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#thanks for telling me i still don't care
you say my lack-of-grammar in my fic is infuriating - you know, that’s so funny, bc that’s also EXACTLY what your comment is being! :D
#I was polite on ao3 but I'm going to be a snot here#'wHy DoN'T yOu CaPitALize' it's literally a style choice I AM AN ARTIST#WHY DOES EVERYONE GET SO UP N' ARMS ABOUT CAPIALIZATION#what's with people leaving comments directly calling out mistakes you made like that's helpful#it would feel helpful if it actually appeared that you wanted to help me spiff up my fic and seem clearer in them#instead of coming off really snooty by pointing out every spelling mistake and then say it's annoying#are you also the person who points out when someone else has a pimple on their face?#'you didn't spell this right and also if you're writing this phrase it's-' YES THANK YOU#if it's so annoying go home#I only care about grammar/spelling/etc when it's affecting the reader or the story's readability I couldn't give a shit if it annoys you#what're you gunna do????? call the police?????? cry about it chump#I liked the 'still I liked the story' ending as if I'd won some kind of prize or their approval despite my horrible misgivings#you know I also have writers in fandoms I follow who's fics I can appreciate but who's style or wording I simply don't like#and so you know what I do??????#I DON'T COMMENT ON THEM#VERY SIMPLE ACTION#even if I don't think that's the best way to have written the story I don't TELL THEM THAT bc what's that gunna do?#unless it's done super tactfully it's just gunna make the writer feel bad/insecure about their writing#plus I still believe that there's no such thing as a 'bad' fic even if the wording or grammar or whatever is all over the place#ok I'm done now#honestly the comment wasn't that bad I'm just being a bit of a drama queen
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braindeadskeletons · a year ago
Hey guys so I know you might be a little confused to see a ‘brain speaks’ again but this one is kinda important. I’m really sorry if this disappointing to anybody but I just need to get this off of my chest. I’ll try to keep it short. I’ll probably fail at that but here we go either way.
TW: Mental Health issues (Depression specifically)
 I’m gonna be taking a break so that I can sort some shit out with my noggin. The poor hun has been literally screaming at me for days to actually sit down and take the time for myself that I need. I’ve been stretching myself out too thin in order to please people and I guess it’s come back to bite me in the ass. I’m sorry to those people who need me and are seeing this. I’m too tired. Please try to understand that. 
I’m sorry if this breaks any sort of “image” anybody had of me before because I tried really hard to keep it. I really did. Please believe me when I say I tried for as long as I could. This isn’t some shit where I’m gonna be super emo and say something insanely depressing like “This isn’t the real me” because that isn’t true. My online personality is actually who I am but it’s a glorified version of it. It’s been getting kind of exhausting to keep up and I think I’ll be gone for a bit due to the exhaustion of that + recent events in my personal life. 
I don’t know how long I’ll be gone if I’m being honest? I’m trying to be better about not forcing myself to do stuff I don’t want to do. And this blog is my absolute pride and joy but at the moment it’s been on that list of ‘golly gee i need a b r e a k’. I really don’t want to do this because I have so many people who have told me themselves that this is where they go to cheer themselves up and I’ve been trying to maintain that tone but I just can’t. I was honestly going to just cover this up with a “UwU gotta go I need a break be back in three days~” thing but I figured I should just cut the shit. I need to actually address these issues that I’m dealing with instead of just offering myself up as some emotional support dog you know? It’s time that I focus on liking myself more than I currently do. I want to come back as the person a lot of friends have told me that they see me as. This happy girl who loves what she does, never fails to have a smile, and never stops trying to rise others up. I want to be deserving of that description. For real this time. I want to feel like I deserve the love that I get on a daily basis.
And in order to feel that way I need to take a step back and figure some stuff out.
To my friends: Please don’t worry. I’m working on it. I’m gonna be better before you know it. I’ll still be talking to some people but if I seem more tired than usual I guess you know why now, huh?
Again I’m so sorry that I’m letting some people down right now who’ve depended on me so far. I just can’t keep doing it.
