#thats actually... a common occurance

[bonetrousledbones]

oh fuck wait a minute. the amalgamates probably remember resets dont they

#trousled rambles #undertale #i was gonna say at least i only do true pacifist runs but honestly thats still pretty fucking rough for them aint it #no wonder lemon bread is so angry actually. like damn i would be too #flowey doesnt remember true resets but i feel like thats more by choice somehow? idk how but i can’t think of any other reason tbh #but the amalgamates dont have any knowledge about any of that. oooooookay #look dont laugh at me if this is all common knowledge or easily debunked or something it did not occur to me until like right now #and suddenly alllll of the existential horror of them set in at once #like obviously they have always been fucked. but that is So Fucked #my bad guys :(

[caffeinatedopossum]

Physciatrist: does x effect your ability to maintain relationships?

Me, who has managed to maintain one long distance friendship for 8 years and occasionally talks to other people: no

#i dont know what this question actually means but im assuming its not what im thinking #i think it means 'do you have the normal amount of friends and the normal amount of capacity to connect with them' #rather than like. 'do you yell at your friends and are you awful to them because youre mentally ill and do they all leave you' #like no. i leave the abuive ones and thats just happened to be most of them #also it hadnt really occurred to me that long distance friendships are not super common as your ONLY friendships? #sorry homeschooling and moving constantly did a number on me #theres just no specifity in this question. like does it affect me HOW? which relationships? what do you mean #whats the standard im comparing my relationships to me?

[arolesbianism]

I <3 tail sleeves tail sleeves are my best friend

#rat rambles #assume if Im drawing a character with a tail that they have some flavor of tail sleeves back there #theyre practical theyre fun rly Ive gotta mess around with more flavors of tail sleeves #like long tail sleeves would be impractical but. itd be fun. #plus no way it wouldnt exist if only for fasion #saddest thing abt staliens not wearing pants tbh I cant give them tail sleeves its so sad #well I Could. but Id have to find a good reason for it #rly I think itd just be too obnoxious for even most fasion fans due to stalien's having bad flexibility #getting those things on would be a nightmare lol #thats also why leg clothes of any flavor are also uncommon #if anything tail plating would probably be more common since its a one time procedure #I need to draw a propper melody turnaround or smth her tail sleeve is so silly #its just this short tight sleeve around the very base of her tail that shows how skinny his physical tail is under the smog #oh and ya melody has an actual tail its just rly skinny and pretty short #the smog is just ~magic~ or smth idk #its still pretty physical tho it just breaks with too much pressure #its mostly the remnants of animation magic from their original form that doesnt know what to do in this one #fun fact what its trying to mimic with her tail is icing #his bio dad was a donut snail guy and bio mom a giant animated monster skeleton 👍 #yknow its just occured to me that Ive never rly explained the like. actual plot of melody's part in the story #I might have explained the second body thing before but I dont remember idk #idk Ill explain it not right now since this post has gotten out of hand lol

[abyssalpriest]

working with Leviathan when he wants to tell you something be like

channels "Do you know why we're associated with the directions so much, Little Bird?" from him

wonders what 'Little Bird' has to do with anything when he rarely uses names like that

Tries to check if the word for Tengrists is Tengrist because he's referencing the bird shape on the symbol used by them when he talks about directions

weirdly gets recommended by google straight up shit about Tengri and Shiva being the same person - for very questionable reasons but there was barely any results for the search so ive "no idea" why google suddenly made me search it as if it was popular af

Avoids it because although I know the name Tengri is extremely important to him I get uncomfortable using it, because though I've always known Leviathan as the Day Sky and as The Big Sky Bird Made Of Small Birds to my Small Sky Bird since before I even knew his name(s), I don't know enough about Mongolia to feel comfortable using that name

Get told by him the next day we need to go back to organising this blog. grand. lets do it

Accidentally opens an old tab thats so old i dont even recognise it, except its a wall of text on Shiva

ignores it.

Today's work in organising starts with reading through a unique astral projection journey in the heights of space amongst stars with Ahi/Leviathan that is about love and unity and healing and surrendering, and seeing that part of space and connection to reality clearly

Gets drawn to only one single part of the tab on Shiva I opened blanking the rest and its "Easwara has yet another name: Yogasikha. The sky is His blue form. The directions (Dik) are His garment."

Look above this passage and sees that the lead up to it, relevant to the meditation with Ahi and the fact that yesterday Leviathan was like "yeah just start recognising us as the same entity", is "The Lord has another name. It is only when the love principle underlying this name is rightly understood, the real form of the Cosmos can be recognized. That name is Saambasiva. Saa means divinity. Amba refers to the cosmos. Siva means the Supreme person (Purusha)."

hmm

#point being ''write it down so you actually absorb it'' or whatever he said when i got halfway through typing this and said i feel silly #and other point is man he really just is super straight up huh. shit like this occurs all the time...... which means i KNOW hes nudging me #to typing THIS example up bc of the fuckin shit i said id publicly do like stop avoiding the name Tengri (my chronologically first #essay/meditiation with him on my blog is.... calling him that. and i keep bothering him like hey are you SURE i shouldve #used that name and hes like yeah get over it a) its extremely important to me b) its extremely important to you c) you interact with #me as a sky spirit and you are connected to the day sky and the weather system in your practice thats what it rests on so #of course I approach you with that name d) its extremely important and tightly woven into my interactions with every human #e) the DNA of an incarnation of (his) is throughout the entire population of the earth. are you. yeah youre sure you want me to #say that. ''its not like it isnt common knowledge'' fair fair. ''hence why it is an anchor point for me here'' implications in those #words about what he was saying in what i uploaded last night about the creation of this plane and him being In The Plane #- i forgot what i was saying. things i said id publicly change and do was a) stop avoiding Tengri and stop saying ''i dont get these things #what if i mess up and dont study right'' and just go educate myself more on that names cultural impact. b) address Ahi & Leviathan + the #Storm Mother as parts of the same overarching person. and #c) what else did i say Id do. stop beating myself up for things i did NOT say that well im saying it now ok #leviathan // #ramblings // #diary // #me: calls Leviathan honest and straight forward and ''if you want me to help you you actually have to do what i say and i know what #im doing so either you listen and do it or you admit you dont want this'' #also me: god damn it what do you mean i have to now listen to you on the Tengri thing istfg

[yoon-kooks]

on mute | jjk

🦈pairing: fuckboy!gamer!jjk x reader

🦈genre: friends to lovers, office!au, coworker!au, smut, fluff

🦈summary: You always assumed your handsome coworker was down to fuck anyone in the office except for you. He always assumed you weren’t interested in a guy like him. And both of you were content with never admitting your feelings… until he unknowingly confides in you in the realms of a certain tactical FPS game.

🦈word count: 10.7k

🦈warnings: mutual pining, shooter game references, soft fuckboy vibes, fingering, doggy style, protected sex bc bro aint taking no chances🤠

a/n: i wasnt planning on including smut so thats a bonus✨

You press a hand to your mouth to suppress a yawn as the department meeting finally comes to an end. Your boss had gone over the schedule for next quarter, alluded to a few new projects, and gave a few shoutouts to people on your team who apparently “went the extra mile” this week. You couldn’t care less about being acknowledged for your work, but it does kind of irk you that Jeon Jungkook got a shoutout when you’ve never seen him do extra work in the office. All he’s done this week is take your pretty lady boss out to lunch. If that’s considered extra work, you suppose Jungkook works the hardest. After all, he’s the type to make time for anyone he wants to sleep with aka everyone in the office except for you.

As you scoot your chair out, you back into something very solid. Surely no one is dumb enough to stand right behind your chair when they know how eager everyone is to get out of here for the weekend. But when you turn around, you know exactly who it is without even seeing his face—Employee of the Week Jeon Jungkook. 

You stare at the back of his shoulders in that mustard button-down, and it occurs to you that it was his nice ass that you’d bumped into. He didn’t even stumble forward from the impact or at least step aside so you can leave like everyone else. You just want to get home, soak in a nice hot bubble bath, and play a few games with your calico all curled up in your lap—that’s the ideal Friday night that Jeon Jungkook is keeping you from.

“Excuse me, kind sir,” you say as your nude acrylics tap the armrest.

The boy turns around with fake astonishment. And a handsome smile. “Oh, Y/N, I didn’t know you were still here.”

“I mean, yeah, I’d be gone too if someone wasn’t blocking my way out.” In the year that you’ve been on the same team as Jungkook, the two of you somehow developed this sarcastic and aggressive way of speaking without actually being mad at each other. Some call it banter, but you dislike the possible romantic implications of that.

“What’s the rush? Got plans tonight?” He still doesn’t move out of the way. You didn’t expect him pinning you against a table in the office to be so underwhelming. You imagine a fuck boy like him could try a little harder, be a little rougher. Not that you’ve ever fantasized about it.

“Yeah, I just bought some cute new lingerie for when I hop into bed with Christina Lauren and my cat.” You leave out the gaming part of your Friday night plans. If he knew you played the same game as him, he’d probably use it against you somehow.

“Who’s Christina Lauren?” he asks. You love the thought of him imagining you in lingerie with some mystery woman. Or maybe that’d just encourage a threesome.

“My cat’s favorite romance writer?” You say it like it should be common sense to know that your cat purrs himself to sleep when you read to him.

“And you’re going to waste your cute new lingerie on reading a Lauren Christina bedtime story to your cat?”

“It’s Christina Lauren, not Lauren Christina.”

“Christina Lauren doesn’t care about your lingerie.” It amuses you how he keeps bringing up the lingerie. You wonder what he’d think if he saw you in that skimpy mesh fabric. It’d probably come as a shock to him considering he’s only ever seen you in your preppy office attire. He has no idea what you’re capable of beneath those cream blouses and mocha mini skirts.

If only he knew.

“Tldr, yes I have very urgent plans tonight.” That reminds you, you need to check your in-game shop to see if any pretty skins are on sale this time around. You’ve been eyeing the one with the cute whale shark design.

“What a coincidence, Lauren Christina is my favorite writer too. I really liked that one book she wrote.” You don’t hate that he’s prolonging the conversation, but if he says “Lauren Christina” one more time, you’re gonna report him to HR.

“Same,” you chuckle. “Now please move so I can leave.”

He finally steps aside. Before he can pull a fast one and trap you again, you throw your tiny bag over your shoulder and scurry for the exit. You stop just outside the conference room and spin around. The boy’s eyes quickly shift up from your skirt.

“Coming or not?” you ask with a head tilt. If there’s one good thing about having a local fuck boy in the office, it’s that you always have someone who’ll walk you to your car when it’s dark out. That’s one of the things you know he does just for you.

On the elevator ride down, it’s just you and him because everyone else has already vacated the building. You sneak a peek at your handsome colleague. It’s a shame that he spends more time in your coworkers’ beds than in actual relationships. If not for that, you’d—

“You should recommend a book for me,” he says, catching you mindlessly staring at him. Oops.

“You don’t look like a reader.” You doubt he’d ever pick up a book over girls.

“I’ll read a book if you say it’s good.” Now he’s just sweet talking you, and you’re not going to fall for it. Except, you would love someone to gush to about your favorite books.

“Dating You/Hating You.” The book title just sort of slips out of your mouth. Though you can’t exactly vouch for how good it is since it’s the one you’re currently reading.

“Give me your best elevator pitch for it.” Haha, he thinks he’s so funny. (You laugh anyway.)

Persuasion is your thing, but you can’t give a proper elevator pitch for a book you haven’t actually finished yet. Moreover, you don’t know what kinds of genres he’d be into or if this book would be a good fit for him. You don’t even know any of his interests outside of sex and video games. 

When you really think about it, there’s not much you know about Jeon Jungkook. He’s a mystery, but a charming one.

“It’ll give us something to talk about,” you say softly as the loud ding interrupts. “That’s my elevator pitch to you.”

