#that would just take too much energy

[eyes-of-nine]

truly what a guy

#malevolent #malevolent podcast #arthur lester #arthur malevolent #john doe #john malevolent #my art #ahfdgfghsdd i have so many important things to do but these two have overtaken all of my waking thoughts so i'm fucked to say the least #adgfd i just wanna talk about them with someone but no one i know has the energy for that 12h long infodump #straight up today was my first truly no work day in a few weeks and what did i do? spent half the day figuring out how i want to draw arthur #still not sure if this the direction i wanna take his design in but somehow along the process he ended up as like my ideal look on masc days #tbh i don't have the time to unpack whatever that says about me ywy #john's design is very much still a first draft but i can't think about it too much or i might just actually go insane #this podcast makes me unwell(affectionate) #the universe is so evil for not letting me just draw them all day long ywy #in an ideal world it would be no diploma no uni applications only malevolent #.....i'm gonna stop with the rambling now #so yeah go listen to malevolent

[thwackk]

welcome to the gigantic boots for silly guys convention, this is the president

#guy gardner #green lantern #i just start posting things reguardless of quality nowadays huh #it’s not that im lazy. it’s because i’m lazy #no but honestly i just don’t have the time anymore. when summer rolls around definitely but right now i do not #im also fresh out of energy. i havent opened my ipad in months now literally everything has been done on my phone #becayse i never have time to just sit down and pull out my ipad and draw on it like a normal person would do #anyways #guy has infected every corner of my mind lately i cant get him out #i just think abt him #alot #too much #my poor friends hear all my thoughts #i personally think reconciling with your abuser is stupid <3 #that’s my take for the night.

[buddiesmutslut]

I’m being so ffr rn, if the show runners definitively show that Buddie is not going to happen?

I’m probably not going to be watching anymore.

I mean it when I say that they’re literally the sole reason I watched this show in the first place. I saw a billion TikTok edits of them & was like “Idek these characters I need to watch this show and see what’s going on over there.”

And like, it’s a fun show, I’m not saying it isn’t, but first responder shows are a dime a dozen. There are other shows that have queer characters and found family and wild adventures. Granted, they don’t have Buck & his bi arc, but I’d still read fanfics to get my Evan Buckley fix lol.

I don’t need them right now, I’m so down for the slow burn, will-they-won’t-they & the pining & the yearning & the build up and the GOOD foundation. I want to see Eddie figuring himself out and dealing with his repression and figuring out he’s queer (& Demi, pls God. I hope if I just say it enough, I can will it into existence somehow) before anything happens with the two of them, but if they take definitive steps to have one of them like, marry someone else or something, I think I’m gonna head out. Find me on ao3 for the rest of my days lol.

#911 abc #buddie #demisexual eddie diaz #also pls don’t come at me with “you don’t care about bi representation”. he’s already bi #he’s always been bi & I’ve loved watching him on this journey #but his & Eddie’s relationship is literally the only reason I started this show in the first place #and again if they find good LI’s & bring them more into focus #the time spent on the Buddie relationship will decrease. that’s just how tv & time limits work #and if my favorite relationship on the show goes away then why would I continue watching it religiously? #also I know I’m a bitch & would therefore hate any person they brought in to be the HEA for them & that’s not fun for anyone #not that I would bully the actor/actress bc im not an ASSHOLE #eddie diaz #evan buckley #I literally watched Booth & Bones take like 9 seasons to get together I am IN IT with a slow burn #unless they do what they did last season & shoehorn 2 LI’s in at the last second on the last episode then I guess I wouldn’t have a choice #Tim would’ve pulled a fast one on me #also I will watch literally anything else Oliver Stark is in SNOOKUMS I love you so much. come home the kids miss you 😂 #& probably Lou also bc he’s so freaking cute irl I wanna die #with his curly hair and his silly faces and his muscles and his wanting to be held in the dark #LOU BABY ILL HOLD YOU IF THE POWER GOES OUT #I have spent too much of my life & time & energy to get 0 payout and it’s honestly unsustainable but that’s a whole different problem

