#that it never occurred to you i might not be the best person to discuss that with

[penguinsfly]

I unfortunately saw something I didn't want to see and that was my last straw. I'm fucking doing this.

Let's establish this first. Alastor is stated in the show to be asexual that is not up to discussion. He is also very heavily implied in the same conversation to be aromatic. 'An Ace in the hole' being used in context of him being with Charlie is also implying his aromanticism.

VIDEO

If that's not enough then here is Viv speaking about his romantic orientation. It's pretty clear despite the fact that afterwards she said it's okay to headcanon whatever (it's not but I will get o that later) that he is written purely as an aro ace character.

On top of that going by Alastor's interaction with Angel from the pilot and the first episode it is clear that he is sex repulsed. Not only that but on the fandom website he is stated to be touch averse with two sources which you can check out on the website.

Hazbin hotel wiki, Alastor page

Now we established that Alastor is canonically Asexual, Aromantic, Sex Repulsed and Touch Averse

As I also am all of the above I'll try to explain everything to the best of my ability as simply as I can.

Aromanticism and Asexuality.

I'm probably targeting the audience that knows those terms but regardless I will explain it anyway.

Aromantic - people that experience little to no romantic attraction towards any gender

Asexual - people that experience little to no sexual attraction towards any gender.

Little to no

Asexuality and aromanticism are spectrums in which people can feel certain attractions towards people but those attractions are less occurring or are defined by personal connection.

Diagram from AVEN website

However some people are at the end of the spectrum, they never felt attraction and that's valid. Alastor was stated to be aroace he wasn't written as demi or as gray he was written as aroace as in the end of the spectrum. His repulsion and not giving shit about romance or sex speaks for itself.

Representation

I do understand that everyone wants to be represented but it's so important to understand that aroace people are one of the most underrepresented queer groups in the media.

And I'm not here to scream about how I want my fav character to be just like me I don't care for it I'm way too confident in my orientation to rely on that however I'm tired of explaining to people what asexuality and aromanticism is just to receive 'are you sure' or 'you'll change your mind' or 'its not real' or the community favourite 'you'll find the right person' no I won't I'm not looking thank you very much (I just smile and nod to be polite and I'm sick of it).

'Harmless' buts like: 'He might be on the spectrum', 'AroAce people can still feel attraction' hurt the final outcome for all the people on the spectrum not only strictly aroaces because it allows people to write one shots with 'Demi Alastor' that falls in love in 2000 words because he is 'demi' (spoiler alert: they don't understand what that label means). It's just a cover, an opening, sneaky way to disregard his orientation, feel good about themselves and move on. Newsflash there is no moving on for aroace people it's our life.

Shipping

Shipping is just harmless fun right? Usually yes but not in this case. In the same way its not okay to ship gay characters with genders they are not attracted to.

It's erasure and since there is much less people identifying on aro/ace spectrums then there is gay or bi people our voices are being silenced. Not to mention that gay people received support from entire LGBTQIA+ community over the years in contrast to aro/ace specs who to this day are told that we are 'not queer enough' or 'not oppressed enough' often by other queer people.

And finally... FINALLY we get cannon Aro/Ace character that is clearly not interested in romance and sex. Character that beats stereotypes of boring and timid aro/ace people and what's the first people do? They ship him. Alastor's storyline provides so many points to be explored like 'what is his backstory', ' what's about his deal', ' how does he fit in in the found family trope' , 'does he care about hotel guests' yet people choose to write about the only thing that he is not interested in. As a heavily repulsed person that used to be horrified about the fact that I'll have to fall in love with somebody at some point before I found out what aro/ace is I find it repulsive and trust me he would too.

But Viv said it's okay!

Its the same point once again. What if Viv said that it's okay to ship gay Angel with woman. She doesn't have authority to say shit like that.

Queerplatonic relationships

I can't tell you not to do it I don't think he would be necessary interested in it but for fuck sake do your research and try to understand what queerplatonic means before you use it as a cover to shamelessly ship him. Respect the fact that he is sex repulsed and touch averse and you're fine.

Why can't you just avoid it?

First of all I shouldn't have to. Alastor's orientation should be respected in the fandom like any other orientation is. Second of all I've tried. I tried to only look up AroAce Alastor tag I've blocked over 80 people on tumblr alone (I just counted) to avoid to see anything that could trigger me and I'm not talking about slightly shippy posts or fanarts I'm talking about full blown disregard towards his orientation. Guess what it didn't work!

Archive of our own where do I start. I've used this website for over a decade and I could probably count days I didn't go there on my fingers. I'm fluent in AO3 I know which tags I should block. I know how to skim thorough the summary and tags to see if I'm interested. I've seen shit I'm a shipper I've been on ao3 for ten years but never had to mentally prepare myself to face queerphobia as I click on the tab.

Just use aro/ace Alastor tag.

I do and let me tell you people can't tag for shit or they just pretend to be clueless at this point. Besides see this?

there is more ff with Alastor/reader (disgusting) than there is Alastor with his canon orientation and to play the devils advocate for arophobic people there is more Angel/Alastor then his stated in the show sexuality. I understand that fandom goes back before the show was aired but Viv confirmed his orientation back then too.

Summary

I could go on and on bout different issues and maybe I will in the future but I'm not wasting anymore of this weekend on it. I'm ready to answer any questions as long as they are respectful.

I'm aware that he is a fictional character, it doesn't affect him in any way whatsoever but it does affect aromantic and asexual people keep it in mind.

If there are any mistakes grammar related I'm not sorry I'm fluent in English (not my first language) but I took 3h nap in between and I'm sleep deprived.

Have a nice day.

#alastor #aroace alastor #hazbin hotel #aromantic #asexual #aromantic alastor #asexual alastor

[actingwithportals]

I wish more people understood that not every blind person is the exact same and we do not all need the same things and also the circumstances under how you were raised and when your blindness occurred and how involved you were in a blind community all play parts into what accessibility needs you will have.

Like. I was born legally blind. My vision has been for the most part stable my whole life, and it is likely to not change (unless normal worsening with age). I was raised in a family full of sighted people and all of my friends and members of my community were sighted people. I did not start meeting other blind people and joining blind communities until my early teenage years. This shaped me in such a way that I never learned Braille until I started teaching myself when I got older, did not learn to use a cane until I started attending blind camps as a teen, did not know I had an option of asking for accessibility with videos or images or menus or shopping or cooking or ANYTHING until I met other blind people who made it clear to me that there was a way I could exist with independence as a blind person and didn't have to just. miss out on life that I couldn't see.

So a vast majority of the way I taught myself to get by is very different from someone who spent a lot more of their early years around other blind people. But I also picked up a great deal of "normal" blind accessibility tricks from my teen years of involving myself with more blind communities that other blind folks who never involve themselves in blind communities are aware of or find useful.

My vision teacher as a kid showed me JAWS and explained what it was, but never really bothered to teach me to use it because ZoomText she decided was better for me. So I grew up to use screen magnifiers and not screenreaders. She didn't teach me Braille because she could get ahold of large print books, and when she couldn't she would find me a vast array of magnifiers to use. Ones with lights, ones in different shapes, some that were actual screen devices while others were simply glass. She didn't teach me how to use a cane and instead got me monoculars and bioptics, even though those actually...were not very easily usable to me. I had to teach myself how to use a cane after my first year of camp where I was gifted one, and later expanded upon learning when I finally took Orientation and Mobility training my year before moving out to college. I wouldn't start learning Braille until around the same time when I was given a Brailler by the specific state agency that provided assistive devices to blind students during high school and college.

So now, as an adult, what I find useful is reading text on a screen so that I can adjust my own contrast and magnification, I use a cane when walking around on my own outside of my home or other familiar areas, I use Braille on my keyboard and around on my household appliances so that I don't have to bend over or squint to attempt to read any settings or buttons or keys. A different blind person who grew up with different circumstances will have a very different list of assistive technology that is useful to them. Some will hate magnifiers and prefer audiobooks. Some would rather read Braille. Some will use puff paint or color-coding for household appliances or items like on clothing tags or toothbrushes. Some will use bioptics or monoculars when going to the theater instead of sitting close to the screen, or they might do both, or neither and will just listen. Some will use canes, some will use service dogs, some will use neither, or might prefer a sighted guide.

There are...so many ways a blind person might choose to make their life accessible. And we do not always agree with each other on what is best, because we do not all have the same eyes. Nor do we have the same ears, or hands, or feet. We are varied and complex and we disagree sometimes and come together other times and we discuss amongst ourselves on how to make things better for our community and we confer with other communities on how we help ourselves and help each other. We are not all the same. We are not all the same. We are not all the same.

If you want an answer for what is the One Agreeable accessibility feature for blind people: there isn't one. So just talk to us, instead. Get to know how we vary, how we relate, how you can best help one of us and how you might best help another. I'm sure we'd be happy to tell you what works best for us individually if you ask. And if we wouldn't, then that's ok. Sometimes we gotta figure things out on our own first before we can explain it to others. Either way, never stop asking. Because accessibility is always evolving, and someone is always going to have a different answer to the same question.

You can't get accessibility wrong if you're just willing to try. So keep trying.

[levmada]

PLEASE write about Levi’s mental state, i’m begging you

He’s faced death and precarious situations since he was born, yet he’s still standing strong and hopeful, WHAT THE HELL I LOVE MY SHORT KING

IT'S FINALLY HERE😭im sorry anon i hope you're around to see this and if u are i hope i dont disappoint

the tone in this analysis is so weird because i kept getting caught between 'this is an apa paper no contractions, academic language, double spacing -' and 'this is a tumblr post about a fictional blorbo wtf r u on'

i also use some scientific language i try my best to explain but if this turns anyone off i don't blame them because im unhealthily obsessed

*i'm a third-year undergraduate psychology student w/ a concentration in psychopathology

tw/cw: discussion of childhood exposure to sex (not assault)

Foreword

I’ve been putting this off for a while (I’m forgetful and this topic is intimidating what can I say), but being a year out from graduating with my bachelor’s to become a mental health professional, and being a Levi scholar(/hj), I wanted to give this a shot. 

I wanted to dissect and examine Levi Ackerman’s mental health “currently” (as in general canon), and explain as thoroughly but as simply as possible how and why he thinks and acts the way he does.

Seeing how AOT is pretty renowned for leaving out the ‘insignificant’ details, especially character details, a good majority of my assertions and even details of his life are built off of correlations and “signs and symptoms”; meaning some things could be an aspect of Levi’s personality, or a symptom of psychopathology. 

 I will examine his childhood (especially his childhood), adolescence, young adulthood, and “present” adulthood, with a short summary at the end of where he might be mentally after the war.

*Lastly, I don’t like it when things I say about a series or character are taken as fact or make it implied that someone else’s thoughts are “wrong”. This is partly built on headcanons anyway, which are influenced by my own experiences. Don’t take away from this that this is me telling you what to think.*

Childhood

The most important period of development occurs in infancy and childhood, especially from the ages of 3-6. This is when a child learns where to find security, love, and basic skills, gaining stability as they develop.

Well, Kuchel died when Levi was 4.

Maternal Love / Learning Empathy / Anxious Attachment Style

Levi was born into deep poverty within a violent unwelcoming environment. Basic physical needs must have been very hard to meet (i.e., consistently fed enough, a clean environment, no physical threats). And where Levi was born is like the dictionary definition of a bad environment for a small child, excluding only his mother’s care and love.

As it’s generally understood in canon (and suggested from Levi’s special backstory manga so far) she was a caring parental figure early in Levi’s life that loved him unconditionally. We can conclude that Kuchel did everything within her power to compensate for both parenting Levi alone and shielding him the best she could from his horrible surroundings, teaching the kindness, goodness, and love that Levi would internalize and go on to strive for for his entire life. 

As far as we know, no other children lived in the brothel. Socialization is just as important for a young child as receiving love. With this isolation, it’s extremely difficult to learn how to connect to other people, or pick up on social cues. Levi would’ve never learned how to interact properly with his peers—aside from use of aggression and violence which Kenny would go on to instill in him.

With the danger/anxiety imposed by strangers, mostly if not entirely men, he would turn to his mother for comfort all. The. Time. 