“Not bad,” he nods as you both exit the elevator. That was way easier than expected. “Is it by your cat’s favorite romance author?”

“It is,” you smile. It’s hard not to smile when you’re with him. “I can lend you my copy next week after I fin—”

“Jungkook!” The new recruiting coordinator blocks your way out of the building with eager eyes and a smile brighter than your own. “Still down for drinks later at that place we talked about?”

You try not to roll your eyes as you step around yet another coworker who ignores you standing right next to the boy they want to ask out. You and Jungkook aren’t a thing, but it does hurt to know that not a single person thinks of you as worthy competition. He’s probably made it very clear to everyone in the office that you and him are just friends and that your nightly walks to the parking lot are for safety purposes only.

Thankfully, you get out of the building before you can hear Jungkook accept the invitation into someone else’s bed. The last thing you want is to be jealous of the people he’d rather be spending time with. You and your silly little book recommendations mean nothing to him.

Nothing at all.

“Sorry about that.” He catches up to you a minute later in the dimly lit parking lot.

You shake your head. “It’s alright. That’s what happens when you’re the popular guy.” And you mean it, too. You’re not the type to fault people for being who they are, nor would you ever ask them to change for you. Besides, there’s really nothing between you and him. There’s nothing he should feel sorry for.

“Hey, why do you always park in the furthest corner of the parking lot?” he teases, probably as a way to change the subject. You see his car parked just a few spots down from you, so he doesn’t really have a right to criticize your decisions. Looks like your habit has rubbed off on him. “It’d be safer if you parked closer to the building.”

You shrug even though the parking placement and slightly longer walks are intentional. He doesn’t need to know it’s your subtle way of prolonging the time you spend with him. You always look forward to those few extra minutes where he’s all yours.

“It doesn’t feel dangerous here at all.” Not when you’re with him. You unlock your car and hop into the driver’s seat.

“Yeah, totally not dangerous.” Jungkook holds your door as he scans the dark and empty lot for anything suspicious. He listens as a few sirens screech in the distance and does a double-take at the lone soda can rolling around in the wind. When the coast is clear, he turns back to you. “I look forward to reading the Lauren Christina book when your cat’s done with it.”

He waits for your seatbelt to click before closing the door. You roll the window down and glare. “It’s Christina Lauren! And have fun on your date.”

With a wave of your manicure, you’re off to your “urgent” Friday night plans.

When you return home, you get what you want. You strip off your work clothes and soak in a lavender bubble bath for a good 30 minutes before admiring the new lingerie Jungkook wouldn’t stop mentioning earlier. 

It’s tempting to try it on now, but you wish someone else could see it on you. Jungkook is right. Christina Lauren doesn’t care about your lingerie. If the boy were here to see it for himself, you want to know what he’d think, what he’d say, and what he’d do to your body. It’d probably be incredible—for one night—but that’d be the end of it. That’s how all of his flings go, and a hypothetical one with you would be no different. With a sigh, you set the lingerie aside, throw on an oversized sweatshirt that just barely covers your ass, and load into your game.

The first thing you do is check the shop for the cute gun skin with the whale shark design. The RNG gods give you a couple of good knives, an awful pistol, a subpar rifle, and no shark. It’s fine, you tell yourself. You didn’t want to spend real money on pretty pixels anyway.

As soon as your first match starts, your four teammates are quick to use their mics. Apparently, they all know each other. Can’t relate.

“So… How’d the date go?” asks the healer. The two duelists place their bets on whether the date went incredibly well or horribly wrong. You silently cast your vote for horribly wrong since you lean toward pessimism.

“I didn’t end up going,” says the initiator. He sounds a lot like a certain Jeon Jungkook, but you shouldn’t assume. As far as you know, he doesn’t have a reason to cancel the date with that recruiting coordinator. In fact, he should be having drunk sex with her right about now. Not that it’s any of your business to know what your handsome coworker does after hours. None of that involves you.

“Is it because of You-know-who?” asks the duelist who voted with you. You-know-who? Like a jealous ex-lover? Sounds like drama to you.

“Yep…” Nah, it can’t be the Jeon Jungkook you know. This guy’s voice is giving you more lovesick puppy than confident fuck boy. He dies from a grenade and goes silent for the next few rounds while his buddies keep providing intel to the team. You pick up the whale shark gun over his dead body.

“Hey, CL,” the healer calls out your username. “Do you have a mic?”

Yes, you do have a mic. No, you’re not going to use it. These guys seem harmless so far, but it’s not always fun when people realize you’re the only female on the team. Men in this game try to hit on you just like the ones you pass in the short distance from the office to your car. And they’ll only stop pestering you if you’re walking next to a guy like Jungkook, which you clearly don’t have in this game with your empty friend list. So you’d rather stay on mute for now.

“my mic is broken,” you type, “cat knocked it over.”

“Ah, that’s okay.” He heals you up and saves you from an otherwise fatal headshot. “We were just wondering if you could help our buddy out.”

You? You’re not sure how you’re supposed to be of any help to a lovesick puppy when you haven’t had much luck in the love department either. But you are a curious kitten when it comes to other people’s love lives.

“maybe… can i get more context?”

Apparently, this lovesick puppy (or “Jklmnop” according to his username) has a little more in common with Jungkook than you’d originally thought. Turns out both of them are the designated fuck boys at their workplaces. Except this one has a massive crush on his “super hot” colleague. Jeon Jungkook would never.

The issue is that Jklmnop caught feelings for the one person who doesn’t seem interested in him. Worse, it feels like he’s being friendzoned. And he’s been going on dates with other people in an attempt to squash those unrequited feelings, but it’s just not doing the trick.

“i know a fuck boy too.” You are by no means an expert in the fuck boy archetype, but perhaps your time spent with Jungkook has prepared you for this opportunity to help a friend in need. And you do have some advice. “im not saying fucking all your coworkers is a bad thing but if you really want this girl you need to go all in on her and show her that you’re willing to commit to something more serious.”

Because if you knew this to be true about your own local fuck boy, you’d give him a chance, too. But as far as you know, Jungkook has never shown any romantic interest in you (or anyone else for that matter). He’s just a platonic buddy to you and a fuck buddy to everyone else.

“and it’s very possible she doesnt even realize youre interested in her,” you type, “this is a dumb question but have you tried asking her out yet?”

Your dumb question gets a few laughs from the boys. You feel like an IT person asking their client if they’ve tried turning their computer off and on again.

“Oh, our guy here doesn’t ask people out. He’s the one getting asked out all the time,” Duelist #1 explains.

“It’s been a year and You-know-who hasn’t made a move on him, so that must mean she doesn’t like him,” Duelist #2 adds in a sarcastic tone. You imagine him rolling his eyes on the other side of his screen.

“well @Jklmnop if you dont normally ask ppl out, itll hold more weight when you do.” Your fingers pause for a second. Maybe you’re just soft, but it’d mean a lot to you if you were asked out by the Jeon Jungkook. You’re sure this fuck boy could pull it off too. “you should ask her out. maybe shes waiting for you to make the move.”

You don’t get an immediate response, but he trades his pretty shark gun for your plain one. He must have seen you steal the one over his dead body a few rounds ago. What a thoughtful guy.

Then a friend request pops up. Fine. Jklmnop can be the one username on your otherwise empty friend list.

“I’ll ask her if the opportunity arises,” Jklmnop says after clutching a 1v4. “Thanks bro.”

On Monday, you’re a lot sleepier than you should be at the beginning of the work week because you practically spent the entire weekend gaming with your new fuck boy friend and finishing the book you recommended to your office fuck boy friend.

Your dark circles must be pretty bad because Jungkook feels the need to stop by your desk and say, “Up all night reading Lauren Christina?” He taps the book on your mousepad, so he can clearly see that it’s Christina Lauren and not Lauren Christina. He’s just teasing you at this point.

“It’s Christina Lauren, you shithead. And yes, I finished it, so you can read it now,” you say, handing the book to the boy. He holds it with a soft grip as if to avoid creasing the pages. If library books were treated with the same care, they wouldn’t feel so crusty all the time. You can respect guys with gentle hands. “I expect a full book report by Friday.”

“At least give me the weekend,” he frowns. It’s the most attractive frown you’ve ever seen.

“Sure, if that’s how you want to spend your weekend,” you yawn. Wouldn’t he rather be doing anything else on his days off than read your book?

“That’s how you spent your weekend, Sleepyhead.” He makes a good point. His chuckle is quite cute too. 

As he flips through the book, you see something shimmery wedged between the pages toward the end of the story. You told yourself a million times to take your silly little bookmark out before lending him the book, but of course you forgot. Maybe he won’t notice.

Unfortunately for you, Jungkook pulls the metallic blue bookmark out to examine it. His lips curve upward when he sees it’s shaped like a whale shark. Oh great. He’s definitely gonna tease you about it. You knew you should’ve gone with one of the more sophisticated leather bookmarks.

“You really like these guys, huh.” He holds it up by the chain to let some light shine through the tiny holes mimicking the shark’s gorgeous spotty pattern. Not the reaction you were expecting, but you’ll take it.

“What makes you say that?” You don’t ever recall confiding in him about your whale shark obsession. Last time you checked, all of your nerdy and kiddish quirks were kept far away from your office. It’s just not on-brand for the professional image you’ve established here.

“Didn’t you have a cute whale shark phone case when you first started working here? Before you switched it to that cream-colored one?” He wrinkles his face, deep in thought as he tucks the bookmark back where he found it. He’s right, though. You just assumed no one had ever noticed it. As soon as you got your new work phone, you switched to something more neutral to fit your minimalist aesthetic.

“Oh, right.” You’d forgotten about the case just like you forgot about the bookmark. But Jungkook somehow notices and remembers those kinds of details about you. It’s almost endearing in a way.

You shouldn’t let yourself think like that, though. Those are dangerous thoughts.

“By the way, how was your date?” As much as you hate to admit it, you’re curious about his date with the recruiting coordinator. Besides, if he says it went well, you’ll have yet another reason to stop holding onto the tiny feelings you have for him.

“I didn’t go.”

“Oh,” you press a finger to your parted lips. That’s unheard of for Jeon Jungkook. “Did her cat die or something?”

“Why does someone’s cat need to die for the date to be canceled?”

“There must’ve been a pretty big emergency for you to forgo a date, no?”

“Is that what you really think of me, Y/N?” He cocks his head to the side because he’s a fuck boy and that’s what fuck boys do.

“That’s not what I think of you.” Another yawn slips from your mouth. “It’s just facts. You have a 99% attendance rate when it comes to dates, don’t you?”

He nods because he can’t argue with the credible gossip that goes on in your office.

“Anyway, I’m going to run to that coffee shop you won’t shut up about,” he says as he glances at the time on his phone and then at the dark abyss under your eyes. “Need anything?”

“Hmm…” You pretend to think deeply about your order. Usually when other people go on coffee runs, you request something easy to remember like an oat latte. But for Jeon Jungkook, the boy who keeps fucking up Christina Lauren’s name, you won’t go so easy. “How about an iced birthday cake latte with oat milk, an extra shot of espresso, two pumps of toffee syrup, and the crème brûlée topping? Please.”

“So… birthday cake frappuccino with oat milk?” He snickers in your sleepy face before walking off. “You’re gonna have to come with if you want all that extra stuff.”

It’s a latte, not a frappuccino. But you suppose it doesn’t matter if he knows the difference because you’re scurrying to catch up with him as he heads for the elevator.

The “coffee shop you won’t shut up about” has been open for a few months now, and you’ve stopped by at least two times a week since the grand opening for your usual dose of caffeine. Should you be proud or embarrassed that the baristas all know your name and order? How about when they raise their eyebrows at the sight of you walking in with your handsome coworker?

“She’ll have a birthday cake frapp—”

“Don’t listen to him. I’ll get a birthday cake latte, please,” you tell the barista at the register. Jungkook chuckles as you give his arm a light shove. “With oat milk and crème brûlée today.”

