#that much caffeine could literally kill me

[wandagcre]

What about Sam having a hyper energy golden retriever gf??

sam with a hyper golden retriever girlfriend

(gif not mine, credits to who owns them)

OH BOY. you weren't only a sunshine for sam but fueled with an unmatched high energy, you were basically a deadly combination for her

deadly in a way where sam sometimes can't keep up with you BUT tries hard to do so because she absolutely adores how you light up the room! she refuses to make you uncomfortable or ashamed in any way <3

it's like, she's sleepy? but you're still rambling and tugging on her arm? NOT ANYMORE. you can see sam fighting it off and you give a hearty chuckle because she's reaaally close to dozing off she looks so silly you can barely see her pretty brown eyes anymore 🥺

seriously, sam can't remember the last time someone made her smile this MUCH. all of her facial muscles are working overtime whenever she's around you!! it's so infectious it warms her heart ;(

texts between you two are the funniest 😭

sam: Good Morning ☺️❤️

you: OH MY GOD

you: the absolute love of my freaking life.

you: my precious girlfriend. finally you have graced me with your existence. i could not be anymore glad about this thank you, thank you 🥰

sam: We have been dating for 2 years now? And I'm coming to your house later BTW

you: your point????

sam: Ha. I love you, silly goose :,) 💐

[also you: had been bombing her notifs over cute pictures and videos for the past hour and sam will check them religiously and react one by one on her free time, ASAP]

would kill (considers it in literal sense) if someone was responsible for your mood drop in an instant. sam is worried and already beside you to try and comfort you because?? who dares to disrupt your sunshine self?? it's equivalent to kicking a cute puppy for her!

keeps you away from energy or any caffeinated drinks 😭 besides that it was a death sentence given your nature, she'll insist how they're super unhealthy and you're shocked that sam's literally listing all of the cons of it - you're surprised why she is ranting about your kidneys and all? 😭

AND YOUR PUPPY EYES? no, sam will not cave in. (sam totally would) (she will end up doing a deal with you to balance things up)

in return, she'll check on your daily water intake because that's more replenishing for your body

LOVES YOUR BIG GESTURES. the way you talk with your limbs involved and all the sound effects, it's pleasing to her honestly sam has never seen someone look so endearing and highly entertaining of a storyteller as you are

you probably see the goodness in people and tries so hard to understand that and sam admires you so sooo much for that ;( literally, you're her angel

she probably has you saved on her contacts as "(y/n/n) ☀️🥰🐶"

and that trait of yours probably what made sam to be at ease with you. usually she's closed off but even with you knowing the truth about her life, how she had this grim upbringing, you just sat there soaking all the information up with attentive eyes and comforting touch on her hand

sam doesn't expect that it will lead to an eventual romantic relationship between you two or how your soothing presence has made her try her hardest to open up more and more to you!! ;(

and what she likes is that you match your words with actions. whether it's good or bad, she loves the transparency and honesty. it proves that you're not faking anything. sam thinks that's rare to have these days and you being like that? makes her love you so sooo much even more ;((

like literally, it's 3/4 core four + you on the top of her list oh my goddd

sam would be surprised at your bursts of energetic moments especially in public for the first time, sometimes even later on, but embarrassed? never! it's new to her and you're just there beaming and not caring about what others think. she thinks you're the cutest for that!! <333

#gg.answers #sam carpenter x reader #headcanons #sam carpenter x fem reader #sam carpenter x female reader #sam carpenter x y/n #sam carpenter x you #scream vi #anon #request

[gentrychild]

An anon who was rereading Anyone asked me what would have happened if Izuku didn't like eggs and how you tell a supervillain you don't like what he made and that you want something. I have bravely tried to answer said ask but Tumblr laughed at my pain, so here is it, on a new post.

------------------------

When confronted with the super villain Izuku had accidentally broken out of the most secured prison in the country, a man who had basically walked out of said prison as soon as he hadn’t been restrained anymore, Izuku did the only thing any rational person would do.

He ran like hell. No shoes, no plan, nothing except Full Cowl roaring in his veins and he fled.

At least, he tried to.

Strong tendrils stopped him dead, then hands picked him up by his shoulders and suddenly, his feet weren't touching the ground and he was forcibly brought to the kitchen table.

''No, no, no,'' All for One said with the tone one would employ with a disobedient pet or a very young child. ''Your breakfast is going to get cold and we have so much to talk about. Sit. Enjoy the eggs. If you don't like them, I can make something else.''

And he dropped him on his chair, before putting the plate in front of him. Then, he sat at the other end of the table, facing Izuku, his own plate in front of him and he started to eat. Slowly, his manners perfect, while Izuku was dying of sheer stress over there.

Then, he looked at Izuku. Then at Izuku's plate.

''You're not eating?''

Izuku looked at the man who had literally reduced people to paste last night and then at his plate of eggs and bacon, then back at the lunatic who was probably going to skin him alive soon enough. He needed to do something, to get the time to find a way out of this mess.

Now, any reasonable human being would have eaten a bit of eggs and bacon – well, eaten the bacon in Izuku’s case – but he had just woken up, was in a pre-caffeinated state and truly, Izuku had never claimed to have the slightest working relationship with sanity.

“I don’t like eggs,” he blurted out.

The supervillain, the very same man who had literally gone through a prison riot of fellow villains like he was running through wet paper, was startled so badly by those four words that he dropped his fork.

“What do you mean, you don’t like eggs???” he asked like this was a ludicrous notion, like everyone’s favorite breakfast should be eggs and bacon.

“Never liked them,” Izuku lied, by pure spirit of contradiction, far more developed than for most people, for it had been left with quite the amount of room after the disappearance of all his survival instinct.

And it was indeed a lie because, once upon a time, it had been his favorite comfort food, but when he had been a kid, during one of those weeks where his mom was gone and the neighbor supposed to watch over him was busy forgetting his existence, he had gorged himself on it at every meal until he had gotten so sick of it that he had been unable to eat them ever again.

All for One watched him with something that went beyond annoyance, it was the patented look of someone who knew one was messing with him and the words “You’re a goddamn liar” were probably fighting to be left out but he had no proof that Izuku was bullshitting him and if even if he somehow had a lie-detecting-quirk, Izuku would keep denying it because he probably wasn’t making it out alive anyway so why deprive himself of the chance of annoying his would-be-killer?

And actually, why wait?

“I prefer waffles,” Izuku informed him because, after all, All for One had offered him to make him something else.

All for One stared at him without saying anything, probably thinking about all the ways he could have killed Izuku back when they were in Tartarus. Meanwhile, Izuku gave the illusion to be staring back at him when he was actually thinking about the fact the window made a faster exit but All for One would have the time to catch him before he landed seven floors lower while the door offered him more options.

All for One eventually abandoned his plate and started to rummage through the cupboards, going straight to the place where Izuku and his mom usually put the baking ingredients. Either everyone organized their kitchen the same way, or All for One had broken in so many homes that he was just a pro at using any kitchen he found himself into.

“Do you have flour?” the lunatic called out. “I can’t find it.”

Izuku had already flowed out of his chair and was making his way to the door by walking backwards, trying to radiate nonchalance and not the need to RUN AWAY WITHOUT LOOKING BACK.

“Try the highest shelves,” Izuku helpfully suggested, his hand on the doorknob.

It was where his mom put the heaviest pots and pans they usually didn’t use, since everyone in this household needed to climb a chair to access it. With a little luck, they would all fall on All for One.

Izuku left the apartment, not even bothering to fully close the door behind him, and he ran. He was in his pajamas, had found his sneakers by the door and they were still in his hands as he booked it out of his neighborhood as fast as Full Cowl could carry him and he didn’t stop until his building wasn’t in sight anymore. Then, he stopped on a bench, the couple flirting on it deciding they could do that somewhere else when they saw him approaching, and he put his sneakers on, took a deep breath, and decided to run some more, still in the opposite direction of where Todoroki was living, and then, he would figure out a plan.

Unfortunately, liquid shadows chose this moment to appear right in front of him, revealing All for One, who was holding a bag from Waffle Palace in one of his hands.

“I didn’t find any flour or sugar so I just ordered in.”

Some people would have screamed or been startled but Izuku had already ripped the bench from the ground and thrown it at All for One. The villain batted it away with his empty hand but it didn’t matter because Izuku was already half way through the park, or at least until black tendrils grabbed him and yanked him back.

 “Your waffles are going to get cold,” All for One sternly informed him before grabbing him by the back of his shirt and he warped again, this time with Izuku under his arm.

#I hope you see this Anon #anyone fic #anyone au

[schrijverr]

You Don’t Know Me, But I Know You 6

Chapter 6 out of 6

5 times Tim showed he stalked Robin + 1 time Jason did

Inspired by this post of thecrazyleader.

On AO3.

