#that pale always looking constipated brooding

[favoniuscodex]

abrupt confessions (xiao & diluc)

prompt: “you’re oblivious to their advances and they’re getting frustrated” pairings: diluc/gn!reader, xiao/gn!reader word count: 1.4k warnings: fluff, emotional constipation (it’s xiao and diluc)

a/n: sorry that xiao’s hcs are a bit shorter than diluc’s, i’m still getting comfy writing him. this is a part of my 50 follower celebration! please let this one show up in tags this time tumblr

DILUC

diluc never really considered himself an expert in romance. in fact, if you ask him upfront, he’d tell you that he barely knows anything about courting and how to charm someone.

but jeez, he didn’t think it’d be this hard.

as you sit at the counter of diluc’s bar after hours, excitedly trying new types of drinks that he’s concocted, diluc wonders how he’d entered the friendzone this badly.

he literally just handed you a non-alcoholic, bright pink, raspberry flavored drink he called love potion and you had taken it with a smile and complemented diluc on what a great friend he was.

diluc doesn’t feel entitled to your affections. he understands if you didn’t like him back and would respect whatever decision you made! but he at least hopes you’ll acknowledge the fact that he likes you so you can talk about it and get the conversation over with.

despite his bravery on the battlefield, he’s a bit nervous about telling you that he likes you straight to your face. however, this feels like the hundredth thing diluc has tried to subtly flirt with you.

he’s just glad kaeya isn’t here to laugh at his failed attempts. even kaeya picked up on diluc’s crush on you before you did.

all of the subtle tricks that diluc had read about in gossip magazines (yes, he had resorted to those) in order to get you to notice him were just coming across as friendly actions.

as the two of you struck up a small conversation about your last commission, diluc wanted nothing more than to ram his head through the counter of the bar.

“just ask them out,” kaeya had told him. “they’re not going to pick up on subtle hints.”

as much as diluc didn’t want to admit it, maybe, just maybe, his brother was right about something.

the days passed by and no matter what diluc did, you interpreted all of his advances as friendly. a bouquet of cecelias? what a nice housewarming gift! a nice bottle of dandelion wine? what a generous gift!

“(y/n), we need to talk,” diluc finally states, after his umpteenth gift in his attempt at courting you went without proper acknowledgement.

you look at him in concern, worried about his tense tone of voice. “did i do something wrong?” you ask, nervousness seeping into your words.

diluc’s eyes widened slightly. “no, no, it’s not that,” he assures you, quietly noting your sigh of relief. “actually, i think i might have done something wrong instead.”

“huh?” you respond. “i apologize if i gave off the impression that i am mad at you, i can assure you that i’m not.”

“no, no, it’s…” diluc sighs, trailing off. how should i put this? he asks himself. you’re clearly not lured by lavish gifts or swayed by acts of service, so he really has only one option left: telling you in a straightforward manner. it’s best to be forthright, he reassures himself.

“i like you.” diluc confesses, causing a radiant smile to spread across your face. this is it! diluc thinks to himself. they’re happy with my confession and they like me ba-

his thoughts are interrupted by your response. “aw, i like you too! you’re one of my best friends!” you chirp, your smile still persisting. you were happy with diluc finally being able to adequately express his emotions! you knew he struggled with that sort of thing and platonic affection was always difficult for him to express.

“no, (y/n), i like you in a romantic manner,” he states, his voice slightly dull. it wasn’t the most romantic of confessions, but diluc was exasperated. there was only so much he could do.

“oh, uh, yeah,” you scratch the back of your head as you feel your face heat up. this was awkward. what he just said certainly sounded like a confession but... “i... knew that? haven’t we been dating for the last few months?”

any emotion diluc had on his face is quickly replaced with an expressionless mask and dull eyes, but you knew diluc well enough to know that this expression meant that he was experiencing several forms of sheer panic.

you laugh nervously and lean in, placing a small kiss on his cheek. “i just thought you were being super chaste in courting me,” you confess, but diluc still looks dazed.

“if…” he begins, causing you to pull back ever-so-slightly. “if we’ve been dating for a few months, then can i..?”

diluc’s words trail off, but his subtle glance down to your lips lets you know exactly what he means. you smile softly and give a nod of permission as a scarlet blush spreads across his pale skin.

he leans in, his hands cupping your face gently, as if you were made of the finest porcelain, and kisses you, clarifying the confusion the two of you had accidentally held with each other for months.

XIAO

xiao, over his long lifetime, has learned many things. he’s quite certain that almond tofu is the tastiest food in all of liyue, wangshu inn is the place that irritates him the least, and the polearm is the best weapon for fighting.

however, one thing he has not learned is how to court someone -- especially when that certain someone is a fragile mortal.

he’s not quite sure how to court you, so he starts doing things for you that he would like others to do for him.

when you visit him, he offers you a piece of almond tofu. he offers to kill any foes that stand in your path. he offers to sit with you at night and watch the scenery together.

this type of courting lasts for approximately 48 hours. xiao is a forthright man, never having desired to beat around the bush. he’s not impatient, but he knows he only has a limited portion of his life to spend with you.

so, as you plan to exit his room in wangshu inn after spending time reading on his balcony while he brooded silently in the chair next to you, xiao realizes it’s now or never.

as you stop to open the door, xiao calls your name, causing you to turn around and look at him inquisitively.

before you can ask him what’s wrong, the adeptus puts his hand by your head, effectively pinning you between him and the door with one arm, leaving room for you to wriggle away if you felt uncomfortable.

