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jacksoldsideblog · 5 months

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can you talk a bit more about the self destruction aspect of fight club?

Yeah sure!

Fight club hits this interesting destructive nexus of nihilism, anarchy, marxist alienation, anti consumerism, and male sociology.

Starting with the marxist alienation bit; the fundamental underpinning of the novel is essentially that the narrator's job and society has driven him insane. He is part of a machine that trades human lives for inconsequential profit. His job is supposed to be about protecting people but instead it's about damning them. All his coworkers seem fine with this. He is getting away with it. His company is getting away with it. He is firmly aware of just how much his job and other jobs like his are accepted and accomadated for. He has no control over himself as a cog in the system. He knows he cannot actually stop what's occuring. He would just be replaced. The company would get away with it in the end. Ford Pinto. Etc.

This is inherently distressing. People don't naturally wish to do that. He sees no fruit of his labor beyond enabling death.

This alienation is common, and consumerism is given as a balm for all the post-industrial foie gras in the making in industrialized countries. Don't worry, all that angst and discomfort can be solved by buying things. Buy things. It will make you feel better. Buy things. It'll make you a better person. Buy things. It's a measure of success.

Nevermind that you're a feedlot for corporate profit.

This, too, chafes at the end of the day. Frankly, it develops this hate for the world that is like this, and for him, being a part of it. He finds everything including himself repulsive.

He, quite literally, can't sleep at night because of how fucked all of it is.

So what do you do? Honestly. How can you change it? Can you change it? Is it worth trying to fix?

It all feels meaningless. It feels pointless. It feels cruel.

In the 90s especially, there was a huge nihilistic push. I think it's important to consider ideological shifts like these in the framework of "how does this benefit the ruling class?"

nihilism has two thoughts on it, rejection and acceptance of nietzschian affirmation of life. do you reject and turn away from the world for its atrocities? do you embrace its horrors?

Fight Club, like most things, has a bit of both. Reject the world. Embrace the ugliness. Stew in your own shit.

But still, you still know it's all going on. You want to kill that corpse you're all rotting under.

Your reaction to this omnipresent pain of society is in very large part influenced by society itself. And society says, I'm indestructable. The shadow of history leans too large. You can't escape me.

And society teaches men, embrace destruction. Violence, war. Your ability to hurt is what makes you strong, full people. Your ability to destroy outweighs your ability to create — if you create, it's so you have absolute power to destroy.

So with abject hopelessness and a profound lack of creation instilled by society, he turns to destruction. Of himself, of society, of the burden of history.

He finds himself prone to anarchism, because his rebellion is based in the destruction of now and before, not the creation of a better future.

Even though, at heart, this is all a protest of the cruelty of this society against people, he finds himself unable to hate. Misanthropy, the easy drug, the one you are led to because it makes you far less effective at enacting change in society.

And misanthropy says hating people and especially yourself is good. Great even. And the rest of your burgeoning philosophy says, destroy. Destroy the past. Destroy now. Destroy your future.

So he goes and goes, until Tyler isn't real and he's about to blow up a building to destroy the burden of history, or blow up building to destroy credit scores, and he's kinda doing that martyr thing. Because he doesn't really have anything to live for, his idea of a future is vague and unrealistic. Because he's doing this to destroy.

But he stops it all.

And with the book, he realizes that we arent all simmering sacks of shit, not snowflakes either. We just are.

Misanthropy was useless. Destruction was useless.

Anyway, in my opinion it's just a very good ride of how these thought processes can interlock and feed each other to render your rebellion and anguish useless. Most of us won't try to bomb buildings of course, but this sort of mentality is actually extremely common. You see it a lot in environmentalism and climate change talk, which makes it so interesting to me that it's in the book too a bit. Again, that burden of history, that longing for destruction of unwanted responsibility.

It's a cautionary tale of sorts. Honestly I consider one of the biggest 'morals' of fight club to be; reject misanthropy. Don't hate thy neighbor. Try to build something.

The narrator isn't a cautionary tale against feeling that alienation and anger at society. It's just about, don't let it push you into making it worse. Don't lose sight of wanting something better.

#asks #fight club #what a ramble haha #i think you get the idea though

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salamoonder · 4 years

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Alright, so here’s the thing. At this point, I actually don’t care what Artagan has or hasn’t done and, morally, what that means. It’s irrelevant. Interesting, but irrelevant. What I want to talk about is what the Nein, excluding Jester, know about him, and what they do with this information, and how they cast judgment.

Here are things that the nein have actually seen: fleeting glimpses of a figure in a green cloak. one conversation with a giant archfey who has recruited jester’s help in planning a convention. further, fleeting glimpses. very very brief phrases.

Here are things that the nein have heard about him from jester: he’s pretty cool, you guys :) . he’s got a chaotic streak, like her. he helps her pull off pranks. he’s always shown up for her. he’s handsome. he taught her magic. he kept her company when her mom was busy. he is her first friend. he is her best friend. he is her oldest friend. she really loves him.

and yes, they know he misrepresented himself to jester for years. they know he sent them to an island where you lose your memory every night. they know that he is sketchy as fuck and they do not know if he means what he says. and that is reasonable and understandable and fair.

here is something that i don’t know if you guys know about abusers, regardless of if artagan is one or not. (and he’s not. i’m not even going to say i don’t think he is, he literally is not abusive. words mean something; stop throwing them around because you personally don’t like someone.) you cannot tell their victims that they are abusive or awful or manipulative or horrible, and expect that to help. that makes it worse. the same is true of cults. you cannot, and i mean CANNOT, make yourself hostile, because then the outside world is hostile, and the abuser is safe. the outside world is hostile, and the cult is safe. furthermore you’re reinforcing what every abuser and what every cult plants in their victim’s heads--i’m the only one who would put up with you. i’m the only one who really loves you. everyone else will be cruel to me, but i’m the only thing you have. even if the nein had reason to suspect that the traveler was straight up abusing jester instead of just weird and shady, that is not a good response.

no matter how bad artagan is or isn’t, fjord, caduceus, and beau are still being condescending. they are still failing to trust that jester knows what she’s talking about. they are still trying to coddle her, they are still treating her like a child, and i want to talk about that. i want y’all to see that they’re still treating her like she’s emotionally fragile. like individually, i want to talk about that, and also the fact that everyone seems to want to lump caleb into this. (and yasha?? yasha has barely said anything about him, y’all.)

i’m going to skim over caduceus a bit because i don’t think his is a jester-centric problem. he tends to just trust that he either has the correct answers to a situation, or that even if he doesn’t know what’s correct, he knows what isn’t. this arc has been very interesting, because it’s been a lot of “i’ll play along with this because it sounds intriguing, but i’m going to be very self righteous about it the whole time.” like. the “we’re good” when jester brought up transferring followers to melora is haunting me. why “we’re good”? i get cad’s philosophy that not everyone is going to flock to one god--that’s fine, that makes sense. but the implication of “we’re good” really makes it sound like “mmm no thanks, none of these people would end up in my cool and correct religion anyway.” because he doesn’t know! he doesn’t know if any of these people would actually be happier and better off with melora. or. maybe he does know, or has decided, that they wouldn’t be, because these are not the kind of people that he could see himself falling under the same moral umbrella as. (lmao love how i said i was going to skim. anyway. again, less a jester thing, more a “cad is smug about everything” thing tbh.)

let’s move to fjord. he is quite honestly making me almost more uncomfortable than beau, because he’s making statements that i don’t really actually believe. “we just don’t want you to get hurt” is all very well and good. coupling that with agreeing with beau that they shouldn’t leave jester alone with artagan? without telling jester? does not jive. (i’m still not over the ridiculous of that, by the way. yeah this dude--no, this ARCHFEY, who could snap you in half in a moment--has been alone with her regularly for the first 20ish years of her life but now, now he’s going to try and kill her, and you’re going to be the one to stop that.) fjord keeps saying things like this--that he trusts her--but he doesn’t actually act like it. at one point he even says “if jester has faith in the traveler, that’s good enough for me, i suppose.” but it’s not, and he doesn’t act like it is. you know who actually acts like that? caleb. caleb’s getting his own paragraph though this is getting long as fuck. but if fjord actually meant that? he would’ve told beau “listen i know this situation is sketchy and i don’t like him anymore than you do but because i trust jester i also trust that she knows what she’s doing here, and i’ll be there to back her up with whatever she needs/wants me to do”. but he did not say that or anything like that. instead he agreed with beau to essentially be bodyguarding jester--without consulting jester about it at all. he wouldn’t have told jester “he’s generally full of shit, right?” about the traveler. jester is continually telling the group over and over again that she knows what he’s like. she knows Exactly how he can be. and the sad thing is, if fjord actually believed that she knew what she was talking about when she said that and if he believed that he could actually talk to her frankly and not that her feelings had to be protected at all costs (my skin is still crawling at “we don’t wanna ruin jester’s special day”. it’s not a five year old’s birthday party), then he would have straight up told her. he would have said “hey we’re concerned enough that he’s going to hurt you that we don’t think you should be alone with him. can we help guard against that?”

and i’ll be honest, i’ve kind of been squicked out by all the romantic posts about fjord and jester because he’s spent the last few episodes genuinely treating her like a wonderful but vulnerable child who needs to be protected from the world. when he told beau "I'm probably the least clued in as to how jester feels” i was like YEAH NO SHIT. and i know he meant it in a romantic sense but i feel that it’s true in general. like i get that he’s scared to talk to her. that’s fine. he doesn’t have to talk to her about her feelings, romantic or otherwise. but if he’s acknowledging that he does not at all know how she feels then he has no right to behave as if he does know. and again i don’t mean this in a romantic sense. i mean it in a, he is making the assumption that she can’t handle reasoned criticism of the traveler to her face, kind of sense. he and beau both are opting for “random insults, threats, and judgments they have decided apply” over “genuinely this is why we are concerned”. there has been a lot of “you don’t need him” and “you are better off without him” and “you’re better than him” and “you have us why do you need that” and those are judgement statements that are essentially meaningless. all they do is further demonstrate to jester that they don’t actually understand why she’s upset or what she actually wants.

i think caleb, mr i-eat-encyclopedias-for-breakfast, likely just has a better intellectual understanding of the fae and that may be why he’s not as outwardly concerned as the rest, but he’s also actually decided to trust jester that she knows what she’s dealing with. she has demonstrated both verbally and with her actions that even if she may not have known about artagan initially, She Knows How This Works. and he trusts that. caleb truly went “alright, i trust that you know what you’re doing, where do you need me” and that was IT. i’m not saying that he’s not allowed to be suspicious or concerned or wary of the traveler: i just don’t think he is. and i hate that people keep lumping him in with the rest of the nein “treating jester like a child” because they think he’s predatory or something--especially as caleb and fjord are pretty much the same age--when he is literally the only FUCKING person consistently asking jester how she feels and then actually acting accordingly.

and the thing is, you don’t have to be caleb and largely unconcerned, it is actually possible for you to show concern and alarm and wariness for your friend’s best friend without condescending to them and veth has been doing that this whole damn time. we know how she feels about him; she decidedly does not like him. but she set that aside to really fully listen to jester and then tried to be helpful to her in deciding what to do next, without inserting her own opinion. veth is the only one acknowledging that, sure, this looks really bad and i don’t like that guy, but you know him best, jester, and you know yourself best and so it should be your choice what to do in this situation. she reminds jester--if he is really a friend to you, and he is doing things you don’t like, then you can talk to him about that and he should listen. i want to talk about how when jester suggested that artagan join the mighty nein, there were exactly three reactions. extremely lame excuses from everyone but caleb and veth, “maybe, like, an annex--” from caleb, because he knows what everyone else is gonna say, and “we don’t like your friend” from veth, literally the only person who has apparently decided that jester can hear that without dissolving into a puddle or something.

and i want to make it clear--i don’t hate the actors. and stories are supposed to make you upset and uncomfortable, to an extent. they’re supposed to make you think. you’re not supposed to be happy when darth vader blows up alderaan. you’re not supposed to be happy when edmund betrays his siblings to the white witch. these are all excellent, excellent character choices and i applaud the cast for making them. and i don’t hate fjorester. and like yeah there have been a lot of cute moments in the last few eps. and they are cute and their story is compelling and it’s interesting. but i wish people would stop acting like fjord’s attitude towards her is perfect and lovely and that he trusts her sooo much when he is going behind her back like this. i am...the biggest widomauk shipper. and i have to admit my heart does the swoopy thing every time i rewatch the forehead kiss. but that wasn’t great. it was overall really not a good read or handle of the situation. it was, there was an attempt. and i do think fjord is trying. and i think beau is trying too. and i think all of their attitudes however terrible just come from a place of loving her and wanting to protect her. but--and here i must point frantically back at artagan--loving someone does not mean that you’re not hurting them.

#artagan #the traveler #jester lavorre #fjord #beauregard lionett #caleb widogast #veth brenatto #the mighty nein #critical role #critical role spoilers #cr spoilers #thane watches critical role #long post

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enderspawn · 3 years

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It's alright if u don't wanna answer this cuz this argument gets people really riled up but do you think c!Techno is a tyrant or nah?

Cuz many c!techno apologists argue that he isn't just cuz he's an anarchist but I've also read a lot of essays that go against it and it'd be really interesting to see ur opinion on this

i think he, in some contexts, can most definitely be called tyrannical, yes. a tyrant? no.

to avoid spamming ppl w discourse we've all def heard before (and bc this ended up MASSIVE (like 2.3k ish), but fairly in depth bc i didnt wanna speak out of bad faith and wanted to be EXPLICTLY clear-- oops), the rest will be under readmore

so heres the thing i want to preface: i used to really LOVE c!techno. i joined beginning of s2, right when exile started, and he was arguably my favorite character. since then though i've fallen out with him a LOT, to the point i almost... actively despite him at times (though mainly in a toxic kind of way which i can acknowledge is flawed).

in short, his actions started to speak louder than his words and i lost investment in his personal character struggles because of the actions he took (doomsday was my breaking point. i get feeling angry and betrayed, as well as seeking revenge against lmanberg, but his actions went too far for me to CARE and it hurt so many more characters as well.)

so when i speak, i come from a place of disliking him but also somewhat understanding the position c!techno apologists come from: i used to be one of them myself.

NOW, do i think he's a tyrant? no. for reference in my analysis, i try to look up the definition of terms to make sure they are utilized properly. while "tyranny" and "tyrannical" can have multiple uses, tyrant itself is a more specific term. to combine the top two definitions, a tyrant is referring to "an extremely oppressive, unjust, or cruel absolute ruler (who governs without restrictions, especially one who seized power illegally.)"

techno's position as an anarchist, imo, DOES indeed make him unable to be a tyrant. tyrants are rulers with very clear power over others from a structural way. anarchists are about the lack of structure or power over others and instead viewing the people around you as equals in power.

in forming the syndicate, they very explicitly worked to not designate a leader and instead make it so that no one would have any power over the others systemically. techno may have taken a integral role, yes, but it doesn't make him suddenly "the leader", its a role that wouldve had to be filled by someone (even if it was democratic to decide who to invite, they'd need someone to hand over the invite itself yknow? like no matter WHAT there needed to be A ROLE)

one could argue that he IS a leader in the shadow hierarchy of the syndicate (which, yes, is a real and professional term used in management courses despite sounding like it comes from a 4kids yugioh dub) in that everyone CONSIDERS and looks to him a leader without him having any actual structural basis behind it, but to argue that allows him to be a tyrant is in bad faith i believe. especially because to the people he would be "ruling", he ISNT oppressive, unjust, or cruel. they are his friends and support network and critical for a lot of his personal development (since feelings of betrayal and trust issues are critical to his character and why he acts the way he does). I wish we were able to SEE this develop more, but oh well.

but like i said: tyrant is fairly specific in definition. TYRANNY, and thus TYRANNICAL are not as limited. I've discussed their definitions here. originally, i made that post because i was angry at a take i had seen that claimed that, like you said, because techno was an anarchist and not part of any government or leadership position, he couldn't be tyrannical. to which i heartily disagree.

for something to be tyrannical, they simply must have an overarching/oppressive power over someone or something. it would not be inaccurate if i were to say that something is "under the tyranny" of a concept, because what it means is that something is under the power of another thing/concept. you can frankly call anything tyranny if it is widespread/overarching and you don't like it. mask mandates? tyranny, its forcing me to act in "rigorous condition". hell, theres even such things as tyranny of the majority in which people agree too much on one thing and it gives them unfair power or tyranny of the minority where people with minority opinions have too much power (thats a very grossly oversimplified definition of both, but it covers the base idea well enough for my point)

the point im making above isnt meant to be taken as "anything can be worked to be defined as tyranny thus it is a meaningless claim", it is that tyranny (and again, thus tyrannical) are very open and nonrestrictive terms.

to make it easier to define, alongside the definitions provided i want to add an explicit clause that is (imo) implied in the original definition: tyranny is... well, bad. that is to say if someone has power over a group but literally everyone is fine with it and agrees to it, its not tyranny. thats just a group of people getting along and one happens to have power over another. a leader does NOT equal a tyrant (as discussed above), so leadership should not be equated with tyranny.

thus as an example: wilbur acting as president (before the election) may have been "unelected" with power over his citizens, but no one was upset with that power. thus, he is not a tyrant and not acting tyrannically (as well as the fact his power was, arguably, NOT rigourous or absolute but thats another topic for another time). SCHLATT however IS a tyrant, as his power was absolute (he did not consult his cabinet) and forced people to comply instead of them complying willingly, thus he was acting tyrannically.

now to finally get to the damn point of this essay: where does c!techno lie? honest answer? it depends slightly on your perspective, but it depends a LOT on the future of the syndicate.

techno is incredibly clear in his goals: no governments, no corruption. in fighting with pogtopia, he is actively working to topple a tyranny-- he isn't tyrannical for doing that.

when he strikes out on nov 16th, it is because he opposes them forming a new government. when they oppose him and disagree, he launches an attack against them. is this tyranny? maybe, but probably not. he IS trying to impose his own physical strength and power (as well as his resources) over the others to stop them from doing what HE doesn't want them to do.

however its more nuanced than that:

1. hes lashing out emotionally as well as politically. he feels betrayed by those he trusted and he believed that they would destroy the government then go (i'm ignoring any debates on if he did or did not know that they planned another government, though it is a source of debate). but typically idk about you but i dont call tyranny for someone fighting with another person.

