#that boy needs to learn empathy not more violence lol

[semi-imaginary-place]

naruto blogging part 3.

naruto actually has a couple chapters where he introspects and reflects on his childhood. it also includes a fist fight against his persona 4 style shadow self. he is no less unhinged about sasuke for this. sasuke on the other hand oh yeah not a shred of reflection or lessons learned, he's running full throttle on emotions only not a single thought in that boys head. no thoughts head empty only angst and violence.

if the jinchuuriki seal weakens during pregnancy why do you keep sealing them in women.

make kakashi a part of anbu at like 12 and sends him of deadly assasinations. but no he cant fight the kyuubi at 15 like lol he's definitely seen worse at this point

538 kishimoto is so trying to make this a thing. he just thought of it and now is trying to retcon the series, again. because none of the spars or fights until now have had this finger thing.

Kishimoto is a master of asspull no jutsu and retcon no jutsu and sudden power up no jutsu but it usually its at least connected. Like with itachi/sasukes sharingan with the left and right eyes just like how amaterasu and tsukiyomi were born of izanagi washing his left and right eyes. And then susanoo finished out the trio of powers/gods. I guess also foreshadowing that izanagi is also a jutsu. Havent seen izanami yet tho.

oh im not done got about another 160 chapters but i've been skipping around and jumping back and forth between the anime and manga. the anime has filler but a lot of the filler is actually pretty decent (and the only time women get screentime) the anime also includes novel information and in some plaes the pacing and presentation of events is actually better. i also got nostalgic and reread some of og naruto

when i said i was talking about drawing naruto i wasn't saying the the series in general i mean the obnoxious hyperactive orange jumpsuit wearing idiot. idk how much you saw but mid 2000s had loads of fan art like this was just after shippuden released and when people drew naruto in his 20s it was always with longer hair which i think is interesting since kishimoto gave him short short hair for his 30s. there's also the changing artstyle from the first anime to the newest as well as in the manga and i find that all interesting so i was thinking of making a refernce sheet for naruto essentially detailing how his appearance changes over time filled with head canons of course.

oh when i say filler i dont just mean filler episodes. the episodes themselves are often paced slow to drag things out or have unnecessary flashbacks. so you have opening and sponsors 2min replay of last part of earlier ep 5min ed + preview + skit 3min +3 min of flashbacks and at a 23min run time theres only really about 10min of content per ep

i think i said this before but wow i feel bad for the ninetails and bijuu. confined and sometimes chained or speared to pin them in place, stripped of bodily autonomy. their chakara or even their body parts or physical form are controlled by another person. because people are jealous of their power, because they do not look human. i have much empathy for the Other, its quite reasonable they want to destroy konoha

Sasuke's hair after the manga ends sucks so like all of boruto im ignoring it. Thinking back a lot of 2010 boys had the cockatoo hair: sasuke, allen walker, noctis, riku?. Anyways long hair could look good one him, tied back like itachi but keeping the bangs. I can understand wanting to hide the rinnegan but sasuke already was THE emoboy of the 2000s he doesnt need to look more emo. But if he had long hair would it be flat like itachi or spikey like madara?

Back to the double suicide pact. I've mainly heard about double suicides in japan in the context of lovers' suicide (i think hxh references this too) where two lovers decide to simultaneously kill themselves because circumstances wont allow them to be together in this life in hopes they can be together in the next. And thats literally what naruto proposes. Ah where the quote... Its like if we die i will no longer be the jinchuriki and you'll no longer be an uchiha we will be free of our burdens. If i cant be with you in this life i'd rather die and wait to be reincarnated with you. Naruto chooses death with sasuke over life as hokage im not over this. I'll take all your hatred so that you are freed from it. Like, bruh, wow.

Another thing i dont like about boruto is that naruto and sasuke dont have matching arms anymore. Its important that they match

having the sharingan evolve into the rinnegan is classic kishimoto bullshit. he just wanted another power level up. the sharingan is so closely tied to the uchiha clan with shinto imagery and then the rinnegan… well its used to create cheap narrative tension to give naruto an op villian to fight via nagato. the rinnegan is associated with buddhist imagery and divinity in naruto-verse and gets like the most random mix of powers kishimoto was clearly scrapping the dregs of his brain for cool power ideas. the 6 paths worked for the pain aesthetic but does mesh at all with the rinnegan's status as ultimate eye. you get attraction/repulsion, mechs, soul extraction, big animal summon, chakra absorption, revive the dead, some other weird summon. basically its whatever kishimoto needed at the time to make pain threatening with his usual 0 thoughts given to the implication for the whole series.

#naruto

[helga-grinduil]

'miruko would be such an amazing mentor for bakugou!😍'

meanwhile, miruko:

'intent to kill the villain' MY ASS

#bnha #boku no hero academia #bakugou katsuki #miruko #that boy needs to learn empathy not more violence lol

[itsclydebitches]

Hi Clyde! I know this might be a bit late to the conversation but I just wanted to ask if you think M&K are writing Yang through a male lens? Not in the sense she's hyper-sexualised, but in the sense she lashes out at her allies without consequences (Fiona), has little empathy for female survivors of abuse (Salem and Blake) and gives her loved ones the cold shoulder when she doesn't agree with them rather than trying to reach an understanding (Blake and Ren).

Hi there, anon! No one is ever late to the conversation around here, not when I'm forever answering months-old asks lol

On the whole I would say no, simply because - as many others have pointed out in regards to other posts - this behavior is by no means seen solely in Yang. Ruby is out there lashing out in Volume 6, Jaune was giving Ren the same cold shoulder, no one else has expressed any empathy for the abuse survivors lately (though Yang might actually have a point in her favor there, given her talk with Weiss in Volume 5, when she learns about her mom's drinking). My point being, pretty much everyone is written with this classic masculine lens right now, where being angry, violent, and dismissive are framed as the correct way to approach problems, whether we're talking about Weiss shoving her weapon in Whitley's face, or Nora coolly brushing aside Ren's concerns. The exceptions being, to my mind, Ren - who learned this season that considering a kinder, more strategic approach is wrong - and Oscar who is embodying the archetype of the innocent child so fully that it allows him to forgive/grant absolution outside of the bounds of the story's internal logic and gendered expectations. Him reaching out to Hazel, Emerald, and even Ozpin is less a commentary on gender and more an extreme upholding of his status as the youngest and, comparatively, most innocent (which, as said previously, bumps up against Ruby's same, former status). Think Harry Potter, destroying evil with the love in his skin as an 11yo by merely touching Quirrel's face, not an older teenager hurling a dark curse at Malfoy while overflowing with rage. Oscar is still very much in that initial stage of being the young, baby-faced character who is not yet jaded and is thus able to overcome evil purely by wishing it so. Yet everyone else, including Yang, gets by on lies, secrets, violence, and anger - no matter how much the story wants to dress it up as heroics. So Yang is by no means alone in that.

What does interest me regarding Yang characterization right now is not, strictly speaking, about Yang. Rather, it’s about the presumed relationship with Blake and how changes to Blake’s character have reflected back on Yang. I won’t go into a full, eight season analysis of it here, but suffice to say, Blake’s personality has taken a sharp dive lately, most notably in the most recent volume. She used to be an opinionated, outspoken woman, the kind of person who marched up to Weiss in the middle of the street to denounce her family’s slavery, fighting for her people with as much intensity in a conversation as she gave on the battlefield. This is the woman who stormed off in anger at Weiss’ racism, demanded a solemn oath from Yang if she was going to believe her about the Mercury fight, rallied an army to defend Haven, set her own house on fire to defend her parents... I could go on. Blake used to only be quiet when it came to settling down with a good book. Now she’s far more meek and submissive. She’s been reduced to blushing prettily at Yang’s praise, begging Ruby to save her, going along with Yang’s plans for betrayal because she’s scared about killing again, clasping Ruby’s hands to assure her that she’ll save them all, etc. I use the term “reduced” intentionally because, on their own, there’s nothing wrong with any of these traits. If anything, Blake should be a more well-rounded character for being able to collapse crying over Adam, or go tongue-tied at a compliment. The problem lies in replacing her original personality with this new one: softer, less confrontational, less skilled, no longer as determined, no longer as angry, keeping to the background to play at comic relief or the damsel in distress. I bring all this up because - within the comparatively slim queer rep we’ve gotten in media - there’s a long history of writing them so that one is clearly the “man” in the relationship and the other is clearly the “woman.” This extends from visual markers like dividing them between assumed masculine and feminine clothing preferences - who wears dresses and who can pass for a boy in a baseball hat and sweats? - to caching in on equally assumed personality traits - who is the calm and compassionate individual; who has the temper and is constantly itching for a fight? To use two examples, think of couples like Sapphire and Ruby, or Kurt and Blaine. One is a cool blue in flowy dresses, always working to be sensible, while the other is an angry red in a sensible shirt and pants, easily pissed off. One is practicing a version of Beyoncé's “Single Ladies” in a sequined leotard, framed as the lady, whereas the other sings “Teenage Dream” in a suit at the piano, a song meant to appeal to the teenage girls watching, no matter the character’s sexuality. I’m simplifying a LOT here, including the context for the times (Glee) and the ways in which this divide is sometimes flipped (Ruby and Sapphire’s wedding), but my point is that whether authors realize it or not, they often force their queer characters into the gender binary, even while they’re supposedly meant to be challenging those norms. Blake and Yang, to get to a long-winded point, are becoming a part of that trend, wherein the closer they get to becoming a canonical couple, the more classically feminized Blake becomes. That, in turn, positions Yang as the “man” of the relationship. Already embodying some of those assumptions with her tough personality and brawl fight style, Blake’s regression into someone in need of rescue, someone less likely to speak up, someone who is visually positioned as less confident and in need of emotional care (think of her drooped ears and inability to make eye contact in “Ultimatum)” only increases that reading, especially given arcs like Yang’s insistence that she doesn’t need anyone protecting her, morphing into her becoming Blake’s protector instead. Yes, the dialogue states that they protect each other, but we all know RWBY struggles to show what the characters claim. Scenes like Yang arriving on a badass motorcycle to fight the majority of the battle against Adam, ending with her cradling a sobbing Blake who promises to never leave her side, or confidently taking Blake’s cheek in hand to comfort her after their not-fight, a moment of confidence and (unneeded) forgiveness... this all speaks volumes of something RWBY doesn’t think is there. So I don’t believe it’s intentional and, as said, there are a lot of complexities to take into account here, but I nevertheless don’t think it’s a coincidence that we’ve lost so much of Blake’s original personality right around the time the show got more serious about their relationship. As a presumed queer couple, there’s an instinctual desire to figure out which is the “guy” and which is the “girl” in the relationship, with Yang being positioned as the former the more Blake changes to fit the latter. 

#rwby #mymetas

[postmodernbeing]

Shingeki no Kyojin headcanons: 104th training corps (College AU)

Hello, Postmodernbeing here. This time I wanted to write about things that I actually know, since I’m a college student and I’m studing History and Social Sciences I found myself wondering about what would the 104th training corps focus their studies on if all of them had chosen humanities as their career. I hope you find this funny and at least a bit accurate.

IMPORTANT:  I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin, only these HCs are my own. // Might contain a few spoilers from the manga. // English is not my first language and I study uni at Latin America, so scientifical terms/words/concepts may vary. Anyhow, I thank you for reading and for your patience.

Eren Jaeger

He’s passionate about Military History, not to be confused with history of army. Eren’s rather focused in strategies, weapons and semiotics involved in military speech.

First started with books about great wars in modern era. The use of certain weapons took him by surprise due the technological development.

Then he took classes about discourse analysis, semiotics and such, and felt inspired by the discourse reflected in emblems, uniforms, flags, etc.

Eren doesn’t really have a preference between occidental or oriental, North or South, Modern or Ancient settings. He would simply devour all the books that deal with military strategy and warlike conflicts. Although he has more experience and information about great wars in modern era.

He’s fascinated with the inexhaustible human desire of freedom and the extent that it can reach. This fascination might not be very healthy, he concludes.

Also, finds a cruel beauty in violence when showed in freedom and ideals are protected over one’s own life. But he won’t tell his classmates or professors. He knows is a controversial opinion for he’s still aware the implications of massive conflicts and the abuse of power.

One thing led to another, Eren is now taking classes and reading about philosophy in war and anthropological perspectives about violence through time.

