#that's the most my brain could remember

[skitskatdacat63]

Every time I read Fernando cursing in fic, I can only think about this clip and then my brain short-circuits

#i have many feelings i shall not disclose about this clip #but i thought abt it again bcs in some fic i was reading it had fernando saying 'joder' #AND THIS CLIP JUST SHOT DIRECTLY INTO THE FOREFRONT OF MY BRAIN #fernando season 1 truly fed us so well #like seriously that show is a fernando fans wet dream theres just...so much...interesting...stuff... #i kept having to replay this clip bcs aaaahhhhhhhh my god.......the cursing...the low tone...the rolling Rs #wdym this clip is about being ahead in a race? all i can hear is sexy cursing and that it is brilliant :) #and nando himself listening back to the clip and just nodding confidently...I AM DEAD HE KILLED ME #(im not really used to reading Spanish J(too used to English J and German J) so the H sound doesnt really pop into my head immediately) #(so i could never really like visualize Spanish speaking charas saying words like joder in a sexy way) #(and then they showed that part in the show and my brain leaked out of my head) #*not actually strollonso but strollonso in my heart because this clip is how I visualize dom Fernando hehehe #i dont remember the ep i think it was either 4 or 5 #i think itd be funny if it was 4 tho bcs i think that ep had the most insane clips and gave so much content #(that one had kitty fernando/carlando sr gay drama scene/nando getting railed(thematically)/etc) #fernando alonso #fernando(show) #fa14 #formula 1 #formula one #f1 #we do a little bit of f1 #fernando s1e5

[bunnieswithknives]

Hilarious sibling pranks include: hiding spider eggs in his pillow, 'pretending' to hunt him with a rifle, and running over his dog

#roy does NOT like 'pranks' #gore #animal death #dead animal #blood #child abuse #implied abuse #sketch #doodle #comic #art #dhmis #two of us AU #two of us!Roy #Two of us!brain friends #Thinking about when my cat got run over and they needed to pick it up so they could burry it in the back yard #they told me to close my eyes and not look. #I just remember the smell and its eye... it was the most horrible thing I had ever seen up to that point in my life #anyways this was almost a lot more gorey lol

[mysillyside]

My thoughts on Light's sexuality

Light makes the most sense if you read him as an aroace man (who is also gay in a very specific nearly-hypothetical way) who's completely functionally heterosexual. By which I mean he's capable of performing heterosexuality both romantically/sexually (if it's beneficial to him), without feeling (too) uncomfortable. He feels no sexual or romantic attraction towards anyone, however he is only capable of having (somewhat) close relationships with men who are his intellectual equals. He's a very homosocial character.

While I don't think Light would ever go out of his way to seek out a relationship for personal reasons, I could see him entertaining the idea of a life-partnership (in a queer-platonic-esq sense, though he wouldn't call it that) with a fellow man if he found one with whom he feels a strong sense of kinship with and who also happens to be extremely intellectually stimulating/challenging.

His disinterest in women as partners, while definitely fueled by his misogyny to a degree, at its core is because Light already finds nearly everyone extremely unrelatable to him, women and men alike, hence why, even if Light wasn't Mr. Sexism, women would still be excluded by default as potential partners because he'd want someone he'd feel the closest possible sense of mutual understanding with.

Considering finding such a person would be, quite literally, near-impossible, in a no-Death Note, no-Kira world, Light would most likely either be single for life (ideal) or married to a woman for the sake of keeping up appearances (not ideal, but he'd manage).

I think reading him as an aroace man (who is also gay in a very specific nearly-hypothetical way) is the most in-line with his canon characterization. That is of course, if we're analyzing how he's written in the text itself. If we're however, analyzing him from the standpoint of authorial intent- he's completely heterosexual.

