#that they now have made better

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[bigfatbreak]

Birds of a Feather previous / next

#my art #feralnette au #birds of a feather #long tags #sorry I went apeshit in the tags #LETS SAY IT ALL TOGETHER NOW #I - M - A - G - OOOOOOOOO #its fun drawing marinette's back to Alya and having her appear stout and unstoppable and totally logical #and then you see her face and she's like two seconds from completely snapping and is keeping it together by a thread #as a note just because mari feels very certainly abt smth doesnt mean she's right. feelings can be valid and also irrational #in the throes of grief she decided it was better to be alone than to lose someone again so she started pulling away #and lila made pulling away very very very easy to do #shes also vaguely aware she's being unfair in pinning this on alya which is why she started spinning the drain on cockmoth again #legitimately all the shit that's happened to her wouldn't have been so catastrophic if he was never in the picture and she knows it #but the bitterness of her bestie choosing a fantastic liar over her at the worst of times stiiiiiings #alya's personal timing was bad but lila really took advantage of the fact that marinette had been acting off and weird #she basically clocked marinette as being unstable from SOMETHING and made up a lie about her #knowing she wouldn't have the strength to defend herself #between her social life going tachy bc of lila and losing fu in a way that felt like personhood death marinette was really put on the spot #and alya doing her thing of busting in there and assuming her bias is correct was a terrible combo #essentially marinette is highly unstable and alya is just realizing that #busting in and giving her a lecture when she's slightly hysterical and definitely delirious from exhaustion is NOT the way #to show her she's self sabotaging #cuz thats just gonna make her double down on self sabotaging. bc marinette will not accept that she is also a CHIIIIILD

[prettydjarinsoloinspires]

anyway the person Loki went back to ultimately ask what he should do was Mobius.

the person who couldn’t continue the job they’d been doing for eons because it was too painful without Loki was Mobius.

the person who stood alone in the second to last shot was Mobius.

the person who’s voice Loki heard at the end of time was Mobius.

if you don’t think that’s winning i don’t know what to tell you.

give me painful, bittersweet, star-crossed lovers over nothing at all any day.

#lokius #loki #mobius #was it made explicitly canon? no #is this better than anything i could have hoped for? yes #it was sad and bittersweet and they’re separated for now but my god #say what you will #but that is some epic love story shit if i’ve ever seen it #loki series #loki spoilers #loki season 2 #mobius m mobius #loki friggason

[nebuladreamz]

IT'S FINALLY FUCKING OUT AND I CAN FINALLY POST THIS!!!! (Go watch it NOW)

Thank you so much to @ohno-the-sun for hosting the map, this was the most fun first experience I've had with being a part of one :D

#nebula animates #fnaf sun #fnaf moon #fnaf dca #fnaf daycare attendant #dca map #daycare attendant #fnaf sundrop #fnaf moondrop #fun fact this. wasn't shaded until literally a couple weeks ago #sun wasn't even properly colored he just started out with a base color until i started shading #honestly with the time i spent on this (literally. less than a month) besides the shading job i did #im so fucking proud of this man #like. sure i could've been more dynamic with movements #but with what i have? i couldnt be more happier #PLUS!! in the time i finished it versus now #i've learned stuff because of it :D #i've gotten better at figuring out animating and messing with toon boom nodes #and i couldnt be happier with the progress ive made

[noxcheshire]

So I saw a few posts describing how the Pit’s in Jason’s body kinda acted on its own accord when spotting Danny “baby ghost” Phantom/Fenton and how they then co-parent with a half dead “baby” teenager.

But I raise YOU the idea that the Pits is already parenting Jason Todd.

When the Pits take over it’s the simple response of a Mama Bear going feral on some humans for making their little baby upset.

Jason disappointed by Batman?

The Pits snarl and rage at the man that made baby sad!

Jason disgusted at the idea of another Robin lined up for death?

The Pits howl and claw through the skin to fix the situation by beating the humans up so they can’t die!

Jason vulnerable and lost by the lack of acceptance in his return as Red Hood?

The Pits screech, biting furiously into the humans that had caused the baby to feel un-included in their games!