And she would give him that support and affection of course. This early motherly affection is integral to child development: a child who receives empathy and affection is subliminally taught how to feel and express empathy towards others. 

While Levi’s surroundings were dangerous, lonely, and chaotic—traumatizing enough for a toddler or young child—Kuchel provided a safety net from that, so I think that Levi developed an anxious attachment as a child: exhibiting clinginess, excessive fear of abandonment, and an excessive need for security and/or reassurance.

Paternal Trauma / Potential Androphobia

Born and living in a brothel, we can assume that Levi was probably seen as a burden and a mistake by others, especially by men (both the likely majority of her customers and her boss).

AOT ch69; Before the Fall, ch34

This is likely in contrast to the women (those living and working in the brothel like Kuchel). They should know Kuchel if not as friends, then acquaintances who could empathize for her and her son. 

There’s an obvious trend here. If Levi is going to feel fear/danger/anxiety because of men, he should have a general aversion to men and-or the behavior of men who he encountered as a child. This is impossible to know for sure or in meaningful detail, but it seemed to be resolved by the time he became an adult if so.

Although Kenny in his words was no more than Levi's teacher, Levi did see him as a father figure.

The subject of Kenny will be expanded on later, but it's clear Kenny in no way resembled a father, who also would go on to abandon Levi (at the age of 11 or so). Children without father figures tend to struggle more emotionally, psychologically, and socially. Specifically, (especially boys) tend to exhibit intimidating/aggressive personas to compensate for resentment, fear, and unhappiness. 

Sexual Trauma (Tangent, Probably)

This is unconfirmed but a likely trauma Levi went through: exposure to sex as a child. There’s no way to confirm what he experienced, so I’ll function on ‘probably’s’ and ‘most likely’s’. 

Because Levi and Kuchel only lived in one room, other rooms in the brothel should have belonged to other women, and he was at the oldest four, I wager that he was babysat by women who Kuchel knew and/or was made to hide somewhere while she worked, such as in a cabinet.

(for reference)

AOT ch69

The odds are high that he was exposed to the aftermath of sexual violence (i.e., marks seen on his mother), and the sound or smells that have to do with it. That young, he wouldn’t know what it was, but he should have realized later as an adolescent.

In general, children regardless of gender exposed to sexual content usually experience early puberty (which is just as likely for impoverished children, or children who experience chronic high-stress in general); issues with intimacy; become desensitized to high-risk behavior; negative/inaccurate expectations about sex and relationships in the future; influence inappropriate behavior with other children or adults; sex addiction.

This is especially relevant to Levi’s fear of closeness/intimacy in the future. Exposure to sexual situations—possibly not including CSA in his case—very early in life inflicts on a child emotions and stress they don’t have the intellect or reasoning to process or understand. An extreme aversion to interpersonal relationships, especially physical ones, results.

This stress Levi must have felt, being powerless to this happening to his mother, is a different beast. Children aren’t capable of handling high levels of stress, and so the brain will automatically create coping mechanisms: dissociation (a severe form of “zoning out”; observing the self “from the third person”; numbness; the feeling of living in a dream), excessive daydreaming/overactive imagination, symptoms of PTSD (nightmares and terrors; flashbacks; spontaneous activation of fight-flight-freeze associated with anxiety; excessive worrying/fear; loneliness/self isolation). PTSD will also be prevalent in Levi’s later life, which I’ll delve into later.

Inappropriate behavior and sex addiction are also highlights for me because they shouldn’t exist in him based on Levi's personality and behavior throughout the series. In my opinion, Levi ought to associate sex with pain, shame, and violence; he does see it as an ordinary job—a means to an end. He should be desensitized to sex as a concept, but associates it personally with shame, sadness, and pain, possibly feeling disgust towards it. So it is highly likely that Levi in every stage of life following this experienced sexual repulsion (usually associated with high anxiety towards sex), a low libido, or a lack of sexual desire entirely. 

From a trauma perspective, he could avoid sexual topics of conversation, sexual settings (i.e., brothels), or an array of things which are sexually suggestive or he as a child possibly associated with sex (i.e., cleavage, panties, specific touch). Similarly, he might avoid direct reminders or have a post-traumatic reaction to them, such as anxiety or flashbacks (i.e., the sound of a bed creaking, the sight of wet clothes).

Importantly, it can be concluded that sexual violence was often exhibited, and the idea would be ingrained in him that sex, like everything else besides his relationship with his mother, is “give-and-take”, “victim-and-attacker”, and learn to be repulsed by intimacy. This impacts his willingness for later friendships and relationships as we’ll see later. 

Early Abandonment & Early Exposure to Death

As Kuchel’s health deteriorated, Levi’s sense of security would break down. Availability of shelter, food, and emotional support would be even less secure than before. He might have been providing for Kuchel for some time, even, as it can be gathered that he received little to no help from those around him while she was sick. To whatever length he had to take responsibility and both fear for Kuchel, this would cement a sense of responsibility and guilt in him from the age of just four years old.

He will fail to save her—regardless of the fact that that’s not his responsibility in the first place; a child wouldn’t understand that—and then lose her with nothing he could do to even cushion the blow.

How powerless he must’ve felt. How hopeless. How likely is it that Levi found comfort in joining her? A child his age wouldn’t be able to comprehend death, basing our understanding on Piaget’s theory of cognitive development. To summarize, at the age of six or seven, children aren’t capable of complex, abstract thought like death or the finality of it. But Levi had to learn early. 

AOT ch69

This will be center in his “clean-freak” tendencies later.

Adolescence

Most of this section is going to be rather vague again, but we already got the bulk of that over with in childhood!

Emotional Train Wreck / Lack of Identity 

It’s hard to notice if you’re not paying attention, but in every scene we’re shown with Levi after his mother dies but before Kenny leaves, he’s wearing some variation of his mother’s one dress styled into a shirt. He loves her endlessly, even or especially in death. And part of cherishing her memory, to him, should’ve been taking after her as much as he could.

That’s how to explain why he didn’t become a cruel person (Kenny for instance) as he grew into a teenager, even though much of Levi’s outlook and behaviors come from him (ch57).

The more pertinent question is how extreme violence, reinforcement of the idea that that violence is power, and Kenny’s total (or most likely total) lack of communicated emotional connection affected him.

Levi would still desperately want that connection deep down, especially with his mother gone. This is a major reason why Levi sought to get stronger to please Kenny. For chronically abandoned people, that continues into adulthood and even beyond. A hole inside which can't be filled.

AOT ch69

Chronic loneliness—like I explained before—basically explains his aloof nature and awkward disposition. It’s not that Levi feels as detached as he looks, but he doesn’t know how to express himself or open up. He wouldn’t learn how to process his emotions, let alone talk about them. He’s basically emotionally stunted and immature in impersonal relationships (between friends and especially in regards to intimacy).

The Underground’s environment also makes him socially awkward, rude, of course stoic/not very expressive, and blunt. Levi was forced to become extremely observant of people to suss out their intentions, remaining vigilant of his surroundings at all times.

Levi doesn’t even get affection in any sense anymore. He doesn’t get a hug or a pat on the back, and he certainly doesn’t get a shoulder to cry on.

If anything, Kenny would punish him for showing weakness. Vulnerability is weakness; weakness is death.

What results is a continuous and boundless sense of emptiness inside that can’t be filled. He’s plagued by a chronic sense of unbelonging and loneliness. There’s no time or opportunity to develop “normally” as an adolescent. Socialization is limited at best; thinking of his place in the world is irrelevant when his one and only most pressing goal is survival; he doesn’t get to explore hobbies or interests.

OCD Propensity

One “interest” Levi is passionate about is cleaning, at least. Disease is what caused his mother to die. The easiest cause to point to would be their disgusting surroundings (although, Kuchel was infected by a customer). It is canon that Levi’s love of cleaning comes from "his personal experiences". In that interview, Levi first specifically references the important of fighting disease.

In other words, his "clean freak" nature comes, primarily, from the death of his mother: Filth -> disease -> death, and abandonment by extension.

His mother would’ve encouraged him to keep their room clean. There were times he or she had to have come down with something and dirtiness was the cause. On top of Kenny’s enforcement to keep up “clean” appearances to garner respect from everyone else in the Underground. 

This in particular is extremely relevant to his mental health. When someone feels out of control of what is happening to them, especially in a recurring way, and especially as a child who doesn't yet know how to feel stable in an unstable environment, they look for something to control. It can be weight, bodily functions (blinking, breathing, etc), dominance over others, or cleaning, for instance.

Fear of disease, the urgent need to have control, and the basic need for stability makes it obvious that Levi would become obsessed with cleaning. And moreover, developing OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). I’ll go deeper into this diagnosis later.

Lack of Self Worth

Despite the acknowledgment throughout canon that he trusts in his own strength, it wasn’t always that way.

Canonically, Levi sought praise from Kenny by showing his strength because that was the only thing he received praise for. The conclusion Levi came to once Kenny left him was that he wasn’t strong enough (wasn’t good enough) to warrant staying with him.

In conjunction, Levi’s first conclusion was that he did something wrong, not that Kenny possibly had some obligation that forced him to leave the Underground, pointing again to his own lack of self-worth.

This scenario created a complex in him, the very root cause of Levi’s pain, the very foundation of what Levi would go on to prioritize in adulthood. If he isn’t useful to those he wants not to abandon him, he’s worthless. He’s only useful when he shows his strength. Every other aspect of him like his interests is either irrelevant or bland by default in his eyes.

He would go on to make it his mission to try his best to be good enough in order to save and protect the lives of others, but foremost those he cares about.

Young Adulthood

Our first exposure to Levi as an adult is in A Choice with No Regrets, his OVA/backstory.

(By the way, I’ll be basing this analysis off a mix of the manga and the OVA.)

Emotional Immaturity/Affective Dysregulation

Generally, Levi’s defining negative character trait as a young adult is his emotional immaturity/anti-social behavior. Yes he’s grumpy and rude which is always indicative of him, but he’s very quick to anger, too. He cursed at the Squad Leader who offended him (by assuming that because he, Isabel, and Farlan are from the Underground, they’d be dirty), and argued furiously with Farlan that he would kill Erwin—not because it was required for the job, but because he disrespected him—for a few examples. 

ACWNR ch2

He tended to be arrogant, too. Such as when he ultimately called a Scout who had experience with the Titans stupid for telling Levi to hold his swords in a certain way. He spoke to every officer the same as he would anyone on the street, having a remarkable lack of basic respect for authority. He was insistent on distancing himself from the entire setting and structure of the Scouts as much as possible, both to not get attached, and he found their mission childish/foolish. 

He’s rather selfish. There is nothing Levi cares about genuinely more than Isabel’s and Farlan’s lives and the job that will set them up with a good future. Farlan’s advice is the only one’s he takes and the only judgment outside himself that he considers, such as when Farlan asks him to not cause trouble with authority to keep a low profile, but even then he acts stubborn. Levi trusts nobody wholeheartedly except himself (until later in ACWNR).

There’s a cognitive dissonance in him. Growing up, and still as a young adult, Levi’s headspace is marked by fear and uncertainty, with his power as his source of confidence. The first time he kills a Titan (with Isabel and Farlan), he uses too much gas because he refuses to potentially risk his friends’ lives; when the expedition is upcoming, he abruptly tells Farlan and Isabel to find a reason to stay back, and that he’ll complete the dangerous part of the job on his own. 

Levi is full of repressed fear and uncertainty. He hides and/or buries all of it for the sake of self-preservation both emotionally and physically.

Antisocial Personality…?

It’s extremely interesting how a character as selfless, heroic, and empathetic as Levi exhibits antisocial symptoms. I’d even argue that if his childhood was spent entirely without his mother figure, then he might be a dictionary definition of ASPD (Antisocial Personality Disorder).

People with this disorder live day-to-day under the constant assumption that whoever is around them is “out to get them”/searching for a weakness to exploit. Humanity is made up of only prey and predators; morals are completely subjective, perpetuated by the society that surrounds them. This constant need to defend oneself, the effect of the exact trauma the potential sociopath experienced, combined with a muted emotional spectrum, results in a complete disregard of everything, including people outside of themself. They might believe they’re entitled to comfort or admiration, but overall, they’re intensely self-serving, often aggressive, and ruthless. 