#It's always funny when ppl think I perceive Light as a queer character bc of shipping reasons. You fools. You don't know the Kat lore... #When I first watched DN- despite me getting into the show w the sole purpose of reading fanfics- after finishing it I didn't ship L/Light. #I was actually super upset abt it and forced myself to read fanfics until I started shipping it. #I remember being like “there's no way in hell Light is into women” yet not shipping him with a single character on that first watch. #L/Light is a fanfiction to me- I love it but it's not something I could ever see happening between them at least in the anime/manga. #My fanfiction brain version of Light is a repressed gay man but that's not how I perceive him in the canon story. Ramble over! #In short this post is not abt L/Light or Mikami/Light either. Light's hypothetical ideal partner doesn't exist in DN canon! #The closest you can get is mby fusing L (someone most challenging to Light) and Mikami (someone most similar to Light) in a blender. #death note #light yagami #💬 katposts #analyses & meta

[smalltimidbean]

I finally finished Bugsnax

#I know Grumpus Bean has a unique tag but I don't remember what it is and I think I was gonna change their last name #so new tag time #OC: Bean (grumpus) #that'll do for now #but yes I am like three years late #mainly bc my old pc lagged to all hell and then I never redownloaded it on my new one until like yesterday #well I actually had to repurchase it for steam bc I was not gonna get that epic games launcher just for bugsnax but no big #although for some reason the game still lags but only when I am in snaxburg so the last quest was extra stressful! fighting a hoard at 2fps #I did know what was gonna happen bc I'd watched the ending #but still! it's a different experience to actually play than just watching someone who is also talking over most of it #and they didn't do most of the sidequests nor any of the DLC (tho I watched it before the DLC so they could not have ljksdgfkj) #so that was all new to me!!! #there's so many fuckin quests but I did them all!!! #except like two of them and catching that fast little coffee bastard #I will probably return to do that but for now I have to draw or I will explode #we will return to PT things but don't mind if I have snax on the brain for a bit #I have some funny moments I want to draw

[crtastrophic]

would love for my faceblindness to stop fucking me over

#I used to think I was bad at remembering names but? I'm really not actually #my problem is linking them to a physical appearance... #my brain just kinda tosses most faces in the same bin. I can remember other traits but they typically take a while to memorize #which sucks because at that point it would usually be weird for me to admit to the person that I don't know their name. #I'll just have to hunt down their instagram or whatever #it usually goes something like: I meet someone -> they tell me their name -> #i have not yet had the opportunity to observe their non-face traits and thus have nothing to anchor that name to -> annnd it's fucking gone #-> I learn to recognize them by dress/body type/behaviour/interests or w.e -> but I can't go back and link that to a name #-> the horrors #kitchat #anyways. I want to credit my lab partner in a report but she was thin and blonde and white so. could be nearly anyone from my class

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

I'm piggybacking a bit off of the last ask of asking for writing tips but I have an odd question... Am I the only person that struggles actually PICKING a book? It's the absolute bane of my existence because I feel like I can be so picky... Don't get me wrong, I love being a bookworm, and I'm trying to get back into reading physical books but it's so difficult to find a real taste of what the book is like without being completely spoiled or something... I miss when backs of books had an actual summary and not just NO.1 NEW YORK BESTSELLER!!!! It's so frustrating... I've been trying to get back into it by re-reading fond chapter childhood books read to me (The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane & A Wrinkle In Time). But at the same time I'm also trying to get into more "adult" books that isn't... Well, you try googling "adult books" and see how that goes, I didn't think too hard about what a poor decision THAT was. But I'm working up the courage to read Cat's Cradle right now to start with "Classic Authors" I guess!

