#that's enough i don't want to tag each individual movie
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Stutter
Lordy lord☝️
Hehehe another fic! This one is a John Carpenter fic and I hope you enjoy it!! I was watching the 'Change of Habit', movie yesterday and thought he's such a nice man😮💨 and here's a fun fact about me if anyone is interested is that I have a stutter! The reader in this fic has one as well! It's a pain in the a- @hooked-on-elvis for the tags !!
My brain is finally cooperating with me again but I don't wanna jinx it 🫣 And I'm sorry that a lot of my fics include crying, I just can't get enough of crying comfort fics😭
Characters: John Carpenter X stuttering!reader
Warnings/triggers: Doctor clinics, stuttering, crying
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This week hasn't been going smoothly for you, and it’s all your stutter’s fault. One thing you couldn’t spit words out when a couple of ladies were asking you for directions to the nearest post office and then when you had to call the dentist to make an appointment, it tied your damn words down. It’s absolute torture and you were so fed up with it. You've had this speech impediment for as long as you can remember and everyday you wish it would just disappear, out of your life, away from your worries but you had to learn that it's only fair for each individual to have their own problems in their lives but you still thought about that wish of yours. Sometimes…Well daily it makes you cry thinking about how hard it is to deal with.
Something that helps your stutter though is John, John Carpenter, your beloved boyfriend. He's always been there for you whenever you want to pour all your concerns out, about anything your brain can think of. He’d always listen and you couldn't ask for any other guy than him, he's all you need. Just someone who would look past your evidently painful stutter and just patiently waits for your next words. He knows about your stutter and understands how hard it can be because he often works with people with problems like this and he has told you several times if you want help, he is always there but you just think John has enough on his plate of taking care of himself and his patients so having his girlfriend to take care of as well? In your brain it seems like it's too much for him. Yes John is a doctor and that’s his job to take care of others but oh you couldn't possibly burn your wonderful hard-working boyfriend out, you really couldn't bother him with your problems even though he wouldn’t mind at all and would be happy to help.
One afternoon, as you were sitting on the couch those worrying thoughts were constantly circling your mind and you just wanted them to go away so you decided to go to John's clinic for a visit, to get your mind off things.
As you arrive and open the door into the foyer, you peer through the window of the clinic door to see John talking to a patient, who you think is the last one for the day. Quietly you turn the door knob and make your way inside. John notices you walk in so he says goodbye to the patient and waves a hand to gesture for you to follow him. Taking you to his office for some privacy. “How's my girl doing hm?” he asks as he watches you close the door and hang your purse up on the cloak stand. You hum softly “Good, b-been good” silently sitting down on a chair opposite from his, brushing a strand behind your ear. John smiles, “Busy week?” You shake your head and lift your eyes up to look at his “N-no, p-pretty quiet this week…I-I- I didn't have a lot on my sched-..schedule” nodding his head he hums in response. “Aren't ya lucky… been crazy busy in the clinic this week” he sighs and snickers to himself.
You smile small and giggle slightly “Mhm, a-alot of..of- of sick people?” asking in a quiet tone. John chuckles “injured, mostly injured” nodding as your eyes trail down to the papers on his desk, the troubling thoughts crawling back into your head. “Mhm…” John's smile returns and his eyebrows furrow a little. “Something on your mind honey?” your eyes dart back up into his and you laugh nervously and brush it off “Oh no..N-no just- just tired ‘s all” giving him a small smile before you go back to your zoned out state. With his ankle resting on his knee and leaning back in his chair and his hand wiping under his nose, he watches you quietly. Seeing your eyes sadden and your arms resting at your sides, presuming you were twiddling with your thumbs under the table. “Ya sure you're tired?” Earning a silent nod. He stays silent for a few moments, continuing to watch as you sulk. “You don't look tired..” he states, you breathe in briefly and look at him “John, I am just tir-...” he raises an eyebrow making you sigh. “Fine I'm not tired” your posture slouches. John breathes out “What's ya thinking about baby?” tilting his head to the side, his eyes staying glued to your face. Looking down at your lap, you bite your lip gently “M-my…my s-s-stut-” you huff out being so sick of it, John nodding slowly “Take your time honey” you take in a deep breath and slowly break down the word “stut..ter, stutter”
It’s embarrassing, making tears well up in your eyes and you shyly wipe your nose. your breath trembling, “I-its annoying…it- it really is'' John's face softens and he leans his body closer, resting his arms on the desk. Humming softly, he listens as you tell him your woes. “I'm sick of it…s-so sick of it” your breath hitching quietly before an unexpected sob escapes your mouth.
“Aw honey…” you bury your face into your hands. John gets up from his chair and walks around his desk, shifting your chair to face him as he kneels on one knee. Clicking his tongue and prying your hands away to cup your cheeks. His eyes move from one eye to your other as you pitifully cry.
“I-it’s so annoying! E-every t-time I try to speak..i-it won’t let me!” you sniffle, John nods and hums then a small grin grows on his face “You’re speaking right now” he raises an eyebrow and snickers softly, you gently swat his shoulder “I meant speaking clearly!” you exclaim making John laugh louder “M’sorry I know what you mean darling, I know” his hands rest on your knees, caressing with his thumbs. You wipe your tears away with the back of your hands, sniffling one last time. John smiles “Want a hug?” he asks as he holds his arms out, you accept. Both standing up “ It really is a pain isn’t it?” he sighs, you nod quietly as you rest your head on his chest and wrap your arms around his waist.
John sighs again and kisses the top of your head, rubbing your back soothingly. Staying quiet for a while before John speaks up “Would a lollipop make you feel better?” to which you agree “mhm…” Pulling away, John walks back around to open a drawer to pick out a lollipop for him to walk back, holding it in front of you “Here..” you shyly take the sweet and attempt to open the wrapper, frowning in frustration. John shakes his head and chuckles again “I’ll get it” taking the lollipop out of your hand and with ease, he unwraps it. “Thank you” you say quietly. Pecking your forehead lightly, John admires you with love in his eyes.
“it’ll get better through time”
#elvis#elvis presley#elvis fans#70s elvis#60s elvis#elvis imagine#elvis presley x reader#i love him#change of habit#elvis fanfiction#elvis fandom
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Arrogance vs. Humility: Thor
There's an interesting post circling in fandom with many great metas and povs and it inspired me to expand on one of its threads. I have made a new post so the length and a different direction of meta doesn't bother op. I have also divided this meta into two parts. The first one is titled Thor because it is mainly an analysis of og Thor and og Loki in Thor 2011 . The second part will analyze Loki series for those who are interested.
Initially what sparked this meta was @tori-artemis (Artemis)' tags under an addition by @geehollow (Hollow). Initially I only wanted to write a short answer but I'm doomed by the narrative so I thought to first see what science has to say and I came across an interesting study and decided to use it in my analysis.
I used colors to quote each person because I'm going to quote two people, a study(indented) and add my own thoughts and I can't keep tagging or writing their names :P :D
So without further ado let's start. The topic was about the vice of Thor vs Loki. While perhaps the goal of the og post was to analyze the the topic through the concept of seven sins and virtues I don't intend to do that because it doesn't include every possible personality trait and it's not accurate enough from a psychological pov.
Vice is the first trait one should consider when creating a character. Vices embody the vibe that sparked the character in your mind, and in turn spark virtues, goals, backstories, everything. Of course it's different when dealing with characters inspired by already existing mythos, that already carry traits one has to grasp.
In the MCU, Thor's initial vice was arrogance. Deep seated arrogance born of being the golden prince, revered and indulged. Loki's initial vice was also arrogance, but born of thinking he's smartest than everyone else, due to having had to act covertly in order to get what he wants because he is not revered and not indulged. For both of them these are things we can and should infer during the first movie.
As you've read Hollow states that the vice of both Thor and Loki was arrogance but in different ways. Artemis wouldn't call Loki's arrogance because Loki clearly behaves in a different way than other arrogant characters like Thor and Tony Stark. Therefore we must first define arrogance.
According to a new study there are three types of arrogance that can be dissected into 6 components.
Individual arrogance: an inflated opinion of one’s abilities, traits, or accomplishments compared to objective truths;
Comparative arrogance: an inflated ranking of one’s abilities, traits, or accomplishments compared to other people
Antagonistic arrogance: the denigration or derision of others based on an assumption of superiority.
The types and components of arrogance depicted in Figure 1 are meaningful together because some of the concepts seem to implicate others. One cannot be overconfident about one’s knowledge in a domain (second-largest box) without first having some relevant limitation in knowledge about that domain (largest box); if one disparages others unfairly (smallest box), one is likely to fail to take their perspective and, further, one is likely to believe in one’s superiority compared to them (third- and second-smallest boxes, respectively); and so on. Therefore, the position of each component in the figure reflects a close dependency. Yet, it is possible for causation to flow from smaller to larger boxes, as well. For example, if one hates an individual for any reason, one might be motivated to underrate their capabilities or motives.
From this definition we can say that both Thor and Loki have levels of arrogance from the start but while Thor until the point Odin banishes him has checked all the six components in the picture, Loki is at a level two.
