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#that he's actually CONSCIOUS of how he's being bad and he's STILL DOING IT
lenaellsi · 22 hours
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after my latest rewatch I am even more convinced that crowley really doesn't have the intense self-loathing issues he's commonly depicted with. like he has some regrets and bad memories and insecurities like everyone does, and he's under an insane amount of stress basically always, but he's very confident in who he is. he's not particularly happy about being a demon, but that isn't the same thing as hating himself for it. he hates hell, not himself.
like. he’s not upset about being called one of “the bad guys” because he agrees, he’s upset because he knows aziraphale is wrong, and because this is evidence that aziraphale still believes in a philosophy that has divided them since even before his fall. he has never once considered himself less than aziraphale or any other angel. I think it's clear that he's pretty offended by that implication, actually!
“crawly” as a name is too squirming-at-your-feet-ish for him because he knows who he is, and he sees value in that person. his depression and his worrying relationship with his own life and safety come from his feelings on god and predestination, not from self-loathing. crowley does not believe in the system. he doesn’t believe in the idea that people are purely good or evil, and he’s sure enough of himself to know that he's not either. that's why he's able to make the choices he does. he's able to act in the gray spaces between heaven and hell (see: job, the flood, the "virtues of poverty," armageddon, etc etc) because he is confident enough to make those decisions without worrying about what the powers that be say about what's "right" and "wrong."
that doesn’t mean that he’s not self-conscious. he’s very concerned with what humans think of him, what aziraphale thinks of him, and (out of self-preservation) what hell thinks of him. he hides his eyes and puts on a cool, flashy persona to hide the more vulnerable parts of himself. I think everyone does that, to a degree, but it's especially obvious in crowley because of how it manifests in his glasses. he's been burned (literally) before, and he knows better than to show weakness when he could be hurt like that again.
and re: the "I never meant to fall" thing--he's upset about being a demon, yeah, because the fall sounds like it sucked, and his job tortures him when he's Good or just Bad in the wrong way, and he's deeply lonely, and the love of his life has a complex about their relationship, and he's trapped in a system where he has to blindly follow one of two nearly-identical sets of bullshit morality rules or be executed. but again, he's mad at god, heaven, and hell for all of that. I'm sure he's angry at himself for all sorts of reasons often enough, because crowley is generally a pretty angry person, but he doesn't hate himself in any sort of existential "I am an unlovable monster" way.
maybe sometimes he regrets falling. maybe sometimes he thinks it would be easier if he never did. maybe sometimes he hates his fucking line manager and wishes he could do any other job for a while. but no part of crowley thinks that he is any worse of a person after the fall, or any less worthy of aziraphale's company. he just thinks aziraphale thinks that, because of the amount of times aziraphale has told him so.
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lesbianchemicalplant · 9 months
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icanseethefuture333 · 2 months
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PAC: What your pretty self needs to hear for Valentine's Day ♡
Your heart's message to you + a message from your secret admirer 💌
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They say the truth ain't pretty, but coming from that pretty mouth
The truth is fitting, cause you ain't ever talkin' loud
And you know plenty
Yeah, you know what I'm talkin' about
Cause you just get me
Yeah, you so pretty... ♡
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Pile 1:
Your heart's message to you:
Shufflemancy -
Girl by Destiny's Child
Far by SZA
I MISS YOU SO BAD by iKON
The Lovers, Seven of Cups, & Three of Cups
So what your heart wishes to tell to you is that there is still love out there. You may have previously gotten over an ex, a past crush, or you are in the process of recovering from a break up. In the song "Far" SZA asks Sadhguru how to deal with rejection, in which he responds, "That's great! If nobody wants you then you're free." You have to look on the bright side of things. You also have to know what your worth is. No one else can define your worth but you. You have to be secure with who you are as a person. No one can love the parts you need to heal from. Once you feel fulfilled with who you are as a person. That is when you can form healthy connection with others. I believe you still are hoping for you and this person to get back together but you are hurting yourself even more by obsessing over this person (was going to say focus but instead I heard obsess). Reflect on your current situation and ask yourself, "What wound is this person triggering in me?". What do you need to move on from? To take care of your heart you should do some self reflection. Journaling and shadow work would help provide some clarity. Your heart asks you to not fall back into old habits. Self love is important for your growth, pile 1!
Your secret admirer's message to you:
Shufflemancy -
Time To Love by Red Velvet
Changes by Jeff Bernat
I Think I'm Falling by KOHH
Wallflower, New Love, & Union
There is a new love coming in for you! This person could be shy and likes to admire you from afar. They could be self conscious about some things about themselves as well. The feelings seem to be mutual here. There could be a new crush that you like and wish to speak to, but are to nervous to ask them out of fear of rejection. Don't fret! Confessing your feelings helps build courage. If the person rejects you, then that just means there isnsomeone else better out there for you. It is not the end of the world just because you got rejected. Have a little more confidence in yourself, you are great, pile 1! Regardless, I see you and this secret admirer actually being intimate. Things could develop into something more serious with this union card. So make sure to be open to this energy and give them a chance at love ♡
Pile 2:
Your heart's message to you:
Shufflemancy -
Mine by Slayyyter
ANTIFRAGILE by LE SSERAFIM
Post To Be by Omarion ft. Chris Brown & Jhené Aiko
Four of Cups, Eight of Wands, & The Fool
Your heart does not want to be tied down at the moment! I believe it has plenty of love to give lol. You also have no problem with turning people down or vice versa. You are looking for a fling and just wish to have a casual relationship! You could have a lot of options in love and would like to explore things romantically, maybe even sexually. Your heart suggests that you focus on your happiness and learn what pleases you. Love does not always have to be serious. Sometimes short lived romances have the best stories to tell! You will be feeling very confident and sexy in your romantic endeavors.
Your secret admirer's message to you:
Shufflemancy -
Boys Wanna Be Her by Peaches
No Flex Zone by Rae Sremmurd
STUCK IN MY HEAD by Twice
Open Relationship, Mature Woman, & Fun Times
This secret admirer of yours is honestly hilarious 😭. I kept getting meme songs and I hs to shuffle again to get a proper message. This could be my queer pile as well 🏳️‍🌈. I'm getting Renee Rapp vibes from your secret admirer, Pile 2 😋. They could suit the 'girl crush' aesthetic or if it is someone who identifies as masculine, they have a very pretty face. They are open minded, flirtatious, and exciting to be around. This person wishes to tell you that you are stuck in their head! They find you to be "so fine" 😜! They would like take you out soon. I'm getting it will be a bar date or they will take you dancing at a night club.
Pile 3:
Your heart's message to you:
Shufflemancy -
More Than Enough by Alina Baraz
Bluffin by Brent Faiyaz
Mona Lisa by Naji ft. Monter Booker
Death, Six of Swords, & Six of Pentacles
Oh, pile 3, bless your heart 🥹. You are someone who has such a kind, gentle heart. You have the purest intentions and for that people can tell how geniune you are as a person. You could be selfless and caring towards others. You have so much love to give that it is obvious to others. I don't see any bitterness in your heart and I feel like your heart wishes to tell you how proud it is of you for being able to find forgiveness. You are leaning to let go of the people who have hurt you in the past. The essence of your spirit is so soft and it's very beautiful to witness. Your heart's message to you is that anyone would be lucky to have you in their life. So don't ever feel like you are not enough because you're more than that. You are this cup that is overflowing with love and sincerity.
Your secret admirer's message to you:
Shufflemancy -
At Your Best (You Are Loved) by Aaliyah
Freaky Deaky by Tyga ft. Doja Cat
LOVE by Kendrick Lamar ft. Zacari
Dating, True Love, & True Gem
Your secret admirer absolutely adores you, pile 3. They see your value as a person and they know that there is no one else like you in this world. You have so much love to give and they do as well. I am getting that they want to literally treat you like a princess/princess - just overall royalty. Their have geniune intentions as well and they would like to spoil you this Valentine's day ❤. (Channeled song: Kiss It Better by Rihanna 💋) for a few of you, you and your specific person could be separated. I see that things will turn out for the better soon. So have faith in yourself and in this person for things to work out. They could offer you some sort of proposal, love offer, or a token of their gratitude to show how much they love you. I see things would be passionate, flirty, and romantic for you and your secret admirer 🎆.
Pile 4:
Your heart's message to you:
Shufflemancy -
Green Light by Beyoncé
Standing Next To You by Jungkook
God of Music by SEVENTEEN
Two of Pentacles, Page of Wands, & The Magician
You are such an optimistic person, pile 4! You could be someone who often gives advice to others and help others look on the bright side of things. You radiate such positive energy and it makes you a joy to be around. You could be someone who knows what they want and goes after it. You know how to balance your heart with your brain. Intuitive but also logical. People wonder how you are able to turn your ideas into reality. Your heart's message to you is to keep going after your goals and not let anyone distract you from your dreams. As long as you are happy that is all that matters. Your heart also wishes to tell you that whatever makes you light up inside is meant for you. Whatever your heart is set on whether that's a new job, house, etc. You have the ability to manifest whatever you desire.
Your secret admirer's message to you:
Shufflemancy -
Phone Me by Che Ecru
Novacane by Frank Ocean
Own It by Drake
Passion, Friendship, & Communication
For some of you, you could be currently in a "situationship" or have a FWB with someone. While for others, your secret admirer is possibly a friend of yours. This person is conflicted on how to approach you. You may receive a text or phone call from them soon where they ask you about your relationship with another. They could ask you how you feel about them or drop hints that they are attracted to you. The ball is in your park, pile 4, if you decide to be more than just friends with this person.
Pile 5:
Your heart's message to you:
Shufflemancy -
Girl Like Me by Alexa Demie
Fulfillment? By Kilo Kish
Baddie by IVE
Eight of Cups, Two of Cups, & Seven of Swords
I am getting like "manic pixie dream girl" vibes from you, Pile 2. Something about you is hard to pin point to others. Mysterious but also so enchanting. You know you are someone who is complex but also so beautiful. You have these interesting quirks that makes you stand out and memorable to others. You are comfortable with who you as a person and it could have took you a long time to get to a place of being this self assured. You could have a child like wonder as well and it is admirable to others. You could be questioning what direction to take in life and could find "adulting" very hard but don't give up, pile 5! Everything will be okay in the end. Your heart's message to you is to learn what gives you emotional fulfillment in life. Also to not take shit from no one. What's interesting is your face could look quite sweet but you are actually feisty and have a firey spirit. There is a duality to your personality and its attractive. I am getting like Song Jia, Alexa Demie, Wonyoung, & Taylor Russell vibes from you, pile 5. Your heart wants you to embrace your confidence and focus on the abundance in your future. Do not let people drag you down and dim your light. Your heart believes it is time for some self pampering. Set your standards high in love and know that you are deserving of everything you desire. I also believe it is time to burn bridges with people who no longer serve you. How can you live the life of your dreams if other people only acknowledge the version of yourself that no longer resonates with you? If you wish to be the girl of your dreams, you have to learn to put yourself first.
Your secret admirer's message to you:
Shufflemancy -
Lilith by Halsey
Ditto by NewJeans
High Fashion by Roddy Rich ft. Mustard
Triangle, Travel, & Spiritual Growth
What is this Single's Inferno?! You have options, pile 5. You could have more than one secret admirer. You could be observing your current options in love and feeling "Well! Let the best person win☺️!" I see people wanting to fly you out and pay for your trips, oh my🫠. One of the people you will date could be popular or have a well known social status. You give people butterflies and some of you may know what affect you have on people, while some of you are innocent to the fact. You could receive love confessions or you may even already have. I feel like you are the type of person who receives love letters, jewelry, candies, and box of chocolates, if not you are going to be spoiled for this Valentine's day! You could meet your secret admirer(s) while traveling or when going on vacation. Your secret admirer's message to you is that they "like you" and hoping you feel the same 💕. They want to understand your love language and words of affirmations / gift giving could be one of their love languages in particular.
Pile 6:
Your heart's message to you:
Shufflemancy -
Rose by Miyeon
Honey Dew by Lion Babe
Chanel by TiaCorine
King of Pentacles, Five of Wands, & Queen of Cups
I feel like you are at odds with your heart and brain right now, pile 6. You seem to feel confused about a decision you have to make. I believe you could think things are "sweeter" in other people's lives but that is not necessarily true. I know sometimes we can want what other people have but if it gets to the point of comparing yourselves to others then its not healthy. You have to remember to be grateful for what you have in life. It's okay to want the finer things, but what are you overlooking when you are doing that? Your heart's message to you is to not worry about what other people are doing in life and instead focus on what makes you great of a person. You are just as lovable, sweet, and beautiful.
Your secret admirer's message to you:
Shufflemancy -
Congratulations by Mac Miller ft. Bilal
Little Things by Sunni Colón
Aura by Mariah The Scientist
Work, Money, & Long Distance
I believe you and this person are already in a relationship. If not, your secret admirer will be the next person you end up in a romantic relationship with. This person could live further away from you and has a high paying job. They prefer to take on a traditional role of a provider. This person could have a hard time discussing their feelings though and shows their love through acts of services. While you, I feel you are more of an emotional person. You both could have a hard time expressing your feelings and thoughts properly to each other, which would cause conflict. Things might be tense for Valentine's Day. You and your secret admirer could have strong feelings for each other, but there needs to be an important conversation had in order for this relationship to progress. Both of you could be disheartened by this but there's hope! Try to appreciate the little things in your relationship and not focus on being the "perfect couple", for that does not exist. Every relationship has its flaws and all that matters is that you and you partner love each other very much. If it's meant to be, it will be, it won't be something you have to force, it'll come naturally.
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toji-girl · 26 days
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i actually think i have a problem - i have a serious lactation kink like idk why 😭 i was wondering if you could possibly write a toji x reader w lactation kink and literally anything else you’d like to add 🥹
- 🩰
toji and lactation kink go hand in hand so ofc! I gotcha also the idea of letting him do that is so sensual and intimate and just skhnsjkhsr!! I want him so bad.
tags: 18+ only content - mdni + fem reader + lactation kink + you're mamaguro + Megumi is a newborn + this has no smut in it actually lmao but I enjoyed writing this either way - if you want smut just lmk for sure 😏😏
Any time you heard any baby, and not just your son wail at the top of their new lungs your shirt would become a soaking mess, the high-pitched cries were enough to have you flustered and embarrassed.