Anyway I'm rambling here, I guess my question is... How do you pick out the books you read? I don't really have friends that read many books to recommend to me :')

Thank you in advance, Bog! I hope you get a callback from that interview soon!

no ok actually you've mentioned something that's been bothering me for a while - What The Hell Do Y'all Mea, Books Don't Have Summaries Anymore???? i have not once in my life found a book that didn't have a summary. i was in barnes & noble recently and everything i looked at had a summary. i have literally never seen a book without one in my life of reading & looking at new books on a regular basis

softcovers have theirs on the back. hardcovers are on the inside of the sleeve - lift the cover and it should be printed right there on the inside flap! summaries aren't legally required but both the author and Especially the publisher(s) know that no one's gonna buy a book without a summary. trust me, all books worth reading have a summary. if a book doesn't have one, it's probably not worth your time anyway. you just gotta know where to look!

so my answer to how i choose books... i read the summary lmao. if it seems interesting, ill either write it down to get later or ill get it there and then.

Before the summary though, i look for any titles that jump out at me from the shelf. then i look at the thickness. i like a bit of meat in my literature, so i tend to shy away from thinner books. thicker ones grab my attention more easily. then i look at the cover - if it interests me, then ill read the summary. i don't have specific tastes in title or cover. as long as it makes my brain "hm" thoughtfully, ill take a gander!

and really, if you have access to a bookstore (chain or not, ive found plenty of bangers in tiny used bookshops) or library, the best way to find a book is to physically browse. even if you dont buy anything, you can take pictures of books / write them down to buy online. but going to the store lets you search them out, examine the length, cover, title, summary - and easily put it back on the shelf or keep it. i hate shopping online bc there's ads, you can't examine the product, nothing really stands out since it's all portrayed similarly, there's limited pictures instead of the physical thing, and photos can lie.

plus, everything is (typically) meticulously sorted by genre & age range. when you go into a section with literature aimed at adults, you'll find exactly that instead of smut novels lmao. real life bookstores can be more accurate than online searches. & there's just something so good about walking through shelves, searching for that one book before you know it exists, smelling the paper... yeah...

#like for example i recently bought priory of the orange tree #ive been wanting it for a while and havent read it yet since im finishing something else #BUT! i remember when i first saw it #nothing had gotten my attention for a while #but then i saw the thickest fucking book ive seen in ages - which was automatically very sexy of it #and then the title was unique - priory of the orange tree??? whoah! what the fuck does that mean!!! #so automatically there was the interest of neat title + a new word that i get to learn + the implications of the word now that i understand #and then i picked the book up and it was deliciously heavy - & there was a Dragon on the cover. which. YES PLEASE #then the summary was fascinating!! the book was immediately seared into my brain! im very excited to read it #so thats a highly successful example of my book choosing Process #it checked all of my boxes so it was a win #most books dont check all of my boxes but as long as it hits most of them im down to clown yk yk #but yeah im picky too so! nothing wrong with being picky or having high standards! #rambles from the bog #my shelves are fuckin Full of books ranging from 'it was ok' to 'I WILL RECOMMEND THIS TO ALL WHO WILL LISTEN' #and then i have a drawer filled with books that i just could not care less about / dont like #but dont have the heart to throw away bc. well putting a book in the trash kills a part of my soul #i need to donate them... #but yes! i hope that helps! #and Thank You! i hope i get a callback as well...

[daddyplasmius]

hand on my stupid heart flashbacks

this is a No One Knows AU & Full Hazmat AU where Danny ended up in the Ghost Zone & didn't go back into the human world initially because he thought he was dead. by the time he realized he is, in fact, at least half alive, he'd already been missing for at least 2 weeks. will probs never finish homsh sorry. i wrote this a couple years ago in a haze & just haven't been able to finish it because i can't replicate the style, which i find is what i love about this fic the most. it wouldn't be the same without it. posting the flashback introsーwhich are meant to be read between chapters/the actual plot, starting after chapter 1ーcuz fuck it. excuse typos & shit, i never properly edited it, as i forgot it existed immediately after i wrote it original description of homsh: Danny Fenton has officially been missing for over a year. Maddie & Jack Fenton refuse to give up on their son. Sick and tired of the police running them in circles, and the case getting colder by the day, the Fentons turn to their last resortーPhantom. 800~ words (full unfinished fic is 20k~)

-

When Danny woke up surrounded by thick, green fog, and couldn’t breathe without swallowing heavy air that was more like water than anything, he was sure he was dead. The portal glowed behind him, illuminating the pitch darkness around him in soft, yellow, warm light.

