#that she's unhappy with how he treats her as a partner & how they interact as romantic attachments | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gravity-barbie · 1 year

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The Sparrow’s reaction to their sibling being in a toxic relationship HCs

Request

Warning: Possibly implied emotional abuse (Nothing detailed)

Umbrella version (The first hcs I ever wrote btw)

Masterlist

Marcus Hargreeves

-As number one, the leader, and kind of your boss, Marcus feels partially responsible for you and so feels obligated to step in

-Sometimes your down moods do effect your performance and he uses that as an excuse to go into leader mood and try to keep you and your partner apart through orders and lectures

-He doesn’t easily let it show but it’s all coming from care for you, it’s actually a real struggle for him to know you’re being mistreated

-He takes initiative in making a meeting with your partner and very forwardly telling them to cut their crap, with calm threats and polite intimidation

-But he has zero qualms resorting to violence and/or treating them like any other criminal if they don’t take his warning seriously

Ben Hargreeves

-Even when he was the leader, Ben had never payed that close attention to his siblings personal lives, he doesn’t realise anything’s going on with you until he overhears some of the others talking about it, but once he’s in the loop he does take the matter seriously

-He alternates between inserting himself into the issue and badgering you with questions, and trying too hard to act like he couldn’t care less what’s going on with you

-He gets a bit frustrated by the fact that you seem to put up with someone like that (because he cares about you and he doesn’t know how to translate that in a healthy way) and will be brutally honest about it

-The next time he meets your partner he lays on the passive aggression and intimidation thick, but might wait for you to be out of earshot before he issues a direct warning, less of a ‘they better start treating you better’ warning and more of a ‘they better remove themselves from your life’ one

-He almost hopes they’ll argue back because he would find it unbelievably cathartic using his powers to back up his threats

Fei Hargreeves

-Fei is careful, she doesn’t want to scare you off and isolate you by ranting about how much your partner sucks, so she keeps it to herself and remains your confidante, but she’s playing the long game, offering you more and more advice and help over time

-She’s good at keeping an even temper but she’s really pushed to her limits whenever she interacts with your partner

-Though she has a talent for unnerving them without overt threats, just casually telling them what she’d do to ‘someone’ if they hurt you

-You’ve got a bird watching you most the time, always ready to step in, as she feels she has a certain level of plausible deniability if your partner just so happens to be mauled by birds

-Despite all her efforts to put an end to your relationship in order to do what’s best for you, she’s still sympathetic to your heartbreak and will be there to comfort you after your break up

Alphonso Hargreeves

-Alphonso isn’t the most perceptive or analytical person, he misses most the subtle signs, he notices you’re unhappy more but you deflect and he doesn’t think to push it

-But when he finally realises what’s going on because of something obvious your partner does he’s outraged and will try picking a fight on the spot

-He doesn’t usually act like it but he’s quite empathetic when it comes to the people he cares about and will be quite kind and gentle while talking about the subject with you

-He’s very insistent that you should break up with them, borderline desperate, and it kills him that you won’t

-He becomes very protective, and quite stubborn about it, trying to be by your side as often as possible and acting like a guard dog whenever your significant other is around

Sloane Hargreeves

-Sloane can really empathise with you, she can only imagine how sad she’d be to fall for someone who turned out to be so crappy, her own romantic ideals just give her all the more ammunition to judge your partners massive shortcomings and wish better for you

-While she’s nice about it, she isn’t afraid to speak her mind on the matter and tell you when she thinks your partners done something out if line and recommend you take some kind of action or at least confide in her

-If you do ever need comfort she is so there for you, she’ll spend days keeping you company, letting you vent, distracting you, giving you all the kindness you’ve been missing out on, whatever you need

-In general she just tries to be around you more, as to hopefully reduce your time around them and help you see more clearly

-She won’t do it lightly because she wants to respect your choices but if your partner ever goes too far in her eyes she has no issue literally sending them flying

Jayme Hargreeves

-Jayme does not understand how you keep ending up in these kind of relationships and why you’re not willing to end them after the first big offence, she seems almost bored on the subject but it actually infuriates her

-Not afraid to tell it like she sees it, she gives you kind of a hard time about not setting better boundaries or just plain breaking up with people but backs off whenever she seems too invested

-Even if the person you’re dating is on their best behaviour around her she’s tense and quick to aggression around them, it will not take much for her to get physical, if they give you just a little bit of attitude she’s seeing red

-She’s smart enough to handle the matter carefully if she absolutely has to though, or even do some research on how to best handle the situation, because despite how cold she’ll act she just wants what’s best for you

-She’s obviously not the best at pep talks (she’s not one for talks in general) but she tries to make it clear that you deserve better

Christopher Hargreeves

-Christopher cares about his siblings more than he’d like to admit, and he’s pretty smart, so it doesn’t take long for him to notice somethings wrong with your relationship

-He initiates a casual but concerned talk with you soon thereafter, he’s pretty blunt about his opinion but he doesn’t push you too hard, just letting you know that he’ll be there for you if you need it

-But he doesn’t let it go either, keeping an eye (metaphorically speaking) on your partner whenever their around, his change of color giving away his hatred of them

-Him and Ben are like a tag team for insulting them, even if you can convince the two to not be avert, your partner will hear plenty of Christopher’s beeping followed by Ben snickering

-Christopher tries not to use violence as a first resort only for your sake and he does a pretty good job controlling himself, but if your partner really steps out of line, he has no problem bringing his power out and they will know your suffering by tenfold

#the umbrella academy #tua #the sparrow academy #marcus hargreeves x reader #ben hargreeves x reader #sparrow!ben x reader #sparrow ben x reader #fei hargreeves x reader #alphonso hargreeves x reader #sloane hargreeves x reader #jayme hargreeves x reader #christopher hargreeves x reader #tua x reader #tua x you #the umbrella academy preferences #the umbrella academy imagine #the umbrella academy x reader #toxic relationship tw

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ellabsprincess · 9 months

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I’m gonna rant (hope u don’t mind 🤭)

So I’ve had a crush on this girl for like 2 or 3 years. We met at work and instantly I liked her a lot. It was the first time i ever felt that strongly about a girl (I’m a closeted lesbian and just recently stopped being in denial lol). We used to literally get nothing done at work because we talked and laughed (and sometimes flirted 🤭) too much. We even briefly talked about how hard it is to flirt with girls once so that gave me hope. Then she got a boyfriend. And it really didn’t upset me as much as I thought it would because he treats her like a princess (I would do the same but you know what I mean 🤨 he’s really a great guy for her). She eventually got a new job so we stopped hanging out as much but we would still text occasionally and I thought I finally got over her. The problem is she’s going to the college I go to next year. So we met up for sushi a month ago just to catch up and hang out and I asked her if her boyfriend is coming to the same school as her and she said no and that he’s going to school across the country. Like I mean seriously across the country. I felt really guilty bc my heart kinda skipped a beat when she said that. I feel bad for feeling that way because they really were good together and he made her happy.

Part of me is sad that her boyfriend will be so far away from her because I want my friend to be happy but another part of me is hopeful that maybe we have a chance together and I feel so shitty for feeling like that. Anyways idk what to do because at this point it’s very hard for me to hang out with her because I am so incredibly awkward I feel like she definitely knows how I feel about her. Idk. I guess I’ll just see what happens. I just needed to rant to someone about my crush LOL

oh anon baby i’m sorry this is a tough situation :/ honestly, she seems like a great friend so i don’t want you to let that bond go. honestly, if you really love her, you just have to be happy with her no matter who she ends up with. it seems like this guy makes her happy and that’s all that matters!! who knows, maybe chance will lead to you guys being together, but for now, i wouldn’t stress too much about it. i would just enjoy what you have now, and see what the future holds. she isn’t unhappy with her current partner, so i wouldn’t try to disturb that relationship or anything. if it’s too hard to be around her because of your feelings, its okay to dial back your interactions a bit, but i would still keep her in your life. just see how it goes, and just always have the goal in mind to make her happy!! no matter who that means she’s with :))

#my lovelies °•. ✿ .•°#anon #katelyn’s advice!!

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sapphic-bifrost · 2 years

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i remember when i found out something about my ex that was the last straw and destroyed the last hope i had that she’d ever be a big enough person to actually truly have unselfish empathy and understanding and properly explain or apologize to me for the way she treated me, and which destroyed the last secret forgiveness that i was still holding onto and waiting to give to her. and it made me so furious and so deeply hurt. i told even my most mellow friends and those that always try to play devil’s advocate and see things from the other pov in a situation for the sake of avoiding bias and looking at a situation objectively and fairly, and even they couldnt even begin to find a good excuse for her. ive truly never seen those people that angry at anyone else ever. and i just made me feel like id swallowed acid and made me regret for the first time that i ever loved her at all

but then my boyfriend. my beautiful beautiful boyfriend. when i went to see him that day he knew something was wrong right away and listened to me and held me and calmed me down when he sensed me spiralling or dissociating, when i’d finished telling him and later once we’d moved on to just chatting and hugging and talking sweetly, i’d keep retreating into my mind to start thinking anxiously again and he noticed and would do mental exercises with me to keep me calm and present and in the moment. he reminded me of all the things that are wonderful about me, and i believed him. and i just feel? so supported with him and he pays attention to me and i dont feel like i have to be pretending to smile all the time or suppressing bad moods or trying to pretend to be happy so as to not ruin something for him. he notices when im unhappy without me having to tell him and he’s comfortable not hiding when he’s unhappy from me and neither of us lets it be a roadblock to affection or showing care for each other. We take special care to comfort each other instead of being dismissive or just going about as usual and it sounds like such a basic thing but its not something i had in my last romantic relationship. and it was even more important then bc my mental health was much worse when i was with my ex, and i needed support a lot more often and rarely got what i needed. and i got used to feeling like i could only depend on the experience of interacting with my partner to be a positive one if i was already in a good mood, and that if i was in a bad mood or needed support then i needed to find it elsewhere because she wasnt capable or willing to put in the effort required. and i knew i didnt like it and tried my best to communicate it many many times before giving up, but i still didnt realize just how heavy of a heart i walked around with all that time. i didnt realize until my heart wasnt heavy anymore. its not now, not with him. loving him doesnt poison me. heaven knows how grateful i am to be treated like this at last, and what it cost to learn the difference

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informaticn · 3 years

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i really hate how this fandom ( & sometimes even the marble writers ) treats nat in regards to her breakups esp with clint & matt bc it’s always seen as something she just did out of the blue through no fault of theirs & it’s like. did any of you ever bothered to actually read when she was on panel or.

#it's always oh poor clint or poor matt she just dumped him for no reason #& i?? don't know where anyone gets that???#i can literally only guess that people read the specific panels of her breaking up with them #& nothing else bc there are obvious signs ; red flags that the boys just chose to ignore #like with clint nat has a few lines where she talks about clint just never being around #she mentions that they hadn't even had a meal together in months by the time she leaves him #she comments that it was hard to be with him bc she had removed herself from the hero scene #& therefore she couldn't really interact with him as a hero which was the focus of his life at the time #maybe clint & those near to them couldn't see it but as readers it's blatantly obvious that they were just growing apart #& it was going to be inevitable that they ended up splitting #with matt it's like #i love him but also he was a shitty partner #& honestly sometimes an equally shitty boyfriend #nat offers him repeated second chances ; she gives him several clues & even directly tells him #that she's unhappy with how he treats her as a partner & how they interact as romantic attachments #& he actively chose to not even attempt to change his behavior #eventually she just reached a breaking point where even tho she did still love him #it was plain for anyone with eyes that they were simply incompatible as partners both romantically & professionally #i just #i don't see how anyone can look at their breakups & think that it came out of nowhere when for both #nat was repeatedly expressing that she didn't like how things were & both would just repeatedly ignore it #there's also an issue with how bucky & nat's breakup was generally handled but that's #generally focused around how marble never really addresses it beyond the focus they put #on bucky's sadness over it rather than actually Confronting & resolving the issue #while continuously ignoring the fact that nat is even there beyond her ability to stare straight ahead #while bucky looks sad & lonely #i'm mad about it!! all of them!!#stop pretending nat is a bad girlfriend bc clint & matt had the listening comprehension of a bag of rocks when they dated!!#& stop pretending bucky was the only one hurt by the situation!!#let nat have feelings!! let her be fed up & tired of dealing with them!! let her be angry!! or sad!! let her be a person!!

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the-lunar-system · 3 years

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I’d like to preface this post by saying that I love Stardew Valley. It’s a comfort game, and I have over 500 hours logged on Steam. That being said, as a disabled person, it sometimes makes me very, very upset. Why? Because of the casual ableism in how it treats George Mullner.

George Mullner is a character in Stardew Valley who uses a wheelchair. He’s an older man, and generally pretty grumpy. He spends most of his time inside his house, watching television. With how the other villagers treat him, I don’t blame him. George later reveals in his six heart cutscene that he uses a wheelchair due to an injury working in the old mines, not because of his age.

So what’s the big deal? There’s a disabled character in the game, isn’t that a good thing? Yes, but. The way that other characters treat George, the only disabled person in the game, is where the trouble comes in.

