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pursuitseternal · 5 months

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“Anything to Reassure You, My Sweetest…” smutty reassurance for jealousy update to “Bites in the Night” series

Rogue Astarion x F!Reader | E | 3.4 K reassuring smut and body worship

Summary: You’ve made it to Baldur’s Gate, but you haven’t two coins to rub together. In a tavern, your Vampire Rogue puts his skills to use, and stokes your jealousy in the process. What it takes to convince you, to reassure you will surely cool your temper and arouse… other feelings.

Cw: Acts 2-3 spoilers, flirty, busty barmaids, jealous feelings, denial of such feelings, very convincing reassurance of undying undead devotion, breaking and entering (technically?), body worship, slight sensory deprivation, cum tasting, adoring nsfw activities

Read on AO3 | read series on AO3 | Masterlist

Come, be convinced…

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The tavern is packed, so many pockets that could be picked, so much smoke in the air to cover the scent of rich, roasted foods and fragrant ales.

And you, you sit at a table, pockets bare since you reached Baldur’s Gate. It took every coin you had to secure a place to stay for you all. Now, you each ventured out to find food for yourselves. Each alone, save for you and your vampiric lover, your second shadow.

He is always at your side, especially since reaching the city. Especially since he finally confessed his need for you and his guilt for manipulating you with lust and desire. Since he admitted he wanted something genuine with you, that you were different. Special. But that means something new for you both, something that explores your intimacy in new ways. Ways that limit the physical desire between you. No matter how fierce that desire is for you.

He has been through so much, been denied so much. Even soft things, intimate things, have been twisted for him. And now he needs you more than for your body. You are necessary for his healing, for his own sake, and now he is even closer by your side than when you were… intimate.

But still, for all his closeness physically and emotionally, you fret if there is to be a path for you both forwards.

It gnaws at the back of your mind. Especially in crowded, peopled places like this. His old sort of hunting grounds.

And while he is hunting for your next meal instead of Cazador’s, you chew your lower lip. Only hunting now is picking pockets or convincing someone to buy you something of substance rather than the manipulation and seduction of his delectable body to entice a vampire’s next victim.

His voice cuts through the din to your ear, sharp and quick like one of his daggers. He’s laughing… you lean over to look around some massive Tiefling that’s in your way.

You catch sight of him, leaning over the bar, his teeth flashing bright and wide at the little barmaid as she giggles in response. You scan her, so petitte and busty, and yet you catch a glimpse of her narrow waist as she turns towards the kitchen. Her hair is perfect, soft little curls, washed and brushed until it shines. Your hands start to pick at the stands of your own, washed a day ago… maybe? And you start to brush it with your fingers as if that will fix it.

He’s waiting, frozen with that provocative grin, head cocked mischievously to the side. You suddenly see why, she returns with a plate piled high with roasted meat and steaming potatoes and a large mug of ale. The wench sets it in front of Astarion, his lips moving as he speaks something that makes the girl’s cheeks flame bright pink. Even her little turned up nose turns rosy.

Then, your heart sinks, only to leap to your throat right after. You can’t look away, the pretty little barmaid leaning across the dirty, sticky counter to press a kiss against your love’s cheek.

You watch him make some reply, that smile still frozen on his lips, those brows still canted rakishly. Taking the plate and mug in hand, he comes your way.

And you, your ears are burning and your throat is tight. Jealousy claws inside you, seething as you turn your head, unable to look at him while he sits beside you in the booth, the little round table before you doing nothing to give you distance.

“Here darling,” he croons, setting the food and drink before you alone. “Best eat up and replenish,” he crouches close to you, his lips featherlight against your neck, tickling that sensitive spot behind your ear. “For I cannot feed until you do, you know..”

“Suddenly I’m not hungry,” you mumble, pushing the plate back towards Astarion. Your eyes still fixed on a divet on the table in front of you.

“Darling…” you feel his hand gently turning your chin. Your head responds. Of course it does. You crave his touch with how much you miss it, everyday in agony to be so close to him, no longer indulging in the comfort of your bodies. “What’s the matter?”

You can’t look up, fists clenching in your lap. Tugging your head from his touch, you grumble an unconvincing, “Nothing.” You scooch down the bench, grabbing a fork, deciding it might be better to stuff your mouth instead of having to talk. But before you can lift the pewter fork from the table, he slams his hand down on it.

Damn his stupid rogue reflexes.

Then you look up at him, jealousy burning hot as anger inside your twisting innards. “Let go,” you snap.

“Not until you tell me whatever is the matter,” he teases, his brows furrowing with disapproval.

You pause a moment, that bubble of jealousy ready to burst and fling your hot words of vitriol in his face. But you swallow them back down. “Actually I think I’ll go find Halsin, foraging in the woods sounds far more preferable to this packed tavern.” You huff, “I’m sure you’ll find some company in my absence….”

“I dont think so, darling not until you say what the fuck is going on?” he hisses, a firm hand on your shoulder as you try to stand. “Spit it out, my sweet.”

You take a shaky, deep breath, watching as that pretty thief of a barmaid saunters past your table. Her clear blue eyes scan Astarion beside you, but he doesn’t even notice. His crimson gaze is a pinpoint on you, and you alone; his face is a mix of concern and agitation. It furrows those brows and wrinkles his nose as he stares intensely at you.

“Now,” he whispers, closing the distance between you on the seat, “please tell me whatever is the matter, my love.”

You give a single, breathy disparaging laugh.

“Come on,” he places a single hand over one of your balled up fists. “If I can admit to weeks of attempting to manipulate you and falling in love with you instead, you can admit a bit of jealousy…”

Your eyes dart wide, your mouth hanging open.

“Please, I know every movement of your body, I can feel every twitch and clench of your muscles, every rap of your heartbeat.” He softens a bit, his thumb gently stroking over your clenched hand trying to soften it. “But why you would be so easily piqued by some bar wench is beyond my understanding, darling.”

“She…” you swallow the lump that burns and grates in your throat. “She kissed you.”

“Without invitation, mind you,” he sneered as he glanced back where the offense occurred. “Made my undead skin crawl. But I needed to get you something to eat, so I left the foolish girl alone without so much a thank you…”

“Didn’t look like it from here,” your teeth grit as you talk. “Besides, I can understand, Astarion. She’s beautiful and clean, petite and curved, flouncing hair and puckered lips and rosy cheeks and…”

He silences your mouth with a commanding kiss. “There is only one set of puckered lips mine will ever taste, darling,” he murmurs between the intoxicating workings of his mouth, “yours, my sweet.”

Those fingers dexterously tangle at the back of your neck, sweeping through your locks to brush them back off your shoulders. “You are so beautiful, your skin tanned and scarred from our battles, side by side… your cheeks glowing with the exertion of our adventures…”

He lifts his mouth to look you straight in the eyes, “Your heart beating all the quicker the closer I get, as if you hope I’ll ask you for a bite later…”

“Gods, yes,” you breathe. “If only to make sure you have someone to care for you, Astarion. Whether we are…” you blush and look back at that divet in the table, “…intimate or not…”

“Tch,” he leans in, his eyes wide and soft with adoration. “See what I mean, darling? I would take you over every other being in Faerûn.” His arms wind around your back, hand cupping the curves of your ass to bring you flush against him. “I mean… perhaps I’m warming to the idea of you thinking about me…” he pauses, his face twisting with that rakish smirk, “and I do mean sexually, to be clear.”

You giggle, his light fingers scratch their way up your thigh, tracing little circles through the soft leather that covers your skin.

He breathes right into your ear, honey-sweet words that spike your pulse all the more. “I don’t know if it’s the music and wine in the air, or the way your heart is just violently throbbing with your jealousy, my pet, but right now, finally, I want nothing more than to show you some… reassurance… of my devotion to you.”

“But…” you tease, craning your neck to press you nose against his, “the food…”

“Mmm, you’re not going to want a full belly anyway once we find some privacy and I begin what I’m planning to do to you… Trust me,” he grins those fangs at you, “you’ll feel very… very full.”

Nevertheless, you take a few bites of the hard won offering of food, just enough to sate your growling stomach. A swig of ale to chase it down is all he allows you before he rises so quickly from the table, it scoots across the floor with a screech. He grabs you by the hand and pulls you through the packed crowd towards a hall, the shadows dancing with flickering torchlight. Rooms line the corridor, but all of them are locked.

The moment you are alone, away from deafening voices and judging eyes, he’s on you. That wiry strength of his body cages you against a door. His mouth captures your lips, his own hunger, for blood, for your body, is palpable with every suck of his lips and dive of his tongue. His fangs and teeth catch your lips and steal your breath.

He hungers.

You feel him smiling against your lips, his body, hardened from fighting and lean from his feeding on your blood all along your journey. Hands run up and down your arms, clutching you tightly against him. And then, he laughs, “Why I do think we have found the perfect little nowhere for the right price.” Before his meaning sinks into your lust-clouded mind, he’s crouching, planting little kisses over your clothing as he goes. His lockpick in hand, he works his own brand of magic, face resting on your thigh as the latch clicks, the door swinging open behind you.

“Always so quick to slide your tools into little holes, aren’t you, Astarion?”

He says nothing as he stands, no words needed. Not when he gives you that ravenous smirk, his brows canted so deliciously. Before you can even breathe, he’s scooped you in his arms, carrying you into the darkened room, a swift shove of his hip to shut it firmly behind you both. You can barely see anything, there is no light. No candle or fire in this vacant chamber. Besides, his face is far too close as he consumes you in that commanding kiss of his. Something soft cradles your body as he sets you down, the comforting embrace of a feather bed.

Gods, when had you last been in a bed… it almost makes your body stretch in anticipation more than the way he’s crawled over you in it. Every brush of his body, every angle of his hips and pressure of his knee to spread your legs for him is deliberate. It’s so dark, the room lit only by some tiny window high above the bed, you can just barely make out the edges of his body on top of you, the little curls of his hair around his head that won’t ever be tamed.

No sights to take in, your every sense is heightened, flooded with the feeling of his hands that tug your clothes off your body, overwhelmed by the sound of his panting breaths in your ear, the taste of his tongue in your mouth each time he returns for more and more of your lips.

Before you know it, he’s pulled you up, slipping your shirt off from over your head, his voice purring in your ear. “Now, let’s see… you seemed to think your body inferior to that little wench.” He’s kissing into your ear, the lapping of his tongue deafening you, making your spine spasm with tingles, every nerve now lit on fire and hot with need. “Let’s begin to dispel those silly ideas, my love.”

He lifts from you, in the dark, all you can do is feel that cold weight of his body slipping from you. You whimper alone in the shadowed, strange bed. But you can hear he’s close, his voice softly shushing you, his fingers deftly sliding your breeches from your legs. His touch grazing over your skin now makes you whimper for new, all-consuming reasons.

Especially as you, now completely naked, feel him leaning closer to you, climbing back into the bed as the mattress bends under his weight. Your wimpers become full-throated moans as his hand comes to trace a single finger up your belly.

“Hmmm, I think you find your figure less… arousing,” he whispers, as you find his hands splayed on either side of your head, his knees shifting to straddle you… That’s when you realize it’s his skin now that brushes your flesh.

You feel movement over your belly, hearing the soft brushing of skin on skin, realization dawning as your head lifts and eyes widen to try to see. You can make it out faintly in the shadows, his hand beating slowly over his long, pulsing cock.

Oh, you missed that sight…. It makes you shiver beneath him, where he’s pinned you softly into the bed. “Clearly, we might not see eye to eye on how… arousing you truly are, darling.” His hand finds yours from your side, wrapping them together around his length. “See…” he leans his face into yours, his breath cold, his lips brushing yours as he speaks. “I think this proves you quite wrong…” you groan as he lays on top of you, your legs parting naturally to let him in, to wrap him tightly between your trembling thighs.