Because Levi for instance learned to rely on violence both for “love” and survival, then he might fall on violence to manipulate a person or situation into serving himself. I see reason to believe that Levi could have grown into worse than Kenny’s image if it weren’t for his mother’s influence.

However, the greatest cause for deniability is Levi’s wide emotional spectrum (especially including empathy and shame), while a lack of shame is the most significant marker of ASPD . (It is arguably one of many testaments to his strength that a victim of so much suffering, violence, and cruelty could become a man as empathetic as him.) 

However, these tendencies may still be relevant: A sense of arrogance—both to the way Levi thinks of some who he perceives as weak and live without good morals—lacking issue with using deceit or violence to attain a goal, and living outside the rule of authority.

I go into more detail about this idea here.

Conclusion

As is true in general, there’s very little to say of mental development once someone has reached their early–mid-twenties. What we know of Levi’s young adulthood does reinforce his fear of abandonment, but he finds a cause where his strength and compassion can be “put to good use” and give to him a life that is worth living.

Conclusion: the ‘Present’/Diagnoses Overview

C-PTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)

Levi’s emotional dysregulation (i.e., inability to sit with and process negative emotions), his difficulties in relationships, insomnia, negative worldview, absent sense of self, and finally, his persistent sense of unworthiness/worthlessness are all indicative of C-PTSD. It’s distinct from PTSD in that he didn’t endure one short-term traumatizing event, but he grew up surrounded by trauma and saw it as normal (e.g., gang violence, extreme poverty, death of a parent, (more presumably) physically and emotionally abusive parental figure). Levi as a child developed no understanding of a nurturing, secure environment. 

Negative/Absent Sense of Self

I’ve talked about this at length already, but it’s worth noting how Levi’s perception of himself must have changed when it was revealed that he is extremely strong physically not from his own efforts as much, but because he’s an Ackerman. 

His self-confidence and self-worth have always been built on the foundation of his strength. He’s useful if he’s strong, so he’s worthy if he’s strong. Along with the extreme high pressure his goal to kill Zeke put on him in season four, he might have gone to extreme measures to compensate for his strength he might have felt was “unearned” (such as excessive exercise for example). This is an aside, but it was a blow to him for sure.

Emotional Dysregulation

The causes of emotional dysregulation generally which he experienced are as follows: early childhood trauma, feelings ignored, judged, or invalidated at a young age, and physical and emotional child neglect. Beyond his first four years of life with his mother, Levi experienced all these things (early exposure to sex and likely exposure to domestic violence aside). 

It’s important to focus on emotional neglect specifically, when any and all perceived “weakness”, no matter how small, is unacceptable to Levi. He will never ask for help (being independent to a fault), he can’t define or process his emotions, and it doesn’t occur to him—and it could be a shock—when he learns that his friends care about him, not him insofar as how useful he is. 

As an adult, Levi appears to be emotionally mature, but I argue that this isn’t the case. It’s more accurate to say that he has better control over his emotions (in that he buries them or ignores them) with a mature outlook because of all his experiences with suffering.

Similarly, he’s not outwardly emotional not because he’s antisocial (as related to ASPD, not introversion), but because he’s so “emotionally constipated” that he’s numbed the vast majority of the time.

Relationship Issues + Fear of Abandonment

Because of his fear of abandonment and impaired emotional intelligence in close relational conflict, he’s extremely passive and/or passive aggressive. In order to avoid potential abandonment, he doesn’t go out of his way to win major arguments—such as threatening to break Erwin’s legs if he didn’t stay away from the expedition in season three, but ultimately giving in. He’s also more likely to sneak petty insults into arguments, give “silent treatment”, slam doors, etc. His kindness and exceptional empathy shouldn’t let him be physically or overly violent.

These are likely additions to why Levi doesn’t foster many close relationships.

Fittingly, as a child I thought that Levi might have had an anxious attachment style (clingy, excessive need for security), but as this possibility for security was removed entirely, and he was taught to not rely on others, he would develop more of an overt avoidant attachment in adulthood in combination (fearful-avoidant): making very few emotional demands—even though he has needs—withdrawing when there’s conflict, acting aloof yet fearing abandonment, having difficulty expressing emotions he feels intensely, and fear of depending on someone else.

Anxiety

His cool-headedness even in the heat of battle/war (other factors like experience aside) is exactly what you would expect from someone diagnosed with C-PTSD; he’s accustomed to chronic high-stress. But small stressors (i.e., a change of plans) are overwhelming and make him quick to anger/excessive annoyance.

OCD

Emotional dysregulation is also closely associated with OCD.

OCD is much much more than being concerned with keeping clean or organized. OCD is an anxiety disorder composed of anxiety-related obsessions and compulsions, such as frequent and disturbing thoughts or images (intrusive thoughts). These attempt to be managed through rituals (i.e., handwashing, counting in patterns). Although symptoms will fluctuate with anxiety, OCD at its baseline is a distressing disorder.

Since he was young, Levi should have had an incessant need to be in control at all times. A shining example of this is his mother’s death, an incident he couldn’t control but included dirtiness/disease as a cause he could pinpoint, so this anxiety with dirtiness becomes a major obsession, and the compulsion is cleaning. (Putting aside the fact that Levi enjoys cleaning by itself too.)

It’s a widely-held belief that if Levi has OCD, it’s contamination OCD, as it specifically has to do with an obsession with dirtiness and a compulsion in cleaning (i.e., damaging handwashing, ritualized bathing that may take hours). However, based on the multitude of times Levi was covered in blood and remained unbothered by it (Titan and human), and in fact the obsession’s lack of relevance entirely during urgent missions/situations, contamination OCD is simply not plausible. Instead, it’s general OCD.

There’s no way to know for sure, but I don’t see his OCD as mild or severe. Levi is an extremely orderly and balanced person, so it can be concluded he must have things done a certain way, routinely, organizational, or planned; when the dirtiness is “negative” (i.e., Titan blood, blood on a knife he used to kill Isabel’s attackers), he is never more rigid with cleanliness; it’s probable he suffers intrusive thoughts (likely of the violent nature), a fear of contamination, and/or counting ritualistically, but the most obvious compulsion is cleaning. He might have sensory issues, such as disgust if he happens to brush shoulders with a stranger; aversion to particularly bright lights, irrational rage towards “mouth sounds” (i.e., chewing, coughing, swallowing), etc.

EDNOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified)

Levi should have a complicated relationship with food to say the least. 

In the realm of eating disorders, EDNOS is sort of a catch-all term when an individual doesn’t qualify for the diagnostic criteria of anorexia or bulimia, and it encompasses lesser-known eating disorders like Pica. It’s the most common diagnosis for clinical eating disorders.

I already covered how integral the early years of life are, and beginning at a young age, if children aren’t given a basic need like food, and they must seek out food on their own, it becomes an anxiety deeply rooted in the brain regardless of how well-fed they are when they’re older. There will always be an urge to have food available. Levi’s years in the Underground were spent either actively starving, or going about every single day having acquiring food as top priority. He was a young adult when he left, so it’s impossible to unlearn this (without extensive therapy, which Levi doesn’t seek). It’s similar to compulsions found in OCD: even though he logically knows that there will be a dinner after lunch, it’s impossible to put aside this worry. 

That may mean always having food stashed, eating too much—especially in his early years Aboveground when he’d eat as much food in a day than he’d eat in a week Underground— stealing food, or eating way too quickly (as someone who lived in a place where food was considered something of a luxury resource and threatened being stolen at any time).

The latter factor contributes to Levi’s suggested preference to only eat alone—joining the fact that Levi only eats with Erwin after expeditions. Eating in front of others should be considered a weakness to him.

As time passes with this easy access to food, combined with his extremely narrow sense of what makes him “good enough”, his relationship with eating may become toxic. Especially when the stakes of his worthiness are so high—literally life and death. He may think that he’s privileged to eat at all, and when he feels worthless, he restricts himself from that “privilege”. 

He may be so accustomed to the feeling of hunger, that it doesn’t immediately register with his mind when he is hungry.

Lastly, he may have a generally low appetite. This is often associated with depression, but depression is comorbid with C-PTSD.

Misc.

Some tangents/miscellaneous speculation about Levi’s psychology:

Queer?

Sexuality is formed and shifts due to a wide variety of factors, which most if not all are terribly understudied: genetics, hormones, and your environment/experiences. So again, my speculation.

With his fear of close relationships and negative experiences with sex, I think he should land somewhere on the queer spectrum, specifically under the asexual or aromantic umbrella (i.e., pansexuality/being panromantic (attraction to personality) and demisexuality/being demiromantic (attraction only to those he has an emotional connection to)).

MDD

The odds of Levi having MDD (major depressive disorder/clinical depression) are iffy. Most if not all of the symptoms are comorbid with childhood trauma and C-PTSD: Such as persistent apathy, guilt, and/or discontent; sleeping too much or too little; lack of energy; reduced or heightened appetite; irritability. 

Oftentimes, depression, C-/PTSD, and related mental illnesses cause unexplained physical pain, such as back pain and occasional tension headaches. “Stress hormones” like adrenaline are built-up in the body, and usually persist without physical therapy and-or medication (Disclaimer this mention is based on nothing more than Levi always standing with at least one hand on his hip).

Body Language

Similar can be said of his body language from a cognitive perspective. The vast majority of the time, Levi has himself closed-off in some way, usually by crossing his arms to protect his chest; a subconscious barrier between oneself and another person.

Also see this official art of Levi asleep.

Afterword

We’ve known it’s not just Levi’s physical strength and skill that makes him the strongest, right? It should take immense mental strength to make it day-by-day dealing with the trauma and issues that he does, but not only has he survived and continues to, but he lives heroically, selflessly, with the wellbeing of everyone around him as a top priority. He buries all of his pain by moving forward always and without exception regardless of how painful the present is. Living with “no regrets” should in mental respects be a guise for pushing his trauma down, too; there’s just no words that can properly do Levi’s resilience justice.

Part of me wants to go into detail about his later adulthood, but given how very little we know (right now), I think it’d be too speculative.

However, based on what we have seen at the ending of AOT, it’s comforting to know and plain to see that Levi wasn’t defeated when he “lost” the reason to be so strong, and even his strength itself; he didn’t lose his love for his friends nor of life. 

In middle age, based on Erikson’s psychosocial stages, the conflict that should enter Levi’s life is the idea of generativity versus stagnation. He seems satisfied with his life despite the negative effects of all he went through—grief, physical disability, inevitable mental scarring—and he’s still concerned with helping others, especially the younger generation in a world after the overwhelming devastation that was the Rumbling.

My speculated psychopathologies/diagnoses of Levi:

C-PTSD (insomnia prevalent)

OCD (contamination obsessions)

EDNOS

#levi aot #snk levi #levi ackerman #levi attack on titan #captain levi #captain levi ackerman #aot levi #aot levi ackerman #attack on titan levi #aot meta #levi heichou #rivaille heichou #levi rivaille #rivaille ackerman #lance corporal rivaille #levi snk #levi.thoughts #aot #attack on titan

[crownmemes]

Angry & Irritated Sentences, Vol. 14

(Angry and irritated sentences from various sources. Adjust phrasing where needed)

"Who said I was joking?"

"I'm not going to tell you to get over yourself, but you should."

"Don't fucking patronise me!"

"I did not trip him up!"

"Don't ask me questions you don't want to know the answer to."

"Humility is an important quality, especially if you’re wrong a lot."

"If I knew what kind of guy you were, I would have never agreed to work with you!"

"I'm not the bad guy here!"

"I'd call you an idiot again, but at this point I'm starting to doubt whether you understand what I mean by the word."

"I don't care whose fault it is!"

"You're a control-seeking narcissist!"

"You seriously have no idea when to shut up, do you?"

"You can't ignore me forever!"

"You lack the courage of your convictions!"

"I don't remember you being this bitchy."

"I wish people would stop asking me how I'm feeling."