Thor with limited knowledge and an overestimation of his power decides to go to Jotunheim. He resists the disagreements about his limits and chances and fails to consider perspectives of his friends, his brother and father and Jotuns. He considers himself and his race superior to others and insults and criticizes Jotuns and his father. Loki on the other hand has overestimated his knowledge, abilities and whether or not everything goes according to his plan.
After his banishment, Thor comes down from the level of his hubris. When he fails to lift Mjolnir and after Loki's visit, he realizes that his rash actions had terrible consequences not just for him but for his family too. He's left alone and powerless. He doesn't see himself superior to these humans anymore. Jane helps him see things from different perspectives and as weak as a human he learns his limits. He knows he doesn't have the power to fight the Destroyer so he tries to do the only thing he can do, apologize to his brother. And when it seems that Thor's dying, he doesn't care about glory or what tales Asgard would say of his bravery. All he thinks about is that Jane is safe and that humility and selflessness restores his power. Loki though, in his desperation for acceptance, has made all the wrong choices.
Just as Thor overestimated his power, his physical strength and fighting skills in his attack to Jotunheim, Loki overestimates his power which is his intelligence and planning skills.
Loki in his arrogance thinks he can stage and ruin a heist, prevent Thor's rampage, and get rid of Laufey and Jotunheim through his usual method of solo strategies. He learns consequences when his plans inevitably stumble into variables he hadn't accounted for–the guard taking too much time in warning Odin, learning he's a rejected Jotun prince, being actually made regent, the Warriors Three and Sif and Heimdall betraying him. It's not the fact that he grew up learning underhandedness was his most effective method, it's that in the MCU he applied it presumably for the first time to real big events and had to deal with the consequences.
Loki lacks foresight. Like he lacks seeing all of the possible outcomes of his own schemes. That's how he ends up in a lot of messes in the first Thor film. So yeah - he definitely doesn't fully think things through as much as he'd like to believe himself to. Tbf he's not psychic. But it's more of an over reliance on his schemes working perfectly. That he doesn't consider all of the possible ways that those schemes can go south real fast (and end up doing so). So to me...it's less of it being arrogance of his own intellect and more like his over reliance on the schemes themselves. As well as an overestimation of his own control over the situation. Which *could* be considered arrogance... tho I don't think the film really displays it as such. Or it's just not very *clear* in displaying it as arrogance - like aside from occasionally calling Thor an oaf basically(which tbf he's kinda right with that assessment). And like - considering humans and Jotuns as weak and inferior at best - and monstrous at worst(which is less of a character vice and more of a symptom of Asgard's imperialism).
According to the definition of arrogance, what Artemis describes is in fact a complete list of all the reasons why Loki is arrogant. I also like to add that even the imperialism that causes Asgardians to be biased toward other races is rooted in political arrogance and their sense of superiority(Although we can argue that Loki up until his conversation with Odin, did not believe the Asgardian propaganda as he asked why the truth was hidden from him. It was only after he thought his parents see Jotuns a monsters that he tried to radically separate himself from his race).
Like many aspects in this movie, these brothers are once again a yin and yang to each other. Thor's brawn against Loki's brain. Thor's strength represents Odin's warrior side and he is praised for it. While Loki's wit represents Odin's cleverness but unlike Thor, Loki isn't appreciated for a trait in which he is similar to his father and that's sth he wants to change.
Loki has a good plan, but he fails to consider how his action seem shady to those who didn't like and suspected him. And how that can motivate them to betray him. Everything would have gone according to his plan otherwise. He had managed to trick and kill Laufey, he unleashed Bifrost on those race of "monsters" and he had bested Thor in the battle of brain vs brawn. He was pinned but he thought he had won. He was at the top of arrogance level in his grief and madness.
"Look at you, the mighty Thor, with all your strength, and what good does it to you now, huh?"
He didn't consider that Thor, hot headed Thor who looked down on other races and tried to solve everything by throwing a hammer at it, would try to think his way out of this situation to save the people he previously hated.
In my eyes, Odin's banishment, Jane's and Selvig's and Darcy's companionships are only the stakes that make him walk in the shoes of the other side of the violence, but the real wake up call is seeing Loki behaving and talking as Thor used to.
Thor 1 is the origin story of both Thor and Loki, young princes who discover they were still untested, and Avengers 2012 shows the progression of their arcs after their vice has been exploited with one differing element: a support net being present or absent. Thor always had a support net, Loki never did, and their intertwined story shows exactly how in real life people go down their respective paths.
So if Loki's vice is arrogance why he doesn't behave like Thor or Tony?
Bc tbh I probably wouldn't have even thought of arrogance as a vice for Loki. Like my initial reaction was ''wait no that's Thor". But when phrased like the above... it makes a lot of sense. Like tbh I don't know if I'd call it arrogance in his own intelligence - while he's certainly clever he never seems to overbearing about it. Not in the way similarly clever + arrogant characters like Tony Stark display it anyways. Loki never really... seems particularly arrogant?? Like I wouldn't call him humble either but... arrogance just seems a bit exaggerated tbh. I'd say he definitely has pride... tho I'm not sure I'd call it a vice. Bc let's consider other characters that are clearly written to display arrogance at various levels. Like. Anakin is arrogant. Tony Stark is arrogant. Theon Greyjoy was arrogant. And then there's Thor. And like I know there are probably levels to this and it could be argued that Loki's on the less extreme side...But for a character to be arrogant there's almost always like an indicator to that arrogance in said character's personality? Like something about the way they carry themselves... something in the way they display their genuine belief that they're The Best. I don't really see that with Loki. Again I wouldn't call him humble... but he doesn't have *that* attitude I guess. Compared to Anakin ''I would even stop ppl from dying!'' Skywalker. Or Thor 'throws violent tantrum after dad said no to war w/ Jotunheim' Odinson. Or like... half the shit that comes out of Tony Stark's mouth. XD
Yes Loki doesn't have that attitude. That's because individual differences in unawareness of intellectual limits and personality traits affect how the components of arrogance show themselves in people.
We can illustrate potential relations between personality variables and Components 2 (unawareness of knowledge limitations), 4 (failure to consider the perspectives of others), and 5 (a feeling of superiority).
Related to Component 2, Schaefer, Williams, Goodie, and Campbell (2004) examined how the Big Five can predict overconfidence in one’s performance. Only the trait of extraversion correlated with overconfidence (the difference between accuracy and confidence). The extraversion factor may be most related to the aspect of arrogance involving inflated self-appraisal relative to objective reality (Lee & Ashton, 2018). There also have been occasional findings of relations between overconfidence and other Big Five traits like openness to experience and agreeableness
Thor and Tony are both extroverts, so their arrogance or at least the part that involves inflated self-appraisal shows itself through overconfident extrovert behavior. That doesn't mean that Loki doesn't act overconfident. It just shows itself in more subtle ways, like the way he stares at his opponent and in his knowing grin. He's less like boastful I'm-the-best-and-I'm-going-to-beat-you, and more like silent I'm-so-smart-and-you've-fallen-for-my-plan.
Even in Avengers when Loki acts arrogantly more than any other time, his real arrogance is not in the way he presents himself to humans in Stuttgart. That was just theatrics. His arrogance is in the way he grins every time his plans work. In Avengers Loki is in his most arrogant state because he's being influenced by the scepter. The same scepter that can bring the worst of every person in its vicinity which almost made Tony and Steve fight, and even Thor reverted back to his old self calling humans petty and tiny. I also like to mention that it was Tony who understood Loki the most and one of the reasons was because he saw the same arrogance of himself in Loki.
Avengers 2012, Dark World and the stories that followed should have picked up the threads left from the first movie and continued the progression of the vice (flaws+virtues+background) Vs consequences. Some of them did. Some of them did not.
Tldr: both Thor's and Loki's vices were arrogance built in different ways and their arcs showcased how society's (=worldbuilding) support influences the consequences of the same vice until the franchise was rebooted (=different worldbuilding and vices)
Source: Foundations of Arrogance: A Broad Survey and Framework for Research
Next: Loki
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Niaaaa //wailing, heaving, rolling around on the floor
I cannot stress enough how much I adore your works and love rereading all of them from time to time
Am here to ask if you have any more touchstarved hcs,, or thoughts,, im dying over here
Literally starved for content
gn!reader | REG!!! //waving both hands, jumping up and down giggling. Thank U. this is an honour and incredible compliment. scary bc my old works are...old... but Thank u. U mean the world 2 Me. i didn't thoroughly check what hcs i've already said so sorry there's repeats orz
i'm not saying the LIs would all go to the barbie movie but if someone does make art of that please let me know and tag me especially if it has the i am kenough shirt
they ruined my life saying kuras doesn't eat how is he going to join my girl dinners now. /j but i'll continue to believe he can appreciate how good a meal looks! & he can still sit with you and try to get his hands on your favourite meals for you to enjoy :-)
that thing where they do push-ups and kiss you when they come down with...leander was the first one i thought of tbh. but if you aren't able to lie underneath him he'd just ask for the same amount once he's done!
