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#the 12 doctor was really rude about it but the 11th doctor was nice
Defining the relationship between the 12th Doctor and Clara Oswald - part 2.
As season 8 continues on, the tension between the Doctor and Clara continues to ratchet up and reaches a breaking point in “Kill the Moon”, personally this is my least favourite episode of this season. It highlights the worst of the 12th Doctor’s behaviors which I can’t help but feel are driven by the fact that he knows about Clara dating Danny and this is his way to try to separate himself from her a bit.
It all starts out with Clara trying to get the Doctor to help her out with Courtney Woods.  She’s stolen his psychic paper and is misbehaving as a result of it.
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Clara feels that since the Doctor told Courtney that she wasn’t special and that since he’s caused her to misbehave it is his job to try to stop it.  This is pretty much par for the course since Clara is the “boss” but this time he ignores her more than normal and feels the need to “argue” back at her.
He does this by taking Courtney to the moon, having her almost get eaten by giant bacteria spiders and the leaves her with Clara and the astronaut to decide if they should blow up the moon or not. In the grand scheme of things it is the biggest dick move he can make and he makes it.
Instead of confronting how he feels about Clara and Danny, he runs away (which is what he really is known for).  He uses the excuse that as an alien, it isn’t his job to decide the fate of humanity and the moon. 
Clara is incredibly hurt and upset by this as she has a single tear as he leaves them to leave on the TARDIS. She’s holding it in as she firmly says “Doctor!”
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Interestingly, the TARDIS lets him leave - it makes me wonder if the TARDIS believed in Clara and Courtney or if the TARDIS was just favoring the Doctor. . . . What were you thinking TARDIS????
When Clara and the Doctor are alone she lays it into him.  She is super pissed by her statement here:
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He’s hurt her.  His actions hurt her so much.  He tries to hand wave his way out by stating he’s got grey areas in time and he just couldn’t give a good answer.
What is interesting is how he responds next -
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If this were any other situation, this would be a massive compliment from the Doctor!  He tells her in all seriousness that he trusts her so much that he knew she’d make the best choice.  For the Doctor the best choice is one that saves lives, allows for others to respect living organisms and never to judge lifeforms thinking that they are out to hurt humanity.  And this is what Clara did - he was happy that she made a ‘Doctor’ decision.
In this moment though this is the worst thing the Doctor could say.  He tries to distract her by babbling and she yells at him to shut up.  He tells her his actions weren’t for Courtney (of course they weren’t he was trying to prove to Clara how he can help her students learn more than say, Danny can).
He looks utterly confused as he tries to tell her that he’s being honest.  He asks her if she thinks he’s lying about how he didn’t mean to be underhanded but Clara is pissed.  She doesn’t know what to think.
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He has to come closer to her as he comes down the stairs and approaches her as she tells him how terrible she felt.  By leaving her “alone” on the moon she was in shock that the Doctor, her friend, made her terrified.  She thought his actions were cheap and patronizing (as they were) and by this point she’s outright crying. 
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The Doctor is absolutely baffled, he can barely say anything and he just has a look of confusion the entire time.  He doesn’t try to comfort her or hug her or anything like that.  He just stands there in shock as she gives him all of her anger, sadness, hurt - everything at once.
He can only meekly say that he thought he was doing the right thing.  She points out that he lives on Earth too and that if she wants him to help her, he damn well should help her.
This is the look of a man who got it all wrong.  The 12th Doctor doesn’t care about being nice and polite, he wants to get the job done and it is clear that by making Clara more like the Doctor he thinks he’s doing the right thing.
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Danny in the previous episode told Clara that she did everything the Doctor asked without question.  Now Clara is questioning the Doctor and she’s upset at him.  She so upset that she digs into him where she knows it hurts - flat out telling him to stay in his lonely, lonely bloody TARDIS and don’t come back.
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She has said the absolute worst thing to him.  She trusted the 11th Doctor to convince her to stay with 12.  As they have continued to travel, she’s gotten better at understanding him, but she doesn’t pick up on how the Doctor feels about her as she begins to date Danny.  The Doctor realized on some level meeting Danny hurt him as it takes Clara away from him and he’s become more radical to keep her attention.
He thought by giving her more control and him being less the one to swoop in and save the day and have Clara save herself, that would somehow make things better between them.  I can’t help but think that the Doctor thought doing this would make Clara closer to him by giving her more power than Danny ever could.  It makes sense since he knows that Clara likes to always be in control and now she was. 
Clara may have also realized that she’s not one ready to be in control like the Doctor is.
This episode ends with the Doctor only able to say “Clara - Clara” as she goes to the TARDIS door, tells him to never come back and she slams it on her way out.  He just looks shocked and stunned as he wanders aimlessly before we get a shot of her leaving the storage room and the TARDIS leaving the school.
Clara returns to her class room to clean up stuff as Danny finds her and realizes that “it” has happened.  The Doctor pushed her too far.  In true Clara fashion, she needs to be right, she needs for Danny to agree with her that the Doctor did the wrong thing.
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Danny consoles her based on his own experience and he tries to support her.  However, he points out that it isn’t over yet since she’s too angry and upset for it to be over.  It implies that she still cares about the Doctor and that she’ll only be “over” with him once she can calmly state it. 
She gets home from running errands and enters her dark apartment.  Not bothering to turn on the lights, she immediately pours herself a glass of wine and goes to her “empty” living room with no TARDIS parked in it.  She looks out over the moon as she has this feeling of loss and emptiness around her.
This episode ends with a HUGE disconnect between 12 and Clara.  Clara wants him to be there for her like he always has; he’s got her back, he’ll be by her side, he’ll never let her down. 
12 whether or not he knows it, wants Clara to become like him.  He wants her to go through the struggles that he has been dealing with over the years that lead to him being a jaded 2000 year old Time Lord.  Honestly, I really think that 12 in part pushes Clara so hard, is so that she can be equal to him so he doesn’t have to be alone anymore in how he feels.    She knows he’s lonely and it is a tough life that she never thought about until he pulls her along in this direction.