“i wish to court you,” he states in a low tone. his amber eyes pierce into yours with an intensity you’ve never seen in his gaze before, but a soft vulnerability swims within their depths, disappearing as quickly as you notice it, like a skittish fish seeing a shadow.

“oh,” you breathe, overwhelmed by the intensity of the situation. the air between you and xiao is now thick enough to cut a knife through.

seemingly coming back to his senses, xiao drops his hand abruptly and takes a step back. if he wishes to apologize, he shows no indication of doing so. instead, his unfaltering, analytical gaze tries to interpret the emotion within yours.

“alright,” you respond, after a few more seconds of silence. “i’ll gladly let you court me.”

a soft exhale escapes xiao’s lips upon your confirmation and a soft, bashful smirk crosses his face, before he surges forward and pulls you close in a hug, hands splaying across your back.

you let out a small noise of surprise, but smile as xiao buries his face into the crook of your neck, conveying the emotions he had trouble expressing. you wrap one arm around xiao’s torso, returning his hug, and the other hand sneaks into his hair, playing with the fluffy green locks.

“thank you,” he murmurs, his breath hot against your skin.

“hm?” you respond, not having heard him properly, but rather than repeating himself, he only tightens his grip, as if he was afraid you would fall through his fingers. you begin to worry until you feel him smile, causing a soft smile to spread across your face as well.

#genshin impact x reader #genshin impact headcanons #xiao x reader #diluc x reader #genshin impact scenarios #diluc headcanons #diluc scenarios #xiao headcanons #xiao scenarios #*xiao #*diluc #*writing #*headcanons

[fe3hlibrary]

i just wanted to thank you for your hubertferdinand fics, i love how soft these boys are for each other and how emotionally constipated they can be!! every drop of hubertnand is a drop of life in the wide desert that is fe3h fandom. thank you again for your fics (it dragged a friend and i into this ship and piqued her muse)! id love to see more of them (and... jealous hubert... these boys are so soft for each other) if the opportunity ever arises!

(your idea of a jealous hubert inspired me so much I had to write a quick little thing!! This would take place between “during” and the fic that will follow it eventually, which will be called “after.” thank you for the ask!)_____

Ferdinand was always talking to everyone. He was always helping them, assisting them in any possible. He always had that wide smile on his face, and sun that shone through the grey clouds and reflected over the white snow made Ferdinand’s hair glow a pale orange. It was beginning to snow again, in fact, not on Hubert who was standing under a shelter but he watched the flakes as they landed in Ferdinand’s long hair and over his cheeks that were tinged pink.

He was beautiful.

There was a woman he was talking to now, which is partly the reason Hubert stayed to watch. She was being outwardly flirtatious to him, bringing the blush to Ferdinand’s cheeks even more so and making him smile in embarrassment. A smile that Hubert thought he was the only one to bring out.

Hubert’s stomach twisted in a feeling he was not used to as the woman Ferdinand was talking to reached out touch the side of his arm. Her long fingers lingering too long on his sleeve and her head cocking to the side slightly as if performing some type of mating dance. Had she not seen the bruises of left over kisses on Ferdinand’s neck? Pathetic.

“You are looking at him, yes?”

Hubert turned his head to the voice that spoke, eyes widening in surprise for a split second before he returned to his usual facial expression, turning his face back to where he had been looking.

“No.” He said, which was a very plain lie.

One that Petra, who had been the one to spot Hubert staring, could see through easily.

Hubert shifted slightly in his position, jaw clenching just slightly – the muscles in his face tightening as a sneer pulled across his lips.

“Does he know you have these feelings?”

She was more perceptive than she looked and Hubert should have known to watch out for it. Where Edelgard would have left him to his own brooding, Petra’s curious nature made him admit his feelings. Or not admit them.

“Of course not. Because I don’t feel anything for him.”

“So you admit you were looking?” She replied quickly, lips pulling into a wide grin. “This is sweet,” she seemed to decide.

Hubert tried his best to ignore her words, there was nothing sweet about it. His expression tightened again as the girl stepped closer to Ferdinand, his heart tightening in his chest and his fingers clenching – from jealousy or from his own emotions he wasn’t sure.

He had no right to be acting this way either, Ferdinand was his own person and could talk to anyone he rightfully pleased. Even if they did occasionally steal each others kisses in dark hallways and abandoned libraries.

No, Ferdinand deserved someone he could be with openly. Hubert would have to respect that. He had his own life set out for him anyway, one that consisted of assisting Lady Edelgard until the day he died – there was no need for romance.

“Hubert..” Petra’s voice was softer, and he glanced to her again, hating how her eyes filled with pity for him.

Hubert hated pity.

“Tell him.” She said softly, voice just above a whisper. Ferdinand was saying something back to the girl now, running his hand through the back of his hair – he looked sheepish and it made Hubert’s heart stutter in his chest with want. But no..

“I don’t want to drag him into the mess that is my life. He deserves happiness.”

Petra crossed her arms defensively, “You deserve happiness.”

“I have a role to fulfil. There is no room for feelings such as these. I won’t be able to give him the life he deserves.”