“Sure thing, Y/N,” she smiles at you and then turns to the boy next to you. “Anything for you?”

“Just plain coffee, thanks,” he says after a quick glance at the menu. You hate that he orders plain coffee when the menu has all these fun options like pink donut lattes or cookies n cream cappuccinos. If he wanted black coffee, he could’ve saved time and money by brewing some in the office. He didn’t have to go all the way to the coffee shop you wouldn’t shut up about. But he did. And he invited you along for the ride.

As the two of you wait for your drinks, you pick the booth in the corner next to the window. You’ve always had this vision of sitting inside a cozy cafe to work from your laptop or read a book. It just hasn’t happened yet because you get scared off when all the other customers bring their friends or lovers to share that experience with. Your laptop and books can’t compare to that. 

You’ve always been envious. Until today.

“That doesn’t look nearly as complex as it sounded,” Jungkook says when he sees your latte with the fancy crème brûlée on it. He slides his boring coffee across the table to you. “I’ll let you try mine if you let me try yours.”

Only a weirdo would accept a pathetic offer like that.

“Deal.” You take a sip of your sugary treat before passing it off to the boy. He winces from how sweet yours is compared to the bitterness of his black coffee. You make a face for the opposite reason.

“I’m surprised you agreed to it,” he hums with a tiny bit of crème brûlée around his mouth. You want to kiss it off. He must notice you eyeing his lips because he wipes it off with his thumb a second later.

“I wanted you to try my special drink,” you say. It’s for the same reason you lent him your book—to let him know another tiny piece of you without explicitly saying it.

“I’ll have to get it myself next time we come.” He pulls up the notes app on his phone and types as he speaks. You wonder if “next time” and “we” imply that this coffee outing is going to become another routine thing between you and him, just like your walks to the parking lot. Hopefully it does. No, it definitely will. Because you’ll be the one to ask him next time. “What’s it called again? Birthday cake frappuccino… with crème brûlée?”

“Exactly,” you lie. Who knows. His mistake might taste even better. You’ll have to find a way to sneak a taste when he isn’t looking. It’s something sweet to look forward to.

As you sip your latte, the barista who took your order catches your eye from across the store, points at Jungkook, and mouths something to you. You don’t quite catch it, so she repeats it again just as your coworker turns to see what you’re staring at.

“Boyfriend?” she mouths, clear as day, before spinning around to use the espresso machine. 

When the boy turns back to you, he has such a goofy grin on his face. He points to himself and repeats, “Boyfriend?”

“Stop,” you laugh at his antics but totally dodge the question. “Anyway… may I ask why you didn’t go on that date with the recruiting coordinator?” 

His eyes are wide. Probably because it’s not like you to pry. But you just want to make sense of why he’s sitting here with you, acting all sweet and boyfriend-like, after bailing on someone else a few days ago. He’s not his usual self either.

“It was faster to reject her,” he shrugs. You didn’t realize he was in such a hurry on Friday. It certainly didn’t seem like it with how he’d blocked your way out of the conference room.

“What were you in such a hurry for?”

“Isn’t it our unspoken thing to walk to the parking lot together?” He says it like you’re silly. Like the fate of the world depends on him being able to fulfill his duty of walking you to your car each and every day. Like he’d forgo hours of good sex for a five-minute walk with you.

“It’s not unspoken if we talk about it,” you say softly. You’ve always adored the short walks with Jungkook, but maybe you weren’t the only one who felt that way. What kind of guy rejects a date just so he can keep up this year-old tradition between you and him? No guy has ever done anything close to that for you. “But yeah, it is our thing.”

The boy nods with a gentle smile as he sips his coffee. For just a split second, he gives you Jklmnop vibes. You don’t know how else to explain it. He’s a fuck boy, but there’s something so delicate about him that you want to touch without breaking.

You wonder if he’d ever let you in.

On the way out, your favorite friendly barista waves you over to the counter with a huge grin. As much as you love the girl, you’re scared of what might come out of her mouth next. She leans in as if to whisper but ends up shouting over the grinder in the background.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me about him.” Her eyes flick to somewhere beyond your shoulders. “He’s such a hottie, by the way. Y’all are kinda cute together.”

A snort comes from right behind you. “Thank you,” says the hottie. Your hottie, apparently. It would’ve been perfectly fine for him to clarify that the two of you aren’t actually together, but you suppose his ego was too busy soaking in the compliment from the pretty barista.

“Really?” You raise an eyebrow at Jungkook as soon as you’re both out the door.

“What?” What’s with that playful smile of his?

“You didn’t deny what she said.”

“A compliment’s a compliment, Y/N.”

“I didn’t mean the part about you being a hottie.” You shudder at that last word. Yes, Jungkook is the hottest guy you’ve ever seen, but he doesn’t need to hear that from your mouth. “I meant the part about you being my boyfriend.”

“You didn’t deny it earlier, either,” he shrugs. True. “Besides, isn’t that also a compliment?”

Now that he’s mentioned it, it does feel pretty nice to be seen as a couple with someone as attractive as Jungkook—to give the illusion that it’s you who’s got him wrapped around your finger, you who he chose above everyone else, and you who gets to fall asleep in his arms every night. And it feels especially good considering how often other people dismiss you as someone not good enough for him. In fact, this is the first time anyone has ever acknowledged that the two of you go well together.

“Hey man, mind if I steal that fine little lady for a sec?” a sleazy voice calls out in your direction. You don’t bother turning your head to acknowledge the presence of yet another ignorant hooligan on the street, but you do step a little closer to Jungkook. You don’t know what pisses you off more: the fact that this stranger is another nonbeliever that you could be dating a guy like Jungkook or the fact that he asked for another male’s permission to talk to you instead of asking you directly. Most catcallers keep their mouths shut when you’re walking with your handsome coworker, but this one clearly can’t take a hint.

A warm hand pulls you in at the waist. It’s the same soft grip Jungkook held your book with. And you kind of never want him to let go. Because when he holds you close like that, all the shitty people become irrelevant. That doesn’t, however, stop you from getting a kick out of the death stare he gives the catcaller who finally backs off.

“You really showed him,” you tease. His face loosens up after you let out a tiny snicker. Still, he studies your every expression to make sure you’re alright.

“Does that happen to you wherever you go?” he asks as he moves his arm up from your waist to your shoulder, something slightly more appropriate for two friendly colleagues. Suddenly your waist feels cold.

“Usually when I’m out by myself.” Whether it’s the supermarket, the park, the office, you’ve felt objectified pretty much everywhere. Even online. The sad thing about it is that you know you’re not the only one. ”But I’m used to it at this point.”

“Well, men are kind of shitty,” he huffs, looking rather frustrated on your behalf. You’ve never seen him so irritated. For the most part, he knows how to keep a calm composure, even during busy season. It’s oddly satisfying that an inconvenience for you is what brought that emotion out of him.

“I used to think that,” you admit as the two of you enter the office building. “But all it takes is one good guy to outweigh the shitty ones.”

For you, Jungkook has always been that one good guy.

“True. I suppose that hottie boyfriend of yours isn’t that bad, huh.” He gives you a soft shoulder squeeze in the elevator before dropping his arm back to his side. It’s a subtle taste of what he could be doing to other places on your body if he were actually your boyfriend. He’d handle you with so much care.

“You won’t let that go, will you?” you pout, pointing your thumb back in the general direction of the coffee shop. “Those baristas really think we’re dating now, you know.”

He pinches your pouty cheek and leaves you at your desk with a not-so-innocent remark. 

“I wonder why they think that about us.”

The second half of your day feels painfully long. It’s kind of hard to focus on designing wholesome character models when you’ve got Jeon Jungkook stuck in your head. At this rate, your cute little characters are going to turn into bad boys who steal your books and lattes along with your heart. You can’t help it when he’s been extra sweet to you lately. Sweeter than a birthday cake frappuccino could ever be. And just like your favorite sugary beverages, there’s something so addicting about his company.

As you’re finishing up some designs, you spot the boy chatting with his buddies from the other departments. It’s unfair that an entire friend group can be so goodlooking. And it’s even more unfair that Jungkook is still the one you can’t take your eyes off of in the handsome bunch. Great, now you’re even more distracted.

“Hey, I saw you were online again last night,” says the guy from accounting. He has long pretty eyelashes. “Where was my invite?”

“Ah, yeah. Remember that girl on our team the other night?” Jungkook has a cheeky grin. Why does he have such a cheeky grin while talking about some e-girl, and why does your tummy hurt all of a sudden? “She helped me climb out of plat. She’s diamond.”

So what? That’s the same rank as you. Nothing special. Hmph. You hope she gets demoted before the act ends. You’re not a jealous person, but you are petty.

“How do you know she’s a she?” asks the engineer with plump lips.

“That’s what she told me,” Jungkook continues. “And it fits with the fact that she doesn’t use a mic. You guys know how fucked up people can be in that game.”

You nod along to that.

“What’s her username again? I wanna add her now,” the other engineer jumps in. This one has broad shoulders. Very broad.

“You just want to hit on her,” Engineer #1 shakes his head at Engineer #2. You agree with that too.

“Is she single? Or at least around our age?” asks the accountant.

“You guys are monsters,” Jungkook laughs. “I’ll give you her username only if you promise not to simp.”

“Fine,” they all agree reluctantly.

You convince yourself that you’re only eavesdropping because they’re talking too loud, but you’re actually just curious to search up the username and see how this e-girl’s game stats stack up against yours. You’re quite confident your headshot percentage will outrank hers.

“It’s CL, remember?”

“Oh right.”

No, not right. That’s definitely not the username you picked as a subtle nod to your favorite author, and Jungkook is definitely not the lovesick fuck boy you’ve been giving advice to through some wack ass shooter game. Definitely not.

Because if it were true, that would mean Jungkook has a crush on somebody in your office. And who the heck would that be?

“Ready to head out?” Jungkook pops out of nowhere and scares the shit out of you. You nearly leap out of your seat with a tight fist around your tablet pen like you’re about to knife the boy in-game. He holds your book up as a shield. “Whoa there.”

“My bad, I thought you were the enemy.” You snap the pen back onto your tablet and say it with a straight face as if he knows you play the same violent game as him.

He plays along, scanning the office for anyone suspicious. “Who’s the enemy?”

“Marketing?” You only say that because everyone in the office knows the marketing director Kim Namjoon was your college nemesis back when you were even pettier than you are now.

“Ah,” he nods as you pack up and roll your chair in. You’ve always wondered why he just accepts the weird things you do without question. “Glad I’m not your enemy. Wouldn’t want to be stabbed by your tablet pen. Or your nails.”

He points to your pretty manicure. If you didn’t know better, you’d think he’s subtly asking to hold your hand. But you do know better. He has an intense crush on someone else in the building, so there’s really no reason why he’d want to hold your hand.

So instead of misreading the situation and making a fool of yourself by entwining your fingers with his, you poke your favorite of his tattoos (the silly face on his middle finger) with your acrylic. “Consider yourself stabbed.”

You try not to look at the boy’s wrinkly smile. But it’s incredibly hard. Instead, you redirect your eyes anywhere else. Of course they fall on the “it couple” of the office passing by. They don’t do a whole lot of PDA, but the way they look at each other says it all, and they have this glow about them that seems so unobtainable. You feel the envy creeping up again.

On the elevator ride down, you try not to think about the happy couple or Jungkook’s wrinkly smile. It’s making you sad.

“Can I ask you something?” he turns to you. Maybe his question will take your mind off everything bringing your mood down. You nod for him to proceed. “How do you feel about dating a coworker?”

Shitty. You feel shitty. He could probably sense that from your silence upon seeing the couple.

“You mean like Hyuna and Dawn?” You don’t have a problem with it, or with them. If you could pull off a perfect office romance like them, you’d do it too. But it doesn’t seem likely for you, and that’s what sucks.