He almost went back.

Almost.

He was dead. His parents were ghost hunters. They had drilled into his head from the moment he was born that he could never, ever panic in death. That he would accept it. That he would not be scared. So he would be prepared to be brave in the face of death and would not become a ghost.

He panicked. He did not accept it. He was terrified. And so he woke up in the Ghost Zone.

-

Danny went back through the portal when he saw some ectopuses acting… strange. Like they had an idea in their heads. Like they had a plan.

Which was weird, with animal ghosts. He had only been in the Ghost Zoneーmom and dad called it that, he rememberedーfor a couple weeks. Or, he had already been there for two weeks. Or maybe time worked differently and he was there five minutes, or four years orー

The ectopuses went through the portal and, despite everything, Danny went after them.

While he was busy reeling at being home, the ectopuses immediately attacked dad. Danny was horrified. Jack was overwhelmed. Danny stepped in, in a moment fueled by sheer adrenaline and stupidity, snatching a Fenton Thermos™ off a shelf and releasing his shaky invisibility. The ectopuses didn’t stand a chance. And when they were safely in the Thermos, he slowly turned around to dad, ready for the confrontation. Ready for the “what happened to you?” and the “where have you been?” and the “we’ve missed you”.

Dad scrambled to shoot at him.

Danny fled.

His parents didn’t recognize him.

-

The Lunch Lady attacked when Danny was mourning Halloween.

He’d waited all year. He made a costume that summer. He wouldn’t get to go trick or treating with Sam and Tucker this year. Or any year. For the rest of his lifeーor existence. Whatever.

The Lunch Lady appeared in the school and demanded in straight fury, “Who changed the menu?”

Everyone pointed at Sam.

Danny hadn’t known just how powerful ghosts could be. His parents never told him the specifics. Just that they were dangerous.

This ghost grew and her aura hit him like a hurricane, almost physically pushing him back. It was so strong that the students in the Casper High cafeteria seemed to feel it too.

The Lunch Lady was a much harder opponent than the ectopuses. She levitated meat. She used it as a weapon, and seemed to bring it back to life. She created weird meat creatures that grew sharp teeth and claws out of bones. They were mindless, attacking everything that got too close to the ghost. Danny would have run away without hesitation, if Sam hadn’t been in the crossfire.

Danny fought the Lunch Lady. It was a long struggle, but he caught her in the thermos after over an hour. When he turned to Sam and Tuckerーboth of whom he had to save due to Tucker trying to jump into the fightーall three of them bloody and bruised, he cringed. But a part of him hoped. Desperately.

Surely they would know him on sight.

“Wh-what are you?” Sam gasped at him finally.

Danny flinched as if she had struck him. “J-just… your friendly neighbourhood phantom.”

-

Danny didn’t know what possessed him. Oh. Pun not intended.

He just barely caught the Fentons leaving in the GAV, dragging suitcases behind them. He couldn’t help himself. What on Earth were they doing?

They were going to Vlad Master’s mansion for their college reunion.

It was a whole thing. But something was off. Besides all the adults reminiscing about the 80’s.

Danny sensed ghosts immediately but he couldn’t see anything. Unfortunately for him, Vlad could also sense him. It was two days of Danny staying invisible, and Vladーthe halfa? Is that what Danny is?ーtrying to kill Jack. Somehow, Danny managed to fight off Vlad, not turn back, and without the Fentons getting hurt. His secret intact.

VladーPlasmius, also learned about Phantom. And Vlad hated him. The manーghostーwhatever, seemed to only care about one thingーpossession. Of money. Of things. Of people. He was more ghost than Danny had ever seen. Vlad’s obsession was overwhelming.

Danny couldn’t believe someone so much like himself could be so disturbing.