Every part of your body hums with need. At last. After so long. “Need more… convincing?” he purrs into your mouth, that erection now prodding over the top on your mound and pushing into your belly.

“Mmm,” you moan, pressing your own hips up into him, “always…”

“Tch,” he catches your lower lip in his teeth, “greedy little minx. I suppose it is fitting I indulge you. I can rid you of all that nagging doubt, darling…” his lips release yours one more time, trailing little sucks on your neck, your collarbone, your chest, until those full, smirking lips encircle your nipple.

And suck hard.

You mewl, biting your lip hard to keep from screaming.

“The softness of your breasts, the way they harden the moment I touch them, there is nothing like it…” he whispers against your tingling flesh, his mouth dragging with little nips to attend to your other one. Your back arches, your frame shaking to have his mouth on you once more, hands running through those soft, unkempt locks, as if you could trap him against you forever like this.

“More?” he taunts you, giving your nipple one last lingering drag of his teeth.

“Yes,” you gasp. “Convince me more…”

“It would be my pleasure,” he gives you that leer that sets your blood on fire, your innards quickening as his hand reaches back between your legs. The cold press of his fingers parts you, drawing their touch through your molten slick, a little teasing circle on your clit sending your whole body shaking. You raise your hips, wanting so much more, but his touch slips away.

Only to have him slide those drenched fingers between his own smiling, pouting lips. “Mmm,” he growls, “delicious…” He crooks his brows as you watch, so engrossed with the way his lips purse around the slight thrust of his fingers into his mouth. Then, he chuckles, low and deep, “Would you like a taste of just how divine you are?”

You give him half a smile, opening your mouth to let your tongue slide out, eager and anticipating.

Those fingers dive right back into your soaked cunt, crooking deep inside your channel as you squirm to feel so filled once more. You close your eyes as his hand withdraws, the salty tang of your own arousal brushing your waiting tongue. Your lover groans over you as you close your mouth, warm and wet, around his fingers. Fingers he slowly strokes between your lips.

“You are so perfect, every time…” he whispers, his throat thick with his need as his voice grates in your ear.

As his fingers disappear, your breath stops, drawn from your lungs by his devouring kiss. “I’m beginning to feel reassured,” you pant, your hands running over those ridges of scarring on his back, almost as familiar to you as your own marks and scars from battle.

“You had better. You are my only one, darling,” he growls against the pillowy flesh of your breasts, raising his head to look you straight in the eyes. His crimson gaze intense, filled with that glint of possessiveness, softened slightly by the dependence that brims from their depths. “And I’ll fuck every bit of your doubt from you, my sweet.”

“Please,” you beg, sighing to feel that thick, blunt, beautiful head of his cock pressing into you slowly. Your body squirms, stretching around him, taking him deeper as you try to relax. You pant, hands riding the little clenching thrusts of his ass as he gently works his way further into you.

And you moan, stretching like you’re a virgin all over again. Fitting him into your deepest recesses. Your legs raise, gripping around his narrow, lean waist. His mouth whispering his praises over your tongue as they tangle together. “Yes, darling, you’re so good,” he’s groaning, his hips thrusting and swiveling oh so slowly. Lovingly. “My one, my only…”

Your words fail. Only little breaths and sighs and noises left as your mind is swept away. Nothing more than the way your bodies are joined at last. It’s wave after wave of pleasure up your spine as he takes his time, as he meticulously plunders you. You buck, riding each thrilling drag of his cock inside you. His arms weave around your shoulders, embracing you, pulling you so every inch of your body is drawn hard against his, your yielding curves flattened, pressed and confined against him, all lean and hard and brawny as he is.

At last words tingle on your tongue. “You’re mine too, my one…” you finally pant, your voice harsh as your pleasure begins to crest, to crash through you to take control of your every nerve and every sense.

Your words, they trigger something inside him, suddenly that slow rhythm of love-making turns sharper. He’s demanding and pulsing, his thrusts harder, faster. You feel his nails clawing into the skin of your back, his breathing growing ragged and hissing between his clenched teeth.

On the cusp of control, he’s barely bridled, fangs grinding as he chases his climax, pushing you hard into yours. You shatter, shivering and clenching around his cock, his length hammering hard to fill you to bursting even as you can’t take any more of him inside. Your hand flies to cover your screams, your arousal squirting around him, soaking your thighs, his cock, even as you feel him spewing his seed to mix with your juices. Groan after groan through his firmly shut mouth, and he finally stills inside you, over you. One last breathless kiss on your lips, and he rests his head next to yours. His pants tickle right in your ear.

“That…” you whisper, turning your face to plant a kiss against the two little scars on his neck, “was….” you run out of words, too many flooding your brain to pick just one. So, you brace your hands on either side of his face, lifting it to bring his mouth to yours, one more time.

“Anything to reassure you, my sweetest,” he whispers, returning your kiss gently, tenderly, on the damp of your forehead.

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blakeswritingimagines · 27 days

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Dating Yandere Miguel O'Hara Would Include:

Once someone he likes is his, you are all his forever. He won't accept you being with someone else or even talking to someone else. He is also very clingy. He also won't accept you liking someone else or admiring them other than him. He would do anything to keep that person he likes to himself.

Miguel is the jealous kind, he can't stand other people near you, especially the friends you have. Most of them are your guy friends but he gets really jealous when you're near them even if they're just friends. He also gets aggressive when people are flirting with you even if they're just joking around. Miguel acts very possessive over you and doesn't like you talking or hanging out with anyone else but him.

He tries his best to control it. But when he's in that mode he tends to get really overprotective and possessive. He can be really over-the-top. He’ll be overbearing, overly affectionate, overly attentive, and overly jealous. He over-idealizes you and projects a perfect image onto you and tries to make sure you live up to it.

Miguel O'Hara is loyal and devoted to his love once he has you. Once he possesses you and you have fallen fully under his spell and obedience, he's likely to be overbearing and intrusive, and may not allow you any freedom. Miguel will likely expect full loyalty and devotion from you and may refuse to let you go or allow you to do anything without permission. If you should ever try to leave, he's likely to resort to desperation and drastic measures.

He'll have an extreme attachment and obsession with you, bordering on pathological and even psychotic. He's likely to be extremely possessive and controlling of you and may resort to various methods including manipulation, isolation, guilt-tripping, or even physical violence to keep you by his side. In extreme cases, he may even resort to kidnap, assault, or even murder in an attempt to make you stay.

Miguel takes extreme measures to protect you. He's likely to be obsessively possessive and protective and will keep you locked away from the world so you can only spend time with him. He isolates you from your friends and family and tries to prevent you from having any contact with the outside world. As a yandere, Miguel is very manipulative and may use guilt-tripping, blackmail, and even threats of violence in order to try to control your feelings and actions. He'll go to great lengths to ensure that he's the only one you love.

Miguel would also become violent and aggressive. Once your obedience to him has been secured, he could resort to physical aggression and violence if he feels his hold over you slipping. He may lash out in a bid to control or prevent a departure. There are also signs that Miguel might have some form of mental instability. He'll show multiple signs of obsessive behaviors, possessiveness, manipulative tendencies, and even psychotic breaks in some of his most dire situations.

Additionally, Miguel may have some degree of self-awareness of his own toxic traits and has shown at times to even enjoy them to a rather disturbing extent. However, Miguel isn't completely devoid of the capacity to sympathize, as he is shown to feel genuine remorse when realizing the extent of the damage his actions have caused.

Miguel also heavily possesses a high level of narcissism. He seems to think highly of himself and expects your love and loyalty. If he feels that you are lacking in those departments, he may retaliate with jealousy and anger. Miguel might also feel as if he's the ideal partner for you, and that there is no one better. He may often exhibit self-aggrandizing tendencies and thinks he knows you better than yourself.

Miguel can also be emotionally manipulative. Once attached to you, he tends to twist your feelings and emotions to his own ends. He likes seeing you suffer and may play mental games with you out of pure selfishness and self-indulgence. Miguel enjoys seeing himself as being in complete control over your thoughts and emotions and relishes seeing you go through emotional highs and lows.

If someone tried to stop Miguel, he would likely try and convince them otherwise. However, if they continued their efforts, he would begin to resort to violence. Miguel is very protective over the object of his affection and would resort to physical violence to ensure that no one is interfering with his control over you. He would likely attempt to beat up or physically threaten the person who is in the way of his pursuit for eternal control and absolute dominance.

Miguel may have a tendency to reward you for displays of devotion to him. He may be especially generous with gifts, such as buying you lavish jewelry, expensive clothing, or other items that you desire. Additionally, Miguel may also reward you with verbal praise and compliments for your loyalty and devotion, He would likely try to make his rewards as enticing and attractive as possible, in hopes of motivating and encouraging you to continue displaying your devotion and obedience towards him.

Miguel may resort to punishments if he feels that you have disobeyed him or failed to display complete submission and obedience to him. He may use humiliation to humble you, such as exposing intimate secrets or showing you off in embarrassing situations, and he could also use physical pain to punish and correct your behavior. Other forms of punishment may include deprivation of privileges as well.

These dates together could include luxurious and elaborate dates that require a lot of spending and a nice, expensive meal. Miguel may attempt to make them appear romantic, but he would likely have ulterior motives. Miguel could use these dates to get information about your past, to create a sense of false trust and security, and to make you more dependent. Miguel would likely make his dates memorable, and use them as opportunities to further strengthen his hold over you.

He may show affection through words of affirmation, physical touch, and gifts. Miguel may express his love through compliments and may use endearing nicknames for you. Miguel may hug, kiss, and cuddle you, and he may also engage in more intimate forms of physical affection. Miguel would likely engage in these forms of affection as a way to further his influence and control over his lover.

Beyond these, Miguel O'Hara likely has certain standards and values that are important to him. Despite being a yandere, these are likely to persist, even when he's acting irrational and violent. Miguel may have certain beliefs about right and wrong, which he may attempt to instill in you. He may have certain moral standards and expectations that he expects you to abide by. Miguel may be a yandere, but he still has an underlying sense of decency that makes him more complex than the stereotypical yandere.

Miguel is also vulnerable, deep down. His yandere tendencies are actually fueled by deep seated insecurities and a need for genuine affection. Miguel is extremely possessive, controlling, and manipulative in his attempts to ensure you remain with him always, but deep down he's also insecure, and is constantly terrified of being abandoned. Despite his violent and destructive tendencies, Miguel is actually a very gentle and emotional person, and what he really wants is a genuine connection with you and to be accepted for who he is.

Miguel sees marriage as a way to solidify his bond with you and further strengthen his control over you. To Miguel, marriage is a commitment to spend the rest of his life with you, and he would treat it as a serious and sacred union. However, his yandere tendencies would likely extend to marriage, and he'll see it as both a mark of ultimate ownership over you, and as a means of ensuring complete dependence. Miguel would likely place strict expectations upon you more so after marriage, and would probably resort to more violent and controlling methods to enforce them.

As an additional complication, Miguel may be hesitant to have children, because of the loss of his daughter. He may fear losing another child, and that might make him more overprotective, controlling, and violent. Miguel might also resort to more extreme measures to ensure the well-being of his child because he'll feel like he failed to protect his previous child.

Despite all of Miguel's toxic tendencies and his issues with mental instability, he is a complex and multi-layered character. There is more to him than just his yandere tendencies and violent behaviors. He has deep-seated insecurities and a need for genuine affection and acceptance. Miguel's core values and beliefs are actually driven by kindness, compassion, and decency, and under the right circumstances, he is capable of growth and change.

Rough play - Like tying you up and teasing you for hours before finally letting up come. And he absolutely loves it when someone is too scared or submissive to resist him completely – that just makes the experience all the more thrilling for him.

