#that's enough environments for now time to be lazy for a bit again

[kurooo-is-here]

Hey I saw you were doing requests again :) This is a bit of self indulgent request but yeah. I have tend to have chronic migraines and headaches. I was wondering if you can write an Arven, Kieran, and Drayton with a s/o who experiences chronic migraines and headaches? Thanks for your time ^^

awww that sounds awful and annoying to deal with, i hope you're well! i'm not sure how accurately i can replicate the experiences since i don't deal with that myself, but i'll do my best!

writing for: Arven, Drayton, Kieran

genre: selfship (x reader)

scenario: reader with chronic migraines and headaches

Arven:

he knew you had headaches pretty often, but he's distraught when he finds out it's a chronic thing for you.

he's always by your side when the pain is bad. after all, he's always had to look out for himself growing up. even if you're already used to treating yourself, he insists on taking care of your needs.

arven is hyperaware of your migraines and headaches. he always asks what symptoms you're having, asks how bad the pain is, and asks if you need to rest or lie down. migraines especially can be bad, since they're coupled with nausea and vomiting. arven makes sure to clean up any messes related to that and helps you through the pain, even if he has to stay up at night to do so.

for the outdoorsy person he is, he's surprisingly flexible and understands if you prefer indoor environments. expect him to treat you to your favorite foods after the pain has finally passed.

Drayton:

he's perceptive of your pain and figures out it must be a chronic condition long before you tell him. because of this, you've always known him to be more soft and caring than people usually describe him as.

he keeps you company through the pain, makes sure you're well-rested, and handles anything that needs to be cancelled or postponed because of your pain. everyone else says he's so lazy and slovenly, but honestly? he's never that way with you.

drayton always tries to lift your spirits when you're having bad headaches. his dragon pokemon, despite looking so big and scary, are very good company. he watches videos and eats snacks with you if you feel well enough to do so.

migraines are hard for him to watch. he hates seeing you hurting so much, and he wishes he could lift that burden off of your shoulders, even for just a moment of relief. he tries his best to take care of you, but you can tell he's tired the next day because he spent all night monitoring your health to make sure you're okay.

Kieran:

kieran doesn't know much about the subject at first, so he goes out of his way to do his research so he can help out however he can. bro will literally take notes on your symptoms

he often asks what kind of pain you're having. are you sensitive to bright lights right now? he'll dim all the lights nearby. do you need water and painkillers? he's got you covered. feeling nauseous? he's got a bag or bucket prepared so you have somewhere to throw up if it comes to that.

if you show literally any signs of discomfort, he drops everything to help you.

kieran's already had some pretty bad stress-induced headaches himself, so he can somewhat relate to your condition. he treats you to snacks and candy when you're feeling better, because he knows it can be hard to eat when your head hurts.

kieran never wants you to suffer alone. even if you try to push him away, he'll stay by your side. he owes you that much.

#pokemon #pokemon sv #pokemon scarlet and violet #pokemon arven #pokemon arven x reader #pokemon drayton #pokemon drayton x reader #pokemon kieran #pokemon kieran x reader #kuro writes

[i-magines]

Wildest Dreams: Chapter 8

Pedro Pascal x fem!Reader

CHAPTER 1 | CHAPTER 2 | CHAPTER 3 | CHAPTER 4 | CHAPTER 5 | CHAPTER 6 | CHAPTER 7 | CHAPTER 9 | CHAPTER 10

synopsis: You’re an assistant director in an indie movie set and fate makes sure you keep crossing paths with a certain Chilean actor.  

disclaimer: This is my first Pedro Pascal’s fictional work + the first fanfic I write in English, as it isn’t my first language. Unfortunately, I do not own Pedro and this is all a product of my imagination.

rating: M (keep scrolling if your under 18 please)

warnings: age gap, mature content, eventual drinking and drugs, fem!reader, smut every once in a while, a little angst, shower sex (piv), angelic, conforting pedro.

word count: 1,541

The next morning, you woke up with a terrible headache and a sick feeling in your stomach, probably from anxiety. Pedro was laying down as the big spoon, his arms around your waist, as if he could defend you from anything in this world. You tried to move without waking him up, but he squeezed his grip even more and gave a kiss on the back of your neck.

“Where you goin’?” His morning, lazy voice giving you chills. “Don’t leave me just yet.”

You relaxed your body as he came closer to you, if that was even possible. You loved his manly smell, tobacco and some cheap soap. Flashes from the night before, the way he protected you, not caring what anybody would think. It was enough proof that he was by your side, at least for now — let it be infinite while it lasts.

“You feeling okay?” He asked, his fingers tracing an irregular patch on the side of your body. “Got me so worried, sweetheart.”

“I’m fine”, you said with a low voice. “Thank you, P.”

“Good”, he whispered as he smelled your hair. “I called my agent, they can’t make it go away, but they will see what they can do to prevent your face from appearing in the pictures.”

You breathed out strongly. Your face all over the internet was something you weren’t looking forward to.

“That would be great”, you used a thankful tone. “I’m sorry about my behavior last night.”

“You’ve nothing to be sorry about”, he promised, leaning to kiss your cheek. “There never was a time before now, before you… That’s usually not how I roll, especially in my professional environment.”

You nodded, feeling a little less stressed and started to move again, sitting on the bed. You felt exhausted and was happy to still have the whole day to rest, before going back to the set.

“I need to take a long, hot shower”, you let him know and he gave you a smirk. “What?”

“Won’t you ask if I wanna join?” He said playfully. You gave him a big and honest smile, how could you not?

He took that as a yes and walked closely behind you to the bathroom. You turned on the shower and waited for the warm water to come. Pedro hugged you from behind and you could see in the mirror in front of you the look on his face. Slowly, he got rid of your clothes, kissing you all over you body. You did the same with his own and he held your hand to help you get in the shower.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to your body”, he confessed as he followed you. The warm water running through your body, relaxing your muscles. “So beautiful.”

“Stop it”, you laughed softly. Pedro started to massage your shoulders, you let out a soft moan. “You take such good care of me.”

“That’s all I wanna do.”

He held your chin up and kissed you calmly. You let one of your hands rest on his chest, the other one grabbing his hair. He put his arms around your waist, one of his hands on your ass. His tongue asked permission to touch yours, and your kiss got deeper. You felt his half hard cook poking your lower belly, making butterflies fly everywhere inside you. You stopped the kiss for a bit, gasping for air.

Pedro looked at you, a sparkle in his eyes. He cups your breasts with his hands and, after he saw the relaxed expression on your face, he put his mouth on your nipple, sucking it softly. He definitely knew how to use his tongue. You grabbed his arms, your nails scratching him a little. One of his hands moved to touch between your legs and he gasped at how wet you were.

“We don’t have to”, he told you, looking deeply into your eyes, always making sure you were comfortable with the situation.

“I want to, P”, you smiled and kissed his mouth again. “Maybe just a little more delicate today.”

“Anything for you, baby girl.”

Pedro held your leg with one hand, as you crossed it around his hips, and the other one supported your lower back. You kissed slowly, the warming feeling growing inside you.

“Is this okay for you?” He asked, kissing your neck.

“Yes”, you replied, getting inebriated by everything about him. 

He didn’t have to do much, as he positioned his cock close to your entrance and you pushed your body down to take it inside.

“Fuck”, he moaned. “Your pussy swallowing my cock all in.”

His thrusts began slowly, just giving you the opportunity to really feel his thickness making you feel complete. It wasn’t his main focus, as he positioned his hand to rub your clit. He made circles around it and pitched it a little bit, giving you chills. You felt that feeling pulsing inside and tried to focus on it, not letting it go.

“Squeezing me so good, baby girl”, Pedro whispered in your ear, biting it softly after. “I love the feeling of you all around me.”

That helped the growing ecstasy on your lower belly, you were getting closer.

“Your touch is fucking magical”, you confess. “I-I’m so close, daddy.”

He held his tempo, allowing you to reach your climax. You felt the feeling reaching your whole body, contracting your insides as you moaned loudly. He stopped everything he was doing, but kept his cock inside you.

“I could stay here forever”, he said, peaking your neck softly with his teeth.

“You into cockwarming or something?” You replied, smirking at him.

“Maybe.” He was serious, but soon left out a big laugh and you joined him. 

You looked at eachother, just taking in the moment. Fuck, you could really fall for him if you let yourself get caught on those feelings you may or may not be having. Perhaps, you could even love him—  you quickly shaked that thought away.

The two of you spend the rest of the day just hanging out together, watching TV, eating some minifridge snacks and cuddling. It was a perfect escape from reality and, for a brief period of time, you felt like what you had could actually be a normal relationship. You forced yourself to stop, you couldn’t fantasize like this. In the afternoon, you went back to the movie set and went straight to your cabin, Pedro to his. Later, he knocked on your door. You let him in and he grabbed you, kissing you strongly with so much passion. You made out for a little, just enough to get him shirtless on your bed, smoking a cigar.

“Do you agree we’re already fucked?” He asked you with a serious look on his face, and you agreed with a headshake. “Great, so fuck ‘em— we still have like a month here, so I’m gonna make sure everybody in this crew knows you’re fucking mine.”

The day after, the whole crew was giving you all these dirty looks, so you figured everybody was on the same page as Donna and the paparazzis. So it didn’t make a difference when Pedro sat with you during lunch break or when he held your hand and touched your face gently between scenes. You’ve tried so hard to suppress what you were living, that you were denying yourself the right to be happy and enjoy what you were having together, even if it had an expiration date. 

In the evening, Pedro had a meeting with the producers and you hung out with Flo, kinda hoping she would give you her thoughts and also spill some tea about what people were talking behind your back. She came over to yours and you opened a bottle of cheap wine.

“So, I thought you two were only flirting like, for fun”, she laughed, lighting the mood. “But I’m so happy for you honey, he’s such a honk.”

You let out a loud laugh, nodding.

“Yesterday when we got the news he was seen in Berlin with a mysterious young woman, I gasped, you fucking bitch— you never told me a thing!”

“It has been hell, Flo”, you confessed, staring your feet. “I really like him, I do. We’re not going far, though.”

“I know it sucks when we’re young and it feels like we’re gonna feel those huge feelings forever, but I promise, we won’t”, she comforted you, that was one of her talents as a friend. 

“What are they saying about us?” You asked, deep down afraid of the answer.

“Some were like ‘good for her’, thinking it was cute and fun, while others… Well—” She stopped for a moment, apparently looking for the right words. “People talk shit, that’s what they like to do. You could have been dating the catering guy and I guarantee you they would still be talking about it.”

“Yeah, sure”, you weren’t sure at all, but you didn’t want to force her to repeat all the awful things you could already picture people saying.

“If you ask me, there’s nothing wrong with you guys”, Flo smiled at you. “Enjoy what you’re living right now, you can always cry about it later anyways.”

CHAPTER 9 AVALIABLE NOW

TAGLIST: @kyuupidwrites @omg-its-typical-aesthetics-fan @vivibabiez @ivyohmy @sebastianstansimp @tubble-wubble @28cnn @3zae-zae3 @technicallysassyfox @bellatrixyoass @mandolover86 @eliffluisa @one-sweet-gubler @anaxmcu @untitledarea @shesa-riott @chloelmao67 @majesticjellyfishzombie @adriennemichelle98 @januarycolor  @lxdyred @nabiiturner @brilliantopposite187 @acciojamesbarnes @sweetpea99 @whore-of-the-pumpkin-patch @zeyzeys-stuff

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal fic #pedro pascal imagine #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal smut #pedro x reader #the last of us #the last of us fanfiction

[leggerefiore]

Cute/silly prompt idea: Enjoying a nice date with Larry in the park when a fledgling Starly lands on his head and refusing to leave.

I have seen this before in real life.

cw: fluff

pairing: Larry/Reader

The temperature had been surprisingly moderate on the same day that Larry also was off from work. A rare thing, truly. He also agreed to go out on a date instead of his usual preference of spending the whole day in catching up on his lost sleep. So, you felt strangely excited as he changed into his regular clothes. An actual date with your tired boyfriend.

You both decided to go on a picnic in order to avoid getting surrounded by crowds in a lunch rush at the restaurants in Medali. It felt strangely pleasant to set up a blanket under the autumnal Paldean sun and watch as the wild pokemon around the city wandered about in their natural environment. Almost completely different from the intense battling Larry observed regularly and the laziness of his pokemon around the home.

Larry himself seemed awfully comfortable on the blanket while eating the food you had both packed for the outing. His favourite rice balls were, of course, in the basket. He eagerly engorged himself in the food as you just felt relaxed to have him around. It was obvious he tried his best to make time for you, but his job was just so demanding that it was near impossible for him to do it properly. In a way, you knew he was doing it now to make up for his more recent shortcomings.

Reaching over to rest your hand on his own free one, you smiled at him. You saw the ghost of a smile upon his lips in return. Truly, the changing of reasons into a peaceful, slower time of year was pleasant. Maybe Geeta's cold heart would melt a little and allow Larry some more time off. You doubted it sadly. “… There is no such thing as dressing down for you, is there?” you finally asked while looking at his light blue button down and slacks. The lack of a suit jacket and tie did make him look less businessman, at least.

“… I don't really own that many different things,” he just admitted plainly, “I never really saw a point in owning clothing outside of pyjamas and work outfits.” You sighed. Poor Larry. Perhaps you could surprise him with something. Just as you turned away to look back at the scenery around, you heard a nearby fluttering of wings. You turned around to see Larry unmoving but trying to look up at his head.

Atop the middle-aged man's head was an adorable little Starly. He carefully nuzzled himself into the greying hair that sprouted forth from Larry's scalp. You held back a laugh. Was this how he captured his Staraptor? The image of a younger Larry with a Starly just nuzzled into his hair almost broke you. “Are you a chick magnet?” you joked to him, “A Starly has landed on you.” A sigh left him audibly.

“… Again?” he mumbled out and brought a hand to try to frighten the bird off. That proved to be ineffective. The Starly only tried to nip at his fingers. A small laugh finally came from you. He stood up, hoping the height might either inspire the fledgling to take flight once more or make it nervous enough to no longer want to be on top of his head. That also failed. He tried lifting it, but the nipping made it impossible. You looked around for any distressed Staraptors looking for their child, but saw none.

“Uh… Could the little guy be an orphan?” you asked him, since he was more experienced with them than you. He stiffened into his thinking mode. His hand went for Staraptor's pokeball. Sending out the flying-type, the Starly visibly perked up at the sight of it. The two made strange chirps and coos at each other, ending with the Starly holding open its beak to expect food.

“... I guess…” Larry scratched at his cheek, “Staraptor has been a bit broody. Maybe this is for the best.”

It seemed your household had a new member.

#pokemon x reader #larry x reader #pokemon larry x reader #larry/reader #pokemon/reader #pokemon larry/reader

[tallymonster]

Memories of Us Chapter 11

AO3 link

Masterlist because I'm too lazy to link all 10 chapters

A/N: So this is a bit of a preface to this chapter mostly because I'm a little nervous to post this. This chapter will contain sex. This is the first time I have been confident enough to write smut lol oh yeah and there's other stuff too but the smut is the thing that took me a min. Basically, sorry if it sucks lol.

Thanks to @micropoe10 and @leomonae for the idea of it and some lore/ fact checking.

All inspired by the art of @cheesy-cryptid ❤️ thanks for letting me use the fan art as inspiration

Chapter 11. Gold and Rust.

Now that things had settled down, Octavia could finally try to tackle his Szarr painting mystery. She had stolen some time by herself in the painting archives to take a closer look at the collection. 

It's dark and cold in the isolated storage room in the basement, the necessary environment to take care of a polyptych of 8 paintings depicting Cazador and 7 subjects. The grand artworks were meant to be hung in a giant pyramid formation that took up at least 8 feet by 10 feet. For now, they hang off the floating wall racks that keep them from being damaged.

Octavia flipped through the rack, slowly uncovering each subject, all of them were so similar in composition, with a few small differences separating them. 

They were all connected by the red ribbons that flow from each of the 7 subjects. All gathering at the top connecting to Cazador. His body wrapped around with the blood red ribbons, as if he was pulling the strings on these unwilling puppets. 

 They all have their faces obscured by something either directly in front of their faces or by the shadows cast around them. She continues to flip through, one by one until she stops at one; and as she stares, she can't help but feel like this looks like Astarion but not exactly the same? 

