#thanks for invalidating the trauma of actual abuse survivors though

[nothing0fnothing]

heyo! i would just like to apologise on behalf of the NPD community for the idiots that are frothing at the mouth trying to claim that narc abuse isn't real. yeah, we get it, pwNPD ≠ abusive. doesnt mean you get to dictate how victims should view their trauma, much less make it seem invalid. pwNPD make things so much worse if they aren't grounded! do they seriously think pwNPD are cute little bunnies who just want validation? i myself am a pwNPD, and it is soo cringe omfg. all this so-called npd positivity sickens me. you're convincing pwNPD that their problematic attention-seeking behaviour is acceptable. if pre-aware me saw all those posts, i would've never sought to change my behaviour and seek a healthier source of supply. i admit, i was abusive. no BS. i literally took pleasure in others being scared of me, to the point i would bully my own sister to tears and gaslit her into thinking it was her fault. i was fucking 10. i needed that slap on the face to finally realise this was not how i was supposed to be. i got my help, i got the support i need, i'm trying to be a better person. now thats the type of positivity we need. i dont want people telling me that 'i just want to be acknowledged'. no, wanting to be acknowledged is normal. my desire was unhealthy and violent. i needed someone to beat me up and tell me not everything about me and that i shouldn't want to beat someone up for doing something better than me. Thanks for listening to my TedTalk! 😊 - 🩹

A super well considered and realistic view of what it means to be a narcissistic abuse denier and its roots in anti therapy/anti recovery rhetoric from the POV of a person who actually has NPD.

You're very right, to be a pwNPD and to argue that victims and survivors shouldn't have a community based on their shared experience of abuse because you feel personally victimised by the conversation is trying to dictate our recovery to us. It's attempting to invalidate our experience and its hella indicative of real life abusive behavior.

Thank you for sharing personal details of your own experience with NPD. I know it's hard, I know it's not fun for you and I'm sorry your safe spaces have been hijacked by wannabes and fakers pretending that to have this disorder is cool and edgy. You don't feel cool and edgy for having this disorder, because it's a real mental illness that effects your life daily, not a quirk you get to take off when you close the app and go into your life.

Support is out there for people with NPD or people who suspect they have it. It's not as fun or exciting to get help than it is to run a edgy tumblr blog that perpetuates further abuse and stigmatises people with NPD, but our mental health is our responsibility, and anti recovery and anti treatment narcissistic abuse denial blogs are just perpetrating further harm and stigma. The people who beleive in it will never get better, and it's sad, but you didn't fall into believing the narrative that NPD is untreatable. You got help though it was hard and you learned to be better.

I don't condone violence to correct bad behaviour, I don't think you needed to be hit to learn better. The desire to do better and be a good person is in all of us, and I hope you know that the decent human being you are today is thanks to your own hard work, your commitment to consistency in therapy, your strength to understand your disorder, not the time you were hit to learn better.

Thank you for your support, plaster emoji, I really appreciate it. Your Ted talk was an incredible read and I'd be pleased to hear from you again 💕

#narcissistic abuse #narcissistic personality disorder awareness #narcissism positivity #narcissism awareness #surviving narcissism #actually npd #npd awareness #narcissistic abuse is real #narcissism is not npd #therapy #mental health support

[agirldying]

Thank you for your reply!

I don't think what I experience is dissociation per say because the numbness appears at specific times but I think I'm always overall aware of my own body/thoughts.

As for emotional amnesia I do relate to that. It made it really hard to get anything from therapy because I simply wasn't able to tell how awful I felt a couple of days prior our sessions.

I'll look into the self gaslighting a bit more but from what I've seen, the thing that might make me resonate with it is the fact that I always have the feeling that whatever happened to me is okay because it either wasn't really that bad or because I was just made to handle it. While my abuse was still ongoing as a child I did not show any sign that something was wrong. I was not carrying the burden around all the time, I just dealt with it when it happened and *almost * completely ignored it the next day. Even when I actually told my parents what was happening and a therapist asked to see me I just refused (and didn't see her as a consequence). I just wanted it to be done and now it was so why talk about it?

And I'm not sure how "healing" applies to me. What am I supposed to heal from? I'm not mentally ill. I'm not always dealing with pain either. Even things I do that are considered unhealthy aren't actively impairing me. I feel like trying to "heal" will just be a slap in the face that nothin was ever bad. By that I mean I might "try" and figure out that I really did not have to try hard at all, it would just be easy because I was never truly struggling with anything to begin with. I feel like when people talk about healing they're trying to escape from something (be it symptoms of mental illness or self destructive behavior), like (excuse the metaphor lol) trying really hard not to drown and actively struggling to stay afloat, while maybe all I have to do is simply not move and let myself float around. And maybe I should simply do that, but it feels wrong

Hey etoilause,

Dissociation can be momentary or take different forms other than a disconnect from your body or thoughts, but of course it's up to you how to describe your experiences.

The thing about enduring trauma is that often times we as survivors will act "normal" while we're actively being abused, because it's a survival mechanism. Sometimes our line of logic is that if we show we're distressed by what's happening, that could only get us in more trouble or escalate the situation. When we're in an abusive situation we do not give ourselves the time psychologically to actually process what's happening, which is why this tends to only begin once we get to a place that we can subconsciously register as safe. Instead of processing, we're focused on just surviving. I wonder if any of these things resonate with you.

But I also understand refusing therapy because you wanted to just be done with it. Even 6 months after I reached safety, I was already tired of rehashing the details in my mind. 8 years later I'm still battling it. I think sometimes we believe it's more efficient (like with avoiding escalation) to just carry on as normal and try to live as if nothing happened. But when you have trauma, that's not really possible, at least without professional help.

About the use of the word healing, I do hear what could be that internalized gaslighting, in feeling like healing almost invalidates what you've been through. I will just say that you don't have to be mentally ill to heal (and mental illnesses tend to be more... chronic? i.e you can manage it but it will likely be there indefinitely, though the same goes for trauma), and that you don't have to be always in pain to heal either. Even if you got a paper cut you can heal, you know? But that's not to minimize your experiences. Suffice to say, your pain doesn't have to be constant or debilitating to need or deserve healing.

And tied into the healing and internalized gaslighting thing is perhaps that idea that healing is to escape something. On one hand, yes absolutely, and rightfully so. But on the other hand, I think there's a certain implication attached to the word escape or even escapism, because it insinuates that it's bad to escape (not necessarily trying to say you intended for this implication, just bear with me lol). And that's maybe where I see that internalized gaslighting coming back in, because it's almost like (correct me if wrong) you think, on some level, that it's worse to heal and better to stay in the pain, however severe that is.