“Just in general. Like, do you think it’s fine, or is it crossing the line?” he asks. Aha, you get it now. He’s asking for your opinion because he doesn’t want to make you, his totally platonic friend, feel uncomfortable when he starts dating whoever he has a crush on here.

“HR allows it, so I don’t really see a problem with it,” you answer honestly. Sure, you’d be hurt if you had to work in an environment where Jungkook is doing lovey-dovey things with someone else, but you’re not going to be the one to ruin it for him.

“I’ve never seen you date anyone here, though.”

“Well I don’t get asked out all the time like you, Jungkook.”

“What about Mark from accounting? Or my guy Jooheon before he moved overseas? And don’t get me started on Kim Namjoon.” He has his fingers out and ready to list all the other guys in the office who’ve expressed some sort of interest in you, but he decides against it when he sees you glaring back at him. Wise man.

You’d love to know why he’s so familiar with your nonexistent office dating history.

“Okay, I get it. I’ve been asked out a fair amount,” you sigh. “But it doesn’t really count if they aren’t the right person.”

That earns you a soft head tilt from the boy. You swear he’s a puppy. “Oh? Miss Y/N has a type?”

When you think about it, a few of the guys who’ve asked out were your type—smart, funny, hardworking—and yet you still said no. They’ve never hand-delivered meeting notes and chamomile tea when you were out sick, never walked you to your car, never given you something to look forward to at work, and never known your favorite animal. They’ve never made you want them the way you want a certain someone else.

“I wouldn’t exactly call it a type.” It’s a person. The person who makes you feel so safe and cared for. The person who has feelings for another girl. “It’s a little more complicated than that.”

You don’t like being vague, but saying any more than that would only set you up for heartbreak. He can’t hurt you if you stay silent.

As the elevator continues to count down, Jungkook leans against the railing, arms crossed and head down. He’s awfully quiet for someone who always feels the need to say something silly until you laugh.

“What if I told you there’s one more person in the office who’s interested in you?” he asks just before the elevator arrives on the first floor.

The door slides open but neither of you steps out, so it closes back up.

You blink at the boy. First you learn Jungkook has a crush on someone, and now someone suddenly has a crush on you? Your brain genuinely doesn’t know what to do with all this information.

You’d ask who your secret admirer is, but it doesn’t matter. You’d only say yes to one person in this office, and his feelings lie elsewhere. Maybe he’s just trying to set you up with another guy who can walk you to your car. It’s not like the two of you would be able to keep up that tradition once he’s committed to someone else.

You’d rather walk alone at that point.

“A workplace romance sounds cool and all.” You point at the book in Jungkook’s hand while trying to keep a light tone. “But it’s just not for me. You know what I mean?”

He nods with a chuckle as the two of you finally clear out of the elevator. “Based on my history here, it’s probably not for me either.”

You know he’s poking fun at himself, but you hope he doesn’t actually feel that way about himself. He still needs to ask his girl out, and he can’t chicken out now. As the person he’s confided in about his feelings, it’s your job to shower him with encouragement and support. You’ll have to wait until you’re back online, though.

On the way to your car, the office romance conversation has been completely dropped. You ramble on about your sudden craving for tacos, and he claims he makes a “mean taco salad” before sending you a screenshot of the recipe no one asked for. You’ll try it when you get home.

Like always, he leans against your car door as you buckle yourself in. This time, he even tugs on the seatbelt like amusement park workers do before sending you off on a roller coaster. As gentle as he is, it stings where the tips of his fingers graze your shoulder. That feeling lingers even after the door closes.

Jungkook wasn’t lying, you think to yourself as you munch away at his definition of a “mean taco salad.” Your first instinct is to text him about it, but your second one is to silence your phone and cozy up for the night. After your shower, you have another staredown with the pretty lingerie set. At this rate, no one’s going to see you in it, so you might as well wear it and look cute for yourself. 

It’s a little more see-through than you’re normally comfortable with, but the soft silky champagne accents make your body glow. To complete the look, you throw on a short skimpy robe with a baby pink floral pattern. Perhaps you’re being extra for a quiet night in with your cat and a cup of chamomile tea. But it’s what you need right now because you’re desperately searching for something to comfort and distract you from that dang feeling Jungkook left you with. 

It also couldn’t hurt to play a few games without Jklmnop. Maybe you’ll get lucky with the whale shark gun today.

Unfortunately, there’s still no whale shark gun in your shop, but at least Jungkook isn’t online yet. The four games you play without him go really well stat-wise. You’re the team MVP for half those games—something you hadn’t achieved all weekend with Jklmnop on your team. He’s a great friend but the kind of ally who will intentionally blind you so he can make you quake in your boots and steal your kill in the process. He’s lucky he hasn’t let you die while fucking around like that. Still, you can’t remember the last time you had that much fun in your matches.

As you review the summary of game #4, a notification pops up in the top corner of your screen.

[Jklmnop is online!]

“wanna carry me to radiant?” he DMs you right away and sends you an invite.

“no,” you type as you join his party.

“what if i trade you my whale shark gun?”

“fine”

The first thing you do when you spawn into the match is demand the whale shark gun. You put your baseball bat to his head, waiting for him to keep his end of the bargain. The boy drops the gun in front of you and backs away slowly.

“It’s cute that you like that skin so much,” he chuckles into his mic. When you hear his voice, you feel like an idiot for convincing yourself that Jklmnop and Jeon Jungkook weren’t the same person. There’s no mistaking that that’s the calm and flirty voice that has haunted you every day at work for the past year. Does it make you an asshole for wholeheartedly believing your local fuck boy friend wasn’t capable of developing real feelings for someone in the office? Probably, but you intend on redeeming yourself by sending him your full support in the love department. You’re just waiting for him to bring it up.

Twenty kills and one stolen ace later, Jungkook still hasn’t said anything about the mysterious You-know-who—which is weird, considering he wouldn’t shut up all weekend about how she’s “soft like a kitten” but “one that won’t hesitate to bring the claws out.” Who is this girl, and what has she done to Jungkook? He’s become a total cheeseball. And you can’t think of a single person in the office who fits his cheesy description.

“any update on youknowwho about youknowwhat?” you type between rounds.

Jungkook’s character paces back and forth in the snow even after the round begins. The three other members of your team starts following him like ducklings without knowing the context. You watch from afar as they get sniped down one by one until you’re the last one alive.

Usually in 1v5 situations like this, you’re great at keeping your cool and isolating your duels so you aren’t overwhelmed by an ambush. But instead of listening for footsteps and directional cues, you’re listening hard for the boy’s response to your question.

“Clutch this and I’ll give you an update on You-know-who,” he says after you cut the enemy team’s numbers down to one. All you have to do now is plant the bomb and wait for the last person to come out to start defusing. That’s when you’ll swoop in and—

Your character falls face first into the snow. You’ve been knifed from behind, which loses you the round but earns you an evil snicker from Jungkook.

At the start of the next round, you wait once more for the boy to trade his gun with you. But instead, he just stands there, clutching onto the weapon while the rest of the team rushes onto the site to plant the bomb.

“I’ve decided not to ask her out,” he says out of nowhere. “We have this wholesome thing between us, and it’s best if we keep it that way.”

“what makes you say that?” you type before joining up with the others on site. As far as you know, Jungkook isn’t wholesome with any coworker. Except you, maybe. He must have some other strange definition of wholesome.

“Let’s just say I read a whole ass book tonight about a workplace romance and realized I’m not cut out for it.” He really read your book. No. He devoured it. Why does that mean the absolute world to you? “She’s seen me going on date after date, and now I’m pretty sure I’ve scared her away from wanting any part of that.”

He’s not wrong. You used to feel the same way about him, so you understand why he has his reservations. But if that girl knew how much he’d cherish their relationship the way he cherishes your friendship with him, you know she’d fall for him too. There’s no doubt in your mind about that. It’s just a matter of him vocalizing it.

“i still think you should be upfront with her about your feelings,” you type away as you get headshot from who knows where. 

“She can’t hurt me if I stay silent,” Jungkook hums as he runs toward the ticking bomb and crouches in front of it. It looks like he’s trying to defuse the bomb that your own team planted, but it explodes in his face before you have time to correct him.

“gj,” one of your teammates puts in the chat even though everyone watching knows it was not a “good job.” The only silver lining is that he secured the win for your team. You don’t feel like playing anymore, anyway.

Before you log off for the night, you start typing out some long motivational speech along with your top ten reasons as to why Jungkook would make an excellent boyfriend. He’d try new things with you, share some of his favorite things with you, make sure you’re safe, and tease you until the end of time while making you feel so so loved. You know this because it’s what he’s done with you for the past year. But the more you think about it, the more you realize it’s not your place to say all of that from behind a screen with your mic on mute.

You end up deleting your whole spiel and settle for a simple “good night😴” to the boy from your gaming account. Then you get back on your phone.

Y/N🦈 [11:47PM] “It was indeed a mean taco salad”

Y/N🦈 [11:47PM] “Btw did you finish the book?👀”

Jungkook🥴 [11:48PM] “Finished it in 4 hours😌”

Y/N🦈 [11:49PM] “Wanna drop it off to me now?”

Jungkook🥴 [11:49PM] “Now?”

Jungkook🥴 [11:50PM] “Isn’t it past your bedtime?”

Y/N🦈 [11:51PM] “Yes but my cat can’t fall asleep without his bedtime story”

Y/N🦈 [11:51PM] “🥺”

Y/N🦈 [11:51PM] “^^^My cat”

Jungkook🥴 [11:54PM] “omw”

The boy knocks on your door a few minutes later and does a horrible job of keeping his eyes above shoulder level. It doesn’t occur to you that your chest and ass are hanging out of your robe until the chilly air hits those spots.

“All dressed up for your night with Lauren Christina?” he says casually, handing the book back to you in mint condition.

“I thought you said Christina Lauren doesn’t care about my lingerie.” You cross your arms over your chest like it was totally intentional to answer the door in the bare minimum. Jungkook’s sleepwear, on the other hand, looks super cozy. And of fucking course he’s hot as hell in something as simple as sweats and a hoodie. A boy like him doesn’t have to put in any thought or effort to look cute.

“I stand by what I said.” He stares at your exposed skin in an almost lustful manner. Almost. “It’s cold out. You should go crawl back in bed and read your cat his bedtime story. Or do you need me to tuck him in, too?”

“He is quite needy,” you play along. Too bad he’s already fast asleep, all curled up on the couch. You wouldn’t mind if Jungkook tucked you in, though.

“Well tell your needy cat I said goodnight.” He takes a step back toward his car, but you know he must realize you didn’t call him all the way over here just for your cat’s sake.

“Jungkook,” you call out while flipping through the book. Once you find the bookmark wedged in the middle, you extend it to him like a peace offering.

He accepts the bookmark albeit with a puzzled expression. “Is this gratuity for delivering your book at this late hour?”

You shake your head. “It’s gratuity for lending me your whale shark gun all the time.”

“Whale shark gun?” He grips the bookmark by the dorsal fin and holds it like a pistol. It’s aimed at your left breast (or heart) (but breast sounds more accurate).

“The one from the Gentle Giants collection,” you say softly as you rub your arms because holy shit is it cold out. “In Valoranch.”

The wheels in his head start to turn as you pull him inside and toward your “work from home” setup in the living room. Your desk is pretty empty aside from the pastel headset, the cute dolphin Pokémon on your desktop wallpaper, and a cold cup of tea. 

Then he spots the little Valoranch shortcut on the far left corner of your screen. “Wait, you really play Valoranch? What’s your username?”

Instead of telling him, you show him with the help of your book. Your index finger slides across the bookcover from the C in Christina to the L in Lauren.

His eyes widen like a naughty cat caught doing something it shouldn’t be doing.

“Then that means you know about…” He pauses because he dare not repeat his feelings for another coworker in front of you.

You nod. “But I didn’t realize it was you until I overheard you talking about it with the guys earlier today.”

“My voice and backstory didn’t give it away?” 

