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#that’s what I get for being a fucking perfectionist
the-lady-hestia · 1 month
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so in the past month-ish there have been two separate instances where a friend of mine has had reason to show me that the fandoms I enjoy (namely star trek and a niche book series I'm obsessed with) have thriving fanfiction communities (context: While I did already know this about Star Trek, I have never read fanfiction or dove into that corner of the internet b/c I find it a little intimidating lol)
Anyways I've been thinking about Star Trek Voyager a little too much, specifically the ending and how unsatisfying it is.
There's a little voice in the back of my head telling me to spend what little free time I have writing something from the perspective of various crewmembers like a month after the Voyager gets back to Earth. It would inevitably be bad and I know this but like what iffffff?????????
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opens-up-4-nobody · 3 months
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#aye. in another life i would have loved to be an illustrator#i dont like to do digital tho and i dont wanna b a starving artist and i like science too much#but it would make me so hsppy if i was allowed to draw all day everyday#forever and ever drawing#but nooo i wanted to get a phd in microbial evolution. and im procrastinating working on my preproposal#literally doing anything to not work on it. i coulf have been a illustrator. an endocrinologist. a neurobiologist. a paleontologist. but i#chose microbial ecologist then thought no fuck ecology and went for photosynthetic mechanisms#bc i do love my lil cyanos and i do love Microbiology. i love those underapprecated lil guys#the world is so big and beautiful and all i wanna do is understand. but my stupid brain doesnt work right and ive burried my wonder for so#long i wonder if ill ever have it back. i was reading a bunch of lil notes i wrote this semester and i go from#everything is so beautiful i cant stand it. there are angels in the sunbeams and they feel like healing. to im the world around me is#warping beyond my control. i cant feel any joy. my head is sending me terrible ideas but im not even scared. it feels inevitable#but last week i was so full of energy i couldnt sleep. nothing changed but the chemicals in my head#hopefully next semester will b better and i can stop feeling like damaged goods and feel bad fro my advisor#for having to deal with me. hes v nice and has a bip0lar brother so he's sympathetic but i wish he didn't have to b#i want to stop fantasizing about being something else and just focus on being better at what i am#but im such a pathological perfectionist that its so difficult to make any progress. but whatever ive been feeling alright for the#past week or so. hopefully that carries through. and maybe somedsy i can illustrate something for my precious baby cyanobacteria#unrelated
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rouge-the-bat · 6 months
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this is. an EXTREME long shot. but im trying to make a transcript for yu yu hakusho and i need subtitles to help for parts that i cant make out, but ive come to an issue:
the box set i got just. doesnt have subtitles for the dub for some fucking reason
hulu, which is being payed for, only has 2 seasons of yu yu hakusho, for some fuckign reason
funimation/crunchyroll, while once having the show available for free with ads, now has everything after season 1 locked, and everything from episode 4 onward locked specifically for the dub
any 🏴‍☠️ sites im finding online does not have subtitles for the dub
so that brings me to the point of this post: since i have the yu yu hakusho box set, i am NOT giving crunchyroll/funimation any more money. and so even though its a long shot, would anyone be okay with me using their already-subscribed account on crunchyroll or funimation so i can use the subtitles for my transcripting?
EDIT: someone very awesome and sweet is helping me and sharing their account now!!! so ig disregard this post now!
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raiiny-bay · 3 months
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i don't have any control over my characters. they simply do what they want & tell me about it later
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unkillobel · 7 months
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i need to bitch about my job for a minute in the tags
#ok so a senior role was made available in my team that i could’ve applied for#and there’s two of us in the team so. yknow pretty certain that one of us would get it#it was sort of replacing someone who left who handled a fucktonne of work across two other teams i work with#and ultimately i decided not to apply for the job because 1. the other guy on my team has been there two years longer than i have#and 2. my health is fucking precarious#mental and physical. i already work slightly reduced hours to try and manage my chronic fatigue but even then i have frequent crashes#and whenever my workload gets too much i just shut down. like the worst stress response ever#so my coworker got the job and a hefty pay rise and im like good for him :)#and then he went on leave for 6 weeks so i got handed 60% of his workload#and when you get handed people’s projects you get a good insight into how they work and how they coordinate shit/write documents etc#and not only are these projects a piece of piss compared to the aid programme stuff i’ve been doing#his actual work is like?? not great#i know i’m a perfectionist and i put way too much effort into my documents and reports but#there’s no way this guy is being paid $30k more for this!!#so now i’m like why didn’t i fucking interview for the senior role!!#i have this terrible impostor syndrome even though i’ve been there a year and get good feedback on my projects#part of it because i’m 22 and i am constantly like how the fuck am i here with an arts degree. i don’t know Anything#but shit man. if this guy’s mediocre work is worth a senior role#i have had a couple of job offers with a decent pay bump which is still wild to me. you want to pay me WHAT#<- well aware this is a great ‘problem’ to have#anyway i think i need a pay rise. we’ve just had a mass exodus from our team. i reckon if i threatened to leave they would lift my salary?#but i don’t know if i want to blackmail my manager lmao
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lightspren · 3 days
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Ok so I keep freaking out about if I can actually do this dog thing, if I’m actually enough. I love this dog dearly but i’m so exhausted all the time and that’s made worse this weekend by being sick. and I know that love is not enough to give a dog what she needs to be happy and healthy.