[alangdorf]

Immediate swing around to a character that’s far less obscure and also technically existed when I was last active in the fandom, though I never drew her back then (I doodled everyone in the LoLK cast at least once except for her and Clownpiece). Anyway, I’ve been fascinated with the fact that she purified herself into being nothing more than her grudge so much that almost her entire identity was wiped away, so I wanted to draw her covering her face with a fan with a kitsune on it (used a couple ukiyo-e as reference for drawing that), looked up Chinese fans to make sure I was thinking of the right thing (this kind is called tuanshan), and found out they were historically used in a wedding tradition (queshan) where the bride covers her face with a fan and then reveals it at the end, so I was like. Well, that’s appropriate given that Junko is the Touhou character most likely to have been married at some point, so it all worked out nicely. But then I figured I should probably draw her face anyway, if only to practice giving Touhou characters faces that fit my style and aren’t all the same, and went a bit silly with it lol(k)

#art #digital #Touhou #Junko #legacy of lunatic kingdom #I did research on Wikipedia for this one! #also I actually used the color black for once #the first pic was supposed to be more graphic in style but as usual I chickened out on doing too much of it without lines or shading #second one I thought it would be funny to dip into American middle class white mom fashion (one of the styles which I am adjacent to) #aaand to be honest I was channeling just a little bit of coin boss blaseball energy #there are no other milfs to take it out on #anyway I’ve got a couple fan characters to tackle and if I don’t get more requests by the time I’m done with those I might just start doing #fun outfits for like whoever (Hecatia’s on that list for sure) #k0nfette is like my biggest aspiration in life rn

[crybaby-bkg]

I love mythology so much and it’s taking everything in me to not write a full fledge fic about a Cupid and Psyche au omfg

justttttt Cupid Bakugou who is just so, so fucking beautiful. he’s always been recorded by other mortals for being akin to sunlight himself—all golden hues and sharp angles and high cheekbones and massive wings. wings that span as wide as an entire village, that sparkle when the light hits them, loud when they beat to send him soaring into the skies above. but his mouth? his attitude?

everyone always wonders why he was never the god of war, instead. but he’s damn good at his job, with his arrows propped up on his back, swift with discharging them into another stupid mortal who’s fallen for the local towns idiot. but hey, they’re in love, and it’s his job to enforce that love go over well.

and then he sees you—the most beautiful mortal, that you’re even compared to the gods, to his mother. he wants you so bad, if not to treasure and keep you against his side as he travels over the oceans cold waters, than to keep you safe from the vile men who want you as their partner and the disgusting women who envy you for having it all.

omg and the part where he takes you to stay in his palace and asks you not to ever look at his face???? it’s killing him, to wear that mask to your nightly dinners, to be able to look at the soft curve of your mouth when you frown and ask him to reveal himself. to be able to look at how you stare back at him, eyes pretty and furious, frustrated and mad, wanting to go back on the conditions you agreed upon because having to sit across from him without seeing him is absolute torture. I am. vibrating.

#I’m so sad bc I’ve been having so many ideas without having the energy to actually write them #I know it’s bc this past semester was hard on top of other things #but I really just wanna get back into the groove of things #but yes omg I LOVEEEE mythology #I’m taking a mythology class next semester and I’m genuinely so excited for it!!!! #would not be surprised if I started an entire mythology series on ao3 after that class LOL #I’ve written war god bkg before and I loved it #omg it pissed me off so bad when ppl were like “war god bkg is so cliche 🙄’ #girl eat my dick HOW ABOUT THAT #I also kinda love psyche bkg too ngl #I sat here for like an hour tryna figure out which one he could be lmfao #bc him as psyche where he’s SO beautiful and is so pissy about not being able to see you UGH he’d be such a brat and I’d love it #also if you haven’t read the story of Cupid n psyche pls do it’s so good #I’m sorry I’m talking so much I just really love mythology #—new treat in the streets! 🍫 #bakugou treats! 🍬

[meownotgood]