Ships none

Warnings: none

~~~~

+1. Jason Acts Familiar

It’s a slow night. No one has commented on it yet, since none of them want to jinx it, but all have been luxuriating in the quiet.

“Since when does DC have a branch in Gotham?” Tim’s voice suddenly breaks the silence.

“What is this DC? Is it a new terrorist organization? I have not heard of them,” Damian asks.

“No, it’s a coffee shop, most people call it DC Coffee, but the C already stands for coffee, so that’s stupid,” Tim explains. “They were never in Gotham before.”

“Ugh, of course you wouldn’t just call it DC Coffee, because you’re a pretentious ass,” Steph rolls her eyes. “What sort of monstrosity do you order?”

“I don’t order a monstrosity,” Tim says offended.

“Yes, you do,” Jason inserts himself into the conversation. “It’s literally called the Death Wish and it’s the only chain that serves it. Of course you’re excited it’s here.”

“Shut up,” Tim hisses, but it’s overshadowed with multiple concerned family members preemptively banning him from entering. Bruce even considers buying it, so he can quite literally ban Tim.

“My coffee intake is not that bad!” Tim shouts over the noise. “No one in the family is normal about caffeine, I just get singled out for it. It’s unfair. Let me go to my favorite coffee shop in peace. I usually only get to go there on bus…” Tim falls silent suddenly.

After two beats, a concerned Dick tentatively asks: “Are- are you good, Baby Bird? What’s happening?”

Ignoring Dick, Tim asks: “Hood, how the fuck did you know what I order? You’re literally never there when I do, because I only get to on business trips or when I’m at Titan Tower.”

Jason is quiet.

“Oh my god, have you been stalking me? You’ve totally been stalking me,” Tim exclaims, torn between disturbed and delighted.

“No, I haven’t,” Jason protests, but Tim ignores him.

“After weeks of calling me a stalker and a creeper, here you are, doing the exact same. I can’t believe the hypocrisy!” Tim goes on.

“I wasn’t stalking you!” Jason yells, hoping to be louder than Tim to shut him up.

It works. Tim falls quiet. But then Steph asks: “Then why do you know his coffee order in a chain you’ve never seen him go to. Even I didn’t know that and I dated him.”

“Yes, how did you obtain this information without observation?” Damian inquires.

Jason is quiet for a second, then says: “Okay, so it wasn’t without observation, but observation and stalking isn’t the same at all.”

“It totally is,” Tim exclaims indignantly.

“No, it’s not,” Jason argues. “I was observing your routine so I could break in and kill you, that’s not at all the same as running around at night, because you’re a creepy looser, whose only human interaction is through a camera lens.”

“Okay, harsh,” Tim says.

“Yeah, way too harsh. I mean, I agree with you and I love ragging on Red Bridie-boy here, but that’s- that’s a lot,” Steph says, a jikes in her voice.

“Alright, yeah, you’re right, sorry, that was too much,” Jason agrees. “But I still think it’s not the same.”

“It totally is,” Tim says, easily forgiving the harsh words. They truly have gotten closer. Then he proceeds to be a little shit by crowing: “Stalker, stalker, stalker. Red Hood is a stalker.”

“Shut up, shut up, shut up,” Jason chants, trying and failing to drown him out.

“No. Creeper, creeper,” Tim starts up, Steph having no trouble joining in, despite not even agreeing with Tim.

“One of my plans was fucking poisoning you with your coffee order. I can dust that plan off, if you don’t stop right the fuck now,” Jason threatens.

“Still a stalker,” Tim singsongs, before turning off his com. He hasn’t taken Jason’s threat seriously in ages, he wonders when that happened.

#rr writing #batman #batfam #batfamily #tim drake #stalker tim drake #red robin #jason todd #red hood #stephanie brown #damian wayne #dc #dc comics

[thebeast-dennis-etcetera]

So Many Questions Part 3

Prompt: You’re pulled in for questioning by NCIS and are quickly surprised to see your ex-boyfriend as your interrogator.

Notes: Some characters are post season 11. Some smut ahead! @kittenlittle24

Part 2. Part 1.

“I’m here to see Agent Gibbs,” you told the security officer. Making a quick call, he nodded and let you through, now adorning a spiffy visitor pass on your chest.

You entered the big orange room with a small smile, grateful this time you weren’t here to be interrogated. You spotted Agent McGee and Bishop sitting at their desks but no sight of Jethro.

“Miss L/N. Everything alright?” McGee asked as you rounded the corner and chose a chair to sit in.

“Oh yeah, everything’s good. Except for the whole phsycho investor trying to kill me. I felt too vulnerable at my office so I came here to see if I could help in any way.”

Both agents gave you a look that you could only describe as part fear part awe.

“What’s the problem?” you asked, looking around to see if there was a big spider somewhere.

“Uh, you’re just sitting at Gibb’s desk. No one sits there except Gibbs,” Bishop answered, laughing nervously. Jeeze. Is Jethro really that intimidating that his agents are scared of a desk chair?

“Well I saw an empty seat and took it. He won’t mind I’m sure. He’s not even here.”

“Oh but I am,” you heard, turning to see Jethro walking over with a cup of coffee in hand. He stopped to stand in front of you and for a few seconds you both just stared at one another, a silent fight for dominance happening. If the chair was so important, you’d let him have it.

You stood up, now close enough to him to smell his aftershave and gave him a smirk. You always loved challenging him, but loved it more when he challenged you back, as it usually ending with him on top in the literal and figurative sense.

Stepping aside, he took a seat and you moved some of his papers so you could sit on the corner of his desk. His team looked thoroughly shocked but didn’t say anything as Jethro barked at them.

“What’d you got?”

“Well Torres and Quinn are interrogating Cheryll Reznik. She told them Ian Chandler had been talking with a man named Dominic. Bishop and I were able to connect an electronic payment he sent for 10k to a Dominic Waters. Turns out Dominic had just been released from prison about a week ago for armed robbery and aggravated assault. Perfect man for a small hit job in need of cash.”

“Then go bring him in McGee. Take Bishop with you.”

They both quickly scurried off, not wanting to be in the awkward space that you had made. Once the elevator doors closed behind them, you spun around, legs now hanging over Jethro’s side.

“Well you certainly have them trained well.”

“Yeah, they listen. Unlike you. I told you to go back to work, we’ve got this handled.”

You leaned in slightly, watching as his eyes briefly glanced down at your slightly opened blouse and then back at your eyes.

“You know how much I love pushing your buttons Jethro. Plus, I’ve been at work all day and haven’t been able to get anything done. I didn’t feel safe there without you there.”

You picked up his cup of coffee and took a sip, grimacing at the bitter taste. You forgot he liked his coffee plain.

“I’ve got an agent assigned to you when I’m not there,” he explained, taking the coffee out of your hands and taking a sip of his own.

“It’s not the same. Plus, I was thinking maybe we could get a bite to eat. Im starving and I’m assuming all you’ve had today is coffee.”

“No time. Got a killer to catch.”

“Yeah well you’ll be no good to anyone when you pass out from lack of food and an overdose on caffeine.”

He gave you the familiar look that let you know that he let you win the argument. He only ever gave it to you when he also secretly agreed with you.

Without a word, he got up and you hopped down to follow him with a triumphant smile.

————

“I don’t know why we couldn’t have gone to Duke’s. They’ve got the best beet salad,” you complained, sticking an overly cooked fry into your mouth. The little diner was cute but you were sure they weren’t known for their food.

“This place has good coffee.”

You watched him sip his probably 5th coffee of the day and rolled your eyes. Just then, your phone began ringing and you saw the caller ID as your next door neighbor.

“Hey Greg, what’s up?…What? Right now?….Can you see what he looks like?”

You listened to him give you a description and motioned to Jethro that it was important.

“Ok, no don’t confront them! We’re on our way!”

You hung up as Jethro had already gotten up and paid for the dinner.

“My neighbor just called saying someone was breaking into my place. His description was vague but it looked like they were looking for something.”

You both left the diner and sped off to your house. When you arrived, Greg was waiting out front and he gave you a hug, receiving a look from Jethro.

“They left just after I hung up with you. Took off in a blue sedan. I’m so glad you weren’t in there. I think I saw a gun.”

“Stay here,” Jethro ordered, pulling out his own gun and Greg’s eyes got wide.

“Don’t worry Greg. He’s a federal agent.”

The two of you waited as Jethro cleared the house and came back outside.

“What do you think he was looking for? Does this have anything to do with that crazy lady shooting you Y/N?” Greg asked as we all walked up the house steps.

“I’m not sure Greg, but I appreciate you calling.”

“Yeah no problem. I enjoy looking out for you,” he replied with a smile. Jethro gave him his classic hard stare and Greg cleared his throat awkwardly, smile fading.

“Alright. Well as long as you’re safe. Have a good-

The front door shut on him before he had a chance to finish his sentence and you looked at Jethro.

“He was just being nice Jet.”

“Mm-hm.”

You went around the semi trashed house, trying to figure out if anything was taken as Jethro picked up a little wooden boat from your shelf and inspected it.

“Your first gift to me. Made out of an old piece of driftwood I think you told me.”

He put it back and walked over to you as you finished putting back the couch cushions together.

“Well I don’t think anything was taken but honestly, I could be sure-

You were promptly interrupted by Jethro’s lips on yours and almost froze in shock.

When he didn’t make a move to pull away, you quickly matched his energy and wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling yourself closer.

You both took steps until you felt your back touch the hallway wall. His kisses moved from your lips to your neck as you pulled his jacket off.

“Bedroom. Now,” he spoke huskily, sparking a fire within you. Grabbing his hand, you led him down the hallway and into your bedroom that had also clearly been tossed. You could’ve cared less as the both of you got undressed, Jethro setting his gun and badge down on your bedside table and pulling you into bed.

He didn’t stay on top too long before grabbing you so that you sat atop of him, easily sinking down onto his more than ready length. You both moaned at the contact and you made quick work, rocking back and forth with Jethro’s big hands gripping your hips.

“Just like that baby,” he grunted, looking up at you as you let your head fall back in ecstasy. His hands traveled so that your breasts were being squeezed and pinched, quickly bringing you closer to your climax.

“I can’t last much longer Jet,” you panted, clenching around him, making his eyes close.

He sat up and pulled you in for another kiss, hands helping keep up your rythmic pace until you fell apart, orgasm hitting you like a freight train. He wasn’t far behind, groaning and holding you still as he filled you up, knowing you loved it when he came inside of you.

Breaths heavy as you both came down from your high, you stayed together, embracing each other. He tiredly peppered kisses on your shoulder and gently ran his fingers across your back, making you shiver.

He chuckled and pressed a kiss against your ear. “You were always so easily overstimulated.”

“Yeah well you make it so easy with your talented multi-tasking.”

Eventually, you two separated, you heading into the bathroom to clean up. When you came out, Jethro was on the phone but handed you your clothes.

“Yup. We’ll be right there.”

He hung up and finished tucking and buttoning up his dress shirt.

“That was McGee. They’ve got Dominic in interrogation. He wants to confess.”

“That’s great,” you said, getting dressed and walking over to him as he clipped his badge on and gun on. Fixing his dishelved hair, you smiled and pecked his lips.

“I hope you’ll still come by even after we nail this bastard.”

“Well someone’s gotta make sure Greg keeps his distance.”

You laughed and followed him out.

#gibbs x reader #leroy jethro gibbs #ncis #ncis fanfiction #agent gibbs #mark harmon #ncis request

[catboybiologist]

1 month HRT update and journal thingy!

So as I said in my pinned post, I'm gonna be doing a monthly kind of progress check on HRT. Well, it's been 32 days, so here it is! Here's some measurements of interest:

But, I found that the raw measurements, and a single "other column" wasn't sufficient to really catalogue my experience. So I wrote a long, probably overly detailed account of some of the things I've experienced in the past month.

And holy shit, what a month it's been.

So first off, lets start with what’s not happening. Some good, some bad. I think I missed the skin softness gene or something. I’ve really noticed no change in skin texture, and that’s often cited as the first noticeable physical change from HRT. My skin was somewhat soft before, but nothing like the transfemmes I know irl, so this was a bit disappointing. But in all honesty, it’s not that big of a deal.

The other thing that I haven’t noticed yet is a reduced aerobic capacity or physical ability. I’m sure this will come in time, but the interesting thing here is that one of my main physical activities, freediving, is actually a far more direct measurement of aerobic capacity than most others. I can’t do this in nearly a consistent enough way to actually log it, but my casual breath hold times in the couple of times I’ve been freediving since starting HRT haven’t changed. On a fairly standard dive, I usually stay down 60-70 seconds, and that’s still true. With good prep and good air conservation on the bottom (I like to hold onto rocks and kelp, and stay motionless while looking around lol), I can get 90 seconds or beyond (I don’t like pushing it). Part of the problem is that so much of this is variable, and is highly dependent on how good my equipment prep is that day (insulation and weighting), water conditions (cold and rough=more energy=shorter dives), and my boy physiology (how much I’ve eaten, caffeine intake, etc). But in general, I haven’t noticed major physical fitness changes yet. 

Weight gain has been intermittent. I’ve always been a bit swingy on my weight, and can easily go +/- 5lbs in no time at all. At one point, I was 4lbs over my pre-HRT weight (3 week interval), but now I’m down to 1 pound over. My waist is slightly thinner than it was pre-HRT, but that seems to be normal fluctuation. Where did the extra 1-3lbs go? We’ll get to that, LOL.

My waist measurement hasn’t changed, but anecdotally, I do think there’s changes going on there. The 43 inches measurement is still at my widest point, around my thighs (which have always been pretty good). Now, however, I’m noticing what seems to be some growth on areas that aren’t covered by the exact circle I’m using to measure that. My butt seems slightly bigger, although I could just be lying to myself. Time will tell.

Onto the stuff that has changed!

Mood. Oh my god mood. My resting state is no longer a crackling misery. I don’t think I was ever suicidal because of dysphoria alone, but I was certainly pushed to that point far, far easier when it was a contributing factor. I also just… didn’t enjoy anything about my body. When I was happy, it was a distraction. Now, it’s already much better. I still don’t like my body. I got a long way to go. But, I’m seeing progress, and it’s been incredible.

Emotions overall have been more intense. I’ve had a couple of downswings, and I get misty eyed easier. I haven’t had a proper cry yet, though. I get excited about things again, which was a COMPLETELY dead feeling. And I have also gotten angry at some things, which is also something I killed as a teenager because I was scared of where it took me. It hasn’t been as uncontrollable as I expected, however, and the negative emotions I’m experiencing more viscerally have been immensely cathartic. 

            And then, there's the big one. Hopefully that's literal. And that's breast growth. Almost immediately I noticed some kind of perking up, but no breast bud formation and no immediate growth. At about week 2, I was able to feel the distinct disks of breasts buds under my nipples, and my bust size started increasing. Now, at 4.5 weeks in, my bust size is 1.5 inches larger than it was pre-HRT.

           This is ludicrously fast. As in, so fast it has me questioning if I'm actually intersex or something. I think my E levels will be enlightening.

I really, REALLY don’t want to get too hopeful. But overall, if some of these trends continue… I’m gonna get a LOT curvier. Honestly, my ideal body would be pretty tight and trim… but I’m fucking estatic anyways. I’m just really, really hoping that the breast growth trend continues, and also that the tiny observations I’ve made about a bigger butt and thinner waist are actually real. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to boymode like this LMAO.

There’s also the opposite fear: if my estrogen levels are too high, it could signal the end of “puberty” too early. It’s looking like a possibility, but I gotta wait until next week for my levels check.

There’s one final set of observations I wanna put here, but y’all gotta not be weird about it LOL. I WILL block you and erase this part if you treat this as anything more than impartial observations about myself. Got it? Good. NSFW warning for the next bit.

I want to make some remarks on libido and erogenous sensitivity in general, because that has also been one of the most notable changes.

First off, I heard so many stories about HRT killing libido. Holy fuck, this has not been true for me. I’m going crazy sometimes LOL. I absolutely have a somewhat higher libido on average, but its already changed the way its expressed itself.

First off, my entire body is more sensitive to erogenous soft touch. The right kind of touch and care on my waist will feel very similar to more traditional erogenous zones. I’ve NEVER had this before, and was completely blindsided by it. I’m absolutely fascinated by what neural change caused that, but its really cool even if I don’t know the underlying explanation.

Second off, my libido spikes and hot flashes sometimes. I think this is pretty typical of anyone going under a hormonal change, and tbh I’m not surprised.

Third off is the weirdest one, and something that I’ve asked other transfemmes about, and none have been able to answer. My chest sensitivity seems to be going through very distinct mini-cycles, on the approximate span of time being one full “cycle” per week. Essentially, when I started HRT, my chest first got very sore, itchy, and sensitive to sources of pain and itchiness. It stayed like that for a few days, and then all sensitivity to the area cut out. My nipples pre-HRT were always more sensitive than other cis men, and in this phase, they were actually less sensitive than they were pre HRT. This lasted another couple of days… and then there was a period of massively increased erogenous sensitivity. Soft touches made me wild, and I started wearing  bra not for the support, but to block my shirt from rubbing against them and distracting me. Holy FUCK, this phase is insane. And then after that, they went back to sore again, and then dead again, and then erogenous again. Right now, I’m in the erogenous “phase” of what I think is the fourth cycle here since I started HRT. I have no fucking clue what’s going on. It’s not the period that some trans women report getting, its not a monthly thing. It might just be my body adjusting strangely to new hormones in general, but yeah. Its weird, bc it seems like a pretty unique thing. 

So yeah. That’s a journal thing. I had a LOT more thoughts about HRT starting beyond just the initial measurements, because so much hit me way faster than I thought it would, so I wanted to write something long form. I think I’m going to write something similar each month along with my measurements update, but I expect future writing to be much, much shorter. It’s been incredible so far, but I’m guessing less will be novel- I think things will only be different when I change aspects of my HRT regimen. We’ll see.

#trans #transitioning #trans progress #trans journal #hrt #trans hrt #transfemme hrt #transfemme #trans woman #transgender #hrt progress

[funky-fairy]

Lily, Remus and Pandora Headcanons (ridiculously long list)

they're my blorbos i would give my life for them. i project a lot onto remus and lily, so if anything is wildly out of character it's probably that

Lily

very kindhearted but also sarcasm queen

burnt out

Academic validation > real sense of self worth

needs external validation (no this is not healthy she's working on it)

better at potions than snivellus and he hates it hehehe

average at „regular“ magic (spells etc) but exceptional at „scienc-y magic“ (potions, arithmancy, astronomy, herbology etc) bc she's just that cool

plant mom (also green plants > flowers)

actually a rulebreaker, she’s just too smart to get caught

struggles to feel like she belongs: witch in the muggle world, muggle in the wizard world

study buddies to best friends with Remus

fav colours sage green and lavender

sorting hat couldn’t decide between gryffindor and ravenclaw at first

never involved in any drama but knows all about it

everyone is very surprised whenever she swears but she actually swears a lot

tells Pandora about the greek pandora myth and thinks that that's flirting

lotssssss of freckles

curvy/chubby

she is so sleep deprived

sneaks into the library at night (oh wherever could the sleep deprivation come from i have no idea)

loves christmas season (decorating, baking, cheesy movies, music, buying gifts for friends etc., not the christian part)

stress-bakes but can't even cook spaghetti without burning down the kitchen (baking is just different than cooking for her)

constantly apologizes for everything

smokes occasionally and always swears it's the last time (it’s not)

actually not that short but looks very short next to remus and pandora

abba fan (unironically) and always tries to get sirius to dress up as abba with her, remus and pandora (she already coerced persuaded them) for halloween

soft but wouldn't hesitate to kill for the ppl she loves

would love penelope scott if she was a modern teen bc i say so

first one to notice remus has a crush on sirius and vice versa

last one to notice she has a crush on pandora and vice versa

reminds others to drink/eat/sleep/dress warm enough but often doesn't herself bc she feels like she 'doesn't deserve it' :((

kind of a people-pleaser but remus is helping her to stop

so afraid of failure she sometimes doesn’t even try

Remus

doesn't cry (not on purpose he just suppressed his emotions for so long he literally can't cry anymore unless he has a full on mental breakdown)

caffeine addiction

won’t drink anything that isn't hot (eg coffee and tea, but also just hot water)

covers up his intense self hatred with jokes (not self deprecating but like joking about being perfect and stuff, idk how to explain it it's mostly me projecting bc i do that lmao)

very sarcastic and can come off as harsh

actually very nice and non-judgmental

chocolate >>>>>

never involved in any drama but wants to know all about it (Lily is his main source of information)

swears a lot

teachers think he’s very responsible but he just doesn’t get caught being irresponsible

smokes too much

thought the sorting head made a mistake by sorting him into gryffindor at first and still feels insecure about it all through his hogwarts years

patronus is a big black dog(sdfghjk)

very very tall but like kind of lanky

lots of scars obv

Sirius had to ask him out (and later propose to him sdfghjdfs) bc he had too much self doubt/hatred and thought Sirius would never want to be with him :(( (He did. Sirius very much wanted to be with him. Very much.)

