#thats why I always save everything

[waterfallofspace]

A Word-Filled Update

that no one's asking forrrr~

Sooooo, hiya~ ^^

Realized I kinda dropped out without much word, and wanted to give a lil update to anyone who may care, (and specifically to all the unfilled requests that have been sat in my inbox for months now T~T)

Dropping it under a cut because it gets quite long~ but I'll also TL;DR it with: been a bit burnt out, trying to get back into this, I apologize for all the unanswered asks, and I will be trying to get to the ones I can, but I'll be focusing more on trying to enjoy the process of making content~ Thank you to anyone who's stuck around <3

(Tw for brief mention of mental health/neurodivergencies~ nothing in depth or dark, but just incase anyone wants to avoid that <3)

Nothing serious has been going on, mostly just burn out and a bit of drama in main friend group, combined with free time just being a lot more limited recently~ (not a bad thing, most of it is because I'm getting to talk more with friends I've gotten closer to this past year~)

That said, I've been trying to get back into content, making it, reblogging it, etc, without letting it become all-consuming. I find, with the way my brain works, mostly to do to some wonderful neurodivergent tendencies, I tend to fall heavily into 'all of nothing' mentality.

This shows up in my day to day life, (ie: can't wash the dishes for weeks until I suddenly do them all in one day) and I've definitely noticed it with content creation. Need to write and finish a story in one go, record a wav as fast as possible, always afraid I'll lose that motivation.

But honestly? I love making content on here! And I'm not a huge blog, nor do I care if I am (at least trying not to, if I'm being painfully honest~) but I genuinely love making content. Whether it's just for me, a request that I am hoping one specific person will enjoy, or a story I write with a community in mind, I just love creating~

So, I'm trying to ease my way back into this! Bit by bit, let it be fun, and enjoyable, with less internal pressure to produce as much as I can, as fast as I can, and make it be perfect.

I won't lie and say 'numbers don't matter to me', if I'm honest, they do. But I'm learning more and more how to let it be about the content, and to just enjoy the process~ (and if people like it, that'll be a wonderful bonus!~)

Wooo this is getting so long, I apologize sincerely! Last thing, something I've mentioned a few times previously but never really let myself get into... requests~

I'm so honoured that people care about my content enough to have asked for things, and getting any ask, request, praise, ask lists, heck even just a 'hi!' is honestly the best part of this blog for me!

Buuuut, I definitely worked myself into burn-out before with a "every request needs to be filled and fast" mentality, that led to just... not filling any.

So! I'm going back through my inbox, and deleting some older ones that I don't have a clear vision/motivation for. I apologize to anyone who requested them, though by now it's possible they're long gone~ But I think this will help me not only start enjoying the creation process without feeling so overwhelmed, but also start actually getting more content made~

There are definitely a bunch that I still adore, and am thrilled to get to test out, but if there's one you remember sending, and you really want to see it completed, please feel free to send another ask saying what it is you want done, and I'll see if I can get that going <3

And if you've stuck it out to the end here- uh hi! ^^ I'm sorry this is so long, I'm such a words person, but I appreciate you so much, not just for any support you've offered, but just bothering to read this <3 I genuinely didn't expect most to make it this far, so thank you so deeply <3 and I hope to see you guys around as I start reblogging stuff more!~

#waterfalltalks #waterfallrambles #more like waterfallparagraphs im so sorry hahaha #been thinking about making this for awhile- but always felt so anxious??? #idk why specifically... maybe cause i cant be short to save my life #or maybe because it feels like ive left it too long?? been promising so much and never fulfilling #but i am gonna try!! not to fulfill everything but- to start enjoying it again #i worry this comes off like i have an ego... i really dont haha~ i dont expect anyone to really interact with my blog or care #it was always meant to be for ME- and i just hoped to create things ID enjoy and that #if anyone else enjoyed it too that i could start giving back to the community thats given me so much content ive adored #anyways this is a LONNNGGG post and so are these tags hahaha~ #using this blog as a journal again i think! but its mine! so okay! im gonna let myself! #gonna add here too that i might be reblogging with shorter tags for a bit- i promise its not cause im not excited!!! #just trying to make it the least overwhelming situation so i can start really getting back into ENJOYING it~ #thank you to anyone who read this far and a huge thank you to all my friends from here and anyone who stuck around <3 #i appreciate and love you all so dearly <333 #not snz

