#thank you to the fandom too because everyone here has been nothing but welcoming and awesome to me

[maple-the-awesome]

Color Blinded ||

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Reader

Words: 4,733

Overview: People are born seeing in black and white with the promise that they'll finally see color the moment they first look into their soulmate's eyes. For reasons that should be obvious, Matt has lost all hope in ever finding his own soulmate. I've been working on this dang prompt since the beginning of my blog and now finally, after suffering endless months of writers block and several rewrites, it's finally done in time for my 500 followers milestone🥳 ~ Maple

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"Oh, those are beautiful!"

You hum at Karen's greeting comment which sticks in your head more than you'd care to admit. Leaning in to inhale the pleasant aroma, you decide that the bouquet certainly does smell beautiful if that's what she means, although you doubt it is.

Peeking at the bundle of roses through half-lidded eyes, you can't say you're particularly impressed by those dark veins carved into each delicate petal, only succeeding in making them appear both old and wrinkled. That being said, they're dreadfully boring in your own judgment, but even so, you don't doubt that they must look wonderful to everyone else.

"I'll take your word for it."

"Are they a gift from someone special?" Her hint is innocent enough, given through a giggle and teasing sway of her body yet it causes a sudden arrow to pierce your heart.

Ever so carefully, you select the best looking rose (still based on your own poor judgment) and hand it to the surprised secretary, "The corner store near my apartment just got a fresh shipment so I thought, since people usually like flowers, maybe I could bring some for the firm - as a sign of appreciation for all your help...I know. It isn't much, but I-"

"-That's very thoughtful of you."

You pray no one notices the way you turn a little too quickly to the voice, your heart lurching before filling with a familiar warmth that would be considered a welcomed comfort if not for how inappropriate it is in the given situation. Of course, because there's nothing appropriate about the way you view Matthew Murdock; your lawyer in whom you share a strictly professional relationship, thus respect and gratitude should be the extent of your feelings towards the man.

Alas, as Matt leans against his office door with a radiant smile that makes your heart flutter like a hummingbird's wings, you allow yourself to foolishly imagine - even if just for a blink - that said smile is built custom for you and you alone. How outlandish.

It's honestly quite pathetic how you're able to hand Foggy a rose without falter yet the same steady hand trembles like a leaf by the mere action of extending one towards Matt. There, you hover the blossomed flower in the air awkwardly before rather shamefully realizing your terrible error and the reason as to why he doesn't accept it despite your wordless prompt; he can't take what he doesn't see.

"H-Here. For you, Mr. Murdock."

"Thank you," His voice is whispered and deep - sinfully so - as his reach fumbles about until finally brushing against your hand which he uses to then guide his own to the rose's stem. The feeling of his calloused fingertips running all too slowly over your skin made you dizzy which is perhaps what ultimately led you to miss the miraculous way Matt avoids every thorn once officially claiming the rose as his own despite the complete clumsiness of his previous touch seconds ago.

You never stood a chance at functioning properly after that, far too focused on him as he lifts the rose to his nose for a sniff, letting it brush just under his nostrils with a tickle that makes the corners of his plump lips twitch upwards into his cheeks to form a gentler smile than before. Huh. He hasn't shaved recently it seems. His facial hair is more noticeable than it had been when you first came to the firm a few weeks ago -

"They're pink!" You blurt out, warmth immediately rising to your cheeks, "I, um...The shop had a list of all the rose color meanings and pink supposedly means gratitude, so I wanted to get pink ones. They are pink...aren't they?"

"Well, I'd sure say so! This has got to be the deepest shape of pink I've ever seen on a flower! Hey, think it'll look nice on my suit? Maybe I should start wearing one everyday?" Foggy's kind enough to reassure, holding the rose to his pocket and striking a few dramatic poses which gains a chuckle from Karen.

"Are roses even court appropriate attire?"

"Who cares? It's Wednesday! On Wednesday we wear pink, Karen!"

You stand in silence, watching as the two bicker playfully in a conversation that feels too distant to join yourself despite only being mere feet away. Filled with dismay once again, you find it difficult not to peer down at the remaining roses in longing, wishing to see even a blink of their bright hue.

You've heard pink's a beautiful color found in flowers and the sunset. According to your sister, a blanket in your house is an ugly shade of pink, and Foggy says the color suits Karen as she tucks her rose behind her ear carefully, yet you wouldn't be able to confirm any of those points. Your world is still locked in the curse that is monochrome...

"Are you wanting to get started discussing the case for tomorrow?" Your wandering thoughts are interrupted by Matt who sets a tender hand on your shoulder, showing a noticeable look of concern despite it being mostly hidden behind his black glasses.

"Oh yes, sorry! The case, yeah, of course..." Fortunately, the lawyer merely chuckles at your disorderly state before stepping aside and gesturing to his office with his cane. Gratefully you enter, taking your usual seat in front of his desk where you fidget while he takes his time sitting opposite and retrieving his case notes.

A bouquet of simple roses, regardless of their color, truly doesn't hold a candle to how appreciative you are to the members of Nelson and Murdock. Thus far they've provided quality work for a price you can actually afford on your tight budget, making them forever your saviors. Matt himself has been particularly helpful, treating your case as if it's been some sort of order given to him directly from God. He never wastes a second leaping into business and goes the extra mile by repeating himself as often as necessary to ensure you understand everything properly which is always nice, after all, you could listen to his voice for hours.

Seeing that there's still plenty to tend to involving your case, you expect Matt to begin promptly discussing any updates and what to be prepared for in regards to the lawsuit, however his hand instead hesitates over his notes before he moves it to his mouth to hide his cough, "I take it you haven't found your soulmate yet?"

"...H-Huh?"

Many would deem that a wildly inappropriate question especially for a lawyer to ask his client. Soulmates are sacred and intimate, not often discussed with strangers or in professional settings, however you'd like to at least call Matt somewhat of a friend - he's definitely treated you with the kindness of one - therefore you don't show any offense towards his innocent curiosity. After all, why should he be blamed? Apparently, you're the one stupid enough to make it so obvious that a blind man can take notice.

Ah, soulmates; a pair designed only for each other, holding such a special bond that meeting for the first time quite literally changes their entire perspectives on life in an instant. How so? Because everyone's born seeing the world in monochrome, color only being granted them once looking directly into the eyes of their soulmate for the first time. This is why you can't make out the color of your roses or the sky above or even the supposedly bright 'yellow' taxi you take here each day; you've never met your other half...

This realization and the knowledge that Matt's been able to piece it together strikes an insecurity of yours which you attempt to cover by redirecting his question quickly, "Have you?"

He laughs, although you'd say it sounds a bit bitter if you didn't know any better, "Wouldn't know if I did, I'm afraid."

Your face burns with embarrassment once more, shame sinking into your stomach, "Oh God, right. I'm so sorry, Mr. Murdock. I wasn't thinking - of course, you're blind, but...I mean unless your soulmate's blind as well, I would think - I would just think that they'd say something when you meet, so wouldn't you know that way?"

"I suppose so..." Matt gives a thoughtful hum, but it's soon followed by a frown, "Unfortunately, people aren't always truthful."

"You think someone would lie about being your soulmate?"

He pauses, his frown only deepening after being tainted by a sour memory, "...Someone did..."

You frown, too, at this confession, but it only takes a split second for this sympathy towards Matt to turn into fury, "Why would someone lie about that?! That's so cruel! I mean, I guess I could see why someone would lie with you because they'd have the opportunity and you're, like, the jackpot, so of course it would be tempting to keep you and all, but soulmates are supposed to be special! You can't force that type of bond and lying about it would only end up hurting both parties in the end!"

"'The Jackpot', hmm?" Matt echoes smugly at the end of your rant.

You blink, reviewing your own words in search of the mistake. After locating it, your face burns so warm that you should be worried about overheating, however you're a little too busy being embarrassed for that to cross your mind.

"Well yeah...You...You're a nice guy - from what I've seen, anyways. You're well mannered and you work hard to do what's right even if it's not financially rewarding in the end which are traits any girl would - should, at least, swoon over. You're also, um...You're not bad looking in any way..." You mumble the last part pathetically, pulling on the fabric of your shirt as a nervous habit.

You swear he leans closer over the table, his voice low and husky on purpose as if he can hear how fast it makes your heartbeat; as if he understands it's a dangerous temptation for you, "So, you find me attractive?"

"Yes, well, I'd, uh...I'd say you are, but..." you glance up at him for a second, hating how flustered even your reflection looks in his tinted glasses," - But I've actually heard Foggy say the same thing, hasn't he? Yeah, in fact, when I first came in he made that joke about how you get all the ladies because of your looks so apparently it's common knowledge through Hell's Kitchen that Matt Murdock is one good looking lawyer."

Much to your relief, he finally leans back with a chuckle towards your words, "Is that so?"

You nod too quickly, folding your hands over your lap and sitting straighter as a poor attempt to get your body and nerves to calm down, "Yeah...A-Anyways, about the case...?""Right, right. The case," he nods, fixing his glasses before returning his hand to the paperwork in front of himself. Little do you know, he hears the way you exhale and fidget in your chair, remaining flustered from the previous conversation well into the next, which is a thought that keeps that devilish smirk tugging on his lips.

It's gotten late - possibly the latest you've ever stayed at the firm. There's no longer a faint white glow of light peeking through the blinds, but there is a dim echo off the small desk lamp. While it protects the room from complete darkness, it's not enough to save you from having to squint at your paperwork to see it properly. Perhaps this wouldn’t be so difficult if you could just make out different color gradients…

Putting you to shame, Matt doesn't seem to be struggling at all. He effortlessly moves his hands over each textured line of his papers, reading faster than you ever could even in perfect lighting. You've stopped to watch him for a bit, noting the slightly darker strips of scars cutting across his knuckles and the vague change in shade against his palms - callouses, you'd guess.

If brave enough (which you unfortunately are), you'd sneak a glance at his face, hoping to make it secret and quick enough to temporarily satisfy that yearning in your heart. You stupidly convince yourself that this task will be easy considering a blind man can't possibly catch you staring, can he? 

You managed to do it exactly three times, losing count of the seconds in between each. The first two attempts were as promised: quick and like a shadow. You had looked up, eyes locking on his face while you tried to imagine the buzz against your fingertips which you assumed would be the effect provided if you set them run over his stubble. You had looked up again, focusing on the scent of his colloque. You can smell it from here and wonder if it smells stronger around his neck. 

You had looked up one last time, taking instant notice of the smirk Matt tries to lick away before ducking his head when that isn't successful. Absolutely mortified, you looked down at your lap with a stammering heart, promising never to sneak another glance at him again...It turns out a blind man can catch you staring…

Since then, you've remained like a statue, reading your files like a good girl because isn't that why you're here? Matt Murdock's your lawyer, not your eye candy! You should be treating him with respect, not gawking at him like a teenager does the boy band posters in her room!

Breaking this suffocating silence, Matt taps his own set off papers against the desk to file them into a neat stack, "Well, what do you think?"

"What do I think...?" You echo, crashing into the ground of reality so hard it knocks everything you've just read right out of your head.

"About the proposed settlement?" He leans forward a bit, his arms crossed over the desk and his eyebrow perked upwards. He's relaxed (as always), but carries a hint of concern in his voice that digs into your heart further than you'd care to let him in on. 

How pathetic is it that you swoon at even the slightest bit of care shown to you by a guy? Of course, you truthfully don't behave this way around just any guy, only Matt, however you'd feel better admitting you're starved of affection rather than say you’re entirely parched by the thought of the man in front of you.

"This is only an estimated amount that they've proposed. We'll go over official negotiations with the council, however I wouldn't recommend taking anything less than this offer," possibly sensing the way you play with your hands and chew on your lip, Matt adds softly, "As your lawyer and representative, I'll be there with you at every moment to ensure you aren't cheated in anyway. All you have to worry about yourself is listening along and signing the papers if you decide the agreed upon amount is fair. If you have any concerns, you can voice them directly to me and I'll deal with the council...I just want to make sure you understand that taking this settlement doesn't mean the company is admitting fault -"

"- They'll just be giving me money to keep my mouth shut."

"Pretty much," Matt nods with a frown, "You'll be signing a contract agreeing to never speak about the matter again - not the settlement itself or what happened. That means you won't be able to sue them at a later date nor does anyone within the company have to be held responsible for what happened either - unless the corporation decides to take corrective action itself."

You sigh, gazing over the paperwork while considering the offer. Going with the settlement, you'll leave with a pretty decent chunk of money (more than you make in a year's salary) which will be somewhat worth all the bullshit you had experienced at your former place of employment, however you're hesitant towards the idea of letting your asshole bosses get away with all the discrimination and favoritism they let poison your life for the last few years. Still...You really don't want to take this to an actual court where the outcome isn't guaranteed to be any better.

"...I understand," you sigh again, tangling a hand in your hair, "I just want to get this over with..."

"I'm sure you do. Nearly five years of being cheated out of raises and higher positions - anyone would be tired of it, but -" You nearly flinch when Matt's hand finds itself over yours on the desk, his thumb gently running over the skin. To top it off, he has that concerned expression again that makes him look so soft and loving…yet he’s only your lawyer, "- I don't want you to make a choice on that alone. If you truly want to go through with the lawsuit, I'll do whatever I can to make it less stressful for you -"

"- It's fine, Matt," you give your best smile, sandwiching his hand between both of yours, "I think the settlement is my best option. With it, I can start moving on with my life. That company took five years of my time, they're not getting a second more.”

He returns your smile. For some reason, he makes no attempt at moving his hand away. Instead, he lets you forget about it, not speaking a word of protest as you find yourself getting lost in the moment. 

How is it that you can feel more chemistry with someone in such a simple place - a broken down little law firm surrounded by paperwork - than you've felt on any date in your life? If you're this infatuated with a random guy like Matt, how are you possibly going to survive the heart tremors that your soulmate will give you?

"You guys are still working in here?" A part of you wants to celebrate Foggy's interruption as he peeks his head through the office door, but behind him you can see Karen slipping on her coat, letting you know that your time with Matt has officially come to end. 

"We've just finished actually," Matt admits, at last giving a tug to his hand that makes you instantly retract your hold over him in embarrassment, not that he seems fazed himself.

"Great, because it's whiskey Wednesday at Josie's. You know what that means?!" Foggy cheers, earning a chuckle from his friend who's already standing.

"That I'm gonna have to drag you home tonight?"

Shyly, you shuffle off to the side, wiggling on your own jacket while wondering how difficult it will be to get a taxi at such a late hour. You're prepared to wish everyone goodnight and be on your way, but then Foggy turns to you, "You're coming too, right (Y/n)?"

"Me?"

"Of course, the more the merrier!" He says.

"O-Oh, um..."

"It'll be fun," Karen insists.

You're still hesitant, not being one for bars not to mention you have so much on your plate this week. You should really get home and consider this settlement more - reread the proposal, recite your testimony in case you're quizzed about it later, mentally prepare yourself for the stress...

The final nail to your coffin is Matt - it's always Matt. Foggy and Karen are sweet and they make you feel welcomed, but Matt is the one with an inhuman ability to make you feel like a cloud simply by setting his hand on your shoulder and smiling so sweetly, "It might be a nice way to get your mind off of things."

How can you honestly say no to more time with him? Oh yeah, you can't…

You've never been to Josie's before, although you aren't surprised by that fact considering it seems to be an easily missed hole-in-the-wall bar with room temperature beer and sticky seats. Despite this, the others seem to be having lots of fun, officially having gone numb to all the health code violations around you guys.

Foggy and Karen are currently on their third round of playing pool where the loser must take a shot. You had played the first round with them and lost. After that, you decided it’s far more amusing to sit back and watch the show than to partake in it.

"I'm assuming you guys come here often?" You ask distantly, letting your voice drift off with the sound of loud voices and clicking glasses that makes the bar feel much busier than it actually is, yet somehow Matt still hears you.

He brings his beer bottle to his lips, poorly hiding his smirk, "What gave that away?"

"Well to start, the owner rolled her eyes the second we walked through that door and neither of those two have crashed yet showing they've had practiced -"

"- They could've had 'practiced' at any bar."

"We're not in a courtroom, you know, so don't have to poke holes in my argument like that…" You tease lamely, shifting in your chair to face him fully instead of Foggy and Karen at the pool tables. 

You've always cursed yourself for not being professional around Matt, but tonight you’ve officially met a new awful low. This table is small - small enough that when you moved in your chair, your knees ended up brushing with his. On top of that, he has long removed his jacket, his white sleeves sinfully rolled up past his elbows showing just a hint of the impressive muscle to his biceps. It's insane how much one little jacket can hide. You wonder how much muscle he had built elsewhere. His shirt is definitely too tight, not leaving much for your imagination -

"- What are you thinking about?" 

Your breath hitches, your eyes darting from his chest to his eyes. There's the damn smirk again - the same that makes you doubt whether he's truly blind considering he has such a good record when it comes to calling out your stare.

"N-Nothing..."