The Doctor’s behavior in this episode reminds me of a graduate committee member I once had; my committee was notoriously blunt, rude, and hard on me as a student.  The one committee member told me “. . . we are mean to you because we care.”  I had the potential to really succeed so they made sure that it was hard, so hard that it hurt sometimes.  I’m not saying that this is the best way to mentor someone, instead, this is a form of mentorship that will give you excellent results if you balance it right.  This is clearly what the Doctor is trying to do going back to Danny’s comment about how people like that get results and amazing outcomes - just that they will come at a high cost sometimes.
Of the recent Doctors (9-13) he’s the first one who doesn’t want to leave her behind b/c he’s afraid of loss or pain, he wants to bring her along.  The 11th Doctor spent too much time trying to figure out her “mystery” so he never quite connected with her in the same way. 
12 wants a partner and an equal.  An equal who can travel with him for as long as he’s traveling.  This is where their relationship is heading.
After ending on their “break up” in “Kill the Moon”, the next episode has the Doctor taking Clara out for one last hurrah [date] on the Orient Express in “Mummy on the Orient Express”. He starts out on his best behaviour leading her out of the TARDIS, calling her milady and he’s even wearing a period appropriate neck tie.  I think this is a big deal since the 12th Doctor has a pretty strict no tie/bowtie policy.  Clara of course is wearing a stunning flapper style dress, make up and matching hairstyle as well. 
The Doctor is the first one to make it awkward as he notices Clara’s sad smile.  He’s unsure what this means.  He knows her well enough to recognize it, yet the Doctor does not know how to respond to it.
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Of course this leads to his blunt statement that since she is giving him mixed signals he’s confused and can only describe it as a malfunction.  I personally like this aspect of the 12th Doctor, when he’s interacting with someone who he really cares about and loves [as I already laid out in part 1] he is honest and open with them as far as how he feels.
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He just lacks tact - utterly lacks it, since he can only conclude that she is malfunctioning.  Yeah, really smooth there Doctor, that is going to win Clara over to you over Danny.  Clara, now called out on her own behavior seems contradictory only says “Sorry.” which leads to the two of them standing next to each other frustrated as the Doctor loudly sighs as their body language says it all.
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Neither of them wants to argue or fight on this trip, yet they are already making the other person upset.  Therefore, both of them are stuck in this point of frustration.  They want to get past this, and at this point in their trip they aren’t.
Clara says that this is a good one to end on so they then take their drinks and the Doctor tries to pretend nothing happened by babbling on about planets and whatnot.  He catches her smile and he really really wants for it to go away.
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So as he tries to ignore her by talking about random facts she starts a parallel conversation about how upset she was with him.  She was angry at him for weeks and weeks.  This implies that he did follow through on her request to leave her alone and even though he’s confused, a part of him was likely thrilled when she said yes to joining him.
She finally gets to explain to him how she felt calmly.  The Doctor quizzically looks at her as she uses the example of a concert she attended where the artist said something interesting and asks him if he could guess what it was.
Of course his quippy reply is as follows.
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Their entire conversation is Clara trying to say how she felt and the Doctor wants to move on as quickly as possible so he can get back to talking about banal things.  He can’t turn off his sarcastic remarks, it is all that he has to prevent her from making him feel worse.  His sarcastic remarks are how he protects himself from being hurt.
She gets to the point that “Hatred is too strong an emotion to waste on someone you don’t like.”  The Doctor is super confused by this as she is implying that since she likes him, she can’t hate him.  Instead, she tells him to shut up as she wraps her arm around his and places her head on his shoulder.
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All of this is a pretty big deal for both of them, she’s being very physically intimate with him.  This keeps the Doctor quiet for a bit as he isn’t quite sure what is going on - he’s confused and he looks nervous in the silence.  As she gets closer to him she can finally say the following
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After a few more moments of awkwardness as he looks around not sure what to do, he asks if he can go back to talking about the planets which she allows him to do.
After they find out about the mysterious death they head back to their separate sleeping compartments.  Despite this being their last hurrah, Clara has become intrigued about the mummy.  The Doctor calls her out on it stating that she wants it to be a thing.
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They then have their next super awkward conversation of the evening. in the hallway.  The lighting is dark and each time you see their face it is half light half dark.  The Doctor looks pretty deadpan for the most part while Clara becomes increasingly concerned where things are going.
Doctor: To our last hurrah.
Clara: Our last yeah, but it is not like I’m never going to see you again.
Doctor: Isn’t it?
Clara: Is it?
Doctor: I thought that is what you wanted.
Clara finally steps closer to the Doctor while speaking
Clara: No, I mean, you’ll come around for dinner, or something.
By this point she’s right in front of him.
Clara: Do you do that? Come round to people’s houses for dinner?
Doctor: Of course.  Why wouldn’t I do that?
Clara: I don’t know. I thought you might find it boring.
Doctor:  is it boring?
Clara: No.
They then end their conversation by her making a toast to their last hurrah and they toast each other in the hallway.
This is an incredibly intense conversation where they start to reveal more what they were thinking after their fight.  Clara told him to go away forever but really she thought it would mean no more adventures in the TARDIS but still swing by and say hi.  The Doctor took it much more literally, that she wanted him out of her life and that he shouldn’t visit with her anymore.
This is the first time that they are being honest with each other showing the differences between their personalities, just because they said something to each other doesn’t mean the other understood their actual meaning and intent.
Anyways, the Doctor then begins to contemplate their situation in his bunk, while Clara talks to Danny on the phone.
Clara then asks Danny what he thinks about the whole train in space thing. And since a train in space is cool therefore, Danny is implying that she shouldn’t dump him.
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Danny quickly corrects her that she can’t dump him since he isn’t her boyfriend [oh poor Danny] and that the concept of dumping him would be a scorched earth policy.  Danny is also correct in the fact that they still get along very well as friends so he tells her to just enjoy the space train.