"You will lie, cheat and steal to get what you want, but you’re incapable of kissing a little ass?"

"I really don't appreciate this morbid humour."

"Didn't your mother teach you that two wrongs don't make a right?"

"Whatever gave you the impression that I was remotely interested in your private life?"

"You know, for someone who asks as many favours as you do, you sure don't make any effort to win me over."

"Stay out of my personal life!"

"No, it wasn't a joke. A joke is when you say something funny and the other person laughs."

"When a man shakes my hand and says he's going to do something, I expect him to follow through."

"What exactly is your problem with me?"

"You can't do anything right, can you?"

"Are you being intentionally thick?"

"If you think there's a problem with my attitude, I am prepared to discuss it."

"Just exactly what are you up to?"

"For once in your life, will you shut up?"

"I should have known that you weren't done sabotaging this."

"What did I do that filled you with so much hate?"

"Have you lost your fucking mind?"

"Has it ever occurred to you that when I don't share something, it might not be meant as a challenge? It might just mean that I'd like there to be one molecule of my life that goes unexamined by you?"

"You know, in some cultures, it’s considered almost rude for one friend to spy on another."

"Do you like being a fucking hero?"

"You're an only child, aren't you? Everything is about you."

"You are in my locked office. Again."

"You don't need to depend on people who are going to let you down!"

"That was one of the stupidest things you have ever done!"

"Stop looking at my ass when you think I'm not looking!"

"Some women are quite charming when they're angry. Unfortunately, you are not."

"Are you keeping us here just to torture me?"

"Where do you get these questions?"

"I wouldn't do that. There's no crying in here."

"Look, we obviously have a difference of opinion, and that’s fine, but unfortunately, I’ve used up all the time I’ve budgeted today for banging my head against a wall."

"I am trying my best to be civil. You don't want to see what happens when I stop."

"If you'd cared from the start, none of this would have happened."

#rp meme #rp memes #roleplay meme #roleplay memes #rp prompts #roleplay prompts #single sentence starters #assorted; #angry;

[amysubmits]

I’ve just spent about half an hour reading and re-reading your “Owning me is complicated” post. Reading this from a sub’s perspective is so helpful to a Dom. I often feel like I have to be perfect and never make a mistake with my sub. Often I feel like making a mistake would sabotage our relationship because I wouldn’t be living up to her expectations or standards. It’s heartwarming to read your thoughts about your Dom and the struggles that occur in His mind. We try to lead with confidence and assuredness and we want that to exude daily so that the sub is naturally “comfortable” in following and submitting. The truth is, we don’t ALWAYS know the answer. We don’t ALWAYS have it figured out. Trust and honor is a delicate strand that we try not to break. Her submission is the most beautiful gift she can give me but knowing she looks at me and thinks of me as her everything is even more. Never wanting to let her down is always a part of my mindset. I try to earn her submission and trust every day, not by my words but through my actions. It’s beautiful to know that there are subs that think and acknowledge the things you described in your writing. Thank you. Thank you for shining a light that says “True Doms will always have a sub’s best interest at heart.” Such a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing.

Thank you so much for this thoughtful message!

It feel like the nuance involved with D/s often gets lost on tumblr. There isn't really a good way to say in a short snippet or meme that on one hand, most subs are really drawn to confidence and confidence can feel like a key part of being a dom in some ways. And yet..doms are human and should have room to make mistakes. And while confidence can assist dominance a lot, it can also be a huge liability or threat to the D/s relationship if someone in the Dom role acts confident when they aren't informed. I guess in other words, confidence is great, but it's not realistic for doms to always be confident in everything...and arrogance is dangerous. Sometimes a dom not knowing exactly what to do and just having a nice discussion ith their sub about what they are thinking and even gaining additional insight or information from their sub to help make a decision can be a really bonding, D/s-feeling, lovely thing. And it's easy to miss that nuance if you go looking at memes or shortform content that talk about how confidence is key to being a dom or whatever. Or erotica that portrays dominance as practically being an all knowing, all confident god-like creature. Finding it hot as a fantasy I get for sure, but it's so important to differentiate between fantasy and real relationships and that difference isn't always clear on here. Similar with earning submission. I get why there is a lot of content that talks about the importance of earning trust and submission. There are so many doofuses out there who think they should just command a sub into compliance without earning submission and those are some really dangerous people. At the same time...it's easy for me to grasp why a well-meaning dom might think if they make a mistake then that means they have temporarily 'lost' submission or failed to earn it that day or something - and it's not necessarily like that. I try to always remember that my dom is human and will get it wrong sometimes. I don't expect perfection. More than anything else it's just the fact that he really wants to be cautious and take good care of me and of our relationship...that he's always looking to learn from his mistakes and to grow as a person and as my partner... that allows him to earn my submission more so than how 'right' he gets it. It's the way he is motivated to act in ways that align with his moral compass and character that really get me submissive the most. Anyway, thanks again for your message, it was really heartwarming to read!

#asks #d/s #real life d/s #24/7 d/s

[utilitycaster]

One of my least favorite types of post in fandom, particularly for actual play, is the "why isn't everyone dropping everything to focus on my blorbo's mental state," and I wanted to talk about why.

The most obvious surface reason, of course, is that unless you are watching something with a very clear single protagonist and that is the character you're talking about, and the story is explicitly about people helping them heal, this is simply not a thing that's likely to happen in most works. It doesn't mean you can't want it; but that want is best explored and expressed through transformative works rather than trying to get the "let's watch blorbo carefully work through every trauma they have" blood from of the narrative stone. (I'll admit my own interest in such works is very limited, but that shouldn't stop you.)

But even when that is the stated purpose, that's just not the sort of story I'm drawn to. It feels too artificial and dishonest to the human experience, and leaves a strange taste in my mouth. I think it derives from a set of intertwined fantasies this represents, and they are admittedly a very seductive pair of lies.

One is the idea that there will come a time, amid seemingly insurmountable external challenges, when everything can pause and during that magical lull all will be resolved. It's the "this weekend I'll get my life together" fallacy. The truth is that this stoppage almost never happens, and in the cases when it does it is rarely a gentle hold, but rather a screeching involuntary halt. The fix is often not enough to truly fix, but rather just enough to get one moving again before being thrust back into the unceasing world. It's magical thinking, of a magic that even fantasy worlds (perhaps especially heroic fantasy worlds, where all the stakes are impossibly heightened) cannot provide: that the world will stop turning long enough for a complete fix, and that a complete fix is even possible or attainable, and that it will not require any ongoing work to maintain once the world has started up again.

The second is the fantasy of being understood without effort: that this quiet period will come without you needing to speak up and say "stop". That your walls will be broken with no contribution from within; that someone else will do all the work and love you despite that. And why not? As anyone who has dealt with any sort of mental health issue knows, it is exhausting. Wouldn't it be nice if someone else just...knew exactly where to place the leverage to pop you out of that rut as you sat unmoving?

It would be! It's also not going to happen.

I am, despite what I say, not against projecting on characters. That's what characters are for. I'm just not particularly interested in seeing characters who get what I sometimes want and know pretty much no one can have. I want to watch characters experience what I might, and succeed, but I do need the struggle to be as real for them as it is for me. I want the character to be in the same hole and know how to get out because they've been here before, not turn to me and shrug and say "honestly, everything went great for me - you're on your own, pal" and levitate out.

There's much more to it too - I love character dynamics, and so the idea of everyone else fading to flat grayscale tools to help one character is uniquely unappetizing. I also find a lot of the discussions surrounding this sort of premise believe that this magical fixing also occurs without anyone ever saying anything even remotely challenging to the person being helped. It really is just essentially reduced to a flavorless hand waving a magic wand over the character in question, which makes for a very short and bad story.

There are other fantasies too, all tied up in this, and all both understandable to have and tedious to watch, most notably the ideas that suffering is purification and that the blorbo who needs help is eternally blameless and never complicit in either their own pain and their actions towards others; and that give and take (and on a meta level, focus within a story) are easily and meaningfully quantifiable and are required to be kept in some cosmic balance (usually one rather heavily tilted towards a fan's favorite character) for a story to be good.

The question ultimately needs to not be "when will everything stop and center and therapize and fix the character I most relate to" but rather "will this character's traumas and issues and past be explored in any meaningful way during the narrative, or, if they are not, will the fact that they are not explored carry its own weight." Ironically, the stop/fix/magic wand wave away fantasy does away with any possibility of meaningful exploration, and that's really why I can't fucking stand it.

#on fandom

[jophiel-extras]

and maybe an sfw alphabet for azi? 👉👈

summary :: Aziraphale sfw alphabet!

warning :: none, fluff

note :: still waiting for nsfw Crowley requests to colonise my inbox 🥱

A = Affection

Surprisingly, Aziraphale isn’t crazily affectionate even if you are his partner. He’s quite reserved in that manner. Of course, if you want physical love Aziraphale is more than up for the job but he’s not one to hang off you. Freely though, he’ll kiss and hug you whenever the time is right.

B = Best friend

Aziraphale is incredibly kind and considerate. He’s such a good person, you’d have to be insane not to want him as a friend! He’s one of those people that just cares an there aren’t many of those these days. He cares unabashedly about you and who you are. He will always be there to help you and listen to you, no matter the circumstances.

C = Cuddles

Aziraphale is a fan of his personal space, so he won’t always cuddle you. Generally greeting embraces and whenever you need comforting are the most times you hug, that and cuddling before bed. He especially loves to read to you whilst you lay on his chest and snooze.

D = Domestic

Aziraphale adores the settled lifestyle. Living in peace with you. Every day feels like something kind and normal, breakfast together, going out together, sleeping with one another. He loves it. Aziraphale is honestly such a traditional wife, he likes staying indoors and looking after the bookshops.

E = Ending

Aziraphale wouldn’t commit to someone unless he knew he could spend the rest of his life with them (well technically, they could spend the rest of their life with him), so a breakup is highly unlikely. However, if it were ever to occur Aziraphale would be heartbroken and you’d never leave his mind, not for another century.

F = Fiance(e)

Angels aren’t really allowed to get married but Aziraphale is a bit of a rule breaker and would certainly offer you a ring as a sign of his commitment to you. A wedding might not occur, but you’d be married in the eyes of an Angel which I find much more binding than law.

G = Gentle

Physically, Aziraphale is as soft as they come and emotionally too. He is very carefully in how he approaches your emotions, especially if you’re overwhelmed.

H = Hugs

Aziraphale consistently greets you with a nice hug! Aziraphale hugs under your arms, pulling your chest in. It’s so soft and comforting, he’s such a good hugger (I wouldn’t tell him, but it’s honestly like hugging a marshmallow).

I = I love you

Depending on how complicated of a relationship you have, the L word might be lost in translation but if he’s got the feelings and he knows it, Aziraphale isn’t afraid to verbalise it.

J = Jealousy

Of course Aziraphale is completely comfortable in your relationship, he’s secure in what you have. Although that won’t stop the odd attention you might get from a stranger possibly rubbing him the wrong way. It’s never serious enough to warrant a big discussion; he might just pull a little more affection from you to reassure himself of your love for him.

K = Kisses

Aziraphale is particularly fond of cheek and forehead kisses!! He adores it when you randomly plant a kiss on his cheek as he reads, or as you pass him in the bookshop. He thinks it’s the sweetest thing. He likes to kiss your head mainly. The top of your head when you lay on his chest, or as you hug. While he kisses your head, he likes to smell your hair and will usually compliment whatever shampoo you’ve been using.

L = Little ones

Aziraphale cannot have children, but often thinks about what a blessing it would be for you two to have kids of your own. He’d be a gentle parent, for sure.

M = Morning

Waking up to the smell of breakfast cooking, and walking to the kitchen to find Aziraphale whipping up some fluffy pancakes. Or, maybe if you wake up early enough, you can beat him to it and surprise him with a delicious Eggs Benedict which he will certainly mention in his thankfulness prayers. It’s not unheard of though, for a lazy day in, cuddling and snoozing together whilst the day goes by.

N = Night

Early nights, mostly. Aziraphale is always making sure you sleep early enough.