Under the influence pt2 in January 2024???

that's the plan anon... I'm in full writers mode, I've been working hard and I think a january / february release is very possible...

and with how things are looking the second chapter will likely be in the 50k words zone all by itself, and it's like 80% smut so that's a whole lot of aki fucking LOL

#would one say too much aki fucking? no. never. #I have plans to beef out the ending more though #and the epilogue will tie up the rest of the loose ends #do not take a singular thing I say to heart though #because if life gets in the way it might take a little longer #I will say though that I am writing it's just taking forever because this shit is long af!!!! #I'd never abandon the fic or give up #and I've been enjoying writing so much recently... I'm very happy #I want to write whenever I have the time and energy!! #ask mags

[i-will-cry-you-a-river]

"Er-ge, oh, Er-ge!"

Lan Xichen had no patience for Nie Huaisang's little troubles, not at that place and time, but the younger man sounded and looked so distraught and unconsolable that he felt obligated to help him. Even his tears looked real and honest, not just the dramatic ones he conjured when he was too lazy to bother with sect things.

"Yes, Nie Huaisang?" The younger - and smaller, weaker, his conscience whispered - man threw himself in his arms, tears flowing without his unnecessary sobbing noises.

Lan Xichen had a soft spot for his sworn brother's didi, his didi. And maybe helping him with whatever trouble he found himself in this time, he could hopefully pretend that the love of his life wasn't getting married to his beloved bride.

"Er-ge..." Nie Huaisang sniffled. "I'm in trouble."

"I already guessed that. What happened, A-Sang?" He asked, his hands buried into the soft locks of his younger brother.

Nie Huaisang pulled away, his eyes big and teary, tugging on his heartstrings. "No, Er-ge. I'm in trouble."

It took Lan Xichen more time than he would like to admit to finally understand the meaning of those words. Nie Huaisang was in trouble.

Oh, the irresponsible man!

"Who? Is it somebody in our status? Is there anybody who knows this? You need to get married immediately." He went into problem solving mood, his questions coming like rapid fire.

Nie Huaisang just cried.

"Nie Huaisang, this is serious!" He wanted to shake the boy. How could he be so- "Who is the father?!"

The answer came like a slap in the face. "Da-ge."

Oh.

Oh, the poor boy.

"I..." A sharp inhale. "I will help you. Nobody has to know."

His heart beats for Jin Guangyao, but he always had a soft spot for Nie Huaisang. It wouldn't be love, not the way it should be, but he would take care of the younger man and his unborn child. Da-ge's unborn child.

"Th-Thank you," Nie Huaisang stuttered. Tears were still gathering in the corner of his eyes, but he looked relieved.

Lan Xichen was glad he could be helpful. He was glad he could offer a good solution for his- his betrothed?

"I knew I could count on Er-ge's help," Nie Huaisang said, his usual fan fluttering in front of his face.

"You can always count on me," he promised. It was a promise he was intended to keep.

#nie huaisang #lan xichen #xisang #niecest #hints of lanyao #i will probably not write the whole story because i have no energy #but the idea is basically: nhs gets pregnant from nmj (don't think about it too much. i didn't. i just want an unplanned pregnancy) #and of course nmj was murdered in a brutal way and now nhs needs somebody who can take care of him and his child #and if that somebody is the person who has too much emotional connection to the person who killed his brother #well. nobody needs to know that #he only needed lxc's help. /he/ wasn't the one who thought about marriage. it was lxc! #nhs is innocent 😇 he would never manipulate his er-ge because he knows that even if lxc fancies himself to be in love with jgy #he would anything for nhs. he would do anything for nmj. and he would do even more for the unborn child of nhs and nmj #mdzs

[liquidstar]

WOW I FINALLY FINISHED THIS SET. There were a lot of things I wanted to get right for them so I took some extra time but hopefully it was worth it! The guild for this set is Cobalt Heart- a guild with focus on maritime missions, lead by (of course) guildmaster Neptune. There was no other planet I could've picked for his namesake lol. They're the guild I jokingly call the most jockish, but some moreso than others. I really do hope I did all the characters justice, but if you wanna know more about the individual members, it's under the cut as usual!