No one understands the reason for the Lazarus Pit’s in Jason’s body to constantly be acting up, that is until Danny comes into the picture and is like, “So your ghost parent is always watching you too, huh?” In reference to his own ghost parent (Clockwork) that likes to watch through his little tv’s on what Danny gets up to and sends a multitude of sticky notes like a distant helicopter mom.

#dpxdc #dp x dc #dc x dp #dcxdp #danny phantom #dp x dc crossover #danny fenton #dp x dc prompt #jason todd #The Pits have adopted Jason as their ghost baby #look if you throw a whole ass child into some waters to ‘fix’ then you better believe this pool of green is gonna take notice #it took notice and inserted itself into healing Jason #and also made itself a parent #Pits: a baby as gift? mine now #Pits: WHO UPSET MY BABY?! 😠 #Jason: man it’s getting harder to control the pits every day #Danny: same hat bud #clockwork: that is my little baby and to make him my little baby he had to die #clockwork: BUT HERE ME OUT #The Pits when noticing Danny: …. second baby? #clockwork: I do not accept co-parenting with some ghost water #The Pits: FUCK YOU THATS MY BABY NOW #Jason and Danny are now ghost siblings #these are the rules #Danny is vibing cause he’s kinda used to the crazy of ghost parent at this point

[inkskinned]

you were raised in comparison.

it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.

you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.

you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.

what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.

it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.

you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.

you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?

a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.

you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.

it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.

something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.

#writeblr #warm up #my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky #i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles #yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help #for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT #and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen #than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say #''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help #i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.'' #bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't #actually offer fair support to everyone #we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less. #and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help #bc i DID have it better than other people #and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help. #we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn #instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself

[neonbuck]

you have to love people for real. and that means loving them as people who have flaws, and will annoy you or get on your nerves some times. treating them like a toy or product you can throw away when you get bored or upset is not acceptable. it's what we've been conditioned to do, but it makes the world worse.

#.txt #i didnt always know this and i dont pretend i did. #i'm just glad i've learned it now at least #i went straight from a cult-like group into tumblrs 'its ok to kick any one out of your life for any reason' environment in my early 20s #it made my life turbulent lonely and miserable #thinking on the older adults who should have known better leading sheltered young queer people astray back then makes me feel so bitter.

[prinsomnia]

astrologer’s mirror🪞✨🌕

#illustration #aesthetic #plants #magical #stars #astrology #nature #fantasy #digital art #art ph #art fart #prinsomnia #portfolio #made this to tide out a really bad depressive episode last week. really missing drawing for myself on the daily :'') #i'm feeling better now btw!! sending you virtual hugs and warmth your way <3 <3 <3 #take care and have a lovely week ahead!

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Happy Valentine's Day! (and this blog's first post anniversary!)

#poorly drawn mdzs #better drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #Woah...it's been a whole *year* since I took the leap and uploaded my 'first attempt' art. #It's outdated now but it holds a special place in my heart for the fact it started all of this off. #Calling this 'poorly-drawn' was always about accepting that my art was going to be imperfect and messy - and doing it anyways! #There has been a staggering number of times I have drawn something I almost didn't upload because I didn't think it was 'good enough' #only for someone to say they liked it - or that it made them laugh. And it has helped me realize - #-The worst critic for my work has always been myself. If I listened to it all the time...well we would not be here now B'*) #And now that I have dabbled in other fandoms I can truly see how lucky was to start out with the MXTX fans. #The supportive messages and tags have truly been a guiding force toward my artistic and self improvement. #I really can't describe how grateful I am. #Thank you for seeing something worth rooting for when I was just figuring things out. #Thank you for being sweeter than the candy I have strategically hidden in the nooks and crannies of this house. #But watch out! If you forget to find them we will get ants. #I remembered to not hide chocolate in the bed this year. Yes I know it melted last time. Yes it did stain. I'm still sorry. #Thank you for loving me regardless <3 Even if it looked like I shit the bed real bad.

[toomanywordsnllines]

Sometimes... the world can be a little too much.