This is one of my many “oh poor Danny” moments.  Danny tries to explain she can’t dump him since they aren’t dating.  What Danny misses is that Clara uses the word “dump” implying that their relationship is serious enough and on a same level as her relationship with Danny and really even more since she’s been with the Doctor longer.
The episode then has the two of them both hesitating to talk to each other and they both go off to investigate the mystery separately. 
As Clara gets stuck in the baggage car area with Maisie, she asks what the Doctor is to her.  She says, he isn’t her anything and that they really aren’t friends anymore.  To which Maisie points out the obvious.
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Clara and Doctor are good friends and she even implies if there is more to their relationship beside being “just friends”.  Clara really struggles to define her relationship with the Doctor to Maisie, as she tells them that they appear to be together.  The best she can do is summarize that they traveled together and now they are stopping.
It is clear that while stuck in the baggage car area, Clara tells her the whole story and Maisie agrees with her and summarizes the Doctor’s beahvior.
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Clara agrees with this statement exactly and Maisie tells her that “she got on a train with him.”
Clara can’t end their relationship on a closed door while Maisie argues otherwise.  Unless one can’t, and she goes on to mention that it would be better to like the right people - the ones you are supposed to like. . . Clara just looks a bit concerned as Maisie says these things.  It is clear the person who Clara is supposed to like is Danny and that deep down she likes the Doctor more hence he’s her own Fairy Tale as Maisie says.
Of course her feelings for the Doctor show in her picture for him on her smartphone here as he’s got a stick insect with a top hat as his icon!
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The Doctor thinking she’s still in her bunk is trying to stay calm as he builds up to the fact that there is another murder so he won’t let her get a word in edgewise since she’s got to be safe.  Once she blurts out that she’s trapped he immediately is panicked as he runs to rescue her!
The two of then immediately start to bicker since she got stuck there looking for him and she manages to cut him off as he starts to rant about how he’s confused by her behavior again.  Anyways after this the two of them quickly get over things as he starts to get to work.
The next time they chat, she’s able to find the information about the previous trains and the Doctor is forced to stop talking to her as Gus kills the kitchen staff.  They are acting normal as they try to solve the mystery and the Doctor looks so torn as he wants to keep talking to Clara vs worry about the others on the train.
The next test of their relationship is when he needs Clara to bring Maisie to the lab since she will be the next victim of the foretold.  Clara asks if he can save her and she gets his most honest answer
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Clara does not like the fact that it will likely kill Maisie, but they need her in the lab to watch it as it kills her.  He then ends their conversation saying whatever it takes.  Lie to her - tell her that the Doctor can save her - whatever it takes.
This then puts the Clara in the Doctor’s position. He needs her to be there as he has no other choice but to use her as the next test subject.
So Clara lies to her and says she can be saved.  Maisie then says “I told you, he’s a good man.” implying that Maisie and Clara talked about the Doctor more and concluded he is a decent man despite her being upset.  Clara feels like shit though, she can’t get to the TARDIS and she has no choice but to bring Maisie to the lab.
Once Clara tells the Doctor that Gus seemed to know who the Doctor was, he has no choice but to explain that he kept getting free tickets for the train trip and mysterious messages and a phone call direct to the TARDIS.  
They then argue again as she says the Doctor knew this was dangerous and not a break.  She’s touching him as she is upset here to accentuate her point.  I guess she’s lightly hitting him, but when the Doctor states he didn’t know she will release her hands from his after he speaks.
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Clara realizes he lied to her again and made her lie and now she’s his accomplice in lying. 
But they don’t have any more time to argue as he then uses Maisie as the target to swap with him so he could defeat the foretold.  And of course the computer Gus tries to eliminate them as the Doctor manages to save everyone else.
Clara wakes up all wrapped up in blankets on very rocky beach.  The Doctor has made a fire and he’s scribbling in the sand with a stick.
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He asks her if she slept well and explained everything that just happened.  He saved all the people on the train and dropped them off at this planet.  His attempt at humor to imply that he didn’t save everyone falls short, but hey he’s super awkward.
Clara finally is able to ask about having her lie to Maisie.  She begins to piece things together as he straight out says that he had to make sure that the computer couldn’t know his actual plan.
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Clara looks so happy and relieved that the Doctor was pretending to be heartless.  He looks hurt and confused as he walks up to her and then tells her this.
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God, he looks terrible.  It is one thing for him to doubt himself and ask Clara if he is a good man.  She already told him in regards to Rusty that he tries hard to be a good man.  He looks hurt that she would doubt him after all that they’ve been through together.
He goes on to say that he couldn’t save everyone and he wasn’t sure if he could save Maisie as he sits down on the rocks next to Clara.  This leads him to summarizing the situation that he was in. He’d have no choice but to keep losing people until he could beat it.
Therefore, he makes one of his most eloquent statements yet as the 12th Doctor.
Sometimes, the only choices you have are bad ones, but you still have to choose.
Ah, finally an honest to goodness statement from the Doctor.  It isn’t hidden by his sass and sarcasm.  He’s be entirely honest.  After he says this, Clara and the Doctor silently look at each other.  She looks at him and smiles while he just looks at her somewhat softly.
This is a lesson in how to “be the Doctor”, this is what he should be doing all the time when he’s with Clara.  Being honest and truthful.  Yes, it hurts for someone to say that, yet, it is realistic and not hidden behind a lie or odd behavior.
After engineer Perkins departs the TARDIS, Clara is trying to figure things out between her and the Doctor.  She asks him if he loves it?  Loves being the man making the impossible decisions.  That he doesn’t have to do this if he really didn’t want to.  She realizes that this is like an addiction, he can’t confirm this since he’s never given it up, he’s been running in the TARDIS from day one, well technically since he was 8 and looked into that time-rift thingy on Gallifrey.
The entire conversation is between them on either side of the main console.  They aren’t looking directly at each other nor are they close or face to face. Both of them are holding back.  The Doctor doesn’t want to force her to come with him nor try to get her to quit and she’s afraid if she gets closer to him, she’ll get swept away with him.