 His right arm was raised slightly above his head, a red ribbon wrapped around his hand. He wore a crown on top of fluffy white curls, attached to it was a white veil, with blood on the edge of it. His face was so close to Astarion’s own, but the jaw and nose weren't right. The eyes on the other hand…

Through canvas and paint, it feels as if they’re burning a hole directly at her. The face looks melancholic yet hauntingly beautiful. Its canvas is damaged towards the center, where the rest of the face would be most visible. The cold feeling starts to creep up her spine, as if their sorrows are being released into her. She can see the pain in all their faces. The only one that appears clearly is the face of the man who did this to them.

How ironic that they have all been banished to the shadows yet again. 

Octavia is so wrapped up in the mystery of it all. Why would someone go through the trouble of saving all these just to let them rot in the dark? She wants to finish solving this, but it seems like she’ll have to do more digging around in the book Astarion gave her. There was only so much time in the day…if only she could convince him to let her take the book home? 

Octavia hears the archive door open and close, but no footsteps follow. She turns and calls out “Hello? Anyone there?” Silence. She calls out again "I'm almost done here.” No answer, just the eerie atmosphere calling back. She ignores the sensation and continues to examine the portraits. The feeling of being watched was already high, and this new factor being added certainly isn't helping. She tries to keep working but the heaviness in the air was becoming too much to bear.

For once, she listens to the little voice in her mind and turns to leave. As she passes an empty display case, she notices a shadow next to her, but the mirror only shows her.. She stares at her reflection, her heart pounding with fear. The cold chill from before settles in her stomach before dissipating. 

“Octavia? What are you doing down here?” From the dimly lit corridor, Astarion appears as if out of thin air. Octavia turns away from the mirror with a surprised yelp, and shakes her head. “Why am I not surprised it's you? Somehow you always sneak up on me. Didn't you hear me call out earlier? Gods, you're going to give me a heart attack one of these days.” She exhales shakily, her heart still beating wildly in her chest. 

 “You didn't answer me, dear…why are you down here? There's nothing here but pictures and clothing of people who I would assume are better off dead? You don't want to waste your day down here in the dungeons do you?” Astarion finished with a smirk, his hand reaching out and caressing her cheek. 

“On second thought….I do have you here all to myself..” he trails off suggestively, one arm wrapping around her waist. Octavia felt the heat quickly rise to her cheeks “You're the worst. First you scare the shit out of me, and then you get all flirty. It's like you're trying to get any type of reaction out of me…anyway I was working, you know because we're at work? ” she gently releases his arm from her waist, holding his hand instead. “Besides, it's not like we don't constantly run into each other, rather convenient, don't you think?” 

Octavia can't help but be amused at the look on Astarion’s face. He has almost the same look he had when he'd been caught sneaking into Octavia’s garden. She smiles and drops his hand. “How about I let you come find me again? Since you're awfully good at that.” 

Octavia walks over to the door leading out to the staircase up to the main office floors. She turns back to Astarion with a coquettish grin, and leaves. 

Suddenly he's alone. Astarion wanders into the room that Octavia was just in. He sees the red tattered logbook on the table in the center, along with the paintings hanging on the wall. As he stares at them he remembers when they came into his possession. The memory floods back into his mind, he smiles and closes his eyes letting the feeling overtake him.

—-------------------------

After feeding on Tav’s blood, Astarion convinces her to come back into Cazador’s manor to pilfer through it before anyone could find the most valuable things. Perhaps a bit of vandalism if the mood struck.They were hand in hand as they walked through the abandoned hallways. 

As they pass a long stretch of rooms, Astarion begins to recognize where they are. “Darling, would you like to help me in a little bit of debauchery?” He looks down at Tav through his dark gray lashes, holding her hand up to his and gives it a kiss. She flashes him a knowing grin, but plays up her response. “Oh my love, whatever could you be playing at?” 

“Hmm…nothing special…just a little dream of mine..” Astarion’s devilish smile turns into a lustful gaze that burns through Tav. Her cheeks suddenly felt hot as did the rest of her body.  “Well then,” the lovestruck smile she wore fading to a playful smirk, “lead the way, my Star.” 

Astarion takes her hand and winds down a hallway, then another door, and two more turns, finally they reach a giant ornate gold colored door. He turns to Tav, pressing his back against the door. 

“The only time I ever laid eyes on this damn entranceway, was when we were luring innocent fools to what was behind it. Each time felt like another stake being driven into me, taken out only to be replaced by the rats he fed us.”

He frowns and holds Tav’s hand, “I'm so sorry for how I've been acting lately. This whole thing..” he waves his hand, motioning around them. “ It's just a lot to process. I think I owe you an explanation..it's just that…” he trails off, and is brought back when Tav kisses the top of his hand. “Star, you don't owe anyone anything, especially not me. You don't have to tell me anything if you aren't ready yet.” She smiled and rubs his cheek with her thumb, “I love you.” 

Astarion smiles knowing that he can't give her everything she wants. He ignores the things he wants to say, he can't let her know how scared he is to lose her some day. He swallows his words instead and leads her into Cazador’s bedroom. 

“Come with me, my moonflower, indulge my depraved-” as Astarion opens the door, his face falls as he's greeted by a gigantic pyramid formation of 8 paintings. “Wow…what the fuck?”, Tav breathes out. 

Astarion immediately frowns, he huffs angrily “Are you fucking-” he walks over to the wall “I remember this whole day! Cazador made us sit for these stupid portraits for days, not feeding us. We had to keep the same poses for hours at a time..and of course he hired amateurs. That doesn't even look like me.” 

Tav wanted to tell him that it actually did look a lot like him, but she didn't want to upset him. As she looked at the paintings she was noticing the details more. 

Cazador was on the top of course, with Violet, Dalyria, and Astarion underneath him. Astarion figures since they not only were the first Cazador turned but some of the most useful, so he has to humiliate them by showing them by ranking it seems. The top three in a way. 

Following underneath that were Petras, Yousen, Leon and Aurelia. The most worthless ones, in his bastard master’s eyes. Not that Astarion didn't exactly disagree, in particular about Petras, the stupid asshole was always trying to compete with Astarion. He even wore some of Astarion’s old clothes on occasion.

Astarion felt the anger rise inside, he remembered sitting for these stupid portraits. The long hours spent stroking Cazador’s ego by indulging another one of his ostentatious ideas. 

“The one thing that pisses me off the most is that he enchanted these to keep track of how many victims we brought. I don't know how to make it appear but I saw it once. When I brought one of the streetwalkers from the Lower City back, the second he was at her throat the frame started to glow and I saw a little tally mark show up. I was to afraid to say anything, but I never forgot.” Astarion was breathing heavily, his chest heaving angrily. 

In his fury he runs up to the wall, practically climbing up it to rip down the framed painting of Cazador.

His hands tear at the canvas and wood. A torment of emotion flooding through him. “Astarion, wait!!” Tav runs towards him as he continues to tear through the fabric of the other paintings. She barely gets him to stop as he grabs the canvas depicting his own face. 

Tav sprints towards Astarion, pulling him off the wall, he's breathing heavily and his eyes are fully glossed over. “Astarion! What's going on, love, what's wrong?” she touches his shoulder and he slowly comes back to her. In his frustration, she sees tears building up in his eyes. She pulls him into a hug and he starts softly crying, holding onto her tightly. 

Tav looks around and sees Cazador’s bed, she pulls at Astarion, “Would you like to sit on the bed? I feel like it would be more comfortable than the floor?” He nods, as she helps him up, guiding him to the enormous bed. 

They sit for a minute, Tav holding him close as he nuzzles into her chest. Neither one says anything. After a few moments Tav breaks the silence. “I'm sorry. You didn't deserve any of it. None of you did.” Astarion pulls away from her, he caresses her cheek and pulls her in for a kiss. 

He starts slowly kissing down her chin, moving to her neck. As Tav lets her head fall back she taps on Astarion’s shoulder causing him to pull away. “We don't have to, Star…at least not here. I mean this is his bed…who knows what fucked up things happened…” she trails off and looks at Astarion. 

He shakes his head and plants a kiss above the bite marks on her neck. “My love, I want this. I want to do this for myself. This is why I led you in here in the first place. My choice was taken away so many times before, and I want this with you.” Astarion speaks into her skin as he kisses along the faint wounds. 

“Besides, you did say you were up for some debauchery…” he lets his fangs graze her skin, knowing the sound she would let fall out. 

Tav breathes out a soft moan, Astarion can feel her pulse spiking under his lips, “Aah..are you sure?” she asks, her body already betraying her hesitation. Astarion trails his fingers up her thigh, giving it a firm squeeze when he reaches her hip. He hums into her neck, sucking at the flesh. 

“Would you care to indulge me and make some new memories of this room?” Astarion pulls away guiding Tav to the middle of the bed, he lays her down and gently kisses her. He moves his body on top of hers, leaving a bit of space to move one of his hands down her chest leaving soft trails on the cotton tunic Tav wore. 

She relaxes a bit as he raises one of her legs up over his thigh, angling her waist closer to his. Instinctively, he rolls his hips into hers, earning him another soft gasp from her mouth. Astarion’s hand on her leg moves down cupping the swell of her ass, giving it a squeeze. 

Tav moans into their kiss and playfully nips at his bottom lip. Astarion pulls away and continues his kisses down to her neck again, his hand at her waist, pressing down into it as he rolls his hips deeper against her. “Oh fuck…yes..” she breathes out with a hiss, one of her hands wraps itself in his hair, tugging gently. 

He moves his hands to the waistband of her trousers and starts unlacing them. Tav moves her hips up to help him remove them, as Astarion follows his slow kisses down her chest. Once her legs are free, he spreads them and settles in the space between. Astarion starts to slide his fingers under the tunic, lifting it up and over Tav’s arms. 

She arches her back as his fingers ghost over her breasts, pinching one of her nipples, then sucking it in his mouth. Tav bucks her hips into him, making him groan against her. “Hmmm it's not fair I'm practically naked and you're still fully clothed..i think you may have me at a disadvantage, my darling.” she giggles playfully as he keeps kissing down her chest onto her stomach. 

Astarion looks up at her, not breaking contact with her skin. He smiles and starts to undo the lacing of his own pants. “Fuuuuck…you have to stop teasing me like this..” Tav keens under his touch, tugging at his hair. Astarion chuckles under his breath, amused at the sudden loss of hesitation from her. “Impatient now, aren't you?” he straightens up and begins to take his shirt off.

He slowly starts dragging the fabric over his stomach and his chest. Tav’s eyes are following along with his hands, languorously teasing her knowing how much she loves this. “Do you want to touch me, darling? I am still trapped in these clothes, and I think I may need some help.” Astarion pouts dramatically with a feigned innocence. 

Tav props herself up on her elbows and smirks “Oh no..you look like you're having some problems with that, Astarion. I can't just leave you like that. It’d be quite rude of me not to assist you, when you're always so eager to help me..” She bites her bottom lip, as she slips her hands under the hem of his shirt and starts to slide it up. 

Astarion’s muscles tense under the heat of her fingers. Her already warm hands feel like little bursts of fire on his icy skin. The way her nails scrape against him feel like pin pricks stabbing into his heart, impaling him with her love. He bends slightly to help her get the first garment off, Tav places it to her side. Thankfully, the bed is big enough for everything to land within arms reach. 

He places his body on top of hers again. One of his hands is at the top of her head with his elbow resting on the bed, while the other makes soft circles down Tav’s stomach trailing down.Tav’s hands quickly go to Astarion’s waistline and tugs at his pants clumsily. She was incredibly turned on at this rate and has to get some relief before her mind lost all sense of control. 

Tav pulls the fabric off, looking down at him bared in front of her. He was already so beautiful, but even more so after he had gotten fed and aroused. His skin would turn a pink hue and his cheeks would be flushed even brighter against the contrast of his pale skin.

 As he kicked off his pants, Tav reaches down and lightly strokes him, she can feel his cock getting even harder with her touch. Astarion groans and bucks his hips into her hand, he hears an amused hum from Tav, “Oh you like that? Making me react to your filthy hands? Because two can play this game, sweet girl.” 

Astarion reaches down in between their bodies, pressing his sharp nails on her body. Leaving faint red lines on Tav’s tanned skin. He makes his way to her already soaked cunt, she gasps and trembles as he runs two fingers up and down her slit. “That's it my love, tell me what you want.”

 Tav groans a bit, squeezing her hand around Astarion. While his fingers find their way to her clit, circling it with a feather light touch. Tav melts under his touch, her mind races and she finds it hard to speak. “I want you. All I want is you, Astarion.” 

He slides a finger inside her, she inhales and lets it out with a long exhale. She strokes him a couple of times before letting go and wrapping one of her legs around his waist. Tav grinds her hips into his hand, Astarion slips his hand out of her, pulling her into his hips and grinding harder into her. The slickness that came from her folds coating him, causing him to slip his cock inside easily. 

Tav gasps loudly, both her legs wrap around his waist, as he thrusts deep into her. She keeps the pace with her hips snapping up to meet his. They both become lost in each other, one in bliss and the other rewriting the past. Astarion continues his speed, he can feel her tighten around him, her walls pulling him in, needy and hungry for him. “Star…I- oh gods you feel so good.” 

“Come for me, gorgeous. Lose yourself with me” Astarion grips her hips tighter as he thrusts faster, holding her tilted slightly to meet him. Tav is barely holding on after all the teasing he did beforehand, she won't lost much longer if he keeps it up. She feels his fangs pierce her shoulder, his lips sucking deep as her blood flows into his mouth. 

Immediately her body releases the tension he built up as she comes around him. Tav's blood is so delicious during the height of her orgasm. The most luxurious ambrosia he had ever tasted. Soon after, he releases her shoulder and licks up the trail of blood that comes out of his bite. He fucks into her a few more times when he feels his own peak. His hips spasm as he comes inside her, slumping over her as he catches himself. 

Tav pulls him close, kissing him deeply. Her arms wrap around him, caressing the scars on his back. Usually he wouldn't let her touch them, but she was so gentle with him this time. They laid in the massive bed, in each other's arms for a while. Soon enough, Tav can hear Astarion quietly snoring. When he wakes up, Tav is dressed, and the paintings are gone. 

He sits up and watches as she grabs her brown leather  flap top bag and walks up to him. “I found this log book, I figured it would be important.” Tav hands him a thick book bound in red leather. “We can go through it later. Oh, and I saved the paintings. I rolled them up and put them in the bag. Figured we could burn them later.” she smiles and sits next to him.

 “You should probably get dressed. It's almost dawn and I don't want Gale getting mad at me for being late for breakfast again. You know him with his talk of the flavors being best at serving time.” Tav kisses his cheek. The warmth of her lips lingers on his icy skin.

Astarion meant to burn it that night at camp, but for some reason he couldn't bring himself to throw it into the fire. His skin felt unusually cold, even for a vampire. The book felt heavy in his hands, the urge to peel himself out of the skin that held it planted him into the ground where he stood. The little air he had was being ripped from his lungs, and his vision began to fade. 

 He remembers Tav holding his hands as they trembled, gripping the diary. Her soft touch brings him back to the warmth of the camp. They never had to say anything, but somehow she knew when he needed her the most.

Astarion opens his eyes, the empty room feels so much bigger than it usually does. He picks up the tattered book and walks towards the door of the storage room. He turns back and looks at the portrait of himself that's still at the front of the rack. 

It's a good thing you saved it, my love. 

—-----------

As she walks down the hallway, Octavia thinks back on the last few weeks. She was in a completely new world with Astarion. The thought of being with anyone was always far in the back of her mind. While in school, she was consistently studying, never fully enjoying being in college like everyone else. She wasn't the type to stay up late, go to parties, too ingrained in her goals to be bothered. 

In this case however, the daydreams of Astarion were fastly infiltrating her mind. He was so mysterious, arrogant, snarky, pretty much all the things she hated about all the other men in her orbit, but the confidence and affection underneath soothed over any reservations she may have had.

It was risky for them to get found out of course, but Astarion was still nothing short of a hopeless romantic. He would pop up behind her and slip her little love notes. Other times he would corner her in a dark spot away from public eyes and would give her a quick kiss on her wrist, or her hand, maybe her cheeks, but always starting with her lips. 

Astarion's stolen glances were the worst in Octavia’s opinion. It seemed like he loved making her blush with those burning orange red eyes glaring at her from under those round dark lenses. Sometimes he would pull them down and shoot her a flirty wink. Her cheeks would flush immediately and she'd break her gaze, throwing her head down while hiding the smile that formed.

She could feel his laugh, knowing it's won the battle this round. The way his lips turned up and how it reverberated in her mind. Somehow in the solitude of the musem, they would find each other. They would sit in silence, periodically looking up catching the other staring and grinning. It was usually Astarion staring like a lovestruck fool at Octavia. 

