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#that's how i've always seen it
andthebeanstalk · 10 months
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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originalartblog · 2 months
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Apparently much-needed reminder that reposting artists' art (by saving the images or screenshotting them and reuploading them yourself) on other platforms without the artists' expressed permission and without credit is theft and an insult to their passion and craft. You are profiting (in views, in attention, in feedback) from someone else's work and ideas, who do not get that feedback for sharing their creation.
If you are an art reposter, you are a thief and I have no respect for you.
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killjoy-prince · 16 days
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House M.D. but it's when Wilson says House's name
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zarla-s · 8 days
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I was cleaning up some broken links on my old silly Pokemon fansite, the Neglected Pokemon Lovers Unite (NPLU), and I realized that it has now been open for 25 years. TWENTY. FIVE. YEARS. That is an ASTONISHING amount of time for a site to stay open! Even if the last substantial update was like back in 2009 lol. The world around it has changed so much, but I think it's still valuable as a time capsule of a certain time on the internet. I wrote up a new essay about it on the site and did some general clean-up here and there.
Anyway to that end, since so much of the fic and art there is so old, I decided to compare Radic's oldest form to his newest! Radic was always a human boy but I just couldn't draw humans at the time so I made him a furry lol. Eventually I figured it out.
I also thought it'd be a neat challenge to mimic my own style back when it was really wonky and bad. And it was! It was kind of fun actually. I don't have too many shots of Radic from back then (it was hard to get art on the internet in the late 90's-early 00's), but I do have a few - hugging Kitsune, two old kiribans if you want to compare. I had a lot more old shots of Parasects though to reference unsurprisingly, they were very triangular lol. I think I did a pretty good job of matching what my art used to look like. I had a clear see-through Gameboy back in the day if you can't tell what Radic is holding lol.
("Isn't Radic the faceless avatar of your gamer self as depicted in Handplates-" yes, but Pokemon!Radic is the only one that actually became his own character, all the rest are shells)
If you do go poking around the NPLU, please keep in mind that almost everything there is very old and most of the fic and art is pretty bad (and shockingly violent). Plz do not judge me! My younger self was a cringey weeb but she was trying very hard. :<
[patreon]
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Recently got some DnD dice (got the essentials kit for christmas)
...I get it
I want to eat them
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#cats#outing myself once again as someone whos not attune whatsoever to human culture but - in all honesty I do not know#what 'psspsspss' means despite loving cats my entire life hghj.. I've just seen people online describe that as how you call a cat#but I have never in my life witnessed someone call a cat by making that noise or made that noise myself. I can't even think of an example o#it so I genuinely don't even know what that's supposed to be but. Included because I've seen it so much it must be something to someone#even when I was a kid I pretty much always just meowed to cats and tried to sound exactly like them or whatever meow I associated with them#obviously not literally saying “ME OW” but doing an actual cat meow. often times a kind of 'prrrow' sort of noise where you trill your tong#ue then lead into a softer vocal tone .. maybe like 'mrrrrauh' or something? Or sometimes just a trilling chirp immitating the#cat's ''mrrrrp'' they do sometimes. I used to mimic small kittens to get the attention of cats#with their like very high pitches squeky whine with a little bit of air out the nostrils at the end to imitate the sound of them having#tiny lungs that don't hold much air so with a long loud 'mew' it's sometimes a little strained near the end#Though usually I just imitate the cat that I'm around at the time. Sometimes I have done kind of a combination kissy lip sort of noise#tongue clicking. almost like tapping on the back of your front teeth with your tongue and sucking in. almost makes kind of a squirrel noise#ANYWAY... curiouse....
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some-pers0n · 4 months
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I need to like set aside a day to just study Sniper's character because the way he's treated in fandom VS how he's presented in canon material is so different and it's messing with my brain
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sneez · 10 months
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some viktors in czech and polish folk costume and a less specific miscellany from the past few months :-) i have to draw very very small with this pen which feels appropriate for him
[id: two pages of digital drawings done with a fine pixel brush. the first image is a series of coloured drawings of viktor standing in a variety of costumes. common articles across the outfits are puffy white shirts, colourful breeches, embroidered waistcoats, and decorative flowers. in each drawing viktor is smiling and leaning on his cane. the second image is a selection of drawings of viktor standing and sitting in various poses, looking generally cheerful. in one he is sitting next to barbie, who is smiling at him. the text beside it reads ‘Barbie (they are friends)’. end id.]
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densitywell · 2 months
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there's nothing orym would ask of the other hells that he wouldn't do himself, which is sort of the problem, really
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bleakbluejay · 1 year
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one benefit of the helmet, i imagine, is that nobody can see how scared you are, or how sad, or how lost. the severe and stoic features of the beskar conceal that world-weary little boy sometimes still hiding in the cellar.