He’s so into social movements besides his main interest in college: “No one’s really free until all humanity is”, that’s his life motto pretty much.

Due his readings and researches he decided it was important to develop a political stance about the world’s problems. Eren strongly believes all lives worth the same, but systems and nations had imposed over others and vulnerated other human's lives.

Yes, Eren is anti-capitalist and anti-imperialist.

Mikasa Ackerman

Asian Studies Major / History Minor.

She thinks by studying these degrees, she pays honor to her heritage. Specially to her mother. Her family is the proudest for Mikasa is also the best student in her whole generation.

Mikasa received a scholarship thanks to Azumabito family, who are co-founders of an academic institution dedicated to Asian historical and cultural research. She might as well start working when she graduates.

Although she’s passionate about Japan’s history, she has written a few articles and essays about Asian Studies themselves and the importance of preserving but also divulging by means of art and sciences.

In her essays and research work, she likes to employ tools from many disciplines since she strongly believes all humanities and social sciences serve the very same purpose at scrutinize the social reality all the same. Might as well use demographics, ethnology, sociology, philosophy, anthropology, archeology, and so on. For it proves to bring light into questions that history by itself could answer unsatisfactorily (in Mikasa’s opinion).

Even her professors wonder how she manages to organize that much information and pull it off successfully. She might as well be more brilliant than a few PhD’s students.

Armin Arlert

Prehistoric studies / Archeology

He’s so into the studies about the prehistoric humans and routes of migration.

Passionate about the ocean and natural wonders since kid, Armin believed his career would be environmentalist or geoscience related.

That was the agreement he had with his grandad since middleschool, until he read Paul Rivet’s “The Origins of the American Man” book and captured him thoroughly. The way the book explained logically the diverse theories about global migration and enlisted the challenges of modern archeology -for there are numerous mysteries- simply devoured his conscience.

He knew from the books he’d read that most evidence of the first settlements are deep under dirt or far away in the ocean whose level has risen over the centuries leaving primitive camps – and answers – unreachable. 

That’s the reason he is so eager to study and give his best to contribute both archeology and history disciplines. Also, he’ll forever love the ocean and nature, just leave him do all the fieldwork, please.

Jean Kirstein

History of industry / Industrial heritage / Historical materialism

Jean first started interested in capitalist industries and production development in first world countries. Kind of rejected other visions and explanations since he’d read about positivism studies.

His interest in such matters started when he was a just boy. He often found himself wondering how things were made and that question captured him ever since. As he grew up, he realized that machines and industrial processes were highly involved in the most mundane objects creation.

Nonetheless, he learnt that not always the best machinery was used, nor the best work conditions were available for mass production. From that moment he’d started to read about the First Industrial Revolution and his mind just took off with questions. Invariably, he learned about labour struggle and the transforming power due workforce.

Between his readings and university classes, he’d knew more about labour movements, unions. And in the theoretical aspect, he'd learned about historical materialism analysis.

One could say that Jean possesses a humanistic vision of the implications in mass production under capitalist system along history and nowadays.

Marco Bodt

Royalty's history / Medieval Studies 

I wanted to keep his canonical fascination to royalty and the best way to do that was including Medieval Studies.

Marco would study since the fall of Roman Empire until the latest gossip of royal families all across Europe.

Might get a bit of Eurocentric with his essays but in real life discussions he’s always open to debates about decolonization. He has even read Frantz Fanon books and possesses a critical thinking about colonial countries and their relations with the so named third world.

Nevertheless, Marco finds a strange beauty in the lives of monarchs and he’s interested in study from their education, hobbies, strategies, relationships, everything.

I’d say that his favorite historical period is probably the establishment of the descendants of the barbarian peoples in the new kingdoms such as the Visigoths, Ostrogoths, Franks, Vandals, Huns, Saxons, Angles and Jutes (holy shit, they're a lot).

Because this would transcend as the beginning of his favorite matter of analysis.

Sasha Braus

History of gastronomy, development of cooking, antropology and archeological studies.

Sasha’s interested in the history that shows human development of food and cooking. She finds wonders when she inquires into cultural aspects from the first farming till modern artistic expressions that would involve food.

Such as gastronomy. But her attention got caught in literature’s food representation too, with its symbols and allegories, also in paintings that belong in still life movement, but also Sasha finds interest when food is used as rhetorical devices (for example: the apple in Adam and Eve’s myth).

She’s curious about primitive systems of irrigation, cultivation, food distribution, adaptation of wild species; as well as the domestication of animals, the diversification of the diet and its link with sedentary life, as well as the subsequent division of labor once the need for food was assured in humanity’ first cities.

Sasha’s convinced that alimentation is the pilar of civilization as we know it. For it involves cultural, artistic, economic, emotion and social aspects. Food is a microcosm of analysis of humanity.

Sasha hasn’t a favorite historical period or setting. But she definitely has a special fascination for first civilizations and their link with alimentation. Also, she likes to study the development gastronomy in occident world around different regions, social classes, and time.

Although, let’s be honest, Sasha would devour (lol, couldn’t help it) ANY book about agriculture, cattle raising, cooking or gastronomy. 

Connie Springer

Micro-history / History of everyday life.

Connie loves his hometown, has a deep respect to his family and traditions. That’s why he finds himself wondering about the most ordinary events that developed in his dear Ragako. 

The book “The Cheese and the Worms” by Carlo Ginzburg changed the way he used to understand history and capture him into meaningful discussions about what he learned was called micro-history.

His favorite quote from that book is: “As with language, culture offers to the individual a horizon of latent possibilities—a flexible and invisible cage in which he can exercise his own conditional liberty.”

Once deep into studying the Italian historians and their works, he decided to give it a try, and ever since he’s mesmerized with the mundane vestiges craftsmen that worked in his village left behind.

Connie’s parents are so proud of him and his achivements, but mostly because he became a passionate academic over human and simple matters, (so down to earth our big baby).

His attitude towards his essays and research works truly shows his great heart and humility. Connie is aware that academic works have no use if they are not meant to teach us about ourselves too and current times.

Empathy and hard work, that’s how one could describe the elements that integrate his recently started academic career.

Historia Reiss

Political History / Statistician

Her father’s family pressured Historia since she was a little girl into studying History just like his dad. For he’s a very famous historian that had made important researches and books about the greatest statesmen of Paradis.

She thought in numerous ways that she could sabotage her career or study any other career without her family’s consent and end with her linage of historians. But she ended up enrolling in tuition and so far, she is trying her best in her studies. Historia swears this is the right path for her.

But don’t let the appearances fool you, even thought she studies her father’s career and the very same branch of history’s discipline, she has her own critical sense and she’s so talented on her own, very meticulous with her research papers.

Definitely wants a PhD about women, power and politics. We stand a Gender Studies Queen.

Her complementary disciplines are Political Sciences. Historia also has a talent for philosophy and owns a diary with all her thoughts about them. She hopes one day she would write a book or a manifesto about an innovative methodology for research and teaching History of Politic Thinking.

Ymir 

Religion’s History / Theology

Just like Historia, Ymir was pressured into studying History. And if she’s totally honest, she still has some doubts about it. Even if she couldn’t imagine herself studying anything else.

Anyways, Ymir thought that she could build her career around topics that she enjoys. So, she finally chose theology for unusual reasons.

Her classmates had grown up in religious families or had experience studying the doctrines they practiced. But she, being an agnostic, found satisfaction in unraveling belief systems in different cultures and time periods.

Albeit she studies in Paradis’ University, she currently has the opportunity of taking an academic exchange at Marley’s University. This only made Ymir more conflicted about her future, for she wants to stay (near Historia) but she’s aware that Marley would offer her more academic opportunities for her specialization.

Nowadays she’s working in some collaborative research paper with some people from Mythological Studies from the Literature department. She’s nailing it, writing some historical studies about titans in Greek mythology and its impact in shaping neoclassical poetry. Her brains ugh, love her.

Reiner Braun

Official History / Biographies of heroes and great wars.

His mother convinced him with numerous books about great national heroes, but mostly because she knew that would mean sure job to her son. All political administration in every level requires of an official chronicler. 

When he started his college courses, Reiner felt motivated and he was actually convinced that he had the vocation. But the more he read the less sure he felt that the academic world was for him. He wondered if he made the right choice. If he did it for him or for his mother.

Stories and myths about heroes have always cheered him up. That gave him purpose and consoled him when feeling down. Or at least it was like that when younger. Reiner truly didn’t feel like himself when regretting his choices, but he couldn’t help it for he was changing in more than a way.

That’s why he decided to experiment with other disciplines and with time he would find joy in historical novels. He would analyze them just as good as a litterateur and research about historical context in the written story AND study the artwork’s context itself.

His favorites theorical books are: “Historical Text as Literary Artifact” by Hayden White and Michel de Certeau’ “The Writing of History”.·        

Heroes stories would always accompany him, just differently now.

Bertolt Hoover

History of mentalities / Les Annales

Intimate relationships, basic habits and attitudes. / Culture

Bertie has always been a much reticent and shy guy. As he grew up, he consolidated his sullen personality, but maintained a friendly attitude towards anyone who needed him. That’s why he thought that the priority in his studies was to be at the service of his classmates.

So, although he was passionate about research and was a fan of the French Les Annales current, he considered his mission to be in the Archive. As a cataloger, organizer and curator of ancient documents.

But the ways of History are always mysterious, and Doctor Magath showed him that other way of being was possible. Before Bertolt picked his specialty, he met Theo Magath, a professor who recently had finished writing a book: “The Idea of Death in Liberio’s Ghetto in Marley During its War Against Eldia (Paradis)” (long-ass titles are historians specialty btw). After Magath ended his book’ presentation, Bertolt reached him. They talked for hours and finally, he felt inspired into pursuing his true passion. Magath gifted him “The Historian’s Craft” by Marc Bloch as a way to reminding him his way.

By the time Bertolt took History of Mentalities as optional class, he already had some basic notions about Les Annales, Lucien Febvre, Marc Bloch, Fernand Braudel, Jacques Le Goff and such. 

Being the gentle giant he is, Bertolt finds joy in reading about different lifestyles in diverse cultures. He constantly wonders about the origin of social constructs and the way they shape thinking as much as identity.

This boy is a wonder, he might not be the best in oral presentations or  extracurricular activities but sure as hell he’ll graduate with honors.

Annie Leonhart

Oral history, about institutions. Particularly, police and justice system in early XXs.

Albeit she got into the same University than Bertolt and Reiner, even shared classes and hopes, Annie regularly felt disconnected from her studies. With time she realized it wasn't due her career itself but rather because of the currents that her professors had suggested her taking. Until now.

Talking with Hitch and Marlow about their doubts concerning subjects and departments it came up the topics of history and present time but also oral history. She’d never heard something like that before. So, that very same week, Annie started searching for information about that.

She ended up with more questions: is it all of this just academic journalism? Or maybe sociology? When we can talk about regular history and when it starts being present time? If she introduces interviews due oral history, then that makes it an interdisciplinary work? Which are the best systems for analyzing data? Definitely, she’ll need help from anthropology and sociology departments if she wants to keep going. 

Contrary to her initial prognostic, philosophy and history of historic writing became her new allies, and the text “Le temps présent et l'historiographie contemporaine” (Present Time and Contemporary Historiography) by Bédarida among others, provided Annie another perspective. 

Regarding her favorite topics, she wouldn’t say that she selected them freely. They were just practical preferences. For institutions own extensive archives and numerous functionaries. One way or another, she ended up tangled in judicial system and police issues.

With new tools and object for studying, one could find Annie having a blast as detective too. Even if her academic essays focus on institutions’ history and configuration, she’s also working in corruption and more. She doesn’t do it because she believes it’s the right thing, but besides, the thrill of the tea is spicy. Although she won’t admit it. 

#shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #aot headcanons #snk headcanons #eren jaeger #mikasa ackerman #armin arlert #jean kirstein #marco bodt #sasha braus #connie springer #historia reiss #ymir #reiner braun #bertolt hoover #annie leonhart #modern au #college au

[jaynovz]

tell us more abt the hannibal and black sails parallels pls

Okay, first off, I am so sorry this took so long!! I’ve been moving and shit has been so busy.

Second, yay!! This question. Now I have an excuse to ramble.

