#that everyone is fucking struggling

[veveisveryuncool]

remembering that one q&a with maddie blaustien aka early meowth.. she has the most correct opinions ever actually

i'm sure this has been done before but au where meowth gets custody of togepi in s1 ep52

#maddie blaustien was a gift upon this earth #i say pikachu would also be a contender in wanting to keep togepi like just look at Pokemon Resort #hes got that “EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP THE BABYS SLEEPING” vibes #meowth eventually goes “yeah ok we can share” and the TRio get togepi on weekdays and the ash gang gets togepi on weekends #togepi is the resident TR baby in all future series and pikachu hates it (especially after the unova arc) #TRio still has to give togepi back every saturday to ash so he can give her to misty for the weekend #then they just “kidnap” togepi back on monday #pokemon #anipoke #team rocket #togepi #meowth #pikachu #they are exes to me #in the forever struggle of not knowing when to tag the ship #the tag is very barren fuck it im putting it in there #krazyshipping #veves ultra cool art

[lazylittledragon]

i might actually write this i'm not even joking

#art #concept art #queer #trans #idk i want trans kids to know it doesn't have to be scary #because being 15 fucking sucks for everyone but being trans on top of it is just an extra layer of nope #i think i just want to see trans kids going through The Teenage Experience where the struggle has nothing to do with being trans

[chirpsythismorning]

Can we talk about how Jonathan might've been able to clock Mike simply because of what happened with him and Nancy in season two?

This will be a long post, so you might want to strap in or save it for later.

In Will and Mike's case, it would obviously be much different from Jonathan and Nancy's situation, given that you know, they're gay. But we still have Jonathan arguably going through a similar experience as Will, while Mike is going through a similar experience as Nancy.

In s2, we see Nancy confront Jonathan about how she waited for him before getting back with Steve, which is a revelation to him. Then they're at Murray's and she's struggling to say she loves Steve, after a handful of moments between them that felt like she might return Jonathan’s feelings. And you can clearly see it in his eyes, listening to Murray imply that they have feelings for each other, with him looking back and forth sort of in awe of what's happening, like he's starting to question if she might actually like him back.

Will doesn't have that same affordance as Jonathan to really hope, at least not anymore. Which is why these relationships in s2 and s4 end differently for these two brothers.

Based on all the signs he was seeing that Nancy felt the same, Jonathan decided to take the plunge to admit to Nancy how he felt, and at that same moment Nancy had the courage to show how she felt. In Will and Mike's case, Will wasn't ready to take the plunge to admit to Mike how he felt, at the same moment Mike didn't have the courage to show how he felt.

What's so painfully hilarious to me about all of this though, is that Jonathan arguably starts the season in the same shoes as most of the audience, where from his perspective, it's becoming obvious to him now that Will like's Mike, but that Mike does not feel the same way.

First at Rink-O-Mania, Mike appears a little uncomfortable upon hugging Will. Then as the happy couple continues on their adventure into Rink-O-Mania, he watches Will lagging behind moping. And then unfortunately he's out of commission for the rest of the evening...

But once he's sober and back to being an attentive brother the following morning, we see him watching them at breakfast, with Mike barely sparing Will a glance, all while Will is blatantly staring, almost like he's waiting for Mike to look back, only for Mike to get up and walk away.

All of these instances gotta be SCREAMING unrequited gay love to Jonathan. He's already gotten signs for years that Will is gay, these are now just the signs that are instilling his suspicions that Will has feelings for Mike. He could have easily interpreted their relationship in the early seasons as young best friends, with Will seeming to have a crush on Mike, and with them growing up and that potentially including Will's straight friend distancing himself from him because he doesn't feel the same. It's not the most unexpected thing in the world considering.

But then there's a shift.

Suddenly he's creeping up on them talking in his room. And we know he was listening in on the conversation because he brings up Owens when he sits down. As he's eavesdropping, he's probably thinking something innocent like Aww they're making up! And like, hey! Even if Mike doesn't feel the same, which is okay and entirely expected honestly, at least he still cares about Will enough to make things right after acting so out of character. Still, I'm not gonna lie, that sounded a lot like flirting to me--

Then he's knocking on Will's door like 30 minutes or less later only to find Mike and Will back on their bullshit. Mike suddenly isn't going out of his way to ignore or put Will on the back burner. In fact, he's on his bed and they're talking, again! The door is even closed this time, which is interesting. This has gotta be a good sign in Jon's eyes. Nothing to worry about! Right? Right...?

But then suddenly this shift continues, going in a direction he probably didn't expect.