I love you all and I’ll be back before you know it. I promise <3
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mummer · 9 months ago
honestly f&b and especially the dance of the dragons are like..... collections of my all least favorite things about asoiaf, without any of the stuff that makes asoiaf good to me.... there’s no grand mythic sweep, no focus on story and song and prophecy and rhyming history, no theme of nature returning vengefully and no conflict between natural/heroic/chivalric paradigms, no MAGIC, no The Only True Knights Are Not Knights At All with a little hint of gendering, no human heart in conflict with itself, like Oh it’s literally all war and politics????? who wants that barf
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any-shadow · 4 months ago
Cis people grow up challenge
#personal log#honestly i'm still mindblown (in a bad way) that this happened. my adhd screening doctor got angry at me for uuuhhh pronouns??#all i said was hey btw you got it wrong in the log/notes; here's my actual ones; can you fix it til next time? thanks#and wow.....the anger in that woman's eyes#ngl it was scary af but also the more i think about it?? pathetic#i keep oscillating between that memory of genuine fear and simultaneous utter contempt and it's been like this since tuesday#she even tried to passive-agressively blame me for not telling her from the beginning; so really it's all 1) a fault and 2) MY fault#like i had now forced her to be a bad person through my negligence to give her this information in a timely Come On#AS IF i'm going to open with that info in a medical setting when i don't even know you yet and also NEED SMTHG from you?#are you really that blind to power dynamics (i did not say that bc......i for one am not that blind to power dynamics)#and.....i wasn't even angry with her. i just asked for a small factual error to be fixed; it shouldn't be a big deal#so i said ''or you can always just ask'' bc 1) no way will i accept blame for your made-up problem#and 2) the thought seemed to genuinely not even have crossed her mind. but my VOICE WAS POLITE I MADE VERY VERY SURE#and it was like she lost speech for a second bc of all the anger. like ''what--you mean EVERY patient???......NO. i really CANNOT do that.'#and like???? logically??? if you don't and then get it wrong it might just happen that someone will correct you! it's not an attack#but she looked like she was about to strangle me. god how can a professional have their emotions out of control like that#and on one hand this was horrible bc time slowed down as i contemplated whether this small sentence i said#would now result in me not getting help for a completely unrelated thing that is kinda messing up my life actually#but also i'm so appalled??? like have you no honour? you are Not Worthy Of The Position You Hold! when i have power; i shall Do Better!#.....she apologized after the session but made it all about herself and how she reacted that way bc she cares so much abt every patient#and they're all so overworked bc covid and she wants to get everyone the help they need and she's passionate and-#and yes i believe you. i believe that you WANT to be a good person and help your patients and you're stressed.#but like.....then maybe don't treat them like that? i sat through the entire session feeling like all hell could break loose any second#if i said one more thing wrong#only reason i stayed was bc i froze. and i really need that screening to get an actual assessment and i was fairly certain that#i could take her in a fight if need be. but damn that bar is so low. i'm tired#i shouldn't have to think about how i would fare physically fighting my doctor just cuz she looks about to snap#at least i'm glad she met me and not someone who'd suffer more from it. maybe she'll learn from this and be better for the next person#few days later she changed it in the log. zero issues. but the whole thing was so unnecessary and i'm still upset just recalling it#and no doubt there are ppl out there who are far worse off w/ their mental health than me that get subjected to this too. ffs. do better.
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swaglordbelew · a month ago
nevermind, in love again
#absolutely been on a rollercoaster of emotions ! do not care i am in love!#had a longish. conversation w crush who showed up again today!!!!#my heart goes wee zoom when i see him i have no control over it#like id been feeling bleh from yesterday bc hed been like 'well we can just keep catching up at the cafe' when id brought up the idea of.#meeting up which id texted him about and yes but like. his life is busy!! and so is mine honestly like. been working a while w out a day off#so like!! i needed to put things in perspective and i shouldn't expect him to feel the way i do bc he don't know me!!#i think taking things slow is a good idea anyway bc i Do need to get my life together like. still tryin to get health insurance yanno#but anyway. 