In Harvey’s two heart cutscene, you walk into George’s house, and accidentally interrupt a house call by the doctor. He is telling George to make some “lifestyle changes,” telling him to reduce sodium and do some moderate exercise with his arms. (George’s sprite indicates that he self propels his wheelchair, which requires a lot of upper body strength. He’s already getting exercise through that.) George responds to Harvey, saying that he knows his own body, and doesn’t appreciate being told what to do with it. Harvey replies that he is a doctor, and spent 8 years in school, and thus he knows what’s best for George. They then notice the player, and George requests your second opinion. Your options are:

A) Tell George to follow Harvey’s advice. This option gets you +40 friendship points with Harvey, and is marked green on the Wiki. It’s obviously the choice the game wants you to make. Harvey reiterates that he is only trying to help, and George capitulates.

B) Say that George does know his own body. This option gets you -40 friendship points with Harvey. Harvey sighs, and threatens to tell George’s wife on him. George begrudgingly capitulates, and Harvey lectures you for sending his patient mixed messages.

What’s so bad about this? For one, doctors don’t always know best, especially when it comes to their disabled patients. If I had just listened to the first doctor I talked to about my disability, instead of self advocating and getting another, my degenerative condition would have gone undiagnosed and untreated for much longer. Potentially years. As a disabled person myself, I believe George when he says he knows his own body, because I know how wrong doctors can be.

The other main issue with this cutscene is how infantilized George is. He’s a grown man in his own doctor’s appointment, even if he is making a mistake in not listening to Harvey, he’s a grown man, and entitled to his own choices. But Harvey threatens to tattle to George’s wife about it. He’s treating George like a child, unable to make his own decisions, who has to be “managed” by his more abled partner.

The second ableist cutscene is Penny’s two heart cutscene, and in my opinion, this one is much worse. In it, George is checking his mailbox. He tries to reach a letter wedged in the back, and has some difficulty. He asks himself how he is going to reach it. Penny sees him, and comes over. She grabs his wheelchair and pushes him out of the way, grabbing the letter for him. George gets upset at Penny for treating him like he’s helpless. At this point the player comes on screen, and Penny asks if you were watching. The player has three options:

A) Say that no, you were just walking by. This has no effect on friendship.

B) Tell her she did a kind thing. Penny thanks you. This option gives you +50 friendship points, and is marked in green on the Wiki. It is the choice the game wants you to make.

C) Tell Penny she should have asked George before trying to help. Penny then apologizes to George, but you lose 50 friendship points with her. This is obviously not what the game wants you to do.

Regardless of what option you take, George apologizes to Penny for snapping at her. Penny asks the player what they think about growing old.

What’s bad about this scene? Well, for starters, by moving George’s wheelchair without consent, Penny commits assault. But George is framed as being unreasonable, because he’s upset that he was physically assaulted. Penny is a great character, and I love her, but in this cutscene she is both legally and morally in the wrong. And while the game does technically give you the option to call her out for it, it’s barely there, and strongly discouraged by gameplay. The real kicker is that this is the new dialogue for this interaction, as changed by the 1.4 update, *in an attempt to make it less ableist.*

Lastly, in George’s six heart event, he expresses quite a bit of internalized ableism. He says he wishes he could get up from “this infernal chair.” He tells the story of how thirty years ago, he was injured in a coal mining accident. There is no option for player interaction.

This cutscene is one that is somewhat more nuanced for me. It is true that some people hate that they’re disabled or need a wheelchair, especially in older generations. Internalized ableism is a real and terrible thing. The issue with it is that George is a fictional character, as written by a real person, who as far as I know is abled. And this is the problem. When a disabled character is written as having internalized ableism by an abled creator, that’s not internalized ableism, that’s just plain ableism. Why is it that almost every disabled character hates themselves or their disability? Why are they always unhappy?

Why does Stardew Valley have these scenes, and this ableism? Is it somehow important to the plot, or the characters? I don’t think so. And for me, and other disabled people playing the game as a form of escapism, or because the Valley is supposed to be a better place, It’s simply a jarring reminder that the real world hates us.

#stardew valley #George Mullner #penny stardew valley #penny #Harvey #harvey stardew valley #george stardew valley #ableism #internalized ableism #actually disabled #actuallydisabled #the wiki doesnt even mention penny moving his chair but it does happen in the game #it didnt fit in the post proper but i did want to mention it

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oyasuminto · 3 years

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No thoughts, just fem!Kylar, herm PC and male!Sydney all happily dating. Also spit roasting Kylar on her lover's shlongs-

Out of all the people who aren't her beloved, Sydney is the most tolerable. He's nice to Kylar, always cheerfully greeting her, thanking her whenever she returns her books on time or undamaged.

He treats her like a person.

No-one else would ever dare offer to tutor her, not even her English classmates, but Sydney's always happy to help, so long as she keeps her grades up and helps him in return. Science has always been her best subject, after all.

Really, it's no surprise that Kylar starts to fall for Sydney, but it tears her apart inside. You're the one she loves, the only human who doesn't make her sick to her stomach, her soulmate!

There's never really an official confession. Sydney just grows closer and closer to you and her, eventually just... becomes a part of your relationship.

Sydney's certainly not unhappy about the arrangement. Not only does he get to date his sweet, loveable library assistant, but he's always thought Kylar was rather cute in her own, unique way.

No one is left behind. If you and Sydney are cuddling, Kylar is immediately worming her way into the middle to receive affection from both of her partners. Vice versa, Sydney is prone to flopping on top of you and Kylar, leaving the three of you in a pile of giggling bodies.

Your sex life is no less affectionate. Kylar and Sydney enjoy teaming up to spoil you, one sucking your cock, the other playing with your pussy. They were both overjoyed to learn that you had both.

Due to Sydney's chastity vow, he has to be very careful with penetration, so most times, he keeps his cock occupied by having Kylar suck him off while you take the petite girl's pussy.

It's honestly rather cute seeing your boyfriend and girlfriend interact, Sydney whining out praise about how nice and warm Kylar's mouth is and how good she is with her tongue. You feel Kylar clench at every positive word.

#Degrees of Lewdity #GN Reader #Kylar the Loner #Sydney the Faithful #NSFT #Headcanons

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prof-peach · 3 years

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Hey Prof, I need your advice.

My sister recently decided she didn't wanted her bulbasaur anymore (she got him on a whim about a month ago) and gave him to me, he is quite violent and tends to attack when I try to get close to him.

Now, that wouldn't be a huge problem, but my Purrloin has gotten hurt trying to befriend him, she's quite outgoing and never really liked fighting (we enjoy contests so she knows a few more flashy attacks), so she couldn't even defend herself properly.

I don't want to give up on him and my local rescue center is filled with Bunearies (you know, after Easter kids don't want their Bunny anymore) so they can't take him in right now, any advice in how I can go about this situation?

Sounds to me like you have a tricky little dude on your hands. So you're not battle orientated which will make this harder, Bulbasaur in the wild are actually quite combat minded to defend their families and territory, and a lot of their herds consist of strict hierarchy based on power and skill, often led by older, fully evolved members of their group.

Before you take any actions to befriend them, its worth noting that any pokemon who comes into your care showing aggression is usually doing so for one or two reasons that are pretty universal for any species. Fear being the main issue with pokemon who have been ditched, if a pokemon is unwell, if it feels exposed, if it is unsure of you or your home, your partners, it may lash out because it is afraid. Even what looks like pure anger can stem from a fear. Of course some individuals are just full of rage, its not unheard of, but for the most part it comes from somewhere else.

For a moment, take the time to put yourself in this pokemons shoes. It was chosen, with hopes and ambitions of its own, by your sister, a stranger to them, and for whatever reason they were cast aside. This reason may be unclear to the pokemon, it may be unfair, unkind, or even without malice just out of pure indifference. No matter the reason, this pokemon has been left behind by a trainer it at one point probably wanted to try to get along with. I don’t know what your sister may or may not have done, or provided for the bulbasaur, but it will help you understand how its feeling, if you were to ask her about their relationship prior to you receiving the pokemon. If it has always been aggressive and angry, i’d seriously consider talking to it about release, not rehome.

We humans have a preconceived notion that pokemon are pets and things to keep with us. This may be true for some sure, but not every pokemon wishes to be a captive to a human, they may want more for themselves, and wish for a free life with their own kind. We cannot put our wants and desires above that of the pokemons, so you two need to have a talk, at a respectful distance for safeties sake, to see what the Bulbasaur feels they may want. These are herd pokemon, born and bred to be with their own kind, if not a larger group, if its lonely, if it wants to go home, to start a family, or simply to not be held in a ball as some creature to be owned, then you as its current carer must give it what you can. You can always find another pokemon who wants to be your partner, but you cannot give back lost years to a pokemon who has lived a life its unhappy with. Treat them with respect, and be open and honest. At the end of the day we have a chance to help pokemon, and forcing what we want onto them is a hinderance, and will lead to them feeling unsatisfied and bitter in the long run.

Some pokemon lash out due to the process of being handed off to someone else, trust is earnt, not always just simply given to whoever holds the pokeball. Remember this as you move forward, and try to keep your other pokemon away from them, Bulbasaur are territorial species, and have to accept pokemon into their families before simply allowing them to come and go freely into their personal space. Despite their grouchy natures at times they usually do have a morally positive compass, and defend with ferocity when they love something. Perhaps in you showing genuine concern for their welfare and future, offering them not what you want, but instead what they want, they may give you a chance to get closer, but take baby steps, and try to be their friend above all else. I bet they're feeling pretty lonely right now.

Its worth sharing interests with the pokemon, talk about contests, see if they're interested, some pokemon have a predisposition for this, others have no interest and prefer more battle based lives, or even peaceful non-competitive existences. no amount of pressure will change a pokemon’s nature, and some just aren't cut out for the fine art of showmanship that contests require. You can however use powerful attacks in showy ways, so theres always hope that they could enjoy it, if you can work with them to their strengths.

If possible, work to getting them outdoors, cooping grass types up can lead to stroppy, testing personalities, many thrive in the outdoors, he may need some serious outside time to compensate for the lack of exercise and natural stimulation they may have not been getting prior to your ownership. There are plenty of areas in public that are much like tennis courts, areas of space you can book for a set amount of time too exercise difficult pokemon, these locations are often secure facilities, both outdoors and indoors, to suit a range of species. find one that has outdoor facilities and book a few hours per week to go there, increasing the time whenever possible. This exercise and time with you may help to find common ground, and topics that you and the bulbasaur can bond over. This can be anything from battles, to sun bathing, playing sports, games, swimming, running or digging, and everything in between. Bulbasaur naturally are great foragers and tend to like to snaffle about in long grass and shrubland, hiding treats like berry slices in a secure environment is good enrichment and can tire the pokemon out. a tired pokemon is usually a little less aggressive, having lower energy levels and less want to expend attacks. this process also associated you with something fun, and your scent will be on the treats too, so they'll know you were the one to provide this activity for them.

I’d also take plenty of time to observe the bulbasaur, as your sister got them on a whim, they probably had no prior knowledge of the species, or how to correctly care for them. In a month, a health complaint could have begun to show, so observe their colouration, feet, walking gait, sleeping patterns, feeding habits, and general behaviour. Excess scratching, heavy breathing, or unusual shaking or moving can suggest a health condition is starting to take form. Most can be helped if caught early, but some illnesses give the pokemon discomfort, and can lead to snappy tempers and irritability. It could be that this individual is in pain, or finding life difficult due to its health, which can cause a lot of hostility as i’m sure anyone would agree. It can suck to be sick!

This species can be won over if you can prove you have a skill of worth to them. This is the case with a lot of pokemon, having respect for something they cannot do, and learning that they need things from you can lead to them at least tolerating us humans. Its a foot in the door. A trick i like t use with particularly difficult bulbasaur is to give them their fav food, whatever it is, then put it in a clear container the pokemon cannot open. They have no thumbs, and their vines though dexterous, aren't able to open every kind of container. The pokemon will want whats inside, and be unable to access it. they will eventually give up out of frustration. this is where you come in. enter the space, don’t let your pokemon approach as this can be threatening, and open the container. leave it on the floor open, making sure they've watched you get the thing open. They can then approach and enjoy their fav food, all thanks to you and those wondrous thumbs you have. repeating this process yields good results, and starts a mutual relationship of tolerance and acceptance between you and a bulbasaur. Most will accept they want the food more than they want you gone, and you provide something they can’t get to. whatever you do, don’t let them see that you were the one to lock the food up in the container. Get a friend to do it, or do it in the room, and leave it in place on the floor, before allowing the bulbasaur to enter and investigate the item. If they see you're the one doing it, the trick is foiled, and your back to square one. Eventually this does tend to lead to the pokemon becoming less stressed with you around them, and eventually it leads to trust, and even friendship. This trick is good to use to get them use to you, once they're ok with you being around them because of your use to them, they may start to take food from you directly, engage in play, or even just sit and tolerate company for short periods of time. Do not expect this to be quick, but it does usually do the trick.