Okay so, the two shows do have a lot of similarities. The big one you notice right off the bat is that both have an extremely codependent relationship at the center. 

There are a ton of ways the Flint-Silver and Hannibal-Will relationships parallel, like, they both talk about melding minds with another person, being monstrous, reveling in being monstrous, being made complete by an unlikely source, personas/playing roles/person suits, knowing yourself more completely next to another person, darkness as a source of freedom, something beyond choice/being drawn inexorably into a person’s destructive orbit and being forever changed by it. They deal with the nature of truth, both have supernatural elements, both have religious imagery connected to one half of the ship (Flint and Hannibal both compared to god). 

Also, both shows end with an impossible choice and, ostensibly, tragedy; and they both have open endings that are interpretable based on what you want to believe. 

But at a certain point, the similarities end and the two shows veer off from each other. Namely, the dynamics between the two ships are fundamentally different in a lot of ways, and it's more interesting to look at the ways in which they don't parallel. At the end of the day, the biggest one is that Silverflint is not anywhere near as destructive, whereas for Hannigram, mutual self-destruction is sort of the name of the game. Silverflint may be as codependent but I think the important addition of either Madi or Thomas or (ideally) both, helps make the relationship a lot healthier. If they would actually just talk to each other and work some shit out, it could be great. This is of course contingent on whether you think one or the other could compromise. (The compromise being that they come to some middle ground between Flint giving up the big picture Cause for personal happiness, or Silver throwing in genuinely with the idea of revolution and it being worth the risk of the people most important to him.) The end tragedy of Black Sails sets us in a spot where it doesn’t seem like either Flint or Silver are willing to do so, but perhaps one or the other could grow and change (with helpful mediation, as stated.)

Whereas Hannigram, well. It’s rooted from the very beginning in gaslighting, manipulation, and a completely skewed power balance. It’s absolutely like, this person has done so much bad shit to you, they’ve killed people you love, they’ve sent people to kill you, they’ve lied to you, isolated you, made you fundamentally doubt what kind of person you are etc. But still, you literally can’t cut them out of your life because nothing is ever going to compare to the experience of having them around even if it’s, most often, largely a negative influence. Like, damn. So dark, so unhealthy. They’re the zero-sum game. 

For Will it’s: you love this terrible, terrible thing and you hate yourself for loving it, but also can’t deny it and it makes you feel alive. And for Hannibal, Will’s really the only person who can understand and accept him, but also is uniquely positioned to be able to lie to him, manipulate him in return, and be his utter ruin. They both tried to cut each other out and it didn’t work. So, can’t live with him and can’t live without him. That’s why we end with a cliff dive (impossible choice), Will can’t abide the thought that this thing that is objectively terrible, this ugly thing, is the thing he wants desperately, but he also can’t give it up. So it’s like, “let me try to do my last little bit to society by throwing both our asses off of this cliff b/c we’re both terrible.” Will is so interesting b/c he is at all times living in both the dark and the light and has trouble reconciling these opposing drives. It’s a function of his magic empathy.

(I think they’re metaphorical cliffs also b/c like.... there are no cliffs in Maryland jsyk. What is it with these shows that I like and Metaphorical Cliffs. Edit: I have been corrected there are some cliffs in Maryland but they're not as absurdly high as the ones in Hannibal.)

Anyway, let’s do the one-to-one and talk about Empathy and my Mirrorball boys first. Silver and Will are both extremely good at reading people, seeing what they most need to be, and shapeshifting into it. They both have the ability to shrug on different personas as easy as changing clothes. HOWEVER, the way in which they view this ability is very different. For Will, it’s a curse, he literally cannot turn it off, can’t stop himself from doing it, and it torments him. And I think for Silver, he also does it unconsciously and can’t help himself, but it’s not a torment in the same way. It’s rooted in survival and is an acquired skill that a very intelligent mind learned in order to stay alive. Though I would say they could commiserate on their mirrorball tendencies getting them into trouble/in over their heads.

As for Flint and Hannibal parallels? Well Hannibal is the unrepentant monster who revels in wickedness and largely views the rest of humanity as inferior. He’s having an absolutely excellent time murdering and cannibalizing folks, and the only real thorn in his side is Will Graham and his inability to kill Will b/c Hannibal loves him. 

I think Hannibal is the absolute beast that Flint fears himself to be. And though both are presented as the “destructive orbit” or “intoxicating presence” and both perpetrate great violence... well they’re on opposite ends of the spectrum as far as how they view those behaviors. Flint is drowning in guilt constantly, hates that he has to be this monster, the persona of the dread pirate Captain, and that he’s losing more and more of his humanity every time he does some heinous shit. Whereas Hannibal is a “happy little duckling,” literally feels zero guilt about his heinous acts. Hannibal’s playacting a real man in a lot of ways while Flint is playacting a monster. So, Flint wears a monster suit and Hannibal wears a person suit.

Anyway, I could go on and on about this. The way they use supernatural elements, the way characters embed multiple meanings in subtextual dialogue, how well quotes from Silverflint can transfer to Hannigram and vice versa. Oh the way each show deals with like, queer issues, disability issues. etc etc ad infinitum

But I’ll let this be it for now, lol. If you wanna hear me ramble more, let me know~

THANKS AGAIN FOR ASKING. 

#fictionandmusic #thoughts #hannibal #black sails #hannibal spoilers #black sails spoilers #hannibal/blacksails

[ksbwnotes]

Chapter 9, Part 1

Ahhhh...poor son of a bitch.

1. Heyyyyy, green tape

Hmmmn, Koogi seems to use green a lot...is that just more common a color for duct tape in Korea? But thing is, her main outfit for Bum is green tones. And he likes froggies, which are green. 

Also, we never do see Sangwoo use this tape with CEO daughter girl (just ropes, a cloth for her mouth, and this weird metal thing to cover her eyes). Or with Bum, for that matter (I only saw it so far used with Koogi’s illustrations, which are a different matter altogether...I might be mistaken, I won’t skip to that part, but Sangwoo might have used it on Bum in the last chapters, which could signify how far his mentality has deteriorated). 

But this guy is different. Sangwoo has no emotional attachment to him.  The duct tape could be, in a way, signifying how worthless this person is to Sangwoo. That he’s nothing more than a box full of unsavory memories he would rather tape shut forever and throw away to rot.

2. Ooohp. Bastard’s bringing out his iconic apron

Sangwoo the butcher.

But this is something new that we haven’t seen before. Again, Sangwoo has never once wore this with Bum. So that means Sangwoo truly has no intentions of going easy on this guy. Blood is going to be pretty much spurting every-the-fuck-where. 

So even though Sangwoo doesn’t consciously plan to kill someone, he has his habits and ideas down to a pat so that once he does get into that territory, he can more or less get right down to it. Sangwoo seems to do what he can to ‘separate’ himself from his atrocious acts, but also fulfilling an ‘aesthetic’ that fits with the atrocity he has become. 

Like, that apron.  Too risky to wear regular clothes, so apron is the next best thing and can act as a barrier of some sort once the blood goes flying. It’ll reduce how much splatters onto his skin and how much of his body he has to actually clean. It’s also just keep things less gross and more sanitary that way lol.

3. I am the type to find this funny and really be amused by Sangwoo’s smartass-ness

I suck at being a smartass and I can’t do it, so I really appreciate it whenever someone else can, even if it’s mean lol. But if it’s mean, it’s a guilty pleasure for me, like right now. x’D

4. Honestly, Sangwoo, how did you get yourself into this situation...

Oh!  So he was able to get out of the blow job. Nice. The guy was actually respectful. If Sangwoo were sane, he’d understand this and just run away instead of luring this guy in to kill him. 

But, really, why did Sangwoo put himself into this position?  I don’t have anything foolproof as evidence, but I really don’t think Sangwoo is the type who actually needs to kill at specific intervals as an outlet.

If anything, Sangwoo has a more...instinctual response to sexual situations, like Bum. For Bum, he becomes hyper-aroused and zeroes in on the pleasure to a point that it overrides his more logical line of thinking. The “he’s a killer I should be scared” becomes “it feels so good and nothing else can exist but this pleasure”.

For Sangwoo, he has two modes. The first one is passive, where he’s just following his partner’s whims and saying that he’s enjoying things but he’s actually just powerless to resist. It’s his instinctual reaction after being forced to just...take his mom’s advances. He feels empty, like a doll that is just meant to be used and taken for pleasure. It’s no better than being a corpse that is fulfilling another’s necrophilic tendencies.

The second mode, I believe, came to be as a self-defense mechanism to the first mode. In order to avoid ever feeling like that, he is in control of everything. He has complete dominance over his partner. In a way, the extreme violence is the only way he can genuinely feel pleasure because he’s ‘safe’. He can literally go one way or the other, his trauma has made it impossible for him to have any other mode than ‘docile’ or ‘predator’. 

5. Well, even without the possibility of murdering someone, Sangwoo choosing an alias is no surprise

He did go into a gay bar, lol.

I also find it interesting that this is where we get a look into Bum’s thoughts. And it’s regarding Sangwoo’s alias. 

Also, now I am wondering if Sangwoo ever resorted to using aliases with his other prey. Because if he had, then this does add a whole other layer of premeditation to his serial killing. Even if he’s not purposefully scouting for prey, it would at least mean he’s always prepared in the event that he comes across prey. 

That is what makes Jieun such an outlier and also Sangwoo’s downfall in terms of getting caught. Jieun knows Sangwoo personally. There is a connection between them. And her disappearance could easily be traced back to him. Sangwoo isn’t an idiot. He knows how to pick and choose his prey and he probably makes sure to never make it so that the prey can call him by name. 

That is also what makes Bum such an interesting outlier. Because Sangwoo is risking A LOT just to keep him--someone who knows Sangwoo’s real name and actually has witnessed his personal life, both in the outside world and behind closed doors. Sangwoo chose him over the girl. Sangwoo broke his legs, not only to keep Bum from escaping, but to keep Bum with him. 

This does suggest that Sangwoo is not serial killing for the thrill of it (at least, not just for that), but because he’s in search for something that could replace the kills. Sangwoo doesn’t want a pile of dead bodies under his feet--he wants one alive body to stay by his side and love him, in spite of those dead bodies. 

6. ....cute motherfucker

Koogi, I resent you so much for making him this cute...

Honestly though, it just strikes me how Sangwoo keeps trying to keep on a carefree and happy facade even during times like these. We do later see him doing that as a habit as a child, so it fits that he does that on steroids during his adult years, especially considering the things he does. I’ll refer back to this when we get to Jieun’s death scene.

7. Shows of weakness

Ah damn I’m going to have to revisit this part. I have a lot of thoughts on it, but I’m too sleep deprived to actually make sense of it. But this part is important in understanding Sangwoo’s mentality and the ways he tries to train Bum to fit a certain image.

Aaaaaand today is a new day!!  So going forth:

During the times Bum showed fear and was trembling, I do think a major part of why Sangwoo hates it so much is because it reminds him of how much of a monster he is. But I also think it’s because it reminds him of his mom, which he does say about Bum’s trembling. Because no matter what happened to his mom, she never learned her lesson. If she were able to change, then Sangwoo’s childhood would be less painful. 

But Bum being quiet and looking scared, but still able to meet Sangwoo’s eyes...that reminds Sangwoo of what he was while with his parents. And even though Sangwoo does hate himself--to a point where he doesn’t want to change because he has no belief he can be better--I do think he’s grieving for that child who had no clue that things will just get worse and worse from there. 

Especially since, from what I’m assuming, he knew how to manipulate his image so that he could avoid being beaten and locked up like his mother. So he would hold more respect towards his conditioned response versus his mother’s conditioned response. He probably refused to admit to himself how he felt back then, because obviously that’s a cruel thought to have and Sangwoo’s level of empathy was still average to high at the time. But it still doesn’t erase his resentment towards her inability to be better (I think this also contributed to why Sangwoo presumably felt ‘free’ after his first kill).

I think I’ll have a better grasp over my thoughts once we get to Jieun’s death >_< 

8. *opens mouth, then silently closes it*

That first sentence probably is not meant to sound the way Sangwoo makes it sound. xD  Which is a bit too gay for someone who firmly claims he is wholly hetero.

Oh actually this is funny. Since the only other person in the basement is a guy, the card dude probably thinks Sangwoo really is gay or internalized-antigay or something. But the truth is a lot more complex and sinister than what it appears to be on the surface.