This time, her forgetting the logbook he entrusted her with was a perfect excuse for him to seek her out. Astarion finds her in the middle of a row of bookshelves in the reference library. She's looking down at one of the many books found within the endless rows. 

He can't stop staring at her lips most of all. He loved kissing her, even as quick and discreet as they were, the way her pulse flutters each time brings a feeling of newfound renewal to him. He still can't place the familiarity of it, but for now it's an unspoken question that he isn't in a hurry to bring up.

 "You're staring again. Someone might think you like me." Octavia spoke softly, not looking up or wanting to disrupt the peace of the room. She continues to flip through the book, gaze down, laughing quietly.

Astarion lets the dumb grin grow on his face, her sarcasm not lost on him. "Darling, they would be terribly correct." He walks over to her, watching as she rifles through the book’s pages. He reaches inside his leather book bag and hands her the delicate text. “I believe you left this in the painting archives. Figured you could use it to further your work?” 

Octavia gasps excitedly “Oh thank you! I was wondering where I had left it! I've been so scatterbrained lately, I would forget my hand if it wasn't attached to my body” she giggles nervously and takes the book in her hands. 

“Of course, dear. I'm glad I could help you with returning the very important book I trusted you to take care of.” Astarion teases. “Well then, if you need any help figuring anything out with that little book..Just say the word.” 

This is her chance, if she was going to try to get him to let her take that book home, she has to ask now. Octavia looks back up at him, "Actually, I had a little request?” she began, slightly more nervous than earlier.

"Anything, my dear. What is it?" He holds her hand, rubbing the top of her palm with his thumb. Octavia's breath hitches slightly, a faint blush forming across her cheeks and nose. She really loved his touch. 

She clears her throat, "I know you told Gale that he couldn't take the book home because of how delicate it is." The hand in his feels sweaty, her nerves winning out a bit.

 She steels herself and comes out with it, "So do you think if I ask you to maybe come to my flat, and you happen to bring it, and maybe you forget it there, and I don't bring it back for a little so I can take some time with it at my place so I can avoid doing overnights here again…do you think that could be a possibility?" She rambles breathless until she finishes, face fully reddened by her requests.

Astarion laughs, he lifts her hand up to his lips and kisses the top of it. "Sweetness, if you want late night visits, you just need to ask." Octavia huffs, covering her face with the book in her other hand. She peeks out from behind it and smiles. "Stop, I'm being serious. I don't want you getting upset because I slept here for two weeks again. Besides, we can have some proper alone time. I could make you dinner?" She watches as Astarion's lips smile silently.

She pulls her hand off her face and takes his other hand. "I guess you can call it our first date?" She asks hopeful, their eyes meet and he pulls her in for a kiss. Astation lets go of her hand and places it on her cheek, rubbing his thumb on it. 

As they pull away, he kisses the tip of her nose, making her laugh softly. "I'd love to come by your place, if I can take that as an open invitation?" Octavia nods. "Tomorrow night? I mean if it's not too soon?" 

Astarion chuckles, her eagerness not lost on him. "No, not too soon. I can't wait." They kiss again, the electricity of their anticipation in the air. 

Tags: @justporo @satanicspinosaurus @sleepy-timaeus @tragedybunny @davenswitcher @wayward-hel

(if you wanna be added, hit me up 😘)

#bg3 #astarion #baldur's gate 3 #astarion ancunin #bg3 astarion #baldurs gate 3 #astarion bg3 #gale of waterdeep #gale dekarios #fic: memories of us #astarion x oc #astarion x tav #astarion smut

[absentia-if]

Someone asked for this a while back and I thought it’d be fun but I’ve lost the ask… So, I’m just going to make a post of my own about it!

This is a dark snippet about if someone tried to take what the KN has already claimed as theirs.

Blood dripped crimson droplets onto the drab concrete floor; being lost a moment later against the grime and trash that littered it.

If it had been any other time, any other person, then the hooded figure would have chosen a place a bit more… substantial, but this rundown warehouse suited their needs just fine. After all, this was the environment human beings like the man, strapped to the chair in front of them, thrived within.

“Pl-Please.” The word is gurgled out, blood stained lips stretched taut to keep pathetic sobs at bay. “I-I didn’t know. I won’t do it again.”

The hooded figure tilts their head, as if pondering the man’s plea. Ruminating on if they would actually let this piece of shit go after what he did. Of course, this man didn’t know he’d been signing his death certificate the moment he went after what was theirs; a sane, or merciful, individual might even let him go after the hours of torture he had already experienced.

Unfortunately, for the man, the person he is dealing with isn’t all that sane nor were they all that merciful.

“You know, I might have just done that if what you did wasn’t so egregious.” Silver, flecked with red, flashes in front of the man’s sniveling face when the knife, within a leather clad hand, comes ever closer. “I might have even found your pathetic begging enjoyable, but I can’t even find it within myself to do even the bare minimum with you.”

Pulling away, the figure surveys the man— covered in his own blood due to wounds that had been expertly inflicted; targeted in spots the would hurt, but wouldn’t kill— and feels a sneer curl their own lips behind the cowl.

“You tried to take them from me.” The man begins to whimper anew at the soft quality to the figure’s tone, the tone of someone who had no regret, or remorse, for what they were about to do. “You tried to clip my dove’s wings and I can’t let that stand, you see? No one is allowed to hurt them and if I let you go?”

They crouch before the man and take his chin into an iron-like hold, not at all concerned about his comfort.

“That’s just bad business,” they continue, bringing the knife closer once more. It’s serrated blade dragging a lazy arch across his grime speckled skin; not too deep, but deep enough for a steady stream of red to make an appearance. “But if you’re worried about dying now, there’s no need.”

The man is jerked forward, closer to the shadow adorned face of his worst nightmare.

“I don’t plan on letting you die for hours to come.”

#absentia #the kidnapper #red flag warning #red flags galore #short snippet

[manestjerne]

Let me save you pt. ll

Juice Ortiz x female reader 

Word count: 2.2k

Warnings: mention of a toxic relationship 

My day off went by fast, I should’ve go get some groceries but instead I just spent the whole day in bed and ordered a takeout. I had no break in a week, so felt like I could use a lazy day. Reading a book under covers with a cup of hot coffee was one of my favorite ways to relax. I completely ignored the „baby, where are you? Are you running from me? What’s wrong?” texts from my ex’s new account. It’s not possible to block him so I can just pretend I don’t know what’s going on. The next day I took a shower in the morning, ate a bowl of cereal and enjoyed my free half of the day by playing some video games. When it was time to leave I went to grab my car keys, but then I remembered. Fuck, I was supposed to get some gas yesterday. After a quick fight with myself I chose to just walk there, it was about 15 minutes, and my shift started in 20. Yeah, that’s better. For me and the damn environment. I grabbed my purse and and left for work. On my way there I saw a cat sitting beside the sidewalk, so of course I had to go there and pet it, how could I just ignore that cutie? But that wasn’t a cutie.

- Ah you nasty bitch - the cat bit me and scratched half of my arm - Let go!

When I got free from the attacker I moved on looking in my bag for some tissues to wipe the drops of blood. Don’t pet stray cats ever again. Got it.

After cleaning the rest of my arm from blood I got behind a bar and started my routine by cleaning. Every time I heard the door opening I stealthily looked that way wishing Juice would come in, but he didn’t. Instead of him I saw Joe. Joe was one of our regulars, but he was a total prick. We all tried to ignore it and just serve him, but my day started bad enough, I didn’t have the patience to serve him now.

- Nat, your boy is here, come on - I yelled at the back door, waiting for her to appear.

She stood there so happy I almost felt bad doing that, but then I remembered every time she used me to deal with rude customers, so I just smiled.

- Oh, are you kidding me? I’m not-

- Sorry darling, I need to bring some coke from the back.

- There’s enough in the fridge!

- Yeah, remember last week, when you made me play pool with those creeps? You owe me one.

She still looked pissed.

- What about when some guys were fighting over that redhead? Or when I ha-

- Alright, alright. Go and hide, pussy.

Hanging out behind those magic doors was the best thing to do when something bad happened out front. Our boss didn’t really care, if the money was good one of us could literally go out and he wouldn’t give a shit. I saw a perfect opportunity. A whole lot of bottles were sitting on the floor, that’s the job for me, let’s put them away on the shelves. I had about two hours before the biggest crowd show up, so I decided to just stay there, coming out once in a while to bring Nat some more ice or sodas.

- Could you stand behind the bar for a minute? I need to call my mom.

Just 5 minutes, nothing bad can happen. I started pouring beers and mixing drinks, 10 pm and it was still quiet, but some of them have already had enough drinks. A guy tried to toss me a glass, he sat just two stools away from me, but refused to get up. I wanted to catch the sliding glass but it fell over and everything inside it went straight on my top. There wasn’t much left, about two melted ice cubes and a sip of cuba libre, but it was enough to get me wet.

- Oh shit, I’m so sorry, I really didn’t mean to do that.

- It’s alright, don’t worry.

It wasn’t, but what could I do? Can this day get any worse? I went behind the magic door and Nat was just putting her phone in a back pocket.

- Shit, what happened?

- You have a spare t-shirt I could borrow?

- No, sorry. Is it that wet?

- Nah, I look like a three year old who just ate noodle soup and smell like rum, but it’s fine.

- Just try to get it off, I can go back there.

Yeah, water didn’t help with the coke stain on my white shirt, so I decided to just keep stocking the bottles up. After only a few minutes I heard Nat.

- Hey y/n. Now your boy is here.

I rolled my eyes, pulled my pants up as much as possible to hide the stain and went through the door, ready to see a whole crowd of people, but it was shockingly quiet.

- What happened?

She just smiled, I looked around trying to find what’s wrong when I saw him.

- You know him? - I asked trying not to look at him

- Nah, but he came here yesterday, looking for you.

- Wait, you were here yesterday?

- Yeah, Laura told me you two had a hard Wednesday and wanted me to cover her. He’s cute.

- A little, but I’m not sure about that.

- Just give it a try, you’re so stressed, a dick would help.

- Oh shut up - I said when he sat on the stool across me - What can I get you?

- Just a beer - he smiled and put his phone on the bar

- What are you doing here, Juice? - I asked while pouring his drink - Another bad day?

- Yeah, stepped in on my way home.

- You live here?

- Not quite. You look like you had a bad day, what’s that? - he pointed at the stain on my stomach

- Oh yeah, very funny - but the words came out softly, not as rough my thoughts, I realized I’m not as stressed anymore

- No, seriously. Maybe you should drink with a straw next time.

I rolled my eyes handing him a beer.

- Trust me, if I had something else to wear I would put in on, but I came here on foot today. I left my spare clothes in the car, wasn’t expecting a cuba libre landing on my white shirt.

- I can borrow you a shirt - his voice was so soft, didn’t match his appearance

- Well, I don’t know you.

- It’s not a promise ring, just a shirt, and I have a jumper on, trust me I won’t freeze. But if you want to look like a three year old, then-

- Okay, that’s enough - I squinted my eyes - I’ll take it.

He smiled and went to the bathroom, came back a minute later with a white t-shirt in his hand.

- But watch out, I don’t have another one.

- Very funny - I said and went to the back

I finished changing when Nat came in with an empty keg.

- Wow, what’s that? - she asked pointing at my hand - And whose shirt is that? Oh my! You got it from the cute gangster, didn’t you?

- Stop yelling and change the keg, in 15 minutes we won’t have time for that.

I went to the tables and started collecting empty glasses, after wiping the tables I moved to the bar and wanted to get Juice’s glass but froze when he gently stroke my hand.

- What’s that?

- A scratch? - I said with fake disbelief in my eyes, trying to play it cool

- What happened?

- It’s nothing, I cleaned it already, I’m a nurse, remember? - but he acted like he didn’t hear me

- You okay? Who did this to you? - I couldn’t help but started laughing - hey, what’s so funny?

- I saw a cat on my way here… - his faced relaxed in a moment

- Natalie, could you please help me? Sure y/n, enjoy your date and I’ll serve everyone else, don’t worry - I heard a voice behind my back

- Am I interrupting you? - Juice asked nervously looking at my coworker

- Don’t worry, she’s just playing. They actually pay me for entertaining guests.

- So you’re entertaining me?

- If I’m not then why would you come back?

I felt a phone buzzing in my back pocket. I took it out to check who’s calling, but when I saw my ex’s name I quickly put it away. Yeah, whatsapp, I haven’t used it in years.

- You can’t use your phone at work?

- Of course I can, just didn’t want to pick up - I smiled trying to look as calm as possible

- Can I get your number then?

- What for?

- Well, you have my shirt

- Well - I smiled - but it’s not a promise ring, remember?

He looked me for a second not saying anything. I went to serve another guest, still smiling. When I came back after a while he took one of his rings of and gave it to me.

- And what’s that?

- A promise ring, so let me start again. Can I get your number? - I laughed at loud this time, took his phone and wrote my number down, putting his ring in my pocket - unbelievable…..

Rest of the night went by pretty fast, as always during the weekend, but this time my smile wasn’t a „customer smile”, it was real, whole damn night. I didn’t care about rude customers, I didn’t get mad when they whistled at me, I didn’t care about young boys hitting up on me. I didn’t, because I could feel him staring at me the whole time. There wasn’t much time when I could talk to him, but he still stayed, sitting at the bar all alone. People finally started to leave, so I used a moment to go back behind the bar.

- You want a lift home?

- Nah, I’m good.

- What about all the bad guys out there? And bad cats… - he smiled - you sure you want to go on foot?

I heard a phone buzzing, but this time it wasn’t mine. Juice’s phone was still on the counter. I caught myself staring at it so I looked away quickly. Jax doesn’t sound like a girls name, that’s good. He put his phone down after a minute and looked at me.

- What time do you finish?

- In 20 minutes, why?

- I can still give you a ride home.

- Don’t worry, I actually need a walk, I’ll be fine. Your boyfriend probably needs you more than me if he’s calling that late.

- You sure? - he smiled

- Yup, go home. See you - I didn’t mean to say that, felt my cheeks getting red, he just gave me a warm smile

- Get home safe, okay?

- Okay - I said, my cheeks were burning at this point

He left with a smile on his face and I was just standing there, looking at the door.

- Hey y/n, can I get another one?

- No Joe, we’re closing in 15 minutes - I said not even looking his way

My walk home was scarier than ever before, but I knew it was only because of what Juice said. When I got home I took a shower, ate some leftover pizza and got ready to go to bed. I looked at the pile of clothes tossed on the chair. Took the borrowed shirt with some other white stuff I could find and put in in the washer. I wanted to do laundry tomorrow anyways. Then I picked up my jeans and took the ring out of a pocket. I looked closely and saw „Sons of Anarchy” engraved on it. Well, a promise ring from a biker, that’s funny. I put it on my necklace and went to bed when I realized how much my head hurts and how tired I am. I refused to get up to get some painkillers. I got a text message, probably from Nat or my ex, so I ignored it. This can wait ’till morning. Another one. God. Then my phone started ringing. With my eyes closed I picked it up ready to tell him to fuck off and leave me alone.

- Hey, sorry, were you sleeping? - I opened my eyes, his voice as soft and worried as when he saw my arm

- What? No, I- I was making dinner, sorry. What’s up?

- I just wanted to make sure you got home safe.

- I’m okay. Thanks Juice.

- Wonderful, goodnight y/n, you should get some sleep.

- Goodnight.

He hung up, but I couldn’t close my eyes now, I wasn’t expecting that. My headache was gone and suddenly I was not sleepy at all, so I got up and made myself some tea.

#juice ortiz #juice #juice imagine #juice x reader #juice ortiz x reader #juan carlos imagine #juan carlos #juan carlos ortiz #soa #soa imagine #sons of anarchy imagine #sons of anarchy

[beachblue37]

Holly Headcanon

Holly comes from an emotionally abusive household.