It couldn't be helped though.
Breastfeeding a very hungry baby is a full-time job.
Also, having a husband who was curious about it as well seemed to be a part-time job, he'd watch Megumi suckle from your breast until he fell asleep completely milk-drunk. "Is it sweet?" He questioned from the other side of the room wanting to know what it tasted like.
At first, it was just a curiosity thing then it slowly turned into a burning need that he couldn't get out of his head, and a few times he's helped massage your breast to help with a clogged duct.
"Ya know I love how much bigger these have gotten," Toji murmured one evening when the both of you had some downtime while Megumi slept in his room down the hallway, large palms cupping your breasts feeling the milk start to bead on your nipples, and through the shirt soaking the fabric.
You narrowed your eyes at him and rolled them playfully. "I thought you liked them before?" You asked feeling a little self-conscious after giving birth which was something your husband knew about.
"I love every inch of you doll, you just gave birth to our son, you're badass." He murmured moving in closer to you, his words were an attempt to soothe any worries you have and it helped a little.
He nudged at your side almost like a dog before slipping his hands up your shirt. "Megumi won't be awake for a while, if you keep doing that I'm going to have to pump." You whined softly when he used the advantage of how huge his shirt was on you to poke his head underneath it and kiss your stomach slowly.
"Let me help then," Toji murmured causing you to pull the neck away to look at him still hidden under the shirt, his hot breath fanned over your breast that he inched closer to, the milk dripping down your sides making you wet and sticky. He watched as you nodded slowly.
You knew it would help so you let him latch onto your nipple drawing the bud into his mouth gently making you hiss with relief when he began to suck drawing the milk out. "Gentle! They feel like chew toys for our son." You hummed and rubbed his back groaning softly.
It didn't take him long for him to switch to your other breast, his bulge becoming prominent as he slid one arm under your back to tug you closer to him. "Feel any better?" Toji asked when he pulled away licking his lips and pulling his head out from under your shirt.
"A lot....thank you." You looked at him a little shy making him chuckle and wipe his mouth before he kissed you and let you curl into his side ready to fall into a deep sleep after being awake for so long.
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redr0sewrites · 2 months
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Aftercare Hcs with Lucifer <3
i wanted to write sum for him to start off my entrance into the hazbin fic writers fandom ajdjdjdj-
🥀 Cw: none, mentions of previous sex, fluff, lucifer being whipped and sleepy
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lucifer is most definitely WHIPPED for you, no matter how long the two of you have been together he is the type to fall HARD
this transfers into aftercare, but also affection with him in general
he is especially clingy after sex, he wants all of your praise and attention~ who are u to refuse?
i feel like lucifer is the type to definitely prioritize cuddles and physical contact over cleaning up, he doesn't care how messy the bed is as long as he gets to be held by u!!
you often have to carry him to the bath while hes half asleep, he'll pout and whine about how hes "perfectly fine"
"do we haaavee to get up?"
"darling, do you want to sleep in your own cum?"
"...fine"
lucifer would absolutely feel bad about leaving the entire mess for u to clean up and will always offer to assist u
mind u, he can barely stand upright from exhaustion and hes covered in bites and bruises and soaked in sweat and... fluids
join him in the bath after cleaning up, you two have a giant bath that can fit the both of you (perks of being rich) that often leads to another softer round of sex or just sweet cuddles and massages
SPEAKING OF MASSAGES!!!!! HE WILL TOTALLY GIVE U MASSAGES WHEN YOU JOIN HIM, ALONG WITH WASHING YOUR BACK AND HAIR ETC
wash his wings, he will melt
praise him, tell him how good he was for you and how good he made you feel, it may not seem huge on your end but bc of how self conscious he is it definitely boosts his ego
once you both actually get to bed, his favorite cuddling position is either spooning, or just laying beside you with his arms (and wing) draped over you as your both pressed as close to eachother as possible. he loves when your faces are super close together too, so he can press soft kisses to your lips or boop your noses together
speaking of spooning, he will be little or big spoon! i hc him as a switch, so the same way he'll top or bottom in bed, lucifer is def down for being held and cuddled or holding you!!
lucifer is the type to enjoy soft chatter as you two drift to sleep, he loves getting to ramble to you about his latest rubber duck or his day or anything he wants, while you enjoy listening to him and admiring him while he slowly drifts off
he asks the weirdest questions after sex, especially when it was very intimate. hes def gonna ask u if u would still love him as a worm and then turn into a worm for good measure
"duckie, if you were an ant monarch, and you got to name your own ant hill, what would you name it?"
"...."
all the while, lucifer is just smiling this big goofy grin, watching you with lidded eyes and soaking in the warmth of getting to be with you
he just loves the fact that hes yours, that the two of you get to share these intimate moments together and that you both care for eachother so much
he falls asleep mid sentence too, it's actually really cute
"and then, *yawn*, i said.... like.... mhm... "
"goodnight luci~"
AUGHWHEHEEEHEHHEHEHEHEUEHEHEHEGEHESUAHAIEJEGEJEH
the soul ascending love i have for him and hazbin hotel is not normal i swear. expect more soon and please, for the love of all things good and holy, send in reqs im begging 👹
also sorry this is so shit i was gonna make this a full scenario but decided it was more fun as hcs bUUUUT i can do a scenario if yall want- i live to please
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groguspicklejar · 4 months
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part 6 of medieval ghoap x reader
warnings: angst by the bucketloads, deception, anxiety, brief mentions of Simon's abusive upbringing, reader is fearful, blood, implied murder, themes of forced prostitution, elements of sexual violence and trauma, fluff.
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"let me see.” she gently angles your head so she can take a better look at it under the candlelight. "that's quite a nasty bruise."
the healer’s gaze had focused on the mark on your cheek before her thumb grazed the cut on your lip. you sat stiffly on the king’s bed as the elder woman examined your wounds and tended to them as best as she could.
though you suspect she only handled you with the utmost care because Ghost was hovering nearby, watching her every move or listening to what she says because he doesn’t trust that she would be kind to you. of course, you know this is true because she has tended to some of the men and women in the harem and she wasn’t nearly as gentle as she was with them as she is now. she never failed to voice her dislike for the “common whores” in this castle.
for once, you appreciated Ghost’s presence.
she spares you one last look after she was done, she gives the king and the knight a bow before she leaves. at the very least, you can now breathe easier without feeling like someone might curse you for your existence. well… almost.
you’ll take the healer’s disapproving glare over Ghost’s scowl any hour of the day.
in the meantime, you were kept in the king's chambers. the wounds on your face didn't look too bad anymore. less swollen now. hopefully, there won't be a scar.
you doubt you'd earn a good coin with a marred face. men don't ever like broken little things, even though they often cause the damage.
"it'll heal, bonnie. don't ye worry." the king plucks the small mirror from your grasp and puts it away before he pulls you onto his lap. "right, Si?"
Ghost doesn’t answer him. instead, he walks over to sit down next to you and the king. his dark armour, all sharp edges and hard steel contrasting against the soft sheets. a testament to what he is; a warrior, a conduit of death.
you try not to bristle as he settles so close when you're sitting on his beloved. it's not usually out of his own volition too, so that is yet another thing you're conscious of. you hate how it churns your stomach, the thought of instigating his rage by being anywhere near the king while he watches.
“is there anything you need, love?” he asks.
and for a moment, you are momentarily stunned that he even cares enough to inquire.
yes, you do need a lot of things, actually. safe passage back to your aunt’s manor, for one. though you’re not certain that the king would even agree to that. let alone allow not one, but two of her best saddles to leave.
you’ll continue working on that as time goes on.
“Madam Victoria has something of mine.” the king rubs your back, trying to soothe you. “a letter.”
"a letter." Ghost muses, tilting his head. "from who?"
you still feel the sting on your cheek. too often, you've faced Victoria's wrath. it comes back to haunt you in this quiet moment, making it exceedingly difficult not to squirm on the king's lap.
"my aunt." you quietly said, gaze casting off to the side. "she lives far from here, but... she's the only family i have left."
you miss her. dearly. you haven't seen her in so long but you still remember the warmth of her voice. it was the same as your mother's.
you don't try to shift away when the king holds you a little tighter. "the letter she sent had arrived two days ago and..."
and you have yet to read it, to hold it in your hands. you miss the scent of her perfume. of a home long lost to you. a home you're trying to return to.
"was Victoria the one who hurt you?" it's the king who asks.
your eyes shift to him, blinking rapidly to try and simmer back the tears.
"no, it was her guard and—" you nearly choke when you remember the sting, but you take a breath and continue. "well, i'd like to have my letter, please... if that's not too much to ask."
you want to crawl into a dark hole and stay there for all eternity when the silence falls on their end. when they look at you like... like... you don't know.
you hate it. you don't want to be looked at anymore.
"alright." Ghost concedes, nodding softly. "alright, i'll speak to that old hag."
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you were alone in the tub of steaming water, contemplating the events that had led you here.
Victoria had ordered you to come to her study, where she had cornered you and confronted you about your aunt's letters. you weren't surprised that she read them. she reads everyone's letters. no respect for privacy and whatnot but you had grown used to it and you had nothing to hide.
but she was furious that you were planning to leave. why?
"you have the king's favour." she hissed. "you can't leave."
frankly, you wouldn't call it favour. a fleeting interest, more like. soon, he'll tire of you and discard you like the rest. the only reason he's kept you around this long is because Ghost wouldn't let him have you, which only deepened his desire for what was denied of him.
it's nothing more than that. and you don't doubt that desire won't fizzle out like water under the weight of the sun on a hot summer's day. it is simply a matter of time. you were only trying to secure the only future you could once that came to pass.
unfortunately, Victoria didn't care. she was far too concerned with making more of a profit out of your labour.
you didn't much appreciate that. and you did voice you objections to that. she didn't take it well. neither did her guards. he backhanded you for standing up to Victoria like that, for speaking out of turn. the metal on his knuckles hurt and cut your lip. you had fell down from the impact.
"are ye sure the water's not too hot?" the king asks, eyes brimming with concern. he can barely dip his fingers in the water's without wincing.
"it's fine." you rest your chin on your knees, ignoring the sore bruise on the left one. you hugged your legs, eyes drifting away from him. "i like it this way."
it usually helps to scrub off the disgusting feeling of men's touch on your skin. you felt better after a hot bath. not as clean as you'd like to be after fulfilling your duties with some entitled lord, but the scorching water leaving your skin raw made you feel less filthy.
you cling to that feeling now more than ever. Victoria tends to have that effect. she was just as vile as the men she catered to. which is why you cannot stay here for much longer.
since the king picked you, you never had to sleep with another man. the incident with Graves had granted you some protection and your responsibilities only shifted to the king and his knight only.
once the king's vested interest in you wanes, you'll be forced to going back to serving the other lords again. and you can't have that. you're too exhausted, too weak to go back to that life again. it'll break you this time. you can't go back to that again.
you won't. you won't—
"bonnie." your eyes fluttered open, blurry gaze shifting to him.
you hadn't realized the prickle in the corners of your eyes. the king had knelt next to the tub, his hand grasping the back of your neck.
"what's wrong?" it's a plea. "tell me."
the storm in his blue eyes calls to your heart. you want it to whisk you away, far from here. far from this castle, this madness.
but he's a man. he's always had a choice, a freedom he'll always take for granted. a freedom you might never reach, even with the tips of your fingers. he wouldn't understand.
you don't have the words, nor the energy to make him understand the agony of the things you've been forced to do. so you do what you only been taught to do.
feign a smile, despite how frail, despite the tightness in your chest, and say, "it's nothing, your majesty."
you don't know what he finds when he takes a moment to look at you. though it feels more like he's looking through you. it's easier not to ask.
but there's something in his gaze, something in the way he frowns and the way his shoulders drop slightly. something akin to disappointment, almost a quiet... grief.
what could he possibly be grieving?
instead of pushing for your honesty, he relents and gives you his own smile. just as artificial, though softer. "how about a cup of tea to soothe yer nerves?"
you don't say no to that.
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Simon sat opposite from Madam Victoria with her desk being the only thing separating the two. her study was quite large. books lined the walls and a low flame burned in the fireplace opposite them.
the pointed ends of his metallic claws lazily tapped on the wooden table from pinkie to index, slowly taunting her with the noise echoing through the deafening silence of her chambers. she watched his gauntlet move with a vested interest in staying away from it.
her two guards stand sentinel behind her, silver armour polished and shiny, limbs tense and poised for an attack. good. the weight of Ghost's presence had better crush them for what they did.
although her appearance seemed neat, she struggled to hide her terror. Ghost glimpses the sweat lining her forehead, the wrinkles around her wicked eyes straining. she looks paler than usual.
good.
"where's the letter, Victoria?"
Ghost nearly smiles when she jerks at his words. it's a small comfort, a small retribution for the way you often flinch around him and Johnny. he thinks of your fear, barely restrained behind tight smiles, curtsies, clasped hands and a lowered gaze, he thinks of how you shy away from Johnny's touch when he seeks it out, how your voice has remained quiet ever since they met you.
how afraid you were when you were faced with his ire, so ready to remove yourself from Johnny's side if only to be spared of any consequences.
all thanks to this wretched hag sitting in front of him.
the horrors you must've endured under her 'care'... Ghost's fist clenched before he could even think about it.
"so she sent you to retrieve it..." she says as she pulls an envelope from the drawer in her desk. "i thought you didn't like her."
"what i like is none of your concern." he snatches the letter from her, relishing the way her hands quickly retract from his metal claw as if it'll snatch them instead.
if she's not careful with her words, he just might. the guards shift, only slightly, cautious of his movements. he wants to laugh at them.
the envelope has already been opened, its red seal broken. his metal claws scratch the paper, testing the texture of it. "and was this worth slapping her across the face?"