however. look. my big concerns are not being able to give her the exercise and stimulation she needs and wanting to be able to just Chill and cuddle my spouse and cats in calmness. and like. she’s almost certainly a great pyrenees mix. Relatively (as in, relative to other dogs I like, aka shepherds), she doesn’t need that much exercise. A good run in the yard a few times a day should do her, especially once she’s not so much of a puppy. And that’s the thing too— she’s a puppy. She’s excitable and chewy and a Lot because she’s 12mos old and still growing up. that takes time. and the cats are unhappy and won’t come cuddle— because she’s been here four days! they’re still adjusting!
i really need to take a step back and calm down. four days is not long enough to throw in the towel on this. she’s a puppy and we’re all adjusting but there is room in our lives for her. we can do this. i just need to fucking chill for maybe like five minutes and understand that this is an adjustment for the humans too, and that’s okay. I just need to chill.
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ruffgem · 16 days
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I hate school so fucking much lol and I always just thought I was taking too many credits but this semester I finally took a normal amount of credits and it doesn’t matter. It’s not the amount of classes, it’s just having any classes at all. I feel like there was definitely a time where I could handle it but not anymore lmfao… this place was crazy. Sent me into my first real and scary panic attack, broke me out in stress hives, ruined my sleep, turned me into a mega hater…. smh. I know it could be a million times worse so I feel bad for complaining but it was not cool. All I can hope for is that my degree and good grades that I damn near died trying to get for literally no reason do me some good in real society tho I doubt it lmao
#like why did I try so hard lmfao…… I don’t need a 4.0 I’m not going to grad school I’d rather kms#I don’t know. I didn’t realize I was trying that hard I just thought that’s how hard I was supposed to try#IDK!!!!#I have never been good at knowing how much effort to put into things my entire life#I give everything 110 percent when it feels like I’m giving it like. Idk. 80 percent#everyone calls me a perfectionist and IM NOT TRYING TO BE LOL I don’t know how to gauge what I can or can’t be dismissive of!!!#it’s hard for me to discuss this problem I have without it sounding like I’m being like ‘omg I’m so smart that I do everything perfect by#accident’#THATS NOT WHAT I MEEEEAAAN#whatever#some people’s mental health issues make their grades tank but I have never had below an A- in my life and if u ask me that is also#indicative of an issue like LOL. if your child is like that then get them help for fucking real#ugh I love my mom and it’s not her fault but when I was a kid I was literally bawling and having stress headaches and canker sores DAILY#after school and being unable to sleep because I was so afraid of going the next day#and she was just like. ‘I was like that too :) it’s normal. you’re just a perfectionist’#ACTUALLY IM SCARED OUT OF MY MIND FOR NO REASON but okay#ok sorry let me just shout out some gratitude tho to the handful of teachers I had who were epic and had swag#I loved them#they didn’t make up for the rest of this bullshit though LOL
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i tried to learn some speedrunning movement strats in botw and literally could not even master the most basic windbombs or bullet time bounces but i also still lust over high level combat clips and say shit like “god i wish i could learn how to do a thunderclap rush” … BRO WHAT??? calm down. none of this is real it’s literally just pixels you’ve beaten the game like four times go learn a useful skill oh my god
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crybaby-bkg · 1 year
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I had a music teacher once tell me that being nervous about doing something is a good thing bc it means that you care about it and how well you’ll do………………I’m not nervous at all for my stats final tomorrow…………..
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asymmetricboys · 9 months
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am i the only writer who does not find comments of “please continue!!” or “we need another chapter!!” to be a compliment on a fanfic and lowkey find them deeply grating instead
like how do i make it clear in my author notes at the start that i don’t write serialized things, i am writing a complete story where the word count is the fucking word count and the chapter count is the FUCKING CHAPTER COUNT, and warn people i get insulted if they ask for more... like it feels like im a chef who made a perfectly portioned meal designed to be the exact correct balance and serving of those ingredients and then someone loudly tells me (usually without even actually complimenting the food first) that I should bring them seconds. and im just standing there like the chef in that murdering chef movie like ‘if u question my fucking JUDGEMENT ON LENGTH u question me as an artist’???
i for real for real 100 per cent know it is not that deep but i cannot help it, my brain goes ‘u think i don’t know when THE END of my own story is???’
like unless i explicitly state in the final author notes that i am thinking about writing an epilogue or a sequel, i just straight up don’t want to see people asking for more. like i KNOW you’re trying to give me a compliment, but please just learn how to tell me something you actually liked about the thousands of words i ALREADY WROTE, i am looking for a crumb of validation here!!!
i understand that there are loads of fic writers who genuinely write more or less of a story based on the demand, because their writing flow IS that they like writing a serialized piece and they can expand forever on the concept until they decide they would like to wrap it up -- but that is not me and i guess i just need to be blunter in my author notes and be like ‘THERE WILL BE NO CONTINUATION’ like if that’s the only kind of comment you know how to leave, just say ‘looking forward to reading the next thing you write!!’ and we’re chill!!