leander doing the thing he did in the prologue where he took his glove off with his teeth every so often just to see your reaction. like if you react in an amusing flustered staring at him kind of way. i couldn't relate personally (lying) (liar) (huge lie)
i'm sorry for my leander bias but if one of his favourite things is MASQUERADES and we don't see him at a MASQUERADE well it's so joever like him in a suit and mask and showing off how he knows how to fit in because of his past and also he can waltz now or something I'm dizzy i can't breathe
ais using 0.5 camera on people while they're caught off guard. him asking you to take a video of the fight For him because he's going to be part of it. vere selfie folder. mhin 5 followers no icon no posts gc lurker.
mhin would stick to enough of a routine that they'd have a specific spot to sit at different places,,, like a cafe or the library or bus... corner. it's one of the corners. and when someone's taken the spot they're thrown off then have to walk around for a new one (not happy about this) but take it back once they leave. you spend enough time together and they start keeping the spot next to them open for you
^ also they'd always order the exact same thing at restaurants. wouldn't like going to a new place because now they have to find a new default order. just like me fr
is no one going to talk about the idea that vere doesn't like snow because he's chained outside and it's cold . to be fair it could Totally be for a less sad reason like how it gets his Fur Wet (valid) but i've been thinking about that possible angst
also his gloves are just. like. ? odd. inverse drawing gloves. claws... but why only the 3 fingers.... btw his outfit means a constant thigh holding opportunity
kuras and mhin having long conversations about alchemy and sharing their findings with each other ;; mhin at some point getting just a Little excited about something and kuras choosing not to comment on it but being happy to see them let their walls down a little ;; o(-(
ais coming into your room and wordlessly lying next to you in bed and when asked if he needs something he says no? with a smile. he was just feeling lonely and wanted to find you
saying "you look like you can't swim" or "you are an odd individual" to any and all of them . something about it is amusing to me
if you celebrate christmas or like the idea of kissing underneath some mistletoe,, i think it's a good thought that you hold one over your head and wait for a kiss Or that Some of the LIs would Definitely do that themselves.
who do you guys think has the saddest birthday celebration (/no celebration at all.) who's relating to girls who spend their birthday alone and crying and be honest with me
rambling but i just want to say kuras's monster form looks sick as FUCK and i'm so excited for it. it looks like whatever left the scar on his hand seems to be there.. in his monster form...? i thought it was a claw but the positioning is under/through the hand so like??. do i have to bring up the significance of that if true
also is his outfit (minus his jacket)...like a jumpsuit... or can i just not tell because of his three (?) belts. that's not how you wear belts btw /lh. and is the sheer part Part of the top or is he wearing something sheer underneath the white. his sleeves are also sheer but the neckline means his shoulders are out . take off ur jacket
also mhin !! i want to know how big they get and if the transformation is sickening to watch and if they're still aware of everything around them and !!! THERE IS A SPINE(?) COMING OUT FROM THE BOTTOM OF THE SILHOUETTE THAT I NEED TO SEE NOW! & i'm assuming the senobium is Shit so even if we do get in there and get 'help' there would be another shitty price to pay. possible bad ending...??
scenes with all their monster forms where you're asked if you're scared and you say no / yes but you care about them and they falter because they didn't expect that
true good ending is everyone meeting at the wet wick and making a toast and laughing and saying this truly was our touchstarved before the credits roll
#touchstarved#touchstarved ais#touchstarved leander#touchstarved kuras#touchstarved mhin#touchstarved vere#redspring pls continue to drop lore. gimme. GImemeeme...#not a single one of these birthdays sound good to me btw. closest to happy is how leander would say all drinks on him for the night#but it doesnt change the fact he has no close friends 💀💀#Im serious about the masquerade scene bc i need to see him in a formal setting. how hes different but still charming/the same in a way etc
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2023 recap
tagged by @grusinskayas, thanks so much mari! <3
I'll tag @nitrateglow @oftwodarkmoons @valancystirling48 @lilbabylovergirl @jwclapton @nataliawoods @olivethomas @ritahayworrth @emmybrown @gayworths @astonishinglysane @womansfilm @davisbette @daniellesdarrieux only if you want to of course!
and anyone else who wants to do this please do! (and tag me!)
Only including things that were new to me this year in each category or the lists would be far too long!
top films: I just did the 9 favorite first watches post which were,
-The Dream Lady (1918)
-Danger Love at Work (1937)
-The Cowboy and the Lady (1938)
- Pillow to Post (1945)
- Home Sweet Homicide (1946)
-Turn the Key Softly (1953)
- Minari (2020)
-Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris (2022)
-Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022)
and I will add some more on to that as well!
-Husband Hunters (1927)
-Sunny (1930)
-Honeymoon Limited (1935)
-East Side of Heaven (1939)
-Spring Parade (1940)
-The Face Behind the Mask (1941)
-Marriage is a Private Affair (1944)
-This Happy Breed (1944)
-Guest Wife (1945)
-Molly and Me (1945)
-The Wicked Lady (1945)
-An Ideal Husband (1947)
-Deep Valley (1947)
-Night Tide (1961)
-The Glass Bottom Boat (1966)
-The Grass Harp (1995)
-Luca (2021)
top tv series: I have such a hard time remembering what tv shows I watch throughout the year as I don't keep track of them the way I do movies but this is encouraging me to start making lists from now on.
From what I can remember -
-All Creatures Great and Small
-Sanditon
-The Great Canadian Baking Show
-The Tenant of Wildfell Hall
-Only Murders in the Building
-It's a Living
-Call The Midwife
top books: Did not read much this year and hardly anything new but here are a few I liked!
-The Surgeon's Daughter, Audrey Blake
-The Leavenworth Case, Anna Katharine Green
-The Tenant of Wildfell Hall, Anne Brontë
-The Secret Book of Flora Lea, Patti Callahan Henry
favorite song: This is going to be a long section!
Firstly my pride and joy, the playlist of expressing love of nature through music (mostly folk music but some others mixed in) that I worked so hard on at the beginning of the year.
A lot of it is not new to me songs but some of it is and mostly making a playlist is new to me.
Flower, Flower Oh My Love Playlist.
Now for some individual songs I discovered and loved throughout the year~ (choosing max of one song per artist that is also not included in my playlist or this will get way too long)
-Alvvays - Pecking Order
-Aurora - Your Blood
-Blackbriar - Fairy of the Bog
-Cécile Corbel - Come Back Home
-chirinuruwowaka - bakenokawa
-Coco - Fantasy
-hemlocke springs - sever the blight
-Laufey - Bewitched
-MARINA - Man's World
-Maxine Sullivan - Skylark
-Mylène Farmer - Sans contrefaçon
-Paramore - This Is Why
-Pomme - La rivière
-Ruby Throat- In the Arms of Flowers
-yanaginagi - More Than Enough
-Yutori - One Room
favorite quote:
- "listen, this would be a better world if there was more singing and less dictating." - East Side of Heaven, 1939
-"When all inside you burns like a star
It's after you burn out that you are
Reborn again, reborn again
And maybe if you called out for help
Then I could help you outrun yourself
Come run again, we'll run again" - Your Blood, Aurora
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For the honest answer ask game: what's the history of your blog? (this really just includes how/when you began blogging on tumblr, content, your interactions and your special moments on here etc; whatever you wish to prioritize for the ask in context).
honest hour question answered 3 days later <3 truly hope the wait was worth it love hahah
as someone who's gone through my archive already, you know i started out as a bts fan account in 2015. (my previous blog is not gonna be discussed for the simple reason that it's barely relevant to this one)
i believe i used to tag and organise my reblogs? there was a time where i cared enough and i loved srolling through my own blog, i stopped enjoying that when i became more involved w/ fandom on here and things weren't aesthetics based anymore. i don't like going through it that much now. i used to play around with themes, search for them, tweak colours and fonts for hours. after i returned years later there was an issue with the editor so now i can't change my theme at all and it sucks cause i just want to edit a few things.
so it started of as a bts fanblog, then i started rb-ing other kpop stuff, maybe afterwards i started sharing gifsets from movies and series i liked? as for fandom, i had a good amount of mutuals - accidentally became one with a girl from my country, we went out once and it was very nice <3 procrastinated and lost track fo tag games back then too lmaoo i felt a lot of dissatisfaction over it so i try to do everything now with my current fandom :)
back then is when i started reading fanfiction - i believe my first imagine was a taegi one where v was an artist and yoongi a photographer lol i stumbled upon it on the dash randomly and i got introduced to ao3 a bit after
iirc for the following years after i'd stopped stanning bts, i used to come back either relatively often or once in a blue moon - in the beginning i was just enjoying wtv my dash was offering me or seeking out specific stuff, then i started using it as a tracklist of what shows i've watched haha, no tags, just rb after finishing a show.
i started engaging with fandom around the release of episode 5 of kinnporsche, i read a bunch of posts on here, then tms2 came around and i got even more into reading people's takes..at some point i started talking to people i guess hahah i don't even know when i started trying to put out content, so to say, i just know i was doing screenshot posts short before i found myself pushed to attempt gifs and that was after big dragon had just finished airing.