"i didn't do that." she quickly spoke before her expression shifted to that similar to disdain. "and she's planning to leave." he stiffens. his eyes heated and dark quickly shifting to meet her gaze. "she and another one of those filthy whores."
leave?
something in his chest seizes uncomfortably. the words in his throat lodge there. his eyes lock on the letter. he suddenly wants to read it. to see if it's true.
no—
he shouldn't want that. he can't be selfish. it's only warranted your fear. your privacy has been violated enough. it wouldn't be right. but...
the thought of you leaving...
believe me, if i h—had a choice in the matter, i—i wouldn't be here.
had you actually meant what you said that day? and if so, how far away would you be? just how far? so far neither he nor Johnny could reach you?
how far, sweet girl? how far would you be?
"no one would want them." Victoria hisses, drawing his attention away from the paper, her face marred with a rage that tinted her cheeks red. "they're better off here than anywhere else."
fucking bitch—
he pictures her limp body hanging in the courtyard for all to see. along with the men who hurt you, who used you like you were nothing more than a toy at their disposal. sooner or later, all of them are going to rot.
Ghost vows that he will make sure of it.
"i won't kill you." he waits for the relief to bleed into her eyes before yanking it away. "for now."
her ease crumbles, just as he expected and he lapped up her despair. oh, he's going to enjoy tormenting her. toying with her the way a pack of wolves play with their food, giving her a little sense of illusion, of freedom, before taking it away.
just like she took away yours.
"but i do have to ask..." his head tilts. "which one of these fuckers laid their filthy hands on her?"
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when Simon returns to the king's chambers with his cloak stained red, he senses something is wrong.
first off, you were all alone in the enormous room. and you didn't look any bit comfortable as you should've been. you had scrambled off the bed as soon as the door opened for him.
his heart breaks at your immediate fear of him. is this how his mother felt around his father? the thought makes him want to throw himself from the highest tower in the castle.
"where's Johnny?" he takes careful strides towards you and stands a good distance away, conscious of the way your hands clasp tightly at your front, of how you keep your gaze at his boots.
please look up. please, look at me—
your head shifts as you gesture to the door. "he stepped outside to speak with one of the nobles."
there's a tremble in your voice that he doesn't quite like. your eyes were red and swollen. you've been crying. here, alone. when you were sure that no one was looking.
something in his being screams for more blood. that of the guard that hit you wasn't enough. Ghost wants to bathe in the blood of every person who so much as looked at you the wrong way—
"did you... did you speak to her?" you ask, eyes shifting upward. he waits for your gaze to meet his, but it never does. it only fixes on his chest. "does she still have it?"
Simon restrains the urge to reach for you, to hold you. but he doesn't want to startle you. you're already uncomfortable under his gaze, he doesn't want to make it worse.
but it is worse. for him. his throat constricts painfully. the envelope burns in his pocket.
secondly... he doesn't think he wants to give you the letter just yet. not until he's sure if Victoria was telling the truth. that you... that you want to leave.
he wants to prevent that if he can. he wants— he hopes he can change your mind, make you want to stay here. with him and Johnny.
"no." he grits out. "i didn't find it."
he feels sick as soon as he says it. even more so when the frail hope in your eyes melts away.
"oh..." you utter solemnly, and it follows a nod and a sad smile. "well, thank you for the effort anyway, sir."
you offer a quick bow and move past him, light on your feet and hurrying to the door. he half turns, looking at you. "where are you going, love?"
in an instant, you stopped, startled by his inquiry. wide eyes glanced at him. "to my— to my chambers—"
"no." it's sharper than intended because you shrink at his tone. he's softer when he adds, "you can't go back there."
"i..." your gaze lowers as you take a step back, confused. "i—i'm n—not sure what you mean. i don't know where else to go."
he's silent. how can he make you understand that you're meant to be here? that you're not unwelcome here?
"he's yours, i understand that. i always have. and i swear to the gods that i'm not trying to come between you two." you tell him with as much truth you can muster from your heart. "i'll try my best to not draw the king's attention. i'll stay away—"
"that is not what we both want." he takes a step closer and for once, you stand your ground, your expression hardening.
"since when?" it's quiet. it's a challenge. "he might want me here, but you don't. you said so yourself."
Simon holds your gaze as the words hang like daggers pointed at him. but very quickly, your soft glare melts and your eyes fill with dread.
"sir..." you utter, your expression churning his stomach, morphing into horror at what you'd just done, hands clasped over your mouth. "i—i apologize, i spoke out of turn. i meant no disrespect, please forgive me—"
there's nothing to forgive. he couldn't care less that you spoke out of turn. you were well within your right to say whatever you want to him.
"you're not supposed to go anywhere." he softly commands. "when we say you stay here, you stay."
your mouth seals shut, gaze fixed downward, muttering one last quiet "yes, sir."
it's an agonizing sight. watching how you would rather be anywhere but here, anywhere near him. he thinks this is how he and his mother were around his pathetic excuse of a father. he detests it. he hates this sickening pit in his stomach, this fear he induces in you. it doesn't sit right with him.
he doesn't want you to look at him like that. like he's a much worse version of his father, of the men who hurt you.
he wants— no, craves that dazed look in your eyes when you're flooded with pleasure. he craves the joy in your eyes. he craves your curiosity. hell, he'll even take your anger. anything but fear.
quite the irony, considering he doesn't mind anyone else (except for Johnny) being afraid of him.
if he can give you fewer reasons to be frightened and more reasons to be comfortable, then he might be able to breathe easier.
he offers his hand instead. "you may call me Simon."
as he expected, you bristle at the name. he wonders why. you seem to avoid first names, even when you've been given the liberty to use them. that little fact didn't escape him and it didn't bother him much because he was too blinded by jealousy.
until now, that is.
"y—you have blood on your—" your eyes widen, you take a step back. "on your..."
his gaze shifts to where yours are fixated. his gauntlet. shit, he forgot about that. he takes it off and drops it to the floor, reaching for you.
"come here." the yelp escaping your throat when his hand touches yours, pulling him toward him, guts him. "no need to be frightened, sweet girl—"
he's not proud of the way you flinched when he took a step closer.
"s'alright, love. you're alright. you're safe." he wraps his arms around your frame, holding you close. "no one's gonna hurt you."
you didn't deserve his ire. nor his indifference. Johnny was right all along about you.
even when he embraced you, you remained as stiff as a cold branch with the leaves trembling in the wind. he feels the unsteady flutter of your heart under his palm, feels your petrified bones shaking in his grasp. terrified. of him.
it pains him that he cannot even fault you for that. he's given you plenty of reasons to be afraid. and he hates that did.
from there, Simon promised himself that he would never direct his rage towards you. never again.
his hand cups the back of your head, arm tightening around your waist as he whispers, "i will never hurt you again, sweet girl. i promise."
but even so, why does it feel like he's already broken that vow?
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[part 7]
i was choking back the tears as i wrote this. please accept my humble offering. i know it's a bit salty, but it'll do for now. banners by @saradika and @cafekitsune offer a coin to the picklejar
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empresskylo · 2 months
Note
I’m begging for you to write about virgin!Ghost and virgin!reader,lots of love 🩷x
virgin!simon 'ghost' riley x virgin!afab!reader
a/n: this truly spoke to me, so thank you for this. i wanted to write a pathetic, nervous ghost, but decided to write him how i actually think he'd act if he was a virgin.
warnings: mentions of SA (reference to ghost's past as mentioned in his comics where he is SA'd); smut
cod masterlist
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Who would ever think Simon Riley was a virgin?! 
I mean look at the man!! Rough and assertive. A lieutenant who everyone is afraid of. Easily in his mid-to-late thirties. Crude with his jokes. A damn war criminal. Why would anyone in their right mind assume he was a virgin? 
Except that wasn’t the whole picture. Simon stood witness to how his dad treated women when he was younger. Saw the way he mistreated sex workers. And Simon didn’t want to become like his father, so he ended up distancing himself from girls his age, afraid it might be in his genetics to be shitty. And he watched his “friend” almost assault a woman once—Simon was disturbed, desperate to not emulate that. And not to mention he was big and scary, he was worried he’d frighten women, so he just avoided them for the most part. And when he was sexually assaulted, he thought maybe sex just wasn’t for him. 
And now he was older. Too old to be a virgin, he thought. He wasn’t a self-conscious man, but he didn’t want to disappoint anyone in bed either, so the more he put it off, the more he didn’t want to do it all together. He also found it hard to form relationships in his line of work, and he refused to pay for sex. 
So, by his mid-thirties, he was still a virgin.
Then he met you and it felt so easy being with you. He felt himself wanting to grind against you the first time you kissed—that's when he realized how depraved he had been for so long, he didn’t realize how much he was truly missing.
And one night, after you and him had been a thing for a little while, you finally got the nerves to kiss him and straddle his lap. His hands naturally found your waist and he ran them up and down your sides, gently squeezing your flesh above your clothes. 
Then you pulled back, looking down a bit shyly. 
“What’s a’matta?” he asked you, his hands still firmly gripped on your hips.
“I, uhm,” you stuttered. “I’ve never done this before.” There, you finally said it. You were so worried Simon would become awkward when you told him, what if he didn’t want to be with someone so inexperienced? And you didn’t know if he was going to be uncomfortable with the idea of being your first time—that maybe he didn’t want that responsibility.
His hand slid up and nudged your chin to look at him. Simon was already planning to go as far as you’d let him, and he had decided he wasn’t going to tell you he had never done this before. If you said he was bad in bed, he’d apologize and lie, saying it had just been a long time since he’d been laid. But then you admitted you were in the same boat as him (aside from the fact that you were much younger than him.)
“Me neither,” he admitted.
Your eyes met his and you cracked the smallest of grins. “Don’t make fun of me!” 
He tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear. “M’not.”
You blinked at him. “R-Really?”
He chuckled. “Never really had the opportunity, I’suppose.” That was the short version.
“Oh.”
You squirmed on top of him and he groaned. “That, uhm. Makes me a little less embarrassed.” Your eyes averted his.
Before you could ramble more about it, Simon jerked your head down to kiss him. “Happy to help.”
You smiled against his lips and Simon gripped your hips tightly in his hands, pulling you down against him. You would have thought he’d be a little more reserved, awkward even, having never had done this before. But Simon Riley was a confident man. He was self-assured. Bold. Fearless. And he wasn’t going to let his lack of experience hinder the potential between the two of you.
You gasped, feeling how hard he was in his pants as he yanked you against him. He hummed against your lips, the softness of them making him imagine what they might feel like wrapped around his cock. 
When you whimpered in the back of your throat, Simon was quick to twist you around and lay you flat on your back on the couch. He bullied himself between your legs and refused to let you catch your breath before his lips were back on yours. 
“Please,” he begged pathetically, pawing at the hem of your shirt. 
You gave him room and he stripped you quickly, clearly enthusiastic about having you naked beneath him. You clawed at his shirt and he was more than happy to oblige, tearing it over his chest and unbuckling his pants. 
Your knees had come together as you watched him strip and he smirked. His hands slid along your calf before pulling your legs apart and weaseling his way back to where he was. He kissed you again, both of you anticipating what was to come, but nervous at the same time. 
You bucked your hips up as his hands traced your bare side. He broke the kiss. “Want me t’touch you, love?”
You nodded your head, your face warming. His hand snaked its way between your bodies, tracing the apex of your thighs and rubbing against you. “L-Lower,” you gasped. His fingers shifted and you couldn’t constrain the moan. 
“There?” He asked you, tilting his head as he admired your wanton expression. 
Your breathing hitched when his fingers found your entrance. “Jus’ tell me if you want me t’stop,” he whispered against your lips. 
When you said nothing in response, he pushed one finger inside you. You squeezed around him tightly, your body trying to push him back out. You arched your back off the couch as he shoved his finger all the way inside of you. He began to pump his fingers, you were already soaking for him.
He watched you intently, the obscene noises from his fingers shifting inside you making him harder than he thought possible. It was also making him blush and causing his heart to race. His fingers might have trembled slightly if they weren’t buried inside you, busy at work. Your eyes locked with his, your brows furrowing, feeling him slide another finger in along the first. He was a bit clumsy as he worked you, but it felt good just the same.
“My god,” you gasped. 
Simon groaned when you clenched tightly around his two fingers, imagining how that would feel around his cock instead. 
“Sound so pretty,” he cooed.
Your arms grasped at his biceps, your hips rising to meet each pump of his fingers. “Want you inside me,” you whimpered.
Simon clicked his tongue. “Already inside you, love,” he teased, curing his fingers upwards as if to say, see.
You pouted, your body jolting with electricity from the deep baritone of his voice. His fingers stretched you out plenty, you weren’t sure how he was supposed to fit inside you… but you wanted to find out. You wanted to feel the pressure of his throbbing cock. You wanted to watch him grunt and groan with pleasure above you. You almost wished he would come prematurely, too drunk from fucking you to keep himself together. You were the first person he was going to fuck and a strange swell of satisfaction filled your already racing chest.
“Si-Simon,” you whined.
He smirked before slipping his fingers out of you. You watched through half-lidded eyes as he sucked the wetness from his fingers, his eyes darkening and never breaking contact from yours.
“Want me t’fuck you, sweet girl?” he asked, gripping his cock in his fist and giving it a few pumps.
You watched and swallowed before letting out a pathetic, “Yes.”
He fell back on top of you, his hands on either side of your head, his knees bent on the couch as he settled himself between you. You shifted your hips to give him a better angle as he lined himself up with you. You both watched as he moved himself between your bodies. “Tell me if I’m hurtin’ ya.”
Before you had a chance to respond, Simon was pushing the head of his cock inside of you. He was a bit rough when he entered you—a bit jittery and weak with anticipation—though he tried desperately not to be. You squeezed your eyes shut, your nails digging into his biceps. Simon groaned, edging himself in a little at a time. “You okay, baby?” He asked you.
Your eyes fluttered open and you gave a hesitant nod. “Yes. Keep going.”
His thumb stroked your cheek then brushed over your bottom lip. Your fingers slid up his back, dancing over the corded muscle and scars under your fingertips. Simon edged himself in, then out, and repeated that until he could finally seat himself fully inside you. Your thighs clamped around his waist, wanting to stop the intrusion on instinct. 
“M’ all in,” he told you, his breath airy like he had just run a mile.
“Oh, thank god,” you said exasperated.
Simon chuckled, the deepness of his voice vibrating through his chest and across yours. 
“Can I move?” He asked you.