9. Ooooooh, high stakes indeed

Lol, this does drive home the idea to me that Sangwoo is really pissed at Bum. Because, again, he would’ve never went to that gay bar had it not been for Bum. So, in a way, even though Sangwoo internally knows Bum isn’t the one going out in a body bag, this instillation of fear is a punishment for making him question his sexuality in a way that triggered Sangwoo’s trauma. Because there is literally no safe way for Sangwoo to explore his sexuality considering his past and his current lifestyle.

On the other end of the spectrum, I wonder how Bum is feeling about this. He probably genuinely believes that Sangwoo is genuinely putting Bum’s life on the line, in a way that if he fails the card game, he’ll die. Like. I definitely would. No matter what past form of affection Sangwoo showed, if he says he’ll kill me, I would full-heartedly be like “Yeah. Yeah, I don’t doubt you, hun.”

And, still, Bum knows better now than to complain or beg. Because unlike his mother, despite his own mental issues, Bum can be trained and that is why Sangwoo keeps him around.

10. Where do you come up with these things, you bastard

I mean, seriously, he has so many ideas on how to break a person. These are more psychopathic than sociopathic tendencies, I think, so that’s why Sangwoo right now, is a high-functioning sociopath.

11. Oh my fkkn god tho, this smart boi XD

Or maybe I’m just dumb and have no clue how to play cards. 

Or maybe Sangwoo has been spending time with Bum playing cards.

Or maybe Bum is just good at cards and has spent his time practicing them.

Either way, the fact that Bum is able to fkkn pay attention during these times shows that his own trauma and mental issues have no bearing on how smart he actually is. He doesn’t have strong observation skills and is slow to understand people, but that’s more of a natural character trait, even if it is more emphasized by his mental disorders...mmmn, I do kinda wonder if Bum could have some traits shared with autism but I’m too neruotypical and untrained to say whether or not he does.

12. No seriously, we have creative Sangwoo here with this card game from hell...

...Then we have Bum here able to pull out logical conclusions like his mind is clear despite the immense anxiety and pressure of the situation. There’s a reason why Bum is still alive. For some reason, the longer Bum is stuck in his situation, the more 

13. Seriously, I could stab him in the eye for being so cute despite being revolting, it’s not RIGHT KOOGI

Stab stab stab stab

14. It probably doesn’t mean much, but I still can’t help but point out how Sangwoo is making sure to be close to Card!dude and facing Bum

This would be the most logical choice since it will ensure his victim doesn’t try to escape. And even if he does, he can quickly do shit like pulling back his hair if he tries to be ‘bratty’. Also, being behind someone like this is meant to represent a menacing appearance and being the ‘controller’ behind the scenes. Sangwoo has the upperhand since card!dude can’t see him and Sangwoo can do whatever he wants to the guy. 

But this also puts Sangwoo and Bum on more equal ground. Sort of like “partners in crime” because they can face each other and communicate via body language. In a way, Sangwoo can help Bum or make Bum do things, influencing his next move. While, at the same time, keeping a literal eye on Bum but without the upperhand he has on card!dude--because Bum can also keep an eye out on him. 

15. I’d probably laugh if I were Sangwoo too lol

I bet you Sangwoo didn’t expect Bum to actually get the goddamn ace. The fact that Bum is this fkkn lucky is indicative of how Bum is lucky enough to even be alive at this point. Bum has been able to avoid his ‘fate of death’ over and over again that, honestly, the sheer disbelief of it is ridiculous. But it’s also like Sangwoo is saying ‘Of course you’d get the goddamn ace. Of course you would, you little shit, why am I even still surprised by you at this point’.

In a way, Sangwoo might also be thinking that ‘Huh, it’s like I meant to mess with the cards so that’d they be in your favor.’ But of course, he can’t have that because Bum being ‘too’ happy about things means he won’t be able to control Bum. So, for Bum’s case, he’s doing a second round to train Bum further, rather than to fuck with him before he kills him (like what he’s doing with card!dude).

Other than that, this is also indicative of just how well Bum is dealing with the anxiety of this moment. Card!dude might have done better (though he can’t have that much control over the cards) under normal circumstances, but between the both of them, Bum is actually calm enough to think things through. It says a lot about his capabilities lol. It makes me wonder what kind of person he could’ve been had he been raised well.

ALSO, AGAIN WITH YOU BEING CUTE SANGWOO. NO. ESPECIALLY NOT UNDER THESE CIRCUMSTANCES YOU ASSHOLE. STOP IT.

16. Lol, even though this is a throwaway line, I think this is indicative of who Sangwoo has already chosen

This is really like a “come on, partner in crime, get up to my level here and let’s fuck with this fucker together”. But the thing is, Bum is just as much a victim as this guy. There is literally no way for Bum to think any other way but Sangwoo fucking with both of them, not just card!dude. 

Because the thing is, if Bum forgot himself and reacted the same way as card!dude, Sangwoo would kill him, along with card!dude.

But yeah, it does make me think of how Sangwoo would’ve reacted if card!dude actually won. How would his script go? Would he still do a practice round? Or would that have been enough for Sangwoo, and he would’ve skipped to the next part of his plan?

I don’t think this second round was something Sangwoo expected. And that really drove home to him how Bum keeps surpassing his expectations again and again. 

17. *wince* Oohp.

The trembling and slight protest. Definitely not what Sangwoo wants to see. I can’t blame Bum for responding like this, BECAUSE A FKKN SERIAL KILLER IS PRETTY MUCH TRYING TO SCREW HIM OVER, but at the same time, he should know better than to respond this way. 

I also do think, other than the threat to his life, Bum is perceiving this as Sangwoo ‘choosing’ card!dude over Bum. It’s like a rejection and that probably hits Bum’s rejection sensitivity. If it was just a threat to his life, Bum would probably be able to still stay silent at this point (uh, most likely not because again, life is on the line, but still maybe). However, there’s also this sense that Sangwoo doesn’t actually want him to live--that the card game is just an excuse to kill Bum.

18.  think it says a lot that Sangwoo still responds to Bum’s protest via ‘patting’ him on the head rather than pulling on his hair. 

If card!dude was more intuitive, then he probably would’ve noticed that something was off in the way Sangwoo was treating Bum. More leniently. Because any small variation in treatment is not a promising outlook for card!dude.

But the thing is--now that I know how the ending is--Sangwoo is just doing this as a way to fuck with the other dude.  Actually he was probably proud of Bum winning so that he could further fuck with card!dude and make him taste the bitterness of false hope. Sort of like a “heh, you did better than I thought you would”. 

Sangwoo does want him to live because this card game is not about ‘who’ to choose. Sangwoo has already chosen Bum. This is just a matter of how much satisfaction Sangwoo can get against his revenge on the other guy.

Though, Bum is genuinely worried because why would he think that lol. There is also this thing where Sangwoo chose to kill a pretty girl and keep him, a skinny male loser, alive. So from his stand point, Sangwoo’s choices are difficult to pinpoint. Bum also won’t see himself as more ‘attractive’ than card!dude, so he most likely was scared that Sangwoo’s choices has changed once again and he would be thrown away like CEO daughter.

19. Hmmmn...

Now that card!dude has been given a second chance and can see Sangwoo’s willingness as a show of ‘favorability’, he has more control over his anxiety (which I do think is different from Bum, who has this sort of ‘on-off’ button for his anxiety, versus card!dude who seems to have more of a ‘reduction-enlargement’ slider). He probably feels more confident. 

And this is probably exactly what Sangwoo wanted, because then that will make the fall so much sweeter, the look of horror that much more gratifying.

20. Really, and there were people who wanted Sangwoo and Bum to have a happily ever after

The psychological warfare Sangwoo is putting onto Bum is so brutal that it’s really difficult to keep reading. Again, Koogi making it so that Sangwoo got better, then got worse when he realized he couldn’t handle what it means to ‘improve’, and then die...it made me respect this work so much, because nothing about this is romanticized.  And furthermore, Bum didn’t die, but at the same time, he was scars that will never be able to heal. His mentality was worse in the end than it was in the beginning, which is a goddamn feat because there wasn’t much left for him to fall.

Another alternative that I saw float around was Bum and Sangwoo dying together and...no. No no no. That’s too romanticized as well. And Bum being left alive while Sangwoo dies has this very...god I don’t even know how to explain. It’s not a happy ending. For me, there’s no vindication for it because I got to see just how deeply Sangwoo was suffering, which made it impossible for me to enjoy his death despite every incredibly shitty thing he has done. It was literally just...a masterpiece. One that showed just how, really, there are places on earth that truly have no hope and the suffering only ends with death. 

I usually never like nihilistic stories like these. Like seriously, there’s a reason why I avoided Killing Stalking like the plague. But after so many stories where things have a happy ending just because they MUST, it doesn’t only get tiring, but destructive for me. 

And Killing Stalking is special to me because instead of showing that everything was hopeless in the beginning just BECAUSE life is hopeless, period...it shows that things could’ve gone differently because Sangwoo and Bum were never truly without hope in the beginning. Sangwoo wasn’t a classic serial killer. Bum just needed better guidance. They just needed to be given a goddamn chance, like so many people in the world in general.

Instead of outright nihilism, it’s more in line with existentialism and that things reach the point of no return if nothing is changed. Or that if there are changes, it’s the type of change that makes things worse and doesn’t allow for healing.

Anyways, I don’t quite have all my thoughts on this together, so this is something I have to revisit once I’m done reading KS.

#chapter 9 #volume 1 #again this became too long #these two need to be less...just less gdi

[gayregis]

issues with blood & wine

cdpr litcherally took away all the development that vampires got in the book series, despite blood & wine adding more vampire lore, and ill explain how

retcons & just weird differences from canon

blood & wine paints vampires as this big evil secret society and civilization whereas in the books they literally do not have more society than “a bunch of frat guys and sorority girls getting wasted every full moon”

the vampire lore they added with mentions and/or demonstrations of human cattle, bloodthirst as a form of torture, the hierarchy with unseen elders, drinking blood being seen as something much darker and sinister all together instead of a vice of vampires like alcoholism is a vice to humanity, and the whole dumbass retcon about the conjunction of the spheres. 

the views on blooddrinking introduced in blood & wine lead to annoyingly misplaced dialogue with geralt and regis like geralt mentioning vampires “treating humans like cattle to slaughter” which, they dont, and which geralt learned in baptism of fire, then remarking disapprovingly that humans are more like an open bar then. this dialogue makes no sense even because that’s NOT how vampires in the witcher function

regis’s torture in la cage au fou is just basically torture porn and is pretty unnecessary. but it’s also overdone because it’s not like regis has been sober for centuries, he broke his sobriety at stygga and therefore has only been sober for 8 years, which... he spent dead. so the temptation of relapse would already be an issue for him, which should have provided enough tension and angst for all of us. the scene in la cage au fou also depicts such a visceral pain of bloodlust and doesn’t show WHY it’s such a widespread temptation and vice for vampires... which imo would be more powerful as both a plot point and statement

side note: not vampire related but geralt and regis literally dont talk about the hansa at all and it annoys me because regis seems depressed for No Specific Reason besides dettlaff’s situation when we know that he and geralt experienced great loss at stygga and are struggling to cope with that

side side note: considering regis broke his sobriety at stygga and could be struggling with thoughts of relapse already, knowing that he’s depressed about the loss of milva angouleme and cahir could provide for some more angst and tension :/

the vampire claws are ugly and not lore-friendly. why not just give them short claws on their hands. when regis and other vampires fight in the books, they barely use their claws anyways. they turn invisible, turn into bats, scream, etc.