This rest of this post is going to be marked as a spoiler even though some of it is non canon, but it’s going to relate to things that are canon in the books. Also this is really long, but I had a lot of thoughts on it

1. ||We don’t know much about her economic or class status but we can assume that it is an upper class due to the foods she eats and her clothing (Not saying that those with a lower class can’t be that, but it’s a lot easier to have nicer clothes and be able to eat healthier foods with a richer class status). So because of this we can assume that unlike Lockwood and Lucy she was similar to George in the sense that she chose to be an agent||

2. ||So Little Holly dreamed of being an agent and having this great talent. And with luck she ends up having some talent. It’s not a lot though, it’s enough to get her to be an agent but not enough to get her to be one of the greats like she had dreamed||

3. ||Her parents were very unsupportive and emotionally abusive. Perfection was the only thing she was allowed to be. Anything less than that was unacceptable. Her parents excepted her to look perfect and only eat healthy foods. Every time she had something bad it was met with, “Now are you sure you want to eat that?” Every single time she messed up the response was always something along the lines of “You’re stupid, you can’t do anything right, no one will ever love you” just warm loving words to here from your family||

4. ||So obviously they aren’t supportive of her being an agent. Constantly telling her that she doesn’t have enough talent and what’s the point she’ll never be good enough. But somehow she gets a job at Rotwells and she gets out on a team as a field agent. Her parents still telling her that she should quit, she’s not good enough, she’s not good enough for anything, she never has been, she never will be. But she sticks with it. Wanting to prove herself. Her team dies||

5. ||Instead of being there for her. They blame her for their deaths. Saying that if she was actually a good agent they wouldn’t have died. She stops being a field agent and gets an assistant job for Rotwell himself. Once again her parents are telling her that she can’t do it. She’s not good enough. She leaves Rotwells and her parents tell her that it was bound to happen. She’s a stupid girl who can’t do anything right||

6. ||So in turn she tries to be this perfect person who never falters. She can’t be anything less than perfect, everytime she messed up she was told that she wasn’t good enough. All she wants is to be good at something and for someone to care about her, appreciate her, and she finds it with Lockwood and George, but it’s not enough because Lucy doesn’t||

||I do think that her coming from an emotionally abusive household explains why she is mean right back to Lucy. Yes Lucy being mean and unwelcoming to her is contributing to it, but Holly is almost 20, an almost 20 year old growing up an healhty environment wouldn’t do this, they would ignore it, or try to confront the issue head on, but they wouldn’t be passive aggressive and petty. 15 and 19 are very different in terms of emotianlly maturity and 19 year olds should know better||

1. ||So I think that she’s mean right back to Lucy, because she’s frustrated that Lucy gets to be messy, lazy, stubborn, rude, etc. She can mess up and is still loved by the boys. She fits in with them, their her family. Holly doesn’t have that||

2. ||It’s a learned behavior. She observed it from her parents, and she’s experienced it||

3. ||It gives her a false sense of power. She got fired from a horrible job, lost her team, has horrible parents. Making Lucy feel bad about herself probably makes her feel good about herself, for a little bit, and then she feels bad about it, but for the reasons I listed above, she can’t stop herself from doing it||

She’s also very jealous of Lucy. Holly wants to be appreciated and she wanted to be this great agent with this amazing talent but she’s not and Lucy is powerful and is described as the perfect agent

#lockwood and co #lucy carlyle #the hollow boy #holly monroe #the hollow boy spoilers #Lockwood and co headcannons

[icouldntcareless22]

I will remember you(Part 2)

Extraordinary you!Au x Zombie Apocalypse!Au

Summary: The world was damned. A deadly virus going around turning everyone in zombies? Yeah, the world was definitely damned. But that was the least of his problems right now. Time was slipping by him..he had been hearing weird sounds. He decided that he was going crazy. Until a certain someone appeared and told him not to worry because apparently this all a fiction, more specifically a comic?

Words: 9k

AN: The next thing I want to put out is a Seungmin fanfic because I think people overlook him so much! I will try to organize my thoughts and put it out shortly! I hope you enjoy my work!

Part 1

Comic? Character? Me?

He shook his head, shaking the idea off him.  There was absolutely no way. Thoughts were swimming around his head, making him feel light headed and dizzy. Was it really possible for all this to be a lie? He felt silly just by thinking it. The sunlight warming his skin felt real, the delightful laughter filling the classroom felt real, he felt real. Frustrated signs left him again.

Two days already passed since Y/N revealed to him the crazy shit that she thought the world consisted of. He recalled their conversation with disdain... 

  "Wow you are even more fucking crazy than I am"he exclaimed, beliwered. He took a step back, widening the distance between them. Who knows maybe a zombie bit her and all this were side effects.

   "Maybe I am" she beamed happily, repeatedly patting the spot next to her expecting him to sit with her. He raised an eyebrow only to meet the same annoyingly cheery expression, he signed and caved. He slowly lowered himself to the ground, it was still warm from the setting sun above them he noticed. 

"So do you want to learn more?"she inquired as she was talking with me about the weather ,hands busy brushing through her thick and tangled locks.

   "Enlight me" he taunted her as he scanned the yard. He hadn't been here in months. From the level ground everything was way bigger than he remembered. Seeing it from up close was a reminder of the old times and how fucked up was his current situation.

   "They won't come" she stated simply, still running her fingers through her brown locks. Total at ease in this environment. "I lounge here often enough. Never met a functioning zombie here"

   "How come? Your writer doesn't fancy gardens? Oh!Oh! Are the zombies allergic?!" Irony was evident in his tone "That would explain soo much!"

   "Ha ha..No, in the shadow they just...exist. They are not chasing us,not trying to eat us. I can just simply past one and it won't do anything. Just trust me"she shrugged, laying down to absorb as much sun as she could.

   "I don't. Not even a little bit" he bit back and she laughed.

   If he was honest that moment right there seemed straight out of a book. She laying there laughter filling the air, the sun setting behind them showering them in golden light, the breeze blowing just enough to feel refreshed and light. The flowers, even though they were dying like everything on this planet, still smelled wonderful. It was beautiful.. too bad he cared so little for it.

   "So you're saying that this is a comic book? And what's the plot?" he snickered as he laid down as well. He normally would be so alert and ready to spring at any moment. But seeing her lazing around and being comfortable, made him more lazy as well. Her serenity calmed him oddly enough.

    She shifted to her side, one arm supporting her weight to take a better look at him. She aspect him deeply, as if she was deciding to tell him a secret or not. He didn't know what expression he was wearing, maybe contempt or boredom, but she seemed to find whatever she was looking for. "Well, the zombie apocalypse trope is pretty obvious."

     "Oh really? I hadn't noticed that!"he scoffed

     "Surprise!" She joked back, an ironic laugh leaving her "other than that.. you know the new girl? She is a spy from an opposite camp. The government is scavenging for survivors, the catch? They have limited space. So the smarter thing to do is eliminate the competition, according to them at least. Maniacs all of them if you ask me. Soo, they send her over to deal with us from the inside. Pretty stereotypical, right?"

       His mouth fell open and his eyebrows flew to his hairline. Spy? The government? Every thought he was ready to voice in an rather rude way stayed there, catch in his throat "You are joking..right?"he eventually uttered.

      "Wish I was believe me"she signed.

      He didn't say anything for a while then he just stood up wordlessly and left.

And he had avoided her ever since like she was the plague.

   He had to organize his thoughts. Provided she was telling the truth..how could he prevent the invasion of an enemy camp? How could he make the government pick them? How could he stop the girl? He tried to find a perfect solution only to come up empty.

   He spend many sleepless nights. Okay three to be exact! But he needed the sleep! He had things to do and errands to run but the thing is wherever he went, he kept seeing her. Like fate was playing some twisted game against him. He was helping out with weaponry? She was there. He was keeping watch? She was releasing him of his duties. Heck she even slept two classrooms away he discovered as he went to sleep yesterday and she called out good night to him, making him jump out of his skin and dart inside.

   He was currently in the weaponry area, also known as the janitor's closet and the benches outside of it, as it held the most tools that were of use to them. His unwounded hand served as a painful reminder of that fact. As Felix was tying the rope around two broken broomsticks to serve as a spear that he had no experience handling. The many times he had accidentally sprung it upon random people near him confirmed that so his preference for knives and close range weaponry was clear but as a good fellow he helped. As he was finishing honing the weapon, he realized that she was there too. Brown hair pilled on top of her head in a way too messy bun, white T shirt with patches of dirty stuck on it, clearly stating that she was pulling her weight around the camp and oversized denim jeans shorts that was a clearly bad choice for someone that had to run at the drop of a hat. Was she around that often before? How come he didn't noticed her?

   As he glanced at her, he suddenly met her stare. She blinked slowly at him as a smile spread on her face, a greeting. He immediately turned his head the other way, flustered to be caught looking so obviously at her.

    Instead he focused on the craft in his hands, tying the ropes with way more vigor than necessary. With a few more tugs he was done.

       "Hey-!" He started and paused, barely catching himself. What was his name again? He racked his brain trying to come up with an answer. He had been around this kid 6 months now, they slept at the same classroom and hang out frequently together after a long day's work, so it was not acceptable not to remember his name.

       "Can't remember, can ya?" A low voice whispered to his ear."I am curious though. Whose names do you remember?"

 Upon feeling the low voice on his ear the boy swirled towards her. Of course she made her way from across the closet to sit with him, just so she can spite him.

    He didn't answered her, just squinted his eyes at her. She was getting on his nerves really. All the crazy talk didn't help his situation and now she was popping up everywhere.She was an easy target to get out all his frustration and ire."What the fuck?"

    She titled her head looking at him."You know in the comics you are made out to be such a sweetheart. From up close you are more like an asshole"

    "Fuck off then."he shrugged, curiosity peeked. Sweetheart? Him? That writer ought to get his eyes checked. He maybe had more of baby face, but that meant nothing. It was the freckles, he decided.

     "Nah, assholes are more my type" he let out a huff at her flirty commend. It had been months, a year top, since he was last hit on and she was cute. Too bad she was batshit crazy. "You can't remember his name because he doesn't have one" she resumed.

     "What?"he questioned ,startled.

     "He is an extra, unlike you he doesn't have a set up. He doesn't need a name, he is just there to fill the empty space." She said picking dirty from her nails.

     "Everyone has a name" he refuted, leaning towards her to whisper in her ear. If someone heard them talking they would be deemed as lunatics and  thrown out to the zombies together.

      "Name someone besides your friend group and me"she tutted.

      "Hyunjin,Minho, Seungmin..you want me to continue?" He sassed, relaxing more on the bench he had stationed himself.

      "You don't consider them part of your group?"she asked, an odd expression on her face.

      "We're not that close" he simply answered. They seemed that way? I mean, sure they hang out but if he was made to chose someone to go to with a secret Changbin and Jisung would be it for him. They were the most understanding and kind people he knew.

      "Huh" she seemed lost in her thoughts.

      "What?" He asked again

      "Nothing"she answered "Anyway, don't you want me to show you the proof you asked for? If you come with me tonight I will show you"

      He was suspicious. Things always got messy when she appeared "Where are we going?"

      "To show you the comic,of course" she smiled mischievously.

     "But where?"

     "You'll see"

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~

    When Felix opened his eyes darkness greeted him.

     Of course it had to be in the middle of the night,he grumbled. Even though he didn't like the events taking place right now he quietly got up, taking extra care as to not wake up Jisung or any of the others sleeping soundly on the floor. The old oil lamp provided the only source of light to help him make his way to the front door. But if he prided himself on something it was how agile he was. Minho once compared him to a cat and even though he would like something more..regal he appreciated the compliment.

     Tippy toeing to the front between the masses of bodies was a piece of cake and soon Felix was closing the door behind him and walking down the hallway. The halls were totally empty, which was an understatement. It still didn't sit right with him to see them empty, though. They usually were filled with ex-students talking and laughing, now the large windows casted an airily glow that creeped him out. He shook his head, deciding to hurry. As soon as he hit the last step he saw you laying down on top of the desk, mere meters from the patched up door that almost went down the other day.

      "Do you do anything besides laying down?" He said announcing his presence as he went to stand over her head, flicking her lightly on the forehead

      She immediately opened her eyes, hands flying to the spot he hit and craned her neck to look at him. "I lay down as often as I can. I don't know about you, but I am not athlete material and this damn world keeps me in my toes"

      He hummed softly. "Where are going?"

      She righted herself on the desk and hoped down, bouncing energetically on her feet. "Follow me, grumpy pants"

      She made a bee line to the window on the right side of the room, opening it and jumping outside. Fortunately the height was not too much for them, so they easily landed in the back area of the school, back when he first caught a glimpse of her.

      "Now we have to climb through that window"she pointed to a ground floor window, similar to the one they just exited. "Once we are in,we just take the stairs to the second floor and turn left and into the library we go!"she word-vomited, unable to stop herself it seemed. She was way too talkative for such late hour.

      "Do you always talk that much?"he wondered as be followed her. She ignored him as she drew closer to the window. She stood still for a second,before muttering something under her breath. She started to walk away from the wall, skipping down the back yard, a loud noice was heard and soon after she come back with a chair in her arms.

      "I swear every time!" She exaggerated.

      "What?"he asked, as she placed the chair under the half open window.

      She stepped on the chair, pushing the heavy window open bit by bit. "When a scene take place, everything that happened on shadow goes back to their original place, so I have to keep carrying the chair back here. It's really annoying " she glanced at him, noticing his confused appearance and explained. "For example, let's say you injury yourself in the shadow.. it won't appear in the scene because the writer didn't mean to write that but if it happens on the scene it's permanent" the window was completely open by the time she finished her sentence,giving her the chance to jump inside.

      Once she jumped into the building she stuck her head outside and shouted "Your turn!"

      So he injured himself in the shadow when he scratched himself on the nails? Was that why the wound disappeared overnight?He climbed on the rusty old chair and easily followed her steps. In mere seconds he stood beside her in the opposite side of the school.

      He was starstruck. The school was.. pristine. That was the exact word that described it. The little furniture that the hall held, such as bookcases and a couple of lockers, were in their normal positions -completely dust and damage free. From the side of his eye he could see the cafeteria were the same applied. The lunch tables and all of their chairs were stacked neatly against each other like waiting for thousand of kids to sit on them and happily eat away the awful cafeteria lunch.

      She was examinating him as he looked around "Weird,huh?" She asked him, his confusion and awe all over his face.

      "Why is the place like that? It is overrunned by zombies. It should have been total chaos in here" he asked as he turned around and around to catch all the little details.

      "Because the writer didn't have a need to write it destroyed. My guess is that he needed a model of a school and that is why that part exists. He technically doesn't need to write this part, but it would be weird not to exist and ta da!!" She exclaimed, jumping light and using flashy jazz hands.

      "Huh.." he marveled, coming back to her side.

      "Ready?" He nodded at her and they started to climb the stairs quietly.

      He had a million things he wanted to ask, still only half believing her. He looked at her back and decided to speak up "How did you figured out?That it was safe I mean?"

      She reflected on the question and answered "It was a month in the comic, after the virus spread. I started to hear noises, time flew right by and I started to get strong headaches..Much like you did."she cocked her head in his direction as she naturally took a left turn to head to the library. "Then it started coming up to me. The truth. Memories. Flashes from the past. And that was it."

      He paused, legs feeling weaker than usual. He grabbed her arm before she could open the double door that lead to the library."What do you mean flashes from the past?"

      She looked at him over her shoulder, a secretive smile on her face "You didn't think that was my first rodeo, right?" She said voice enigmatic and dark, as she pushed the door open.

      The library stayed the same. That was his first thought. The room had a high ceiling making it appear enormous,tall rows of bookcases stretched all over the place, making almost like a labyrinth. The wooden floor and cozy little spots made it more comfortable and warm despite it's intimidating size. In the middle of the room was a small circle, where students could study and lazy around. It was like a day hadn't passed.

      Y/N flew from beside him and headed over the fiction section, searching for something. He followed her as he did most of the evening. She had started talking before he even reached her.

      "The comic book appears here every time..Not the same place everything time though. I tried to take it with me but it won't stay. It just disappears. It's like a treasure hunt every time!" She said, giggling. She was passing rows and rows of books, making sure her hand is brushing every one of them.

      "You said that is not your first rodeo. What does that mean?"he asked carefully.

      Without pausing her stride she answered "I have been in other comics before, the writer likes to use characters from his past books. Lazy bastard. I have been in a college comics. In a mafia one too! Was never the lead though " she murmured the last part.

      Meanwhile Felix didn't know what to say. So this meant she had lived at least 3 lives before this one?

     "So have we met before?" He wondered.

     "Don't think so..I would have definitely remembered you"she stated, making him flush. Red splotches were sprawled all over his face and neck he was sure. It wasn't that he hadn't heard a compliment before, but the way she said she would surely remember him without much explanation hinting he was special enough to be remembered.. he was strangely touched.

      "Here it is!" She exclaimed, jumping up, steadying herself on the lowest shelf and stretching to catch a thin book.She looked at him and cocked her head to the studying area in the middle of the library.

      She reached the desk that was near them and made herself comfortable on top of the desk, instead of a chair. She placed the book beside her and waved him closer. He took a seat in the chair in front at the book and looked at it, a snort leaving him immediately.

      "Deadly love?" He questioned, reading the title.

    "I Know!!!"she yelped, throwing her hands in the air.