#danny phantom #danny phantom au #danny phantom fanfiction #you know that gif of the wailing emoji dissolving? :Why:? #yeah that's what i do every time i remember i never finished HOMSH while i still had the style in my brain #feel free to steal this idea. please steal this idea. please write it i wanna see this idea so bad but im already writing another 100k+ fic #if y'all want me to post the full fic i can but. it is not finished & most likely never will be. sorry again #i won't lie. the haze i was in was a depressed one. i was. not in a good place At All when i wrote HOMSH #like the only part i remember actually writing was the panic attack scene & that's just barely #i reread the whole fic in the middle of the night months later while listening to Implode Alright by Built by Snow on repeat #yeah i cried. this one is funny but mostly it's just. mourning. grief. the works. it's a vent fic & also a. kind of. wishful fic #like. don't you just wish death wasn't so permanent. don't you wish you could tell them everything you wish you could #don't you wish you could just see them again #i'm actually writing this into a bigger ventier series currently called Let Grief Do Its Work #cuz i rewatched LUCIDS again recently & remembered what HOMSH was originally about. why i was writing it #i'm not calling it HOMSH cuz. HOMSHie is my baby. it's its own thing & i don't wanna ruin the vibes #reluctantly admitting i call an unfinished fanfic i don't remember writing... HOMSHie baby... in my head #yeah i have a cute nickname for my fic. what of it #it's 5am & i think i'll throw up if i think any more about posting unfinished unedited pieces of a fic so i'm going for it. cowabunga #go into the world. get your 2 notes you beautiful animal #*passes out*

[unicornsaures]

ill forever adore going through my old sketchbooks because its like going through memories i never knew i had

#dpdr my beloathed<3 #memory gaps i hate you !! #like what the fuck do you MEAN i cant tell when somethings real and somethings not #its ironic how my longest lasting memories are when i was drunk #like you would THINK that would be the most forgotten thing #but nope! #maybe because msot of the times i was drunk deeply affected me as a person #and i wont stop reminding myself about it #but! #brain if youre gonna fuck up my memories please let me forget the oens i want to forget pls n thanks #ugh #vent post #vent #dolirants #i love projecting onto laurens though if you couldnt tell #riddling that bitch with anxiety and paranoia and dpdr and rvery problem ive ever faced #honestly i think my mind starting blocking out just..everything #like everything ever #8th grade wasnt even bad ? #likr maam could i like #idk #remember that pls? #7th grade i understand #but like ? #can i remember the rest? #ughh #me ranting in the tags again

[wundrousarts]

Does anyone have any fancasts for the Nevermoor movie that they'll always stand by?

I throw various actors at the wall for Squall because I have no clue about him and welcome a surprise, but I genuinely can't think of anyone but Domhnall Gleeson being a perfect fit for Jupiter

#nevermoor #nevermoor movie #yeah I have no clue if he can sing. but idc. he can learn. #just sometimes i'll see those like fancast sites and see other ppls thoughts for jupiter and i'm like...... we are not the same at all lol #jupiter and squall are def going to be known actors and I just constantly wonder who they could be..... #most if not all of my squall ideas aren't that serious #its usually just “this guy can sing and act. why not” #the fact that the movie is a musical makes it so much harder to cast...... i'm so scared of it lol #in the far future when/if casting eventually gets announced i will be following the news with both interest and horror equally #also if you ever see me misspelling domhnall gleeson's name i'm sorry. but my brain has remembered it the wrong way and I can't overwrite i

[ava-does-dumbassery]

I’ve been staring at Jumilhac papyrus plates for like five hours. Anyway, I think this is my favourite drawing:

I like the contrast, with the red and black and how Osiris and Set are inverted from each other. (Also, obvious symbolism with Set in the stock “enemy” pose and him being upside down.)

That vessel on Osiris’s chair in the corner looks like it might be a heart? If it is that would be cool, like it relating to how Osiris’s heart is vindicated against Set when he becomes ruler of the dead and Horus is given his inheritance as king.