Name: Neptune

Name Origin: The planet named for the god of the ocean

Pronouns: He/him

Age: 52

Guild rank: Guildmaster

Weapon: Trident

Ethos (Power): Ocean wave (Control over water- stronger with sea water)

Flaw power is based on: Originally based on his overly relaxed go-with-the-flow nature, but since becoming a father and guildmaster he's matured, and his power grew from simple wave control to more powerful control over the ocean's water. Waves aren't always peaceful, but he's become someone who understands their power and the responsibility needed for it.

Notes: If it's unclear, the marks on his chest are meant to be top surgery tattoos, but in cool wave shapes!

Name: Triton

Name Origin: Neptune's moon, aptly named for his son

Pronouns: He/they

Age: 24

Guild rank: 4 star

Weapon: Twin sai

Ethos (Power): Ocean breath (Underwater breathing as well as other aquatic adaptions)

Flaw power is based on: His ardent wanderlust, especially in regards to the ocean. They literally cannot leave it alone despite any possible better reasoning, which is when it becomes a problem.

Notes: Was his other parent a mermaid or did they just do the fish thing on their own? The world may never know.

Name: Otrera

Name Origin: A trojan asteroid named after the queen of the Amazons

Pronouns: She/her

Age: 32

Guild rank: 5 star

Weapon: Brass knickles

Ethos (Power): Preflexes (Hightened reflexes)

Flaw power is based on: Her overly-guarded and cagey nature.

Notes: But her brass knuckles are pink so its quirky when she knocks your teeth out.

Name: Naos

Name Origin: A star whose name means "ship"

Pronouns: He/him

Age: 21

Guild rank: 3 star

Weapon: Modified crutches

Ethos (Power): Helm (He can change the direction of inanimate objects. It's not limited to projectiles, he can change the direction of objects while they're in someone's hand too.)

Flaw power is based on: His avoidant tenancies, especially where more serious responsibility is concerned.

Notes: Honestly? Joined the guild to boost his playboy status.

Name: Aitne

Name Origin: One of Jupiter's moons, named after the personification of Mount Etna, a stratovolcano

Pronouns: They/them

Age: 27

Guild rank: 4 star

Weapon: Spiked gauntlets and armor

Ethos (Power): Molten Core (Lava manipulation)

Flaw power is based on: Their brash and destructive nature.

Notes: Likes all their food to be charred.

Name: Ariel

Name Origin: A moon or Uranus, named after an air spirit!

Pronouns: She/her

Age: 16

Guild rank: 2 star

Weapon: Baton

Ethos (Power): Harmony (Perfect balance on anything)

Flaw power is based on: Her own difficulty maintaining emotional balance under stress

Notes: She's a gymnast! And even though I didn't make the character named "Ariel" a mermaid, you can still see a scale pattern in her leotard!

Name: Maru

Name Origin: A white dwarf whose name means "Sky." It's orbited by the planet Ahra.

Pronouns: She/her

Age: 18

Guild rank: 3 star

Weapon: Claymore sword

Ethos (Power): Sky walking (She is capable of interacting with air as if it were a tangible object, creating leverage for herself to walk and balance on as if it were solid)

Flaw power is based on: Her somewhat vain tendency to place herself above others

Notes: Complete and utterly confident she's the cooler twin

Name: Ahra

Name Origin: A exoplanet whose name means "Ocean." It orbits the star Maru.

Pronouns: She/her

Age: 18

Guild rank: 3 star

Weapon: Claymore sword

Ethos (Power): Wave riding (Creation and control of tidal waves to ride on, as if she was surfing them with no board. But she does have to be on them.)

Flaw power is based on: Her arrogance and recklessness

Notes: Completely and utterly convinced she's the cooler twin.

Name: Pipoltr/Pip

Name Origin: A star named for "a bright and beautiful butterfly."

Pronouns: Whatever really?