Daddy or Papi - Hearing those terms of endearment from you makes him feel even more dominant and in control. And speaking of control, he absolutely loves taking charge during sex.

Bondage play - Tying you up tightly and leaving you at his mercy is always fun for him. He also enjoys spanking and hair-pulling during sex – it really gets him going when you're helpless against his touch.

Edging – bringing you close to the brink of orgasm over and over again until you're practically begging for him to let you have the release. He also really enjoys teasing and denial – keeping you on the edge for hours before finally allowing you to cum.

Quickies - He's definitely always up for giving and receiving pleasure. I think in terms of frequency, I'd say he likes to have sex at least four or six times a week.

#miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara x you #miguel o'hara x y/n #miguel x reader #spiderman 2099 #miguel spiderverse #miguel o hara #yandere miguel o'hara #yandere miguel x reader #tw yandere #yandere #dating would include

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writers-potion · 1 month

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Writing Toxic Parents

They are Manipulative.

Guilt and shame are their two most beloved tools here.

Because they are emotionally precarious, they know exactly how to put someone on the hook.

They hold time, money, friendships or other items as pawns and batter the child's self-esteem to submission.

They may try to gain control by being overly critical of the child's decisions, even as an adult.

They are Abusive.

Abuse doesn't have to be hitting, yelling, threats or something totally obvious.

More subtle forms of abuse like name-calling, shifting blame, silent treatment or gaslighting are equally damaging.

Many parenting strategies like grounding, restricting TV time, or having curfew can turn into abuse if applied excessively and forcefully; often with the intention of making the parent satisfied that they've "taught" the child something.

They Have No Boundaries.

This can manifest in various forms. It may be the parents pushing their child into a specific way of life for self-satisfaction.

It can be the parents projecting their inner insecurities onto their child, like how almond moms underfeed their children "for their own good".

The child in this case may tire from their intrusive tactics (which often continues into early adulthood) and simply give in out of frustration or exhaustion.

Here's a list of questions to determine whether your protagonist has a toxic parent(s):

Are they told they're constantly bad?

Are they forced to care for their parents at a young age?

Are they scared to show their anger or frustration to parents?

Do they keep secrets from their friends about what happens at home?

Do they just feel they will never live up to their parent's expectations?

If you like my blog, buy me a coffee! ☕

Reference: <Write Great Fiction: Plot and Structure (techniques and exercises for craftin a plot that grips readers from start to finish)> by James Scott Bell

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uzis-dopeaf-hat · 13 days

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Analysis of Nuzi in Episode 7

[MAJOR MURDER DRONES SPOILERS]

Okay! I've been wanting to rant about these two for ages so I'm happy to get this out haha. I'll try to make this post a little more comprehensible than the last one (no promises).

I'll try to keep this in chronological order.

So before I move ahead, let me get this out of the way.

N still cares about V, but I don't think he's thought about her in a romantic sense since at most, the end of episode 3. He absolutely sees her as family and deeply cares for her. Hence why he immediately starts freaking out and attacking the rubble blocking the elevator shaft.

He is desperately trying to get his family back.

So desperately that he unintentionally hurts someone else he immensely cares for.

He forgets about Uzi's condition in his blind panic, but upon remembering he becomes almost ridden with guilt. Uzi likely already feels terrible because of the loss of V and not being able to do anything to help N since she physically is unable to at this moment. It seems N understands this and tries to remedy this by telling Uzi "It's okay," and apologizing profusely.

He doesn't want Uzi to put anything else on her shoulders and backtracks so fast here.

And when Uzi tells N she's sorry, for both N's loss of V and her own inability to help N get back up the elevator shaft, she sounds so upset for N. There's nothing she can do for him here, and she knows this.

It's almost amusing how N gives "Tessa" a death glare here. As the series has gone on N has become less and less of a pushover, no doubt because of Uzi. If N had run into Tessa in any episode from 1-3. it would have been easier for Cyn to manipulate him.

But because she waited so long, N has built such a genuinely healthy and stable relationship with Uzi. One where both parties mutually care about each other and treat each other like equals (which should be normal but of course, this isn't the case for N or Uzi).

But something else to be noted here is the regression of both Uzi and N's characters at this moment.

Because while N is definitely making progress on standing his ground, and letting his own opinions be known, he is still faced with a non-choice. Instead of immediately deciding to question his old friend, he tries to compromise.

It's an old behavior met with an old friend vs a new behavior met with a new friend. He is trying to still somewhat appease "Tessa" while making it known that he isn't willing to hurt Uzi. But he never discusses this with Tessa herself aside from this moment, where he does so with Uzi present and out of the loop.

Let's take a look at Uzi's reaction when N tells her they won't hurt her.

She is scared.

Her eyes dart back and forth between the duo in front of her, putting her hand up in defense to try and subconsciously protect herself.

She doesn't understand what is happening, but she isn't stupid. She knows this means something happened- something regarding her, that's been decided on without her knowledge or input.

And with how much we like to joke about how dopey N is, he does seem very emotionally intelligent at times, especially here. He realizes his mistake immediately, his placating expression of trying to reassure Uzi drawing back as he drags his hand back, startled at her negative reaction.

After the solver accidentally activates from Uzi (unsure if Cyn activated it on purpose or if Uzi herself activated it by accident because of her distress- I can see both being factors), N tries to reach out to her. To bring her back to his side, to him.

He holds his palm upwards to her, physically trying to tell her 'I am here, with you, let me help.' And as he steps towards her, she moves away from him.

Uzi's trust in him has been damaged. She is scared and instead of letting N help her, or allowing him to try and explain what's happening, she hunches over and guards herself from him. She isolates herself, their relationship crumbling like the cave around them.

And N? Once Uzi is out of his view? His hand switches from welcoming to pleading. As in, he reaches out to her, trying to get her back even if he doesn't actually do anything to make it so. He is reeling from what he's done to make her feel like she can no longer trust him, to come to him for his aid. His demeanor is now 'Please wait, come back, don't leave me, I am sorry.'

Maybe not exactly those words, but it's obvious that he doesn't want her to leave. So much so that he forgets to even protect himself (or even "Tessa") from the debris falling around them.

When N wakes up, he immediately tries to free himself and desperately calls for Uzi.

And yes, Uzi is his first thought. He doesn't know where she is, or if she's okay, but his first instinct is to find her, because 'is she okay? Where is she, where are you?' is definitely what N is thinking when trying to find her, even though he can't move.

N is distressed, and after not being able to attract Uzi back to him via shouting, he gets ready to saw off his own arm.

He isn't just saying "I deserve this," because he chopped off Uzi's arm in the last episode, although that is part of it. He's saying he deserves this because he drove Uzi off, didn't confide in her, let her know what was happening, and scared her off in the process.

He is also sawing at the arm that he had held Uzi's hand with -- once again, the same hand that he sliced off to try and stop the solver. Interesting parallel there (at least it's another thing they have in common...?). His hand is absolutely crushed. That's not an accident, the team deliberately shows this -- and this is the result of N's actions (or lack thereof).

...sucks that both hands that had held each other are now destroyed (that's not me trying to be philosophical, just me being sad).

Cut here, and N is immediately ready to tell Uzi what he's learned, sprinting to find her. Probably due to the fact that he's discovered that his crush's mother is still alive but...

When told not to inform Uzi of Nori's existence by the woman herself, N upright denies her request; he's learned from his previous mistake and that lying (via omission) is not something he's going to do, especially not with Uzi.

And while certain information may hurt Uzi, he never wants what happened with Uzi to happen again. He doesn't want her to be afraid of him, or unsure of his intentions because N just wants to help and support her in any and every way he can.

He only relents that he won't tell Uzi, as long as Nori does. This is a bit different from the situation with "Tessa" since A) Nori is Uzi's mother, she really should be the one telling Uzi about her maternal status, and B) He is expecting her to actually inform Uzi of this. Not a "maybe, if needed," situation, a "you can wait until you're ready, but you will tell her," situation.

Back with "Tessa," N finally confronts her, giving her one chance and one chance only.

And Tessa, not used to this new version of N, does not heed his warning, and is promptly dealt with.

N is pissed... and it makes sense as to why. "Tessa" is attempting to force N to kill his best friend, the first one to really talk to him after who knows how long of being stuck with V ignoring him and J berating him.

Uzi has her own bite, but it's never in a way meant to harm or insult N. That's just how she is, and she and N have an excellent bond as the series moves forward.

Tessa is jeopardizing this, mocking him, and calling him "cute," and even tries to monologue to him. But N doesn't let her, because she's already made him hurt Uzi enough and he's at his last leg here. He's done.

And he's still shaken from killing Tessa.

He went full disassembly mode, maybe to make it easier, to kill her.

He is actively struggling, breathing heavily, and having to use the blade he beheaded Tessa with to hold himself up.

Despite this, when "Uzi" grabs at the patch, he snaps out of his stupor to address her. Trying to cope with what just happened. He calls her "buddy," which he really only calls her once in episode three when referring to both of them as "dapper buddies."

Just something interesting to point out, since Cyn took control of Uzi immediately after N "got rid of her body "killed" her. He's called Cyn "buddy," before (although, he called the birds trying to kill him buddies as well, so not sure how that pans out).

When he says it here it almost feels like a coping mechanism. Trying to take care of his loved ones in any way he can. Also, note how he still has an 'x' as an optic. Likely due to the stress he's been put through.

Once he somewhat collects himself, he attempts to tell Uzi that all he needs is her, and for them to stay together.

Their short time away from each other did not favor them. N admits to both himself and Uzi that he doesn't like being away from her and that he needs her to be by his side.

And Uzi definitely could've used him when she found the recording of her mother.

It's a bit harder to analyze Uzi's moments since a lot of it is just herself dealing with her own issues. This is still important, but not a lot of it deals with N, aside from the fact that, yes, N being here would've been preferable (unless I missed some stuff in the middle of this episode).

Cyn reveals herself, having taken control of Uzi, and we really see how sinister she can be.

Make no mistake, that is indeed a heart around Uzi, formed with Cyn's... claw... like appendages.

This is also deliberately put here by the team because they do not want us to doubt N's feelings for Uzi (it gets a lot more heavy-handed, too).

But the most important part here is N's reaction to seeing Uzi. When Cyn turns and shows Uzi's face, N visibly falters, expression growing more upset. He doesn't shoot her. Cyn notices this and smiles because she now sees the advantage she has over N.

And boy, does she take advantage.

This is probably my favorite part of this entire combat scene. N tries to essentially threaten Cyn here from further hurting Nori, trying to get her to back off.

Except, Cyn sees this as an opportunity to toy with him.

Maybe I'll one day do an analysis on Cyn, but she takes active pleasure in seeing N's suffering. When he holds his blade to her neck, he actually takes a moment to look at Cyn in the face, waiting for her next move.

And Cyn grabs that blade and slowly starts jabbing it into Uzi's neck. Because this is who N is now seeing: he is seeing Cyn hurt Uzi and he doesn't know what to do.

You see him visibly gasp, as he notices what Cyn's doing, and is still unable to make himself move (unless, of course, N is now actively trying to get the blade away from Uzi, but it doesn't seem like that's what's happening here).

Scratch that, while it's not immediately obvious, there are minuscule movements of the blade after Cyn starts stabbing Uzi - like N is trying to get it away from Uzi's neck while keeping eye contact with Cyn. He may still be seeing Uzi instead of Cyn at this moment (likely struggling between the two).

Something else to point out is that N is shaking even before Cyn grabs the blade. If you look at the tip of the weapon it's easier to tell. Again, chalking it up to not wanting to actually hurt Uzi.

This is a very nice parallel back to episode three. Aside from the hand-chopping part. Lots of limbs have been lost recently.

Ignoring the fact N was just raining fire down on Uzi, which is one of two times (don't quote me on that) he gets properly lethal, he tries hard here to not hurt her- almost like he's trying to get Uzi back in control.