I hope I could help, and feel free to reply.

#text #asks #etoilause #trauma #vent #trauma vent

[firelxdykatara]

I’m just really confused as to where this idea that Zuko is gaycoded came from. Like people are allowed to have that headcanon but I don’t understand where people are coming from when they try and claim that he was undisputedly gaycoded and trying to deny it is homophobic when he’s only ever shown romantic interest in women.

I made a pretty long post on the topic a while back, but the ultimate gist of it is this: there are a lot of elements of Zuko's status as an abuse victim and trauma survivor that resonate with queer folks. This is understandable and completely fine! However, there are some parts of the fandom who have taken that to the other extreme and will now insist that those elements are uniquely queer, and that they can only be read as some sort of veiled gay/coming out narrative, even though that doesn't make much sense since there is no part of Zuko's narrative which is unique to any sort of queer experience.

I think the problem really does stem from two things being conflated--Zuko's history of abuse and trauma, and trauma&abuse being something a lot of queer people have experienced. I suspect it goes something like 'I see a lot of myself in Zuko, and I was abused for being gay, therefore Zuko must be gay too in order to have had similar experiences.' This can then lead to feeling dismissed or invalidated when other people point out that those experiences are not unique to being queer--but on the flip side, abuse victims and trauma survivors whose abuse&trauma do not stem from queerness (even if they are queer themselves) can feel invalidated and dismissed by the implication that their trauma must be connected to their queerness or it isn't valid.

This is also where the 'people don't actually know what gay coded means' part comes in, and I realize now that I didn't actually get into what gay coding (and queer coding in general) actually means, since I was so hung up on pointing out how Zuko doesn't really fit the mold. (And the few elements that exist which could be said to count are because of the 'villains historically get queer coded bc Hays Code era' thing and mostly occur in Book 1, not because of how he acts as an abuse&trauma survivor.)

Under a cut because I kind of go on a tangent about gay/queer coding, but I swear I get back to the point eventually.

Queer coding (and it is notable that, with respect to Zuko, it is almost always framed as 'he couldn't possibly be attracted to girls', rather than 'he could be attracted to boys as well as girls' in these discussions, for... no real discernible reason, but I'll get into that in a bit) is the practice of giving characters 'stereotypically queer' traits and characteristics to 'slide them under the radar' in an era where having explicitly queer characters on screen was not allowed, unless they were evil or otherwise narratively punished for their queerness. (See: the extant history of villains being queer-coded, because if they were Evil then it was ok to make them 'look gay', since the story wasn't going to be rewarding their queerness and making audiences think it was in any way OK.) This is thanks to the Motion Picture Production Code (colloquially and more popularly known as the Hays Code), which was a set of guidelines which movies coming out of any major studio had to adhere to in order to be slated for public release and lasted from the early 1930s until it was finally abandoned in the late 60s.

The Hays Code essentially existed to ensure that the content of major motion pictures would not 'lower the moral standards' of the viewing public. It didn't just have to do with queerness--cursing was heavily monitored, sex outside of marriage was not allowed to be seen as desirable or tittilating, miscegenation was not allowed (most specifically interracial relationships between black and white people), criminals had to be punished lest the audience think that it was ok to be gay and do crime, etc. Since same-sex relations fell under 'sexual perversion', they could not be shown unless the 'perversion' were punished in some way. (This is also the origin of the Bury Your Gays trope, another term that is widely misunderstood and misapplied today.) To get around this, queer coding became the practice by which movies and television could depict queer people but not really, and it also became customary to give villains this coding even more overtly, since they would get punished by the end of the film or series anyway and there was nothing to lose by making them flamboyant and racy/overly sexual/promiscuous.

Over time, this practice of making villains flamboyant, sexually aggressive, &etc became somewhat separated from its origins in queer coding, by which I mean that these traits and tropes became the go-to for villains even when the creator had no real intention of making them seem queer. This is how you generally get unintentional queer-coding--because these traits that have been given to villains for decades have roots in coding, but people tend to go right to them when it comes to creating their villains without considering where they came from.

Even after the Hays Code was abandoned, the sentiments and practices remained. Having queer characters who weren't punished by the narrative for being queer was exceptionally rare, and it really isn't until the last fifteen or so years that we've seen any pushback against that. Buffy the Vampire Slayer is famous for being one of the first shows on primetime television to feature an explicitly gay relationship on-screen, and that relationship ended in one of the most painful instances of Bury Your Gays that I have ever personally witnessed. (Something that, fourteen years later, The 100 would visually and textually reference with Lexa's death. Getting hit by a bullet intended for someone else after a night of finally getting to be happy and have sex with her s/o? It wasn't remotely subtle. I don't even like Clexa, but that was incredibly rough to witness.)

However, bringing this back to Zuko, he really doesn't fit the criteria for queer coding for a number of reasons. First of all, no one behind the scenes (mostly a bunch of cishet men) was at all intending to include queer rep in the show. This wasn't a case where they were like 'well, we really wanted to make Zuko gay, but we couldn't get that past the censors, so here are a few winks and a nudge', because it just wasn't on their radar at all. Which makes sense--it wasn't on most radars in that era of children's programming. This isn't really an indictment, it's just a fact of the time--in the mid/late 00s, no one was really thinking about putting queer characters in children's cartoons. People were barely beginning to include them in more teen- and adult-oriented television and movies. It just wasn't something that a couple of straight men, who were creating a fantasy series aimed at young kids, were going to think about.

What few instances you can point to from the series where Zuko might be considered to exhibit coding largely happen in Book 1, when he was a villain, because the writers were drawing from typically villainous traits that had historically come from queer coding villains and had since passed into common usage as villainous traits. But they weren't done with any intention of making it seem like Zuko might be attracted to boys.

And, again, what people actually point to as 'evidence' of Zuko being queer-coded--his awkwardness on his date with Jin and his confrontation with Ozai being the big ones I can think of off the top of my head--are actually just... traits that come from his history of trauma and abuse.

