking and responding which can worsen how we feel. CBT works to help us notice and change problematic thinking styles or behaviour patterns so we can feel better.’ and i’m already at the point I can physically list the toxic reactions i have when i feel overwhelmed and I know some ways in which personally ive learn to avoid that happening, for example:

Explosive anger / breaking things/ slamming things - walking away to my own space, to play games or blast music or just cry. I would like to have my own little space to do this in, be that just my princess tent. It is not ok for me to react so strongly to being angry, but i do need a healthy way to vent anger as this is very much a normal emotion. 

Emotional outbursts/ crying - this is ok to do, but what’s not ok is to drag others into it. it’s ok to break down and be sad, but at this point i need to ask for comfort, a cuddle, a phone call, reassurance, i need to ASK for these things and not assume people instantly know what i need, especially as anger when crying can look a lot like sadness. and in that situation i have very different needs.

Jealousy/ insecurity/ paranoia - TALK. COMMUNICATE. TRUST. Inevitably, I can be paranoid, its arguably the most annoying symptom of them all. once someone gets a doubt in my mind i worry endlessly. by talking, communicating i can get the reassurance I need and drop it - by being open and honest and ASKING before I assume it can avoid any emotional overwhelming. as stupid and unrealistic as some things may sound, my brain will often find a way to find some logic too it no matter how far fetched, so please be patient with this as i’d rather sit down and be able to talk to you no matter how silly you might think it sounds, i dont mean to sound accusing at times i know i have done - but i need to insure i question rather than accuse in a way that isnt attacking, as to not stress or panic you. I know its inconvenient and a pain but i want to be able for us to both communicate and whilst i dont worry or get paranoid all the time, it does happen and the best course of action is just reassurance and patience, being calm with me and listening.

snapping and raising voice - this is usually the tell for any incoming outburst of explosive emotion. the typical result of so much from being tired, stressed, hormonal or simply just born from frustration.  This will happen from time to time as with any couple, however its how its handled that matters, we’re both guilty of raising our voices or snapping or coming across blunt and more often than not without really realising. It can be all to easy to get triggered by this and respond in a bad way, but this can be shut down and resolved by a simple ‘there’s no need to snap, or raise your voice’ and i know in the past that has then led to more issues, this is from me taking offence because it sometimes feels like you’re trying to invalidate my feelings and thoughts. this is my issue to work through, and learn to stay calm in situations. which this is all stuff i’ve done before, and let slip when i let my whole life kinda spiral. so its an uphill battle for sure, but its also a very winnable one.

Lack of appreciation - I’m very guilty of this, i’ve been trying more recently to show you that i appreciate the things you do but on reflection actually, it’s all the small things which actually are second nature to you that i feel i dont show enough appreciation for, making juice, making the effort to talk to me and tell me about your day after you’re clearly exhausted. there’s so many things that in just two days of not being close to you that im realising need and deserve that level of appreciation. and this comes with time, it’s so easy to forget as time passes and things become the norm that actually - it’s not the norm and it deserves thanks. This is a two way street and sometimes i feel the same, but at the same time you go more than out of your way to thank me for basic tasks like washing up, changing the bed etc.... and when i feel so low in myself that makes a huge huge difference to my day. so i recognise the importance to express thanks, but i also know sometimes its not always possible or simply gets forgotten. 

self care - This is without a doubt something which has a huge impact, I’ve been desperately clawing at life and the things i love trying to drag myself along with my hair and nails and dye and clothes, but honestly? its hard. i hate myself. i disgust myself. and you make me feel so wanted and loved, it changes everything when we’re going so well. but i know that it’s not healthy to be dependent on you like that, there’s no harm in boosting each-others confidence or making each-other feel good but the reality is for me that self care is the thing that will always give me a fighting chance at a good day. be it regular shaving/ bathing/ hair washing/ skin care/ nails it just makes me feel good. i like to get dressed up and look fiiine, but putting the weight back on has made it so much worse. I do want your help and advice about food, eating and working out and I know i often seem to turn my nose up but honestly i worry about being condescended to, its one of my triggers because no one likes to be made to feel stupid. and that’s also something i need to remember. i’ve under estimated you so much. that’s not ok though. but yes, the plan of action is to get my eating back under control (which is going good given the fact i cant keep any food down haha!) and take measures to get into a daily routine, even if i’m not going anywhere - just so when i catch a glimpse in the mirror i dont get low. my weight is a huge contributor to everything self care related, it gets me down massively and its a huge trigger for anxiety and paranoia for me when you make comments about people you see online etc about their weight or call people fat, because i worry you judge me the same way and it sounds pathetic but it does genuinely hurt because sometimes it sounds like size is a huge issue for you and it sends me spiralling downwards, but this is a trigger that needs to be made clear to you as i know deep down you’re just messing most the time. 