I mean, this is literally an identical jancy parallel we have here with byler on the hood of the car, with Jonathan right there to witness it. Despite him maybe only now subconsciously picking up on the similarities between Will and Mike to him and Nancy here, he's at least taking note (I mean he's even got his gay map out and everything).

It isn't until the van scene happens, that I think Jonathan starts to genuinely consider his suspicions, which is that Mike might actually like Will back.

EVERY time we get a shot of Jonathan looking back at Will and Mike in the van, followed by a shot of his POV from the rearview mirror, we're faced with Mike looking at Will while Will is looking away.

As Jonathan is hearing Will confirm his suspicions about his feelings for Mike, he's simultaneously witnessing Mike not looking at Will with disgust, but something more akin to reverence. All of those moments in the van that we witnessed, including all the ways Mike looked at Will and everything that was said, Jonathan was right there.

And what's even more insane about this scene, is that it circles back to Jonathan as a character himself.

I remember when people were talking about how odd it was that we never saw Jonathan with a camera in s4. After 3 seasons in a row of making his passion for photography a big part of his identity, that part of him was apparently absent entirely this time around... But was it really?

This is the same guy that said, "Sometimes, people don't really say what they're really thinking. But you capture the right moment, it says more."

Jonathan might not have had his camera in s4, but this was without a doubt one of those moments where he captured something more.

Something that I also think get's highly overlooked about this scene, especially when it comes to Jonathan looking back at them, being followed by a shot of Mike staring at Will, is that he could see both of their reactions the whole time, from beginning to end. Will nor the audience had the affordance of knowing because Will was facing the other way at the end, while we on the other-hand were blurred from even having the chance, despite Mike literally being in the frame. But not Jonathan. He even lets us see what he sees, a few times, but not at the very end, which would have been nice after they didn't let us see Mike's reaction seconds before this.

Let's just stop right there for a second though and circle back to what I consider to be the first time Jonathan really picked up on Will's feelings for Mike, which was at the end of s3, in a sequence that is a little too relevant to the van scene if you ask me, given that they are almost direct parallels.

While these parallels are pretty spot on visually, they are also near spot on narratively when it comes to the evolution each of these characters are experiencing.

For Will in the first scene, it's sadness that he's moving away from his friends in Hawkins and also feeling like he's losing Mike, after what looks like him and El making up, which makes him scared he'll distance himself again. For Jonathan, it's sympathy for his brother who appears to have some very deep feelings for his friend, feelings he can't quite grasp yet but soon enough will.

For Will in the second scene, it's heartbreak that he has to accept that Mike will never feel the same, knowing that supporting his relationship with El (encouraging it honestly) will likely turn out just as it did last time, with him losing Mike all over again, for the last time. For Jonathan it's sympathy for his brother who has now confirmed his suspicions that the feelings he has for Mike are more than just that of a friend.

Given that this parallel reinforces the same feelings Will and Jonathan had in s3 to now, why would this not also reinforce those same feelings that Mike had in s3 to now?

In the first scene, Mike was visibly distraught, with dialogue from Hopper in the background applying a little too perfectly with what he was feeling in that moment, which was scared. He’s apparently back together with El now, despite them doing just fine as friends for the last 3 months, as well as him and Will just having finally gone back to them being on good terms again. But now, it’s like he’s right back where he started at the beginning of s3, feeling obligated to be the perfect boyfriend to El, and as a result, having no choice in his eyes but to distance himself from Will. Mike then walks into his house looking like a zombie, almost emotionless stepping into his mother's embrace.

Now, I say almost emotionless because it looks like Mike was trying to hold back showing how he truly felt in this moment. He's not crying like he did in s1 when he lost Will that first time. Time has passed and things have changed (he doesn't want things to change). And he's trying his best to keep it together. But the in-focus close-ups make it clear that he is definitely not okay.

What's so impactful about these parallels is that it presents the inner struggle both of these characters are having, both queer and experiencing doubts, but in different ways and for different reasons.

Will is the one who covers it all up with lies, hiding the tears in his eyes, because boys don't cry.

Mike is the one who has never cried to them, just to his soul (RUN AWAY! TURN AWAY! RUN AWAY! TURN AWAY! RUN AWAY!!!).

If you actually try to get a gage on Mike's in-focus emotions in that first scene vs. his out-of-focus emotions in that second scene, well they're not that far off from each other.

We go from Mike smiling vibrantly at Will, to him now slowly turning away to look back down at the painting, with whatever the hell emotion this is...