This is what Set looks like when you turn it the other way, by the way:

This papyrus is from the Ptolemaic period, and I believe Set (“Typhon”) was usually as just a donkey instead of a special animal by then. I like that he has a more canine head here, I think it looks cool (EARS!!! HE HAS POINTY EARS!!)

Also he has hieroglyphs next to him spelling his name instead of just an ideogram, which is cool. They’ve spelled it Stš here. (Usually it was Stẖ, but sometimes the š was sometimes used instead of ẖ in words sometimes.) Anyway, you’d pronounce that either S-t-sh or S-t-ch depending on who you ask (and of course the vowels are missing because it’s ancient Egyptian, so when you read it out loud you could say it Setesh or Setech even though that’s probably not how the ancient Egyptians said it).

#Egyptian mythology #Usir #sutekh #ancient Egypt stuff #Ava has thoughts #The Jumilhac papyrus #ẖ is a fun sound because we really don’t know how they said it #It could have been an L sound maybe #Most of the time people just say it ‘kh’ like they do for ḫ though #Knowing Middle Egyptian a little bit is messing with me on this papyrus #I think it’s probably in Late Egyptian? All the information about is in French so I can’t tell. It’s most likely Late Egyptian. #If it is I know enough Middle Egyptian to recognize some of the overlapping words. And my brain keeps trying to read the rest #Even though if it is late Egyptian then I probably won’t understand most of it or I’ll mistake what it says for something else #ity… I’ve heard that word before I think but I can’t remember what it means. Feet of our lord… gods something something through Osiris #I keep thinking something in there says ‘Nephthys was spoken’ but that probably doesn’t make sense #Doesn’t matter anyway cause like I said I’m probably wrong about all of it #No id #undescribed

[hayaku14]

kaishin au where kaito unwillingly received immortality from pandora. kaito is torn and broken upon the burden of eternal life. shinichi promises to stay with him forever. to do so, he drinks aptx 4869 every 10 years.

years go by and soon everyone in their life passes. kaito and shinichi learned how to create the poison from haibara before she left the world as well. but though it works in consistently turning back time for shinichi, it is still a deadly poison. accumulated, it slowly weakens him.

as shinichi's body slowly deteriorates, the poison chipping away at his life, kaito spirals. once again, torn and broken, kaito is desperate. feeling this to be their last years together, he decides to find a way to stay with shinichi forever.

a way to reverse his immortality.

a way to die together.

#kaishin #dcmk #detective conan #kudou shinichi #kuroba kaito #dc prattles #dont look at me idk why but this angst came out of fucking nowhere too #this came into my brain and i had to vomit it all here or else it'll plague my mind and die there #i actually wrote that they have half a century left but ig it's better to leave it vague #i think at one point they would have to fake their deaths #but shinichi's body couldnt possibly handle changing back and forth if he's past his 50s right? #what im trying to say is that make this au extra angsty by making them fake their deaths in their late 20s or early 30s #this is haibara's advice as someone who knows shinichi's biology the most and how the poison works #they could probably tell their close friends and family though (making it less angsty cause i remembered i am GODS WEAKEST SOLDIER) #lowkey shinichi at the point where kaito decides to look for a way to immortality is already either bed ridden #on a wheelchair #or at least cant run anymore and is easily tired #(THIS AU IS JUST AN ELABORATE SICK FIC AND MY ADDICTION TO TIRED SHINICHI SHOWING) #changed aptx 4689 to 4869! im sorry i wrote this at 2 am lmao