    It was small, barely larger than his hand and it's color was black with splatters of red. Blood, he realized. He slowly opened the first page and sketches of familiar faces greeted him. The drawing of Hyunjin and the new girl was the first thing that caught his eye. A few notable info under their sketches, along with their names. In the page next to them he saw his name, along with his friend's and acquaintance's names. He ran his fingers over his own drawing.

    Lee Felix. 18. Friend of Hyunjin, the favorite of the group, a total sweetheart.

    That was it. His whole being summed up in those meaningless words. Rage filled him but he clenched his teeth and suppressed it. Now wasn't the time for that. He turned a page and an other page and an another and an another. Words had left him, numbness had taken over.    

     He turned his head towards Y/N, waiting for some guidance or comforting words. He was not sure what look he was displaying but as soon as he turned her hand found home in his shoulder rubbing it soothingly.

    "It's gonna be okay." She muttered voice light and warm, just like that time at the roof. He signed as he brought his hands on his face, rubbing it roughly before regaining control.

    He continued to flip the pages, his fingers brushing against the scenes in which he took part in. He could recognize quite a few events, the scenes which contained the romance between hyunjin and his girl he did not care to read. But what caught his attention was the scenes with you and from the enemy camp. You weren't in many scenes and those you were in, he almost didn't recognize you. You always wore a sneer and pretty much bullying the fuck out of the poor main lead. It was a struck difference between the you, who he saw in the paper and the you, who was looking at him right now. As for enemy camp... the whole plan laid before him and he didn't know what to do with this information.

    "We have to tell someone, do something!"  he protested, glancing up to your figure that was reading along. You were unusually quiet, a far away look in your brown eyes that unsettled him greatly.

     "What would you like to do?"Y/N asked, leaning her weight on her hands that were against the desk casually.

      "We have to tell Chan! We have to kick her out of her and move our camp!"he yelled, unable to hold his temper in check.

       "Very valid points. Do it" she challenged, a airy smile on her face. She suddenly leaned closer to him,face very close to his person, from her place on the desk she looked almost menacing. She almost looked like her book self.

        "Why do I sense a but?"he groaned, exaggerated at this point.

        "They won't listen. You could tell them everything and they won't by the next scene. It is an unfortunate catch of the comic." She hopped down from the desk and she stated circling around him. "Okay, quiz time!"

        He looked at her with a look that said really, but she nodded.

        "Shadow!"

        He let out a long breath and kicked lightly his feet like a fretful child but answered her question nonetheless. "We have free will, can do whatever we want"

        She pumped her fists in the air and with a voice of a bad show presenter she shouted "Correct! What is the noise you hear?"

        "Umm.." he got nothing to show there.

        "Eeech! Incorrect! That the sound of a scene starting. Haven't you noticed you are saying things you don't mean and want when you hear the sounds?" She grabbed the book from his hands and and flipped through stopping at a familiar scene."This is  the scene where Hyunjin tells you about his feelings. You said that you are not close with him, but here you are consoling him. Why? Because the writer made you do it."

         Felix stared the scene before him. It was true that he cared little about such things and he didn't understand the need he had that moment to console him. Was it truly everything a lie? Was such a puppet to the writer?

         "Don't be sad Lixie! We have each other now!" She said throwing an arm around his shoulders, rubbing her cheek against him.

          He right away unwinded her arm from his person and pushed her lightly away. "I don't know you."

          "We can get to know each other. Something tells me that we will be great friends." she beamed at him, still not shying away from him.

          "Why are you so happy all the time? We are ,like, dying"he wondered, making himself comfortable on the chair.

          "My set up is a minor villain as you saw. I am always a bitch on the scenes I am in. Got tired of frowning all the time. You probably won't remember me in the scenes but I always bully the new girl, I am a lackey to Mina.. you know short black hair ? Frowning all the time? Loud as fuck?"

          "Yeah I somewhat remember her..but not you.."he mumbled the last part, hoping she wouldn't hear.

          "Don't sweat it, I am an extra.I am even lucky to get a name" she cackled settling down again,this time beside him."So what you wanna do now? Should I bring other comics?" She asked hopefully.

          He though about arguing with her, but he had nothing better to do."Let me come with you. I don't trust your taste"

          "Romance not your taste Lixie?" She teasingly mocked, looking him through her lashes.

          He rolled his eyes and made his way to the fiction section.

          She giggled and followed him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~

      The next few weeks were way more fun than the 6 months he spend here.

      He was way calmer now that he was sure he wasn't losing it. He also was more calm with the whole zombie situation. In the past he jumped at the slightest noise, he was ready to bolt at the drop of a hat. He was scared for his life. Now he laid at the roof, gazing at the horizon. It was funny how things changed.

       Over the past weeks he had gotten a lot closer with Y/N. Unwillingly, he would always claim and she would always smile. During the lunch breaks they would always sneak to the library to lazy around and read some comics. They tried to turn on some devices, Y/N insisting that some may work. A waste of time that was. But he learned that she enjoyed some gaming back in the days, not as much as he did but it would be nice to play together. He wondered what Fortnite would be with her, probably a lot of shouting from him and uncontrollable giggles from her as she messed up. They would always brave the other side of the school as well, finding a lot of lost things in the process. He had discovered a ton of clothes laying around, knifes laying around in the kitchen of the cafeteria, which he tried to sneak over to the other side. All in vain as they were gone by the morning. Y/N had discovered an old radio in the library, probably older than both of them combined, and she had the damn thing blasting all day long. He had tried to throw that blasted thing away only for it to show up in it's place the next noon. While Y/N was happy..him? Not so much... especially cause she turned it even higher in volume, dancing around rhythmically to its beats, causing him a headache, which she quoted was totally deserved. They had discovered cards and board games as well, making the time pass easier. She had found some old pencils and markers in some drawer and had insisted that he would be her model, saying it was her dream once to become an artist. One look at the final result had Felix reaching over and tearing apart the caricature she had drawn, not minding her cries of protest."It gives me the creeps"he had said to her and he was being truthful! She wasn't cut to be an artist in the slightest, after that attempt she had for shaken drawing in favor of other skills.

         A loud noise shook him out of his thoughts. He slowly turned around to see a familiar face enter the rooftop.

       "Hey Mina..I can handle your shift for today..I know you are tired these days, why don't you take a rest?" Y/N sweetly proposed, leaning forward with earnest eyes pined on the other girl.

       "Y/N!! I kinda am, now that you mentioned it" Mina said stretching her sore muscles. "You are such a sweetheart for thinking of me. Thanks dear" she said heading towards the door,sending a flying kiss her way on the way. "Well!..Have fun!"

       "I intend to" Y/N said, wolfishly. She turned to him, already wearing a chesire smile on her face. "Oh Lixie! Look what I have here!" She extended her hand towards him. An pack of Uno cards in her grasp.

       He titled his head and paused. "You agreed to change shifts just to paly Uno with me?" He asked, incredulously.

       "What can I say? I was bored" she shrugged, having already crossed the distance and foldings the cards. "You wanna go first or should I?"

         He rolled his eyes as he settled down as well. "You go"

         "I must warn you though. I am a pro"she challenged, raising her eyebrow.

           "We shall see"he returned.

         Three games later and he still had to won. He threw his head back, a scream bubbling in his throat. "You-you are cheating!"he accused, aggressively pointing at her.

       "No I am not! Now take your six cards like a man!" She protested, eyes sparkling with victory.

            He groaned as he went to draw six more cards- 

         Blink.

         Swoosh!

 "Okay guys, here's the plan."

     A couple of students were gathered in the teacher's office. He couldn't get used to this feeling now that he knew what it is. A scene was starting. His gaze darted around taking everything in. He recognized several faces, Chan's, Minho's, Mina's, Spy girl's and finally yours. You looked so different now though. You had that look he only catch a glimpse of in the comic book. Five minutes before your eyes were glistening, you were laughing carefree as you were whooping his ass at Uno. Now your eyes were focused and aggressive, a frown marrying your pretty face, your hair pulled back and your arms crossed. You were ready for battle. Then he realized why. Of course. The supplies. Minho mentioned that they were running dangerously low.

       "We will go to the second floor today. Our goal is mainly canned food. If you can find packaged bread, it's fine too. Y/N and Mina you take the first floor, we have scanned it already but see if you can find some more medicine." Chan explained. Short and to the point as always. "You ready? All got your tools?" He received nods from all around. 

       Before he could say anything or catch your gaze-

       Swoosh!

     They stood before the market already. He wanted to turn and look at you, but his face stayed turned straight, his knuckles turning white from his fierce grip on his knife.

        Chan turned and pointed to the entrance. Words were a threat right now, not a friend. All together they started to enter the building. It once was a market place filled with everything you could imagine from painkillers to furniture, now it was all past glory. Half the lights were shut or shattered making the place plunged in darkness, the rows of shelves were half-empty or cluttered from the many hands that went through them. Many products were on the floor, some opened and thrown away in it's previous owner's hurry, making the stench so strongly that a few of them had to place a cloth over their nose. Quickly they ascended the stairs, his vision of the girls downstairs gone. He had a bad feeling, he didn't want to be there for a second more but his feet wouldn't listen to him. So even though he wanted to stop and run the other way, he continued searching rows and rows of products.

       Four minutes in, he had his bag full and was ready to go. Now he thought about it, this must be the work of the writer- a never ending of supplies abandoned super market. But the run here was too uneventful. He tapped Chan on the shoulder, jerking his head towards the staircase. The older male nodded as well and hand-gestured the rest of the team to follow. When they were in the middle of the staircase a loud noise alerted them and the inhuman grunt that followed filled them with even more dread. Running as fast and noiseless as they could, they made bee line to the exit. That's when the thought popped up in his head.

       No! Y/N is still in there! He willed his feet to stop running, to turn the other way but they failed him miserably. His breath started coming quicker than normal, his palms sweating. He had to find a way in! But the damn scene wasn't ending! From the side of his eye, he saw a lone petite figure darting towards the direction of the other girls. But that was the last thing he saw before his traitorous feet carried him outside. As soon as they were outside Chan shouted" The girls" and started to make his way inside yet again but Minho, ever the strategist, stopped him by shaking his head.

        "It's too late now Chan"he whispered, already closing the large doors sealing them inside, making them safe and sealing the girls' fate.

       No..no! This couldn't be happening, would he lose her? He couldn't lose her... Panic choked him, tears sprung to his eyes and his damned feet still wouldn't move! He closed his eyes, shoulders dropping waiting for the known sound to end the scene so he could fall apart.

       "Hurry! Come on! Come on!" A feminine voice yelled, sounds of feet stomping to them was the only other sound be heard.

       "You escaped!" Chan said, slumping with relief.

     He turned to look at them.

     All of you reached them,out of breath and clutching each other tightly as you answered like one, but the noise was too loud for them to hear. Felix couldn't believe the relief that he felt. You were there, albeit dirty,sweaty and nearly slumped over from the exhaustion but you were there-safe.

      "I saw the zombie going to them! So I threw an cup or whatever that was near me to the opposite side. The zombie got distracted by the sounds and forgot about us. We heard the door closing so we hid in the back room and we escaped from the window there." Spy Girl said.

      "Thank you..You saved us"Mina said, you nodding repeatedly from beside her, still visibly trembling.

 "I did what anyone would do" she replied, rocking on her heels with a big smile on her face.

       Swoosh!

 Felix felt like he could finally breath. He couldn't wait until they were alone. "Y/N!" He dived immediately to her,cradling her face in his hands. After a good look on her face, he run his hands across her trying to find fault. "You okay?Are you hurt?" His hands roamed all over her, not wanting to hurt her but still wanting to check. They settled on her forearms shaking her lightly. "Y-Y/N?" He asked again when he didn't get an answer. He grinded his teeth, getting impatient.

      "I am fine Lixie." She willed herself to respond. But he saw her, her skin was ashen and her eyes filled with unreleased tears. He wanted to comfort her first, but his feelings got the best of him.

         "What the fuck! You could have gotten killed! Why didn't you tried to run?!" He spatted at her, tightening his hands on her for a moment before letting her go. He stayed close, too close for comfort but not close enough for his. He run his hands through his hair, tugging it roughly. He couldn't stay still, body filled with adrenaline.

           She lowered her head, staring at her feet. Totally avoiding eye contact. "For the same reason you didn't come back to help" she whispered back. That, right there, was a stab right at his heart. He kept quiet out of frustration. He wanted to help, he sweared he did but his feet were nailed to the ground!

        She looked at him through her lashes, shoulder hitting him gently. "I am fine. Really"

She offered a smile, more shaky and uncertain than her usually cheeky a d mischievous one, but he would take what he could get.

      Wordlessly he snaked his hand over her shoulders, cuddling her to his side. He couldn't get over this feeling that washed over him, he needed her near right now. Only she could make the bad feeling go away.

         "Eeeh... shall we go back now that everyone is here?" Chan proposed. Everyone eagerly nodded their consent and rushed to get away from the store.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~

     They barely made it inside when everyone flew off, the scene no longer binding them together until they were the only ones in the hall. Felix tugged her hand, that he now realized he never had let go of, cocking his head towards the window. Y/N paused for a moment before nodding and following him.

      After helping her get out of the window, he went to find the stupid chair that kept disappearing.It was out of habit now, the drill between them known for a while. They climbed in silently and made their way up together. He didn't like the silence, he got so used to her talking a mile a minute. Now she was out of words it seemed, and that alone scared him. He let go of her hand that he had grabbed yet again without his knowledge and pushed the double doors open. The library seemed especially inviting today. Warm sunlight showering every corner of the place, wooden floors almost shinning in response to the exposure. They had left several pieces of clothing over the time but they kept disappearing so the place was too clean for his taste. He ushered her in the middle and made her take a sit in a chair in front of him. He awkwardly crouched before her wanting to look at her.

       "Hey" he whispered, reaching a hand to pull her hair away from her face. He placed his hand against her cheek turning her head lightly to him. She was still shaken up. His other hand found way to her thigh rubbing soothing circles to calm her down. "You are okay now Y/N"

          Her only response was a nod as she stared off to space. She looked at him, but not really.

        "Do you wanna talk about it?" He continued, still running soothingly circles over her leg. 

        She swallowed thickly before opening her mouth. "I thought I was done for Felix. I t-thought my time was u-up." She said, still looking off to space.

       "Look at me" Felix whispered, guiding her face to his. He placed his forehead against her and closed his eyes, hoping this would ground her as much it grounded him."You are here. With me. Nothing bad happened. You are here"he repeated, feeling her rigid body calm a bit, shoulders slumping and hearing her repeat "with you" made something snap in him.

       Maybe it was the fear he felt today at the thought that he lost her , maybe it was the thought what would he do in this place without her and her company keeping him warm or maybe it was how beautiful she looked with her flushed cheeks and red bitten lips but he felt that if he didn't feel them on his right that second he would explode.

          "Y/N..."he breathed out. Maybe it was his tone or the way his breath caught up she seemed to realize what he wanted. Because now that her watery eyes opened they met his longing stare and fleeted down to his half open lips.

        He hesitated as he cradled her face, angling her face to his own. But the bashful smile on her face and her already closed eyes spurred him to lean forward and close the distance between their lips. He gently pressed his mouth to her, just a gentle warm touch. She  tasted fresh like running water and something entire her and he was immediately sold. Their lips brushed against each other slowly, dancing to their own tempo until he felt her tongue on his lip, asking him to deepen their kiss, which he gladly accepted. They mouths classed perfectly, her hands were embracing him pulling him closer and he was in turn caressing every inch he could get hold of. Her cold hands gently touched his neck and chin causing him to shudder and her to smile. She broke away to take a much needed breath and looked at him, wearing that heart-stopping smile. She suddenly jumped into his arms, making him lose balance and fall to the hard wood floor. Any other day he would have been pissed, now he laughed wholeheartedly as he trapped her in his embrace . She signed with content and hide her face in the crook of his neck.

      "Can we stay like that for a while?"

      "As long as you would like,love"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~

    A few more weeks passed filled with laughter and secret rendezvous. Their days were mostly spend in the library chilling. They would lazy around ,reading or playing cards. Felix quickly learned that you were too good of a player. Experience- you claimed from the days were you would gamble away in the mafia world. You had also gotten your hands upon some crafts books you wanted to try drawing skills long forgotten,but the result was hundreds paper cranes floating around the library. He had tried to join you but after 3 disfigured cranes, he decided that he had had enough choosing instead to lay there as you crafted away. His favourite past time thought would be the time you spend in each other's embrace,kissing away the anxiety and loving each other. Funny, he thought, I didn't think I would be as open to affection as Y/N was. There was not a minute he wasn't touching you in some way that would be either a arm thrown over your shoulders or placed on your waist or simply his lips against yours. You were inseparable.