2DAY!!! he shows up looking as gorgeous as humanly possible i mean. this man is so hoo boy to me. anyway#and hes come to tell me about yesterday. when he got fucking MUGGED???? this poor man my poor man#hes alright fortunately he wasnt hurt too badly like real talk im so glad smth worse didnt happen like the guy could have had a weapon. h#and he also got his stuff back! which is good#but oh my gosh talking to him him talking to me gOD i love his voice and oh!! the way he gets when he's excited about smth#the little crinkles by his eyes and his cute lil smile w his uneven teeth gosh golly gosh and heavens. in love#have finally verified his eyes are blue. but such a magical blueish greyish greenish shade and theyre so lovely#anyway! idk then we were talking about allergies n other things idk just. ray of sunshine that visits my coffee shop#magical. thank god hes finally making his coffee palatable by putting oat milk in it instead of drinking it black like a freak#his hair. his hands. everything about him 😩#sorry followers this is my problem and now im making it yours <3
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hecking-cloud · 11 months ago
(Lowkey rant to feel better idk;;)
#tw guns mention#Hhh- this morning the little comments of the shooting range's teacher/coach just came back to me#and ngl they're highly frustrating and upsetting for me#yesterday I was too focused on aiming and balancing that I just didnt give 'em much thought but today- ugh#Just the fact that when I wasn't able to keep the carabina (shotgun) aimed for long due the weight and said so to the istructor#them going ah sure we will give you something to support your arm- just cause you're a girl#mind you I had already done like- 10 rounds (5 bullets each) with the smaller guns so my not trained at all arms were already tired#but?? What does?? What does my biological sex have to do with it???#Especially when right next to me a woman was doing her rounds with no problem and no support???#Dude just tell me I'm rightfully weak as all hell and it's gonna hurt less geez-#hell thank god I was already panicked about handling a real gun for the first time and didn't register this stuff-#sigh- I just regret not standing up to it- I don't care if it was lowkey joking- it's still a frustrating kind of humor#like- it's also hurtful the other way around like- what if a man asks you for a support you don't give it to 'em?#Ya just let them hurt their arm because they're a man?#Ugh I'm overthinking this stuff as always but agh;;#I hate being reminded of who I biologically am and how many see it#it's deeply saddening#I hate this kind of labels- they're flawed and can easily hurt someone if you don't know them#oh geez what a long rant#I whine a lot uh? sorry-
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colourmeastonished · 6 months ago
dani clayton is rep for all my bitches who channel their traumatic experiences into loving fiercely and refusing to let it harden our hearts to other people even though that leaves us open to feeling all of our messy emotions to the max, and we deserve to have that energy reflected back at us and to be understood as the package deal that we are 🙏
#a lot#the irony of my ex telling me that I'd be emotionally destroyed by the bly manor finale#when it's a story about supporting someone you care about through difficult times#and she couldn't even figure out how to react to me crying over the stress of reconnecting with my father ✌️#and I quote 'that was just like... a lot'#grl u haven't SEEN if u think that was a lot#like... one minute ur telling me the origin of ur night terrors and the next me having Father Issues™ is ???#how do u get through life dating queer women and never encounter generic run of the mill Father Issues™??#then having the audacity to be like 'oof yeah bly manor will emotionally wreck u'#why?? bc it reminded me that sometimes people don't pull away when their s/o expresses a messy emotion?#girl had the audacity to recommend this to me AFTER calling it quits#(not 2 be reductive tho bc I know the breakup was more complex than that and she def wasn't ready for a relationship but STILL the IRONY)#grl you've lived nearly 30 yrs of life and you've never learned how to process ur own emotions let alone someone else's smh#how does that even happen???#*cough* youngest child syndrome *cough*#dani clayton my beloved thank u for giving messy emotional b!tches our rights#gonna skip the get 2 know u phase in future and just point to dani like 'I'm gonna act like that - take it or leave it'#like u don't get to be that kind and empathetic and uniquely resilient without Going Through It™#and u don't get to have my compassion and patience and support and strength without accepting the reasons why i'm Like That™#it's us... it's you and me dani... channeling our fear and loneliness and rejection into tryna make sure no-one else ever feels that way#my thoughts#jesus mo shut up it was like a 3 month relationship if we're being generous#and it ended on good terms... get over it babe✌️#also just realised when u use double quotation marks it pops that phrase to the top of the tags... so it should read:#'grl you haven't SEEN 'a lot''#and: 'having Father Issues™ is' a lot'???'#lol ✌️
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unproduciblesmackdown · a year ago