"'Nothing' makes you that nervous?" He's honestly having fun with this, isn't he?

"I...I was thinking about the settlement," you excuse, propping your elbow on the table while hoping to distract yourself by drawing invisible designs against the surface.

Matt crosses his arms, leaning back. You swear he purposefully bumps your foot with his, "As I've said, there's nothing to worry about. Believe me, they wouldn't have even offered you a cent unless they were scared of the dirt you have on them. We have this thing in the bag."

"You seem confident," you comment quietly, earning a devilish smile from him.

"Would you rather me be nervous?"

"Maybe not with a case, but now that you mention it, I don't think I've ever seen you be nervous before. It seems like I'm always the one stumbling over my own words."

"I suppose it comes with the profession. It wouldn't send the best message to my clients if they see me fumbling around. Believe it or not, but I've got an important reputation to keep as a 'jackpot' lawyer," Matt jokes, drawing a laugh from you, although you still feel a prick of embarrassment over the callback.

"Are you ever going to let me live that down?" You groan, hanging your head low dramatically, however the smile remains on your face and Matt knows it. 

"Not for a while, no."

"Be careful, Murdock. Keep teasing me so much and I might leave a bad review," you quickly snatch your glass, downing a gulp of bitter alcohol which gives you enough confidence to add, "Don't wanna ruin your status as 'jackpot lawyer', do you?"

He laughs heartily and shakes his head. The action causes his glasses to slip on his nose slightly. Anyone else wouldn't be so bothered by this, however he is, finding the new position itchy against his skin. Without thinking too much of it, he decides to remove the problem completely, taking his glasses off and setting them in front of himself, "You know what? Why don't we just call it a truce? If Foggy hears, I'll be the one who never lives it down."

"Aw, you seemed like you liked the nickname, though? Why the change of heart, Murdock?" You tease, your giggles echoing through your glass before you finally set it down and look at him. It's amazing how much alcohol and a bit of laughter can make you feel this at ease, but it doesn't last long.

"...What's wrong?" Matt notices your silence rather quickly, although it was the skip in your heart beat that truly set off the alarm in his head. Your whole body goes tense and he can once again feel your eyes staring at him which he normally doesn't mind nor would he mind if not for your sudden change in overall behavior.

When he repeats the question again in a whisper, you merely hum, barely catching his concern even then. Instead, you become lost in the moment, forced to trust your rapidly beating heart to guide your muddled brain as you speak without much forethought, "...You're eyes - they're beautiful...They're the most beautiful color I've ever seen..."

It takes Matt a second to catch onto your exact words, pairing them with your body's reaction that shares your sudden amazement. Even so, he's reluctant to ask, fearing one of the possible answers to his own question, "Am I...Do you see color right now?"

"I do...I can see color," you confirm breathlessly, your surprise soon transforming into a giddy grin that almost reaches your ears. Leaning forward, you try to get a better look at the man before you through your new vision. Your hand moves as if prepared to reach towards him, however you keep it hovering in the air, "...I can finally see color..."

When you let your hand slowly drift back down to the table, it doesn't take long before Matt's brushes over it, remaining there as his face twists into a series of emotions. First, there's hesitance and fear, then a flash of sorrow before finally a gentle smile. 

Staring into his unfocused eyes, you almost lose yourself, forgetting that you're in fact sitting in the middle of a busy bar with your lawyer who is apparently that one special person you're meant to spend your life with...but it's then that you come to another realization that almost jolts you away from him, your words in a panic, "I-I promise I'm not lying either! I'd never lie about this to you, Matt! I really do see color, so I think you're my -"

You don't get to finish your drawn off sentence before his lips are pressing softly against yours, his hand moving yours to his cheek where it had desired to be to begin with. You had no sense of time to tell you how long you remain like that before he pulls away, forehead set against yours as his breath cools your lips, "...I'm your soulmate."

"You believe me?"

He chuckles, pecking your lips in a kiss that doesn't last nearly long enough. Matt has never admitted it to anyone, however a part of him has always feared the idea of ‘soulmates’. If they’re found through color, how would he ever find his perfect match without sight and would they even want him? 

Those insecurities only got worse after he was lied to. He knew it was a lie, too - of course he knew, he can sense the signs the human body gives off while fibbing - yet he played dumb and pretended to believe it. Why? Maybe he was too poisoned by young love, desperately wanting to believe the woman before him was his soulmate. Perhaps he was just scared he’d never find his real soulmate anyways, so why not take what he was being handed since beggars can’t be choosers? 

Then you came into the picture. Matt may not be able to confirm your connection through any form of color, but he can definitely say he felt something special from the second you first came into Nelson & Murdock searching for help. 

Some part of him realized it by the way your laughter lights a fire in his heart or how the thought of you sticks in his mind like glue throughout each day and night. Still…He was too afraid to act upon this feeling - too afraid to let himself live the chance that you could even possibly be his soulmate, although he can feel safe admitting it now: he’s been silently hoping this entire time that it would be you and it seems his instincts have been correct.

"You're my soulmate," Matt whispers, returning his lips to yours for a third time that mirrors the first: a long and loving kiss that makes you both echo out the rest of the world as you hold dearly onto the fact that neither of you will ever have to be alone again.

#matt murdock #matt murdock x y/n #daredevil x reader #daredevil #marvel #marvel x reader #marvel one shot #nelson and murdock #x reader #reader insert #fluff #soulmate au #matt murdock x reader soulmates

[starleska]

I just saw on YouTube that MatPat has made a GTLive about Welcome Home.

I’m honestly conflicted. On the one hand, I am genuinely happy that a big YouTuber like MatPat has noticed Welcome Home, as I do love his theories on occasion.

But I’m also worried. After everything Clown has been through with the sudden rush of a massive following, and also me knowing how MatPat’s very large fan base can be VERY zealous, I’m genuinely worried for Clown. I know they’re going through a lot and are currently on a well deserved hiatus, but I do have the sudden thought that the prospect of MatPat’s fan base getting too zealous may end up doing harm in the long term for them. They have done that before on other things.

And that’s not even getting into MatPat potentially making a theory video about Welcome Home when the project hasn’t yet left the Prologue Stage of its story, which may end up again doing harm.

I wonder what your opinion on all of this may be. What do you think of MatPat covering this potentially as a theory and do you worry about his fan base becoming zealous for Welcome Home?

hello sweetheart! thank you so much for sending in this ask, and for putting your thoughts down in such a respectful manner - very well articulated 💖 i'm going to pop my response under a read more, as i feel it deserves a good chunk of text for a reply.

and if you're a new Welcome Home fan - welcome to the fandom! 🥰 here's a simple guide i wrote which explains what Welcome Home is, where the story is taking place, and how you can support the creator.

okay, here we go! ✨

first of all, i understand why you're concerned. this explosive growth has been tough for Clown - and having caught the edge of the tidal wave of attention just for Welcome Home fanworks, i don't blame them for being so stressed! no one could've predicted Welcome Home would blow up so much, although it is a testament to Clown's artistic talent and skill 🔥

here's the thing: fandom isn't something you can control. i feel that even though this concern comes from a good place, we may be sliding a little too close to gatekeeping territory, and that isn't fair. i totally get what you're saying about the overzealous part, but i don't believe there's anything inherent about being a fan of MatPat's content which would cause someone to behave in a disrespectful, boundary-overstepping manner. let's be clear: we are not inherently more deserving of enjoying Welcome Home just because we discovered it earlier, or any other trait that would separate the earlier fandom from a new influx of fans from MatPat.

again, i sympathise with your perspective. i was an old MatPat fan myself: a real creepypasta-obsessed teen who discovered all sorts of cool fandoms through him and other channels! but i don't think Welcome Home being covered by MatPat means there's a higher risk of harm, or that those fans in particular are more likely to exhibit inappropriate behaviour. i worry about fandoms which, when trying to make sure everyone is being respectful, end up creating an us vs. them mentality...and there's nothing i dislike more than fans who believe they're more entitled to enjoy media more for artificial reasons, like if they discovered it earlier, or know more about the property, or engage in fandom the 'correct' way (whatever that means) 😕

i think that just because Clown is (very understandably!) stressed and needs time to adjust, doesn't mean we should try and halt the popularity of Welcome Home - which would be both unfair and impossible. there's no criteria for whether or not someone can be a fan - all that is to be expected is that they are respectful and kind. we should continue as always: being respectful, and echoing Clown's wishes. i think we should welcome all these new fans and show them a great time! and if a fan does do something harmful, we shouldn't attack them; instead, we should let them know why that's not okay, and not assume everyone is out to do harm. ignorance isn't always out of malice, and many of us discussing this issue have the luxury of being older, and having had our younger years in fandom under much less scrutiny. perhaps there's this lingering anxiety due to the claims of fans doxxing/hacking, which Clown has since debunked as being odd fandom rumours.

ultimately, Clown put Welcome Home out into the world for other people to enjoy. MatPat is allowed to make theories on Welcome Home, and his fans are allowed to enjoy it too. this is the same as an unknown video game being covered by Markiplier, or a similar property being picked up by the nerdcore music community. yes, it's likely MatPat's fans may be on the younger side, and perhaps inexperienced with fandom etiquette or boundaries. however, this is a generalisation! i feel perhaps this anxiety with new fans coming in has something to do with our own overzealousness, and how in the early days we began making fanworks/interacting with Clown's content in ways which he's since stated he's not comfortable with 💖

at the end of the day: whether we're 13 or 55; whether we compile large documents full of information about the Welcome Home story or write gushing posts about how cute Wally Darling is; whether we've known Clown's work for years or are just discovering it today - we're all fans, and we all deserve to be here. being zealous is what fandom is all about! the best thing we can do is just keep on putting out positive energy, and encouraging all of that lovely, budding excitement. let's keep helping new fans learn about the amazing story of Welcome Home, and making them feel welcome too 🥰

#i hope this answers your question anon!! 💖 #welcome home #welcome home arg #welcome home discussion #starleskatalks #starleskasks

[fuckyeahgoodomens]

Hi :) I'm new here, I accidentally chose the best time to finally watch GO, some 2 weeks ago, not knowing there's gonna be S2 in 2 months lol. I've watched the show a couple of times and I'm in the middle of reading the book but I still don't quite get Aziraphale's thought process after he figured out where to find Adam. Why didn't he tell Crowley at first and why did he break up with him? Did he have any ideas what to do when he did eventually try to tell him? I'm sure the fandom has worked it out and I could find it somewhere but the search function is hopeless and wading through 4 yrs worth of meta would take a lot of time lol. So could you explain please or point me in right direction? Thanks and also greetings from a fellow ace 😁

Hiya! :) Welcome to the fandom! :) The breakup is in the show, in the book not so much :). I do feel the book and the show a bit different - the book more witty and the show with more emotions, both absolutely brilliant. The break up in the show is there because it is more focused on the love story of Aziraphale and Crowley :), the angel not telling him is part of what I believe is Aziraphale's story and growth and realization of what Heaven is truly like.

In the book Aziraphale it is I think nicely described by this part:

Aziraphale was dithering. He'd been dithering for some twelve hours. His nerves, he would have said, were all over the place. He walked around the shop, picking up bits of paper and dropping them again, fiddling with pens.

He ought to tell Crowley.

No, he didn't. He wanted to tell Crowley. He ought to tell Heaven. He was an angel, after all. You had to do the right thing. It was built-in. You see a wile, you thwart. Crowley had put his finger on it, right enough. He ought to have told Heaven right from the start.

But he'd known him for thousands of years. They got along. They nearly understood one another. He sometimes suspected they had far more in common with one another than with their respective superiors. They both liked the world, for one thing, rather than viewing it simply as the board on which the cosmic game of chess was being played.

Well, of course, that was it. That was the answer, staring him in the face. It'd be true to the spirit of his pact with Crowley if he tipped Heaven the wink, and then they could quietly do something about the child, although nothing too bad of course because we were all God's creatures when you got down to it, even people like Crowley and the Antichrist, and the world would be saved and there wouldn't have to be all that Armageddon business, which would do nobody any good anyway, because everyone knew Heaven would win in the end, and Crowley would be bound to understand.

Yes. And then everything would be all right.

Here we can see that Aziraphale really wants to tell Crowley, but feels his angelic duty to tell Heaven and then convinces himself that if he tells Heaven everything will be fine - Heaven will dispose of the Antichrist and everything will be tickety boo - Crowley will surely understand that.

And then when Metatron talks to him and Aziraphale understands what Heaven is like and then they don't want to avoid the War and don't care about destroying Earth, he calls Crowley :).

#ask #good omens book #book excerpt #aziraphale #good omens meta #ep4 #4i23

[elvisabutler]

watch the smoke pour out the doors

summary: elvis presley, the real elvis presley, not whatever they like claiming is the man should be dead. at the very least he should be looking about two decades older than the man in front of you. and yet. elvis presley wishes the las vegas hilton- formerly the international- was a pile of rubble or ash. he enlists your help after a chance meeting. fandom: elvis presley | elvis ( 2022 ) | austin butler rating: m pairing: elvis presley x female reader word count: 8012 warnings: major character death! choking. stalking behavior. the colonel being the worst. being trapped in one place. general depression. elvis is an asshole in this. fade to back sex ( p in v ). kind of yandere elvis? blood. vampire bites and general vampire shenanigans. mention of burn scars. fire in relation to buildings. excessive use of nicknames like lil bunny and spitfire. author’s note: heed that first warning y'all. this does not have a happy ending. i've had this brewing since september/october of last year and it's partially based on @venus-haze's vampire elvis headcanons seen here. so what really stuck with me in her comment about the fact that she took "I’ve been playing this mausoleum for 1,000 years" and ran with it. i took bits and bobs from her headcanons and ta da. also the fire i reference happening in 1981 did actually happen. i hope y'all like this even if this ending is a doozy. y'all know the drill real elvis or austin elvis can be imagined- if the moodboard didn't clue you in. also for musical vibes i have literally only ever really truly listened to meant to be yours from the heathers musical. also i did not add a tag list because this is- this is a fic and i was not about to make any of y'all tumble into it without wanting to.

Las Vegas is hot and is so sun filled that you hate it. You've always hated it but that might not have been the city's fault. Once upon a time you thought it would be your salvation but isn't that always the joke with everyone when it comes to the city. The salvation away from LA, because if you fail there Las Vegas will welcome you with open arms and remind you that what happens there stays there. It keeps you from going back to Memphis with your tail between your legs and being forced to tell your parents that you failed at your big dream. The dream that they supported you on but always figured you'd fail at. Your job pays the bills and you keep your clothes on, which considering the amount of bills you have, well that was a feat for you to achieve.

Working the front desk at the Las Vegas Hilton was challenging, mostly due to the customers with their requests that occasionally bordered on silly and nonsensical but you could handle it. It was nothing too horrible and there was certain pleasure in learning that you managed to pull off keeping some of the higher class- the celebrity clients happy. Of course, nights like this- busy nights with half your staff gone because of any number of problems- made you want to set fire to the building so that you didn't have to deal with this job. Your boss has you running around in what you swear is every direction until she physically stops you with her hands, gripping your shoulders and forcing you to stay put for just a minute.

"Elvis wants a delivery to his room." She says, her face twisting into one of sheer displeasure.

You raise your eyebrow and shake your head. "You mean the Elvis impersonator up in the penthouse. Why does everyone insist on calling him Elvis? We all know it's not him him- like-" The look she gives you is one you've realized means you need to shut up right in that exact moment because if you didn't you were liable to get yourself in a whole lot of trouble so you swallow the rest of your sentence and roll your eyes. "Got it, me and penthouse and his delivery of whatever to his room. Got it."

Your boss mouths a quick thank you before pointing to the kitchen area. It doesn't take you very long to reach there despite your heels and aching feet but it does take the kitchen staff a minute to realize you're standing there all gussied up ready to take whatever it is Mr. Presley wants. What he wants is apparently a feast befitting of a king- heh- and more packs of cigars than you thought one human being capable of smoking in any reasonable time frame but you remember those pictures of him back in the day. The pictures you'd see in your parents' house, in your grandparents' house of him smoking something. Maybe it was just someone who was honestly committed to the bit even if it meant wrecking their lungs and their voice. Once you actually manage to get everything, it's a surprisingly quick walk to the elevator and to the penthouse. For once your heels don't wobble as they have an annoying tendency to do so when you get this much stuff needing to be carried and you easily make it to the door of the penthouse and knock only to realize that your series of knocks have made the door open all on its own.

The room itself is dark, the curtains drawn so not even the light of the strip finds its way into it. It feels not like a tomb, you reason, with the temperature reaching levels that feel almost as if you've entered one. The cold wraps around you and has you shivering in your light blouse and work pants as you look for a free space, a table really to set down the items he requested. Your eyes struggle to adjust to the lack of light but you manage to avoid hitting anything and set the tray onto what you're mostly positive is a table- be it an end table or an actual dining table. You straighten up after you set it down and something feels off to you, feels as if you're being watched. That can't be though, yes Elvis- or whoever it's supposed to be up here had requested the items but that didn't mean they were stalking you from the dark.