[johnmeowston]

top ten guys who would shatter if thrown at a wall number 1

#thinking abtpers ERMM sorry always think abt him late and then i get self concious. BUT i think #''yknow that life we lived is over. and when we were living it it didnt mean anything anyways'' < THAT. THAT MAKES ME THROW UP AND SOB #because it DID mean something to him!! it meant everything !! #it was the one thing that kept him going he was trapped w laius or wahteva #the idea that if there was even a SLIM chance of him escaping and meeting back up with coyot and things going back to the way they were. it #was worth it enough to endure torment and try to not go crazy < wanted 2 be somewhat normal when he caught up w coyot #even though it never did turn into a reality and instead he came across gunner #and it wasnt until after he had grown to love his new life and the people around him that he saw coyot again . circumstances aside he still #was so happy 2 see he was alive and well. was happy to see that coyot also lived with the people he loved and was doing alright for himself #and was in a better mental state and was well fed and ! #he loved coyot. im so emo over that. love was there but it saved nobody < shaking and crying and throwing up #and thats why i think him dying would be the best outcome 4 him tbh. having to kill your old family must be fucking devastating #and he only did it to ensure a false sense of safety. FML!! #txt

[bylertruther]

the crazy thing abt will and mike is that we mostly learn will is gay because other people tell us he is, but we learn that mike is gay (despite him telling us he's not, begging us to pls see tht he's not gay) because literally everything that he does is so fucking gay. because in him trying to not be gay he is just being so unbelievably extra fucking gay without realizing. like. el is literally his red herring idc i'll say it stone me if u must but the truth must be said !!!!

#why is he always so crazy to save and protect will and even just to figure out if he's okay #but if el is missing he's like damn... tht sucks... but stays his ass at home. calls on his radio but thts it. #he doesn't Go Insane and put himself n everyone he loves in danger jus to find her. he knows she's out there. he SAW her. and yet!! #and when he fucks up with her he needs someone (lucas and will) to hold his hand n guide him through it (which NEVER fucking works #bc they don't know her how mike SHOULD know her as her bf but i digress) but when he fucks up with will HE LITERALLY DOES EXACTLY WHAT #OTHER CHARACTERS ARE TELLING HIM HE NEEDS TO DO FOR EL (LUCAS) OR EXACTLY WHAT OTHER CHARACTERS ARE TELLING EL THAT HE'LL DO FOR HER (MAX) #EL IS LITERALLY CRYING BEGGING PLEADING SAYING YOU DON'T EVEN LOVE ME WHY CAN'T YOU SAY IT YOU THINK I'M A MONSTER #AND HE'S LIKE 😰🤐😶🫥 BUT WILL CONFESSES UNDER HER NAME AND THEN /PROMPTS HIM/ TO SAY WHATEVER HE NEEDED TO SAY #AND SUDDENLY /THATS/ WHEN HE CAN SAY I LOVE YOU?!!? FOR THE FIRST FUCKING TIME????? #AND THEN AFTERWARD WHEN THEY'RE NOT TALKING HE JUST BRUSHES IT OFF???????????? #YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT'S NOT A GAY MAN? YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT'S NOT A HOMOSEXUAL? #meanwhile will has always just been will. the Biggest hint we got was s4 him moving his foot away. but other than that it was always subtle #ppl calling him slurs. bc everything else they PURPOSELY made it so tht it could be either he's just Not There Yet or Could Be gay #but mike is just so. he's fucking gay bro how else can i say it like 😭 #mine #mike

[themyscirah]

Suffering more than Jesus atm (being a fan of 80s/90s Suicide squad in 2024)