me every single time i spent 2+ seconds thinking abt winston billions totally being autistic and how Media has that trope of the “effectively” autistic Weirdo who simply does not talk/behave Right & everyone harbors collective disdain for them & exercises this exclusion which doesn’t have to be seen as particularly cruel or unnecessary b/c it’s Assumed the viewers relate to all the normal-er characters who are exasperated by The Weird Nerd and b/c that autistic character isn’t really someone you have to take as seriously / understand to be as full and complex a Person as the normal non-Smh characters. see the gif is already happening
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#it's Exasperating to Me lmfao......#it's fine that winston gets dunked on whenever he speaks & isn't Truly included in the lil circle of name mase cappers!!!!!!#syke lol it's Mean but hey the Autistic Character brings it upon themself & everyone's just reacting how anyone'd react! and we put winston#away into the Plot Device broom closet for 98.9% of the series so his feelings are In Effect unimportant / insignificant#but Media also of course does not call the Weird Nerd Whom Everyone Rolls Their Eyes At autistic so it's nbd don't be so sensitive....#feel free to judge all the Traits and Behaviors of a would-be autistic person & have them protrayed as a running joke and Relate to all the#people who don't wanna be associated w/ the person and who wanna express even some ~harmless~ fun degree of contempt for them#we all agree that they're So Offputting & why can't they just Act Right & they don't deserve to be taken seriously or listened to in earnest#for more than 3 seconds.....Autistic Character will have some useful input or perceptive point to make & it'll be like huh yeah wow thanks#but then they go and ruin it with one of their classic Clueless ~Socially Inept~ Weirdo Nerd Comments and we go 9_9 :/ & end scene#why can't winston Stop getting caught up in his own excitement when nobody's hyping him up?? shut up abt being cassandra & don't try to get#high five for winning your bet you dumbass lol......why can't he Talk Normally (even by billions' off the shits Not Normal standards lol) so#that what he says even Deserves to be listened to?? why can't he stop being straightfoward & honest b/c allistic ppl will be like#''Honesty is admirable why do we have to play games & not just say what we mean to say to each other'' & then an autistic person will be#like ''hi'' and it's like omg why don't you care about anyone's feelings stop being so blunt and rude........#tldr the Autistic Character is deserving of retribution for their autistiqueness & the Whole audience is meant to see themself in Not Them..#well joke's on you i guess. but no the joke is still on us like ah i relate to the inherent/automatic rejection/exclusion & not being taken#seriously & ppl trying to dunk on u whether they think you Realize or not & being written off in various ways. which is all unchallenged So#we just get to feel exasperated about that.....i do not bank on s5 of billions realizing winston is a person / wanting to treat him like it#generally considered uncouth now ig to break out the R word for anyone But like feel free 2 exclude & tell off / insult the autistic person#don't Question your aversion to them or your frustration that they simply don't know how to Act Right.......#ppl wanna be all ''haha remember when tumblr tried to tell you that Idiot is a slur'' which yeah sure but at the same time maybe Bear N Mind#kinda common nd experience to Too Frequently have ppl Too Earnestly tell you you're Stupid and an idiot and etc etc etc#1 of those few times i gradually / deliberately excused myself from a friendship really came from like a Lot Of Problems but a real low#point was her getting frustrated abt something & thinking i'd messed something up & very emphatically / repeatedly / With Venom calling me#an idiot......unpleasant. had a coworker later on echo this tho i backed away from her more due to a different egregious interaction lol....#when i was < 10yo & being deliberately Difficult cuz i was annoyed i in turn inspired my grandma 2 tell me i might be Smart in school ways#but i was socially stupid like...goddamn gramma thanks i knew since i was in preschool i Do Not ~act right~ & should just stay in the corner#& here i am not Meant to relate to the Excluded Weird Nerd but nah i Recognize it...we're so Clueless tho lol we must not ever Realize......#upbeat note: u know what can override [exclude the autistic] collective energy? ''neither of us are cishet'' solidarity energy. winnie n tay
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zwergenmaedchen · a year ago
Anonymous opinion: you’re the sweetest person I’ve met on this website❤️ you’re incredibly kind, smart and very fun to talk to and I’m very glad we started talking!
I've changed my mind I don't want anonymous opinions bc now I don't know who said that and you didn't even leave a clue and now I'm honestly sobbing bc that is so nice?? Thank you??? I'm sure I love talking to you a whole lot!!! 💜
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haventbeentotivoli · 9 months ago
말로는 안하지만 나도 네 생각하고
항상 건강하고 안전하길 바래.
자주, 더 잘 못해줘서 미안해.