Except the feeling doesn't go away and you know so very well that you ought to move, that you should get out of the room and back downstairs where it's busy and you don't feel the faint sensation of worrying that you'll be murdered. You don't though, it's as if your feet are firmly planted in that spot, like you want to see just why you're feeling this particular way. After what feels like an eternity you feel the air around you shift, a small gust of warmth pass by your back and that is the cue for your body to finally turn around. What you see when you turn around shocks you to your very core and makes you think you've got to be hallucinating.

It's like you've seen a ghost when you realize who you're staring at in the darkness of the room. There's always been whispers that Elvis is actually still alive, that he's alive and the person who's been recording the music and performing shows was still him. After all, despite so much information about his relationship with his manager coming out there was no lawsuit coming from the family and that had to mean he was alive. Looking at the man in front of you, looking at the parts you can see of his face that aren't obscured by a half mask over his face- you think they might be right just not in the way everyone assumed. After all, if you take off the mask, the man in front of you looks like he hasn't aged a day since about 1972 or maybe 1974.

Your parents had pictures of him plastered among the walls of your childhood home so you're familiar with the shape of his jaw, his nose and those eyes- those stunning blue eyes. You're familiar with all the facial features that make up one Elvis Presley and seeing them up close and personal as opposed to on stage? There's no mistaking who's in front of you. It's Elvis fucking Presley in the flesh, looking nowhere near the almost 60 he should be. His eyes though- the eyes you're looking at are just as stunning as the blue ones you've always heard about but you can see a hint of what looks like red in the pupil. It confuses you enough to have you moving closer to him to investigate. He raises an eyebrow and tilts his head.

"That's new. Most of ya jus' hide and run away like scared cats." He huffs, allowing you to step closer and peer at his eyes.

"Do I seem like most people, Elvis?" You ask, you accent thickening as your hand against your will finds its way to his mask-covered cheek in an effort to pull him closer, only to have him practically snarl at you and grab your wrist.

"Do that and I'll rip your throat out with my teeth." His warning is accompanied by his eyes narrowing and his canines finding themselves on full display, showing you just how dangerous he could be. Yet, you find yourself raising your own eyebrows.

"Ya mean like you've done with a lot of my former coworkers?" It's suddenly making sense, how a lot of the times girls who went up here wouldn't come back and would suddenly have family emergencies. "Ya said it yourself, most of us jus' hide and run away. Do I look scared?"

The laugh that leaves his mouth sounds downright evil and sinister, like he truly is a devil waiting to ruin anyone who comes near him and you can't help the rush of arousal and fear that shudders through your system. His grip tightens on your wrist. "Oh, darlin'. Ya don't look it but that heart o' yours. Oh, she's betrayin' ya like nothin' else. Tellin' me you want to bolt like a lil scared bunny."

You hate how you swear you can feel your heart jump at those words, proving him right in the worst sort of way. You want to argue with him, want to tell him that his hearing must be going off and he's hearing someone else's heartbeat but you know better- you know from the glint you see in his eyes that there isn't a chance for that lie to fly. Instead you purse your lips and move to pull your wrist out of his grasp. "I haven't yet. And ya haven't tried to kill me yet."

His grip loosens but he takes the opportunity to pull you closer just enough so when he leans forward his lips are brushing your ear as his whisper is practically a short brush of air against it. "Yet." Finally, he lets go of your wrist and steps away from you, his eyes darting to the tray you brought. "All in one piece. You are better than the rest of 'em."

If anyone else were to say that, if you had heard it from an Elvis that looked the age he was supposed to be and didn't look like Dracula you might have preened, enjoying the compliment for what it was. Hearing it from him? Hearing it from a man who you feel will murder you the second you turn your back? All that accomplishes is making you shiver in fear. When you look at his face you see a grin that tells you that's exactly what he wanted to see.

You realize in that moment that you need to leave, you don't know if Elvis is planning on trying to hurt you or if he's just toying with you. Either way it's- it sets you on edge enough that your feet that had seemingly forgotten how to move manage to remember how as you turn away from Elvis, not bothering to give him a response beyond what your body had already inadvertently done.

"There we go, there's that runnin' I'm used to." Elvis chuckles, allowing you to move further away from him slowly inching to the door. "Even if ya practically movin' slow as molasses. Scared but bein' smart 'bout it, ain't cha?"

An answer dances on the tip of your tongue, a joke or a quip about how you'd be a fool to turn your back on a predator or to bolt from a predator. Either way you'd be seen as his prey and arguably easy prey at that. The answer dies on your lips as you feel a rush of air by you and see Elvis opening and holding the door to his room open for you. His grin looks full of promise and is all teeth in a way that sets you on edge.

"Go on, darlin', I'll let ya go. Ain't like I can't find ya 'round here." His eyes rake over your form and you'd think you'd be disgusted as you normally are when someone looks at you like that. Instead you have to suppress the shiver of something that passes through you. "'Specially if ya do that."

You don't dignify his words with a response as you exit hearing some whisper of the word fun and a dark laugh. If the speed of your steps increase once the door shuts. Well, that was your own business between you and whatever God saw fit to abandon you just a bit ago.

As it turns out Elvis is a very persistent man- a fact not tempered and instead heightened by the years he's lived. True to his word, he did know exactly where to find you though actually meeting up with you seemed to be beyond his reach. No, instead you found yourself being bombarded with gifts. Gifts you'd think Elvis couldn't provide and yet there they were. You wondered just how he was getting these things to you but the thought didn't fill you with any sort of delight so you chose not to dwell. It all comes to a head when before your shift one night there was a new outfit on your doorstep. A simple red blouse with a black pinstripe skirt. That in and of itself wouldn't be a problem and yet the true issue was the note.

Took a guess on your size, lil Bunny. You can tell me if I'm right tonight after my show.

It is your size and you have idea how he could tell that let alone how he knew these were your favorite colors and that you favored pinstripes for your dresswear. If you dwell on it for too long some sense of fear and flattered feelings settle deep within your stomach.

The only reason you wear the outfit is because every other work appropriate outfit you have is currently in the wash. A fact that is true purely due to your own laziness and is something you want to curse yourself for. You consider actually going to the show, entirely aware that you could but you're loath to give him the satisfaction. Instead you wait until around the time the show ends to make your way to his room utilizing your ability to have extra keys of rooms to make your way inside. He's not there yet so you sit in a chair and wait in the dark. Dramatic, yes, but you figure it seemed fitting given the circumstances. Perhaps he might even respect the flourish of it, the flourish of you waiting for his own dramatic person in the dark as if he couldn't rip your throat out in an instant.

You almost doze off waiting for him but when he finally arrives he opens his door with a sigh, completely ignoring you before he walks slowly over to you, silent as a church mouse. He opens his mouth to say something as his teeth glitter in the light of the strip coming from the window but you cut him off.

"Is this all supposed to charm me?" A simple question but one that has him chuckling lowly as you try and get up only to be stopped by his hand on your shoulder.

"It working?" His eyes zero in on your skirt before he shrugs. "Fits you like a damn glove. Knew I guessed right."

"You guessed-" You try and take his hand off your shoulder before realizing it only makes him push down just that little bit harder. "I didn't ask for clothes or jewelry or- for you to even still be trying to talk to me. What do you even want from me? My blood?"

"If I wanted to suck ya dry of all your blood, I'd've done it already darlin'. Nah, that'd be a damn waste of a spitfire like ya." Elvis murmurs as his eyes trace your form. "Think we'll have more fun with you alive and me alive as I'll ever be. 'Less ya gonna tell me you've gotta death wish."

You scoff at him, your lips curling up into a sneer. "I didn't even know ya were honestly still alive, what makes ya think ya were a part of any death wish I might have?"

"The fact that your heart insists on goin' a mile a minute 'round me. Or when you shivered like ya did. Might not have realized I was 'round but now that ya do-" His tongue darts out to wet his lips. "Think ya'd enjoy dyin' with me drainin' the life from ya."

You shouldn't think the idea is enjoyable but you can't help the way your legs reflexively clench together. "Mr. Pres-"

"Elvis. Lil bunny, lil spitfire of a woman. You were waitin' f'me in the dark. Could've rushed in 'n torn out that pretty lil throat of yours 'fore I realized it was you. And wouldn't that've been a cryin' shame. Waste of a woman like ya."

It's flattering the way he calls you a spitfire and the way he leans close to you whispering it to you like a long lost lover. You reason your reaction stems from not being intimate with anyone for a while but truly perhaps it just is Elvis's natural charm. A shake of your head is all you manage to do before clearing your throat to speak. "Elvis. That- That was the point not- Ya needed to be caught off guard. Startled. And-"

The laugh he lets out is low and mocking. "Oh darlin' you wanted to surprise a vampire. You- God, you're somethin' else. Maybe- Stay here tonight. Don't got plans, know that."

The unfortunate truth of the matter that he's correct. You don't have plans but spending the night and staying there with him has you shaking your head once again. That is the exact opposite of anything you want to do. "No. Find- They'll send up another girl if ya ask them to or have- I don't know, I'm not staying here tonight."

His hand that's been on your shoulder moves to your neck and traces the lines of it gently as he leans forward and lets a nail act almost as if he's going to prepare it to be pierced by his teeth. "Not even if I have somethin' to tell ya. Somethin' interestin'?"

Your face perks up for a moment at the thought of just what he might want to tell you before you frown. "Not even- I want to go home Mr-"

"Elvis. Not. Mr. Presley. Not to ya." The words are growls in your ear and involuntarily your mouth opens up and lets out a soft whimper and whine. At the noise his hand moves to stroke your clavicle. "Just for tonight. Won't- Don't plan on doing what your body seems to want me t'do. Just wanna talk."

You use the fact that his hand isn't directly pushing you down to slip out of the chair. His eyes widen in shock before he moves to pull you into his arms. He doesn't bother to move fast, more preoccupied with seeing your reaction. You take a step or two back and he drops his arms to his side before motioning to the door. "'Nother night then, Y/N. 'Nother night." A beat. "I won't stop."

Whatever you want to say just comes out as a hiss of anger almost like you're a cat before you slink out the door. Once you're in the elevator you sink to the floor and try to steady your breathing, you try to tamp down on your arousal and try and ignore the part of your brain craving to find out just what he wanted to talk to you about.

That craving doesn't leave you and if you didn't know any better you'd think it was supernatural the way it worms its way into your mind and settles in popping up at the worst possible times. It only takes a week before you find yourself waiting for him in the dark again, wearing a pinstripe pair of pants and the red blouse he had given you. You don't mean to fall asleep waiting for him this time but you do, only to wake up when you feel the presence of something staring at you. By this point his show had been over for an hour and he's in a robe that looks- soft. "Rise n' shine, lil bunny."

You scramble a bit, shocked and mortified that you fell asleep before you look at Elvis who is just sitting casually as can be in a chair next to yours. Your eyes drift over him before you bite your lip. "I'm only here to- I want to know what ya were going to tell me last week. And I want ya to stop- I want to not have a bunch of gifts every day."

His shoulders move in a shrugging motion before he shakes his head. "I got no problem tellin' ya about it, but 'less you're gonna help, ya still gonna get the gifts."

"Why do ya- I don't want- That's not how you charm someone into helping ya." You cycle through words faster than you mean to, more confused than anything else at what he's saying. "What do ya even need my help for?"

It's a valid question, you figure, after all he's a vampire and you are still very much a human but he hums, waving off the question before moving his chair to face you and to essentially pin you into being stuck in your own chair. "It's how I figure you'll be charmed." He pauses. "Lil outta practice wit' th'other one. As for what I need ya help for-" He trails off and pulls off the mask obscuring part of his face to reveal a burn scar that is noticeable enough to have you gasping. "Need ya to help me avoid doin' this again. Don't feel like burnin' up like that on the other side. Let alone anywhere else."

Several moments pass before you finally find the words to articulate your question that aren't just straight confused noises. "Are ya asking me to help ya set fire to something?" He cannot be asking you to do that. You have to be dead and this is just a very vivid post death hallucination.

For his part Elvis nods slowly, looking you dead in the eye with the most laconic face as he answers you. "I'm askin' ya t'help me set fire to this place."

"The hotel?" Your tone shifts up about 2 octaves and you swear your voice just whistles instead of actually speak. "Where I work? Where you perform?"

That same laconic look doesn't leave Elvis's face. "The one I tried to set fire to in '81 only to burn half my face? That very one, lil bunny."

You can't help but laugh though it's not something normal and sensible that comes out of your mouth. No, it's a high pitched mildly terrified giggle that leaves your mouth. He's- He is asking you to commit arson with him. To help him set fire to a place he's performed at since the 1970s. That you work at. He cannot be serious. "You're- You're joking. I- I have Elvis Presley who is apparently a vampire stalking me so that I can help him set fire to a hotel because you fucked up the first time?"

The giggle is still there before his hand darts out and wraps around your throat, tightening just slightly. "Keep laughin' lil one. Keep laughin' and I'll rip that throat clean out. Won't even be recognizable."

His hand steals your breath away from you as you try to take a breath only to have him tighten it more. He- He won't kill you, you don't think, this is just to scare you, to make you want to do what he's asking for but your vision is starting to blur just a bit and you can't help the way your eyes are starting to roll back in your head before suddenly you can breathe. You cough a little violently as air rushes back into your lungs before you glare at him, pushing the chair back in order to stand up. "You keep threatening to kill me, ya sure ya want my help? I don't- I'm leaving. This is a joke. You're a joke just like ya were-"

In a rush Elvis has you pulled tightly to his chest, his arms snaking around you and tightening like a python. "Stopped being a joke the second this happened to me don't- Heard enough of that from all those goddamn tabloids and from the reports of my death."

You're going to die, this is how you're going to die. Not by starvation or homelessness or by some madman murdering you on the streets. No, you're going to die because a man who was a has been before he became a vampire and is even more of one now despite three more albums under his belt and another Grammy for that eighties gospel album. Still you have to fight him, he's not- if he wants your help he won't kill you. You're- he's obsessed with you, isn't he? Wants your help that bad?

"Elvis, I think you're just a lonely scared little boy in a man's- excuse me- vampire's body." You snarl, trying to wriggle out of his grasp, as if you have any chance of winning against a vampire with superhuman strength. As if you'd have any chance winning against him even if he was human. Elvis Presley never had been a small man and you had never been the strongest of women.

"And if I am? Ya gonna be my salvation? Gonna save me from this hell on Earth? This eternal damnation forced on me by a Dutch lyin' bastard?" He leans closer to you, his breath ghosting over your face, over your lips as he takes breaths he doesn't need to and as he watches your eyes have a fire in them that warms him from the inside out. "Gonna make me feel better about it, darlin'? Ya really think ya good enough t'do that? That I like ya 'nough for that t'work?"

"Ya haven't killed me yet." You spit at him, just narrowly avoiding actually spitting on him. "I'm still alive and ya seem pretty damn obsessed with getting me of all the people in this town to help ya. So, yes, I think ya like me just enough."

At your words Elvis's grip on you loosens and he steps back like you burned him for a moment before he practically hisses at you. "'m only obsessed 'cause ya seem like the only person who could do it." A beat and something flashes in his blue and red tinged eyes. "And ya- yer from home." Memphis is what he means but he doesn't think to clarify. He takes a step forward and grabs at your chin even as you let out a snarl of your own. "Ya hate this place as much as I do. And think ya'd like seein' it burn down 'round ya. Don't lie. Can tell if ya do."

A quick dart of your eyes to the side is all the answer you can give for a moment as you try to compose yourself. "Doesn't mean I wanna help ya. Doesn't mean I'm gonna help ya."

For the briefest of moments, Elvis looks human and looks like a little boy when he looks at you. He's- You recognize the look, it's almost practically begging. "Please. This place- it ain't good for anyone. Me, especially but can't tell me it's done a bit of good for anyone other than who owns it."

He's right, as much as you loathe to admit it and it shows in how you purse your lips. "I'm not- I ain't agreeing to this, but tell me just what your hairbrained plan is."

As it turns out, Elvis's plan takes until the break of dawn to explain and two orders of room service delivered by one man who goes back downstairs and a woman who- well, served as Elvis's food until she fell limp in arms. There was something enrapturing about watching the act, watching how her mouth contorted into one of pleasure as she came in his arms before you could slowly see the life drain from her until his mouth came off her neck with a pop and a squelch. When he looks at you his lips are covered in her blood and he can't help but give you a toothy grin. "Sounds like you're jealous of her and me. Can't risk killing ya but maybe- maybe soon lil one."

That morning you call in and dream of his lips against your neck and of the pleasure he'd give you because- he doesn't want to kill you. You'd just get all the joys of being fed from but none of the tragedy. If you avoid him that night, you blame it on your shift. He doesn't call you out on the lie.