As I said in that old post:

making [zuko’s confrontation of ozai] about zuko being gay and rejecting ozai’s homophobia, rather than zuko learning fundamental truths about the world and about his home and about how there was something deeply wrong with his nation that needed to be fixed in order for the world to heal (and, no, ‘homophobia’ is not the answer to ‘what is wrong with the fire nation’, i’m still fucking pissed at bryke about that), misses the entire point of his character arc. this is the culmination of zuko realizing that he should never have had to earn his father’s love, because that should have been unconditional from the start. this is zuko realizing that he was not at fault for his father’s abuse--that speaking out of turn in a war meeting in no way justified fighting a duel with a child.

is that first realization (that a parent’s love should be unconditional, and if it isn’t, then that is the parent’s fault and not the child’s) something that queer kids in homophobic households/families can relate to? of course it is. but it’s also something that every other abused kid, straight kids and even queer kids who were abused for other reasons before they even knew they were anything other than cishet, can relate to as well. in that respect, it is not a uniquely queer experience, nor is it a uniquely queer story, and zuko not being attracted to girls (which is what a lot of it seems to boil down to, at the end of the day--cutting down zuko’s potential ships so that only zukka and a few far more niche ships are left standing) is not necessary to his character arc. nor does it particularly make sense.

And, regarding his date with Jin:

(and before anyone brings up his date with jin--a) he enjoyed it when she kissed him, and b) he was a traumatized, abused child going out on a first date. of course he was fucking awkward. have you ever met a teenage boy????)

Zuko is socially awkward and maladjusted because he was abused by his father as a child and has trouble relating to people as a result. He was heavily traumatized and brutally physically injured as a teenager, and it took him years to begin to truly recover from the scars that left on his psyche (and it's highly likely, despite the strides he made in canon, that he has a long way to go, post series; it's such a pity that we never got any continuation comics >.>). He was not abused for being gay or queer--he was abused because his father believed he was weak, and part of Zuko's journey was realizing that his father's perception of strength was flawed at its core. That his entire nation had rotted from the inside out, and the regime needed to be changed in order for the world--including his people--to begin to heal.

That could be commingled with a coming out narrative, which is completely fine for headcanons (although I personally prefer not to, because, again, we have more than enough queer trauma already), but it simply doesn't exist in canon. Zuko was not abused or traumatized for being queer, and his confrontation with Ozai was not about him coming out or realizing any fundamental truth about himself--it was about realizing something fundamental about his father and his nation, and making the choice to leave them behind so that he could help the Avatar grow stronger and force things to change when he got back.

TL;DR: at the end of the day, none of the traits, scenes, or behavior Zuko exhibits which shippers tend to use to claim he was gay-coded are actually evidence of coding--they aren't uniquely queer experiences, as they stem from abuse that was not related in any way to his sexuality, and they are experiences that any kid who suffered similar abuse or trauma could recognize and resonate with. (Including straight kids, and queer kids who were abused for any reason other than their identity.) And, finally, Zuko can be queer without erasing or invalidating his canon attraction to girls, and it's endlessly frustrating that the 'Zuko is gay-coded' crowd refuses to acknowledge that.

#atla #zuko #on queer coding #atla fandom salt #salt for ts #asked #mudbend

[makeste]

I kinda feel like that last anon, how should i put this...? I know that endeavor is a fictional character but at the same time I can't really put my own experience aside and look at him (or any of the todoroki family actually) like I look at aizawa or even all for one because looking at him is like looking at my own family

sometimes I feel like part of the fandom treat people who really can't stand endeavor and like idiots that don't have enough brain cells to understand his character arc but is not this, is just that when you experienced something really traumatic anything could be a trigger, in my case, my family situation was so similar to the todofam that my little bro had to stop reading the manga even though he liked the world and characters because it was making he remember things that are better forgotten, I know that there's no way that someone can do a story that will not trigger anyone in any aspect but at the same time I wish that, like I can understand the readers that like endeavor and wish the best for him, more people would be more empathetic and understanding of survivors (this last part is not directed at you on any shape or form tho, please don't get the wrong idea, I really think that you're amazing and I love your metas)

see, I totally get that the Endeavor storyline is triggering to some people, and I don’t want to downplay that in any way. I know the common response here is “don’t like, don’t read”, and while I agree that people are ultimately responsible for the media that they consume, and for curating their own fandom experience, at the same time I know it can sometimes feel like getting elbowed out of a space you used to be comfortable in, and having it no longer be welcoming to you, and being told you just have to deal with it. which to be frank does suck, and I understand why people react badly to that.

but on the other hand, what also sucks and can also be triggering to people is being talked over, and having your experiences invalidated, and being told as an abuse survivor that you are in fact an abuse apologist and a bad person. and in particular, the experience of having someone guilt you (for instance by saying things like “you shouldn’t talk about that because it upsets me”) and try to make you feel bad for not agreeing with them is a very familiar one for a lot of emotional abuse survivors, and they don’t deserve to have that trauma dredged up just because they’re trying to enjoy a story. so it goes both ways. those people deserve empathy and understanding as well. they deserve respect just as much as the people on the other end of it. and they have the right to engage with the story how they want, and to post their opinions without being demonized and having people try to control what they can and can’t talk about on their own blogs.

ultimately what I think most of the conflict boils down to is that the BnHA tags are a shared public space, but people sometimes try to treat that space as if it belongs to them, which it doesn’t. it belongs to everyone, and everyone can post whatever they want in it, and they have the right to do so without being harassed. no one person’s experience is more or less valid than another’s, and no one has the right to try to silence someone else, or condescend to them, or police what they’re posting on their own blog (even if that post is also going into the shared tags). the best way to build empathy and understanding is to have actual respectful interactions with other people, even if you don’t always share the same viewpoint. but for people who don’t want to do that, there’s also the block button, and tumblr’s filter options, which are actually pretty great, especially now that they’re not just limited to tags but can filter actual content as well. so it’s possible for someone to make their own personal fandom space safer and more comfortable without necessarily being forced out of it, which is great. you can choose which parts of the community you want to interact with. it’s not a perfect solution, but it’s about as good as it’s going to get.

at the end of the day, the people who hate the Endeavor storyline have to share the fandom with the people who like it, and that’s just how it is. and the only way that works -- well, the only way that it works and doesn’t suck -- is if people are respectful to one another. you can’t force people to only post things you like, just like they can’t do the same to you. like, I’m trying so hard not to end this post with something like “just be fucking nice to each other” as if we were all in kindergarten, lol. but also... yeah. anyways thank you for the ask and for sharing your point of view, anon, because honestly, that’s basically exactly what I’m talking about. you don’t like the Endeavor arc for valid personal reasons, and I do, also for personal reasons (though honestly it doesn’t matter what reasons someone has either way, all of it is valid). and that is completely fine! look at that. I just wish it were always this easy, lol.