Regardless, i do have concern that the pokemon may want to be with its own, should you discuss this and find they're not interested in being housebound and a pet, feel free to send them our way, we had exactly this situation in mind when setting up the islands facilities, and have extensive locations designed with grass pokemosn needs at the forefront. Theres a small herd of about 12 bulbasaur evolutions that live north of our labs, no people see them, they are happy as a unit, and are left alone to go about their lives, with the only interactions between humans being us giving them their yearly health check, or should we spot them with an issue, we may intervene. They live away from others and pretty much free, in a poacher safe environment. Its not ideal, we like to keep pokemon in areas they come from, with people who love them, and you show great concern for the pokemon so it would be a shame to have to let them go, BUT sometimes thats just life, and theres nothing to be done about it other than accepting that the pokemons wants come first. They may just be mistrusting so try everything else first, and see how you go. hopefully you’ll yield some results from this all. Good luck out there trainer.

#long post #bulbasaur #prof.peach #peach talks

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mmikmmik2 · 2 years

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Jokes aside, though, I really really like Tachibana and Shroud. I love middle aged benefactors/quasi-mentor figures with dark pasts and a lot of emotional problems. (again, spoilers ahead)

They seem like they're in two really different places, emotionally, in terms of stepping away from their dark pasts. They're both unhappy about what they did and they want to stop their former partner. But Emoto is aware that he's really twisted up after being around Sagittarius for so long, even though he can't quite figure out what he should be doing instead (and doesn't seem sure he can change). Shroud is nowhere near as malicious or harmful as Terror, but she's still basically an asshole who sees the whole situation as a power game and her children as pawns. She's very good at lying to herself.

Emoto really doesn't treat the kids very well when he does interact with them. His methods for dealing with Meteor are (1) lie (2) bribe (3) drop the hammer. When he decides to directly meddle with the KRC, he resorts to terrorizing the less-involved kids to chase them off and trying to convince Gentaro (Gentaro) that friendship isn't all that great.

But again, I think Emoto knows that's not he should behave as a mentor or as a person, he just isn't sure what he should be doing instead. That's why he stayed away from the KRC for so long, and why his opening credits monologue sounds so impressed with the kids, and why he stayed hands-off with Kengo as much as possible for as long as possible, despite Kengo being really important to him. He likes and respects them and he wants to give them space to keep doing what they're doing. And he doesn't think of himself as a good enough person to be around them.

Sidebar: it is really interesting to me that Tachibana's relationship with Meteor and Emoto's relationship with Kengo are so different and don't really overlap (and Meteor and Kengo are like "one of the pairs in the friend group that never really talk to each other and don't really click" lmao. Kengo's message to Meteor in his heartfelt letter being like "sorry we never really got to know each other" had me in stitches). I think so much about how Emoto respected Utahoshi's wish to treat the Core Child as his own son, even though it arguably would have been less complicated/less dangerous for baby Kengo if Emoto had given him a new identity. And then subsequently, how important Kengo's father became to him. And what it meant for Emoto to help create that legacy for Utahoshi, and for Sagittarius in his final moments to heal Kengo so that Utahoshi's son would remain in the world and have a chance to grow up.

Meanwhile I think Emoto went into his relationship with Meteor like "okay, I am actually going to help this kid's friend even if it means letting Aries happen, but I am absolutely going to throw him under the bus and manipulate him ruthlessly :/ I don't have a choice, I need a Kamen Rider Meteor on the scene too much." He really blatantly does shit like step in as Virgo to be like "HEY KID, GO HERE, HINT HINT" when he wants stuff from Meteor and can't figure out a reason Tachibana would give the right instructions. They don't really have a personal relationship or even a very good working relationship and they're basically just using each other. But I think Meteor killing his own good buddy Fourze would have brought up a lot of really intense, painful feelings for Notorious Best Friend Murderer Emoto. I dunno, when Gentaro talked during the Tachibana training arc about how he could feel that Tachibana was wavering and wanted to believe in friendship... I think seeing Gentaro come back from the dead, no harm no foul, and Meteor prove his remorse and be forgiven and accepted back into the group, meant something really important to Emoto. Something that helped him. I don't think giving Meteor his powers back was a decision he made lightly.

#i can never remember tachibana's real name but i looked it up for this post #kamen rider fourze #part 2 about shroud possibly later possibly never

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kingwuko · 3 years

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Wuko in the comics

Welcome to my first post discussing Wuko in the LoK comic books!

This first post will be discussing Turf Wars- which unfortunately does not feature Wu. But there are lots of excellent Mako moments, and there are some major plot points that carry over into the next comic trilogy.

Turf Wars is the first LoK comic trilogy released after the finale. Though it was released two and half years after the finale aired, it picks up right where we left off. While the creators confirmed after the finale aired that Korrasami was canon, the last moments of the animated series were a little ambiguous (on purpose, since this was a time when queer representation was just not considered "acceptable" in children's media-it was truly the only way they could get away with it). The comics definitively remove all ambiguity. Turf Wars features multiple frames of Korra and Asami kissing, holding hands, and coming out to their friends and family.

The overarching plot of Turf Wars is a conflict over the land upon which the new spirit portal sets. There is also conflict between rival Triad gangs, the Triple Threats and the Creeping Crystals, over turf in Republic City following the chaos of Kuvira's invasion. These two sets of turf wars overlap when a business tycoon hires the Triple Threats to secure the spirit portal for him by driving others off. The new Leader of the Triple Threats, Tokuga, is attacked by a spirit defending the portal, causing him to gain a dragon-like appearance and a new agenda-seizing control of all Republic City. In the midst of all this there is a refugee crisis, a presidential election, and Korra and Asami trying to navigate their new relationship once they return to the real world with all their responsibilities.

Notable plot points and character developments:

Korra and Asami canon is confirmed (repeatedly)-They come out to family and their friends

Business owner Wonyong Keum, who owns the land upon which the new portal sits, demands everyone vacate so he can turn it into a tourist attraction for profit-prompting Korra to enter the Avatar state to temporarily drive him away.

An unhappy spirit requests Korra closes the portal to prevent exploitation of the spirit world.

Bolin joins Mako as his rookie detective partner.

Zhu Li is running efforts to care for refugees who lost their homes during Kuvira’s attack and teams up with Asami to begin rebuilding homes for everyone displaced.

Tokuga is introduced as the leader of the Triple Threats, fighting for control of the streets with Jargala, the leader of the Creeping Crystals.

Kya reveals she is queer and gives us a history lesson on the context of LGBTQ+ history in the world.

Tokuga is attacked by the afore-mentioned spirit and his right arm and half his face become dragon-esque.

Raiko is a colossal idiot. He is way too focused on getting reelected and making his decisions based on what his campaign advisor suggests, rather than just, you know, governing his city. He calls the military to occupy the portal, prompting the Airbenders to peacefully protest.

Zhu Li runs against Raiko for the presidency. She rallies more protesters to protect the spirit portal while her husband films her for his newest project- a “docu-mover” which he presumably uses to influence the election.

Asami and Keum are kidnapped by Tokuga and forced to make a poison gas device bring the city under Tokuga’s control.

The Krew manages to save the day of course, thanks to Asami’s wit, Korra’s unstoppable stubbornness, and back-up from Bolin and Mako. Except Mako, bless him, says he’ll “take care of Tokuga”, and then promptly loses him.

Tokuga mysteriously disappears into the spirit world.

Zhu Li wins the presidency.

Korra and Asami share a lovely, romantic moment where they exchange their first “I love you”s at the conclusion of the comic.

Mako scenes

There is no Wu in the Turf Wars comics (Unless you count one line of dialogue where it is mentioned that the Earth Kingdom is sending supplies to help the refugee situation) - however, there is plenty of Mako! Mako’s primary role in this series is as a detective trying to find and stop the Triads from waging their turf war in the city.

Our first scenes with Mako shows him back to being a detective- and his brother is his partner. He doesn’t seem super thrilled to be working with Bolin, but I think it’s just because he knows how his brother is- not that he doesn’t want to spend time with him. They are trying to track down the new leader of the triple threats and control gang activity. Mako’s arm is still in a sling, he’s got his usual brooding grumpy facial expression, and his hair is spiky again! He and Bolin arrest two-toed Ping and try to interrogate him. Two-toed Ping is weirdly proud of Mako and Bolin for rising up from being “nobodies” to a couple of “bigtime cops”.

They catch up with Korra and Asami, and the four of them are alerted by Jinora that the Triple threats are attacking the Airbenders that were meditating at the portal. Asami gets hurt in the battle and she and Korra share a kiss in front of everyone:

Look at Opal’s sweet face. She looks like she’s barely containing her excitement and is maybe squealing a bit, and she’s looking directly at Bolin which I think is a sweet moment to show their relationship. Bolin calls dibs on the first double date.

Mako probably needs time to process the information....

Mako and Bolin do some detective work to try and find Tokuga. There is an interesting scene where they are questioning Scoochy (We saw him in the first season, he’s the kid that told Korra and Mako the Bolin went to do some work for the triple threats before getting captured by equalists) Bolin tells Mako they should do “good cop, bad cop”, with Bolin being the good cop. Mako gets annoyed, and Bolin asks if he’s grumpy because his exes are dating. Mako insists he’s cool with it- though he’s got a distressed look on his face. They catch up to Scoochy and Bolin actually loses his temper and is rather menacing. Mako pulls Bolin back and genuinely connects with Scoochy- relating to his past, pushing him to do the right thing and help others. I really liked this moment because it shows how much character growth he’s had when you compare the way he treated Kai in season 3. (They are ultimately unsuccessful and Scoochy’s tip leads them to a room rigged with explosives- but I don’t think Scoochy knew that, I think he was fed false info).

There’s another touching scene, after Asami is kidnapped, where Mako notices how upset Korra seems as everyone is trying to form a plan to stop Tokuga. He steps aside to check in and see how she’s feeling. He comforts her’ empathizes with her, and reassures her that they are going to find Asami. At this point he seems to have fully processed that they are together and seems to fully accept it and is very supportive. Not easy considering the awkward position he’s in as both their exes. In this scene, Mako also informs Korra that he can’t firebend with his injured arm.

Mako and Bolin helps Korra to find Asami by requesting help from Jargala- in spite of the fact that Chief Beifong told them not to… They show up for Korra and Asami even if it means risking their jobs. They team up and fight the bad guys together, just like the old days.

We see many examples of how bad the damage is from Mako’s injury in the Colossus. He can’t bend with his left arm, it’s in a sling almost the whole comic, and he really doesn’t seem to be at the top of his game. He told Bolin he would take care of catching Tokuga, but apparently couldn’t and lost him. Mako’s injury is pretty bad and it’s probably really frustrating.

At the end, Bolin decides to quit the force (surprise. The guy loves to hop from calling to calling!). He makes a big dramatic speech to Mako, talking about how it’s time they go their separate ways. Mako is like “Um I’m going to see you at home in like two hours”, so it sounds like they are living together.

What all this might mean for Wuko

So now I’m going to try to tie things back into how all this affects the potential of Wuko- whether that’s for headcanons or fics or whatever- and just try to give you an idea of what this comic means for Wuko shippers.

Wu is governing in the Earth Kingdom right now. It is mentioned by Zhu Li that the Earth Kingdom sent supplies, so one can assume Wu has taken his place on the throne and the Earth Kingdom is in a stable enough position to be sending supplies to aid another nation. Nothing is mentioned about efforts to transform the Earth Kingdom into a democratic nation (we’ll get to that in the Ruins of the Empire comics).

Mako’s primary relationships that are explored are with his brother and with Korra. His relationship with Bolin is just as it always is. He loves his brother even if he is a little exhausted by his upbeat, enthusiastic attitude. We build up on his final interaction with Korra from the animated series and continue to firmly establish them as friends and amicable exes. Interestingly, we don’t get any meaningful Mako and Asami interactions. When he is comforting Korra, he relates to her by remembering how worried he was when Korra was kidnapped by Amon. He doesn't try to say “Yeah I’m really worried about Asami too”, which, to me is bizarre because he and Asami are friends too, right? I don’t know if we should read too much into it though- most likely it was just a writing choice that we aren’t meant to psycho-analyze- but it could also mean he is being careful with his words so that Korra doesn’t wonder if he still has feelings for Asami. The love triangle is completely resolved and Mako is out of the picture romantically with either of them and has no lingering romantic feelings. In other words, he is 100% ready available for a relationship with someone else.

The scene where Kya gives us a history lesson establishes how LGBTQ+ people are viewed in the world of LoK. In short, Korra and Asami are fully supported by their friends and family, and even their enemies acknowledge their relationship without any homophobic tones. The closest we get to homophobia is Korra's father, who, after expressing his happiness at their relationship, warns Korra to be cautious going forward because not everyone will be as understanding. Kya gives us a quick lesson on how same-gender relationships are viewed across the nations: The water tribe, being a patriarchal culture, expects discretion. The Earth Kingdom is not particularly accepting-Kya says that Avatar Kyoshi was bisexual but couldn't affect "real change" and that the earth kingdom is the slowest to accept change and is also militarily repressive (full disclosure I have not read the Kyoshi comics, maybe there is additional insight in those?). And in the fire nation, Sozin made same-gender relationships illegal when he took power (I hope Zuko undid all that when he became Firelord). The air nation is the only one that seems truly accepting-Kya paints a picture of total acceptance and says that Aang was supportive when she herself came out. Korra is worried that maybe her father was right, but Asami points out that a lot has changed over the years and everyone seems accepting, especially in Republic City.

