#thats all ! its 4am nini

[warmthpdf]

if i don’t write down all my thoughts about surviving this summer sometime soon i think i will explode !

#'surviving' to begin with feels like such a strong word to apply to this summer but survival is SO intensely woven into how i've been living #how ive been living these past few months has been based around just surviving the next hour the next day the next week #and not being sure if i was able to do that or if doing that was worth it #for the first time in years i didnt wanna wake up. but for the first time in years i also wanted to live authentically and unabashedly #theres a lot i want to say about that? probably not all of it on tumblr. i feel like im already sharing way too much #but my point is that despite nothing life altering or world shattering or something that could be 'big trauma' this was something i survived #and i want to feel a little proud of that #and i think to be proud of that i have to put that into words and really really look at it as if this was someone else #to feel validated in my own survival i have to ?? view it as if its someone else. bc i think im the one exception to deserving to heal ig #but it helps to put things in perspective #im rly holding back a lot of feelings rn i think and i need an outlettttt #gonna journal tomorrow night i think #sleepover on monday. a lot of feelings about that :') first day back at college on wednesday. seeing the big group of friends on friday #things are happening and im trying to hold my life in my hands again and say its enough to keep living for #mine #thats all ! its 4am nini #sorry my tags are so. like this lmaooooo i forget other people might actually SEE what i post #im not a writer by any means but ppl on my uquiz have said my writing is very nice :') so thats been encouraging me to ramble more i think #okay GOODNIGHTGOODNIGHT