top tier insomniac (lily makes sleep droughts for him tho)

lily taught him how to bake and now he loves it and is getting quite good at it

corrects people's grammar

knows every single abba lyric bc of lily

david bowie fan

constantly third-wheeling pandora and lily

hits/breaks things when angry, sometimes hits himself but never others

so afraid of rejection he ends up pushing ppl away (they can’t leave you if you don’t let them close in the first place) (his only close friends still are James, Sirius, Peter and Lily, but it took so long for him to let especially Lily close. Pandora still isn’t quite there even tho they are def very good friends)

Pandora

very smart but only does anything at all if she likes the class/thinks it makes sense to have the class

only follows rules she thinks make sense and most teachers just gave up trying to do something about it

experiments with magic a lot

has scars from said experiments

also random bruises and scratches of unknown origin

wears large quantities of jewellery (piercings, earrings, necklaces, bracelets, beads etc in her butterfly locs)

homemade jewellery >>>>>

cannot flirt to save her life

eyeliner.

absolutely in love with lily’s brain

doesn’t drink caffeine

her maiden name is lovegood and both lily and her become lovegood-evans later bc in my brain they marry

just wanders around sometimes (excuses it with saying she sleepwalks if she gets caught past curfew)

t a l l

the sorting head barely touched her head before sorting her into ravenclaw

patronus is an octopus bc it's very intelligent but often seen as 'weird'

fav flower is the lily of the valley (sfdghjk)

knits (she knits sweaters and scarfs for lily <3)

is like the only one in this trio that actually feels pretty good about herself

although she does realize ppl tend to see her as 'weird' she just kind of accepted it? like, yeah, other ppl can be close-minded but she knows that and doesn't let it define her; as long as she's happy and doesn't hurt ppl it's all good for her

exclusively drinks sparkling water and jasmine tea

hates the feeling of brushing her teeth and is always working on spells/potions(with lily sdfghjdfs) that clean her teeth for her

would definitely also love penelope scott if she was a modern teen

loves pastries and other little baked goods

literally doesn't get cold

#marauders #marauders era #the marauders #marauders fandom #marauders headcanon #marauder headcanons #headcanons #headcanon #remus lupin #remus #lily evans #pandora lovegood #pandalily #pandora x lily #lily x pandora #remus lupin headcanon #remus lupin hc #pandora #pandora lovegood headcanons #lily evans headcanons #lily evans hc #pandora rosier #pandora lestrange #lily evans potter

[zombiewhor3]

RESTLESS CONFESSIONS

fem reader x steve harrington

WARNINGS: reader has insomnia, mentions of demodogs (RIP bob) literally just pure fluff!

she had gotten a job during the summer at the Scoops-ahoy shop located just next to a clothing shop in the Hawkins Mall, Not because she wanted the teenage experience of working an ice cream job but instead she needed money to keep up with fixing her car, and well she hadn't wanted to let her best friend down.

to which now it was her first month into it and already she thought that maybe the idea of working in an icecream shop was the worst idea Steve Harrington had ever convinced her into doing.

because not only did she have to wear a hat that made her look like a fool, and say some stupid line over and over again she dealt with the sound of loud teens and children all day.

the cold freezers that had almost taken her life multiple times from their shitty locks, and the miserable washing of dirty and sticky dishes left behind from customers.

but the best part about it was she worked along side her friends and she got paid to basically scoop ice cream and retort cheesy pirate lines to each of the customers who came and went.

"hey dingus! can you get a barrel of vanilla from the freezer" she could hear robin yell from the back of the shop as she leaned against the front counter with a cash register in front of her.

the shop had been dead because it was only nine in the morning and not many people wanted ice cream at an hour like this. Even if the hot summer air of Hawkins was buzzing about them.

the hot air that had melted y/n on her way to work because she still couldn't afford to fix her air conditioner in her car that had broken many months ago.

since no one was in the shop or merely even passing by the shop she stepped away into the back to see Steve in the freezer.

he was burying himself while trying to keep the door open so he hadn't locked himself inside the freezer again, if it weren't for y/n and robin he would've accidentally killed himself.

he would've froze to death and been one with the ice cream

she held open the metal door for him so his foot could fully step into the freezer and grab a fresh barrel of vanilla because when they closed last night they forgot to replace it.

y/n yawned a little and closed the freezer door behind steve before she followed him out into the front of the store where he took the empty barrel from the cooler and placed the new one in.

"you get any sleep last night?" he asked and watched as she shook her head and tossed away the empty ice cream bucket.

"why not you've barely been sleeping these past few days, everything alright with you doll?" he could see the way she shrugged it off before finally responding when he gave her the look.

"just insomnia you know the usual of not being able to sleep" she pushed it away from her mind before taking a rag and wiping down the outside glass to the cooler to try and ignore his questions.

"you try those sleeping pills yet?" he watched her roll eyes and continue to wipe over the glass to which he knocked from the other side to get her attention so that she’d just look at him.

“i tried a few, but nothing works it just makes me feel like it’s impossible to get some sleep even just an hour or two”

she figured the issue would probably resolve itself or atleast she hoped it would, ever since the demo-dogs and the upside down came into her life she had acquired the unwanted insomnia.

not that she had nightmares but it was just like she could never could god damn sleep no matter what sleeping pills or meditation she tried, she even tried drinking so much caffeine to try and reverse it but instead it had caused her to stay up for two days straight.

nothing ever had seemed to work for her, well the only time she had ever gotten a full 8 hours of sleep after she grew her insomnia was the night with steve.

when he had spent the night at her place because he was absolutely blasted drunk and it was safer than having him drive home, maybe it was just because she felt safe knowing he was safe.

she was exhausted and she was waiting for each and every minute of her shift to go by so she could get some shut eye.

or atleast try to.

-

“y/n why am i here, it’s 11 at night? besides you should be getting some sleep for tomorrows opening shift” Steve asked as he slipped off his coat and left it on her couch.

she was standing there in her pajamas giving him a shrug because she didn’t want to admit it, she only had him there for the comfort and well when the sleeping pills didn't work he had become the last resort for her to get some sleep.

“talk sweetheart, you don't have to get shy with me"

“i need you to help me fall asleep, i just can’t no matter what i try to do” she finally spilt out and watched as he smiled a little at her.

“of course on the couch or your room, i can sleep on the floor with maybe a couch cushion or two?” he spoke and watched her shake her head as he followed her into the bedroom.

“sleep on the bed, my best friend doesn’t deserve to sleep on the floor or on my couch besides we don't need your back hurting for tomorrows shift” she huffed at him and slid in the bed,

she watched him slip off his shoes along with his socks.

he pulled off his sweater and was left in an undershirt, he undid his belt for a little more comfort and stripped away his socks.

he slid in next to her and laid straight flat on his back and stared up at her ceiling, she had a lamp on steve’s side,

“can you turn the light out please?” she asked and watched his hand reach over to pull the string that connected to the light bulbs switch.

“anything for my girl” he remarked and now it was dark in her room but he still laid in the same awkward position as he did.

“i’m sorry if this takes a while insomnia can’t be cured by having a you in my bed Harrington" she retorted playfully and felt the awkward feeling of his body shifting in the bed.

he could feel her toss and turn every few minutes and he started to feel a little ache in his heart knowing she couldn't sleep.

his hand rubbed her back a little and he felt her body slightly relax a little into the gentle touch of his palm.

"maybe i'm just the magic you need"

-

they had been going at this for a week now, steve sleeping over at her place, trying different techniques to make her sleepy.

reading books, breathing exercises, lavender bath salts, a warm shower and even trying to sleep on the couch it was all just somehow useless to get her to fall asleep.

she looked over at him on the cushion next to her with a soft frown,

"i'm sorry i made you go through this, i figured maybe having a friend over would help me cure it" she admitted and watched him shake his head a little at her before he stood up.

"i'm gonna find a way to get you to sleep y/n, you need your rest especially if you're gonna work shifts from six in the morning until all the way til closing time" he set down the mug of tea he had and gestured for her to take his hand.

to which of course she did, with a furrow of her brow as he pulled her out of the house and into his car, she buckled her seat belt and looked at him with a soft sigh.

"we already tried a car ride stevey, its not gonna work besides its just gonna be a waste of your gas" she frowned and watched him start up the car and without even saying a word until they had reached the main roads.

"yes but you've never tried it at night, besides if it works than it'll be a miracle if not i'll stop and buy us some snacks and a movie"

she smiled at his response and started to gaze out the window at how he was taking an unusual path, he was now driving on a dirt road and until he stopped at a blank spot.

just where there were only a few trees that shot up from the ground and they could see the sky so perfectly and clearly.

"stars is your solution?" she asked and bit down on her lip a little as they both had gotten out of the car to take a look above her.

"you're obsessed with them, you always complain about the light pollution especially from the mall, so maybe this will help"

without even another word she wrapped her arms around him, even if she couldn't sleep she could feel her heart pounding out of her chest from how much her love grew for him.

he popped open the back of his car and sprawled out a few blankets and pillows for her, he had a blanket and pillow tucked in his arm for himself and it made her tilt her head.

"can you sleep back here with me? just in case a snake or maybe a bug crawls in here?" she gave him the look, the one he couldn't resist and it always made him say yes to her.

as he laid back beside her he let out a little sigh before he began to talk, "you know i read about light therapy for getting people to fall asleep, most of the time the colors can help calm the brain"

"okay dr. harrington" she retorted back with a chuckle watching a shooting star fly across the sky and the only thing she could wish for was that harrington got her a full nights worth of sleep.

she closed her eyes for a second before wrapping herself up in the blanket that her and harrington were now sharing, embracing in the heat of his body she could feel the gentle feeling of a kiss he had placed a top of her forehead.

-

waking up with a soft breath she turned to look at her surroundings back in her living room wrapped in a blanket with the smell of something coming from the kitchen,

steve still wearing his mustard sweater and a pair of striped boxers had a pan in his hand cooking a pancake as the coffee brewed.

checking the time y/n cursed aloud it was past their shift time, by the time they got into work they'd be an hour or two late. "steve we're late for work, robin's gonna kill us!" she cried out and watched him chuckle a little.

"we have the day off i called robin, besides new hires are coming in today anyways" he could see the relief flush over her and she folded her arms with a little smile across her face.

"how'd you do it? how'd you get me to sleep a full 8 hours steve?'' she asked and looked at him, setting the pan down and rubbing over the side of her cheek he kissed the top of her forehead.

"this was just the magic you needed"

#stranger things #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things imagine #stranger things 4 #steve stranger things #smut steve #steve x reader #steve harrington #nancy stranger things #stranger things robin #robin buckley

[autism0fadown]

Spoilers for season 2 ep 49 - Halo Reach //////below the cut///////

(In case anyone is worried, none of this is negative)

Im sorry but i genuinely could not take this ep seriously-

I went into this ep nervous af bc i thought it was gonna be angsty n shit and i thought Normal would just break down COMPLETELY because he JUST learned that he was the reason why they had to enact code purple, and now he let Willy into heaven, leading him RIGHT where he needed to be. BUT NO-

YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT THE EP WAS LIKE???

Link names a heaven dolphin Grillmaster

We find out that one of the dolphins named Chester has a wife named Julia who has a friend with benefits named Porpy

Anthony asks if Link or Normal have Speak With Animals amd Matthew says “I mean, i have speak with these animals… they’re my boys”

The cast goes on a two minute spiel on whether or not Henry floated into space

Beth makes a joke about Mercedes Oak Garcia dying bc she drank charged lemonade (the Panera lemonade that “allegedly” killed 2 ppl bc it has so much caffeine)

Taylor breaks Lark’s ankle because he tried to do a fucking flip when trying to grab onto Lark

We get this amazing interaction with Anthony and Beth:

“I roll 15 d6, ok… 44 damage”

“ok cool, so what does that do to you?”

“It damage me 44…”

The last thing they hear from Taylor is “Did you guys see my flip!?” As he gets taken to heaven by a giant eyeball

Link goes to catch Taylor from falling because he wants to “catch him like a sweet prince” then he turns and walks away as Lark plummets to the floor (im not that much of a swiftli shipper, but u guys stay winning)

We learn that Normal was the one who was commenting “you should put more feet” and “you should put feet in ice cream” on Links foot/soccer drawings

Link, Normal, and Lark spend like 4 minutes trying to make a human-levitation boot ladder to reach scary but it ends up failing

Scary disguises herself as a kid from her school and convinces Willy, who is LITERALLY GOD, that she is in fact a boy named Larry the Science Kid who is on his side

And thats just what i REMEMBER (or bothered to go back and listen to). And i remember hearing people talk about how unserious this season is or how it feels like this season is completely unhinged, and i didn’t get it. But i recently started re-listening to the first season while i was waiting for this episode to come out, and when it finally did i felt like i was completely thrown for a loop. This season is so insane compared to season one, and i don’t mean this as a bad thing, but the series has changed so much.

And I now am beginning to see the absolute absurd shit that happens in this season and how put together s1 was. But i honestly think its funny how weird this season was and its nice just seeing the group get to do fun goofy shit as teens

#sigh… im not ready for it to end #someone hold my hand im scared #dndads s2 spoilers #dndads s2 #dungeons and daddies season 2 #dungeons and daddies #dndads #scary marlowe #lincoln li wilson #normal oak #taylor swift dndads #taylor swift (not that one) #lark oak #willy stampler #swiftli mention

[mediocre-daydreams]

the one where the protein shake plays matchmaker

pairing: bucky barnes x gn! avengers! reader

summary: you and bucky barnes can find any reason to hate each other. new york can find any reason to believe you two are together. when steve asks you to do a co-interview with bucky, the two of you are barraged by dating rumors that you vehemently deny and it breaks bucky’s heart. do you really find the thought of being with bucky so revolting?

w/c: 10k

warnings: angst with a happy ending! (it’s not a fluffy ending, but there’ll be more parts to come with the fluff u guys deserve.) bucky’s an asshole, ur an asshole, but bucky’s also vulnerable and insecure and ur so fucking confused, and sam was joking the whole time but damn it actually happened. not proof read!!!

a/n: this is the longest fic i’ve ever written i literally woke up this morning, sat at the kitchen table, and blacked out for the entire day until this monstrosity of a piece was produced. peace out.

it was all sam’s fault. (but isn’t it always sam’s fault?)

you were nursing a freshly brewed coffee, the top half of your body folded over tony’s white onyx dupont corian marble countertops—which he just had installed two weeks ago and would kill you if he saw how casually you were treating them—when sam called you from his spot on the couch.

“hey, get over here,” he snorted. “you’re gonna wanna see this.”

you made no effort to move. “i’m looking at you right now, sam.” it wasn’t a lie; your spot from the countertop gave you a perfect view of sam’s lounging profile as he pointed the remote at the TV, aggressively pressing the volume button so you couldn’t avoid at least hearing whatever news he wanted you to see.

“...and the former Winter Soldier, otherwise known as Sargent James Barnes, are taking the internet by storm as young fans flood social media with pictures of the two cozying up outside a local café after the Avengers returned from an appearance in Manhattan.” you could hear the smile in the reporter’s voice. “personally, i’ve been a believer since the park bench incident, but many twitter users are claiming this is the ultimate confirmation of their relationship.”

“okay, what the hell?” you abandoned your coffee, stalking over to where sam was sitting smugly. “you’re telling me that james fucking barnes is in a relationship? are we talking about the same barnes? tall, brooding, bitchy barnes?” you roll your eyes as you slouched into the cushions and nuzzled into sam’s shoulder.

“yeah, in a relationship with you, hon.” sam tilted his head, resting it atop yours.

“ha ha, it’s too early for your bad jokes and you already tore me away from my caffeine fix.”

you could feel sam shuffling from above you, his breathy laugh making you suspicious.

“i’m not joking—just look.”

“FINALLY,’ one twitter user says, in all caps. i mean, that much is obvious.” the screen flashes with images of you and bucky, the two of you making eye contact in battle, walking next to each other through times square, you tending to his wounds on the sidewalk, and what you imagine to be the park bench incident that one of the reporters referred to earlier—bucky and you practically nose-to-nose, his cheeks flushed and your eyebrows furrowed.

“what the fuck? what is this?” you throw yourself off sam, the top of your head slamming into his chin in your haste. sam clutches his jaw, groaning dramatically before he flings himself on top of you, one hand coming up to his forehead as he gasps, pretending to faint.

“you’ve killed me! oh, what will bucky say when he finds out the love of his life is a murderer? what will he do when you’re jailed for manslaughter?” sam cages you with his arms, grinning maniacally from his perch a few inches above your face.

“sam, what the fuck? what did i just watch?” before sam can answer, you hear a loud and familiar scoff from the doorway.

“nobody wants to watch you make out in the kitchen, princess. it’s making me lose my appetite.” bucky strides in and your scowl immediately deepens. you wrestle yourself out from underneath sam.

“how many times have i told you to stop with that? we’re not making out, so stop taking your hangriness out on me, gramps.”

“sure, that explains why he’s literally on top of you. god, i see you guys groping each other so often that the image is practically branded into my mind.”

“groping? grope- so you can’t get me out of your mind, is that it? perv.”

bucky doesn’t give you the satisfaction of an answer, but you take it to mean that you’ve won. “right, and now you’ve got nothing to say? good, because i can’t stand your stupid, grating voice criticizing everything i do.” you’re on the verge of getting up and shoving yourself in front of his aggravating face just to prove a point, but sam interrupts your thoughts.

“ah, a lover’s quarrel. what is it, 7:30? this has got to be a record.” sam whips his phone out. “smile for the camera! TMZ is going to eat this up. imagine the headlines! ‘trouble in paradise: avengers star crossed couple bickering after jealous tensions arise.’”

“jealous?” bucky sneers. “what have i got to be jealous of? you two are sickening.” you realize how closely you’re still sitting next to sam.

“you’re just envious because you haven’t gotten any since the 40s.” you scoot away from sam’s side, refusing to give bucky more ammunition. “admit it, you wish women liked you as much as they like me.” it’s a bit of a low blow, and you’re aware. since becoming a public feature amongst the avengers, patching up his reputation has been a slow process. meanwhile, new york adores you. you can’t go anywhere without people asking you for autographs and pictures, but you don’t mind. you’re honored that the city entrusts you with the duty of protecting them, so you figure the least you can do is repay them with these small requests and warm smiles. bucky, on the other hand, mainly receives nervous glances and parents pulling their children closer to their sides. on the off chance some giddy fan requests a picture, bucky glowers until they leave with dejection painted across their faces. it’s no wonder bucky hasn’t been on any dates.

“right, because i’m so jealous of all your tiktik edits. slow motion close-ups of your face and body in different colors? alright doll, i’m sure women eat that up.” he’d never admit it, but he has seen some of your edits, and if he were to be objective, they were quite flattering. but, if he was to be subjective, he’d never personally be attracted to them.

sam coughed, hiding a laugh and bucky’s mispronunciation of the social media app.

“you know what? enjoy your protein shake, or whatever it is that appeases your masculinity. your testosterone is giving me a migraine.” you’re out of the room in a minute, taking your frustration from the room. bucky’s moodiness still loomed.

“the sexual tension is off the charts,” sam teased. bucky tensed, freezing as he measures his protein powder. (you were right, he does drink protein shakes.) “why can’t you guys just fuck already?”

bucky stammered. the tips of his ears were heating up, and he thanked himself for not getting that haircut. his brown locks are shorter than before, but still tousled enough to cover his ears when he’s sporting bedhead. “sexual tensi- sam, are you insane? i’m not gonna fuck your girl.”

sam had the audacity to laugh. to guffaw. bucky turned around, his confusion evident.

“my- my girl?” he’s wheezing, clutching his stomach. bucky didn’t have time for this.

“yes, why-” he pinched the bridge of his nose. “why do you keep talking about your girlfriend like that? i know it’s none of my business, or whatever, but it’s disrespectful. and for your information, i would never feel that way towards her, so you don’t have to worry.”