then i started my giffing journey. had support from @gillianthecat whom i loved giffing paulnice for. honestly that and the discussions we had were such an important part of me having fun with this site and keeping it up. and @joyladagang, my self-proclaimed #1 hype woman, made me feel super welcome. then i got even more moots, at some point i started reaching out or actively reciprocating others attempts at getting closer (though i had been active in discussions before that, i just mean i got a bit braver and started acting more familiar with everyone (esp w/ ppl i got closer to through @joyladagang like @cankersoregirl, @feralmuskyscentedhoepran, @loserlesbianongsa etc.)
i'm grateful to a lot of people on here, truly. it's not supposed to be a shoutout post so i won't be tagging any more people (esp since i would have to tag everyone who follows me plus a bunch of people i follow which..it's a bit much) but i'm genuinely thankful for each person that enjoys my rants, gifs, theories or wtv the things i post classify as, whether they found a post by accident or follow the blog. and i'm grateful to the creators i follow, and i'm happy to talk to so many sweet, smart and funny individuals on various topics daily.
so this is where my blog is at right now - trying to do a bit of everything and talking a bit with everyone. my issue, tbh, is i'm trying a bit too hard to satisfy everyone which sounds ridiculous but i am a bit of a people pleaser at times so it checks out lol
#ana thats such a good question!! thats a sleepy head answer youre getting though im sorry <33#thank you sm for asking me smth <3#ppg#petri replies#ask game
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Part 2 to the question about an all in visual kei movie (repost)
I know I said that posting the 2nd question would be the last time I terrorize the visual kei tags, but apparently it wasn't even visible through my adding it to the 1st's post's reblogs so I have to repost. NOW is the last time, cause I've had it with how posting works on tumblr at this point.
This is what the 2nd question I had posted under the 1st one was:
Alright this is scary, but I have to ask one more thing, cause power lies in numbers and I really want the collective's opinions. Like I am seriously shaking just trying cause like...I want you all to take this as a joke, but it's no joke for me xD. Please keep taking it as a joke cause it is indeed very ambitious.
If we had the script to at least 1 movie like that...how would you think one could possibly convince all these people work together in such a big project? Money and exposure to a larger crowd aside, I mean, cause some jrockers have money and that isn't much of an appealing reason. This question is mostly for adult fans who've had a few years in their respective fields and know how various businesses work.
It gets crazy as an idea I know, that's why I said take this lightly, but think of the just as crazy possibilities. You might ask "why, what could I possibly get out of this for helping you or throwing ideas, or even knowledge" if you are in the same field...ahm...apart from entertaintment and getting a nostalgia trip and the possibility or reviving bands that gave up because of money (cause some don't give a damn how old they are and neither should you, like, both in your own life and when pointing your fingers on people like them, we only live once, we might as well try to live how we want), well....if you are an artist of any film field you could work with your favorite artists and get precentage of the income. If you aren't an artist, well...I don't know, that's why I said it's crazy. You get to share sth that once or still matters to you with a larger crowd. You get to see "weirdness" being represented in a way that encopasses many types of people that aren't considered minorities per se but still get shat on for what they choose to wear, believe and dream. Cause like who fucking cares if you have piercings, tattoos, if you want to wear crazy clothes, a dress down the street...maybe you want people's individuality to be represented, right? Maybe you too felt pushed aside once cause of this. This is about celebrating that I mean. Being who you are no matter what.
But yeah anyway....ideas? I know btw that some jrockers have said they are into the idea of playing a role in a movie but never had the opportunity and some like the idea of being villains (Ruki and Mahiro Kurosaki being 2 examples (also in case sb wishes to bring up Mahiro's condition, no worries, every single medical condition has been taken into consideration in case this was possible, and he or anyone else agreed.).
I hear you people. All gens in, again. Any ideas, even crazy ones are acceptable. Again if such project was a thing, the bands and artists will get the most out of it. If nth comes to mind, it's ok. The answers to the first question were more than enough for science. ^^
(and yeah this is the last question, i won't be spoiling visual kei and band tags with any more nonsense scenarios after this. The reason I even made a second question was because you guys seemed interested and also because, if I take into considerations which vkei pics I post get the most notes, many of you seem to still want to see sth long gone back, even for just a little, so yeah..i think we get each other one that one. And probably so do they. Who knows.)
#visual kei#vkei#the gazette#sug#screw#born#dir en grey#versailles#gackt#malice mizer#sukekiyo#9goats black out#plastric tree#hyde#l'arc en ciel#kaya#vistlip#alice nine#diaura#d
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FIC 20 QUESTIONS
@gallifreyburning tagged me in this!
1. how many works do you have on Ao3?
Ten! I am a prolific reader, but not so much a writer.
2. what's your total Ao3 word count?
253,223. Holy moly. I remember when cranking out 1500 words was a lot for me. I never expected to break that Big Phat 100k, which is yet another reason gallifreyburning is the wind beneath my wings. Half of those words are hers.
3. what fandoms do you write for?
The Old Guard and Jupiter Ascending are my two most dominant fandoms per stats. I've also written for Mad Max, the MCU, Leverage, and The Man from Uncle (the 2015 movie), but I wouldn't call these my most active reading fandoms.
4. what are your top five fics by kudos?
If Never Again, If Every Day (cowritten with gallifreyburning, TOG)
Kiss With a Fist (cowritten with gallifreyburning, TOG)
A Fine Chain (JA)
and sat him doon at her bed feet (Leverage)
breathes there the man (TMFU)
lolllll no surprises here.
5. do you respond to comments?
Unfortunately not. When all of my fics were relatively short and I only got a handful of comments on each one, I replied individually to each comment. However, we have THOUSANDS of comments on INAIED, and although I've replied to some of the particularly consistent and wonderful commenters, there is no way for me to get all of them. However, please know that they are all loved.
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
and reason quite decay, for Mad Max. It's a pre-canon snippet to the 2015 movie, about how Max lost the little girl he keeps hallucinating. I was very, very much into the "all lower caps, title is a line from a poem" aesthetic. Still am, to be honest, but A Fine Chain is just CONSUMING me atm.
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
and sat him doon at her bed feet is a triptych of each of the Leverage OT3 being a selkie and getting together with the OT3, so that's technically three happy endings in one, but our INAIED boys worked so hard for their payoff that I have to put them first.
8. Do you get hate on fics?
I have been lucky enough to avoid this so far!
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
I've written a grand total of like...two smut scenes, both of them m/m, but DEPENDING on how much longer I can tolerate the slow burn of A Fine Chain, I may be writing something f/m in the near-ish future!
now private chats between mutuals about IMAGINED character smut, on the other hand...
10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?
I don't write crossovers - they generally don't appeal to me as a reader so I avoid them as a writer.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not as far as I know, and I hope and pray it never happens to me. INAIED got a few weird pings last year, but so far I've been very very lucky.
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
I have gotten a request or two, but I don't remember if a translation was ever posted?
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
LOLLLLLLL. If it weren't for @gallifreyburning i would still be languishing at 5-something chapters of AFC and a handful of fics, and I would never have written for TOG at all.
14. What’s your all time favorite ship?
Harsh, bro. I don't think I have a very favorite ship, but I definitely have favorite dynamics. See my "you are responsible forever for what you have tamed" tag
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
Much Nothing About an Ado. My post-canon Mad Max fic where Max comes back to the Citadel and Furiosa decides to Hit That, but in the sexy way this time. But hey! I thought that It would take another decade to finish A Fine Chain, and I am ROLLING!
16. What are your writing strengths?
Mmmmfdfnggg. Umm...I'm very good at long, flowery descriptions, and at grounding clips of dialogue to specific physicality and setting, I think? When I want to write something, I usually see a movie of what I want to write playing out in my head, and then I have to figure out how to translate those actions to the page in a way that accurately conveys the action and tone. I block out the scene in bullet points first, then bang out a loose first draft, then go back over everything and rewrite it from the top, trying to make sure that someone reading it would see and feel the same things I did when watching the movie in my head.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
TOO MUCH FLOWERY DESCRIPTION. Sometimes I get lost in the movie in my head. Also, my crippling fear of intimacy sometimes translates to being hesitant to get to the actual climax of the story. I have to have acres and acres of slow burn, or I'm writing a single poetic one-shot with artsy film blur. This is where a good co-author is worth their weight in gold - you can't get away with kicking the can forever.
Also - I need to see if this still happens in AFC, but I feel like I rush through smut, and sometimes that pr0n deserves to be LINGERED UPON.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
It's nice, if it's used correctly! It's off-putting, if not.
19. First fandom you wrote for?
OOF. I saw the first Tobey Maguire Spiderman as a wee babe, and wrote an absolutely passionate proto-whump fic about it in my spiral notebook along with some very bad illustrations.
20. Favorite fic you’ve written?
INAIED is a Lifetime Achievement (TM) for me, the thing that makes me genuinely frustrated I can't brag to my coworkers about the massive novel I co-authored. I will be proud of it forever and ever and ever. I own a physical bound copy of it, and take it out every now and again to look at it fondly. I Helped Write That Thing. It is dear to my heart.