#bnha 300 #bnha meta #fandom meta #todoroki enji #endeavor #endeavor meta #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #asks #anon asks

[the-art-of-leaving]

When I first looked up religious abuse the sources at the top of google were all about it being within a religious organization and not within a family, but mine some years back was definitely 80% my already identified as emotionally abusive dad. I think maaybe this is clearer now with eg Tara Westover's Educated but I want people to know that religious abuse can take place within a family, especially if someone assumes the role of spiritual leader.

(cont) and yes, Max has done a good job of mentioning that and linking to resources that include familial or domestic spiritual abuse, I just want to be emphatic about that because it can be hard to name abuse and if someone has looked it up before and written it off based on such sources, they (or indeed me thanks to past resources) might skim over the posts thinking oh, well, it's not that. when it is.

Hey! All the posts I’ve written so far about spiritual abuse are actually specifically about domestic spiritual abuse, aka within families or partnerships. I don’t write about spiritual abuse in organizations because that’s not my experience, and like you, I also know that a lot of people assume spiritual abuse means abuse by leaders. That’s actually the reason why I didn’t believe I was an abuse survivor or truly suffered from trauma for years after I escaped up until this year, when I learned that spiritual abuse can happen at home. I decided to start writing about domestic spiritual abuse so others wouldn’t go through what I have in terms of denial, confusion and invalidation.

I appreciate you saying this and will take it as a sign that I’m not being clear enough that I’m specifically talking about domestic spiritual abuse (though I mentioned that in my first post about what spiritual abuse is, not sure if you saw.) I’m probably going to be writing more in depth about domestic SA in the future so I’ll keep that in mind ☺️

#spiritual abuse #mod max #ask #anon

[bigskydreaming]

lesbianscottsummers replied to your post:

Jfc. Okay, let me be perfectly fucking clear,...

I just wanna day as an inc*st survivor myself I’m so sorry what has happened to you, what these anons are putting you through, and what they will undoubtably continue to put you through. I’m here if you ever need to vent/talk/etc ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️

*hugs to you for your shit as well* 

Thanks, I appreciate it, but honestly I’ll be fine. The thing none of these anons ever get is how fucking powerless and pointless they are. Its like....LMFAO, I’ve survived abuse, rape, and a gaybashing. You really think your shitty little hostile messages are what’s going to break me or shut me up? LOL, please. You’re embarrassing yourselves. The most they’ve ever managed is being obnoxious gnats that are hard to swat and annoy the shit out of me.

Tbh, its not the anons that really bother me. Its the silence about their behavior. I’ve been out here catching shit like this for years...and so does most every other survivor I know who’s vocal about their trauma and how unsupported they feel by the very fandoms that pay the most lip service to caring about abuse, rape and rape culture. Not to mention all my friends of color who are vocal about racism, etc, etc.

And yet how many non-survivors (most white, because let’s be real, the vast majority of other ‘antis’ who are non-survivors themselves are people of color due to the overlap between people who fetishize and invalidate racial generational trauma and people who fetishize and invalidate survivor trauma of all types and individuals).....like, time and time again, you hear about ‘anti’ behavior and how disruptive it is to fandoms....with this signalboosted and perpetuated by people who just claim they want to ‘stay out of it’ and be civil and mannered and can’t we all just get along....

Well, no. We fucking can’t.....because the day some of us, whether survivors, people of color, nonbinary or trans individuals, started to say “hey, there are elements of fandom that actively are HARMFUL and ostracizing to us” a lot of people decided they just didn’t want to hear that, and only peeked their heads up to acknowledge when ‘antis’ rocked the boat a little too loudly.

But yeah, its only us who go around harassing people, never the other way around. At least, that’s the impression anyone would get from looking at any of the blogs of people who just want everyone to be nice and civil to each other....but only seem to get the alert when that goes in the direction that requires zero action on their part.

I mean, just speaking strictly to matters pertaining to being an abuse/rape survivor, I’m just so fucking sick of hearing all the lip service about how “I support survivors”.....from people who then make it clear that only is actionable for them WHEN NO ACTION IS ACTUALLY REQUIRED.

Hence why there’s always that tiny little qualifier in arguments around various forms of ‘anti’ discourse.....stuff pertaining to rape, incest and pedophilia fetishization....so many people when they say they support survivors in fandom ACTUALLY seem to mean “well I really MOSTLY support the survivors who say they write these things to cope, because even though I don’t ship or read or write these things myself, I support their right to do so, as opposed to those other ‘anti’ survivors’ right to have fandom experiences that don’t require being IMMERSED 24/7 in romanticized reminders of their own traumas.’

*Shrugs* I’m sick of it. I’ve watched it happen for YEARS, being right in the middle of it, and no one can tell me this isn’t EXACTLY what’s been happening for all this time, and why so many fandoms have remained exactly the way they are, problems and all, with zero effort to change or be more inclusive of all the people on the margins for various reasons saying “HEY WHAT ABOUT US”....and then turning around and patting themselves on the back for being so civilized, so courteous, so ABOVE descending into the kind of barbaric behavior that only antis are guilty of. Never the reverse. Never the things that INSPIRE our anger or vitriol as a reaction to the fact that we’re just trying to fucking EXIST in fandom spaces and everyone else who was just fine with the way things are now saying “no, change doesn’t actually work for us, because that means....effort?”

How can you say you support survivors if you never actually DO anything supportive? How can you say you support people of color if you never actually SPEAK UP for them when you see or are surrounded by blatantly evident racism? How can you say you support LGBTQ+ individuals if your READING PREFERENCES are more of a priority to you than their living experiences?

I’m not pissed off about the barrage of insects in my inbox, honestly. 

I’m pissed off by the crickets that resound from everyone who at other times is first in line to say “I absolutely support xyz! Just, y’know, in that quiet, invisible way that’s more enabling of toxic, harmful, racist, homophobic, transphobic and rape-culture tropes and individuals than like....the actual people I’m claiming to actually support.”

Here’s a “if a tree falls in the middle of the forest and no one’s around to hear it, does it make a sound” for the social media age:

“If your support can’t be pointed to, quantified, singled out, observed, identified, or in any way meaningfully proven to exist....then DOES IT?”