“my girl. my girl!” sam caught his breath, exaggeratingly fanning himself. “she’s not my girl, bucky. my girl, holy shit. my girl?” sam’s in disbelief, repeating the words as if he’s trying to process the absolute ludicrousy of it all. “that’s… that’s kind of disgusting, honestly. she’s like, my baby sister. do you need to get your prescription updated? they’ve been my sibling since they started here. i’m pretty sure they got me one of those gag gift “best older brother” mugs at some point, it might still be in the cabinet.” he gestured to behind bucky, where the tower’s impressive collection of mugs was hidden behind sliding glass.

bucky dug through the treasure chest of porcelain. sure enough, there was the mug, hidden in the back and collecting dust. ugly comic sans spelled out “i love my big brother,” with a red heart in lieu of the word love.

“i- so you guys aren’t together?”

“god, no! do you know how much younger they are than me? well, actually, not by much. but young enough that i view them as practically a child.”

bucky couldn’t help the boil in his stomach at that. “they’re not a child, sam. they’re an adult, and very capable of pissing me off just like an adult. as much as i hate children, they’re not capable of being such bi-” bucky refrained from using the word ‘bitches,’ knowing of its dehumanizing undertones and historical abuse against non-male people, and had decided to remove it from his vocabulary all together. he had been reading modern books and recently, gotten into feminism. bucky was still an equal opportunity offender, though. he wasn’t sexist—he hated you just as much as he hated sam. he opted for insulting sam. “don’t be an ansshole, sam.”

“why are you so worried, buck? you want them all to yourself, don’tcha?”

“are you kidding me? i can’t stand them! they’re so- argh, they make me want to- god, they’re so mouth it makes me want to gag them.”

“kinky.”

“i swear to god, sam. you’re not going to live to see your precious sibling again because i am going to come and murder you.” he started towards the couch, fists clenched.

“wait! before you bash in my pretty face, i’ve got something to show you.” bucky couldn’t help his curiosity as he took the phone from sam’s hands. “it’s a tiktok edit, the type you were talking about earlier.”

bucky had never realized people made tiktok edits of him. he was secretly flattered. the video had captured his good side, too. “and this is relevant how?” sam didn’t need to answer, because a few seconds later, bucky’s eyes looked like they were bulging out of his head. the video had gotten to the slow motion bit, and you had come on screen. the video showed you grabbing bucky’s hand mid-battle to drag him out of harm’s way, sparkles and hearts fluttering around the two of you. it cut to another slow motion of you two sending a silent message as you made eye contact from across the street, and then the video zoomed in on both of your faces as the music crescendoed. bucky, utilizing his new knowledge of the modern world, tapped on the comments. they were flooded with bullshit messages like “the way they look at each other <33” and “i want what they have” and even “somebody run me over with a bus.” he didn’t understand the last one, but the first two confirmed his fears.

“sam, do people- do people think we’re together?”

sam chortled. “if by people, you mean all of new york, then yes.” bucky’s face turned beet red as he tossed the phone back to his annoying friend as if it were a hot coal.

“oh god, oh my god… out of everyone, it has to be them?”

“don’t look so disgusted, man. we all know you guys have the hots for each other.”

bucky was running his hands through his hair in distress as he paced. just then, wanda appeared, dragging natasha behind her as she chattered on about the new sneakers she was getting pietro as natasha suggested colors. “aw, bucky’s blushing! i saw that video of you guys on the news, it was really cute. congrats on finally getting together!”

natasha smirked, a little more perceptive than the optimistic wanda. “yeah, congrats. i’m guessing the make-up sex was good, then? i heard a lot of noise this morning.”

“we are not together!” bucky growled.

“huh, really? could’ve fooled me. your thoughts are so loud about her, bucky. i don’t mean to read them or anything, but sometimes they’re just so strong that i can’t help it. i thought it was because you really loved her, or something.” wanda smiled, completely oblivious. “it’s kind of romantic, honestly.”

“in love with them?” bucky looked horrified. “please, i can’t even look them in the eye. they make me sick. i have to hold back my puke every time i’m near them.”

wanda, simultaneously preparing an omelette for her and natasha, shrugged. natasha quirked an eyebrow.

“sounds an awful lot like butterflies, buck. just sayin’.” she and wanda were quick to return to cooking as bucky stood here, shaking his head in shock. him? loving you? loudmouthed, arrogant, know-it-all you? you with the savior complex and big heart? big hearts were a weakness. they made you vulnerable.

bucky squished his face together, sighing. “i’m done with this conversation,” he mumbled. he looked down at his protein shake, which had begun to warm up in his hand as he had neglected it in favor of talking about you. he couldn’t help it—you were just so infuriating, how could he not think about you?

--

it was all steve’s fault. (captain america was not the golden boy everyone made him out to be.)

“have you lost it? bucky and i, doing an interview? first of all, you know that he’s going to provoke me the whole time. we’re gonna be at each others’ throats, and is that really the image you want to project? that the avengers can’t even get along? and second, he’s not exactly the most well liked right now. no offense to you, steve, but not everyone can see bucky the way you do. it’s all so new to everyone, and to him too, and it’s a lot to expect him to represent us. you, more than anyone, should know how antsy he gets around cameras. all the questions are gonna make him uncomfortable, and let’s be realistic, they’re going to be invasive questions too. he’s literally just started therapy, and expecting him to uncover all the details of his past to be broadcasted to the entire nation is kind of fucked up.”

steve looked at you with a look in his eye that you couldn’t quite place, as if he knew something you didn’t. “i know it’s asking a lot of him, and you too, but i think this is really going to help. having him open up a bit is going to show the people that he’s not the winter soldier anymore, but that he’s bucky barnes, a former soldier and a hero. people adore you, and you know that. your presence is going to humanize him. if you guys could just get along for an hour, you could do wonders for his public image. and yes, i know he hates cameras. but part of his distaste is because he knows they’re going to pin him in a bad light, but with you by his side, this could finally be the chance for him to get some positive attention. and if the interview goes really well, i’m hoping that positive press can be more permanent.”

you sigh, running the pros and cons through your head. on one hand, you hated his guts. he hated yours too, and because of that, you didn’t owe him anything. he was a big boy, he could handle his own problems. plus, you didn’t want to play babysitter for him of all people. you knew that you’d both hate it.

but still, this was bucky barnes. he might be indifferent and rude and self-absorbed, but he was still just a man overcoming his trauma. you could understand that—he was a POW thrust nearly 80 years into the future only to be harassed and hated by the public. he deserved a little bit of peace, and if one measly interview could change the way people treated him, maybe it was worth it. it would be selfish, you thought, to let your own hatred for him prevent him from that opportunity for happiness that would finally come from positive public attention.

“fine. i’ll do it.” you steeled your jaw. “but it’s not for him. not whatsoever. i just- i pity him, that’s all. it must suck for everyone to think you’re a dick, even if you kind of are. but this is the only time i’m ever doing anything for him—i mean, with him—so don’t get used to it.”

“thank you,” steve took your hands in his large ones, fingers curling over your defeated wrists. “this means so much to me. this’ll mean so much to him, too.”

you turned on your heel, calling over your shoulder. “send me the information. and let him know not to get the wrong impression—i still hate him.”

steve chuckled, looking down at the ground with amusement.

bucky cursed the world when he heard the news. “with them? are you kidding me? the whole interview is going to be about how kind and selfless and universally adored they are, it’s not going to help at all! plus, we’re going to be at each others’ throats and then it won’t matter what kind of press i’ll get because i’ll be in jail for first degree murder, you punk! please, dear god, please cancel it.”

“i can’t cancel it, buck. it’s scheduled for tomorrow.” bucky groaned, running his hands down his face. “it’s only an hour of screentime, and you’ll probably only be with them for a total of three hours.”

“why are there two extra hours, then?”

“you’ll have to get ready, and then you’ll probably stay and talk with the producers afterwards. it’s only polite. it’s live, so the audience will most likely want to meet you too.”

“steve, as much as i despire dr. raynor, i’m going to tell her about how insufferable you are. maybe she can issue me a medical exemption, because there’s no way this could be good for my mental health.”

“sorry, bud. i actually talked to dr. raynor about this, and she thinks it’d be good for you to make a public appearance and get people to like you more. something about a weight off your shoulders and team cooperation or whatnot. plus, you know dr. raynor would probably end up scheduling an extra session with you if you bailed, so the interview is probably the lesser of two evils.”

“fine. you know what? fine. but if the devil reincarnated doesn’t come back unscathed, don’t blame me.” bucky hung up with an aggressive tap on his screen, muttering a string of profanities under his breath.

--

it was wanda’s fault. she insisted on styling you, putting you in this nice button down and helping you pick out a pair of cool patterned pants. you refused the loose tie, even though wanda said it made you look hot. “i don’t want to look hot, wanda. i just want to get this over with.” you whined.

“babe, looking hot will make it more enjoyable. just imagine how many memes they’re going to get out of this; don’t you want to look your best?” wanda giggled, admiring your face in the mirror as makeup artists powdered your nose. bucky sat in the chair next to you, absolutely silent, his face expressionless as stylists attacked him with hairspray to keep that slightly windblown look in place. you had to admit, he was pretty with his hair all natural, or at least, styled with the intention of making it look so. this was all objective observation, though.

one of bucky’s stylists called your name gently. “what do you think?”

“it’s lovely, you’ve done such a wonderful job,” you smiled, genuinely appreciative for their attentive care and hard work.

“thank you! but i can’t take much credit. your boyfriend is a natural beauty,” the stylist commented as he dabbed a bit of foundation on bucky’s cheeks. bucky choked a bit. “hold still!” the stylist chided.

your stylist laughed at his reaction. “and such a sweetheart too! he’s a real good one, held the door for me and everything. you’re a real delight to work with,” she looked towards bucky, who was bewildered. “don’t tell anyone i said this, but you’re a welcome change from the snobbish interviewees we usually get. please, feel free to get interviewed more often.” she winked, applying a sheen of tint to your lips, preventing your from interjecting.

wanda’s eyes twinkled. “they’re so cute, aren’t they?” she chirped. “have you seen that picture of them on the bench?” she held her hand up to her heart. “so precious!”

your lips were finally free. “we’re not toge-”

just your luck; you were interrupted. “five minutes to showtime!” a voice called from out of view.

“thank you, five!” wanda and the stylists called. your stylist fiddled with your hair before giving you a nod of satisfaction and shooing you and bucky out. you two stood by the small hallway by the stage entrance. his body was burly enough to take up more than half the space, and you were forced so close to each other that you could feel his breath on your face. you immediately recognized the nerves—you had worn that same expression before your first interview, and you had wrung your hands in the same way, and you had trembled under clint’s reassuring gaze before he had taken your hand and squeezed it in comfort.

you wanted bucky’s interview to go well. after all, you knew what it was like to be in his shoes. cautiously, watching yourself as you slowly extended your fingers and brushed them against his. he shivered, taking a sharp inhale of air and holding his breath. his hand was too big for you to nestle your fingers between him comfortably, so instead, you nestled your palm between his. fingers wrapping around the back of his hand and tapping rhythmically, your eyes flickered up to meet his once again. his blue eyes, which had previously been stormy and dark, had lightened somewhat as they bored into yours. your heart was pounding. when was the last time you had been so nervous to be on TV? you had become somewhat of a natural, and it was all second nature. you supposed the stakes were higher this time around. now, you had to keep an eye out for bucky, and you’d be damned if you did a bad job.

bucky’s gaze snapped to the door as your cue was called, and he let go of the breath he was holding as he tightened his grip around your hand wordlessly. you gave him a small smile, eyebrows pinching sympathetically as you read the trepidation in his expressive eyes. “you’re gonna do great. just follow my lead.” he nodded, clenching his jaw in determination as you headed on stage to the cheering of an audience. the loveseat was smaller than usual, and you and bucky’s thighs brushed against each other as you settled in.

“welcome, welcome! here they are, the couple of the hour!” the crowd roared at that. your hand had begun to grow clammy, and you realized you and bucky had yet to let go of each others’ hands. you tore yours away from him quickly, wiping the perspiration on your pants as subtly as you could. you noticed his pang of hurt, quickly replaced by a fake smile.

“couple!” you laughed nervously. “i’m not sure how that rumor got started, but bucky and i are not together.” the host looked genuinely surprised.

“really? well, we respect your privacy 110%. celebrity dating can be complicated nowadays; have you seen megan fox and MGK? now that couple is the opposite of private.” you couldn’t help but laugh, breaking into another fit as the camera zoomed in on bucky’s puzzled face. you watched as he pursed his lips on the big screen behind the audience that allowed to you see how the interview was being broadcasted, which you were grateful for. you knew how notorious media could be about presentation—they could manipulate your actions and take your words out of context to frame the story in whichever way would bring in the most profit.

“so, sergeant barnes,” the host begun.

“bucky is fine.” bucky mumbled. you turned to him and mouthed “it’s okay,” and with a cute scrunch of his nose, he cleared his throat and repeated himself more confidently. “bucky is fine. ‘s what steve calls me; actually, most people i know call me that.”

“bucky, huh? now where do you get bucky from james?” bucky smiled, a true smile, as he recounted the origin of his name.

“well, james was a popular name back in the 40s.” there were a couple laughs from the audience as people remembered how old he really was—he had been adjusting to the modern look well, and with his trendy look courtesy of his stylist and timeless handsomeness, he looked as if he could be a celebrity of this time. “so steve got tired of all the mix-ups. don’t tell anyone this,” he mock whispered, holding his hand up to his mouth as he leaned over you to pretend to secretly speak the host. in the process, he had rested his hand on your thigh, gripping the softness of your skin for balance. “my middle name is buchanan. kind of embarrassing, right?”

he leaned back, removing his hand from your thigh without second thought. you were left a bit dazed, but as you blinked a few times to come to your senses, you retaliated by ruffling his hair and ruining his stylist’s hard work. “c’mon, winnie picked that one out for you. show some respect.”

he laughed, bringing his hand up to meet your own, patting it good-naturedly before removing it from the top of his head. “alright, alright. so steve took buchanan and turned it into bucky, and it’s stuck ever since. it’s a lot cooler than james barnes, and coming from the 40s, i think i need all the cool i can get.” the host chuckled, shaking his finger at bucky.

“you, my friend, are plenty cool. not sure how much you’re active on social media, bucky, but you’ve got quite the online presence.” the host pointed at you. “and you’re quite prominent on instagram, so i’m sure you’ve seen these.”

the host took out a top hat, with the base up, and you could see the folded slips of paper piled within. “would you do the honor of reading some of these out loud to us?” your face burned as you took the hat, sending the host a fake glare as you shook your head.

“you are so cruel.”

bucky was confused once more. “what is that?”

the host smiled mischievously. “that, my friend, is your online presence.”

you unfolded a slip of paper. “okay, this is a tweet from buckybarnesluver40” and it says,” you cleared your throat for dramatic effect. “all i want for christmas is for bucky barnes to crush me with his thighs,” you choked out as the audience screamed in approval. the camera zoomed in on you and bucky’s identical mortified expressions.

“hilarious! looks like the girlfriend’s not too pleased. another one, please, please!” the host said between laughs.

you reached your hand into the hat once again. “okay, another tweet. this time it’s from supersoldiersfan4life and it says “i would let bucky barnes use his knife on me in bed. i would kill to be-” your mouth dropped open. it was your name. “supersoldiersfan4life wants to be me?” you screeched.

“don’t we all? you two are the cutest. who agrees?” more screams from the crowd. more screams from within your mind. what was going on?

you swallowed hard, mustering up the courage to look over at bucky. he looked like he was receding into himself, his face a bright shade of red. you hoped you didn’t look as obviously flustered.

the host had the good grace to pluck the hat out of your hand, perhaps sensing the discomfort from both of you. “i’m sorry, i’m sorry, it was too good of an opportunity to pass up. we’re all dying to know the relationship details, but maybe that’s for another interview. for now, we’d love to know a little bit more about you, bucky. you’re a bit of an enigma.”

you were still reeling as the host asked you how you felt about bucky. “bucky, you’ve just moved into stark tower, haven’t you? can you let us know how he’s settling in? what’s the general vibe around there?”

you hesitate, not sure how to answer. obviously, you couldn’t just tell a live broadcast how much you hated the man, but you were a notoriously horrible liar. luckily, people got a kick out of your bluntness. but now wasn’t the time for that, not when you were here to try and improve bucky’s reputation. “uh, he’s a great guy, you know? i… he made a great first impression.” you didn’t need to look at the screen or bucky to know that his face was twisted into one of great surprise.

it was true, though. when you first met him, you had thought that he’d be an immediate friend. you admired how willing he was to adjust to the social norms of the 21st century, and how respectful he had been when you showed him around the tower and let him peek into your bedroom. you liked how he made eye contact with you and treated you like an equal rather than assuming you were inexperienced and incapable simply because of your age. and though you hated to admit it, you had fallen for his charms and silly jokes for the first few days you knew him—the first few days of friendliness before he decided he couldn’t stand you and before you two started an intense mutual hatred.

“you know, he’s reading all these books about cultural literacy and societal reform, which i really admire. lot of the titles came from my recommendation list, which i gave him within the first few days that we met. i have to say, it really strokes my ego every time i catch him reading the feminist literature i recommended.” the host looked surprised, but delighted. “yeah, it’s wonderful, isn’t it? he’s gone through so much, and yet he’s still so open-minded and willing to adjust to this century, which i imagine must be hard. he really is incredible.” the fondness is evident as you talk about him. you hadn’t even realized, but at some point, your body had turned away from the host and audience and begun looking at him, eyes soft as you spoke directly to the man you despised.

bucky’s eyebrows were furrowed, as if he couldn’t comprehend such kind words being meant for him, much less in front of a live audience, much less coming from you. “no, they’re too kind. they’re lovely but apparently a complete liar, because i am not what they’re making me out to be. trust me, i’m a menace to live with. i make protein shakes at 7:30 in the morning and tony’s blender is loud. you’d think for a billionaire, he’d be able to find some sort of silent one, but the man insists on the industrial-strength model. apparently, it’s the only thing that can properly mix his milkshakes.” the host laughs, as does the audience, and a screen rolls down from behind the two of you.

“we’ve actually got a video of that blender for you all, sent in by none other than the falcon, sam wilson, himself! let’s take a look.”

the video starts and the two of you share a knowing look. your eyebrows are raised and bucky’s eyes are comically wide.

“james buchanan barnes, if you don’t turn off that blender right now, i will shove your hand in there and you can find out just how much protein is in human flesh.” your frustrated voice sounded from offscreen, and as bucky stopped blending and turned around, you came into frame. you donned a pair of falcon pajama bottoms, with redwing patterned all over the navy blue fabric. they were a gift from sam last christmas, and had quickly become a favorite.

“yeah, and what are you gonna do about it, princess?” he crossed his arms and shifted his weight to one foot as you faced him, chest to chest. the camera shook as sam’s muffled laughter layered over your argument.

“motherfucker- i told you not to call me that!”

“you’ve got quite the mouth, haven’t you, love? someone ‘outa shut you up. and look, i’m right here!” he gestured to his body, smirking.

“don’t flatter yourself. i’d rather drink your nasty protein shake before kissing you.”

“now, who said anything about kissing?”

the camera trembled violently and sam’s laughter cut off abruptly as the video ended. you were hiding your face in your hands as bucky looked in the opposite direction of you, body facing the audience and head lowered.

“oh god, you are evil!” you teased the host, trying to salvage your dignity with feigned nonchalance. “we should’ve never agreed to come here.”

bucky twisted around, shaking his fist jokingly as he attempted to salvage just the same. “you’re killing me, man. i’d rather talk about HYDRA than relive these moments.”

the host leaned forward, elbows resting on the wood as the audience’s laughter slowly faded.

“yes, if you’re comfortable discussing your experiences as the winter soldier, we’d love to learn more. it seems like there’s a lot of misinformation and contradicting stories floating around, yes? do you have anything to say about all the hate?”