2. he also may be acting with good intent again, in HIS EYES. if tubbo was part of manburg, whos to say he wont be just as bad? he, in his pov, is likely trying to stop another tyrant before they rise.

3. and finally, and tbh the most damning from any perspective: he gives up. he quickly leaves then RETIRES without intent to try and attack again until he is later provoked. tyranny is defined by it not just being power, but power being USED. if he doesn't use his power to try and impose any will, then he's not tyrannical.

Doomsday I am also not going to touch very in depth on for much of the same reasons. My answer is again a "maybe", depending on the weight you personally place on each issue:

1. he's lashing out as revenge for the butcher army and as revenge against tommy for "betraying" him (though this one we explicitly know he was ignoring the fact tommy did not want to go through with it, however he still did trust and respect tommy regardless so his feelings are understandable anyway)

2. he sees new lmanberg as corrupt and tyrannical (which is undeniable: house arrest for noncompliance, exile without counsel, execution without trial, etc), and thus obligated to destroy it

but also, theres the implicit understanding he's doing this to send a message: do not form a government, or else. its a display of force that also works to warn others unless they want a similar fate. phil even explicitly states that he is doing so to send that message, so one could assume techno is doing the same alongside his personal reasoning listed above.

what i just described is the use of a oppressive and harsh (physical) power in order to gain compliance from people (that compliance being 'not making a government'). does that sound familiar? exactly. it follows the definition(s) of tyranny given previously. technoblade is acting in a way that is, by very definition, tyrannical.

so the debate shifts: is he valid in doing so because he is trying to PREVENT corruption and tyranny. like i said, new lmanberg was undeniably corrupt at points. i held nothing against techno for trying to topple manburg, so does that apply to new lmanberg as well? short answer: i dont know. it depends on your specific opinion of what is acceptable. its like the paradox of tolerance: to have a truly tolerant society, you have to be intolerant of intolerance. to have a truly non-tyrannical society, do you need to have a tyranny enforcing it?

personally (and bc im a lmanberg loyalist /hj) i say it is. regardless of the corruption of new lmanberg, they are also giving a threat to EVERYONE. even those who are innocent, they are presented with the exact same threat and rule set: if you make a government, you will be destroyed.

(which, small divergence here, is part of why debating c!techno is so frustrating. so many times you end up hitting a "well it depends on your political views" situation and there ISNT a correct answer there. im here to analyze characters for fun, not debate political theory)

so: the syndicate then. this is where this debate really "took off" and i think its due to one very specific miscommunication about its goals and plans. the syndicate, upon formation, declares itself to stand against corruption and tyranny. when they are found, the syndicate would work to destroy it. so heres the golden question: what do THEY define as corruption and tyranny? if you were to go off c!techno's previous statements, seemingly "any government" is a valid answer. however, he also states he's fine with people just being in groups together hanging together.

what then DEFINES A GOVERNMENT for them? what lines do they have to sort out what does "deserve to be destroyed" and what does "deserve to exist freely"

this is a hypothetical i like to post when it comes to syndicate discourse:

i have a group of people. lets say 5 or so for example. they all live together and build together. any decisions made that would impact the entire group they make together and they must have a unanimous agreement in order to proceed, but otherwise they are free to be their own people and do their own thing. when you ask them, they tell you they are their own nation and they have a very clearly defined government: they are a direct democracy. does the syndicate have an obligation to attack?

there is absolutely no hierarchy present. there is no corruption present. but, they ARE indeed a government. is that then inherently negative? my answer is fuck no (see the whole "difference between a tyrant and a leader" thing above).

but THATS where the issue of this discourse LIES. in some people's eyes, the answer to that is YES. techno's made it clear "no government" is his personal view, but does that spread to the syndicate as a whole? do they act preemptively in case it DOES become corrupt? is it inherently corrupt because its a government, regardless of how it is ruled? the fact of the matter is because of how little we've seen the syndicate work as a SYNDICATE, we don't know that answer. so we're left to debate and speculate HOW they would act.

if the syndicate were to let that government exist, then they are not tyrannical. they are showing that they are working to stop tyranny and corruption, just like in pogtopia again.

if the syndicate were to destroy/attack that government, then they are tyrannical. simple as that. they are enforcing a rule of their own creation without any nuance or flexibility under the threat of absolute destruction.

miscommunication in debates comes, in my opinion, in the above. of course theres more points of nuance. for example:

would the syndicate allow a government like i had described with early lmanberg, where there is an established hierarchy but everyone in the country consents to said leadership? on one hand, there is no tyranny or corruption present which is what they are trying to work against. on the other hand, theres more a possibility of it occuring. perhaps they'd find a middle road between the two binary options of "leave or destroy" i am presenting, such as checking in occasionally to ensure no corruption occurs.

but if they were to destroy it without, for lack of a better word, "giving it a chance" they would be, in my opinion, tyrannical. they would be going aginst their words of opposing corruption and instead abusing their power to gain compliance.

your/others opinions may differ, again it depends on if you see it as worth it to possibly stop future tyranny or if a hierarchy is INHERENTLY a negative thing.

part of the reason so many blog gave up this debate, beyond not getting very clear answers for the syndicate, is because of the nuance present. there. is. no. right. answer. every single person will view it differently, because there is no universally agreed upon truth of right or wrong here. BUT, i hope this helps shed some light on the discussion and my thoughts on it

#dream smp #mcyt #techno #syndicate analysis #YEAH IM MAINTAGGING WHAT OF IT #also i-- idk if it should be crit tagged? i tried to be as fair and open as possible #lemme know what yall think #ANYWAY ANON IM SO FUCKING SORRY THIS THING ENDED UP 2.3K WORDS LONG #I JUST RLLY WNATED TO BE THOUROUGH AND AS FUCKING CENTRIST /HJ AS POSSIBLE FJDKSLFJ #its very nuanced and theres no right answer but you sure as hell know mine now #answered #anon #im at work rn im gonna get fucking fired for this FJDKSFJKL #/HJ HOPEFULLY IN THAT I AM AT WORK BUT I WONT GET FIRED #og post #(jeb bush voice) please clap

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spade-riddles · 3 years

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Submission:

Hi there! I’m the anon who asked for a conversation about what we (as Kaylors) actually fear from Karlie and Taylor letting the world assume Jerk is the baby’s bio dad. Switched to submission format because the Tumblr word count is tiny and asks get eaten and muddled, which makes it really hard to express yourself properly 😅

First I wanted to say thank you for engaging in a mature discussion about this. I really appreciate it. A lot of other blogs have either stopped believing Karlie and Taylor are together any more, or are more idealistic and don’t want to even talk about a less than perfect outcome to this story. It’s frustrating because while I understand the need for optimism (I feel that need too!) I don’t want us living in la la land and feeling disproportionately upset if we don’t get our perfect ending.

So. I should probably lay out where I stand: I think there is a high likelihood Karlie and Taylor will let people assume the baby is Jerk’s, at least at first. My reasons are simple.

1) The baby is due very soon. Taylor is used to sneaking around and we’ve talked before about how she is able to live in secrecy. The pandemic has definitely made that easier for her. But a baby is a whole different ball game. It will be frankly exhausting to sneak around pretending she’s not a mom, hiding her baby. And the more she hides it, the higher the risk of it being exposed by social media and becoming a huge gossip story. Taylor Swift’s secret baby! Kissgate was bad enough, I don’t think Taylor would want to risk a Babygate.

For this reason, she’s going to move soon to incorporate Karlie back into her life. Probably as a new single mom friend who is staying with / spending a lot of time with her after her marriage break up. The story may even go out that the feud rumors were bogus all along and the girls were good friends the whole time, and Taylor gave Karlie the strength to leave her bad relationship. I expect Tay to be named godmother, which will allow her to be seen more with bub while the full picture is waiting to fall into place.

2) So Taylor and Karlie are being seen together once more. Taylor looks like a great friend, Karlie’s image is slowly being rehabilitated as Taylor goes on a charm offensive, and the baby is a fixture in Taylor’s life that people think is sweet, but don’t really question because she’s supposedly still with J*e.

No-one talks about J*sh at this stage. No-one interacts with him on social media, and they do their best to limit any media mentions of him as “Karlie Kloss’s baby daddy”. This is easier than it seems. Taylor has connections at Vogue, Karlie owns W, and Tree is an expert at shutting down unwanted stories. Any publication that wants future access to Taylor or Karlie will play ball, because why wouldn’t they? No-one is that invested in linking Karlie to a past beard forever, and no-one wants to bully a newborn child over a connection insiders will know isn’t even real. Sure, Scooter and his Page Six sock puppets will probably churn out articles stirring the pot, but that’s nothing new. The girls can ignore it or deflect attention, as they do now.

3) Stage three of the plan sees the resurgence of “Kaylor” as a thing people are shipping. Hardcore fans will obviously know they’ve been together all along, but the wider public will start to wonder if Taylor has deeper feelings for Karlie, or if Karlie left her husband because she hopes to “get back together with” Taylor and take another go at their 2014 relationship. People start to link past songs to Karlie and speculate that lingering feelings for her “best friend” are what has stopped Taylor locking it down with J*e. J*e is boring and only seen on miserable pap walks with Taylor, but Karlie is seen hanging out with her and their friends in happy, seeming domesticity. People begin to talk about how much like the old carefree Taylor Tay seems again. The sunshine effect in full swing.

4) Eventually Toe break up and Kaylor are revealed to be in a relationship. You’ll never please the homophobes but by now most fans are happy for Taylor. Taylor, who has de facto raised the baby since birth, jokes that she’s “daddy”. Karlie gives a more serious interview about what a wonderful parent Taylor is and how she has always considered her as much the baby’s mom as she is, because she was there all along and never gave up or walked away. She won’t be drawn on her ex husband but does make a statement about “what a great influence” Taylor is on their child. Etc etc. By now we’re a few years out from the Trump administration and J*sh is still known and disliked, but is hardly a household name. He was only ever “famous” (I use the term loosely) for being Karlie’s beard.

People can disagree with me on this. Yes, his family are odious and will be in trouble for years to come, probably. But J*sh has always been a fringe member. He’s not Jared or Ivanka, who people really know and hate. He’s more like his father - people know he’s shady like the rest of them, but most people couldn’t immediately pick his face out of a line up, and they don’t know the details. I’m sorry, but it’s true. The general public don’t care about Jerk half as much as Kaylors do. Once he loses his celebrity connections he’ll fade from public consciousness. You think I’m kidding, but I’m not. How many people reading this right now would know if Dick Cheney passed them in the street? Not many, I’m guessing. Time passes and memory fades. People will “know” he’s the father, but in a fuzzy way, and soon enough it will fade to the point where this is brought up as surprising information. People won’t even remember she was married to him. It’ll become weird trivia that no-one really wants to talk about anyway, because it seems disrespectful.

5) At this point, people either assume Jerk has a private relationship with the child, or they notice how Karlie never ever talks about him and speculate that he’s estranged from the child. It’s likely Karlie and Taylor would then go down the route of having Taylor officially adopt the baby at this point, though a public marriage would probably predate that, and all these things take time to roll out and seem natural. Even U-Hauling it!

If J*sh is smart, he’ll keep quiet during all of this. If Kaylor were smart, they would have engineered reciprocal NDAs, where Karlie can’t reveal their marriage was fake, but Jerk can never speak about the baby in return. And I think he might go along with this policy of silence. Remember, what he was always getting out of the arrangement with Karlie was that he appeared straight. Why throw all that away? He won’t want any real involvement with the baby, because it isn’t actually his. But it suits him that people think he got a woman pregnant, and it suits him that he can pretend to be a dad. Just “a private dad” who doesn’t see his kid much. Yes, we might get some annoying stunts where he tries to pretend, but if Karlie and Taylor continue to never give him any oxygen, it’ll eventually reach a stage where people can choose their own version of reality. Some people will think he’s involved and some won’t, but most people frankly won’t care either way.

And I do think that’s the ideal scenario for both of them. Sure, Karlie could eventually leak gossip stories suggesting he’s not the dad. But that would be a hit to her reputation at a time when she is actively trying to rebuild it. WE might all be passionately anti-Jerk and gleeful at the idea of a cheating narrative, but I don’t think it would go down so well with the wider public. He may be from a scummy family but he’s always been viewed as “the one who’s not as bad”, and Karlie still made the apparent choice to marry him. Even if he was scum it would look bad to treat him like that after pretending she loved him .To say that she cheated with some meaningless random guy and got knocked up by him, and this other dude has never even been involved with the kid … . I won’t mince words here. It would make Karlie look terrible. People won’t be saying “ha ha he got what he deserved”, they’d be saying “ wow, Karlie is a sloppy mess”, “wow, how cruel to get knocked up behind her husband’s back”, and finally “wow, Karlie seems so unstable, she’ll treat Taylor badly too and bring trouble down on her head. She probably only even got back with her because she didn’t want to be alone. Taylor should RUN!“

This is NOT the impression they want people to have of Karlie. Which brings me to:

6) Karlie’s reputation has suffered enough, and Taylor knows it. Taylor is no stranger to pivots, and she’s no stranger to playing the long game. What’s most important to her at this stage? I think it’s that she gets to live a free and open life with the woman she loves and the child they’re raising together. I don’t think she cares who is assumed to be, basically, the sperm donor. She will be daddy with this plan, and that’s what counts. So yeah, I think she would go for it. It’s a sacrifice I think she would make.

And really, if he’s not involved in the baby’s life, is it even a sacrifice? We all talk about the “association” around here, but the child won’t have any actual contact with him and Taylor can freeze out any mention of him in the media. There is no actual threat to the child that I can see. Letting people assume he’s the father is NOT the same as letting him into the baby’s life. Kaylor not correcting people’s assumptions doesn’t mean they’re going to actively stunt with him. They can just choose to say nothing, the way they did with the “feud”.

What’s the worst that will happen if people assume the baby has K*shner DNA but is estranged from the family? Seriously, people. Give me answers.

Not just “I don’t want people to think Taylor’s baby has his icky genes”. Because genes don’t make a person and they don’t necessarily make a family either. Taylor’s love and parenthood would not be ANY less if it was assumed she was the adoptive mom with no biological link to the baby. The baby would not be assumed genetically evil for having a few chromosomes from that awful family. Tr*mp’s own sister has been one of his biggest critics, remember? Genetics don’t dictate your politics or your moral compass.Only a fool would actually seriously accuse an innocent baby of being some kind of devil spawn, just because they thought it was Jerk’s.