It's hard to see here, but N is actually smiling as he holds Uzi's hand. Probably similar to what he does later - he is trying to remind Uzi of herself. Aside from the eyes, it feels like Uzi is reacting to this, looking surprised, before Nori takes her hand off to stop Cyn from creating more pockets of voids and closing the current ones.

But Cyn isn't done yet.

Once again, she uses N's affections against him to save herself. But in doing so, she allows N to finally crack through to Uzi, even if not by much.

It's comical that this is what helps Uzi gain control again, although what else would we expect? Even so, probably another favorite moment of mine.

Again, if anyone was doubting Nuzi... the team cannot get more obvious than this. Until we get an outright verbal confession... which is yet to be seen, sadly enough.

Unsure if N knew this would help Uzi or if he just wanted to let Nori know about him and Uzi before she died. This may just be him being lovesick for his possessed girlfriend.

Jokes aside, a lot of people took this as N saying they've been dating since episode five. I don't... think that's necessarily the case. I keep seeing the phrase "she fell first, but he fell harder," when discussing Nuzi and honestly? Yeah, he did. But dating since before episode six? That doesn't make sense, since we've been following their relationship since episode one, and it's not like it's irrelevant to the story. It's actually a huge part of Murder Drones, romantic or not, so any developments like the two dating would make more sense to happen in front of the audience and actually be addressed.

I think this is more of him sort of declaring his love for Uzi, in the most N way he can.

Ahh... although the dating part may be a bit irrelevant due to their predicament. They are both somewhat aware of how the other feels but have yet to discuss anything as Uzi states later. Likely due to uh, certain events happening around them.

When N sees Uzi come to, he starts laughing because of how relieved he is. And then promptly screams in horror at Uzi's next actions (I'm sure Nori is fine).

A small thing, but I thought it was an interesting reaction to have after having fought the previously possessed girl.

I think the fact that the two defaulted to freaking out after seeing each other is really sweet, funnily enough.

The way the two immediately start bantering, almost frantically, makes it feel like the two are looking for some sort of familiarity after all that's been happening. Moving instinctively closer to each other. Yes, maybe so they don't have to shout; but more importantly, after everything they've gone through, they want to be near each other.

And when they meet in the middle? They embrace each other, Uzi tightening her own hold and weeping into N's arm. N himself petting and caressing Uzi's head, both to comfort her and reassure himself that she is finally here with him.

...unfortunately, that is not the end of this post, nor the episode (as you've probably guessed).

After Cyn interrupts and attacks the duo, she descends into her pit of hell where she plans on dragging them.

You can see Uzi desperately trying to reach N, trying to get him to respond. That is her only goal in this moment, making sure that he is okay and alive.

I feel as if I am repeating myself... but yes, that heart is also purposeful. It's interesting how the tentacles split after forming, proceeding to drag N and Uzi apart with Uzi grasping at the ground trying to get back to N.

It literally tears them away from each other, and you can see how Uzi is forced to let go only to try and grab ahold of N.

She manages just in time to grab him, while impaling her hand onto some bones sticking up from the fleshy pit to stop both herself and N from falling further.

And we know this isn't a painless process, as drones have been shown to actively show pain. She doesn't care, she is doing all she can to save N, even if it hurts her. You can see how her arm starts ripping apart from her own hand as tentacles begin pulling harder.

But when Uzi sees N wake up, she gives him a smile, with a small, shakey, "Hey."

She knows they're likely about to die. And while N may have clones, Uzi does not. And even so, there's no way Cyn would allow N to remember anything that's happened, Uzi's firewall likely only protecting this N.

And as her final words she begins to thank him. For being her first friend. The first to believe in her. The first to show concern to her. The first to stay with her despite everything.

But when she sees that key?

She finishes thanking her first love and throws him away from their shared doom.

Uzi is genuinely so glad she's met N, and it shows in her expression here. She is saving the one good thing that has happened to her since her mom left her.

She knows N isn't going to be okay with this, that this won't be easy for him, and won't be easy for her, as she's assuming her own death in saving him.

Because of this, she doesn't want N's last memory of her to be herself being scared and unsure. So she tells him to "Die Mad," and flings him out of the chapel to both prevent him from attempting to save her and witnessing her death.

And you can see N was ready to jump in, determined to get her back and to save her. He uses his blades once again as a crutch, flaring his wings out in preparation to fly towards her.

Uzi doesn't let him, and for the last time pushing him away to save him from their once-shared fate.

I think Uzi's message to N will come into play later when they inevitably confront Cyn for the last time. Whether or not Uzi is there with him, he won't be able to forgive Cyn for controlling him and hurting him along with his loved ones.

And... that's the post! ending on a sad note but uh... we are talking about episode seven so there's no avoiding that haaaah.

If I missed something or you want further discussion feel free to send an ask or reply/respond to this post, love talking about shit.

Take a Nuzi dancing gif to go (I'm also sad now so this is really an excuse to put this at the end of my post).

Have a good one!

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frogspond200 · 5 months

Note

Could you do some Yandere Mike Schimit hc?

𝚈𝚊𝚗!𝙼𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚂𝚌𝚑𝚖𝚒𝚍𝚝 𝙷𝙲𝚜

𝚁𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚢: 𝙰𝚗𝚘𝚗

𝙰𝚜𝚔: 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚍𝚘 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚢𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝙼𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚂𝚌𝚑𝚖𝚒𝚍𝚝 𝙷𝙲𝚜

𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐: 𝙶𝚎𝚗𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚕 𝚈𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚛, a bit of sfw

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Mike is extraordinarily possessive of you, convinced that you belong to him and only him. He’s fiercely protective, often going to extreme lengths to keep you safe, even if it means eliminating anyone he perceives as a threat, or beating the ever-living shit out of a man in public for eyeing you…Any sign of closeness between you and another person triggers intense jealousy in him. He becomes volatile and irrationally angry, often resulting in him isolating you from the outside world.

Mike uses his affections as a tool for manipulation, employing sweet words and gestures to keep you under his control. He’ll guilt-trip or emotionally manipulate you into staying close, or even use Abby as to why you need to stay. Abby needs you of course, you are like a big sister to her. Why would you want to leave her?

He collects personal items belonging to you, considering them as prized possessions. These could range from something as simple as a hairpin to more intimate belongings…

His idea of protection extends to controlling your actions and choices, dictating what you can or cannot do to ensure your safety, regardless of your wishes.

If Mike perceives someone as a threat to you or your relationship, he won’t hesitate to take drastic measures to kill them from the picture, showing a dull and ominous side.

His behavior oscillates between intense affection and possessiveness to erratic outbreaks of bitterness or aggression, making you feel constantly on edge around him.

If you one day you were scared shitless of him Mike would likely become even more vigilant and overprotective, constantly assuring you of your safety in his presence. He might restrict your movements further, believing it’s for your own good. He may apologize for frightening you but in a possessive manner, reassuring you that he’ll never let anyone or anything hurt you, perhaps showering you with excessive attention and gifts to prove his devotion.

His treatment could be a rollercoaster of extremes—swinging between overwhelming displays of love, affection, and promises of protection to moments of intense possessiveness and controlling behavior…but In rare vulnerable moments, he might show glimpses of remorse for scaring you, promising to change or control his temper, but his possessiveness often overshadows any true change.

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dazed--xx · 3 months

Text

💔You Broke Me First💔

Summary: Now suddenly you're asking for it back Could you tell me, where'd you get the nerve? Yeah, you could say you miss all that we had. But I don't really care how bad it hurts…..When you broke me first

Member: Hyunjin x Reader

T/W: Mentions of Cheating, Break Ups, arguments, drinking, manipulation, crying, heartbreak, ANGST…, swearing, mentions of being drunk, yelling, sad ending

Word Count: 2.7K

Maybe you don't like talking too much about yourself But you should've told me that you were thinkin' 'bout someone else…

“I know…”

You state stoically, your eyes stuck on the quaint maple table that sat between you and your boyfriend. You brushed your tongue over your bottom lip biting back tears “I know about her..” Your voice is just above a whisper. “Y-Y/N…” His tone is full of pity and guilt, you scoff to yourself shaking your head in disbelief.

“Why?… What did I do so wrong?”

“Nothing…”

“Then how could you?”

“I-I don't know…”

You stare blankly, not able to find the words to express how you feel right now. Your head grew heavier and heavier the longer the silence continued. You could feel Hyunjin’s gaze burning holes into your face. “I do care about you, Y/N…please don't think that I don't.” He sighs, his fingers fidgeting with each other as he bit the inside of his cheek. “She just made me feel…different. I’m sorry…” Another scoff is released from your chest, rolling your eyes at his apology. “I mean you could have told me you didn't love me anymore…” You mutter, trying your hardest to seem strong in this moment. “That someone else was catching your eye…instead of stringing me along for a while just to throw me away,” you growl as anger bubbles in your gut. “Y-Y/N—That’s not tr—It's fine, Hyunjin” you cut off his stammering.

Finally meeting his eyes, you could see the exhaustion and hint of something you couldn't quite place. You take in his image. Allowing yourself for a moment to memorize every single inch of his face, your heart ached the more time passed. You should have known this was coming eventually. He was always just out of reach when it came to you. Hwang Hyunjin was an enigma when you first got together, your relationship was passionate and lustful. Spending every moment you could in each other's arms or beside each other; as the honeymoon phase left your relationship so did Hyunjin. Whilst, He physically stayed beside you; emotionally you could tell he checked out. He was no longer interested in what you were doing, or if you were safe. Your sex life quickly became nonexistent and soon so did you. He was never the most open with how he felt, but you stayed. As the months passed you continued to reach out and try to attempt to get closer to your boyfriend once again, only to be met with unanswered calls and missed dates. You couldn't understand why, that is—until two weeks ago.

You couldn't understand why it had taken you accidentally stumbling upon the two, inside this very cafe, on a date. You had been walking home from your part-time job and in your tiredness you stopped outside of the quaint little coffee shop and contemplated going in. Until you saw that familiar mop of midnight locks. You had seen the way he stared at her longingly. Hyunjin broke your trust and after you avoided him for two whole weeks he was now here to break your heart.

You saw the way he stared at his lap, struggling to find the words he wished to say. You should have known that when he suddenly started paying attention to you again, it was the guilt that ate at him. You know because he felt he'd wronged you he wouldn't just leave you alone, so you decided to do what he couldn't. He released a heavy sigh placing his hands around his cup on the table “Y/N—It's okay, you don't have to say it…” you cut him off once again, giving him a sad shrug. “N-no I do…I-I—Hyunjin!” you stare at him as you reach across the table to take his large hand in yours.

“I don't resent you. Thank you for the memories you've given me…” a small glint of something appeared in his eye, and it looked almost as if his face was about to light up. You give him a mournful smile “But let's stop” you state, your voice cracking at the end. He stared at you in bewilderment as his mouth hung open. “Y/N..” He gasped almost inaudibly the rest of his words not coming to him. You nod in response “I'll leave first…I hope things work out with her and she makes you happy” Your tone is laced with dejection and sadness. You stare at where you had connected your hands, even now as you hold his hand tightly; he sat with his sitting loosely on the table. With a final nod, you pull your hand away and lift yourself from your seat. Hyunjin stared at where your hand once was, flabbergasted. Disbelief decorated his face as you made your way out of the cafe.

You found your resolve breaking as soon as you turned the corner. Your legs finally give way as a sob rips through your chest. You release all the pain, anger, and sadness you held back. You felt broken, forgotten, and useless. You cried and cried feeling deep in your soul, that while Hyunjin will be completely fine you sat here broken.

Your phone's been off for a couple months, so you're calling me now I know you, you're like this. When shit don't go your way you needed me to fix it, And like me, I did But I ran out of every reason….

