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lilnasxvevo · 6 years

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I wrote an essay once when it was really late and I was really frustrated

I am not going to send it to my literary journal and I did not even hand it in for the class I wrote it for (the next essay I wrote was passable enough to submit) but I think it is kind of funny so I am going to share it with you

Zoom Zoom

Draft number four of this FUCKING essay because I can’t FUCKING write. I just through out the last three because they sucked and excuse my language but I’m so frustrated at myself and I typed the wrong homophone in the last sentence and I went back and changed it but then I changed it back so you understand where I’m at right now because I NEVER!! MAKE!! SPELLING MISTAKES!! I was on the editorial staff of my high school newspaper for two years and that shit was flawless! I was editor in chief and that shit was free of god damn error! I do not make! Spelling mistakes!

I’m so frustrated because part of me just wants to write about a motherfucking TV show and the rest of me is like, “No, Thomas, that’s so fucking stupid, write about something that’s serious, something people can take seriously, something people can respect, but NOT something boring” and I’m like OK!! WELL!! THAT’S A TALL ORDER YOU’VE GIVEN YOURSELF TOMMY BOY!!

I’ve been trying to copy the style of the essays we’ve been reading in the last three drafts I just started and abandoned. I wrote…lets see…(I will be keeping all future grammar and spelling errors that I make) over 1300 words that way so far today. Fuck it!! I am going to be writing like ME and what I write like is a protagonist from a really sub-par young adult novel. I read a lot of those! But I was already like that before I read all those books. Actually most of the ones I read are pretty great. Holly Black, David Levithan, uh those Girl, 15, Charming but Insane books I forget who writes them but if I look it up I have to stop my timer and that is just not happening—check em out, they’re great. Oh, Eoin Colfer, too. I have his autograph! I actually also have David’s.

I made a list of all the things I could write this essay about. I didn’t want to write about being queer again because I don’t want you people to pigeonhole me. There’s like 50 items on that list. I’ll spare you. The list sucks. I texted my best friend “What should I write this essay about” and she said “Roman Catholicism” and I was like “Maybe” and she was like “Vampires” and I was like “LMFAO you will never believe what I wrote last time spoiler it was vampires.”

I have ADHD. Sometimes this surprises people! Sometimes it does not! Usually it doesn’t surprise other people who have ADHD because we go based on our lived experiences instead of stereotypes unlike SOME people. I was diagnosed when I was 17 which is super super late but they literally, and you can look this up, base most criteria off of the symptoms of little white cisgender boys, who are usually hyperactive, and I was inattentive type. My third grade teacher used to slap my desk with a ruler when I spaced out. She never brought up my attention issues to anyone else. I hated her. I still hate her. Curse you, Cathy Sellers!!

I have chilled out on the caps lock because maybe that was kind of a gimmick. Ok. Well. The ADHD. I actually don’t remember why I brought up ADHD, which is classic ADHD. Oh. I think it was to say that maybe you will be surprised that the inside of my head is this giant mess. Not to be all “welcome to my twisted mind” or that edgy shit. Maybe I’m trying to make an embarrassing essay on purpose. The point is some people think I’m very composed and stuff and the inside of my head has never once been composed. Well, maybe a few times. I miss standardized testing because they don’t really matter and they were fun to focus on and it was fun to fill the bubbles in and they made me feel smart. I am smart. I promise I’m smart. Sometimes people think I’m dumb because I’m a trans man which I don’t understand but I promise I’m smart.

I just slapped my face to try to get myself to wake up a little bit. I am wiped. That cold that’s been going around is kicking my ass, though not as bad as it’s kicking the ass of other students in this class who I have maybe potentially had to drive to the pharmacy this week.

I am so obsessed with this show on BBC America right now called Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency. In ADHD circles this is sometimes called a hyperfixation—it’s kind of like the special interests autistic people have, surprise surprise ADHD and autism are both developmental disorders and they have a lot in common. Dirk Gently is all I can think about. It’s a really great show and I loved it last season because it has the actor Samuel Barnett as the lead actor and I swore my fealty to him in like 2014 and then he got a lead on a TV show which is crazy because he never gets big roles like that so I was like NICE!!! Yeah, so last season was sci-fi, and the show is really great and it has this big diverse cast and all the characters are really interesting and the show never leans on stereotype instead of fleshing out a character as a unique person and there were electric crossbows last season that were designed by that Adam Savage dude from Mythbusters. So but this season, THIS SEASON, is SO good because apparently the show is planning on “switching genres” every season but with the same main cast so now they’ve been running around trying to find each other after everyone got separated at the end of last season (spoiler) and now they’re all in Montana and instead of sci-fi it’s FANTASY which is my FAVORITE. There’s another dimension that’s this great high-fantasy nation called Wendimoor and there’s a door between the valley of Inglenook and this one town in Montana for reasons that I refuse to explain, just watch the show. Ok and in Inglenook, there’s—it’s kind of sketchy how it works but there’s this guy named Panto Trost who has pink hair (his whole family has pink hair and it’s unclear if it’s genetic or if they dye it as a tribal marker or something, and when I first saw it I was like, HOLY SHIT, WHY DID I NEVER THINK OF THAT), and he’s the prince of Inglenook, and there’s this guy named Silas Dengdamor, who’s some kind of minor prince in Inglenook somehow, and THEY. ARE. A GAY INTERRACIAL HIGH FANTASY COUPLE. THEY ARE IN LOVE.