anyway i’m never ever posting a story in more than one chapter ever again, it’s oneshots only for me babe, the commenters know how to ACT in those comment sections
#there's a read more because i KNOOOOOOW im being a bitch lol#only click that if ur also a salty perfectionist who gets insulted too easily#sometimes i just want to be an ASSHOOLLLEEEE and that's what a personal blog is for lol#ace babbles#also to be clear.....if someone leaves a detailed comment on a fic and then also adds 'if you wrote anything else in this verse i would#absolutely read it in a second!'#that person is 100 per cent valid and that's a lovely comment#i'm mostly talking about people who say nothing about the fic and then go 'you need to write more chapters pleeeeaasse'#like do you have any FUCKING manners you're not 8 years old you can give a bitch a compliment before you ask her a favour first at least#like it's not gonna work im not going to write more of a story that is already done but i will see the request as a compliment#instead of a rude comment#if it is at least swaddled in a demonstration of genuine appreciation for the fic that shows you actually read the words#it just.....i know im being irrational#but it just feels like i sculpted something out of a piece of wood and then someone looked at it and went 'hmmmm...can you make it taller'#like????? no i fucking can't i'm out of wood??? do you not know how sculpting works???#and they're like 'oh i saw that dude's clay sculpture and he keeps making it taller'#and im like 'THEY'RE DIFFERENT TYPES OF SCULPTURES MY GUY'#sorry yall it's just i miss the 5sos fandom yall left great comments from my recollection#and i recently posted a two chapter thing in a newer fandom and im swamped with the most disappointing three word comments#just demanding more#blah
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g0reoz · 10 months
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actually the real reason i'm a xhaka kinnie is the fact that i love hangin out with old people. and old people generally love me! and if someone was a little bitch i would probably threaten to let their grandpa live at my house too if we're being completely honest
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zoekrystall · 11 months
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I never drew more than quick doodles on here why did I decide to make myself app icons
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chicago-geniza · 2 years
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ok! learned an effective phrase for intervening at the inflection point of a frequent miscommunication type w/ parents. will need to insure my belongings for this apartment, which i've never had to do before, since i don't have a lease & am not a legitimate tenant & live in an illegal basement not zoned as housing. i also don't have a credit history, which i've been informed could prove problematic, & my bank will not issue me a credit card because i don't meet their financial criteria. so i asked my mother how to apply for insurance, especially given the credit thing, because i had no idea where to start. & she got that stressed sort of vocal-fry edge in her voice & said "raya, i'm sorry, i can't do this for you, you need to be an adult," & the intervention was: "i am not asking you to do anything FOR me, nor would i expect you to; rather, i am simply asking for INSTRUCTIONS, or even, perhaps, a general description of the process, since you presumably have prior experience with it, & i have no clue where to start. i am asking for guidance, not proxy." it worked!
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starbuck · 1 year
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i seriously do need to figure out how to be less angry and passive-aggressive, that’s gonna wreak havoc on my future relationships if i don’t nip that in the bud now.
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bestial4ngel · 1 month
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My sister wanted to watch dance moms last night like… as if it’s a comedy… and my god is it not at all funny or enjoyable to watch. Crazy to me that it was even aired as entertainment at all considering how fuckin abusive the adults are to the children involved
#like hahaha these parents are so fuckin neglectful of their child’s emotions and is making their self esteem come entirely from winning#being skinny and attractive#the amount of ‘man up’ ‘tough love’ ‘stop crying’ ‘you have to put dance first’ etc. was insane#and hearing the moms say they were dancers from a young age or their kid ‘wants nothing but to win’ or ‘she’s a perfectionist’ or some shit#when you can tell it’s 100% the moms not the kids that are like that… just the sheer disconnect and lack of care for who they are#and ngl the teacher brought back horrible feelings from getting talked to like that by teachers in school#that shit’s awful and I can’t believe the parents would still force their child into that situation knowing the effect it has on them#eugh. just eugh#couldn’t make it through 1 episode and then cried after lmao#and the moms lowkey hating the dance teacher and having mental breakdowns over her rudeness/treatment of the kids AND YET STILL PAYING TO#HAVE THEIR KIDS IN HER CLASSES#like what the fuckkkkk your kid was sobbing after her ‘tough love’ and is stuck with immense pressure and stress about getting it right…#and she’s pitting them against each other and making the kids that aren’t as good feel lesser#maybe fucking stop ???#I guess the problem is the parents are just as bad just in their own way cuz they don’t give a shit if it hurts the kids either#as long as they win/stay in dance/stay being the best#the teacher not letting a kid stop because she was nauseous and the mom intervening because she looked like she was going to throw up… only#to say ‘stop crying its not a big deal’ and saying ‘you never miss dance though’ when the kid is sobbing saying she wants to go home#really got to me ngl… made me fucking sick to watch#me talking#dance moms
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discatded · 6 months
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u ever screw something up that u were excited for and u get upset. but ur more upset that you disappointed urself than you are that its fucked up
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