늘 고맙고... 미안해
#kr.txt#i can't help but feel like i've fucked up big time and i'm too ashamed/much of a coward to talk to them directly#there is one thing i want to tell them but i fear that it's only going to make things worse bc i'm not sure what they're thinking atm#but ey.... if you are reading this.....i'm really sorry.#but also i still luv u and i'll always be thinkin of u and waiting for u. you'll always be my no.1 cowboy#i feel stupid and emotional (and emotionally stupid) in this chili's tonight#i know i'm awful with words but i don't think i've told you enough how much i appreciate you and your existence#thank you for being here. thank you for being you.#(...i kind of wrote the korean part thinking i can't express it better in english but considering what i wrote in the tags#that concern was probably unnecessary it is kind of the similar rough gist of what i want to say)#i can't say enough that i'm sorry#you know the rules and so do i#('kr.txt' might be the new tag for korean textposts. sometimes i might think of sth that is better expressed in korean)#(on one hand i kind of want to tag them but on the other hand i don't want to bother them;;; im probably just being a dumb binch;-;)#'u care abt them then y don't u contact often' exactly man;;; i know what my problem is but i keep having this same problem#im not much of a social media what i want to say but i don't know if you'll forgive me#i don't mean i want you to forgive me bc Forgiveness solely depends on the person of they want/are ready to to forgive or not#as in if person A apologises but B isn't ready to forgive. that can happen. you forgive when you want to/when you feel they deserve it
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trashpuppyoscar · a year ago
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So I said I was going to upload these the other week, but the day I went to get test prints (to check my exposure because my computer is butts and has poor image quality) I had lost my flash drive so I didn’t get prints until today.
Here they are! This is a photo series I whipped up a few months ago. I had mentioned to Jon I wanted to get some cool barn shots and he mentioned he knew just the barn. We drove a little ways out of town and across a farmer’s field to an abandoned dairy barn from the 30′s (we think). It was super cool to see. We ran into the land owner on our way out. He thought we were poachers, but when we explained we were just taking photos he was totally chill with it and even asked to see them. I’m super proud of how these turned out and I’m going to get some big canvas prints to hang in the house.
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marvelingjules · a year ago
So today, my mom and I we’re running errands and talking about family stuff, as you do. Nephew is picking up a second job, which led to discussion about his choice not to pursue an education post HS (which is a valid choice; higher education isn’t for everyone!), which led to talking about Little Sis and how now that she’s figured out what she wants to do she’s very determined to not just finish her classes even when they are hard but to do well in them, which is great!
But then it led to this exchange, and further proof my mom is either willfully ignorant or I just - somehow managed to be way more covert about my anxiety and regular mental breakdowns from 8th grade onward (so... since I was 13, which means about 15 years now lmao).
My mom goes basically “and it’s just so impressive of her because she’s doing all this while fighting depression and anxiety! Can you imagine how hard that must make everything? I mean it’s stressful enough when you’re normal, but managing to do what she’s doing and do it well with all that too!”
Me, literally taking a moment to look out my car window like I am on The Office because omfg this again, saying absolutely nothing.
Like. Ha. Haha. Yes. Imagine being depressed and still making yourself go to school and do your homework and be somewhere that makes you hate yourself more. Imagine having so much anxiety about people and life and Being Perfect that you regularly actually lose the ability to feel anything at all!!! IMAGINE THINKING THAT HAVING REGULAR EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWNS COMPLETE WITH HOURS LONG PANICKED CRYING AND BEING UTTERLY CONVINCED YOU ARE A FRAUD AND AWFUL HUMAN BEING IS JUST NORMAL! AND THEN PUSHING YOURSELF HARDER BECAUSE OF IT!!! AND HIDING IT ALL BECAUSE YOUR FAMILY IS DEALING WITH ENOUGH STUFF, AND LITERALLY TELLING ANOTHER PERSON CONCERNED FOR YOU THAT “I’m not allowed to be depressed, my family/mom can’t take that so I can’t be!”
Haha. Yeah. Can’t at all imagine that, Mom.
Can’t imagine how it feels to constantly feel like you’re a goddamn imposter among all these smart people who are gonna figure you out at any second. Can’t imagine having regular anxiety attacks over everything. Can’t imagine the weight of everything pressing in, the fear of failing to be Perfect As Expected, so much that you regress back to the worst you have every been where you thought seriously about how good it would feel to hurt yourself. Oh yeah. I would have NO idea about that, would I?
Because I was your “easy child” that you constantly THANK ME FOR BEING. Because I “never struggled as much/like Little Sis did/does”. Because I don’t have to take meds to function through every day, because my anxiety without them runs so bad that I can’t sleep, can’t stop shaking, can’t stop thinking of how everyone secretly hates me and I am a fraud about to be found out at any moment.