bucky sighed, scratching the back of his neck before getting comfortable and slinging his arm around the couch, arm brushing your back. “it’s still hard to talk about, especially when people already have their own perceptions of me and the winter soldier. but i want to make it clear, the winter soldier is a completely different person than bucky barnes. we might have shared the same body, but i had no control when the winter soldier was activated. that was all the fault of HYDRA programming and brainwashing. i’m also still learning to forgive myself for my past, but what i’ve been reminding myself is that i’m not a criminal, i’m a survivor of war. i’m still sargent barnes, who fought in WWII and lived through HYDRA kidnapping and experimentation. i guess, in some way, i’m a- a victim. and it’s hard to say that, because there’s a lot of vulnerability in admitting that you were completely powerless in a situation, but i really believe that’s the truth. and i’m hoping other people can see that as the truth as well.”

the crowd was silent, with nothing more than murmurs reaching your ears. the host was solemn. “thank you, bucky. and if it’s any consolation, everyone here in this room supports your recovery and believes in your innocence. i think the world is beginning to come to its senses as well.” you and bucky both smiled, and there was a lift in your heart that you couldn’t quite place.

“and through it all, he’s been a selfless advocate for children with prosthetics just like him.” you added, thinking back to something steve had mentioned a few weeks ago. “he volunteers at a physical therapy center and talks to the kids there; says he doesn’t need any money or credit for it, and that helping a kid out of the darkness that comes with losing a limb is enough payment for him.” you looked at him, biting your lip as it began to tremble. why were you so emotional? you squeezed your eyes shut, refusing to cry on live television.

“that’s incredible, bucky. you really don’t give yourself enough credit for all the amazing work you’ve been doing.” the host nodded gratefully at bucky, and from the audience was a shout.

“we love you, bucky barnes!” the rest of the audience burst into laughter, as did the host. you gave bucky a watery smile, and he returned it with a gentle look of his own, lips curling ever so slightly.

“on that heartfelt note, we’re unfortunately out of time, so please give it up for our two avengers!” you and bucky waved as you shuffled off stage, desperate to get away from the cameras to comprehend what had just happened.

“what the fuck was that?” you whisper-shouted, looking at bucky with something akin to terror.

“i have no idea,” he hissed, eyes darting around the hall. the two of you walked hastily, hoping to escape the studio before paparazzi and fans could cage you in. “did you tell people we were together?”

“me? why would i do that? i would never date you. that’s totally ridiculous,” you sputtered, face flushing. you would never hold his hand unless you absolutely had to, just like today, when you had to calm him down because you would be completely embarrassed if you had to do an interview with a nervous bucky barnes. it would’ve been completely distracting, having to sit next to him where he did that self-soothing thing with his hands, and then you would have had to grab his hands in front of everyone to stop him, which would’ve been even more embarrassing.

“are you blushing? ew.” he picked up his pace and you jogged to catch up with him. the two of you were nearly at the exit, and you realized that if you let him get away, you’d never be able to finish the conversation. he’d just ignore you until you inevitably got into another fight, as it always went.

“why are you so horrible?” you asserted, a little hurt at the jab which seemingly came out of nowhere. “i just did you a huge favor! do you think i wanted to do this interview with you and get completely humiliated in front of an audience? why do you have to be so crabby all the time?”

“humiliated? is it so humiliating to be seen with me?” he spat, spinning around and stopping in place. he grabbed ahold of your forearms to stop you from crashing into him. his hands, warm and calloused, pressed into your skin and grounded you. “everyone loves you, you’re such a perfect princess, aren’t you? you don’t want to be associated with the winter soldier, is that it? you’re so obsessed with what people think of you that you can’t even bear the thought that, god forbid, you’re dating me? and everyone’s telling me i deserve love and i’m trying, holy shit, i’m trying so hard to believe that. but it always comes back to you—you treat me like shit and now i see it. you still think of me as a murderer, don’t you? the idea of loving me is so outrageous that you couldn’t even look at me during that video. and you’re cruel, you know that? you’re cruel to look me in the eyes as you lie through your teeth, saying all these- these things about me when we both know they couldn’t be further from the truth. you just have to rub it in, don’t you? isn’t it enough that the world hates me? you just have to take it a step further, telling everyone all the things i do in private and then shoving it in my face that all of that kindness is just an act for the cameras!”

you wanted to yell at him for being self-deprecating, but his accusation of your character had pushed you over the edge. “goddamn it, barnes! you think the world revolves around you, don’t you? everything’s about you and the fucking winter soldier, and yeah, i get it, you went through shit! but don’t you dare attack my character when i have done nothing but try and be nice to you! do you remember when you came to the tower for the first time? i tried to be your friend until you decided one day that you were going to hate me for no reason—did you expect me to just shut up and take it? you don’t get to treat me like shit and then get mad at me for retaliating. you know, when steve asked me to do this, my immediate response was no. but even through all of this,” you waved your hand between the two of you, voice hoarse from the yelling. “i still care about you.”

“you care about me?” bucky’s voice was small, and his fingers pressed harder into your forearms. you winced, not being able to stand the super soldier’s strength any longer. his face fell as soon as he saw your expression of pain, dropping your arms immediately and backing up.

“i- look,” he started. you put your hand in the air.

“you know what? save it. yes, bucky, i care about your wellbeing because i respect you. and for a moment, i thought you might’ve respected me too-”

“i do respect you, it’s just-”

“shut up! you treat me like my existence offends you, and if you can still find a reason to hate me after me doing this interview and saying those things about you and trying to help you, then i give up. you think so lowly of me that you can find it in yourself to accuse me of all this and that’s only proof that you have no respect for me. and if that’s the way you want to play it, fine. i don’t care about people who can’t even treat me with decency.” you spat, furious.

you yanked the door open, storming out. your initial plan to avoid the crowd was out the window; fans swarmed you and cameras flashed as you shoved your way through the horde, not caring about your usual reputation for kindness towards your admirers.

bucky was hot on your tail, and you could hear his loud footsteps as he tried to catch up with you. he’d screwed up bad this time, hadn’t he? he’d screwed up your entire relationship and any possibility of neutrality since the beginning—you hadn’t done anything. it had been entirely his fault, and he’d been too childish to make amends. but he’d crossed the line today, and he knew it. he cursed himself, knowing he’d most likely lost you forever. all that bickering the two of you had? that���d be gone too. from now on, you probably wouldn’t even waste a breath on him. he was going to be nothing to you, but that was assuming he ever meant anything to you at all.

“wait, please,” he called. he could’ve easily caught up to you and pinned you against a wall to force you to talk to him, or pinned you against a wall and finally get a good look at your face and maybe even catch another sight of the smiles you had gifted him with back when you were on that loveseat and before he had fucked everything up. but he knew you’d hate that. he knew you’d hate him for taking away your autonomy, for ignoring your decision to leave, and for abusing his super-soldier status to get what he wanted from you.

“please, i’m sorry, just let me talk to you,” he pleaded, voice cracking with desperation. this was it. you were never going to talk to him again. he hated you, he really did, but he was not going to let one stupid comment ruin everything between you two. he was dumb and stubborn and full of himself, and you deserved nothing that he had done to you, but if you were going to ignore him for the rest of your lives—which he prayed would not be the ultimate outcome—he needed you to know that you hadn’t done anything wrong. he owed that to you, at least.

he lost you at the tower. you had gotten to the elevator before he had even stepped foot in the building, and he sprinted up the stairs, hoping to catch you before you left. he practically flung himself into the kitchen, knowing the first person you’d go to would be sam, who had been living on the couch recently, binge-watching toddlers and tiaras.

“woah, bucko, whatcha up to there?”

“i need to see-” he panted, looking around for you frantically.

“ah, i see. finally ready to confess your love for them, aren’t you?”

bucky paused. he stopped and he thought. he really thought this time, his face scrunched in concentration. he looked at sam incredulously.

“i- something like that, actually.” the two men both were both shocked into silence.

“uh, right! okay. they’re, um, in their room. not looking too great.” sam stared at bucky, eyes bugging. “good luck? i mean, i just- okay. Yeah.”

bucky pursed his lips, giving sam a curt nod before gathering the strength to make his way to your room. his heart was in his throat, and he thought there was a good chance that the moment he saw you, it would jump right out of his throat and land on the floor at your feet. now that would be humiliating. and it would also kill him too, but maybe that was a good thing because it meant he wouldn’t be alive to face you again.

his fist hesitated in the air as he stood by your doorway. he was sure you were aware of his presence; he wasn’t exactly a light treader. he knocked, holding his breath.

“fuck off, barnes.”

“i can’t. i have to talk to you.”

“you don’t have the right to demand anything from me. go away.”

“i can’t, i ha- you don’t have to talk to me, but please, can you just listen?”

bucky didn’t hear anything from your side of the room, which he took to be affirmative. “i- i’m sorry. i’ve been an asshole.”

you snorted mirthlessly, and he could imagine the look of repulse on your face. “to put it lightly,” you sneered.

“yeah, i know, and it’s not your fault, you know. you can hate me all you want from now on, and i deserve it. i know i deserve it, and i’m not going to try and change your mind. i just need to tell you that it wasn’t your fault. me hating you, i mean. i mean, i guess i never really hated you, it was just that, i guess-” he sighed, thoughts racing too fast to be able to articulate. “i can’t speak. you drive me insane, and i-”

“gee, thanks, barnes. way to apologize.”

“no! i don’t mean it like that, i just- i’m so sorry, please just, can you let me in? i can’t do this from outside. i know you said i didn’t respect you, but that’s not true. i respect you, and that’s why i want to say this to your face. please.”

bucky heard shuffling from behind the door. it swung open. there you were, looking small and defeated, as he towered over you like some absolute jerk. he shrunk himself, wishing for once that he could be smaller. he observed your face like he had wished he could earlier. your eyes were red-rimmed—had you been crying? you were sniffling softly, rubbing your nose. there was a tissue box on the bed and a few used bundles scattered around the floor. a thin blanket, too, was crumpled and lying on the ground. his heart broke. he stood by the doorframe, not sure what to do. you motioned to the bed, taking a seat on it yourself. the mattress sank as he placed himself a good distance away from you, but still, he turned and forced himself to look into your eyes.

“i didn’t know what to do when i first met you,” he rushed, the words flooding out of his mouth quicker than he could process them. “you were so kind to me. too kind. i didn’t think i deserved it, and i was terrified. you were… perfect. steve, my best friend, he adored you. i saw you two together all the time, and you made him laugh like i used to do. and after all steve did for me, all i could do was recluse myself in my room and give him one-word answers. steve didn’t know what to do, and as much as he tried, i could tell that he was growing tired. he’s got a lot going on, and i don’t blame him for not wanting to babysit all the time. but you were there, and you didn’t even treat me like a pity case. you weren’t some babysitter, you were my friend. my only friend, probably.” he looked at his lap, rubbing his nose with the back of his hand.

“um, i really appreciated that. i don’t think i’d had such a connection to anyone since the 40s. since steve and i met. and-” he covered his face with his hands. “this is so embarrassing, i’m- i’m sorry. i think i liked being around you… too much. and i was, well, me. and you were there, like some angel, making my life better, no, making everyone’s lives better, and i was this weight taking up all your time. and i knew that i’d be lucky if you ever even considered me a friend. i’d be lucky if you could even tolerate all my problems for more than a few weeks, so i never pushed it.”

you opened your mouth to speak, but bucky waved his hands furiously, finally meeting your eyes.

“please, just let me finish. and you can say whatever you want after.” your mouth shut, as did your eyes, as you tried to follow his words. “and you know sam and i have our own thing going on,” bucky laughed bitterly. “he didn’t trust me at first. still tries to get on my nerves now. we respect each other, of course, but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s a little shit. sorry.” he shot you what you thought was an apologetic look, maybe because he knew you and sam were close.

“he was cold to me at first, and i couldn’t handle it. it was like being back there, having everyone talk to me in clipped tones as if i wasn’t there. there were some days where he wouldn’t address me at all. i don’t blame him, i guess. tony was suspicious too. you guys gave me so much more than i deserved. but with you, he was like a completely different person. you guys are so close, you know? you guys are like how steve and i used to be, before i came back all fucked up. i don’t think steve and i will ever have what we used to have, or will ever have what you and sam have. and i think- i think i was… jealous. it wasn’t just because i wanted my friendship with steve back, but because i wanted a friendship with you. no, that’s not it at all. i’m sorry, this isn’t easy for me—feelings, i mean—i’m trying, i’m trying for you. i wanted something else, something more with you. because i really liked you, and it took seeing you and sam together to realize that. i had thought you two were together-together; you were so close. and i hated myself for feeling that way towards sam’s girl, because as much as i couldn’t stand him, i couldn’t do that to you. even if i told you, it wouldn’t have changed how you felt. at that point, it was too late. i thought you were already his.

“i couldn’t burden you with my feelings, you know? i couldn’t drag you into my mess. so i tried to ignore it, and it didn’t work, because you’re fucking magnetic. you were all i could think about, and i was such a mess for you, and even then, you didn’t care. i was so incapacitated around you,” he sighed, remembering all the times he had embarrassed himself trying to compose himself around you. “and you never noticed. you never looked my way, did you? it was always about sam. i was like some second thought—not that it was your fault. i barged into your life and took up all your time and you still treated me with such kindness and i started to resent you for it. you couldn’t love me, not when you had sam, but you still had me wrapped around your finger and i’d never felt this way before so i panicked. i panicked and retreated to something familiar, which was hate. i decided i hated you.

“so… well, you know the rest. i was so stupid; you made me so nervous and i blamed it on frustration, and you made me feel and i blamed it on anger. it was torture, having to hate you. but if i wasn’t hating you then i’d have to cope with how much i liked you, and that was worse. i’d take whatever i could have, and if that meant having you yell at me and poke my chest and take my breath away, i’d have to be satisfied. but today, you said all those things about me. you ruined all that progress i had made, trying to hate you. it ruined me, all over again. and did you mean them? did you mean them, because if you didn’t i wouldn’t blame you. but i just have to know.”

“i meant every word,” you breathed, so quietly that you were afraid bucky wouldn’t hear. he did, and instead of relief, a look of devastation washed over his face.

“i can’t- you can’t just say those things. this whole time, i thought you loved sam. and i thought i never even had a chance because it didn’t matter how much i loved you when your heart belonged to somebody else. and sam told me you aren’t together, and it doesn’t even matter anymore, because i still don’t have a chance with you, or even a chance of forgiveness; i don’t deserve it—not after everything i’ve done to you.”

you’re sniveling, wiping your eyes with the edge of your sleeve. bucky’s got tears running down his cheeks, and it’s the first time you’ve seen him since he had first come to the tower and had let you comfort him after he woke up from his nightmares. you hadn’t seen any other emotion from him but hatred since then.

“bucky…” you can’t control your arm as it reaches for his face. your hand cups his chin, stubble rubbing against your palm as he closes his eyes and savors the feeling of your skin on his, knowing it’s more than he deserves. your thumb wipes away the tears as they trickle from his closed eyes; they flutter as your fingers move across his skin, sensitive from the emotion. there’s a tear that’s fallen into the corner of his mouth, and you run your finger over his lip to brush it away. he sighs, and the warmth of his breath sends a shiver down your spine. you’re buzzing with adrenaline.

“bucky, you are such an idiot!” he flinches, looking guilty, and you lower your voice. “no, i don’t mean it like that,” you soothe. “why didn’t you just- do you really mean what you said? that you thought you were a burden? and back there, at the studio, did you really think that i would be so horrified at the idea of loving you? because you’re wrong, bucky, if you think that’s how i feel—god, you’re so stupid and you’re so wrong.” you sniffle, running your hands through your hair. “if you had just told me…”

“i know, i know, and i’m so sorry.” he’s trembling now, sounding on the verge of tears, and you think he might combust with the violence of which his hands are shaking. you take his hands in yours, stopping him from doing the wringing he always does.

“bucky,” you whisper again. it’s the only thing you can think to say before throwing yourself into him, your arms wrapping around his broad back with your hands unable to touch. you use the opportunity to run them up and down his back, your head finding a home in the crook of his shoulder as you try not to ruin his shirt with your tears. one of his arms wraps around yours tentatively, as if he’s afraid to touch you. you bury yourself deeper into him, one hand clutching the fabric of his shirt as if you’re scared he’s going to run away.

“bucky, please don’t leave me,” you whimper, your lips brushing against his neck. that does it for him, and he finally wraps both arms around you and lifts you up until you’re seated on his lap. his feet touch the floor as he’s seated at the edge of your bed, and your legs wrap around him as you face the opposite direction, clinging onto him koala-like.

“i’m never leaving you. i’m never leaving you,” he mutters, and you’re not sure if he’s saying it to you or to himself. “you’re here. i’m here.”

“all i wanted was for you to stay,” you confessed. “and then you left me, and then you hated me, and how was i supposed to cope? i thought i had done something horrible but i couldn’t figure out what, and still, you were so kind to wanda and so cheerful with clint and even opening up to natasha and it was like those first weeks of us being together never happened.” you pulled yourself away from his shoulder to look him in the eye.

“i- i didn’t know.”

“obviously.”

the two of you were silent for a bit, trying to read each others’ eyes, both of which were puffy and red. bucky’s face was in its usual furrow, the line between his eyebrows deep. you smoothed it out with your finger. “your worry wrinkle,” you laughed wetly. he cracked a smile.

“the one thing i didn’t miss was you calling it that.”

“you missed me? ha. softie.”

the two of you breathed in silence, faces inches from each other. his eyelids fluttered, and it was as if you could feel the ghost of his eyelashes tickling your warm cheeks. you could smell the man you had been missing—smoke, cedar, and spice. you refrained from burying your head in his chest and just drowning in the scent of his cologne.

your eyes fell, looking at your thighs wrapped around his hips and watching his chest rise and fall like a metronome, his breaths finally slowing alongside his heart. “i never hated you, you know. i’m pretty sure i made that clear today. at least, i hope i did.” you sighed, still not meeting his eyes. “i hated the fact that you hated me. i guess i wasn’t used to that. i mean, you’re right. i really do want everyone to like me,” you pursed your lips. “and i know that’s unrealistic. but i liked you a lot, bucky, and i thought at first that we could be good friends. so when things started breaking down, i guess i jumped to the conclusion that you just irrationally had it out for me, and i never stopped to ask you why. and i’m sorry too.” you swallowed thickly, realizing how much anger could’ve been avoided these past few months if the two of you had just pushed aside your egos and communicated.

“look at me, please.” bucky cupped your chin with his hand, lifting your face without much force to let you be in control until you finally met his eye. “hey, it’s- we’re gonna be okay.”

“you said you loved me,” you blurted. “earlier.”

“uh, yeah. i did say that.” you were so used to bucky deflecting from his feelings that his admittance made you laugh. oh yes, you laughed. the bashfulness on the 6-foot-something, genetically enhanced, burly, brooding super soldier’s face was enough to break the stoicism of your conversation.

“you love me!” you giggled. “i’m so sorry, i’m not laughing at you. no, i swear, i’m so- this isn’t me mocking you, i-” you gasped for air as the sentiment finally set in. “buck, you love me?”

“yeah, doll, i do. is… is that okay?”

“yeah, bucky, it is.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

masterlist

#bucky barnes #bucky imagine #bucky barns x reader #bucky barns x you #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x gn!reader #bucky barnes self insert #marvel self insert #marvel imagine #james buchanan barnes #bucky fic #bucky angst #bucky and reader #enemies to lovers #enemies to lovers fic #bucky barnes enemies to lovers

[cryptar]

A SHITTON OF HOMESTUCK FIC RECS

The Vienna Game

Pale Solrezi, Rose n Dave are AIs, the world building absolutely FUCKS.

Caffeine High

Red Dirktav and Pale SolTav, a coffee shop au, IN SPACE.

General Vantas Gets Hitched

JohnKat, Fantasy arranged marriage au with political intrigue.

Your Cold Bare Hands, They Hold Too Tight

DirkJohn, Crockercorp Striders and lots of homoerotic fighting, Alpha Dave is. Hot.

Something Involving Arson

DirkJohn, One if my favourite fics, makes you laugh but has an underlying mystery that makes you wish it wasn't a oneshot, in a good way.

The Finer Details Of Gay Cluckbeast

DaveJohn, they get married, as bros, of course.

How To Stop Time