#god amanda waller what did they do to you.... #i KNOW i never shut up about this but GUYS ITS SO BAD #fucking WHY would you take the interesting antihero protagonist and then strip her of any redeeming quality and use her as this horrific #unforgivable villain who is treated as a hated antagonist in her own comics #WHERE SHE ISNT EVEN THE MAIN CHARACTER MOST OF THE TIME #like why are you trying to make me sympathize with fucking harley quinn or smth when the actual main character is right there. why are we #turning her into this horrific villain w a million master plans making deals with the devil and shit. #we are supposed to like her. like maybe not all dc fans do because shes almost always an antagonist in other books but in her own shes the #main character!!! there should be some aspect of interest or sympathy for her. as opposed to just making her like badass or whatever #so sick of this #and its in freaking EVERYTHING right now on god i cant read other comics that are otherwise good (like ga) and enjoy them without the #obligatory intense demonification of one of my fave characters #like shes my no 6 in locg for a reason i genuinely love waller like yeah she sucks sometimes but shes INTERESTING. #this is not interesting or creative in any way what theyre doing with her #this genuinely could have been any government baddie like honestly #dont flatten 3 dimensional characters into 1 dimension (or at best like 1.5) to tell a story you tell the story around the 3d characters. #why do i need to say this. basic competent storytime #blah #amanda waller #istg i throw out another waller rant every freaking tuesday on here #suicide squad #you know what. at least we had the movie #you heard me. higher hopes for the new gunn dceu series than actual comics for the forseeable future #viola davis save me... #need to do a bit of 00s reading still to verify but on god watch this all come down to a fucking new 52 thing. like not to say that i think #thats where it all went wrong bc i need to read more to verify but i have an idea of what rlly did it and i think it was a nu52 decision #but then again maybe im stupid

[puppyeared]

footnotes arent enough I need you to talk to me like im fucking Amelia Bedelia

#this isn’t about anything in particular btw. I just have to add a lot of memos when I’m doing things because some things are done a certain #way and it isn’t explained well in the instructions. like my mom has instructions on her baking recipes right #but when it says stuff like add dry ingredients to wet ingredients it also means you don’t dump it in one go you add it slowly by portion #this is probably why I find videos and demonstrations the most helpful when I learn something. like I almost always ask someone to show me #how they do it because there could be something they do that’s already second nature and wouldn’t really be considered in an explanation yk #I don’t think I’m an exception either. when the rice is done cooking I divide it into 4 quarters to bless it #but there are a million ways to divide rice and it makes me think that one persons way of doing it or not doing it all is just as valid #theres also technically no wrong way to divide rice afaik. this means either all ways of dividing rice is safe or valid until we find some #universally terrible way of dividing rice. until that happens nobody really thinks about specifying HOW you divide the rice #source: I have anxiety starting and doing things for the first time because I got way too many people yell at me NONONO WHAT ARE YOU DOING #THATS WRONG while I’m in the middle of doing the thing. I would rather have people think I’m either very stupid or overly specific #than go thru the panic inducing fear of ‘YOURE DOING THIS WRONG OMG WHY DIDNT YOU ASK AHEAD OF TIME THIS WILL BE FUCKED UP FOREVER’ 🧍 #nothing wrong if you don’t give something a second thought because you’re so used to it. but I can and will ask about it and I don’t think I #really should feel bad about it if I don’t know enough to dispute it. idk #the other way around I try to be as specific as possible and word things in a way that people who might not get where I’m coming from will #understand. but the problem with that is my explanations tend to be lengthy and I lose them either way 🗿 #Im. trying to work on that using examples and stuff because they seem to work the best #but if I could write everything down on a word doc and beam it into your melon that would save both of us time and embarassment #im rambling the short version is I have adhd #yapping

[dirtytransmasc]

Rhaenyra is the rightful heir, do u support team green also because you think that aegon's claim is stronger because he is a man?

honestly, succession doesn't matter all that much to me, I'm not a political person even when it comes to fantasy shows. but let me have a spin at explaining my take.

Rhaenyra was the true heir, she was the first born and she was the named heir, I agree with that fully. but with the way we see her act, I personally don't think she would have been a good queen. she tends to expect a lot of others, give little in return except she she's desperate for aid, and picks self benefit over what's best for the realm (having multiple bastards, "killing off" her husband in place of another that will weaken her ally ship with the velaryon's, running of to dragonstone, etc.) and then will harm those who threaten to topple her house of cards (putting the blame and wanting the torture of a child after her own son cut out his eye, asserting her son onto the Driftmark throne even when he had no claim, killing an innocent man who stated a simple fact, etc.). I think she would have ruled with fear and very irresponsibly. at the end of the day, my thing is, is that Rhaenyra was never prepared for the throne and was coddled (that's Viserys's issues) and she was unfit for the throne because she could never seem to out the realm before her and her children. Daemon is also insanely cruel and rouge and Rhaenyra refuses to put him on a fucking leash which is another massive problem (if he could stop killing people that would be great in my opinion)