It's near impossible to catch because of how out-of-focus it is, but looking a lot closer, it honestly appears like Mike is feeling something akin to sadness that he's trying to mask. For a moment it even looks like he turns his head to wince emotionally, only to correct himself.

And call me crazy, but these shots also low-key parallel each other. Mike looking down trying to keep his emotions in check and failing miserably, only to look up and meet eyes with someone whose witnessing it.

With each shot before this of Jonathan observing Mike looking at Will, with him showing all the emotions Will never got to see and everything else in between, I wonder what Jon saw this time? Probably another thing he didn't expect.

Can you just try to imagine the silence in this van, accompanied by Will's muffled sobs, and then try to imagine Mike turning to look down at the painting, only to sneak a glance, and then go right back to looking at the painting, IN SILENCE, and then try to tell me how the assumption that Mike didn’t notice Will crying makes any sense, like realistically?

Yeah me and Jonathan are confused too.

Right now, Jonathan's probably wondering why Mike was acting a little fruity and repressed during the painting reveal. And that although he may have a penchant for being able to 'capture the right moment', Mike is sticking with his story (despite all the stalling and doubt). He is 100% straight!

And so maybe this is where Jonathan tries to accept what is being presented to him as the truth, despite the contradictions in front of him. It's likely that despite the way Mike looks at Will and acts around him, in ways he would have assumed coming from Nancy in s2 would've been evidence that she felt the same, it probably doesn't apply to Mike.

Maybe Jonathan's ready to accept that it's a lot more likely Will is experiencing unrequited love as a gay kid growing up in a small town, the most predictable experience a gay kid could go through, and in contrast Mike just feels too bad to let Will down easy.

Or who knows, maybe Mike could still be a little bit gay too...

But it doesn't matter anyways. Mike seems to be adamant about this and so there's really nothing else Jonathan can he do besides tell his brother he'll be there for him no matter what. And so he does just that.

But then Mike just has to surprise him one last time.

For those that don't know, the line Mike gives here in his monologue was in part pulled from Will's monologue in the van. Most don't know this because this line didn't make the final cut for the van scene, but in the official script the writers posted, what we find is an almost a direct parallel.

Which makes the reaction shots of Will and Jonathan directly after Mike says this all the more epic.

From Will's end he was probably hearing Mike say this and just thinking 'Damn. Well, that's what you get for using your feelings to inspire Mike to profess his love to El.'

But from Jonathan's end, I don't think his outside POV of these events overlapping was nearly as naive as his brothers understanding of the events. Because why the fuck would Mike need to use Will's feelings to inspire him to profess his love to El in the first place? Is this what Mike has been struggling with? Really? Why before every moment Mike takes action in this scene, is Will's hand literally pushing him into it? Why is Mike being so dramatic about saying I love you, stuttering and rambling about her being a superhero, not saying nearly as meaningful of things as what Will said in the van?

And then it hits him.

Mike is reminding him a little too much of another Wheeler right now...

Nancy Wheeler, who was afraid of what would happen if she accepted herself for who she really was, leading her to retreat back to the safety of Steve. Because Nancy liked Steve, but she didn't love Steve.

And now here is Mike Wheeler, who has went from being incredibly distant with Will after reuniting with El, something that is very unlike the Mike he knew in previous seasons, to something more himself again after they make up, with him looking at Will with adoration after hearing his words in the van, only to turn away and look heartbroken. Mike who is now struggling to simply tell El he loves her with Will right behind him literally yelling at him to do it.

And now it's like all those little moments are starting to add up to Jonathan.

Suddenly all those signs he picked up on from Will when he was younger are now blending in with moments Will shared with Mike. It was Mike who jumped in after him and his mom's speech to Will in the shed in s2, with tears in his eyes recalling the day that they met (without being asked, let alone pushed to). And it's Mike who is now looking like he's at war with himself as he attempts to give encouragement to El, just like he did with Will in s2, but this time he needs someone to push him to do it, and that person just so happens to be Will. After just finding out about Will's feelings and also while assuming El wants him to love her that way still, Mike is stuck.

I don't think it's takes a genius to consider Jonathan is capable of realizing how fucked they all are in this situation.

As much as Mike isn't ready for a sleuth of reasons, Will isn't ready either.

This provides a huge contrast between the bylers ², because while Jonathan and Nancy went through a similar experience to Will and Mike, them being ready to accept it and act on it didn't involve nearly as many factors and risks. Will and Mike also have the added barrier that is homophobia.