Planning arson between two people, one of whom has a larger bank account but can't leave his residence and the other who has a smaller bank account but can roam as she pleases is harder than one would think. Yet you both persevere, meeting up every other night to gather the items needed. What's been tripping you up for ages has been the floor plans and it shows in how you've been getting snappier with Elvis each passing meeting. He gives back in spades, somehow being worse than he was your first and second meetings but tonight- tonight he seems a little melancholy and a melancholy Elvis is a very human Elvis and one you find- one you could see a future with perhaps. A twisted one but one that flutters into your brain on nights you can't sleep or nights you can sleep despite dreams of the two of you mouths red and snarling as you feed.

"At this point ya might as well kill me." Your accent has been returning with a vengeance the more time you spend with Elvis any acting classes you had to train it out of you falling by the wayside. "We ain't gonna find a proper floor plan and without that we can't-"

"Y/N." His tone is laced with a warning- don't test him, not tonight. "I got time- wanna get this done but 'nother week ain't gonna hurt."

"Says the man who hasn't fed from me and is gonna live forever." Your eyes are blazing when you look at him before you continue. "I wanna get this over with. Wanna have- Wanna see if you'll do somethin' if we get it done."

Elvis's eyes narrow looking at you for a moment before he rubs his hand over his mouth. "Oh. That's- Lil Bunny. That's the problem? Ya want me t'do somethin' to ya? Have my wicked way with ya?"

You can feel your heartbeat rushing in your ears before you can even articulate an answer. "That's not- Ya keep looking at me. Like- like I'm someone ya might wanna- No, I don't."

"Ya do." He moves to lean over your chair, putting your face at eye level with his chest. "Ya wanna know what it's like to be in my bed. Wanna know what it's like to please me."

You do, lord above you do. You're essentially committing a crime for him and for what? For the pleasure of knowing you've set fire to a horrible hotel? That you've freed him from this place? For nothing that gives you any satisfaction. "Is that so wrong? Ya won't kill me when there's a line of bodies I can probably trace back to your first year as a vampire. Ya won't feed from me because then where's your help for this silly scheme. Ya won't fuck me because-"

"Listen darlin, honey, satnin. I- I get a lil lonely up here. I know what ya gonna say- jus' leave but you've seen how it is." Seen how he can't leave the room for fear someone's going to actually realize that he's Elvis Presley and not some impersonator. Seen how people already mock the fact that he's still around- after all hadn't you? Seen how he looks out at the view of Vegas, almost wistful when he thinks you're not looking. "I haven't killed ya but- you're- ya remind me of how I was. Always been- the way I am but not not like this. Don't feel like ruinin' it is all."

His hand reaches out to touch your face and it's so gentle that you can't help but nuzzle into it and take a quick inhale of breath. "Elvis."

He hums, noting how your eyes shut and for the briefest of moments he remembers what it was like to have someone whisper his name like that. Like a prayer you're scared will float away and fail if you say it too loud. He's missed that, he's missed so much of what it was like to be human, to be able to live freely even if back in the day his freedom still had him confined. You just look so sweet nuzzling his palm, acting as if you're the love of his life, acting as if you belong there. Maybe that's why he had been cursed otherwise he doubts he would have made it to this decade or at least made it to this decade in a state you might have wanted him in. "Y/N?"

"Why are you being like this?" You whisper, still nuzzling at his palm. "You- From the stories I've heard you're- you've never been a completely good man. I haven't seen you be a good man."

Another hand, his free hand moves to cup the opposite side of your face and forces you to look up at him. His eyes always such a stormy blue with that ring of red since you came across him have taken on a lighter hue and it takes your breath away as you feel his thumbs stroke your cheek. "Haven't had a reason t'be one. Look where it got me, satnin. Haven't pushed ya away yet, maybe you're- maybe you're the thing to settle this violent angry head of mine. So pretty- so gentle when ya wanna be. Let me take care of ya, hm?"

His hand moves away from you and you chance it almost in a trance before you look at him and bite your lip. "Take care of me?" The subtext is clear as your heart starts to race and your legs clench together.

What was the harm in treating you tonight? Maybe it would give you the right incentive to find the floor plans, to look harder than you had been. Maybe that was the real trouble you were having. You were too distracted by your desire and want for him. His hand moves down to your chest, undoing the buttons of your blouse slowly. "Take care of ya. Jus' for tonight."

That night you find yourself gasping for air, screaming his name, arching your back and snarling all at once. You find that when you leave you play with the bite mark on your breast and shudder remembering his words said against your ear more than once. "Might make ya mine if ya do well enough."

It still takes another two weeks to get the floor plans, the proper up to date ones. Two weeks of finding yourself in Elvis's bed with him teasing you and making promises about his plans for you and him. But, as it turns out someone had been wanting to get a room at the hotel and well, you did work the front desk so you could handle getting them some accommodations for a fee of course. Elvis wastes no time in opening up the plans when you arrive that night with them in your hand, holding a bottle of champagne for you and the number of someone you had met on the bus for Elvis to enjoy his own drink. After she's on the floor and you're nursing your second flute of champagne you feel Elvis behind you wrapping his strong arms around your middle and pulling you close.

"Gonna turn ya when it's all ash. Won't be stuck here any longer, can do what I want again. Take ya all around the world." He whispers against the shell of your ear, nipping once he reaches your earlobe. "You're gonna look so fuckin' gourgous feedin'. Vicious as ya are. Ya did so good bringin' me dinner too. Wish I coulda shared her wit' ya. Soon, lil Bunny, soon."

There's an alarm in your head that goes off at those words, at the way he coos them while holding you. They feel off- fake somehow and you down that second glass the moment he lets go of you. Had- You knew very well he wasn't a nice man, you've known this from the second you first spoke but he- there's no way he has any intention of changing you. He might be obsessed with you but that's because you've been the only person who can handle herself well enough to do this, hadn't it? You were going to get him to the finish line of burning down the hotel only to what burn with it yourself? Take the fall for a dead man? You file away the thoughts in your head for a later moment, if you thought about them now Elvis would know.

You smile at him almost saccharine. "Ya mean it? I'll be your vicious lil vampire queen?"

He grabs your chin and pulls you in for a kiss not caring that he still has a trace of blood on his lips. "The second it's up in smoke. Promise."

Liar.

Las Vegas in August is disgusting, better than some places in the United States, but it's still hotter than Hades and feels nearly as suffocating despite the lack of humidity. A fact you keep pointing out to Elvis as you both hold small cans of gas.

"Should've killed ya like the res' of 'em. No one would've missed ya. Jus' another lil' girl in Vegas runnin' 'round thinkin' she could make it big." You see a flash of his teeth and you figure it's supposed to scare you but at this point you like to think you know better.

"If ya killed me who would be helpin' ya right now?" The way you speak is practically a sneer but you can't help it, not with how he just somewhat threatened to kill you. "Hurry up, people are going to start coming back and I don't-"

"It's 11PM and they're in Vegas the hell are they-" He starts before he starts to trot off to the area he's most familiar with- the stages. "Meet me by the damn elevator."

An eye roll is the only response he gets as he leaves you to your own thoughts as you pour the can of gasoline in a line between the already waiting containers of it. If all goes well the walls of fire you and Elvis hope to create will have the entire building up in smoke in no time at all. It makes it so you both have to be quick on each floor but you had taken precautions for this. You knew every way to get down the floors as quickly as you could and Elvis wouldn't leave you behind. After all, he kept talking about his lil' spitfire queen. Kept cooing the words at you in between planning and buying the gas and finding yourself spread across his sheets or above him.

And yet something felt different, you had that same feeling you did when he talked about how gorgeous you'd look feeding. It felt off. You try to shake the feeling away as you two reach the top of the building, his penthouse suite and cover it in extra gasoline. He wanted every bit of this room demolished, nothing salvageable but to do that you are currently feeling faintly high on the sheer amount of gasoline in the room and wondering just how no embers from the cigar he just lit have fallen yet. You almost miss the words he says when he looks over at you. "Ready to run?"

A shrug is your only answer before you try and take a deep breath. "Get in the elevator first, then toss it."

He obliges, letting you go first with a flourish that rather than delight you has your hackles raising. "Ladies first."

Elvis Presley used to be a gentleman. Elvis Presley is not a gentleman any more.

Right before the doors to the elevator close Elvis tosses his cigar between the door and as they shut you feel the rush of heat from the roaring blast it caused. This is the only floor you have to take the elevator for and it makes each consecutive floor easier. You both light a cigar and toss before running to the next floor, rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat even as Elvis pulls you in for a harsh kiss his eyes blazing in the fire he had started with his cigar, looking practically manic with delight. The fire brings out the red in his eyes. It scares you.

"Calm down, Lil' Bunny. Almost there." He shouts practically sing songing the words as you rush down yet another flight of stairs to the second floor. "One more floor and you're mine. We'll be free. I'll be free."

There it is again, that nagging feeling that you're a means to an end for him. You brush it off one final time as you start to cough, the floors of smoke and blaring alarms of a sprinkler system that hasn't produced any water getting to you. "Jus' want this done, 'Vis."

Finally you reach the final floor, the bottom floor which is the most complicated. There's an extra exit, a fire exit in the stage area so you both agree that's the last room, that's the last place to be set ablaze and Elvis finds it almost poetic when he thinks about it. He stares at the doors for a moment before he enters with you, as if he thinks he has all the time in the world. He might, he might be able to run out of there fast enough but the smoke is starting to get to you and the heat from the blaze above and around you is making the area around you sweltering. "You said you'd turn me, Elvis. Once we get outside, right?" You have to shout before you cough over the roar of the blaze and how somehow it's starting blow toward you as you shut the door to leave you and him in the lone area not on fire yet.

The cigar in his mouth is lit and he contemplates knocking off the tip, letting it start to catch everything ablaze before he stops himself and nods. "Course, gonna do it the second you get some air in ya."

Your own cigar- the last cigar is lit and you're about to toss it before you stare at him, stare at him because that tone- that tone betrays his actual plan. "Why not now? I can- I can barely breathe in here, Elvis."

Those words have him tossing his cigar and have a whoosh of fire come up behind him as he walks towards you. "You'll be fine, lil spitfire. Y/N. You don't- Patience. Don't wanna rush forever."

Your mind goes blank as you drop the cigar you were holding and have to jump out of the way as a bit of fire starts to separate you and Elvis. He glances at the fire and growls, realizing he's very quickly going to be boxed in before he wooshes to a spot next to you. "Tryin' to kill me? 'Cause I won't-"

A crash can be heard of a bit of wood falling onto the stage and you jump before you cut him off. "Because you're not plannin' on it. Ya gonna- You're plannin' on killin' me, aren't ya?"

"Eatin' ya, actually. It's what ya wanted back when ya first saw me eat. Wanted to be fucked then sucked. I fucked ya now-" His words are cut off with a slap that he allows you to do because it gives him the ability to grab at your wrist. "Loose end, lil one. Either you go down for this or ya die. Gave ya the more pleasurable option."

"While telling me you were going to change me!" You snarl half running toward the door even as you inhale another bit of smoke causing you to cough more. "You- You've been usin' me this whole damn time! I- you said you'd make me your little queen."

He's faster and he has you pinned up against a wall as he feels the flames starting to inch toward you both and as you keep swallowing more and more smoke. "Ya called me a damn has been and a joke. Darlin' ya don't wanna spend eternity wit' me, ya jus' wanna run around spending an eternity doing whatever the hell ya want to do. Ain't gonna give ya something you think is a gift."

"You- I'm- I can't breathe." You choke out as you try and take deep breaths only to realize that the room is filling with grey smoke. He's fine because he doesn't need to breathe but you- you need air.

"Shame I didn't change ya before. Didn't give ya what ya wanted to use me for. Don't care 'bout me. Lil Memphis spitfire don't care 'bout the thing everyone loves 'bout the place. No wonder your mama and daddy don't want ya to come back." His tone is mocking as he keeps you pinned to the wall, despite inching himself closer to the door. He was going to escape and you were going to die by smoke inhalation if the fire didn't kill you first.

A breath of air enters your lungs suddenly as you find that Elvis lets you go, a bit of the fire catching onto his pant leg right as he reaches the door with you. You seize the opportunity and hit at the door with your body, trying to force it open as he steps on the offending burning fabric. even as another crash can be heard on the stage and you see more and more paint chips fluttering around both of you, or maybe that's ash you've never seen a fire this big. The door finally flings open and more fresh air for your lungs and to feed the fire. Elvis whooshes over to you and attempts to block your way out but for once you have the upper hand, managing to be on the outside of the building while Elvis is still just barely in there. He realizes his mistake, realizes what you just very well might do to him in an instant.

"Lil Bunny- I'll- Don't be rash. I'll do it. I'll do what I said I would." He coos even as the fire rushes around him, his hair becoming more messed up the more he stands there. His face getting more ashes on it the longer he stands there.

"Liar. Liar." You tilt your head and move to push him inside. "Pants on fire."

His eyes look down thinking you're telling him his pants are literally on fire and you take that as your opportunity to shut the door, locking it in a way only you know how. Within a moment he starts to push at the door.

"Y/N!" He shouts through the door. "I'll do it, just let me outta here! I'm- Ya don't want this on your conscious! I wasn't gonna kill ya! Baby- Darlin- Lil Bunny, let me out!"

"Not gonna believe a lyin' dead man, Presley!" You shout, knowing that you sound insane before you start to move away because he's right you don't want that on your conscious. You hear him shouting promises you doubt he'll keep and feel the fresh bite he had made on your chest burn as you walk away but you're able to fake being a victim among the crowd, the ashes covering your face and the way you keep coughing as the building burns and as you swear you hear a series of Southern curses in the wind.

The bite scars over and aches from time to time.

They don't find his body. You try and not let it keep you up at night.

#elvis presley x reader #elvis presley angst #elvis presley fanfic #elvis presley x y/n #elvis presley #austin elvis x reader #austin butler elvis x you #austin butler elvis #austin butler elvis x reader #austin elvis angst #austin elvis x you #vampire elvis #austin elvis x y/n #austin butler elvis fanfic #elvis presley fanfiction #ally writes

[ripplestitchskein]

I'm new to stolitz and HB and your takes/ your essay was a breath of fresh air. Maybe it's because I'm new here in the HB fandom, but I've seen more people talking shit about Stolas/"Stolas fans" than actual "toxic" Stolas fans? And don't get me started on those horrible ass takes calling Stolas a sexual assaulter/abuser or comparing Stolitz to Angel and Valentino, likening Stolas to Valentino.

It bothers the heck out of me but at the end of the day, with more exposure to that noise I can navigate how to tune it out and they can stay bitter and talk shit about everything they watch while we wait for "Full Moon"

Welcome Nonnie! Thank you so much! I’ve really missed doing things like this. It’s been awhile since I interacted this heavily with a fandom as nothing has really caught my brain this intensely for a long time so it’s nice to discover likeminded people in it. I’m new too! We can be new together.

It’s funny, I didn’t even know about HB until after I watched Hazbin, I had seen literally zero things about it, and while I had heard of Hazbin over the years and had seen Alastor I didn’t know what it was, I thought it was one of those popular dating sims, or like a new tumblr sexy man thing I hadn’t heard about which is hilarious to me now. A bunch of my IRL friends were talking about Hazbin a lot though and I love musical theater and have been on a personal art journey for a while (it started as getting better at art for video games, I’m a software engineer, but turned into me making a comic somehow because I’m a lifelong writer too) and the art style intrigued me so I decided to check it out. I loved it a lot, but like a normal amount. When I came on here people were talking about Helluva Boss so I’m like “ooh, more content” so we watched that and my brain saw Stolas and Stolitz and started the sirens. Like literally a “Oh no I love him” moment in LooLoo Land.

There are just characters and ships that hit just right. Imagine my surprise when I went into fandom spaces and there were people with these crazy interpretations of them and of Stolas I couldn’t reconcile with what I’d just watched. Like at all. Well I was surprised, but I’ve been around a fandom or two so I wasn’t that surprised but in this instance it was especially strange to me. It didn’t jive AT ALL with the show I just watched. Honestly, that intrigued me as much as the ship did.

Especially the Stolas takes. I’m like “This guy? This complete dork who is trying to mirror what his crush wants so bad he might as well be made of silvered glass?” “Evil Sexual assaulter? The guy in the royal romper who sings to his daughter and gets excited over legal contracts and makes silly little owl noises? This is the guy who has some evil sexual coercion plot over the dude who threatened to fuck his employees 11 minutes into the show and can’t go ten minutes without saying cum?” It was REALLY confusing let me tell you. Like you have this really fucked up reality where murder is A-Okay and characters that say vile shit to each other as a matter of course and people are all up in arms about a transactional sexual relationship? It just seemed like one of the least problematic things some of these characters do lol and I felt like I was in a room where something important happened and I missed it.