Danny’s phone call interrupts them, she walks up the stairs as she answers it.  He asks her if it is done.  The Doctor tries to hide by standing opposite of her as he listens in curiously.
She tells Danny, “Mission accomplished.” this implies it was her last trip with the Doctor and she ended things.
However, she then tells Danny she’s got to go.  Does the Doctor think this means she is leaving as well now?
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And then she tells him that she loves him.  To which Danny replies, I love you too.  Clara laughs a little making the remark “Not accounting for taste.” to which Danny replies “Ok. I’ll see you soon.”
This then leads to several seconds of the Doctor looking down and blinking a lot as he doesn’t say anything as his head hangs down a bit.  He’s sad.  He just heard Clara tell Danny she loves him and as far as he can tell she’s going to say good-bye to him.
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Awwwww it is the sad, I’m blinking to hold back my tears Doctor! 
The Doctor then asks if it was Danny (he damn well knows it was) and she says yes.  After thinking about it briefly though she makes her own decision independent of Danny.  She says he’s fine with her traveling with the Doctor, yeah he wanted her to stop, but it is really okay now.  Why should they have a last hurrah, they should keep going!
The Doctor is confused and needs clarification - he’s not sure what Clara is saying, she comes out saying that Danny’s fine.  And with that, the Doctor goes from being upset and sad and confused to elated as he declares it is a big change of heart [on Danny’s part].
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She then apologizes, she’s had a big wobble but it is fine.  Her idea is that as long as the Doctor gets her back to Danny safe and sound it should be fine.
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She is so happy and relieved to have come to this solution.  She was really torn between doing what Danny wanted her to do and what she wanted to do.  Which is to keep traveling with the Doctor.  Which is of course what the Doctor has wanted her to do from the beginning.  Just keep traveling with me Clara, that is what the Doctor wants.  
This leads to her regaining her “boss” role where she tells him to shut up and give her some planets.
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This entire conversation they have been getting closer and closer until they are facing each other.  He mentions the planet entire of shrubs as he’s now walking with spring in his step and he twirls around to face her as we see a flash of red from his jacket.  . . yeah he’s showing off to her again.
Doctor:  Are you sure about this?
Clara: Are you? Have you ever been sure?
Doctor: No.
Clara: Then what are you waiting for? Let’s go!
And the two of them proceed to pull the levers on the TARDIS at the same time as they head off.
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Ah and with that their partnership is re-established.  The funny thing is that both the Doctor and Clara can talk and talk and talk and not listen to others.  They sometimes struggle to listen to each other, especially at the beginning of this episode.  When things are more serious though, she listens to him and how he had operate to make the decisions on the train and it changes how she sees him as well as how she needs to think about things.
Being the Doctor isn’t easy, she’s starting to see behind the curtains to understand why he struggles, especially why the 12th Doctor struggles with things since 11 spent too much time distracting himself or running away.
This episode is a cliche break up and get back together trope.  They start out bickering and arguing despite really caring about each other, but they just don’t know what to do.  Only finally at the end does Clara get more insight into the Doctor’s life and she decides to make her own decision.  It now shows that in retrospect, the longer she’s been dating Danny the more she’s come to question her relationship with the Doctor.  Clara was told by the Doctor to not see him as her boyfriend so this can be interpreted to mean she should find a boyfriend. 
Now that she has a boyfriend, he’s obviously impacting her relationship with the Doctor and she can’t figure out how to resolve it.  So she tries to just move forward again and go back to the Doctor.  It is clear this episode puts the Doctor as the Fairy Tale  .  . . the impossible relationship and her not quite sure how to follow through with a real relationship she should like.
This then leads into normal travels of 12 and Clara part 2, as established at the beginning of episode 9 “Flatline”.  As Clara comes up from the rest of the rooms she’s carrying her travel toiletry bag with her.  The Doctor makes the not so subtle remark that she can just leave the bag on the TARDIS.  He’s not even looking at her as he says this.
Clara rambles on about how Danny is getting a bit territorial and she can’t leave toothbrush etc on the TARDIS and how he’s okay with her on the TARDIS but not keeping stuff on the TARDIS - blah blah blah - lie lie lie as the Doctor stopped listening.
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In a way it is unusual for Clara to not have things on the TARDIS. Rose, Martha and Donna all had things on the TARDIS.  Martha less so since she popped back and forth between her apartment, but Rose hopped on with nothing the first time and Donna had several suitcases packed.  Amy and Rory had their own room with stuff and I’d assume the same for River.  So for Clara not to have her stuff on it is a bit odd all things considered.  Unless she does this on purpose to keep her tied to her own place and Danny.
I’m sure though the Doctor is saying it is okay to keep things on the TARDIS, it will bring her back to him for the next time. 
They then exit the shrinking TARDIS as the Doctor is excited!  He tries to figure out what happened and Clara gives him a hard time for landing them in Bristol.  He has to tell her that she needs to let him enjoy this moment of not knowing, since it is so rare and she smiles back.  As the TARDIS’s external dimensions shrink, Clara, must become the Doctor.  She gets his psychic paper and the sonic.  I love how she asks if this means she’s him now and he just tells her not to get any ideas.
With the Doctor trapped in the TARDIS in her bag she gets to poke fun at the Doctor.  She playfully tells Rigsy that she’s the Doctor as the Doctor annoyed as he says “don’t you dare” and she’s Doctor Oswald.  The best part is when Rigsy asks her what she is a doctor of, 12 says “of lies” and she continues to go on to say she picked the title because it makes her sound important.
As Rigsy can’t hear their conversation, she knows she’s annoying the Doctor as he then states  “Why, Doctor Oswald you’re hilarious.  Could we get back to work, do you think?”
As they try to figure out the alien threat, he gets to overhear Clara’s phone call with Danny waiting for her at their park bench for lunch. 
This then allows the Doctor to ask Clara what she is going to tell Danny about their current adventure.  He tells her it was pretty good lying.  Clara tells him her lying to Danny was pretty weak, but that isn’t his point.