[thatonebylershipper]

okay so heres the thing about me: i am really really good at picking up on patterns in media and being able to piece together plots based on things that i already know so when i find something that ive never seen before, its really fun for me. HOWEVER. i am very very stupid so when i watch something with a plot ive never seen before, i have to sit there with a notebook and pause the show or movie every once and a while so i can write stuff down and fucking draw pictures sometimes to make sure i understand it because if i dont then i will get confused and then i will get mad BECAUSE im confused and then i will stop watching said show or movie. i am not kidding i just started watching good omens because my friend convinced me and i had to make myself a fucking diagram showing which babies went where and which babies were suposed to go somewhere else and i had to sit there for like 10 minutes until i was sure i understood what was happening 💀

#i remember when i saw enola holmes the first time i was like 😮😲😧😵 #and honestly the whole movie gave me so much whiplash but in the best way possible #and dont even get me started on the second one #i was so confused for most of it but i was determined to make it through #and then i had to watch it AGAIN right after so that i could actually know what was going on 💀 #personal #soso personal yall just got a looksie into my brain

[topaztimes]

Hi this is a vent post! Continue scrolling if you'd rather not see that

#Giving time... #Still more time... #Wouldn't want to plague any previews #Maybe another filler. Just for some fun #Is this enough? #It certainly is now #Alright start: #I'm so bored. I am so incredibly; intrinsically; entirely bored. I have been taught the same thing for four years straight #'It's only four years!' that's literally a quarter of my lifetime right there. My formative years are being spent stressed and in a state / #/of constant self-loathing #I was watching a YT video and the phrase 'attention-starved STEM major' came up and I was like. Yea #What am I even working towards? The hope that my version of capitalist hell isn't as bad as everyone else's? I'm just so sick of not / #/having a stable future what with politics and normal working people becoming more and more oppressed #I don't want to work and that's not because I'm lazy. It's because my brain is recognising that there is no reward anymore #I used to have such a little spark in Yr7. I remember having things to say and wanting to share everything I've done #I still do that now; sure I do. I don't enjoy it though #I thought I liked drawing but I'm realising that all I really like is the attention. I COULD draw things I like drawing... but then I / #/ don't get attention which my mind then classifies as zero reward #I'm very tired of doing things for no credit; reward; or validation. This is becoming a theme #Then I wonder what I'm doing wrong. What part of the algorithm am I not hitting. Then I realise that I'm just not marketable in a way #God. I'm seriously breaking rn. It's not even only because of GCSEs #It's just a culmination of doing all these things to be told that I am unworthy of Having as a result. It doesn't matter if I'm smart; my / #/ parents still don't own their house and can't afford to pay for heating most days #Literally what am I doing this for #And then I realise that all of this is ALSO attention-seeking behaviour! I'm my own worst problem; I recognise exactly what's wrong with / #/ myself but the body wants what it wants. And what it wants is validation that I'm not going to get in this life #Hi guys! Maybe don't interact. That could fix me #Wean me off of needing virtual numbers just to feel something. Jesus #I can't even be happy with the things that I make for myself. Because I make nothing for myself anymore #It's just a whole sad existence of an expected 12hr+ of school every day until I get a job I guess. Then it's 12hr+ of job every day until

[kitamars]

so i watched Cars (2006) the other day. you know the drill

#back on my souyo bullshit (propaganda) #the entire time i was watching the movie souyo was just running around in my brain like goddamn #LIKE IF YOU REMEMBER THE DRIVE THEY TAKE IN THE MOVIE TO WHEEL WELL HOTEL YOU CAN SEE THE SOUYO THERE YOU KNOW IT #im going to make you care about the last au you would have thought of and there’s nothing you can do about it #yosuke being the snarky upstart racer with no friends and a shitty attitude who ends up learning that what he thought he wanted #wasn’t what he thought it was all along #souji being a hotshot city lawyer that eventually just cracks and winds up in a small town in the middle of nowhere where he gains a family #it’s not much but it’s an honest home #you think this is something? wait till i get to the angst :D #still deciding whether i wanna keep them as car racers or give them motorbikes maybe? that could be cool #plus souji making yosuke eat shit on a bike #yosuke’s sponsored by junes btw and he HATES it #cue him singing the jingle with the most deadpan voice you’ve ever heard #nanako’s the only person in the town that appreciates him :> #souji will warm up eventually #im taking a lot of liberty with this au but honestly i think it’ll be fun #you guys will probably enjoy it lol #i know i am #yosuke hanamura #souji seta #yu narukami #souyo #persona 4 #ok bye #souyo cars au