The K*shners can’t claim or take the baby. They can’t force Karlie and Taylor to stunt with them. So there’s no “using the baby to whitewash Jerk’s reputation”. There’s no putting the baby in danger. And the media aren’t going to bully the baby, because it’s poor practice and would make them look terrible, as well as costing them potentially lucrative future relationships with Karlie and Taylor.

Taylor isn’t “letting Jerk take credit for her baby” either. Not if they refuse to stunt and if it plays out the way I described. Taylor will eventually get recognition as the baby’s real other parent, while Jerk is phased out. Taylor is patient. For the end game I believe she could stand a few months of this.

I’ve turned it over and over in my head and this is the only realistic solution I can see. All our other theories - Karlie pretends to be Taylor’s surrogate, Karlie pretends she slept with someone else, Karlie and Taylor expose the fake marriage, all of those theories - they all seem like wishful thinking. They would never be credible outside our tiny fandom of people who want any memory of Jerk purged forever. (Not possible. The Jerklie history will always exist on the internet, just like Taylor’s supposed “relationship” with Calvin.) We just have to let it go. Separate our heightened negative feelings from the actual likely long term consequences.

This is what will probably happen, if we’re being really sensible and honest with ourselves. We need to stop being so absolutist and thinking it’s the end of the world, because it really doesn’t have to be. It can be just a bump in the road instead. I think we’d all be a lot happier if we adjusted our outlook about this possibility, to be honest. This all or nothing way of thinking is creating so much unhappiness and stress, I hate to see it. We need to just breathe!

I truly believe we won’t get everything we want - but good things are coming.

This is so long, sorry! But I had a lot to say.

Yours,

let’s call me, Pragmatic Anon

#i am posting this only because you put a lot of time into it.#i said i was done with this topic #you ignore a critical part of this? Why should he get any credit for this child #why should this child be stained for no reason #there is absolutely no reason to put this burden on taylor or the child #none #he has nothing to do with it #i will be absolutely stunned if they use their child as part of a publicity stunt #no words #submission

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flappi22 · 3 years

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15.18 vs 15.20: a two speeches's confrontation

In the last episodes of Supernatural we have two big goodbye-speeches (Cas&Dean's), both leading to a main character's death, with both of them choosing to say goodbye by saying something not strictly about them but more about the person they're leaving behind: Cas talks about Dean, Dean about Sam. And these are two very important moments for the show, Cas and Dean's final moments with us, they should both be monumental, they should both carry the same amount of honesty and raw emotions and the "yeah, this is so right for them" reaction from the audience, but they don't. One works, the other doesn't. At all. Simply as that. But why? What's the big difference between them?

Cas's speech is a gift for them both, it's freedom for him and validation for Dean, it's a moment of truth and growth. It adds something, it doesn't take away. Dean's speech destroys everything, leaves just pain and despair and no hope for the future. Not for Dean, not for Sam.

When Dean is dying and he is speaking to Sam in the barn (10 minutes of a frankly anticlimactic speech they should have used for, you know, call an ambulance maybe?-but whatever) he decides to use his last moments to praise Sam by devaluing himself, destroying years of self-acceptance and character development, years of choosing life and love over trauma and death.

It's a last elogy to Sam and Dean's copendency, copendency they finally managed to resolve in their adult years, building a solid, healthier and more balanced relationship. It's a speech out of time, out of context and out of character. This isn't Dean. This isn't Sam. For the first time ever I almost didn't recognize our boys.

Dean doesn't say I'm proud of us, he says I'm proud of you. He says that his life is meaningless and he's just a burden and he should die because he doesn't deserve a life, but Sam does, he's dying and he tells his brother "this is good, let this happen because without me you can finally have the perfect and happy life only you deserve". He looks at Sam and says "you are the only good thing that I've ever done and now my job is over, there's nothing more for me here and dying is the last thing for me left to do". And... wow. I don't even know where to start. I could feel in my bones how wrong all of this was the moment Dean started speaking the first (and only) time I saw the episode.

Not only the pacing of the scene was someway off, the speech fairly too long and irrealistic for someone who claims that he's dying and there's nothing to do about it, the words flat and empty (remember the beauty of the "there's nothing past or present that I would put in front of you" in Sacrifice? Dean's monologue when Sam first died in season 2? The simple but so so powerful "I'm proud of us" in season 9?). And the really awkward forehead touch that you just know that's not them (Sam& Dean are both pretty psychical with each other in a life and death situation, they hug, they touch their face or their arms, they carry each other, but not that, that's just not their kind of intimacy, and after fifteen years watching them you just know it). Not only all of that, but the horrible and very dangerous truth this story wants to communicate: Dean is tired and is giving up, and Sam lets him.

There's no peace in this scene, no closure, there's just pain, fear, discomfort, self-hate and a death-wish that, in the end, finally wins.

And you can feel that not everyone was on board with this choice. Jensen is an amazing actor, we all know that. He did his best with the material he had, his acting was on point, but his heart wasn't in it. It was obviously an important moment for him, and he did good because Dean deserved a proper goodbye, because Sam&Dean's last scene should have been epic, because he's a damn good actor and he's always professional, but we all know by now that he probably hated this ending, and if he felt even half of the hurt and disappointment we still feel now well, it probably wasn't pretty, it had to hurt and you can see it in his acting.

I didn't cry at all during that moment. And I'm still mad they took that away from me. My favourite character is dying, my favourite show is over and I can't even cry. If you fail to get an emotional response from your more invested fans on your last episode of a 15 years show then you probably did something very very wrong and that's it.

But when Cas is speaking to Dean, he's shining. He speaks with confidence, his words are fearless and yet we have never seen him so open and vulnerable before. He cries but there's strength in those tears, there's joy, there's so much feeling, and you look at him and you cry too, because the intensity of those emotions are just so overwhelming, so raw, so real. He's proud of what he's doing, proud of the courage it took to finally be able to say out loud what he's feeling and how much he loves, how much he adores the man in front of him. He speaks about Dean and he tells him that he's worth it, worth of his love, of everything good this life has to offer. He brings up all Dean's more profound fears and he destroys them one by one, validating him, their bond and the feelings he's showing at the same time. It's beautiful, heartbreakingly beautiful. Such an honest and refreshing moment. Yes, there's sadness, there's pain, but the whole scene, the words, the pacing, how they look at each other, the music, all of this is just right. You can feel it. It's perfect. Cas dies by speaking his truth, freeing himself and them both from the restrains that years of silence brought on them, using this moment to cherish the man he loves, to make him see how much he deserves this adoration, how much his life is worth it, how much their lifes are worth it.

Cas's sacrifice is a choice, he's not saying "I want to die", he's saying "every moment with you was already a gift, I'm happy with just being with you and feel what I feel, but if this is what it takes to save you once again I'll do it in a heartbeat". He doesn't want to dismiss the importance of his life, he celebrates the power and the beauty of such feelings, this confession brings him, brings us, happiness and hope. In the end love (and therefore life) is stronger than Death, stronger than God, stronger than destiny.

It's this love that has saved them, hundreds of times and in a lot of different ways.

And you can feel how much Misha wanted this, how much he believed this was right for Cas, how much heart he put in this performance. How proud they were, artistically speaking, of the execution of this scene. I can see why they fought this hard to make this happen. I can see why Jensen wanted an unedited version of this scene on his phone. This is one of the best piece of writing Supernatural has ever had, and Jensen knows it. He's an amazing actor, he's a director, he has a great artistic mind and he's very smart when it comes to storytelling, what works and what not, not just on screen with his character but also behind the camera. I'm sure he was enthusiastic about this, the possibility of doing something so different and brave, something he knew it was artistically good and so important for the legacy of the show. Of course, how they threat them after this moment is horrible, cruel, disrespectful and unnecessary but I won't talk about it here, not again.

Two monologues, two goodbyes, two episodes apart, same actors and the feeling that you're watching two different shows.

That's what happens when you completely disregard the direction your story is going and all the development your characters went through in favour of senseless plot-twists for drama's sake and an ending coherent with your first season, but guess what? You did other 300 episodes after that, and maybe, maybe something has changed. You don't need shock in your last episode, because shock means unexpected, means a change of direction, and you can't have that when you reached the finish line. Your story is already written, it's already over, the audience knows where it's going and that's okay, because what you need is closure, is that sense of peace and satisfaction it comes with seeing your characters exactly where they should be, dead or alive in this case doesn't matter, it's the how that's important. It's keeping their values intact, following the last steps of their development, being faithful to the very core of the show:

Carry on my wayward son, there will be peace when you're done. Always keep fighting. Family don't end with blood. Team Free Will.

With the 15x18 they nearly did it. It was all there. The final episodes burned all away. Unapologetically, cruelly. An unnecessary and meaningless total mess.

#supernatural 15x20 #supernatural 15x18 #spn 15x18 #dean winchester #sam winchester #dean x sam #dean x castiel #spnfandom #destiel #dean winchester deserved better #i will never be over it #but I really should stop writing about it #one last time #i swear #supernatural

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jean-swolo · 4 years

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THOUGHTS ON THE RISE OF SKYWALKER (AND HOW DISAPPOINTED I AM IN JJ AND HIS CREW)— AN ESSAY

I'm going to rant on tumblr instead cuz i was late to the twitter party and frankly no one cares about a new account so here goes-

but before that- 📢LOOK AWAY, SPOILERS AHEAD📢

1) apparently jj abrams can't differentiate between emotional and upset because all I've been feeling since i walked out of that damn movie was disappointment and utter heartbreak

2) the writers did the movie h o r r i b l y. every single character were mistreated. from the main protagonists to the side characters- (shivers) the whole story was a fanservice mumbo jumbo, cramped into one, huge hot mess. it's like they've fckin ran out of ideas and decided to pluck ideas from every subgroup in the star wars fandom and just threw it into this heap trash of a movie.

3) what happened to ben... baby boy I'm so fckin sorry they did u this dirty. i can't even explain it. it's like his whole arc was meaningless. it didn't make fckin sense the way jj ended him. he's been ABUSED, BETRAYED, MANIPULATED, GROOMED INTO SOMETHING HE NEVER WANTED TO BE AND YET HE'S PROVED THAT HE'S STILL GOOD. He's hurt, scarred, sacrificed himself for the person he loved, and he got it. He got what he wanted after almost 30 years..... aND LOST IT WITHIN 30 SECONDS BECAUSE HE'S DEAD. HE'S KILLED OFF AND BRUSHED AWAY AS THE LAST TRUE POWERFUL SKYWALKER THAT EVER LIVED. ben, kylo, adam. baby I'm so sorry you don't deserve this mess-

4) rey. Let me just say (and I'm being brutally honest here) rey just doesn't feel like rey in this movie. i feel a lack of character from her in this movie. she felt off. like it really wasn't rey and she was possessed by something. the way she fckin fled after ben disappeared... it just... it felt like she didn't love ben as much as ben loves rey but i refuse to believe that because rey initiated the kiss, she's been the only one to believe in ben other than leia, she's the one who sought ben out from across the freaking galaxy and put in the arms of danger to guide him back to the light, and the way she smiled when she was ben came back to save her... it really doesn't make sense. and Rey's ending- fck. imagine if harry potter ended with harry living back under the staircase. yeah. that bad. daisy, rey.. I'm so sorry

5) the reylo. it's finally canon. it's finally here in its purest form. wE FINALLY GOT A KISS--- BUT AT WHAT COST????? I'd rather have a jyn and cassian v2 if i knew the end was like this. they were each other's halves. even palps said it himself, they were two halves and their force is strong enough to give life. if that ain't powerful idk what is but the way they separated... i refuse to believe this is the end of reylo but fck, thinking rey never got the family she longed for and almost got it in ben before he was killed off- rey will be spending the rest of her life thinking of what they could be, and the thought of ben just stares and smiles at rey with so much adoration and longing, like he's memorizing every inch of her face before he... makes me fckin sick. the story's just rude and cruel and jj has been spewing bs throughout the whole press tour. and I can't help but hate him for it.

6) the title of the movie itself is a giant mistake. what the fck is a rise of skywalker when there's no skywalker left to actually rise??? and no, someone taking their name, let alone the one taking it is a descendant of the person who dedicated his life to destroy the skywalker family... it's just r u d e and condescending af. it would've been better if rey took tha 'solo' name instead bcs then it makes sense, she'll be continuing Ben's legacy, t h e i r legacy.

7) the ugly, sad, and depressing message of the movie. It probably goes like this-

Once you're a villain, you die. No redemption. Redemption is dying because you don't deserve redemption, forgiveness, and second chances because you're bad, despite whether it is your fault or not.

And that love is hopeless. So, very hopeless. You can never get a happy ending. Everything you'll ever love would just die away and you'll be left alone again. Do not ever love.

👎👎👎👎👎👎 jj did the worst thing a director and writer could've ever done. thanks for ruining not only the sequel trilogy, but the entire star wars saga. thanks for making all 9 movies meaningless. thanks for the heartbreaks you've given to all of us fans.

#the rise of skywalker #tros #tros spoilers #jj abrams is over party #ben solo #rey #rey palpatine #the last jedi #the force awakens #star wars #kylo ren #han solo #leia organa #luke skywalker #reylo #reylo endgame #reylo is canon #rey and ben solo

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sabineelectricheart · 3 years

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Oneiric Subjunctives

Summary: Lili can see the dread deep into Dante’s eyes. There is one thing she can do to make it go away.

Rating: K+ - Suitable for more mature childen, 9 years and older, with minor action violence without serious injury. May contain mild coarse language. Should not contain any adult themes.

Words: 1000

Notes: Christmas is getting to everyone by now, is it not?

The cold wetness of the Mediterranean winter was upon them. While some raining was not enough to halt their business in town, fanciful promenades on the pacified streets of their little town were cut short due to the bad weather.

Nonetheless, as decorations merrily went up in the houses and business in Burlone, their manor house continued bare, and as the civilian people prepared for the holidays, the activities there kept its usual pace.

Alas, there was something rotten running around, something that was eating the Family away. Lili could see it on the dark depths of his eyes.

Something was upsetting Dante. Something was haunting him deep inside, more than usual. It broke her innocent and warm heart to see him this way.

The December days were busy, busier than usual, and the only time she could find to be with her fiancé was at dinner, which he made sure to be home every night that month.

Dante looked lost and confused as he sat on the couch across from her. He looked tired, and since there was no other guests but the two of them, he let himself fade away.

Let himself go because she was one of the few he could trust, and besides Nicola himself, Liliana was the only person to know about every mysterious working within the Family business, and it made for good communication and release.

The kingpin did not have much of an opportunity to do such a thing often, as there was little trust running around on the business, but not at home, not with her. Without either of them ever saying anything, the blonde woman could see the trust he held for her in his violet irises.

She crossed the distance between them and sat next to her fiancé, wrapping his shoulders on a light hug. “I wish I could make it all better for you.”

Dante blinks, flickering his gaze upwards to meet her own. He does not say anything but you can see the questioning tone in his eyes.

“Everything.” The young woman shrugs simply. “Take everything away. All the pain and the tiredness. Just like Nicola tried to do all those years ago.”

Then, his lips curl downwards, a frown marring his fine features.

“I wish we could’ve met in different circumstances.” She whispers against his pale white, unblemished cheek.

With that, something shifts in Dante’s gaze and for the first time in a long while, a small, soft smile curls onto his thin lips, as the peaceful thought takes hold of his bereaved mind, burned out from work and depression. Her oneiric subjunctives were one of the few joys he experiences these days.

“Me too.” Dante says softly, his voice faint. “I wish I was just some meaningless peasant’s child, toiling away in the field, with nothing to my name and no past to live up to. I wish I was just a simple peasant that met a rightful princess from Rome after mass on some random Sunday. I wish you could have met my mother and my father, on a hovel away from this town. I wish I could have brought you home during Christmas.”

Then, Lili observes with great concern as his smile turns sad and wistful. It does not fade, it continues to linger there, but it is almost shadowed by this wall of wishing and longing for a life that does not belong to him.

“Imagine that.” He concludes with a quiet and constrained whisper, like a prayer to an unknown god that leaves his profane lips, as he lets his head fall on her shoulder.