Now, do I think Aegon has a better claim cause he's male? no, I think men and women are equally capable of ruling. do I think Aegon would be any better? no not really. I do think that with the counsel of his mother, who served in Viserys's place for years and always thought of everyone else (the court, house, allied houses, and the realm while also thinking about image, money, etc), his wife (who was beloved by the people and had their interests in mind), Aemond (who was an excellent warrior and was well studied for the task of being king), Otto (if he could pull his head out of his ass was one of the best hands. key word, if, but it stands for something. he understood and played the game of politics for years), and Criston (he definitely wasn't made to be hand, no matter how much I love him, but he was always a good inside ally to the greens) could help him rule much better than Daemon could for Rhaenyra and many of her allies were similarly not well suited (most not all). again, Aegon and his court would be far from perfect, but they were much better suited for the task in my opinion.

but at the end of the day, the Targaryen dynasty was crumbling, rotting away day by day. I don't think either side could have saved it, I think both had flaws that were ingrained to their core. while Aegon's line might have kept it alive a wee bit longer, it wouldn't be substantial. war and bloodshed was biting at their heels and total death and destruction hovered over their shoulders.

neither was fit to be heir. Rhaenyra being the rightful heir by both birthright and by claim through Viserys doesn't make up for her not being fit. Aegon having a cock doesn't make up for him being unfit. that's the moral of the story.

I'm not pro green cause I think Aegon deserved the throne, I'm team green cause they're more interesting in my opinion, they also just happen to be my pick if I'm forced to pick a side in the war.

in a perfect world they would have come together as an actual godforsaken family, say their overdue apologies, strengthen the house as a whole, made up for the years of infighting and ruled together through Rhaenyra, that personally what I want, but it'll never happen in a million years. so yeah, that's my take on the succession war. throughout the whole timeline I may shift closer to one side than the other, but 90% of the time I was with team green, even when I wanted nothing more for Aegon to be allowed to run away to essos

#we're going off only the show here #just to clarify #no one could save that house at that point #not truly #so I think the whole “who should have claimed the thrown” thing is kinda stupid #cause I could argue all day why neither deserved it #but if I had to pick #id go with the greens cause they seem the most capable #considering they were always undigging the graves they were thrown into (for the most part) unlike Rhaenyra digging hers deeper and deeper #till she realized she was fucked and then making it eveyone around her's issue #neither would have ruled well but Aegons court would have ruled better #by just a smidge #not enough to save the house though #they might have seen another generation or two of true rulers to the the throne but that would be it in my opinion #it would have fallen to the same shit show that it did after the war in canon until the house collapsed in on itself #you can bicker and bicket for days about it #who should have ruled. who caused the war. who's to blame. who's this who's that but honestly. does it really matter? #it was fucked ever since Viserys was crowned #thats where the succession crisis started #viserys fed those flames with his idiocy and neglect till the flames became a wild fire that destroyed everything it touched #pro team green #anti team black #anti rhaenyra targaryen #(precautionary tags for my own mental well being) #aegon ii targaryen #rhaenyra targaryen #dance of the dragons #hotd #house of the dragon

[windydrawallday]

This post is to scream IM ALIVE and i keep working at the pacing of a snail. Im almost done with the next entries of Ghost Heart: i took my time with these because they got a tad more detailed and even with backgrounds! Im super eager to finish them AAA

In parallel i… found myself hoarding a bunch of new shippy sketches that started as jokes but ended making me develop a sort of polycule between my fav characters and the file keeps growing with each passing day someonehelpme Im not sure when i will finish these last tho: i love LOVE sketching like this but i know i wont tolerate myself if i just drop them in this unfinished state so BAGH you will need to wait for a tad more to see the full artworks and i need to keep being patient with my current creative process.