Davesprite, Jade and John on their three year journey, featuring minor jadedavesprite, aroace john, and lots of emotions.

Hot Disaster Dumbass Factory

Pale Soldave, University AU, Eventual Heavy Angst, It's a shitshow.

Dire Straights

DirkJohn, Earth C, John is so deep in the closet it hurts.

Catacombs

JadeKat, DirkJohn, Fantasy + Political AU, Three long fics that are all incredible.

Godfeels

Multiple Fics, messy coming outs and themes of self discovery, June Centric, Junerezi, June is powerful and finally herself and that scares people, So much angst omfg.

Dayvhe's Broken Diamond Club

Trollstuck, Slowburn Pale Soldave and other quadrent and non-quadrent bullshit.

Knight Of Spades

Doomed Timelines, Pan-Quadrent Davekat and Polyamorous Meteor Crew, not even fucking around this fic changed something in me.

So What’s The Return Policy For Emotional Damages?

Non-Sburb, RoseMary, First Meeting with snarky broads and shittier flirting.

Ruby Red

Short n sweet RoseMary, seriously, my teeth are rotting over here.

There will be Singing about the Dark Times

Non-Sburb Davekat, Alternia is horrible, Revolution Based.

meeting people the old fashioned way

Crackfic, University AU, Davekat, first meeting. Enough said.

So we dont kill the ones we love

Non-Sburb, Davekat, VERY EXPLICIT SO HEED TAGS, Troll/Human Society, Criminals, God I love fictional politics.

Cozy as fuck in here

DaveJohnKat, Crackfic, John catches Dave and Karkat making out in a closet, literally and figuratively.

Special Delivery

DirkJake, Non-Sburb, Dirk is a pizza guy and Jake is a rich kid with ISSUES.

You Can't Break That Which Isn't Yours

Transgirl Rose Fic, Very Gender, Much Introspection.

But I cannot lose a friend and a lover

Pesterlog, Earth C, Post-Divorce June and Roxy being mates, Junes trans but doesn't know it yet.

Loophole

Pale Johnvris, Adoption Fic, Petstuck, Sad Ending, Thinking about this one actually made me tear up.

In Which Dave Strider Gets a Roommate (and a Little Bit More)

SolDave, University AU, there is nothing more homoerotic then having a roommate.

Alternate Universe

Magical AU, University AU, Amnesia, SolDaveKat, can't say much without spoilers, but TRUST ME OKAY.

Space Bro

SolKat, Post-Sburb, Reincarnation? I guess?

Lost Teeth Like White Jewels

Hemostuck AU, Pirates, Erikar, Karezi and even more parings, seriously, what more could you need.

mary, mary, quite contra- is that a fucking wasp

University AU, Minor Rosemary, Crackfic, Wasps, Karkat and Kanaya being bros.

A Joker's Not Even A Real Playing Card Anyway

Crackfic, Crossover, Spades Slick ends up in Gotham, hilarity ensues.

Eschewal

DirkJake, Angst, Psychological Horror, Oh god someone give Jake a fucking hug PLEASE GUYS.

#homestuck #hs #homestuck fic recs #fic rec #fic recs #rosemary #davekat #soldave #dirkjohn #solrezi #johnkat #johndave #johndavekat #jadekat #dirkjake #junerezi #erikar #soldavekat #vrisjohn #dirktav #soltav #fic rec list #long post #trust me when i say theres more #but these are defo a good few

[lemmetreatya]

It Was An Accident!!! — Zeke x Eren x Jean x fem!Reader

synopsis: jean is dead, zeke killed him and eren doesn’t care about any of it. how on earth did you get wound up into any of this?!

content: modern au, afab!reader, slight crack, fem! masturbation WARNING — dark themes, mention and depiction of murder & death

please. there is absolutely no part 2 for this. there will never be a continuation. i have abandoned this work and given it up to god but i just neeeeded to share it since im in a zeke brainrot rn

Mornings like these were always horrible.

Nothing to do with the blazing hangover headaches or the overbearing feeling of guilt — you’ve long developed immunity to those leverages bumming your mood.

No, mornings like these were horrible because of who you shared them with.

“Stop staring at me.”

You blink rapidly at the sudden deep grumble of Zeke’s voice in front to you.

Naturally your first reaction is to coo because the blonde whispers of hair that crown his face and the squish of his cheek onto the blanket almost make you snort with laughter. But only almost, because there was nothing funny, or amusing or even endearing about waking up next to this monster of a man.

“I’m not staring at you.” You mumble, hardly embarrassed from being caught.

You avert your eyes away from the man although your cheeks stay flushed against the pillow.

Zeke still doesn’t open his eyes but you can see the tort of his eyebrows slightly crease. His expressions seemed so much more expressive when he didn’t have his glasses to cover them.

“Yes, you are. I can literally feel your evil eyes on me. It’s the sole reason why I woke up.”

Zeke’s morning voice is low but in some places it’s whiney. He’s only ever this whiney in front of you.

Briefly closing your eyes, you don’t even think to retort back with the expected ‘I’m not evil’ cry. At this point, you don’t even think you could deny his claim. In a sense he was right.

Besides, being defensive around Zeke wasn’t an option nowadays, especially not when he knew so intricately in how to annoy you.

Instead, you decide to question him.

“How are you always this much of a pain this early into the morning?”

Opening your eyes again, your met to see that Zeke also has his open but they’re not looking at you. They’re squinted, still getting adjusted to the morning light. But despite that, Zeke still finds away — even in the delirious state of just waking up — to barter off of you.

“Being a pain is my coffee. My caffeine. Being a hater fuels everything about me.”

Zeke’s words are followed with an unapologetic yawn. As the man’s hot breath breathes into your face, you turn away. You make a gagging sound as your hand plugs at your nose.

“Fuck, man. Please don’t do that shit right in my face! Like go brush your teeth or something.”

Zeke doesn’t say anything in reply but you do hear him dryly snicker. His reaction rises a shallow simmer of anger inside of you and so you kick his shin underneath the covers. The laughter ceases.

“Next time, share a bed with Eren.” You grumble as you fling the duvet cover off of you and slide out of bed.

You can’t see his reaction but you know Zeke’s got something witty to say; he’s always got something witty to say.

“What, and leave you by yourself with Jean?”

You shrug as you scratch at your ass, already trudging to the en-suite bathroom.

“I don’t think I’d mind.” You spit. “I’d rather share a bed with a corpse than with you.”

Breakfast was mostly quiet, bar for the loud chomping of Eren chowing down his food. Sometimes you wonder whether he was the one raised without both his parents as opposed to Zeke.

The hotel was serving a continental breakfast and so Zeke thought the least he could do was ‘pay’ for everyone to eat. After the night you’ve all had, it was definitely needed. You believe the gesture was kind and was even about to thank Zeke for the thoughtfulness. However, once you realised you were already entitled to the food since you’d already paid for the second hotel room, you ceased your tongue.

“You know,” Eren waves his fork in your direction, his mouth still full of food. “This shit ain’t even real egg. It’s just yellow muck in a packet that they add water to.”

There’s a part of you that wants to ignore him, brush him off and continue to pick at your own food but in all honesty you were scared of the brunette Jaeger. Both brothers were sick in the head but Eren was on a different level of unhinged.

You didn’t even want to fathom what he’d do to you if you pissed him off in the slightest.

“Oh, really?” You plainly muse.

You take a bite out of your food to keep your mouth busy. Maybe if you showed signs of oral occupation, he’d eventually leave you alone.

“Yeah. Real gruesome stuff when you look into it but I honestly don’t think it matters. I say if it taste good, then I’m eating it! Don’t worry or care about where its come from or where its been.”

Eren gives you a suggestive look as he wiggles his eyebrows in your direction. You don’t even linger or question what innuendo he was suggesting but either way you were put off. Part of you wants to throw up the little of what you have in your stomach but you know that wasn’t the best case scenario for anyone.

Luckily, Erens interested in his Fake Eggs again and so he takes a hasty scoop of the food before cramming it into his mouth. You’d think he hadn’t eaten for days.

“Okay, so this is how it’s gonna go.”

Zeke turns his iPad towards the two of you. He’s been drawing and tapping and scrolling at it all breakfast.

“All we gotta do is frame Jean’s death as an accident. I’ve done a bit of research and we can easily propose it as if he’d just been a bit too silly and girlbossed too close to the sun. If we really back trace our steps, we can cover shit up and make us look like the victims.”

Zeke pushes the device to your direction before sitting back and folding his arms.

“I honestly think it’s a master plan.”

Both you and Eren lean in at the same time to witness an opened Procreate file that had scribbles and illustrations of Zeke’s supposed mind-blowing plan on.

Part of you feels that whatevers happening here is doomed because who the fuck even uses an art creating app to create a master plan of how to frame a murder? But then the other half of you just didn’t care. You’d gone beyond worrying about these type of things.

As Eren’s eyes glance over the page, his face suddenly breaks into a looped smile.

“Heck yeah, I get to play the mourning boyfriend? Sweet.”

At first you didn’t know how to react because maybe Eren was joking about being assigned a real role for the plan, but it’s when you saw how sparkly his eyes looked that you knew he was serious.

With a sigh, you give the Jaeger a pitiful look.

“Eren, you already are the mourning boyfriend.”

Seeing Eren’s emerald eyes peer through the side of his hair at you and you momentarily fear for your safety, fearing his reaction. But once he swoops the dangling piece behind his ear and shrugs, your defenses are slightly lowered.

“Yeah, but now I get to play the part. It gives me a reason to actually be sad about what happened. Surprisingly, I don’t feel anything right now.”

Slightly unnerving but you don’t dispute it.

The things that pissed Eren off weren’t simple — the brunette found it easy to be erratic about the smallest of things. But god forbid he feel an ounce of something for the death of his late boyfriend at the hands of his half brother.

You then figure Zeke probably allocated Eren that role just to make him feel included because in all reality, what good was the brunette for if not fucking up a role that didn’t make sense to him?

Looking back to the iPad, your eyes glide over the plan.

Not like you’d know whether things would work or not but Zeke had a cool nick for being able to calculate situations and their outcomes. Sometimes you think to commend him for his efforts because if it’s one thing about him? It’s that he’ll always get the three of you out whatever mud you’re currently in.

But then, he does something stupendously idiotic that absolutely grinds your gears, and makes you wish nothing but death and malice upon his life.

“Wait, why do I have to be betrothed to you again? What the fuck?”

Zekes in the midst of having a coffee mug against his lips, and he makes a hum at your words, as if you asked a insightful question during a seminar.

Lowering it, he ponders upwards before replying smoothly.

“To make it more plausible.”

“Bullshit.” You snap.

Zeke raises his shoulders but in a questioning stance. The look on his face makes you feel imbecilic, like you don’t know what you’re playing at, but you know Zeke well enough to know it was most likely a ruse.

“What else do you suggest? That you’re just gonna play the loner who decided to tag along? That suspiciously has connections to no one but the dead guy in the bathtub?”

“I don’t have connections to him!” You hiss.

Zeke raises his eyes at you and your next words are fumbled.

“He just…happens to think I’m his office competition! Eren has more connection to him than I do. His dick has literally been up his ass!”

“Believe it or not, it was always the other way round.” Eren chirps.

“Come on, be real for once. We’ve done this way too many times for you to have a problem with the arrangements.” Zeke takes a nonchalant sip at his coffee. “Is it because you’re still angry about this morning?”

Something inside you clicks.

Because why does Zeke always reduce your emotions to petty experience? If he truly believes that you’re angry simply because of a sleeping arrangement or because of how annoying he is or because of morning breath — then how lowly did he view you?

With a sarcastic huff of amusement, you look upwards at the ceiling before rounding down to watch Zeke in his face.

“Is that what you think this is about? About silly morning pillow talk?”

Zeke doesn’t look bothered nor gives an answer but he’s definitely listening. Eren only continues scoffing his face with food as his eyes dart between you both.

“It’s never about ‘this morning’, Zeke. It’s about every time that you call me out for ‘quick drinks’ or ‘a friendly catch up’ that we always seem to end up with a dead body on our hands. And now, you’ve gone and done it, because you’ve gotten Eren’s boyfriend involved.”

Eren raises his fork in thought, his face showing clear signs of nostalgia.

“We never really liked to use the label boyfriend. We liked Evergreen Other more — gave it more meaning, you know?”

Zeke slightly snorts, because he always finds shit funny, but there’s a switch in you that’s jammed and won’t allow you to turn off how his reaction digs at you.

Scraping your chair backwards, you gingerly pick up Eren’s room key before getting up to leave.

“Fuck this.”

Zeke’s eyes follow you cautiously, his expression fixed in a light smirk despite him being concerned.

“Where you going?” He muses.

You only stick your middle finger up at him before marching out of the dining room.

“To check on Eren’s Evergreen Other.” You say.

In all honesty, you’ve never been good with dead bodies.

You’re not sure why you came back to the room but you guess any excuse to be away from the Jaegers.

But there was something about the lack of life in dead people that haunted you a bit more than say, animals. But most of the dead bodies you’ve seen and known before this were never of people you knew. Yes, the odd occasion where you attend the funeral, but this was different.

Stepping into Eren’s room, your heart drums against your chest because you were expectant to see the dead body of someone you knew.

Of a coworker, that Zeke killed — and not in the context of a funeral.

As you slot the key and turn the handle, you open the door to then step into the room.

The place is a dump.

You’re not sure how, considering you’d only booked into these rooms yesterday night and that none of you had any overnight stay belongings. You toe away an empty bag from the door so that you’re able to clear a path and move.

It’s clear Eren had no home training despite his declared dual income, middle class, nuclear family upbringing.

You honestly do question whether he and Zeke got their sob stories mixed up. You wouldn’t put it pass you. So much of what the Jaegers lived for was fabricated and fucked up. Who says their back stories weren’t following the same pattern?

You take a seat on Eren’s unmade bed first but you know it’s because you were stalling. You were dreading going into the bathroom at all costs.

Not that you blame yourself — not even 24 hours ago, you were bartering with Jean back in the office break room — and now he was lifeless, void of any warmth or vim he previously had when alive.

“Maybe I should just mind my business…” You mumble to yourself before lying back down onto the bed with a bounce.

With your hands folded over your stomach, you wonder how you’d gotten into this situation. All you did was accept a messy invitation to be down for a quick fuck and now look, you were an accomplice to a murder.

Now that you think about it, you didn’t even get what you’d come all the way down here for and as you thought about it, your hand subconsciously started to lead down to your crotch and beneath the zip of your jeans.

For the past 12 hours you’ve been on an absolute edge. With everything that’s gone on, you’d forgotten the twinging neediness of your body. Quickly, you find yourself scooting upwards onto the bed and propping your legs up. As soon as your fingers are able to delve deeper beneath your jeans and feel the wetness of your underwear, you realise that you were more wound up than you thought you were.

How on earth did it get this bad?

“Zeke…promise me this is the last time.”

The blonde male disregarded your half moaned words as his lips treaded up the plough of your skin. His hands, as daring as ever slid their way up your shirt.

“You know I can’t promise you anything.”

Despite the blaring alarms in your head telling you not to engage with the man, you couldn’t help deny the tell-tale signs of your body that clearly wanted him. No matter how many times you told yourself you didn’t like him you always seemed to find yourself in this position more times than none.

The both of you sank into the puffed duvet of the hotel bed, the blankets engulfing you both.

You’ve so got to stop answering his ‘dtf?’ texts.

“Why you in town anyways?” You sigh as your hands tug through his blonde hair. It’s definitely gotten longer since the last time you saw him.

Zeke bites down into the suckle of your flesh which makes you whine in retaliation. His hands wash over the plump flesh of your breasts.

“Mm. Had to do a bit of work for Eren.”

You almost comment that it’s nice of him to be looking out for his younger brother but you figure it’d spoil the mood. You hadn’t seen the brunette Jaeger in almost four years. You wonder how he’s doing?

Although as if on queue, the door to the ensuite bathroom of the hotel room bursts open showing none other than a rather bored looking man.

“Zeke, he’s not breathing.” He says.

Both you and Zeke jump up and off each other but for different reasons.

“What?”

“Eren?!”

The brunette, totally oblivious (or maybe just unphased) to your naked presence gives you a nonchalant nod.

“Oh, hey.” He says before he turns back to Zeke. “Jean. He’s in the bathtub but he’s not breathing.”

Automatically, Zeke’s getting up from the bed, boxer crotch still bricked as he half runs into the bathroom behind Eren.

Using the large duvet, you fold it over yourself for decency. Eren doesn’t seem half as bothered but you definitely notice the way his eyes scanned over your body.

”Since when did you get here?” You airily question.

It takes him awhile to realise it’s him you’re talking to but he eventually gets it.

“Oh, me?” He says as he points to himself. “Been here all along. When did you get here?”

You don’t even get a chance to mention that you’ve been here for a good half an hour already because Zeke’s voice echoes from within the bathroom.

“Fuck!”

Eren’s turning around to walk back into the ensuite and see what’s up. You quickly try to grab your shirt so that you could at least have it over your body.

As soon as you walk into the bathroom, you’re met with both Jaegers giving each other concerned looks. Since you’re unsure of what’s going on, you squeeze between them both to decipher the issue.

“What’s actually going o—Oh my fucking God!”

A massive gasp leaves your mouth as you tumble back into Eren’s chest. The brunette catches you but your legs still feel weak at the poorly sight you’re seeing.

There, lying limp in hotel bathtub with his eyes wide open, is none other than Jean Kirschtein — your colleague from work.

At this point, you were deep into a fingering rut. With your jeans pooling at your ankles and your tshirt hiked up, silky moans left your mouth as you continued to finger your cunt and pinch at your nipple.

Your high was so close! — Damn Zeke for leaving you on such an edge.

But before you could even finish at a climax, the door to the ensuite bathroom haggardly opens up on you again for a second time.

“Shit—” The voice croakily said.

You quickly pull your hands away from your folds with speed and squeeze together your legs in embarrassment of getting caught masturbating. However, once you realise who was in from of you, you let out the most blood curdling scream of your life.

How the fuck was Jean Kirschtein alive?!

#zeke jaeger #eren jeager #jean kirschtein #zeke x reader #eren x reader #jean x reader #zeke jeager x reader #jean x black reader #eren x black reader #zeke x black reader #aot #attak on titan

[kitkatopinions]

Call me a hater or say that I'm killing the fun of it or something, but one of my most subjective most petty complaints when it comes to RWBY is that I honestly hate like 90% of the ship names. XD There are only a few that I can think of that I like, and most of the shipping names I like are things like 'Ironqrow,' 'Arkos,' 'Ozwitch,' 'Renora,' the regular everyday shipping names you could actually look up and get the content for without having to scroll through pictures of ladybugs. The other ones that I don't like but at least seem kind of quirky or cutesy are things like 'Nuts and Dolts' and 'Crime Dads' (I may hate Junior, but 'Crime Dads' is very similar in vibes to 'Science Bros' or 'Ineffable Husbands' or other regularly accepted fandom nicknames.

I don't like the bees very much either, but I actually don't mind the shipping name of 'Bumbleby' because it has a quirky spelling to make it something that can be looked up and also makes sense to make that the ship name because people originally started shipping the main four with each other back before they had names and just went by the color associated with them. I'd like Monochrome, WhiteRose, Ladybug, and Freezerburn a bit more too if they had quirky quirk spellings that made them able to be actually found, but here we are.

However, the other shipping names? Martial Arcs? Caffeine Killers? Evil Moustache? Burnt Metal?

Also, then you get things like mix ups where some people have been calling the ship between Whitley and Penny "cold hard cash" and others have been calling it "broken machines" I think for some reason? I don't remember for sure and I literally like the ship, but I would much rather just call them... Pentley, or PenWhit or something. Also also don't even get me started on how many ship names are associated with color but with the amount of people in Ruby who have the same color.... Like 'Crimson' is used for part of the ship title, but 'Crimson' is used for Ruby, Cinder, Pyrrha, Scarlet, Adam and who knows who else, so if someone tells me "I ship Crimson Wings" I'm not gonna think "ah yes, the ship between Cardin and Cinder," I'm gonna think "Is that like... Adam and Qrow? Is that Ruby and that one bat Faunus? Is that Scarlet and Weiss? Is that Raven and Vernal somehow?" It's so unnecessarily complicated.

Also the naming conventions of going by like... Traits that it feels weird to pick? It just gives me a not great feeling. Why does Neo being mute feature in her shipping names? Why is Blake's number one thing just 'Cat?' Why are so many of Qrow's shipping names like 'lol Qrow is a drunkard?' Why is the name for Mercury and Weiss's ship 'Daddy Issues" as if the only thing about their characters that's important is the fact that they were both abused by their fathers?

Anyway, this is a mostly harmless fandom quirk, and I just don't really like it. So... rant over lol. Please nobody think you have to change what you call your ships for my sake, but I might just stop trying to learn any real shipping names and just go with putting names together. The ship between Neon Katt and Ruby might be called like, Rainbow Eyes or Crimson Cat or CapeSkates or something, but I'm just gonna say 'Neon x Ruby.'

#rwde

[summertimemusician]

Linktober Shadow, Day 4

Lost

I feel like we really need to talk more about how the Lost Woods are a concept as beautiful as it is terrifying actually.

Wild/BOTW/TOTK Link fans, this one's for you and brought by my severe sleep deprivation, enough caffeine to kill a grown woman with less spite and my medieval literature/narrative/poetry teacher who motivated me through the entire creative process via helping me throw ideas at the wall even as all of the essays I gotta turn in are going to make me late in posting Sage. *laughs hysterically, immediately collapses*