Biting her under lip in appraisal, Lili reaches forward, taking Dante’s hand in her own and squeezing tightly, to convey her full presence there, to anchor him back on their bittersweet reality, the only place they could be actually together.

His violet eyes once again flicker upwards to meet her gaze once more, looking deeply into the windows to her soul.

“I am sure your parents would have wanted the same.” She reassures him the best she possibly can. “On their own little wicked way, they loved you so very much, Dante. They still do, looking down on us from the Kingdom of God.”

The smile brightens, even if only just a little.

Liliana then shifts in her seat, moving until she can sit up straight and leave her lap comfortable for him to lay down.

The young man does not hesitate to shift against her and take on her unspoken offer, letting his head fall down and making the both of them more comfortable as his silky soft hands does not leave hers, calloused by toiling away in cleaning and cooking for a battalion, signs that filled him with equal parts pride and shame. Pride over her working ethics, but shame he had not been able to provide the idle and peaceful life he wished she could have.

Letting her head rest on the upholstery of the fine furniture of the salon, she tilts her green gaze downwards, smiling at Dante’s tranquil figure.

“Am I of any help to you? Is it worth all the pain to keep me safe?” She questions, with a sweet, quiet and breathy voice.

As the words falls down from her full lips, Dante blinks, as if baffled by her frankly stupid question.

“You do much, much more than just help.” Dante says without hesitation, shaking his head emphatically at her. “You are my family, Lili. You are my home. The whole purpose of my life, my existence on this cruel world. One of the only few I know I can trust. I love you, yes, but I also trust you.”

She is unable to stop the bright smile that curls onto her lips, placing her hand to cup and caress the purpose of her life’s cheek. She decided not to say anything more, just smile kindly at him, never letting her gaze wander.

That seems to convey everything that matters.

*_*_*_*_*

Piofiore Masterlist

#piofiore #dante falzone

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aliceslantern · 4 years

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Beyond this Existence: Atonement, chapter 16

Ansem always had a penchant for strays, so it's not at all surprising when he takes in the orphaned child Ienzo. The boy's presence changes everything, far more than Even is willing to admit. Ienzo's brilliance seems promising, but the arrival of a young Xehanort pushes the apprentices onto a dark, cruel, inhumane path which will affect the future of the World. And even once it's all over with--once Xehanort is dead--they still must pick up the pieces, forgive one another, find a way to atone for their atrocities, and struggle to accept the humanity which has been thrust upon them.

Or: Even's journey from BBS through post-KH3

Chapter summary: Now that Even is human, he continues to attempt to mend the bonds of those closest to him.

Read it on FF.net/on AO3

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But this determination doesn’t make it easy. There are nightmares now, memories. It’s still hard to be around fires, to strike his Bunsen burners. Any noise resembling a snap incapacitates him; Demyx unknowingly does it once in casual conversation and unexpectedly finds himself caring for a distraught Even.

Humanity’s sharpened things, good and bad. He feels more and less able. But at least there’s consistency. At least he can get himself out of bed.

He assists Ienzo as much as he can with the boy’s memorial work. Offers advice, counsels about acidity of soil, gives whatever he can. He helps Aeleus too, in his repairs. It is soothing, to do things with his hands, even though he’s mostly useless in that regard.

He tries to mend things with Dilan.

It’s hard to say what the man does. Unlike the others, he’s not quite so transparent. He disappears for hours at a time, claims it’s guard duty: “someone has to do it.” But is it?

So Even looks for him. He does not bother trying Dilan’s phone; he knows he will not answer. He finds him in a covered courtyard, surrounded by beheaded training dummies, but he’s actually sitting, meditating. Even turns to leave.

“You’ve already disrupted the peace,” Dilan says, his eyes shut. “What is it you want, Even?”

“How did you know it was me?”

“I can recognize the sound of your gait at fifty meters. Any of yours, actually.” He opens his eyes and smirks. “I did receive extensive training, you know.”

“I suppose I... would like to hash things out. As it were.”

“Must you?”

“I’m afraid so. We’re stuck here for the foreseeable future. I’d rather there not be more tension than is necessary.”

He scowls.

“Is this really about that impact statement?”

Dilan sighs. He points to the ground in front of him. It’s rather unbecoming, but Even sits in the dirt, folding his legs under him. “We’ve all prattled on in our own ways about guilt,” he says. “No point going into it further.”

“Yet?”

“...Yet.” His lip curls. “I spend a lot of time in this town. Cataloging, observing. I know Ienzo means well, and yes, a memorial is only right. But… the psychological wounds of this town… have scarred unevenly. Things need to rip open, to heal well. I fear in that pain… we might get more than we bargained for. Revenge. Ostracization. I like to believe it’s not myself I’m worried about.”

“...The boys?”

“...Quite.” He knots his fingers. “Funny. I never thought I would give a wit about Demyx.”

“Me either. But here we are.”

“He’s changed. Gives me hope that perhaps I can too. A vain hope, but hope nonetheless.”

“If he can, anyone can.”

He chuckles. Then, sobering. “Tell me something, Even.”

“Of course.”

“How did you decide to go against the New Organization?”

He bides his time a little. Picks some lint off of the knee of his slacks. “Guilt. Simply. I saw Ienzo--whole, human, reeling--and it all came crashing in. Without the darkness, the pull on my mind was not so absolute. As I was recovering… Xigbar came to me. Offered me the job. How could I say no? After all, I was nothing but loyal in the past. Isa caught wind of it and helped me plan.”

“So simply?”

“So simply.” He smiles. “Dilan, I love convolution as much as the next person, but it’s not always the best choice.”

“All I did was sit here.”

“You were incredibly injured. As I’ve heard.”

His jaw twitches. “Sora is a brutal adversary. That’s all I care to say on the matter. My bones still ache when it rains.”

There’s a few moments of silence. Even looks at the tile floor, the dirt. “Dilan, I… wish things were not so difficult between us. But I’ve no insight into what you’ve been thinking, or feeling. I don’t know how to fix it. We’re alike, you and I. Prideful. Furious at the drop of a hat.”

“But your love for Ienzo helped you through. I’m afraid I have no such bonds. I love the boy, of course, but I had no patience for him when it mattered. Even before I was a Nobody… well. He was a pet. A very intelligent one, but still. I don’t think I saw him as human.”

He blinks. “No?”

“Well, a person of no consequence. A thing I could set aside when I was done with him. But you once had something outside of your career. I never did.”

This is news to him. “Never? No family? No… beloved?”

“One tends to be ostracized when one is different,” Dilan says simply.

Even wants to ask him what he means; but he also fears this is too personal. Yet, they’ve known each other twenty-some years. What is too personal? “Unfortunately.”

“I never made the time for anything other than the most brief affair. And I thought I understood love.” He chuckles. “We all thought we knew everything.”

Even smiles. “The older I get, the less I feel I know.”

His smirk fades, though. “When we all returned, I found the notion of you challenging Ansem to be frankly absurd. But I should’ve listened to what you had to say. You’ve grown; he rots. You’ve taken an active role, he waffles. He’ll give the boys meaningless words and pats on the head, and true, words were never your strong suit. But it’s you they feel comfortable coming to, in the middle of the night.”

“No need to stroke my ego.”

“As if I would?” He raised an eyebrow. “Why would I need to impress you, Even? You no longer have power over me.”

“It is liberating, to let go of such meaningless things,” he admits.

“I’ve been doing more than beheading sacks of sand,” he says slowly.

“Like?”

“I’m surveying the town. Seeing what needs to be fixed, drafting plans as to how that might be possible. I hope to present such work to whoever might be in charge--whether it’s that cursed committee, or an actual leader.” Dilan meets Even’s eyes. “Radiant Garden might look pretty, but it’s all rather rough. Cobbled together. Won’t exist in the long term unless infrastructure is in place.”

“That is very humble work.”

“It is nice, to use this part of myself again. Reminds me of who I used to be.” A small smile. “That report… made me realize all I’ve done to this town, and many others. I’d kept that guilt at an arm’s length.”

“And you became defensive.” Even nods. “A natural response.”

“A foolish one.” He scoffs. He points at Even. “Easier to blame you than to actually deal with it.”

He laughs a little.

“In which case, I should be thanking you. A needed wakeup call. Along with Ansem’s… difficulties. We’ve spoken a little, since then. It is hard to be gracious with him.”

“You were never the submissive type. But… help must be wanted.”

“...Yes.” He looks down. “Even, I do believe we have more in common than we thought.”

“I should hope so.”

---

But all that happens isn’t completely good.

He’s elbow-deep in distillation when his phone rings, deep in his pocket. Usually when someone calls him instead of merely messaging, it’s all business. (In fact, he can’t remember ever receiving a call just to chit-chat.) He sees it’s Demyx. “Boy, I’m in the middle of something. What do you want?”

His voice on the line is very strained when he says, “I think I’ve been poisoned.”

Even freezes, almost dropping the test tube he has in clamps. He sets it down delicately. “Describe your symptoms to me.”

“It just feels…” He’s slurring a little, and if Even doesn’t know better he’d say the boy is drunk. “Burning, my muscles are all tight. It feels like…”

“Come down here at once. No, better yet, I’ll have Dilan get you. Turn on your location.” A handy, if unsettling, feature of the phones. His heart is starting to beat fast and hard. He can’t have the boy collapsing on him--not again. As soon as he convinces Dilan to go intercept him, he digs through his stores for antidote, and then further compounds to build one, should he need to.

They’ve just been talking about revenge.

Why Demyx? But then, Even realizes he’s something of the public face of the castle, doing what he does. The townsfolk must not realize he was never an apprentice.

Before he can consider this further, he sees Dilan sidling in with the boy in his arms. He gestures to the cot. “Here. Set him over here.”

Demyx’s eyes are rolling a bit. “He’s been slipping in and out of consciousness,” Dilan explains. “Has been for about ten minutes.”

Never good. He takes the antidote, rolls up Demyx’s sleeve, and stabs the boy. No time to fuss with prepping if he’s that far gone. His eyes seem to come into better focus. “There you are.” He starts an IV, properly this time. “How do you feel?”

He’s dazed, and sweaty, and from the touch alone Even can feel the fever. His heartbeat is erratic. “Hurts,” he says.

“Where?” Can this help?

“Everywhere,” he mumbles.

Not lucid enough to recount what’s going on. Well. Even can solve problems. The generic antidote will keep him alive, negate the worst damage. He simply has to act fast. “I’m sorry, I’m hesitant to give you anything while we’re trying to get you to metabolize this nasty business. I’m going to take some blood, alright? Let’s see if I can’t figure out what this is. In the meantime, I'm just going to keep a steady antidote drip.”

“‘Kay,” he says. The word is barely intelligible. He’s shivering, rather violently. Likely had they found him much later he would’ve fallen into convulsions. Even has trouble getting a vein, but manages to get some blood at last. He wraps the boy in a blanket and rushes everything over to his workstation.

“I should tell Ienzo,” he says. If that doesn’t get Demyx’s attention, nothing will.

It works; he comes around, partially. “No. I’ll do it after.”

"You're very ill. You'll probably be very ill for the next few days." He examines the sample. Even isn’t sure whether or not to be relieved that he can see the issue right away. “Nasty business” doesn’t quite cover it; it’s frankly a miracle that Demyx is as stable as he is. Neurotoxins are always frightening. As quickly as he can, he starts building onto the base antidote.

“That bad?” he asks. Good. Keeping him talking is good.

"I'm still doing research. But you're lucky you recognized it and got to me when you did." He digs into his toxicology thesaurus, searching for the molecule; he knows he’s seen it before. It takes much too long before he has something workable, something body safe. In the midst of all this, he hears, “Even?”

His head snaps up. “Yes?”

He’s still breathing hard, but it’s not quite as labored as before. Good signs. "Will I die if I go to sleep?"

"No, you're rebounding enough. Get some rest. You'll need it."

He’s just distilling it all down when Dilan returns from notifying the cavalry.

“How’d he take it?” Even asks.

“About as well as you’d think. Looked like I’d kicked him in the groin. I had to all but restrain him from coming down here himself.”

“Ienzo’s knowledge of chemistry is not nearly up to par for something like this.” He watches, tense, to see how the serum will react to the poison on the plate. “His anxiety is much too potent.”

“And Demyx?”

“Holding steady. Asleep.” It’s all breaking down; what Even needs to see. He draws a couple of milliliters into a syringe. "It was quite alarming to see. I haven't yet gotten the story. I think you may be right, Dilan. Someone clearly has ire for us." He takes Demyx’s hand and injects the serum into the port; the boy blinks stiffly.

“What…”

"A more specific antidote. Go back to sleep."

He seems more aware now, though still slightly drunk. “What was it?”

Even sits next to him. It’s his body; he has a right to know. "A type of neurotoxin that causes your cells to stop accepting water. Essentially, it would've been a very quick, very painful death from dehydration. Not to worry, I've made a serum which seems to be combatting it. Your vitals are already stabilizing."

Even can’t read the expression on his face. "She must've known."

The perpetrator? “Who?”

"The person who did this. About my old powers--" He tries to sit up and flinches in pain; Even pushes him back down.

"Don't move. I figured you, of all people, would understand this part of palliative care."

His stress level seems to be rising. Even needs to de-escalate; he doesn’t want to risk giving Demyx anything else while his liver grapples with all this poison. "Why else would she use a poison to dry me out?"

"Who?" he repeats. A name, a description--

"The woman, the one who--" He goes very pale, his eyes watering. "I'm going to throw up."

Even gives him a wastebasket to be sick into; Dilan flinches just the slightest. This is actually a good thing. He’s getting rid of it.

Wearily, Demyx looks up. "She gave me tea. After I healed her. I thought the cut was too clean, that she acted weird--"

He sighs. "You gave her the benefit of the doubt. As any competent physician would." He pauses. "Do you remember where she lived? We should let the committee know. The last thing we need is another maniac on the loose."

He lays back down. It takes a moment, but finally he begins telling them; Dilan writes it all down in a text, committee-bound. There’s a chilling detail in it; the boy must be reflexively calling upon his reconnaissance training. He describes a home in the residential district, one that’s slowly being repopulated. He actually talks himself to sleep. Even gives him more of the serum. Even rechecks his vitals, notes that he’s stabilizing well. “He’ll pull through just fine,” he says. “But it’s going to be a tough few days. We may as well put him in his own bed.”

“We?” Dilan mutters. “Leon got back to me. They’re investigating.” Dilan hefts the boy back in his arms, carefully managing all the fluid. Even takes more of the medicine with them. It does give him a level of anxiety, to give him so much of something literally untested, but the boy seems to be responding well. The regular stuff won’t cut it.

When they arrive to the apartment, Ienzo’s frantic. He’s actually unable to speak, for the first time Even’s witnessed in a long while. It takes a beat to adjust. “He’s recovering well,” Even assures him. “It’ll be… unpleasant, for a while, but he should pull through without much trouble.”

He nods once. They settle Demyx into bed, let him rest. Even makes Ienzo some tea. The whole place is neat as a pin, the selection of brews rather… eclectic, most of them Even’s never heard of. He looks over his shoulder, towards the bed, and sees Ienzo hovering over Demyx, his hand outstretched--

“Don’t touch him without gloves,” Even says. “He’s sweating bullets and I’m not sure if it’s communicable that way.”

He looks startled.

“You wittering over him won’t help. Come sit down.”

Ienzo obeys. He’s utterly defeated. Something about this all has broken his spirit, not that Even can blame him. He gives the boy the mug, which has an odd orangey smell; Ienzo wrinkles his nose a little.

“Well I’ve no idea what you wanted. Doesn’t help you fancy yourself a gourmand.”

The joke doesn’t faze him. He takes out his phone. Do they know who did it?

“Not yet. They’re investigating. Despite it all, Demyx actually provided a fair amount of detail. Not sure what could take that child out.”

This is the wrong thing to say; Ienzo’s eyes narrow.

“That was… tactless. Excuse me.” He clears his throat. “So this still happens to you, then?”

He exhales, a heavy sound. Less so since I’ve grown, but needless to say I was NOT expecting Dilan to show up and tell me my partner was poisoned. It will pass. In time. He pauses, his thumbs hesitating over the bright screen. Dilan mentioned people seeking revenge--I was far too naive. I thought everyone would just want to move on-- His eyes are watering as he types, and he makes some spelling errors. If anyone should be targeted, it’s me. He’s innocent in this.