O = Open

You’d get to know Aziraphale through a friendship first, he wouldn’t feel comfortable becoming an official partner of yours until you know about him and what he truely is.

P = Patience

Aziraphale is the most patient person you know!

Q = Quizzes

Aziraphale has quite the memory bank on you. He’s a sucker for getting you meaningful gifts, so he listens to you and your interests intently. Even something in passing, he’s there for it. I wouldn’t be surprised if he kept a little notebook of quirks he’s noticed on you.

R = Remember

Aziraphale has a particularly fond memory of sharing a cream bun with you. You’d gotten a bit of cream on your cheek which he had wiped off ever so gently, caressing your face. The sweet gesture turned into your first kiss. After the kiss, Aziraphale licked the cream from his thumb and murmured “Delicious,” which had you as red as a tomato. He found it all quite cute.

S = Security

It might not seem like it, but Aziraphale is incredibly passionate about your safely and wellbeing. He has the ability to keep you safe, and repeatedly does even when you don’t realise it. There’s been a few under the table miracles he’s performed to keep you just that little bit safer. If you’re human he’s particularly wary, citing that “Humans are very delicate creatures,” when justifying his doting.

T = Try

Aziraphale has been known to spoil you when it comes to the effort he puts into dates, anniversaries, gifts and honestly just everyday tasks.

U = Ugly

Aziraphale has been known to oversee your negative feelings sometimes, telling you it will pass or trying to solve it instead of just letting you rant your heart out. The moment you mentioned it, he tried to switch up his attitude but will sometimes lecture you on solving problems whenever you need to ride out your negative emotions. He trying though, that’s what counts.

V = Vanity

Not at all! Aziraphale isn’t one to be bothered with aesthetics (other than a nice outfit, of course).

W = Whole

Unless you’re with him, Aziraphale feels a lingering loneliness so you’re never from him for too long.

X = Xtra

Aziraphale can’t help but just look at you, all the time. Sleeping especially, it’s happened more than once, you waking up to Aziraphale gazing at you with all the adoration in the world. Despite having crazy bed head, a cheek dry with drool and a puffy morning face, Aziraphale will still ogle you.

Y = Yuck

He’s not a fan of slobs! Pick up after yourself!!

Z = Zzz

Aziraphale prefers to be productive, so he will sleep early when there’s nothing to do and wake up early too. Even if he does go to bed later, he will still wake up at 5 or 6am. Somehow, you can never feel when he leaves the bed. He’s never woken you up, not once.

#good omens #aziraphale #good omens x reader #aziraphale good omens #aziraphale x reader #aziraphale x y/n #aziraphale x you

[redstreetsahead]

What do you think woulda happened with damirae had apocalypse war not occurred like they had just gone on in their normal lives and everyone had lived and not had lost to darkseid like when do you think they woulda admitted their feelings to one another? What would they be up to now had they not made another flashpoint and the universe was still going minus the tragic ending of that universe? Would love to know ur thoughts on this 💜

Random thing to add I heard that they were rushed to make apocalypse war the last dcamu film as they had another teen titans film they had to scrap cause of wb unfortunately we never got that film thanks wb 🥲

So in this hypothetical world, I'm imagining the war with Darkseid still happens in a sense, but the League's original plan works. Darskeid is unprepared for their attack, it's a close call and some people sustain injuries but Apokolips is destroyed and everyone makes it out alive. End of Story.

BUT THEN DAMIRAE

So after the battle, I imagine Damian and Raven as being best friends/confidants, but being completely and totally unwilling to share their feelings with each other. They both love each other, but they're scared. They don't want to ruin the best friendship either of them have, and are terrified that the other doesn't feel the same way. They might be superheroes, but their still just teens nervous that the person they love might not love them back.

So they don't confess. It's obvious to everyone around them (cue shenanigans caused by the Titans/Batfam to try and get them together as well as having tense romantic moments and pining), but the two of them are just so scared.

Some highlights of this era in my mind would be Damian teaching Raven to fight with a sword, Raven teaching Damian to meditate, always looking at the other when they think they're not looking, protecting each other during battles, late nights just talking on the roof, mocking the other titans together, raising Titus. And horribly romantic dialogue.

A couple months down the line during some big intense battle, I imagine that Damian gets brutally injured. Not fatal, but incredibly painful and debilitating. Raven offers to heal him right away, but Damian won't let her. He doesn't want her to see what's going on in his head, doesn't want her to see his feelings for her. Cue another tense moment ("Damian, please. I hate seeing you in pain- please just let me help you-" "NO. I said no Raven. Just leave!" "Oh, fuck you") And then Raven heals him anyways.

She sees all the times he had looked at her when she wasn't paying attention, felt the conflict tear at his heart as he confessed his feelings for her to Dick, felt the admiration he held for her when she was in battle, felt the adoration he had when he once carried her to bed after she fell asleep on the roof, and she ultimately just felt an overwhelming wave of love. For her. Damian loved her.

But of course Damian saw a bit inside of her head too. He felt the way her breath caught whenever he pinned her down in sparring, felt her pride when he protected innocent bystanders in battles, felt the way she craved his warmth by her side at moments both waking and asleep, felt the sheer protectiveness that coursed through her whenever he discussed the League of Assassins. Raven loved him.

And they both knew.

Raven kisses him first. Lightly, romantically, before pulling back. All the Titans awwwww. Then Damian kisses her in a way that is NOT THAT and all the titans start complaining because "really?" "In front of everyone?" "Now I need to bleach my eyes."

Then they live happily ever after.

#damirae #raven x damian #demonbirds #raven roth #damian wayne #So this turned into something really long and I'm sorry for that #obviously they have to deal with challenges like Trigon and the League of Assassins and other shit #but they face these challenges together #and that's all you can hope for in their world

[waywardsculs]

This place is a ℂ𝕀ℝℂ𝕌𝕊,

you just see the surface They cover shit under the rug

You can't see they're 𝔽𝔸𝕂𝕀ℕ𝔾,

they'll never be naked

Just fill your drink with tonic gin,

this is the American dream

Hey yo what's up you filthy fucking sinners welcome to my little multimuse blog for Vivziepop's HAZBIN HOTEL and HELLUVA BOSS , featuring characters like VELVETTE , LILITH and FIZZAROLLI .

That said, I go by Ritsu, She/Her or They/Them, 30, Australian and just generally tryna chill. You can find my rules below.

AFFILIATED WITH: @bittcnneck , @hellshoard , @cxncrie , @ochtendster / @dageraadster , @sinfuldxgenerates ♥

Header & Promo Credit. || Pinned Credit. Dash Icon Credit. || Icon Template Credit. MDNI & 18+ Warning Credit. || Divider Credit.

IMPORTANT NOTE : if you ship adam with charlie, for both of us, it would be best you do not follow me if you don't intend to tag it. i'm sorry, but it makes me so vehemently uncomfortable that i just would prefer to keep my distance.

Keep the setting of the show in mind when looking to interact. Not all muses will be friendly or even remotely nice. Don't take it personally.

I'll be as canon divergent as I feel like. Let's face it, the second we take up writing a character we're making shit that ain't ever gonna be canon. Let's just have fun.

Muse ≠ Mun. Shouldn't have to say this, but I will anyway. Some muses might be assholes, but I try not to be. You're free to come talk to me any time, I'm usually just tired lmao.

I will not be following any pre-conceived relationships with OCs unless specifically discussed prior to interaction. For example, one of my OCs (Ambriel) has her main story tied to Velvette, being that she works for her, however this only applies to my Velvette. I will not push this on any others who write Velvette, and I expect the same in return.

I am very into shipping. Our muses should kiss. Bang. Fuck around. You know what it is. I'm a ship hoe and I don't care.

NSFW content may be present. I'll make sure it's tagged as #nsfw cw or #suggestive cw for easy blocking if you guys need it, but don't be surprised if it shows up from time to time. You shouldn't be, not with the nature of the show.

Mutuals only. Meaning you need to be following this blog and be followed in return from my main blog for us to count as mutuals. If you are using a hub blog, please have your blog(s) linked somewhere so I know who you are. Otherwise I block personals on sight.

Due to personal reasons, I will only ever touch on angst threads / content in general with people I feel I can trust immensely. Please do not push me for this. I may also post occasional ideas, but I will be very picky about who I explore these with.

Every ship is in its own verse and completely separate from one another. There will never be any form of infidelity occurring on this blog in any way. To expand on this, I also will not partake in any polyships or any situations where my muse has more than one romantic or sexual partner.

I never try to hide the fact that I do struggle with my mental health a lot, and I cannot stress enough that I need any and all of my partners to be understanding with it. I have been formally diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder and Autism Spectrum Disorder. All of this is by no means an excuse in any way for anything, I simply hope this may help explain some of my behaviour at times.

I have a life away from Tumblr. I won't always be around to write replies or chat. That's how life is. I work, I have responsibilities, and those take priority.

I don't do passwords/pass phrases. If I follow you, it's safe to assume I've read your rules. I always do before following anyone.

I'm not here for drama. I know you see this everywhere, but I'll be real - I barely have the spoons to live lately. I just wanna vibe and enjoy a hobby, not take part in any bullshit. Leave me out of things unless it's absolutely imperative I know about something.

No art on this blog is mine unless I openly state otherwise. The usual. Let's leave it at that babes.

Ships I Will Not Write / Do Not Like

I will not be elaborating on why I dislike them or won't write them. These are simply things I've found I really don't like and, if possible, would prefer tagged so I can simply block them.

AdamsApple (Adam/Lucifer), Velmilla (Velvette/Carmilla), Charlastor/Radiobelle (Alastor/Charlie), Valentino/Angel Dust, Adam/Charlie, Valentino/Charlie

MY OTHER BLOGS @constellaris / @snowaliity / @viindicators

[saltymongoose]

Cont. From This Post. (@cosmica-galaxy Hey, here you go lmao <3)

[This part contains: Bandits, MERC, the Nexus Core, Fanatics, N51, and Demoniacs]

To continue from where we left off when it comes to the Bandits, it would do well for the Player to be very hesitant on interacting with them. They're cannibalistic and violent, in addition to being the first to attack whenever they catch a glimpse of the Player's unofficial bodyguards. (Though that might be for the best, with Hank as their opponent.) In this way, it's unlikely for the Player to have much of a motive to get closer to them; the boys are so protective that a situation where they'd actually be able to befriend one of the more nonviolent members probably won't occur without serious effort.

In the same vein, the Bandits know very little about the Player, and they probably don't have much of an interest in them at the moment anyway. Typically their thoughts are more centered on their own survival and where their next meal is going to come from, which leaves little room for thoughts of an otherworldly being impacting their lives directly. If anything, they're more startled by the Player's entourage than the reason the SQ agents are in the area. Due to this, it would be difficult for the Player to form much of a bond with them simply because they won't cross paths very often. (And they would also probably be fearful if they did; the Bandits do not want to end up as additional victims of the wanted criminals that protect the Player.)

As of this moment in the story, the members of MERC are also in the same camp of not knowing about the Player - save for one person: Sheriff. Christoff has mentioned this "Player" to him once or twice, and while his words have been exceedingly positive (and almost idolizing) when discussing them, the Sheriff doesn’t know very much beyond what the Savior had told him. As a result, he himself thinks kindly of them, but not from his own experience. However, because he doesn’t know much about the Player, he never bothered to divulge such information with the others in MERC.

The Player, at this point in time, knows far more about them than vice versa, which makes them more likely to go out of their way to befriend them. Plus, it’s not like those in MERC are inherently hostile like with the Vamps or Bandits, and they have no real reason to go after the Player (save for their mission to interfere with Hank, Deimos, and Sanford getting into the city). So long as Sheriff and Jeb have a good relationship with the Player, the MERC members will have ample opportunity to make friendships with the otherworldly being in question. (Unless the SQ's leader and agents get in the way.)

Regarding what remains of the Nexus Core, they still follow Phobos' orders, which means that they probably will be hostile to the Player because of their choice in company (the SQ and Dr. Christoff). Even if the last thing that Phobos would ever want is for the Player to be harmed by his own organization (that just reflects horribly on him), he never actually made his people aware that the Player exists, which leads to this situation. The Player also has no motive to get in the way of the boys' mission to put a stop to Project Nexus, which would naturally puts them at odds with the Nexus Core anyway.