You swallowed, the stinging between your thighs subduing. You nodded. Simon leaned down to kiss you, his dog tag dragging across your chest, the cool metal warming. Your lips parted, his own moving against yours. Simon devoured the gasp you slid into the kiss when he pulled out halfway. He pushed himself back in and you groaned, a small whimper forming in the back of your throat. He grabbed your thigh, hiking it up slightly so he could get a better angle. 
He continued to thrust inside you, only pulling out halfway each time, before struggling to push himself back in. He kept at a slightly awkward rhythm, grunts slipping past his lips and ghosting across yours. His head slid into the crook of your neck, your nails digging into his back, but Simon could barely feel that. All he was focusing on was how heavenly you found surrounding him. 
“Shit,” he moaned, surprised at how fast he was approaching the end. Simon knew that plenty of men struggled to get off the first time from sheer nerves. Others lasted barely any time at all. But he also knew women seemed to struggle the first time, not even expecting to orgasm until much later down the line. 
Simon wasn’t going to let that happen. He slowed his pace, only doing small little thrusts, his hips rolling against yours, pushing you back into the mattress. His hand snaked between your bodies, finding your clit, and rubbing circles. You arched your hips up to get him to touch you at a better spot and you mewled. 
“Close?” he beckoned. 
Surprisingly, you were. You hadn’t thought you’d actually get this close to orgasming your first time. You thought you’d be a ball of self-conscious nerves. But with Simon, you felt comfortable. Relaxed. Excited. Beautiful. And the way his fingers were putting pressure between your legs was making you see stars.
He continued his small pumps, wanting to focus on you more than himself, but he couldn’t help but growl in the back of his throat, your warmth tightening around him. 
His movements grew more rapid and you cried out his name. He cursed, feeling you spasm around him as he led you into your climax, his final ruts sending you over the edge. You finally clenched down so hard, Simon had to pull out, rubbing himself against your clit and coming onto your stomach. 
He groaned, “Fuckin’ hell.”
You were panting, your chest rising and falling in rapid beats. It took you both a moment to collect yourselves. He stared down between your bodies, taking in the sight. Now that you weren’t in the heat of the moment, you suddenly felt self-conscious, all too aware of the way your entire body was laid bare to him. 
Your hand shifted to cover your chest and he clicked his tongue. “You’re so fuckin’ gorgeous, love.”
Your chest swooned from his admiration. He quickly leaned over to grab his t-shirt to clean you off. You felt your face warm before he scooped you up into his arms, ready to carry you to the bathroom. 
“Good?” He asked.
A simple question. But one he needed to hear the answer to.
“Perfect.”
Simon grinned, trying to suppress his teeth from showing, but he couldn’t help it. He tucked you closer into his chest as he marched you both to the bathroom. 
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spacedace · 4 months
Text
Bit from a new dpxdc fic rattling around in my head I'm calling the Meddling Kids AU.
This snippet is so far removed from the context of the larger fic that I can't even imagine what yall are gonna think it's even about, which means it's perfect to throw out as a writing prompt for anyone that's interested haha
---
Well.
Good news: Jon had something that very publicly proved he couldn't be Superboy.
Bad news: his proof came in the form of getting his nose broken in front of the entire school cafeteria.
Weird news: tiny, waifish Danielle Masters - of all people - was the one who managed to actually break his nose when he'd stepped in to try to pull her off of Trip Hemmings.
She wasn't Kryptonian. Not unless Trip and his cronies were also secretly Kryptonians this whole time. She'd fucked them all up almost single-handedly when they'd tried to pull their usual shit with Fredrick Kern and she stepped in. But they were the ones that had started the whole messy fight when Trip decided to sucker punch the petite girl hard enough that the loud, ugly crunch of her broken nose had been heard even over the noise of the cafeteria, shoving her back into the cafeteria table and sending Fredrick's food flying.
She'd gotten slammed a couple more times during the scuffle, but she had given far more than she'd gotten and by the time Jon and Damian and managed to make their way through the crowd of students that had rapidly swarmed the scene of the fight, Trip's two goons were laying on the ground, conscious but groaning in pain and decidedly taken out of the fight.
Jon had surged forward through the crush of the gathered students towards where Danielle and Trip were. The latter sprawled across the table with Danielle on top of him, bleeding and bruised and feral looking with her bared teeth and wild eyes as she wailed down punch after punch on Trip's face. The fight was well and truly over at that point, Danielle clearly the victor, and teachers were on their way. Without even thinking about it Jon had reached out and touched her arm, intending to pull her off the little shit she was rightly wailing on before she could get in even more trouble for being involved with a fight.
It hadn’t been the wisest course of action. Danielle had been so keyed up she hadn't even realized it was him or absorbed anything he'd said, and assuming it was someone looking to hurt her turned one of her swings onto him. He'd had the spit second thought of how he was going to avoid the hit without looking like he had powers when her fist had collided with his face at a speed he hadn’t expected and sent him sprawling to the ground. It wasn't until he felt something hot dripping down his face that he realized she'd actually broken his nose and the pain flooded in.
So.
Danielle Masters was strong enough to break his nose. And still hadn’t managed to hurt anyone else - including fragile, normal humans - past some bad bruised and busted noses. She'd likely hit him as hard as she had out of blind reaction and not true intention to do real harm.
That was a thing.
A weird thing with some big implications.
D had checked, and Danielle Masters wasn't registered as a meta. Which didn't mean she wasn't one or that there was even anything nefarious going on. The uber-rich elite tended to cover things like that up, fine with meta rights and metas running around so long as it wasn't one of their own.
But it was still something.
She was strong enough to break Jon's nose. The number of entities in the world able to do that wasn't a very long list. The fact that a random girl at his school was capable of that was...not necessarily anything to be worried about. But the thing was that Danielle Masters was already someone he and D had been keeping an eye on as being...a little bit beyond the normal kind of weird. And that wasn't even getting into her dad's shady business or the potential connection between her and the weird spike in suicides.
“Here,” He blinked, pulled out of his thoughts at once to find the girl taking up all of them had shifted in her chair over to him to hold out an actual handkerchief to him. “Sorry about…” She motioned with her other hand towards his bloody face, wincing a little as she did. “You didn’t deserve that.”
He took the offered piece of fabric - oddly formal and old fashioned for anyone, let alone a girl like Danielle Masters - as the peace offering it was and offered her an awkward smile. “It was my fault for coming at you from behind,” He said, trying not to be too amused by the fact that they both sounded muffled and ridiculous with their busted noses. “I should have known better after you got jumped like that.”
Danielle shrugged, shifting back into the uncomfortable chairs they’d been parked in outside the dean’s office. The teachers on site were going over the situation with him as they had seen it, and from what Jon could hear were reviewing the CCTV footage from the cafeteria cameras. Trip’s family wasn’t prestigious or wealthy enough for the faculty to put aside their ethics and take his side, so their honest thoughts about the bully getting what he deserved - however annoying it was that they were going to have to deal with it all - shared freely from the perceived privacy of the office. Elle would still get punished for going as far as she did, but at least it wouldn’t be as bad as it could be for her.
“Assholes will be assholes.” She said, toying with the tie of her uniform. She’d ripped it off just as the fight had started, in a brief moment between kicking Trip back into his goons and them recovering enough to jump at her again. She had wrapped it around the knuckles of her dominant hand in a fast loop, giving her a little more protection before she then drove her padded fist right into the gut of Jordan Stone. She had followed it up by grabbing Jordan’s own tie and using it to get enough leverage on him to send him flying into Erin Dorner.
It was the kind of quick-thinking adjustment that Jon associated with D. Removing a potential liability, making it an advantage, latching on to any and all weakness in the opposition and using it against them. He wasn’t an expert in hand-to-hand combat the way Damian was - he could hold his own and knew how to fight with his fists as well as his powers, but there was a big difference between his skill and D’s - but he knew enough to be able to tell that Danielle wasn’t formerly trained. She was fast and quick and clever, but everything she did spoke of scrabbling street fighting brawls and learning from painful experience.
Something else to add to the seemingly endless list of things that were weird about Danielle Masters.
Because why would the daughter of one of the richest men in the country know how to scrap like a street fighter? Most rich kids didn’t really know how to fight at all, or if they did it was self-defense lessons taught by the best martial artists in the world. Maybe it was because of her meta powers? A fear of it getting out if she was taught to fight and ended up destroying a training dummy right with a single hit? But then how did she know to fight at all?
He teased Damian for going all Bernard Dowd on him for the oversized corkboard with all the notes and pictures and red thread, but Jon got it. Every new insight into the enigma that was Danielle Masters only ever led to a thousand more questions. A mystery only ever made murkier the more was known, instead of less.
Danielle - Elle, she’d told him to call her, a little fierce, even as her eyes were sad - hadn’t been afraid during the fight with Trip and his cronies.
Or if she had, her heart rate had never indicated it. It had risen during the fight sure, but it had been the steady quickening of a body exercising. No jackrabbit quickness, just an even increase in rate to account for her quick movements and hard hits. She hadn’t even really broken a sweat. She’d been steady the entire time, from the first sucker punch she’d taken to the face to the last she’d thrown herself at Jon.
She was scared now.
Dr. Penelope Spektor stood over the girl, usual bright, smiling face set in an unreadable mask as she stared down at Elle. Beneath the lighting of the waiting room outside the Dean’s office in her smart red suit and her glasses pushed up atop her head to rest against her bright red hair she looked almost like the devil. Jon wasn’t sure why that thought came to him. The school counselor had only ever been kind to him during the few times they’d spoken about his scholarship at Gotham Academy and his options for colleges. Maybe it was the intensity of her green eyes, the way they almost seemed to glow as they bore into Elle.
Maybe it was the way that Elle’s heartbeat had ticked up and started hammering in her chest the moment Dr. Spektor’s sharp heels were heard clicking down the hall towards them. The way she shrunk into herself as the woman moved to stand before her, above her, not saying a word. The way Elle looked like she wanted to fling herself from the chair and run as far and fast away from the woman as she could.
“I didn’t start-“ Elle’s voice was reedy, unsteady with fear and anxiety.
“Silence.”
Jon felt cold.
Elle snapped her mouth shut with a painful, jarring clack. Fast enough and hard enough to be painful. He thought he could hear one of her back molars crack from the force. He definitely heard her heart rate pick up even faster in her chest. So quick he was afraid it might just give out on her entirely. He saw the faint tremble of her hands as she wrapped them around herself, fingers digging into the fabric of her blazer with a kind of desperate hold as she clung to her own arms.
“I’ve called to inform your father of this incident.” There was a slithering, dark disgust in the words. A viciousness lacing through her icy tone. “Three days suspension. You will be spending that time with me.”
Elle looked like she might be sick at that, face draining of all color a the judgement the counselor had just given. She didn’t try to speak, to respond, just gave a stiff nod and bowed her head. Her eyes were wide as she stared down at the floor, too much white exposed. Blood dripped down from her nose again, the thundering of her pulse breaking through the clotting and making bright red drip down her face.
Dr. Spektor’s gaze slid over to where Jon sat, frozen in place by the strange scene before him. In a blink her face smoothed out, back into the pleasant, welcoming smile she always wore whenever speaking to a student. “Oh my, Mr. Kent I had heard you got injured while trying to break that horrible ruckus up earlier.” She tisked lightly, and Elle flinched a little at the sound. “I’m so sorry about that, Danielle has a bad habit of getting into trouble and I hate to see that she’s gotten you involved in her mess this time.”
Jon, for reasons he couldn’t comprehend, felt oddly at ease at her words. As strange as the feeling of being frozen in place that had overtaken him as he watched the tense scene between the school counselor and Elle. A slow, honey-thick feeling of calm, laced through with understanding and acceptance.
“It’s okay.” He said, throat feeling tight around the words. It wasn’t alright, he wanted to get to his feet, to put himself between Elle and Spektor. Wanted to drag the girl away somewhere safe and try and make her feel better, try and figure out just what was going on and why she was so afraid of the red-headed woman.
It was alright, though. He could feel it, settling into his chest, relaxing his shoulders, soothing away the tense anxiety. It was a little odd, but he just didn’t have the context of it all probably. Nothing to worry about, nothing to think about.
Elle was still hunched over, shoulder’s tight, eyes now squeazed tight. Her grip on her arms like a vice, squeezing with enough force she had to be bruising beneath the layers of her school uniform. Her heart rate a roaring drum in her chest, heart slamming painfully against the cage of her ribs, afraid, terrified.
“The fight wasn’t her fault Dr. Spektor.” He said, the words feeling like burning tar against his tongue, even though he knew the truth of them. “Trip and the other two attacked her first when she was trying to get them to leave the person they were bullying alone. She was just defending herself.”
Dr. Spektor’s lips twitched, just a little. Her expression held on her normal warm smile but something curled at the edges of her smile, the corners of her bright green eyes. Dark and deep, sharp as shattered glass and viciously, sickeningly pleased. She pulled her glasses off her head and set them back in place on her nose and the glimpse of that hungry thing beneath was gone.
Never there at all. A trick of the light. Too much time seeing the worst of humanity as Superboy and mistakenly thinking he saw it in the pleasant, kind face of the school’s counselor. Nothing to worry about at all. It was fine. He felt fine about all of it.
Elle was crying now.
He felt sick.
“Well, that is good to know.” Dr. Spektor said, voice honey sweet and lulling. “But I would hate for Danielle to fall into those old, nasty habits of hers. Better to make sure she understands that violence is never the answer.” She stepped over to him, leaning over to settle concerned eyes upon him and a gentle hand on his shoulder, surprisingly cool even through the weight of his blazer and the layers beneath. “Again I am so sorry you got hurt, Mr. Kent. I do hope Danielle can make it up to you later. She could use a good influence like you in her life.”
The sick feeling in his gut grew worse, even as his body was flooded with a sense of blissful contentment and unquestioning understanding of the situation. The vague idea that had been bubbling in him since the start of the school year to reach out to the girl in question solidified into a determined certainty that he would do just that the first chance he got. A flame flourishing at the gentle encouragement of a fan.
Just behind the school counselor Elle was terrified out of her mind.
Elle was just a little upset that she got in trouble, she’d be fine.
Dr. Spektor was treating Elle with a barely contained cruelty, venomous and wrathful.