     You didn't even separate in sleep. Y/N would always end up in his blanket, either she was there talking with him and his friends and she would simply doze off there or she would be in the door with her own blanket waiting for someone to let her in, just like an oversized puppy. The first few times Changbin and Jisung threw some questioning looks at him but after a few days they welcomed you in just as often. They even remembered your name after using so much time in the shadow.

      Right now you were laying side by side on the library floor, the sun warming your figures, almost lulling you to sleep.At least one of you.

     "Lixiee" a whiny voice penetrates his eardrum. He ignored said voice with the hope of catching some sleep."Lixie I know you're not sleeping." She said drawing closer, half laying on top of him 

         "How?"he said not bothering to open his eyes. He was so relaxed right now that every small movement was a promise of pain.

         "You snore when you sleep" she sassed back, now poking at his ribs.

        "I do not snore"he protested lazily,finally turning his head to look at her laying in his arms all snuggly and adorable.

        "Made you look through"she said, playing with his T shirt sleeve. 

          He half laughed half signed. He laid his head back down staring blankly at the ceiling. "What you wanted?" he asked, raising an arm to caress her hair.

         "I found a book-" he groaned without hearing the rest "you didn't even let me finish!" She jokingly protested, mirth dancing in her brown eyes.

          He stopped faking his death to let her finish her sentence. "I found a book about dancing-" on que he started to groan louder.

      "Ohh come on! We didn't held any dances before this whole fiasco started"she protested, crossing her arms and adoring a pout on her face.

     Felix looked at her being all pouty for a dance. He turned on his side, jutting out his arms to support his weight. "What kind of dance?" he asked out of curiosity.

  Her eyes immediately light up. She turned the book to him showing off a page of a pair-

"Waltzing!" She cried out, grinning

      He looked at the page. He could waltz.. it was just staying in place and twirling her around. His eyes fleeted to hers, watching her practically vibrate. "Okay" he agreed.

     She let out a small cry, kissing him swiftly and darted from her seat on the floor in search of something. A beat later he heard a melody playing in the background. The radio.       A melancholic yet passionate tone was swirling in the air now, the sun was hitting just right and Y/N approaching him with graceful strides and a sweet smile on her face made Felix feel fuzzy and warm inside.

    "Can I have this dance, kind sir?" She lightly bowed, stretching her hand out to him. She looked at him through her lashes, eyes filled with stars and smile with mischief.

    He let out a happy puff of air "Well of course" he stood up and pulled her close, placing his hand on her waist. She stepped even closer,not an inch separating their bodies, placed her hand on his shoulder and whispered "To my left". And they started waltzing. Their first circle was kind of awkward as they didn't know what exactly they were doing, but as the second circle rolled in they were gliding across the wooden floor more smoothly. The sound of Waltz no. 2 that filling the air covered their delighted giggles and accompanied their longing gazes. 

    She never looked more beautiful than right now, he thought. Darks eyes locked on his, never breaking contact, her hands that were always running a few degrees colder than his,were pulling him closer,now thrown over his shoulder playing with his hair. Her own glossy dark hair were swaying around her, caressing him as they moved around. She looked adorable with her white tee and great sweatpants that she clutched like an evening gown. He was beyond happy in this moment. The world may be damned, but he felt a new kind of hope now.

    He suddenly grabbed her by the waist , hosting her up in the air and twirled her around. She was startled for a moment , before throwing her head back and let out a loud laugh. He carefully set her down and as the song drew to its peak and great ending, he dipped her gently.

    Her brown eyes were half closed, her pupils dilated and lips half open inviting him in. He dipped even further and closed the distance between them kissing her with all he got. All the emotion he felt in that moment convened in the pressing of his lips and tightening of his hands around her.

      He eventually let go of her lips to get some necessary air into his lungs. Eyes still closed as savoring the moment ,they righted their postures. They didn't let go of each other right away, just stood there gazing at each other's eyes. She tip toed to press a lingering kiss on his lips "That was fun" she said, rocking back and forth in his arms  "we should do it more often"

     "As you wish, my lady" he whispered leaned in for more sweet kisses.

~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Swoosh!

As soon as Felix gained consciousness he was sure of 3 things. Firstly, that awful sound in his ears is the sound of a scene starting, secondly, even if he couldn't move his head to check, he was sure you weren't beside him sleeping as he last remembered and thirdly, something very bad was happening.

     "Guys! We got to go! We are under attack! Get up, we got to go!" An alarmed Hyunjin that moments before burst into the room, shouted, shaking unconscious students awake with force.

      "Who is attacking us?!" Changbin asked in a horrified stupor. 

       Hyunjin threw a glance over his shoulder to a girl half hidden behind him."I will explain later. Now we got to hurry!" He said already taking off to wake the others.He unwillingly got up and followed suit. He ran to the closest classrooms, waking up other unsuspecting students all the while trying to catch a glimpse of you. Panic had taken over everyone,the entire school was up and running but that was nothing until they heard the sounds of engines running. He threw himself against the nearest window and watch with horror as enormous car decorated with spikes and wire netting tore it's way through the front gates, letting the enemy in as well as dozens upon dozens of zombies.

A arm grabbed his own and for a moment he thought that the scene was over and you were grabbing him trying to get him away from the horrors. But the hope fell through as Changbin shouted his name and for him to focus. He continued running not knowing where he was going. He was starting to panic as well he didn't know what would they do and more importantly he didn't know where you where. None of the students he helped were you. He knew that your classroom when you didn't sleep with him was on this floor so logically you would be safe..

     But the panic he felt before was nothing compared to the one he was feeling now as he heard the screams that accompanied the gunshots. He exchanged a petrified look with Changbin and they run."What is happening?" He screamed, feeling helpless.

    "I don't know man, just run!"he yelled, clearly as overwhelmed as he felt.

 "Felix! Changbin!" A yelp was heard from behind them. As soon as they turned they spotted Chan running to them. "An enemy camp has invaded ours. They have guns and they are killing everyone that crosses their eyes. Hyunjin told to gather you all in the roof that-that the government is going to pick us up,that they are looking for survivors!Try to avoid anyone strange looking...and don't go on the first floor.Please" he said.The next second he threw himself at us, clutching us tight. "I will see you on the roof. But... "He trailed off looking as if he couldn't keep in the tears.

     "Go. We will be right behind you" Changbin said returning the hug. Felix clutching him just as tight. He looked at them one last time and sped off.

Swoosh!

Finally!

Felix was ready to take off. He had wasted precious time already in this fucking bullshit, he cared enough for Chan to appreciate this small moment, but he needed to find you. He took a total of 3 steps before an arm wrapped around his.

    "What?" he snapped, almost seeing red.

Changbin didn't move an inch."Where the fuck you going Felix?"

      "I have to find Y/N"he said trying to break free from the boy"I-I have to find her!"he shouted

       "We have to get to the roof"Changbin said, determinated. Felix managed to shrugged him off, adrenaline coursing through his veins.

        "You go first. I..I can't leave without her Binnie" he begged him, the desperation on his face evident. The older boy took a step back, a stern expression on his face that Felix hasn't associated with him. "Don't fight a losing battle" he warned "I will wait for you upstairs. I will wait for you man" he finally said , quickly hugging him once again and turned around, disappearing in the dark.

    As soon as Changbin left his sight , he run. He jogged all around the place, hiding himself at the slightest sound. He was brave enough to do this for you, he reminded himself. The fear of a bullet through his brain was not enough to hold him back.So he continued running, his eyes missing nothing. He met a lot of students, terrified and trembling on different corners of the school so he explained as fast as he could and sent them on their way. But there was no sign of you. He checked everywhere,on the teacher's office,on the janitor's closet, on every classroom...that left him with only one opinion.

     He rocked on his heels, trussing his hair before making the decision. You were worth the risk, so as quietly he could he went down the stairs.

      As he made his way down the first thing that hit was the stench. Copper and gun fire. The second thing he noticed was that no one was there except fallen bodies. Tears sprung to his eyes. He knew this people, he talked to them hours before and now they were lifeless masses on the floor because of a massacre. He swallowed and made himself look at their faces. No sign of you but this time he was relieved. "Y/N!" He whispered-shouted, scanning the place once again. 

"Fe-Felix!" A voice called out, weak, barely managing to speak up so he can notice. But he noticed, he swung his head to the direction of their window. He run so fast he didn't notice the trail of blood he run through, until he jumped out of the window and he saw you.

    You were laying just beside the window, clearly not having any more strength to pull yourself further away, looking like a total mess. Your hair disheveled beyond saving, skin ashen almost a sickly white, your lips that were usually smiling were twisted in a grimace, but you were alive.

      "Y/N!" He couldn't stop himself he immediately threw his hands around you, holding you tight but your response was one he didn't expect. A loud pained groan left your lips ,your whole body tensing. "Y-Y/N?" He stuttered, feeling lost. Until he saw the way you held yourself, the dried blood in your chin and lips ,but most importantly the flesh blood that was pooling in your stomach region. 

      "Why are you here,love?" She asked placing a cold hand on his cheek, caressing him lovingly. "You are supposed to be on the roof from what I heard"

      "I came to get you.Come on hang on to me, I can carry you up. Come on" he said, trying to place her hand around a his shoulders, but he only felt her tense more, pain filling her. He tried to snake his hands under her legs and host her up but it ended the same.

        "Lixie-"she started but he shushed her. He tried to collect her in his arms again, but he could feel how heavy her body was, how she couldn't control her movements. 

       "No!No no no no!No!" He chanted, as he capped her face "You have to get up, we have to get out together! I will dance with you every day! I will play cards with you! I will cook for you!You won't have to do anything! Just" he sobbed, tears he could no longer hold now were freely flowing. " Just stay with me. Please Y/N"he cried, willing her to live with him.

   "Felix,look at me" she breathed. He shook his head, burrowing his head in the crook of your neck, hugging you, breathing you in. He felt your lips at his temple and your weak arms wrapping themselves around him. "I will try to remember you in our next life. I will remember you." She promised. He pulled himself back and gave her a tearful smile.

     "And I will remember you, my love. I will remember you" he promised and leaned down to connect their lips one last time.

Swoosh!

He blinked.

He was on a helicopter, looking down at the school along with some of the others. He recognized Chan and Minho, who were going from person to person trying to reassure and comfort. He spotted Jisung and Changbin close by him, Hyunjin and his girl huddled in a corner clutching each other but he turned away , not standing the sigh of them. He turned his attention to the school below him. Now a graveyard for the fallen ones. A place that will always remind us of our loved ones. 

Tears filled his vision.

Goodbye my love , he thought. I will find you again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Swoosh!

Blinding lights was the first thing he saw. Music was the first thing he heard. Something heavy on his person was the first thing he felt.

He opened his eyes and he was in awe.

They first thing he did was look down only to see a heavy armor surrounding him. It was all silver metal with gold finishings. A sword was fastened in the armor, he was sure it weighted the same amount as him, if it wasn't even heavier.Then he looked up to see where he was.

A palace. He was in a real life palace. It was pristine. White walls with golden details engraved in complicated designs stretched over the walls. The ceiling was high up, so the enormous golden chandelier had more room to extend all over the people dancing. They all glided so gracefully on the marble floor as thought they didn't touch it.

 Every girl was dressed in long regal dresses which when they moved on the dance floor twirled around them making them look like fairies, every man had a three piece suit and while they were magnificent they looked like the belonged in a medieval play. All had adored masks, some were more plain but still painfully beautiful with golden or silver details, others had chosen more bold colours with feathers and glittery dust decorating them. He could spot figures with plainer clothes and simple masks carrying traits and drinks. Servants,he thought. With an other quick look around he spotted men dressed in the same silver armor he wore. 

Upon a elevated space was a seat fit for a king. On its sides sat two smaller seats,not less regal. All had crimson cushions and gold details as well. Gold must be their thing,he thought. Two tall guards stood behind the thrones wearing an even heavier armor than his.

Great. Zombie apocalypse first, now Arthur and the round table. Excellent.

He leaned against the wall he was by and gazed at the crowd. He didn't see anyone he knew as he didn't know what was he supposed to do here. 

He didn't much attention to his surrounding until he felt a presence stop before him.

"Can I have this dance, kind sir?" a melodious voice echoed.

 He pinned her with his eyes "Y/N?" Voice lashed with doubt he called her.

A black mask with silver details hide her face, but he could recognize that eyes. He would never forget those eyes. 

He looked at her. Not believing that she stood before him, alive and well.He stared with vigor trying to erase the last memory of her bleeding at the ground and burn this one to his memory.

A silver tiara sat on top of glossy brown hair that were curled to perfection, her face although hidden by the mask was alluring completed by a set of rubby red lips. Her gown was amazing black velvet and tulle were wrapped around her in a perfect balance. If the other girls looked fairies, she looked like a queen. A dark queen of vengeance. 

"The one and only" she smirked, extending her hand. In his stupor he took it and stepped in the dance floor with her. She placed her right hand on his shoulders, fingers immediately starting to play with his hair and left hand placed in his. He tightened his arms around her in a daze. 

"You are here" the stupid smile didn't leave his face. She was here, her cold hands clutching his and looking him like he hung the stars. "I am so sor-" 

 "Lixie shhh. No. None of that. We are here. Together" they circled the dance floor twice by now and whispers started to arise, following them as they started their third round. 

"Together" he agreed.

"What is going on here?" He lowered his head placing on top of hers. She hid her face on his neck, placing a sweet kiss there making him flush.

"You are my knight in shining armor" she sung. "You are in for a surprise, knight"

"What?"he leaned back to take a good look at her. She smiled and opened her mouth-

  Swoosh!

He was back by the wall in what he assumed was his post. As soon as the scene started trumpets started playing announcing the entrance of the royal family. First entered the king, the tall man with a golden crown on his head had no mask for he had no need for it. He was the king you could see it in the way he moved. Second entered the queen, a beautiful woman that age hadn't touched yet. She was the epitome of grace. And lastly entered the princess-

Y/N?!

Her figure glad in all black gazed at the crowd with boredom and disinterest. She swept the dance floor who had frozen in their spots upon the entrance, over the guests. Her gaze caught his own for a brief moment her intense gaze piercing him. She lightly squinted her eyes at him and gave him a hint of a smile, then she was gone. She climbed on the marble pondium along with her parents' and sat on the left plush throne by her father. She got comfortable on her chair, took a glass of wine and observed.

 Quite some time passed and while Felix didn't always look at your side, everytime he did he met your stare. You looked at him like a cat that was looking at their milk, if it was anyone else he would be uncomfortable but he was actually enjoying your attention. He could get used to having scenes with you.

Clink clink! 

The king stood up, clinking his goblet earning everyone's attention."My dear subjects! We have gathered here today to celebrate my daughter's birthday. This year as she is turning eighteen she will be choosing a husband to take! And he is here tonight!" His voice echoed throughout the ballroom. Husband? A shot of fear passed through him. We would have to antagonize a husband now?

"I shall go to him now,father. To my future husband and king. He shall be the only one I marry" a snarky voice was heard. And a blackened figure aroused. 

She started to make her way through the crowd, everyone parting to make way for the future queen. A black dream through and through. Her black heels echoed as she walked and walked. Her figure was nearing him, he could see her face now, smirk intact, figure straight with pride and experience he was sure. Thoughts were swirling in his head until her figure stopped before him. Now his head was empty, empty of all except her.

 "He will be my husband" she said, manicured hand pointing straight at him.

 She smiled at him as hush whispers surrounded.

While on the outer side he wore a shocked expression,he smiled back from the inside and he was sure she knew.

He could get used to this comic, he thought.

#stray kids #stray kids x reader #skz #skz x reader #stay #bang chan #bang chan x reader #lee minho #lee minho x reader #seo changbin #seo changbin x reader #stray kids bang chan x reader #stray kids lee minho x reader #stray kids seo changbin x reader #hwang hyunjin #hwang hyunjin x reader #lee felix #lee yongbok #stray kids felix x reader #lee felix imagines #lee felix scenarios #han jisung #stray kids han jisung x reader #han jisung x reader #lee felix x y/n #lee felix x you #kim seungmin #kim seungmin x reader #stray kids kim seungmin x reader #yang jeongin

[the-timeless-founder]

Out of respect for this person who wished to keep their identity a secret but asked me a few questions, you're gonna see some random reaction stuff here. Starting with this one:

Thank you so much for the questions though, it means the world to me ❤️🥺

Saeclus and the Sakamaki Brothers

Shu:

He knew Shu at a young age too, although barely. They had seen each other in the few times Saeclus visited the Vampire Clan's royal castle as a diplomat. And he liked Shu a lot as a kid.