#windy squawks #windydrawallday ghost heart #ifellinrobothellagain #work in progress #someone ink my doodles for me pls because i admit thats the part that makes me go UGH each time #i know it makes everything look tiddy and easy on the eyes but is taxing to me #instead painting is always a pleasure! #but when i finish inking/doing the lineart i find myself without energy to paint :') #thats why Ghost Heart is unpainted! #to give me time to recover enough energy and save it for cleaning up sketches #shipping to the moon and back #im not gonna tag each ship shown there because im lazy af #and i prefer to be found when my work looks neat and pretty #but if you found me HI THERE and hope you have a nice weekend #wait WEEKEND ALREADY?!

[dirt-str1der]

hello i just wanna say i genuinely like ur observation about nishiki's fighting style and then ya manage to bring it back to ur 'drug addict nishiki' headcanon like it caught me off guard but im also not surprised that is so fair and real of u okay thank u

In a world where drugs dont exist, nishikiyama’s strength comes solely from his anger and i guess he goes to the gym too

#Thanks for the ask ! #Yakuza loveblog #its not a headcanon his voice actor said so before he so does drugs and he does it to escape his terrible life ratpark style #i would in fact be more surprised to learn that nishikis rawdogging life i mean hes definitely not religious and i guess he has alcohol but #thats not enough for what he has to endure. we have to give him meth we have to let him do coke #like i have no reason not to believe he goes to the gym because he is literally vain and i bet he works out till he gets a six pack all #one my life sucks two my life sucks on the bench and he drags kiryu there too even though he hates going to the gym because it stanks and #the aircon is always blowing at the worst spots and the overhead lights oohhhh cant stand the bowling alley either he throws the ball as #hard as he can and it doesnt even touch the runway before its smashing into the pins thats why the y5 bowling completion is so easy he #wants to get out of there asap. im off track see everything goes back to kiryu i always neglect nishikiyama. like even kazamas like heres #some drugs now leave me alone and hea like hmm do i snort this or sell it. oh well SNNRRRT. like there is absolutely no reason for his #entire fighting style to be heavy attacks unless hes wired like crazy and its because hes so pissed off all the time plus hes teeming with #like. cocaine. hulking the fuck out. thats why kiryu feels so safe around him because he has every reason to believe that in a pinch nishik #i can grab someones head and pop it like a grape in order to save his life hes seen it happen before it wasnt just because he feels #comfortable and in sync with nishikiyama he literally has seen him punch someone so hard their skull caved in and hes like okay ! #thats why he loves fighting him so much its because if nishiki punches him in the head he’ll just have to wake up the next morning in pain #its so fun trust me on this you need to be punched by your brother right now or youll die

[phlyaros]

im gonna be real anon I don't care about label shit ship discourse I care about if real people are getting hurt and ONE reblog from someone being jokingly aggressive on the subject isn't enough to convince me that people are getting hurt when there's more evidence to the contrary. you've put me in a shitty situation here and I don't want to engage with it. please just ask people what they actually think next time before you go throwing your assumptions at other people.

#i trust enough that most of my mutuals understand the nuance needed of media depiction of unsavory subjects. #if i'm wrong then I'm wrong. okay. thank you. #i hate the dichotomy i hate the lack of nuance in this discussion I want people to actually talk to each other #I want people to realize that you can respect people with different opinions than you if they aren't actually hurting anyone #I'm literally. someone who was alone with me a lot as a kid is in prison for CP/solicitation. I think if anyone can say that media- #depiction of fucked up shit that really happens is more nuanced than 'x is bad so it shouldnt exist' #you cant do that in real life. you cant make something not exist. just because something fictional contains it doesnt mean it condones it. #im so tired. im so tired. why wasnt this a dm. i dont really want to have this discussion publicly. #i can think things are gross but understand that there's nuance to depiction and just because I don't like it doesn't mean those people- #-don't deserve to have something that understands them. #not everyone is good at actually. being mature enough to handle that nuance. when they try. people can be wrong #and if people ARE weird I can just not engage with them. there's. I can decide for myself! #and now I'M stuck in my brain is insane and. as if! as if people always reblog things they 100% agree with! #im so tired. im so tired. im in pain and people are messaging me about a singular reblog from six months ago on someone else's blog. #i understand being cautious i really do but thats like insane behavior. why are you putting this on me. why didn't you just talk to me. #fucked up things happen and people deserve to be understood. okay. even if i don't like it. there is no right answer. there is no world- #where all pain can be avoided. saving private ryan made vet suicides skyrocket. did you know that #but it also understood those people. yknow. and there's more people living that it understood too. #there's just so much nuance that's thrown out when you cover everything you don't like with a blanket. okay #it's more complicated. it's more complicated. please. #in my mind it's far stranger to assume everyone is out there giggling and twiddling their fingers thinking about in/cest #than it is to just assume they don't until proven otherwise. #im so tired. just block me if you don't understand where I'm coming from. I don't care about ship disco/urse and i dont want to live- #constantly worried about what other people think about shit that has no right answer. #everyone is innocent until proven guilty and one reblog of a joking aggressive post isnt enough for me. sorry. #phlyaros' nonsense #euurgh. #welcome to the internet where we judge people based on one reblogged joke and nothing else even if it contradicts us #what a perfect encapsulation of what I don't like about dichotomy argument #tw suicide