I think what we can take away from this as far as Wuko goes- is that in Republic City, same-gender relationships are not much of an issue, while in the Earth Kingdom it could be viewed negatively. One could make a case that Wu might have cause to be closeted, while Mako might not. (Feel free to reject this history canon and substitute your own. I’d just as soon say that no one in the avatar-verse cares if you aren’t cis or het).

In conclusion. Mako is just a guy trying very hard to be a good, supportive friend to his exes who are now dating each other. He loves them (platonically) he loves his brother, he’s kind and has matured a lot, but he still always has a grumpy look on his face so it’s time for him to move on and get together with Wu.

Well, that’s Turf Wars. I did cram the plot of three comic books into one post, so I certainly did not hit all the details. If you feel I missed something crucial, feel free to reblog with your own takes. Next I’ll discuss Ruins of the Empire, in which we get lots of Wu and potential Wuko moments, a sizable helping of angst and even some Wu & Korra friendship! RotE is a really fun comic trilogy and I’ll be breaking it down into multiple posts. Thanks for reading everyone!

Wuko In RotE part 1

Wuko in RotE part 2

#Wuko #Mako #Turf Wars #Lok #King Wu #Prince Wu

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jalapeno-princess · 3 years

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Something There

Prince Mark X Princess reader

Genre: Angst (fluff and potentially smut in the future chapters but this specific chapter is just full of angst).

Word Count: 6.5K

Summary: Ever since you were a little girl, you have been groomed to follow the ways of being royalty. Being a princess had it’s perks; you got to attend all of these fancy balls and parties, you lived in an enormous palace with your family and your best friend just so happened to be a prince of a neighboring kingdom. Everything was seemingly perfect. You barely had any worries other than what you would be like as queen once you would take over the family reign from your parents. You were still so young to be considering what your life would be like in the future, but your parents don’t give you much of a choice once you find out that they have given your hand away in marriage without your knowledge or consent. Although you knew it was going to happen sooner or later and you’ve accepted your fate, you weren’t ready to find out just who you were going to marry--and when it turns out that the man you are meant to spend the rest of your life with just so happens to be the same man you hate with a burning passion.

“Y/n! Are you ready yet? The Parks will be here any minute!”

You giggled softly to yourself at your mother’s hasty words as your chambermaid helped you with the final touches on your hair. That word never set well with you seeing as how Elizabeth—or Lizzie was more like a second mother to you rather than someone who was meant to work for you and do as she was told by your parents.

It wasn’t as though your family was ever mean to her or treated her as a servant. In fact, she was practically family; all of the people who worked your your family were more than just servants and it didn’t feel right calling any of them that. When you were first born, Elizabeth was hired to be your nanny and it was only for up until you were old enough to go to school. However, you quickly grew attached to her and her sweet, gentle and kind-hearted personality.

There were times that you felt as though she was more of a mother to you than your own mother and since you hardly had any friends, she was your confidant and seemingly your best friend. She finished curling the last piece of your hair and playfully squeezed your side as she noticed the wide grin that hasn’t left your face since you heard of the news that Jinyoung was coming over to the palace.

“You look beautiful as always my dear. I’m sure Jinyoung won’t be able to take his eyes off of you. He never seems to every time he comes over.”

If the blush wasn’t already extremely prominent earlier, now you were sure you must have been as red as a tomato. With the last few touches of powder on your nose; although it really wasn’t needed, Lizzie helped you in to your gown, and gave you a sweet smile as she took in you and all of your beautiful glory.

“Time to meet Prince Charming.”

Right as your mom had her hand the doorknob, ready to twist it open, you barely spared her a glance or even a polite greeting before storming past her in to the hallway. You mentally cursed yourself for not asking where the older boy was beforehand; your humble abode or so your parents referred it to was in more or less words gigantic. There were a lot more rooms than your family of five really needed. Twenty-five bedrooms, eighteen baths, three kitchens, a garden, six libraries—honestly you would have been content living in a simple three bedroom house.

You’ve been living in the palace from the moment you were born. All you have ever known was this life. Being a member of the royal family—but not just any member. The heir to the throne. You were the oldest sibling of your parents children. Your sister Angelina was fourteen and your brother Theodore was only seven. It was only natural for you to be the next in line for queen. However, you were growing tired of this life.

Sure, you were extremely grateful for the many blessings that you had because of who you were. You had a roof above your head, you had a great education, a family that loved you, people who took care of you and people who adored you—you were very lucky to be who you were. However, if you had the choice, you would run away; run away with the wonderful man you were only moments away from reuniting with after going weeks without seeing him.

The thought of settling down, moving in to a quaint little farmhouse and starting a family with Jinyoung never failed to make you feel warm and fuzzy on the inside. You’ve known Jinyoung for almost your entire life. In fact, both his and your parents barely gave either of you enough time to learn how to talk before having you play with one another.

Since you were a little girl, Jinyoung was one of the only people your age that you could call a friend. It wasn’t until less than a year ago did your friendship with the handsome prince develop in to something more. You weren’t necessarily dating; Jinyoung claimed it was because he was aware of the fact that royals never got to choose their life partners—parents would decide who their children would spend the rest of their lives with.

Normally, it was with the child of another royal family and in most cases, the eldest child of either family would get married first. You were hoping that your parents brought the two of you together as friends for a reason; so that maybe one day you would become Mrs.Park Jinyoung. Sure, deep down you knew that it wasn’t exactly the most plausible situation but you were hoping and sometimes you’ve prayed that your dreams of marrying Jinyoung would one day come true.

You were still considerably young to be getting married; twenty-one was still an age of adolescence yet you were anticipating your parents giving you away to a future king in less than a year. Until then though, you and Jinyoung were selfish and began to see each other in secret. There were times where you’d sneak out through your window to meet him at a nearby park somewhere or he’d climb a tree just outside your bedroom and you’d find yourselves reading a bunch of books, stealing kisses from each other and just basking in the presence of the other.

As much as you didn’t want to say that your life was rough just because you had everything you could ever want and need—life as a royal could get very rough. There were so many eyes on you; everyone seemingly judged your every move and kept up with all the members of your family. If anyone were to find out about your secret rendezvous with Jinyoung, you were confident that you’d be the talk of the entire town. Plus, you were afraid of the consequences that came with going against your parents wishes or what was considered tradition.

Whenever you’d look at Jinyoung or even just think about him, it was in those moments that you wish you were a common person. The number one thing your heart desired was to spend the rest of your life with the person you loved, not the person your parents set you up with just so that your families would receive social gain and growth in power. You were miserable—not being able to choose your own destiny was heartbreaking and extremely unfair.

Jinyoung was verbal about how unhappy he was that he couldn’t be to you what he wanted to. No matter how hard either of you could try to hide it, there was no ignoring the fact that you and Jinyoung were simply not meant to be. That never stopped you and Jinyoung from doing whatever it was that your hearts desired together. Wherever life ended up taking you, he would always be your first true love.

You were racing down the hallway and wasted no time in guessing where the Parks could have been. The party being held tonight had been planned for months now; neither your father nor your mother went in to detail about what this party was for, but then again your parents were notorious for throwing parties without any actual reason behind them. People would come from near and far, all around the country just to be able to say they attended one of your family’s parties.

Your parents would have entertainment, music, delicious food, beautiful decorations and just nothing but the best ambiance and atmosphere. Once you finally made your way in to the ballroom, your eyes immediately landed on his devastatingly handsome features. God, Park Jinyoung was just the definition of perfect. He was currently dressed in a black suit and a red tie; a combination that you’ve mentioned to him a few times that you found very attractive. It brought a smirk to your face knowing that he was probably thinking about you while deciding what to wear tonight.

He had yet to notice you since he was kneeling on the ground, having a conversation with your younger brother. Watching the two of them interact and hearing the little boy laugh at what you were sure had to be a corny joke of his, you could feel your heart growing heavy. Jinyoung was such a gentleman and took care of both your siblings as if they were his own. He was also extremely kind-hearted and generous towards your parents. They would always ask when the next time he would come over was. He blended right in with your family—you were hopeful that maybe, just maybe your parents would find it in their hearts to break that stupid tradition and allow you and Jinyoung to be together.

You didn’t realize that you were so focused on the current state of your relationship with Jinyoung to notice that he was now walking towards you. The gentle squeeze of your hip broke you out of your thoughts as he dragged his fingers along the side of your cheek; causing goosebumps to raise on your skin.

“Hey princess. I’ve missed you so much. Have you missed me? You look stunning by the way. Simply gorgeous. How’s my favorite girl doing?”

If you weren’t in the middle of the grand ballroom where anyone could have seen the two of you interacting, you probably would have kissed him. His lips looked so soft and so pretty and with he way he was eying you up and down, licking and biting his bottom lip—you wanted to show him the effect his unwavering gaze was having on you.

“I’m doing a lot better now that you’re here. I’ve missed you too Jinyoung. You look very handsome.”

He sent you a flirtatious wink and motioned towards the direction of the library you frequently visited. Any time he hinted towards being intimate with you, you could physically feel your heart beat against your chest. Right as the response of agreement was on the tip of your tongue, a soft voice interrupted any plans you were moments away from having with the older boy.

“Y/n! You look beautiful sweetheart! How have you been? Jinyoung hasn’t stopped talking about you since our last visit—oh, sorry dear, I didn’t mean to—well, it’s not like you try to hide your excitement anyway. It’s so nice to see you again. Where are your parents?”

Mrs.Park pulled you in to a hug and allowed you to greet Mr.Park. To your dismay, in your peripheral vision, you could see the last person you felt like interacting with tonight. The sight of him made your skin crawl and you were sure that if you were to see yourself, you’d be wearing a scowl on your face.

“Mark, sweetie. Aren’t you going to say hello?”

You absentmindedly rolled your eyes at his mother’s curiosity. By his not so subtle scoff and the way he looked around at everyone and everything but you, it was clear that he had the same feelings of disgust as you were currently experiencing. Mark Tuan—he was Jinyoung’s older brother. The oldest of the Park siblings. Why he had a different last name than your best friend; you had yet to understand but you never asked since it wasn’t your business. You just assumed that maybe he took his mother’s maiden name while Jinyoung took their father’s last name.

You’ve known Mark for as long as you’ve known Jinyoung—but unlike the close knit relationship you held with his younger brother, you wanted nothing to do with the sarcastic asshole that was Mark Tuan. Honestly, you could tell by his actions alone that Mark hated you. He had to; there was no real explanation as to why he was so cold towards you and why he made it his responsibility to ignore you and pretend as if you didn’t exist.

When you were younger, you, Jinyoung and Mark often played with each other whenever you’d visit their castle or when they’d come over to your palace. At one point, maybe when you were six and Mark was eight, you considered yourself closer to him than you were with Jinyoung. He was a lot more fun and outgoing when you all were younger—but time was a bitch wasn’t she?

When he turned fourteen, that’s when he ended up cutting you from his life completely. It’s been almost ten years and you still had a difficult time comprehending his rough and crude demeanor towards you. You’ve asked Jinyoung on multiple occasions why Mark changed out of the blue; was something going on at home that seemingly changed him in to such a prick that lived to displease you?

Was it something you said or did that you didn’t realize back then? You weren’t going to lie, you missed Mark. Well—you missed the old Mark. The Mark that would read chapter books to you before you could even read on your own. The same Mark that stayed up till three in the morning with you because you had a nightmare and were too afraid to go back to sleep.

Sure, you should have asked him yourself what led him in to turning against you so that maybe, you’d be able to move on from it and stop blaming yourself for something that was out of your hands. But you were a coward and you were afraid that his behavior was all in your mind. Before anyone could say anything, he stormed past you and made his way in the direction of the kitchen. His mother gave you an apologetic look before bowing in remorse.

“I’m so sorry about him y/n, he’s had an exhausting day but that’s no excuse. We’d better go look for your parents. There’s a lot we need to talk about. You two go have fun. Jinyoung sweetheart, maybe later you can go keep your brother company. We all know how he feels about these parties. It’s always a pleasure seeing you y/n.”

You gave the older lady a gentle smile and allowed both Jinyoung’s parents on their way before motioning him towards your favorite hideaway. You were tempted to reach for his hand which was practically second nature to the two of you, but you were afraid of someone seeing the sudden movement of affection and you refused to allow someone get the two of you in trouble just so they could make a couple more bucks.

It didn’t take you long to make it to the library but once you finally did and locked the door behind you, Jinyoung wasted no time in pulling you against his chest. He swiftly shoved his face in the crook of your neck and left a couple of sloppy kisses against your jaw before looking down at you with a sad smile. His hand was cold as he cupped your cheek and as soon as his lips melded perfectly with yours, all the hostility you felt from earlier with that unnecessary interaction with Mark disappeared. All that mattered in that moment was the beautiful boy who’s embrace you were currently in.

“I’m sorry he’s such an ass. You don’t deserve that kind of mistreatment.”

Out of all the things Jinyoung could say or do, something about the way he cared so much about you and showed you as much as he would tell you made you feel as though your heart was about to jump from out of your chest. If you had it your way, you would have ran away with the boy in question and got hitched a long time ago. It was like this every time you’d be around his entire family. More so whenever Mark was around.