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15 QUESTIONS, 15 (or whatever) TAGS
i was tagged by @ash-mcj—thanks dude! HERE is their's.
.
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYBODY?
my middle name is the name of my mum's friend/dad's ex who died (my folks ended up getting together a year later).
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
about 10 minutes ago? to WELLY BOOTS which is an amazing devil song i've heard 10,000 times before. i honestly cry a gajillion times a day bc i don't just cry at sad stuff but also anything that moves me: from hearing a wonderful piece of music... to someone saying something kind to me or anybody else (real person or fictional character)... to being overwhelmed by the enormity of life and all its fucked-up and wonderful complexities... seriously, absolutely bloody everything makes me cry!
3. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
yes, two of 'em; a brilliant, beautiful, super-talented, immensely kind and outrageously hilarious 24 year old and a brilliant, beautiful, super-talented, immensely kind and outrageously hilarious 15 year old :) they're incredibly different individuals who bicker like siblings absolutely should and love each other a lot. i love them both so much it makes me cry when i think about it (surprise surprise).
4. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
oh, no, never. (probs too much at times—although i don't always understand when others are using it with me #neurodiversesquad).
5. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED?
used to do what the american folks call 'run track', back in the day before chronic illnesses became the villain in my story.
6. WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT SOMEONE?
whether they, you know, get it (or not).
7. EYE COLOUR?
erm, a bit of an odd sort of dark grey/blue with lots of dark green swirls and splodges
8. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
oh definitely scary movies, horror my beloved <3 i think i'm finally (bc it's been on my list for so long omg) gonna get around to watching RELIC tonight! *scratching at the door noises*
9. ANY SPECIAL TALENTS?
forgetting absolutely fucking anything and everything all the fucking time. ALWAYS knowing the first letter of the word i can't think of. having a bit of a photographic memory. being able to play the william tell overture by flicking my fingernails against my front teeth. making really good pancakes. good at accents. pretty good at drawing faces. playing music by ear. great at making inconsequential lists lol
10. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
blackpool, a seaside town in the north-west of england, UK. imo it's a veritable shithole these days, only good for trashy arcades and getting stabbed... but i do miss the ocean now i don't live there.
11. WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?
making art, making words, making mixtapes, making trouble, making time for reading, making music, making a mess.
12. DO YOU HAVE PETS?
yes—i couldn't imagine not having critters in the house! i have 4 precious arseholes cats: little jimmy novak and moriarty, who are both house-loving cats—like, they do go out, but are indoors wanting cuddles more often than not. whereas the other two, grace jones ii and goku, are practically feral and only really come home for dinner and if it's raining hard (and the occasional i-will-allow-you-to-stroke-me-and-let-you-have-the-honour-of-me-sitting-on-your-knee-i-suppose).
13. HOW TALL ARE YOU?
5'2". short king.
14. FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?
loved art and english in high-school, and also enjoyed drama and history. i studied art at college and fashion at uni (which was a mistake, that world was very much not for me pfft).
15. DREAM JOB?
i honestly don't dream of jobs. but if i did? i suppose a portrait artist or published poet who was paid enough to actually live on, aha.
.
tagging, play or nay: @shealynn88 @sharkfish @novemberhush @greyhavenisback @poebin @jmeelee @raisesomehale @rajalagang @ohhalefire @halinski @kikiroo @lovebillyhargrove @harrgrove @slytherkins @witchsickness @ltleflrt @wellwaterhysteria @deklo @chasingcastiel @racheld93 @gabedemon absolutely anybody else who wants to do the thing!
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🏷🎬💎🔎🤔 for the fanfic writer ask game!!^^
Thanks for the ask! And sorry for taking so long to reply!
🏷 Is there a tag you like to search for when looking for fanfics to read?
Not particularly...I guess the one's I most often go for are relationship tags (e.g. Ahsoka/Barriss obviously XD) but otherwise there isn't any that I would regularly search. Depending on mood I might exclude some though!
🎬 If a movie or show were based on your fic, which fic would you choose and who would you fancast?
Well, a Clone Wars-style version of And if we Fell Together would be a delight - if we're in the realms of wishing for the impossible! But more realistically, a fan animation of I Give To You would bring me tons of joy!
Fancast...nope, I really don't have much idea on this one sorry XD I will say that, assuming we're excluding original actors, my pick for adult Barriss for a while has been Mandip Gil (she can do intense, emotional looks so well!)
💎 Do you often write about a relationship or focus on an individual?
That's a good one! I'd say relationships thus far has been my thing, as I do like pulling out the little conflicts and tensions that happen between people (particularly as they're trying to work out their relationship whatever that is). With that said, you can't really do that without also understanding them as an individual so they're kind of tied together in my head.
No surprises, but Ahsoka and Barriss as a relationship and individuals is the main focus XD But I am enjoying working with the mutli-directional relationships among the Spectres, and their different play-offs with each other
🔎 Does anyone beta read or edit your fics?
No, I don't have anyone beta read or edit - it's all my own work (and mess)! Partly, this is because I'm never normally far enough ahead of schedule to allow such a thing XD
The only occasion on which someone did read a chapter was when Gabby (@kirahsoka) very kindly agreed to read 'The Last Temptation of Ahsoka Tano' (which was written very early on) as I knew that chapter was going to be make or break for the fic, so I needed to be sure her fall was convincing.
🤔 Would you ever want to write something canon if you got the opportunity?
Absolutely! It would depend on how much freedom I have to do things (I know you won't get perfect freedom writing for a franchise for all sorts of reasons), but it's not something I would be opposed to. I do keep a stock of some ideas that I can put into action, if Disney ever does come calling. One of which would be a canon-compliant Barriss and Ahsoka story that would explain how Barriss gets to the point she does in 'The Wrong Jedi'. Maybe one day...
(I have, unfortunately, had to bin my post-sequel Trilogy idea because of the new announcements...)
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Hey m, what's your stance on separation of the art from the artist when it comes to the artist being of a questionable character?
And on a wholly separate note, did you ever talk of Letter and Jimin and Jungkook and if there's a case for interpreting the song as most shippers have done?
Wow, that is a totally separate note there, anon 😆
But let's start with the first part of your ask. I'm sure I've written about this in the past, but my tagging system is not the best. Anyway..
What I can tell you is that there is no definitive answer. Which is probably boring because we're "supposed" to pick a side and stick to it. Regardless of our position, it's almost expected for us to be radical. I've had this exact debate so many times, with people of different ages and backgrounds. It's an ongoing debate and I really don't think there is a correct way of looking at it. I think that the more we try and move away from an abstract position and rather look at the particularities, it would be easier to understand our own arguments and how/why we choose to accept or dismiss some people. Then we also have to keep in mind what is condered questionable character. Does its definition include a general understanding of a person that is accepted all across the board? Or our own character and world views influence the way we perceive other people? And sometimes, there's another element that perhaps it's easily explicable, but in my mind, it's the one about a lack of logic. I'll give you an example. It's close to impossible for me to rewatch CMBYN because of Hammer's cannibalism allegations, more than the ones of abuse against women. I also publicly and vehemently condemn Woody Allen because I believe he is guilty of what he's been accused of, but it doesn't mean I will also never watch Annie Hall. Does that say that I'm a bad person? A hypocrite? Maybe. But it also says that I can't help but be subjective depending on each singular situation and that some of my views don't have any logic even in my own mind.
But these are extreme cases, of people who had actual charges brought against them. There are countless others that are usually accused of wide range of things, from sexism, racism, homophobia to xenophobia, you name it. Everything under the sun. Some people will not care, while others will. It's an individual choice. Not only a moral one, but economic as well.
I'd like to end this though by saying that I personally don't expect art to be made only by morally righteous people. I think that's a dangerous trap that leads to just another type of extremism.
Now, the second part, a bit more fun!
The only time I mentioned Letter was in one of my early posts on the new blog. I said it reminds me of a studio Ghibli movie but that I also have a more personal attachment to it.
I know how it's been interpreted by jikookers. I personally don't subscribe to the theory, but not for some major reason. I think it's nice Jimin had Jungkook do the backing vocals and seeing him sing during a livestream was moving. That's sort of enough for me. I think it's perfectly possible for the song to really be a letter to his fans. What I'm trying to say is that as much as it is really sweet, if it's for Jungkook or not, it doesn't have a major bearing on my opinion regarding them.
But I want to be very clear that just because I believe that, it doesn't mean I have an issue or condemn any jikooker who believes in the theory that it's a song for JK and about them. It's a harmless theory that is not based on any toxic or weird narrative. People should be free to talk about it, without having condescending anons or bloggers making fun of it or even criticising it too harshly. I've seen that happen a lot after the album was released.
P.S. Anon, I just saw your second ask. I'd rather stick to my answer as it is now, without going into any RM specifics as of today. I'm not in the mood for that.
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I was tagged by the lovely @saint--claire for this! (❁´◡`❁)
3 Ships
I have so many ships that I can mention, so I'll just do one each for three arbitrary categories.