[s0fter-sin]

one thing i kinda hate is how everything always comes back to all might. like, i know that’s the entire point but if you’re not really gonna go in and explore the unique ramifications of every hero being inspired by him and every villain being wronged by him then it’s just repetitive and gets boring

#bnha manga spoilers #i was interested in star and stripe her quirk was sick and shes a huge buff woman which is automatically awesome #and then it turns out her entire motivation is just that she was rescued by all might as a kid #stain is such an intimidating force and his ideology makes sense but its ruined when he idolises the very thing he hates #completely unironically and his view is never challenged #he never realises that all might is just as fake as other heroes just as media hungry no matter how many people he saves #he should be the pinicle of what he hates but bc its all might he never is #i think its why i like dabi and hawks so much #their motivation is entirely based on endeavour (who is also based around all might) #same with kirishima being inspired by crimson riot its refreshing for someone to have a different hero for once #but its like theres no point in being intrigued by a new character bc everything will always boil down to all might #midoriya is never given any character growth and is still just an all might clone #bakugo is a parallel of endeavour who himself is a foil to all might and hes always wanted to be all might #the entire nighteye arc was nighteye comparing midoriya to all might #shigaraki is only there bc he was related to nana and therefore personal to all might #him going after dabi as a replacement could easily be spun into ‘the son of the rival you never took seriously is now evil haha’ #the only real thing that had nothing to do with him was the plf #and thats just not enough #if youre going to make everything revolve around one character you cant make it as one note as it is #everything is either directly or indirectly bc of all might #no one ever even really blames him #to some degree everyone knows ots all mights fault due to his affects on society #but no one ever actually says it #and the only consequences are the characters that end up all being the same #we can infer and do all the meta we want but that doesnt mean the depth is really there #i want this to be more than all mights world #coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt #go beyond plus ultra #bnha #all might

[bylertruther]

thinking about how lonnie only ever cared about will when he died and that was just to profit off of his death + will giving a girl he doesn't know his toy truck just because she's crying and he thinks she needs it more even if he knows joyce can't buy him another one + one of the very first things will did upon waking up in the hospital was ask if jonathan was okay + will telling them to close the gate in season two even though he's part of the hivemind and that would've killed him, too + will breaking his own heart by confessing his feelings and giving mike the painting he's spent so long on but saying that all of it came from el thus sacrificing his own wants and self to again help others + how that same selflessness and self-sacrificing nature of his is going to undoubtedly rear its head in season five again because he's at the center of it all and it all goes back to him and vecna is a creature that feeds off of n fans the flames of pain and guilt... feelin very scared n anxious in this chili's tonight over this actually 😳