And the guy who plays Silas, Lee Majdoub, he’s really active on Twitter and Tumblr, which is crazy because almost no one is active on Tumblr under their real name and it’s mostly just depressed young adults like me, but Lee fields questions about the show all the time and talks about how it was an honor to play a gay prince and he has so much love for Silas and he put so much work into this character which you can tell because he has an answer ready for everything. Has he ridden that train we saw? Is he gay or bi or what? What are his hobbies? If he lived in our world what would his favorite movie be? His five favorite songs? Does he agree with his family’s stance on the feud? (Oh my god I forgot to MENTION that the Trosts and the Dengdamors are TWO FAMILIES AT WAR, which makes Silas and Panto basically gay Romeo and Juliet, but hopefully they won’t die but Dirk Gently is a “don’t get attached” kind of show.)

And did I mention he’s respectful??? My favorite answer he’s ever given is when someone asked him what it was like to kiss Chris Russell (the other actor), which is a question every fucking presumed-straight actor gets when they play a gay role, and since there is a 4 inch height difference between them, Lee answered something like, “It was a little weird because Chris is very tall, so I felt a little like Natalie Portman in Thor. Natalie Portman and I both have dark hair so we’re practically twins.” Also he is very handsome. It is important that Lee Majdoub is very handsome. Okay, it’s important to me.

Wow, glad I got that off my chest. It’s kind of all I ever want to talk about. Two weeks ago, before I could do my actual writing assignment for the day, I had to freewrite about Kevin Spacey for like AN HOUR. What I wrote ended up being kind of unusable for this class thus far, I just haven’t been pleased enough with the way it handled a very sensitive topic to hand it in, but it was about Kevin Spacey and Jeffrey Dahmer and OUT magazine and news media and Anthony Rapp and me.

I wanted to write about a historical figure for this paper but all the ones I could think of that I have a strong connection to were gay. While I was typing that sentence, I thought of Dorothy Parker. Well, shit. Another day, then.

This paper is what we call a RISK!!! pleasedontfailme

Here are some excerpts from the other three papers I tried to write today:

· Sometimes I sing and dance in front of them. Sometimes I scream. One time, I stood on a desk.

· The last time I told her I was proud of her I could only do it because she had consumed an obscene amount of wine and called me to talk about one of Shakespeare’s history plays

· I am afraid that I am a husk a husk a HUSK a husK a husk a husk a husk of Corn-ell because

I promise these essays were not good. These were the only good parts. I wanted to include them because I wanted you to understand that I covered a lot of fucking ground before settling on whatever the fuck this is. I am sorry if you feel you would rather be reading one of those other essays, but I did not want to write them.

I just scrolled back up to the top because I remembered abruptly that this essay doesn’t have a name. It’s called Zoom Zoom now. When my sister is bored while she drives, she says, “Zoom zoom! We’re zooming!” She is 24 and has a master’s degree. This particular catchphrase of hers always comes to mind when I try to describe how my brain works—childish, too fast, bored. Her boyfriend says “Brroom brroom” when he drives. I think he picked it up from her. He calls me Thomathy. Because Thomas can be Tom for short and Tom is like Tim and Tim is short for Timothy. Get it? He says “Thomathy” sounds like a disease. I think he likes me anyway. Even though one time during a heated game of Monopoly I told him I would eat chips at his funeral.

I have three cats. One is ten years old, the other two are one. I have a rabbit. He’s a jerk. That’s all you need to know about me. Oh, I’m from Wisconsin. My favorite color is orange.

Yeah so thanks for coming to my TED talk. Please buy a t-shirt on my way out, they’re $20. I know TED talks don’t usually have t-shirts but I want your money. Yes. Now scram.

Are they gone?

Jesus, I’m so fucking tired.

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recentnews18-blog · 5 years

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New Post has been published on https://shovelnews.com/7-offensive-halloween-costumes-that-will-never-be-funny/

7 Offensive Halloween Costumes That Will Never Be Funny

Halloween is just a few short days away, which means everyone is breaking out their spookiest, funniest, and most unique costumes for the spooky holiday. While getting creative with your attire for Halloween parties or costume contests may be a part of your Oct. 31 traditions, it’s important to remember that offensive Halloween costumes will never be funny, cool, or “edgy.” On top of looking like a jerk, wearing one of these costumes can add to the discrimination that marginalized communities already experience. So no, these costumes aren’t “just a joke” — they can really hurt others who are also just trying to enjoy their holiday.