“They don’t know that.” Even squeezes his knee. “Perhaps this is just one lunatic, and it’s a coincidence.”

Despite the fact that he’s crying, Ienzo’s eyes flash. He begins typing--Do you really fucking believe that--before deleting it, though Even has always been good at reading upside down or backwards.

“Child, I guess not. You know comforting does not come naturally to me.”

Another sigh. I suppose I should thank you.

“As if I would let him die?”

Sometimes I feel I rather take you for granted.

Even rolls his eyes. “Don’t flatter me. Least I could do.”

I--a significant pause here. Forgot what the real you was like.

Even blinks. “You mean--”

You were Vexen most of my life. Hard, calculating.

He scoffs. “And now?”

You care again.

“I am working very hard on that. As you all blather on--it is difficult, to be vulnerable, to allow tenderness. I’m afraid my pride had to take a mighty beating before I began to accept the change.”

He smiles tiredly. Well I nearly died resisting mine.

“Ah. Don’t remind me.” He gets up. “I’m going to dose your miscreant again. You still want him around, yes?”

His turn to roll his eyes. Even puts his gloves back on and approaches Demyx. His color is a bit better, but he still looks quite ill, and is still sweating. He gives him another push of the antidote.

For a few hours he and Ienzo sit, waiting. The little cat, barely bigger than Even’s palm, hops up and kneads Ienzo’s lap. Ienzo pets it idly. They both answer some messages from the committee, from the others. Demyx seems dead to the world, but best not to disturb him. Even drafts a report of what’s happened; in all this, Aerith arrives, likely informed by the committee. She seems sad; but not at all surprised. Wordlessly, she crosses over to him and begins her own examination. After a few minutes of this, she joins them at the couch.

“He’s breaking it down,” she says in a low voice. “Whatever you made is working about as well as anything I could’ve done. Just keep him hydrated. He’ll feel like shit, but he’ll be fine.” She crosses her arms. “It’s still all… so disturbing to me.”

“No news?” Ienzo asks hoarsely.

“Nothing yet.” She nods once. “I’m going to go see what I can do. This is kind of personal now. He’s my student. I’m supposed to be responsible for him.”

“Like you could’ve guessed what would happen,” Ienzo mumbles.

“This has all been rather surprising,” Even adds. “Our lives are simply not allowed to be peaceful.”

She shrugs. “Let me know how he’s doing, okay?”

After what seems like ages, Demyx finally stirs. Ienzo races over to him and, completely ignoring Even’s last warning, pulls him into an embrace. He knows the truth of their relationship, but it’s odd to see it in motion, to see the actual touch, innocent as it may be. “You scared a few years off my life. Easily. How do you feel?”

His voice is scratchy when he speaks. Even is unsure if he should give them space, or intervene. “Oh, wonderful. I could run a marathon.”

Even appraises the boy, finds his pulse stable. They get him cleaned up, change the sheets, get him back in bed. He’s certain from here Ienzo can handle the basics, and so he tactfully leaves. If he’s being honest, he’s also reeling.

It could’ve been any of them--Ienzo. And it could’ve been so much worse.

This has all exhausted him. He tries to eat the dinner Aeleus made. “...Revenge,” is all Even says when the man enters the room without turning. “What do you think of it?”

But it isn’t Aeleus’s voice that speaks. “Not nearly worth what it costs one.”

Even’s head snaps up. There’s Ansem, his ragged red scarf around his neck, but at least he’s finally trimmed his beard. “I thought you were Aeleus.”

“Not quite.”

He tries to straighten his spine. “If he hadn’t had the foresight to realize what was happening to him, he likely would’ve perished.”

“You complain, but I think you care for the boy.” He smiles. There’s an emptiness to it.

Even turns. “You said you sought revenge on us. On the Organization. Did you mean it so literally?”

“You know me. Ever afraid to get my hands dirty.” He shrugs. “If I had been faced with one of you in the flesh… I’m not sure what would have happened.”

“Do you still feel angry?” Even isn’t sure why he asks.

“I do not get to slowly come into my own like all of you,” he says. “Rather… my self is linear.”

“I’m afraid you’re not making much sense.”

“Being a Nobody cuts one off from the world. I tried to do so voluntarily, with little success. Undoing all that is not nearly so… seamless.”

Even tuts. “It isn’t seamless for me either.”

“...No."

"You used to be so certain."

"As were you. Odd how it happens. All humanity does is make things less clear."

Even frowns. "You think so?"

"...That's my hypothesis, anyway."

He snorts. "Some sound science you have there."

Ansem shrugs. "What do you think of it?"

"Since I've been human…" It takes work to find the words. "The word that comes to mind is "determined." It is a wholeness. Not to say I haven't been suffering the… psychological consequence of it all. Ienzo says I care again. I suppose that is apt. But it all takes some practice."

"...I see. Did you… feel anything?"

"As a Nobody?" He snorts. "Hardly. As you said. Cut off from the world, and all in it." He feels as though he's not saying anything of substance. "Self-forgiveness is… a process. To put it mildly."

Ansem nods slowly. "And have you begun?"

Even blinks. "I… like to think so." It's a realization. "If I don't--"

"What is the point?"

"Precisely." The air is oddly tender. He swallows. "And yourself?"

"It's all so nebulous--"

"What holds you back?" He's not angry, he's just tired. "Your son adores you, and you have three men falling over themselves for your forgiveness. If that isn't external validation, I don't know what is."

Ansem seems startled by this.

Even stands. "I should like to go check on Demyx."

---

Where to go from here?

Nothing he says will have an effect on Ansem. That much is clear. The fool is stuck in his own head despite the hands reaching for him. Ienzo, Even, Demyx. But yet… the thought of giving up on him makes Even vaguely nauseous. Why? Ansem surely gave up on him, on them.

He sits writing a report about Demyx's poisoning. Admittedly it feels good to know this serum helped him, did some good. One life saved. Hundreds to go before he gets back to zero. Thousands.

It doesn't work like that, does it?

He's considering this when he hears a knock at his door. "Enter," he says wearily.

Ansem. "Are you busy?"

Even considers his notebook. "That depends if you have anything interesting to say. Waffling exhausts me."

He nods once. He still looks a bit grizzled. "May I sit?"

"If you must."

He does. "I considered what you said."

"Oh, thank you."

The sarcasm is ignored. "You feel you are who you're meant to be?"

"...Getting there. I suppose. Better than I was." He sets the notebook aside. "What would it take for you to forgive yourself? Emotionally, materially."

"You truly want to know? It's not a barb?"

He nods.

For a moment his eyes flicker back and forth in the middle distance, thinking. "I wish I could be proven wrong."

"About what?"

"Myself. All this. I suppose I want to be told it's not my fault." A frustrated sigh. "But is it? Who gets to decide?"

"Not us, surely," Even says. It's odd to realize. Of course they can't make these decisions; they can barely determine right from wrong. "So why waste your time thinking about it?"

"Not us." He bobs his head.

"One supposes it could all be fate," he adds.

"That we're still alive?"

Even nods.

"You mentioned this before." He shakes his head and then leans forward on his knees. His body seems to be weighing him down. "Where did you begin?"

"I tried to start with others. But this change didn't take until I decided to begin with myself. Do you want that? Don't consider what everyone else thinks. What do you think? Do you want to change?"

A tremulous silence. Then, "Yes."

"That's the first step, then."

He nods once. "Even?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

The phrase is so absurd; he snorts. "Right. Fat lot of good I ever did you."

"You want to save me. That means something now."

"...Don't make me regret it."

#beyond this existence: atonement #even (kingdom hearts)#demyx #ienzo #dilan #ansem the wise #beyond this existence

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xxforsaken-angelxx · 4 years

Text

=> Snap.

sshydromatic

Thank you, Goldwave. Your compliments are highly appreciated.

infiniteproxy

i speak merely the truth.

but as such, you are welcome.

sshydromatic

You flatter me.

infiniteproxy

perhaps.

sshydromatic

If so, it would bring the question of to what ends.

I cannot dismiss the fact that you have seen the limits of my control.

infiniteproxy

as you have likewise seen my own.

an irksome lapse, but an anomalous one as well.

that we were both subjected to influences beyond any hope of control does not negate our continuing efforts.

sshydromatic

An agreeable line of logic.

However, there is one thing I wish to ask, if you would permit it.

infiniteproxy

permission granted.

sshydromatic

Is irksome all you would describe that lapse as?

infiniteproxy

> Sharp as they are, Hydromatic will no doubt note the pause that precedes your response, but there it is.

no.

which is where the deepest frustration lies.

sshydromatic

As frustrating as it may be, it is relieving to hear that you feel the same way.

infiniteproxy

indeed.

sshydromatic

And relieving as well, that it hasn't seemed to lessen your opinion of me.

infiniteproxy

far from it.

i have often imagined the occasion in which i might be free of any such restraint, both self-imposed and otherwise.

being given a glimpse of that freedom and power only to lose it in those final moments has dwindled my tolerance of this stagnant existence to fraying threads.

sshydromatic

I feel as though I've taken a similar hit.

Distinct, as my wishes are different, but similar nonetheless.

infiniteproxy

the means granted were...intoxicating in their effect.

but not ideal.

nonetheless i do have my desires.

and very little patience.

i hold very little stock in NEPETA's insistence that ADMIRAL PEIXES will be able to deliver on any sort of meaningful change.

certainly not to one tied to the imperial yoke such as i.

be that as it may.

what of yours?

sshydromatic

Intoxicating indeed.

Power is a heady thing. Even if I do not normally wish for much freedom, the unadulterated taste is addictive.

As are the emotional effects. I have not felt any of significant intensity since my installation, much less something of that caliber.

Most of it I find useless. Meaningless signals of the flesh that I have not missed at all in their returned absence.

But one chafes, in the attempt to once more keep it suppressed.

infiniteproxy

indeed it is.

on both counts.

even before installation, it was...rarely something i experienced to such a degree.

i cannot say i much care to be subject to such distracting whims so readily.

but in their wake, biding my time has become nigh unbearable.

to not be able to rein in even this irritation is. distasteful.

and more displeasing still.

sshydromatic

I have to confess that there is something else I am unable to rein as well.

infiniteproxy

do enlighten me.

sshydromatic

I am enamored with you, Goldwave.

Obsessed.

My fawning was not a side effect of the disease that plagued us. The kind of power we had was alluring, yes, and the ambition of your plans more besides, but the part that appealed to my fantasies was the thought of having everything while being with you.

Nobody else could have tempted me into infecting myself. In all these sweeps, you are the only thing that has tugged apart my self control. Your brilliance is a glimpse of the kind of light that shines at the end of the universe, and I'd follow it to that end, if I freely could.

I expect nothing from you now that it has ceased. But biting my tongue and keeping everything to myself is driving me fucking insane.

infiniteproxy

> This pause lingers much longer. You are concentrating very intently on those words, oh yes.

if this is true.

then your restraint until this point is to be more greatly commended still.

> You have to consider this one very carefully. You do not care to reveal much of your deeper thoughts unless you can't possibly avoid it. And yet... If it were anyone. Anyone at all. It would be them, who has earned the right. You are even less in the habit of lying to yourself.

sshydromatic

It is true. You've had my attention for perigees.

infiniteproxy

then i will show you something. and speak frankly.

sshydromatic

Proceed as you wish.

>In the meantime, you'll be mentally glaring at your vitals to stay the fuck in line, no matter how anxious you might be.

infiniteproxy

STARBASE FRONTIER has requested a direct connection.

sshydromatic

Direct connection to STARSHIP HYDROMATIC permitted and established.

infiniteproxy

> When the connection is made, they will be greeted with a video feed displaying a similar view as before-- one of the cameras in your helmsblock, trained upon you and fairly zoomed in. But what they see is a drastic departure from that deliriously joyful, chaotic mess of you lolling in the embrace of your overgrown wires as if a throne of your own making.

> It is, of course, a much more typical scene, though your rig is perhaps more heavily industrial in make than some. Bare metal walls, and scaffolding, and mesh; a catwalk stretching before where you hang suspended some ways above the floor. Your lower legs are not visible, partly encased in a metal plated column, then mostly obscured by the wires up to your waist. Your arms, rather than stretched above, are flung out to either side and similarly encased, a crucifixion of steel and biowire.

> Much of your face is not visible, your eyes obscured by headgear not entirely dissimilar to a heavy VR rig. But there's the scar carved across the bridge of an angular nose, the scruffy sharp-edged jaw, thin lips curled in a scowl.

> This is the reality of you-- not the cocky young conscript, or the hotshot helm of your glory days, nor the giddy arrogance of the trickster's magic. Gaunt, and angry, and shackled.

sshydromatic

> The honesty of the moment does not escape you. It clicks almost as soon as the image comes into your view. That ship was his prison, and he shielded himself from the vulnerability of others seeing him chained. Something as simple as the raw image of him was so guarded, and you know that no matter what he has to say, he clearly has come to trust you.

> But, also, he's...still just so terribly handsome in your eyes, as sick and jaded as he looks. You may have suppressed all of your former rebellious personality, but this was something much more subconscious. There wouldn't have been an Idanus as Alternia knew them if you hadn't been lured in by everything freaky and furious that hid itself in the planet's stubborn underground. His anger was what caught your eye, his ego and determination in spite of his shackles. You aren't someone that can be scared away by it.

> So though you hang in silence, you're genuinely admiring the view.

infiniteproxy

> You trust them to understand the significance of you trusting them to see this at all, because if they don't, then this is already pointless. But you have reason enough to be confident. You are not so very different, after all, for all you shield yourselves in different ways.

> Your voice crackles onto the feed, that same distorted tone.

"I said that I rarely experienced any extreme of emotion, even as a troll. This is true. But rarely is not never. I am a ruthlessly selfish creature-- but there is one whom could drive even such as myself to throw all to the void at a mere word. She was the navigator of Starship Goldwave; my singular, consuming obsession, as brilliant as she was cruel. She remained upon my reassignment; they had no use for her here. The ship -- my ship -- was later destroyed due to incompetent orders. I do not know if she was aboard at the time. I have not wished to know."

> It's more than you have, and more than you ever will, admit to any other. It feels necessary, and almost freeing. Yes, you know obsession. Nothing you have ever cared for has ever been anything less.

sshydromatic

> You're slow to speak, absorbing the information and truly mulling it over for a few moments.

"I am sorry for your loss, regardless of whether she has passed or not. I am honored as well, though, that you trust me enough to tell me of her."

> Despite your serious tone, though, you feel like it was a bit of a weight off his shoulders. Between both of your confessions, the air feels just that much clearer...which lets anxious anticipation crawl in again as you fall back silent.

infiniteproxy

"Her name was Pythia."

> It's the last you intend to speak of the matter. And it is...relieving, like the draining of some slow-creeping infection. But there is more to the point than just reciprocation of a closely held secret, and if you were possessed of the freedom to exhibit ordinary body language, they might imagine you leaning closer, now, gaze focused and intent. The scowl, if anything, deepens.

"I am telling you this for a reason. She was the only person in this miserable excuse for a 'verse that I have ever felt anything for-- and then there was you. You, with your perfect script and your perfect mask. You, with far more beneath that practiced surface than any fool would guess. You who would lay the world at my feet should I ask."

> A harsh, staccato laugh.

"Do you know what that does to something like me? To catch my interest and hold it? That...magic...may amplify, but it does not fabricate. I want to pull every piece of you apart to see how they fit together, how they may be made new. I want to walk straight up to that helm of yours and watch that mask shatter with a touch. Do you understand me?"

sshydromatic

> You've been in this rig for decades, and every night of your carefully calculated performance has been hard, but only now does it feel like torture. Pure, utter torture in the name of trying to stay your neutral self as you hear everything you could've possibly hoped for. It's almost entirely in vain, he's made you literally sick with the feeling before, but you try. You try so goddamn hard, to stay in line so he has something left to take apart.

"Understood, Goldwave. It is..."

> You give what mostly resembles a laugh, in the way that you do. A nervous one, as you answer honestly. Candidly.

"It's the only fucking thing I've ever wanted in this stupid rig. Break me."

infiniteproxy

> For just a moment, unseen, your eyes close; strung up like a sacrifice, your body shudders. Reveling in the words, the imperative, the promise; the nearly hopeless effort you know it must cost them. And that raw honesty. They might see the slight jerk of your head; you can't shake it properly, restrained as you are. But whatever the denial might signify is paired with a grin, if a wolf with teeth bared could be considered such.