Will's internalized homophobia lies in part with assuming Mike could never feel the same based on some of the words he said in their last two fights, with parts being painfully reminiscent of the things his dad and bullies used to say about him. These are also words that contradict Mike's own words and actions from the previous seasons, things that did once give Will hope. The shame and guilt that comes with falling for your best friend, who you now know will never feel the same after being foolish enough to believe it not too long ago, and who might not even want to be your friend anymore upon finding out the truth, is understandable. He can't have hope like Jonathan can. It's just not the same.

Mike's internalized homophobia lies with assuming El wants him to love her, along with their relationship being expected and socially acceptable from everyone around him. Though unfortunately for her he feels abundantly more in love in the moments he shares with Will. Despite trying to make it work with El as hard as he could, because she's amazing and all any guy could hope for in a girlfriend, he can't ignore the fact that the feelings he has for these two people are different. The shame and guilt that comes with you, a boy, falling for your best friend, who is also a boy, and who is starting to show that he feels the same, all while you can't muster up the courage to break up with your girlfriend, nor can you muster up the courage to tell her that you love her, not when she's begging you, dying or even just simply at the end of a letter, is pretty understandable too. He can't have hope like Nancy can. It's just not the same.

Spoiler: They were not ready.

PS: I'm still not over the fact that they low-key confirmed these events elsewhere in the story...

#byler #st analysis #pocketgate #lettergate #i'm aware this is a hot (big brain) take #but i'm like 76% sure mike understood will in the van scene #also why mike is gonna finally be dealing with some personal business in s5... #just want to add that this makes the scene at Nina hit harder #also #mike trying and failing to tell el he loves her or break up with her at surfer boy and stalling because he just can't fucking do either? #mike's face when will pushes him to profess his love to el right in front of him??? #honestly i dont think mike would've gone through with his monologue if he didn't think this is what el wanted in large part #i think he thought that if he did break up with her she wouldn't need him at all anymore #or more specifically if told her the truth she might hate him for it and just not want to be in his life in the aftermath of that #this is why he struggled so much with being honest #it was either lie and suffer but get to keep her in his life most likely or tell her the truth and potentially lose her and still suffer #it's just that now he has literally no choice but to conform and be with her all while knowing it's not what his heart truly wants #the heart not being true to himself jumpstarted the apocalypse #everyone act surprised #byler getting jonathan’d in s5 can be something so personal #no but imagine jon getting even more signals mike feels the same 😭 #and he tries to talk to will about it but will just gets upset like pls stop why are you saying this? #or imagine him talking about it subtly with Nancy and her being like no way #only to see it for herself #maybe then Nancy would try to talk to Mike about how he’s feeling #idk I could genuinely see byler just getting byler’d individually #but it’s clear at this point Jonathan is extremely suspicious #honestly all I think it would take is him having intel about their previous fights #if he found out mike defended his behavior by insisting that they’re friends… #jonathan would just be like… oh shit.. the first lie…

[biitchyberry]

One more thing

Anya is not a gifted kid and you losers need to accept this. She’s for the troubled kids. Shoo. Go away.

#‘omg Anya has gifted kid burnout when she’s aged up’ no the fuck she does not #like you are literally missing one of the points of the story #that she isn’t academically gifted and has to work really hard to pass #and that’s okay #to erase all of that because yall can’t relate is frankly insulting #not everyone is academically smart and that’s okay #and they don’t need to be #your au’s would have so more depth if Anya continued to struggle and people around her accepted and accommodated her #but yall only have one vision of neurodivergencey in yalls head #anya forger #anya is not a gifted kid #spy x family

[stuckinapril]

how do some people just go about their day without crippling anxiety?? that lifestyle is so beyond me i cannot even conceptualize it. i have to hype myself up to do even the simplest shit

#had a meeting w a prof today and was actively hyping myself up while walking to his office LMAO #side note but bc of tumblr’s demographic & the general vibes here I assume everyone around me irl struggles w the same underlying anxiety #(which is not true) #but it’s wild whenever I meet people who don’t give a fuck #or I should say simply don’t have anxiety bc anxiety is not always a choice/mindset #it’s just like. how do u exist?? without affirmations I’d be NOTHING #p

[puppypeter]

I very rarely think about storylines for royjamie after richmond (because it breaks my heart a little to think of anyone of the team leaving) but like it's possible that jamie would choose to stay with richmond his whole career, it's also possible that the people at richmond itself would push for him to play for *insert the name of whatever other european football team is considered the best* and he becomes a proper super star, being invited for fancy events and shit.