As always can be read as romantic or platonic, and it's up to interpretation what's going down on this one. And can also be read in or outside of an LU context, I'm leaving it vague both on purpose and because of sleep deprivation lol.

Of all places you could say you most intimately did not wish to be alone after being separated from the Chain, the Lost Woods of literally any era but specially Wild’s would definitely be on your top three at a pristine number one.

Really, if you weren’t currently being stalked through the darkened, shadowed weald of the once welcoming evergreen home of both the Minish and Kokiri, whom you knew could be much, much more beautiful lovely (it did aid in raising a good chunk of your beloved heroes, after all) and with your heart working with all the urgency of a wounded deer being chased by a wolf. You’d almost commend it for it’s choice in setting this time.

Keyword being almost, for it compared naught to the sheer and utter terror that burned through your every sinew, marrow and veins at the accuracy of that statement, and the implication that your nebulous and hauntingly familiar current hunter grew ever more clever each passing second of your adventure.

You ran, ran and ran through the living woods, trying desperately to find any possible landmark, an oddly shaped tree, one of the torches or the remain of the skeletons from the old, ruined iterations of the Temple of Time from long bygone eras that the forest had reclaimed, or the hint of the breeze soft whispers from the echoes of the Kokiri or the elated branch rattle giggling laughter of the Skull Children. At this point you’d take even the the mad, beast like howling of the Stalfos or the tortured wailing of Poes, somewhere between vesania tainted laughter and the primal, feral pleading for one’s survival that shook you to the marrow.

There was no such symphony now, the woods as silent as a grave.

(The hauting ground of so, so many that it did not love or could not hold onto anymore, whispered a corner of your mind, and it sounded like the Shadow, with it’s ominous phlegmatic hissing, twisted amusement and sadistic brutality all in one.)

Your arm had long gone numb, broken under the impossible force held by the beast of sulfur and obsidian that the world itself rebelled against warring at it’s very existence as it roared it’s wrath back at it, the Goddesses, Hylia and Demise and your heroes and princesses caught in the middle of divine design, your legs giving out under the weight of your exhaustion, you tasted copper from the wound on your head dripping down your lips but that did not stop you. Would not stop you, couldn’t stop you.

You grit your teeth so hard against the shout that wanted to tear it’s way out of your throat as you barely kept yourself from hitting your head, diverting your momentum against an old, lonely tree. Your blood sinking into the wood, good, better it than Dark Link.

You were tired, you were exhausted, you swore you could hear a growl among the melancholy of the mist. You hoped the shade did not manage to track you down as you made sure not to leave a trail of blood, but something tells you that it wouldn’t need it to track you even with the faint moonlight barely giving enough aid in your own quest to find it before it found you with your only, laughable weapon being an old arrow you’ve pilfered from a long decomposed corpse almost falling from your white knuckled grip.

You didn’t want to die, you needed to survive.

You though of the Chain, your lovely, chaotic, kind boys, of Sky’s ever ecompassing kindness and Four’s brilliant cleverness, Time’s quiet comfort and Legend’s fierce hidden gentleness and Wind’s trailblazing joy, Hyrule’s tender sweetness and Warrior’s warm protectiveness and Wild’s beautiful adoration for life.

You missed them, and it was likely you wouldn’t see them again, that more than anything hurt more than all of your wounds combined.

You try to push yourself up, to move, to live, to keep moving forward, caring not for the stillness of the glade. Barely noticing the sudden silence as you almost pitched forward once again, stumbling onto the earth as your grip onto your makeshift weapon finally gave out-

Only for a pair of arms to catch you, steady, magnolias and rosemary, petrichor from untamed, ancient Hyrule. A bright Sheikah cerulean tunic and a navy cloak falling over darkned boots.

You freeze, hands twitching, it couldn’t be an illusion. You’ve seen plenty in the corner of your eye as you traversed through the woods, attempting to lead you astray. None of them were solid, many of them weren’t quite as cold as this, whoever was holding you.

But it couldn't be real either, it shouldn't.

“Link...?”, came your tired rasp, you felt as if you’ve swallowed sand (briefly, you wondered if the taste of flowers on the back of your tongue mixing with the copper of the liquid of life in your veins was the reason. Then resolved yourself not to think about it), your traitorous body succumbing to exhaustion as the stranger gently held you up (friend, friend, but it couldn’t be, Wild tried to hold onto you, the memory of his desperation scorching under your eyelids like a brand and his howl of denial mixed with self loathing would haunt your for days to come, maybe months, he was far away and hopefully safe, it couldn’t be him).

The figure merely steadied you against themselves, silent as they swung you into their arms, you briefly struggled. It was instinct to put up a fight, to push against the liminal illusion cruelly meant to haunt your possible last moments as another soon to be lost souls chest, or heck for all you knew it could be the Shadow, dragging it out, playing with your torment as it gave you scraps of hope before taking it away. The figure paused, only to gently readjust you -painfully careful as the memory of the gentleness belonging to your Champion but oh so wrong made your heart ache-, the figure lowly speaking, their tone the emerald eternity of the kingdom’s fields and like setting stitches against your wounded self, like the soothing nature of early autumn rain. Almost a whisper, cracked like the wind through the leaves.

“... Rest. You’ll be alright.”

You wanted to protest, wanted to claw and fight and bite his throat off just in case even if you weren’t sure it would take, as with your head in the crook of his hood you couldn’t hear a heartbeat, but your exhaustion won out in the end. Held in the warmth of the sun over Faron Woods with the glimpse of fierce cerulean blue, the gaze of a reynard whom a part of you knew wouldn’t give you up without a fight and safer than you felt since getting pounced through that cursed portal.

When you next came to, it was to Wild’s frantic worry at the edges of camp, his hair like a frazzled shroud as he dropped everything in hand of his watch to check on your now wrapped wounds. Hugging you tight as you held him just as close back.

This time, you found a heartbeat, and you could almost weep with relief, and in the darkness of the woods a shrouded shade smiled.

Returning to the mist unseen and unheard. But content you were home.

#linked universe x reader #link x reader #linked universe wild x reader #props to those who catch the OoT manga/OTGW reference I managed to sneak in on what was going down with Reader #look. I don't agree that when Wild died something else took his place though I think it's a really cool concept #but I can agree that the person who went into that shrine ain't the same it came out even if it's still Link #I like to believe those are concepts that can coexist in the liminal and ephemeral context of identity #The Lost Woods are technically alive and I intend to explore that concept for as long as I can #summer writes linktober shadow 2023 #summer writes

[beatendeadcourier]

Lavina character by @angelic-simp

I never really tried writing before but she gave me the courage and motivation to try with our characters so thank you very much I hope u all enjoy this read :]

-

Warnings: Angst, stabbing, no blood describe but some murder, Implied stalking, spelling mistakes probably lmao [I think that's all, I can't remember anymore]

"Cosmic Mistake"

Sals pov

    Waking up with a headache was always wack like what is the point in sleeping if you were gonna wake up with a fucked head and joints

Speaking of fucked up things you finally seemed to noticed you were tied up to a fucked up chair bummer, you try your best to recollect what happened before this a lot of thoughts are always a confused blobby mess but it seems luck was on your side and finally your braincells rubbed together just right to remember,,,,

    Ah,, of course this is something you don't forget so easily, you as well as your two beloved have been kidnapped by a shitty horror cult AH! God your head was killing you, you haven't had your daily fix of caffeine. It felt like days you know that's not true but you can't help but be dramatic right now this really ain't good let's see where we are before your disabilities get worse.

    Finally getting out of your thoughts and looking around you see that you are in some sort of torture room, that or it just looks really bad the room is a really dark red so its hard to see anything but you swear you see blood on the walls and floor, it seems as well the chair your in has locked you in place by your hands, feet and neck its so uncomfy but your not surprised you managed to fall asleep in it.

    What a situation this is. You feel hmmm you don't know how to feel but you do know there is a boiling pit in your chest, you're pissed off you're alone in this room so you know that Bob and Lavina your absolute beloveds are somewhere else and not around you, you care about them so much they could be hurt or in danger for all you know right now.

    Well that just won't do for you, using your shapeshifting abilities you twist and enlarge your body to snap off those flimsy chains that tried to contain you all the while your head is pounding for you to stop, you don't care you need out now.

 The chains really didn't put up much a fight with your struggling you stand up oozing rage, you start to faintly hear sirens going off in your head that can't be good but that's not important, you start heading for the door out of this room you don't even give a reaction as you open the door swinging it open so fast it slams against the wall, it seems the door crushed one of the cult members outside your door, guarding it they passed out instantly.   

    ,,Oops you guess anyways that's probably gonna attract some attention so you should skidaddle and fast, you start your jog down the hall of this giant mansion.

Lavinas pov 

    It hurt to wake up literally you haven't opened your eyes due to them being so heavy but you can feel the stiff feeling in your neck from sleeping in an odd angle was really prominent you groaned loudly tried moving your arms to wipe the sleep from your eyes, hmm its seems you can't move your arms your confused and start panicking a bit something feels like metal, getting really worried about your lack of movement you snap your eyes open real fast to see what they problem could be.

    ,,,You wish you didn't, once you opened your eyes all your senses decided to tune in at once finally noticing your tied to a chair by you hands, ankles and neck panic shoots through you as you notice their are people in the room with you and they seem to be talking to you but you still cant make out what they are saying to you, your too busy looking around and seeing all these big machines and demonic looking symbols, something behind you is making the room glow a bright bluish green making it easy to see your kidnappers, you can't really see behind since you had your neck suspended but the glowing light of what you think is magic makes you not wanna look anyways.

    There was a tall looking priest guy in a surgical mask who was surrounded by four other people in cult gear, your ears finally decided it can hear the people that are talking to you 

Mysterious In charge looking Guy: “ -Are you she can ever hear in the first place?? She's not responding to my evil monologue guys and that makes me upset!”

Lavina: “Um W-What???”

The Man snapped his neck towards you speaking up, you are so confused and frightened right now

Priest Guy:” AH! So you Can hear! It's very rude of you to ignore my evil sacrificial plan i have for you, YOU have no manners missy!”

Your stomach sank hearing the words sacrificial come from his lips it completely made you ignore getting angry of him calling you missy and the like, what did they mean by sacrifice YOU?!! What qualities could you possibly have to be sacrificed like this?? Before you could frighteningly speak up and comment, the priest cut you off.

Priest Guy: “NOW HAVE TO RESTART!,,, no you know what you don't get to hear my magnificent speech i spend so hard on getting a short version you rude girl!”

He was red in the face as he flapped his arms around hitting some of the underlings around him, they all seemed to grumble as he threw his tantrum about not hearing is stupid ass speech.

Priest Guy: “We are sacrificing YOU girly to our lord and savior, The Eyes of The Universe *sighs dreamily*,, We have kept a close eye on your little sin group of the hungry traitor and caffeine obsessed Narcoleptic freak”

He looked very upset and kinda freaked out when he, you presumed, was talking about sal. Your super worried about them right now,, what if they are dead oh no-

 Priest Guy: ”BUT don't worry about all that now we have fixed those little problems-”

Lavina: “WHAT DID YOU DO TO THEM?!”

You yelled angrily at this imposter priest 

Priest Guy: “WOW,,, aren't You nasty HOW DARE YOU CUT ME OFF LIKE THAT!-”

Before he could go off on another tantrum one of his lackeys touched his shoulder seemingly saying something without saying anything. He seemed to snap out of his anger like this, suddenly looking very happy, touching all his fingers together.

Priest Guy:,,,heh if you will excuse us all we are gonna go prepare you more for your inevitable demise, I can tell The Eyes are gonna love you. “

And in order they all crowd out the door in perfect sync, you were alone now.

You're so shocked and flabbergasted, you don't know how this could be possible,,,, this room is really dark,, you hate the dark the only light that can be seen is the bluish greeny glow of a mysterious contraption behind you. 

Your heart is pounding out of your chest definitely too fast. You can't help but think about all of this where our your loves that guy seemed to imply,,, that they arent around anymore does that mean,,, they could be dead, that thought made you start to tear up almost instantly no no please they can't be, you started to tremble you keep clenching and unclenching your fists, the big amount of grief you feel right now is earth shattering.

You didn't even notice but it seems you started to scream your lungs out, you can't ever hear your own screams but you know you are saying their names over and over, you are too stuck in your thoughts you can't help but get tunnel vision and start hyperventilating in the cold of this quiet and desolate room, all alone. 

in the dark.

Sals pov

    Honestly what is this place you swear you can't be hallucinating right now like you know it's a possibility but you have a feeling this is for real, as you were running through the corridors you passed so many weird rooms like there was a room full of medieval gear or the room that had nothing in it but a jar of,,, something on a pedestal, you didn't check every room as it would be a waste of time but you did figure out most of the rooms definitely intersect into each other in some way.

You finally decided to take a detour through one of these many door and to your surprise it looks like a butcher shop there is meat hanging around, you honestly thought it would be empty but you heard the faint noise of another being in the room with you, you immediately go into attack mode, it seems to be coming from slightly in the back of the weird covered counter, it kinda looked like it was made out of skin,,, ya ok whatever, you sneak ever so slowly past it trying to take this person by surprise, you finally see a blacked out figure ever so close to you

They seem big and imposing, they are hunched over something, you can't seem to make it out though. All your thoughts are mostly made of your gonna fucking kill this guy a thousand times, you have been going on a mini spree of beating the shit out of anyone you see in this place.

Your blood shot eyes have just adjusted to the darkness in this room, you can see the person better than before and,,, wait a goddamn minute.

Sal: “BOB?!?”

What the hell why they hell is he in here of all rooms and why the fuck is he wearing his funky looking devil costume that doesnt really matter now you have found at least one of your group but honestly seeing him has made your headache lessen just slightly and you went a little droopy eyes seeing him.

    Bob straightened up almost instantly like your voice activated him into an attack mode of sorts, he was holding his usual steak knife and his grin seemed to split open on his face even more,,, he actually looked kind of menacing to any other but to you he looked perfect even though it is kinda off he's wearing his costume right now if you are remembering correctly he didn't have it on when you guys were taken.

    But not minding that you open up your arms wide for him but not yet trying to hug him.

Sal: “Omg!! Look who it is, I'm SO excited to see you!”

Your words were laced with affection but strained from the pounding headache still, He did not do anything he didn't even move he even seemed,, hungry he was drooling excessively, something seems wrong but you can't tell just yet.

Bob: “ Oh? A very perfect treat has fallen into my hands, I'm more excited to see you.~ “

His eyes and deep in his sweater glowed cyan, as he looked down at you with an insane crave in his eyes.

 Before you could comment on his weird behavior, if he was ok at all he raised his knife in the air aiming to bring it down on your head, you dodge out of the way just in time for him to get it stuck in the hanging meat that was behind you.

Sal: “OH WOW so this is how everything is gonna play what the hell man!”

Bob: “Come on now don't play hard to get with me!~"

He proceeded to rip his knife out of the body and started advancing towards you, trying to get you into a bear hug to capture you.

    You booked it out of the doorway vaulting over the counter and skidding harshly over to the door, ripping it open off of its hinges, he was hot on your tail.

    There is obviously something very wrong right now he shouldn't be attacking you, you literally make out with his dumb of ass everyday he would never try to harm you on purpose, It has to be this fucking cults fault you knew he was in a cult before sure you pretended not to know you werent that dumb he didnt hide it that well but for his sake of letting him take his time to tell you guys and not to force the info out of him but it seems this daycare of a shit cult was watching him and keeping tabs on you and Lavina wait to use you for whatever the fuck. 

    Bobs thundering footsteps matched the pound of your brain against your skull it hurt so fucking much. He sure was catching up to you his ass was laughing as this chase began, spewing out words like he's the cat to my mouse and he can't wait to eat my meat, you would make an inappropriate joke right now but his ass has started to try a swipe at you like a cat with his knife.

    You make a really sharp turn in the corridor to your left making Bob smack right into the wall with a surprised look on his face as he wasn't expecting it, he made the wall and the bit of the floor shake from him smacking full force with all his weight into it, as you continued to run you started laughing your ass off seeing it happen, he grew very angry at that shaking his head around trying to get rid of his dissociation and the pain, He growled loudly as he pressed on following you.

    You saw at the end of this hall two big curved doors now that looks like something you are so tired of this fucking maze of doors it feels like your in the backrooms right now,

    You make it fast to the door and slam your body weight into it, you trip a bit but catch yourself before you end up on the ground, you catch your footing and look around you wildly and pause….

Sal: “,,,,why the fuck would a cult need a disco room?!"

You were so fucking curfuffled what the fuck is going on in this place like good for them but why?!

You have frozen, really questioning your reality right now, headache still beating your ass. You don't even care if Bob's thundering steps are right behind you, this night is turning to hell so fast you're about to combust into a cosmic horror just so you can go home and relax.

Bob:"HAHAHA We aren't always doom and gloom, now come here so I can gut u properly" 

He seems to have heard your comment, over the booming disco music that makes your nose wanna bleed and the disco ball that was high on the ceiling spinning you were going insane.

    You turn around with a fuck all sort of face for once your eyes arent drooping as they usually do and your eyebrows are knitted so hard they might as well be in the ground by now. You are clenching your fists so hard you are so about to be the nonsense back into him, lovingly of course. 

Sal: “ I do NOT care what this cult has done to you our little magician is somewhere in this fucking disappointment and confusion mess of a cultist temple.”

You don't mean to be so rude to him but this is really getting to you and no matter what you're gonna save him even if you have to throw down with him in the disco party room at least the music is good to rock his shit too.

    Bob lets out a bellowing laugh, it echos off the walls in this room somehow, it's intimidating but he's never scared you not even slightly, you get into a position of jumping around on your feet a lot to gain momentum and started cracking your joint mostly your shoulders and neck to get ready for him, you hate hurting those you love but this will be good for him.

Bob: “HAHAHA I don't know who you're talking bout darlin, there is no us that you speak of but I do know you're gonna make a great meal, You really are stupid person I would love to see you try to hurt me!”

And with that he lunged at me with his knife.

Bobs pov

Oh fuck oh fucking shit-

This was such a freaky situation to you, fighting like this with one of your darlins like this and what's worse is you cant even control yourself at all, you are a copilot in your own body the cult has your body captured and you were stupid to think they wouldn't try to come back for you to use you again for something else you just regret bringing them into all this.

    But you can't focus on that right now, your controlled body is trying to kill your love sure it was really hot with how they look like that, their face is a perfect shade of red with the most angry eyes you have even seen on them god it's making you hot and bothered, you can't believe this is what your mind goes to you are so down bad but you can't help it if that looked was pointed towards you, you would have smothered them in affection by now you really were so happy to see them again and not harmed by what you can tell.

    As your stuck in your head with your thoughts your body has gone into attack mode and trying its best to stab Sal but surprised to you they are blocking you perfectly it really hurts that they keep jabbing you when they see their opening but you really hope they win and if your body wins,,, well you don't think you would ever recover.

Bob: “You sure are a slippery little thang!”

They didn't say anything to his body shit talking them, they looked like a focused killer *sighs* oh how he loves that look on them.