Because I’m apparently the kid you “didn’t have to worry about” probably because I always had to hear all your worries and upsets and didn’t want to add to them. Because unlike with Little Sis, no one ever forced you to see the issues with me (no one seemed to ever notice and that only ever made me feel MORE invisible) and so unlike with Little Sis you never had to acknowledge them. Unlike her, I went through all of it, alone. Unlike her I had to learn about it all by myself, figure out how to manage it by myself, bring myself to demand help from my doctors for it on my own.
Yeah. Please. Tell me more about how I can’t possibly imagine or understand how rough a time my sister has had with higher education and how I had it so much easier.
#Jules rambles#DO NOT REBLOG#I'M OKAY DON'T WORRY GUYS I SWEAR I ACTUALLY AM TOTALLY FINE RIGHT NOW APPARENTLY JUST NEEDED TO VENT?#anxiety sucks#haha yes I have no idea at alllll what depression is like you are correct mom no idea mhmm#(let's all blatantly ignore middle school Juliann and end-of-undergrad Juliann hmm? That apparently doesn't count)#Me trying to hint to my mom about my anxiety and my mom completely missing the point to tell me how much worse Little Sis has had it in life#is something I stopped participating in a loooong time ago#ah yes here we are again at me wondering why the hell my mom missed all the shit that went down with me#(After talking with my Older Sis about things a few months ago I believe it's because other people MADE my mom notice with Little Sis.#and my mom still hates them for it I think. Blames them in some way for it. Makes them the villains.)#ANYWAY I MAYBE GET A LITTLE BIT BLUNT ABOUT THE BAD-THOUGHTS I HAD SO I MEAN BE CAREFUL>#Y'all know your shit just if talk of bad depression and anxiety sets you off don't go through that read more#I usually Will Not Elaborate About Middle School#the one time I tried talking about it with Little Sis I was told 'You don't understand' so I don't talk about it with anyone! :D#I could get even MORE elaborate about exactly how those thoughts went in my head that set me to fearful panicked crying in middle school#but I will not because no thanks#sometimes I imagine telling my mom all of this - about all the shit she MISSED with me over the years - but I never will#because I know it'd hurt her so so fucking much and I don't actually want her hurting#it'd be nice if she stopped COMPARING ME TO LITTLE SIS THOUGH. Always in the way that I have it easier (and so less to complain about or w/e#I'm okay just apparently had to vent all of this#I swear I was just gonna be like 'lmao my mom is so oblivious' and then well... this all came out
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sh00t · a year ago
#i really let my ex's mental health excuse all the shit they did huh#i can't compromise my own needs to accomodate their shit that they don't want to work on#thanks for the months of gaslighting#thanks for using poly as an excuse to gradually replace me with your ex you weren't over while i had to watch and accept it#poly means having multiple relationships#not having one at the direct expense of the other#that's just leaving without telling me you left#so i was alone while still with you#i'm glad i'm free now and can heal from your shit#i'm glad we broke up so i could get outside perspective for the first time and realise#that my mistreatment was real and not all made up#that my hurt and reactions were valid#that i was taking way too much responsibility for us on myself#relationship security takes two to build#thanks for taking me for granted ✌️#thanks for admitting that i wasn't a priority to you#that is really helping me move on#thanks for not caring about my feelings#thanks for not communicating and denying any wrongdoing to the very end and beyond#i hope the weather's nice up there on your moral high horse#i'm glad you could sleep at night knowing i was suffering because of our relationship#you knew you were excused and didn't owe me anything#and how could i ask anything of you when that was being abusive controlling manipulative toxic?#and when you would punish me for being upset by being distant and cold#enjoy your basic ass life together#fuck you for everything you put me through#i'm very much disillusioned now#you're a great person but you were a shitty partner in the end#thanks for trying with me#wish you broke up with me when you stopped wanting to try instead of months later
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mandelene · a year ago
The hardest part about living down the block from a hospital right now is the constant sound of ambulance sirens. They were always audible and kind of faded into the background so they never bothered me before but now that there isn't a lot of other traffic on the roads, they're all you hear. All day, all night. Sirens upon sirens. It's gotten to the point where I hear sirens in my head even when it's briefly quiet outside.
When I go out for a quick walk every few days to maintain my sanity, I see the exhausted medical personnel, the giant makeshift medical tents that were put up to test people, and the increasing number of trucks that have been arriving to hold the dead. It's so hard to distance oneself or become distracted when it's all happening directly outside of your home.
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