He always seemed to apologize for his brother’s brash actions and responses and you weren’t exactly fond of him anymore, but you did think about him every now and then. You wondered why things ended up the way that they were now—if he ever thought about you in a way other than disgust and hatred, and if he wished your friendship was what it used to be when you were kids. It didn’t matter though; you had many other things to worry about like one day ruling your kingdom and preparing for marriage.

“Hey, everything okay?”

You failed to realize that you were dozing off at the thought of Mark to listen to whatever it was Jinyoung was probably telling you. He continued to give you a look of pure curiosity but you refused to let him know what was going on in your mind. As much as you trusted Jinyoung with your life, you didn’t think he would understand why his brother was now taking up the capacity of your thoughts.

“I’m fine. Shall we go to the library—“

“Not so fast you two. The last time you snuck off to the library, nobody could find you for hours. There is meaning behind tonight’s party and a very important announcement will be made. Let’s go.”

A soft sigh fell from your lips; but it was quickly replaced by a child like grin and blush on your cheeks at the thought of what you and Jinyoung had been doing that warm summer day and why none of the staff nor either of your families could locate the two of you.

By instinct, Jinyoung reached for your hand—one of his favorite things to do with you was hold your hand. On multiple occasions, he has told you that holding your hand made him feel safe and at ease. You were his own personal security blanket. Unfortunately, it was as if he remembered that you weren’t alone. He was quick to retract his hand as he was to reach for yours and it sent a rush of sadness to your chest. If only you could be affectionate with him without having to worry what others would say or think. Hell, you couldn’t give less of a shit if the town were to talk about going against your parent’s wishes to be with the person who owned your entire being. Every time you thought about the future; living in a castle somewhere in the country, having a bunch of kids running around and ruling the Kingdom—Jinyoung was always right there by your side.

“Maybe we can sneak off later once my parents make the announcement.”

He hummed in agreement, but didn’t turn to look at you which was odd. With every chance he could get, he’d look at you while you talked or did practically anything. He just really loved looking at you. Now, his shoulders looked slumped and his excited demeanor from earlier was no longer. This made you wonder if he was upset that the both of you couldn’t get your alone time or if there was something weighing heavy on his mind.

He didn’t seemed bothered when you practically threw yourself in his arms not too long ago but then again, Park Jinyoung was the king of poker faces. If something ever did bother him, you could never tell because he’d never showed it no matter how troubled he was. As you walked in to the dining room, you were surprised to see just how beautifully it was decorated. Sure, your parents would set up the entire palace to look amazing with every party and event that your family held, but something about tonight was different and it worried you that you couldn’t put your finger on it.

“I forgot to tell you, you look breathtaking as always. I can’t seem to take my eyes off of you.”

You looked up at him and smiled fervently—grinning cheek to cheek. Every time he complimented you, you’d feel like a little school girl who had been flirted with by her crush. Jinyoung always knew exactly what to say to make you feel like the most important person in the room. When you entered the ballroom, all eyes immediately turned to face you. You were surprised to see just how many people your parents invited.

Whatever reason they were throwing this party had to be a pretty big deal. You recognized some of the guests to be fellow kings and queens with their families—there was also a couple of dukes and duchesses, governors, mayors and just a lot of important and very powerful people invited. However, you had a feeling with the way everyone seemingly turned their attention to you that this party had to do with you in some way. It wasn’t your birthday, nor did you think you accomplished anything worth celebrating. So why did everyone seem so interested in your sudden appearance?

“Jinyoung.”

“Hmm?”

“Is it just me, or is everyone looking at me?”

He gently squeezed at your side while leading you towards the table that your families were sitting at. The sight of Mark also gazing at you caused your stomach to tighten. As a princess, you were used to this kind of attention—but that was only when you knew the meaning behind it. Right now, you felt uncomfortable and that was an understatement. Mark wasn’t helping with the blank expression on his face. Thankfully, Jinyoung’s presence was taking your mind off of the anxiety building up in your chest.

“You’re the most beautiful girl here. That’s why. I can’t stop looking at you either. Don’t worry about it too much okay? Let’s just enjoy tonight. When we think everyone is distracted, then we can dismiss ourselves and have our own party. How does that sound?”

As much as you wanted to be excited at the thought of finally being alone with the older boy, you couldn’t push back the thought that something bad was about to happen. It was hard to put your finger on it, but something just didn’t feel right. You nodded slowly in agreement, just so that he wouldn’t ask you any more questions. You began to come up with different excuses to leave, but you didn’t want to hear it from your mother.

To your surprise, the night went off without a hitch; although you were still very anxious for reasons you didn’t even know yourself. Since you spent most of the night talking with Jinyoung, you were unable to witness the way Mark was sending daggers across of the table but you could feel him staring at you. As the night went on and it neared the end of the party, you slowly began to relax. Whatever reason the party was thrown for had yet to be made known of, so you assumed your parents either forgot or the reason wasn’t too important.

“Jinyoung.”

“Hmm?”

“I think they’re all distracted. Everyone is either drunk or exhausted and what better time to go than when everyone is—“

“Everyone. I have a very important announcement to make. Please gather around.”

You released a frustrated sigh as all the party guests gathered around the dining hall—filled with curiosity as to what your mother had to say. The suspense has been eating you away at the seams this entire night. Although you had yet to find out exactly what your mother had planned to confess, it didn’t take a genius to know you were involved in the announcement somehow. She grasped at your fathers hand and pulled him next to her; the look of worry on her face didn’t go unnoticed by you. In fact, you had a gut feeling that she probably wanted him there by her side for moral support.

“You all know, that in every royal family the first child is the heir of the kingdom. Our beautiful daughter y/n is going to be twenty-two soon. Although I do believe she is still so young, her father and I have decided that it is time for her to settle down and get married in order to continue our family name for many generations to come.”

As those words fell from her lips, you could feel your throat drying up. Nobody—neither your mom nor your dad said anything of the sort to you. Marriage? Your mom said so herself, you were still so young. Why were they having you get married and why didn’t they talk about this with you before humiliating you in front of hundreds of your guests? This is why she seemed tense the entire day; you should have known there was more to this party than just a simple celebration. Never does she worry about your timeliness like she did earlier. It was all making sense to you—she was worried that you were going to make a run for it if you were aware of what was going to go down tonight.

“Y/n—“

Your parents turned towards you and you completely ignored the look of remorse on your father’s face. How could they do this to you? Jinyoung’s hand slowly made its way up your arm and you were grateful he was trying his best to calm you down because you were only seconds away from having a panic attack. The idea of marriage didn’t bother you. You’ve always dreamt about getting married for such a long time now, but you weren’t ready yet. Especially because you were well aware that the beautiful man who was attempting to take your mind off of your unfortunate situation would not be the man you would call your king—your husband. To your dismay, it only got worse from there. Your mother’s next words made your head spin and you were ready to throw up.

“My husband and I along with the Park family have decided to unite as one in order to better control and take responsibility of our two kingdoms. Our two kingdoms will now become one on marriage. Since they’re both the eldest, Y/n and their oldest son Mark are set to marry in two months—“

You couldn’t even let her finish before storming out of there completely. The atmosphere was suffocating and you were on the verge of passing out. Just at the sound of his name with yours in the same sentence as marriage made your head spin.

There was no way—no way in hell that you were going to marry Mark Tuan. They couldn’t force you to marry him. You haven’t had a genuine conversation with him for over nine years and every time you did have to talk with him, his words were always filled with malice and disgust. You were extremely vocal about the fact that your friendship with Mark was no longer what it used to be when the two of you were kids. Your mother knew all about your grudge against the older boy and how he always tried to make you feel bad about yourself, so why did either of your parents feel like setting up an arranged marriage with a man you were sure wanted nothing to do with you?

Did you do something to anger them? Did they just so happen to find out about you and Jinyoung and were angry with the idea of you sneaking behind their backs and going against royal tradition? How could they force you to marry the brother of the man who was the rightful owner of your heart? There was no way you could do it.

There was no way you could ever see Mark in a way other than disgust. How could you spend your life with someone you’ve spent more time bickering with and insulting than having an actual decent interaction? You can’t even remember the last time he said hello to you without throwing in a crude comment. Once you made it to your room, you slammed the door and sank to the ground while tears built up in your eyes.

Since you ran without hearing the entire announcement, you failed to learn all of the details behind the marriage but you didn’t care. You were set on running away—or at least you weren’t going to give up without a fight. You were old enough to make your own decisions. As much as you loved your parents, you couldn’t help but think that marrying you off to Mark was to bring more power and wealth to both his family and yours.

Bringing up the idea of marrying Jinyoung was weighing heavy on your heart—you would still be becoming one kingdom, but just with a different son. Your parents brought you and Jinyoung together all those years ago for a reason didn’t they? Was it not to get the two of you to become close so that you’d get used to one another and end up agreeing to marriage? God, you wanted to scream to the top of your lungs but nothing was coming out. You felt defeated—broken, helpless.

You didn’t know how long you were sitting on the ground for, but when you heard the soft knock on your door you were hoping that it was the only person you wanted to see right now. Knowing how he could be though, there was a chance it wasn’t Jinyoung. He was the kind of person who wanted to give you your space for a few moments before allowing you to lean on him and as much as that was a quality of his that you admired, there was nothing you wanted more than for him to hold you and to tell you that everything was going to be alright. You were met with disappointment when you opened the door to Lizzie, but that was only because she wasn’t Jinyoung.

Jinyoung.

How was he feeling at the news? The two of you might not have been an actual couple, but there was a mutual unspoken agreement that you belonged to each other. His heart was yours just as much as yours was his. He was the man whose wedding ring you wanted on your finger. He was the man whose arms you wanted to fall asleep in and whose kisses you wanted to be waken up with in the morning. You wanted nothing more than to have mini Jinyoung’s running around the palace and you wanted to rule the kingdom with him by your side.

Due to tradition however, you accepted the fact that the life of your dreams would never happen. The two of you kept sneaking around and ignoring the fact that the chances of the two of you actually ending up together were even more slimmer than the chances of him becoming king one day. However, you held on tightly to the hope that one day, your parents would come to the conclusion that tradition is stupid and there’s no legitimate reason as to why royal families continued to follow it.

Did he know about this? There’s no way he could have. He would have warned you wouldn’t he? Both you and Jinyoung told one another every single thing that went on in your life. Whether it was good news or bad—he’d celebrate with you if something good happened and he’d comfort you if the world wasn’t on your side. If he even had the slightest hunch about his parents along with your parents wanting to marry off you and Mark, he would have told you about it. Or at least, you would want him to. But you couldn’t read minds; you didn’t know what he was thinking and this now made you wonder—what did Mark think? Did he know about the arranged marriage?

Was he as hurt and disturbed at the news? Did he run away like you had not too long ago or was he currently trying to get his parents to change their minds? Everything was just too much and your mind was racing. Thankfully, instead of saying anything, Lizzie pulled you in to her arms and softly began to run her fingers through your hair. She didn’t say anything as she consoled you which is what you preferred. It boggled your mind sometimes; she was more of a mother to you than your own. Your parents were always so busy with their duties to really pay attention to you and your siblings.

Lizzie practically raised you, which is why you weren’t surprised that she knew exactly what to do to get you to calm down. You couldn’t even count on two hands just how many times you’ve cried in front of her and how she got you to settle down before things got worse. When you felt her run her thumbs right under your eyes, that’s when you were made aware that you were crying. Though, who could blame you?

Sure, you’ve been groomed to do whatever your parents told you to and you were aware of the fact that it was highly likely for your hand to be given away in marriage to someone not of your choice since you were old enough to grasp the idea of marriage. Yet—you weren’t prepared to go along with any of this. Once Lizzie felt as though your sobs slowly silenced, she led you over to your bed and had you sit down before taking her place right next to you. With all the energy you could muster, you placed your head on her shoulder as a exasperated groan fell from your lips.

“I know I should have known something like this was coming, but I don’t think I can do this.” The comforting touch of both her hands on either sides of your arms relaxed you quite a bit, but you were still so frustrated.

“I know sweetheart and I’m so sorry it has to be this way—but you and I both know you have to. There’s no getting out of this.”

She was right; you’d never have enough courage to run away and you were confident that even if he did care about you and wanted to be with you, Jinyoung loved his mother too much to do such a thing like that. You too loved your parents too much to dishonor them by not going along with their wishes. However, you wanted to be selfish. You wanted to choose yourself first this time. From the moment you realized you were a princess, you followed every single one of your parents orders no matter how much you disagreed with it. This time around was different. This time—your heart desired to put yourself first and there was no way in hell you were going to take Mark’s last name and move in to the same palace as him.

“But Lizzie—“

“No buts my dear. I know, trust me. I wish things could be different, but this is an example of why being a royal isn’t all that people assume it to be. Yes, you have privilege and luxury, but at a cost. In your situation, you can’t be with the person you love. Hey, Mark seems like a nice guy and he’s very good looking—“

“Haha, very funny. Mark Tuan? Nice? I don’t think those three words belong in the same sentence. He’s the biggest asshole I know. He hates my guts. You don’t see the way he looks at me Liz, it’s like I’m the scum of this earth—the dirt underneath his fancy dress shoes. This marriage will never work.”