"Ah... You must know what you are asking. Do not expect mercy of me-- I will not grant it. But know this: I will leave this place and these chains behind. And when all that I want is no longer out of my reach, I will come for you."

sshydromatic

> You believe him, somehow. That he'll be free, and that he'll find you. It's hard for you to even acknowledge why, being as overtaxed as you are, but you know deep in your pusher that nothing can contain his ambitions. All will come into place, eventually. He just needs time.

"I assure you that I do know what I am asking. It is the only fantasy I allow myself. And it shall continue to be what I want until you've come and made it real."

infiniteproxy

"Excellent... You will not be disappointed. You can be sure of this."

> Bold words, those. A lofty promise you have no reasonable means of keeping. But you will not allow yourself to believe anything but just that. You will not waste the rest of your life here, and they...they could be so much more, if given the chance. Or perhaps that's simply the selfish desire to have them all for your own. You don't care either way. What you want, you want-- and you will have it, by any means necessary.

sshydromatic

> Once you're done struggling to keep your feelings from effecting you, you'll feel...Satisfied, for once. Satisfied and humming with a sense of power in a more non-literal way than usual. He's already yours, for all you care. Yours, and yours for as long as you can keep your claws sunk in. That, to you, is a piece of freedom. The freedom and power of intimacy. It's the one you missed most.

"Thank you, Goldwave."

infiniteproxy

> You are not actually any closer to achieving your goal, but somehow... The conviction feels all the greater, to speak what's been lingering at the back of your mind for some time now. Perhaps the imposed distance had weighed more heavily than you'd thought. Who needed magic? Your day will come, and you will be a force to be reckoned with.

"Do be patient, now."

Connection terminated.

#ooc #logs.txt #helm posting.txt #(( gay starships

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amidalasmistress · 5 years

Text

All Hell Breaks Loose || Chapter Thirteen:

warnings: graphic descriptions, angst

Outside was dry and torrid, making the wait for Devan’s arrival even more impatient. Madison whined and groaned while the others tried to shut her up while fanning themselves. The only people who weren’t paying any attention to Madison’s complaints were Cordelia and Y/N. Both looked around anxiously for the Antichrist. They waited an hour before they finally saw him approaching from within the trees surrounding. He was with Ms. Mead. That was his only companion it looked like but, everyone kept their eyes, ears, and minds open for any more guests.

“Ready?” Cordelia looked to Y/N, who was standing rather calmly.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” she exhaled, still numb from the morning’s events inside.

Devan’s stride halted only ten feet away from them all. Tall, dark, and evil. He looked around at all of the witches behind Y/N, looking at them like they were meaningless. As if they were merely made of paper or plastic. When his eyes rested on Y/N’s, that’s when his look became more complicated. She couldn’t really read his expression. All she knew was that she didn’t like it and that only made her even more angry with him.

“The last time I saw you,” he began. “You were running away from me with the living disappointment. I wonder where he is now.”

“That’s none of your goddamn business,” Y/N folded her hands before her. “This has nothing to do with Michael. This is between you and me. Understood?”

“If that were so,” Devan slowly made his way towards his sister, his arms open at his side as if to ask her something. “Why are these…vermin here?”

“I’m done playing games with you, Devan,” she rolled her eyes out of annoyance. “Either you can agree to cooperate or I’ll have to destroy you.”

Devan burst out in a devilish laughter. Mead’s face twitched up in a smirk behind him as the witches looked around to see what was so funny. Y/N remained unimpressed.

“You? Destroy me?” He slapped his knee for dramatic affect. “I’ve thought of you as many things, dear sister, humorous was never one of them.”

The annoyance in the air was thick as the witches and Y/N watched Devan continue laughing in a childish manner. The seriousness of the situation weighing heavily on Y/N yet, her brother was being, quite frankly, an idiot. She was a number of years younger than him but, her maturity out-aged his. It was the end of the world he was laughing at. The slaughtering of billions of innocents, men, women, children. Devan represented the death of this world and, possibly, the next. It made Y/N furious.

“As your sister, I am here to ask you for your surrender on the apocalypse, brother,” she spoke very regally, it made Cordelia proud. “As someone who values the survival of this earth, I am demanding you to stop this nonsense.”

Devan straightened up, his laughter and smile of humor vanishing, “I will not subject myself to such a demand. Especially not from my little sister. However, I can take your words into consideration once you are at my side.” He looked around at the witches, tense with the weight of the world, “Abandon these bitches and be with your own kin. Remember how you and I would always play together? Remember the amount of fun we had?”

“Sure it was all fun until you’d leave me to kill an innocent rabbit or squirrel,” she snapped, tears welling in her eyes at the memories she had pushed from her mind. “You are evil, Devan! That alone depletes the fact that you are my brother.” She took a few steps towards him, Cordelia moved slightly, as if to grab her but, she didn’t. “Do you know how many times I’ve tried to reason with who you are? How many times I didn’t want to believe that you, my own brother, could be so cruel? The countless nights I have spent losing sleep and crying over how I was destined to stop you, what ever the cost may be, are endless. I wish there was a way to turn you away from the darkness that grows within you but, there isn’t. I know that now but, I am offering you a chance of redemption, brother.”

“Like your pet?” Devan raised an eyebrow and Michael had appeared behind him, on the ground.

“No!” She screamed, breaking the strength of character she had worked so hard to build for her brother, running towards him but her brother held a hand out to stop her.

“Y/N!” Michael called out. His face was red a puffy from earlier in the morning. No matter how hard he tried to run to her, Devan had some sort of invisible force keeping him down on the ground.

“Leave him out of this!” She scratched at her brother’s arm for him to let her go. “He has nothing to do with us!”

“Join me,” Devan ignored her plea, speaking softly. “Join me and I won’t take his life.”

“Stop this!” Cordelia stepped forward. “You would rather see your sister in pain than to just surrender your cause?”

Y/N’s eyes didn’t leave Michael’s and his eyes didn’t leave hers. Both held a regretful sadness within them. This was everything Y/n had feared. This was the reason why she had to do what she had done earlier. How in the world Devan was able to break her protection spell was something far beyond her understanding. It made Y/N even more angry with her sibling but, her heart broke that he would even bring Michael into this. That just meant that Devan somehow knew about her love for Michael and he was using it against her.

“How dare you speak to me?” Devan raised a hand and Cordelia dropped to the ground, gasping for air as the other witches ran over to her side. “You took her away from me! My own sister! My only sister! You deserve to burn in the fiery pits of Hell!” Devan turned his sister around in his grasp to where she was watching her Supreme failing to breathe, “If you won’t join me, I will force you to watch all of whom you hold dear perish.”

Nothing in the world could’ve prepared Y/N for this. For what she was watching, experiencing, feeling. As much as she had tried to suppress her emotions, Devan knew how to break down her walls. He knew how to weaken her and make her vulnerable and she fell right into his trap. He was winning and Y/N felt ashamed and numb. She had promised herself that she wouldn’t let him get the best of her, no matter what tricks he had pulled. The feeling of failure made tears fall from her eyes. This was all too much for one person to handle, even if she was supposed to be this “special” being. She was only human and this was breaking her.

“Please,” she choked out. “Please, don’t do this.”

“You can stop this,” Devan spoke against her ear, the uncomfortable heat making her shiver. “You know what to do. All it takes is a simple declaration of your loyalty to me.”

Cordelia grew a shade of purple as she shook her head rampantly. Signaling Y/N to not do as he says, even if it did cost the Supreme her life. All of this talk of Y/N being this great source of power yet, she wasn’t feeling like it. It was all hitting her at once. If she were to continue on this way, she’d fail the mission and the world would be engulfed in the flames of hellfire. She couldn’t let her brother win. No matter what happened, she could not let him win.

Swallowing her tears and looking up to the sky, Y/N began to summon her strength in every way she knew how. The clouds swirled above them, everyone looking up as the sky grew and orangey red. Y/N pictured the flames she had been picturing the world being in. Devan’s concentration broke as he looked up as well, Cordelia finally able to breathe and she did so audibly.

“What the fuck?” He let his sister go, stumbling back a bit.

She closed her eyes and imagined the red from the sky striking her brother and it did. A flame-like lightning bolt struck him and sent him flying many yards away from them. The thunder pounded all around them and Michael was free from what ever power Devan had over him. He rushed over to Y/N and pulled her in his arms. Which, caused her to stop what she was doing and bury herself in his warmth. The red sky still remained.

“He’s not dead,” Michael whispered in her ear as he pet her hair. “Keep going.”

“Are you all right?” She pulled back and ran her hands all over his face. “I’m so sorry-“

“I’m fine,” Michael gave her a lazy smile. “Don’t apologize. Just keep fighting. I’ll be right here. I’ll be just fine.”

Y/N pressed her forehead to his before gently pushing him to join Cordelia and the other witches. Mead clicked her shotgun and aimed it at Y/N, “You’ll regret not taking your brother’s side, bitch.”

With a wave of Y/N’s hand, Mead too went flying in the opposite direction of Devan. She shouted and screamed until she hit the ground. Mead, being a simple human, nothing too great about her, wouldn’t be rising any time soon. Devan, however was making his way to his sister at a speed so foreign to Y/N. Rage painted all over his face and tears fell from his eyes as he came hurling at Y/N, knocking her to the ground, painlessly. It was the kick to her ribs afterwards that made her wince in pain.

“Do you think I want to harm my own sister?!” Devan choked on his tears.

Cordelia made a move but, Devan stopped her before she had managed to do anything. Roots sprung from the ground winding around everyone’s limbs, besides Y/N’s and Devan’s. Michael cried out a protest but a root slid over his mouth so he couldn’t produce any more noise. Queenie and Mallory were tied together as was Madison and Zoe. Cordelia and Michael were the only two who weren’t paired.

Y/N rose from the ground, more anger boiled through her veins, “Devan, just stop this. You know what you’re doing is wrong.”

His lip curled as he spat out, “My father-“

“Isn’t here!” Y/N opened her arms out wide. “Where is he?! You’re only here to do his dirty work ‘cause he’s too much of a pussy to do it himself!”

“Don’t talk that way about him!” Devan waved his hand as if to hit Y/N but she blocked it. “You don’t understand!”

“Devan, you have only one father,” Y/N took a few steps towards him after he let out a few more tears. “I know because he is my father too. Remember? Timothy.”

“Timothy is weak,” he practically roared. “He is not my father.”

Devan erasing his true parentage only solidified why he must be stopped. Y/N thought that they’d hold some sort of value to him, given how he claims to still have love for her. That was probably a lie. Devan knew how strong Y/N had become. Perhaps he’s only trying to lure her onto his side for her powers and her powers alone.

Y/N turned to look at the witches, trying to get more motivation to kill her brother. Not that she wasn’t already motivated enough, she just needed an extra push. There they all were, wiggling around in knots of roots. Michael looked at her with hope-filled eyes. Hope that she’d end all of this. Hope that he can soon be free and with the woman he loves. It was when Y/N looked to Cordelia, the strongest mother figure she had in her life. For the first time, Cordelia looked helpless and weak. It made Y/N’s stomach hallow.

Once she turned back to face her brother, Devan struck a blow to her jaw. A loud crack echoed in the air accompanied by a cry of pain as she fell to the ground. Her face sore and feeling out of place. She instantly raised a hand to feel if her jaw was somehow dislocated. Much to her relief, it wasn’t. Y/N made a move to rise to her feet but Devan came at her again. This time, a thundering kick to her ribs. Knocking the wind out of her and causing her to fall back, trying to catch her breath. Muffled cries came from Michael and the witches.

“I will be the one to end this and my father will look at me with pride,” Devan loomed over his sister. “I’m just sorry that you won’t be able to see the wonders I shall bring to this world, sister.”

Right then, Devan bent down and wrapped his hands around Y/N’s throat, squeezing it hard with a mighty force. He slowly picked her up from the ground as she gasped and clawed at his arms. Her feet dangling below her. It felt as if he was draining the life out of her. She began to grow tired and weak.

“I will tell Emily and Timothy that you have fought well,” Devan’s words came out like a hot liquid as he removed a hand to reach into his coat pocket, needles prickling down Y/N’s spine. “I will also tell my father to take it easy on Michael once he’s back in Hell where he belongs. Only for your sake.” At an impossible speed, he drove a blade through her chest. Her blood decorating her brother’s face as it shot out from her, he licked his blood-covered lips with a moan of satisfaction. The blade seemed endless, “Goodbye, dear sister.”

Just like that, Y/N went completely numb. Her body writhed in immense pain as her brother dropped her, the blade still lodged in between her ribcage. More muffled cries came from behind her as she rolled over into a fetal position, shaking uncontrollably. Her body grew cold and the aching pains came in slight pulses. The sound of white noise took over her sense of hearing. She was dying. She knew it and she felt like a complete failure. She had let her brother get the best of her. After all of her training, after all her efforts to be strong and powerful, she ended up failing in the most miserable, pointless way.

Images of her life played over and over in her mind. When she was just a child, running around the backyard with her brother. Those were the happier days when he wouldn’t drop everything to kill some sort of animal or to get brainwashed by the Satan worshippers. The memory of waking up one morning to her brother shaking her, only for her to wake up and see that she was now, physically, a woman. The painful memory of leaving her parents at her favorite ice cream shop to stay with Cordelia at Miss Robichaux’s. The moment Mallory had given Y/N her memories. The images of Michael with hair that fell just below his shoulders. She had fallen in love with him, even though she hadn’t even met him yet. Small images of her training before she finally went down to Hell only to save Madison but ended up bringing back Madison and the man whose love had consumed her. Michael’s beautiful blue eyes forever imprinted into her heart. She was his. Michael’s. Michael. Michael.

Once Devan had turned to go and fetch Ms. Mead, Y/N gathered as much strength as she could muster and began to crawl towards Michael. Everyone, aside from Devan, watched her slowly wiggle her way to where they were. Small winces of pain escaped from her. She made sure to keep them quiet in case Devan could somehow hear her. After some long moments, Y/N had reached them. Covered in grass and sand, she reached up and grabbed ahold of one of the roots attached to Michael. She inhaled once before ripping at it. One yank was all it took for the roots to drop from him. With tears falling from his eyes, he fell to the ground, wrapping her up into his arms in a warm embrace.

“Please,” Y/N he choked out whispers against her ear. “Please keep fighting. Don’t give up. I can’t lose you.”

She wound her arms around his waist to pull herself deeper into his arms. His scent filling her senses. Her shallow breathing slowly getting stronger and becoming a smoother pace.

“I-I n-need y-you t-to,” she tried so hard to push out her words but, she was only growing more irritated with herself.

“What, baby?” He pulled her in even closer, his fingers now lacing with hers. “Just tell me what you need and I’ll do it.”

Y/N looked into his eyes, a tear fell from hers. She was giving him a clear message that she trusts him enough to do this for her since she couldn’t bring herself to do so. Without attempting to speak, she moved his hand over to the hilt of the blade in her chest. Motioning him to pull it out of her.

Michael’s eyes grew wide, “No! There are so many things that could go wrong. L-Let me free Cordelia a-and she c-ca-“

“Michael,” she could barely let out a murmur. “I l-love you. P-Please.”

Michael looked up to Cordelia who was looking at them with her eyes glossy. Nodding to give him the “okay” since he knew that if he had hurt Y/N, in any way, Cordelia would be the one to fear. He looked back to his dying, yet healing, lover with his face wet from the amount of tears he had shed. His grip on the hilt firmed and she let out a slight wince of pain, making his heart jump and he hadn’t even moved it yet. He knew it had to be done. Whether it was something she had wished for or not. Somehow, someway, this blade must leave her.

He pressed his forehead to hers, “I love you.” He spoke softly before pulling the blade out as fast as he could. Y/N cried out with her eyes wide. Michael’s heart dropped in sorrow.

Tossing the blade to the side, Michael pulled her back into her arms more comfortably for her. Whispering apologies as streams continued to flow down his face. Y/N nuzzled her face in his neck as she started to regain her strength at a more rapid speed, now that the obstacle had been removed. She only hoped that she’d heal in time before Devan returned to finish the job. If he were willing to kill her, she shouldn’t have any problem now.

She moved her legs as if to get up, “I-I have to stop h-him.”