“Y/N He's drunk!” Felix pleaded as he grunted from the other line. “That's not my problem anymore, Lix” you grumble as you chew on your bottom lip. You hear him whisper something to whom you can assume, is Hyunjin. A heavy sigh is heard through the line “He won't listen to any of us right now!” Felix argues as you hear a shuffle “…You came any other time…He needs your help right now. He's hurting” Felix confesses, his tone is pleading and almost enough to convince you. Almost…and while Felix was correct you had run to help Hyunjin, a lot in these past two months since you had broken up. You no longer wished to do it “I'm sorry Lix, truly I am. But it was no longer my responsibility to take care of Hyunjin and I made the mistake of continuing to help after we ended things. But I don't owe him shit if he needs help then you should probably call his girlfriend.” you state matter of factly.

“Y/N He doesn't—” you cut the call off not wanting to hear any more of what Felix had to say; you toss your phone to the side onto your couch. As Guilty as you felt for not going to help Hyunjin; it was no longer your place to. It had taken these few months to stop running to help the person who had betrayed you. Every time you received a call from either Hyunjin himself or a mutual friend, you always found yourself dropping everything and rushing to assist him. When you finally had enough, you received a text from Hyunjin stating his car broke down and he asked for your help bringing him to the store and then his friend's house, only when you got to the house a familiar face popped out of the door. You scoffed to yourself as you saw the girl he had cheated on you with give him a bright smile as she waved at him. Quickly peeling away from the house, you laughed at your stupidity as well as his audacity. Ever since that moment every call from Hyunjin has gone unanswered and when requests from your mutual friends came in to help Hyunjin with something, they were rejected. You'd finally run out of reasons to continuously correct his mistakes and come running to his rescue.

You were no longer together so you no longer needed to be at his beck and call.

Now suddenly you're asking for it back. Could you tell me, where'd you get the nerve? Yeah, you could say you miss all that we had But I don't really care how bad it hurts When you broke me first…

A loud panicked knock against your door pulls you out of your sleep. Quickly checking the time on your phone 3:32 AM. Your eyes widen as another round of raps begins on your door once again. Pulling yourself out of bed ready to tear the head off of whoever has the nerve, the AUDACITY to wake you up at such an ungodly hour. You state out the peephole only to be met with the view of the street, you crack your door slightly. You're met with Hyunjin drunkenly leaning against your door. His arm supported his head against it. His free hand shakes nervously as he attempts to bang on your door again, that's when you hear it.

The most heartbreaking sob tears through his chest. He whimpers inaudible words to himself as he opens and closes his fist before allowing it to fall limp at his side. “Hyunjin?” you question visibly confused. His head whips up “Y/N!” He slurs almost excitedly, and the smell of liquor quickly fills your nose, “You opened the door…” his voice cracking behind his drunk smile.

“Do you know what time it is? You smell like a distillery” you growl at him as he tries to shove his way inside. You roll your eyes pulling the door open fully making him stumble forward. “Why are you here, Hyunjin?” you don't mean to be so hostile but you were very clear with Felix earlier. His hands encase your face, his eyes meeting yours as tears continue to cascade down his cheeks. His eyes are bloodshot, and his lips look swollen and raw, probably from biting them as you notice him repeatedly doing it. His hair was a tousled mess.

“Y/N…” He lets out a sigh of relief, placing his forehead against yours something he always did when you guys were together and happy. Your hands tug on his wrists at the familiar action. “You didn't come...why don't you come for me anymore?” He whines as he squeezes his eyes shut trying to steady his breathing. “I shouldn't come for you. There's no reason for me to…” you respond stoically.

“You just disappeared on me…” his words becoming more incomprehensible as he cried “Why did you abandon me?”

“Hyunjin! We aren't together anymore. You can't just expect me to pick you up or help you out anymore!”

“How else would I see you then?!?”

“You shouldn't be seeing me! We shouldn't hang around each other, it's too painful for me. I understand our relationship didn't mean much to you but it meant a lot to me…” you state sadly, Hyunjin’s pitiful expression now replaced with a puzzled scowl. “Who told you that?” disgust filled his tone. “You're kidding me right?” you counter. Hyunjin bites his bottom lip once again before clenching his jaw “No, who lied to you like that?” you stare at him wide-eyed “You did! With your actions or lack thereof. You cheated on me and ignored me for months” You snap. He can't be serious… you think to yourself.

“B-But I was trying to fix it!” He cried, seeming almost sober at this point. “You-you weren't supposed to find out!”

“So what?” you snarl “You would have continued to just string me along? String us both along?!” He shakes his head rapidly “N-No! I-'m sorry I should have explained better that day…” His tone is laced with regret and panic. “I-I ended things with her…Y/N—I wanted to fix things. I never wanted you to know...” He confessed behind shaky nervous breaths, he finally released you as he steadied himself. Slowly, taking a seat on your couch he quickly buried his face in his hands; his elbows resting on his knees as he took a deep breath “I didn't—I didn't want this to happen...I missed you so much I just—I wanted everything back to the way it was. You loved me so much and when I realized what a huge mistake I was making I ended it. I swear I ended it before we ended things…the last two weeks, when I couldn't see you I was only trying to see you. I only wanted you, I didn't want to lose you. W-When you told me you knew about her…it felt like my entire world was collapsing around me.” He rubs his face and tries uselessly to wipe away his tears. “I just wanted to explain. And when I processed what was going on—what you said…you were gone..” his soft cries turn back into full-on sobs.

“I was trying to fight for us those nights I begged you to come and see me, to talk to me only for me to be ignored while you went and made damn sure you had time to see her. And to make things worse, you used my feelings for you to manipulate me into driving you to her house?! You made me look like a fucking idiot! I'm wondering where the hell do you get the nerve to sit here and act like this?” you snap. He winced at your words “T-that wasn't her house! I-I don't know why she was there that's Seungmin’s new place I swear!” Every second you spent glaring at him felt like another stab to the heart. He knows he made so many mistakes, but he felt like he was dying with you looking at him. He wished he could go back and tell himself how it feels right now. How it felt to watch your hand leave him but deny that it was happening at that very moment. He'd tell himself how embarrassingly hard he had cried when he noticed she was no longer in her seat in front of him. How he'd run out of the cafe not knowing which direction you had gone in but how desperately he felt he'd needed to find you…how dejected and nauseous he felt when he couldn't. How he'd cried himself to sleep every night since you had left his life.

Your blood boiled as you saw him sitting there staring at you apologetically. “Y/N…Please” he swallows his tears “please just give me a chance to fix this…” he pleads. “What did you think would happen?” you question your voice laced with venom as you glare daggers at him. He can't meet your eyes only able to stare at the ground near your feet. He hung his head low “Not this…Not me being without you. Not being this hurt over the mistakes I made. I love you…when you ended things before I could have a chance to fix them, it broke me” He confesses staring up at you. You can't help the genuinely demeaning laugh that rips through your stomach. “Of-fucking-course it did. God, you really are something huh? You have some nerve to come in here to ask me for another chance. You want to know something?” you challenge raising your eyebrow as you cross your arms over your chest allowing all the anger pain and hurt to spill into your tone “I don't care…” you shrug before you throw your hands in the air as Hyunjin stared at you in horror.

“Y-You don't mean that…” He stammers in denial more to himself than to you “Yes, I do Hyunjin. I don't care that you're hurting. I don't care that you're finally opening your eyes. I don't really care how bad it hurts” You confess shaking your head “Not When you broke me first now see yourself out and move on…”

He stared at you for a moment, not wanting to give up on you, on the love he still has for you, but he could see it. You truly meant your words, you wanted nothing to do with him. He sighs heavily as he wipes his hands on his jeans before he lifts himself from the couch and makes his way toward the door; stopping in front of you he yearns to hold you one last time but the way you won't meet his gaze makes him sigh. He continues on his way pulling your door open he stares back at you only able to hear the pain in the words that are now circling around in his mind.

“You broke me first…”

⏪| ⏸️| ⏩

taglist: @yangbbokari @slayhyunjin

#stray kids angst fic #stray kids angst #hwang hyunjin angst #hyunjin angst #skz hyunjin angst #skz hyunjin break up #hyunjin break up #hwang hyujin imagines #hwang hyunjin cheater au #hyunjin sad fic #stray kids angst reaction #skz angst reaction #skz angst #skz break up au #hyunjin no happy ending

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cooki3face · 6 months

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wounded feminine energy vs wounded masculine energy:

Wounded feminine will struggle primarily with feelings of unworthiness that will present itself in a lot of different ways but wounded feminine energy may include things like:

issues with control and manipulation : stepping outside of her feminine energy and her home energy of recieving and trying to push and pull things into fruition or to go in the direction she sees fit and often for personal gain. This may present in her relationships with others, manipulating her friends, manipulating her partners, manipulating strangers. May be dishonest, deceitful, or deceptive.

low self worth & self esteem: she’s unable to make good decisions on who she chooses to be around and what she allows, may fall into a habit of people pleasing, may struggle with internalized misogyny, may be boy crazy or blow her entire life up for male validation or male presence, may constantly speak negatively upon herself and upon others. May victimize herself often or be prone to feeling “sorry” for herself, may also be heavily emotionally unstable or consumed by her emotions to the point where she’s constantly at high points of emotional distress. She has no boundaries, she’s desperate for love, she’s obsessive in a way where it comes from a place of lack or a void.

Vindictive,bitter, and jealous: falls right in hand with low self worth and self esteem, projecting all her fears and jealousy onto others especially other women. Always out to get someone, always picking on someone, always attempting to humiliate or tear someone apart.

over-giving: falls right into people pleasing but a feminine who may be over giving may not know how to or be unable to protect her energy, her power, her divinity and her “soft feminine”, she may become over-giving, over nurturing, overly empathetic to the point where she pours too much of herself (from a raw and authentic pool of her energy) into others. this comes hand in hand with my post about a feminine needing a divine counterpart who is conducive to her energy and is safe and giving so that when she’s in her most vulnerable state her energy won’t go to waste.

Shame and guilt: ashamed of her body, ashamed of her sensuality, ashamed of her femininity, ashamed of what it takes to protect herself from others, guilty for putting herself first, guilty for being in her power, guilty for recieving what she rightfully deserves, etc. etc. falls hand in hand with what I spoke about briefly about how purity culture and certain aspects of culture and life may supress one’s feminine nature and identity and ability to connect with self.

Intuitive and expressive: she’s in touch with her intuition, she’s strong and in tune, truth is clear and she lives in her truth. She lives an honest life, is honest with herself and with honors, shows up as an authentic version of herself in spirit. She’s creative, she inspires others instead of picking them apart or leading them astray.

Consumed by emotions: she’s angry, she’s aggressive, she’s emotionally consumed or disturbed, she’s violent, always fighting people, doesn’t have effective problem solving or communication skills outside of violence or conflict. Is always involved in conflict, is always involved in drama, befriends people with the intention of constantly being in the center of an issue or being aware of an issue, nosy and cunning. If she’s jealous and bitter she expresses it heavily.

***

Wounded masculine will struggle primarily with how he sees himself, honoring his heart space, and what it means to be masculine or a man. This is not a new issue, it’s as old as time, wounded masculine may exude behaviors like:

overly competitive and combative: masculine may have a tendency to try to out compete others, regardless of sex or gender. He competes with women, he competes with men. He used envy and insecurity to fuel these urges to compete with others. He wants to be the biggest all the time, he wants to be the most successful, the most important, the most looked at, etc. etc. there’s nothing wrong with these desires when they come from a place of self love and growth, there is an issue when they come from the ego and his desire is to push others out of their rightful place or consume the energy of others to make himself larger. Or he needs to be right and he’s argumentative. He may be prone to having narcissistic traits or a narcissistic personality type, he may have an inflated ego or sense of importance. Constant inner and outer conflict, he’s displeased with himself, he’s displeased with what there’s, he’s always fighting, always arguing, always involved in some sort of altercation.