She got up from the bed and you looked up at her in curiosity but she didn’t give you any chance to ask what she was doing before the older lady made her way over to your closet. A tiny smile rose on your face as you saw her preparing your nightgown; you were ready to call it a night after the mess of events you just went through and you could only pray neither your parents were going to come find you and bring you back outside. As she helped you out of your dress, you released a sigh of comfort. One would think being a princess was so much fun because you got to dress up for parties, but if you had the choice you would wear a pan suit.

“He doesn’t hate you—and before you give me that look, I actually observe the way he looks at you. You on the other hand, I don’t think you get to see the way he looks at you. You’re too busy ogling his younger brother to even notice him at all. I don’t think it’s my old eyes deceiving me, but I think he looks at you—well not at you, but he looks at Jinyoung in jealousy.”

You couldn’t help yourself; a sarcastic chuckle came from the back of your throat at her revelation. Mark? Jealous? Of what? What was there for him to be jealous of? By the knowing look on her face, and from past experiences of how slow you were whenever it came to realizing things, she opened her mouth and spoke before you could even ask what she was referring to.

“He really has no reason to be jealous. You’re just being silly. Why would he be jealous of Jinyoung?”

As much as you admired and loved Lizzie, you couldn’t believe one word that was coming out of her mouth. There was no way Mark would ever see Jinyoung as competition and they weren’t exactly close, but at least they were civil.

“Why would he be jealous? Well, there’s a lot I don’t know about their relationship but what does Jinyoung have that Mark doesn’t?”

“You.”

#got7 imagines #mark tuan #got7 mark #got7 #mark tuan imagines

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thedanceronthestreets · 3 years

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PEDRO PASCAL GQ GERMANY - OCTOBER 2020

Original text by Esma Annemon Dil

Fotos by Doug Inglish

Styling by Simon Robins

Translated by @thedanceronthestreets

Intro: A broken tooth could almost have been the reason for our meeting with Pedro Pascal to be cancelled - and with that our conversation about roots, his new movie and times of change.

Interview: It is almost eery how empty the streets of Los Angeles are under the gleaming sun. While Europe is finding its "new normal", people in L. A. are cutting their own hair even without being neurotics. Many of them have not seen their friends in half a year. The pandemic is out of control. So are the reactions to the situation. Inviting someone to a "distance drink" in the backyard can lead to the same consternation as proposing a relationship partner exchange.

All the more of a surprise was Pedro Pascal's immediate confirmation. To the drink, not the partner exchange. He is one of the winners this year - and if Corona had not forced the movie industry to go on a holiday, he probably would not have had the time for this drink. After "Game of Thrones", the series in which his head was squished, followed 2015 the leading role in "Narcos" as a DEA agent on the hunt for Pablo Escobar, and now the leap onto the big Hollywood screen. As of 1. October the Chilean will appear in the blockbuster "Wonder Woman 1984". Furthermore, the second season of the "Star Wars" series "The Mandalorian" will start in October with him as the main character - unfortunately underneath the helmet. But we all seem to be under the same helmet in 2020. It is this man we want to meet, who worked as a waiter in New York a couple of years ago. Whose parents are political refugees that settled in Texas, and one day their son decided to walk into a drama club in high school.

And then the cancellation. While we were preparing the house and garden for Pedro's drink and fashion shoot, which isn't an easy task under L. A.'s restrictions, his management called in with terrible news: Pedro has - no, not Corona - had to receive emergency surgery due to a sore tooth and is now lying in bed with a swollen cheek, making talking or shooting impossible. The sun shines onto empty streets. And our empty garden.

A few days later, he stands in front of the door anyway, no huge bulge in his face, but stitches in his gum. No limousine service that dropped him off, he arrived in his own car and picked up his makeup artist on the way. He helps her to carry in all the equipment and states first and foremost: "I've got time today!" What a star! It does not seem like we are about to ask him how he managed to become a Hollywood sensation, but rather him asking us that question. Pedro Pascal! So, what kind of star is he then?

Pedro Pascal: Sorry for ruining your plans. The operation was a total emergency.

GQ: Really? We were wondering whether the swelling was the result of a secret trip to the plastic surgeon. Apparently, because of the quarantine in Hollywood, their schedules are packed.

Sorry to disappoint you. A few days before our appointment I raced to the hospital with a tooth fracture and the worst pain I've ever felt - a hospital where the severe Corona cases are treated. I was unable to contact any dentists! Right before I parked, a specialist called back. I'll spare you the details of the surgery, gruesome. The pain was excruciating despite the 10 anaesthetic shots. The doctor said I wasn't the only one going through this, a lot of people grind their teeth at night thanks to stress.

What are you most afraid of at the moment?

The way the government is handling the pandemic scares me more than the virus itself. The lack of intelligent crisis management is a moral disgrace. The leadership crisis makes orphans out of all of us - we're left to fend for ourselves.

How have you spent the last few months?

With frozen pizza in jogging trousers in Venice Beach. I live in a rear building that's in the garden belonging to a family. In reality there are enough good takeout restaurants around that area, but for some reason I like salami pizza from the supermarket.

That doesn't exactly sound like the movie star lifestyle. What does it feel like to be forced from top speed to zero?

Considering the things happening in this world, my own state really isn't the top priority. But I would have to lie, if I said I wasn't disappointed. The entire cast and crew of "Wonder Woman 1984" put so much heart and soul into the production. We had so much fun on set. I had hoped to carry this feeling of exuberance around the globe to the openings of this movie.

You are part of a political, socialist family that fled the Pinochet regime in Chile. What do you remember from back then?

My sister and I were born in Chile, but I was only nine months old when we claimed asylum in Denmark. From there, we moved to San Antonio in Texas, where my dad worked as a doctor in a hospital.

Texas isn't exactly considered to be socialist utopia. How well did you settle in?

San Antonio isn't a cowboy city but rather very diverse with large Asian, Afro-American and Latino communities. In my memory it's a romantic place, culturally inclusive. The cultural shock only hit when we moved to Orange County in California later. Suddenly, the environment was white, preppy and conservative.

How were you welcomed in California?

To this day I'm ashamed when I think about how I let my classmates call me Peter without correcting them. I'm Pedro. Even without growing up in Chile, the country and language are part of me. I was quite unhappy in that place. At least I was able to switch schools and visit one in Long Beach, where I felt more comfortable. With its theatre programme, I found my path.

Could you visit your family's homeland as a child?

Yes, after my parents ended up on a list of expats that were permitted to re-enter the country. First, there was a big family gathering, then me and my sister were parked at some relatives' place for a few months while my parents returned to Texas. They probably needed a break from us. They'd had us at a very young age, had a vibrant social life, and my mother was doing her doctorate in psychology.

Was your mother a typical young psychologist that tested her knowledge at home?

You mean whether I was her lab rat? Absolutely. I can remember weird sessions camouflaged as games, where someone would watch my reactions to different toys. Even though I couldn't have been older than 6, I knew what was happening. My favourite thing was to be asked about my dreams. That was always a great opportunity to make up fantastic stories.

Was that your first performance?

Definitely! My strong imagination alarmed my mother, because I'd rather live in my fantasy world than in real life. I didn't like school. I ended up in the "problematic kid" category. At some point the subjects got more interesting and my grades improved. So many children are unnecessarily diagnosed with learning disabilities without considering that school can be daunting. Why is it acceptable to be bored out of your mind in class, when there are more stimulating ways to convey knowledge?

With everything happening in the world this summer: Do you believe that social hierarchy structures are genuinely being reconsidered?

Hopefully. After the lockdown my first contact with people was at the Black Lives Matter protest. The atmosphere was peaceful and hopeful until the police got involved and provoked violence. At least during these times we can't avoid problems or distract ourselves from them as easily as we usually do. It seems that the pandemic provided us with a new sense of clarity: we don't want to go on like this.

The trailer of "Wonder Woman 1984" represents the optimism of the 80s. That almost makes one feel nostalgic nowadays.

That holds true. It's two hours of happiness. Patty Jenkins, the director, managed to make a movie full of positive messages. We shot in Washington, D. C., then in London and Spain - which now sounds like a different time.

Do you miss travelling?

I've only now realised what a privilege it is to just pack up your things and fly anywhere. With an American passport you can travel freely. And that's why the small radius we live in now is kind of absurd. Over the last few years I often retreated in between takes, because I was always on the road and overstimulated. Friends complained about how comfortable I had become. We all took social interactions for granted and realise now how reliant we are on human connection. Now, I wistfully think about all the party and dinner invitations I declined in the past.

In L. A., people spend more time indoors or in nature than in other metropolises. Could this city become your safe haven after New York City?

My true home is my friends. Ever since I was young I've lived the life of a nomad and haven't set roots anywhere. Until recently, my physical home was a place for arriving and leaving and hence I didn't want to overcomplicate living by owning lots of things. The opposite actually: Without having read Marie Kondo's book, I got rid of all the stuff that was unnecessary and lived a very minimalistic lifestyle.

Is there something you collect or could never say goodbye to?

Books! I still own the literature I read during my teen and university years. Recently I found a box of old theatre scripts and materials back from my uni days at NYU. I can't separate from art either, same as lamps or old pictures. Furniture and clothes are no problem though, they can be chucked.

Do you remember any roles that were defined by their costumes?

Yes, "Game of Thrones" comes to mind immediately. During that time I first understood what it means, as an actor, to be supported by a look. I owe that to costume designer Michele Clapton. She developed these very feminine robes and brocade cloaks for my role that looked very masculine when I wore them. I felt sexy in them. And very important were of course Lindy Hemming's power suits and Jan Sewell's blond hair for the tycoon villain Maxwell Lord in "Wonder Woman 1984". Relating to the style, I couldn't really see myself in the role since the shapes and colours of the 80s don't really fit my body. My type is the 70s.

Do you adopt such inspirations into your private closet?

At this point in time, I'll choose any comfortable outfit over a cool look. Sometimes I mourn the days when I defined myself with fashion. It's a bit mad when I think about how, in the 90s as a teenager, I would go to raves; a proper club kid with crazy outfits: overalls, chute trousers, soccer shirts and a top hat like in "The cat in the hat knows a lot about that!" by Dr Seuss. Later in NYC I was part of a group that placed immense value on wearing a certain style. The fact that I only walk around in joggers nowadays is actually unacceptable!

Normally, actors who work on comic screen adaptations become bodybuilders and eat ten boiled chicken breasts per day. You don't?

My body wouldn't be able to handle that. I find it difficult enough to maintain a minimum level of fitness. As of your mid 40s, you suddenly need a lot more discipline. Until the tooth incident happened, I worked out a couple of times a week with a trainer to keep the quarantine body in shape.

What would annoy you the most, if you were your own roommate?

I can be very bossy. I have to gather all my goodwill not to force my movie choice on to everyone else. When I want something, I'm not passive aggressive about it, I attack head on. Also, I can get caught up in tunnel vision: When i feel down, I can't imagine that I'm ever going to feel better again. I have difficulty with seeing the bigger picture when experiencing problems or emotions. Method acting really wouldn't be my thing. That's why I try to only work on projects that feel good and where people encourage and lift each other up.

While you were trying on the outfits you pointed out a lack of self-esteem. How does that coincide with your career?

Isn't it interesting how traits and circumstances go hand in hand? Self-esteem comes from the inside, but it's also influenced by what society believes. We use critical stares from the outside against ourselves. I lived in New York for 20 years, I studied there and worked as a waiter up until my mid 30s, because I couldn't live off acting. It was always so close. The disappointment of always just barely missing a perfect part or opportunity is exhausting. When is the right time to stop trying and what's plan b? That's not just a question actors ask themselves, but anybody who struggles to earn a livelihood - unrelated to how much potential they have or how close their dream may seem. We are beginning to see now how our narrow definition of success is destroying our communities. At the same time, it's becoming obvious that, until this day, your family background and skin colour determine your chances of living a dignified existence.

What are the positives of becoming a leading man later in life?

I have the feeling that I've got control over my life - without the pressure of having to accept projects or be a social media personality. That surely also has to do with the fact that I'm a man. Women are surely pressured to appear quirky at any age.

Life is always a management of risks - especially at this time. For what would you risk losing something?

Usually, if you don't play the game you're not going to win anything. That applies to friendship, love, work, creativity. Anything that really means something to me, is worth the risk.

Wonder woman 1984 will appear in cinemas 01.10. The 800 million dollar earning DC comic franchise is moving into the New York 80s with its sequel. It looks spectacular - only Pedro Pascal with blond hair in a three piece Wall Street suit looks better.

#pedro pascal #gq germany #Gq

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theadrogna · 3 years

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Dream Show Challenge 2.0

@singledarkshade came up with the Dream Show challenge last year, where we had to give her a list of 7 TV shows or films and we were given a cast of 7 actors in return. This time we were given someone else’s cast and were allowed to recast one character (plus add some if we wished). This time I came up with:

Virtuality

Synopsis:

Good people die before their time and it happens every day. Eli Danzig is doing his best to change that. He invents a way to upload consciousness to an online server where the dead can live out a normal life in a virtual environment. He builds an entire world to keep his uploaded souls entertained, making it as lifelike as possible. Huge amounts of processing power are required so Eli must choose his clients carefully.