I’m pretty good about taking in different views, because of my ND I try really hard to understand where people are coming from and kind of assume I missed something everyone else knew from being in the fandom for so long, that being new I didn’t know, but the more I looked into it the more it seemed tied to an interpretation of the character that wasn’t in what I had watched. I watched the VivziePop channel playlist which does not have the Pilot. When I found out about the original Pilot some quotes made a *little* more sense especially with the huge gaps in content releases, but I’m still fucking baffled a lot of the time tbh. Sometimes I feel like these people are watching an entirely different show based on that Pilot and our social media have crossed universes.

I’m used to this though, the last major characters to take over my brain were MXTX characters, Bakugou from MHA and Killian Jones before that so I am pretty used to people having character interpretations who can’t get past first impressions, and ignore like literally years of development. (More about the last two, the MXTX fandom is one of the best I’ve been in, everyone seems to be really happy with the canon content there all around, I can’t think of any hate I’ve ever seen about any character tbh, even the actual villains. Fan fiction game is on point too, so many good writers in that fandom).

I’m also used to people ascribing love of a fictional character to a real life moral failing. My view has always been that I enjoy more complex characters and stories that aren’t always squeaky clean because it’s fiction and it’s fucking boring if everyone in it are these perfect unflawed cardboard cutouts who always act the right way, never hurt other people, and never make mistakes or fuck up or miscommunicate. People approaching relationships from differing points of view, struggling with darkness and trauma, and reconciling their issues especially together or to BE together is the fucking BEST thing about fiction.

Fandoms are fucking bizarre is what I’ve ultimately landed on. And they don’t understand what toxic means. Or problematic. Like just plain do not understand those words.

We’ll be fine Nonnie! Let’s just keep flailing over things we love, crying over the angst train that is surely coming full speed at our faces (and will probably have to deal with for years because of the release schedule), and enjoy theorizing, speculating, analyzing and creating content with other like minded people! Come vent in my inbox anytime and I’ll keep writing War and Peace length essays about 15 minute long episodes.

Seriously though, the man wears a ROYAL THEMED ROMPER how could ANYONE hate him? I love him so much.

I will say the one downside of this fandom is I know more about avian genitalia and reproduction than I ever needed to.

#anon #anonymous #Stolitz #stolas x blitz #I haven’t had a Nonnie message in forever! #we’re back baby #full on in it now #stay tuned for more of my ramblings #a lot of sobbing #like a lot #25k more viewings of look my way #and some art prob #prob a fanfic or two #let’s see where the blorbos take us

[mamaslittlespace]

♡ Safe Space Cubby ♡

☁︎ Welcome ageres! Hi All Littles, caregivers, or anyone who wants to be here. Call me Cookie: I am a little and a mommy!caregiver. Lately the world has been crushing down on me and I wanted to make some stuff to help me and others. So I’m here to make some fics!! And they will be very slowly coming out because I run another account.

🍼 Masterlist 🍼

⇢ My hero academia

Fruit shakes- Cg!iida x fem!little!reader

Best price- CG! Kirishima x trans!reader

⇢ Demon Slayer

⇢ Marvel

🧸 Rules to follow 🧸

★ If this is not the page for you, block or move one. This is how some of us feel safe and heal. Sometimes it’s okay to scroll and not leave hate.

★ this is a completely sfw safe. AgeRegression here is just for comfort and nothing sexual about it. You can leave my page if that’s what you want but on here it’s a no.

★ i wouldn’t be doing to heavy themes when it comes to angst but I will give comfort of fics on who ask!

★ blankies, pacis, stuffis, snacks are aloud.

★ like I said no too heavy themes but I’m comfortable with most things for the littles!

★ if you leave a message in my inbox I will reply as a little or a caregiver! Whatever you want.

★ fics will be short and sweet.

★ fem, male, gn are all expected! I will try my best with all of them!

★ body types are welcome too in requests.

★ kitten, puppy spaces are welcome too!!

★ beware I am not familiar with all disability’s so my lack of knowledge might be bad. But I will try my best

★ My hero: Deku, Bakugo, Kirishima, Momo, Todoroki, Iida. Ships: kirideku, kiribaku, Bakudeku, kiribakudeku.

★ Demonslayer: Tanjiro Kamado, Mitsuri Kanroji, Giyu Tomioka, Kyojuro Rengoku, Shinobu Kochō

★ Marvel: Wanda Maximoff, Team!Avengers.

★ requests and fics might not come out for a while. I log off to go to my main account and can only make theses when I have time!! I am sorry, I hope I can keep up with this account!!

☪︎ open for fandom suggestions ☪︎

🎀 things about me 🎀

𐀔 hello I’m cookie. I am 19 years old, in the past I have used age regression as a save space to heal my trauma but I haven’t been little in a long time, until now. I have had many Cgs but they have all be bad, and littles too but they are mixed. I am willing to be friends with everyone on here if they want! Cg me can help take care of you littles, which little me can play and bond with you too. And little me will love to have a cg to talk to about anything, get to know people first tho before jumping to anything but friends are all at the start!! Thank you <3

𐀔 I like animal crossing, a lots of video games, coloring, and Bluey!

#age regression #agere #sfw agere #little!reader #sfw littlespace #agere fic #little space #cg! x reader #cg!deku x reader #cg!kirishima x little!reader #cg!deku x little!reader #cg!mha x reader #mha x little!reader #sfw interaction only #sfw blog #sfw blogs #age regressor #agere community #agere blog #safe space #Cg!izuku midoriya x little!reader #Cg!izuku #Cg!tanjiro x little!reader #cg!Mitsuri Kanroji x little!reader #cg!tanjiro #agere caregiver #caregiver!tanjiro Kamado #caregiver!Deku #caregiver!izuku

[gatheringfiki]

GatheringFiKi Interest Survey 2023 - Results

Hi folks,

First of all, huge thank you to those who took the time to fill in our recent survey. We have now reviewed the results and have a couple of points we’d like to share.

1) The Headcount:

The first, biggest and most welcome surprise from the Survey is that there are so MANY of you! And most of you are new faces, which I think is just wonderful! Welcome, welcome, one and all!

The total of 23 people took part in the Survey (admittedly some of whom I have never seen take part in any events, but I have high hopes).

When I was leaving for my travels in September 2022, a similar Interest Survey presented a bleak picture, very different to today, with a number of people having clearly moved on (though not all!). Personally, I think it was the right call to accept and acknowledge that, re-subscribe those truly interested today, and re-focus my efforts and events targetting where it's actually wanted.

Please remember that if you ARE interested in taking part in our events, you can always ask to have personal notifications delivered to you whenever one is running - just message @linane-art

Of course, I am fully aware and very grateful that, apart from the folks taking part, there are also quite a few of you who consume the new content, read, watch, like, comment, reblog or just silently marvel and enjoy their (guilty?) pleasure. I love and appreciate you all.

2) Your Favourite Existing Events:

12 Days of Christmas - 18 votes

FiKi Week - 14 votes

Trick or Treat - 12 votes

Drabble Challenges - 11 votes

Durin's Day Gift Exchange - 11 votes

Kink Bingo - 9 votes

H/C Bingo - 8 votes

AUpocalypse - 7 votes

Fandom Raffle Exchange - 5 votes

Show Some Love - 5 votes

Fic of a Fic - 4 votes

Fanfic Rec Bingo - 2 votes

Secret Admirers - 1 vote

Round Robins - 0 votes

No surprises near the top: 12 Days has just ran and is beloved by everyone and FiKi Week is like THE Gatheringfiki event.

Trick or Treat also ran recently, but I think you also have a particular penchant for everything spooky/autumny.

Drabble Challenges are quick and easy, and I think a natural choice for a 'top up' event next to the big ones. I wonder if those of you who haven't experienced the speed and the 'write off all your other weekend plans'-ness of this event will think of it. :D

DDGE surprises a little, because it's a big commitment of an event, but I guess maybe because we're not running the Raffle regularly any more, and it's a similar enough thing? Or like a Big Bang? And there's nothing else that promotes actual collaborations. Intriguing.

The Bingos - always heat up the temperature in the room. I think those of you who want them, want them like burning. I also think (looking at hit counts), that there are also many more of you who, ah, enjoy the fruits of our labours, but like... anonymously and silently :D So long as those are not ran too often, I think they're a blast, and it's been 2 years.

AUpocalypse juuuust about makes it, but I think it has a special place, as it's the one event where artists can participate easily and have a fully free reign of what they create.

Please remember that if you are an artist and you're not sure how you can take part, we have this here handy guide for you.

Raffle is probably too big for the headcount we have, rec-type-events have not been popular for a few years now, Secret Admirers still out of favour (why???) and nobody liked Round Robins - fair enough.

3) Other Comments we got / possible New Events:

'A Dead Dove Event' - what is it, I've never comes accross it? Please message me on priv ;)

'Bring-A-Friend Event' - The incest thing will make some people uncomfortable, and those that check us out 'as a courtesy' are unlikely to actually get hooked. I think, by all means, spread the word if you know folks who might enjoy our fandom, but mostly it needs to be discovered on your own. Awareness of GF is the key.

'FiKi Bingo' - We already run 2 bingo-type events and a FiKi Week. I think that ticks both the desired format and desired content boxes.

'Valentine's Day Event' - there is nothing like that per se, but it is no coincidence that the Kink and H/C Bingos usually run around the time when everyone is feeling loved-up ;)

'I don't feel comfortable sharing my own content' - that is perfectly okay and your own choice. Nobody is going to try and push you. But I will say that if you have a supportive fandom, feedback can do wonders for your self-esteem and practice makes perfect. Otherwise, thank you just as much for your silent support.

'Discord Server' - I thought about it, but I think it'll be more of a problem than help. I don't know how to set it up, don't have the capacity to moderate it, only some people would be interested and many people will resist change. We've always said that Tumblr is our native platform and on Tumblr we will remain - don't want to dilute the fandom accorss multiple platforms, sorry.

'October Advent Calendar' - I'm sorry, I don't quite see how it would be different/better than Trick or Treat, except longer? Plus, 12 Days, which runs right after, has that element of 'something new to discover' every day ;)

'FiKi Mad Libs and Frankenstory' - see: Round Robins Event. And it scored 0 points, the poor thing :(

'Visual / phrase / poem / porny inspiration' - visual is addressed by 12 Days. Phrase/poem will be addressed by FiKi Week ;) Porny will be blocked by Tumblr :(

'Reblog-focussed Events' - Yes, agreed, but in the competition for calendar availability, all our rec-type events consistently lose out to out content-creating events. So we resort to caveating all our summary posts with pleas for reblogging and commenting. :/

I also wanted to take this opportunity to thank everyone for the wonderful and humbling words of encouragement I’ve received. I do what I do because of the people in this fandom and I will continue doing so for as long as there is interest in it. It’s what being in a fandom means to me, and hopefully it inspires some of you too :)

A Calendar of Events for 2024 will follow in a separate post.

Wishing you all a cracking New Year, filled with inspiration, joy, passion and feels, hopefully all whipped up by those problematic 2 little a$$holes...

~gatheringfiki

#Fili/Kili #FiKi #Durincest #the Hobbit #Mitchers #Britchell #DarkHawk #GatheringFiKi #Interest Survey

[frostycatblr-fandom-files]

if you're sitting there feeling sorry for yourself, wondering why no one's commented on your hiatus status(es), i'll help you figure out why

you're behaving like a selfish, entitled bitch. you're throwing a pity-me-party while you accuse people of favoritism in the same breath. like, no wonder your ~CoMmUniTy~ won't feel sorry for you, or interact with your bad artwork or your other uninspired bullshit when you bitchfit that no one's sharing your shit: no one wants to interact with that melodrama. there's better writers out there that don't cry about interaction bullshit.

you need to grow the fuck up, and maybe do people all a favor by not coming back.

Wow... thank you for sending me this present shortly before Christmas (Dec. 20th, to be exact). Real lovely stuff.

So listen while I break this down by section and say things later on that I don't mean:

If you're going to call me an 'entitled bitch' or criticize my content, you should really take ownership of your words like a grown-up first. You're welcome to those opinions, I suppose; but it means NOTHING when you send me this from a position of cowardice. If your goal was to hurt my feelings and upset me, I would only award you with partial congratulations, if that.

I'll concede it was a bit of a "bitchfit" if it makes you happy, because yes, it kind of was. I'll take ownership of that: I should have been better, and I wasn't. I should have been a lot calmer, and I wasn't.

Maybe then more people would have given a damn about me and what I had to say. Or maybe they wouldn't. I don't know anymore, quite frankly. I can't say I ever did.

Your point about "better writers out there [who] don't cry about interaction bullshit" is wrong, by the way. I can think of several fan writers (and I'm not going to compare content quality because that's gross) either on my dashboard or in fandom tags (many with larger followings + outreach than me) who've complained about lowered interaction these days at one time or another.

Or several times, even. It was largely and perfectly fine when they spoke up about it. Weird to me, anon, how it's okay when these unnamed and so-called "better writers" speak up, but not the little guys.

Some people are a little too comfortable telling those with smaller followings/outreach to just suck it up because interaction has been bad for everyone lately. Or placate themselves with excuses for why they didn't offer any sympathy to people who admit to struggling with feeling like belonging, or those wishing they felt more included. Noticed. Remembered. (Whatever the case may be.)

I mean I've seen who repeatedly makes the cut on these stale recommendation lists that float around… Your 'pool of so many talented writers/artists in this fandom' is more of a damn puddle. You'll have to fucking forgive me for just wishing to be remembered (for one or the other) and included in these little "~fandom enrichment activities~" at this point once in a damn while! Why's it such a fucking crime to you, anon, that I just want people to remember I'm here too?

I spoke my feelings about things feeling like a popularity contest rather than a true community back in December, and you thought that warrants calling me a selfish, entitled bitch? Telling me do people a favor and not come back?

What the fuck??????

I think you're something of a rancid tar pit for hoping to kick someone while they were down, or whatever it was you intended by all that. Did you get the warm and fuzzies typing this out? Did you feel good about yourself for choosing to be malicious to someone going through a hard time? Someone admitted they were going through a hard time between Seasonal Affective Disorder, and being upset about a lot of trivial stuff, and you thought "Hey; let's pile on!" was the correct solution rather than offer any kindness where you had witnessed a lack of?

It would be so tempting to stoop to your level and wish you nothing but ill on top of telling you to do me a favor and fuck off; I'm going to encourage you to learn to have a little more compassion for people instead and be a better person than whatever you are now going forward. May you learn to be kinder to people in the future, anon… You make the world a far better place that way.

#bad anon no biscuit #lesson for next time is to just ghost the blog for a month since no one's going to notice or care I guess. only tell you to leave #that's only partial sarcasm #a couple of people showed they cared or said nice things before the holidays. and to that short list of people I just want to say thank you #otherwise my activity page was very quiet #and some other things happened that reinforced my decision to not really want to participate with this space for the time being #simple fact there's someone out there who's too comfortable with being nasty to people and telling you to fuck off... #fuck man!!!! it's been a long time since crying over some damn anon hate but this was too much for me #''help you figure out why'' no you're not being helpful you're actually just being a prick for no good reason! #im done im so fucking tired i don't want to look at this fucking ask anymore #i feel sick to my stomach right now fuck

[sapphicscholar]

20 questions for fic writers

Thanks for the tag, @lilolilyr!

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

135 fics total!

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?

2,436,430 words (jfc hahah)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Ever? Listing them in vague order of when I started writing for them: Supergirl, Wynonna Earp, Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, Grace and Frankie, This Way Up, Once Upon a Time, Madre Solo hay Dos (just on Tumblr), Abbott Elementary, Hacks, and Julia

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

ALL of them are Supergirl from back in the early-ish days of the show when it was a pretty massive (by femslash standards, I suppose) and very active fandom! It's actually so interesting seeing how absolutely nothing I've written in more than half a decade even shows up, since I've largely switched to smaller fandoms since then.

But the top 5 fics by kudos are:

Stronger Together, a collection of one-shots for various Supergirl ships (with a few gen fics mixed in), which has nearly 5k kudos (WILD to me as someone now in a fandom with maybe 25 people total haha)

Welcome to the Gayborhood, my first ever fic, a looong Sanvers and Supercorp professor AU that still keeps the alien/supernatural elements of canon

6,500 miles away...but getting closer, a Sanvers epistolary fic that my wife and I actually co-wrote and posted 1 letter/email per day every day for many months

Noise Complaint, a Sanvers next-door neighbor AU that, hilariously, given its placement in the top 5 here, is what catalyzed a series of events that led to me very much leaving the fandom (and fandom writ large for nearly a year)

Supercat Sanvers 2020, a Sanvers and Supercat political AU that was maybe one of the last long-form works I wrote before moving out of DC!

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I really try to! Sometimes if it's from a person I know well, I end up responding via DMs, esp if there are questions about what comes next, plotting elements, etc., that I don't necessary want everyone to see while the fic is still being posted, but mostly I try to respond on AO3. I've gotten a bit worse in the past few years just because I'll manage to eke out a bit of time to write, which puts me behind on my work, and then I don't leave myself time to respond, and by the time I DO have time, it feels awkwardly late to do so. But even if I don't respond, I absolutely love/cherish/adore/etc. every single kind comment I've ever been given <3

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Forgoten, but not Gone - a Sanvers amnesia AU set post-breakup that's heavy on the angst with a rather ambiguous ending. I got talked into writing a part 2 that resolves the angst haha, but taken on it's own it's definitely my angstiest ending!