unfair divide in chores/ laziness - Washing up. when we progress and work through this, can we just get a dish washer? I will hand wash all my fluffy plates etc and the unicorn ones on a fair amount, for example if i use a plate and there’s one waiting to be cleaned i wont just dump mine on top for you to do, providing there’s time i will ensure it doesn’t build up, and obviously this is a habit we should both get into really to avoid any stress over the kitchen area being unclean. especially when you’re working 13 hours a day, i cant imagine i’ll be working that long of a day! so it makes more sense for me to do that when you’re out etc. 

Snide remarks - Im the worst for this. think links in massively with the snapping and the outburts. I feel at times i do this because im over whelmed, and i know this is wrong. the solution to this i feel is just pure mindfulness, and respect more than anything else. I feel CBT will help with this massively. I wish I knew more about WHY this is my go to defence mechanism but honestly I have no idea myself. 

Passing the blame/ playing victim - I feel I do this more than you, sometimes when i get triggered i feel like my reactions and thoughts are out of my control... which is just stupid. because ultimately it’s my job to decide what i think about something. end of really, it’s my responsibility and after talking i realised that by me blaming you, or making silly comments that made it feel like i was blaming you hurts you, massively. Unless your direct actions has led to something bad happening, for example if you throw something at me and it hits me in the eye and i shout oH FUCK or something, then that situation i would feel that your actions would be the reason i raised my voice for that haha :P the reality of the situation is that on a personal level we’re each responsible for taking responsibility for our own wellbeing - in the sense that while i’ve got every intention of looking after you fully, if you dont open up to me like you have recently then i dont know how to fix it and won’t be able to fix it for you and vice versa. 

Invalidation - This I think we’re both very guilty of at times without meaning to - or even noticing we do it. it’s so so important that we listen and understand each-other without judgement. I sometimes do not acknowledge how upset or stressed or tired you are to the extent i need to, i can be dismissive and selfish especially when you’re so late home from work etc.  I can get over excited and a little self obsessed to see it from your perspective. With BPD a lot of my triggers are caused by me feeling invalided like you don't understand or take things seriously when i try to express myself and it leaves me frustrated or upset, i know now that it’s not always the case and sometimes you panic and cant deal.  I feel this is something we need to work on together. and learn about each other as time passes. 

The need for reassurance/ attention/ care - Sometimes I feel like I ask for attention openly and it just kinda gets brushed off or last for a short period of time before you pick your phone or something up. When I ask for attention I mean I’d like to spend some quality time with you one on one, no distractions just me being able to enjoy you. You’ve never spoken to me about needing attention or care really so I would like you to be open with me when you need something, be that for me to help with your food, run you a bath or just get things for you when you’re not feeling so good. I do feel I am a lot needier in this sense with the whole ddlg stuff, and there’s a lot more expectation and pressure for you to care for me, but please know I am more than capable of looking after you when you need it, or simply just want it.

Sex and intimacy - This is a huge huge thing for me because for the first time in a very long time i’ve actually wanted to be physically close to another person. I dont really tend to like people touching me it makes me feel uneasy to actually wanting to be close to you feels amazing. The past few months obviously have been really bad for this, and i feel at times i’ve pushed for you to want to even cuddle or be near me. the lack of interest in me ruins that ‘you make me feel good about myself and wanted and loved’ from earlier and just fills me with safe hate like there’s something wrong with me, like im ugly and gross and you just cant stand the thought of being near me. this hurts me massively. obviously I know now that this was a direct result of everything that was going on but even now in my mind all i can hear and think about is you ‘how can you expect me to want to have sex with you when you say such horrible things’ and it’s like i shut down so much when i feel unwanted and pushed away it becomes a vicious cycle for us both. I know sex isnt something immediately on the cards etc and you need time to heal, but i think it would do us good to talk about what it means to us and stuff. and reasons why or why not we’d do that yknow? i know it’s a bit of a weird one but i feel so close to you when we do that like as weird and twisted as it sounds it feels like reassurance - at this point in my life I associate sex with love, and there isnt one without the other. so in my mind, no sex = no love so when we are intimate and stuff it relaxes me and puts my mind at ease. Regular intimacy is a huge thing, even if that’s just naked snuggles and touching yknow. 