1) Ship I'm reading: IceMav from the Top Gun movies. I mentioned this before, but I needed both movies to fall in love with this pairing so hard. Like if I watched the movies individually I would be interested but not this much - but throw in the fact that they canonically have 30+ years of history and TGM made it very clear that their bond has gotten even stronger over the years *chef's kiss*. Rivals to wingmen! Ice as Mav's guardian angel! Mav was the only one Ice trusted to teach the kids so they could all come back home alive! Mav pounding his wings onto Ice's coffin!!! The angst from Ice's canonical death adds a sort of realistic bittersweetness that makes the ship somehow more appealing to me. But also, because real life is depressing enough as it is, I'm happily rolling in OG!TG wingmen era fics and found family MavDad/IcePops and Dagger kids AUs forever.
2) Ship I've written: Halfdain from Genshin Impact. I like a lot of Genshin characters and relationships (both romantic and familial), but Halfdain was the one that broke my two-year pandemic lockdown writer's block. Halfdan literally appears onscreen for like three minutes, but his loyalty to Dainsleif! He followed Dainsleif's final command for 500 years! He remembered and recognized Dain even when his memories should have completely eroded away! He believed in Dain so much. And Dain! How he recognized Halfdan even in his shadowy husk state! The way his eyes flickered and he smiled the gentlest smile for Halfdan! The hand clasp in the flashback, and the Black Serpent salute! Halfdan's fate is also what inspired me so much - I was so distraught at the fact that Halfdan dies and they couldn't be together despite everything they've been through, I broke my own writer's block to fix things. Tragic endings what? I WILL FIX THEM WITH FIC. This is probably the rarest pairing I ship (<50 works on AO3), but I love them so much.
3) Free choice: 00Q from the Daniel Craig James Bond films. So, I've kind of stopped writing for them. However, I see a pattern with my current ships and like.. I haven't actually watched No Time To Die, but I know what happens to Bond. And going by my track record, I'll either write my own fix-it fic or I'll look for all the fix-it fics. And that's why I still haven't watched NTTD: 1) i'm not quite ready for things to end, and 2) I don't want to risk switching hyperfixations, so I'm procrastinating on it. But 00Q will always have a special place in my heart, both for how long I was actively in the fandom for, and for how much I grew as a writer writing for them.
First Ship
I'm probably aging myself right here, but considering the timing of when I got into fandom it's either Yuki Sohma/Tohru Honda from Fruits Basket or KakaIru from Naruto.
Last movie
Enola Holmes 2. I enjoyed it!
Last song
Hoyoverse just dropped The Stellar Moments Vol 3 album and I've been listening to it while writing this. My favourites are Chapter of a New Era (Yunjin's theme), Storm Chaser (Heizou's theme), Evening Luxury (Diluc and Fischl's outfit teaser) and Surasthana Fantasia (Nahida's theme).
Currently reading
Uhhhh.. I have far too many fic tabs opened, but two IceMav fics that I'm actively following are As Lions by @qin-ling (Time travel fic! The angst of Mav's now unreturnable original timeline and his Ice's death, but also hope in the form of getting to save Goose and befriending '86 Ice again!) and ICE - In Case of Emergencies by @derpinathebrave (post-breakup IceMav where Ice gets called as Mav's emergency contact after an accident. The title is already excellent but also the writing is impeccable).
Also I have a ton of Sandman fics opened before my brain took a sharp dive into TG fandom, so here's a fic I was halfway through: We have all the time in the world (a great exploration of Dreamling throughout their once-a-century-meet ups, where Dream is slightly more in-tuned to his feelings for Hob).
Currently watching
I just finished watching Season 3 of Mob Psycho 100. I (surprisingly) did not cry at the ending but the moment 99 (the season 1 OP) played in the final episode? Oo, good chills, it was so excellently done.
Currently consuming
All the Chinese New Year snacks. Actually, I can't eat most snacks yet because we're saving them for 初一 . But you know what you can't save for too long? Mandarin oranges. So many mandarin oranges. This is the best season for mandarin orange lovers :D
Currently craving
Milk tea (not boba. Just tea and milk variants, no tapioca pearls or other toppings).
Tagging @qserasera, @no-gorms, @solowinged, @kamicom (welcome back!), but only if you feel up to it. And if anyone else would like to pick this up, please feel free!
#saint--claire#replies#*#thank you for tagging me! this was fun to go through#I untagged the two IceMav authors whose fics I mentioned#because this post is mostly me rambling about stuff and i don't want to clutter up their notifications#but if you all like TG or IceMav you should follow them here on tumblr!#(and if they happen to see this post and these messy tags and feel up to answering these qs i would love to read the replies)#and also if you like TG and Hangster in particular then you should follow saint--claire! and read their fics!#looking back at my responses here - yeah i'm all over the place with my fandoms lol#what i read versus what i write are completely different lists
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➖ Mature content, 18+ ➖ check the trigger tags each time ➖
Chapter 44 - Entering Kris.
Episode 2.
Across town
Andy: He was on his way home, after another full night of staying awake. He had just been out, trying to find a place open, to buy some snacks. He sat slumped by the steering wheel, lost in thoughts, the music booming in his red 1969 Ford Mustang Boss.
Not paying much attention to the road, as the streets barely had people this time of year, this early in the morning.
Then suddenly, out of an alley, stepped an individual.
He stepped on the breaks, but still heard the inevitable BUMP and a thud on the ground as the person got hit.
FUCK!!! He rushed out the car and around to the front, looking at the person laying in a pile of snow… luckily
SHIT!!! Are you alright?!?! You came out of nowhere and it's slippery I-
Kris: The guy face-planted in the snow grunted a bit, then slowly sat up, wiping his face, looking at Andy with a tired expression
Andy: Oh… surprised to see it was a dude…. a handsome dude …. uh, are you uh… are you okay?
Kris: You barely bumped me he sighed soft and stood up, brushing his jeans lightly it's my fault anyway he mumbled in an equally tired voice
Andy: Well you came out of nowhere, but I honestly wasn't-
Kris: It's fine he forced a polite smile I haven't… it's cool… see you! he took another step out on the road
Andy: Wait! out of reflex grabbed the guys arm Sorry he smiled awkward and quickly let go again where are you going? I mean… if I can run you over, the least I can do is offer you a ride…
Kris: He shrugged lightly I don't know where I'm going, actually?
Andy: …… did you bump your head? he frowned worried
Kris: …. no he sighed lightly I live with a group of room mates… they've been partying all night, and apparently think it's hilarious to continue today… I haven't slept… I'm just kinda walking around aimlessly the past hours… I'm cold…
I'm grumpy… and I'm fucking exhausted… which explains why it's entirely my own fault and not yours… I just need to… find a quiet place at least…
Andy: His eyes got wider ….. well…… uh…. he chuckled hoarsely and pointed back at his car I'm on my way home… I technically have room mates too… but, my room is quiet… I got lots of snacks… I haven't slept either, and I was just on my way home to crash with a movie… I mean…. if you wanted to…
Kris: ….
Andy: …. no that's weird right?
Guy runs you over, and now asks you to watch movie with him and eat his snacks he chuckled even more awkwardly just forget I-
Kris: He shrugged lightly and walked around the car, grabbing the door handle Maybe I'm weird enough to accept the offer?
Honestly, anything that gets me off the streets… I'm fucking frozen solid at this point!
Andy: He chuckled hoarse and surprised, quickly walking back to his car and got in, unlocking the other door for the stranger
Kris: He quickly got in and slammed the door behind him Nice uh… car he forced another polite smile
Andy: Thanks… so uh… what's your name anyway?
Kris: Kris…
Andy: He nodded lightly Andy
Kris: ….
Andy: ….. right….. I'm uh he looked up and down Kris a bit worried I'm not kidnapping you, am I?
Kris: … no.
Andy: And you don't have a problem going home with a stranger who nearly killed you once already?
Kris: He sighed and shrugged lightly I'd be the perfect victim. No one would miss me anyway. Go ahead.
Andy: ……..oohhhkay he planted his hands on the steering wheel and slowly rolled the car around the snow bank, driving a bit more careful and alert now. But as he few seconds later rolled by Dalton and Malou's place, he caught a glimpse out of his eye…. Dalton and Malou, kissing in the snow, in the tiny front yard…. he slapped his steering wheel and speeded up GODDAMMIT!!!
Kris: He lifted an eyebrow, observing Andy …. is this where I regret getting into your car after all?
Andy: He snorted soft No… just…. someone I have a crush on… kissing someone else
Kris: …. oh? …. the blue haired girl?
Andy: …. you noticed them?
Kris: …..
Andy: …. actually the guy…. Dalton.
Kris: ….
Andy: …. I'm gay.
Kris: ….
Andy: ……
Kris: …. he looked at Andy with a small frown You want me to congratulate you?
Andy: He chuckled amused no, I'm just wondering if it's an issue for you?
Kris: …. no, why would it be?
Andy: He shrugged lightly and slowly turned the car into the side, parking in front of his house I live with 3 other men… 2 of
them I'm married to.
They are also married to each other… and the 3rd man is married to one of the two guys I am married to.
Kris: … how do you have time for all that?
Andy: He chuckled softly I have more partners than that he quickly grabbed a bag of snacks from the back seat and got out, looking back in at Kris You still want to come in?