Idk. I mean, I just really love how in just the few months I’ve been an active presence in this particular fandom, I’ve garnered a reputation of being unreasonable and disruptive and overly aggressive....all while sticking ENTIRELY to my own blog, not going NEAR any tags, only jumping on someone else’s post a grand total of three times that I can think of....and all while my own fandom related posts are continually garnering hundreds and even thousands of notes and being spread around by people who at the same time actively avoid interacting with me as an individual because I’m ‘unpleasant’.....as opposed to all the big name incest shippers who well, even if someone doesn’t ship those icky things themselves, at least they can say those incest and pedophilia shippers are a lot less disruptive and unpleasant to be around and know how to be polite and well-mannered.

LOLOL.

When civility is indistinguishable from apathy, you’ve fucking missed the entire freaking point of civility. 

THAT’S why I don’t bother blunting myself with it, when I don’t particularly feel civil. Because its become pointless. People have fucking WEAPONIZED it to use it to silence people, and that’s so gross to me. Nobody benefits from that unless they’re already benefiting from the status quo, and the status quo is fucking gross to me too.

My question, to all the people who see things they think are wrong and never say a damn word about it...is and will always be:

WHY????

[asheternal]

((DO NOT REBLOG))

(Please don’t start crap in the replies, thank you)

I  feel like there’s a fundamental issue with discussions of what makes a good portrayal of a PTSD sufferer/survivor in media and it honestly breaks my heart.

What you consider the be-all of portrayals may not suit everyone’s experience, that does not mean it’s bad or somehow less valid. I feel like trying to categorize these sorts of things is incredibly dangerous and encourages people to apply this mentality to actual survivors.

 Yes, this is about Blake and Yang- I am TIRED of seeing the same old claims that their portrayals are somehow incorrect or wrong, that people who find comfort in those stories are somehow wrong or invalid. Though honestly?

 This also applies to Lapis, yes- that Lapis. I feel like the discussion around her character is peak victim blaming and is utterly disgusting at points. I’ve had someone in the same breath claim I am so brave and such a good person for speaking up about my own abuse story (which is incredibly similar to Lapis’ story, minus the space rock bits) then condemn Lapis’ story and outright tell me to my face that it’s a bad portrayal of abuse because ��UM JEEPERS WAS THE REAL VICTIM!!!”

 Equally- I adore flawed portrayals of survivors. I am not here for perfect people or characters, I want to see the effects of what characters go through. Survivors are not flawless, we mess up, we do things we come to later see as incredibly bad as a result of the trauma we go through but that does not at all invalidate what we go through.

 There’s a character often paraded as a “s*ciopath” for these reasons that I adore- Homura. I don’t agree or support branding her as “less than human” (and it’s fundamentally wrong, given that the games AND bits of the anime show her being pretty damn emotional, just not what most are used to or like the other characters) and like.. honestly, if I went through half of what she has when I was 14, I’d be as flawed.

“Homura did nothing wrong” is a meme statement I disagree with- she did wrong, but it was never out of a place of malice. It was what she saw as just through her often black and white thinking- which is what many people with trauma end up seeing the world as before they begin to recover.

 A bad PTSD story puts the abuser in the spotlight and glorifies them, it does not show the deep roots of the damage caused by them and in general, spreads a toxic message.

 You can be critical of what you want to be, I just ask that you don’t act like your view on something as complex and intricate as PTSD is somehow the only correct one and have a little compassion for those of us who do enjoy t hem.

#rambling #hey ash whatcha sayin

[sincerelybillie]

Longer Than Most Marriages

That’s what I hear the most. About how long this has lasted. And as if marriage hasn’t come up and pregnancy scares haven’t manifested into something that forced me to become a better long-term planner than someone with depression can sometimes even be. I think I’ve had my one Big Love. I realize it more in moments of traumatic flashbacks and fresher, newer, more recent abuse. But I definitely knew it was a Big Love when I first felt it, as a teenager turning everything into poetry and playlists. Though that girl has barely changed.

Once I had been treated bad, then good, it made me feel the pain of having been treated bad in a different way. Even if I was already grieving the years I lost and unraveling the twisted ideas planted in my young brain that hardened me into a clay pot that breaks much easier than it was built and can’t grow anything that doesn’t die quickly... the brain that had my processed good, healthy love was also processing your sadness and resentment that I didn’t get it sooner. 

Having it bad isn’t a prerequisite to deserve good. It is not the only thing that can teach us to appreciate or nurture someone and the love you share with them, as if some polar opposite experience has to be the singular source of perspective. You’re justifying your own hell at that point. 

What I learn every year initially makes me deeply uncomfortable, and starts with a series of triggers that I have to muddle through (tightness in my throat, tears pouring down my face, soaking my shirt, and swelling my eyes, and genuinely believing the only way out of this situation and feeling is killing myself).

On the other side of that horrific tunnel, I have always made it out alive, more empathetic, and more reasonable. Better, kinder, more useful, more honest. I still get Bad Brain. I still lose my temper. I still have nightmares and panic attacks. And I still haven’t quite figured out how to completely cut off the people who continue to invalidate, gaslight, and abuse me, and then tell me I am playing victim. 

I’m not playing. It’s not a role I claim or pretend to be. It was imposed on me, assigned, without consent or remorse or accountability. I know I am a victim because I know they are perpetrators and I know what they have done to me. The fact that they have been victims and experienced trauma themselves does not give them a pass. Statistically, it gives them motive and/or mental health disorders. It also does not impress me if they endured more and didn’t “complain” as much as I am by talking about it as much as I do (which still isn’t very much and is still relatively ambiguous for safety reasons). 

They won’t get therapy, they won’t tell people the truth, and they threaten me if I discuss anything that might link them to the events that have harmed me physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, psychologically and sexually. I have little control over their response, values, or sense of humanity.

I also know I am a survivor. Some days, I don’t feel like that because I am still keeping secrets, I still live in fear in certain spaces, and I still haven’t sought legal action against the crimes committed against me by multiple people. I’m just this person who has been set off fire, had my entire body damaged inside and out, and continues to walk around and live life. That’s supposed to be badass, maybe. But sometimes, it’s frustrating and depressing to have become that charred, scarred thing. Even if people do praise you for being brave or strong. I didn’t want to be known as those things, while keeping their causes a secret. I didn’t want that secret to be the price I paid to become those things, especially became I became other less admirable things, too. And the price came with interest. 

