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#that pot looks like our shitty meme cats
shiftythrifting · 2 years
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British relatives of Shitter Frog, found in Teignmouth and Exeter
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bog-dylan-blog · 6 years
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we started talking in the fall of 2015. it was on twitter, your friend recommended you follow me because i was “funny.” you started messaging me, and soon we were texting almost everyday. i had a feeling that you might have liked me, but i was talking to someone else at the time. that ended up going nowhere, and really just made me more afraid to pursue a relationship than i already was. 
you became one of the only people i talked to. even though sometimes i was dry and, honestly, an asshole, i’d be lying if i said that i didn’t miss it when we didn’t talk. we had so much in common, and you always cheered me up when i was having a bad day. we always were on and off taking, i should have made a move but i was scared. 
then, i fucked up. you were supposed to come to one of my bands shows, but i didn’t know that it was 19+. you ended up having to leave, and i was so embarrassed and ashamed of what i did that i couldn’t say anything to you. 
a month goes by, and i learn that you’re dating one of my friends. well, “friend”, i guess. that was when i knew i really fucked up, i sent you an apology. we didn’t talk until a month later when you guys broke up (the best day of my life).
after that, it was just like it was before, but so much better. we texted every day, snapchatted, sent each other memes, and we really got to know each other. i always thought you were beautiful, but now i could see you were perfect. you were all i could think about, and i knew i was falling for you hard. i went from being a sad loner with one friend and a shitty band to someone that had a reason to get up in the morning that wasn’t just because i had to work. we met irl for the first time on october 12th, and by devil’s night we were dating. 
the first day we met, we spent the whole night walking around the neighbourhood and talking. you were so nervous at first, you asked me if the big digital clock on your school was counting down. i was nervous, too. i couldn’t believe that someone so amazing was interested in someone like me. i never wanted that night to end, thinking about it got me through a lot of bad days. 
i’d bus over to where you worked, and then we’d bus back home. you were the only reason i wanted to get my licence. you were afraid to eat in front of me at first, but i made sure that you did. i always wanted to make sure that you were okay and comfortable. 
i remember walking you home each night, and how badly i wanted to kiss you. the first time i went for it, i ended up patting your back instead (you could never let that go could you? goof). i loved the shyness, and the tenderness. i was always calm yet so scared at the same time. the first time i kissed you we were watching the ring, i turned to you and i kissed you so hard you fell onto my bed. i knew i was in love with you. everything felt so light and pure and good. 
your parents didn’t like me that much, but i wouldn’t let it get in the way of us. i knew they’d come around eventually, and i was more than willing to wait forever if i had to. you were more than worth it. perseverance won, and soon i was allowed to come hang out at your house. it took some time, but i loved being around your pets and drinking coffee in your living room while your mom complained about the stupid stuff she had to do for work. 
you quit your retail job, and started working nights at the factory. they were only four hour shifts, but it felt like i had to wait forever to see you (school during the day, work at night). it was well worth the wait, tho. you always managed to make my bad days better. 
winter came, that was when we first said “i love you.” i was afraid to say it at first, because i didn’t want to get rejected or pressure you to say something that wasn’t true, but you said it back and i knew that you meant it. our friends became friends, and we brought in the new year together. i’d never been so happy in my entire life. we celebrated christmas by ourselves, because we knew we wouldn’t be able to see each other during the actual holiday. you came over on boxing day, though, and my entire family loved you. we celebrated valentine’s day like any other cheesy couple, and it was fucking awesome. 
spring came around, which meant it was almost time for you to graduate high school. you were nervous, and having a lot of problems with your (kinda shitty) friends. they made you feel left out, and i fucking hated it. your birthday came around, and i just wanted to give you everything. we went mini-putting and had a small party at my house. with your family, we celebrated yours and your brother’s birthdays together. i knew they’d come around. 
i took you to your prom. you looked so beautiful. i’d been to two prior to this (my own and my friend’s), but this was the first time it felt significant to me. i danced like an idiot, and probably embarrassed you, but we had so much fun. we were going to go to the after party, but your shitty friends ditched you so we went back to my house. i washed your make up off, made you tea, got you out of your dress, and we spent the night together. this was the first time you ever slept over, we told your mom you were sleeping at a friend’s house. the next day, i made you breakfast in bed and then i had to drop you off in a spot where your mom wouldn’t see me. worth it. 
i didn’t go to your graduation, i wish i did. i bought you a cactus that you killed but i hope you kept the pot. you went out with your friends because i had to work the next day. i was so proud of you. 
that summer i quit my full-time job, because i wanted to spend as much time with you as a could, and also because i needed to start getting ready to move away to school. that summer was the best summer of my entire life. all the walks along the beach, drive-in dates, the camping trip; it’s everything i ever wanted. you were anxious about me leaving and it broke my heart, but i promised that we would make it work. 
i was gone for a month, and then the college strike started. i was stuck in limbo for a month, but at least i was home with you. we’d spend every night together, and i was home for our anniversary. having to go back again killed me, because i never wanted to hurt you. i hated how isolated you felt when i wasn’t home, and i hated that i got so busy that we couldn’t talk as much as i would have liked to. i came home every weekend, because the thought of having to wait to see you made me sick with anxiety.
you didn’t want me to go away again. i decided not to. 
christmas was amazing. i got to go with you to your uncle’s house, and we spent the day singing karaoke in the basement. i loved every minute of it. i was finally feeling like a part of your family, and i really liked that feeling. 
i couldn’t come home for valentine’s day, and i’m sorry. we celebrated on the weekend, but i know that isn’t what your really wanted. 
school ended, and i came home. you made some new friends, and i could feel you slipping away from me. the fighting broke my heart; i just wanted to everything i could to make you happy but nothing i ever did felt right. 
we broke up on july 7th, the day before i left for windsor. i haven’t felt real happiness since then. it’s not your fault, i just don’t know how to be without you next to me. i don’t know what to do with my hands. i dream about you every night;  it usually results in me waking up in tears and sweats and panic attacks. i wish i could have had another chance to hold you and to tell you how much i love you. i wish i spent more time with you. i wish you knew how much i love you. i’m sorry. 
i’m sorry for making you feel so alone, sometimes. i would get so caught up in my own head and my fear of you leaving that i would shut down. my love for you never wavered and it never faded. even now i love you as much as i did the first time i kissed you. i know you don’t feel the same anymore, and that’s okay, i just want you to know i’m always going to be here for you. you’re going to do amazing things. 
i wish i could talk to you, just like an old friend. i wish you could look at me. i wish i could look at you without feeling like my heart is going to fly out of my throat. i wish i could have been the one to love you forever. i guess i will, just without you around. i wish we could have gotten that apartment in the city with your cat. 
i’m sorry for the way things ended. i’m sorry for all the nights i break down and text you. i don’t want to be so weak. i love you but you’re confused, or maybe you just fell out of love. it’s nobody’s fault, these things happen. it fucking sucks, but i’m not going to stand in your way. 
i’ll love you forever, honey bee. 
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