Kris: He looked a bit hesitating at Andy… not because of his sexuality or partners, cause he really didn't have an issue, or find it his business anyway. In fact he was gay himself. Closeted though.
He sighed soft, it was more the matter of PEOPLE.
Kris wasn't the most social person, rather reserved as a matter of fact. But since he was already here, it would look wrong if he didn't give it a chance at least.
You said you had a private room, right?
Andy: Yeah he smiled encouraging
Kris: He was by now not only frozen to the bone, but also wet after having dived into the pile of snow, walking around outside by now, would definitely make him sick
Andy: Kris… he sighed a bit worried I don't want to force you to do something that-
Kris: He quickly got out of the car, slamming the car door I'm uh he stuck his hands in his pockets, observing Andy with a bit of a hesitating frown not that great with people…
Andy: Fuck me neither! he smiled bright we'll go straight to my room, you don't even have to meet the others.
Or I can drive you home if you rather
Kris: No he shook his head firmly. At "home" there were only drunk people and an ex waiting for him. An ex he still lived with, as he had nowhere else to go. No money, friends, family to crash with.
Anything is better than home.
Andy: He frowned soft at the second hinting message Kris had so far let slip … alright… follow me then…
He closed the car door and quickly walked towards the house, quickly unlocking the front door as they reached it Feel free to kick
your shoes here he said in a friendly and inviting tone, as he kicked his own boots off next to the door My room is right in here
*he gestured at a door next to them, go and make yourself at home, I'll just quickly tell the others I'm here and not to come running
*he smiled friendly and placed the bag of groceries on the floor, as he closed the door behind Kris* I'll be with you in a minute or two.
Then he rushed off further into the house
Kris: He looked around a bit, the house was big… but nothing flashy… cozy on the other hand. He slowly got his wet shoes off and grabbed the grocery bag, then quick and silently tipped over the floor, hurrying into Andy's room.
It was a good sized room. But he didn't see a tv? Just a bed and a computer desk with a computer on it? Maybe that's where this Andy person would be watching movies? He looked around and spotted a skylight above the bed Nice… he nodded lightly, then sighed as he walked further into the room. Was it stupid he had come here? Of course it was stupid! He had literally gone home with a stranger. Every policeman in SGI would call him the dumbest and easiest victim ever, if only they knew! Well… in that case it was good the police force of SGI wasn't that large after all.
Andy: Hey he smiled friendly as he walked into the room, holding a 6 pack of beers and two 1.5 L soda, one Mountain Dew and one Cola in his arms I didn't know what you drink?
Kris: He shrugged lightly Anything really…
Andy: He studied Kris with a small frown Your pants are soaked man.. and your jacket don't look much better… let me find you
some dry clothes you can borrow!
Kris: It's no big deal
Andy: You're shivering man! Of course it's a big deal!
*He hurried by Kris, placing the drinks on a chair, then walked to his closet, grabbing a random pair of sweatpants, socks and a hoodie, handing it to Kris as he returned to him.
There's a private bathroom downstairs.
Kris: Downstairs? he looked surprised at Andy
Andy: Yeah he chuckled lightly and pointed at a hole in the floor, and Kris instantly noticed the tip of a ladder reaching up through the floor I have another floor to my room, that's where my tv is, so we're heading down there.. if you still want?
Kris: He nodded lightly and rolled the clothes under his arm, looking a bit perplexed at Andy as now both his hands were full
Andy: He chuckled hoarsely
I'll climb down first, then you can reach the stuff to me.
Kris: Got it he nodded agreeing
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Do you like Hayffie?
Do you like them as a individual too? Or what factor made you think they are suit each other as a ship.
(Please tag others who like hayffie too, thank you so much😊)
@curiousnonny
I like Hayffie, but for some reason I do not love this ship. I do think Effie is a good character, but too underdeveloped to make me feel comfortable enough to ship her with anybody. Specially because she's Capitol! To us, Effie is the embodiment of the Capitol, of the forceful naivete in order to enjoy the luxury and all. I like her in the books and I like her even more in the movies, but I feel too uncomfortable shipping her with Haymitch because to me it would be impossible of him to have a relationship to anybody who was born an raised in the Capitol. Like Johanna and Finnick, he suffered too much in the hands of the Capitol for them to be able to love anybody that was even remotely partaking into their lifestyle and way of thinking. That's why I think that Hayffie kiss in the movies was cute, but at the same time was extremely uncomfortable for me. We see the movie!Effie seeing things under a new light, but not entirely. While in 13, I always saw Effie saying with a mocking tone that line about democracy being brought back into fashion even though its outdated. Effie is seen by us as a rebel but at the end of the movies she's using her pretty clothes again. To me, it meant she was struggling about understanding the rebels' cause, because she loved fashion and never-ending food too much to abdicate that in an instant to side with people who were suffering starvation, repression and many other horrible things. I never saw Effie as a good person. That's why I can't see her with Haymitch. He doesn't need someone like that. I think he would resent her throughout their lives if he was with her, you know? I think Haymitch would always beat himself up about loving someone that never truly understood why her privileges were so harmful to others, or why her wanting to dress all Capitol-like would be viewed as a slap on the face of every person that fought against the Capitol. I don't think he'd be too gentle to her because of that. Maybe their lives would be a mix of lovely moments and horrible fights. I think he would blame her for still liking Capitol fashion, for complaining about the lack of a variety of food at her disposal etc etc. Well, movie!Hayffie, at least. Book!Hayffie, I think, wouldn't have a good reason to get together. They don't have shippable moments in the books, nor they show signs of being able to even stand each other for too long. Maybe Haymitch could help her heal from her traumatic events during the rebellion, maybe? Still, book!Hayffie faceted same issues I pointed out earlier. I don't think they'd be good to each other.
I do love some conflict, though. Maybe I'm missing out on their potential? 🤔
And about liking them as individuals, I like Haymitch more than I like Effie, to be honest. I feel deeply about his past, all the post-game suffering he went through and of his struggles after the war. I love him as a character! Effie, though, I do think she should have been more developed so we could see more sides of her, you know? At the end of the series, I feel like I don't know her at all, nor could I connect with her to feel anything for her besides a superficial fondness because I like her style.
(I don't know other hayffie blogs, sorry @curiousnonny 😢)
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I really wish there was more time in the day :(
For anyone that was interested in seeing me post my Futurama episode reviews I'm so sorry I've been awol on here for the past few weeks! I promise I will make the individual posts for each episode up until now with the screen shots and what not on my next day off this Tuesday (which I will then prob queue throughout the week until we're caught up so I don't spam the Futurama tag), so pls bare with me T_T
Work's been awful now that back to school's started back up, and if anyone's ever done retail during this time of year, you may be able to sympathize with me when I say that sometimes I just want to go to lunch and not come back, thus making it difficult for me to find the motivation to do anything let alone interact with this blog, write reviews or fics, etc. :(
However, I am fortunate enough to have not just one special interest to keep me going during this difficult time, with the new Metalocalypse movie/Dethklok album coupled with the new Venture Bros. movie being the next 2 big things I'll probably be focused about on my blog, so while I have always posted about a grab bag of different things on here pls don't be surprised if moving forward you start seeing me suddenly spam reblogs involving these 2 shows (don't worry, I won't be posting any spoilers myself, and if you want me to tag anything I reblog as such, pls let me know)~
In short, aside from giving an update about why my Futurama episode posts haven't been, well, posted since I've been busy, I just wanted to let any new followers be aware in case they want to block certain tags since I plan on spamming reblogs for these topics for awhile, so if these things aren't your cup of tea here's your heads up! In the meantime, however, if you are a Futurama, Metalocalypse, or Venture Bros. fan, I hope you enjoy :3
Oh, and before I forget, part of what gave me the motivation to write this to begin with is because I was finally able to get my hands on not just the new Venture Bros. movie, but also the complete series box set as well lol
This isn't meant to be a flex or anything btw, I just love physical media, and after all the shit that went down with WB and HBO Max (which I originally subbed to to watch adult swim stuff) I'm just finally happy to own something that was a big part of my teen years~ Now just to get the new ATHF movie and the Army of the Doomstar and then I'll be good~
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wait. rb this and tag what saw trap would fuck you up the most, i'll start: it's the needle pit from the nerve gas house and by a Lot, i'm already scared to hell and back of singular medical needles in sterile environments i think if i'd been in amanda's shoes there i'd have just straight up quit, fuck getting out or fulfilling my job as an apprentice
#saw#saw trap#saw series#saw franchise#saw movies#that's enough i don't want to tag each individual movie#romeo.txt#horror tag
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Do you have any thoughts on the use of AAVE for Nile (or lack thereof) in TOG fanfiction? I've been reading some Book of Nile fic and some writers seem to write her as a Millennial™ (using words like "fave" and "woke") but never acknowledge her Blackness in her patterns of speech. I know we don't see her use as much AAVE in the films, but I would argue she's in situations where code-switching would be valued (first in a "professional" environment in the army, then around a group of non-Black strangers).