[jessiesjaded]

I really am bad for the "but remember how much love their used to be! Isn't that enough?" Like.... /used to/ that's the telling aspect here. Their /used to be/ but there hasn't been for a long time- in fact their has been more negative feeling than anything, so shouldn't you just leave it to the past? Call it a day for good?

#something weird happened in my brain where i suddenly became a people pleaser after most of my life being the exact opposite #and i have this weird thing about wanting to be remembered well and if i drop relationships that no longer bring anything postive than maybe #they wont think of me well and then i feel all 😖 about it #its just hard. i wish i could draw a firm line in the sand and not really care like i used to

[cheswirls]

looking @ old fic i started when i was 14/15 is so funny bc im realizing once again why i never mark fics as abandoned even if its been literal years since i've touched them. specifically i was checking docs for stuff i started and either did or didn't post to ffn.

and its like. nothing is bad??? like i can see where my outside-the-box ideal of fic writing comes from. not just fics but writing in general, i'm p sure. even if it's a total cliche plot setup, there are details on each that rly make it stand out like oh yeahhhhhh i did have this great idea once upon a time.

funny too bc was it executed well in prose??? no absolutely not i wrote like shit when i was 15. would i revive an idea one day and revise it to be less cliche or cringy while still keeping the stand-out elements??? yea maybe. i might. everything i'm currently working on that i started from 2021 up to now still holds my supreme interest, but like i'm not gonna say never.

esp since i write fic first and foremost for my own need and specifically what i like to read, it makes it impossible to consider an idea i've thought extensively about "not worth writing anymore". anyway not making this too long i jus found everything interesting to consider

#writing #this fic i pulled up from JUNE 2014 crazy was the old chosenshi au i was trying to write for a friend #i dont ship blue/silver and never will and thats prolly why i never finished it #but i do still like!! the idea of rocket!blue raised w silver and breaking free of tr while running the hoenn branch #no idea how i remembered bc it wasnt in the plot pts on the doc but she was gonna get sent to the battle frontier #to nab jirachi and have encounters w frontier brains and change her mind at the end of it all #hell i could go back and not make it ship fic at all - have silver be a little one-sided obsessed or #even jus like.. attached to blue as a rivalry like as a way to show her up at every turn #another fic around the same time was the old pokespe hs au where i changed all the dexholder's names for some reason #i have no idea where i was in reading spe bc i put lyra in for some reason and had the sinnoh trio even tho i never read past v2 of dp #idk if it was more gameverse or what but its so funny looking @ the ship list n seeing i had gold paired w black #bc i had manga!ss and manga!ferriswheel so was it rly speverse or was i projecting???? #actually i think black was supposed to die and gold was gonna go thru this whole thing abt grieving #looking at the ship list so funny bc i never shipped gold/crys or entourageshi #and clearly i did not know the superiority of pmshi if i threw lyra in jus for silver #god but i do love (most!) of the alt names i gave them #would absolutely fuck up the ship list if i ever redid it tho #also have perfectworld tho im sure i have the most recent rewrite on pen and paper somewhere #that one i also gave up bc the idea i had for flare!sycamore was cringe along with #every time i went back to work on it enough time passed that i thought my writing sucked #i rewrote that damn thing so many times but oooooooo i still love the idea #as long as i changed the cringe parts to smth better i could still rock w most of these #that fic rly had everything... psychic!korrina. leaf/serena. sycamore hacking the secret to mega evo. lys/syc that ends in failure #bc of the ending line i will never forget > only in a perfect world could you and i be together. destined and doomed from the start #im rambling n im boutta run outta tags gimme a sec