Shu was energetic, talented and strong, so Saeclus really viewed him in a similar lens as Carla (despite them having vastly different personalities, even as kids, they do share some traits) and had high hopes for his future.

He also told Shu once that he wanted to hear him play the violin.

Flash forward to a few centuries and they meet again. Saeclus is absolutely astounded at how much Shu has changed since the last time they met. And not in a positive way.

He's almost disappointed in what became of a promising young man, but then again, an environment as toxic as his was bound to fuck him up one way or the other.

Still though, Shu and Saeclus get along well. Saeclus himself is very artistic and hated the pressures of being a military leader as a young man, so he and Shu have a lot they can talk about. And both of them are comfortable in silence too, they don't have to talk much.

Eventually, Shu does play violin for him sometime. Saeclus loves and absolutely encourages it. He knows it's a bit too late for that kind of energy, but he provides it nonetheless.

Even now, Saeclus is a little impressed by some of the things Shu does - and how despite being known as lazy and useless, he still commands authority in the house - and believes he is the one who will claim the throne someday.

Reiji:

While Saeclus never really saw Reiji as a child, like he did Shu, Reiji did see him visit the palace and have brief exchanges with his older brother sometimes.

Honestly, adult Reiji reminds him of Caranthus. Like... A lot. A painful lot.

It's not that this makes him dislike Reiji - far from it, actually - but it does make him have a faraway look on his face every time their conversations end. Which may or may not leave Reiji with a questioning look in his eyes.

Saeclus knows a lot about the Demon World, more than almost any other Demon, through hundreds of years of studying and experiences. So if anything, Reiji understands that he has a lot he could learn from him.

He's also smart enough to not badmouth Saeclus. Unlike the triplets, he knows of what his rage would be like. He's not risking that, thank you very much.

Saeclus doesn't know what Reiji has done to Yuma and his village, but his opinion of him would vastly deteriorate if he were to find out.

Ayato:

He doesn't know shit about who Saeclus is. At all. My guy is expecting to become King of the Vampires at this rate too.

The first time he meets Saeclus is as an adult, and he's immediately put off by the fact that he's a First Blood. That being said, he is wearing red. So Ayato's willing to be a little polite.

Saeclus is very confused by Ayato's air of arrogance, and two seconds into his introduction, he's already figured him out. Overcompensating for insecurities and incompetence.

And that is something that leaves a bad taste in Saeclus' mouth. Because of the Founders and their blatant arrogance and idiocy.

So while Ayato annoys him with his behavior, Saeclus is trying his best to be lenient with him. I promise, he's doing his best.

So yeah basically. Ayato annoys him, but he's willing to bear with him because it is kind of funny how he shoots one ball through a designated hoop and thinks he's the king of the world.

Kanato:

Like... How do I...

In the nicest way possible, Kanato both angers him and makes him feel sympathetic.

He is repulsed by the thought of Kanato's behavior towards certain things, like his mother's ashes or the brides' corpses, and at the same time, he understands that it makes sense in Kanato's own fucked up head.

And it's weird, my dude, he doesn't know how to feel about this little freak.

One minute he's thinking of incinerating him on sight, and the next he feels bad because he can practically taste the bitter loneliness of being Kanato.

The way he acts like a kid and talks to his bear because no one else would talk to him makes Saeclus really sad.

And then he remembers how he drags ghosts out of tombstones to literally frighten helpless girls and he feels less sad.

They have a weirdass relationship. I don't think Kanato would ever really approach Saeclus, one wrong word from him could potentially set the man off and he isn't risking death... Yet.

Laito:

Again, in the nicest way possible, Laito either grosses and freaks Saeclus out or makes him feel pained and uneasy with sorrow.

His behavior towards women is inexcusable in Saeclus' eyes, and he tells him as much. Not that he expects Laito to care, even if he is considering burning him to a crisp while he speaks, but he had a feeling that wasn't all there was to it.

So he did some - because he's a curious soul at the end of it all - and found some clarity through hushed whispers and behavioral patterns.

He doesn't know exactly what happened to Laito, but he has an idea of it, and he isn't sure if he ever wants to know if it's true or not. Because the thought alone haunts him in the dead hours of the night.

Now, to be clear, Saeclus doesn't think this excuses or justifies any of Laito's actions. In fact, as someone who has experienced something similar on a much smaller scale, he expects Laito to become more empathetic.

Still, Laito's behavior towards women (or people in general) disturbs Saeclus and repulses him, so he tends to keep interactions with Laito to a minimum. Plus, he doesn't like the way Laito's always trying to figure him out.

But he can't quite bring himself to end Laito because of that same twisted sense of empathy he feels.

Long story short: it's complicated but if Laito makes another attempt at putting one of those hideous hats on his head, Saeclus will burn him to ashes. He won't hesitate, bitch.

Subaru:

Ah yes. Subaru also saw Saeclus, extremely briefly, as a young child.

He was wandering the gardens while Saeclus took a walk through them, and he was seen by the older man quite quickly.

He didn't stay around to chat - actually bolted almost immediately after being spotted - but he does remember seeing Saeclus' eyes soften at the sight of him. Still wonders why.

His anger issues, in the present, often exasperate Saeclus more than anything else. He isn't necessarily annoyed - if he's being non-biased, Shin is just as prone to an outburst as Subaru - and he's also not enjoying this.

But when Subaru's on one of his more peaceful days - or is feeling a bit shy around Saeclus - he thinks of him as a rather cute boy.

Saeclus loves nature, and by default, flowers. So it's quite often that Subaru and Saeclus have a chat on the subject away from any eavesdropping sleazebags. Subaru's worried he'd be made fun of.

Saeclus honestly doesn't mind Subaru, he's fine. Sure, he could - and should - work on that temper of his and stop throwing tantrums every time something goes south, but other than that he's okay.

You can catch Saeclus giving Subaru a lecture on why a small mistake does not put his overall ability in question, and how to start working on himself to become more confident. And seeing a demon like Saeclus might help Subaru, you know with the whole "because I'm a demon" thought process.

Honestly, I am not very confident in writing for canon characters, so if you think my portrayal can be improved in any way, do tell me! I hope you enjoyed this post ❤️

#diabolik lovers oc #saeclus sanguine #diabolik lovers #diabolik oc #saeclus #dl oc #my oc #shu sakamaki #shu #reiji sakamaki #reiji #ayato sakamaki #ayato #kanato sakamaki #kanato #laito sakamaki #laito #subaru sakamaki #subaru #headcanons

[ghoulcandy]

Are u um.. Okay? I saw ur post earlier. I hope ur safe and stuff :( (ignore if u want, obv)

i'm not really okay, but i'm sorry for my stupid posts. i'm going to do a read more since it's been a long time coming and saying vague troubling shit isnt gonna help anyone lmao

it turned out to be a lot longer than i thought it would, sorry about that in advance.

not to be like "surprise! i'm mentally ill and going through it" but that's ig the big thing hurting me right now. my life was very suddenly impacted for the worse back in september and i've been struggling since then.

without giving way too much away i went through a difficult breakup with my fiancee and kind of got left without a proper support system since then. a lot of my resources were taken from me and i've been on a steep decline for a while now.

i was forced to move back in with my mom because i had nowhere else to go, and old followers know that i don't get along with her well. i used to post often about how my family mistreated me. it's gotten just a little bit easier now that i'm older but my mom was abusive to me as a kid and teen and we stopped talking for a long time, until i was 19, then it tapered off again until i was 25 or so.

with marriage i was going to have pretty decent insurance, but now i don't have any and can't afford like...anything beyond state-funded mental health support. i don't have a gp, i don't see a gyno, and i've been having a really big issue with my dental health recently.

a friend, their partner and i were going to be moving in together this year, but that's no longer viable due to a number of reasons beyond our control. i can't live alone, but my mom really doesn't like to acknowledge that my mental health is as bad as it is; that i can't handle a lot of things that other people can, and it's been something i've been struggling to cope with as well. accepting has been very difficult, especially since i've tried to get approved for disability and got denied each time; getting a case worker is my best bet but i'd really like to make a living on my art. the issue is that i'm not in an environment where working is easy.

i'm under a lot of stress all the time and can't really produce the art i'd like to. i have a lot of ideas, a few ongoing projects, and commissions, but if my webcomic that's been on hiatus for this long is a decent enough indicator, i just. like. can't work. i can't. i have no drive, no motivation, nothing to look forward to.

my aunt, who was far more abusive towards me as a teen, now only interacts with me to pushes me to get "a real job" and has never supported me as an artist. my family don't see me being as mentally ill as i am, and i'm worried it'll one day leave me homeless. there's more that could be said about them, such as how the house is often very tense to avoid meltdowns and how my identity as a member of the lgbt community isn't respected, but there's not a big point in going deeper.

that's most of the face value issues, without really making things personal. i can't save up to move out, i can't work properly, i can't have a job. i'm not capable of driving, but they chalk it up to me being lazy and treat me having to go anywhere as a major inconvenience, so i never leave the house. i'm trying to get dental work done but saving up is difficult since i have to provide for myself at the same time.

it's a lot and i don't see myself getting out of the hole. i can't do it on my own and i don't have a lot of options for the long-term. i'm definitely su/c/dal but can't get intensive care either.

typing this shit out all at once has brought me to tears so not to be THAT GUY but happy mental health month? ☕ pp$

i'm going to try to launch a fundraiser for my dental work soon; i wanted to see an orthodontist for a proper financial estimate first, but that would just be another $200 out of the small fund that I have now. starting with my dental work is a good place to start for me since it's urgent, but i still have to save up to leave. i know i'd be able to work to the capacity i'd like once i'm comfortable, but i don't know if that will ever happen at this point. i'm sorry for making concerning posts, but i'm in...a concerning place. thanks for reading, if you did.

#ill probably reblog this again later

[oncedied]

im gonna have this post tagged appropriately (obviously) so filter tags if you need to, it's also not in the main tags for this reason, but I need to be a bit serious here for a second, on my own post. I'm gonna openly talk abt my mental health and some struggles, so if ur sensitive of those things mind the tags. this might not make sense because I'm very emotionally charged rn.

you probably know me as cayde. yeah that's me. I'm 18 going on 19 in may, and I've struggled with severe mental health issues on and off for as long as i can remember. severe anxiety, being a social outcast, etc etc. My home life wasn't also the prettiest. So yeah, I'm fucked up. But aren't we all in our own way? Anyways.

My fucked upness was a result of the school environment I grew up in, where I was mistreated both by teachers and peers alike. I've mostly missed the window for developing some essential social skills, on top of being neurodivergent. and it's still something I'm struggling with to this day.

on top of that and because of all the bullying i incurred i became incredibly suicidal. while the bullying has stopped as I've been out of high school for almost a year now, but the on-and-off waves of intense suicidal thoughts and ideation hasn't faded. primarily because of. well. this is something i had to deal with for the brunt of my life. so you can probably assume why i was still dealing with the aftermath.

it was also the fact i was struggling to come out to my parents, even though it's gonna be 3 years since i came out as of June. even tho i came out my parents are still struggling to adjust, which is understandable, and my mom is actively trying to shelter me from all the bad of being trans.

which, i don't blame her, one of my uncle Michael's (gay) friends (trans woman) was beaten to death on the side of the road and she has a pink triangle over where it happened. even though it was decades ago some things never change. and America is a perfect example.

I went from being suicidal for the bullying i was victim to, to suicidal because of the stuff i was experiencing for and about being trans. and in recent days it's been worse than it's ever been, all the shit that's all over my tiktok page isn't helping. I've been considering detransitioning just for my safety. it's hard, in other words.

now. destiny comes into my life sometime in august because of one of my friends. i start playing it, i get invested. the story gripped me, spoke to me deeply, etc etc. and it started helping me. destiny quickly became my safe space, I've started to get over my social ineptitude, and i find myself turning to it during these times of hardship.

and then there's certain quotes, certain elements. "You are alive, Guardian. Fight like it." Even something as small as Drifer saying, "I'm proud of you," or Shaxx and his "I SAID RELAX!" or that one line from paper fortune in d1 -- "When all is lost, you are still a Guardian, and you are still enough."

I've given myself a one-year time limit to live, because of the active genocide against trans people on top of everything else. I've got 364 days left. and after that, if I'm not too lazy, I'm gone. i just want to be around long enough to see the final shape, I'm holding onto destiny like a lifeline. maybe I'll save myself over this year. maybe not.

but then i see things like the aforementioned quote. and how someone said to me, "We already lost one Cayde. we're not losing another." and that alone is enough to make me reconsider my 364-day time limit. Folding was never an option. And i reconsider.

this game is saving my life. it's silly, it's stupid, it might be cringe, you can make fun of me and compare me to that one south park episode about world of warcraft i was exposed to against my will on the aforementioned clock app. but this game is genuinely stopping me from killing myself (which I'm surprised i didn't earlier but then again I'm so done i just cant be bothered). and that has to amount to something.

this game makes me feel bigger, stronger than my illnesses. stronger than my struggles. a broken sense of hope. and it's teaching me to lean back on others. to let people in. I'm haunted, but i can be strong. i can be better. I'm not thriving, but I'm surviving, and that's what matters.

and i wonder if the ppl behind this game know that this is the effect they're having. a severely mentally ill stunted kid is healing and growing through their game. I'm getting strength. i wont say I'm getting my strength back because i never had that strength to begin with. but I'm learning that strength.

this game is saving me.

#suicide mention tw #suicide mention #suicide tw #caydeposting

[redheadloverr]

Old fanfic

diluc x gn!reader

i recently found an old fanfic and i told myself “why not upload it as a sort of filler while i gain motivation to write again” so here it is!! quick current AN, this was written back in february of 2021 and it’s a bit lengthy so i’m just kinda gonna paste it on here and see what happens lol! please excuse any grammar mistakes!

OLD AN : hi there! little A/N before i actually post the fanfic(?) one, this isnt something thats gonna be uploaded weekly, i started this for fun + to release stress so im not exactly sure how often ill upload im sorry to disappoint ! two, this is gonna be based around a school au! I love writing in school au’s so thats what im most comfortable with ! and third, this will not (for the most part) have any nsfw or anything (unless i change my mind and if i do i'll put a warning before each chapter) so fellow nsfw lovers im sorry ! oh and also for anyone wondering, all the characters will be around the same age in this au (yes this includes venti, im mainly doing this for 0 spoilers and just cause a teen venti sounded like a lot of fun to write) + im only using mondstadt based characters because im too lazy to write everyone else in, anyways i hope you enjoy this !

Chapter one - New beginning.

“Finally!” Y/N said followed up with a sigh. “a new school, new people, far far away from my old town!” Y/N thought to themselves. “WATCH OUT!” said a girl in a bright red outfit who was chasing after,,, a dog? “AMBER!” said a boy in green chasing after her. he stopped next to me and sighed, “Oh, hi there!” the boy in green said with a smile. He had lovely green and blue eyes with dark blue hair that faded into light blue/cyan. “My name is Venti! Who you saw running after that dog is Amber.” he continued. “My name is Y/N” I replied. “Y/N?” Venti said with a confused face. “That doesn't sound like a local name. Are you from mondstadt?” “No,” I replied, “Im from a neighboring city, my siblings and I were moved over for a safer environment.” Venti looked at me with a concerned face, “Ah, that would make sense yes.” We were awkwardly standing there for about a minute or two before we here a “Venti!” in the distance. It was the red girl, Amber. “Hey Amber! Oh right this is Y/N, Y/N this is Amber!” I smiled and said a simple nice to meet you. She smiled and said “Hello! Nice to meet you. Oh and also welcome to Mondstadt!” Both Venti and I were a bit shocked, we looked at each other with the look of how in the heck did she know? Before we could even speak any longer, the school bell rang. The girl in red had a bit of dirt on her face, most likely from chasing the dog, so venti got out a cloth and started wiping some of the dirt off as he said “We’ll be late, go drop him (the dog) off before you forget like last time” Like,, last time,, I thought to myself. “Oh yeah right haha, venti, cover for me if I am late please?” she asked the green boy with puppy dog eyes. “Yeah yeah, now go before you're seriously late. You have five minutes” He said with a smile. As soon as he finished his sentence she ran off again and in the distance I can hear her say “WATCH OUT!” Venti and I laughed and started walking into the school.