As a result, it is in the Player's best interest to avoid the Nexus Core's remaining personnel, which doesn't leave much room for bonds or friendships. While it is possible for some of their members to act cordially around them if the boys aren't around, I would say that it isn't worth the potential risk. Luckily the NC being unaware of the Player's existence means that they won't immediately go after them, but they're certainly not as open to outside partnerships of any kind at this point. They still have a project to complete, after all.

Crackpot's Fanatic faction is an interesting one; they're physically separated from most other Nevadans and almost entirely absorbed by their obsessions with buoyancy and Zeds, which means the chances of them knowing about the Player's significance are extremely small. The only way that the Fanatics would have their interests piqued is if one of them happened to see the Player exorcising some of their abilities (which is possible) - at which point, the Player would also probably end up as an object of their fascination. (Especially if the Fanatics happen to see them using their cheat that enables levitating. 😬)

As a result, the Fanatics' purpose for trying to get close to the Player isn't exactly for friendship itself, although it could turn into this with enough effort. Another likely result is for them to start worshiping the Player much like they do Crackpot instead (which their existing vessels would loathe, but that's a given). Regarding Crackpot himself, as detailed in previous posts, he might also try to use the Player for his own benefit given how power-hungry he is, but there is a chance that they can form something more genuine with him. If they're willing to put up with his self-grandeur, of course.

To get more on the Player's side of things, their curiosity might drive them to investigate the Fanatics more. The group's behavior is questionable, but there is a lot about them that remains unknown to those who play the game, so there's always that avenue to explore. Plus, seeing how Crackpot interacts with people who give him the respect he's always felt he deserved would also be intriguing. Again, if they're willing to put up with all the weirdness that comes with being close to the Fanatics and their leader.

Moving on to the N51, it's one of the most mysterious groups in Nevada, especially from the Player's standpoint. They're a faction that wasn't even created by Mr. K, so they're definitely pretty unique, even if they don't play a huge role in the Arena Mode storyline. I can see the Player having an immense interest in them as a big fan of Madcom (especially if they keep up with the communities' fan projects), so they'll probably want to dig deeper into the organization. However, they would probably have great difficulty with that, considering that the N51 is a covert group.

That being said though, the N51 is shown as hunting for tech related to the more powerful forces of Madcom's universe, like the AAHW, NC, and even The Machine. I would presume they do so because they want to know more about the Employers, enmeshment, etc. but truthfully their reasoning for this is unknown. What this does tell us though is that there is a chance they would be interested in the Player's existence primarily because they're a supernatural being of unknown origin - and a very powerful one at that. Whether this attention would be good for the Player or not is another matter.

Finally, we have the Demoniacs. These guys worship Stygian, and they have little to no contact with any other factions, which already cuts down the chances of them hearing about the Player to almost zero. Their interest in the supernatural is really limited only to their chosen Employer, and as such, they don't have much incentive to seek out information about the Player either. However, if Stygian decides to order the Demoniacs pursue information about them, it's not like the cult would ever consider refusing. There are uses to having fiendishly devout worshipers, and Stygian knows this very well.

The Player would also be aware of the Demoniac's servitude towards the Employer from their experience playing the game, and as a result, would probably seek to avoid them the same way they avoid the AAHW. They're very low on the scale of potential friendship, if only because of their affiliation with Stygian.

Aaand I think that's it if we're talking about faction relations lmao. Though do let me know if I missed any groups, and I'll be happy to discuss them as always. 👍 :)

#heyo I got some more lore for you all 🤟 #ask #cosmica-galaxy #samau #self aware m:pn au #longest ask response ever 2023

[suzannahnatters]

Trope Talk #2: Breaking Their Heart To Save Them

OK let's talk about a trope I DON'T like.

As I've started watching a lot more Asian dramas this year, my patience with this trope - already occasionally featured in Western media - has approached rock bottom. You'll know this romance trope when you see it, usually around the start of the third act. The main couple will have overcome every obstacle - but suddenly everything will be too much. Some external factor is forcing them apart, and this time one of them becomes convinced the two of them should break up. But how to convince the other party of this?

Easy! Tell them a bunch of lies. Pretend you never even loved them in the first place. Break their heart because it's the best way to save them. Satine does it to Christian in MOULIN ROUGE. Both leads do it in LOVE BETWEEN FAIRY AND DEVIL. Gorya does it to Thyme in F4 THAILAND. (That last one very nearly got me to ragequit with just two episodes left to go.)

So, let's discuss why this trope doesn't work for me, as well as some ways it might be justified, subverted, or deconstructed.

I think the main reason the trope doesn't work for me is that most of the time it feels quite cruel, especially when it acts as the third act breakup. Breaking someone's heart to save them is supposed to occur as a gesture of love and care for another person, but it's pretty messed-up to deliberately wound someone, someone you claim to care for. Let's look at two examples that didn't work for me.

CRASH LANDING ON YOU has a male lead who is always scolding the heroine for her decisions, especially when those decisions lead her to sacrifice herself for him. When she wakes up in hospital after taking a bullet for him, instead of saying thank you like a normal person, he scolds her to the point of tears. Because he's constantly treating her like a child and making decisions on her behalf, it makes perfect sense when he decides to break up with her by telling her he never loved her. The characterisation is consistent and believable; the problem is that this sort of character is a huge red flag, and the show never stops depicting the hero's paternalistic behaviour as a totally normal and romantic thing, actually! This is a great example for what this trope represents even at its most internally consistent - a character making a huge decision without their partner's input, taking away the say that should rightfully be theirs, and never being called to account for it.

Take F4: THAILAND as an example of this trope that doesn't make ANY sense at all. Our two leads kept me fully charmed throughout most of the show, but it all fell apart for me in the final three episodes. Gorya is a wonderful female lead whose strong sense of self-respect, dignity, and tenacity has driven her to challenge Thyme's bullying and inspire him to become a better person. These traits have empowered her to defy his mother's systematic destruction of her family's finances and those of everyone she loves. When Thyme's mother offers Gorya money to break up with Thyme, she scorns the offer. However, when Thyme's mother tells him that she is dying and that she needs to use what little time she has left to consolidate Thyme's leadership of the family empire, Gorya chooses to break Thyme's heart to ensure that he can become CEO after his mother's death. This is pitched as worthwhile because of the good things Thyme could do as a powerful capitalist who puts people, not money, first. Gorya knows that after everything she and Thyme have been through, he's absolutely devoted to her, and that hurting him badly enough to part the two of them will involve returning him to the old, villainous, bullying Thyme. Thyme's mother even encourages her to do just that - because it's only the villainous Thyme who CAN consolidate his control of the family empire. It made no sense to me that Gorya would fall in with this program. Why would this person hurt someone she loves, bringing back the villain she reformed, so that he can keep control of the riches she spurned? I didn't believe it for a moment. It felt like gratuitous cruelty, totally out of character, and militated against the story's themes.

I always find myself asking the same questions when I see this trope: why couldn't the characters have an honest conversation about this? Why couldn't they face this challenge together? Why wouldn't they do literally everything within their power to avoid systematically destroying their loved one's self esteem? Taking a relationship out the back and shooting it just seems like an incredibly disproportionate response to 99% of the scenarios that give rise to this trope.

Still, like all tropes that are used poorly, this one can be deconstructed, played with, or even justified. Let's look at some examples of this trope that work a little better than most.

Look for ways to soften the trope

The more love and trust there is between the characters, the less credible it is that one of them would choose to withold information from the other, lie to them, and break their heart. In the YA space opera romance THESE BROKEN STARS, at their very first interaction the female lead mocks and antagonises the male lead specifically because young men who show romantic interest in her tend to meet with unfortunate "accidents" and she wants to spare him that fate. Since the two of them are strangers, there's less trust to be broken, and by the same token, it takes the female lead less effort (and cruelty) to destroy his interest in her.

Similarly, think about the somewhat similar situation in PRIDE & PREJUDICE where a third party, Mr Darcy, breaks up Mr Bingley and Jane Bennet because he thinks it would be better for Bingley not to ally himself with the embarrassing Bennet family. This is not an example of this trope, but it's a very similar one - two people in love are cruelly broken up because somebody decided they knew best. While Elizabeth at first believes Mr Darcy's actions to be unforgiveable, she quickly learns of an extenuating circumstance: Mr Darcy had no idea that Jane was seriously attached to Mr Bingley and would not have done what he did if he had known.

2. Make sure there are realistic consequences

I don't think it's IMPOSSIBLE for a couple to end up together after a use of this trope, but as in PRIDE & PREJUDICE, in addition to extenuating circumstances, there would ideally be a whole character arc in which the person at fault proves that they are going to stop trying to make decisions for their partner.

I also loved the deconstruction of the trope in ANOTHER MISS OH. In this show the heroine's fiancé, facing financial ruin and prison, tells her just days before their wedding that he doesn't love her anymore and is disgusted by the way she eats. When he gets out of prison early, he's extremely miffed to find that his ex is now dating the very bloke responsible for him being in jail in the first place. He tells the female lead that he just wanted to spare her the pain and disgrace of his prison sentence, and she very properly calls him out on it. He intentionally humiliated her and left her with lasting wounds and insecurities, and although her new boyfriend isn't perfect either, at least he never did THAT to her.

Although this is a deconstruction I think we can still learn from it. After all, this trope is always depicted as a mistake on somebody's part; the important thing is to make the consequences believable.

3. Make sure it's believable for the characters to act in this way

When this trope is played straight, as a major third act breakup between avowed lovers, I almost never find it truly believable. But the story that comes closest is MOULIN ROUGE. Our heroine Satine has always seen herself as the older, worldly wise, cynical one in the relationship. She doesn't believe in the power of love the way her love interest, Christian, does. And she's spent her whole life prioritising money and survival. So, when Satine finds out that her would-be lover, a powerful duke, wants Christian dead, it's credible that THIS sort of person would decide to break up with Christian and tell him she's choosing the Duke and financial security over love.

There are also additional reasons why this works, and all of them are deeply rooted in characterisation.

For one thing, this isn't Satine's first choice. She originally plans to run away with Christian. It's only once she learns that she's dying of consumption that she decides to break up with him instead. We SEE that Satine would rather fight for her love - and we understand why she comes to despair of it.

For another, staying true to Christian won't save him heartbreak because he's going to lose her anyway. On the other hand, if she breaks Christian's heart, she will save him from the Duke and also give the Moulin Rouge's prostitutes a chance at becoming actresses and real artists. We can understand that the price of putting love first is so high, with such little return, that Satine would choose to act this way.

Finally, because Satine's character has already been established as so mercenary, she doesn't actually NEED to work hard to convince Christian that she has chosen the Duke. In fact, one of the things that sets MOULIN ROUGE apart from other examples of this trope is that, from memory, Satine doesn't even lie to Christian. She doesn't try to convince him that their love has been a complete sham - she just informs him that she's decided to give the Duke what he wants. Christian believes it because it's exactly the sort of thing the Satine he first met would have done.

Compare this to the example in F4: THAILAND. In that show, breaking up with Thyme doesn't fit with Gorya's character. She doesn't try to find any alternatives. Thyme finds it so hard to believe her when she says she wants to break up with him, that she has to seriously hurt him in order to make him believe it. And as a member of the audience I wanted to know why exactly it would be so terrible - in a show that is explicitly about the evils of wealth - for Thyme to abandon his family empire.

4. Connect it directly with the themes

The cdrama LOVE BETWEEN FAIRY AND DEVIL contains a rendition of this trope that actually works WITH, rather than against, the themes of the story. LBFAD avoids the often sexist and paternalistic overtones of this trope by having both leads at different times break each other's hearts to save them. Best of all, it uses the trope as an expression of the main thematic conflict of the story. This campy fantasy romance dares to ask whether the greater good is more important than personal love and happiness. When each lead character chooses to break the heart of the other, they do so implicitly because they have bought into the lie that they must set aside personal love for the greater good. Their whole character arc and happy ending hinges upon their ability to see that the only way to sacrifice for the greater good, is to learn love and compassion on a personal level. As such, even though it still stretched credibility that two such devoted leads would treat each other so badly, the story used the trope wisely, not to manufacture melodrama but to discuss its central themes.