“He is not a cat, Hubert! And the same could be said for all! He has grown up a life as hard as you -  or me, or all of us.” She dropped her hands to the sides, meeting Hubert’s gaze sternly, fiercely. Hubert had to give her kudos on that. “When we fight these emotions alone we are weak – but if you are to share your feeling with him then you can become stronger together.”

Hubert looked to Petra, meeting her fiery gaze, before his gaze shifted slowly back Ferdinand. He was watching the girl who had been flirting to him walk away, her expression looked somewhat crumpled.

And maybe because of this, for a split second, Hubert believed Petra’s words. Because when Ferdinand turned around to walk away their eyes met for the briefest of seconds and Ferdinand smiled.

#hubert x ferdinand #fe3h #fire emblem three houses #vestraegir #hubertand #aegestra #god do they have a ship name yet #get them a ship name #two jewels

[onomatophia]

title: to all the ninjas i've loved before (to all the boys i’ve loved before au) summary: sakura's five love letters that she's written long ago somehow got sent to her intended recipients one day and there is only so much she can do to save herself from embarrassing and awkward situations. notes: my girl sakura is bisexual in this au. this is pretty much OOC, i guess. :D

—   

"sakura, i didn't live in a cave when we were fifteen. and i don't even know who edward cullen is," sasuke proclaimed as he approached her.

they had just finished their training for the day and she was busily arranging her things in her small pack so she could finally go home, take a bath, and continue binge-watching that medical drama she's been addicted to these past few days, when her teammate suddenly approached her and started saying weird things to her. now that she thinks about it, he's been acting weird around them since morning.

she wrinkled her forehead in confusion and looked up at him, "okay? and?"

"i also don't eat virgin girls for breakfast. seriously, what exactly do you think of me?" he looks so insulted as he said that.

"what," sakura started, "what are you talking about."

"well you sent me a letter saying mean and nice things about me this morning and-”

"what letter?!" she cut him off and her heart started hammering in her ribcage. she didn't write him any letter at all. 

okay well, she did. but that was like, ages ago and it's impossible for it to reach him.

but then he pulled out a blue envelope from his own small pack and waved it in front of her.

oh. my. god. this is so not happening!

blood drained from her face and her eyes went wide as saucers, "oh my god. oh my god. please tell me this isn't real. this is a nightmare, right? oh my god." sasuke pinched her in the cheek. "ow! what'd you do that for?" she scowled at him and swatted his hand away.

he just rolled his eyes at her, "look, sakura. i'm flattered and i know you always have a thing for me but i don't think i'm in the right place to be dating anybody just yet."

having your family massacred and your brother to be the culprit, having to sever all ties with your friends and leave the village that was once your home to pursue your brother and avenge your dead family only to find out that everything you fought for and believed in is a lie, having to almost kill his said friends, and just having to experience all the horrible things in your life before you even reach 20 kind of messes up your head.

sakura just smacked him in the chest in a joking way, which sent sasuke backwards a few paces away from her because sakura doesn't really realize how strong she can be sometimes that even in a jest, she can really break some bones. she laughed awkwardly, "ha ha ha. you know that i wrote that when i was like, fifteen and stupid, right? i even forgot i wrote it in the first place. so can we just be, like, cool about it and forget this ever happened?" she asked desperately.

sasuke looked at for a moment, "okay," and because he's a bit of a jerk, he smirks, "i'm still going to keep this letter though, so i can have some sort of a leverage against you."

if uchiha sasuke were a smart person, he knew that he shouldn't mess with sakura's temper especially when she's upset because he'd only end up having his ribs broken. but uchiha sasuke is sometimes dumb so he chooses to mess with haruno sakura and end up having his ribs broken as she wrestled away the letter from his hand.

—   

dear (sasuke-kun) uchiha sasuke,

you think you're so cool and perfect going around villages with that duck butt shaped hair of yours and that smoldering obsidian eyes and that super sexy low voice??? well guess what??? you're right. 

i don't even know why i loved liked you, you jerk. i mean you're always mean, not just to me but to everyone. you're super rude and have no manners, even to our sensei. your words really hurt, you know. like sword-stabbing-right-through-the-chest-and-having-it-twisted-repeatedly hurt. but of course you don't realize that because you don't give a single flying fuck about everyone around you.

also?? you left me knocked out on a cold hard bench in the middle of the night. i still have to kick your ass for doing that to me, you edward cullen wannabe. god you suck so much, i hate you.

but then i remember a boy opening his heart to a very annoying pink haired girl who keeps asking him for dates, a loud mouthed blond idiot who stuffs his face with ramen, and a very lame perverted masked sensei who's always late at everything. i remember a boy accepting naruto as he is and not viewing him as a curse as the whole village did. i remember a boy who shared lunches with that knucleheaded ninja at the end of the bell test. i remember a boy who went along with naruto's silly antics of trying to find out what's behind the mask of kaka-sensei. i remember a boy who loves tomatoes more than he'd like to admit and who pets stray cats when he thinks no one's looking. i remember a boy who complimented me on my strength and intelligence as a ninja. i remember a boy who almost went on rampage against the people who hurt me, who listened to me when i stopped him. i remember a boy who stood in front of me countless of times to protect me. 