Hi anon! I have many thoughts on this and I'm honored you asked me! But I should start by saying I'm white and any thoughts Black fans and especially Black American fans have on this that they want to share would be beyond lovely. (I'm not gonna tag anybody bc that feels rude but please add onto this post if any of y'all see this and want to!)
The main reason I personally avoid AAVE for Nile in my own fics is because I'm not Black. But Nile-centric fics by Black writers tend to avoid using much of it too, at least from what I've noticed/understood, and my guess is it's largely for the reason you mention, that she's in situations that encourage code-switching.
In movie canon Nile is highly competent at tailoring her language to each situation she finds herself in. This fantastic linguistics analysis meta shows how skillfully Nile chooses her vocabulary and grammar to meet her goals with different conversation partners in different contexts. In comics canon Nile had a bunch of different civilian jobs before joining the Marines, so she would've had experience code-switching in the ways that made sense for all those different contexts as well as the Marines and her family and high school and wherever else she spent her time before we met her. And now she's spending her time with a handful of immortals none of whom are native English speakers and a fellow Black American but one with a Queen's English UK accent whose professional experience is in the CIA where high-status code-switching is often an absolute must for success or even survival.
Fics featuring Nile are charged with extrapolating from that to how it might show up in her use of language that she's coping with a traumatic separation from her family and her career and pretty much everything she's ever known and now she needs to be able to make herself understood to people who seem to care about her and each other but are super duper in crisis, three (soon to be four) of whom predate Modern English entirely and the only one who's anywhere near her contemporary she's not supposed to talk to for a century. All of these people are telling her that pretty much any contact with any mortals poses an existential threat to her and the rest of the group. How the FUCK is she supposed to cope with that, like, generally? And would it be a more effective way for her to cope if she talked to Andy Joe and Nicky using the speech patterns that she used to use with her mom and brother, to at least retain that part of her identity even if it means having to do a lot of explaining, or would it meet her needs better to prioritize Andy Joe and Nicky understanding what she means with her words over using the particular words and grammar forms she used with her family?
I've seen several fics, both Nile-centric / BoN and otherwise, explore this a little bit in how/whether Nile uses Millennial™ speak. It's often a theme in Nile texting Booker despite the exile because of the popular headcanon that he as The Tech Guy is the only other immortal who understands memes. But Nile's much-younger-than-Booker mom probably uses Boomer and/or Gen X memes and Andy has been adapting to new communication styles for forever as evidenced by her canon high level of fluency with standard-American-accented English.
Which brings us back to people avoiding AAVE because they're not Black and they don't want to make mistakes (or they're not Black and they don't want to get yelled at for making mistakes, though I think many people overestimate how much they'll get yelled at while underestimating how much these mistakes can hurt). I can imagine some Black fans hold back from using much AAVE in fic because they don't want to share in-group stuff with white people who are likely to then adopt and ruin it, as white people so often do with Black cultural stuff. Some links about this including a great Khadija Mbowe video. I'm saying this gently, anon, because you might not know: woke, an example you cited as Millennial™ speak, is AAVE, and that's gotten erased by so many white people appropriating it and using it incorrectly online.
And also there's the part where fandom is a hobby and you never know when you're reading a fic that's the very first thing someone's ever written outside of a school assignment. This cultural considerations of language shit takes a level of effort and skill that not everybody puts into every fic, or even could if they wanted to because they haven't had time to build their skills yet. It's definitely easier for non-Black fans to project our millennial feels onto Nile than to do the layers of research and self-reflection it requires to depict what Blackness might mean to Nile, and it's not surprising that often people sharing their hobby creations on the internet have gone the easier route. There's not even necessarily shame in doing what's easier. It's just frustrating and often hurtful when structural white supremacy means that 3-dimensional Black characters are rare in media and thoughtful explorations of them in fandom are seen by the majority of fans as not-easy to make and therefore Nile Freeman, the main character in The Old Guard (2020) dir. Gina Prince-Bythewood, has the least fic and meta and art made about her of our 5 main immortals.
I've been active in different fandoms off and on for twenty years and I barely managed to write 5,000 words about Sam Wilson across multiple different fics in the 7 years since I fell in love with him. There's an alchemy to which characters we connect with, and on top of that which characters we connect with in a way that causes us to create stuff about them. Something about Nile Freeman finally tipped me over the edge from a voracious reader to a voracious writer. It's not for me to judge which characters speak to other individuals to the level of creating content about them, but I do think it's important for us to notice, and then work to fight, the pattern where across this fandom as a whole Nile gets way less content, and way less depth in so much of the content that's in theory about her, than any of these other characters.
Anyway, back to language. My two long fics feature Nile with several Black friends — Copley and OCs and cameos from other media — but all of those characters except Alec Hardison from Leverage aren't American. It's very possible I'm guilty of stereotyping Black British speech patterns in I See Your Eyes Seek a Distant Shore. I watched hours and hours of Black haircare YouTube videos in the research for that fic and I modeled my OCs' speech patterns on what I heard from some of those YouTubers as well as what I've heard people like John Boyega and Idris Elba saying in interviews, but the thing about doing your best is you still might fuck up.
I'm slowly making progress on my WIP where Nile and Sam Wilson are cousins, and what ways of talking with a family member might be authentic for Nile is a major question I need to figure out. For that, I'm largely modeling my writing choices on how I hear my Black friends and colleagues talking to each other. I haven't overheard colleagues talking in an office in a long-ass time, but back when that was a thing, I remember seeing a ton of nuance in the different ways many of my Black colleagues would talk to each other. Different people have different personalities! And backgrounds! And priorities! A few jobs ago my department was about 1/3 Black and we worked closely with Obama administration staff many of whom were Black and there was SO MUCH VARIETY in how Black people talked to each other, about work and workplace-appropriate personal stuff, where I and other white coworkers could hear. There are a few work friends in particular who I have in my head when I'm trying to imagine how Sam and Nile might talk to each other. From the outside looking in, God DAMN is shit complicated, intellectually and interpersonally and spiritually, for Black people who are devoting their professional lives to public service in the United States.
One more aspect of this that I have big thoughts on but I need to take extra care in talking about is the idea of acknowledging Nile's Blackness in her patterns of speech. There's no one right way to be Black, and Nile's a fictional character created by a white dude but there are plenty of real-life Black Americans who don't use much or even any AAVE, for reasons that are complicated because of white supremacy. (Highly highly recommend this video by Shanspeare on the harms of the Oreo stereotype.)
Something that's not the same but has enough similarity that I think it's worth talking about is my personal experience with authenticity and American Jewish speech patterns. My Jewish family members don't talk like they're in The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, and I've known lots of people who do talk that way (or the millennial version of it), some of whom have questioned my Jewishness because I don't talk that way. That hurts me. Sometimes when another Jew tells me some shit like "I've never heard a Jew say y'all'd've," I can respond with "well now you have asshole, bless your Yankee-ass heart," because the myth of Dixie is a racist lie but I will totally call white Northerners Yankees when they're being shitty to me for being Southern, and this particular Jew fucking revels in using "bless your heart" with maximum polite aggression, especially with said Yankees. But sometimes I don't have it in me to say anything and it just quietly hurts having an important part of me disbelieved by someone who shares that important part of me. The sting isn't quite the same when non-Jews disbelieve or discount my Jewishness, but that hurts too.
Who counts as authentically Jewish is a messy in-group conversation and it doesn't really make sense to explain it all here. Who counts as authentically Jewish is a matter of legal status for immigration, citizenship, and civil rights in Israel, and it's my number 2 reason after horrific treatment of Palestinians that I'm antizionist. But outside that extremely high-stakes legal situation, it can just feel really shitty to not be recognized as One Of Us, especially by your own people.
It can also feel really shitty to be The Only One of Your Kind in a group, even if that group is an immortal chosen family who all loves each other dearly. Sometimes especially in a situation like that where you know those people love you but there are certain things they don't get about you and will never quite be able to. I'm definitely projecting at least a little bit of my "lonely Jew who will be alone again for yet another Jewish holiday" stuff onto Nile when at the end of I See Your Eyes Seek a Distant Shore she's thinking about being the only Black immortal and moving away from the community she'd built with a mostly-Black group of mortals in that fic. Maybe that tracks, or maybe that's fucked up of me.
Basically, this got very long but it's complicated, writing about experiences that aren't your own takes skill which in turn takes time and practice to build, writing about experiences not your own that our society maligns can cause a lot of harm if done badly, it can also cause a lot of harm when a large enough portion of a fandom just decides to nope out of something that's difficult and risky because then there's just not much content about a character who deserves just a shit ton of loving and nuanced content, people are individuals and two people who come from the exact same cultural context might show that influence in all kinds of different ways, identity is complicated, language is complicated, writing is hard, and empathy and humility and doing our best aren't a guarantee of avoiding harm but they do go a long way in helping people create thoughtful content about a character as awesome and powerful and kind and messy and scared and curious and WORTHY as Nile Freeman.
#nile freeman#linguistics#TOG POC Love Fest#nileweek2021#tog meta#tog#long post#mine#antiblackness#jewish things#hi i'm an antizionist jew no i don't really want to talk about it
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