    They were bobbing and weaving him with focus, every time he tried to swipe or hit them they would reflect they both were on the dance floor trying to fist fight each other and it actually seemed Sal was winning they really were wearing you down but as they dodged one of your attacks, it made you fall to you knees surprising you they grab at the neck of your sweater were the pendent was it was glowing very harshly against you but as they were doing that the music suddenly boomed through the room making them let go and hold their ears having a very painful expression wash over their face, they hunched in on themselves, 

oh no,, their headaches

My body took the opportunity to pick up the dropped steak knife and stab them into their thigh

Sal: “ ARGH! “

Oh no no no please don't do this! you tried to plead with your body but it wasn't listening to you at all.

    Your body laughed hard as you stood up, your beloved open mouth surprised that you stabbed them.

Bob: “HAAHAHA of course my prey always falls into my hands, you had no chance of winning this.~”

    Your body spread its arms out wide as it straightened up, advancing slowly towards them, you were looking down in a daze not moving at all.

You couldn't handle this, this is too much you want this to stop!

Just as you body got right in front of them trying to grab at them, they suddenly spring up and winding up their fist and punching you hard in your chest, were the pendent that kept its control of you was laying, they shattered it with their first in one punch it hurt so bad, knocking you down on the floor immediately, you couldn't breathe for a second it almost felt like you just died.

What a hunk they are. <3

Sal pov:

    This motherfucker stabbed you what da hell!

You took the opportunity of knocking his ass back, you ripped the knife out of you, Ough it hurt but your shapeshifting abilities cleared up the wound for you only now making you feel the phantom pains of it.

You fell onto the ground rolling around and groaning just because you can, you were ready to get the fuck out of here but you cant till everyone is safe, you really fucking hope the neckless you punched was the thing controlling him as freed him.

As you were doing that sounds of suffering Bob sat up breathless taking off his headband and wiping his face of the red paint not getting all of it but it did make his black hair pop out, he had his hand placed on his chest trying to control his breathing.

He finally landed his eyes on your crippled form and immediately panic crawled over to you.

Bob: ‘ Oh my! Honey i am so sorry I-I couldn't stop myself AH and now your hurt because of me.``

    He had a pained look as he picked you up like you weighed nothing and started cradling you spewing out apology after apology. It looks like he's ok now hehe oh you're so glad.

    You look up into his face while he holds you bridal style sitting on the ground, you look him in the eyes and your face just softens so fast your eyes get droopy with happiness and you let out a big wobbly smile break out onto your face for him. 

    He blushes so hard as you grab his face with both your hands and nuzzle into his cheek feeling his stubble scratch at your skin, you missed this feeling so much already. You sigh and stand up out of his hold.

Bob: “Woah Woah let me see your wound first”

He forces you still as he holds your thigh in his hands as he examines you he finds,,, nothing just a slit where the knife went through your pants, he's speechless. He looks up at you as he's on his knees.

Sal: “heh don't worry bout it dude :].”

He looked at them with confusion and love as he slowly got up from the ground as he did so he opened his arms wide and quickly pulled them into a hug.

Bob:” Oh I'm so sorry sweet pea, I never meant to drag you guys into this, this is my burden not yours.”

     He was really squeezing the life out of you but even so you can hear the tiredness in his voice, you guys aren't done yet. You still hug him back of course then you let go.

Sal:” look babe we all can have this talk when we all get out but right now we need our Lavina literally were the fuck is she i swear i heard screaming earlier.”

You say with the utmost serious voice ever, it seemed to have affected Bob a little but he snaps out of it as he puts his hands to face and drags them down.

Bob: “ We have to go get er right now! She is in the basement and they tryna sacrifice er to the deity they worship!”

Sal: “,,,,,ex-fucking-cuse me,, then we have no time to waste come on!”

You grab Bob's hand and make a run for it out the second double doors on the opposite side room.

Third person pov 

    Hand in hand Bob and Sal make their ways down endless corridors and random rooms to try and find the basement, Sal is super frustrated.

Sal: “ouagh who built this place, how the hell are we gonna even find the basement, what kind of maze is this!”

    They say using their free hand to rub between their eyes trying to lessen their headache. Bob put his free hand on their hand and lovely pet their hair trying to help, not used to seeing them act like this. It made him worried and nervous in a good way.

Bob: “ yeah we have a map. But uh, don't be surprised when it ain't on paper, it's actually pretty close to where we are."

He started leading their limpish body to an off looking corner of the grand hall, He both stopped them in front of a map that looked like it belonged in a mall to show where all the departments are. Sal was speechless as they looked at this “map” nothing on it made sense literally but they could make out the “You are here” with what looked like stickers of all of their heads in correct places but obviously Bobs and Sals sticker was in the rooms their were hold up in, but it shows a clear picture of where Lavina is and her sticker head was looking pretty cute and kissable, the both of them thought that but there was no time to think about that right now.

Sal: “Im going to make this place explode, lets fucking get it!”

They said with so much vigor in their tone dragging Bob by the hand as they started sprinting with a certain fire in their eyes Bob has never seen making him blush, but looking at them like this and how pissed and energetic and even brushing off a stab wound, Bob has a feeling they will all make it out he felt very safe with them even though their angry and serious look was making him go feral. 

Lavinas pov

    This was it for you, you have already screamed your voice horse, you can still feel the big globs of tears rolling out of your eyes catching in your eyelashes every now and again.

    You feel,,, numb, you still feel your fear but they don't matter to you anymore you're empty.  The priest guy and his team already has came back into the room to prep for your sacrifice, The Priest keeps droning on and on you have already tuned him out long ago, all you can really hear is your shorten breath and your hiccups from sobbing everything else around you just sounds like white noise, what's the point in caring anymore if the ones you have devoted your lonely life too are not here anymore, you can feel the scream bubbling up at that thought trying your best to curl into yourself, you can feel all your muscles clenching at once from the emotional pain your mind is afflicting onto you.

    The Priest and his crew seemed to have everything set up, ready for you.  Still being tried down to this chair The Priest pulls a leveler that he was standing next too on a platform he seems so fond of standing there looking down at everyone, the chair seems to move backwards, spooking you it gets more into a laying down position you finally look up trying to see what was behind you that emulate a glowing cyan color, the room was still pretty damn dark but if it wasn't filled with darkness it was filled with the color.

    It looked like a portal and on the other side of it was a gigantic creature with multiple eyes. It looked like a giant mushroom cloud after you drop an atomic bomb with many appendages of mostly tentacles.  You made eye contact with it making you flinch and closing your eyes tight making more tears roll off of your face, the portal exhaled wind out of him constantly, having your hair and clothes whip around you, you didn't wanna look please don't make you look at it.

    The lying down position was making you nauseous, it felt like eternity before the chair started to transform more and move you towards the portal making the wind come out even harsher against your skin. 

    You could faintly hear The Priest cracking loudly, you refused to open your eyes keeping them so tight you saw sparks in your vision. You were bracing for impact.

    Your eyes snapped open violently to the sound of a door breaking off its hinges flying through the air in one swoop. It slammed right into The Priest who gave out a high pitch earth shattering scream and cowering into himself, flinghing hard.  The flying door makes a hard impact with his body making him slam into the wall making it ricochet, spin a few times and finally falling onto the floor with the crippled body of The Priest under it. 

    Your watery eyes shoot over to the now doorless doorway. Standing there is a figure cloaked in darkness standing perfectly still with an imposing stance, they stood there for a few seconds in tense silence that has fallen around the room they moved by only cracking their neck really loud and looking up with a very pissed off face, for you to find it actually to be.

Sal: “Guess who?~”

    What??  Your jaw felt like it hit the floor.

Sal: “ If any of you don't want that happening to you next i suggest you scram. NOW! “

    As though a pin had been dropped, the very sweat soaked looking cult members almost tramped each other to head out the emergency door that you didn't notice till now that was in the room tucked in the corner.

    You dont think your face has ever been hotter in your life than at this moment, your eyes were sparkling with tears as your pupils dilated to their full size.

    Sal advanced into the room as the last of the members shut the emergency door behind them and right behind them was a flustered looking Bob.

    Bob immediately ran over to you trying to find a way to free you of this chair speaking sweet nothings to you as your other beloved walked over to the leveler resetting it to make the chair go back into its original form as they ripped the lever from its holder and started beating the shit out of the multi machines that was in the room making the portal function, the portal dissipated as well as the cyan glow now putting the room in more darkness but you could still see as well as feel Bob petting your hair trying to sooth you as you nuzzle against his hand in tears again from all the emotions that are wreaking havoc inside you making you speechless. 

    Finally Sal seemed to join the rest of you, your metal bindings were still in place it seems Bob was in no success in getting them off.

Bob: “ These really are a Bitch to get off, “

    His gaze landed on Sal who was right next to him.

Bob: “ Im for once lost on how these things work hehe.”

    He chuckled nervously, sweat dripping from his forehead, Sal slowly guided his hands out of the way so they could get to the metal cuffs.

  They laced their fingers slowly under the cuffs that were touching your wrist and in one harsh pull they broken the metal completely off, that shocked you so much you didn't even try to move your limbs as they continued to lace and rip your cuff off your other limbs, finally getting to the one holding your neck in place, they paused for a moment rocking a stoic face and corressed you check softly wiping away the tears that just kept falling, they were being so soft with you making you heat up, your whole body feeling like it was on fire and cooled off with their cold touch.

You brought one of your freed hands up to grip the hand that was on your check closing your eyes as you hiccup a bit. You felt them pull off the neck cuff with all their might, like the cuff offended them in some way by holding you hostage. 

Third Person pov

After Sal just freed Lavina Bob scoped the two up into a big bear hug attacking both with face, forehead and hair kisses. 

Bob: “ AHA OH MY TWO GOOBERS NOW that was a moment!”

    He both set the two down after attacking them with affection, making the pair look more disheveled and flustered, and it seemed to make Sals face unfurl a little less from it. 

    Sal quickly shook their head making their head feel more like shit but they really needed to sober up more. They grabbed Lavinas hand as Lavina grabbed Bob's hand, making a chain of holding hands.

Sal: “Right! Let's bounce from the very uncool joint.”

    Hand in hand they all went towards the exit all the other cult members fled from, it seemed this emergency door helped lead them straight to outside.

They stopped once the exit door shut behind them unlinking hands.  Honestly this whole situation and the rescue has finally caught up to Lavina making her wanna do fire crimes against these motherfuckers that gave her emotions trauma for no reason other than they stupid ass cultist plans that make no sense.

Lavina: “ *Huffs* That's it guys, I need to be a bad person just for a bit right now!”

    With that being said she sparked a giant magical flame into her hands running straight up to touch the mansion, once she touched the walls of the place the flames started spreading quickly. 

    Bob didn't even try to stop her as he watched her attack the building with all her might and her magic, he looked on at her with a pleased and smug face turning away as she started summoning raccoons to go chase anyone they saw with a cult hood.

Lavina: “RISE RISE MY RACCOON ARMY AND EAT THOSE WHO HAVE BETRAYED US ALL AAAAHHHH!!!! “

Bob:” Our girl sure is feisty-”

    He cut himself off as he looked at Sal, who seemed to be completely face planted onto the grass and passed out on the ground. It seems that the headache and their affiliations have caught up with them for the night.  Bob let out a dreamy and breathless sigh as he picked them up, tossing them over his shoulder holding them in place with his big arm.  Bob supposed it was time to get the hell out of dodge now. 

    He raced up to Lavina who was knees and hands on the ground screaming obscenities at the rapidly burning up mansion, sirens could be heard in the distance.  Bob reached Lavina and quickly grabbed her by her ankle and started dragging her away.

Lavina: “NO NO I'M NOT DONE YET, LET ME AT THEM, LET ME AT THEM I NEED TO MAKE THEM PAY MORE!!! “

    Lavina crawled at the ground and scurried around as Bob dragged her by the ankle. Starting his track away from the half charred half ablaze mansion he let off another warm checked smile, with affection in his voice leaning his head on Sals limp body.

Bob: “Ah my little heroes, all for me? You two were so brave what would I do without you, my precious darlin’s.<3”

-Fin-

Aftermath bonus:

    It only took a couple weeks for anything to go completely back to normal or well if you mean your normal is having a polycule consisting of some form of criminal in their own way than ya things have gone back to normal so far, the group is mostly recovering for emotional damage the cult has inflicted onto the trio but in each others presence it is melting away faster but two of the others still have a pretty little question that been on their minds for some time now ever since they left that mansion burning far behind.

    It all started where most of their serious conversation happened, on the coach in the middle of a movie night it just popped up out of nowhere Lavina couldn't hold it in anymore she had to know.

    Holding a pillow to her chest she looks Sal directly in the face. Bob sees the face Lavina is making and perks up, seeing as they both have talked about it when their middle man was not around.

Lavina: “ Soooo,,  I knew you could get serious but didn't know you could get that bad.”

Bob; “ Ya, you were like a beast with the cult,, not that i'm complainin’ "

    Sal looks up with a dazed look staring into the ceiling, pondering both of their words thinking back on the time they were in their manic rage fit they had to save both of them. It took them a moment and a few frog blinks before they finally decided to say something that shocks both of the beloved.

Sal: “Oh that ya, mmhhh I wasn't even really that angry to be honest, not that big of a deal.”

    Huh?!? What did they mean they weren't that angry?! Both of them literally saw them lose their goddamn mind, did they just imply they can get even madder.

Bob/Lavina: "YOU WEREN'T THAT ANGRY WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??"

    Bob and Lavina couldn't help themselves, they both sprung up out of their relaxed positions to basically get in Sals face, Both of the stalkers also couldn't help the hardcore blush that covered their faces, they kept imagining an even worse off Sal.

    But instead of answering that question Sal just chuckled and pushed both of their faces away 

Sal: “ heh come on guys no more questions we are watching a movie right now.”

Bob: “ How are we supposed ta’ be normal after that comment?”

Lavina drapes herself over Sals lap, giving them her best puppy dog eyes as her ears go down to give her more of a puppy look.

Lavina: “ Come oooonnn you can't just leave us hanging like this, please??”

    Sal just hits them both with a smirk then goes back to watch the tv with their normal expressions again instantly killing them both, Bob and Lavina can't help the hearts in their eyes and the warmness in their faces. 

-

[I just want everyone to know this is 6,000+ word count on Google docs WTF-💥]

#bob velseb x self insert #sona x sona #oc x oc x canon #spooky month fanfic #not art #writing this time #for creative liberty #bob velseb #bob velseb x reader #polycule #long fic #my writing

[rusquared]

a conversation with my body [TW: self harm]

could you cut that out? hm? could you cut that out, please,

i can't have you healing that fast. ah, right, this? i mean,

the pain signals were pretty fast and you did a fair job of

bandaging it up- that wasn't for you to close it this quickly, though.

i suppose it wasn't. and you, hands, could you stop shaking? i've barely

had a coffee and i can't even use a pipette. right, right, but you managed.

i would've managed faster! possibly. you don't seem to mind

the legs though. the legs can shake all they want, it doesn't affect

my drawing skills. favoritism. how can i have favoritism between my own limbs?

you certainly seem to favor one arm over the other.

… i AM right-handed, after all. simply comes down to ease of access. you could

give the left hand a break, though. i try to. you don't. i manage, sometimes. it's

been a while since you last managed. i find it hard to care lately. and besides,

you keep closing it up so fast i can't help the next one.

ow, shifting the blame?

it's still blaming me, though. aren't you me? aren't we?

or, well, something forced to bear me. quite the motherly choice of phrase

you got there. shut up. why are you so efficient at this one thing? it's not

like i take my vitamins. get on that, maybe. answer the question.

there's no answer to give.

what, that it's just how it is? no,

that this is all we know.

you were brought here to exist, and we were brought here to help you do so.

nice mind-body separation there- be quiet for a minute.

all we know is how to keep you alive, and we've got a, what, 80-year contract

on that? give or take.

wish you had a better assignment, huh? not particularly.

the origami is fun. if you'd let me make the sunflower it would be better. give

it a shot this week, maybe it'll be your lucky turn. is the brain in a separate

room? i need a word with it.

of course you do. hey, could you also stop staying up that late? could you

stop making me sleep in? could you stop making us make you sleep in?

could you take the coffee in peace? just barely meeting the FDA

maximum, huh? better than the caffeine pills, i suppose. i concede.

you should stop that scrolling, though. or put on those stupid glasses of yours-

no, wait, you need a new prescription by now. yeah, yeah.

…it's not half bad, i suppose. we liked the poetry from last week. you can

perceive literature? enough with the snark.

we liked the view from the tower, too. and the canals.

the hand-holding wasn't bad, either, say the hands. the butterflies were though.

hah, maybe.

it's nice to make the roses, over and over. the fingers have gotten awfully used to it.

you forgot the other instructions though. they're so similar! of course we'd mix it up.

do you like the digital art now? it's new, but you like being able to erase it, don't you?

yeah. it's nice to fix the mistakes. over, and over.

say,

can we really not go back? nope. did you check? yep, just asked the Boss.

are you sure? pretty certain, like, i think even the telomeres would agree-

no more biology, please. you're literally talking to it.

and what makes you think we'll be the same? what? say we did go back,

you and Brain all knowledgeable and shit. what then?

i'd fix it all. and if we didn't? what do you mean? who's to say

we won't heal the next one - and there will be a next one, as long as you

have learned its possibility. who's to say we won't kill that one

cell, won't save that one ear- that could happen right now, too!

of course it could.

so now what? do i just sit here? do i just accept you? not much of a choice

there, bud. you don't really have to accept us, though. you've already done

that. i haven't. you apologize to us, occasionally. rarely, if ever.

i hate you. you don't. i hate me. bingo. you're not me? we are your

vessel, just getting you to the next minute. there's not much to find there.

ha! that's what you said last month, and then the

snow arrived, and then the sun rose,

and then your friend smiled at you again.

#tw self harm #like BIG tw #ok to rb btw if u want to just add tws #but yeah welcome to one of my most vulnerable poems :^) #its been a night ! (its like 9pm) #my poetry #tw sh

[poorlittleyaoyao]

For the ask game, 8, 19, 20, 37 and 42 w/ JGY?

8. Unpopular opinion about them

Compared to other people who like JGY, I think my most unpopular opinion is that I like him much more in the drama than in the novel--though that's not about JGY as much as how I simply do not vibe with the novel generally.

To get even more niche, my unpopular opinion is that I hate the getalong coffin so so so much in the novel... but would LOVE the getalong coffin in the drama. The novel Nieyao dynamic does not appeal to me at allllll because it's so uneven; given how MY only worked for NMJ for like 3 or whatnot months before NMJ sees him kill the captain, NMJ's choice to go I AM GOING TO FIX YOUR BAD MORALS BY YELLING AT YOU (rather than "damn, this guy sucks" and calling it a day) is fucking weird to me. The obsession comes off as one-sided and NMJ holds more power until he is literally dead, so JGY being dragged into a coffin with him feels less Juicy Gothic Horror and more just... icky. In the drama, though? Where they seem to know each other for years before their initial rift, they have that whole angry divorce vibe going, and JGY definitely takes some personal satisfaction in the murder? Now THAT is the Juicy Gothic Horror shit.

19. Vices/bad habits

I assume this is besides the murders and the maladaptive coping mechanisms, so... He drinks WAY too much caffeine. It's good that coffee isn't among the Crops They Shouldn't Have But Somehow Do, because that would be the end of him. He doesn't have a mountain of cups in his room, but that is because he reuses the same teapot and cups over and over without washing it until someone else (QS?) replaces them when he's out.

20. Scars - answered this one just a bit ago!

37. What they really think about themselves

Hhhh. He is not the person he wanted to--wants to--be, to put it mildly. But his elaborate system of compartmentalization prevents him from looking at that too closely and thinking about how things could have gone differently, because the main goal is survival and that won't help.

42. 3 comfort items

-A very worn book of poetry that his mother used to help teach him

-A small cloth pouch, made from the repurposed sleeve of LXC's old outer robe while they were in hiding during Sunshot, kept filled with dried gentian petals

-That silver hair ornament from Qinghe, his first nice-nice accessory (until he shuts it away in a box)