i remember that once upon a time, maybe, that boy smiled and laughed before everything. so i guess it kind of makes sense why i loved liked you, after all. you're alright, sasuke. and i hope you remember that boy too. i hope you remember that for sometime, you were just a boy. a boy who had friends who will go to the ends of the world to save you from the darkness and from yourself. you still do.

i don't know the feeling of having lost people who are dear to me, how much pain you must be going through, and i can't even imagine it, but i at least know what it is to love because i have you, naruto, kaka-sensei, ino, lady tsunade and my family. so i can understand your want, your need to avenge your family. because that desire for revenge, for justice, can only come from love. i only hope that it doesn't consume you, sasuke.

i'm 15 now and you left and you hurt me and naruto and kaka-sensei and it doesn't make sense why i'm still hoping for you to come back, look at me at least once and acknowledge my presence. it's stupid. i guess i'm writing this letter to come to terms with the fact that you may never return my feelings and i will have to try to get over you now. but this doesn't mean that i'll give up on you. no matter what, sasuke, i will always love and fight for you. to me, you will always be that handsome, chicken-haired boy with a fragile heart.

and honestly what are you even doing around nowadays? i bet you live in a super damp cave and brood there all day long with bodies of virgin ladies piled up at the back because you eat their hearts for breakfast and bathe on their blood. i mean is that how your skin looks so soft?? also, what is that creepy snake man even teaching you?? a ridiculous fashion sense?? like seriously, your outfit is just downright ridiculous it put naruto's eyesore of an orange jumpsuit to shame.

i swear to god, once we manage to drag your stupid ass back to konoha, naruto and kaka-sensei and i will pester you so much you will regret having this angsty emo phase of your life.

yours sincerely, haruno sakura —   

sakura all but ran back to her apartment as fast as she could after that embarrassing conversation with sasuke and almost turned her whole apartment upside down when she couldn't find the other four letters she kept in a shoebox hidden underneath her bed.

this is it, thought sakura. this is how she dies, not even in the middle of battle, but of shame and stripped of all her remaining dignity. 

or maybe it’s not too late. she can leave the village, start a new life somewhere, change her name and sell apples for a living. 

she couldn't even fathom how the letters got out when suddenly a blonde loud mouthed best friend came to mind. ino. of course. she gritted her teeth as she promised herself to extract revenge on her best friend the moment she finds her.

the next day, sakura searched every rooms in the hospital for a certain yamanaka ino only to find out that she just left today for a mission and will be gone for three days. she so totally planned this!

she just left a patient's room when a familiar voice suddenly called her name and made her groan inwardly in shame because she knows what's about to happen.

"sakura-san," neji greeted as he approached her. 

sakura turned to him and noticed that he was holding a peach colored envelope in his right hand and suddenly regretted even coming out of her apartment. she should have just stayed in until she became a rotting corpse instead of subjecting herself into yet another embarrassing situation.

they're standing in the hallway, a few feet apart, and surrounded by a thick cloud of awkwardness.

"neji-kun!" she greeted, looking constipated. 

neji looks confused, "sakura-san, i've been searching for you everywhere yesterday but you seem nowhere to be found. i just want to ask, what exactly is this?" he asked as he held up the love letter she wrote for him.

dear neji-kun, i think you're one of the finest men that ever lived. you're so sophisticated, your eyes are so captivating, your voice so commanding, your body toned, you always move with grace and elegance that i can only aspire to achieve, and your hair is silkier than my satin sheets. how are you real?

sakura closed her eyes and tries to block out the words she remembers herself use in writing that godforsaken letter.

"sakura-san?"

sakura opened her eyes again and found herself staring into his pale grey ones. she broke out an awkward laugh as she turned her stare at the letter in his hand anxiously, "oh. that. ha ha, that's um. well. i wrote that like, a million years ago, you know. uhm, i didn't even know how you got that but i swear i never intended on sending you that."

"but you mentioned some of the missions we went to just last year," neji frowned at her.

"oh wow. did i, now? well, don't worry about it, neji-kun. whatever was written in there is already ancient history. don't mind it," sakura insisted but neji only looked at her intently, disbelieving.

two years after the war ended, neji and sakura were immediately promoted to ANBU along with shikamaru and they were then frequently sent to several missions together. since the others were working their way up to ANBU as well and sasuke was on a self imposed exile, sakura spent most of her time with him. they work really well together and inevitably developed a friendship. who knew neji was a fan of harry potter, lord of the rings, the hunger games, and other dystopian/fantasy novels as she was? they ended up hanging out frequently, discussing and debating over said novels. 

she then began liking neji which did not end well because she found out a little while later that he and tenten started dating. thus, she once again began writing a love letter.

"tenten and i broke up a week ago," he suddenly blurted out.

sakura was shocked at the sudden announcement and does not know how to react, "oh," was the only thing she managed to say.

she blinked a few more times and sighed, "i'm sorry to hear that, neji-kun. but you don't have to worry about that letter. i'm certainly not looking for a relationship with you. at all. it's all in the past now! i'm actually dating someone now," she babbles nonstop when she's super nervous without even registering the words that comes out of her mouth.

neji continued to look at her intently, "who?"

now, sakura is panicking and chastising herself for being so thoughtless, and neji's stares are really distracting her and she's really scared that he might end up kissing her right there in the middle of the hallway and he's not allowed to because he's her good friend and tenten is one of her girlfriends.

as she was on the brink of deciding to knock him out, she suddenly heard yet another voice calling out to her.