Cuddles and sleeps - I have no complaints, just moar pls. all the time. every day. 24/7 ;p I do get though that sometimes it’s too hot to snuggle properly, but similarly to sex i feel that if i dont touch you then i’m not wanted. it might sound stupid it’s just another form of validation i guess. 

Money and savings - I don’t really know where to go with this, I find it uncomfortable that you’re still on a joint account with Jezi and are paying off finance items in her house. Personally I don’t want to make any commitments money wise until you sort this situation out which has been nearly a year long now and you said you would sort something out in December. I personally think the situation is weird and not ok. I don’t pay for Ben’s sofa, so why are you paying for hers? This is something that should have been sorted out when you left and i feel that it’s putting our life together on hold still. I don’t want to move forward knowing you’re still on someone elses joint account etc because that isn’t fair on me. I want us to work together as a team and once we take that next step to joint assets for it to be joint between US not you and anyone else. This i feel is a massive personal boundary for me. I want to commit to you and start our life, our home, our savings and bills etc together. 

Children and family - Obviously, this is a huge one and i’ve had a pretty shitty attitude to date with this and some stupid shit i’ve come out with. I think we need to draw the line with making rude or offensive comments about each-others families. See the line becomes a bit blurry when you make offensive jokes or comments about your children etc, so the expectation that others dont when you do it isnt right. I do also think we should both have a set routine and more open conversations about this. I think that effort needs to come from both of us with each others families, obviously you dont need to make effort for any of my children because they’re all furry and have four legs. ;p 

I don’t want to feel like my whole life has been shaken up, and you’ve always said it wouldnt be like that, or feel like im being pushed out because like i’ve said from the start i want a life with you - and whilst yes it fully involves luna and celestia i need your word that it wont effect the things we do together, like move in or get married or have our own family etc. because ultimately these are things i want for us in the future, sure not the foreseeable future but I DO want that life with you, and i want it to be just perfect and I feel ive spent so long trying to adjust by myself, trying to educate and calm and sooth myself with a situation that you frankly just dropped me in and left me in that it’s been a struggle. There’s a lot of stuff that I thought I felt to begin with that was just a part of the process for accepting and understanding. I love having fun days out and stuff, and I do want to be apart of their lives and make a positive impact on them and be another person in their support system, but i also need to know that in difficult situations where anyone acts up or misbehaves that you will deal with that, because it stresses me out feeling like it’s not my place to say or do anything, i just feel helpless and confused because this is a LIFE, a CHILD we’re talking about and it’s not my place to do right or wrong. it was hard coming to terms with the fact they’re not something I gave you. i wish so hard that things could have been different and a part of me will ALWAYS hurt that you gave that part of yourself to someone else and not me. but the fact is that it’s done. and there’s nothing I or you or anyone can do to change that. so it was just a case of learning to come to terms with the feelings i had about it, and process them in a way that I could move past it and get on. It’s at the point that my thoughts about everything changed completely. of course i still hate the fact its not something we share, but the reality is that if its important to you then it’s important to me, and whatever your thoughts and feelings I will do nothing other than support you in that. I think my perspective even until recently was a little limited to say the least, it felt like it was a case of me or them, and that you could only be there for either me or them in life, it just felt like a competition for you attention and love because from my experience when we have them you pretty much ignore me and give me the complete cold shoulder and im not ok with that. i know its hard for them to adjust but the reality is that if you want us to be together in the long term then sooner or later they’ll have to get used to seeing us together and honestly it’ll just become the norm if we act normal.

Honesty and openness -

Approachability -

Changes in opinion and feelings -

Worries -

Moving forward - 

boundaries on a personal level / exs/ porn/ stupid shit - I will do a whole new post on this! But it’s so important we both have our boundaries with things, or are at least aware of what makes each other uncomfortable or upset. Being aware of this will stop us triggering each other. 

dating - 

Home - 

[kernewekgever]

Chronicles of Silverhoof: General Information

Most ideas following are from Books/Movies and Video games. Do not use without Permission.