Dr. Spektor was treating Elle normally, disappointed that she resorted to violence.
It was all wrong.
It was all perfectly fine.
The counselor stood up straight, gave him one last pat on the shoulder and a smile before turning towards the door of the Dean’s office. Her smile slipped for just a moment, face back in that disdainful blankness as she plucked invisible lint from her suit jacket. Not even looking at Elle as she gave a short, “Go to the car. Wait there. No detours. No calls. Speak to no one.”
Elle lurched into motion, getting to her feet with a mechanical kind of stiffness. She didn’t run down the hall but her awkward, robotic gate was nearly at that speed as she almost threw herself down the hall towards the side entrance where the staff parking lot was.
Dr. Spektor’s smile returned. Professional. Polite. The person everyone in school knew they could reach out to and trust if there was anything wrong, if they needed help. Guiding the students with a gentle hand, bolstering the faculty with her bright positivity. She knocked on the door and entered upon invitation with her familiar cheer.
Something was deeply, truly wrong with everything going on here.
Everything was perfectly normal.
D found him ten minutes later, dry heaving in the boys’ bathroom.
He couldn’t remember why he was there.
Everything was fine.
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justporo · 3 months
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Astarion scenario/headcanon idea, how do you think he'd feel if he were to find out, after the fact, that he was Tavs first? can be a 'hey so, forgot to mention something...' or can be a slip of the tongue of a Tav who was maybe worried he'd think them too immature if he knew they were inexperienced
Firstly, let me apologise for letting this sit in my inbox for soooo long - I know it's been forever but I hope you will still like it.
So Astarion finds about that your first night together was your first...
Quite honestly Astarion might figure that out quite quickly, maybe not that it was really their fist time but certainly that Tav's rather inexperienced
Depending on when he finds that out and if he already has an inkling about that he's developing a whole lot of feelings for Tav, guilt would definitely kick in
Early on I guess he'd brush it off rather quickly, definitely not the first time that's happened
But let's assume it's later on and he already slowly realises that you're more to him than just a target for manipulation and a fling
Guilt - that's what's happening but then again he can't and he won't stop his advances - either because he's still very much dependent on Tav for his own survival or becase he's already head over heels (or an even more powerful mixture of both...)
He'll try and find some kind of awkward way too show Tav that it's not a bad thing
Although he might not yet be at a point where he can actually talk about this and the shame he feels because of that, he starts to make especially conscious efforts to take it slower with Tav
He double-checks with Tav what things are okay
And maybe through this it causes him to also be more conscious about what he himself is feeling, how his actions impact his own well-being and pleasure in the moment
Somehow it may become a lot of exploration for Astarion too because when was the last time he was actively thinking about these things?
At some point the topic will be definitely brought up for discussion, that's when Tav can reassure him that there was no need to feel guilty to begin with as much as Astarion reassured his partner that there was nothing to be ashamed of
That being said when you're more comfortable with all this (and maybe after some messes have been dealt with so you're both more free to explore), he'd definitely tease you to explore even further: what turns you on, what are definite no-gos
Astarion's eager to please and eager to teach and thus maybe learning a thing or two about himself too
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babushkatty · 3 months
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Tranquil SAGAU - Part 3
-> Part 1
-> Part 2
-> Part 4
Turns out, you did jinx yourself last week.
You should have learnt your lesson from all those times you and your sister had spoken bad luck into existence, be it unannounced guests or other inconveniences.
But you didn't, so here you were.
Staring down motherfucking Ursa the Drake, with Dvalin pinning them (her?) down with his massive body and motherfucking Crepus Ragnvindr looking at you both simultaneously like it's Christmas and like he thinks he's schizophrenic.
Diluc didn't look any better. He was as white as a sheet and if you were any better at identifying emotions, you'd think he was about to cry.
...surely not?
But then again, he was younger than in the game and his father was right there, alive and well - you doubted he was anything like the cold and grumpy Diluc who closed himself off from the world that you knew.
A terrified baby that was probably overthinking how Ursa would kill him, his father and the whole cohort they traveled with all the way to Tuesday.
...now you just felt bad for judging. You wouldn't be any better in his place, especially without your scary Dvalin priviledges.
"Ursa, darling, what exactly are you doing?"
All you got for your troubles was a roar in your face.
Except it didn't even feel like a scary dragon about to eat you, it felt like a child throwing a tantrum.
...the notion of Ursa being this uncontested and plaguing Mondstadt for a thousand years while being a mere child was kind of terrifying actually, so you very deliberately decided not to dwell on it. For your own sanity, if nothing else.
"Dvalin, you know Ursa, so... Any ideas?" You asked the dragon, who looked almost bored as he outright lounged on Ursa as if they (she?) were his beddings. If that didn't make a statement, you didn't know what would.
"While we did not cross paths frequently in the past, I had always thought her to be... Especially nefarious."
Ursa trashed around, but Dvalin didn't budge and effortlessly kept them (her? her.) pinned down.
"She reminds me of Durin. But where Durin was oblivious to the grevious harm he caused and merely wanted to play, Ursa is fully conscious and reveling in the pain she inflicts on others, often being open to agreements that involve human sacrifice."
Ursa screeched. In protest, maybe?
"For now, there is not much that can be done. You would need to be much stronger to subdue her permamently, which requires time. But I shall stall her until you are strong enough, alongside Boreas."
Oh.
So your scary Dvalin priviledges were being voided. It was a shame, you really liked his company -- his stories were a delight to listen to and he spoiled you rotten for comfortable accomodations, any bed or chair from now on would be a massive downgrade.
Still, it was understandable. Responsibilities and human lives were priority over your comfort. You weren't going to complain too much.
"I'll miss you," you say as you stroke his wings, not really having access to his torso or head to hug him properly due to Ursa.
Speaking of Ursa...
"Be good. You're making trouble for everyone."
And maybe you were being reckless and simply asking for your arm and face to be bitten off, but you flicked her on the snoot, because you only live once and Dvalin had you mildly convinced nothing in Teyvat would hurt you.
Ursa startles and then, honest to God, whines.
Dvalin huffs in what you assume is amusement and grabs at Ursa with his massive limbs. His wings stretch as he readies himself to take flight.
"I will miss you too, (Name)."
And just like that both dragons are gone like the wind.
...
That left you all alone to face the Ragnvindr and C.O., so you put on your customer service smile and clap your hands in fake excitement you really don't feel.
If nothing else, working in retail taught you how to play the fool.
"So, now that that is done and over with. I believe you have a mess to clean up?"
Crepus looks at you like you grew an extra head, before doubling over in a hearty laugh that broke through the weird atmosphere that settled over the caravan as easily as a hot knife through butter.
Diluc still looks like a poke would knock him over, but at least he got some colour back in him.
"Ah, thank you for that."
Crepus walks over to you and offers you a handshake, gripping your hand firmly and with enthusiasm that was entirely on him. Not that you weren't excited to meet characters from Genshin... but that was the thing, wasn't it? They weren't the characters you knew in Genshin. Crepus was barely a mention, Diluc was a different person entirely and the rest of the caravan were either NPCs hanging around on the map somewhere or didn't exist in the game at all.
So, you had to treat them like actual people.
And you weren't good with people.
"No problem. I'm (Name) (Last Name), just call me (Name) please."
Smile through the pain Harold, grant me your strength.
"Crepus Ragnvindr, and the redhead over there is my son, Diluc. It's a pleasure to meet you, (Name)."
He lets go of your hand and smiles so brightly you half-heartedly wished for some sunglasses. Was this man sunshine personified? Certaintly felt like he was.
"I would say I wish we met under different circumstances, but that's not exactly the truth, is it? Any other circumstances would have me trying to fight Ursa the Drake and that was bound to end badly for me, so... Thank you for saving my life."
And at that precise moment the Knights of Favonius spurred on by Kaeya Alberich himself burst into the scene, weapons ready.
...Kaeya looked like such a baby too, it had you thinking on just how young the literal children like Diona would be.
☆(ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ* ✨ Author Note✨
Suprise, we're 4 years early in the timeline! And I have no idea what the timeline is besides what little I glimpsed from the Wiki, so lore accuracy is thrown out the window!
✨ I still can't tag the one person that asked to be tagged and I'm feeling horrible for it even when it's not my fault ✨
Also, yes, ✨ is my favourite emoji, why do you ask? :D
Also, also -- yes, I did pump out 3 parts in 2/3 days, it is an anomaly, do not expect such pace from me especially since I'm about to throw myself head first into HSR.
✨Self-plug time✨
My UID is 715 837 832 and I got a lvl50 Bronya as support.
I am still on Walt copium, even though I didn't get him even once despite the many, MANY rerolls I did, but that is neither here nor there.
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stormgardenscurse · 5 months
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made for you - puppet au
Summary: In a steampunk-esque setting, your guardian-slash-mentor left you with one thing after their passing—a self-autonomous puppet that was designed to blend in with humans, who would protect and accompany you in your mentor’s absence.
Characters: Floyd, Ace, Cater, Lilia
Warnings: mentions of blood in Lilia's!
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Floyd
Outsiders might complain about Floyd’s flippant change in moods, saying that you seemed to be the only person he doesn’t get annoyed with.
In two ways this judgment was flawed: they didn’t know he was a puppet (and so thought he was merely a scary traveling partner of yours), and he does get mad at you sometimes. Namely when you do things for others that he thinks are unnecessary, because why do you have to be the nice one and try to maintain relations with people you weren’t even close with? 
Floyd never got why you stress yourself out with things like that—and if you told him to help you with such tasks? Expect him to either turn to a game of cat and mouse (behind your back, he’s the cat and some other person is the mouse) or fulfill it with a dangerous gleam in his eyes when a stranger sees him, saying ‘don’t approach me, I’m really not in the mood’.
He rarely directs his frustration at you, though. Call it part of his design or whatever, but for the most part he’s more lax around you, slinging his arm over your shoulder or asking if you wanted to do (insert unhinged scheme) with a casual tone.
You worry about the people that he does get into fights with. Floyd doesn’t pay much attention to his inhuman strength and things can get awkward when people question it—leaving you to stand there, contemplating if you should reveal the truth.
But… while Floyd doesn’t really care for the distinction between being human and not (as long as you treat him as equals), he finds it fun when people think he’s just an unpredictable human. The looks on their faces and struggle when he tests their limits are always a sight to behold. 
Humans really are quite amusing—but of course, you’re his favorite one.
Ace
Ace has an inner conflict, one could say.
As charismatic as he can be (and by god was he a convincing actor), Ace would always, at the back of his mind, be conscious of the fact that he wasn’t human.
Nevermind the fact he’s probably more humane than some people out there, but he always has the feeling that it wasn’t enough. There’s a type of jealousy that crops up whenever he sees you interacting with people—he’s not sure if he’s jealous of the way you are, with your quirks and emotions that he idealizes despite how he claims otherwise, or if he’s jealous of the others around you.
He’d never fall sick or actually feel physical pain. He could be repaired so long as his core was salvageable, and so Ace could never be your friend in the way he might want to be. He wonders, sometimes, that in an alternate world—if he was human, would you look towards him the same way you do now? Would you still pick him within an ocean of so many, if he wasn’t a puppet crafted by your mentor?
Instead of expressing this, Ace of course directs these feelings into a personality that’s a little bratty. He’d challenge your requests at times, asking if it was an ‘order’ and only complying if you pushed back.
You’ll hear a lilt in his voice when he calls you ‘Master’ mockingly. For the most part Ace’s mean streak isn’t that bad though—he does show concern for you and is essentially a best friend that keeps you grounded. Sometimes you wonder if he actually liked being bossed around, thinking of it as a way to acknowledge the odd relationship you had. 
You don’t see him as a servant or object, but perhaps he finds some comfort in the idea that he was made for you. That way, your attachments to one-another was completely normal—you’d always pick him, right?
Cater
Cater is a puppet that lets you know his world revolves around you, if only to see the adorable expressions you make in response.
He doesn’t care for his own maintenance that much, nor about hurting himself in your defense or while doing tasks. Cater’s good at masking such things too, with long-sleeved or layered clothing to hide his mechanical injuries away. He says it’s unsightly and he’ll just fix it himself later, but you always recognise when he’s lying about how it’s ‘not that bad’. 
It makes an odd feeling ache in his chest whenever you do that, making him sit down in the privacy of your inn room so you could patch him up. There’s an unreadable look in his gaze at times like those, asking you if you saw him as someone that could actually get hurt. You said yes. Cater makes sure to remember that. 
He’s flirty most of the time, acting good-natured with others but obviously trying to charm you in particular. People tend to think you’re a couple because of that, and is it so bad if Cater kind of likes the sound of it?
He enjoys how genuine of a person you are—sure, everyone has their own thoughts and darker side that they keep to themselves, but he’s never detected falsehoods in your emotions towards him. Maybe it helps that you know he’s a puppet—why would you feel the need to guard yourself from him the same way as others? 
He likes this exclusivity he has to the different sides of you, especially since he’s a key link to your past. It’s also easier to focus his time and energy on someone else than the gloom that sometimes spreads in his system, which was surely just another mechanical flaw.
"I'm just supposed to make sure you're happy, Master~ So don’t worry about it!"
Lilia
No one would suspect that your cute companion would have a rather… uncompromising side, with it came to getting rid of nuisances that threatened your safety.
In his defense, he was kind of built to be a deadly weapon—the world is a dangerous place after all, and Lilia doesn’t mind being the one that protects you from those that may do you harm. Your mentor dabbled in areas that garnered them enemies, thus the association and knowledge you possessed was a dangerous light to greedy moths.
You never actually witness how he is in combat, though. Lilia always returns from his missions quietly, wiping the scratches and blood off of his synthetic skin. He greets you with a smile if you’re still awake at that point in the night, and you’re none-the-wiser about the expressions he can make when he gets serious on the field.
It’s night and day, the difference between how he is there versus how he is when mingling with people or with you. Lilia likes how you rely on him during your travels. He has a backlog of historical knowledge that he collected shortly after he was crafted, but nothing compares to actually being in different nations and seeing things with your own two eyes. 
He enjoys calling your name in a familiar tone and hearing you do the same. Lilia hopes to be a presence that reminds you of home, so it’s only natural that he cherishes the lighthearted and heart-to-heart conversations you have. 