"sakura-chan!"

sakura and neji both turned their heads towards naruto and sasuke who are approaching them. they must be fetching her now to eat lunch at ichiraku's.

and because she is panicking and she's thoughtless and her body seems to have a mind on its own, she all but pounced at sasuke the moment he and naruto are only one foot away from them. she wrapped her arms around his neck, draped her legs around his waist and kissed him with all her might which left everyone witnessing the moment unfold, in utter shock.

—   

sakura is at a bathroom stall in the women's restroom of their hospital and rethinking all of her life choices.

she must have lost her mind, kissing her (just-friend) sasuke-kun suddenly. after literally jumping the poor guy, and corrupting the minds of everyone with such a scene, she got off him, dragged him and naruto away from the hospital with not so much as a goodbye to neji and ate lunch with them. both boys seemed in deep shock as they hadn't utter a word the whole time.

"uhm, sakura-san, ano," a shy female voice suddenly breaks her silence contemplation and she freezes once more when she recognized the sweet melodic voice.

she looks down when she hears a scraping against the floor and saw a pink envelope being slid in her stall. 

"i apologize, sakura-san. but i'm actually in love with someone else," hinata squeaks and stutters as she speaks.

sakura picked up the letter and her remaining dignity on the floor and decided to go out of her stall to face hinata, a very red, tomato red hinata.

sakura places a hand on her shoulder and gently smiles at her, "it's okay, hinata. i wrote this so long ago. besides i know who that someone else is."

"r-really? you're not mad? we can still be friends?"

girls are really softer and nicer, sakura muses.

"silly! i should be the one saying that! of course we're still friends, nothing can change that! now let's stop all this drama and go back to work. naruto invited us all out for a drink later."

—

"hey," she sits down on the chair next to sasuke. sakura couldn't quite find it in herself to look at him.

"hey," he greets back and takes a sip from his beer.

they're in a pub right now, with the rest of their friends and all their sensei, courtesy of naruto's persistent pleas to all of them to gather together and drink their hearts out after a stressful week even though it's only tuesday. sasuke and sakura are drinking at the end of the table quietly as the rest of their friends are creating ruckus around the place. 

"about what happened a while back at the hospital," sakura started.

"it's okay, i get it," sasuke cut her off.

sakura blinked, "you do?"

sasuke looks at her, with that super serious look of his, as he said, "look sakura-chan-"

"sakura-chan! WHAT." 

sakura looks shocked and scandalized at the added suffix to her name. this time sasuke chuckles which in sasuke language is actually Laughing Out Loud.

"sakura," he corrected, "i know you've been lusting after this," he says as he gestures to his body and sakura just gapes at him, "for years now. and i understand the tendency of your repressed sexual urges to manifest from time to time and-"

sakura smacked him, "what- what are you even. how- what. WHAT."

he finally turned his head to her and sakura is stunned to see him smirking cockily at her much more so when she realized he's actually just messing with her.

after the war four years ago, sasuke was imprisoned for a couple of months and after he was pardoned, he went off on a self-imposed exile. two years of travelling around and atoning for his sins and protecting konoha from the outside, sasuke came back to the village. and after all the emotional rollercoaster they've been through, they decided they should just be friends. and even though sakura resolved on forgetting about him when she was fifteen, it would be a lie if she were to deny that she was hoping a little for him to maybe, just maybe, be with her and allow her to make him happy. it just took her sometime to finally, finally get it and lock away her feelings for him forever.

he's been back in the village for two years now, rebuilding all the bridges he's burnt after leaving and after hurting everybody, and just getting on everyone's good graces. sasuke is still the same and different at the same time. he's actually like a 21 year old grandpa, sakura thinks. the kind of grandpa that runs after kids when they accidentally steps a foot on his lawn. he still broods and shuts them off sometimes but it's nothing an alcohol, a sparring match, a scolding, or a persistent pestering from naruto or sakura or kakashi or even sai can't fix. but he smiles now, chuckles sometimes, acts like a jerk, and pisses her off in his own sasuke way. 

he's been doing this a lot since he came back, sakura realizes. she always marvels at him whenever he does this and tucks his teasing smiles and awkward jokes in the locked up part of her heart for safekeeping. she often wonders if underneath all the angst and stoicism, sasuke has always been this boy.

sasuke just shakes his head at her and continues to look amused, "you know i'm flattered that you still have the hots for me. now don't get offended, i think you're fine and not that bad either. but i just don't think it's a good idea for us to date. i mean, things are so good between us right now."

sakura just gave him a disapproving glare and punched him in the arm, "jerk! i'm more than fine and decent looking. i'm a goddess, if you must know," she punches him one more time when she heard him scoff at her and continued, "uchiha sasuke, i don't want to date you either. and i don't like you anymore." sasuke looked taken aback by what she said. 

"after hanging out with you for quite a lot of times, i realized you're just the same as naruto."

being compared to naruto, for uchiha sasuke, is the highest form of insult there is. sakura really knows how to push the right buttons.

"what."

"i mean, have you seen yourself whenever you play video games with naruto at his apartment? you transform into this super gross persona of yours who belches loudly and farts and leaves piles and piles of leftover takeout food around the place and never even leaving your spot on the couch for days. and that's just one, because if i continue to list your flaws, we might never leave this place ever."