Whether I talk about it today, have been slowly talking about it in a little more detail over time, or whether I mention it in 20 years, I know I will be met with skepticism, shame, or disrespect, more so than I have received it now. It has discouraged me and hurt me and made me want to not even bother, stop trying before even starting to seek justice.

 I can’t put everyone who’s done something heinous to me behind bars or in the ground because I am not the one who serves justice, acts on my rage violently, or honestly has financial resources or time to focus on that person or person(s) enough. I don’t know what justice or reparations would even look like because I have gotten so used to navigating the world with the hand I was dealt, or creating physical distance from that hand as my only escape/solution because the law or the culture wasn’t designed for me to get much else if I was even lucky enough to get to leave.

The kindest thing I did for myself was invest in a relationship that was good for me, in a person who was good to me, and take care of it as a friendship and relationship for over ten years. I consider art to be so important in my healing too, but this person and relationship allowed me to blossom as a writer and as an artist, and often provided seemingly endless inspiration. Positive inspiration, as I didn’t have to draw from my hurt or reveal to people in moments of vulnerability or over sharing - whichever it was at the time - that I have had my mind, body, and spirit rattled by intense, unforgettable trauma. And look, I can do something creative with that trauma and sell my sadness. 

Today, I am so much more affirmative in both my relationships with people and in my art. I celebrate more than I mourn, which wasn’t happening before. It’s like going on a writer’s retreat in a jumpy castle. Or doing something as simple but significant as sending people you care about cards just because you want to, as opposed to being in a prison and only using your creative passions for escapism so you didn’t go crazy or kill yourself.

I was in very dangerous, toxic, and regrettable environments and relationships before and even after (for familiarity) the one I shared that I can actually be proud of and am deeply fond of. I had to acknowledge how cruel and ugly I had become because of what I learned and picked up and accepted as the way I was going to handle and survive relationships. 

But I got to unravel, cry, and grow up in a safe and healthy space to do so, with someone who was patient and compassionate and taught me an unmatched level of unconditional love. I did not take it for granted, knowing they deserved the best from me too and weren’t in service to my growth just because I was some fucked up thing they ended up loving somehow (though I was confused, self sabotaged, and hurt them in the beginning). It wasn’t their choice to like or love me, but it was their choice to stay, and I wanted to honour that. 

I wanted to earn and maintain what I had been so lucky to have found and been given, and even when we weren’t together, I wanted to be good for the sake of being good.

I wouldn’t say this means I won’t fall in love with anyone ever again because it will be and has been different and meaningful in other ways to love others and enter a variety of platonic, romantic, and sexual relationships from my teens to my mid 20’s. I had to be careful not to assign so much significance to the healthiest, best thing I had ever had (so far, at the time) that I became close minded to anyone or anything else. 

I do, however, stand by the sentiment of knowing I have had my one Big Love. Maybe if you check back in a year from now, I will have experienced something even more transformational and radically uplifting. I haven’t said that in the ten years I am talking about so it seems unlikely based off history, but I’m still open to the possibility. 

I just think about people who talk about all the heartaches it takes to find the one or even the divorces that happen before someone meets their soulmate, and how I have mixed feelings about monogamy, and I am only 24, and I took what, like one sociology class on marriage and family? And I have gained so much more language and understanding about what I want and who I am, so really, what the hell ultimate conclusion could I possibly come to at this point in my life? 

But I shouldn’t discredit the experience and knowledge I gained with my Big Love, especially because I experienced it during such developmental years as a teenager in high school, young adult in college, and well into my post grad life and now, wow, the age where I’ve been around for a quarter of a century.

I am forever thankful for my Big Love. I got it so young, among other experiences that shaped me as a child and adolescent. Amidst absolute chaos and hopelessness and feelings that I was getting shortchanged from the whole goddamn universe, I still had my talent, my soul, and people who loved me and allowed those things to flourish more than they could in other spaces among other individuals.

It’s hard (but still possible and does occur) to be mad at the world when the same one did give you something so special. I don’t find the trade off fair to be honest, but I don’t get a say in that, and despite my lingering youthful wishes, I can’t change the past.

I do get a say in who I become, how I respond, and how well I love. I deserve to be, do, and have the best. That’s what my Big Love taught me. So, now, I love big. 

#personal #writing #sincerelybillie #2019 #new years #trauma #PTSD #depression #love #anxiety #healing

[cameoamalthea]

people are such jerks. I appreciate what you share.

Thank you! This means a lot to me. (I was honestly avoiding tumblr for a bit because I didn’t want to deal with more hate, but your positivity means the world to me).

I think, it’s important to remember that PTSD comes in different forms, it’s individual, and different people deal with different trauma and deal with trauma differently. People are in different stages of recovery and people cope differently.

Triggers are random. 

Once in undergrad I did a cross listed horror film and gothic literature class (my favorite literary period is British Romanticism, so I was up for rereading Frankenstein). We went from Mary Shelley to Steven King, sort a sample class of modern horror film and literature. 

Before we watched “Rose Mary’s Baby” the teacher took me aside and warned me the film contained a rape scene and was worried I might be triggered, since I’d brought up rape some analysis and she was worried I was a survivor and the scene would be triggering (rape culture and horror film, symbolism and violence against women). I told her I was fine. I just tended to go with a feminist lens because my pre-law minor was women’s studies focused. 

I still appreciated the warning and her asking. That’s good teaching and a good way to deal with trigger warnings in academia. Let students know. Give options. Check in. Make it clear that if there’s something you can’t handle, that’s all right, there was alternatives (watching the film at home instead of in class and skipping that scene or picking an alternative film).

I got through that film all right though, but it helped knowing I could leave if needed. But analyzing it, distancing myself from it, that actually helps. 

My abuse involved a lot of situations where I had no control, as a result, I’ve always tried to take control so I could feel safe. When I moved in with my guardians at 14, I knew I had nothing and would be on my own at 18. Take control meant work hard in school, try to get into college, keep working hard. If I could get a degree, I knew I’d have a chance. Even before that survival was trying to plan, trying to take steps, but so often I was helpless.

Recovery is learning that things aren’t always in my control, and that’s ok, but I think a positive side-effect has been a drive to just get on top of things. That includes being an advocate, trying to help others.

Like I can talk about abuse because my undergraduate degree was split between creative writing and a very social justice focused pre-law minor with a emphasis on crimes against women and children. I did work shops on preventing CSA in organizations like churches. In law school, I represented kids in CPS custody and women in domestic violence situations. 