“It definitely sounded like you.” You plop into your chair and start spinning around so he can’t get a clear view of your face. “But how was I supposed to know you had feelings for someone in our office? I still don’t know who she is, by the way.”

“You don’t?” Your childlike spins are interrupted by a steady hand. From the corner of your eye, you can see the boy’s face transition from doomed to amused. Good. He shouldn’t beat himself up over the bizarre situation.

“Nope.” At least you don’t have a specific face to imagine being next to Jungkook’s on those corny holiday cards that couples and families love to hand out around the office this time of year. “Regardless, you need to stop chickening out and just tell her how you feel already. If she knows you the way I know you, I promise you have nothing to worry about.”

The thing is, you don’t know if anyone else has been on the receiving end of the kinds of things Jungkook does for you. Does he show that side to anyone else but you?

“Fine, you’ve convinced me. I’ll do it.” He sits himself down beside the cat on the couch. “But only if you can figure out who it is.”

You give him a tiny nod for him to drop some hints. Of course you’ll lend an ear and play along if that’s what it takes for him to be more open about his feelings. Besides, you can’t say no when his voice is so soft and fragile like that. 

“She’s on the design team.” Your team is fairly small, so that narrows it down to names and faces you’d actually recognize.

“She has the most complex coffee order I’ve ever seen.” More complex than yours?

“I impulse-bought that whale shark gun because it reminds me of her.” Someone else has good taste in endangered marine life.

“My second job includes walking her to her car after work and pretending to be her hottie boyfriend.” Wait.

“And lastly, in case all of those other hints weren’t obvious enough, she has a needy cat who’s obsessed with Christina Lauren.” He strokes between your needy kitty’s ears and tucks the little guy in under a blanket. What a lucky cat. 

Jungkook only stops with the wholesome shit when you climb into his lap and press your lips into his jawline. On instinct, he slips beneath your robe and grabs you at the waist with those gentle hands of his. He smells of cardamom and cedarwood, like the candle you burn on cold nights when fluffy blankets aren’t enough. And like a moth, you’re attracted to the light and warmth he radiates in the dimness of your home. Even if it means you might get burned.

“Congratulations, you finally got the name right.” You stick your tongue out while your nails comb their way through the locks of hair at the back of his neck. He locks eyes with you, leaning ever so slightly into the massage the way cats do when they need more attention.

And then your lips meet his. You expect the guy who’s locked lips with everyone in the office to get straight to the point and not hold back, but that isn’t the case. What he gives you instead is a soft graze, an affectionate tease. When you try to go in for another taste, he pulls back and lets you chase him. You’d love nothing more than to wipe that smirk off his face with another kiss.

“I thought you said you weren’t down to date a coworker?” Smartass. You wouldn’t be sitting on top of his cock if you weren’t down to be more intimate with him.

“That only applies to everyone except you.” Your robe slides off your shoulder as you poke him in the chest. Funny how you aren’t cold anymore.

“What makes me so special?” he asks while getting a sneak peek of the pretty lingerie you’d secretly hoped he’d see on you.

You think about all the little things he does—he walks with you, reads your book recommendations, takes note of your favorite animals and coffee shops. And he never expects anything in return, including your feelings apparently. He just wants to make sure you feel seen and know he always has your back. When he’s too chicken to be upfront about his feelings, you’ve come to realize this is his love language. 

“You might be open about all the sleeping around you do with other people, but the subtle thoughtful things you do just for me don’t go unnoticed.” You run your fingers along his cheek and bring your lips within striking distance from his. This time, he doesn’t initiate another chase and allows you to press your words into his mouth. “Plus I think it’s really cute that you use the whale shark skin in-game because of me.”

“That’s when I knew I was down bad.” The sound he makes is somewhere between a chuckle and an embarrassed sigh. “I didn’t even know you played that game and yet my mind was still finding ways to connect everything back to you and your little quirks.”

“I knew I was down bad when I installed that game after hearing you raging about it with the boys,” you blurt out of nowhere.

“You did what, Y/N?”

“I started playing that headache of a game because of you, okay? I wholeheartedly believed I was taking that secret to the grave, but now it stays between you and me. Got it?” Your face feels hot, but you aren’t complaining.

“Yes, ma’am.” His teasing grin will never get old, and you love that about him.

In the heat of another kiss, you feel Jungkook tug on the silky sash at your waist. Your robe opens up like curtains being drawn for a grand reveal. Exposed as you are, there’s no need to hide anymore. In fact, you’d be more than down to have sex out in the open on the couch, but you also have to consider the innocent kitten sleeping next to you.

Like the considerate boy he is, Jungkook scoops you up without disturbing the cat and makes his way to your bedroom.

He lays you down on the bed and eyes your body from head to toe. If he wasn’t giving you horny eyes when you greeted him at the door, he definitely is now.

“Am I gonna get you in trouble for keeping you up past your bedtime?” He saves time by tearing his hoodie and t-shirt off in one go. Based on those abs, you suppose working out is another one of his favorite pastimes alongside sex, gaming, and fucking around with you.

“No.” You reach for his body and pull him on top of you. The large bulge tucked away in his sweatpants catches your attention. “But I might be a little sore for tomorrow.”

“Oh? Is that how you like it?” He rubs two fingers against the thin fabric between your legs to test the waters. Your body shudders and tenses up from the tiniest of touches. Given the dry spell you’ve suffered through this year, you know it won’t take much for you to lose it. “Sure you can handle it?”

“Try me.” You push back with your tongue in his mouth and help him out of his sweats. You’re one swipe away from clawing his boxers off, but he grabs ahold of your wrists and pins you against the pillows.

“Someone’s awfully eager,” he says as he leaves a trail of kisses from your neck to your breasts. You squirm under his hot breath, asking for more contact—anywhere on your body will do.

“Yeah, well, we do have another meeting bright and early tomorrow morning, and it’d look bad if we both fell asleep during it because we were up all night having—” Your rambling is interrupted by the boy’s cock staring you down. He tears open a square packet, but you swipe it away and slide it down his length. You don’t mind a bit of rubber if it gives you an excuse to get your paws on him.

In return, he helps you wiggle out of your teeny tiny thong and bra. His hands waste no time in squeezing your breasts and fingering you down below to make sure you’re wet enough. (Spoiler alert: You most definitely are.)

As big as he is, he slides in with relative ease thanks to how desperately you need him inside you. He fills you in perfectly, too, reaffirming the fact that you and him are perfect for one another. Fuck everyone who thinks otherwise.

You dig your long nails into his arms as he moves in and out of you. If he keeps going harder with every thrust, you’re gonna have a difficult time holding on.

“I swear your nails are like cat claws,” he grunts into your ear but makes no actual effort to extract your nails from his arms.

“If I recall correctly, you did refer to me as a soft kitten who isn’t afraid to bring her claws out,” you hum up at him.

“Hey, let’s not talk about all the sappy things I said in-game right now.” There’s a hint of poutiness in his otherwise raspy bedroom voice. As punishment for teasing him, he flips you over onto your knees to give him the best view of your ass. “You weren’t supposed to hear that stuff.”

“Tell me something I’m supposed to hear,” you challenge him as he gives your ass a good squeeze. His fingers dip back between your legs and circle your clit a few times. You body rubs back on instinct like a horny pup against a toy.

“I would like to formally ask you out,” he says with his hands at your hips and his cock back inside you. "Will you go out with me?"

“You're a little late, buddy, but yes, I’ll go out with you,” you chuckle until your orgasm sneaks up on you and hits you like a truck. The moans you let out are probably loud enough to wake the cat, but that just means the two of you will have to relocate the next time you have sex. Perhaps his place or the office breakroom might be worth considering. 

Your arms give out as you tighten around him, so you lower your face to the pillow and let the boy do as he pleases to your body to get his release. After a few more strong thrusts, he gasps your name out in pleasure and pulls out of you. You give him a good ten seconds to catch his breath before you smother him with a million kisses.

You take a glance at the time on your phone. It’s getting awfully late, and you do have that meeting in the morning, but the two of you have a few options:

A) Cuddle in bed and go to sleep like normal 9-5ers.

B) Hop online and play a few games together because your computer’s still on.

C) Go another round and make a special coffee run before the meeting.

None of those options sound like a bad idea when you’ve got Jeon Jungkook to do them with. All he has to do is say the word and you're down.

#bts smut #jungkook smut #bts fanfic #bts scenarios #bts imagines #jungkook fanfic #bts x reader #jungkook x reader #bts fluff #fuck boy jungkook #gamer jungkook #coworker au #office au #jungkook f2l #bts f2l #friends to lovers #mutual pining #jungkook #bts

[stick-ball]

Hi! I'm about to end my whole career!

Here goes the Riko rant that dear @capcavan asked, demanded and begged for.

You know, I get it.

So here's the thing. I get it, Riko sucks. He is the bad guy we all got hung upon. Why? Because he is a rival for our protagonist. He is an angsty, young guy, born into wealth that came from money laundering and human trafficking. It's despicable, the Ravens are bullies and he himself makes lots of bad things happen. Yeah sure, I get that, whatever.

Being raised as a superstar must've been really, really difficult for you.

But I want to really dig deeper right now, this is a Riko rant after all, and you need to really know your fighters. So, to start: a huge trap in toxic families is that the children, even when grown up, will refuse to identify their parents and guardians as negative and toxic people. Not even outside influence can really sway them, usually. Kids that get away from a sinister situation can later tell they were abused, that it wasn't right, but still, they don't get the specifics of what and why, and they are doomed to repeat the same abuse and call it good. Call it right. And sometimes that's substance abuse, sometimes thats domestic abuse, sometimes that's racism and sexism and xenophobia they will grow into believing as the way the world works. Sometimes, thats nepotism and sadism. Only thing that can help is therapy and an environment removed from the control of the original abuse, lots of therapy, lots of space, years of it. A perfect case of a typical toxic family is Aaron.

A perfect case of that could also be Riko.

And here you can call bullshit because Neil had such a fucked up, abusive father and he *knew* it was wrong. Yes, he knew it was wrong for his father to hurt him to the measure he went. Why? Because his mother protected him, because his mother feared his father, not adored him. Because his mother took him away and kept running. A mother, a role model a child feels very strongly about, subconsciously.

Riko was taken from his mother. He was pushed aside by his father and left in the care of a family member, who was easy to glorify for an impressionable child. Because he was a legend. In fanon I often see Tetsuji's character taking a very background role in everything, and sure, he seems pretty background to Neil, because every bad guy seems background to Neil in comparison to his Father - besides Riko, who is the one dangling that threat in front of him. Tetsuji just wants his property back, Riko is playing with fire though. So yeah to us, reading the story, Tetsuji is a total asshole among many such men in the book.

But to Riko he must've meant almost everything for a long time. A crucial thing about Tetsuji is, he is a sadist. Oh sure, sorry, it's only called sadism when done against his team, right? Against Jean or Kevin or Neil? When it comes to Riko, who was in his care for all of his formative years, it was just strict childbearing right? He is a Moriyama after all, so he is evil from birth.

Yeah, I must've mixed something up about Riko being beaten to unconsciousness several times being mentioned in extra content. You think that was a one, two, third times the charm occurance?

Always a commodity, never a human being, not a single person in your family thinking you’re worth a damn off the court— yeah, sounds rough.

I always wondered how sarcastic Neil was saying this. I mean, he definitely meant to land a punch where it would hurt. And he actually knew Riko as a little kid, so he knew more than most.

Stockholm syndrome is very common among victims of childhood abuse. I would know, anyway. It's like the most logical option - the survivior is living in a dual reality. These people are my family, the care for me. They provide for me. They want me to be the best. They also abuse me. They hurt me, but it's for the best. Hurting me is a expression of love. I am grateful to them.

I often wonder how many people who read the books know what a commodity is. A commodity, in the most basic terms, is a basic good that can be used in ccommerce to interchange with goods of the same type. A commodity is not a king, or a queen, or a bishop or a knight, or even a rook. It's a fucking pawn. It's cannon fodder.