the smoke/fog effect annoys me because there’s no mention of that in the books, only of them turning invisible. and you can SEE smoke/fog so tell me what is the point

the op-ness of vampires bothers me because vampires were already op in the books and making them moreso just is annoying because it’s unbalanced. i guess this is partially due to an issue in the books where sapkowski never explained how a vampire could truly be killed, but my interpretation is that sapkowski intended to portray regis as “truly killed” at the end of the series, just obliterated beyond his regenerative ability within the near centuries... i mean it took him half a century to grow back a head, how long would it take him to regenerate his entire body? forever, which is pretty akin to ‘death.’ there wasn’t a need to add social rules about vampires killing vampires because... vampires could ‘die’. but cdpr introduced dettlaff regrowing his hand within like, 3 days, and that was that. i don’t disagree with some of the regenerative things depicted, like regis regenerating after dettlaff spears him lol, that was pretty cool and reminiscent of the battle of the bridge where he regenerated from an arrow piercing in about 2 minutes. but for things more severe than flesh wounds........ i can’t support that because it’s too unrealistic given the canon from the books

i like dettlaff’s monster form, i really do, but seeing as how the books say that vampires turn into BATS............................. i guess it is said that all vampires are unique and have different powers, but come on, what is that, that is not even bat-like, or MAYBE do something with the MOTH aesthetic he was given?? he should have had like, locust powers or something cool, come on....

speaking of animal affinities, this is really nitpicky at this point lol, but regis’s corvids not being shown as birds of omen or some dark motif and instead as just General Helpers......... when they attack stygga in lady of the lake, the birds crowd the fort and circle around it, causing the guards outside to all stir and worry about what ill fate is to befall them. it’s intended to be super creepy and worrying. iirc when regis was around corvids also tended to perch in the trees, sort of ominously signaling that he was around... in blood & wine they’re good boys and i love them, but they’re not entirely creepy enough. think of how regis’s gwent card depicts the corvids as an example of a step in the right direction. what im saying basically is less doctor doolittle and more the birds, please. 

honorable mention is regis’s hairline and facial hair. baptism of fire described him as looking middle-aged, so he should look around 45. that is all

the conjunction retcons introduced are just confusing and annoying. regis remarks about the vampires’ “home” wistfully multiple times throughout blood & wine, AS IF he actually saw it at one point. our boy’s like, 400 something years old (436, but who’s counting), so he was born in the 800s (bc the witcher saga and games take place in 1260 something). he’s fucking young compared to someone like the unseen elder, or even for example, AVALLAC’H, who’s older than him by like 2 centuries. the conjunction of the spheres occurred 1500 YEARS BEFORE THE SAGA & GAMES TAKE PLACE, in 200s BCE which is MORE THAN 3 TIMES REGIS’S AGE. so it makes no sense for regis to be talking about the vampires’ homeland before the conjunction because (if regis is considered middle aged by vampire standards) he’s like, 3rd or 4th-generation vampire. 

depiction of vampires

i will say that orianna and blood simple was a good move because it shows how vampires’ addictions can manifest in ways other than raiding villages as youth... though i would have liked to see orianna shown as middle aged looking like regis is i’ll let that slide because i know cdpr can’t show a woman who is supposed to come off as attractive looking more than 30 years old

but the strictness of vampire society imposed in blood & wine, through the no killing vampires laws, tesham mutna’s whole hierarchy and structure, is inaccurate in my opinion because in the books the whole THING about the vampires is that while they’re highly intelligent and emotional, they don’t really form social structure beyond drinking parties, which i think was both a nice step away from classic “stuffy manor vampire” types and something unique for the witcher universe...

my biggest issue, though, is with dettlaff and his characterization throughout blood & wine, or should i say, lack of consistent characterization. half of the “good things” dettlaff does isn’t even shown (i.e., resurrecting regis) and is rather explained through word, so the effect on the player isn’t as big. his actual caring and protectiveness of rhenawedd/syanna is overshadowed by syanna’s huge arc about her own backstory so there’s like, NO empathy built up for dettlaff. you actually get to talk to syanna about her opinions and takes, but as for dettlaff you’re relying on regis’s secondhand guessing about his brother’s emotions. regis is also somewhat of an unreliable narrator because it’s not like he can predict everything that will happen... as much as it seems it, sometimes

but the whole point of the books dealing with vampires (and more specifically, regis) was to show that sometimes monsters are more reliable and morally upright than humans. im not saying every vampire in the witcher series should be shown as a paragon of morality, because that’s definitely not the case. but i think for a player who has just met regis, just learned about the vampires in the witcher universe, they need more context and more depictions of Good Vampires, or at least, Vampires That Employ Logic, in order to accept that vampires are NOT some savage beasts like anna and damien argue.

it also doesn’t help with... how regis is depicted. regis is always shown in his humanoid form when he’s proper and kind and geralt is friendly with him, and when he’s in a more bestial form during la cage au fou and tesham mutna, he’s shown as like, a danger [[to geralt]], which is such a slap in the face when you consider how regis and geralt fought side by side at stygga. to even think that regis is somehow untrustworthy tbh literally goes against everything in the books -- in the saga, regis is depicted as yes, a very powerful being, but one that has deep intelligence, emotions, and alliances to geralt and the hansa... when he uses his powers and fights in the saga, it was not only rare, but only ever for Good, to save ciri and yennefer. and he was completely in control of himself and his powers... even when drunk at stygga. not to mention regis was even a self-described ‘coward’ and felt it necessary to avoid battle and conflict because he disliked it so. so when in blood & wine, regis fights during capture the castle like it’s nothing, that’s so alien to his character, idk how to even describe it. he just brushes it off like “looked like you needed a hand, we thought we’d stop by” instead of like, whoa. this is a big sacrifice he’s making by putting himself into this conflict, because he loathes violence. of course there’s also the issue with la cage au fou where regis is shown as Bestially Untrustworthy because he Can’t Control His Powers but those issues have already been discussed.........

also it’s tiring how it’s lazily attempted to explain that vampires aren’t just horrific thirsty beasts of the night and then toussaint is sacked by vampires like a week later. the showing was more impactful than the telling here

back to dettlaff’s inconsistent characterization, it’s annoying how he doesn’t get a chance to explain his thoughts and worries and grievances like syanna does, but also it’s annoying how he’s shown as such a caring person for those he loves (asking syanna if shes okay, feeling guilty that he couldnt rescue her sooner, regretting not being there for her...) but then when he’s betrayed he immediately goes to “sack the city until i can murder this bitch” which is like...... okay, i get it, scorpio vibes, but it doesn’t really make sense without some kind of dialogue between dettlaff and geralt. the player would have to stop and really mull this logic over (it does make sense, but you have to think about it... dettlaff would want to murder syanna because she had him murder those close to him anyways, and dettlaff didn’t know (and never finds out, actually) that the knights were bad people deserving of death anyways). i feel like if dettlaff knew the reality about the knights, then he wouldn’t want to murder syanna....... he would be mad that she didnt communicate with him in the first place, but at least he wouldnt be assuming that he murdered innocents. from dettlaff’s perspective, syanna is a killer who killed some of his best friends, but as the player, we never get to even interact with him or his feelings about the subject. instead we’re faced with an unnecessary dichotomy between the two of them which ends in tears and bloodshed either way, and it’s unsatisfying.

#thoughts #tw3 #bw #regis #dettlaff #omfg big fucking rant goodbye lol #i spent like an hour writing this all out o h my god

[faerieliight]

For that OC prompt u put on Discord!! Shade Ash Peter The Good Boys

Aw shit it’s the Good Boy Gang.tm

Shade

Full Name: Luke “Shade” Night (La Croix, later)Gender and Sexuality: Male; bisexualPronouns: He/him/hisEthnicity/Species: Nocti Birthplace and Birthdate: Sialla, Hyacinth; June 15, 1968Guilty Pleasures: Alcohol; low budget horror flicks; some pretty kinky shitPhobias: Not measuring up to his father; losing control of his body; ValefarWhat They Would Be Famous For: (In)Famous as the Red Light Ripper, killing sex workers in Los Angeles’ seedy districts by the dozensWhat They Would Get Arrested For: Kidnapping, sexual assault, sexual assault against a minor, murder - these were all the charges leveled against him in court that sent him to prisonOC You Ship Them With: Prison/shotOC Most Likely To Murder Them: XaviorFavorite Movie/Book Genre: HorrorLeast Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: I don’t even know man lol Talents and/or Powers: Like all Nocti, Shade can manipulate shadows and, by virtue of his royal blood, has natural reserves of magic within him. Shade has learned to use mind compulsion, but his ability to do so is limited. When possessed by Valefar, his magic abilities increase dramatically - for the worse.Why Someone Might Love Them: Shade is VERY devoted to his son, Noah, and his sister, Mika. Family does mean something to him, even if he is horribly rude and insensitive. And, indeed, Shade is very much a product of his environment rather than being born this way. Why Someone Might Hate Them: Shade has committed a lot of violence against women, from murder to sexual assault, and is generally very unsympathetic to other people. His criminal activities can understandably turn people offHow They Change: Raising Noah taught Shade how to care for others - much of what he does in Silent Oracle and Bloodlines is for Noah. Later, in Sins of Dysfunction, when he is exorcised of Valefar’s soul, his freedom allows him to feel empathy for others and even sacrifice his life for the woman who hated him most. Why You Love Them: He’s an absolute bastard lad who learns to get better by his own gumption

Ash

Full Name: Ash GreysonGender and Sexuality: Male; heterosexualPronouns: He/him/hisEthnicity/Species: French; Hell demonBirthplace and Birthdate: Paris, France; October 8, 1711Guilty Pleasures: Red wine; being the dominant in the bedroom; spending hours and hours just taking care of his many beloved dogsPhobias: Enclosed spaces, due to childhood trauma; losing control of situationsWhat They Would Be Famous For: Ash is the (ex) general of Hell’s armies, so his name is well knownWhat They Would Get Arrested For: Neglect of a child, child abuse, attempted murder, murderOC You Ship Them With: He’s so good with Katerina AND Emily, good thing they’re both canon/shotOC Most Likely To Murder Them: Emily - only someone very close to him could kill him Favorite Movie/Book Genre: Romantic era novelsLeast Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: Ash can’t read about abusive mothers without experiencing anxietyTalents and/or Powers: Ash is the son of a fallen angel and the general of Hell, so he has great magical abilities. They do him best in combat, but he is particularly skilled in magic of the mind. He can manipulate people’s thoughts exceedingly wellWhy Someone Might Love Them: Ash is complex because he is just as much a victim as he was an abuser. Though he does perpetuate the cycle for some time, Ash does break free of it and try to make right the wrongs he’s done. He develops and tries to move past his traumatic past to make amends with his family, whom he loves more than anything. Why Someone Might Hate Them: Ash’s coping methods, for a long time, were very unhealthy and he did hurt many of the people he loved. His grief over Katerina’s death caused him to blame his daughter, Violet, for her passing and he mistreated her her entire childhood for it. He has also had to work through some very homophobic and particularly transphobic beliefs he has held for a long time. His relationship with his son, Peter, is very strained due to his transphobia. How They Change: Ash does love his family very much and he cannot bear to see them hurt, especially when he is the one hurting them. So, by Sins of Dysfunction, Ash works very hard to change the way he interacts with people. Learning to step back, to not control others, and to accept people for who they are. Why You Love Them: Despite being a demon, Ash is very human and he simply wants to be a better person. He has a lot of love to give, but he knows he needs to get well first. 

Peter

Full Name: Peter Alan O’Flynn ( Beyond the Stars era)Gender and Sexuality: Male; heterosexualPronouns: He/him/hisEthnicity/Species: Born a half demon, Peter became an angel after his death. However, a poisonous spell transformed him into a demon, like his father before him.Birthplace and Birthdate: Limerick, Ireland; August 1, 1988Guilty Pleasures: Watching stupid, mindless movies with Sophie; whiskey; playing around with his newly discovered magic Phobias: Being controlled by others; being rejected; food prepared by othersWhat They Would Be Famous For: Peter and the entire O’Flynn clan are very famous as descendants of the angel Israel, the Patron of MankindWhat They Would Get Arrested For: Bar fight/shotOC You Ship Them With: Sophie Roze’liaOC Most Likely To Murder Them: Chaos or LuciferFavorite Movie/Book Genre: Peter LOVES action moviesLeast Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: In his words, “gushy, gooey romances”Talents and/or Powers: Peter is a talented dancer and has spent his time in Heaven training in various forms of combat. Though he naturally has great magical potentiality, he was strongly discouraged from using it by his father. In the future, the magic that he does learn is taught to him by the original Devil himself. Why Someone Might Love Them: Sweet, caring, empathetic, goofy, free spirit, a little rascally, hopeful, pure, valid, has befriended several ancient, very powerful gods that would kill for him/shot Why Someone Might Hate Them: Unless u are Chaos or Lucifer, idk why u would hate Peter/shotHow They Change: As a child and well into his angelic years, Peter struggles with the prospect of being rejected, as his father could not accept that he was transgender for a very long time. Combined with a fear of being controlled against his will, Peter had to overcome severe trust issues and accept himself, even when people he cared about would not. Ailierohn indirectly taught him to see himself as worthy no matter what other people thought. Why You Love Them: He’s A Good Boy Jim

#that's so long but its what i do for the good boy gang #oc: shade #oc: ash #oc: peter #ask #femifaerie #midnight's asks

[considertheturtle]

Alias Grace Reaction: Episode 1

“The difference between ignorant and stupid is that Ignorant can learn.”