I also know that these things can be triggering for me and I was up front with my professor and he partnered me with an experienced social worker who’d spent her life dealing with these kinds of situation before deciding to do family law so she could help legally so I could have support.

I don’t think having PTSD should prevent me from doing anything and I personally want to confront the uncomfortable. To understand, and thus, to feel a bit more in control, even while coping with the fact so much of the world is beyond me.

And that’s me. Everyone is different. Some people are at a stage where it’s easier to not talk about trauma (I have a friend who can’t talk about things without risking flash backs) and no even thinking about triggers. That’s valid too.

If you’re dealing PTSD, whatever stage of recovery you’re at and however you’re managing, that’s ok. 

What’s not ok is invaliding mentally ill people because they don’t fit your idea of what mental illness should look like or policing how survivors respond to trauma.

“If the sex scene in It is triggering why are you constantly posting about it? You just want a chance to bitch about your “trauma”, as usual.”

The fact is, I don’t know if the sex scene in “It” is triggering because I’ve never read that book.

I’ve just made a choice not to read it, because having heard about the scene, I don’t know if it will be triggering and I don’t know if it’s worth dealing with that. 

Like, I listened to “Girl With the Dragon Tattoo” on audio book and had no idea there were rape scenes. I didn’t know much about the book. I’d avoided spoilers. I was triggered by certain scene. Not badly, and only by one of the rape scenes (arguably the less graphic, because coercion is triggering). But, I still learned to be more careful about what I read/ask myself if I’m in a mental state to deal with it and if it’s worth it. 

Entertainment isn’t high on my list of worth it (as much as loved Lisbeth Salander) 

The last time I was triggered badly by a film, it was “The Wolf of Wall Street”. I had no idea going in that it would bother me. I didn’t walk out because I was with a friend and I didn’t want to ruin her good time. I was triggered by drug use, domestic abuse, and gold fish abuse. Gold fish abuse of all things. 

Triggers are random.

Sometimes I play it safe (I’m not watching Breaking Bad either) and sometimes triggers come out of nowhere (my husband was triggered by the Hunger Games Mocking Jay movies and couldn’t finish The Babadook). 

And like, the scene in “It” is my go to example of ‘there are a lot of messed up things in fiction’ because the concept of the scene is really freaking messed up (though I can, as someone who spent years studying writing and lit, kind of see what he was trying to do even if I think it doesn’t work - writing is a art and craft - I can dissect it). It’s one of my examples of choosing to avoid something I know might be triggering, because I heard about that scene, and noped out of putting that on my reading list. 

And I’m sure there people who can’t even talk about triggers or the existence of things that might upset them. And that’s valid. I’m sorry that you’re hurting. I pray for your and wish you the best on your recovery, and I know it’s a long hard, road. 

I just ask that everyone remember, we’re all dealing with trauma differently but it’s not a contest. 

There’s no ‘trauma’ in quotes. No fight over who had things worse or whose symptoms are worse. Pain is pain, problems are problems, and as long as you’re not hurting yourself or anyone else, you’re allowed to deal with these things however feels right to you.

#PTSD #Anonymous #recovery

[queerautism]

@radicalpinkfloof thanks for explaining.

This is understandably a very controversial and serious topic and, ignoring my visceral hypermorality feelings, all I can say my stance is simply we need to do whatever research says will help keep them from offending and harming children and actually works, and that the CSA survivors I know think it’s important to keep in mind that child molesters aren’t always pedophiles, erasing opportunistic predators and other abuse motivations puts children at risk and invalidates people’s trauma.

As I said though I’m uneducated on the topic and general discourse and, having no personal experience with anything related to it I’m probably just going to shut up and let CSA survivors and people with actual research and sources speak up about this one and listen.

(CW: pedophilia, MAP, CSA)

#replies

[koojiru0-blog]

OKAY MEN! I get it...

