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itsjusta · 3 years

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Dec. 14 (Monday)

Today was an okay day, I attended one class and I finished 1 of khalid’s task and I got so tired na after dat hahah i also cried when i saw vids of u manyahing to me doe cos i super love that side of u but dugay na au ko wala kakita ana nga side :( its so hard gihapon doe when reality hits nga there are things gyd nga last na diay, di na gyd mabalik. ever since we buwag u became so cold na to me huh like a stone!! and i miss u being manya gyd doe i just miss a lot of things gyd from before and its so sakit na i will never experience them again :((

Listened also to Sa Susunod na Habang Buhay doeee and i cried also becos i think that i will still choose to love you even in another life and i hope in that other life, you will also choose me too. You may not have chosen me in this life, but I hope you choose me in the next.

Dec. 15 (Tuesday)

Dugay au ko ka sleep gabii mga 1 hr pako nag piyong2 and sayo dayon ko kamata wala ra nag 8 hrs ako sleep aish not nice ako morning 🤦🏻‍♀️

I had a dream of us doe niadto kuno ta camiguin and grabe imo pananghid sa imo gf but nisugot ra sya 😂 but nakamata nako before pa ta ka adto sato stayhan kay floating house man to hahhah

did u know gisunod mi ug tawag ni irian sa class ni ma’am jam 🤦🏻‍♀️ gi chattan ko ni gicil nag laff daw sila kay sunod gyd mi ahhahaha and nag laff pd sila kyle ug mark huh!!!! hahahah feel nako gina tuyo jd ni sa world

today was another boring, long day doe. i just watched teen wolf again and i dont even have gana to talk even with claire doe hayst i have no gana also to acads 😔 i just realized my days have become extra lonely now cos i just really watch lang netflix, i dont play na with my friends or talk to my friends doe

had short crying sessions today aish i think i cry everyday na gyd cos maka cry gyd ko even at the smallest things nga makaparemind saimo doe or saato past doe and sometimes my thoughts betray me cos it keeps going back to the past i’m like an idiot gyd

Dec. 16 (Wed)

I had a good sleep doeee my morning was nice and naka attend ko class cos nakamata man ko aishhh but my dream was not nice issa it was u telling me not to samok2 u na 🥺

but i had a good day doe and a lot of ganap also i chika na to u dis about the groupings hahha sorry i always rant to u i feel like ure kapoy to listen to me raba :(( huhu but its okay doe i just want to let my emotions out u dont have to listen well na hahah

i’m still anxious na they will not bali2 us na gyd doeee aish imbis now rako naay group of friends na and mawala dayon becos of this :(( it was really hard for me to do esp becos i know they will be hurt but i really dont wanna miss the opportunity also huhu i did it for myself lang gyd doeee

Dec. 17 (Thurs)

I slept in mom’s room gabii cos dugay au ko ka sleep doe but dugay man gyapon ko ka sleep there 🤦🏻‍♀️ but i woke up nicely man gihapon and i had a productive morning. i read module 1 of psy 15 and answered the forum doeee but i cried in the afternoon 🤡

also i shud stop overthinking doe if u not online for a long time doe its so samok cos im worrying and overthinking and ikaw there maybe ga laag2 and happy2 🤦🏻‍♀️ i’m just making myself luoy doe i shud stop caring sooo much cos it just hurts me doe but my mind is an idiot gyd it betrays me

it’s so hard for me to stop my negative thinking patterns doe das why i cry so easily and das why i get so frustrated with myself because i cant even stop my thoughts from hurting myself. i just want to have a life na i dont overthink about you doeee cos its such a torture to me na mag think pa saimo when i know happy naman ka there

i know i’ve been beating up myself a lot these past few months but i know i have no one else to blame but myself. i noticed also i’ve been saying sorry a lot more and i’m so ashamed na to let out my emotions. idk doe its been really hard for me thats why i wish i wont give up on myself gyd bsag sometimes i already want to.

i also chatted in our gc doe the one with aljane, claire, cheyenne, and deanne but they just seen me hahah aishh i wont pugos na doe if they dont wanna be friends na its just 1 year nalang kapin i can survive na this without friends

i decided that i want to try online counseling doe because i’m really struggling and i think i need help but the ones i found kay naay bayad 😔 i tried signing up but its so mahal 😔😔 i also searched for medications to make you happy doe but i think dili ni ma buy over the counter 😔

i cried again becos i was so disappointed in myself doe daddy asked me to order in chowking and he was being wala klaro and i got mad doe i raised my voice again and didn’t bali2 him na dayon and i got so disappoiinted becos i didnt control my emotions again. its the first time we interacted in like a week doe becos for the past week after the dentist one, i’ve been ignoring him and acting like he doesnt exist doe and i think its better that way because if we interact i just get mad. this also why i wanna have a therapy doeee

Dec. 18 (Fri)

thank u for helping me surprise mom doe!! even though i cried like an hour before i slept happy doe cos i got to see u and talk to u sa vc bsag 5 mins lang heheh

also had a nice day cos its mom’s bday maaaan sad lang na wala ikaw doe :( i know u wanted gyd to go but so lisod gyd huhu i just hope u can go to my bday gyd :((

i also turned off na my active status sa messenger doe so i cant see if you’re online or not cos i see na offline ka for a long time it just makes me overthink about what you’re doing and stuff like that hahah so hard to stop my thoughts so its better if i dont know nalang

Dec. 19 (Sat)

went to medina todaaay and laag with my friends doeee it was fun also cos idiot man my friends 🤦🏻‍♀️

Dec. 20 (Sun)

went back na to cdo today doeee just laag with janica and kyla kadjot and then went home and its an uneventful day na dayon doe

alsooo i felt like i was really disturbing u today doe i can feel it in ur replies hehe its okay lang doeee i cant pugos u man to anything and im grateful that u still talk to me but i’m really sorry if i burden you doeee im sorry for everything. i hope youre doing good doeee!!

u always ask me how i am and when i asked u didnt answer me huh but i hope you’re happy and i hope u had a good week 🤗

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