I fell in love with Alias Grace, the novel, earlier this year, inspired my love for the Handmaid’s Tale.

The novel is so beautifully written, and as such, despite the fact that it is not a long novel,  it took me nearly a month to finish just because I was hanging on every word, often rereading it to soak it in.

And then, of course, I had to watch the adaptation. So, I thought I’d do another round of life reactions to the show, similar to those I did for Handmaid’s. I’ve already seen AG once, so I already know its fantastic. And I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since. Spoiler alert - Sarah Gadon is amazing. I don’t even have words for the things that woman can convey with the muscles on her face. 

Shall we begin? Cue music…

“And I wonder, how can I be all these different things at once?”

Is it possible that this sentence sums up the series in the first five minutes? So many characters who interface with Grace in this story struggle to put Grace into a neat category. Especially Dr. Jordan. And I have to admit, there were times, especially at the end where I found myself doing so myself. Not as much with Grace, who is far too complex for a category. But with other characters. More on that in future posts.

“I’d rather be a murderess, than a murderer, if those are my only choices.”

I’m struck by two things: One, the continuation of forced choice. Grace has no real choices in this series, only what she is allowed by those who control her. There is one exception, however. Her internal choices she makes remain outside of anyone’s control. And she is quite good at utilizing her intelligence to claim as much control as she can get.

Two, the early introduction to violence with the intercut flashbacks to Nancy’s murder. If we are to believe these are Grace’s own flashbacks prompted by various questions or thoughts  I feel it starts us off believing that she is guilty, for the cuts are crude and lacking in any empathy. But then, that would be putting Grace in a box again. 

Graces experiences in the asylum tear me up.  It was a time when psychology and psychiatry were not about helping patients, but rather learning and investigating, a fascination with the mind. With little respect for those who suffer.

“I’m not a dog, sir.”

And we begin the start of Grace owning Dr. Jordan. He comes in with this mindset of friendly, yet detached investigation. So much of his thinking in the novel is a struggle between all of the feelings he develops hearing about Grace’s life clashing with his belief that he needs to remain detached, unbiased, in order to do his work.

So he comes in with his apple, and his questions, and Grace sees right through it.

“Perhaps I’ll tell you lies.”

Grace’s transparency is at times is unsettling. It also lends to her credibility, despite the fact that she is from her own admission, an unreliable narrator.

“I thought, he wishes to go home and say to himself, I stuck in my thumb and pulled out a plumb, oh what a good boy am I.”

But I will not  be anybody’s plumb.”

I will say it now, and I will continue to say so probably five times each episode, Grace Marks is one of the most intelligent characters I’ve ever read. Also, we are only at the ten-minute mark and there’s already been so much to say.

“There are many dangerous things that take place in a bed.”

At its heart, Alias is a feminist work. Throughout the story, Grace does an excellent job of pointing out many of the differences between men and women. Many things, most men have no concept of, unless they’ve chosen to seek out female perspectives.

Am I a horrible person for being totally into the tension between Grace and Simon? I love so much her unwillingness to play along, to call him out on stupid questions. And his desire to be liked by her. That little segment beginning with ‘more than one way to skin a cat.” Grace is just having none of it. And I want to applaud. Sarah Gadon and Edward Holcroft do a beautiful job developing the tension between them, and the pacing of the dialogue, the quick, sharp tone in which Grace responds to his questions, trying to get under his line of inquiry. As a therapist, I appreciate clients who are as responsive as this. Grace is standing up for herself to say I am not just a subject for your amusement.  I am a person and this is my actual real life you are discussing.

Again, Grace with her transparent thoughts about thinking about pushing one or two of her siblings over the side. It paves the way to acknowledge she may have a violent streak. Or is she merely just being honest about her thoughts. And a realist about her circumstances.

Her poor mother. A woman who never had any agency. In the book, her mother got pregnant young and had no choice but to marry, despite her sister’s advice. And from that point, Grace never knew a time when her mother wasn’t pregnant.

LOL at Grace’s “I did not mean to offend your sensibilities.” Grace is steel. Simon, not so much. 

Yet still, I’m very attracted to him.

Perhaps the loss of her mother, watching her suffer, waking up with her dead beside her on the bed was Grace’s first trauma. Though who knows how many came before that. For a girl who was so young, those are images she’d never forget. Also having to toss her mother off the side of a ship, rather than having a burial. We come to realize Grace’s life is about survival.

That music though. String instruments always get to me.

I wanted to smack Simon when he ignored her comments about queer ideas, showed no empathy after her loss and just asked her to continue. A reminder that at least at this point, Simon is there for scientific purposes, to investigate, not to help. Simon would probably say something very different about himself. But he strikes me as a man on a mission, who fails to notice potential harms he’s causing along the way.

Her father, first of the many trashy men in her life. This leads to the first question, of all the men in this show, who has the most integrity. None of them are perfect (not that anyone is). I’m sure hoping no one votes for her father though because he’s the worst.

Mary Whitney!! “We will be revenged.” Hmmmmmm

“The difference between ignorant and stupid is that Ignorant can learn.”

It is possible that Mary Whitney may be the only true ally Grace will have in her entire life. I love their friendship so much. And seeing the absolute glee Grace feels being around her is such a nice break from all the pain she’s experienced in the past.

“When you write, I feel as if you were drawing on me. Drawing on my skin with the feather-end of an old-fashioned goose pen. As if hundreds of butterflies have settled all over my face and are softly opening and closing their wings.”

Whew, we’ve got some tension there.

“A feeling of being torn open. Not like a body of flesh, it is not painful as such, but like a peach. And not even being torn open, but too ripe and splitting of its own accord. And inside of the peach is a stone.

My take on this quote is the final summation of Grace’s feelings towards her current status with Dr. Jordan. Fascination, heightened sense of awareness, and fear that this dynamic may lead her to open up in ways which reveal things she may not want to reveal about herself. Grace can say what she wants about not caring about what other people think, but Simon laid his cards in the open. As long as she talks (and as long as he remains interested), she is safe from going to the Asylum. So she must talk, but at what cost?

Whew, we reached the end. What a powerful first episode. Margaret Atwood strikes again. It is clear that everyone involved in making this series has done so with such care. I can’t wait for episode two.

#alias grace #grace marks #simon jordan #sarah gadon #edward holcroft #psychology

[emotionalvomit]

Giving Thanks

Today is Thanksgiving. 

Thanksgiving in 2020 seems like complete bullshit, especially with everything going on in the world (e.g. Trump, COVID, the injustices, the racism, the senseless violence and wars, the deaths). Not to mention what I have personally been through  (e.g. my recent breakup of a long-term bf of almost 6 years together, the family drama, not getting that NCI position, and struggling with my identity + path in life). Like what can I possibly be thankful for? 

Obviously with a negative outlook on life, it’s almost impossible to see the silver lining of situations, but I am going to change my perspective and outlook on life. I am going to see 2020 through a positive lens because I am better than remaining bitter, sad, hurt and jaded. 

Lets start with the beginning of my year, 

I turned 25 and celebrated it with all my favourite people in one room, with food that I love and drinks that got me LIT. I always was afraid to throw a party for myself because my birthday is in the beginning of the year, and everyone is trying to pay their debts after Christmas and New Years so I don’t want to add to the stressors, but this year, I wanted to do something fun and I’m so glad I did because I had the best time with the people I love (From family friends, to high school friends, UNI friend, to work friends and everyone in between). I felt my best in January and didn’t realize the shitty situations I would have to endure in the upcoming months, but I claimed 2020 as my year and my year to start over, and I don’t think I was ready for that new beginning, but we out here, still thriving, glowing and learning. I’m incredibly thankful for the beautiful start.

I want to thank God, first and foremost, for being my anchor, my guide, my supporter, my rock, my father, my comforter and my go-to throughout my break and new transition in my life. I can’t lie, it was rough, this break up and going through COVID and the isolation, and not having cuddles and hugs from him or my friends...it was so hard. And God, I’m so thankful and blessed that I was given resiliency as a strength to get me through this breakup and through this new process of growing up. And He still does; He still provides for me, comforts me, teaches me, guides me and loves me through this all. 

I want to thank God for my friends. My support system is A GODSEND. Literally. I don’t know where I’d be without my girls. SPECIAL SHOUTOUT TO Trisha, Kristina, Kass, Vicky, Kristine, Edem, Zoe, Lyss, Willow, Caitlin and Abi <3 These individuals have truly been there for me and shaped who I am as a person. They have truly shown me what friendship, empathy and compassion is like, and I get teary-eyed thinking about what they’ve done for me in terms of helping me get through the breakup and helping me find my strength and confidence again. I AM BLESSED BEYOND BELIEF to have formed and strengthened the bonds with those girls cause I see them as my sisters. 

I also want to thank God for my family. My family recently hasn't been the closest to each other with all the drama, tensions and miscommunications, but personally, I have strengthened and mended my relationships with each family member, even KEIDEN :’) (I love that lil boy!). When I let my family know about my breakup, they've been good on giving me space, providing advice and letting me heal as I please. It’s been rocky, but I’m glad they have shown me love and support. They’re not perfect, but I cherish each of them and I’m grateful to God to have given me a family like them. Special shoutout to my extended family, the Lapenas, esp Daniela + Julia AKA the super human support systems. THEY WERE THERE IN THE EARLY STAGES OF MY BREAKUP aka ONE OF THE FIRST TO KNOW. Their home and presence was a haven for me and a distraction for me, and really helped me during the early healing processes. Daniela + Julia are so wise, gracious and loving and I love them so much, like I can’t even. 

I am grateful to have a job during the COVID19 pandemic, as well as have a job as a nurse! I am so glad I am needed during this crazy time, as well as having a well paying job to support me in my lifestyle (LOL) or in case shit hits the fan, I have a steady cashflow, BUT HEY ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN, but I have something coming in and I’m just grateful I can use the skills and wisdom God gave me to help those in need. I am also grateful for my coworkers, literally my life <3. ELLYBBY, Connie, Angela, Megan, Chanel, Mrunal, Kerrie, Abby, and everyone else on my unit; thank you for personally being there for me and professionally being there for me! I’m so blessed to have you guys on my unit to share laughs with, to share stress with and to work together to help these vulnerable, ill people. 

I’m so so SOOOO grateful for my health. Covid19 almost took the life of my Aunt and Uncle, and took the lives so many globally. I work a high-risk job as a nurse, since I come in contact with sick patients but also potential COVID patients yet  I’m grateful that I’m still standing strong and healthy. Sure, I have hand eczema and onset flared adult acne, but its not as bad as COVID or anything terminal. I also am so thankful for my mental health. During breakups and COVID, it could totally leave a person crazy, depressed or even suicidal. BUT I AM STILL HERE, loving myself, standing strong and firm in my beliefs and myself. 

I have more things and people to mention that I am grateful for, which can also be found in my 5-min Journal, but God, I am so grateful for so many things in my life. I am grateful for this life. I am grateful to live. I am grateful to be here typing on my new MacBook, watching The Hills on my iPad, connected to strong Wifi, on a comfy bed, in comfy clothes, in a warm house with my family within a safe neighbourhood... see, there’s SO MUCH to be thankful for. I am truly blessed and I’m thankful for this awareness. 

Gratitude really does change your perspective and makes you feel good. As Pinterest would put it (LOL), “The act of being thankful is the door that leads to all things beautiful.” And I’m going to keep being grateful cause God really DID THAT, made my life beautiful, in all its flaws and beauty. 

[captainsimagines]

Kill ‘Em With Kindness - PART EIGHTEEN

Bucky Barnes x Reader

You had been detected. You were now on their radar. You are recruited for one mission only. You are trained and put to the test. With your background, everyone realizes it was a mistake recruiting a college student who would soon be faced with the thing that drove her to kill in the first place. 