#he is NOT going to die obviously clearly we know this they're not killing kids #BUT. #i'm just saying.... i don't think it would be crazy for him to feel guilty and like maybe this wouldn't have happened if... #well... u kno.. :( #he would never give up bc that's literally his whole thing that he's a fighter and a survivor #but. he does love his friends and his family. and he has been willing to die if it meant saving them before so like. yanno. #BUT IT WON'T HAPPEN I'M JUST SAYING THE ANGST IS LIKELY GOING TO BE THERE #AND THEN OFC EVERYONE IS GOING TO BE LIKE ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY WILLIAM SHUT UP SIT DOWN AND GO TO TIME OUT #and then we'll get some good n scrumptious hurt/comfort ok no one stone me i'm knocking on wood ok i Kno #just imagine will proposing that and everyone immediately says NO and mike especially gets pissed #because he's SICK and TIRED of fucking losing will every single time he thinks he's got him back #and god dammit he's already seen what life is like without will there he's not going to do it again he's NOT #don't go where i can't follow + crazy together + it was the best thing i've ever done + it's hawkins it's not the same without you #versus closegate + el commissioned it + she needs you and she always will #mike who is clutching onto will for dear life unwilling to let him go and will who is all too willing to #walk through the gates of hell if it means saving everyone he's ever loved and putting them out of their misery #but of course there's a better plan and letting will die is like killing a puppy it's like taking a sledgehammer to the foundation of #everything yanno. without heart we'd all fall apart n u can't beat the darkness without the light #anyway. can u tell i'm procrastinating editing my fic rn n thats why im writing epic poems in these tags <3 #mine