He is telling her about her lies to him.  She told the Doctor that Danny was okay with on the TARDIS, but he’s not since she never told him.  Oddly, instead of being upset with her, he congratulates her on her lying as it is an excellent survival skill.  It almost feels like he’s channeling the 10th Doctor who saw himself as a survivor of the Time War.
Besides it being a survival skill the Doctor also states it is a terrible habit.
As Clara continues to investigate she works to get the men out of the tunnel and they escape to the rail house.  This is her Doctor 101 training, she needs to make sure that she is the leader of their group since they are confused and disorganized.  I personally love how the Doctors says that a leader will soon emerge and she needs to make sure it is her.
Once she organizes them, Clara tells the Doctor that she hopes that she can keep them all alive as the Doctor tells her “welcome to my world”.  He then asks her what’s she going to do next “Doctor Clara”.
She then explains that she will lie to them to give them hope to they will fight to survive.  The Doctor asks if this is what he sounds like all the time.
Due to Clara’s clever thinking, she’s able to save the day by recharging the TARDIS and she gets to hear his confession that she’s done a very good job.  When they are finally alone she’s happy and smug that she was able to be the Doctor.  First she tells him it is about balancing things, but he wants to argue that it is more than that.  They get interrupted by Danny’s phone call.  He tells her to pick it up while she is more interested in continuing their conversation.  He refers to Danny as P.E. again and that she should talk to her solider boy. 
She instead wants the Doctor’s approval and self validation.  She gets him to tell her that she was an amazing Doctor, but that goodness has nothing to do with it.  At this point, Danny has lost in his battle for Clara - Clara wants the Doctor to congratulate her on her successes and her skills to be recognized by him.  The Doctor is firm when he states it has nothing to do with goodness, and he’s right in a way.  He enters the TARDIS leaving her at the entrance as she thinks about what he just said.  Clara wants to become like the Doctor, as good as the Doctor.  Why compare herself with Danny when she can compare herself with the Doctor?
Throughout this adventure, the Doctor is showing his trust in Clara just like in “Kill the Moon” but not being condescending and by also working with her.  This is a great improvement in their overall relationship and in the heat of the moment he is honest with her and does compliment her on her good work.  It is post-danger that he is hesitant to tell her that she did good.  Is he afraid he’s given her the wrong idea.  Is he questioning how he’s been training her to become a Doctor whether or not he actively realises it?
The more this happens between Clara and the Doctor, the more it looks like they can’t quite decide what they want from each other.
The conflict between the Doctor and Danny continues to increase in “In the Forest of the Night”.  In this episode, when the protective forest grows up all over the Earth overnight one of the students, Maebh, shows up at the TARDIS and asks if he is the Doctor and that she needs help.  She quickly indicates that she is more attuned to different things.
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So even though Clara hasn’t left the museum yet with the students, her mind is already thinking if there is an issue that she should find the Doctor.  To me this really indicates that the Doctor takes up a lot of Clara’s mind or thoughts even when she isn’t directly thinking about him, he’s just there always in her life.
Maebh also tells the Doctor that Clara is in love with Mr. Pink, which allows the Doctor to call him a P.E. teacher (he is cruel) and she corrects him that he’s a math teacher but the Doctor then gets more upset that Danny has lost Maebh.
Clara then calls the Doctor first thing upon finding the new forest (assuming he’s someplace else in time and space in the TARDIS) and she tries really really hard to one up him.  She tells him that he’s always showing her amazing things and she finally has something amazing to show him. 
Just listen to how she says “Oh Doctor, you are going to looove this.”  That is not a normal way you’d say hey come see this crazy forest - more like hey there. . .  yeah you . . are going to want to see this thing with me. I’m flirting with you Doctor in a science-y way. .  .
But the Doctor then tells Clara she can explain when she comes to collect Maebh and he adds in that “her friend Mr. Pink was supposed to be taking care of her.”  And -10 points for Danny in the eyes of the Doctor.
Once the Doctor is able to rely the information that Maebh is the girl he found he mentions he found her in the new forest.  Clara then inquires if it is the new forest covering London and he replies, that it is amazing and that he saw it first.  Talk about a competition.  We get to see Clara’s facial expression in response to his comment here as she rolls her eyes.  She was really excited that he had something of wonder for the Doctor and he burst her bubble.
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They then being to bicker as she asks him to being Maebh back to her while he argues he’s a Time Lord not a babysitter and she immediately retorts back that he has the TARDIS and they have Oyster (transit passes) cards.  Yet the Doctor notes he has to deal with the rapid forest growth. 
Clara then comes back into the museum and Danny asks what they said.  He makes the assumption that Clara called the school and parents.  She lies and says it was busy and he realizes she was on the phone with the Doctor.  She says he called her, but we the viewers know she called the Doctor b/c she wanted to show him the forest.
She argues that she can’t stop the Doctor from calling her and Danny reveals that he was under the indication that she was not in contact with the Doctor (implying this goes all the way back to after the Orient Express).  Clara quickly changes the subject to the forest stating that this would be a situation were talking to the Doctor is a good idea.  And as usual, Clara then acts like the Doctor to Danny as he argues and implies that her talking to the Doctor is not helping the kids.  This pisses Clara off, as we know she does care about her students, and she then asks him where Maebh is and reveals she’s with the Doctor.  Danny then is upset that the Doctor doesn’t have a proper background check for working with kids and they start bickering which the students conclude has something to so with them being in love.
As they lead the students out of the museum Clara is acting as though she is with the Doctor - where did the forest come from?  Were we asleep?  What is happening? as she asks the big picture questions excitedly while Danny is worried about the basic and practical.  How do we get the kids home?
Clara is torn between her wanting to know what is happening yet finding Danny’s sense of responsibility attractive - since she knows that is not an attractive trait of the Doctor.  Neither the 11th nor 12th Doctor.
Once they meet up with the Doctor and Maebh, Clara proudly explains the Doctor’s behaviour as he goes from being annoyed and disengaged to wanting to help.  They all enter the TARDIS and Danny finds Clara’s marking for her students. 