Age: 8

Guild rank: 1 star

Weapon: Giant lollipop

Ethos (Power): None yet!

Flaw power is based on: N/A. This doesn't mean they're flawless, but until their power develops they're really just here to go on fun little adventures.

Notes: This child hangs around with sailors all day long. The words they know....

#finn's ocs #finn's art #oc references #FINALLY POSTING THIS SET #there was a bit of a delay bc i wanted to make sure i got the crutches w naos right #i ended up not making just the crutches a weapon but like. with modifications based on a real self defense item i found #but slightly different for both fantasy reasons and also i think its patented lol #his pose is also based on a real self defense w crutches video that my friend sent me (hiiii thank you for that once more btw <3) #so like hes very much in motion here. thats not how he usually stands w the crutches lol he usually like. uses them as crutches lol #the little trigger on them is what releases and returns the blade in them btw #also as for the rest of the group! i think neptune is absolutely the most fitting of his namesake out of all the guildmasters #i mean they all have aspects of it but he's fully embraced it. despite what i said abt him growing into responsibility and all #hes still such a chill nice guy. just in general. it would take a lot to get him angry (and if you did the sea is NOT peaceful!) #and in a lot of ways triton is like how he was when he was younger. responsibilities dont matter he needs to go to the challengers deep NOW #also the reason i picked twin sai to be his weapon is bc i didnt wanna do a trident twice. even tho like thats kind of the typical motif #but sai are like. also a 3 pronged weapon. so i felt it kept the energy. but smaller and 2 of them #omg speaking of weapons i completely accidentally added a trans flag to ariel's baton design lol. but i left it in why not #i had such a hard time w her colors bc i wanted her to be flashy but also to make the leotard mermaid esque #also for it to not be too revealing. like leda (from the lunar flare set) can have an exposing leotard tutu sure but shes an adult #and i wanted to give ariel more of like an 80s home gym workouts vibe. with the legwarmers and scrunchies lol #and the twins!!! i wanted to make them samey but differeny. in a way i havent done w matching outfits before #bc the actual shapes of the clothes are very different but the colors totally match! #plus the twins are fraternal. i feel like thats obvious what w their different hair colors but there are more subtle things #like slightly different eyes. the height and weight differences arent part of that tho bc that can happen to any twins even identical #otrera i also had a lot of fun with. especially the blonde hair in an emo bang with like a pink sporty outfit #the crown logo references her namesake being a queen too! #she really was fun tho bc shes just no nonsense trusts nothing but her gut. and shes meant to be like an MMA type #aitne was also super fun but a bit tricky to make it clear that their eye is half lidded from the burns and not just like a drawing mistake #but i think i made it clear! its important bc their vision is also impaired on that side #and the burns themselves were most likely an accident on their end. remember they're brash and destructive. even to themself!

[echoheart0324]

Gotta relax somehow.

#kh #kingdom hearts #khux #brain #my posts #echo's art #this one's a bit messier than usual cuz i needed something quick out of my system. so congrats to this piece only taking 10 hours this time #(<- excuse to draw the new ml symbol as his earring) #it was nice drawing this though cuz the entire time it was just: how much can i draw out of memory #anyways 👋 to the seven people who sat through the time i only drew brain #don't think i'll ever have that same energy again but if i ever do cuz of ml: i am so sorry #(edit: okay i need to clarify something since the tags have been bothering me for months. 조각 can translate to slice too not *just* piece) #(i know google translate directly translates it as piece since slice is a different word. but if i said cake slice it would still be a 조각) #(maybe it's on me for not clarifying better but yes. he just wants two cake slices.)

[cloudbells]

I'm sorry I gave everyone the impression that I was gonna be active allie when I first joined this fandom 😔🙏🏿 I planned on it but I should have warned the masses that my life often loves to backhand me away from my interest.