(In a made up world where Ted stayed in London) Roy and Jamie got together while at richmond and now Roy travels with him everywhere as his own personal coach / PA / secret boyfriend / man behind the camera of every instagram post / personal grumpy cat / number one fan / emotional support teddy bear / personal chef etc He loves being with him 24/7 and finds it fulfilling to still be involved with football and helping someone be the best they can be but without the added pressure of having to constantly step outside his comfort zone that he'd have experienced being a manager to a whole team (he's doing good with being vulnerable with Jamie, he can do it with one person that he loves and he is still going to therapy for himself to work through his own trauma/CEN/grief and is focusing on learning to be in his skin as a human being and not this fucked up idea of masculinity he's got in his head) And Roy has a private instagram account under a random username where he follows and is followed only by the richmond team/coaches/Rebecca/Higgins + Keely + Georgie & Simon + his sister and he only uses it to post pictures of food, nature, weird shit he finds in the cities they visit, and his fit boyfriend. Since it's friends only he does use captions ("the muppet had a late night last night" with a picture of Jamie asleep on the floor) and all the himbos love to comment, especially Dani's "Sexy muchachos #JOY" under every single picture.

"night out post Milan fashion week with the muppet and some lovely faces i have missed"

"one handsome dressed-up muppet in Paris"

"Elopement fit check #MyMuppet" (which sends everyone in a melt down) Here's some pics of Roy that Jamie posts instead (in his photo dumps to be sneaky but there's really a lot of roy on his profile - also they 100% got a puppy!!). Also think the proper first post containing only Roy that Jamie would post would be after they elope and it would melt down the internet (the in-universe royjamie rpf-ers especially)

(the last one is such a slutty roy pic *cough cough*)

"Roy Kent always remains 💙🪢" (somebody feel free to make an actual ig posts edit of this with better pics/captions if you fancy I will do nothing but cry and thank you forever because I have no skills but I cannot stop thinking about these muppets getting married!!)

#I chose that outfit for jamie for them eloping because i fucking love it!!! #everyone would be fucking furious #but they'll have a proper wedding later #also very aware that this wouldn't happen because roy would never live so far from his sister and phoebe #but one can imagine most of the travelling happening off season maybe? or him travelling back and forth #maybe the muppet plays for a team not too far from London? (Paris?) #and they still have their London home and get back as much as they can because that's their forever home and they miss all their friends/fa #*family #royjamie #roy x jamie #jamieroy #jamie x roy #I need Brett to do more photoshoots cause I was really struggling to find a good fancy suit pic of him with no other people/background

[rojekte]

seeing people's takes about the whole watcher situation is just a bit.... mind-boggling.

i think the apology they posted was good in the sense that they admitted to fucking up and walked back on their decision, and i think the model they've settled on now is a lot more reasonable (having content be released earlier for those who choose to subscribe), but like.... that doesn't mean that no one should've ever been mad at them in the first place???

like seriously, why does it seem like people are looking at a "good" apology and thinking "huh! they sure did apologize well! i guess that means that it was ridiculous for people to be mad in the first place! no one should have ever complained!!". if no one complained, they wouldnt have walked back their decision! they would've kept going with their dumb completely paywalled option!

and thats not even getting into the fact that their financial woes seem to come from completely mismanaging their money - hiring people when they can not afford to and spending more money on "high quality productions" when they cant afford to.... these are core issues that im not sure will be completely fixed by this? but idk.

also, this situation i think has really helped my own self come to terms with the fact that i do not enjoy many aspects of their content. i sorta already knew that considering i can not remember the last ghost files video i watched because i find that shit incredibly boring and overproduced, and even things like too many spirits have become a chore to watch bc they decided to extend the Not That Funny drink making portion when i just wanna hear some funny spooky stories.

anyway i guess my ultimate point here is: im glad they acknowledged they fucked up, but i also am not sure how interested i am in their content anymore in the first place. oh well

#watcher #i still personally dont know if i would call them 'greedy' for their original choice #for the record: i dont think the three of them are struggling at all lmao #they clearly are living pretty well off #but i do think that watcher as a company really has been struggling bc of their awful business decisions #so i DO think they needed to change SOMETHING #its just.... yknow maybe next time just fucking ask ur audience about the routes ur considering taking #rather than just surprising everyone with a 'whoops! its all paywalled now!!' #im really not sure how to articulate my feelings bc i just constantly feel confused at the way i see others act online #like seeing people yell at others for being 'too parasocial' in the sense of people feeling betrayed and upset by their choices #when those same people are being incredibly parasocial themselves by defending these three like their lives depend on it #these are not starving artists. they are the owners of a business. a ceo. i think its fair for ppl to critique them in that sense #and to point out things like hiring more staff than they can afford #and spending more money on production than is arguably necessary #even if it is part of their 'artistic vision'