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He seems first shocked and annoyed as he flips through Maebh’s book which the Doctor then snatches from his hands to see the tree and angry sun artwork.
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He asks the Doctor why the books are there, to which the Doctor doesn’t even answer him.  Instead, he turns to him and says he needs to talk to Maebh and he awkwardly tries to determine which kid is her as Danny just looks annoyed and disgusted.  The Doctor didn’t answer his question and he apparently doesn’t remember what Maebh looks like even though he found her.
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Danny is judging you so hard right now Doctor.
The Doctor says “they” as in adults needed to listen to her - Danny points out that he did not listen to her and the Doctor actually tells Danny that he’s right, he should have listened to her.  He doesn’t apologize nor look at Danny but he does confirm he made a mistake.
The Doctor decides to go find Maebh and Danny offers to go with him, as Clara cuts him off saying she can go.  Danny then asks her if she hasn’t seen him in months.  This implies that after the Orient Express was months ago and she’s been keeping her travels with the Doctor secret for all that time!
Danny points out that she jumped right into action with the Doctor, no hello, nice to see you just, let’s go.  He then refers to them as a “special unit”.
Clara uses Danny’s more protective nature to get him to stay behind in the TARDIS as she goes off with the Doctor.  Plus, she likely doesn’t want to answer any more of his questions now. 
Meanwhile, the one student guilts Danny into going after Clara since she went off with some randomer into the forest and that he’s supposed to be in love with her.  +10 for the Doctor, -10 for Danny letting him run off with her.
As Clara becomes more concerned she first thinks it is since the forest is still growing.  She states that she knows the Doctor will find Maebh, but that she feels a sense of dread not worry or fright.  As she calls out Maebh’s name the Doctor has what I think is a very cute yet very self serving monologue:
You are pursing a little lost girl through a mysterious forest. The path has disappeared. You find yourself with a strangely compelling masculine - figure . . .
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His speech has been in his very rapid delivery all the way up through the word masculine; there then is a distinct pause before he says figure.  His entire monologue is with Clara not looking at him.  As soon as he says figure, after a brief pause of looking at Clara’s back, Clara immediately turns to him as he yells “Maebh!” and looks away from her.
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She doesn’t even say something about it, instead, she just states she’s afraid they are going to find the witch that ate Hanzel and Gretyl.
Further along in their quest to find Maebh, the Doctor asks how she was able to know what was happening as he pulls out her homework.  Clara wonders how he got her homework, as he tells her that she left her marking on the TARDIS.  She immediately becomes upset as she ask him if Danny saw it.
Interestingly, the Doctor doesn’t answer that question either, he hides behind stating that a giant solar flare is heading for the Earth and she’s worried about a fight with her boyfriend?
When they are saved from the tiger by Danny, he tells Clara that it was best to not leave her alone . . . with him.
After their encounter with the mysterious forest spirits, the Doctor is confused why they didn’t call for him since he thought the message from her was for him from them.  Instead, he asks her again why she looked for him and Maebh repeats what she had said at the beginning.  That it came from Miss, Clara.  After hearing this, Danny looks at Clara again and she looks surprised.
Danny leads the kids back to the TARDIS while a very forlorn looking Doctor and Clara pick up the rear.  The Doctor first tries to get all the kids in the TARDIS, but she stops that idea.  The Doctor then says he can save Danny and Clara, but, she defeats that one as Danny wouldn’t leave the kids behind.  Clara turns away from the Doctor as he thinks before his next move.  He nervously is thinking about what to do, if he were another Doctor, he’d likely reach out to touch her right now, but he doesn’t.
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The Doctor then says that he’d save Clara.  This is pretty dramatic as he has gotten pretty close to her and she’s turned around to answer him that she doesn’t want him to save her.
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This then becomes a very emotionally charged conversation between the Doctor and Clara and demonstrates a wide amount of character growth for both of them.
Doctor: You don’t want to live?
Clara: Of course I want to live, I just . . .
Doctor: What?
Clara: Don’t make me say it.
Doctor: Say what?
Clara: I don’t want to be the last of my kind.
Doctor: Then why did you bring us here?
Clara: Because it was the only way to get you back to the TARDIS.  Make you think you are saving someone.
Clara then uses her key to open the TARDIS for him as the informs him that this time the human race is saving him.  Clara has out-Doctored the Doctor.  She used his powers against him to get back to the TARDIS to then save him.
Clara: Make it worthwhile.
Doctor: This is my world too. I walk your Earth, I breathe your air.
He however, is unable to use her previous lines to him to convince her otherwise as she thanks him and tells him to save the next one [world].  This entire conversation is intense.  Clara is holding back her tears and the Doctor is bewildered and also has his, I’m trying to understand what you are saying as I keep looking into your face for answers.  Clara is the boss though, so the Doctor will silently follow her orders.
Neither of them say good-bye to each other.  Instead, he gets into the TARDIS.  The Doctor has to be upset that she told him that she didn’t want to be the last human like he is the last Time Lord.  That had to hurt him, since the Doctor never wants to be lonely and likely some part of him would like for someone to be the same as him. If Clara were the last human they would be the last of their species for at least some time together. 
Once he figures out about the trees, he chases after them and Clara tries to ignore him for not saying good-bye and he even calls Danny Mr. Pink.
With the tree destruction crisis averted by the students, Clara tries to get others to come along in the TARDIS to watch.  Instead, Danny tells her, he wants to see what is close to home.
Clara suggests a picnic, but Danny reminds her that she has marking.  She can’t talk her way out if it and he points out that she was on the TARDIS last Friday.  Danny wants the truth from her, as the world almost ended but she still wouldn’t tell him the truth.  He tells her to go home and do her marking and think about things.
Of course, Clara meets up with the Doctor and they watch the solar flare hit the Earth from the TARDIS before they head back to her apartment.  The two of them watch the shift in the forest from her balcony with the TARDIS parked in the living room.
