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#that will be all bruce
panakina · 2 months
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I think it’d be funny if Dick and Jason, due to wearing bright yellow capes on the job for years, are capable of stealth to a frankly unhinged degree. They barely have to try anymore it’s so second nature. Dick can just completely disappear while in the loudest neon clothes imaginable. Jason is constantly startling people who don’t understand how they missed a guy the size of a fridge standing right there. Bruce is extremely grateful for his unbreakable poker face because they have both startled him by accident and would never ever let him live it down if they knew.
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redsray · 2 months
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the funniest part of any Robin meeting the JL is that every Robin is so distinctly different from the previous one in terms of personality and vibes that the league literally gets backlash. and like, I don't blame them. not to mention that they are non-meta children that dress as a traffic light and fight crime alongside batman in gotham on a nightly basis. i'd also be a bit concerned. Batman, literally The Night of Gotham personified in the League's eyes, coming into a JL meeting: This is Robin, my crime-fighting partner. 11-year-old Dick Grayson, dressed in the brightest primary colours possible, vaguely hidden murder behind those eyes, never stops moving even for a moment: Hi! Superman: That's a child. That's-- Bats that is a child. You let a child--? Batman, deadpan: You try to stop him. Would you rather he try and murder a grown man with a wire?
Batman: This is Robin. 12-year-old Jason Todd, with the biggest grin on his face, about 3 books in his hand, stars in his eyes and a distinct street-kid drawl: Hey!!! Green Lantern: That's ... that's a different child. What?? Jason: I stole his tires :) Batman: Tried to. Jason, stage whispering to the League: basically did. Green Lantern: that is a different kid, right?? I'm not seeing shit??
Batman: This is Robin. 14-year-old Tim Drake, bo staff clutched in his hand, a wary and tired expression on his face, more on the quiet side, the literal walking definition of don't judge a book by it's cover: hello Flash: Where do you even find these-- Tim: I found myself.
Batman: This is Robin. 17-year-old Stephanie Brown, literally blonde, with a shit-eating grin, eyes full of nothing but mischief and the most explosive personality you've ever seen: hiya!! Superman: I give up. Stephanie: I know, I have that amazing effect on people.
Batman: This is Robin. 13-year-old Damian Wayne, a literal wet cat that will hiss at you, has a sword, the most judgemental stare you'll get from a teenager, ready to jump anyone there: Green Lantern: WHY DOES HE HAVE A SWORD?! Batman: ... he came with the sword.
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minnow-doodle-doo · 9 months
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Then Jason never kills again.
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frownyalfred · 3 months
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Dick is probably the nicest civilian ever when he’s in Bludhaven and all the little old ladies who bring him baked goods and his coworkers at the station have no idea he spends the night beating criminals half to death with his escrima sticks, has the kind of insane family & family loyalty you can’t buy, and would have the entire Justice League at his side with just one phone call.
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“Bruce Wayne is actually a really good father and all his children are just like that” is actually my favorite flavor of batfam
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therandomfandomme · 4 months
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why do i imagine the batfam finally meeting the league and then one of them going 'how the fuck do you have so many kids?' and little shit Jason goes 'well, when two people love each other very much...' and because Bruce doesn't wanna listen to this, he tiredly reminds Jason: 'you're adopted' which naturally means that Jason is going to dramatically pretend that this is the first time he's heard that and how could Bruce keep this from him, much to the horror of the league and the exasperation of Bruce
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theaceofarrows · 5 months
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Damian: [walks into Bruce's office with his hands behind his back]
Damian: Father, I would like to congratulate you. You are now a grandfather
Bruce: [seconds away from a heart attack] W- what?
Damian: [reveals the hamster he was holding behind his back] Meet Ferdinand
Bruce: [slumps against desk] Next time... please- please lead with that... I'm begging you
-
Jason: [hiding in the vents with a camera] He actually did it, the crazy little son of a bitch
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the-swift-tricker · 6 months
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this episode aired in 1992
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thedevilundercover · 2 months
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I think that Tim should be in cross country and like to run marathons. Why? Idk it just fits him
He looked at normal track and thought it was too boring so like a psychopath, he chose to run for longer.
Imagine if there was some criminal and they were running away.
Nightwing: Red Robin
*he's a runner he's a track star*
Even with pounds of heavy equipment, he's out running all of them with pure stamina. You think you got rid of him? Nah, you look behind and see that guy behind you, he will win with pure patience, he is inevitable.
All the criminals are scared out of their wits bc of him, Tim does not give up, it is not in his nature
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p1nkshield · 1 year
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Reporter: Tell us Bruce, why have you recently decided to work out more? Do you just want to compete with our Clark? Or is it-
Bruce: My kids.
Reporter: I’m sorry what?
Bruce: I work out so I can still lift them.
Reporter: …
Bruce: if you have nothing else to ask I’m going to leave now. Let’s go Jaylad.
Bruce just picks up Jason and leaves.
Jason looks like a large dog that clearly isn’t used to being in the air.
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Like this.