[manygreetingsfriend]

i’m sooooooo normal about the god of war series. so incredibly normal i liked it a normal amount and would be so chill talking about it. don’t worry about the sign

#god of war #i’m so so so so so normal about it it’s so whatever it’s so haha you know #something something when it comes to yourself you’ll let yourself drown before you change. you’ll die before you change who you’ve become #to survive this long #up to and until it affects the ones you’ve come to love in this life you’ve made for yourself and you suddenly have no choice but to change #it’s fine it’s ok it’s chill. everyone does this. #it’s becoming a parent and loving your child so much you HAVE to change. you HAVE to be better #we MUST be better. than they were. #who’s they. our parents. the gods that come before us. yes. #i’m screaming i’m crying i’m wasting away im disintegrating. there’s no coming back there no return #you are on your knees. you are gripping your son’s shoulders like they’re the only thing keeping you tethered to the earth. #you are struggling with who you are and who you want to become. you are promising to be better. #i’m so normal about parent(al figures) taking responsibility for their actions and choosing to do better #i’m not high enough to really express what’s going on here. can you feel it? can you fucking feel it? #this series has destroyed me. #dad of boy. dad(s) of boy. i will never be the same (affectionate) #can’t remember the last time i finished a series and went ‘oh well i’ve GOT to play it again Now That I Know’ #AND I HAVENT EVEN TALKED ABOUT THE BROTHER HULDRA!!!!!!!!! #sindri’s face. has not left my memory #i’m dying scoob #gow #gowr

[a-wondering-thought]

TW SH

"Oh they only self-harm for attention"

Ok first of all fuck off, its none of your business why anyone self-harms, second of all So what if they do sh for attention? Is that not incredibly concerning to you? Like do you think if they are sh-ing for attention then maybe they are struggling just as much as anyone else who self-harms? Like is that still somehow not really worrying that they are sh-ing at all?

#literally fuck off #tw sh related #im so tired of people acting like sh-ing for attention is something to be joked about or to make people feel shameful about sh-ing #like personally i dont ever want anyone to know about my sh but that doesnt mean my sh is “better” then someone who does it for attention #no sh is “better” or “worse” then others #everyone is struggling and circumstance doesnt mean whether you are struggling or not #im so done with this shit #vi screams into the void

[lightningidle]

Fig's line "I don't think I'm an artist, I think I'm just a good friend" has not left my head at all. Just...

You're Fig Faeth and your horns came in over the summer and you pick up the bard class as a form of adolescent rock 'n' roll rebellion, and it works! It's exactly the outlet you need! You give a guy you just met drumsticks and you start a band and it's good enough that within a year and a half you're touring. You are, in every sense, good at being a bard.

And then, finally, your junior year, you start to take it seriously. Your art goes from an outlet and a form of rebellion to a practice. A discipline. (Can rebellion exist within a discipline?) Your classmates know what they want to do with their work. They all have a thesis statement. And yeah, there's cohesion in the music you make, but you've never had to think about why you make it. You've never sat down and dissected what it is about bass that speaks to you. You've never poured over your lyrics to pick at any deeper meaning. Why should you? You don't play music for a grand design, you do it to... huh, why do you do it?

(Your art is the one form of self-expression that feels as safe as Disguise Self does, because even if you're pouring your heart onto the page and then screaming it in front of thousands of people, it's not like you're really making yourself known. You can sing I'm lonely, I'm scared, I'm furious, and your fans will sing it right back, and there will still be the distance between performer and audience to keep your heart safe.)

Now you're being asked to look inward to explain the artistic choices you're making, and you can't help but recoil at that, because you'd rather do anything than look inward. Meanwhile, your classmates have no problem with it, so you start to wonder if you're a real artist at all. Can your art be authentic if it only exists to bolster a thesis statement? Has your art been unauthentic this whole time because you've never really thought about a thesis statement before? Is that what makes it art, and not just the next track on somebody's teen angst playlist?

You can't think about yourself— acknowledging your own existence makes you want to puke. So if your music is an extension of yourself, (and it is, even if it's just because the spotlight reveals only what you want it to,) you can't think about your music. You can't. You have to. Your grade depends on it.

You're Fig Faeth, and you keep multiclassing because you'd rather be a good friend than a great artist. If introspection is what great art demands, then fuck it. You must not be a bard at all.