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The two of them just watch it together in amazement.  Clara mulls aloud what everyone will say the next day.  The Doctor states that they will forget it, since they’ve forgotten the last one.
Their entire conversation is them at their best, both are smiling as they watch the wonder and discuss how this myth of the forest is how they remember these events.  It will become a Fairy Tale, just like how it is implied their relationship is based on one during her conversation with Maisie on the Orient Express.
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By this point, whether or not they have really realized it, they have chosen each other.  I think it is really cute, they are intimate people, a unit, spending time together just watching things unfold from her balcony.  They are completely at ease and comfortable with each other.  They care for each other and they respect each other and here they are listening to each other.  This is the Doctor and Clara at their best.
She is also one of the few people who understands the Doctor so even though she wouldn’t have wanted to leave him behind, she knew he could go on without her eventually.  They are exceptionally co-dependent, and this becomes a problem as they continue along.
The Doctor did not answer Danny’s questions about if Clara had been with him, he knew she was lying to him, but in the end he isn’t going to do anything about it.  On the flip side when Clara wonders if she’d be in trouble with Danny he tried to deflect her conversation to the bigger thing at hand instead of talking to her about how she and Danny need to talk to each other. 
However, the Doctor is likely afraid to lose her, to lose her to a boring and stable relationship with Danny no longer wanting to travel and see all of time and space.  12 is really one for not following rules, yet he doesn’t want to tell others how to behave in their own personal lives.  At the same time when they were on the Orient Express, Clara was afraid that if she quit traveling she’d lose him, since he’d think her life had become boring and coming around for dinner would be too dull for him.
Danny is very short with the Doctor, he knows that he’s been traveling with Clara and feigns ignorance and the Doctor isn’t enough of a “man” to be honest with Danny when he asks.  Sadly, Danny never get to see how lonely the Doctor is.  He doesn’t realize that when Clara and him had their “break-up” that Clara was herself upset, but likely even more upset since she knew telling him to go back to his lonely bloody TARDIS was the lowest blow she could deal to him.
He tells the Doctor he didn’t want to leave Clara alone with him.  No matter how hard Danny tries, he won’t be able to get between the Doctor and Clara’s relationship.  It is sad, as Danny has the same fate as Mickey Smith, Rose’s boyfriend dumped for the 9th Doctor.  Mickey gets a better outcome eventually dating Martha Jones and they both can move on.  Honestly, I’m glad Mickey ended up with Martha, both a brilliant individuals and very competent in tight situations.  Danny’s fate is more unfortunate - he will lose Clara to the Doctor due to his own unfortunate fate.
This has already become longer than I would like and spiraled a bit out of control.  So, I’ll stop her for now and tackle the end of season 8 in another post.  Part 3 it will be.
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24 lessons I learned before turning 24
I considered writing this post before @taylorswift‘s Elle cover and then writing it in another 10 hours after sleeping seeing as it’s around 4am here, but after reading the piece, I felt the need to write this now. It’s not the first time I’ve written a piece like this, but it is the first time in over half a decade, so we’ll see how it goes.
ONE: Learn how to forgive yourself. My god is this one hard, and it’s a battle I still lose from time to time, but it saved my life. As harsh as it sounds, whatever mistakes you made in the past are exactly that; in the past. If you have the chance to, go and apologise and make amends, but never let your mistakes consume you. There’s no way to control other people’s reactions. But forgiven or not, you have to live with your choices. So let them be a learning curve and not a stop sign for future endeavours.
TWO: Learn to trust others. In our individualistic society, it’s often easy to feel like you’re alone. More so when your family and schooling environments promote the idea of life only having ‘winners’ and ‘losers’. But the truth is you don’t need to take on the world alone. There is always someone who loves you and wants the best for you. And maybe sometimes you get it wrong and let the wrong people in, but you can’t let that make you cold and unfeeling. The human race is a social one. We were not designed to live alone and never should force ourselves to.
THREE: You are not responsible for fixing other people and they’re not responsible for fixing you. Everybody on this Earth has a story; some kind of heartbreak they’ve had to endure. While human interaction is vital in recovery, all relationships must be give and take. You cannot expect emotional support 24/7 and then refuse to give it back. Likewise, you are not selfish for walking away from someone who has no intention of fixing themselves and just wants a manic pixie girl. Because either way, you will end up alone.
FOUR: Jealousy is deadlier than poison. Growing up in a tear down culture is never easy. I couldn’t name you one person who hasn’t been made to feel insecure or less than what they are. But you can’t let that control you. As I already mentioned, your true loved ones will love you regardless of if the flaws you see in yourself are real or not. Comparing yourself to others will destroy not only yourself and your happiness, but your relationships and loved ones’ happiness too.
FIVE: Communication is key. The saying is right; assumptions really do make a fool of you and me. The amount of relationships I’ve unnecessarily lost because I assumed they chose someone over me or they hated me is shameful. But it goes the other way too. You are only going to make yourself miserable if you keep making excuses for why they don’t make the effort or learn to communicate what they want from you. Anyone who truly loves you will be willing to listen and discuss issues. Don’t destroy yourself over mixed messages.
SIX: The past is the past. You are where you are now for a reason. Unless you’ve found a way to build a time machine that allows you to change things, you will never be able to change the past. Maybe things would have been better if you never got mentally ill or your family stayed together or whatever else has happened to you. But at the end of the day, ‘what ifs’ will end up killing you. All you can do is put your best foot forward today and trust that it will lead you to where you want to be.
SEVEN: Not everything is personal. As a kid, I was very sensitive... I still am, but I’ve definitely toned it down over the years. Because as time has gone on, I’ve realised that not everything is an attack on myself and everything I believe in and not every criticism is there just to be mean. I learned this the hard way when my 11th grade teacher used to mark the work by only pointing out what we needed to fix. As a child who was academically praised a lot, it was a blow and I cried a ridiculous amount of tears. But it made me better, not only academically, but at spotting constructive criticism for plain rudeness.