Chronicles of SilverHoof Episode Titles 12th Guardian The Promise Claydon’s Quest

Main Characters Name: Silverhoof Species: Alicorn Gender: Male Class: (Clyde knows)Weapons: • Melee; Horn, Hooves, [Sword (Only used in Anthro/Bipedal form] • Ranged; Magic {Clydesdale’s/ Picoclyde’s department}

Background: (To be filled in by Clydesdale/ Picoclyde) Items: Halter; given to him by his Mother (Silvermane) Personality: (Pico’s department) Family: Silvermane; Mother, Father: (again Picoclyde’s info needed) Special abilities: Can morph into a bipedal horse and use his sword in combat [This Character is Property of Clydesdale/ Picoclyde] Name: Whitehorn Species: Alicorn Gender: Female Class: Fighter Mage/Druid Weapons: Same as Silverhoof but either cannot or will not morph. Background: Grew up in the same Refuge as Silverhoof, yet she was taught how to fly when she was old enough. Items: (Never thought to give her any) Personality: Cheeky bordering on rude; can have a cold, distrustful attitude around strangers and non Pegasi Unicorn, acts tough yet underneath she cares deeply. Family: Tripod; Brother (Lost his front left leg in battle), Brokenhorn/ Brownhorn: Grandfather (deceased) [My Idea] Name: Tiggarius/ Tiggs Gender: Male Species: Felinus Sapian (Anthro/ Bepidel cat) Age: 4 cat years (28 in human years)Weapons: ● Melee: Claws, tail to trip enemies, may use knives or fists if declawed ● Ranged: When first met; none… but that may change

Background: At first has amnesia, must be taken to refuge for memories to be awakened. Items: sling of pouches, anything he thinks might be useful Personality: Loyal ,fierce, can hold his own in battle Special abilities: Discovered by accident; the usual cat like reflexes, ability to climb trees in the blink of an eye. [My idea] Name: Magnar Species: Felinus Saipan Gender: Male Age: 12 cat years (that’s around 85 in human years)

Weapons: Wooden staff (mostly used for walking nowadays, but can be used as a Melee weapon, however is used to channel magic mostly)

Items: Healing potions, Spell book (unless left in the forest cottage) Clothing: Sky blue robe, no hat Personality: Kind, caring yet if provoked will send a flurry of spells at anyone who crosses him or his friends, prefers to use magic in combat.

Additional information: Had a mount/ friend horse by the name of Taklit (deceased) was killed in battle protecting Magnar, there is a plaque in the stables next to Magnar’s Cottage that commemorates him. [Obviously this character is like Merlin, Gandalf or any other Wizard]

Name: Claydon Species: Capranian (Bipedal goat) Age: 5 goat years (each goat year is 6 human so he’s 30… 5x6 = 30, made is this up… no such thing as goat years… I think… )

Class: (Cleric/ Paladin not sure) ● Melee: Mace (Horns and head if he head-butts or charges, punches and kicks if unarmed) ● Ranged: Sling and bullets* (*stones) Shield: Kite shield; Defends with his left arm, when not defending usually worn on his back, has a goat emblem in the center with a mace in the middle.

Background: Sent by his Mother to find his Sister (Alisha) who left his village to find a hidden monastery where a great monk with knowledge of magic resides, she hoped that he would further her teachings as a Mage. Items: A locket around his neck which contains a picture of his Mother in one half and his Sister on the other, a few healing potions.

Personality: Noble, honorable, shows concern for others (especially his sister) [This is my Main character]

Gods/Goddesses/Lords/ Ladies Name: Artroth Gender: Male Species: Pegasi Unicorn Title: Lord

Name: Galaha Gender: Male Species: Capranian Title(s): Lord, The Great Goat Notes: Claydon’s battle cry “In the name of Galaha!” There maybe a connection of friendship between Arthroth and Galaha, While most goats have horizontal rectangular pupils he has horizontal infinity shaped one’s.

Name: Tac Gender: Male Species: Felinus Saipan Title(s): Lord

Name: Enile Gender: Female Species: Felinus Saipan (Forest) Title(s): Lady of the Forest, Lady Notes: Loves all forest’s; Guardian Forest and the Crystal Forest are her Favorites.

Important Characters • Alisha: Claydon’s younger Sister. • Avrela: Female Forest Feline Ranger; linked with Tiggs • Cooperhorn: Pegasi Unicorn; Elder’s Son • Elder/Snowhorn: Eldest, Wisest of Alicorn • Garnet: Male Forest Feline Ranger, linked with Tiggs • Silvermane: Alicorn, Silverhoove’s Mother