#cod #call of duty #cod mw2 #call of duty modern warfare 2 #call of duty ghost #simon ghost riley #manysart #manyrambles #vent in the tags beware #drew a little ghost to see if it made me feel a little better and it did... maginarly... #I have been having the roughest month (roughest year reallly) of my life mental wise... #I feel so drained everything is too much everything is too little #it's like my brain is covered in static and not the good kind #I'm exausted mentally #my nerves feel rubbed raw #feels like I'm so close to snapping #I don't even know why I'm like this that's why it's so frustrating #now I'm gonna work on my assigment that does involve soap so that makes me a little happy #personal stuff yee haw

[fiepige]

Compilation of EVERY single time they changed Hobie's filter in the digital version:

Left: Theatrical release Right: Digital release

You might have to click on some of them to get a better look at Hobie, sadly I don't have a video editor that allows me to make better edits than these :')

#This took so long to make lol #cause I had to edit every scene with Hobie from both versions so I could watch them right after one another to compare them #I did this with ALL the scenes he's in also the ones where he's on screen as spider-punk #but they only changed his filters in these scenes so it was a waste of time :') #sidenote: no it wasn't it's never a waste of time to look at hobie I just couldn't use it for my GIFset lol #I also made a bouns one but I'm not allowed to post more than 30 GIFs in one post apparently so I guess I just won't add it then... #but Hobie was basically filterless during all these scenes in the theatrical version #I like that they gave him more different filters in the digital version #the only change I don't like is in the first GIFs #cause like that one post pointed out it looks like they removed his lipstick for some reason #also really wish I had a better video editor so we could get a closer look at Hobie but I did my best with what I had #also slowed some of them down to get a better look at them #been having this idea for a while and now I finally finished it! #which means I can go back to working on my fics now #hopefully lol #also lemme know if there are some other scens you guys want me to make comparisons of #cause I have both versions #the theatrical release isn't the highest quality though so if you know where I can get my hands on a better version lemme know ;) #hobie brown #spider punk #miles morales #spider man #peter b parker #jess drew #miguel o'hara #spider man across the spider verse #across the spider verse #across the spiderverse #atsv #theatrical version

[unproduciblesmackdown]

Lackadaisy Enrichment

#in our enclosures!! #video linked as source; which i'm glad to see already has a million views and is trending. That's Right #lackadaisy #WHICH i have been reading since at least '07 when i was thirteen my god b/c this animation is based on the ongoing webcomic #like does its influence show up Directly in some Discrete way i can point to in my art? not very easily probably. And Yet. #the inspiration....i wasn't able to be Regularly Only for at least another year / art done Nonprofessionally Online was novel to me #like wow ppl can make & post fanart of w/e they love huh....didn't know webcomics were a thing & i never really read that many since but. #good god the quality of Lackadaisy at its onset is like this is superb?? this person putting in all their talent and effort??? #and Then you get years & years more art and i don't even know what superlatives to throw out abt its quality as it evolves. obsessed w/it.. #if i see a new lackadaisy comic page i Will be acting out. obviously this animation is a delight & also stunning. and fascinating to also #juxtapose as a Translation / Interpretation of the comic in a different medium & standalone snippet of Story #and that we're not even quite there in the comic timeline; Taking Notes abt character info we get distilledly here....genuinely love like #take it back to '07 i'm like oh boy can't wait for the dream team to assemble. then a decade later when it did? Oh Boy. that is payoff lol #namely hooray for stitches and mudbug at the field office for every passing gangster. killing one marigold associate but not the other #which seems like a promising start to shootouts w/the other dream team triumvirate. i adore that in canon so far mordecai freckle & rocky #have met but only over a nice brunch. re: all intentions anyways. anyways i'm like Gifs Must Be Made while i'm also so riled afresh abt the #comic that i've been sooo hype for for over fifteen yrs now babeyyy Deservedly. i've done a couple of rereads & ought to do another.... #For Interest it'd probably take a few sittings to catch up from the start but there is much to be engaged over....this ongoing story that's #historical fiction prohibition bootlegging cats with plenty of focus on characters & several Mysteries. which i'm better at parsing now lol #like one of the more recent rereads like Oh Of Course x (probably) accidentally killed his y & z took the fall & that's a binding secret... #Not [oh of course] abt the circumstances surrounding a's death & how b & c were involved. nor the ''what's marigold's damage'' mystery #which is great. love to not know things. love that we can readily follow all the emergent drama everyone's wading in nowadays. hell yeah #anyways admire my organized approach to gifs here. four shots each Expressions Atmosphere Action Groupshots #sure might've muddled through gifmaking for this anyways but fr being a huge lackadaisy comic enjoyer for now most of my life helps #and its very Overall Inspiration like. just really getting the [you can really just draw stuff out here] going. fr the art's detail & skill #and that enrichment like i'm gonna have a great time following this. And I Have #you don't expect a crowdfunded indie animation in the mix back then but hell yeah fellas #SIGH ok removing a 4th gif that's broken / not displayed despite reuploading then entirely remaking it. if it's a bug i'll try again later