Warnings: SMUT, SMUT, SMUT; swearing; mentions of death; mentions of blood/injuries; angst; mentions of violence 

Word Count: 4,025

“You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen... I want to ruin you.”

“You’re too late.”

A/N: Yeah, I based the smut around the song “Give It to Me Right” by Melanie Fiona cause I wanted to, don’t judge me. At least we have an actual sex scene with Seb and this song lol, ENJOY!

PART EIGHTEEN 

“Can’t you color inside the fucking lines?” you laughed, tears almost streaming down your cheeks as you threw your head back. Bucky grunted and rolled his eyes, using his fingernail to sweep the excess nail polish from your cuticles. 

“It’s much harder than it looks,” Bucky explained, dipping the brush into the bottle to try and re-do his mistake. You just grinned, watching your boyfriend struggle with such a simple task. 

“I used to do it all the time. I even multitasked,” you teased, shutting your mouth quickly when Bucky looked up and glared. 

“I’m currently holding a weapon. If you don’t stop making fun of me, I will swipe it across your cheek.” He raised the brush momentarily as a warning, smirking when you leaned back slightly. 

“Well, it’s been ten minutes and you’re not even finished with the first coat.”

“Fuck me!” Bucky whined and quickly swiped his nail over his mistake again. The more he messed up, the more you grinned. 

“Maybe later,” you chuckled. 

“Could you, please? I’m afraid my hand and I are too well acquainted.” You choked on your spit and howled, apologizing quickly when your sudden movements caused Bucky to swipe the small brush up to your knuckle. 

“Oh, my god!” You couldn’t contain your laughter. Bucky leaned back and with the same hand he held the brush, rested it over his forehead. He sat back, frozen, and with an exasperated expression. You began laughing much louder and more violently when Bucky’s eyes teared up. 

“I’m too stressed to continue,” Bucky finally spoke, closing the nail polish and throwing it to the other side of the bed. You made sure to hold your hands out in front of you to not smudge the sheets, but what you really wanted to do was roll around the floor. 

“Okay,” you choked out. “We’ll continue later.”

“You’ll continue later. I quit,” Bucky stated, standing from the bed and walking to the bathroom. 

A knock at the door tore you from your laugh attack. You pulled yourself out of bed and opened the door. Steve gave you a small wave before you let him through. 

“Hey, Steve. What’s up?”

“I think he’s ready,” Steve stated. You furrowed your brow but let him continue you. 

“Peter. I think he’s ready to talk to you,” Steve clarified. You nodded and looked to the ceiling. 

“What do I even say?” 

“’I forgive you’. You can start with that,” Steve chuckled, sitting on the edge of your bed. Bucky emerged from the bathroom and glanced at the two of you. 

“Is this about the kid?” Bucky asked, taking your slight nod as an answer. 

“He’s had counseling at school and from a professional here at the compound,” Steve said. “He’s at a weird place in his life right now but-”

“Weirder than having sticky fingers that let you climb walls?” Bucky interjected. Steve rolled his eyes. 

“Says the guy with the metal arm,” you joked, pushing at his shoulder. 

“Yeah, but I don’t lay eggs,” Bucky claimed. Steve waved his hand in front of the two of you to get you to shut up. 

“Anyways...” Steve drawled out. “I think he’s ready to be sat down. That is, if you’re ready, too.”

You bit your lip. Were you ready to face the person who killed your sister? If he hadn’t killed her then you wouldn’t be here. Of course, her death still opened old wounds and finally facing the music wasn’t necessarily the easiest thing to accomplish. 

“I think so,” you said. 

“No, you have to be certain. I care about the both of you and if one of you isn’t entirely ready, then I can’t let it happen.”

You replayed Steve’s words and took them into consideration. A year was long enough to find some forgiveness in your heart. You were never harboring negative feelings toward Peter. In fact, you held both empathy and sympathy for him rather than anger. 

“Is he entirely ready?” 

Steve shrugged his shoulders, “His aunt said it was time.”

You looked at Bucky and Steve, sighing deeply and finally nodding in agreement. 

______

It was eight at night and the compound was becoming quieter. May had convinced Peter to stay at the compound this weekend in hopes that he would reconnect with some of the team besides Steve, Bucky, and Tony. Throughout the year you were away, the three older men were added to Peter’s rock. Steve would continue to train and encourage him. Bucky would guide him through nightmares and tell him stories about the 40s. Tony would help him through the PTSD aspect, making sure he got the proper medication and counseling he needed. 

You sat in the kitchen with a packet of Oreos and two glasses of milk, hoping that the young boy would make an appearance. It wasn’t until eight-thirty that you heard footsteps. You quickly fixed your posture and poured the milk. 

“Oh, who are you?” you asked, staring at the stranger. 

“U-um, I’m a friend of Spider-Man,” the boy stuttered, pulling at the strings of his jacket. He stood there with a thin smile, rocking on his heels. 

“You mean Peter?” you cocked an eyebrow. 

The boy opened and closed his mouth, debating whether or not to reveal his friend’s identity. 

“You do know we’re in the Avengers compound and I already know his real name, right?” 

The boy quickly nodded and glanced at the door when Peter walked through. 

“Ned, I told you that you couldn’t wander around without me,” Peter sighed, glaring at his best friend. Peter cleared his throat when he realized there was someone else in the room. 

“Oh,” Peter whispered. “Um, Y/N, this is Ned. He’s my best friend.”

“This is Y/N?” Ned nearly screamed, covering his mouth after he let the words escape. You chuckled lightly, extending your hand out so Ned could shake it. 

“It is I,” you smiled. 

“It’s nice to meet you. Big fan,” Ned admitted, continuing to shake your hand. “Sorry about your sister.”

Ned realized what he had said when he said it. He bowed his head and mumbled a curse to himself, grabbing Peter’s hand discreetly and giving it small squeeze. 

You sighed, “It’s fine. Thank you.”

The silence was awkward and you glanced at Peter as if you were telling him to clear the room. Peter nodded, whispering something in Ned’s ear that prompted the boy to make for the exit. Now, it was just the two of you. 

“Can we talk?” you asked, sitting back down and pouring the second glass of milk. Peter watched your movements carefully, his mind going a hundred miles a second. 

“Y-Yeah, sure,” Peter agreed, sitting in the stool in front of you and taking a glass of milk for himself. For the first couple of minutes, the two of you sat there and munched on Oreos. No one knew how to begin the conversation. 

“Hey, I’m sorry I murdered your sister.” 

“It’s cool, dude. Friends?”

You decided to speak first. 

“I was never, ever angry with you.”

Peter looked up from his glass. He was confused, to say the least. How could she not be mad? 

“If you hadn’t done what you did, perhaps neither one of us would have made it out alive.”

Peter swallowed his bite and swiped his tongue over his teeth, searching for anything to say that would make amends.

“I’m sorry.” That was all he could deliver, the mere look in your eyes restraining him from saying anything more. 

“I know you are.”

Silence fell between the two of you again, but you were determined to keep the conversation flowing. 

“Lucy was the oldest. After our parents died, she became my motherly figure. All throughout foster care, she would always put me first,” you explained. Peter searched your face, drinking in every word you were saying. 

“When she turned eighteen, she rented this crappy apartment in Queens. Coincidentally,” you chuckled as you saw Peter smile. “She worked two jobs, kept me fed, taught me right from wrong.”

You picked up an Oreo and took a bite. “HYDRA fucked her up.”

“If I hadn’t killed her-”

“Peter, there is no possible way of knowing what could have been. Maybe she could have recovered and lived like Bucky. Maybe her recovery would have been different from his. Maybe I really did lose my sister the day she was kidnapped.” Reaching for his hand, you gripped it and held it as he closed his eyes. 

“I didn’t have to shoot her.”

He was right, you thought. Peter could have webbed her up, he could have thrown her off you- hell, he could have distracted her by speaking. But, he inched towards the extremes, grabbing whatever weapon was near him to finish the job. Wolfgang used to say that guns were the most impersonal weapon of choice. They didn’t involve close contact or feeling, besides the sudden jolt that skimmed through your arms. He’d claim that if a gun was ever used to end a life, it didn’t count. 

That simply wasn’t the truth. Whether a knife, a gun, or your bare hands were the antagonists, someone was still taking their last breath. 

“I can’t argue with that,” you admitted. Peter’s breath hitched but you made sure to make him calm down again. 

“Peter, listen. We all have fucked up. I followed someone in a foreign country to learn how to fight because I was so focused on revenge. I took innocent human lives because I made my bed and had to lie in it. I left for an entire year instead of giving you the closure you desperately needed,” you said, taking a deep breath at the end of your speech. 

“I’m sorry that the day I finally fucked up, you lost your best friend.”

You felt your eyes swell up but before any tears could slip out, you grabbed him by the shoulders and hugged him until the two of you were satisfied. 

_____

“Careful with that! It’s a part of the femur,” you told one of your co-workers. They nodded and left the room, a piece of bone carefully secured in their hands. You let out a breath and went back to your set of bones, pushing them together like a puzzle. Since the skull wasn’t fully constructed, it would take precise knowledge and patience to complete it. For the past week that had been your job. 

“Debbie,” you called, pushing your glasses from the bridge of your nose. “Debbie.”

When she still didn’t reply, you huffed and turned around. The room had cleared out and you were alone again. Turning back to the bones, you sighed. It was a quiet day and only a few people were working. 

“I think I saw her snogging some dude on the third floor,” Bucky quipped, walking into the lab with a brown bag in one hand and flowers in the other. You felt your chest expand pleasantly and you ran up to him, grabbing him by the cheeks and kissing him. 

“What on earth are you doing here?” you asked, pulling off your gloves and throwing them into the trash can. 

“What? I can’t visit my best girl while she’s at work?” Bucky smirked, placing the items on a clear desk. You pushed him slightly and shook your head. 

“You know, you’re not allowed to be in here. You’re compromising the fossils with your presence alone,” you teased, wrapping your arms around Bucky’s neck. 

“We wouldn’t want to do that,” Bucky whispered, bending down and placing his lips on yours for a deep kiss. You pulled him closer and smiled through it, feeling his lips brush against your teeth as you did. 

“Bucky,” you breathed, gasping as Bucky began to trail kisses down your neck. “I’m at work.”

“And?”

“And I can get fired,” you stated in a ‘duh’ kind of tone. You quickly retracted any hesitation or doubts the second Bucky sucked on your sweet spot, making sure to leave a light pink bruise. You moaned loudly, slapping your hand against your mouth once the sound escaped. 

“I want to hear you.” Bucky took your wrist and lowered it, placing your hand on his belt buckle. 

“Bucky, there’s no place to lie on,” you stated, dipping your fingers under his shirt and tracing the indents of his stomach. He did the same to you, except he took his time tracing the slight dip of skin from where your knife wounds had healed. The sensation was great, causing you to tilt your head and allow for more access. 

“You’re leaning on it, doll.”

You gasped and slapped his shoulder, pushing him away slightly because of his suggestion. “Are you crazy?”

“What? Just move them!” Bucky laughed, pointing at the hundreds of broken fossils lying on the table. 

“Thanks, Bucky. You just reminded me that I have to get back to work.” You groaned and turned around, pulling two more gloves from the container beside you. 

“Y/N, they have been dead for thousands of years. I think they can wait another fifteen minutes.”

“I hate you,” you chuckled, bowing your head and thinking of your choices. Bucky interrupted your thoughts when he pressed his hips against your backside, pushing your hair to one side of your shoulder and resumed in devouring your neck. 

“Stop,” you moaned, involuntarily pushing back against him. You blushed at this, closing your eyes and hoping he didn’t feel that.

“Doesn’t seem like you want me to,” Bucky groaned, pushing up against you again and smirking when you whimpered. He breathed near your ear and took your ear lobe in between his front teeth and slightly tugged. You took in a sharp breath and pushed him away harder this time. 

“Okay, fuck it,” you stated, grabbing some gloves and throwing them at Bucky. “You pick these up with such precaution and place them into these bins, okay? You fuck up and I kill you.”

Bucky laughed but followed your directions, copying your actions while also trying to ignore the straining in his jeans. You placed each bone into the correct bins one by one, taking note of the atmosphere in the room. It seemed as if each new bone signaled a spike in temperature. 