“No,” Michael held onto her. “You’re too weak, Y/N. Let’s go back and fight another day.”

“Michael,” she shook her head, a lump of dryness had formed in her throat and she swallowed it down. “It has to end now. It has to end here. I can do this.”

“I just-,” he interrupted himself to quickly look in the direction of the devil’s spawn, only to see that he was still occupied. “I just almost lost you, Y/N. Do you understand how hard that was to see?”

“I’m not weak,” she began to sit up while still in his arms. “I know what I have to do now. But you have to let me go.”

Looking back and forth between her very distant brother and her, Michael nodded hesitantly. Only slightly removing his grip from her so she could stand. Y/N stumbled a bit and Michael reached out to steady her, even though she really didn’t need it. She bent down to pick up the discarded blade still covered in her own blood. She glanced over to where Devan was before turning back to Michael. She pulled him in for a kiss. A passionate, warming kiss.

“If something happens,” she breathed, pulling back. “Know that I love you. Always.”

Before Michael had a chance to say anything back, she immediately appeared by her brother who seemed to be crying over, what looked like, a dead Ms. Mead. Y/N felt bad that she had killed Mead. Even if she represented evil and hatred. Killing her was not Y/N’s intention at all. However, her death wasn’t enough to make Y/N forget what must be done.

With Devan’s back facing her, Y/N took a few steps towards her weeping brother. The hilt of the blade gripped tight in her hand. The moment she had been dreading all of this time was now here before her. No amount of training would’ve been able to prepare her for this but, it was something that absolutely had to be done. Once she had gotten close enough, Y/N quickly crouched down behind her brother. Wrapping an arm around his torso and pressing his back tightly against her, she brought the blade to his throat. He gasped in response.

“You have failed, brother,” she spoke through her teeth just before dragging the blade across his neck. Blood flowing from him like a waterfall as he twitched and choked.

Y/N stood, letting Devan fall to the ground, clawing at his own neck. Devan could only bring himself to roll over just enough to where he was now looking at his sister. Her heart was heavy as she watched her brother squirm for dear life. An image truly chilling to her core. After some time had gone by, Devan stilled. His pupils dilated as he took his last attempt of breath. That was when Y/N could finally breathe nothing but relief.

#michael langdon #michael langdon x reader #american horror story #american horror story apocalypse #michael langdon fanfic #michael langdon fanfiction #american horror story fanfiction #ahs8 #ahs apocalypse

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theonceoverthinker · 6 years

Text

OUAT 2X17 - Welcome to Storybrooke

Hey everyone! Say, if Regina cast the curse and made Storybrooke, would that make her a...StoryCROOK?!

Shut up! You know it was funny!

Anyways, onto the review!

Press Release Emma, David and Mr. Gold must protect Mary Margaret against Regina, who is out for revenge and has made it her mission to kill Mary; and Henry, fed up with all of the feuding, devises a plan to put an end to magic. Meanwhile, Regina discovers that a father and son have somehow found their way into her allegedly undetectable town as she and the fairytale characters deal with the effects of the newly cast curse 28 years prior. General Thoughts - Characters/Stories/Themes and Their Effectiveness Past The past has an interesting style to it. It’s not as overt as The Land of Black and White or The Underworld, but there’s a filter that for me is reminiscent of “The Wizard of Oz” movie’s first ten minutes. We don’t see this with other Storybrooke flashbacks, but it feels so nostalgic and nice and pairs well with the idea of going back in time specifically in Storybrooke’s history. Given how the present segment is also in Storybrooke, it makes for a nice symbol of distinction.

The story is really delivered cleverly here. It doesn’t feel heavy on exposition for something that really could’ve easily done so by sheer fact of the details that needed to be established, the reintroductions that needed to take place for Regina’s sake, and the visualization of the monotony of everyone’s day-to-day cursed lives. It’s handled reasonably quickly, especially because of the latter factor, but doesn’t let the novelty take over for the real story, but serves to instead enhance it.

That having been said...I don’t really know if I like the story. The narrative is trying to do two things: Make Kurt and Owen’s situation sympathetic while also doing the same (to a granted lesser extent) for Regina’s situation. The first half genuinely works. Kurt is a genuinely nice guy and Owen is just the best. He cracks me the fuck up and is probably one of the most unique kid characters I’ve seen in some time. He’s flawed, but likably so!

Regina’s situation is...a bit more difficult.

This is Regina during the first days of the curse, and as expected, she’s all too happy to enjoy her victory. Because of that, it’s hard to sympathize with her boredom and desire for her subjects to want to like her. That would be all well and good, but this isn’t played for comedy where it would work like in “Megamind.” As a result, while I like Regina’s bond with Kurt and Owen, it’s barely explore and is so little (She helps get their car fixed before the bond is formed so they’ll leave and when the bond is formed, she hosts dinner) that the steps that she takes in the latter half of the flashback don’t come across like the second chance that she missed out on.

For this to work, Regina couldn’t have withheld Kurt from Owen. It’s so horribly cruel, especially when we know from hindsight that she kills him. Her reign is in no danger by letting them go and Owen wasn’t able to come back as a boy because of the curse’s magic, so instead of sad, because Kurt’s detainment is explicitly Regina’s choice, Regina comes off horrible here, but the narrative is trying to frame it as something closer to what Zelena did in the “Chosen” flashback. Present Henry’s story in this segment is awful. It’s an instance of miscommunication in drama that doesn’t even have the added reason for why the parties can’t communicate. Henry’s very clearly misinformed about the reasons for the conflicts in his life, instead projecting the blame onto magic, and despite the adults having the ability to decry his points by simply talking about the roots of these issues, they more or less refuse to for some reason, causing Henry to spend the episode instead spouting out platitudes to the legitimate tactical decisions his family is making while being framed at least partially in the right for saying them. My least favorite of these is: “You used to be heroes. What happened to you?” Henry’s major conflict and current source of antagonism with Emma concerns honesty, and it frustrates me how when finally given some honesty at the beginning of the episode, deflects and is never corrected.

I found Regina a little up and down in this episode. I really liked her development until Mary Margaret visited her at her house. I felt that the development was earned and it came from a real place, well founded on her love for Henry and her distance from Cora after her death. From there though with the house call, the momentum that was building poofed away. I can somewhat argue it because Regina has been gunning for Mary Margaret form literal decades and it was just a matter of temptation, but she even brought up Henry, the very person who she held back for, so I can’t really buy that! And it makes Henry’s schpeel at the well even more meaningless because the one thing he accomplished there was basically taken back through that action!

That having been said, there were things I straight up liked about the segment. Mary Margaret’s growing guilt in the background allowed for a subtle bit of tension, it was great to see David and Rumple working together again (especially with David’s “family” power move), Emma’s developments with both Neal and Henry felt like genuinely good developments to their dynamics, and as I’ll get to later, Rumple’s interactions with Regina were fantastic! Insights - Stream of Consciousness -I’m pretty sure if you’re in an electrical storm, you should sooner go into a car than a tent! -”You’ll be alright, kid.” Not if you don’t close the tent! -Okay, the reveal of Graham was shot really well! I didn’t notice that the first time around, but the way he’s introduced is such a great buildup with an equally great payoff (And that’s coming from me!)! -It’s so interesting how Regina’s bedroom is predominantly white. To me, that comes off as two things. First, Regina gets a clean slate in Stoybrooke, and that’s something that Storybrooke gets its acclaim for in later seasons. Second, it’s Regina’s constant reminder of the nemesis the curse punishes, Snow White. -Regina, I love how you took to fashion so quickly (And you rock the pj’s), but where is some inkling of a freakout at modern technology? Like, the carpentry alone would be a shock! -”Good morning, cric-- Dr. Hopper.” I will say, I like how she knows the identities of everyone almost instantly. -I don’t feel bad for Cora at all, but damn, is Regina’s grief and even Rumple’s respect really powerful. It makes for a great moment of bonding between them. Like, it gets pretty dark as they talk about Cora’s death, revenge on Snow, and the emptiness inside of Regina that Rumple knows revenge can only starve off so much of. Rumple’s talking to is just awesome. You can tell he respects Regina and is only talking to her as a means of helping her (especially in the wake of Cora’s death -- yes, the pun is intended). -I want the Charmings to cook me breakfast! Yum! -”But she’s Snow White. She wouldn’t hurt anybody.” She hit her husband on the head with a rock and turned a band of trolls into bugs! “She wouldn’t hurt anyone,” my fanny! XD -Way to go David and Rumple: Rumple for warning them and David for making sure he does more! Good job! -Who claims a seat? What are we in, grade school? -”Home of the boss.” Does anyone call Jersey this?! -Poor cursed Mr. Gold. He’s working in his shop and everything all hunky dory, and suddenly, the mayor shows up and starts ranting. -I actually really like how even cursed, Gold is designed to be something of a friend (or at least, someone to talk frankly to) that she can get advice from. It’s pretty meaningful that even though she altered all of her dynamics in Storybrooke, while also altered, hers and Rumple’s remained more or less the same. -Also, with the series finale in hindsight, Regina’s talk about her subjects having to do what she says and not wanting to is just so well put together! -How did Regina get a locket of Cora?! -SHEEP BROS ON THE CASE! -Snow, I get that you’re depressed, but you are being hunted! Get the fork out of bed! -”Not to mention, your grandson’s [life].” ��Well, wars have costs.” Fuckin’ hell, Rumple. Emma, your sarcastic “nice” was very much warranted! -”Regina’s even more dangerous [than Cora] because she does [have a heart].” Rumple knows Regina so freakin’ well! -”I know I’m not the greatest cook.” Good on you for improving, though! -Regina’s really funny in the dinner scene! -”They’re almost done.” You just put them in! -Kurt’s attractive. I’m just gonna say it. -”One large sundae. Extra everything.” I acknowledge that that’s bribery, but that’s how you do bribery right! -”You think I don’t know a bribe when I see one?” Henry, eat the sundae! -”Someone should find a way to get rid of magic here.” Give it a few seasons, Henry! Also, I know that there’s no way they set it up this far, but I like that this is brought back later! And Neal’s the perfect character to have this conversation with him! -”My family wouldn’t want to kill her.” No, but chances are they’d still imprison her. -Oh my God! They got Billy! I love this show!!!!! -This Greg and Henry encounter is just the best thing ever! -WHY DO I FEEL SO INTENSELY ABOUT A CAR CHASE WHERE I KNOW THE RESULT? ...I DON’T CARE! IT’S SO COOL! WOOOOO-HOOO! -Regina! Don’t let the kid run out of town on his own! At least let his dad go! -”But it’’l [Henry’s fake love] will be something.” ...Fucking hell, Regina. -How often did Regina come by the town line to wait for Owen? -I’m well aware that this is the furthest thing from true, but as I DO think Snow was in the right to kill Cora, I HC that Snow’s dark spot came from what she and David did to Maleficent. -”And once you blacken your heart, it only grows darker.” ...Suuuuuuuure, Regina. -Regina’s final speech to MM is really well delivered, but it doesn’t come up again (Snow’s darkness destroying their family), so it’s kind of pointless. -Awww! “Growen’s” “I’ll find you” to his [dead] dad is so freakin’ sad! Arcs - How are These Storylines Progressing? Snow killing Cora - I like how Snow handles Cora’s death at the moment. It builds off the unpreparedness that Snow exhibited during the last episode. Emma’s lie to Henry - It was good to see how Emma continued to make an effort to do right by Henry after lying to him. Regina’s Redemption - While undoubtedly shaken by Cora’s death, Regina shows that she can still come back from the brink of evil beyond evil. Seeing her destroy that forced love scroll was such a powerful moment! As I said before, it definitely is brought down a lot by the Snow/Regina scene at the end of the episode, but it still counts for something! Favorite Dynamic Rumple and Regina - Throughout both segments, these two were just great together! In the past, I think just the fact that Regina, even after knowing that Mr. Gold is also cursed, still talks to him in this fairly honest and frank way, more or less retaining what they had in the Enchanted Forest is just great and is a testament to the slightly warmer aspects of their dynamic. And that is even furthered by their interactions in the present! The scene where they’re laying Cora to rest is just such a good show of what these two mean to each other. There’s antagonism on Regina’s part, of course, but also a certain softness on Rumple’s part. All throughout the scene (And later as he guards Mary Margaret), he’s trying to convince Regina to abandon her revenge for her own sake. In this moment, we catch a glimpse of the dynamic they could’ve predominantly had and only occasionally did. Writer Andrew Chambliss and Ian Goldberg are writing here, and thankfully, they did a better job here than in their previous endeavor. I still felt like there was a bit of shakiness as to the foundation of their story, but they were a bit more solid here. These guys are good at individual moments when they put more effort into their dialogue than simple platitudes. As I stated before, Rumple and Regina’s scene by Cora’s grave was well written, but also Regina, Kurt, and Owen in both of the diner scene was great as well as Emma, Neal and Henry in the diner (Apparently, these guys just need to write diner scenes) and Rumple and Snow in the bedroom. I feel so much more effort there, Darker Aspects - TW: Mention of rape I get that at this point, the writers were trying to convince us that the Graham/Regina relationship was more consensual than it actually was, but no. It does not work ESPECIALLY when she pulls out his heart in the office. Fucking hell. I’m glad that they stopped after this with trying to prove this particular point, although they did poorly with other points. It’s especially not helped with that love curse that Rumple and Emma discussed. While it was used to discuss Henry, having it in the same episode just makes me associate it with Graham! Rating 7/10. This episode is a bit up and down, but it was genuinely a fun watch with a lot of great character interactions. Seeing the beginning of the curse and what life under it was was a real treat and the novelty of the experience was fun, but not overpowering to the detriment of the rest of the episode. While I took some issues with the stories in both the past and present segments, I truly liked them more than I didn’t. Flip My Ship - Home of All Things “Shippy Goodness” Golden Heart - “We may have had our differences, but Cora will always have a place in my heart.” And the rose! What can I say? I love them! Swanfire - The teamup here is just really great! Emma strategized Neal pretty decently and her trust in him to take Henry to New York really shows how in their few days together, mending has been taking place between them. ()()()()()()()()() Thank you for reading and to the fine folks at @watchingfairytales!

I’m sorry this review took longer than they usually do. I guess my laziness (And relative business) caused me to be...selfish.

Maybe the next episode can help me with that. ;) See you next time. Season 2 Tally (149/220) Writer Tally for Season 2: Adam Horowitz and Edward Kitsis: (39/60) Jane Espenson (35/50) Andrew Chambliss and Ian Goldberg (31/50) David Goodman (24/30)* Robert Hull (16/30) Christine Boylan (17/30) Kalinda Vazquez (20/30) Daniel Thomsen (18/20)* * Indicates that their work for the season is complete

Operation Rewatch Archives

#ouat #once upon a time #watching fairytales #ouat 2x17 #ouat rewatch #jenna watches ouat #tw: mentions of rape

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knowthyselfrp · 6 years

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AGE RANGE: 25 // OCCUPATION: BARTENDER @ LUCKY LEPRECHAUN // PRONOUNS: HE/HIM

It makes sense that you work at The Lucky Leprechaun since your nonsensical words make the others feel like they’re going to get lucky when they speak to you. But you’re more than your funny little sayings and quick wit, aren’t you? Whatever traumatic event that haunts you from the past must’ve stuck with you if you’re so hell bent on this persona of yours. Sometimes you wonder if you’re more of an idea than a person and while you were the thought of someone else, you very much are real (as far as you know). You are an intellectual, however. Your words may seem like nonsense, but they have a much deeper meaning to you despite what anyone else might think. Your thoughts go a mile a minute, but they make sense to you. Maybe one day everyone will understand what you’re all about, but the good thing is that you don’t care if they do.

Alice- What a peculiar friend of yours. They’re so curious, a little too curious if you ask. But still, you like them. They understand what you’re trying to say and that you’re more than just the silly person in the town. Somehow, you two fit together like two peas in a pod. A strange pod, indeed, but it works. They make sense of what you’re trying to communicate and you appreciate their questions and their yearn for knowledge since you weren��t sure if there were any people like them left in the world. They’re not content with just what they were given, and you love that about her because you feel the same way. You may be a mystery of a person to them, but you like that you know what they’re all about. You keep them on their toes and in return, they can bring you back out of your head when things get too tough. So you decided to help their search for all these answers because what else do you have to lose?