Notable Characters • Brokenhorn/Brownhorn: White’s Grandfather and teacher, horn was broken in battle (Killed by Capranian Outcasts [when on a scouting mission?]) • Chestnut: A mare Silverhoof meets whilst traveling with Magnar. She reminded him of Whitehorn. (Though free-spirited and friendly) • Taklit: Magnar’s steed before Silverhoof, an honorable stallion (Killed in battle) • Azerim: A wizard friend of Magnar • Brownclaw: Male brown dragon • Compass: Blue male Fairy, generally quiet, good at giving directions (heh, yeah obvious name talent, opposite to navi :P) • Fenrus: Bipedal wolf, Class unknown • Gravis: A necromancer and rival of Magnar. • Greenhorn: A young Pegasi Unicorn mentioned by the Elder to lead you to Raithgar, however because of his lack of combat experience and excitable nature Silverhoof chose Whitehorn, who he recognized. • Greenscale: Male green dragon • Greyhoof: Alicorn, male; a good friend of White’s Grandfather (Brown/Brokenhorn) was chosen by Broken to replace him to serve the Warrior Salas. • Gwendeline: female, vixen, ranger; usually calm • Havoc: Male, (species undecided) An axe-wielding warrior he takes delight in death and destruction. (Taken from the Axes of Blood Omen Legacy of Kain) • Iora: Female red Squirrel thief, feisty attitude, wields a quarterstaff • Lowarn: Male Fox thief/bard, friendly attitude, wields twin daggers and a bow (if he is a bard his instrument is a flute) • Malice: Havoc’s Brother, also wields an axe, alone these guys are bad enough but together they can cause extreme damage. • Nub: A fairy like creature, more irritating than dangerous (The male version of Navi…) tends to give creatures electric shocks, which he see’s as harmless fun. • Pyros: A warrior wielding a flaming sword[phoenix blade]; burns and scorches forests, towns or anything that takes his fancy. • Salas: Broken/Brown’s rider for 60 years, honorable warrior, they parted as friends • Skywing: A male blue dragon • Stonescale: A male, Ancient stoneskin dragon • Urgon: Beast Master of the town of Milden • Zoltan: Raccoon thief/ bard, holds info on Alisha Species • Aquatics: Like the Sea Zora in Legend of Zelda not the hostile river zora. • Capranians: Claydon’s kin, mostly noble and honorable creatures • Capranian Outcasts/ Pariahs (CO’s/CP’s): More violent members… cast out of the village for harming or even killing other Capranians. • Capranian Nomad: This is what Claydon thinks of himself… he’s on a quest to find his Sister and has resolved not to return home until he does. • Dragons: Brownclaw, Greenscales, Skywing and Stonescales • Horses: Chestnut, Taklit… • Felinus Sapian: Tiggs, Magnar (Tiggs is a Forest Feline) • Lupinites: Fierce, bipedal wolfs, sometimes called Howlers • Pegasi: Winged horses, refered to as No horns by Alicorns, some live in forest refuges similar to Silver’s kin however there are rumours of a Mountain refuge • Procyons: Raccoons; Zoltan the thief, many coons become bards, thieves or warriors or any other profession… as long as it pays well… • Vulpinites: Vulpes/ Foxes; Lower, most are Thieves/ bards like coons they branch out into the other classes too… again mostly for money. • Alicorn: Silverhoof, Whitehorn fellow kin Important Locations • Abacus Mountains: On the way to Guardian forest (Northwest of the Alicorn refuge?) • Bead Lake: A lake on the south side of Abacus mountains • Barlow Village: Claydon’s and Alisha’s place of birth (Far to the South West) • Calu Forest: Forest that surrounds Bead lake. • Crystal Forest: A legendary, magical place where time is said to stand still. • Drunken Duck Inn: Like the namesake the proprietor is a duck that is usually drunk on his own brew. • Guardian Forest: Tigg’s home • Hammer n Anvil: Blacksmiths • Keyhole Inn: This Inn seems to house a lot of thieves so watch your money pouch… • Milden: A run down slum of a town, slavery of beasts and creatures of all sizes and species is common place here. • Portas Forest: This is where Magnar’s cottage and Taklit’s stable are. • Mountain Monastery: This is where Alisha is found, the Crystal forest is nearby and protected by the monks of the Monastery. • Rusty Anchor: Dockside pub, order a number 36 • Scar Prison: Where Silverhoof and Tiggs wake up at the beginning of the 12th Guardian. • Sword n Axe: The Inn that Claydon and Silverhoof stayed at on the way to the refuge. • Owl Inn: An old friend of Magnar runs this place.

Important information Taklit’s Epitaph: To the one who graced this stable, under the servitude and care of the wizard Magnar for many years, his servitude is forever etched into the minds of other steeds to come and no less Magnar his loving Master and friend. Tiggs Inscription/Note: To my friends, thank-you for bringing me home, our journey has been long and hard. I know I’ve caused you much annoyance so thank you for your patience. You will always be in my heart and mind. Your friend and companion. Tiggs