Riko is worthless to his family. Riko is just a tool to Tetsuji to generate profit. Riko wants to be worthy to his family. Riko most likely loves his uncle and is ready to do the most insane thing if only it gives him the one thing he desires, which is being seen as worthy by his family.

Kevin and I talk about your intricate and endless daddy issues all the time.

Then there's grooming. Grooming is more obvious when it's done by a stranger who sees the child randomly or in some intervals of time. It's much harder to resist when it's constant. To Riko, Tetsuji is a good person, he is a hero, he is his family, he cares for him, they have a common goal. Riko wants to be what Tetsuji wants him to be. There is a price to pay for it, of course. There is a price for everything. But the price doesn't matter. Riko wants to pay the price he has to pay, to be what Tetsuji wants him to be.

And the thing is, do you think Riko learned how to use his money and crime connections to control others? How to gain power through fear and pain? You think spending his whole life locked in a fucking stadium he taught it to himself how to break people in body and spirit? That torturing them was his special interest? Or maybe are you forgetting that amongst valid responces to trauma, besides fight, flight and freeze there is also fawn? Don't you think it's much more likely, being groomed and enamoured with his captor (bcs thats what Tetsuji is to me, their captor) he impersonated him to the best of his ability? That he learned every leaf in the book from him, because he was his only connection to the family, to his father, to his brother. He was a legend, the creator of exy. Wasn't he always trying to be worthy of him? To be good enough to be loved and wanted? To be great full enough?

I am not saying this absolves him of any of the things he did, but people do insane things under lesser influence, things they would never do otherwise. And I am not talking of people groomed from early childhood, I'm talking of sane adults, being dragged into dangerous and destructive ideologies.

I know it’s not entirely your fault that you are mentally unbalanced and infected with these delusions of grandeur, and I know you’re physically incapable of holding a decent conversation with anyone like every other normal human being can, but I don’t think any of us should have to put up with this much of your bullshit.

Because it isn't, is it? The things HE does ARE his fault, definately. But the reason why? That is not that easy to pinpoint. And Riko is so unstable it hurts. He is so far removed from real life he is completely incapable of conversation. He is a child brought up in a grave, but...

Pity only gets you so many concessions, and you used yours up about six insults ago.

To me Riko is besides all other things, wasted potential. All the things he dreamed of? He could have had them. He was talented, he was determined and had a lot of courage, but all of that was utterly wasted in the violence and malice he was soaked in. In all the violence and malice he created in return.

So please, please, just shut the fuck up and leave us alone.

The most interesting thing about All for the game though is, that in every other book Riko dying would've been the big bad wolf being defeated. But here, that's just a bleep on the radar. Because Riko was a product, not the producer. What I love about All for the game is it shows none of the madness and evil in life started or ended with me or you, with Riko or Neil. Not even with Keylight or Tetsuji. Fuck it did not even end with Nathan dying. It all ends how it begun. With a deal with the devil made in the back of a car, bought with blood money.

#i said what i said and you can cry about it #no vacuum storylines here thank you good-night l #this one is gonna make me so popular with enemies of the state i can feel it #riko moriyama #riko moriyama headcanon #aftg #all for the game #tfc #the foxhole court #aftg headcanon #aftg rant #trauma discussion

[jewishdainix]

While I do totaly understand how Fitz's reply to Nettle in their ride from Jaamphe in Fool's Assassin is seen as just a silly attempt to deny queerness , there is actually a lot to analyse about it!

When you dissect it it actually shows Fitz's failure to both bridge the gap separate his and Beloved's relationship with/from queerness, and the Six Duchies' understanding of it.

Let me explain.

The view in the Six Duchies on queer relationships* seems to be that they are Scandelous relationships that are purely sexual.

The homophobia we see from the characters shows that: When Starling was insulting Fitz she said that she was sure he whispered Molly's name while Lord Golden was fucking him; when Dutiful asked Fitz if he and Lord Golden were sleeping together, but not if they were in a relationship; when Chade told Fitz he knew he didnt sleep with men; Lant saying he was afraid when he first met Fitz because he heard rumers Tom Badgerlock also desired men.

Even during The Quarell Fitz talked about that same sexual aspect, saying he would never want to sleep with the Fool.

When Nettle asked him about his and Lord Golden's relationship, and if the rumors about them were true, she brought back that old idea of the Scandelous, purely sexual nature of queer relationships.

And that wasn't what Fitz and Beloved's relationship was.

Whether or not you interprit Fitz being secualy attracted to Beloved, their relationship was not what the Six Duchies' idea of queer relationships was. It was an emotional connection that their relationship was built on, not a purely sexual one with no care beyond sexual desire.

Which is why Fitz said there was nothing "improper" about their bond. Why Fitz said that what they had wen far beyond that.

Fitz was still unable to separate the idea of being in a relationship with Beloved with that view of queerness (he almost did, by the end of Fool's Fate, but whatever progress he made was undone by him repressing his love for Beloved all those years apart. Admitting he loved Beloved would have meant he was not able to pretend he got the Happy Ending he so desprately clung to, buts thats a whole other post).

But thats just the part about him not being able to seprate queer relationships from the view on them in the Six Duchies. Because of those views, he doesn't know how to recognise his feellings for Beloved (and other men) as what they are.

When Riddle told him how he remembered that he and Beloved were "very close" Fitz didn't oject like he has done with the acusations/questions that were related to the supposed sexual nature of his relationship with Lord Golden. He hadn't replied with anything, but mentioned that his silence said more than any thing he could have said himself.

When meeting with Carson, Fitz immidietly mentions how he felt a "feelling that sometimes comes of insant connection, a deep friendship that could have been".

Lets dissect that aswell, since I already put this under a readmore and dont care about how long this post gets. (@tragediegh and I talk about this quote every couple of days so everything I say here is recicled from our dms lol)

"Instant connection, a deep friendship that could have been," implies that the relationship Fitz is thinking he would have is very close, but it is not based on an actual expirience with that person, rather their first impression on Fitz - their vibe and how they look (interesting how Fitz says it about Carson, a gay man).

"That sometimes comes" shows that it is an - if not a common one - an occurence that happened multiple times.

This sounds like someone describing a crush/romantic atraction without knowing that what they are feelling is that!

The reason Fitz describes it as a "deep friendship" and "instant connection" and not "romantic feellings towards men" is because how he still view queer relationships from that homophobic view the Six Duchies have, and because of that is unable to connect his feellings towards men (amd beloved) to what they are.

...

* mlm relationships, technically. We havn't seen what they think of sapphic ones (even in The Willful Princess and the Piebald Prince Felicity mentions how possible homophobia only briefly, though they do seem to not consider lesbian sex as not actual sex which makes since with how their culture views reproduction) and I'm pretty sure Six Duchies people don't know about trans/genderqueer people because *gestures to everything*

#fitz and the fool #realm of the elderlings #fitzchivalry farseer #fitzloved #fool's assassin #assassin's fate #internalized homophobia #love how this shower thought i had in the shower took me 50 mintues to write

[butchsupermario]

mario origin that is believable and does not contradict the games while still taking external media into consideration here we go

mario and luigi are, as established in yoshis island, natural born mushroom kingdom citizens. their parents were the ones who got isekai'd in bc that is the only explanation i can think of for actual humans to be in the mushroom kingdom (i refuse to believe new donkers are human)

shortly after they are delivered, their parents leave the picture. they mightve died or abandoned them or whatever doesnt matter this isnt about them who cares the point is theyre out of the way by the time princess peach is a year old.

peach, who is humanoid and thus much faster and stronger than any toad, needs someone to play with, but the toad children that offer cannot keep up with her. the newly orphaned mario and luigi are presented to her, and they immediately become best friends. bowser causes trouble now and then, but more in a petty playground bully who pushes peach around to show her he "likes her" or whatever. its a common occurance but mario and luigi, and eventually peach once she gets bold enough, shoo him off pretty easily.

as time goes on, peach starts to outgrow the concept of playmates, but theres no way she was letting mario and luigi leave her side, either. when she was 13 and the bros were 16, she had toadsworth find them a job to do that would keep them at the castle as much as possible so she would still be able to see her childhood friends all the time. toadsworth, after carefully calculating how much the castle spent on what type of maintenance and how much time was spent working on those tasks, eventually named mario and luigi as the royal plumbers.

though it was not glamorous, they did their jobs happily and without complaint. bowser eventually becomes king and starts to leave them alone for awhile... until he doesnt.

bowser has an army and he actually knows what to do with it now. while mario and luigi are working, he takes the castle by surprise

and thats where smb1 begins

ok gn

#this takes into consideration partners in time too

[urostakako]

im not about to be one of those people complaining about the animation of jjk s2 because its absolutely gorgeous??? i do have some thoughts though about certain executive decisions, namely geto and yuki's conversation and how it probably has a part in fan's reactions to yuki's character (im not denying its misogyny, just that it has a part to play)

so here are the manga panels:

the camera angle here shows both of them, from above, from in front, from the side. namely, it looks natural. they are on equal footing.

in the anime, the camera angle is looking up at the both of them from their feet. the music is dramatic in that it builds up, eventually leading to geto's epiphany. now this is perfectly fine in belying geto's inner dilemma, but denies the nature of the conversation which, considering both parties taking part in it, was entirely casual

people focus on how yuki seemed to jump in here to influence geto, except they underestimate a weird girl's excitement for philosophy 💀 shes literally a researcher. why wouldnt she be interested by nuance and different perspectives. as if she knew that geto would go off the rails

in the anime, she seems happy when she says "unfortunately, i'm not crazy enough to do that" because you cant see her face, but in the manga, you can see that shes not taking it very seriously when she says "unfortunately, i ain't that crazy". like. the subs make her dialogue seem weird too. shes literally just making up hypotheticals

i think if they kept this scene casual but gradually built the drama you would have a scene that doesnt manipulate the audience ("what?? ari what do you mean by manipulate the audience??" ill get there), that shows how geto came to his conclusion on his own, and that accurately represents yuki's character. it would only be a start if they had the camera angle in a place that puts them on equal footing. from where it was, it seems as if yuki has more power than she actually does. which she doesnt. in terms of jujutsu society and whatever

shes literally the special grade who "fucks around" overseas. she doesnt give two shits about jujutsu society. the power she has here is her special grade status and her salary and thats it. meanwhile geto is a man, a special grade, and works directly under jujutsu society. he has more influence than she does, realistically speaking, considering i doubt the higher ups would want to listen to her anyway if that kind of situation ever occurred. gojo and geto could command that attention. it wouldnt be so simple for yuki

"but this isn't about yuki's power in general, its about the power her words hold over geto" well i'm saying that she doesnt have any power over him. generally, people are able to manipulate other people because they have power over the other, generally, or because the other perceives this manipulator has power over them. the common argument is that yuki manipulated geto, but she didnt, because she does not have power over him, he knows she doesnt have power over him, and they are on equal footing.

so the decision to have light coming in from the window behind them, and having the camera look up at them is kind of flawed, because youre not accurately representing whats going on here. rather, youre illuminating the perspective of only one party, thus distorting the actual interaction, because what happened in the anime didnt really happen. thats a distorted memory. "omg ari wtf are you talking about youre just saying words now. of course thats what happened"

except theres a different lighting, different tone, different mood because the way this scene was thought out is entirely from geto's perspective. from his perspective it all seems true that yuki "made him" do what he did because of how shes portrayed, but from an outside, objective view, you can see that blame and reasoning gets shifted, as does happen in people's memories. on her end, this was an interesting debate and set of hypotheticals to think about. she didnt have the intent jjk fans think she does. but this part gets distorted when we have the memory of this conversation from geto's view, and how it affected him. i think the way it was executed in the manga, its a little clearer that geto simply took the wrong words to heart, rather than it being yuki having the wrong words to say.