Abusive and angry: he has a tendency to communicate with physical violence or is unable to solve problems effectively. He has a desire to hurt others to make himself feel stronger or more powerful or feel validated and respected. Constant inner and outer conflict, he’s displeased with himself, he’s displeased with what there’s, he’s always fighting, always arguing, always involved in some sort of altercation.

controlling and/or possessive: controlling in plenty of areas, in his relationships, in career, in life. Reflects a masculine whose not confident in his ability to be loved and admired, not confident in his ability to make a difference or take action that will push things forward or into fruition in a genuine and meaningful manner. A possessive masculine is a masculine who has a strong desire to consume things rather than enjoy them and allow them to flourish. Especially in his relationships, he may attempt to “squash” his partner, keep them from stepping into their power, keep them from doing well, he may have a tendency to view his partners and counterparts as objects to be had or to be owned rather than to be appreciated or as an energy that is complimentary and adds to his value or divinity. This goes hand and hand with what I spoke about briefly about men in relationships with successful women who try to trap them with pregnancy at the height of their careers or try to minimize their success. He’s overly critical of others and overly critical of himself on an internal level. May be prone to picking up misogynistic tendencies and views, he picks on women, he degrades them, he feels the need to tell them what to do and what’s acceptable.

Manipulative: again. A masculine who doesn’t think he’s truly capable of making an impact, a masculine who doesn’t believe he’s capable of truly being loved or doesn’t believe he has enough value to be stayed with in his relationships. A masculine who may have a tendency to see others as below him or as pawns.

over-preforming or overcompensating: am i man enough? Am I doing enough? Will they look at me or admire me enough? He tries too hard to be “masculine”, is afraid to stray away from masculine stereotypes, bullies and takes out aggression towards men who don’t fit the mold that he’s been conditioned to believe is what masculinity or being a real man looks like. Leads him to being controlling, resentful, aggressive and violent in a lot of cases. Resents others who live in their truth and live authentically despite judgment and rejection, tries to squash or push down others who go against what he’s been conditioned to believe is right or wrong, ends up pushing people away or ruining a lot of his relationships and his connections because he’s unable to find the courage to be who he is from an authentic stand point and he’s angry because he always feels like he has to preform and conform. And bro is definitely the lgbtq police and the “that’s gay asf” guy in the back who nobody asked an opinion from. He’s overly critical of others and overly critical of himself on an internal level. May be prone to picking up misogynistic tendencies and views, he picks on women, he degrades them, he feels the need to tell them what to do and what’s acceptable.

Unable to feel emotions/disconnected from self: unable to communicate and communicate effectively, he doesn’t understand himself and therefore can’t understand others, has a tendency to resort to anger or shutting down or running from things when he’s feeling triggered or being coaxed out of his shelf or is required to open up and be vulnerable. He’s guarded and closed off, he’s defensive, he struggles with an avoidant attatchment style, he’s afraid of being seen, he’s afraid of true intimacy, he’s afraid of being perceived in general and perceived as being soft or emotional. He doesn’t want to talk about his feelings because he’s conditioned not to and it’s difficult. He’s stagnant, he’s unable to grow, he’s unable to learn hard emotional lessons. Repressed his feminine energy or actively represses it and this goes hand and hand with overcompensating and over preforming.

Unstable: unstable, unsupportive, unsafe physically and emotionally. He can’t create a safe space for you, for others, or himself emotionally or physically and he will not.

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comradeboyhalo · 7 months

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So I went back and watched Bad's conversations with Foolish, Baghera, and Tina and the difference in how Bad talks to each of them really speaks to who each character truly is.

While Bad's conversation with Foolish is still very much a test, he talks to Foolish like an equal, someone to bounce ideas off of. Bad knows Foolish's morals lines up with his own, and he is constantly seeking justification from him. They talk in metaphors, but their shared understanding of each other makes this one of the bluntest conversations Bad's had. He doesn't really lie, because he's heavily relying on Foolish to piece things together himself. It's him who asks openly "How much can I trust you, Foolish?" and Foolish gives him a very honest, logical answer. It's perfect for Bad. He's not looking for pity or emotional support. He just wants to know who's going to get in his way. And Foolish, untrustworthy as he may be, seems to be the only one actively cheering Bad on. They sound like co-conspirators. Bad knows he and Foolish are both playing two separate games of 3D chess ("It's a fun game, it's a fun game we're playing, Bad!"), so why would he pretend like he's not?

Throughout their conversation, he's constantly moving to talk to Foolish on the same ground level, until the very last conversation about Ron. This is when Bad drops his most important piece of info, shrouded completely in metaphor. He's looking up towards Foolish; he is finally showing his hand and placing Foolish on the upper ground. And when Foolish affirms what Bad wants the most from him--that family is above all else--he then tells him they're on the same page, and walks up to be eye-level with him once more.

"When the time comes, Foolish, I'm going to need your help. We'll burn it all down, Foolish." They do not trust each other, but can understand each other's motives. And this, for now, has Bad and Foolish on the same side.

Baghera and Bad's conversation has the most clash. The "test" for Baghera was in showing her Ron, so this is a continuation. Similar to Foolish, they have a co-conspirators vibe, but it's not fun for Baghera at all. It's as if her friend showed up with a dead body, and she's horrified but scrubbing blood out anyways. They're on different wavelengths: Baghera just wants to make this right, but Bad is only thinking about his benefit. ("Badboy, now we have to make things cleaner, not dirtier.") Baghera agrees with Bad in the sense that she's willing to do anything for the eggs--but she's not willing to justify it like Bad is. And here's the issue: Bad is not justifying his torture of Ron because he's trying to escape guilt, he genuinely believes his beliefs are correct. He talks childlishly to Baghera, like a kid caught with their hand in a cookie jar. He needs her to walk him through, step by step, the issues of his morals.

It's just...not a fun conversation. It feels like the devil trying to drag Baghera down to hell alongside him. Throughout their conversation, Bad's gaze is constantly shifting. With Foolish, they made constant eye contact. But here, all of Bad's agreements with Baghera comes off shady. He's just placating her. His mind is running a thousand miles a minute while they talk, and not all of it is shared with her. "So we're on the same page?" / "No." <- It's a direct parallel to landduo's conversation. They are on the same side, yes, but they are not the same.

"We can try to walk the road we're on. Baghera. And whatever paths we need to take to reach that destination, Baghera, I'm willing to take." Bad asks if Baghera understands him, and she says she does. Baghera will remain a trusted friend, but he'll remember their differences in beliefs. They share a destination, but not a path.

Now Tina and Bad...where do we even begin. Their conversation is the most emotionally-charged. Bad matches her vulnerability. This is simultaneously the most honest he's been, as well as the most manipulative. He gives her multiple tests throughout their talk, while also rewarding her with the most information. He doesn't actually want her to help him. These are all tests to see her reaction, to gauge her motives. ("I don't actually want you to say anything to Foolish.")

Tina's motives are selfish in such a pure way. She just wants to be trusted, wants to be helpful. And that is understandable to Bad. She is the only one who gets a vocal admission of trust, and I think it's because he can see right through her. I think there's part of him that admires her. They share commonalities. They are lonely. They want to be loved. They are willing to hurt themselves for love. But Tina, in Bad's eyes, is someone who has not yet been beaten down by the island. And instead of protecting her against all this, he believes it is inevitable she will fall. So he might as well kickstart her corruption and have her join him. Once again: "I think we're on the same page," he says.

She sits, huddled, as he circles her like a hawk, before they finally end up sitting side-by-side, not quite looking at each other. Tina is not an unsuspecting mouse, in this conversation. She is willing to fall into every trap she sees laid out if it means she can be trusted. Bad talks to her gently, with the hint of a threat. His finger is on the trigger, but the gun is not pointed at her.

"Y'know whats interesting, Tina? I like that. I think you just want someone who confides in you. Someone who cares about you for you no matter what. The eggs were like that, Tina." Bad sees his own self-destructiveness in Tina. He understands her from an emotional standpoint, a stark contrast from his understanding of Foolish. Perhaps he believes that if they get the eggs back, they'll both be fixed.

tl;dr: Bad treats Foolish as an equivalent gamemaster -> he understands that he and Foolish could potentially play on the same side. Baghera is Bad's trusted friend, but disagrees with his methods -> Bad will continue to trust her, but is aware their paths will diverge. Tina and Bad are very similar emotionally -> he is willing to use her, and she is willing to be used, and that puts them at an understanding.

#qsmp #badboyhalo #foolish gamers #baghera jones #tinakitten #analysis

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princessjojo-x · 6 months

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Cancer Mars

💝 he takes a while to move on & get over things. he’s known for holding grudges due to his great memory.

💝 he values honesty & hates liars. he has strong intuition & he’s very observant.

💝 he has more feminine energy.

💝 he has a hard time dealing with conflict logically & rationally as he’s very emotional. when he’s angry he’ll say things in the heat of the moment which he’ll regret later on. he can be very passive aggressive too. the best way to piss him off during conflict is to stand your ground & not let him guilt trip you, showing him that his emotions don’t effect you.

💝 he’s emotionally intelligent meaning he knows how to persuade/manipulate others into doing what he wants.

💝 his highs & lows can be exhausting & nauseating for him & others.

💝 when he’s attracted to someone he comes off very nurturing (eg buy you chocolate or flowers). if he doesn’t come off as caring then he doesn’t care.

💝 he tends to put a lot of importance into aftercare & not receiving it can straight up ruin the experience for him.

💝 he is sexually passionate with deep & intense needs for emotional safety within a rxship. he’s likely to want sexual contact to reassure himself that he is wanted. although this need to be wanted extends beyond sex & will permeate their whole life. he may try to make himself indispenable to others so that he will never be abandoned. in sexual relationships, he needs to feel he belongs, protected & secure; he will in turn offer a sense of protection & containment to his partner.

💝 he has a habit of projecting his insecurities onto others.

💝 un-evolved cancer energy is self deprecation, victim mentality & still hung up on a toxic ex from ten years ago.

💝 he does not collaborate well with other cancer mars people.

Turn On’s:

💝 he needs plenty of validation & attention.

💝 he wants a sensitive & intuitive partner who can understand his complex emotional landscape. he likes emotional vulnerability & closeness.

💝 he likes slow & romantic build ups with nurturing gestures (soft music, heart-felt convo, home-cooked food, thoughtful gifts, bubble baths, forehead kisses, being held, cuddles)

💝 he will often mother his partner & want mothering himself.

💝 he loves anything to do with loyalty & binding - “i wanna take care of you”, “i want you to be happy” “give it to me”

💝 he likes eye contact (feeling seen, wanted & protected).

💝 breeding fetish (he likes the idea of making a baby).

💝 submission fantasies - he may like it when you’re a little aggressive or disapline him in bed as long as he knows you love him.

💝 known as the sign most attracted to breasts. the breasts/chest are his erogenous zone (stroke his chest, play with his nips) but remember his body is very sensitive so be gentle.

💝 he’s attracted to strong, tall & protective women with big breasts.

💝 he likes nymphomanics (a woman who has abnormally excessive & uncontrollable sexual desire).

💝 he may want it more when he can’t have it meaning he loves teasing & edging.

💝 all water mars love positions where they can see their partners face.

Turn Off’s:

💝 he dislikes his lover being too independent.

💝 he dislikes not being listened to.

Performance:

💝 he is a romantic, protective, soothing & sensual lover in bed. he can spend the whole day in bed with his partner. he loves turning cuddles, foreplay & sex into long sessions that seemingly have no end.

💝 he tends to treat sex as a very emotional/physical act rather than solely physical. sex & love go hand-in-hand for him. he needs an emotional connection to even consider sex with someone.