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Huh idk! Most of my fics end on fairly happy, if a bit open, endings. I'm not a big fan of having all the loose ends tied up, and I realllyyyy don't do the marriage/2 kids/white picket fence epilogue, so I guess maybe the political AU has to be up there because it actually envisions a world where a queer woman wins the presidency on a progressive platform, and that feels rather utopian 🙃

8. Do you get hate on fic?

Not in a while, though I used to back in the days, like super vitriolic shit (big fandoms with too-big emotions, man... which has really kept me away maybe forever from those kinds of fandoms!)

9. Do you write smut?

Haha very much so. I've written and posted before about why, but I really believe there's so much interesting character work and exploration that can be done by exploring characters' pleasures, their desires (both thwarted and realized), their fantasies, etc. Obviously smut isn't the only way to do this, but fanfic feels like one of the few venues where it's a real possibility!

10. Do you write crossovers?

Nah, not really. I've written a handful of bring characters x and y into the universe of another show fics, but that feels mostly different. Every so often I'll borrow vague character outlines for tertiary characters in other fics just to see if folks recognize them (had Grace Hanson as a grumpy background character in a Sanvers fic set at PT for instance hah)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Once or twice, but we got them taken down

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yeah, one of my SG fics was translated into Russian! I'm not sure if it's still up (tbh I can't recall which one; it's been a long time!) I've also had a couple podfics now made of my fics, one of which I still need to go listen to when I get the time!!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yeah! The long-form Sanvers epistolary fic my wife and I co-wrote together, and a group of Supercat authors got together and did a delightfully chaotic round robin, each writing one sentence, then setting a timer for the next person to write the next sentence, etc., until we had Intergalactic Standard Cuddling

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Oh man, I really don't know that I have a favorite! I really appreciate what various ships can offer me at different times - there are certain themes that make sense to explore with one pairing but not at all with another, or certain AUs that work in one fandom but not really in another. Basically, if a show is giving me multiple female characters who interact in canon in ways that go beyond existing near each other, I'm intrigued, and if these characters actually get depth and complexity, I'm probably in! There are, however, some ships that I might not end up feeling fannish/creative about even though I love them as ships (I talked a lot to @trying-to-get-somewhere-real about this recently, actually!), so it's hard to name a favorite when the metrics get all wonky!

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?

I don't want to say never, but I have a Cat-centric fic that'll end on Supercat that just has a lot of angst that coincided with a period of unexpected loss and grief in my own life in ways that have made it really hard to get back into even now (it just feels so...enmeshed with that moment, even though the timing was utterly coincidental)

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I do a good job with dialogue and getting characters' voices down - I'm really into the character side of things (which is also what gets me invested fannishly in shows! I want a show that cares about developing their characters first and foremost vs. a show where plot takes priority)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Certain kinds of action scenes haha - also I tire easily of writing things that feel repetitive to things I've done/written before (this was more of an issue when I took prompts)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Largely, this isn't something I've had to deal with much outside of maybe a few phrases and sentences from multilingual characters. I've talked before about how it was actually the language/translation barrier that kept me from writing for Madre Solo hay Dos. I don't speak Spanish, and getting a show entirely via the Netflix-provided translations meant 1) I was fairly certain there were some word choice/dialect peculiarities I was missing, and 2) I couldn't catch the rhythms of their speech, the cadence of their voices at least in ways that corresponded to the specific words. For me, voice matters so much, and it really felt like a barrier to not have access to the source language because I felt like I couldn't do these two women justice!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Supergirl

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Oh I've answered this elsewhere with 2-3 works, and tbh I don't think it's changed since then! I'm actually far more interested in others' favorite fics of mine because it's so interesting to think about the question of *what* sticks with a person from yours (it's often so idiosyncratic!!)

I'm getting to this pretty late, so I won't tag anyone, assuming many people already have been, but if ya see this and want to participate, feel free to give me a tag! I always love seeing people talk about their own writing :)

#fandom things #tag meme #fic writer asks

[whencallstheheart]

I'm shocked and beyond thrilled. I don't think I've ever seen a show do that before - validate something a lot of people have been saying for years, after completely dismissing it like that. It's WILD. I think Elizabeth's full journey makes sense (grieving Jack so much she couldn't let herself even think about Nathan and choosing the person who's safe) and is something I've been wishing for since S6 and knew was coming at some (!!!!) point since that log scene in S8 and her 'I can't' but nobody can make me believe they planned that from the beginning. I could have believed they'd planned Nathan/Elizabeth to happen this way only if S9 hadn't happened but we got NOTHING in S9. I don't care, the full arc makes so much sense. Of course she'd choose someone who adores her and never asked of her to DO WHAT SHE'S AFRAID TO DO. I hope they bring back the quote he carved for her, I'm already loving the callbacks to the previous seasons. I'm shocked and so grateful because I do think they have excellent chemistry. Wow. WOW. Also thank you for being here through it all, this show has put us through hell and back, I'm enjoying it so much. I love Elizabeth, I love Rosemary, I love Lee, I love everyone, I'm so happy it's back on track. Will you be taking gif requests after the season ends?

Plenty of shows swap around couples but I don't think anyone expected WCTH to do it. It almost feels like anti-Hallmark to pull a move like this which is why it's so shocking. No one thought this was coming but it makes total sense for these characters. I don't think it was planned until this season either given how they basically told us to ignore the entirety of season 9 with Mei. We went from having very little interactions with Nathan and Elizabeth to ARE THEY FLIRTING??? Wild.

They have such a beautiful, complicated love story and I'm so here for it. While frustrating at times, the whole arc for Elizabeth especially is really satisfying for those of us who called this from the beginning. She has trauma and it's taken her a long time to finally see what's really in her heart. The scene with Rosemary was such an important moment for Elizabeth's journey. It was so good. I imagine she can feel much lighter now.

You're so welcome! I wasn't too thrilled going into this season so to be where we are now feels great. It still doesn't feel real. What a roller coaster we've all been on together. I hope this reignites the fandom and has people excited about the show again!

Yes, I'll definitely be doing some gifs!

[decepti-thots]

re: meta again. first, thank you for the long answer! you have a lot of interesting points, e.g. how fandom spaces influence how you interact with media: my first fandom space was restricted to teenagers who mostly knew nothing about media analysis (and it was also animanga haha), and then I moved onto tumblr, where - in my memory - most users were slightly older teenagers but still didn't know much about media analysis. there probably was meta somewhere (apparently on LJ?), but I didn't see (or notice?) a lot of it. which possibly also was because I changed fandoms a lot more quickly, and I feel like many others did, too. there's a book fandom where five years ago, the general sentiment about an antagonist was 'well fuck him' and now people write extensive posts on why he did what and what that means for the story and why it mirrors the protagonists arc etc, which maybe means that sometimes fandoms need time to get past the initial excitement of new things to give more attention/time to meta?

I very much agree that tumblr makes interactions/discussions harder. especially re: reblogs - its so easy for someone to disagree with you in a reblog and some of their followers to take that as a hint to hate on you - I've seen this happen mostly related to "shipping the wrong things", but why wouldn't it happen for drawing the "wrong" conclusions in a meta post? I feel like the general tumblr user is older than they were 10 years ago so maybe I should hope that they've grown up as well and are more reasonable about this to be fair

what I also noticed regarding the book fandom and TF is that TF fans - depending on your specific bubble probably - seem to be more aware that writing meta is a thing, because they're more likely to call it that.

re: elitism - it's important to me that the things I was referring to can feel elitist, not that they are, if the distiction makes sense? maybe it also wasn't the best/fairest choice of words, sorry. the sentiment isn't meant towards e.g. the people complaining about headcanons that have become accepted in the fandom but have zero relation to canon. its more frustration that theres seemingly infinite canon material and you can't really join any conversation without interacting with a good chunk of it, while (seemingly) everyone else has already done that already.

and finally, wonder if part of who writes meta and who doesn't is fandom "socialization"; there seem to be a few people for whom it appears easy to express their thoughts online, and then a much larger amount of lurkers who don't, and I've never really figured out the cause.

god tumblr does really let me put as much text as I want here, I'm a bit sorry for the long message. If you have any further thoughts I'd be happy to hear them but no pressure

First of all: no apologies for the long message! I love it, I will put my thoughts under a cut for everyone's dashes but we LOVE an in depth fandom meta-meta discussion in this household. I started this blog to RAMBLE and rambling is WELCOME my friend.

You make an EXCELLENT point about how longevity can influence fandoms here, anon. Especially for fandoms where there isn't a constant drip-feed of NEW canon, I absolutely think fandoms living on and people going back and re-engaging the source material to look for new ways to engage it can gradually make meta a larger part of the fannish space sometimes. (To give my own book fandom example, I was on the periphery of book!Good Omens fandom back in the day, and the amount of time people had spent with just that one single book meant that more and more discussion of the ways you could read and work with that one book meant there was some very in-depth meta going on there.) (…as you can imagine, the last few years have been a hell of a wild time for me with the show fandom becoming the Hot New Major Fandom, LMAOOOO.)

There's definitely also something there about the old "if someone I follow clowns on a person, my (para)social relationship with them means I feel like I'm doing a social faux-pas by not choosing a side" you mention here too. Tumblr really makes visible the idea of social networks in a way I have to admit I overall find uhhh. Kind of not great. "If I follow someone who follows someone my mutual hates, do I need to perform my support of someone here", that kind of thing. (Answer: no, that is some Panopticon shit, bring in the Foucault. I am only half joking.) Even over an objectively inane Transformers headcanon take, it's the social mechanism more than the content that brings in the pressure I think. Again. Web 2.0 wants everything pushed at everyone all the time to encourage More Interaction, and reducing any sense of wider social circles being removed from you personally is a part of that I think. It's all equal on The Endless Timeline, innit.

I see what you mean about the "feels like" distinction on elitism, anon, now you lay that out- that makes sense. I do think TF fandom is sometimes a bit of a minefield in terms of like, even within certain subdivisions of canon there's so MUCH stuff (and the fandom has, IMO, a bad habit of not bothering to decide what is more or less "useful" in conversations; sometimes tertiary material is… you know. Tertiary. LOOKING AT ALIGNED FANDOM). I think those of us who are sometimes a bit more "canon completionist" do need to approach these things in terms of like- take IDW1 fandom. If someone posts meta about MTMTE based on just material from MTMTE, approaching that in good faith and not going "well it's in continuity with phase one, and THIS phase one comic says [xyz]", but instead seeing it as a perspective that takes that one text as a complete thing in itself? (And maybe considering how that perspective and how it differs from one which looks at the whoooole canon is interesting, rather than deficient, in its differences of opinion.) There are folks who get very snotty about people doing that in a way that is, at the very least, unproductive. (And the folks bringing in their Extensive Lore Knowledge TM by whining stuff from other continuities contradicts a take on a different continuity are just uhhh. Annoying. Those people can just Stop, Please, lmao.) I think understanding that different approaches to what "canon" even is can be interesting rather than something to be "corrected" might go some way to making it feel less… intimidating? Alienating? For folks working with what they like.

As for the confidence in sharing opinions thing… I can only speak for myself but uh. If I have a personal flaw it is unwarranted overconfidence, not insecurity, haha. Let me put it that way. I do think that cultivating a confidence in the idea "I have my own personal tastes, and those tastes are idiosyncratic and do not need to be compared to other peoples' taste, and they are Valid TM" is a skill to be honed and one I think is worth honing, and I think may be a big thing here from my anecdotal observations. I find that many people in fandom don't have a lot of confidence in the idea that you can express not just an argument for "objective" (lol) "quality" but a sense of personal taste? (This is not unique to fandom, at all, but I think fandom has a lot of it, if that makes sense.) Especially because often the things fandom centres around lack cultural prestige. It's why an appeal to being Real Literature TM is the go-to argument for why fanfiction is "acceptable". I think a similar thing can be true of opinions; to let go of the urge to have everyone agree with you 100% of the time and to be "proven" right, you have to feel confident enough to sit in subjectivity and be like. My opinions may be subjective, but that's fine. And you do have to cultivate that! But I think that's where the "I can express an opinion and not feel destroyed if someone flat out rejects it and I can't even disprove their argument" trick kinda lies, maybe. And maybe meta is easier if you've already internalized that, so the possibility people will be like "nope" is less scary?

[writing-by-mimi]

Nine Demons and A Baby

     Fandom: Obey Me

     Pairing: Diavolo x F!MC

     Chapter: 4 Of ?

     Summary:  Demonus may just bring your dreams to life.

      Adult content. Read at your own risk. Not beta read.

You had asked your treasonous plot against the king, to the king.

     Gripping Barbatos hand tightly you began to panic. "I asked you to stop time for me if the king ordered me rid of the baby." The words tumbled out. "You - he - didn't answer. I...I thought you just wanted nothing to do with it...or it was obviously a yes and you didn't need to verbalize it. I- I..."

    "A question I would expect you to ask to save your child. Of course the answer would be yes. I do believe you have nothing to worry about. Let Diavolo speak with his father." He squeezed your hand back as he sat you on Diavolo's bed.

     "But it could get us both killed. I doomed you and the baby." You started to hyperventilate. "I need to go. I need to run. To get far far away from here before he can-"

     "Mc. Please. Calm yourself." Barbatos soft voice setting you on edge.

    "I asked you to betray the Kings orders!"

     "Lucifer and I helped awaken the King, so he could have more time to speak to his father. He has been up since approximately three in the afternoon. Since he has woke, things have been explained. The young master and his father spoke for almost an hour and a half. Things were much better than when the King went to rest. I dare say he is excited for a grandchild. A chance to do better and overcome where he failed Diavolo while lost in grief about his wife's death." He gently rubbed your back. "You have nothing to fear. The young master is only upset because his father used tricks to have an honest conversation. It was a smart move though." The butler held his chin between his fingers. "You would be completely honest to a friend, maybe not to the King. He does not have the young masters ability to discern lies." He tilted his head to the side. "I imagine the young master will make his father apologize to you for the underhanded handling of such an event."

     Hands clasping over your stomach, you looked into Barbatos's eyes. They held truth, he wasn't known for lying. "I'm gonna come up with pass phrases for everyone now." You grumbled, trying to forget your fear and lighten the mood.

     "One can never be too safe." He nodded.

      "Thank you...for being willing to go against the King. Best Godparent ever."

     "I would love a badge. It would make Lucifer sulk all day, but because of his pride, he would act unbothered. It would almost be adorable to watch him try so hard."

      It drew a deep laugh from you. The thought of Lucifer, sulking about Barbatos being awarded the best Godparent. You could already see him, arms crossed, head tilted to the side as he looked down, a melancholy look he would never admit too.

      "You have nothing to fear. I promise you that. Diavolo and yourself are free to lean on me and Lucifer as much as you need. We've already discussed it. Anything, and I do mean anything, you need, we welcome you to ask. Even if it is early in the morning. No matter what is going on, no matter what it is."

     "Thank you." You whispered.

     "No need for thanks." The butler stood. "Seeing both of you happy is the objective for us."

      "You really don't know how much that means to me." You stood as he gently pulled you up as well.

     "I did over hear an interesting tidbit. Would you like to hear about it on the way to dinner?"

     "That feels like a bribe."

      "It may be, but you do need to keep up your strength." He smiled as he lead the way, his hand still in yours. "The king is debating on postponing his sleep for a few thousand years. It means the young master would have the free time available for the child that he did not. I believe it is effort to mend past wrongs."

     "Really?" You couldn't contain your smile. You knew Diavolo would be fully committed to his kingdom, but this news was a game changer!

    "He wanted to meet you first, as to judge who his grandchilds mother was. If it were me, I would be very pleased that the woman birthing my grandchild would go to any lengths to secure their life." He squeezed your hand. "As far as 'treasonous plots', your ask barely even makes the radar, Mc."

     "Seriously?" How the fuck was that? "Whatever though, that's another point on my side in all of this."

     "Correct." He smiled. "I would not worry too much, Mc. If I thought you in danger, I would have already acted."

    You gave his hand a squeeze as you approached the double doors. Barbatos released you, only to open them, again taking you hand and leading you to the left side of the table, next to the head. "The king will sit head, the young master across from you." He took his seat. "Lucifer will be next to you as I am next to Mi'lord."

     You gave a nod, looking at all of the fancy silverware you felt your stomach drop. You would just take your cue from those around you as not to be an embarrassment. The king did say that it could be taught...but you'd still like to atleast try your best.

      You could hear multiple voices, Beels deep baritone was one of them. Letting out a deep breath, it brought a smile to your face.