#or i really am just saying words and spouting bullshit. anyway. im a big fan of lighting and camera angles and colors did you know #yuki tsukumo #geto suguru #jjk s2 #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #aricouldyounot

[lumaxramblings]

How does the relationship advice Max gave relate to childhood trauma?

I HOPED SOMEONE WOULD ASK LETS GO

so this is the advice she gives to el, right? what i'm going to go into here is max's trauma about her parents' divorce and her feelings on her stepfather.

this is quite long so i've divided it in parts for you: part 1 which has two sections ('the divorce' and 'emotional abuse') and part 2 which has one section ('conclusion'). the first two sections are basically explaining what happened within max's family, the conclusion is how it all affects max and a tl;dr of sorts.

ALSO THIS IS NOT BILLY HARGROVE FRIENDLY, GO AWAY BILLY STANS

TRIGGER WARNINGS: discussions of divorce and emotional child abuse (nothing graphic)

THE DIVORCE

so, the first question out of the way: can divorce cause trauma? the answer is a quick and easy yes, especially in max's case.

in the book runaway max, which is probably at least half-canon, max describes both her parents. her mother seems to be quite weak-willed, but still seems to just want the best for max. however, it is clear that max doesn't get nearly as support as she needs from her. max is an incredibly understanding and kind child, because she understands that her mom isn't really the supportive type, more like someone who takes care of her without the emotional support part. (NOTE: susan is NOT abusive. one of the reasons why she can't support her daughter is because they understand the world, themselves and each other in drastically different ways: susan cannot reach out to max because she doesn't understand her, and therefore cannot give her the emotional help or support she needs).

sam (max's father) on the other hand clearly understands max much better and doesn't question her boyish style or how she's Different than others (which could be autistic coding but thats for another day asjhshjs). in this case, he could be there, but he isn't, being too busy for her.

we can assume that max, as she was so young, was not given a talk about the divorce as a whole after the divorce had actually happened, given that her mother doesn't really seem the type for big, emotional conversations. she most likely got a simplified version of what was happening and why she'd be seeing her dad less because she was so young (around 8-9 based on max/billy's memories), which lead to misunderstanding and, as her father understood her more, she was naturally defensive of her dad (which is why we see her quick to defend him in the bus talk), and naturally a little resentful of her mom, especially considering she didn't truly grasp what had actually happened due to being so young.

this resentment would grow when susan starts dating again: in runaway max, it's mentioned that susan had flit from boyfriend to boyfriend, each of which eventually leaves because of personal issues (gambling, debts, etc). max sees this as a kind of betrayal to sam, and a complete change in what her family had been like - she would later know, around s2, that the cracks had always been there, and it was just a matter of time, but for now she's too young to think that her ex-family was anything but perfect, so she holds resentment towards her mom and starts to put her dad on a pedastal, as well as thinking that men are liars and cheaters.

EMOTIONAL ABUSE

then susan marries neil, and with him comes billy. max, at first, was hopeful that she'd have a family again after her last one broke, only to be let down very quickly. here's a heartbreaking excerpt from runaway max:

billy doesn't treat her like a sister: in fact, he insists she's not his sister constantly, and emotionally abuses her.

'yes, yes, anthony, but what is emotional abuse?' i hear you cry. here's a definition from google itself:

Emotional abuse involves controlling another person by using emotions to criticize, embarrass, shame, blame, or otherwise manipulate them. While most common in dating and married relationships, mental or emotional abuse can occur in any relationship—including among friends, family members, and co-workers.

the parts in bold are the parts that are relevant to max herself and billy's abuse of her. here's some symptoms and signs of emotional abuse, as well as some examples of said symptoms, taken from healthyplace.com:

you'll notice that billy has almost all the signs and shows off many of the examples given, particularly in episode two. there's this great post by @madcleradin (hey sierra, tell me if you want be untagged) with my reblogs to show the examples themselves and this is the root of max's self hatred and self blame, but the very short tl;dr version is that his abuse of her affects her perception of others and herself in a negative way.

neil also plays a role in this - max probably thought he was just another one in the list of shitty boyfriends, except when things started getting more serious, she started to get confused, though she was happy when told that she was going to have a family again, because at the time she was still in the mindset that 'family = comfort' because again, she was never told what caused the divorce, which lead to her thinking it was sudden and doesn't alter her view of what 'family' just yet.

she was excited to have a comfort, excited to have someone to talk to other than nate (her best friend), because she still associates family with comfort. but when billy abuses her, at first she's confused on why family would treat family like this. that's when her view of what family means does a 180º.

because they told her that neil and billy were family, she started associating the word 'family' with violence, fear and control. as she grew up, this just got planted more and more deeply within her, all while she still resents susan a little for a) leaving her dad and b) marrying neil and bringing him and his son into their life, a decision which has only lead to fear and pain on max's half.

CONCLUSION

you may be wondering what any of this has to do with max's advice to el. well, dear anon and readers, i am here to tell you.

in this, max isn't seeing mike as how she remembers him, and is thinking back to all those times those shitty boyfriends of her mom did the same thing, not realizing that it's not like that because mike genuinely does care about her and because they're fourteen (yk how when you're young you don't feel young until you look back when you're older? yeah that) it's not that deep yet. max has been thinking and calling the shitty boyfriends pieces of shit for years.

NOTE: max does NOT think mike is a bad person, nor does this mean she hates him. she just thinks what he did is shitty, but she clearly thinks he can make up for it (note how she says 'if he doesn't fix this, doesn't explain himself', which i doubt any of the boyfriends of her mom did). this is NOT a mike hate post, he's one of the characters of All Time, this is just about max's trauma !!!

now, this obviously isn't her talking about lucas (see here why honesty is a vital part of why lucas and max are friends), so max is almost definitely referring to her mom's boyfriends and can't see that mike isn't like those guys, as mentioned above.

this is straight up projection. really, all of max's lines regarding mileven this season are just projection, but this really shows. i cut out the part where she says that if he doesn't explain himself, then el should dump his ass because that, as mentioned above, is because mike is still her friend (if tentative because yk).

she doesn't understand why her mom can't just up and leave neil, and so when she sees el who she probably subconsciously parallels to her mother (in runaway max, her book, she describes her mom as "her personality changing into every guy she meets", so she's scared of that happening to el) and so she unintentionally projects her desire for susan to break up with neil onto el.

she wants susan to break up with neil, but as she can't have that and she has trauma from living in close quarters to an abuser she's dealing with her trauma this way.

NOTE: she is NOT using el only for her own gains. she genuinely thinks this is good advice, if only because of her warped perception of love and her mother's (failed) relationships.

this line is also evidence of max projecting onto el and mike, except this time she's not projecting her mom onto el, but instead herself. we know, via scenes in season two, that billy is extremely controlling of max. he gives her unspoken and spoken rules (unspoken would be don't speak back, don't blame him, etc etc; spoken would be the threat of what he'd do if she 'disobeyed' him). she has been controlled for a good near-half of her life via rules, especially considering we can presume neil also controlled her (although much less than billy did). she's been so roughly handled and controlled using rules, rules which she has to go by to survive in that household, that she literally can't see the tons of rules put on el being for her safety, because that's never how it's been for her.

a tl;dr of that paragraph: rules have been used on max with malicious intent for so long that max cannot recognize that the rules on el are for safety and come from a plce of love.

and a tl;dr for this whole essay: all of max's advice stems from her childhood trauma from her parents' divorce, her mom's boyfriends who were liars, and her abusive stepfamily

hope you liked this extremely long essay.... and aren't too upset when you asked for a page and i made you a book shshjshjhjss

yeah this was very long but i loved talking abt it, slr i've been busy but i've been excited to get this finished.

also... if im gonna be honest most of this was just me looking way too deep into what were actually just jokes abt female humor by the duffers and ik that but also like. its a trauma thing because max's experience of love and men is very different and shapes how she views them so ofc her relationship advice was off

anyways if youve read all that i'm platonically in love with you

#max mayfield #lumax #long post #anthony's maxnalysis #stranger things #stranger things 3 #byler #<- i like u guys so im tagging you if u wanna be untagged just send a reply <3 #uhhh yeah #i'm normal about her why do you ask. #i've analyzed her to hell and back good god #elumax #elmax #wow this was so longa #anti billy hargrove #anti harringrove

[tiredandcaffeinated]

fun fact : the reason mummies are so rare is because ancient Europeans used to eat them!!

contains mentions of : blood, medical cannibalism and highly consequential misunderstandings

tagging: @trashmeowcan @waitingforthesunrise @thebestieyoureinlovewith @malteevars-kee-devi @decaying-vampire @paysomeonetopaysomeone

Europeans used to eat mummies as they believed this to be a cure, a near magical remedy for all diseases ranging from headaches to epilepsy and even the plague. This practice peaked in the 16th and 17th centuries, and was so common that remains were sold in apothecary shops along with other medicines. They believed in this "like cures like" sort of philosophy. So for example, if you had a headache, you would consume ground up skulls. They would rub fat on external wounds, or shove moss growing on skulls, up their nose. King Charles II drank a special mix of powdered skull and alcohol (called the King's Drops) . They would also mix powdered skill with chocolate. Consuming mummies as medicine became so common that the mummy supply started running low.

Sidenote: They also drank blood to cure diseases of the blood. Blood was actually preferred warm and fresh, and a lot of people that could not afford the apothecary blood would pay a smaller fee to collect fresh blood in cups at public executions. None of this was new, as ancient Romans used to drink the blood of gladiators, believing that it would give them strength and also possibly cure epilepsy.

But why did they do this? Why did it even occur to them in the first place?

Well, that's where the misunderstanding part comes in. Bitumen, also known as asphalt, is the black substance that covers our roads. It is a naturally occurring hydrocarbon was commonly used in constructions in Middle East for ages. It is vicious when heated but it hardens very quickly when dried and hence, it was used to stabilize broken bones. People also dissolved it in vinegar to remove clotted blood and consumed it with vine to cure dysentery and coughs.

What does this have to do with mummies?

In the 10th century, Persian physician Rhazes made the first known use of the word mumia for bitumen. It was named after the word mum, meaning wax. By the 11th century, a different physician Avicenna used the word mumia to specifically refer to medicinal Bitumen. When Europeans saw the black stuff that was coating mummies, they assumed that it was the same as this medicinal Bitumen and thats how they started calling them mummies in the first place. So the word mumia started meaning both, bitumen and the black coating on mummies (some of them did contain bitumen, but not all). When availability of bitumen started dropping, they decided to start sourcing it from these mummies. It started with the outward coating, but eventually the misunderstanding grew, and people started believing that it was the mummies themselves that had medicinal properties.

By the 19th Century, this whole craze was gone, however people still held "mummy unwrapping parties". And by people, I specifically mean the rich. Owning entire mummies was obviously expensive and they used this as a way to show off their wealth. They would hold gatherings where they would unwrap mummies for entertainment purposes.

Another thing to consider is that while the Europeans themselves were fine with consuming mummies, Native Americans (and some other races) were looked upon as "savage" for similar behaviours. Negative stereotypes about them were justified by saying that they practiced cannibalism. The hypocrisy and racism cease to surprise but not disappoint.