#Dimension 20 #fig faeth #fhjy #Idle Chatter #my last two years of college were when I started to get more and more nauseous about my own art #because I wasn't being taught how to make the art I wanted to make #the whole curriculum's focus was on gallery art #which infuriated me! I wanted to make art that didn't have to involve twelve layers of meaning and metaphor to be considered good!! #so I drove myself into the ground time and again trying to make (miserable) work that I thought would fit the criteria of a Real Artist #anyway it's been 4 years and I'm just now picking at why I don't enjoy creating anymore so Fig's whole arc has hit home in a major way #ALSO. AAAAALSO. THE ADHD STRUGGLE WE SEE WITH BOTH FIG AND KRISTEN. LOVING SOMETHING BUT STILL STRUGGLING WITH FOLLOW THROUGH #BEING TOLD YOU'RE NOT DOING ENOUGH WHEN IT'S SO FUCKING HARD JUST TO GET WHERE EVERYONE ELSE IS AND NOT UNDERSTANDING WHY IT'S HARD FOR YOU #it was easy and now that the rubber's hit the road it's hard for you but not for others so it must be YOU that's the problem #you must be lazy or stupid or just not suited to this after all even though it's part of a pattern that has been happening all your life #if you were good enough or cared enough then surely the discipline would come easily to you! the way it comes easily to all your classmates #SCREAMS I gotta stop before I write a second essay in the tags. I'm so normal you can trust me to be normal about D&D characters

[dimonds456]

It is not okay to speculate whether or not someone is suicidal. If they claim to be, you should 100% take that shit seriously and give them the benefit of the doubt.

That said, if someone is using their own suicidality as a weapon to gain sympathy, emotionally manipulate someone, or to push other people down, GENUINELY fuck that person. While it's not okay for us to doubt that statement just because they're weaponizing it, that also doesn't mean we need to ALLOW that manipulation to convince us of something.

If you feel the need to use your terrible mental health as a step-stool in a conversation to make your side more heard than the other, you need to take a step back and re-evaluate yourself. And I am saying this as someone who ALSO has shit mental health and has been in the trenches with it before. I get it. I understand. But also STOP.

It's tempting to want to save your own ass over recognizing where you've gone wrong, but just a word of advise: recognizing where you've gone wrong WILL save your ass and give you better mental health and wisdom down the line.

However, emotionally manipulating people absolutely will not.

#suicide mention #tw sui ment #tw suicide #suicide tw #tw sui #tw sui talk #james somerton #k with all that out of the way i do wanna say that this is a response to james' apology #im honestly glad he deleted the vid and also that he's going to genuinely get into a better place #that is GOOD #i mean this genuinely i hope he gets better #but also the fact that he opened the video with an emotional guilt-trip is something i have just been wanting to talk about for a long time #it's manipulation 101 #if you wanna tell your audience you're struggling with mental health that's one thing but not in a fucking apology video #and if you do need to mention it DONT MAKE IT THE VERY FIRST THING YOU SAY #that's such a shitty thing to do #what you need to do is apologize to everyone FIRST and say everything you need to say #and THEN bring that up #but even then i'd disclaim the shit out of it and make sure everyone knows it's not a guilt trip it's just true #but like. at the end of the day dragging your own mental health into an apology is a double-edged sword #tjhat really just depends on the situation #like i said i genuinely hope he gets better #but it's not just him doing this shit. i've seen like 3 cases of this shit in just the past few months #i guess james is just my excuse to finally say something about it

[moomoorare]

Every day is so emotionally draining I don't know where to turn to. I'm gonna keep drawing. And. What I'll see it'll be, I don't have the strength to reach out to look for even more awful topics after Everything that is happening with the world, online and my own life. Believe the victims. That's all I'll say

#its something new every day. always something bad. #like genuinely ive been struggling and while I'd love to. do. more. i cant even force myself to think about things too much because I'll #break down and my mental helth is already fucked up. sorry? idk what to say just. I'll be here i guess. but im taking steps back from the #tragedies and awful actions happening #i wanna chill im here to chill #idk #take care everyone dont push yourselves<3 #rare rambling

[parlerenfleurs]

Starting to think, going by the MXTX fandoms, that a lot of people are comfortable with being a bit terrible and not thriving for an ideal whatsoever, because they really really reeaaally want to believe Xue Yang and Jiang Cheng are poor cuties who weren't lucky and the heroes are a bunch of holier-than-thou arrogant bitches who need to be taken down a peg when the text says the opposite, because then it justifies their own faults and hatred of genuinely awesome people who seem to have it better in life and isn't that sooo unfair and isn't it fair that they should suffer to learn what it's like to suffer like them, poor tortured, petty, flawed humans who see themselves in the villains rather than the heroes.