Leave the bodyguard work to him; there’s a reason your mentor made a puppet for this purpose, after all. And honestly, Lilia’s quite happy with the way his life was right now. It was much richer than the endless clockwork of a workshop, and pretty things that did nothing compared to your warm words and sparkle in your eyes that was so undeniably human.
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aventureen · 26 days
Text
Aventurine with Taller!Reader Headcanons
A/N : I don’t know his exact height but recently my timeline is filled with Aventurine’s model standing beside Luocha’s and he looks so small compared to him. Even their color matches it looks like Aventurine is Luocha’s little brother *cries* Mind you I took 10 minute break by rolling myself on the floor after I wrote each point while writing this
Warning : Tooth-rotting fluff, female reader, healthy relationships, insecurities, suggestive themes, dresses, sitting on lap, Aventurine winning everything in life
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At first he didn’t think that you’re ever going to see him. He knows well that most women would want taller men as their significant other. Aventurine also knows his ways around his words but man is highly self conscious about his appearance. Call it cheesy but the moment he saw you, he was in awe. Man got delusional he actually imagined himself tipping his toes slightly if he wanted to kiss you. 
Aventurine being Aventurine, whatever the outcome may occur he’s willing to take the risk of asking you out. Even if you were to reject him, he’s well prepared for any bad words that will most likely come out from your mouth. It’s a win-win for him and at least he gets to talk to you. Having you to acknowledge his existence is quite enough for him.  
To his surprise, you took his confession with a smile and his playful facade crumbled. What do you mean you would be delighted to go out with him!? His eyes dart anywhere but your gentle gaze, his face is beet red. Damn him and his endless streak of luck.
Although he sensed no ill intent from you, he can’t quite trust you completely. It's in his nature and you figured out that he was struggling with himself to actually bond with you. That’s why you opt to shower him with your genuine thoughts about him, saying nice things to him since you weren’t sure if he’s fond of skin to skin contact at all to initiate one.
“You always looked nervous around me, am I that intimidating to you?” Aventurine gasped at your sudden question,
“Of course not, my dearest! I was just… having a lot of things inside my mind,”
“Oh, you could talk it out with me. It’s a shame that your pretty eyes seem worried most of the time. I would want to see you smile more around me,” The sentence broke him and he’s flustered once again.
It took him a small while to actually get vocal with you. He doesn’t want to mess things up! So when he asked if he could hug you, you melted.
“You should’ve just asked!” You hugged his neck, burying his face on your chest. Aventurine is trying to reevaluate his life choices because whatever this is he’s having, he most likely feels like he doesn’t deserve it. Soon enough he returned the gesture, resting his arms around your waist while indulging himself in your warm embrace. Aventurine could now die as a happy man.
When the awkward start finally wears off, he gets more comfortable with you! You’ll frequently have his head on top of your lap while he’s peeking at your pretty face with lovestruck eyes during his free time. You’d tease him once in a while and he'd react by hiding his face, burying it to your tummy. You swear you could hear him purr but let’s save that for some other time.
At times like this, Aventurine is grateful with the amount of credits he had within his hands. He would be very happy to dress you up with anything you like! Designer brands, expensive jewelries, exclusively tailored dresses, cute or a more daring look, he’s up for anything. Aventurine is ecstatic and he would spoil you rotten. It still feels surreal to him how he managed to rizz you up until this point.
That being said, he secretly wants you to have a dress matching his aesthetics. Not that he’s going to say it anytime soon. But if you were to joke or mention wanting a dress similar to his color schemes, he’ll get it for you in no time. You’re the one who asked for it, didn’t you? You can see him smiling like an idiot all of the time on the way to your usual boutique. Sometimes you wonder what’s going on inside his mind. 
You learned that he likes to gamble, as if his attire didn’t give it away if anyone were to see him at first glance. He wasn’t sure if you’re fond of this side of his, which leads him to not bring this topic around you. The moment you told him that you would like to join him in one of his games, you can see his eyes twinkling. 
“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Aventurine insisted on you sitting on his lap and you’re not sure how it will affect him. 
“This is all I ever wanted, darling”
“Won’t I be blocking your view?” You shrunk at the thought. Aventurine frowns at your comment.
“Wouldn’t that be beneficial for me? You’re the only thing I wanted to see!”
“I don’t know how poker works but I’m sure that’s not the case,” You giggled at his eagerness, face flustered by how he’s holding you by your waist. Seeing how he’s very sad at the thought of you leaving his lap, you fixed your position from sitting on his lap with your back facing him to your side facing him. Your lower part rests in between his legs and you can now snug your arms around his neck. Your legs are dangling out of his chair’s armrest but you’re glad that you decided to wear a stocking beneath your silky dress. Perfect. 
Aventurine shoves his face to your chest after you’re now comfortable in your new position. Man is in heaven. 
“Is this to your liking?” you stroked his blonde locks while it seems that he’s reluctant to pull his face away from you. He peeked his face out from between your chest, a sly smile adorning his handsome face. You pulled his face up by his chin before leaning down to leave a peck on his lips. He giggled at your motion, his arms pulling you impossibly closer to him.
“I love it,”
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I think y'all can see how I suddenly color my text because I just recently found out how to TwT) I think it looked cute! Anyway comms are open and thank you for reading~
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vinsmokc-sanji · 3 months
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“I can teach you if you’d like”.
Pairing: OPLA Sanji x Reader
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Summary: Sanji finds out you've never been kissed and he's a very eager teacher;
Word count: 1.6K;
Rating/Content Warnings: PG-13; AFAB reader, cigarettes, alcohol consumption;
Author's note: Ok, so... this might turn into a series with Y/N asking Sanji to teach her his ways. I'll see how I'll feel about it, but please: give me your feedback!
“I cannot believe that, Y/N!” said Sanji in a mocking tone, while ducking a punch that would’ve hit him square in the jaw if you two weren’t sharing a bottle of wine while on the crow’s nest as that was the only place that seemed to be away from Zeff’s eyes and gave the both of you at least a little sense of . “I cannot believe you’ve never kissed anyone!”.
“Shut up, you jerk! Not everyone is a whore like you” you replied through gritted teeth. Being the only girl at the Baratie, you dealt with more than your fair share of thirsty boys (and men), so no, you never had that sort of interaction before as overall the amount of attention you normally get was off putting. But of course, that’s what happened when Zeff wasn’t around; if he even though one of the guys was crossing a line, he wouldn’t hesitate to kick someone off the boat in a heartbeat. That little nugget of information about yourself was something that you’d never voluntarily tell, especially to Sanji, but the little wine you had before made your tongue looser than normal.
“And not everyone is a prude like you” the blond replied with shrugged shoulders; unlike you, Sanji tried his way with literally every single female humanoid he laid his eyes upon.
You frowned. “I’m not a prude, I just… got overwhelmed by you guys annoying me all the time. And now I’m too self-conscious of being bad at it, or awkward, or gross, or something like that, so I guess I’ll just never do it and die an old maid” you said dramatically, sliding down the wall in the way only a dramatic woman in her early twenties could. Sanji snorted and sat down by your side while precariously holding the bottle in one hand and placed his free hand on the top of your head. “C’mon Y/N. I’m giving you a hard time but it’s not that big of a deal”.
You rolled your eyes and shook your head, forcing Sanji to remove his hand; “Yeah, sure, it isn’t. Guys don’t even want to sleep with a girl if she’s a virgin as they don’t want responsibility, let alone deal with someone like me. No one wants to deal with this sort of baggage… and it’s fine, really. It doesn’t bother me”.
It was very clear that it did, in fact, bother you.
“I can teach you if you’d like”.
Sanji took a deep breath; the fact that he had a major crush wasn’t a secret to anyone at the restaurant and the wine you had shared was making him a bit bolder than usual.
Of course, he flirted with you every chance he had; but Sanji was highly aware of the line he couldn’t cross and that you mostly saw it as playful banter instead of actual flirting. Both of you had your dreams; you wanted to take over the Baratie when Zeff decided to retire, Sanji still nurtured his wishes for the All Blue and neither of you were going to allow anything to get in the way and you were so focused on your  own goals that you were constantly pushing yourself too hard to the point of exhaustion and getting an earful from Zeff after a handful of particularly hard episodes.
The blond had a shaking smile on his lips; enough to claim he was joking if you were offended, but your big doe eyes looked up at him in an unexpectedly eager way. “Really? You wouldn’t mind?” you asked, clinging on his sleeve as you shifted your position, now kneeling on the ground and staring at Sanji; “Please?”
Sanji felt his heart stop for a second, as he’d never imagined this situation: you, on your knees, asking for him to touch you. As much as he wanted this, he didn’t feel like that would be the best option given that you were both slightly drunk (and the romantic in him didn’t want your first kiss to be a sloppy drunk make out). Sanji knew that the jerk side of him would be kicking himself in the morning, but he just couldn’t do it.
“Sorry kitten, no way. I guess that’s the wine talking… talk to me in the morning and let me know if you’re still up for it, ok? For now, I think it’s best if we went to our individual beds, by ourselves”.
You were now pouting and whining, but still managed to get yourself up from the floor and leave back to your room, still pouting and dragging your feet. Sanji stayed out there for a little longer, trying his hardest not to chase after you, smoking one cigarette after the other.
***
The next morning, Sanji was a bit afraid of how things would go with you — he guessed you’d be embarrassed and avoid him, but you were just your regular self: sassy, animated, cheeky and efficient in the kitchen. Even though his mind kept going back to the crow’s nest situation, Sanji managed to keep his cool and muffle his frustration. As much as he hated to admit, he wanted you to remember last night. He wanted you to, again, beg and pout and whine wanting his lips on yours.
But he still thought that turning you down was the best option for both of you.
The Baratie had a regular day — as regular as a day in the Baratie can be. Sanji kept a close eye on you, but it was like last night had never happened. He tried not to let the bitterness get to him, but he was a little disappointed and upset; as soon as he could, Sanji escaped from the kitchen and climbed to the crow’s nest by himself so he could light up another cigarette and overthink.
Sanji was so lost in thought he didn’t hear you creeping from behind him and almost dropped his cigarette when he felt you tapping his shoulder. You couldn’t help but laugh softly at his over reaction, ignoring the indignant look Sanji was shooting at you. “What? What is it that you want, Y/N, that’s so important for you to nearly kill me?” Sanji had absolutely no bark behind his words, and you knew that.
“Is your proposal still on?”
Again, his heart stopped; he couldn’t feel his hands shaking slightly, and his whole face felt like it was burning. “Wha-what proposal?” Sanji asked, hoping to gain time and composure. “Don’t play with me, little eggplant. You know what I’m talking about” your pink ears and the fact that you were not able to keep eye contact assured Sanji that you were being serious.
“You mean it?”
“I mean… yeah. I came out here looking for you, didn’t I? It’s better if it's with you and not some random guy…” You looked embarrassed, avoiding Sanji’s gaze and fidgeting with your fingers; Sanji couldn’t help but feel his heart swelling by how endearing you looked right now. Without even realizing what he was doing, Sanji tossed his cigarette to the side and closed the distance between the both of you, grabbing your face with both of his hands and forcing you to look up to him. “Then I need you to look me in the eyes and tell me you really want it, Y/N”.
“Please, Sanji… Kiss me?”
Sanji hesitated for a split second before lowering his lips to meet yours; he could feel your trembling breath fanning his face, count every single eyelash that adorned your eyes and he could feel your perfume in such a way that he felt like he was drunk all over again — vanilla, almost like he was inside of a bakery.
When your lips touched, Sanji felt himself melting and he felt dizzy; his head was spinning and his stomach was exploding with butterflies, his heart felt like it was going to burst out of his chest and his fingertips were trembling on your cheeks. You were hesitant, taking you a few seconds before shyly embracing Sanji’s neck with your arms, pulling him closer.
Instinctively Sanji’s hand made their way to your waist, feeling the warmth of your skin under the thin blouse you were wearing. He had to make a conscious effort to not cross any boundaries as he didn’t want to scare you or cross a line, but it was hard to keep himself grounded when he started hearing the little content noises that were coming out from the back of your throat.
When you feel Sanji’s tongue touching your lips, your knees stop functioning for a moment and Sanji has to hold you tight so you won’t fall. His confidence and cockyness kicked in, and Sanji quickly had you pressed against the half-wall of the crow’s nest, his hands now seemingly all over you: your neck, your hair, your face, your waist; your head was spinning and now you had your hands tangled into Sanji’s hair, you could taste the cigarette he was having and that mixed with the expensive cologne he always wore made you feel like you were having a fever dream. You could feel yourself getting hotter by the second, and it felt like Sanji weren’t close enough to you.
Reluctantly, Sanji holds your face with both his hands and pulls away; he needs to take a deep breath and regain his composure. You whine, trying to pull him back so you can kiss him again, but Sanji merely kisses your forehead and brings you into a hug, tucking your head under his chin.
“There you go, princess. That was your first lesson”.