[helielune]

most disastrous life of the millenium

(separated under the cut)

lol i did not fully render kuriko 👍 but close enough

#eyestrain #tdlosk #saiki k #my art #ahhhhh #i didnt want to do my assignment(s) so i did this instead #now it is many hours later and i still have to do my assignment :] #good decisions being made every day by urs truly #i Probably could have planned out the poses better but its fine. ITS FINE #saiki kuriko #saiki kusuo

[agendercryptidlev]

Torchwood gets massive props from me for using the "character gets tricked into thinking they did something terrible and confesses it to their loved one" trope with the loved one instead of freaking out just going "no you fucking didn't. We're going to figure out what's actually going on here"

#Seriously I was cringing so hard expecting some big freak out but then Jack was like 'no you didn't do that's #And he was clever enough to try multiple strategies to figure out what was going on with Ianto! #Like my brother was like 'u can open your eyes now Jack isn't stupid' #Who is stupid is Adam who still tries the whole 'i made them better!' argument on Jack #After making Jack's boyfriend have a traumatic panic attack by implanting fake memories in his head #Like Adam girly just replace his memories of reading the diary to include you and then steal and hide the diary #Torchwood #Jack Harkness #Ianto Jones #Janto

[poopystain]

short animation intended as a fun little remake of one i made a whole 5 years ago

old underneath cut

#undertale #frisk #flowey #flowey the flower #my art #my animations #< now thats a tag you will probably never see again #IGNOREEE THE FLIPANIM LOGO I DONT HAVE ANY OTHER (BETTER) ANIMATING THINGS EVEN ALL THESE YEARS LATER #i dont think i even knew a whole lot about undertale when i made the old one?? so i dont know why i was animating that of all things #additional tag in case this wasnt. like. totally clear ? this isnt a ship nor was it intended as a ship in the original

[turtleblogatlast]

Something I love about Leo is that, canonically, he IS capable of cooking, he’s just completely incapable of using a toaster. He’s banned from the kitchen not out of an inability to make edible food, but because being within six feet of a toaster causes the poor appliance to spontaneously combust.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt leo #rottmnt headcanons #rise leo #all Leos mortal enemy: toasters #side note but thinking about this aspect of Leo’s character really has me wanting to make a deeper dive into Leo as a Jack of All Trades #because he has aspects of this all throughout the series #where he can do many things he’s just not the best at it #like he can cook but he’s no Mikey #he can - canonically - rewire an *AI PROGRAM* but it goes very wrong #he can lift both Mikey and Raph simultaneously but he struggles to do so where his other brothers don’t even break a sweat #bro is a Jack of All Trades Master of None frfr #and Leo is even more interesting with this in mind because he uses what he CAN do so well #it’s like how he can see his family’s strengths and weaknesses and knows exactly how they work #his skill set is made way better simply by his personal USE of those skills not by the skills themselves #portals and teleportation are only op if you know how to weaponize them #given time he ABSOLUTELY could #okay I shut up now this was supposed to be about toasters #but yeah all the boys have a bunch of skills under their belts outside the typical ones #but Leo stands out to me for having skills his other brothers have but to a much lesser degree in a lot of cases #and he works with what he has so well that that is a skill in itself