#me my mine #TMI i joined therapy again recently and it's taking up all my mental energy and im trying not to quit it 😩🤞🏿 #when i die the first thing im gonna do is rip god's throat out with my teeth for giving me all these PROBLEMS 🤣 #shower thought of a (culturally) christian #also my name is not allie i just wanted the alliteration #i actually dont mind giving out my real name if i havent already but i feel like people would be uncomfortable with it #for reasons that are too long to tag but anyways im 99% sure ive said my actually name here at least 7 times #also in case it wasn't clear im not really christian #i grew up as an evangelical yes but it's been so long since me and my family have been active in religion #my dad likes to call us “spiritual” now #you may be thinking “user cloudbells whu do you overexplain so much when you're inactive for more than a coupoe weeks?” #and to that i answer “still working that out”

[puppyeared]

I made a lmk oc

#they’re supposed to be some sort of experiment to see if people could recreate Sun Wukongs stone egg. the goal was to make a more controlled #and tame version using carved wood and cultivation. but eventually they got worried about it becoming too powerful and scrapped it #eventually they come to life and live in the abandoned temple they were built in #their bottom half is made of wood because when they came to life their creator/s left them unfinished when they scrapped the project #they had to carve the rest of their body out of hunger and frustration because they couldn’t eat or move much by crawling on their top half #this is also why they spite their creators and hate irresponsible creation. because of abandonment issues and feeling like they have no #purpose or direction in life #their power is also very limited to due being man made since they were originally a wood carving #meo gave me the idea but one reason would be because they’re half finished. the sculpture was still half stump so it was completely untouche #that half can channel power in its raw form but the other half cannot once it’s been carved by man #so technically they could have the same level or potential for power as the stone but that was dampened #the other thing is how they were created to be a duplicate or recreation of a stone monkey and a celestial looked at that and was like #‘we’re not doing that again’ LMAO #i think the case of them carving their own legs doesn’t take away their power though. that balance was made #before they came to life so carving the legs or not can’t affect it anymore. like making a cake and slicing it #their energy levels are also naturally low because of that so their movements are sluggish and they aren’t very active overall #constantly lying in the sun to charge their batteries and get some stuff done. just like me fr #I actually don’t know what I’m gonna do with this character besides Put Them In Situations with other ppls ocs.. so if you have #a lmk oc you have been warned /lh /j #I wanna make some backstory art for them though.. maybe even the animatic treatment if I can get through dear wormwood which is 25 #SECONDS OUT OF 3 MIN BTW #doodles #Lego Monkie kid #lmk #Monkie kid #lmk oc #monkie kid oc #myart #my art #xin ya

[ultimatepeter-man]

hey i saw a headcanon on Cho wanting to do scince and ethics experaments on Ben. how would that go?

OH, I do not think that would go over well. I don't think Ben would want that at all. He's been experimented since being alive. His very creation was an experiment.

Even if he was brainwashed into being Hydra's little toy soldier, he undoubtably went through a lot of trauma. He'd gotten his autonomy taken away, he had implanted memories to make him think he was "saved" by Otto (which is a whole other thing I'd love to talk about), and was essentially Otto's personal on-going experiment (including the other Spider Slayers, of course).

I have no doubt Cho wants to figure out how Ben works because that shits fascinating. I also have no doubt that Cho would be eons better than Otto ever was, and he'd treat Ben like an actual human being. He'd never go past Ben's comfort levels, and would stop if asked to stop.

But, I don't think Ben would ever go for it. I think he'd want to leave that part of his past behind him and never go back. And in the case that he did allow it (or it was necessary, like needing to get a better idea of his health, musculature, dietary needs, immune system, etc... because he IS a synthezoid), then I think it would have to be handled very delicately.