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fairyhaos · 7 months
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how seventeen help their s/o who bumps into things
requested by anon: "I'm someone who is pretty bad with my peripheral view & I end up bumping into corners, walls, or tripping/stumbling over objects that are near me, I was wondering if you could make a svt reaction to them realizing this really bad habit & how they would react?"
notes: a 'how svt' reaction from fairyhaos after a long, long time ! i hope you guys like it <3
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seungcheol
in the beginning he'd get soso concerned that you were constantly bumping into corners and tripping over things on the floor. has attempted to book and drag you to an appointment at the opticians on a total of 5 different occasions only for you to insist that it's just your horrible peripheral vision and it's Fine. gets worried that you're gonna bruise yourself rlly badly, but you've convinced him to be less hovery-panicky when you accidentally walk into the latest inanimate object.
jeonghan
alternates wildly between acting like a concerned parent and not batting an eye. he's quick to pull you away from walls when it looks like you're getting close to bumping into it while rushing around a corner tho. makes small, conscious efforts to prevent you from hurting yourself, like holding your hand while you're out walking together or making sure that pathways through doors are as smooth as possible in his house so there are no obstacles for you to bump into. still laughs and shakes his head fondly as he remembers the one time to rammed head first into a glass door bc you didn't realize it was shut
joshua
you've bumped into his dining table and his coffee table and every piece of furniture in his house so many times that he asks you one day, half joking and half serious, if you'd like him to baby proof his house for you. finds it rlly endearing actually. gets concerned that you'll get painful bruises tho and always whips out an ice pack when you've had a particularly nasty bump with the wall, but other than that he's gonna make a surprised "oh!" sound before smiling and rushing over to you to pat your head and ask if his lovely darling is doing okay and do you want him to kiss is better for you? ^^
junhui
you're just like him fr!!!!! this little kitty keeps bumping his head on stuff bc he misjudges how short something is (or how tall he is) and so the two of you together are Walking Hazards. neither of you can walk in a straight line. you're constantly bumping shoulders, or bumping into other people, or just bumping into Stuff all the time. jeonghan jokes that you just make each other worse, and you protest every time before accidentally bumping into a table or a wall and making junhui trip over your feet bc he was standing far too close to you
hoshi
acts like it's the end of the world every time. wails loudly, whips out an emergency aid kit from somewhere and asks you to "show me the injury babe, show me where the wall hurt you so i can fix it immediately!!!!!" even if it's just a light, accidental touch against the wall as you turn a corner, he's fussing over your shoulder and asking if you need any bandages. definitely carried u bridal style one time bc you just kept on bumping into things as you walked and he was like. that's it. i can't have you being hurt anymore just jump into my arms and ill carry u!!!! he ended up almost tripping over thin air but oh well. he means well. 
wonwoo
his eyes immediately zero in on you whenever he hears a soft "thump" and the sound of you either swearing your head off or making a small "oops" sound, depending on how hard you'd hit something this time. always assesses if you've hurt yourself badly before deciding how to respond, but these days he's learnt that your bumps often aren't incredibly life threatening and more like a little kitten bumping into their reflection in the mirror bc they didn't even know reflections existed. it's kind of cute, he thinks, even if he does wince in sympathy a little when you stub your toe against a chair leg and then start swearing like a sailor
woozi
you come running into his room to show him something before abruptly tripping over a fold in a rug, bashing into the wall and knocking his headphones off his side table all in the span of three seconds, and he doesn't know whether he should laugh or ask you if you're okay. he's kinda used to it now tho, so he does both, and you just roll your eyes before flopping onto his bed and pulling out your phone to show him the video you originally came to show. it's a normal occurrence, you're both used to it, and he's long since given up trying to protect you from your habits
minghao
yelps in surprise every time, and then sucks in his teeth and clicks his tongue, pulling you closer to him to avoid any more accidents. rubs your arm or your hip or wherever you've managed to hit yourself against something this time, telling you that your body is precious okay u can't keep hurting yourself like this >:(( still lowkey thinks you look like an adorable bumbling baby animal tho, especially when you walk wobbily and end up bumping into something before shaking your head confusedly and continuing on your path. is trying to teach you better spacial awareness. can't tell if it's actually working or not. 
mingyu
he loves it. thinks it's hilarious. not the part where you might hurt yourself, but the part where you run into stuff and go "oops" so adorably. the both of you are The Clumsy™ couple with mingyu breaking things left and right and you giving yourself bruises every day when you bump into the latest innocent object that had been minding its own business. the first few times he was worried you'd hurt yourself really badly, but once he realised that you didn't get too hurt from it then he'd resorted to grinning at you adoringly (like your terrible peripheral vision was something cute???) bc he just thinks anything you do is so funny and sweet
dokyeom
always has an arm slung over your shoulder whenever he can while out walking on the street to protect you from dangerous corners or lamp posts or anything while you're out and about. it doesn't stop you bumping your hip against like, those mini standing cafe signs, or tripping over cracked paving slabs though, no matter how securely he's holding you into his side. you always end up making a surprised noise when you bump into something and then immediately apologise to the object, and it makes seokmin burst into laughter every time and pull you even closer to him because he just thinks that it's the funniest and cutest thing ever
seungkwan
soooo protective of you like actually. he would totally not be averse to the idea of wrapping you up in bubble wrap from the moment you wake up to the moment you're back in your safe and not dangerous bed at the end of the day. tsks affectionately and has lovingly dubbed you his mini walking disaster. makes startled noises every time you walk into or out of a room and accidentally trip over the uneven flooring or your own feet. tells you to pay better attention to ur surroundings, but tbh he's one to talk bc he's stubbing his toe against a table leg literally five times a month
vernon
spends like ten seconds laughing at you when you bump shoulders with a lamp post on the street and then automatically muttering a "sorry". then he's so busy laughing that he walks smack into a lamp post himself, head first and making a concerning ringing sound as he does so and now it's your turn to laugh, even whilst you're holding his head and making sure that he hasn't given himself a concussion. you're not too bothered by your terrible peripheral vision (okay, you are, but you've kinda accepted it now) so hansol just thinks it's funny too. plus his hand-eye coordination isn't the best, so the both of u are always stumbling into stuff 24/7 anyways
chan
pretends to square up at whatever object or obstacle you've had an altercation with this time. he's all like "oh you DARED to be in the way, huh???? you're gonna pay for that!!" until you're laughing and trying to drag him down the street again. asks if you're okay, afterwards, smiling all the same bc he loves that he was able to make you laugh bc of how he reacted. and at home the freezer is stocked with mini ice packs bc he is Afraid that one day you're gonna bruise yourself rlly badly and god forbid you have to get Hurt and god forbid that you think he won't immediately try and do everything within his power to make the hurt go away :(( 
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beachylupin · 8 months
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I'm Not In Love || Remus Lupin x Muggle!Fem!Reader
i'm sorry for such the long wait everyone! but here it is! the heartbreak you've all been waiting for! i'm sorry if this is bad, but i didn't want a happy ending just yet. feedback is welcomed and appreciated! to preface: this part takes place at the very beginning of november here's part one and the moodboard word count: 3.8k warnings: mention of alcohol and cigarettes, swearing, descriptions of a panic attack, angst!!!!!!, reader is kind of an asshole, miscommunication, quickly edited
“I really don’t want to go,” you told Lily, hands on your cheeks as you rested your elbows on your kitchen island. “It’s actually like… the last thing I want to do with my time.”
“Please,” Lily begged from the other side of the counter, causing you to groan. “The whole Remus thing was a misunderstanding. He’s been very busy, but I know that he really wants to call you.”
Your head hit the table with a dull thud.
Busy? Remus hadn’t called you even though you gave him your number at Lily’s wedding a month ago. You genuinely thought he was interested, just as you were, and still are, but after the first month of dead silence, you got the message loud and clear. “Busy” wasn’t a very good excuse anymore. As far as you were concerned, he wanted nothing to do with you, and you couldn’t help but wonder why as you tried to forget about him.
Despite how many times James and Lily came to your flat or you went to their new one in that short time, Remus was rarely mentioned until now. Hell, you had seen more of Sirius than you had of him, and now two months after the wedding and a week before Sirius’s birthday, Lily hasn’t shut up about him.
“I’m not worried about the Remus thing,” you lied as you raised your head off the table, rubbing your forehead. “I’m worried about the wizard bar thing.”
That part wasn’t a lie. If a wizard wedding made you feel as self-conscious as ever, you couldn’t even imagine what a wizard bar would be like. They had different drinks with different effects, and you didn’t want to make an ass of yourself in front of someone who made you comfortable at said wedding then rejected you. You just wanted to fit in with a group of wizards, and you were already spiraling because of Remus’ apparent rejection. You had been rejected by other men before, sure, and while it hurt, this blow from Remus really threw you for a loop, causing a sour ache to start in the bottom of your chest whenever you thought about him. That meant the ache never really went away, but it lessened when you were busy with work or studying. You didn’t know if you could handle not being accepted by a whole friend group.
“It’s not at a wizard bar,” Lily huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. “I’ve told you at least twenty times that it’s at the pub right down the road from your complex.”
“Oh, weird,” you said, definitely remembering, but you scrunch your nose anyway, pretending to rack your brain. “I would’ve remembered that, but it’s like… I don’t want to go or something.”
“You’re insufferable.” Lily met your glare with one of her own. “You know I could just lead Remus to your flat, right?”
“You wouldn’t do that,” you challenged, and Lily only smiled. “Lils, please. The wedding was with him was fine, but if he liked me, he would’ve called-”
“Remus wouldn’t just call,” she huffed, crossing her arms. “He’s much more romantic than that.”
“Well, I sure haven’t seen any of it, have I?” You grumbled back. “I’m not going.”
Lily went back to whining, a pout replacing her scowl. “Come on. Sirius would love-”
You began to lie, “I don’t know Sirius-”
“Just show up!” She snapped, raising her eyebrows. “Say it was a coincidence.” You groaned, and Lily grabbed your hands. “I’ll buy you as many vodka crans as you can drink, and you can hang out with the girls and I.”
“Lily-”
“Please,” she said, squeezing your hands. Lily looked so hopeful, her green eyes full of optimism. She knew it would break your heart to say no as she batted her lashes. “Please.”
“Fine,” you grumbled, and Lily squealed, rounding the island to pull your head into her chest in a squishy hug. You threw your arms around her to stabilize yourself on the stool, but she took it as a sign to squeeze harder, rocking you from side to side. “You’re a fucking menace.”
“I promise you it’s going to be so fun!” She cooed, pressing an enthusiastic kiss to the crown of your head before she gasped. “We have to pick you out an outfit!”
The next week was filled with near mental anguish. While you mentally prepared to see Remus again, you fully convinced yourself that he rejected you. He rejected you.
Could it be because you weren’t pretty enough? Or maybe you weren’t interesting enough. You had a sinking feeling it was because you weren’t like him. You couldn’t do anything he could do, and, in fact, you had to work much harder for things than he did. That’s fine, you reminded yourself.
You had to make yourself okay with this. You constantly told yourself that it was okay that he didn’t like you even though he was all you ever thought about. It’s not as though you knew each other. You had met once, you kept telling yourself. It wasn’t that deep. It was just a fun little crush that you had at a wedding. You weren’t in love. It’s fine.
You told yourself that he wasn’t busy. Remus just didn’t want you. That’s why he didn’t call. You weren’t enough for him, and you just had to accept that fact before you had to face him again to avoid any of the awkwardness.
It was going to have to be fine. You were going to have to act like everything was fine.
You arrived late to the party on purpose, busy pacing your flat and preening yourself in every mirror you passed. Nervousness made its home in your belly, anchoring itself by winding its way through your muscles and nerves. You could feel yourself flush scarlet as you doused yourself in perfume for the last time before you absolutely had to go.
You left your complex at a quarter to ten even though Lily told you to be there at nine sharp. Your heeled boots that Lily made you wear clicked on the pavement as you walked as slow as possible to the pub. Catching the reflection of yourself as you passed a darkened store front, you sighed.
You had on a black leather blazer, covering the sheer black tights, a black mini-skirt, and the white, lacy blouse you were wearing. You curled your hair, per Lily’s request, and darkened your lips with a wine-colored lipstick, matching it with a basic, brown eye. She said you were going to look “so in.”
You leaned toward the window, fixing your earring in the glass as you contemplated going home.
“Say it was a coincidence!” Lily’s words rang in your head as you fixed your other earring.
“A coincidence,” you mumbled to yourself. “A funny coincidence.”
You stepped away from the window, huffing to yourself as you set off toward the pub again, spotting it on the next street corner. Rehearsing what you’d say to everyone quietly to yourself, you finally reached the pub door.
Throwing your head back, praying a silent prayer, you entered the busy pub, bee-lining to the bar as if you weren’t expecting to see anyone that you knew. Taking a seat, you ordered a manhattan, scooching yourself closer to the bar.
In all reality, you spotted them right away, the girls were in the small crowd in front of the DJ and the boys, dressed as posh as ever, were around a small table, talking loudly. You knew Lily spotted you too, but you didn’t want to find out who else saw you, or even worse, who she told.
Your drink came with a grin from the bartender as you slipped off your coat, placing it underneath you. You silently thanked him then fished out the cherry at the bottom of the glass, popping it in your mouth and sucking it dry from the whiskey that it had absorbed.
You picked up the glass then turned around on your stool, scanning the crowd.
“... a coincidence!” Lily’s words echoed again. 
You knew that at least Lily knew you were here, so there was no point in blatantly avoiding them. But what would you say? Your pre-planned conversation was gone. The nervousness wound its way up to your throat, forming a lump.
You took a sip of your cocktail as soon as you caught Lily staring at you from the dance floor. She turned around quickly, said something to Marlene, Mary, and Dorcas then walked away from them, a determined scowl on her face as she approached you.
“You’re late!” She hissed, pulling you into a hug. She reeked of vodka, her sour breath wafting into your face as she spoke again. “I said nine, and it’s ten!”
“I was nervous,” you mumbled, holding your drink out so that you could take the rest of it behind her back. “Sorry,” you said after you swallowed thickly.
Lily pulled away from you, her face still in a scowl. “I told you not to be!” She huffed, glancing over her shoulder. “The girls saw you as soon as you came in. You better put a smile on your face because they’re-” Lily’s whole demeanor changed as Mary’s hand met her shoulder. She smiled artificially, her lips pulling up to expose her teeth. “Look who I found!”
You sent your empty glass on the bar, mouth opening with faux surprise. “Oh my God!” You said, smiling widely. “I had no idea that you guys were going to be here!”
You hopped down from your stool, pulling each girl into a tight hug, squeezing them as long as necessary for them to believe that you were actually shocked.
“I was just coming to get a drink!” You gushed, glancing at Lily. “This is such a funny coincidence!”
“Come on, darlin’!” Marlene said, grabbing your coat and your hand. She beamed at Dorcas and Mary. “We haveta go show the boys who we found!”
“We really don’t-”
“Don’t worry, I’ll get you another drink,” Lily said, smiling sweetly. You could see right through it, knowing she was still slightly mad at you. “Vodka cran, right, love?”
You grit your teeth into a smile. “Right. Thanks, Lils.”
Marlene giggled as she pulled you toward the boys, Dorcas and Mary lagging behind. “Mary thinks she’s gonna hook up wit’ Sirius tonight,” she gushed in your ear drunkenly. “‘S never gonna happen, but poor Mary sure thinks so.” She snorted, now walking way too far ahead of you, dragging you along.