[lepidopterium]

~~~

#like i dont have the energy to try and get myself into a routine. work business as usual so future me doesnt have to #catch up with everything ive fallen behind and let fall apart #i dont have the energy to reassure anyone that im suicidal but i will be okay. i dont know that. i dont want to promise that #and i dont have the energy to talk to anyone. barely have the energy to leave the house but i cant stand being here so thats what helps #i already have a plan but im trying not to go through with it for the sake of my brothers. but im having trouble caring either. #i cant talk to anyone. i cant lie and tell them im managing bc im not. not even a little. #listening to music isnt working. getting high isnt working. sleeping and eating isnt working. going out for air isnt working #i dont know how to pull myself out of this. i dont know why this last fight with my mother was my breaking point but it was #and i regret reaching out for help because it only #it only showed me that no one will help me get out of this house. i have to do it myself. no one can save me from this. #and i feel all the less human for it #and im heartbroken because here are two adults. so called parents. put me through years of abuse and horror who i still manage to care for #and worry about. all while im not human to them. thats what breaks my heart. thats what hurts #i cant swallow it all up anymore. my body is just racked with terror all the time. i cant pretend to be happy and engaged when i feel so #incredibly fucking alone with this awful horror thats just always clinging to every part of my body. #i dont want to hurt anyone. i dont want to hurt anyone. i dont want to hurt anyone. i dont know what to do. #everyone loves me because ive given it my all to not base my actions on how much rage and hurt im carrying. or with family bc i stay in #the closet and turn the other cheek. because i take all my wants and i put them aside and i act based on not inconveniencing anyone #and thats such a stupid thing bc look where i am now. #no one sees me. no one knows how to help me. no one can help me. and i cant keep enduring this. i cant keep relinquishing choice. #i cant get myself to believe anything otherwise. and i want to be selfish. i want to do the most selfish thing i could ever do to others.

[rucow]

i need to make a master post of my interpretation of the phantom,,, i've been thinking of a logical backstory for her and i think i got it but it's sad and painful and it makes me feel bad even just to think about it :^( either way i rly want to write down my hcs of her one of these days 👉👈

#txt #im almost scared to talk about the backstory i gave her bc its Rly messed up but also i think its pretty realistic 😭 unfortunately #basically she was born with something unique but harmless about her appearance #but ppl are awful and mistook her uniqueness for something Bad that needs to be ''cured'' #so when she was a baby she had her caretaker (i hc she was in an orphanage) pour acid on her little baby face 😬 #she doesnt remember this #so as far as she knows shes always looked the way she does #but thats not true and sadly she will never know the truth #i think ppl genuinely thought she was possessed and stuff when she was little bc she was very quiet and still and ''unnerving'' #but she was literally just autistic. ppl are just awful to children and punish them for being themselves #this happened to me as well ive had adults call me possessed and creepy and whatnot Just bc im autistic 😬 #so yea ill be projecting that onto erica bc i can #shes genuinely just a victim to me and she deserves to heal #anyway her mother loved her so much. unfortunately her mom passed away when erica was a baby #which is why she ended up in an orphanage #while her mother saw her child's unique appearance and personality as something beautiful and lovable #her caretakers at the orphanage saw those same things as something Bad and Evil #it gets worse though :') but ill save it for when i actually write the master post #again i apologise for giving her such a painful backstory but like .. i wanted there to be an explanation for everything so yea :')

[ghostpunkrock]

I always restart bfu at 3 horrifying cases of ghosts and demons so I actually forgot shane was in the last episode before it and like

look at these assholes, they have no idea that their careers and their lives are going to be inextricably bound together for the rest of eternity do they

#pls ignore the rest of these tags I’m about to be really insane about them #but loooooook at them they have noooooo idea! they have no fucking idea. Ryan was like hey Brent just quit I need someone to fill in for the #last ep I have planned will you do it? and shane was like yeah sure why not and then Ryan was like also we got greenlit to go hunt ghosts #wanna come? and Shane’s like sure I got nothing else going on this weekend #like obviously we know they were friends at this point and they’ve already worked together but it’s funny cuz they are soooooo different in #this first video. like first of all. and I’m being extra insane here but idc. but like Shane’s body language here. boy why are you sitting #like that. you never sit like that ever again in anything you do. hello? #and they clearly know each other they already have a rapport and a couple in jokes but it’s NOTHING compared to where they are now. like #literally like. imagine spending so much time with a guy you memorize his entire rhythm. unfathomable to me but thats a diff insane post #the story of how shane joined bfu always makes me a little nuts. his reasoning was literally ‘well I got nothing else going on.’ like if he #had said no everything would have been different. this is what launched their careers. I would even argue the show would not have reached #its height as an internet sensation cuz the secret ingredient truly is their dynamic. they wouldn’t have quit buzzfeed and made watcher they #wouldn’t be making ghost files and I would not be sitting alone in my bedroom having a breakdown over any of this okay sorry I’m done #I have a lot more insane stuff to say about the significance of 3 horrifying cases but I’ll save that for when I watch it tomorrow #have a good night everyone!!! ✌️👍

[hello-yue-here]

hi i hate adobe premiere and adobe audition thats all

#no its not ur gonna read the tags and find out exactly why i hate them #because i get these for free because of my school or whatever right so i have to use them for my classes #and as a film major #i use these A LOT #and i am in THREE production courses this semester (two is the most ppl usually take at once but i decided to make my life hard) #so as u can imagine i have a LOT of projects to do that require premiere and audition (the video and audio editing suites from adobe) #AND EVERY FUCKING TIME #i always end up with half of my footage mysteriously disappearing EVEN THOUGH i triple save everything and make sure its all there- #-before i close the program SO LET ME KNOW HOW WHEN IM POSITIVE MY SHITS RIGHT HALF OF IT IS GONE THE NEXT DAY. HOW. HOW DOES IT HAPPEN. #it also just decides to like ruin al my projects right #so today for example #i wanted to add some reverb to an audio track right nothing major literally so simple #and i go to hit apply #AND AUDITION JUST ??? REMOVES ALL OF THE SOUND ALL TOGETHER???? WHAT???? #i was so lost #i saved my project and went to submit it and ONCE AGAIN it is soundless but it says an audio is playing but theres nothing #so i go back to audition and everything fine! #i double check how i saved i looked up the proper save procedure just in case i did something to just not save the audio #which again- how can i possibly save a SILENT AUDIO FILE like thats literally just a file of nothing #so i decide fuck it its 3 am and im tired im just gonne record the finished audio file in my VOICE RECORDING APP ON MY PHONE just in case #if i have to whip out my phone during class to present this im actually gonna stand in front of a stampede of bulls

[uranium]

a fan of everyone discussing how edward nashton is actually a bad person and a terrifying character and not just an innocent blorbo but i really hope it doesnt turn into some thing where its problematic to even be a fan of him

#i can totally see it becoming if you like the riddler you are advocating for everything that he did #thing is. i like him BECAUSE he is extremely fucked up and honestly a really good warning for letting rage be your primary fuel in life #like thats WHY hes a foil to batman they both do that and even rob said their one difference is ed follows through and kills people #its a warning that you could be doing quote the right thing and going after the corrupt and trying to save people but it will always #fall apart and give way to pure violence if it was motivated only by anger. because it was all really just an excuse for violence #in the first place. #its a warning to the audience. do not fight for rage rather than for love. literally the whole message. its great