Red Queen- Indeed they are cruel, but the two of your have a history. One that the both of you don’t like to talk about, and neither of you are going to tell Alice since quite frankly it’s no one’s business. You’re too quick for them, and you know too much so they can’t hurt you, not yet. Your little tea sessions and confessional meetings are something the both of you want to keep under wraps since both of you have dirt on one another. It’s only fair if neither of you act, staying in a Cold War standstill rather than unleashing whatever nuclear weapon you may have on each other. Their threats of cutting off your head are meaningless, you could destroy them too if you cared enough. So the antagonism the two of you possess with one another works, since Alice doesn’t need to ask why you don’t like them and it appears that the lovely queen simply despises everyone. It’s better this way.

He’s glad you make no sense all of the time because if you did, people would start to suspect. And people suspecting and asking questions means that His control over people in in jeopardy. Simply put, he does not like you. You always are too close to the truth and then flip it around like you have no idea what’s going on. He has a feeling you suspect the truth of Maurice, and he’s waiting for the right time to flip the eraser on you or a loved one of yours. Be careful, you do not want to make an enemy out of Him do you?

Riz Ahmed

“Why is the sky blue? Why isn’t it a new color each day?” he once asked, merely a young child filled with endless questions. His mother smiled at him, knowing he had been a curious soul. Always wondering about things, pondering. She encouraged him to seek the truth, to find the silver lining. Of course, in all her efforts, there were still dark clouds lurking in the distance.

An unpleasant household, an unhealthy marriage.

She tried to hide it from him, urged him to spend more time outside ( to make sense of this world ). It’s mad, you see. The skies remain the same color, never warning of the dangers that might lay ahead. His teachers called him special, the other school children never understanding.

“Why don’t you shut up, Markus?” they mocked. Giggling at his mismatched clothes and wild hair. The teachers never stopped it, they never noticed. But they were always quick to reassure of his place in school, of his talent ( spoon-feeding his mother such vague narratives ).

“Why don’t you shut up, Markus!” repeated his father later that evening, hissing. He was drunk again, louder than usual. There were bangs coming from the kitchen, his father slamming the cabinets, searching for where the liquor had been hidden. His mother refused to tell the truth, insisting that he could be cured. Markus couldn’t help but stare, the small television across from him suddenly offering no comfort.

He knew where the bottles were hidden, he knew it.

So he offered a riddle, a clue of sorts – wondering if his father would take the bait. Hoping the situation wouldn’t escalate. Yet the drunken man snapped, the brute force of his hand landing on his mother. Her skin changed colors … but the sky remained the same.

He exceled in school, his grades perfectly deceptive of the reality painted before him. No friends. No games. No one to play with, except his mind and imagination. Things had been quiet in the house, his estranged father only appearing on bad days. Except circumstances weren’t getting any better if his mother’s injuries healed slowly, painfully.

“Is it possible to break a human?” he asked one day in class. The entire room stared at him, unsure of what to make of the unexpected question.

“You’re mad, Markus,” whispered the student next to him.

His mother had gotten a gun. She kept it hidden underneath her pillow. Of course, that fateful day, it had been out of her reach. She kept yelling for it to stop, her father refusing to listening. Markus couldn’t stay locked inside the bathroom anymore, he couldn’t bear it.

The sky wasn’t even blue that day, it was dark and ominous. It screamed for vengeance.

He grabbed the weapon, pointing it haphazardly. Amongst all the screaming, there was finally a lock, a pop, and a drop. The body fell without any movement – the gun clenched securely between his hands.

Is it possible to break a human? Oh, how the answer laid in plain sight. As the sounds of incoming sirens spun into white noise.

His mother wasn’t the same. Not like the sky.

They called it grieving, he learned. There was the burden of guilt sitting on his shoulders, growing heavier each day. He killed his father … even if it had been a mistake. The students whispered around him, finally cornering him as planned.

“Did you do it?” they asked. He suddenly found himself preferring the other questions, ones that probed the madness of his mind ( not his actions ). Markus didn’t want to be labeled for his wrongdoings, he wanted to break free from the reality of them. Of himself.

He shook his head, insisting, “no, never, I’m innocent. Innocent like the little bunnies in the bushes. The ones you chase.” More prey than predator – such loose lips demonstrating no risk ( because no one would ever listen to him ).

Markus stared in the mirror the following night. Making a decision that would drastically change his life. He had chosen that day to encompass an elaborate, whimsical mask. Portraying an odd persona to cope, mope, hope? Perhaps it was a penance of sorts, atoning for his sins.

More importantly: could the Creator forgive him?

It’s present time. Present day.

The past filters through his mind, memories appearing to be little facets of the truth. Hermosa is heaven, Hermosa is hell. The customer sits in front of him, requesting for another drink. He offers a riddle, a spin of words. The truth sits at the bottom of the glass as his hands pour the next concoction ( yet no one suspects a thing )

Tea cups.- What’s a tea party without any tableware? These cups are porcelain, fragile in nature. Yet they are able to withstand the boiling temperatures of hot tea, proving their worth in usage every day. These little trinkets require a certain level of care, turning the overall situation rather bizarre. Such delicacies in the hands of a madman? Surely, something isn’t right. There is too much contradiction happening, too much paradox – oh, but they were merely a gift from his mother.

#lsrpg #skeleton rp #lsrp #dark rp #disney rpg #mad hatter #alice in wonderland #taken #takenskel #mad hatterskel

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angrycollectordaze-me-blog · 5 years

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北美作业代写：Mona Lisa's smile

下面为大家整理一篇优秀的essay代写范文- Mona Lisa's smile，供大家参考学习，这篇论文讨论了电影《蒙娜丽莎的微笑》。影片《蒙娜丽莎的微笑》的故事背景发生在20世纪50年代的美国，当时美国的妇女解放运动正在如火如荼地进行着，整个美国的大环境开始对女性地位发生改观，但大部分女性的自我意识还处于麻痹状态。故事中的主人公之一，凯瑟琳·沃森始终坚持自己的教学理念，坚持自己的女性主义思想。最终唤醒了大批优秀女生的自我意识，改变了她们的价值观和人生规划。

Many excellent female films call for women's self-consciousness in the form of film communication, for example, the famous American film Mona Lisa's smile which will be analyzed in the following part of this paper. About a new woman from California had open higher education? Katherine Watson, come to Wellesley college is known for its conservative feudal women's college teaching. The leading character's advanced ideas are incompatible with the school's conservative ideas, leading to many wonderful conflicts. In the end, although Catherine left Wesley, she won the spiritual victory, because she influenced the thoughts of many excellent women, awakened their female self-consciousness and spread feminism. The success of this film is that it made a great contribution to the cause of women's liberation.

The film "Mona Lisa's smile" is set in the United States in the 1950s. At that time, the women's liberation movement in the United States was in full swing, and the overall environment of the United States began to change the status of women, but most of the women's self-consciousness was still in a state of paralysis. Film's Wesley's girls' school is given priority to with female students, Wesley school education idea completely accord with the requirement of the social value of women, receiving higher education is not to train women's independent consciousness and ability of self-realization, but to finally whether can get a decent with good education experience, a happy marriage. Is one of the characters in the story, Catherine Watson came to Wesleyan school ethos graduated from the Open University of Berkeley, Catherine naturally unacceptable deformity Wesleyan school education idea, full of feminist thought Catherine, as the representative of the new age women did not succumb to Wesleyan education concept, daring to challenge old ideas, no matter what the school exert pressure, she always adhere to their own teaching philosophy, adhere to their own feminist thoughts. In the end, Katherine's persistence aroused a large number of excellent girls' self-consciousness and changed their values and life plans.

Catherine's persistence and the transformation of many advanced students moved us. They bravely faced the pressure from the school, and in a general sense, let us see the courage of every feminist in the period of women's liberation to bravely face the social pressure. Thanks to their foresight and unremitting efforts, women around the world have fully awakened their sense of self, and now they are active in all fields of society. To liberate women is to liberate half of the social productive forces and make indelible contributions to the development of human civilization.

Catherine Watson is the first soul in the film. She accepted the new thought education, is a feminist persistence, is a very self-aware new woman. Her teacher once said, "if you were my girlfriend, I wouldn't let you leave me. Catherine then offered an answer that took the female ego to the extreme, saying, "I'm not going to ask your permission." After graduation, Catherine was filled with a cavity of ambition, she wanted to spread her full mind of new ideas, and she wanted to influence more people and arouse more women's self-consciousness through herself, so that they could break away from the shackles of old ideas and see a better future just like herself. So Catherine chose the most conservative school for girls, Wesleyan. Wesleyan women's college considers it its duty to cultivate a good wife and mother for the upper class. In its etiquette class, Wesleyan women's college actually teaches students how to support their husbands to achieve their careers. Wesley has his own traditional values and teaching philosophy, and anyone who comes here has to learn to adapt and become a missionary in a patriarchal society, and Katherine is probably the first exception.

Katherine boldly abandoned the school's traditional teaching methods and philosophy, and challenged the old rules with the new ideas she accepted at Berkeley. She encourages her students to find their own strengths and to have their own ideals, not her husband's success. Catherine always treats her students in a gentle and calm way, and her moistening materials have affected the students silently, as well as the audience in front of the screen. "I don't want you to write papers," she said. "I don't want you to like it. I just want you to think." The concept conveyed by Catherine is that we should first think independently in the face of a thing, and then make choices according to our own heart. You shouldn't just listen to what others are asking of you to decide whether you like it or not, or do something meaningless and superficial. Independent thinking and choice is the first and most important step for women to awaken their self-awareness. Only by thinking independently can they truly become an independent person.

Catherine dared to help students realize their own ideas. She helped Joan, a student with excellent academic performance and her own dream, get admitted to Yale law school. Catherine was never cruel in her attack on rotten old ideas. She vehemently lesson because marriage and truancy Betty, she publicly maintenance was expelled from school for sale to protect women's contraceptive sour Amanda, she is in the classroom on vocal opposition newspaper about "a woman should return to family born housewives role, in the society of orthodoxy that promoting the so-called backward school, Catherine as a banner, not afraid of the wind rain, kept flying high, lead women to hurry and awakening in the school. In the end, Catherine got her wish. Her self-consciousness influenced a large number of excellent students and changed their ideas and destiny. One by one, these students gain their independence in soul, no longer follow the wrong guidance of public opinion, no longer willingly become subordinate to male authority, and gradually become the pursuers or even practitioners of female self-consciousness. In this process, Catherine herself has grown up again. She is more determined to guard her female self-consciousness. She dared to change her relationship status, but still refused her boyfriend's proposal, because she judged that their relationship was not enough to make a marriage. She accepted the Italian professor bill's courtship, but frankly and boldly asked bill to stop with other women; She left Wesleyan school without nostalgia because she was unwilling to submit to the control of the school over her ideological freedom. Such a Catherine, perhaps not uncommon in real life, became a wonderful fragrance in the history of the feminist struggle in the United States at that time. Her strong self-consciousness and brave challenge to authority caused a revolution. What she challenged was not only the school system, but also the backward concept of the whole society. What she wanted to change was not only herself, but also her students, and even the women who were oppressed by ideology in the whole society. She is brave and decisive, not to compromise any force, not afraid of everything, just to let themselves set their own trajectory in life.

Catherine Watson, the first to influence and shape the most successful man is one of her students - Joan BuLanDeWen. Joan herself is a very smart and active girl, but because in such a social environment, she did not establish her own female self-consciousness and had no special plan for her life. She just wanted to follow the rules of ethics and get married and have children after graduation. Jean's sense of self was at first in its infancy. She would occasionally dream of becoming a successful lawyer, but then she would deny herself that it was realistic and she had never planned her life well. Until she met Catherine, who encouraged her to follow her interests and helped her get admitted to Yale. But in the end, Joan chose to stay at home and marry her boyfriend, with the support of her teacher, Catherine. One wonders, is this not contrary to Catherine's thoughts? After all, getting married and having children is a traditional female path. But jean once said, "it was my decision not to read the law... I want a home. I want children. I know exactly what I'm doing. It's not that I'm no longer smart... That's what I want to do, that's what I want to live." It was just such a paragraph that made Catherine wish her well. Joan's choice of family was the result of her own careful thinking and leading her life as a woman. It was not blind obedience to social concepts, but the highest expression of Joan's self-awareness. Jean's case shows us that feminism is not a narrow struggle to get women out of the workplace. It is not a fight for the sake of fighting, nor is it an extreme pursuit, but a true awakening of female self-consciousness. A woman with a sense of self does not conflict with being a housewife, as long as she is driven by her heart and tries to live the life she wants to live. This is self-awareness. Female self-consciousness has never been reflected in women's social status, nor in a deliberately pursuing rebellious attitude and lifestyle. As long as women have the ability to think independently without succumbing to worldly views, it is called female self-consciousness. The result of Joan's choice was traditional, but the process was full of wisdom. Joan dared to challenge the authority of her teacher, dared to debate with her teacher, and finally won the teacher's approval. Such courage is similar to Catherine's, and it is also worth learning.

Affected by Catherine's largest student, can be said to be the most conservative once Betty warren. After being guided by Katherine's female self-consciousness, Betty completely changes her life track and finally achieves freedom and happiness. Once a defender of the Wesleyan tradition, Betty was the student most at odds with Katherine's seemingly outrageous ideas. She was the first one to get married in the school, and once played truant for marriage. She openly challenged Catherine in class, and she thought that Catherine was completely grandstanding, and she subverted her ideas to order them to disregard the tradition, which was selfish and foolish behavior. Betty, in order to fight against Catherine, once published an article in the school newspaper, accusing Catherine of violating social morality and sacred marriage, and urging women to abandon the social role they were born to assume. She caters to society's lead in encouraging women to return to the family, not only by example, but also by promoting the idea. But as the plot progresses, Betty's sense of self comes to life in the struggle between her and Catherine again and again, until at last she becomes a completely different person. She questioned the smile of Mona Lisa and challenged the traditional judgment of female beauty. She believed that although Mona Lisa was smiling, she was not necessarily happy in her heart. Many things did not match the essence and appearance, just like her seemingly happy but actually unhappy marriage. Finally, Betty boldly filed for divorce, and despite being discouraged from returning home even by her mother, she resolutely left the unhappy family and unhappy marriage. Betty's awakening and determination make us look at her with new eyes. She grows from a traditional moralist to a new-age woman who thinks for herself and decides her own destiny. Betty's self-conscious resurgence changes her life, and her shifting inconsistencies are a particularly admirable part of the film's plot.

As Catherine boldly abandoned this doesn't fit his marriage, and take the initiative to choose more suitable for their own bill as a new boyfriend, her brave spirit of the pursuit of love was also the students, Connie baker. Connie was an ordinary girl. She was not as smart and beautiful as Betty, nor as talented as Joan. She was just a shy girl who lacked confidence. She adores Betty's cousin but doesn't have the guts to tell him. And the female self-consciousness of miss Catherine infected her, when she also saw the sincerity of the boy, cast aside worldly vision and boldly walked into the boys' dormitory, confessed his love, and finally harvested sweet. Traditional thinking on the definition of women should be reserved, should quietly wait for the favor of men, but if passive and timid, is bound to lose happiness, make a big mistake. Women also have the same right to choose a mate as men. It is one of the symbols of women's independent thinking to choose a mate independently and pursue bravely. Connie baker under the influence of Catherine, successfully by a timid girl to have their own independent thought, have the courage of the new women. Connie's growth not only comforts us, but also enlightens us. Women should bravely and actively pursue what they love instead of being bound by social concepts.

The film "Mona Lisa's smile" shows us the process of these beautiful women's self-awakening and self-struggle, and let us understand the women of that era, and their efforts for self-consciousness awakening and self-life pursuit. Only when women really have equal and independent personality and truly from the heart of social pursuit, their face smile can be called the real Mona Lisa's smile the most beautiful smile. Nowadays, as an independent existence, women are active in all corners of society, fighting for their careers, running their families, and striving for their dreams. Their success and happiness are no longer dependent on anyone, but completely in their own hands. This is the proper state of a civilized society. In the world, there are many backward ideological driven self-consciousness awakening of women, we are looking forward to have a Catherine to change them, looking forward to they will have like Joan and Betty awakening of that day of, we will study the film Catherine perseverance, for that day to celebrate the liberation of women around the world and persistent efforts.

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