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guardian-angle22 · 5 months
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Colson Baker (aka Machine Gun Kelly) | December 2021
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feenixmork · 1 year
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Been far too long since I last drew my initial magireco fave
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madseance · 7 months
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I keep seeing people suggest Crowley's presentation in 1827 was feminine, and listen—headcanon what you want, I'm not your mom. But the justification is that he's supposedly dressed in feminine, as opposed to masculine, clothing? He isn't. You're just looking at Regency fashion with 21st-century eyes.
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Both Aziraphale and Crowley are exemplaries of well-dressed gentlemen of the early 19th century, just in different styles.
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On the left, a many-caped greatcoat like the one Aziraphale is wearing; on the right, a coat with puffed sleeves and a narrow waist like the one Crowley is wearing. (Both images seem to originate from Journal des Dames et des Modes, 1811 and 1826, respectively.)
I also saw something about Crowley's fob watch actually being a chatelaine?
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Again, I have to disagree. What Crowley's wearing just looks like a watch chain, which both men and women wore. What you can see is the chain and a charm at the end; the watch itself is tucked into a pocket (same as with Aziraphale's).
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Watch chain (left; another plate from Journal des Dames et des Modes) vs. chatelaine (right, from here).
While a chatelaine could possibly refer to a decorative watch chain, the chatelaines specifically associated with women are the accessories worn by female heads of household or housekeepers (hence the name) to hold keys and other useful items. They could get quite elaborate. Crowley's doesn't look particularly like a chatelaine more than it looks like a watch chain, to me.
To sum up, there's not really anything I can see about Crowley's fashion choices in 1827 that specifically says "female presenting"; it all fits in with men's fashion of the time. You can headcanon whatever you want! But this particular era isn't one in which Crowley's wardrobe and styling definitively reads as feminine.
Note for a couple people with poor reading comprehension: TERFs are not welcome on this post. Fuck off.
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evilkitten3 · 1 month
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one pet peeve of mine in founders-era fanfics is when madara's whole,,,, everything is solved by izuna just being there
like maybe this is just me, but i don't think izuna surviving or even coming around to the idea of a truce with the senju would've been enough to keep madara from the path he ended up on.
izuna wasn't the reason he left - he was definitely part of madara's issues, but he wasn't the why. even if izuna had stuck around, and even if that had been enough to keep the uchiha clan from losing their faith in madara, i think he would've still come to realize konoha wasn't what he'd hoped it would be.
best case scenario, i think izuna's survival might've caused madara to stick around a bit longer, but i don't think it would've lasted. honestly, even then, that might've just made the inevitable break-up between madara and hashirama even more agonizing (particularly for izuna)
it's a fun idea to play around with for sure, but frankly i don't think canon!madara could've ever been 'saved' from that path. certainly not if the hidden village system ended up getting set up in the same way.
#naruto#naruto shippuden#meta#uchiha madara#uchiha izuna#senju hashirama#from the moment madara was born into that world he was doomed to walk that path i think#most fics that have izuna live and madara still leave that i've seen keep izuna's death as the catalyst. but moved down a bit#which i understand#but imo it'd be more interesting to explore how izuna would feel about his brother's choice#bc as much as people like to view izuna as like a super big bro supporter. he really REALLY isn't#his loyalty is to the uchiha clan#we're explicitly shown that if forced to pick between the clan's interests and madara's dream izuna will pick the clan#both as a kid when he and tajima fought tobirama and butsuma#and as an adult when he used his last words (or the last words hashirama ever heard from him) to further that divide#the clan chose konoha over madara. and i think izuna - as against the idea as he was to begin with - would've also#not bc he doesn't love his brother. bc his loyalty is and always will be to the uchiha clan#hell madara was the same until he was physically forced to stop#first by hashirama trying to use his own life as a bid for peace between their families#and later by the uchiha clan's rejection of madara himself#madara is like. if the doomed hero trope was the antagonist#having said all of that zetsu was never going to let izuna live bc he needed madara to get the eternal mangekyou sharingan#and izuna was the only one of his siblings who lived long enough to see him get the regular sharingan. so it had to be him#but like i said even if that weren't the case it wouldn't have mattered#madara believed that the end - the world of dreams - would justify the means. if izuna hadn't given up his eyes freely...#well. it's not like people didn't end up thinking madara had taken them anyway#i don't think even naruto could've saved madara really#the only thing anyone could've saved him from was dying alone#which is what would've happened if everyone except him was in the infinite tsukuyomi when kaguya came back#and honestly even tho all three of his deaths had other people there (hashirama then obito then hashirama again)
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uncanny-tranny · 19 days
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It's okay to just be binary you know
It's also okay to let trans people do whatever they want forever. Hope this helps.
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agapantoblu · 3 months
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Guinevere being tied to the pyre for treason and Arthur refusing to assist but hiding in the tower and watching from the windows and realising it's going to be too late so he asks Merlin please, just please, to bring the rain so as to delay the execution just enough for Lancelot to sweep in and save her. Arthur watching his knight saving his wife and them both running away as the rain falls, both unaware that the same king that passed the sentence was so gutted at the thought of their deaths that he broke all of his laws and crushed his own pride and begged for help just to see them safe and sound, if far away, if without him.
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