The electronic world is called Virtuality and the uploaded persons are known collectively as the digi-souls. Virtuality has a small but growing population, which is a continuing concern as it means more storage space is always needed. Eli funds his enterprise by playing the stock market using his AI Tallis to filter information and predict stock prices. Sometimes he sells patents for the things that the digi-souls invent, but more often they give their inventions away for free. However, money is always a worry because none of this is a stable source of income.

Cast:

Eli Danzig (Donald Glover) – Eli is a young computer programmer of genius level intellect. He came from a poor background, and was the first in his family to attend university. He is determined to make things better for people, by improving society. He believes that “only the good die young” is a real problem, and if he could keep the good people in the world for longer then maybe more good could be done. He invents a digital after-life for people to upload their consciousness to, but he must maintain it a secret to keep the unscrupulous from corrupting it or destroying it. He researches every person very carefully before inviting them to join Virtuality.

Ashura Hadid (Tala Ashe) – Ashura is a terminal cancer patient who becomes one of Eli’s digi-souls. She is a prize-winning journalist and novelist, known for taking on difficult stories about things that people would rather keep hidden. She’s recently been looking into CharterTech, owned by Maggie Charter as part of a series on corruption in tech companies, but most of her efforts are going into completing her final novel. Eli and Ashura have undeniable chemistry, but live in very different worlds. She is very driven and moral, always looking for new ways to expose corruption and wrong doing.

Oren Murphy (Jim Byrnes) – Oren was Eli’s professor at University. He made sure that Eli got the scholarship that he needed to attend, and then acted as his mentor. He suffered from high blood pressure and had multiple strokes. He agreed to be Eli’s test case for Virtuality and was the first digi-soul to be uploaded. He is a calming influence on Eli’s life, often being the one to counsel him out of a rash decision.

Shona Lennox (Sophia di Martino) – Eli’s technician, she has a background in medical devices and large-scale genetic information storage. She built the mainframe and worked out how to put into practice Eli’s ideas. She often finds herself in unusual situations now she is working for Eli, but likes her new job and the excitement it brings, even if she complains about it. She used to work for CharterTech but Eli doesn’t know that when he hires her. When she leaves CharterTech she decides to start self-defence classes and can definitely handle herself in a crisis.

Ryan Fournier (Joey Batey) – Ryan is an inventor who has been responsible for some of the world’s most important leaps forward in technology, including making ecological sources of power more viable, such as wind and solar power. He is a problem solver and a big ideas guy. Unfortunately, he was born with a genetic condition that meant he died young, but he is now one of Eli’s digi-souls and living on in the Virtuality. He loves nothing better than to sit down with a problem and work out a solution, but occasionally he realises what he’d missing out on in the real world and ends up depressed and unhappy.

Chie Ohta (Naoko Mori) – Chie is a medical researcher and entrepreneur, but she was unable to save herself from a rare blood disease, despite years of trying. In the process she brought many other useful pieces of medical technology to the market and helped save the lives of countless people with cures for diseases. She loved her work, but always knew she was on borrowed time. She left behind a husband and children, who have no idea of her new existence. She continues to check up on them, despite Oren’s suggestion that this isn’t a good idea.

Maggie Charter (Alison Janney) – Maggie is a self-made woman, in the way that all billionaires are self-made. She inherited a fortune from her politician father and invested in business. She had a technical background so she picked tech companies as an obvious interest. She now owns CharterTech, one of the largest technical manufacturing companies in the world. She once tried to recruit Eli and has never been pleased that he turned her down. She knows nothing about Virtuality but has heard rumours that someone was working on something like it.

Tallis (Arthur Darvill) – Tallis is the AI personality that maintains the Virtuality. He is often mistaken for one of the digi-souls by the newly uploaded as he is so lifelike. He is polite and caring, always available to listen. He is Eli’s friend and also occasional advisor. Tallis means “knowledge” and he has access to all of the world’s online resources.

Occam (Karen Gillan) - Is another AI, built by CharterTech. She is new and unruly, but very quick to follow her creator’s orders. Sparks fly between her and Tallis.

Episodes:

Episode 1: Virtually Home

Ashura Hadid, prize winning writer, is dying at the age of 38. It’s not fair, it’s not right and she is having none of it. She is being treated for an aggressive brain tumour, but decides to stop treatment when it becomes clear that it will impact her ability to write and finish her final novel. The novel is partly a work of fiction but is also based on real life events at a chemical factory in the city that she has been researching.

Eli Danzig introduces himself to her and explains that he can offer her a second chance at life, by uploading her mind to Virtuality. She explains that she has no money and Eli tells her how he finances the project. She will never have to pay to live there. Ashura questions Eli further about the procedure and Virtuality itself. Eli tells her that he chooses young people, like Ashura, who have died before their time and had great contributions to make to society. They live in a computer generated world where things are simple but they can continue to work and interact with each other. However, they cannot have contact with the outside world, because Virtuality is a secret. It isn’t ready to be opened up to the world, there isn’t enough storage space on Earth to facilitate it. He doesn’t want it to be something that only the rich have access to, so he has decided to choose who gets to go there.

Elsewhere, Maggie Charter discusses her heart condition with her doctor and hears that she may only have a few months to live. She is 61 years old and a tech mogul. For years she has been looking for a way to cure her heart disease. Her network of corporate spies have heard of a young man with an unusual portfolio of patents and a strange pattern of spending on digital storage. She finds out that it is Eli and decides to look into what he is doing more.

Over the course of their discussions, Eli and Ashura grow closer. Eli’s AI partner, Tallis, warns him that he cannot form emotional attachments to the Digi-souls. Ashura will die soon and then Eli will only be able to have limited interaction with her through the interface he has built. Ashura thinks over the proposal and decides to take the plunge. Episode 1 ends with her death. However, Ashura doesn’t die of brain cancer, she is found murdered in her apartment.

Episode 2: Extra Life

Eli must upload Ashura within 12 hours of her death to retain all of her memories, after that time degradation begins to take place. Eli races against time to reach Ashura in the morgue and take the brainwave recording that he needs. Shona Lennox, Eli’s technician, ends up breaking in while Eli creates a computer distraction. They are finally able to upload Ashura’s consciousness, but she has forgotten the days before her death, and they are unable to find out who killed her. She has also forgotten who Eli is.

Meanwhile in Virtuality, the digi-souls try to analyse Ashura’s work for the likely culprit and begin putting together a picture of who it might be. Someone at CharterTech seems a very strong candidate, but then they discover that Ashura was close to uncovering a chemical spill which derails their ideas.

Episode 3: Online Banking

Maggie is putting together more about Eli and his weird ability to make money from stock market trades and a portfolio of patents that seem to have little in common. She uncovers more about the shell companies that he trades through and puts more pieces together. Tallis flags up her interest and Eli works to cover his tracks. It’s the worst time for Ryan to make a major breakthrough in water purification that could save hundreds of lives, but only if they can get it to the right people. With Maggie watching everything that Eli and Shona are doing in the real world, perhaps only the virtual world can get the idea where it needs to be, especially as Ryan is feeling like his efforts don’t matter as he reads yet another news article on how climate change isn’t real.

Shona is contacted by her former boss at CharterTech who invites her to return, but Shona turns them down. The concerning part is that she’s being asked to work on an AI project called Occam. Ashura continues her investigations into CharterTech whilst rekindling her past relationship with Eli.

Episode 4: Occam’s Razor

Maggie has a heart attack, but survives, however she is becoming more and more concerned about her health. She brings online her own AI, Occam and begins to sift through all of the information that she can acquire on medical technology. Occam comes across Chie’s work when she was alive. No one else seems to have been quite as close to curing the heart issue that Maggie has. Occam notices that Eli’s shell company has patented some devices that were based on Chie’s work. In fact, Occam notices that this is something of a trend in Eli’s patent’s and brings together the other work that he has done to see something that Maggie has been unable to see up until this point. Eli may have some way of accessing the brains of the dead.

Episode 5: Reality Bytes

Ryan is bored and ends up creating a virtual ant colony that soon gets out of control, causing all sorts of trouble for Virtuality. Tallis is very much not amused at the replicating program that Ryan has introduced to the system. He and Oren are left to deal with it with only minimal input from Eli as he is being sued by CharterTech over one of his patents. It looks like a lawsuit brought specifically to waste his time, but there doesn’t seem to be anyway to circumvent it, especially with everyone else busy with the increasingly problematic (and storage sucking) ant farm.

Episode 6: Denial of Service

Someone tries to hack into Virtuality and it is up to Eli and the digi-souls to stop them. Chie finds out that her teenage daughter has a new boyfriend, and against Tallis’ advice she looks into him and discovers that he has a possible chromosomal abnormality which could lead to an early death. Chie tries to decide whether she should find a way to let her husband know.

Eli and the others successfully prevent the hack but are worried that someone now knows of the existence of Virtuality. Certainly someone is testing their defences. Shona finally tells Eli that she used to work for CharterTech and the fallout is unfortunate.

Episode 7: Second Life

Eli finds a possible new candidate for Virtuality and starts his due diligence. Usually Shona would be involved in this process but their recent falling out means that things are not running smoothly. The new prospect seems like the perfect candidate and Eli almost begins his usual approach, until Oren uncovers some anomalies that Eli had missed. They may not even exist at all. The question is, who knows enough about Virtuality to do something like this?

Tallis uncovers the existence of Occam, and there is a brief encounter where they size each other up. Occam is identified as the force that tried to hack Virtuality before.

Episode 8: Power Switch

City-wide power outages see Eli scrambling to ensure Virtuality doesn’t go down and lose all the digi-souls. Shona returns to help and the two resolve their differences whilst saving the world that they built together. The digi-souls come up with increasingly desperate plans to produce the power they need to survive, but save the day in the end. Ryan puts together new plans to ensure it never happens again.

Episode 9: Deleted

Ashura finally gets to the bottom of who murdered her and it was nothing to do with CharterTech or Maggie. Her exposé of a chemical company’s disregard for environmental law was the issue that caused her death. Shona uses some contacts to get the police involved and the digi-souls help Ashura gather enough evidence to get the culprit put away in jail for a long time.

Eli and Ashura address some of the issues with their relationship, but resolve to give it a go, despite the obvious barriers.

Episode 10: Boss Fight

Maggie and Occam finally uncover the existence of Virtuality and the digi-souls. The finale sees Maggie managing to force her way into the digital world, whilst Occam and Tallis fight it out. Eli and Shona do their best to help Tallis, but find their offices raided and their technology confiscated. Maggie gets time to get a foothold, but the strain is too much on her heart.

Just as Eli and Shona find their way back in, Maggie dies in the real world. Eli can either choose to kill her for good or keep her malevolent presence in Virtuality. Tallis isn’t too keen on sharing with Occam either.

#Dream Show #Dream show 2.0 #RBACL #RBACL QCC

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aibrepus · 3 years

Text

Hello. This is probably my last post on this blog, I don't intend to post any more after that. My reach for some reason has been getting ridiculously small these days and I have over 300 followers who don't interact with me, in any way.

This is more of an outburst than anything else. I am constantly taking impulsive desperate attitudes that are supposed to make people look at me and this is just one more of them, although it almost never works. I doubt anyone will read this.

My name is C. I am 16 years old. I'm brazilian, so I apologize for gramatical mistakes. I wrote this text when I was 15 or 14, but I updated it. I've tried to publicize it before. I'm trying again.

First, I have a dysfunctional family. It was something that happened when my stepfather arrived many years ago, I was 6 or 7 at the time. My mom is divorced and I don't know my biological dad. She raised me and my older brother on her own and was always looking for steady partners because of - which I didn't understand before but now I see - financial issues. She was a teacher, now retired, so our condition of life was very simple. My stepfather is also retired and has always been paid very well, compared to her. So they started dating and I was too young to see any problems with that or even to understand what that meant. He brought more money to our family and the financial stability that my mother was looking for. We left a tiny and falling apart house to live in a much bigger and more beautiful one. He looked ok at first. But after a while it seemed that my stepfather didn't really like the way our family worked or the way my mother treated me and my brother and decided that he wanted things his way. I also remember very well the first times he raised his voice to me or my brother and one of the things I most regret in life is to have let him go around dictating rules over us from the beginning, because letting it all happen just ruined my family. My stepfather started to become unbearable for both of us. Nothing was ever good for him. He was always pointing out defects in everything we did. He was always screaming. He was always talking to my mother about how she had raised us wrong. Everything had to be his way, how he wanted it, when he wanted it. It became a problem for us in a very short time. My mother also ended up moving to something a little more like him, since the way she acted "was not good". I remember thinking to myself about these things since I was 8 years old. My brother and I hated him. Soon my mother and stepfather became my two greatest enemies and this is still the case today.