💝 he enjoys pleasing his partner & will do almost anything to do so.

💝 since he is emotional, he can have an explosive temper & release that anger during sex, making him sometimes very rough in bed.

💝 cancer is a deeply private sign & needs to feel safe before they reveal themself. nothing turns him off faster than a partner who comes on too strong or tries to push him into intimacy before he’s ready. he’s too sensitive & romantic to respond to a blunt sexual appeal. even in a long-term union, he prefers the indirect approach; he rarely comes right out & says he wants sex (all water sign mars may take more time & could be looking to emotionally connect before they sleep with you).

#astro notes #astrology #mars signs #cancer mars #astro observations

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creatingnikki · 1 year

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things to remember in 2023

goodbye emo era, goodbye empath era, goodbye all you eras that have been putting others + emotions at the center of everything. hello self-serving era. self-serving, not selfish. see, more accurate vocabulary can make all the difference.

choose people who choose you. bare minimum is not impressive. it’s only an indicator that hmmm maybe I can explore what something with this person could lead to. it’s the basic eligibility criteria for opening up your time/schedule to someone, not heart. only time.

new people don’t need to know life stories and trauma from before 2018. if you want to talk about it just write about it, write it into your book.

do not listen to your parents. I mean this in the most respectful possible way. you are an adult now, you make your own decisions. because 20 years from now if you are sad and miserable and hating your life and you tell them hey it’s because you made me la la la chances are they are going to turn around and be like nobody forced you, you were an adult, you made your own decisions. so just make your own decisions. and they would be right. like just dodge the emotional manipulation and the drama and the guilt and lack of validation from them for a bit and go ahead and do things you want to in your life. and you already have daddy issues, right? pacify them in bed or something idk. just make your own bloody decisions independent of what your family/others expect of you.

explore more Hindi music.

channelize certain things you’ve seen in most men around you. channelize compartmentalization. channelize binary problem solving. channelize cutting your losses and exiting at the right time from romantic situations that do not have any future no matter how much you feel for them in the present.

do not force yourself to write fiction. maybe you don’t want to create stories. maybe you just want to write down what you already know. maybe you just want to write creative non-fiction. why is that a bad thing? don’t you think it’s time to let go of the ideas you have hyper-romanticized and see things for what they really are and then work with them?

dating apps are not where you will find love. hook-ups, maybe. but drama-free hook-ups? yeah, not quite sure about that either. let’s just go back to how we were before? let’s just focus on our life and believe that love will happen if and when it’s supposed to?

self-dates must make a return. you found that amazing second-hand bookseller next to your home and your favourite cafe from Bangalore is now in Mumbai and so many new art galleries are opening up around and when was the last time you went to Marine Drive and maybe it’s time to sneak into your college to go have your favourite food again from the canteen and maybe after work you can stay around and explore the popular bars and maybe you can find a post office next to your new apartment so you can start sending letters and packages to your best friend again. I know, I know 2022 was a year of such dramatic highs that gave you such adrenaline rush that coming back to things that were more grounded and brought you joy seems difficult but baby please. you cannot run towards psychosis so soon, okay? come back.

on that note, let’s find a yoga class around your apartment and also a gurudwara.

sign up for experiences and invest for the long term but do not invest in material things like furniture. at this point you are the typical mid-20s person who is free to up and leave whenever and wherever and you haven’t found a place you want to call home yet anyway. so keep your money liquid, don’t lock it up in stupid things, but invest for the long-term in equity assets to create wealth. also, go meet your accountant please. and get life insurance.

do not let family stuff get to you emotionally. deal with it in a logistic, functional, and objective way. as much as possible.

you really don’t have to respond to people within 24 hours, 48 hours, or even a week. I mean other than very few selected people (family, best friend, and your partner), nobody is owed your immediate attention. and even these inner circle people are owed your immediate attention only in a way where you keep them in the loop to let them know you are alive and doing okay.

you are a warm person and it’s easy for people to like you wherever you go. but you have such limited time, energy, and brain cells. you cannot scale yourself like a company. which means if you more people want to get to know you, talk to you, etc., you can’t supply them with that because you are not a scalable product. okay? okay.

earning more money will help only in a limited manner if you do not budget and control your spending. it’s not the person who earns more that is rich but the person who saves and invests and doesn’t take debt for consumption purposes. you can no longer be the ironic financial writer like in the confessions of a shopaholic. you are no longer a kid, you are an adult who has to take care of yourself and soon your dependents and so you cannot keep ranting on about capitalism while falling constant prey to it. instead you have to benefit from it.

figure out what is your choice of poison. for when you wanna just vibe, for when you want to get drunk drunk, for when you wanna be bhand. figure it out.

think of studying Korean as doing an undergrad degree. so you know you have to stick with this for the next three years. this way you don’t see it as a short-term fancy but as a longer term commitment and reach level 6 of fluency in the language. this way, by the time you are in your late 20s, you will actually be able to read Korean books in Hangul and not the English translation. that’s your goal, isn’t it? and writing poetry in Korean too.

your high school friend answered the question no doctor was. when you drink alcohol, make sure there is a 3-hour gap between that and your medication. but also keep the drinking in check. I mean honestly, iced coffee and fresh fruit juices for the win.

you go through people like you go through books. but people are not books. time to pick up actual books again and press pause on people.

do not commit anything to anybody because you have no sense of stability or certainty in your life right now. that doesn’t make you flighty. that doesn’t make you irresponsible. in fact, it makes you responsible because you aren’t making promises you aren’t sure you are capable of keeping even if you want to keep them. actions > intentions.

time to have a skincare routine. your sister has written you a whole blog on it - just follow that.

also oh my god. being twenty five/twenty six does not make you old. you don’t have to look at the younger people you interact with and feel uncool or outdated because then that’s how you’ll always feel. like when you were younger, you would look at the older people and think they are so cool, graceful, smart, and badass. divine, even. then that’s what you are becoming now. not knowing what certain emojis and slang means really has no bearing on how relevant you are.

this isn’t an exhaustive list, so come back. don’t just write this and forget all about it. come back, review, revise, add. but most importantly, remember. remember this is for you. so that you minimise pain and failure and shitty feelings and maximise peace and success and joy. and you do like optimum utilisation of resources, don’t you? so do that. apply yourself for yourself. that’s where the returns are the highest.

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traumasurvivors · 7 months

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Here's another article I wrote. You can read it below the read more if you prefer.

Many people blame themselves for the abuse that they have lived through. This is a very normal way to respond, but the fact is that abuse is never your fault. Whether the abuse is physical, emotional, sexual, or any type of abuse. It is not your fault. This is no matter what the circumstances of the abuse are, or what your age is when it happens. This article is going to focus specifically on childhood abuse.

Many people who have been abused blame themselves for reasons they have come up with themselves, perhaps on a subconscious level. One of these is because they feel it gives them a level of control. If there is something you could have done to stop the abuse, then you might feel that there are things you can do to avoid bad things happening to you in the future. It also might be a way to justify to themselves why it’s okay to keep a connection with their abuser, especially if their abuser is a parent or other family member. They may feel they owe loyalty to their abuser because they love their abuser and feel sure their abuser loves them. They may believe breaking bonds with their abuser would be a betrayal of that love. If you were abused by a parent, you may subconsciously believe that admitting your parent abused you would also mean admitting your parent doesn’t love you, which may seem more painful than blaming yourself.

Many abusers will make all sorts of justifications for why they acted as they did, but there is something you should always keep in mind when you hear such arguments: There is *no* excuse to abuse a child. Ever. For instance, some people may claim the reason they were abusive was due to an emotional reaction, such as feeling extremely angry. But no matter how extreme a person’s emotions may be, it is their responsibility to control how they respond. It is never a child’s responsibility to manage other peoples’ emotions, especially those of an adult. Many abusers are well aware of how to manipulate children in order to make children blame themselves.

People abused as children may blame themselves because an abuser has convinced them it was their fault.

If their abuser told them such things, they generally did so only as part of their plan to transfer responsibility and guilt to the one abused. Abusers know that if they make a child take on responsibility, it will make the child less likely to tell anyone and improve the abuser’s chances of avoiding being caught and/or facing consequences. You were not abused because you were “bad.” You were abused because they were an abuser and trying to justify their abusive behaviours. Abusive adults find ways to emotionally manipulate children such as making them feel they are unlovable or deserve whatever abuse they receive - this is not a child’s fault at all. Abusers know how to exert power and pressure on children and make those children believe there are very good reasons to stay quiet. No matter what reason an abuser may give, the only one to blame is the abuser.

A child may blame themselves because they did not tell anyone, but there are many valid reasons a child would not tell.

It may seem easy, as an adult, to look back at your childhood and think, “I should have told someone.” But the reality is that it is not so easy when someone is only a child. (And even in cases where someone is not a child, this can be unimaginably difficult.) A child may not have told someone about abuse because they were threatened. The child may have felt no one would believe them. If they felt like no one listened to them about other subjects, it might feel very unlikely that people in their lives would believe them if they accused an adult of terrible actions. The child may have been conditioned by their abuser to see their abuse as normal. If they thought what was happening to them was nothing unusual, they may have seen no reason to talk to others about it. The child may be convinced that they would be in trouble for the abuse that was happening to them and worry for the consequences.

The child may not have understood what was happening to them. They may not be aware it was abuse. If this was the case, they may have had no idea how to put it into words in order to tell someone. The child may think it's okay for parents to say whatever they want to them. The child may have felt ashamed of what happened to them. Particularly if their abuser told them it was “dirty” or they had heard about someone else being bad for doing something which seemed similar to what the child went through, they might feel they shouldn’t tell anyone about it. Related to this, the child may have been convinced, by their abuser or by being told they are “bad” for other reasons, that they deserved their abuse. This is particularly true if that abuse was framed as “punishment.”

Even for an adult going through abuse, reasons such as these can be very convincing. As a child, it can be even more difficult to decide to go against such reasons and tell someone about abuse, because it is harder to have the knowledge and understanding that allows a person to disprove these reasons.

Many children feel they are to blame because they let abuse continue over more than one incident. While it is easy to look back and say, “I could have stopped things after the first time,” the truth is that abusers have the power in an abusive dynamic, especially when they are an adult abusing a child. Most children feel very little power to stop the abuse in such a situation, and their abusers manipulate things to make them feel more powerless. Even if a child feels like there is something they could have done or their abuser told them they just needed to behave better, the truth is that they had very little if any power to stop things. If a child “behaved better,” and their abuser wanted to abuse them, they would find a way to say the child still “misbehaved” or find some other excuse to abuse them.

In cases of sexual abuse, there are other reasons a child may blame themselves.

When a child is sexually abused, that abuse may not feel entirely unpleasant. They may have enjoyed the “special attention” because it made them feel important. Every child needs love and attention, and to feel special, and abusers know how to use this to take advantage of children to get what the abusers want. The child may be convinced that this is a way they are shown love. The child may have experienced arousal or physical pleasure during the abuse, and believe this means they wanted it to happen - but these are physical reactions and do not at all mean it was wanted or is okay.

In some cases, they may have thought or even said they wanted it. Children are not mentally or emotionally ready for a sexual relationship and adults should be mature enough to understand that and should decline any such “offer.” Instead, abusers take advantage of children in these situations.

A child being sexually abused may be convinced that if they tell someone, they will be the ones in trouble. They may feel ashamed or any number of things.

There are many reasons a child may blame themselves for their abuse. This is not even close to an exhaustive list. A child may blame themselves because they didn’t say “no” or didn’t say it “enough,” or feel they didn’t fight hard enough, or acted submissively, or did things to try to please their abuser. None of these actions means the child was in any way, “asking for,” or condoning their abuse. They were trying to find whatever way they could to make their abuse stop or make it not as severe, or at the least survive it. A child who is being abused has very little if any power over the situation, and it is not wrong or shameful or in any way wrong of them to have done what they could to survive.