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trashmakerarticle · 6 months
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Everyone thinks that dick was the golden child when in reality it was Jason.
Clark: Bruce who was your favourite robin?
Dick: obviously it’s me?
Tim: it’s dick
Damian: I am superior robin, it will be me.
Bruce: it’s Jason
Everyone: WHAT?!?!???
Bruce: why are you so surprised? He didn’t jump on too my chandeliers which I had to replace each week
*everyone looks at dick*
Bruce: he didn’t drop out of school
*everyone looks at tim*
Bruce: I didn’t have to stop him from killing everyone who annoyed him
*everyone looks at Damian*
Bruce: in fact, he enjoyed school and handed all his homework in on time, we would spend hours in the library reading his favourite classics. He even helped Alfred with most of the cooking, He was my little boy
Jason: stop spreading lies, I hate you go away
Bruce: my precious little boy
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redsray · 2 months
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i love the idea of the batfam wearing each other's merch cause like. i know they'd be petty about it. usually they'd wear their siblings merch in (kinda) equal rotations, but they'd change it up depending on sibling squabbles or sibling favours. Tim, walking into the kitchen in a Red Hood shirt: Dick: TIM!? Tim: what Dick: it's Tuesday. you always wear Nightwing merch on Tuesdays. Tim: oh. Tim: you stole my last granola bar, last week. Steph, looking for something in Jason's room: JASON WHY DO YOU HAVE EVERYONE'S MERCH BUT MINE?! Jason, peeking into the room: i have your merch. in the trash. Steph: WHY Jason: you hit me with a blue shell in mario kart last game night. i'm never forgiving you. Damian, sporting a full-on Red Robin hoodie: Tim: woah. what brought this on? you usually only exclusively wear Batman or Nightwing merch Damian: you helped me take that splinter out of Alfred's paw yesterday. Richard on the other hand has recently messed up my painting palette. Dick, from the other room: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! Damian: he'll get over it. Cass, wearing Nightwing merch for the 5th day in a row: Jason: goddamn. what did Dickie do to get in your good graces like this? Cass, smiling: he made me a flower crown Jason: ... that's it? Cass: it was a very nice flower crown. Dick, buying seven Signal shirts: One for everyone. Duke, behind him: Dick, you really don't-- Dick: shhhh, sunshine. everyone will love your new merch. (they all wore exclusively Signal merch for a week straight) Bruce isn't allowed to change up his rotation or not wear someone's merch because he immediately gets accused of playing favourites. He'd rather keep some of his sanity, thank you.
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danafromunderarock · 10 days
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one thing that will always be funny to me about batfam is that jason is forever convinced that dick is bruce's favorite child while all of his siblings know for sure that bruce's favorite child is actually jason
some random reporter: who's your favorite child?
bruce: how DARE YOU imply that i play favorites, i love ALL of my children equally
dick, without missing a bit: oh he absolutely plays favorites, it was jason
tim: rest in peace
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daydreamerwonderkid · 7 months
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I know WFA is too OOC for some people, but I need that shit right now.
I do love seeing the Batfam beating the shit out of each other. I like how messy their relationships are and I have always loved flawed characters.
But idk, man, Batman #138 just really crossed a line for me and I need a reminder that there are other depictions of Bruce that aren't so fucking heinous.
I'll take this shit:
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Over this shit:
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Any. Fucking. Day.
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dudedidujust · 1 month
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Au where Damian comes to Gotham with the goal of infiltrating and eventually overthrowing Batman instead of inheriting the mantle. Not much changes from canon except for the fact that he views everything that batman owns as his. That's his future cave and his future batmobile. This also includes his robins. After all everyone knows Batman wouldn't really be Batman without them.
Cue a very bewildered Tim being lectured on his eating habits by a righteous Damian who won't let one of his people take shortcuts with their health.
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spacedace · 4 months
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You ever think Dick overhears someone say Jason was the most violent Robin and just gets so mad about it?
And it's not even about like, defending Jason's honor or anything. It's purely because he's just so incredibly insulted that people somehow forgot how much of an unhinged ball of rage he was as a child.
Like I'm imagining him storming into the cave and yanking on his now way too small Robin costume and muttering angrily about I'll show you the angriest Robin
Barbara is facepalming about all the nonsense that's about to pop off that inevitably she's gonna have to clean up. Bruce just starts sweating profusely and desperately trying to talk Dick down because he suddenly remembers that time Dick kicked a criminal so hard they ended up in a coma for a week and smiled so brightly while doing it that the other goons there at the time just chose to jump off a three story building into the suspect sludge that filled Gotham harbor rather than face the unhinged ten year old on bright colors and pixie boots.
Duke: But wasn't Dick the nice one?
Tim, who idolized Dick Grayson's Robin like his own chaotic god: Don't ever insult my favorite Robin that way again. Here are my top thirty photos of him reigning deranged chaotic violence upon his enemies. I'd show you more but this album just has the photos from the first month I started following him and Batman around.
Jason: The hundreds of dead assassins and all the shit I've heard about you and Young Justice suddenly make a lot more sense
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