     "Honestly though, after Mc buys a closet full of clothes tomorrow, I'm takin' my fifteen." Mammon sighed. "Goldie will understand." He explained to Lucifer.

      "Just...please clean it before returning it." He sighed like a disappointed father himself as he took his seat next to you. A smile on his face for you. "I heard you weren't too happy Diavolo didn't explain the coupling. I do ask that you go easy on him. He hadn't the time."

      "Mc met the King." Barbatos casually mentioned as the others took their seats. "He was glamoured as myself."

      "I asked him to stop time. If..."

       Barbatos took over for you, "Mc asked if I would be willing to stop time, if even just for a minute if the King were to order the baby terminated."

        "Holy shit." Levi stood from his chair, knocking it over in the process. "Come with Me, they can't charge you for treason if they can't find you!"

     Part of you wanted nothing more than to grab the third borns hand and run. Lucifers hand on your knee kept you in place. "Sit, Leviathan. The King will not charge Mc with treason. I would think him more proud. I would not keep Mc in the realm if I believed for a moment he would require that of her."

     "I have told her the same, but I believe when the young master returns with his father, he himself can clear the air. To put Mc at ease."

     As if on cue, the double doors opened again, revealing Diavolo and his father walking side by side, whatever they were conversing about carried out in whispers.

    Did you stand up and bow? Would it be wrong not too? "Keep seated, Mc." Lucifer whispered. "I can hear your brain over loading from here." You gave a small nod, studying the empty plate in front of you, hands already instinctively on your stomach.

     Diavolo's eyes were hard, focused on his father as he seated himself. The king stopped on your side of the table, taking a knee to your right. You wanted to move. To run. Lucifer's hand on your knee kept you still.

      "I would like to formally apologize for my earlier actions." His voice was a bit deeper than Diavolo's, not unpleasant to the ears. A mop of long red hair the same shade as Diavolo's hanging loosely down his back. As his head tilted up to yours, eyes a few shades darker then what you had come to adore stared back at you. Diavolo was a splitting image of his father. "I did not intend for our first meeting to be as it was, I simply could not stop myself. My son speaks very highly of you. I was far to curious as to what my future Daughter-in-law was all about, to capture his heart so completely." Bowing his head, he stood and took his seat as well.

    Daughter-in-law.

     As soon as he was seated, servants began to move around the room, pouring glasses of drinks and bringing trays of different things.

     "I...thank you." It was a whisper. He had accepted your marriage.

     "My son has informed me he put a fertility seal in error. I would like to apologize, on behalf of my son. I would also like to inform you, that I will not order you to be rid of my grandchild. Diavolo demanded I verbalize it to you." A small chuckle leaving his lips. "I will admit, I did not think you would ask such a question of Barbatos, but I am very glad you did. It helps ease an old man's mind." He gave you a bright smile. "A woman with the strength to ask the hard questions is a rare find."

     Diavolos hard eyes had dissipated. A small smile on his lips, directed at you.

     "As far as your duties as princess, I would ask that you wait, or atleast take a very light load in starting, as you are with child, well, you will be. As for the etiquette, lessons can start after the kingdoms celebration."

    All you could do was nod. You were in awe. Your wedding wasn't forbidden. The child Diavolo sired within you wouldn't be killed. It was everything you were hoping for.

     "I do apologize, as on your wedding day I will announce to my kingdom that I will no longer be resting. I do not mean for it to take away from such an important day, I simply wish you and Diavolo the time together that I was not able to have with his mother, as I was already ruling King."

     The words fell out of your mouth before you could stop them. You could only hope the Kings words about a woman who asked hard questions was genuine. "What was she like, Diavolo's mother? The dress makers told me about a dress they made for her. The one when she announced she was pregnant. They said she was absolutely radiant."

     "She always was,"  The king reached for his wine glass, swirling it as he continued. "But pregnancy...she wore it well. I had never seen her as happy in life than in those months. She adored every minute carrying you, Diavolo."

     The prince didn't look up. Instead he opted to down the contents of his cup and hold it out for the servants to refill.

     The king turned to you. "I am unsure how much you know, but I have failed my son in many ways. He carries the grief of his mother passing in child birth. I am certain I am to blame for it. Though I plan to take as long as I need to rectify past mistakes. I wish you and my son nothing but happiness. So if you ever have questions about her, both of you, please feel free to ask. Since I've awoken I've thought long and hard about many things. One of those being how I have failed my wife." He admitted, holding his own glass out for the servants. "She held on to life until shortly after she heard Diavolo cry out into the world for the first time. She fought to keep him and herself alive. If she had faded sooner, I would have lost them both. My wife fought until her last breath to give me a precious gift. One I have not treated as such."

      The table remained silent. "The fabric. The black lace that shines gold. The same fabric is going to be on my wedding dress."

     "I believe I still have her dress, if you are interested in seeing it." The King answered. "She wore her hair up that day, she wanted every stitch of that dress to be visible. She was not vain, but while wearing that dress she truly allowed her self a moment to to act as such. She deserved too. Diavolos mother was never one to care about what she wore, as long as she felt it represented me well. Seeing her so happy and confident... it was what she deserved." He smiled fondly. "I'm glad that fabric will see another happy day. In a way, you've brought part of my wife to her sons wedding."

    You weren't sure when, but silent tears had started to fall.

     "You do not need to cry child. My son and I have done enough of that for a lifetime. She would be very upset if she knew how much we mourned. She would have preferred we hold the happy memories dear. She would want me to share her memory with my son, instead, I was selfish. I gave him nothing but agony when it came to her." He took another drink of his cup. "I chose to do right by her now. While late, it is better than never."

      Looking to Diavolo, his knuckles were turning white. Holding the cup with a controlled grip. Just enough to try and keep himself together without destroying the cup and its contents.

     "When you informed me of the exchange program, I wasn't surprised. Your mother loved the human realm. If she could see what you've done today my son... she would be very proud."

    "Thank you." It was quiet. His grip still so close to breaking the cup. A bit more pressure and it would burst, but so would he. Releasing the cup slowly, he settled for gripping the silverware.

     "I am very surprised a human so readily agreed to a royal wedding. Have humans finally come around in sex in their culture?"

      Your eyes went big. The coupling.

       "Not exactly." Satan spoke up. "They have become a bit more comfortable with it. They allow marriages to same sex couples in some places. Others are still stoned to death."

     "So not much." The king nodded. "You are quite bold. Being so willing to perform sexual acts with my son in front of the crowd."

     "Father!" Diavolo was blushing.

     "She will be with child soon because of earlier sexual acts you performed upon her yourself. There is no need to be shy."

     "I am definitely not shy, your highness." Asmodeus raised his arm putting on his best face to try and seduce.

     Leaning forward over the table and glaring down at the Avatar of Lust, you harshly whisper-yelled down the table at him. "You are not fucking the king!"

    "She is correct." The King gave a dark laugh. "It would be I that would be fucking you." He leaned back in his chair and stared back at Asmodeus.

    Lucifer grabbed his cup, leaning back in his chair, crossing his legs with a sigh.

     Diavolo was as red as his hair.

     "I don't think it would be fair to you though, you'll never fuck anyone else like me. I tend to leave those that have had the pleasure looking for something they can't seem to find without me." A challenging smirk on his lips as he acted nonchalantly. Resting his elbow on the table he held his head up. Damn. Asmodeus was actually trying really hard. You'd be proud if he wasn't trying to fuck Dias dad...

     Demons really did like sex. They were different than humans... because in the human realm you don't lament about the dead love of your life then start flirting this hard...though the man had eighty thousand years to mourn...  humans waited like a year...

     "I've ruined many, stronger than you." His voice deep and seductive.

    Asmo pulled back and studied his nails, bored look on his face. "Maybe you shouldn't fuck my tight little hole. I like someone who knows how to actually pleasure a partner." He let out a defeated sigh. He continued to act bored, inspecting his nails.

      The king stood walking to Asmodeus quickly, grabbing him by the neck and yanking him up. "I will leave you searching for me."

     Asmodeus had a look of exhilaration on his delicate face as he bit his lip harshly. "Is that so? So far your foreplay is lacking." He spit into the kings face.

     All you could do was gasp and cover your mouth in shock.

     "I'll have you begging for my cock by the end of the night." Asmodeus smirked. He didn't get much more out as the king closed the gap and took Asmodeus's lips in a hot kiss.

     "You're welcome to try, little one." He growled.

      Asmodeus's small hand darted out as his fingers deftly found the kings nipple, twisting it roughly making the older man hiss. "I don't have to try." He whispered.

      A rough smile took the kings lips. "If you'll excuse us." He then scooped Asmo up easily, holding him by the ass as the Avatar wrapped his legs around him.

     "I don't think there is enough therapy in the three realms for the day this has been. Anyone else have emotional whiplash?" You whispered outloud.

    "Just bring a bottle." Lucifer sighed.

    "So ya gonna call asmo mom or dad?" Belphie looked down the table.

   "Make it two bottles for me." Diavolo wiped his hand down his face as he leaned back. "I know you are joking Belphegor, but I guess one could do worse. At least I won't have to worry about a wicked witch senerio. I'll take any win I can if it were to happen." He thanked the servant as he slumped in his chair. Opening the bottle Diavolo took a swig from it. "I apologize, I completely forgot about the coupling." He blushed. "I take it the brothers informed you?"

    You nodded quickly. "Yep." You gave a thumbs up as you felt your face flush.

    "Thank you."

     "For what?" You were confused now.

     "For still wanting to continue the wedding. I was worried it would freak you out to much." He confessed.

     "It does." You squeaked. "As long as your with me...it shouldn't be all bad." You looked at the tray of food in front of you instead of Diavolo.

      A hand setting a plate into your view drew your attention from your thoughts. "You should eat." Beels warm smile greeted you.

    "See, told ya I needed you." You returned the smile. "Oh, that reminds me," You smiled to Diavolo, "as princess, I can hire...assistance?" You asked, looking for the right word.

     "We take no qualms with being called servants, Mc." Barbatos smirked as he sipped his tea.

     "Yes. It's actually something you get to do after coronation. Do you have something in mind?" The prince asked as he grabbed a slice of meat.

     "Sort of." You smiled. "I can hire anyone for anything, as long as they accept, right?"

     "They must pass the castle background check. A few other test. Nothing someone capable can't pass. Who do you have in mind?" Barbatos smiled politely as he set his cup down.

     "Well, I haven't asked them yet. I'm more just trying to get the details. How would I go about paying them?"

     "Barbatos or I can talk to the accountant. All I ask is that you don't overpay or over promise." Lucifer poured another glass of Demonus.

     "Although I do have Barbatos looking into a maid for you. Unfortunately I will not budge with that. Anyone else though, feel free."

     "Do you have a brother?" You shot Barbatos a wink.

     "No. You are out of luck for that. Though I am flattered."

     "Worth a shot." You smiled. "I still can't believe your dad agreed." You turned your attention to Diavolo. "Are you sure you want to marry me?"

     "I've never been more sure of anything in my life." The soft, loving smile on his lips made you melt.

     "Do you want a girl or a boy?" You were exited for his answer.

     "It matters not to me. I will love them no matter what. Even a daughter. A Queen can rule the land if she so chooses."

      "Could you imagine her trying to date? Uncle Lucifer just giving the glare." You couldn't help but giggle.

      "I will do more than glare." He mumbled, still downing Demonus. "I cannot believe my brother. I've worked hard to establish us here... we may very well be thrown out...again."

     "You will not be removed from my kingdom, Lucifer. No need to worry about that. Also, if we have a girl, she is not dating until she is atleast fifty thousand years old. I'll scalp anyone who tries in front of a crowd at R.A.D.." He smiled happily, taking another swig of his bottle.

     "I'm not even one hundred and you are gonna get me pregnant anyday..." you cocked an eyebrow.

    "Still not my point."

     "Imma scare the living shit outta the little shit that thinks he has a chance." Mammon laughed loudly.

     "Thank you, Mammon! He understands." Diavolo chuckled.

     "Well what if it's a little boy? Will you scalp the hussies trying to get with them?" You crossed your arms.

     "No. I will raise a strong son." He said, confidence radiating from him.

     "I'd say Barbatos did a great job raising a strong man. Look what he did." You quipped.

     "Well I had been in love with you for years. Ask Lucifer." He opened his second bottle of Demonus.

    "What? Years...Lucifer!" You slapped his shoulder. "You knew we liked each other the whole time and didn't say a word?" A pouty look on your face. "I poured my heart out while we got drunk listening to records, you could have stopped it and just told me! I cried for like an hour that night because I saw him kissing that girl in the market."

    "It wasn't my place. I can't help you both trust me. I saw it as the best way to be loyal to both of you. Maybe it's the Demonus," He tilted his glass back, finishing it and filling it again, "but I still do believe in true love. If it was ment to be, it would happen."

     "Just how many times did you see Diavolo doing stuff with other people?" Leviathans curiosity getting the better of him. "When we were at The Fall, you saw all of that... then the market...it's like an angst manga." He cringed.

     "A lot more than I care to think about." You mumbled. "The worst was the tea time escapade." You pushed some of your food around your plate.

     "Tea time escapade?" He asked nervously.

      "No wonder you felt so hopeless. The prince was always trying to stick his dick in something." Satan sighed.

     "What is the tea time escapade?" Diavolo nervously turned to Barbatos.

     "You had scheduled a four o'clock tea time with Mc. It was mostly just so you could stare at her, but you told her it was to discuss grades, young master."

     "She cried for hours in Asmodeus's room. I almost had her back in mine." Satan sent a smirk to the prince. "She probably would have had sex with anyone of us that night in an effort to feel attractive to someone. Your saving grace being six out of the seven of us were angels. So an attempt was never made."

     "I remember that night." Belphie snickered. "I almost had Beel talked into a double team."

     "I woulda railed ya six ways from sunday that night." Mammon off-handedly shrugged. "Pretty sure the thought even crossed Lucifers mind."

     "The best way over one is under another, as my brother would say," lucifer stared into his cup. "But I also knew of both of your feelings. So I decided not to meddle." He said truthfully.

      You were torn. On the one hand...that was really sweet. They wanted you to feel attractive, loved, when your heart was in pieces. Now it was just sort of weird, you were marrying Diavolo, the man who had crushed your heart many times without realizing, but it still belonged to him.

     "Your three o'clock with a miss Dreka Sloak carried over, on account of you engaging in sex, you told me to dismiss Mc when she arrived. If from guilt or just wanting more time to seek pleasures of the flesh, I am unsure. I had anticipated meeting her in front of the castle, Mc however was teleported by Solomon to the garden doors. I came down the hallway as she was leaving. Muttering to herself how stupid she was to think someone such as yourself could find her loveable at all. She stopped back at Solomons and asked if he could brew her a potion to remove feelings of love I found out later."

      "I couldn't bring myself to do it. As hurt as I was...it just didn't feel right." You said softly. Although you would be marrying Diavolo tomorrow night, the memory still hurt.

      Diavolo took another long swig of his Demonus. It was almost gone. "I am glad you didn't. I would have been heart broken finding out later that you did not feel the same. I probably would have scheduled another appointment with Dreka." He admitted. "Dreka is gorgeous."

     "I know. I heard you tell her as you kept fucking her in the ass." You said bitterly. One thing was his honesty. While very helpful...it would also hurt sometimes, but better a hard truth than candied lies.

    "She deserved to know. It really is the perfect ass."

     "Perhaps you cut back on your drinking. It seems to lower your IQ to room temperature." Barbatos chastised, eyes narrowing.

      "It's fine, Barb. It's something I'll have to get used too."

     "You really shouldn't though. He should be able to have the where with all to not upset his future wife as such." Lucifer continued to stare into his glass.

     "Well, today went too well anyway." You pushed your plate away.

     "I've upset you by speaking about another woman who I find especially attractive."

     "What gave ya that idea." Mammon grumbled.

     "I am sorry I can not lie about how she had the most enchanting eyes in the kingdom. Or probably the best ass I've ever seen on a woman." His eyes were downcast.

      "Perhaps you marry Dreka, young master." Barbatos's voice holding a venom.

      "She would make very beautiful children. A beautiful Queen."

       You took a deep breath and slowly released it. "Perhaps you take Dreka as your wife. Since she has the prettiest eyes and best ass in the kingdom. She'll make you better children than I could." You said quietly. "Remove the sigil, Lucifer."

       A shocked look took over his features as he looked from his glass to you. "Are calling off the wedding? The baby?"

     "Well he already kinda came in me, so what happens, happens. I just don't think marrying is the best option, for either of us." You stood up. "I can't live my life knowing I'm second best to any and every woman in the kingdom. Maybe I'm just being over sensitive... but I want a marriage where I know I'm the most important thing, other than a child who should take first." You wrung you hands. "So just take it off."

    "No, Mc, you can't!" Diavolo stood quickly. Only to get light headed and fall back down. "Please. I want you to have my child!"