No matter what your reasons might be for blaming yourself, your abuse was not your fault. The only one who should be blamed for your abuse is your abuser. No matter what they or anyone else might have said, there is never an excuse to abuse a child. And there was no reason, explanation, justification, argument or excuse that would make your abuse okay or make you to blame for it.

It was not your fault. It was never your fault. I promise.

#tw abuse #my blog posts

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yanderes-galore · 6 months

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A romantic Tanjiro concept from Demon Slayer, please?

Surprised I haven't done this yet, lol

Yandere! Tanjiro Kamado Concept

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Delusional behavior, Stalking, Clingy behavior, Overprotective behavior, Jealousy, Slight manipulation via guilt tripping, Obsession at first sight, Paranoia, Isolation, Dubious/Forced relationship.

Tanjiro is such an honest soul.

He's probably the type you won't even notice his yandere tendencies at first.

He can't lie and is always so kind and appears so innocent towards you.

He's so naive and forward he probably could not hide anything from you if he tried.

Tanjiro may also be a hopeless romantic and a family yandere.

He just believes you two love each other and in the future, when there's no demons, you can be a family!

As a result he's no doubt a delusional yandere.

I feel Tanjiro would overall be a docile yandere.

He probably couldn't lie to you without you noticing.

He just... isn't that kind of manipulative type.

He could emotionally manipulate his darling but even that isn't fully on purpose.

Tanjiro just clings to you because he feels you're like family to him.

He isn't very violent unless he has to defend you from a threat.

Tanjiro would also be a yandere who'd most likely not kill out of jealousy, if at all.

He gets jealous, yes, but it's more like the pouty kind of jealous.

He really isn't that bad, just persistent.

Tanjiro would also grow more attached if you cared for Nezuko.

There's many ways you could've met Tanjiro.

Maybe he saved you from a demon and you became friends ever since.

Maybe you work at one of the manors and help Tanjiro when he's injured after missions.

Or maybe you're a Demon Slayer yourself?

These are just some ways you could've met and gotten close to Tanjiro.

Tanjiro is someone mostly attracted to caring/familial traits.

Things like caring for him, caring for Nezuko, or even sympathizing with demons despite your job.

Anything that shows you have good intentions or are a good person will attract Tanjiro to you the fastest.

Tanjiro is definitely an obsession at first sight person.

He's also incredibly loyal and devoted to his love.

I want to say he'd be bashful and shy but if anything in reality he's mostly blunt.

Tanjiro would be very open about his feelings towards you.

He's not afraid to tell you compliments and how you make him feel.

He isn't ashamed of admitting he feels jealous when you speak to others.

Honestly, Tanjiro would do almost anything for you if it means you'll love him.

As I said before he truly believes in love to the point of being a hopeless romantic.

You may not have feelings for him now... but he's convinced you will at some point down the road!

He's a bit more grounded than Zenitsu would be and isn't going to really chase you everywhere.

Well... not to the same degree.

Tanjiro would follow you around at times to make sure you aren't "ambushed", even more so if you're a Slayer like him.

Tanjiro would not let a demon touch you.

He'd cut them down before they have a chance.

Tanjiro's big goal with you is certainly to have a family somehow.

He is such a family man due to growing up in a big family.

He wants to be your husband in the future.

He may even achieve such a goal since he's so sweet before you notice anything.

It's hard to point out the more toxic traits in him but I can come up with a few.

First is his emotional manipulation.

Intentional or not, it occurs when he is jealous or worried for your safety.

He wants to be the one to keep you safe and wishes you'll rely on him.

He wants you out of harm and would take a blow to protect you just to make sure you don't spill a drop of blood.

If anything I can see his yandere behavior showing up later on.

Like, by the time you two are adults and dating/married, that's when the worst of it is.

Maybe Tanjiro becomes obsessive about keeping you home.

He wants you as his little house spouse and you're most likely coerced into it.

Tanjiro tries not to appear "forceful" when he has you stay home.

He provides for you, gives you everything you could ever want.

He allows you outside in like a yard or something but never too far without him.

He's promised since you both were young that he'd protect and care for you.

So why do you need to go out so often anyways?

You can just stay at him and he'll come back to pepper you in kisses and affection!

You won't have to lift a finger.

For some, this is a dream.

For others, a nightmare.

Tanjiro removes your autonomy once you two are officially together.

He doesn't get why you'd want to leave home anyways.

He picked an isolated cabin just for you and him.

Now... it'll just be you and him!

There's no need to worry anymore, there's no longer any demons to harm either of you.

All you have to do is focus on him and his adoration...

You don't have to think of anyone else!

Just keep your eyes on him...

He protect, provide, and defend you with his life...

All you need to do?

Never go outside ever again.

Overall, Tanjiro is a subtle yandere.

He's sweet, caring, and seemingly innocent.

That is until you step closer...

Becoming trapped in his darker adoration.

#yandere demon slayer #yandere tanjiro x reader #yandere tanjiro kamado

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blakeswritingimagines · 1 month

Text

Dating Yandere Fire Lord Ozai Would Include:

His most prominent trait would be a lack of impulse control, which can manifest in many different ways. For example, being possessive and jealous, wanting to monopolize his beloved's attention, and becoming confrontational when faced with potential rivals for your affection. He may also act impulsively towards his beloved, expressing his obsession more intensely than usual and being overly eager to please you, even if it means crossing moral or legal boundaries.

Extremely affectionate and loving (Lovebombing), at least at the beginning, but incredibly possessive and envious when anyone else attempts to claim your affection. He will do anything for you. He'd kill everyone around you and then himself for you to be his.

If you tried to leave, rejected his love, or even implied that you were interested in someone else, he would be overcome with jealous rage. This can sometimes escalate to violence, as he may become physical in his attempts to prevent you from leaving or to punish you for being unfaithful. And if anyone were to ever hurt or threaten you, he would become so furious and vindictive that he would stop at nothing to make them pay.

He likes to exhibit extreme emotion and passion in his love and affection towards you. He may become overly attached, possessive, jealous, obsessive, and clingy, as well as demonstrating intense feelings of jealousy and anger towards any perceived rival or threat. In extreme cases, this can lead to violent behavior, manipulative acts, and even harmful or even fatal attacks.

He does not feel any remorse. Even when/if he hurts you, he will feel no guilt. You will belong to him and him alone, and he does not believe in being gentle when you resist. He is relentless and he will make you obey.

He has been told his intensity can be quite suffocating at times. He will devote his whole being to his one true love. And I mean whole.

This means that when he is attracted to someone, he'll feel an irresistible sense of ownership over you, even to the point where this feeling could develop into an obsession. He will be manipulative and try to exert control over you by any means necessary, so you can never leave him.

He will be extremely possessive over you, to the point where he will try to control every aspect of your life in order to ensure that you can never leave him. This includes isolating you from your friends and family, as well as controlling what you do and where you go. He even resorts to violence if you try to defy him in any way.

He'll be jealous of anyone showing any interest in his "property", and feel a need to "mark" you, and even eliminate anyone who could potentially pose a threat to the person he is obsessed with. He will have a violent, temperamental personality that will only be amplified around you. He will be very possessive and dominant, and get jealous even by little things like someone talking to you. In his eyes, you will be his and no one else's even before you are together.

Once his obsession over you is fully formed, he becomes very possessive of you and will isolate you from any other people who may have an influence on you. He can even become more violent when he feels that he is losing you, showing that he has no problem harming the same person that he is supposed to care about.

He'd make you to be his everything. He'd demand that you spend every waking moment with him. He'd never want you to leave his side. He would be very jealous and possessive of you and would get angry at anyone who tried to take your attention away from him. In other words, he'd always want to be your number one priority.

If you somehow did manage to get away from him or you ended things, he would become violent and manipulative in order to get you back. He would resort to blackmail, bribery, and physical force if necessary.

He would also become emotionally manipulative, using guilt and shame to get you into doing what he wants. He would do anything to make you rely on him so that he could manipulate you into staying with him. He could turn your friends and family against you by spreading lies and rumors about you, or even threatening them if they ever tried to help you. Anything they love and anything they care about could be used against them in order to make you stay so that they will never have you for themselves.

He would also be prone to extreme mood swings from hot to cold, from lovey-dovey and affectionate, to violent and manipulative, depending on how much you have given in to his demands. He would constantly question you about your feelings towards him and be extremely jealous of any time spent with others. He would become obsessed with you and the image of you together, often becoming delusional and ignoring any warning signs that you may be planning to escape from his clutches.

He would reward you for compliance. Your well-being and safety would be an important factor in his decision making and if you behaved according to his wishes, you could expect gifts and praise.

He would punish you harshly if you acted out of line, he felt an intense rage that can only be satisfied through harsh punishment. The severity of the punishment depends on the severity of the offense. Some common forms of punishment he might inflict include spankings, binding and gagging, being made to endure humiliating acts, or being dressed up in embarrassing outfits.

If someone else were to try and take you away from him before you had fully fallen into his clutches, he would do his best to manipulate you and get you to return to his side. He would tell you that he is the only one who truly loves and understands you and that any other person would be a bad influence on you. He would do everything he could to make sure that you stayed with him and dealt with whoever was attempting to break you up.

Azula and Zuko, both reacted very differently to his behavior. Azula became very similar to him, and shared his cruel and manipulative personality over you, becoming his most trusted confidant and gets to watch over you for him. Zuko, however, was horrified by his behavior, and he could not understand why he would treat you in such a way. And tried to confront him on many occasions, but Ozai refused to listen to him.

Going on dates with him could be quite a rollercoaster experience. He would start off very charming and attentive, but over the course of the date, his mood may change drastically as you do or say something that irritates him or makes him suspicious about your behavior. This could end up leading to him questioning you about your thoughts on the date and your intentions.

Affection from him would start out as affectionate and attentive, but his possessive and obsessive nature would soon take over. He would only show you affection when he was getting his own way or when he felt it was appropriate for you to receive it. He would withhold any type of touching if he felt that you had not met his demands. He would only touch you when he wanted to, whether physically or emotionally. He would be very particular about how much physical affection you receive and when it takes place.

He'd always make sure you knew how much he loved you and how much you needed him. You'd be isolated from your family and friends, and you'd never be able to escape or get too close to anyone else. He'd be the only person you could ever rely on and trust.

"I want you to know that I've had my eyes on you for a long time, and now that you're in my grasp, I don't plan on letting you go. You're mine, and you always will be. I'll do whatever it takes to keep you by my side, whatever the cost. You're mine, and you're only all mine."

Orgasm denial - He loves to watch you squirm and struggle as he teases you with the promise of an orgasm, but never quite allowing you to reach climax.

Marking - Leaving hickeys or bites all over your body after you've had sex is such a powerful way to assert his dominance over you and leave a physical reminder of your time together.

Choking during sex – using his hands or a piece of bondage equipment like a collar to lightly squeeze your neck during foreplay or intercourse. It creates an intense sensation that really amps up the intensity and leaves you feeling completely helpless in his hands which he likes best.

Overstimulation - He also loves it when you cum multiple times in a single session – watching you struggle to catch your breath between orgasms and knowing that he's the reason for the pleasure is incredibly rewarding for him. And thinking that you're addicted to his cock and his touch is an amazing feeling.

One of his favorite things to do is play with your limits – pushing you further than you ever thought possible. He loves exploring the boundaries of your sexuality, finding out what makes you tick and how far you can be pushed before you break.

#fire lord ozai #fire lord ozai x reader #lord ozai x reader #ozai x reader #fire lord x reader #avatar the last airbender #atla #atla imagine #yandere fire lord ozai #yandere ozai #dating would include #tw yandere

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