5. BONUS: Restore agency to the dumped party One of the annoying things about this trope is specifically that it involves one character choosing to deprive the other of agency in their own romance. So, one of the most fun ways to play this trope is by restoring agency to the dumpee.

This happens in the cdrama TILL THE END OF THE MOON. At first, the way this trope was played in this story really annoyed me. The God of War, Ming Ye, has unexpectedly fallen in love with his at-first unwanted bride, Sang Jiu. Now, however, he's about to go off and fight a battle in which he expects to give his life. Rather than let Sang Jiu know about this, he hands her a bill of divorce and tells her he never had any feelings for her. Sang Jiu has been in love with him from the shell, and this breaks her heart. It seemed completely gratuitous to me - why would Ming Ye divorce someone he's about to widow in any case? If he wants to send her to safety, why can't he just ask her to go home for a visit to her beloved family until the danger blows over? However, I was FASCINATED by Sang Jiu's response to this ultimatum: she puts on her wedding dress, marches into Ming Ye's room, and demands her conjugal rights before she leaves. Although there were definitely things about this scene which I, ah, found problematic and would have done differently, it was a terrific thing to see the female lead seize back agency in this situation. I also appreciated how it foreshadowed later problems in the subplot, in which the male lead's inability to communicate and the female lead's tendency to take things into her own hands dooms them both.

Similarly, in one of my books, a character is forced to break up with another in public, which she does, very coldly. But he takes the first opportunity to get her alone, throw himself at her feet and swear that even if she doesn't want to be his partner anymore, she will still have his undying devotion and lifelong service. It was huge fun to defy the common expectations of the trope in this way!

In summary, I do think that this trope can work, but it does need to be fully supported by the story. It should not be overdone; there must be consequences; it must be in character; there must be high enough stakes to make the pain inflicted seem worthwhile; and it must be in keeping with the themes rather than militating against them.

#trope talk #writing advice #writing #romance tropes #lbfad #tteotm #f4 thailand #love between fairy and devil #till the end of the moon #moulin rouge #pride and prejudice #crash landing on you #cloy #another miss oh

[letsdeerintheheadlightsuniverse]

>>Next Chapter>>

Masterlist

Pairing: Izzy Hands x gn!reader

Synopsis: Upon saving your life, Izzy Hands also unknowingly stole your heart. Will you ever be brave enough to admit your feelings or will the spark that burns between you eventually fizzle out, if not stoked into flames of passion?

A/N: Welcome to the first of what I hope will be a multi-chaptered fanfiction. It's my first time properly writing on here, so go easy on me! I'm still trying to find my footing with formatting and the like. I will update the Masterlist as I go along! I'm not totally sure how to make one, but I've made it this far, so hopefully, it works!

Content Warning: Canonical violence, gore, and discussions surrounding the reader's difficult past. This series will be 18+, so minors dni. Go away (politely).

DISCLAIMER: PLEASE DO NOT REPOST, REPUBLISH  OR TRANSLATE MY WORK ANYWHERE WITHOUT MY EXPLICIT PERMISSION.

==================================

The sea was a cruel mistress. Beautiful in all her oceanic glory but as quick changing in temperament as the weather. From clear blue skies to perilous storms- there was no deciphering her moods, only surviving her continuous whims. But blessed had she been to you.

Perhaps she had conspired with the fates, whispered in their ear and asked them to favour you, as you travelled the seven seas with your found family. For life prior to your time on board the Revenge had been a different kind of survival. Just one, big never-ending fight, for food and shelter, that left you mentally- and more frequently than you cared to recollect- physcially battered and bruised. Though you were made of sterner stuff, even the most adept pirate had their limits.

And the day you had reached your own, good fortune had smiled upon you, as you were introduced to one, Israel Hands. Well, introduced might have been too polite a word. It's connotation suggests that you both met under usual circumstances and exchanged pleasantries, when the reality of the situation had been anything but pleasant.

Another day of surviving for your life had taken on a new meaning that dreadful Tuesday. You were doing more than just fighting for scraps and offcuts, you were struggling to keep your own entrails contained within your own abdomen. Rivers of red bled out from your failing form, as others equally destitute, viewed your fading self as one less hungry mouth to compete against. One less person taking up residence in a barn or abandoned shack. You thought your life over in that moment, as you felt your consciousness wash in and out like the waves that lapped at the nearby port.

You never really had the confidence to ask Izzy what it was exactly that moved him so much to take pity upon you but something in that dank alleyway had stirred within the silver-haired pirate's chest, as he had caught sight of your bloodied disposition.

Your remembrance of being brought back upon the deck of the Revenge was hazy at best but then, severe blood loss and copious amounts of rum for the pain would cause amnesia in the most sound of mind. The only snippets of memory that you still possessed, all involved the First Mate. The vague feeling of leather brushing against your cheek, as he carried you towards the port. The sensation of a hand in yours, as the cook-slash-medic crudely stitched you back together again. That was all you still retained from that horrific time. Still, you treasured the memories, keeping them close in your heart.

No, you would not ask the pirate to recount the full tale of what had occurred the day you were found. That was all in the past now. A distant speck on the horizon of your life's story. You had moved onto better things and your prospects were much brighter now.

Life on the Revenge was by no means easy but having a wonderful crew and somewhat sane co-captains was a farcry from where you had been only six months prior. You now had people you could call friends. Hell, you considered them to be family and they, you. You were loved and also loved in return. For the first time in your tragic history of existence, you had found a home in the group of misfits. A strong sense of belonging. You were safe. Well, as safe as one could be as a pirate.

Not that you ever worried too much when on raids. If your past was anything to go by, you could look adter yourself well enough in the midst of a fight. Though you lacked skill, you were ruthless in your attacks. However, as per the co-captain's orders, you were generally buddied up with someone more skilled than yourself. More often than not, such a responsibility fell upon the shoulders of the Revenge's beloved First Mate. Not that you were complaining. No, seriously, not even a peep!

Unfortunately for you, it had not escaped the attention of your closest friends, Lucius and Oluwande that, you never complained, in fact, about being paired up with the- quite frankly- cantankerous arsehole. It was almost if you, they dare thought, enjoyed his company. The absolute horror! Despite their teasing at your expense, most of the crew. Nay! All of the crew, were rooting for you both.

It was just a waiting game now of when you and Izzy would recognise your feelings for one another. Wee John had money on it being within the next month. Whereas Archie guessed it would be at least another six months but who was to say? Only time would tell.

If the way you were staring forlornly at the First Mate, when you were supposed to be helping Jim scrub the deck, was any indication then maybe Wee John was not totally off the mark with his prediction. You could not help yourself. The opalescent sky, brought to life by the dying rays of the close to evening sun, was a beautiful contrast compared to the stark black silhouette of the silver-haired pirate, who was currently berating a very disgruntled looking Buttons.

However, our distracted state did not last long. You were brought forth from your reverie with a very unceremonious wet cloth to the face. The sounds that emanated from your persons could only be described as a shrill shriek of horror.

"Ew, Jim!" you screeched, ripping the damp fabric from your skin and immediately pelting it back at them with aggravated gusto. "What the hell!"

Easily battling off your counter attack, the pirate chortle with unrestrained glee at your panic and disgust. You were so, so easy to catch unawares, it was impossible to not take advantage. "Ah, come on now, mi amor (my love). Lighten up a little! You're becoming as grumpy as Dizzy Izzy."

At the mention of his name, you found yourself blushing deeply. Oh no, where your feelings for the First Mate were concerned you were in too deep and your friends made sure to remind you every second of your waking hours. Not that you could really complain. How many times had you lovingly mocked Pete for his infatuation with Lucius or  Jim when they doted on their partners?

"Bet you like that about him though." they smirked, as they resumed scrubbing at the deck.

You grumbled a murmured, "shut up" but Jim was right. You did like his stoicism. There was something reassuring about Izzy's stubbornness and fortitude. It was like he was a lighthouse in the tumultuous ocean that was life. Standing strong against the waves that would drown anyone else. A guide to the well-meaning but ill-equipt eclectic crew. Had he not delivered you from a path of darkness?

While lost in our own thoughts, little did you know that your cry of horror had caught the attention of the man that occupied your mind during all waking and sleeping hours.

From his vantage point, Izzy watched the crew of Revenge toil away at the daily tasks, surprisingly with minimal complaints or antics. It appeared that they were on their best behaviour that day. Much to the First Mate's chagrin. Of all the days his racing mind needed a distraction, that damn crew decided to actually put some fucking effort into their work.

But there you were, he thought, fighting to keep the soft smile that threatened to melt his icy demeanour. Working hard as always alongside your friend, Jim. You were laughing at something they had said, as you wiped the sweat from your brow. The wind against the rustling sails blocked out the sound of your laughter but thankfully, he had heard it enough time to commit the sound to memory.

"Staring at (y/n) again?" the unwelcome voice of one Edward Fucking Teach suddenly interrupted Izzy's otherwise pleasant train of thought.

"Oh, fuck off, Edward." despite his annoyance, the irritated pirate's tone did not covey itself as malicious, just frustrated, which all but confirmed Ed's suspicions.

Unlike some of the other crew members, the co-captain was well accustomed to Izzy's volatile personality by now. No matter how many foul words, curses or threats the other man verbally hurled at Ed, he would simply brush each attack off with a smile- or even more infuriatingly- a laugh accompanied with a shoulder pat. Izzy loathed those shoulder pats sometimes. Unfortunately for him but more fortunately for Ed, it was frowned upon to cut off your Captain's hand.

And as if on cue, there it was, that familiar smile. That bright as the fucking sun on a clear summer's day smile. No wonder Stede Bonnet was besotted with the bastard. Who could possibly resist the friendly warmth of that mischievous grin? It was disarmingly charming enough to even placate a cold-hearted man, such as Izzy Hands. Who could already feel his resolve crumbling.

While it would have been foolish to assume that Izzy's bark was worse than his bite- goodness, his bite could erradicate an entire crew with a moments hesitation- overall, the man was pretty harmless. Especially when it came to talking about you.

And Ed was well aware of his friend's newfound fondness. "Ah, come on, Iz." he chuckled, leaning against the nearby railing with complete ease, while Izzy felt like his stomach being tied up in knots. It took everything within his power to stop his hands from shaking. He quickly grabbed onto the same railing and hoped he mirrored Ed's unperturbed manner. Damn, he was so embarrassed with himself. How did anyone manage to function properly when being in love made you feel so jittery all the time? "You're allowed to look at 'em, you know? Nothing wrong with appreciating the view." the Captain's own gaze roamed across the deck, when he too, spotted you. His smile grew even wider.

There was no doubt that Ed liked you a lot. You were a competent pirate and a loyal friend to those aboard the ship but more importantly, you were a good influence on the First Hand. The gradual closeness that had bloomed between you and the silver-haired pirate, had been a heartwarming sight to witness from a far. In fact, it was often the subject of the late night conversations shared between Ed and Stede, as they got ready for bed every night.

However, they were not the only ones invested in the hopefully-so-to-occur-coupling of you and Izzy. The rest of the Revenge's crew had also placed many bets, all of which ran simultaneously. From first dates to first kisses- there was money riding on every single one of your shared interactions. You both just did not know it yet (and hopefully never at all). If Izzy were to discover just how invested everyone was in your inevitable relationship, heads would roll. Or more precisely, Ed's would roll.

Izzy could barely stop himself from scoffing at Ed's words. Actually, he did scoff. Loudly, too. But even with his sound of dismay, the pirate could not help but steal a guilty glance in your direction but only for a moment. "Don't talk daft." he grumbled when you eventually disappeared below deck, having been called away by Roach to help in the kitchen. "I was just keeping an eye on the crew. Fucking useless, the lot of 'em."

"Even (y/n)?"

With a huff, Izzy had finally had enough of this particular line of enquiry. "Did you need something, Edward?"

"No, just came up here to annoy you."