#Ah Ben's trauma #lets talk about his trauma #lets get into the meat of it #lets talk about those implanted memories Otto gave him #that's entirely new levels of fucked up #There's so much trauma and PTSD surrounding Bens entire....SELF #Even if Cho had good intentions I think it woud take a LOT of convincing to get Ben to even consider it #And its not even to say he doesnt trust Cho - tho lets be honest Ben hardly trusts anyone - but even if Cho doesnt mean harm I think itd #put Ben back into that mental space #LOL there's so much to consider her #Oh not and this is not to bash on this persons headcanon or anythign! #I like the idea of Cho helping Ben figure himself out #Getting him more aware of his own body and any specific aspects that are necessary to know #like how the Spider Slayers needed to charge #Maybe Ben needs to charge a little too to be at his very best #I just think it would take a LOT of time effort and energy to get him there #USM #Ultimate Spider-Man #Ben Reilly #Scarlet Spider #Asks #anonymous #Iron Spider #Amadeus Cho #Otto Octavius #Doctor Octopus #Spider Slayers

[weltenwellen]

I really really love my job but the last two Saturdays I've just been lying in bed lacking completely any energy to do anything for myself

#like that feeling of being completely talked out #I have no more words and any more talking would just take too much energy #personal

[nonbinaryaubrey]

i loveee playing forever au it makes me. so sad </3 im so sorry to all of them none of them get a happy ending

#liiike.. the closest thing to a 'happy ending' is like. a non canon alt concept me and a friend came up with #where after sunny dies (bc he does end up dying. he has 5 spirits attached to him which are all slowly absorbing his energy. it was fine- #when it was just mari bc he could recover energy at a similar rate to when she was taking it. but with 5 its just too much) they end up- #reviving. bc yknow . this is a spinoff of revived mari #but even then its not. a happy ending rlly. 1: sunnys dead. and 2: all of them.. would not be left in the best state upon reviving #none of them would have their memories of course. and probably wouldnt be the best health wise either. since the energy they absorbed from- #sunny to revive. is yknow. split up among five people. so like.. aside from mari they probably wouldnt be doing the best physically #just uh. if anything kind of hope sunny died while he was sleeping .so they'd be.atleast like their DW selves rather than.nothing #but still.not. rlly the best ending for them #<- idk does any of this make sense. i love rambling. #playing forever au #aubrey.txt

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#its crazy how much easier it is to do things when youre not completely miserable lol #this past week has been weird bc ive felt really really good and like normal in a way thats kinds unfathomable #im hoping its the medication but my mood was already on an upward tilt and i was told it would take like 6 weeks for the meds to work #property but like ive been sleeping way more than usual. and by that i literally just mean 8hrs a night lol which is weird for me #like that never ever ever happens multiple days in a row. so idk. when i feel better it makes the 0cd way easier to manage as well #and im just generally not as anxious. on the more worrisome side i kinda just give less of a fuck so like i have an exam im not ready for #Tuesday and im just kinda like hm fuck that lol. ill go thru lil fluctuations of having a lot of energy too #like: i could run around in circles rn. i dont have to but i could. like yesterday i was out with friends and i was like bouncing up and #down while standing and rocking from side to side while sitting. which i kinda do anyway while in crowds but it was more to expend energy #last night i also got like 5hrs of sleep. so like maaaaybe ive been on the bleeding edge of mood elevation but for the most part it just #feels good and not destructive. like if i felt like this all the time that would b fantastic. its like oh so this is y ppl dont long to b #put out of their misery lol. depression? who? i dont kno her. sounds fake. but as soon as i fucking say that ill b fucking slapped back #down to earth. ugh. annoying. no emotional object permanence. i hope its the meds. if this is the person i am under layers of misery then #that is fucking so insane. we shall see. im curious to hear what the psychiatrist thinks of my brain when i follow up with her #i gave her my full dys1exia assessment which gives a pretty good picture of how my head functions. oh fuck i bet i would do waaaayyy better #on thise test if i took it in this state of mind. but anyway she has that on top of like 3 assessment sheets i filled out #dispite everything i still want someone to categorize me into a discreet box. tell me doc. am i really bip0lar? really really? #ur sure??? like 1000% sure bc my brain wont let me accept that unless its beyond a reasonable doubt. i just doesn't seem that serious. #i mean. it is but like ya kno. its not that bad. ay. this glob of mush behind my eyes runs me in circles #but for now thats ok bc i feel like i could run up a mountain or punch someone in the face lol #unrelated