When the last bone was placed in the bin and the gloves came off, Bucky threw himself at you and attacked your lips. He pulled your lab coat off and threw it to the other side of the room. Groans filled the room almost instantly as each article of clothing landed on the floor. 

“Wait, wait! I’m going to put on some music so no one can hear us,” you said, breaking away from him once again. Bucky threw his head back and groaned. You plugged in your phone and clicked whatever playlist you found suitable for your current situation. The song’s beat filled the air and you turned it up louder so your co-workers would think you were in full concentration mode. 

“Seems suitable,” Bucky nodded, running up to you and gripping the back of your neck as he kissed you. The beat bounced off the thin walls and masked your silent moans.

“We're gonna get into so much trouble,” you said, tugging at Bucky’s hair and grinning when he grunted loudly. 

“Only if someone catches us,” Bucky responded, popping open the button from your jeans and lowering your zipper. You kicked off your jeans and quickly unbuckled Bucky’s belt. You two stumbled around until you placed your hands behind you, gripping the edge of the metal table. 

“We gotta make this quick,” you gasped, swallowing harshly as Bucky took both of your breasts in his hands. 

“That’s why they call it a ‘quickie’.” And with that, Bucky snapped open your bra and teased you with his wonderful tongue. 

“Fuck,” you said, your voice became raspier. “Bucky.”

“Hmm?” he mumbled, currently occupied. He looked up at you and bit down slightly on your nipple, provoking a choked moan from you. 

“Please.”

He didn’t keep you waiting and instead of teasing any further, he pulled a condom from his pocket and slid his pants down to rest in the middle of his thighs.

“You planned this,” you gawked, gripping him through his boxers and staring at him intensely. Bucky groaned and dipped his head, rutting himself against your hand to relieve some of the strain.

“Trust me, I just got lucky.”

Bucky picked you up only to place you on top of the metal table.  

“Oh, that’s cold,” you squealed. Bucky chuckled and tore off your underwear, spreading your legs wide so he could marvel at what was in between.

“God, I missed you,” he muttered, dipping his thumbs into his waistband and tugging his boxers down to where his jeans resided. He rolled the condom onto his hard length and hissed at the contact, looking up at you through hooded eyelids. 

You licked your lips and nodded, practically begging him to proceed with your stare alone. “I missed you, too.”

With that, Bucky pulled you in for a tender kiss. He hooked his hands underneath your thighs and pulled you to the edge of the table, ignoring the squeaking of the bars. He set you against his hips and lined himself up. 

“What part of a ‘quickie’ don’t you under-” 

You screamed out, your mouth forming the perfect ‘O’ shape. Bucky allowed you to adjust before he pulled out and slammed right back into you. 

“Fuck me, oh my god,” you groaned, wrapping your arms around his neck and into his hair. Each thrust Bucky gave made the table squeak and crack underneath you, the sound of its torment heard in every floor of the building. 

“Shit, Y/N,” Bucky moaned. His eyes were glued to the place you were connected, the sound of your slick walls enough to excite you further. 

“Bucky!” Your nails dug into his shoulders and slid down his back, inciting louder and more frequent whimpers from the man currently dominating you. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Bucky groaned louder. Both your moans weren’t loud enough surpass the noises from the table and the music was only barely masking it. The fear of being caught knocked at your brain.

“Bucky, wait,” you gasped, pushing him away slightly. He stopped immediately, looking up at you with a worried expression. With him still inside of you, you tugged him in for the thousandth forceful kiss and unhooked your legs from around his waist. 

“Get on the floor,” you commanded, smirking at his surprised expression.

“What?”

“Lay on your back. I’m gonna speed this up,” you stated, pushing him away and hopping off the table. Bucky gripped himself in his hand as he watched you dust yourself off. He lowered himself and hissed, the cold floor nipping at his marked up back. 

“Fuck, doll. I don’t think I’ll last long with you like this,” Bucky admitted as he followed your movements. You lowered yourself as well, your knees on either side of his hips and your nipples hardening because of the coldness. 

“That’s the point, doll.” The use of your nickname reversed and used on him had Bucky bucking his hips upwards and whining. 

“Y/N, please,” Bucky whined, gripping your hips and guiding you to his swollen head. You gripped his cock and lowered yourself. A long yet quiet whimper emerged from your chest, the vibrations sent right through you and into Bucky. 

“Fuck, yes,” Bucky sighed in content. You grinned at him, placing your palms on his pecs to help you steady yourself. An experimental roll of the hips had Bucky biting on his bottom lip to the point of drawing blood and so you decided to put him out of his misery. 

“You like that, huh?” you spoke, leaning down and kissing his jaw. Bucky whined and pushed his hips up, slamming into you a couple of times. You moaned like crazy, each thrust hitting you in the right ways and in that spot. Still, you dug your nails into his chest and regained control. 

“What about when I do this?” You pulled your hips up until only the tip was inside and you slammed them back down, creating a delicious rhythm that had the both of you gasping for air.

“Yes, yes! Like that,” Bucky cried, holding your hips so tightly that bruises began to form. The sight excited you further and caused you to bounce faster. Bucky’s face etched the most perfect satisfied and pleased expression. His eyebrows scrunched together, his lips red and swollen, his cheeks pink and heated, his hair a complete mess, and his mouth hanging open as you continued your dance.

“Bucky, shit,” you cried as he matched your speed, slamming his hips up into yours. He was chasing his release while you were chasing yours. 

Bucky dipped his metal fingers to where you were connected, finding your clit and rubbing it in soothing circles. The combination of gentleness and animalistic tactics had you feeling the familiar white knot at the bottom of your stomach. 

“Faster,” you begged, leaning down and ravishing him. Your bodies were pressed together so closely that only the thin line of sweat separated the two of you. The floor dug into your knees but you didn’t care, the craving of your overdue orgasm overwhelming you to the point that it was all you could think about. 

Bucky complied with your commands, rubbing your clit in faster circles until he had you shaking above him. Your thighs clenched and quivered, the feeling of your walls contracting around him causing Bucky’s thighs to do the same. 

“Y/N, yes,” Bucky breathed out, his metal fingers working their magic with no breaks. With one final push, you came around him and with your lips encasing his so he could swallow your moans. Your release had Bucky coming with rough spurts as well. You swallowed his moans and placed your hands near his heart, chuckling at its intense speed. 

“That was amazing,” you breathed out, kissing him softly. Bucky hummed and agreed, relishing the moment. The two of you lay there for a couple minutes before the pain in your knees became unbearable. You groaned as you stood up and you rubbed at your sore knees. You helped Bucky stand as well, laughing as he searched for a place to throw away the condom. Butt-ass naked and blushing like mad, Bucky dashed to the bin labeled “biomedical waste”. You giggled like crazy, picking up the scattered articles of clothing and tossing them to the rightful owner. 

“When did the music stop playing?” you asked, biting your lip with a slight worried expression. Maybe the whole building did hear you two and your attempts at covering it up failed. 

“I think the second you squeezed me like a vice, the song ended.”

You gaped at your boyfriend and threw his shoe at him, laughing when he dodged dramatically. Once you were both dressed and wiped of sweat did the door burst open and Debbie walked through. 

“Is everything okay in here?” she asked, looking at the two of you. 

“I just brought my girl her favorite lunch,” Bucky sang, lifting up the brown bag that you had entirely forgotten about. 

“Yeah, he did just that,” you smiled, clasping your hands together. 

“Lab’s restricted. He’s gonna have to leave,” Debbie mentioned, giving you a slight frown. You nodded, tilting your head to the door. 

Bucky grinned and pulled you in for a small kiss. “See you at home.”

He blew you another kiss with the fingers that were previously practicing sinful motions over your body. You blushed and looked at the floor, hugging your lab coat to your body. 

“You know, this room reeks of sex.”

Debbie’s statement snapped you out of your daze and had you blushing harder. You thought she was going to scold you or even turn you in but what she did next surprised you. Walking up to you casually, she raised her hand in the air and awaited your acceptance of her approval. 

You high-fived her and spent the rest of the day grinning like a hopeless romantic in love. 

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#bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky imagine #bucky #bucky barnes imagines #steve rogers #peter parker #spiderman #kill em with kindness #series #smut

[diaryofanobsessivefangirl]

What Prairie has to say about dehumanization?

Black and white morality is inconsistent with the show's proposal. Besides poor writing, something I know the show was not aiming for, there is clearly a lesson to be learned from the main character, The OA.

Once people who analyse Hap had been "accused" to use his words (There is no evil, nor good) as if they were excuses, not simple understanding of human nature. But how about Prairie's words “It’s not really a measure of mental health to be well-adjusted in a society that’s very sick”?

The scene in which she convinces Betty to help Steve after he crippled a kid shows The OA don’t judge books by their covers. She thinks people who frequently make mistakes are lost, not inherently evil. She responds with kindness and compassion to them because violence is not a specific person, but a decease: you don’t cure it by spreading more. Society as a whole is very apologetic to brutality and the well-adjusted portion of it often excludes the other portion as lost causes, which is a brutality on it’s own. The OA sees the nuance.

If you look at the characters with the same black and white prism Hap has been looking at, Steve is doomed. He hasn’t done a selfless thing yet to compensate the violence he has inflicted, except join the others to stop the slaughter in school. Which was motivated not only by saving others, but also himself, so can we really greet him so many points? For the guy that sells drugs, uses his dog to attack people, cripples a kid and does nothing not self-serving for an entire season? Am I being too simplistic and not presenting the character in all it's layers? My point exactly.

We shouldn’t give him cookies for a good action first bc it doesn’t erase a bad one. Second, because the matter here ins’t to number the actions that redeem against those that condemn him. The matter is seeing the human in him capable of both.

This is why the fandom is open to Steve. Not because he did helpful, sacrificing things. They like him because he shows vulnerabilities and explanations why he is that way. Hap does this too, but the label of "villain" and affecting characters personally loved by the fandom makes it hard for them to recognize there is a troubled person behind the monster.

Betty: "I'm here to teach the kids that want to learn, the kids that have a desire to better themselves."

Implying individuals we frequently perceive as evil are not trying, maybe in their own twisted way, to improve themselves and their situation.

Prairie: “If you want to do your job, expel the bully. Focus on the kid who sings like an angel even though he doesn't need you. If you want to be a teacher, teach Steve. He's the boy you can help become a man. He's the one you lost. He's your first reason."

The OA tells us that the heroes, the ones who already got everything worked out? They don't need our help. They don't need understanding of their flaws, if these even exist to begin with. If they lose track, they won't be too far to figure it out again. But the bad guy? He is a mistake to himself and he is our own. He is our mistake from the moment we see him as nothing more than an annoyance in the life of decent citizens. Showing empathy to them is the real challenge of trying to be good.

Society treats lack of compassion as a badge of honor. Sets up limits such as “If you do this or believe in that, I don’t have any empathy for you. You can just die” to make compassion a whole lot easier then it actually is. Compassion is not a pleasing act that makes you look all-forgiving and divine. It’s hard, some people won’t even get it and call you naive, but it’s necessary.

It’s not forgiving and it’s not forgetting. Compassion is to recognize even in your enemy a person that has a history, acts upon values and believes that they think as valid, and wants to love and be loved back. They are not harmful for the LOLs of it.

"He's lost and in order to find him, you'd have to teach yourself again, and you decided somewhere along the way that you were done learning. It's too painful to stay open. Well, I think we all face the same hopelessness, Mrs."

This fandom hates Hap senselessly, but the problem is not Hap. The problem is all of us, suffering from the same need to dehumanize everyone standing in our way or the way of people were attached to.

To finish: "I don't give a crap where the violence comes from and why. I don't want it in my school."

Need I say more? This is what most of the fandom do ("I don't want it in my fandom" LOL). They close the door to a character's complexity to defend their favorites bc the people who hurt them can only be The Worst. Notice how Betty describes Steve with only negativeness: "a disruptive, violent, and frankly, terrible student" Would she describe him again like that after getting to know him better?

My point here is not that Steve is bad or Hap is good. My point is that maybe there is no such a thing as good and bad people.

There is only people, the hope they will do better, and the tragedy when they don’t.

#The OA #Hunter Hap #Prairie Johnson #Steve Winchell #Following the discourse it wasn't the show's intention that you would boo Hap