"excuse me. WHAT." 

it's now turn for sakura to look smug and get on his nerves and take advantage on his shock to continue her excuse for kissing him earlier, "for reals though, i just did what i did earlier as an act of desperation."

he looks like his soul came back to him and raises his eyebrow at her, prodding her to continue.

"you see, i have written this five love letters and somehow they got sent to their five intended recipients by some witchcraft, i don't know-"

"wait, what are you saying? i'm not the only one who got a letter?" sasuke looks like he doesn't know if he should be offended or amused by this.

sakura only rolled her eyes at him, "don't be such a baby. anyway, so one of the letters got sent to the person i actually liked quite recently and he confronted me earlier and i told him i'm dating somebody and you came into view and i panicked so i pounced on you. sorry."

"damn, sakura. i didn't know you were such a player. wow, i'm learning a lot of things about you this week. huh," says sasuke. 

they drink in silence for a while as naruto and kiba and lee and even shino fills the place with their noises at the middle of their table, and suddenly something dawns on sasuke. hyuuga neji is other person talking with sakura when she suddenly attacked him.

he looked back again at sakura, his eyes wide, "you like neji?!"

it's a good thing their friends are noisy and neji is at the other end of the table, talking to shikamaru, that no one heard sasuke's revelation.

sakura looks around the pub and accidentally catches neji's eyes before looking away and turning red. she smacks sasuke in the arm again, "lower your voice, you dummy! someone might hear you! and correction, liked. as in past tense! shut up." 

"so you kissed me to cover up the fact that you like him? why not just tell him the truth, i heard he's single now and the way he looks at you tells me he's interested as well."

sakura blushes and raises her eyebrow at him, "liked. past tense, okay. and i didn't know you keep up with the latest gossip around town, sasuke-kun," he shrugged at her, "no, dum-dum. i can't actually date him. tenten is one of my best friends and it's against my code of conduct to date my friend's ex. ovaries before penises."

sasuke chuckles once again, "ovaries before penises? i think you're the only one who says that. who else?"

"who else what?"

"who else received letters from you?"

sakura looks embarrassed as she replied, "well, there's you of course. and neji-kun. and hinata-chan-"

"what! you know she's in love with the dobe, right?"

"i know! she told me herself earlier. there's gaara. and one from my childhood and luckily my letter for him is sent back to me. and kazekage-sama can't actually leave suna on a whim just to confront me over a trivial thing so facing neji is my only problem for now."

sasuke is now looking at her like he's seeing her for the first time, "well, you're in luck as i'm about to help you," he said as he leaned in and suddenly kissed her once again.

he broke the kiss immediately and smirked at her before she can even process what's happening.

"what are you doing?" she hissed and then looked around the pub when she realized that all the noises stopped and everyone is looking at them both with all of their faces amused at the sudden display of affection.

"i knew it! you sly dogs!" naruto shouted and the whole place erupted once more with noises from all of their friends' teasing.

"you can continue to pretend date me," sasuke whispered to her ears and he's so close to her and she doesn't know if it's the alcohol or his smell that's invading her system, maybe it's both.

she looks him in the eye for a long time, ignoring their friends, and asks, "why?" he shrugs, "well, we hang out a lot anyways. and me dating you can ward off girls coming at me every damn time, maybe even get karin off her back. and you can continue your lie to neji, i guess."

they stared at each other for quite a while before sakura shrugs, ah fuck it."okay. i have one condition though," she says.

he raises his eyebrow at her.

"you're not allowed to fall in love with me," she continues, trying to keep a straight face.

sasuke just snorts and sips from his bottle, looking effortlessly sexy like he's doing a beer ad. sasuke-kun, this effortlessly beautiful bastard, she thinks. he drapes his arm around her shoulders, and smelling like a mix of alcohol, aftershave, and a promise of something more, he leans in and whispers, "won't be a problem." -- this was!!! super long!!! i started this around 1 pm and finished at around 10 pm. i don't have eyes anymore

#sasusaku #ssfic #ssfanfiction #fic #haruno sakura #uchiha sasuke #this was!!! #super long!! #i started this around 1 pm and finished at 10 pm so sorry for all the grammatical errors!!! #also super thanks to everyone who decides to take the time and read this word vomit of mine #i might or might not write a sequel haha #depends if i have another 10 hours to spare #pia writes

[theabominableblogger]

Rewatching “Batman” (1989)

Decided to rewatch this classic before I watch the new Justice League movie that’s out this week

I, for one, am so glad Danny Elfman brought the Batman theme back into “Justice League”

*jams out to the Batman theme*

JACK NICHOLSON

Billy Dee Williams!  And he’s only in it for like 5 minutes

Jack Palance! 

Oh my gosh, I forgot Prince did music for this movie

Aaaand it’s the Batman symbol!

Matte painting!  Matte paintings everywhere!

Why do they always portray Gotham as freaking packed?  I know it’s supposed to be a bustling metropolis but this is too much.

Why yes, random family, let’s take a shortcut through a shady ass alleyway.

What the...

Batman, brought to you by American Express

*Batman floats down behind the robbers*  Eeeyyyy!!

*Batman gets shot*  Welp, he’s dead.  End of movie.  Cue end credits music.