     "Would you sleep with Dreka, if you knew I would never find out?" You needed to know if love was enough. He was obviously physically attracted to her, but that wasn't what bothered you the most. It was how he spoke. His tone. Like this woman you had only ever seen once from a back view held the stars to him. It was almost the exact tone he used with you. Only difference being was his cock wasn't making you babel like a fool. You were clear headed enough to see.

     "I am unsure." He admitted quietly. Looking solely at the now empty bottle of Demonus.

      "The man I want to devote myself to isn't even sure if he could do the same. That I won't be enough." Your voice cracked. "What if I have your baby?" You held a hard look on your face. "What if you fuck Dreka an impregnate her? You're great at making sigils." Your sarcastic laugh echoing. "What then?" You stared him down. "Tell me!"

     He never brought his eyes up.

     "I bring a child into this world that's second best. Just as I am." Your hands on your stomach. "Take it off Lucifer."

     "Mc..." He voice was hesitant.

     "Please. Don't." Diavolo finally looked up. "I would always love our child."

     "Just as much as you love me, I'm sure. Lucifer, I command you to remove the fertility sigil, now." You undid the tie, revealing yourself and the stupid sexy outfit underneath. How stupid you had been.

    Lucifer rose, not looking as he removed the sigil easily. "It is done." His voice was quiet and low.

      "Mc..." Mammon stood up quickly, slapping Leviathans shoulder. His eyes never leaving your stomach.

     "It took." Barbatos stunned voice drew your attention. "The strength of the sigil concealed it."

      "It should taken longer to conceive..." Satan stood and made his way to you. Crouching down, his fingers traced where the sigil had been just a moment ago. "A child of the three realms...the magic...it very well could have sped it up?" He looked up to you. "You're pregnant. We can see it's soul."

Enjoy the double bc my internet is whack and I am afraid it won't post if I don't post now. XD

Aldo, a bit of angst, but Mc is getting that happy ending. I just couldn't resist cuz I am a sucker.

Tag list: @luciferwifu @my-perfect-machine @archangel1206 @tigress1 @trendyharold @welcometodemonschoolfan @littlelias-stuff @downbadsad @my-simp-land @itsmeninerz @bunna-does-stuff @obeymediasimp @dont-ask-me-pls   @aviyanna @fugeycreeper @madieg02 @too-much-stresss @pearlofabyss @lloydlovebot @night-snows00 @chocatie @weirddutchgirl @mocahbutterfly @zanyballoonxombie @blackstarqueen @serenavv @lovekaku @idfk-lolll @tirzamisu @hauntedcatnerd @mewchiili @kita-sds @dotster001 @futurecorpseinspector @momokotuharumaki @purple-thrill @flaringfoxsoul03 @heatofmyexoheart @undeaddevildom @kokoirne @tryingtounfuckmylife @deepstartisanhumanoidshark @momokotuharumaki

#obey me #obey me! #obey me! diavolo #obey me diavolo #diavolo #lord diavolo x reader #lord diavolo x mc #diavolo x reader

[fcllxn-stcr]

//I have to say, out off all fandoms I've rp'd in so far, this is probably the most welcoming one. 🥹

All in all, you actually have my husband to thank for getting me into the game in the first place. Because I was super reluctant to begin with because I haven't done anything DnD related in years (my attention span is not what it used to be). After a few gentle nudges, I finally bit and went for it.

In the beginning, my husband was always like, 'Don't use Astarion, he's bad," which only made me want to even more. *insert evil laugh here*

And man, did I fall hard for him. Somehow my husband figured it out immediately and gives me a hard time about it. 'Have fun with your vampire boyfriend!' he says with the biggest shit eating grin. Also doesn't help that he points out that I turn red every time he does this.

I'll also say, this has helped me through some rather unsettled times stemming back beginning in November. (I'll detail under the cut because personal stuff and possible triggers. And it's long and I'm not gonna force anyone to read into it if they don't want)

But somehow, out of it stemmed my muse for Astarion. I had told myself that Kojiro would probably be my last muse, but clearly that wasn't the case and I'm glad! :3

First I lost one of my long time cats and friend, Padme. Despite all the pain, I was able to find comfort in that she was no longer suffering.

Then it's suddenly brought to my attention, almost nearly twenty years after I lost her, my mother has some sort of retirement plan that I was never informed of and it was bestowed upon me to handle it, of course (everything had to be probated because both her and my step dad passed at the same time. And my step dad and a son and daughter). Being as long as it has been, I had the absolute worst time getting things verified and trying to find a bank that would work with me. After three failed tries, I was only able to find one because of... her connections as a cop... That's all I'm gonna say. Bottom line is it's done and finally taken care of, for the most part...

Finally, I had a bombshell dropped on me that my grandmother on my dad's side (who is the only actual parent I have left) suddenly fell ill and was hospitalized. He called me to inform me the first time and then again the next day that she took a turn for the worse.

He handled this by traveling down from northeast Oklahoma down to far southern Texas to see her... With my step mom, step sister and her daughter in law. I found out about this offhandedly through Facebook, posted by the daughter in law and Tagging everyone. I was never personally informed they were doing this. Not only that, that same evening my grandmother passed.

I learned about that part the next day... On Facebook. My dad didn't even call me until about a couple hours after it was posted. And acted like nothing was wrong with it. Including the step sister and her daughter in law. (And its honestly not the first time they've all done something like this to me)

For two days throughout this ordeal, I had to leave work early twice. Once because I lost it and couldn't stop crying, the next because I was so angry that I almost felt feverish.

All of made me realize where I truly stood in my dad's life. He has his wife, my step sister, and has grandkids and even great grandkids through her. His ideal family. Anymore, I'm only an afterthought. I find out about all of their family functions on Facebook and only hear from him on some holidays and birthdays.

I don't know if it's because I had a different mother and am half indigenous and look too much like her. I'm married but don't want kids. My views are a complete 180 from when I associated more with them. Or my step mom's influence (which could be considered abusive to me at times, let alone racist)... I don't know, but only recently have I realized that I actually lost him a long time ago. He's also not in the best of health, but at least he has a family who's willing to give him what he wants, I guess.

I've tried. I really have, but I'm the only one putting forth the effort. And I just can't anymore.

My husband and our two good friends have been my family. And my only source of salvation throughout all this. Letting go is damned difficult for me because I'm still struggling with it. And I may never truly be able to do it, but I'm in no way alone. And for that I'm incredibly thankful.

#ooc || Zorra Lynn speaks #family death mention cw #abuse mention cw #family loss cw #long post under the cut #personal issues cw

[by-kilian]

hey kw! i saw you were doing an ask game so here i am! i hope you’re doing well and life is treating you good. i still need to catch up on STH i’m slackinggggg but life is beating my ass. trust i’ll do it soon i actually have some time off coming up so i’ll be in your dms crying about levi and kilian look forward to that 😫😂 OKAY now for the game i chose 🌻💎🎀! i’m looking forward to your answers!

Hi my heart! You know you're welcome in my inbox anytime, it does NOT have to be when I have an ask game circulating 🥺❤️❤️. I am doing much better and life is being a lot kinder to me now, but I am so sorry to hear it's been hard for you. As for STH, don't even worry about catching up. Like I told a friend today, you still have your own life to live! The story will be there when you're ready for it. Plus with how long I take to write these days, that is doubly true LMFAO.

I'll answer your questions under the cut meanwhile, and thank you for entertaining it!

🌻 What makes you want to give up on writing? What makes you keep going?

This is a really good question. I think the only thing that makes me want to give up on writing lately is lack of genuine community and interaction. I don't mean this way other people may typically mean it either. I think you all know how I feel about comments, kudos, likes, reblogs, etc.--they're lovely but they are bonuses to me in regards to writing. I don't need those things to stay motivated and I will never tell readers how they need to interact with my stories, nor will I ever demand that they do XYZ in order for their love to be valid.

However, I have noticed recently that everybody's interactions with fics has dipped down within the last year, not just on tumblr but on AO3 too. A lot of people just like things and move on and that's it and nothing else. You're always tossing your works out into the ether when you write and post, but it doesn't necessarily feel great to see people sifting through your works and clearly liking them but they never drop a thanks or mention anything else about the work otherwise. It kind of makes you feel like a content machine and you're like "oh, okay, thank you! 🧍🏻‍♀️" to nothing or no one in particular because you don't get anything else from that kind of interaction.

This isn't fandom specific either, it's across the board. I think fandom/fanfic landscape and how people interact within fandoms across the board has changed a lot because people do not commune anymore. We all got into this because we share a common interest, but these days everyone just kind of keeps to themselves and I truly wish we all wore our hearts on our sleeves a bit more. I get both sides of it! But fandoms are about community, and community means nothing if we're all isolated. It used to be a lot more of a give and take between readers and authors where people could thoughtfully engage in conversations, and these days I don't really see that as much as before. I'm sure there are various (many very valid) reasons as to why, but I think what I'm saying is I miss the sense of community. It's no one's fault either so I don't want to make it seem like I'm blaming anyone in particular. I think it's just the way things are these days because fandom culture itself has changed and it makes me a bit sad is all. It's definitely one of the reasons why I often think about and talk about retiring from writing.

But on a positive note, what does keep me going is my personal love for writing, and then moments like this, no Kelly Clarkson! When I recognize frequent names and realize there are some readers who I've spoken to for years that are still speaking to me now, it brings me a lot of joy. Those connections are so lovely, and I value it a lot. ❤️ Those two things are what keeps me going.

💎 Why is writing important to you?

Writing is important to me because I love the art of writing. I love everything about literature and telling stories. I think there is such a beauty to it. Everyone has a story to tell and be told. That is why it's important to me.

🎀 Give yourself a compliment about your own writing

I'm really good at creating memorable, immersive moments that you take with you even when you're done with the story.

On an end note, I really am sending you all my love and hoping things look up for you soon. Lots of love and hugs. Thanks so much for being you, always! :3

#asks #ask games

[providnce]

hii!! i consider myself a independent catb fan since i got into then in 2019 and i obsessed over the songs and lyrics and stuff but never actually got to the fandom? like never knew the fan side of things just the surface level (i was the obsessed and totally into the fandom from another group so i stayed at my comfort zone haha)

with that being said!! im here to ask you kindly if you could tell what happened between them? like what the fans knows with details because i only know the facts about the show being canceled, bob, benji and bondy left and they unfollowed/blocked van but since i was looking around those days i've seen memes and stuff and a few things i missed out and i wanted to understand :(( if its too much to ask like too much work for you its okay!! but i think it would help other people who feel a little lost about everything as well :)

thank you in advance!

hello lovely, and welcome, we're glad to have you here! might i ask which band you were obsessed with instead? and i can definitely understand, i was actually the same way before i actually got involved in the fandom over the summer. c:

and yeah, I can give a quick rundown! i don’t think there’s an official post detailing what went on since lockdown, so here we have:

A (brief) Summary of CaTB’s Decline

Silence from the band once the pandemic hit. Lack of communication ever since has gotten fans quite frustrated, and remains so today. Since March 2020.

A fan noticed that Bondy, Bob, and Benji resigned on Companies House, which made the fandom wonder if the band had split. March 2021.

Catfish play Reading + Leeds Festival, collectively relieving everyone that they were there. August 2021.

However, Bob announces his departure a month after R+L on Instagram. He’s been working on his own music ever since. September 2021.

Bondy’s friend releases the Hide and Speak podcast, with him as a guest. More speculation on him leaving the band as he’d exclusively used past tense when speaking about his time in Catfish, along with a few statements he made towards the end that people interpreted as slating Van. December 2021.

Unfollowing commences. The fandom freaks out upon seeing Van’s following count go down, thinking he’s been active on IG. Chaos. Turns out, it was simply Catfish’s ex-tour manager Steve removing him as a follower. Later on, Bondy seems to unfollow Van and Larry, with rumours that he’s even gone as far as blocking both of them. Odd since Van hadn’t been on IG since 2017. Start of 2022.

^ As of today, Van follows Benji and Larry. Benji follows Van and Larry. Bondy only follows Bob. Bob only follows Bondy. Larry follows nobody.

Bondy got drunk on Tom Ungerer’s (bassist for Sam Fender) IG live, where he says he’s not fond of Van. When asked if Catfish were splitting up, he laughed, looked away, and said “I have no fucking idea, it’s got nothing to do with me.” Bondy also stated he’s working on new music, “trying to make music fun again, last time I was in Catfish and the Bottlemen, I was never allowed to make my own music.” With this live, Bondy had essentially confirmed he and Van have fallen out, and his creative freedom was limited when he was in the band. February 2022.

Larry logs onto social media for the first time in literal ages to unfollow everyone, and remove all his content. February 2022.

Catfish were supposed to open for Stereophonics in Cardiff in mid-June, but they pulled out two weeks prior due to unforeseen circumstances. June 2022.

More silence. Then, Bondy made his statement, confirming he officially left the band back in March 2021 and hasn’t had any affiliation with the band since, due to “reoccurring intolerable behaviour” within the band. This means he had stepped in as a session musician in the last 4 summer shows that Catfish had played. He also described relationships in the band as dysfunctional. Fans have taken this to be at the cause of Van, though there isn’t much clarification on whether this is true or not. Bob then came back on IG and blocked Van and Benji. June 2022.

Dave Sardy (producer for The Ride) posts photos in the studio, teasing possible new music from Van/Catfish by putting the Catfish hashtag in captions on IG. The fandom collectively exploded, again, and so we do every time he makes a post with Catfish in the caption. And every time he likes a comment asking for new music from Van. Since June 2022.

Now, to the present. Van’s disappeared off the face of the earth, the last time we saw him was 400+ days ago when Catfish played Neighbourhood Weekender 2021. Benji recently got engaged. We have snippets of Bondy and Bob (now Rob) working on new music.

in conclusion: rip catb lmfao

who knows wtf is happening with the band 😭

if i missed anything or got something wrong, feel free to add on! i have the memory of a goldfish, so thank you @icouldntfindquiet and @catb-fics for helping me put this together!

#van mccann #catb #johnny bond #bondy #benji blakeway #bob hall #asks 💌 #thlasthours #bookmark

[macfrog]

hi max!

i’m back with another “gentle reminders” ask. it goes in line with one of my personal goals this year of trying to work on my kindness and how i show that kindness to others.

the beginning of a new year is always a bit tough for many people, for many reasons but at the scale of the fandom, i have noticed some negativity starting to spread. maybe it’s bound to happen on any social media but i always considered tumblr to be different, to be over the kind of discourse you could find on other apps. this place has been a true haven for many of us and i would like to keep it that way, so i thought, as a way to counterbalance this negativity, i could compensate with a nice message for one of the driving forces in the fandom: our dear writers.

i would like to begin by saying thank you.  thank you for dedicating your time, your energy, your love and sharing pieces of yourself with us. the fandom wouldn’t be what it is without you: just like a body needs a brain or a heart to function properly, fandoms need writers like they need others contributing. thank you for offering diversity, engaging with different tropes and characters to reach as many readers as possible. i will admit, some things proposed are not my cup of tea but i know they can be enjoyed by others, the same way some of my favorite fics wouldn’t necessarily attract others. so thank you for giving a chance to everyone to find what they enjoy, to discover, to learn, to cry, to laugh, to love and to be able to do so in an open, safe space. thank you for interacting with us as well. thank you for responding to our questions, sharing snippets when we get impatient, teasing us with your new ideas and making life a little more fun and exciting every day. and of course, thank you for doing all of this for free. for expecting so little in return when you give us so much.

now a few things i want you to remember: 

although we’re all thankful for having access to your art, your first fan should be yourself. write what you enjoy, write that self-indulgent fic, write your favorite trope, an improbable duo or crossover because you’ve always wanted to. do it for yourself. in the same way, have fun with it. writing is a hobby, it’s not your job, it’s not supposed to be a chore. so do what makes you happy. don’t worry about updating fics, about being slow, about posting too much or too little. some things might take time, some might need an hour to be posted but in the end, they all matter just the same. they’re worth being read and cherished and we will appreciate them. whether you have thousands of notes or barely a few hundreds, you have your place here. you’re still an amazing writer, you’re still an artist regardless of the stats. 

whether i've had time to binge-read your stories or just discovered you. thank you. i love you. i’m grateful for you. i see and appreciate your work. your efforts. you.  i’m sorry if you’ve ever been received with negativity but i hope this can make up for some of it.  you deserve nothing but kindness and appreciation and i hope you know how much you matter here.

sending you all my love,

anna 💗

hi, anna!! oh my goodness i have read and reread this probably fifty times since you sent it, i feel all warm and mushy over it

first of all, i love that goal. the world could do with a lot more kindness, and you're so sweet for putting your energy into this. so so glad that you're here and you're spreading light 🤍

this little corner of the internet really has a lot of love to give despite the dumb stuff sometimes. i have met and fallen in love with some of the best people, right here. i'm so grateful to know such a welcoming, safe community, and i'm honored to be a little part of it.

thank you a million times over for this beautiful message. hope you're good, my friend! sending so much love straight back to you 🩷

#chats w max #joelsgreenflannel