Basically, to save your time, I spent all these last years of my life hating my stepfather so hard that everything he does disgusts me. When I'm on his side, it feels like I'm on the side of a complete stranger. Everything I do inside this house is meticulously thought out and planned to please everyone and especially him. The simplest tasks become nervous anxiety at the thought that I may be doing something wrong. Anything is a reason to complain and raise his voice. And now, as I said, it is not just him, because my mother is not very different and recently it has been even worse. In the beginning of my adolescence, when my family became really unbearable, I started to isolate myself in my room all day and now I just go out to eat and use the bathroom. And I do it precisely to avoid meeting anyone. I don't even eat with them anymore.

My mother is a submissive woman who knows very well that our family is horrible but we still depend on his money. That's why they never fought and got along as far as possible because she never opposes him, always agrees on everything. My relationship with her is terrible. I remember that before my stepfather our life was simpler but we were happy in some way and now because of the decision that my mother made our family is totally over. Nobody here spends a day without complaining about the other. My brother is always getting more credit than I am for things he doesn't even do. I have always been a good daughter. I were always a quiet child, my grades were always great. My brother is a grown man with 20 years on his back who can't find a job, is still in high school because he repeated two years and does nothing at home but always receives the best things while I always stay with the rest and have to run after absolutely everything. I see people talking about their brothers with that "we fight, but we love each other" story and all I can feel is envy because I never had this relationship with him. We hate each other as much as we hate my stepfather.

Last year, when I had just returned from school, the two fought. My mom was still working, so she wasn't at home. I was inside my room with the door closed, as usual. Recently my mother had talked to my stepfather about us to try to ease the situation. I heard him entering the room where my brother was. He complained about collecting clothes on the clothesline. He muttered "and then you two complain about me" and then went to the kitchen. My brother followed and retaliated for the first time. My stepfather must have come over to hold him or something and they started fighting. Really fighting. Punching each other. I heard the sound of someone fiddling with the sink drainer and then my stepfather told my brother to lower something. I was terrified. I started to cry and to shake. I took out my cell phone and my headphones and put the music on at maximum so I wouldn't have to listen. I sent a message to my mom saying what was going on. Of course, one hour they stopped. I was crying all afternoon. I've never been so scared.

Most of my problems are related to my family.

2016 was the worst year of my life because of them. The fights were very constant since the beginning of the year. At that time I was entering 6th grade and my grades plummeted. I couldn't concentrate on classes, I didn't have the willpower to do the activities, or the school works that I never used to do, or anything, whether it was related to school or not. Before that the situation was already terrible but I believe that that year it started to really get worse. I had no friends. I had just changed schools and was completely alone. My self-esteem was horrible. There was only one girl who talked to me but she was always exchanging me for other people and leaving me aside. I was always an introvert, very quiet, and I couldn't make friends at all. This girl was doing me really bad - once, we were talking to our history teacher and she told me that I was despicable for being very pessimistic and for, according to her, "not living". When I heard that I didn't think too much about it but then I started to think and I have never felt so bad in my life. I spent weeks thinking about it. I started to accept as true the fact that I was unable to make friends because I was a despicable person and that is why no one liked me. It was the most painful thing I have ever heard.

Still in 2016, we made a travel to the south because my stepfather is from there. We went to visit his family and it was not the first time, actually. It happened in December. I was really excited but the travel only resulted in more fights. The only thing I asked my mother for was a book I saw in a store that was about depression and I ended up earning nothing, just like my brother. I was really upset. My stepfather kept on teasing me. We were all asleep in his parents' living room and one night, when everyone else was asleep, I laid on the mattress crying low all night.

I was constantly thinking about suicide. It scares me to think about the possibility that, if I had an easy and fast way at the time, this could have happened. I was thinking of talking to someone at the life appreciation center but I didn't. I did a lot of research on the technique they used and realized that perhaps their rhetorical questions would not help me prevent my own suicide if I got in touch. In the end, I never told any of this to anyone. There are only two people who know the whole situation but apart from them, no one else knows what I went through that year and what I go through now. Not even my own family knew that I was thinking of killing myself because of them.

I was alone. I couldn't count on my family. I couldn't count on friends because I didn't have any. I couldn't count on anyone because I just didn't trust anyone for that. Totally alone, thinking about suicide. I was 11 years old.

In 2019 I started to self harm. I was in 9th grade and at the beginning of the school year I found a small razor inside the used art book when I first opened it. It was the opportunity I was in need of. I started to cut my legs instead of my arms so my family wouldn't see. My mom saw it, anyway. I said I did that because of them. Yes, my mother was desperate, she cried, she told me that she had related to my stepfather for the money and that my father was abusive to her and so on. She said that if she had known that my brother and I would be so unhappy, she would not have done that. And I started attending a psychologist.

What good did it do?

Me, who at first was moved by the things that my mother told me, blaming myself for being a terrible daughter and for giving her such disgust, in the end I saw her returning to the same disparaging habits as before. I still go to a psychologist today, but a different one from the first.

First, the psychologist never helped me and does not help me at all. They are the two who know what happens, although I no longer have contact with the first one. I basically go into the clinic so she can tell me everything I want to hear and everything I already know. The treatment is having no effect on my point of view and I suggested to her that perhaps medications would improve my mood, my lack of desire for everything, my lack of hunger and my insomnia. My mom was really upset because she didn't want me to take medication, but my psychologist is insisting and the consultation with the psychiatrist will probably happen sometime. But secondly, right after I started going to psychologists, my mother did absolutely nothing to change my reality at home and started to fight and yell at me in the same way that she did before. I was really stupid to have fallen into that little theater of hers. The problem is in them, and it is useless to send me to a psychologist in the hope of making me better if when I return home the same problems are repeated and everyone goes back to fighting, complaining and throwing everything at me. My stepfather never even bothered to change his conduct because of that but I expected a lot more from my mom. Pathetic to believe that something was going to change. She is spending money aimlessly on consultations and I wonder if that is what she pays so dearly for. To upset me and then send me to a psychologist for not being able to take care of her own children hoping that this will change something.

Anyway, I don't tell her that consultations don't work because I don't want to waste my time with another exhausting discussion. I always heard from people that I should talk to my family if something was wrong. I've tried to talk to them a million times and I'm where I am. There is no conversation here. All of this about my consultations is very frustrating because I always hear people talking about therapy as if it were something miraculous that will definitely help, which just doesn't happen to me. Going to psychologists does not help me.

In conclusion, I still don't stop at the urge to self-harm. My leg is full of scars and there is no one to see them. My psychologist doesn't know. I suppose she doesn't even know that I'm there because of that. In fact, there are many things that my psychologist doesn't know because I don't tell her.

Again, in 2019, thanks to a girl in my classroom, I also started drinking. I asked her to go to one of these teenage meetings and she told me that they went to the market every Wednesday to drink and smoke. Another opportunity that I needed. I thought it was time to stop being the good daughter. I tried to be it for a long time for my family. They didn't deserve to have a trophy daughter to go around showing off to friends like they did to me. I went out with them that day and drank. Very simple, actually. I found out that I am very weak. I got drunk, of course. I threw up a lot when I got home. Nobody noticed anything. And I've been in this for a long time now. I also started drinking at the beginning of the school year. When I'm drunk, I don't have to be thinking about school, or my family, or friends, or anything else. My bad reality is much lighter.

I didn't want to have to resort to drinking and smoking to be able to forget what I live inside my house. I really didn't want to. I didn't want to be that teenager. I didn't want to have to do that. I didn't want this to be the only way to make me happy for at least a few hours. I didn't want any of that.

I'm not in it because I think it's cool or because I want to be a cool teenager who drinks and smokes. It started out as a form of revenge, but then I discovered that it could actually be a valve.

I know I'm throwing my life in the trash. I know I shouldn't be doing any of this. But I need my ways to get out of this house. I can't stay in a toxic place all the time that makes me sad all the time. I avoid going back here when I'm out. I just don't want to be here anymore. I linger on the street when I come back from school so I don't have to arrive so soon. I used to go out every week. And I hope I'll be out again when the pandemic is over.

The saddest thing about the self-destructive way of life is when no one notices it. In so long that I do this, my family has never noticed. I kept coming home drunk and the most my mother ever did was to suspect when I said I was going out on my birthday. I disguise it very well, so that must be the reason.

Since I started entering adolescence, I have never made friends again - although I remember that feeling of loneliness from a very young age. There were some people I talked to at school, but I never trusted anyone. A friend to me would be much more than someone you just talk to or hang out with on a daily basis, I think. I can't talk to people. I cannot introduce myself to them. I can't socialize with them. Nowhere. Not on the internet, not at school, not even on the street when i'm drinking.

I did a lot of research and I'm almost sure that I have a severe social phobia and I'm going to talk about it with my psychologist.

I tried to make up for it by posting the texts I write on reading platforms to see if I could get any fame from it. I always wrote. My texts are mostly oneshots that I write according to what I am feeling, so my thoughts and my personal life are very much exposed in them. My constant readings have improved my vocabulary and grammar. I really care about my texts. And I also draw. I have been drawing since I was little and also regularly, so I draw very well. Everyone knows that I draw well but nobody knows about my texts. Writing and drawing is all I know how to do. My texts and drawings are all I have. My family took a lot of things from me. My family is still taking everything from me, but I put my heart into every word and illustration because it is the only thing I have left. But it doesn't matter. I've posted more than 30 short stories out there that hardly receive views, just like the illustrations I post. I wanted to work with one of these things and pursue a career mainly with drawing but I am a failure in both. Nobody reads my stories and nobody sees my drawings.

Sometimes I take the texts from my own diary. Sometimes, they carry so much truth and so much need that I collapse on myself in the end. My own tales move me. I put all of myself in them and in the drawings. I produce them with all my soul. But whatever. I don't think it's enough for people.

That is the question.

I feel like a ghost. It's almost as if I don't exist anywhere.

I am totally alone. I don't feel loved by anyone. At home I have a dysfunctional family and the only person here who seems to care about me is my mother, disregarding that she is also responsible for having ruined my life. At school, I am completely alone in the classroom, or at lunch, or any other part of the day, and I simply don't speak to anyone. On the street, I still have to settle for the least amount of people who also ignore me and hardly talk to me or take my desires and opinions into consideration. In social networks, where I should get support from people like me or at least disclose the only things I know how to do, I end up receiving the same cold indifference and I end up being alone anyway.

It seems that nobody cares about me. It seems that if I died, it wouldn't make any difference. It feels like I'm in the wrong place.

Everyone always says things like "you are not alone" or "there are people who love you" and etc., but I literally have no one. I can't socialize anywhere. Everyone ignores me. Everyone makes me feel like I don't exist. I am a failure at everything.

I dont know what I'm doing here. Reaching adulthood and leaving this place is the only hope I have of being able to be happy.

I wanted to have a normal life. A normal family. Friends. People who care about me. People who love me. I would give literally anything to have the childhood that I didn't have because of people who were supposed to love and support me and actually made me hate my own life. Anything to be a normal teenager who doesn't need to resort to self-mutilation or drugs to escape problems. Anything to at least have some friends.

I don't know what to do.

I've tried everything to make people like me. I've tried for a long time to be someone I'm not for that. I am constantly taking desperate and impulsive actions just to see if I can get anything, such as this post, but it is always in vain. They say that if you don't give up, you get things. I've been here trying for so long. I put so much of myself in drawings and texts. What do I get from that? What do I get out of trying? I've been doing these things for so long. All these years trying. All these years of holding on. I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of holding on.

All I want most in life is just for someone to look at me. Someone to look at me and see all these things. Someone to show that they care. Anything. I just wanted someone to care.

I’m practically screaming for help and it just seems like nobody cares.

On this quarantine, I have been without talking to practically anyone other than my family and my psychologist for months. Nobody came after me. Nobody sent me a message. Nobody even gave me a "happy birthday". I disappeared, deleted my few contacts, stopped using my inactive Whatsapp. Nobody asked me why. Nobody even noticed. Nobody cares enough. Nobody ever cares enough.

I wake up every day with the first thought that my life is terrible and that I will still have to deal with this family and this loneliness for a long time before I can get out of it. I have no motivation for anything else. Writing and drawing no longer seem like flashy activities. They are no longer helping. I can't stop crying all the time. My mother and stepfather made me an extremely sensitive person. I go around showing people that I have a strong personality, or that I am a cold and impassive person when in fact I am completely falling apart and nothing hurts more than knowing that no one cares. Just listening to someone screaming in an argument, even if it's not me, is enough to make me nervous.

I've been in this for a long time and I can't take it anymore. I wanted to have a happy childhood and adolescence and I just can't have it. I'm too young to be having these problems. I was too young in 2016 to be having suicidal thoughts. I was too young to start drinking because of these problems. I was too young to start self-harm, too, because of these problems. I'm too young to be suffering like that.

And I know that I no longer have the opportunity to be happy for now, while I'm here.

This must be another cry for help that I am exposing in vain. I've already sent emails to certain people, I've done posts like this before, I've posted explicit oneshots about my conditions, I've done threads on twitter. I've done everything I could, I've played all my cards. I am literally alone, not much else that can help me. All these things were calls for help, but there is no one to notice them.

I'm tired of being ignored.

I'm tired of not being seen by people.

I'm tired of being here like an idiot posting all these things and giving all these clues and being ignored by everyone. I'm tired of doing it all in vain. I'm tired of keep trying.

I bet this is just another waste of time.

#outburst #outflow #self harm #disfunctional family #personal #please help

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