Yes, half the fun of Halloween is getting to pretend to be someone (or something!) you’re not for an evening — a vampire, a famous actor, a werewolf, a member of the Serpents from Riverdale. However, Halloween doesn’t mean human decency should fall to the wayside. Yet, like clockwork, someone goes viral across the internet every single Halloween for wearing a costume that is racist, ableist, misogynistic, culturally appropriative, or all of the above.

Here’s the thing: I’m not trying to be the costume police, but you can find funny or one-of-a-kind costume without being offensive or hurtful. In fact, it’s probably a heck of a lot easier to find a Halloween costume that isn’t offensive than to pick out one that is. When on the search for your perfect Halloween garb, here are seven halloween costumes that will never be funny that you should stay far, far away from.

1“Psych Ward” Patient

Dressing up as a “sexy psych ward” patient on Halloween can not only be triggering to those who live with mental illnesses, but also plays into mental health stigmas that already exist — including that mentally ill people are inherently “violent,” or possessed by evil spirits. Considering the Association for Psychological Sciences reported in 2014 that studies have found stigma is one of the most pervasive barriers to mental health care, you should probably skip the Halloween costumes that perpetuate these tropes.

As UCLA Clinical Professor Dr. Joe Pierre wrote in an article for Psychology Today, “Mental illness is not an amusement park ride. Mental illness is not a horror movie. Mental illness is not a Halloween costume. Don’t dress your child up in a straitjacket, and don’t wear one yourself.”

2A Nazi

There is no excuse for dressing up on Halloween as a Nazi. Period. The Nazi Party committed horrifying acts of genocide and violence against Jewish people, gay people, disabled people, and other groups that did not fit in with their white nationalist ethos. Further, white supremacist groups whose ideologies are scarily similar to WWII-era Nazism are still prominent today. In fact, the Southern Poverty Law Center estimated in 2017 that at least 100 white nationalist groups exist in the U.S. There is nothing funny about dressing up in the style of this hate group.

3A Costume That Uses Black, Brown, Or Yellowface

In 2018, it should be universally understood that using black, brown, or yellowface as part of your halloween costume is completely unacceptable. If you’re dressing up as a character whose race is different to your own, your costume should be recognizable without having to change your skin color or facial features. As fellow Bustler Ayana Lage wrote in 2017, “if there is any doubt about whether or not your costume’s use of face paint could be construed as racially insensitive, it’s better not to do it.��

4“Native Princess” Costumes

You don’t have to look far to find Halloween outlets selling costumes that objectify Indigenous women, or appropriate native cultures. But wearing these costumes isn’t simply just in poor taste — they can have damaging consequences.

The National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC) reported that 45 percent of American and Alaska native women have been subjected to some form of sexual violence in their lifetime, and much of these costumes perpetuate fetishization of Indigenous women.

“These costumes paint Native American history like it’s part of a fairy tale. But, we’re real people. We’re still here,” California-based makeup artist Zoe Dejecacion told Vox. “These costumes are taking our real stories, twisting them, and sexualizing them, and furthering the dehumanization of Native women.”

5A Geisha

Many people misinterpret the role of Geishas in Japanese culture, leaving the door open for “sexy Geisha” costumes that not only dehumanize these (very real) women, contribute to racist tropes about Japanese women. As Jeff Yang explained in a 2013 article for The Wall Street Journal, geisha costumes not only are prone to being portrayed with yellowface, but they sustain the racist stereotype that Asian women should be “passive,” and “servile.”

6“The Wall” Costumes

While the company Party City is no longer selling their “Wall” costume that came under fire last Halloween, HelloGiggles reports Amazon currently has a similar costume for sale that says “Mexico Will Pay.” I wish this didn’t have to be said in the first place, but dressing up as Trump’s border wall is not funny whatsoever. The Trump administration has put policies in place that are expressly anti-immigrant, and that particularly hurt families, and children seeking refuge by crossing the U.S. and Mexico border. According to an Oct. 26 report from CNN, 220 children from immigrant families still remain in U.S. custody — despite a June order from a federal judge set to reunite families that had been separated at the border. A costume making fun of Trump’s proposed border wall only normalizes these kinds of policies.

7Using Physical Disability As Part Of Your “Costume”

Dressing up as a person with a disability for Halloween — whether that means using a mobility device when you don’t need it, disfiguring yourself with makeup, or wearing fake scars — is super ableist. Disabled people still face massive barriers when it comes to receiving quality health care. Not to mention, they experience profound discrimination in public and in the workplace. Pretending to be disabled for “fun” on Halloween is one of the ultimate forms of privilege, and not at all funny to those of us with disabilities.

Basically, bigotry is never funny. You can celebrate Halloween in style without belittling, mocking, or imitating communities that already face prejudice. Better yet, your costume will 100 percent be better off for it.

Source: https://www.bustle.com/p/7-offensive-halloween-costumes-that-will-never-be-funny-12992878

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