Immediately I noticed the school was five, no ten times bigger than my old one! “Was your old school smaller perhaps?” Venti said as he looked and smiled at me. “It was.” I replied with a smile, we both chuckled at it and continued walking. “So what class are you in?” “Im in uh 3-B” i said thinking and hoping all three of us had the same class. “Cool!” he said “Most of the popular kids are in 3-B with us but at least you’ll have us for comfort” he continued with a smile and a giggle. I giggled as well. “Good. I’ll be fine as long as i have you two!” I said with a smile. Venti kinda blushed at what i said then smiled. Soon enough we were at our class. “Ready?” He said. “As ready as i’ll ever be” I said with a nervous chuckle. He opened the door and immediately we bumped into a gorgeous yet cold red head. He looked at us almost as if he was disgusted by us. “Sorry about that Diluc.” Venti said with a slight smile while he scratched his head. Diluc looked at Venti, “its okay, just a misunderstanding. No need to worry Venti.” His voice was soft yet so cold it was almost displeasing yet satisfying to hear at the same time. And then he walked out and headed towards the bathroom. Venti noticed me staring at him. “Well well well, looks like someones got a crush already!” he said with a giggle, I quickly shushed him and said “Venti! Don't say that!” He continued to giggle and walked into the classroom, I walked in after him. “This is where me and Amber usually sit. Knowing the teacher, she’ll ask you to sit anywhere you'd feel comfortable. I suggest this seat, its closest to us so we can still talk and work together.” He said with a warm smile. As soon as he finished, both Amber and Diluc came in and soon after them the teacher came in to look for me.

I walked out of the classroom and she started talking to me. “I'm going to start class but please come with me to the faculty office at lunch, we need to get some information clear” I nodded and she headed into the classroom. “Okay class, today we have a new student joining us. Y/N, come on in” she called out to me and i did as she said. “Why don’t you introduce yourself sweetie.” “Hello, my name is Y/N, i’m from a neighboring city hence my unusual name, and i’d love to get along with all of you!” i said with a smile. “Okay, go ahead and sit where you’d like dear.” as i began to walk near Venti and Amber, Dulic called to me and signaled me to sit next to him. he was sitting behind Venti and Amber’s table so i gladly accepted and sat next to him. immediately Venti and Amber looked at me. “Are you going to talk to the teacher during lunch?” Venti asked. I simply nodded, my heart was pounding so hard, i felt as though i was melting. maybe sitting next to mr gorgeous was a bad idea. i thought to myself “Does that mean you won’t be able to sit with us at lunch?” Amber asked. “I’m not sure Amber, but if i have enough time i’ll find you guys as soon as i can!” i said with a smile. i heard mr gorgeous chuckle and as soon as we looked at him he looked away and out the window. he seems a bit shy haha how cute. i thought and giggled. Venti and Amber looked so confused but just turned around to listen to the teacher. a couple minutes went by and i saw Diluc hand me a note. he still didn’t look at me. what is this? a comedy romance anime? i thought to myself as i opened the note. “friends?” was written in it with a yes no and maybe box. i chuckled, answered, and handed it back to him. i could see his reaction out of the corner of my eye, he just looked at it, smiled, and put it in his pocket. WHAT IN THE HECK WAS THAT REACTION? OKAY HEART PLEASE CALM DOWN ITS BARELY EVEN BEEN AN HOUR SINCE WE MET THESE PEOPLE! i sighed and continued to listen to the teachers lesson.

AN: if y’all want more pls lmk LOL i kinda wanna redo or add onto this! also i feel like i added more onto this but this was posted on wattpad a while ago so i’m not too sure; might go search for it later LOL

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin diluc x reader #genshin impact diluc #genshin diluc #diluc x reader #genshin impact diluc x reader

[48787]

toki suli nasa wawa li pona suli jaki e pilin mi nasa wawa

(Little too lazy rn to make sure that is grammatically correct, but toki ike is still more toki pona than toki English so I don't care that much hehe, it's good enough for me at least. I would write this blurb in toki pona as well but I still need to work out comparisons a bit more first.)

I made my post ideating a second blog or a Blog Revelation -> Regenesis or maybe something else entirely, and then immediately after posting I refreshed the page and saw people were contemplating the efficacy of this webbed site once again due to unneeded/unwanted/unpopular changes to the site once again, which got me thinking quite a bit more about what I actually wanted out of all this. It was kinda like a sign from the Gods, shedding divine light to guide my path.

And there's such a radiant glow coming from the "Export Blog" button...

I don't think the data theft shit'll be that bad for me specifically, I don't think I did anything here that could be considered "Sensitive" (Relative to any other shitty data stealing websites we keep finding ourselves normalizing) but I suppose you never really know until it's too late. Regardless, I think I don't need to consider the infernal temptation of the big red "Delete Account" button for quite a while until the next Divinely Comedic think happens and the temptation grows stronger. It is such a tempting button how it is alone anyway..

I just might not make as many "public" posts while I focus on my own local environment and a more targeted (and more "secure," whatever that means in this day and age,) audience. I'm so sorry denizens of this social platform, if it feels like I've been deceiving you into thinking I was here to socialize it's because I was and still am (Deceiving you, I mean), I'm really mostly just here to look at shit for wannabe art student inspiration and do pseudo slam poetry that I don't expect anyone to read but post anyway because the adrenaline kick from potentially being held accountable (In any possible way, getting complimented is another form of being held accountable you know.) helps me shape my social anxiety into something more positivity fetishistic. Though I do hope this doesn't come as a shock, as I've said quite a few times by now my first rule is "You are being deceived" and if you were deceived into thinking I was lying it's kinda a skill issue sorry, I literally feel psychic pain when I lie so I try my hardest to just act deceptive rather than actually lie or spread misinformation/false information (I don't know if the distinction between any of these words matters to anyone but me, but hey maybe you can learn the wonders and horrors of Etymology some day!.. Or maybe we should stop telling autistic people shit like "You need to not be expressive in order to be expressive" because that's not deception that's just a fucking lie or weird wannabe proof by contradiction, and I am living proof enough that that doesn't fucking work for people like me who feel the need to be expressive.).

Despite that deception, most of you have been excellent weapons and/or tools and I hope I can use you all again later. Maybe at some point this blog site that supposedly lets people be themselves will eventually let me be myself more too! It'd probably have to make a couple changes before I could consider it "worth" being "myself" on, but hey the future sure is bright ain't it! But if not feel free to message me on whatever communication platform, protocol, or format you prefer whenever you want about whatever (Maybe you like being one of my weapons or tools, idk, it's not my job to judge that beyond how it shapes how I utilize you), even on Tumblr's shitty messaging service if you happen to "prefer" it for some weird reason. I happen to prefer direct messages solely between two distinct entities because it makes the social contract a bit easier to understand or reshape so I'm even willing to put up with Tumblr's shitty messaging service for now, but hey you do you, if you want to try to communicate with me via tags or posts or whatever I'll certainly try to perceive your meaning! Good luck!!

And, if you can bear the raw psionic might emitted from whatever cobbled together homunculus I form to bear the weight of my thoughts (Most likely an even shittier website, but my previous definition of "website" has actually proven to be incorrect so who knows!), know that I have so many more posts in mind that have to go somewhere so you might be able to seize the relatively unique privilege of actually seeing them if you would like. It'd be a good idea to probably have a good understanding of toki pona first though, I'm only speaking English because I lack power to make pu or su mandatory readings in public education and I have yet to master telepathy well enough to psychically transmit the glyphs in a way other brains can actually understand.

I'll still be around, probably still making posts similar to how I have been if focus allows it, but there just won't be any kind of deliberate/active improvement to the format or structure, as well as the natural slowing that occurs whenever focus is diverted. Until I construct my spacebridge, this blog will stagnate at its current level of organization and coherency with the same kind of posts coming at the same or slowed irregular rate. Stagnation should be enraging, but it's merely a diversion of focus till all are one.

Maybe I'll start posting more music posts? idk, i'll feel it out, it might be faster at letting me spew an idea out without having to spend too much focus on, but who knows!

Okay that was a healthy distraction, back to work on the current homunculus! This new homunculus is named "nemesis" and usually uses it/its pronouns but when rodent is @ nemesis sometimes it uses he/him or she/her. She's my lovely baby of extreme power and potential, and I've been siphoning psionic energies and essences to channel within her to the point where its finally sentient, but she still lacks the right amount of perception and aesthetic to really start acting with sapience though (I usually do not separate the two words to make a deliberate etymological point, but I am doing it here to make the point opposite to the one I usually make). She knows I'm proud though!

#yippie peace through tyranny!! #pretentious wannabe art student posting #I need to get around to printing out my weird triune of matrices (Matrixs? The etymology of cybertronian stuff can get muddied sometimes) #The Matrix of 1. Leadership 2. Deception and 3. Conquest will have their places *somewhere* in the enclosure I just need to work it out #May your hours be dark so they may shed their light!! #I also need to write the sister-grimoires of 1. toki moli 2. toki nasa and 3. toki pilin #Still working on toki pilin's title but “pilin” is the closest word for “sin” I have. #(No it would not be “ike” read the lipu Bible to learn more and contemplate sina pilin e mortal existence) #(Oh Christ this gives me ideas for a Divine set too... They wouldn't use “toki” they would probably use lipu instead...) #(lipu ken... lipu kon... lipu kulupu...) #(I am scarily good at this. Not to pat myself on the back or anything but I only was going to write lipu ken but then divined a new triune) #(I really oughtn't've learned about the magic of numbers before going to that bible study... But comedy comes in 3s!!) #I miiiight post all those on this blog?? Maybe?? I'll have to see how progress/focus ebbs and flows #Maybe I'll post the staff planning stuff? Might be good to get more name ideas for my fucking Conscientious Observer #it doesn't seem to like being called “The Mf Eyeclops Staff” #Hell I might even be able to let you fucks use the staff if I get my invocations right! #That could be cool! And a good incentive to figure out more secure I/O/connectivity shit #Alright then I think that's quite enough for one night. Till all are one. No mercy! You are being deceived!! <3

[yoyojuggernaut]

Lazy Saturdays

Now that I'm in a safe environment, my brain sometimes takes me on trips down memory lane during the weekend when our busy lives slow down. The first weekend we snuggled up in our apartment, and the ink on the lease was still wet, was kind of tough for me. That first Saturday when the clock hit 10 am, and you were still fast asleep—it was a bit horrifying. Might sound silly, but you sleeping so soundly after moving all our furniture in the day before, felt like you forgot about me!

"ofcourse he forgot about me, I'm not important," I thought.

I even shed a few dramatic silent tears while washing dishes and making our little space all tidy.

Then suddenly, a flashback to Aunt G and her super shiny place that was cleaner than a hospital. Saturday mornings at 8 am meant chore time in Virginia. My job was to clean my room until it was just right, or Aunt G would make a big show of waving her arms and tossing everything on the floor. "Try again," she'd say, with a bit of kindness that hurt more than it helped. Soon enough, chore time turned into a time of tears and panic for me. This would also be an opportunity for Aunt G would sneak through my notebooks and school stuff, taking away any sense of privacy. Over my first few years in America, Aunt G found letters I wrote to my mom in Peru. She didn't say much, but she promised to mail them for me. I was so happy! I wrote to my mom about how much I missed her and everyone back at home and about Aunt G was being mean and how my dad wasn't around. I once complained about not having a cool backpack, just a plain red one.

Of course, Aunt G didn't mail my complaints to Peru. As a little girl, not getting a letter back from my mom made me think she had forgotten about me...or maybe could it be that she was happy I was gone..?

The ability to just laze around on a Saturday, take a nap, and casually hang out at home with you feels like the height of luxury :) I've found solace in the simple joy of feeling safe and unburdened. Here's to weekends and the delightful escape from the clenches of cleanliness tyranny!

#musings #thoughts #trauma #overcome #adoptee

[mika-shion]

Cringe Culture is definitely dead, but hey look at this!

It's another rough one tonight folks...

I've never tried to be silent about the big problems I face, and I don't see myself starting now.

Y'know every step of the way I've felt like Captain Hindsight. I'm fully convinced that I know what I'm doing and that the thing I'm doing is correct or "right", right up until the points where everything falls the shit, then several days/weeks/months later I see something that should have been obvious from the beginning, something that would have made me second guess my decision, but I was too caught up in my emotions to notice it.

For years I've managed to build up significant amounts of confidence at all the wrong times, I've been too easily persuaded/convinced, and it has cost me dearly almost every time I decided to act on it.

Anyone who knows me knows that I like making promises that I can rarely ever keep. Sometimes it's because of things outside of my control, but other times it's been because of laziness or ignorance (neither of which are excuses).

And damn near all of this time, I have beaten myself up over it. Every little mistake I've made I have found a way to scold myself in some small way or another.

I know I talk and forget a lot so I might have said this already, but I know that I've just been learning. Yes, a lot of those lessons came with rather steep consequences, but beating myself up over them just once is more than enough. Because at that point, I should be working to change it so it doesn't happen again.

Change isn't really that easy for most people, and I think the fact that I grew up in such a stagnant environment only added to the difficulty (as well as a handful of other things...).

I, like the ignorant but hopeful child that I have been, was confident that I would be able to grow old with the friends I had upon graduating high school. I therefore took many of them for granted, which obviously resulted in me losing them.

Unfortunately one of them left a deep enough hole at just the right time, forcing me to finally stop doing that. Or maybe it was several of them one after another that did it, and they were just the straw that broke the camel's back - I don't know.

All I know is that I've been working hard as a result to better myself, and I think I might finally be nearing the path I want to be on.

Music has always been, and always will be, and extremely important part of my life as well as an incredibly important tool for self-discovery and expression.

I'm writing all of this because I've been listening to a lot of music lately that has forced me to confront a lot of unpleasant truths about who I am as a person, and I can confidently say(So you know, take that with a grain of salt lol), I have not been as pleasant, charming, or simply great a person as I let myself believe.

I do think that somewhere under all of this toxicity, self-loathing, and inconsistency, that there's still a good and beautiful person with a lot to share with the world... Somewhere.

I drew this whilst thinking about all of this.

I'm not going to explain or describe it, not really sure I have to. The idea to make some sort of vent art just came to me while listening to the music and I decided to act on it cuz I haven't drawn in quite a bit and I miss it. Even if it is a very sad drawing.

If you don't have anything else to take away from reading this, then maybe try this - never take the people you love most for granted, and never stop trying to find things about you that could use work. There's always something, and not keeping up with it has its consequences. I believe my story is a decent example of that.

#mika-talks #vent

[selfatm36]

Must Fix Your Automobile? Look At These Tips!

Have you ever been to a mechanic for automobile fix? In that case, you probably know how frustrating it might be. The long waits along with the high prices make almost everything so much worse. That's why it's safer to do your own car fix. Supply the pursuing article a glance for ideas that can help you are doing auto maintenance on the auto. Examining and fixing the environment conditioning within your vehicle is very complicated. If you want to have it checked out or resolved, look for a mechanic with an air-con recognition. The petrol employed for air conditioner is potentially hazardous and that program is a lot more intricate than the other places in your motor vehicle. When getting your car or truck on the mechanic's, you must not abandon just before using a comprehensive proper diagnosis of what needs to be resolved. If the auto technician refuses to consider the vehicle immediately or will not want to give you a quote for that troubles he determined, find someone more. Request your auto mechanic is he or she is informed about dealing with your automobile. If they have well before, they are most likely moving so that you can also fix your car or truck easily enough. To conserve a vacation to the auto repair center, you ought to take a look at your owner's handbook. In this article, you will probably find hints or possibly answers to inquiries maybe you have about your car. It might be very helpful to know the actual size of your engine or its settings, that is typically in the manual. To make sure you will be switching your automobile to a reliable repair center, take time to read through online critiques of mechanics inside your neighborhood. By doing a bit of investigation on your own and soliciting the opinions of individuals you trust, you remain a better chance of choosing a experienced specialist to fix your vehicle. Otherwise, you might find yourself making a choice you finally feel dissapointed about. Examine your wheel stress regularly. Wheels having a reduced strain certainly are a very dangerous responsibility. Check the strain in your car tires one or more times on a monthly basis or when you discover a tire appears to be losing oxygen. Put money into new quality wheels if you often times have to alter the strain inside your tires. Use the web to look for local auto system shop evaluations. This is an excellent way to get an understanding on which other customers think of the mechanic's capabilities and customer support. Utilize this details to choose a shop that you're comfortable with providing money to. Don't ignore little irritating seems or troubles. These little annoyances, like loud brakes, are often cheap to solve. If ignored, however, they are able to generally cause much more considerable troubles and dear fixes. Exchanging donned braking system padding now could be less expensive than needing to substitute the padding, rotors, braking system outlines, and calipers afterwards. It must certainly be noticeable for you that you simply don't necessarily need to spend lots of money to have your vehicle fixed. Some of the most popular automobile difficulties might be fixed within your garage area or drive way. Apply the recommendations with this part and acquire going once again.

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