#Bloom talks #I'm out of patience with people who have decided not to be better and won't take any responsibility for it #oh but I suffer so~ #newsflash asshole most people struggle horribly at some point or another and yet some of us decide to be good #and also some of us are indeed gifted and impressive and it is something to be celebrated and yes admired on occasion #I love a good gifted person #who shines bright and leads an amazing life #the Wei Wuxians of the world are a treasure #you want to love Jiang Cheng because you feel you are like him and want to be loved? #I don't know man have you TRIED not being an asshole? people have an easier time loving you if you try you know? #you don't have to adopt it as your whole identity and make it everyone else's problem #so fucking tired of seeing people not even try #IT'S FINE TO BE CLEAR to relate to Jiang Cheng and be an asshole inside #we all are a little bit of an asshole inside!! #just stoop pretending he's actually good and Wei WuXian is bad! #yes I'm talking about a general thing with this very specific thing yes #mxtx #mdzs

[shima-draws]

#SOMEONE put a GODDAMN H*talia post on my dash and OF COURSE. #My brain IMMEDIATELY jumps to one of the few good things to come out of the fandom #That being the game that makes me cry like a LITTLE BITCH #It's about the struggle. The knowledge that everything will be reset anyway. #The fact that Ita has to make friends with everyone #Again and again and again and AGAIN #And watch them die again and again and again and AGAIN #He's so numb to it that nobody even notices. He pretends to act normal but he's not NOTHING IS NORMAL #Clenches my fists #Fuck. #And Ludwig building a safety room over the course of a thousand resets. And Kiku getting visions. #And Gil hearing voices. And Lovi showing up for the FIRST TIME after so many loops #And Arthur going BLIND and Alfred being FRUSTRATED ABOUT IT AHGHGHGHHG #And the monster getting stronger and stronger and STRONGER #Lies down #I need to replay it actually. Probably. #HetaOni #Hetalia #Shima speaks

[casart]

Meds don’t work for everyone. And sometimes it’s trial and error to find the right ones. But for me, mine helped me see colour again after everything had become so grey

#casart #rainbow #happy pills #antidepressants #anxiety pills #reminder to take your meds<3 #it's not a fix-all #it just makes days more manageable #old art but eh it's mental health awareness day so! #be aware! everyone is a little fucked up♡ #i still struggle severely w my mental health but baby steps are still steps♡

[adhbabey]

i think like. so much would be solved if we normalized the fact that some people do experience delusions and hallucinations. like yes, its something that those people need help with/need more accommodations for, but we could use being more understanding of people with psychotic symptoms in general.

like, i can tell you that at least one person raving about conspiracy theories is someone who experiences delusions, and if we understood that, we wouldn't have such a hard time getting them back to a more grounded perspective.

i am someone who experiences delusions and I do get incredibly triggered by all the unreality bullshit, the simulation theories, all that unreal bullshit, and it is actively negatively impacting people like me.

we could really use a better understanding of those with these symptoms, because acting like having hallucinations/delusions makes you a killer is a take that makes zero sense. Like, genuinely, you have no idea what you're talking about if that's where you immediately go. I can point out a bunch of shit discussing the darkness of humanity and that logic applies to anyone, regardless of mental illness. Delusions and hallucinations don't mean you'll act on anything, it just means that your brain is creating false images or thoughts, and that can get really fucking confusing.

We could use a little more empathy or compassion towards those with these symptoms, because obviously this shit isn't going away for us, just like other disabled people dealing with their disabilities. We are not idiots or monsters, our brain just gives us random false shit sometimes and it really fucking sucks. Be more understanding or I'll telepathically insert false shit into your brain one day, y'all should see the nightmare that some of us have to deal with.

#babey posts #actually delusional #delusions #hallucinations #schizo spectrum #actually psychotic #psychosis #paranoia #hypervigilance #honestly if i wasnt aware of my paranoia. id probably believe a lot of the conspiracy theories out there because of it #like that shit is so strong it makes me feel like everyone's out to get me #and i know they're not! my delusions are just delusions #but for some people. they struggle to tell about that sort of thing and i dont fucking blame them #and we should be more accommodating of people who experience symptoms like this in general #i can handle unreality to an extent. but there's some people who can't handle it at all. #be more respectful and understanding and dont trigger people for fun