You looked at the group of boys she was pulling you toward, all of them engrossed in a conversation except for the one you were actually trying to avoid.
From your quick glance, you could tell Remus’ cheeks were flushed, and you didn’t want to know if it was because the heat seemed to have turned up about ten degrees since you had locked eyes, or if he was drunk. You decided it was the latter in an attempt to make yourself feel better, ignoring the acid that burned your chest.
“Look who ickle Lils found sittin’ at the bar all by her lonesome,” Marlene slurred as soon as you walked up to the boys.
You felt your mouth pull into a smile despite the hammering in your ears. “Hi,” you said, feeling your arm wave a small wave.
You felt as though you were having an out of body experience as James pulled you into a sweaty, beer-soaked hug, squeezing you, and passing you along to Sirius, who kissed your cheek with wet lips. 
“Happy birthday,” you mumbled as he pulled you into a hug, swearing he was sweating Jose Cuervo.
“I told you she was going to come!” Sirius ranted from behind your back. “Pretty girl can’t get enough of me!” He let go, his arm around your shoulder.
“Cat’s out of the bag,” you said, shrugging as he kissed your cheek once more.
“Someone’s more than excited to see you, doll,” he said near your ear, gently nudging you toward Remus.
You took your first real look at him. Remus hadn’t changed much except for the fact that he wasn’t leaning on a cane, and he had gotten his haircut, getting rid of the sun-bleached strands and leaving muddy brown in its place. You could tell he had been drinking by the way the sleeves on his white button-down were rolled up to his elbows, the top two buttons undone. You could see the outline of a box of cigarettes in the pocket of his black slacks.
He looked good. You could feel your face burn, trying to rub it away and playing it off like there was a fly buzzing around your head.
“Hiya,” you said, trying to be as nonchalant as possible as you pulled him into a one-armed hug around his middle.
He sniffed, moving his drink to his other hand as he squeezed your shoulder, mumbling, “Yeah, hi.”
The two of you separated almost instantly. Peter nodded a hello to you while James and Sirius exchanged looks. Marlene had turned around, loudly shouting at Mary and Dorcas who were on their way over.
Your gaze snapped to the ground as you swallowed thickly. The pep talk you gave yourself didn’t help at all.
“I’m going to head to the loo quick,” you said, glancing at James and Sirius. “I’ll be right back.”
Before anyone could protest or tell you that they were coming with you, you shot off toward the bathroom, trying not to break out into a full sprint.
You pushed the bathroom door open, entering a dingy stall and locking it behind yourself.
Sitting down on the surprisingly clean toilet, you let your head hit your hands with your elbows firmly planted on your knees.
“You’re fine,” you mumbled, sucking a breath into your reluctant lungs, pushing it out as you mumbled. “It’s fine.”
You recognized the panic as soon as you saw Remus in all of his glory. You pushed the heels of your palms into your eyes, trying to stop the inevitable tears. Breathing started to seem hard as you sucked another unwilling breath into your lungs.
Your week of talking yourself up hadn’t worked. It wasn’t just a crush. Love at first, or second, sight was real, and unfortunately, you seemed to be experiencing it. 
Your hands started to shake as you took in another breath. Standing, you opened the stall door, walking out to grip the sink and stare at yourself.
You looked fine albeit for the single tear that you swiped from your cheek, so why didn’t you feel fine.
“I’m fine. I'm having fun,” you told yourself quietly. “Just get a drink, a-and act normal. I’m not in love. I’m fine, and I’m here to have fun.”
I’m not in love. The bile rose in your throat as you thought that phrase over again. I’m not in love.
You cupped your hands under the faucet, taking a scoop of tap water into your mouth.
Just then, Lily peeked in, her eyebrows furrowed with worry.
“The lads say you ran off,” she said, clutching your elbow. “Are you alright?”
“This wasn’t a good idea,” you muttered to Lily, shutting off the water. “I feel like I’m going to throw up.”
“What?” Her eyebrows pinched together. “Is this about Remus?” You reluctantly nodded. “You’re fine, okay? He’s just awkward.”
“He wasn’t awkward at your wedding,” you mumbled.
“That’s news to me,” Lily scoffed. “You’re just overthinking.”
“I just really want to go-”
“Come on, you big worry wart,” Lily said, tucking you into her side. “Let’s go see the girls. They’re talking about Mary getting into Sirius’ pants.”
“Lily, please-”
“It’ll be fun, I promise,” she said, patting your shoulder.
“Lils-”
Despite your protest, Lily guided you out of the bathroom and over to the girls at the bar.
“-just so dreamy, right?” Mary cooed, her longing look thrown at Sirius. Lily snorted as Marlene scoffed.
“He’s not into you!” Dorcas groaned, her arm around Marlene’s waist. “He’s not going home with anyone, and I think you’d know that by now!”
“But I could convince him, right?” Mary asked redundantly, glancing at you. “Right?”
You shrugged. “I know nothing.”
Mary whined. “Oh, you’re no help.”
“If he wanted to shag ya, he woulda done it by now,” Marlene slurred, lightly punching Mary’s shoulder. “I would know.”
“Oh, shut up!” Mary huffed, punching her friend back. “That was five years ago-”
“Hey,” Remus said, approaching from behind you with a tight smile. The quiet chorus of girlish hellos answered him. He stopped next to you, specifically looking just at you. “Hi. Alright?”
You met his gaze and nodded quietly, “Yeah.”
The girls continued talking, ignoring his interruption. You tried to listen back to what they were saying, but Remus’ hand met your bicep in a gentle squeeze, pulling you away slightly.
“Can I talk to you?” He asked, lips close to your ear.
Your eyes met Lily’s for a fleeting second, a look of help me flashing in yours as Lily lightly shook her head.
“S-sure,” you mumbled, pulling away from him. You took a step away from the group, waiting for his explanation.
“We’re uh- we’re just going to go have a ciggy quick. Cheers ladies,” he said, and he grabbed your clammy hand, pulling you out of the pub.
You could just walk away. You could completely ignore him and just walk home. You wanted to, but your feet wouldn’t let you, planting you near the wall next to him.
Remus dropped your hand then lit his cigarette, leaning against the wall and blowing out smoke. He glanced at you, then looked down, obviously contemplating what he was going to say. “I- I’m sorry about um… About not calling you? I lost your number, and-”
You nodded, hardly hearing him over your heart pounding in your ears, puffing a small laugh through your nose. “I’ve never heard that one before-”
“It’s not like that,” Remus huffed over you.
You chuckled, feeling the panic in your chest crescendo as you removed yourself from the wall to pace in front of him, “I’ve been rejected before, Remus. It’s not that big a deal.”
“I never rejected-”
“It’s fine, okay?! It’s fine!” You laughed to yourself, your fingers meeting your temple with a dull rub as you stopped pacing. “This is exactly why I didn’t want to fucking come,” you muttered, turning toward the pub door.
“You didn’t want to come because- because of me?” Remus guawaffed, his eyebrows furrowed. “I didn’t reject you!”
“No, it’s fine.” Your fingertips met the bridge of your nose as you paused, trying to make yourself not cry. You huffed softly, facing him again. “Look, okay? I’m stupid, and I shouldn’t have ever given you my number, alright? Just forget about it, alright? It’s fine. I-I should’ve known that something like… like this-” you gestured between the two of you, your voice shaking. “-would never work.”
“Like what?” Remus’ cigarette was abandoned, the coal working its way slowly toward the filter.
“I like you,” you admitted, still looking at him. “A-and I know that sounds stupid because love at first sight is fucking- fucking fairytale shit, but I thought that maybe you thought the same things that I thought about you and that maybe it would work, but-”
“What do you mean?! I like you, I just lost-” He started, trying to take your hand in his.
The panic quickly turned to anger as you ripped your hand away from him.
“Look at us, Remus! We’d be wasting our precious time!” you shouted harshly over him, your hand flying in the air. “You’re a bloody wizard!” you hissed at him. “And I’m not! I-I… I can’t do any of the things that you can do.”
“That doesn’t matter-”
“But it does, and that’s why I’m saying to forget about the whole fucking thing, okay?” You turned away from him, walking back toward the pub door. “Just forget about it.”
“I like you!” He raised his voice, catching your shoulder. “I don’t want to just forget!”
You whipped around to face him, pushing his hand off your shoulder. “You’re just saying that because you feel bad for me,” you said, your teeth ground together.
Remus huffed. “I lost your number.” He enunciated every word, his jaw clenched. “I already told you that.”
“You could’ve gotten it from Lily,” You countered loudly, gesturing toward the building where you knew she was still having the fun she had promised you. “You could’ve rang Lily up and specifically fucking asked her-”
“I did!” He shouted, startling you. You shut your mouth, blinking owlishly. “I asked her,” he said, quieter this time. “But, as you know, they moved about a month ago and she misplaced her phone book, and couldn’t remember it off the top of her head.” Tentatively, Remus held both your biceps, leveling with you so that he could look you right in the eye. He let out a shaky breath, and softly said, “I wanted to call you. Honestly… I-I wanted to show up at your flat with- with flowers o-or something, but that would’ve made me look-”
“Creepy,” you whispered pointedly, nodding. “I get it.”
He dropped your arms, looking away from you with his jaw still clenched. “I’m sorry I yelled at you,” he said earnestly. “I just… I just like you, okay? And I wanted to get my point across, but you weren’t listening, and-”
You could feel yourself begin to well up, and it wasn’t because he yelled at you. You yelled at him, and he hadn’t even done anything wrong. Your panic had gotten the best of you. It was a genuine misunderstanding, just like Lily told you. You were wrong about him, yet again.
Instead of hearing him out, you walked quickly back into the pub, ignoring the way he called your name as he tried to catch up to you.
“I’m going home,” you said thickly as soon as you found Lily.
“Are you crying?” She asked, pulling you toward her. “What happened?”
“Lily, it’s fine. I’m fine.” You said shakily, your mouth pressing into a line. “I just want to go home.”
“Do you want me to walk-”
“No,” you answered, wiping tears off your cheeks as you looked over your shoulder. “Just distract him, okay? I don’t need him following me.”
Lily’s eyebrows furrowed, but she nodded.
“I’ll call you later, okay?” You said, quickly kissing her cheek. “I love you.”
You didn’t even let her respond as you rushed through the crowd, leaving through the back door of the pub.
You felt like a complete idiot. You had made an ass out of yourself, and you were convinced that now none of them liked you due to what you did to their friend.
You couldn’t believe yourself. He had admitted his feelings for you, and you blew up in his face. Your heart sunk to the bottom of your stomach, joining the sour ache that made its home there two months ago.
Remus liked you, and you ruined it.
You stopped, looking up at the nearly moonless sky, sighing out the breath you had been holding in.
“Fucking idiot,” you muttered, and continued on your way home. Alone.
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txmxkis · 25 days
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Rinii, what do you think kuroo would say or react when reader starts feeling self-conscious about readers body, like if reader asks "am i getting fatter" or "do you think im fat?"
ohhhhhh i did not plan to do this but this is something that is so personal to me
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warnings. gn!reader, fluffy and probably cheesy as always, chubby!reader is implied but i tried to keep it as inclusive as possible, reader is insecure. again, apparently i can only write self indulgent things my bad
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you were supposed to be ready to leave the apartment half an hour ago. you weren't usually one to be late to anything, in fact it made you incredibly anxious when you were. however, today your insecurity outweighed your need to be punctual, and you just couldn't leave while looking like this.
actually, today you couldn't leave looking like anything. pieces of clothing lay strewn across the room, hangers discarded on the floor next to the closet. you had tried on every single one, and still there were none that looked flattering on you.
"oi! are you ready yet? i mean, take your time 'n everything, but technically we're late."
kuroo's voice calling from the other room pulls you out of your thoughts momentarily. he never rushes you, which is something you appreciate greatly. it helps that he knows you well enough to know that you would never be late without good reason.
"is there something i can help with orrrr?"
you could hear his voice getting closer and you really didn't want him to see you in this state right now.
he pokes his head past the doorframe and makes a noise of astonishment.
"a tornado go through here while i was gone or somethin'? or are you just trying to spontaneously reorganize things again."
you roll your eyes at that second thing.
"noooo, i just can't decide what to wear. nothing looks good on me today."
he's standing fully in the doorway now, hands in his pockets as he raises an eyebrow and looks you up and down.
"then wear nothing, it looks great on you."
he smirks and you make a futile attempt not to crack a smile as you feel your face start to burn. suddenly you're even more self conscious, so you grab the nearest piece of clothing to hold in front of you.
"tetsurou, i'm being serious! we needed to leave like forty minutes ago and i can't wear any of these clothes without looking-"
you stop yourself just before you could say fat. you hate giving the word a negative connotation. there's nothing wrong with being fat, nothing that should make you feel like this, anyway. like you wanted to crawl out of your skin. usually you were pretty neutral about your body, on very rare occasions could even love things about it. sometimes, it all catches up to you, though.
all the whispers in your head that come from no one but yourself, degrading you and making you feel worthless because of how you look. logically, you know those thoughts are complete and utter bullshit, but it's so hard to continuously fight against them. today, you're slipping a little.
"i know exactly what you're thinking over there. something about your clothes not fitting quite right and that somehow it makes you unloveable."
you don't even have time to pretend to be shocked that he knows you so well before he just keeps on going.
"well i've got news for you, babe, i've never seen you manage to look bad. i actually think it's impossible for you or something."
for a few moments too long, you just stand there gaping at him. he takes that as his cue to walk towards you, remove the sweater that you've been using as a shield, and toss it off to the side.
"there. better."
you finally snap out of it and smack him on the arm, but before you can pull away, he catches your wrist. he brings it up to his lips slowly, and kisses right where your pulse is probably hammering away at the moment, locking eyes with you as he does.
how are you ever supposed to argue with him if he keeps stunning you into silence?
"i don't think you'll ever understand how much i love you, doesn't matter if you change physically or not. and it doesn't matter what you wear either, so can you pleaseeee put on something so we can go. we both know you'll look perfect in anything."
"ugh, fine! but you get to help me pick."
he rubs his hands together with a devious grin, and you know he'll be grabbing the most revealing thing he can find. you know him well, too, after all.
"something appropriate."
"awww, damn."
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