I don't really know how to end this so pretend I had a proper conclusion. Thanks for reading this I guess and sorry for any possible typos/other errors. Also, I'm planning on doing more infodumpy posts so lmk if you would like to be tagged/have any ideas etc. Have a nice day :)

#tw blood #tw cannibalism #cursedblr #amara rambles

[yikes-strikes-again]

highlights from my adventures in Area X, totally blind the whole time until i finished Acceptance. Spoilers for all of it.

me being neurotic about spoilers (this is a common theme)

obsessed with how this is my first instance of theorizing. the last two sentences are eerily accurate and i can't believe i said "alien planet" that's hilarious

this is good analysis too bad i was missing a key piece of information that makes my inadequate conclusion actually make sense

middle of Annihilation, first attempt at analyzing Where lies...this is actually pretty close to what I think about the tower text Now except missing the parts that would have never occurred to me without reading further (that the Crawler is Saul and that Area X is not on earth).

aw this is so cute. They don't even know about the first expedition footage with the sky leviathan POV (i have a pet theory that SR used that clip specifically to brainwash the husband. this is supported by his anecdote of falsely attributing memory to lived experience when its origin was television, as a young child)

i was so right

this is so funny. you are like a little baby

this is still Based

The Antics

this theory is so fucking funny considering how much grace hates lowry

this was like the least brutal of my Control roasts. they ramped up considerably in Acceptance

then i stopped reading the trilogy for eight months and had to start over Authority. but i still thought about it. this is me thinking about it.

This was me like a third of the way into Authority. What the fuck. It's not that creepy when you consider the information dispensed by that point but it's still kind of creepy how accurate my actual predictions were when my ideas were still wrong

then i went to sleep and

so true, me. So righteously true. magic IS real and it's coming to fuck up your town

Future me here: Yea it was a red herring

More Control roasts:

CALL ME IMPORTANT THAT'S MY NAME

Fragment of my "Area X clones are agents of germination" theory. I felt so smart at the end of Authority. So in Control if you will. And then

it was fucking life changing. the homosexuals that they were

first drama in the gc...

This is when the amount of Divine Knowledge brought to me by Accemptance started to get to my consciousness. Once i start saying phrases like "the virgin control and the chad ghost bird" and "the Caroline to his GlaDOS" and "everyone is a clone of a clone of a clone of a clone" that's when you know i've lost the thread

more disjointed quotes because i ran out of images:

"the BASED control vs. the CRINGE everyone else is no longer the dynamic because he's not narrating. i feel like i just broke up with him" "so does ghost bird probably"

"The time dilation really came out of left field. Kind of like a "well shit. thats a hell of a mystery no one thought was a mystery and didnt even really need solving. but damn if it didnt just get solved so nice work"" <- me forgetting how hard i tried to solve the mystery of the cellar journals compost

"When they see that reflection of themselves, they despise it, they need to destroy it This series is about environmentalism as much as it could be The need to make Area X an enemy with a pathological desire to destroy says more about the humans than it does Area X. When they see themselves, they hate so much what they see. But I don't think Area X necessarily hates humans at all. Only the biologist/Ghost Bird can even seem to contemplate that. Maybe Whitby could, briefly, in his endless circular ramblings, but that did not quell his fear and hatred for himself" <- rumination on automatic senseless clone violence

at one point i got whiplash from the Grumpy emotion i got from biologist's borderline ecofascism to the Intense Bittersweet of Saul's fatherly attachment to Gloria in light of everything and then the Pain of trying so hard not to laugh at the thought of someone saying "Don't talk to me like I'm an idiot, I'm aware this looks strange" in response to being caught washing a mouse

"phone creature even BETTER than mouse washing" I characterized the phone creature as "little Lowry - his son that he doesn't want" because that amuses me forever

i love how i'm like "i could pass on more of lowry, i'm so sick of that guy" and then proceed to write four Thousand words of meta about him. i like the Theory of lowry. he's a horrible broken man who throws drinks at milves

and i love imagining that everyone who comes back from Area X is a clone no matter what not because that makes any sense but because i get to imagine two versions of every character. i'm like "i love the idea of Lowry being a clone all this time and somehow being protected from the fact by a quirk of his creation. And that he's imperfect compared to Original Lowry in odd ways but SR just chalked up his change to the intense trauma of the event, and if it ever seriously occurred to them they decided it didn't really matter. And if he knew. I don't know what he'd do And real Lowry is a megalodon in the ocean terrorizing plankton instead of lower-tier bureaucrats"

another thought: "I still love the thing that stitches across the sky. I think it's an avian cosmic leviathan, as the biologist is an amphibious cosmic leviathan. You could call it a dragon."

i ended up with a pretty secure Grand Unifying Theory that isn't interesting because you probably all have the same one. It's about the process

my final words of wisdom:

that's the books.

#southern reach #area x #annihilation #authority #acceptance #meta #liveblog #long post #yikes original tag

[definitelynotshouting]

so lets talk hunger au code structure

It occurred to me that i havent spoken a whole lot about the layers of code structure for entities!! I've mentioned surface code quite a bit, and deeper code, but i never actually got into what that deeper code entails-- so here's a little breakdown of what each code layer looks like and does!!

Surface code: This is the outer code layer, wrapping around everything in a similar way to how your skin covers your body. Surface code is, as previously stated in other asks, what dictates an entity's physical appearance. It's fairly easy to change once you learn the coding for it. This is the reason why physical hybrid traits can exist for Players, and why Watchers can camouflage themselves so well.

Utility code: This is the inner layer directly below surface code. Utility code is responsible for managing hearts, hunger, and saturation, and it's tied pretty directly to surface code. If your hunger bar or hearts are low, then that's going to reflect in your surface code-- and it's also going to effect how much of your surface code you can change at one time. Changing surface code takes energy, so entities who are changing their appearance often get hungry. It's common for a spotter to bring snacks!

Memory code: This is the code layer located beneath utility code, and is responsible for maintaining personality, memories, and keeping track of stats. Memory code is essentially what makes you a fully realized person!! Memory code can also be copied by entities (aka Watchers) that are very adept at manipulating code. In theory, a skilled Player could potentially do the same, but it's a very complex and tricky task to complete, so most people wouldn't consider attempting it.

Structural/deep code: As the innermost code layer, this code dictates whether an entity is alive and sentient/sapient or not. This is the code that essentially separates a Player from, say, a tree, and also keeps the other code layers functioning on a base level. It's the last layer of code to dissolve when code structure fully destabilizes.

And thats your little crash course in hunger au code structure!!! Pretty much every entity classified as alive has all of these code layers, although a chicken's memory code and a Player's memory code is going to look very different from each other. And, of course, non-sentient objects aren't going to have a utility or memory code, since they're, yknow, non-sentient. But their surface code can still be changed by a skilled coder, which is why some worlds are considered modded instead of vanilla!!

#shouting speaks #worldbuilding #mcyt #hermitcraft #hunger au #code structure #ddjwbdjdj im trying to make more posts abt hunger au that arent just ppl's asks WHEEEEZE #and honestly i love the code structure SO MUCH its so fun to me #like playing with legos.... #also gods the nb dream. imagine being able to just change your physical appearance. society if it functioned by hunger au rules 🏞️ #txt

[xidnaf]

actually, the reason why the green brothers are tuberculosisposting is because theres a drug for treating multiple drug resistant tuberculosis (common in developing countries) thats going to have its patent expire soon and the patent holder, johnson and johnson, is trying to do some disney mickey mouse shit to hold their patent for a few more years. so hank and john have been talking about that a ton to spread awareness of the situation

ok i actually knew all of that but it occurs to me that some of my followers might be unaware. so. if that's you, now it's not!

while i'm here, i guess i might as well tell you all that the green brothers sell coffee and socks and all the proceeds go towards improving healthcare in sierra leone. i'm not a subscriber myself, but as soon as they start selling weed or toilet paper or something like that i'm gonna be all over it.

[yuri-for-businesswomen]

i read this book a while ago and i cannot recommend it enough: a biography by a thai woman who entered prostitution at 13 in thailand.

she describes how her mother kicked her out and only appreciated her when send money home no matter where it came from. how there was nothing but prostitution that would allow her to send remittances. she describes how her brother was the favorite and the only one who got higher education. she describes how she was violated by old western men when she was a teenager. how her first time was sold. how at 19, she was already too old to attract the sex tourists who come to thailand. how all she wanted was to escape thailand to a wealthier country. like many women who are prostituted in sex tourist areas, she hoped to find a western man who would take her with him. because guess what, most women in prostitution dont actually love it but dream of a different life. later in life she developed severe mental illness.

and despite all this she is against criminalisation and rails against feminists who want to stop the exploitation she herself describes. she even defends sex tourists, after everything.

and i feel like this is such a common occurence: prostituted women will describe exploitation, abuse, marginalisation, complete lack of alternatives, sociocultural factors that pushed them into prostitution and still defend it. and liberals say well then lets legalise it, they say thats what they want. so the horrors just continue.

#mine #anti prostitution

[tiredstressedemotionalmess]

hihii do you have ideas for writing the fab four as ghosts? also what do you think halloween would be like in the zones? i'm attempting to write fanfiction for like the first time ever and you're basically the killjoys fanfiction mutual so i'm coming to you lol

i am absolutely honored to be considered the killjoys fanfiction mutual!! sorry this took forever to get to ive been battling a headache all day 😅

the fab four as ghosts is an interesting concept that ive never really thought about before!!! i mean i wrote one fic once kind of abt party as a ghost but that wasnt really the main focus.. anyways, there's a tooooon of super cool ways to explore that concept just in how they died alone. like is this a post sing thing where they all died together saving the girl? if thats the case i could easily see them following her around over the years, using what limited connection to the physical world they have to influence minor things and keep her safe as she grows up alone in the desert. or maybe (bc im a sucker for ghosts who dont remember their mortal lives) they have no memory of the girl or each other but they all decide to stick together bc they're scared and confused and There and they just kind of wander around together until they stumble upon the girl and they feel this strange pull to Protect Her

or if it's not post sing and they've all died in different ways, maybe this is an au and they meet as ghosts and they become known as this phantom crew, legends that wander the zones and take out dracs in the dead of night, only to be seen by those already well aquatinted with death

as for individual behaviors, i think taking the name fun ghoul literally would be really fucking cool. im pretty sure the general consensus abt ghouls is that they haunt graveyards so maybe ghoul specifically hangs around grounds where lots of death occurs, like common grounds for bli ambushes and firefights and shit. it's absolutely br the most annoying ghost ever, going out of his way to spook people by doing alll the classic horror movie shit. that motherfucker is howling and making weird noises in the dead of night, he is levitating objects and moving shit that shouldn't move and flickering lights and just being a general menace to the living

i think party would take a LONG time to accept the fact that they're dead, if they ever even admit it to themself at all. i feel like they have this sort of bitter, jaded relationship with death and the witch and the whole concept of the afterlife, and admitting that they're a ghost would be admitting that all the shit they weren't sure if they believed in was real the while time. and too, depending on how they died, i could easily see them having a sort of bitter breakdown over the fact that they've just been allowed to die with no fanfare. they've literally given their life for this cause and now that theyre dead and nothings changed or is changing it feels like they lived their whole life for nothing, like they lived their whole life wrong almost.

jet and kobra im having less immediate thoughts on. out of all of them, though, i think jet would be the most likely to try and find a way back to life. idk if youve read ttid but uh. yeah. i see her a bit like that, where she refuses to accept that this is the end of her story and she tries whatever she can to make it continue

kobra as a ghost i think would change a lot depending on how he died. if it was something out if his control like illness or a bad run on the crash track i think hed be more "go with the flow it is what it is" about it. if he was killed though he would dedicate his afterlife to revenge, and maybe actually no matter how he died hed end up becoming vengeful after long enough bc hed star thinking about why he was even put under the circumstances to die in the desert and hed think about his hatred for bli... yeah actually no matter what i think hed become a vengeful spirit!! hed go and hun down whoever killed him and make them fucking suffer, and then hed go and do the same for every drac and ever crow, every exterminator he can get his hands on. his mortal life was horrible and he is going to spend his afterlife making sure the ones responsible for his suffering get what they fucking deserve

uhhhh this has turned out wayyy longer than i meant it to so im gonna make the Halloween in the zones part its own post and I'll tag you in that when its done!! i hope at least some part of this was helpful or inspiring in a way, cant wait to see what you end up writing :]

#asks #danger days #my headcanons #danger days headcanons #danger days the true lives of the fabulous killjoys #fun ghoul #the kobra kid #party poison #jet star #ddttlotfk #ttlotfk