Of course he had. Of course he fucking had! What else would a co-captain do, other than annoy his Right Hand Man? Nothing so useless as, oh Izzy could hardly think of something worth while, like...chartering the next part if the ships journey?! "Well, in that case, can you kindly fuck off then? Haven't you got to go and make your boyfriend blush or something?"

Despite his hearty laugh, Ed still had one last parting shot for the silver-haired pirate. Leaning in close, he whispered, "You know, instead of focusing on my relationship, you could be making y/n blush right now."

Before Izzy could even stammer an apoplectic response of faux outrage- how many times had he actually fantasies about being the cause of the rosy dusting upon your cheeks?- Ed had already pushed himself off of the railing and made his way down onto the main deck. "Twat." Izzy huffed, knowing deep down. Like, deep, deep, deeeeeep down, Ed was right. He had been, as the captain had so succinctly put it, been "appreciating the view".

#izzy x reader #izzy hands x reader #ofmd izzy #avengeofmd #avenge ofmd #blackbeard #stede bonnet #ofmd #ofmd fanfic #save ofmd #save our flag means death #season 3 renewal #renew as a crew #be a lighthouse #ed teach #the gentleman pirate #snow at the beach #letsdeerintheheadlightsuniverse #letsdeerintheheadlights #ofmd spoilers #ofmd stede #ofmd s3 #ofmd season 2 #ofmd s2 #izzy x gn!reader #gender neutral reader #izzy hands #my writing

[firstkanaphans]

Even with all the shit we’re all giving Akk for being an idiot, I think a lot of what he’s going through is actually very understandable. As someone who’s very probably on the aro/ace spectrum somewhere (but has never and might never figure out where or how exactly), I get the feeling of being confused about attraction and the line between romantic and platonic. If you’ve never kissed anyone, how do you know you even like it? How do you know if you like being with someone because they’re your friend or because you like them romantically? It seems logical to look for an answer with someone you trust completely and feel comfortable with. Love is complicated, and it feels nice to see that reflected in this story and be able to relate to a character in that regard. There are so many components and variables to a relationship between two people, and I think it’s pretty normal to get confused about that. Especially if you have no experience with romantic attraction—not even going into sexual attraction, which is a wormhole all of its own.

Yes! It makes me so happy to hear that because that’s kind of the whole point of this fic. I’m demisexual and see a lot of myself in Akk, so I’m glad his experiences are resonating with you as well. There will be more discussions about his sexuality as the fic goes on, but Aye’s his best friend and also the only person he’s ever had sexual feelings for. Those feelings can very easily get tangled. “These are best friend feelings,” “I’m just very comfortable with him,” etc.

That doesn’t make him any less stupid, though 😂 One of the funniest parts about being queer is looking back and realizing just how stupid you were—although to be fair, it’s not our fault. Society tells us that being a cishet allosexual is the default and it can take a while to realize there are other options. I kissed a girl for the first time when I was twelve and it didn’t even occur to me for another seven years that I might be queer. I just thought all straight women liked kissing each other. Because who wouldn’t want to kiss women when the alternative was men?! Anyway, that’s the sort of loser energy I’m bringing to Akk.

#asks #best laid plans fic

[willow-schmillow]

Hello, all! I'm writing this about how in-system relationships function for me, in hopes of opening discussion and also perhaps offering clarity to anyone who feels confused by why a relationship between their alters appears the way it does :3

In-system relationships, for me, are dynamics that do not exist for me "externally" - i.e. as I am treated as one person interacting with the world (which doesn't know I have parts :P ). The most obvious example in my system are the familial relationships between alters.

Externally, I have a good relationship with my brother. I also have in-system sibling relationships occuring:

- Kit and Lee were (past tense due to a split + dormancies) brothers in the same way that best friends would consider themselves comrades in arms at the world's shittiest job. They were siblings and equals in the same fight to survive, and supported each other like they were dragging each other through Hell to the finish line.

This is fundamentally different from my external brother: I never want him to feel like he has to support me, and I never want him to understand how much I'm suffering.

Also:

- Gabriel and Monika are a big brother and a little sister: they protect each other against the rest of the world, and, to Monika, Gabriel is the princely big brother who saved her.

This is fundamentally different from my external brother as well: he's younger than me, and *I* feel a duty to protect and support *him.*

On familial relationships, we also have a parent-child dynamic:

- Ethan is the dad to Valentine and Kailey: he's supportive through their difficult emotional struggles, and reassures them that they're safe and capable.

... Given that I'm posting here, you can take a guess as to how this is different from my actual relationship with my parents.

The real sticker for me is in-system romantic relationships. These are so very, very different from my external relationship with my boyfriend:

- Kit and Cal's relationship allows them to work in tandem and fluidly switch, something that is an exception within this system. They're very attuned with each other's needs and limits: the separation between them is necessary at this point in time, but I wouldn't be surprised if they fused when we're more stable.

No matter how close I am with another person, I'll never be able to feel exactly what they feel and need - the in-system relationship fulfills a need for quick reactions, flexibility, and emotional validation in what's an awful job (the two of them are in charge of dealing with our parents).

Also:

- I (Kylee) have a relationship with Gabriel. For us, it's about supporting each other through the most difficult times. When we comfort each other, it feels less like leaning on another person for help and more like teamwork to make the whole system feel better and run as smoothly as possible. We're here to support and comfort *us*, because we're one team that has to get this done and we might as well do it in a way that we get along well in.

I hope this all made sense! I'd love to hear about y'all's thoughts on in-system relationships, as well :3

#if the formatting is funky i copied this directly from the reddit post i also made #r/DID my beloved system-centric social media space of choice.. #dissociative identity disorder #osddid #actually dissociative #did osdd #did system #in-system relationships

[edoro]

One of my personal litmus tests for if I give any credence whatsoever to someone's opinions on fiction in general or dark/controversial fiction in particular is how they talk about ASOIAF.

This series has serious issues that absolutely deserve to be discussed (and have been!) and is not for everyone, taste is subjective, etc etc, but certain ways people talk about it just betray that they either have never actually read it or have the reading comprehension of a flea.

"Why is there so much rape, GRRM must be a misogynist and/or have a rape fetish" GRRM clearly has an incest and lactation fetish and might also be into piss but i really cannot emphasize enough that the rape is not in there for sexual gratification purposes

the reason that the setting is like that is not because the author is a virulent misogynist. the reason that the setting is like that is because the author chose to write a misogynistic setting, where the possibility of rape is an ever-present backdrop to every woman and girl's life, and the likelihood of it happening increases or decreases depending on various levels of protection and value that she has, mostly relating to her station and the station and strength of the men to whom she belongs.

(and i have criticisms of his approach to sexual violence, most notably that he has an ENORMOUS blind spot when it comes to sexual violence against men and boys, and creates systems that would absolutely result in large amounts of male on male sexual abuse occurring (the Wall, for instance) while completely failing to acknowledge this, so it's not like i'm saying he's totally perfect about it or anything)

and this is not a "the setting is historically accurate" argument either - it's not, it's pop medieval at best, but that's okay. the author chose to make the setting this way because he wanted to explore certain ideas and attitudes and themes relating to sexual violence and how it affects those who perpetrate it and those who experience it.

and anyone is absolutely free to not like that or want to read it, but if you read the actual presentation and treatment of sexual violence in these books, the various situations where it comes up, the feelings and thoughts of the characters who both experience and perpetrate it, how those characters live and navigate through a system where it is an unavoidable reality

and what you take away is "he wrote it like this because he thinks this is sexy and good and approves of it"

then you might just not be very good at analysis, actually

#ngl the comment that prompted this was someone just saying they think the writing is bad on a technical level #which i guess is an opinion you can have #but it also means i want nothing to do with your opinions about writing in general #but also like i do think that the 'he glorifies and sexualizes rape' people are just flat out wrong #i can cite passages. i can analyze to back this up. You Are Wrong. #asoiaf blogging? in this the year of our lord 2k23? more likely than you think #rape #asoiaf

[bookofmirth]

first off - sorry if you have already covered this topic! i tried searching your blog for it but tumblr’s search function is not the best. on reddit and tiktok, i’ve recently seen people saying that feyre devalues “feminine labor” (housework like cleaning, cooking, sewing/mending, etc) by implying that her sisters do nothing at the cabin while she’s out hunting all day, when it’s likely nesta/elain are doing the “unseen feminine” household labor. and they usually throw in that feyre is an unreliable narrator too, which… sigh.

i’m curious your thoughts on this and if there is any textual evidence supporting this? bc in my opinion, reading between the lines made it clear that feyre and her father do most of the household labor or it just goes neglected, nesta might chop wood but feyre has to beg her to, feyre/her father prepare/cook the hunted animals, and feyre’s boots are falling apart so no one seems to be mending her clothes. i always thought feyre said she couldn’t cook bc all she used to do was roast meat (rather than prepare full meals), not bc nesta and elain were the one’s actually cooking. and feyre strikes me as the person who would literally be grateful if nesta and elain did anything, so the fact that she doesn’t notice this “unseen labor” seems ooc to me

i also just don’t like that this interpretation seems to “villainize” feyre for having internalized misogyny against her sister’s contributions to the household by not placing any value in the “feminine” labor they do…. while unseen labor is def a real problem in real life, it seems like a reach to apply to this situation where a young girl is risking her life everyday to provide for a family that is either cruel or indifferent towards her. we could talk about what labor sjm views as important enough to discuss in her novels but that’s a whole different topic

Ummmm I haven't heard this take before, but it's a big no from me. There is no evidence in the books that Nesta or Elain were picking up any of the slack unless Feyre harassed them into doing so.

Nesta says that Feyre should chop wood because her hands are already so rough - meaning Feyre does it all the time, Nesta's hands aren't calloused from working with them or doing any sort of manual labor. Was Nesta trying to insult Feyre by pointing out the state of her hands, and perhaps exaggerating the situation? Maybe, but that doesn't make it untrue.

Feyre says that they can dry the meat, and then thinks that she will end up doing the bulk of the work. I don't see how any of them would be good at cooking, since they grew up pampered and then once they were in the cabin, didn't have the means to learn, and who would have taught them? Assuming that Feyre didn't know how to cook because someone else was doing it is simply not proof. Otherwise, why were they eating Feyre's plain ass roasted meat in chapter 2?

Re: Elain, Feyre thinks "it simply never occurred to her that she might be capable of getting her hands dirty". Tell me how that means Elain does a bunch of work that we just aren't noticing.

The thing is, Nesta and Elain were created to be stereotypical evil sisters, especially at the beginning of acotar. They weren't meant to have any depth beyond showing how hard Feyre worked for her family. I agree with you that this take seems to come from people who just don't like Feyre, and so they're stretching the truth of what we know happened in order to make up some reason why Feyre (and by extension sjm) is unfeminist. It's a pretty popular fandom thing. Decide you don't like something, then come up with reasons why it's problematic. People aren't content to simply have preferences.

In a related note, I've noticed a thing in the fandom lately where people like to argue about things we have no evidence of. So for example, "Rhys has never spoken French on page, and so you can't argue against my claim that he is fluent in French." That's... obviously ridiculous, right? It's a logical fallacy, it's called an appeal to ignorance.

If I also said, "someone must have been sweeping the house and since you can't prove to me that Nesta didn't do it, then you have to accept my claim that she did" then that's also an appeal from ignorance. There is no evidence that Elain or Nesta did any of the labor in the house to make their lives easier, whether we are talking traditionally masculine or feminine labor, and so it's really a stretch to say that Feyre just didn't give a shit because she thought that kind of labor was useless. Like you said, she would have absolutely been grateful if Elain had mended her own cloak instead of asking for the money for a new one, or if Nesta had learned some cooking skills (or chopped wood without being harassed into it).

By the way, Feyre is the one who rations their food, she keeps track of the money and the budget. She doesn't just hunt to make sure they stay fed, she also keeps track of the household chores, what needs to be done, and who can/should do it. She's the mother of the household, which makes it ironic that people would devalue the work she did to keep the family going, since that's also part of the invisible labor of daily life. That also, to me, means that Feyre would have absolutely noticed work getting done without her having to harangue someone into doing it.

#feyre #acotar #ask #anon