I get it cys men who feel like youre being oppressed. Change is scary I know, imagine living your whole life in trauma and then suddenly it all disappears. So yeah I fucking get that change is scary. But when it comes to feminisim, our goal is not total world domination, our goal is equal rights. It may seem like we want to take over but AHAHAHAHA.HAHAHAHA.HAHA. no....No not quite right. I feel like it's because we're mad though that you're scared, it's a lot of anger to deal with I mean generations of women standing together yelling our truths. You have to face facts though, we ARE angry and rightly so. We still ne d feminisim and don't tell me that's bull with stats like 2/3 women IN CANADA yes guys, OUR WORLD are raped. And there's a whole culture around it to, I'm sure your well aware thanks to some of my angrier sisters. The culture basically says she wanted it because x bs excuse to not face reality. Things like "well she was talking to him! In THAT outfit she was being a tease" which can fuck you up BELEIVE ME. Let me break it down for you here... If that happens to women, then rape culture is a feminist issue... "But what about male survivors?!" God I can hear you from here stfu and listen, yes male survivors exist and think, the victim blamings worse therefore men are also victims of rape culture and rape culture is a feminist issue. See what I did there? Yeah, were also fucking fighting for your rights. Beyond that though, there are still bigots out there who believe women's places are in kitchens pregnant and bare foot, yeah even in my own fair city somewhere in Canada. Weird right? Because the guys I'm talking to here wouldn't say that whole heartedly, you bigots can do/say what ever I've already dubbed your views invalid ^^. Anyways so while those men exist, dating your sisters, mother's, aunts, friends, women you love you're freaking about US taking over? Um HULLO! We STILL can't because those men are very capable of reaching positions of power (I hate to beat a dead horse but Donald Trump, nuff said) while we're still kinda laughed at and sexualized when we do that shit cause isn't it true that women in power just want a man to imasculate them right? NO and the fact that we even view power as masculine is in itself messed up I think. So those are some examples, of our need for feminisim but not all and aside the rape culture point kinda weak I get that. Why though? I'm assuming, (ass.u.me) that's because of the women who claim to be feminists but in reality aren't educated in the ways they are oppressed, like thinking grass in a sports stadium is a need to address RIGHT NOW! And while fake grass for women and real grass for men IS indeed a tad unfair THAT parts not the issue. The issue behind that that I can see? Is fake grass is cheaper, and there's some joke that goes around a lot that women's sports aren't as popular as men's. Less popularity less funding that's how the world works (sometimes even popular doesn't get funding but that's my own personal shit) and even that's not exactly the problem it's far from the money. Why are women's sports so unpopular compared to men's? There's my issue I feel. I can hear the snickers and snarky comments about women's sports now, and you're only further proving my point while you do that. If you didn't? Awesome we might get along. I personally can only guess but it's like since when have we taken many female athletes seriously? Aside the ones who play in.....MEEENS LEEEAAAUUUGGGEEESSS~ yup, that's the only time I've seen a female athelete get the same respect as a man, when she reaches manly state. If you don't see it, then I pity your delusional ass. Finally, before I stop, kinda being an angry bitch (but I'm sorry it's hard to not become one when you remember all the things we need to work on here at home for women's rights) Men reading, no I'm not going to be snarky this time: What did you do this morning to make sure you could protect yourselves today on outtings? I'll tell you what I do, I tell my boyfriend where I'm going, the time I should be there, when I'm coming home and when I should arrive. I also took some self defense classes, I have tips to scare off a predetor, I have been taught what is an effective weapon and what is not (keys fyi ladies? *Shakes head* unless you get lucky aren't actually effective self defense tools, also weapons that can be turned against you like knives aren't so spectacular either unless you KNOW YOUR SHIT). I even had to go as far as to stay close to any glass things with alarms like store Windows, car windows, I was given a whistle once....So amazing to live in sketchy nabourhoods I swear. But unfortunately for us a sketchy situation could pop up anywhere, some guy you meet up and agree to have sex with, your boyfriend, relative, basically anyone who could be in a position of power over you. This also includes other women, sadly I'm aware of that. And I don't know what the rates are for men, unfortunately that info is scarce but I do know a decent number of men who've faced sexual harassment or exploitation or assault you name it it can happen to men too. But like I said, feminisim took over that cause, so many years ago because we got sick of staying scilent. And I'm aware that we had enough power to stand up and speak out with our hearts, souls and minds but we had to band together to do it. And I'm also aware that men face issues like "I'm a man's man, I don't cry unless I absolutely can't hold back, and I am strong! I am a leader I don't have time to be sad or scared" (like seriously?! Who the fuck can sanely live up to that if they face mental health issues, abuse, general build ups of stress? No wonder you're all flipping). However, men have been in positions of power for a very long time. Don't even get me started on that downfall for Canada, I could go on forever dad's half Inuit. Anyways that's a fact, you know it, I know it anyone who's aware of history within someone's life span. Like there are people who are still alive who could tell you what it was like during their life, what they heard from others about days even before them. And it was very male centric. Male leaders everywhere, women on the sidelines somehow even in many movies today you see the MAN take over and save the day or the woman's doing things for a man all the time generally talking about a man etc. I saw a ted talks that asked some questions, I don't remember them all or word for word, but it was a man with daughter's talking. He basically talked about how a lot of a woman's role in media is tied to a man, even when she's supposed to be the hero. Men in media don't always have love interests correct? Sometimes he'll fuck a few though but he's not always romantically tied down. Women always seem to be. Catnis, Pocahauntus, Harley Quinn (granted she's a villian but she's also a powerful woman no doubt), ugh! I forget her name but the lady from gaurdians of the galaxy...I could go on. I mean there ARE a handful of female hero's or stars who are simply hero's or stars on their own accord like Mulan....Uhm.......*blinks*...... ...... Wow okay really thought I had more....Jesus wtf. =_=. Anyways my main point IS this. Feminisim isn't just for women power, though it has fem in it, it's become an equal rights issue based off women's issues but had branches in everything. Our very birth or death could be dictated by a man who either wanted or didn't want us. We could be fatherless because of this and that affects us all for sometime at least (if you did have that experience and it still hurts I'm sorry, I was there too, but I can promise one day you'll wake up and it won't matter. I don't know when that is but I know it's possible). If women's emotions are irrational, then any emotions beyond anger men feel is too (remember I made that point?) And, women, men, non-binary, whoever you are, it's well known that suppressing emotions can have adverse affects. Not just mentally though but physically (I was taught to be manly in order to establish my independence, gotta love old school feminisim. I now have a fucked up heart beat though it's not dangerous it's a product of hiding my anxieties for so long. I recently almost developed an ulcer due to suppressing my emotions and I've read multiple times from multiple educated sources that this is possible). Everything that keeps us down or hurts us feminisim wants to rise above or against depending on what's needed. Because we all got sick of being shoved down for centuries, we got sick and fucking tired of watching people we love get affected by these oppressive systems. And there are men out there I applaud for getting this. Men who saw the reality unfortunately like my own biological father, my adoptive grandfather, my own boyfriend now (though he's weired out by this post heh ^^; meh that's fine disagreements not so bad as long as intent is pure I suppose). They all know how women can be oppressed and why we need equality. Yet sadly they don't know how feminisim can help them too, how it's for them and their sons as much as their daughters. Think of it like this, if men cant show female emotions which are, actually simply human not restricted to women, then their only outlet becomes agressive and dominating. You become someone you never thought you'd be when shit hits the fan I know this because again I was also held to male standards. You don't want to but you aren't given any other option because "weakness and vunrability are dangerous things" cause who knows how far someone would go to take advantage of that. Things like crying or talking about it are signs of weakness. Expressing it is being vunrable. However, if you're in the right setting it's quite the opposite, that's a lesson I learned from women. If you're in a safe place, it can give you strength and power, it can ignite the flame once lost and put a bounce back into your step because it's no longer posioning you slowly from within. We are aware we need to value men too and that means letting men be human. Feminisim is about all of this, we can't do this alone like I said before. Hell we only got this far cause men who got this to some degree helped us too. They listened and agreed it wasn't right that we had no say in our government. Even today I'm held and agreed with that what happened to me, what happens to 2/3 women here at home isn't okay and it's bullshit that reporting is so hard. Without the support of loving caring smart guys, we may have just been swallowed up by it, just as you're being swallowed up by this restriction of how a man needs to be. It's been a team effort all around so don't let the whiney ones sway your view on feminisim, it's not about fake grass, or clapping, or domination (or making bread out of your own yeast.....*goes green*). Hell it ain't about rights to party either (heh nabours 2 is fucking great I do recommend). It's about all of us and how this rigid unwritten rules of society make us sick Thanks if you read this all ^^ especially to the dudes who did even after I kinda went all snarky ^^; like I said, kinda stems from a jaded place because of injustice from my own life too. Have a great weekend!

#feminism #feminist #personal rant #sorry for the rant #equality #mypointofview #activism #political bs #sorry #sorry not sorry