Gotta take your sweet ass time revealing your cape...

He raises his arms so high in the air in order to do it.

“I want you to tell all your friends about me.”  “What are you?!?!?”  I’M BATMAN! DAAAA NA NA NAAAA NAAAAA

Lando?!?

Mayor Borg?!?!?

“People of Gotham City, I [Harvey Dent] am a man of few words.”  Nah, he’s a double-crossing, no-good swindler.

All righty, unpopular opinion time:  I don’t like Jack Nicholson as the Joker.  I just don’t.  He’s just... Jack Nicholson in clown paint.  Plus they establish him as a character before he becomes the Joker.

Oh, and of course, they name the Jack Nicholson character “Jack”

So who’s the Lieutenant character again?

Heelllooo shady lookin’- oh it’s Jack Nicholson.

Bob the Goon!

Matte painting!

This movie should be subtitled “Matte Paintings:  The Movie”

Oh my God, Lando, what did they do to your hair?

Eeeeyyy!!  Bob Kane!

“Vale, will you marry me [Knox]?”  “Nope?”  “Wanna buy me lunch?”  “Maybe.”  “I eat light!”  Pffftt....

Story time:  the Quidditch coach/captain of the team here at college (who is notorious for being a flirt) asked me to buy him supper one time before practice.  I knew it was a joke but I told him “Nah, you gotta earn it” and I was applauded by the team

Obligatory purple Joker suit!

Obligatory Joker card!

Why is it such a big deal that Jack Nicholson is involved with that one particular moll?

You gotta hammer it in that Jack Nicholson’s gonna become the Joker

Why is there a casino set up in Wayne Manor?

Michael Gough!

Why is Vicki Vale dressed like she’s getting ready to be married?

I like that we don’t actually meet Bruce until like 20 minutes into the movie.  Plus they establish him as a mystery character- technically the main characters at the beginning of the movie is Knox and Vicki and then it shifts to Batman.  And then again, we don’t get a lot of background on either Batman or Bruce.

I never really had time to appreciate how great Michael Keaton is as Bruce Wayne but dang he’s good.  And I love the reasoning behind this casting:  there’s no way he could be seen as Batman and when we do find out, it’s a big shock.

Holy crap, how many cameras are set up around the manor?

Oh my gosh, Bruce has reading glasses!

Sound stage!

FreEEEZZZEE!!!

AN:  I’m only 25 minutes into this movie.  We gots a bit to go because I’m such a motormouth

Boom goes the dynamite!

Yes, let’s have a police shootout in a chemical factory!  Great plan, guys!

Man, Gary Oldman’s Commissioner Gordon would be on the ball when it came to this situation.  Pat Hingle’s Commissioner Gordon just stands around and gives orders

Um, officers, you’re walking into a puddle of toxic chemicals...

In all seriousness though, I want Jack Nicholson’s hat

Never have I seen a smirkier Batman than Michael Keaton’s Batman

Well there’s also Kevin Conroy’s Batman

*Jack Nicholson falls into the chemical vat*  Welp, he’s dead.  End of movie.  Cue end credits music.

AXIS

Why were Jack Nicholson’s fingernails dyed green from the chemicals?  I know it’s comic book logic but still...

This scene in the dining hall is my dad’s favorite scene in the movie.

That is an impossibly long dining table.

Aaww, they’re having dinner with Alfred in the butlers’ quarters!

“Alfred’s great.  I [Bruce] couldn’t find my socks without him.”  Cue in Batman:  The Animated Series, Joker literally cannot find his socks because Harley’s not there.

That is no way to take bandages off properly, Jack...

Mirror... MIRROR!!

“You see what I have to work with here.”  Yeah, those are some shitty surgical tools there, buddy.

Oh, throw that shoe, Bruce

“Who the hell are you?”  “It’s me [the Joker].”  *sings* IT’S MEEEEEE

“Jack?  Jack is dead, my friend.  You can call me.. Joker!  And as you can see, I’m a lot happier!”

This freaking circus music though

*Bruce and Vicki cuddle while sleeping*  Cue Bruce going “Aw man, I can’t enjoy spending time with this awesome lady because I gotta brood, man.”

WHY IS HE UPSIDE DOWN?!?!?

WAIT ‘TIL THEY GET A LOAD OF ME!

Why the hell is Jack Nicholson dressed like that?

What kind of hand buzzer is that?!?

HAVEN’T YOU HEARD THE HEALING POWER OF LAUGHTER?  NOW GET OUTTA HERE!

YOUUU... ARE MY NUMBER ONEEEE... GUUUYYYYYY!!

How does Bruce Wayne AKA Batman not notice Vicki trailing him from his house to Crime Alley?

Random mime... more random mimes...

Why is Bruce just standing there?  Ooohhhh... wait a minute.. there’s this whole schindig about him recognizing Jack later in the movie

There is literally no reason why Jack Nicholson becomes the Joker since he’s already been established as Jack Napier before the whole ACE Chemicals thing. 

THIS TOWN NEEDS AN ENEMA!

Alfred just wants some grandkids, gosh dang it

How the hell did you get those pics, Vicki?

Oh my God, I hate that this Joker has this weird crush on Vicki.  I hate it so much.

“I’m in a mind to make some mooky.” Ugghh...

Oh my gosh, the Smylex commercial

Oh my gosh, the newspeople aren’t wearing any care products... pfftt...

What kind of cake foundation does Joker have?  That’s like the stuff we had to wear in high school

That waiter just addressed Vicki as “sir”

Did Joker write that message in crayon?

That elderly couple is dead after falling off the balcony like that

LET’S BROADEN OUR MINDS!

*jams the crap out to “Party Man” by Prince*

*One goon paints over a bust*  Hey look, it’s the Jared Leto Joker

What the crap is this music that plays?  It plays during one of the trailers for “The Shape of Water”

Oh wait, it’s the theme from something called “A Summer Place”

I quote the “one dollar bill” quote all the freaking time at my house.

The prosthetic work on Alicia looks pretty sweet, I gotta say

Oh, a little song.. a little dance... Batman’s head on a lance...

Oh my gosh, I forgot how much Kim Basinger screamed in this movie

They even color coded the cars for Joker’s goons

*The police get involved in an accident involving a farmer’s market truck*  NO, NOT THE CABBAGES!

There is no way in hell that Vicki only weighs like 108

Remember when the Batsuit was made out of rubber, you guys?

*Crazy, sword-wielding guy goes after Batman*  Seriously?  Did you not see “Raiders of the Lost Ark?”

For the Batmobile, it looks like they made the toy first before constructing it for the movie

Gotta love that Danny Elfman score...

*Vicki tries to see under Batman’s cowl*  Yo, Vicki, don’t distract Batman while he’s driving

The Batcave!

Why is there just this one random bat hanging out in a bird cage?

Forgot that Michael Keaton literally could not turn his head in the Batsuit

Oh my gosh, how short is Michael Keaton here?

Oooohhh nice transition!

How the hell did Vicki end up back there?

Gotta admit, that’s a nice apartment

“You see, my life is really...”  Batsy!

JUST TELL HER YOU’RE [Vicki] BATMAN!

I like how Bruce walks right by the fire poker in order to get a freaking tray to hit Joker with

YOU WANNA GET NUTS?!?  C’MON, LET’S GET NUTS!

EVER DANCE WITH THE DEVIL IN THE PALE MOONLIGHT?

“Never rub another man’s rhubarb.”  What?

There is no way in hell that Bruce deflected that bullet with the tray

Matte painting!

“Can you hear me?  Just the two of us.”  *sings “Just the Two of Us” by Will Smith*

Gotta admit, Michael Keaton’s Batman has an awesome thinking/pensive face.  It’s probably the eyebrows that help

What is it with families being targeted by random gun-wielding criminals in abandoned alleyways?

There’s no way that that’s Jack Nicholson playing young Jack Napier

Nevermind, it’s some dude named Hugo Blick

*scats the Batman theme obnoxiously out of tune*

Batman’s belt just slipped.  Never gonna un-see that

Why is it that every time this Batman is in the Batsuit and glaring at somebody, he looks like he’s really constipated?

Seriously, is there not a bathroom in the Batcave?

Is this another Prince song?

So where exactly did Joker find the time to find all of this stuff and prepare for an impromptu 200th anniversary parade?

The Batplane!

Matte painting!

“Me?  I’m giving away free money!”  And it looks faaaaakkkeee...

Something is up with that clown balloon’s nose... just saying...

Yeah, lets go after the Joker’s goons with a baseball bat, Knox.  That’ll go well.

I love the sounds all the buttons make on the Batplane dashboard

“My balloons.  Those are my balloons!  He stole my balloons!”  Iconic.

Hahaha he [Joker] used Bob the Goon as a step stool off the parade float!

*The Batplane pauses in front of the moon*  Eeeeyyy!!

*Joker pulls out the gun with the really long muzzle out of the front of his pants*  No comment

Again, why is Vicki Vale dressed like she’s either getting ready to get married or go to a wedding?

“Better make it ten [minutes].”  What makes this awesome is that ten minutes actually goes by both in-universe time and movie run time.  My dad actually timed it the first time I watched this with him.

Mad respect to Tim Burton for the aesthetic in this movie, I gotta say

The eyebrows on Batman’s cowl strangely match Michael Keaton’s.  Was this intentional?

*Joker “dances” with Vicki* Now see the last time I recall Joker dancing with somebody was the 5 second long Alex Ross scene with Harley Quinn in “Suicide Squad”

Unpopular opinion time:  I like Jared Leto’s Joker better than Jack Nicholson’s Joker  *gets bombarded with hate mail and darts*

Eugghhhh Vicki’s pulling a freaking Jasmine from “Aladdin”

“You wouldn’t hit a guy with glasses now, would ya?”  Cue Wreck-It-Ralph

How the hell did Joker pull Batman and Vicki off the roof like that?

Oh my gosh that 80s falling effect

Yeah no, from that drop, the Joker’s body would be a freaking mess

“The reign of crime [in Gotham City] is over.”  BWAHAHAHAHAHA

Oh hi Billy Dee Williams!

You know what would be awesome:  if Kim Basinger had a cameo somewhere in the Batman solo movie directed by Ben Affleck.  Just saying

Yoooo....

#batman #1989 batman #jack nicholson #Michael Keaton #billy dee williams #danny elfman #vicki vale #joker #commissioner gordon #kim basinger #the blogger reacts #bruce wayne #prince #Tim Burton #jared leto