EIGHT: Having one best friend is a myth. Relationships are complex and everyone is looking for different things in each relationship. I remember as a child stressing over not only thinking that I was no one else’s best friend, but at the fact I couldn’t choose one person as mine. The typical questions of ‘who do you go to most for support?’ didn’t help much either as it was so case dependant. Then one day, I remember telling one of my best friends that I had several. I remember being terrified that I offended them... but instead they simply said “me too”. It was the most freeing experience.
NINE: Sometimes your (and others’) best isn’t enough. In life, we all play the cards we’ve been given. And sometimes, we get winning hands or at least come out even. But sometimes, and often without realising, we come up empty handed; and that empty hand hurts others outside ourselves. And those others are allowed to be hurt at that while still recognising you did your best. This is something it took me so long to accept... especially in terms of my mother. Because the truth is, I think she did do her best raising myself and my siblings, especially given how little responsibility my father took over us. But it doesn’t change the fact I have scars from my upbringing. But accepting you can feel hurt and acknowledge another’s effort is a step forward and I wish I had done it sooner.
TEN: Know who you are and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I’m grateful that on the whole, I learned this relatively early. I may have been overfilled with insecurities as a child, but I knew who I was. Whether it be the things society saw as bad such as poor, emotional, overweight and weird or the good things like kind, intelligent and mature, I knew these things shaped me. So when others spoke badly about me, while I may have shed my tears, I quickly stood up and was able to continue on knowing that they were either wrong or were picking on things I would not allow myself to be ashamed over. The minute you realise you don’t care what those outside your loved ones think of you is the first moment of freedom and though I may have had an easier life had things been different, I wouldn’t change me for the world.
ELEVEN: Being average is not the worst thing in the world. When I was in my early teens, I had my whole life sorted out. I was going to be a world renowned book writer or a doctor or a lawyer... anything to have my name known and to show I was extraordinary. My parents and others also pushed that idea a lot on me. It didn’t matter if it was only a one in a million chance I’d become famous, I was going to get there... and then I got mentally ill. At first it was alright, but the moment I got into a school where they bell curved grades I realised just how average I was. With the exception of Sociology, my grades dropped from high A’s to mostly C’s with a few B’s, my ATAR wasn’t anywhere near high enough to get into the courses I wanted and it hit hard. I remember getting half way through year 11 and considering dropping out because there was just no way I was going to do what I wanted in life. But then the realisation hit me; I am enough. What I have is what a lot of people end up with and it ended up okay for them, so why not me? And that revelation that being a 21st Century woman meant that I could do anything and not that I had to do everything was quite possibly the most relaxing moment of my life.
TWELVE: Not everyone who dislikes you does so because they’re jealous or keeping up appearances. I hate to break it to anyone who still believes it, but the old wife’s tale isn’t true. People generally do not hate you over jealousy. And people certainly didn’t dislike me because I was intelligent or confident, especially ones in middle/high school. They disliked me because I was arrogant and acted like I was better than everyone due to my intelligence. The boy I liked in seventh grade didn’t dislike me because I was unpopular. He disliked me because I acted like one of those ‘nice guys’ from the movies. Sure, there are always going to be that are in fact jealous or want to keep up with the status quo, but in general I’ve found that it’s more likely you have clashing personalities or one of you is a major dick. And sometimes that means you need to check yourself in a mirror before making assumptions. But much like I was saying with things not being personal, as time goes on, you get more intuitive of what are things you need to check and what is just jealousy.
THIRTEEN: Blood is not thicker than water. It turns out the actual quote this misquoted sentence comes from is true. The bonds you choose really are stronger than those you were born with. You do not have to be defined by nor live with your biological family if they constantly mistreat you. There will always be others ready with open arms to love you. Choose what you deserve.
FOURTEEN: Life is strange and sometimes taking a step or two back leads to better steps forwards. When I decided to repeat year 11, I cried for days on end. I felt so incredibly stupid and couldn’t understand how I got to that point. But when I walked into the school on the first day, I reconnected with two old friends, got closer to another one who was repeating with me and made several new ones. I am now still close to the ones I reconnected with and one of the new friends. I also got away from an abusive friendship I had the year before seeing as I no longer had to see him. My grades skyrocketed and I got into university which lead to me finishing a psychology degree last year and currently being halfway through a law one. All of which I’m not sure would have happened had I just continued onto year 12 as planned. So don’t be ashamed if you think you’re taking a step backwards. Chances are you’re heading right where you need to be.
FIFTEEN: Nothing good starts in a getaway car. Taylor Swift is right about this... well typically she’s right in general, but especially this. Jumping into something, or someone as I found out, as a temporary relief to your problems will always end in tears. Learn to deal with your issues face on, even if it means leaving alone, rather than using someone else as a scapegoat. Because end of the day, they may get you from A to B, but you need to remember that they are a real person with real feelings, and even if you jump into something rather than someone, that thing may not always be there and you need to know how to pick yourself up when it’s/they’re gone.
SIXTEEN: It’s not fair to project your insecurities and wants onto your favourite celebrity/others. During the 1989 era, I watched Taylor go from ‘underdog’ to ‘popular girl everyone loves’ and honestly? It made me bitter. It made me bitter to think that she was living the life I could never had and that everything seemed to be going right for her when it wasn’t for me. More so, it made me bitter that people who were bullying her before 1989 were now closer to her than I felt. Likewise, in the past there had been moments where I was upset that Taylor didn’t speak up on issues or even ‘come out’ when I was a Swiftgron fan despite not even knowing Taylor’s sexuality for sure. But as time went on and my life started to pick up, I realised how unfair I was being. The amount of expectation I had put on a woman I had never even met in person just so I could feel better was crazy. And to be honest, I still see a lot of people doing that with their favourite celebrities, seemingly not remembering that there’s a real person behind that screen and perhaps we should be the difference we want to see as opposed to expecting others to be.
SEVENTEEN: Social media is rarely your friend. Tying into the lesson above is this cautionary message. While tumblr is a little different, it’s important to remember that on other social media sites, it’s rare to see someone posting at their worst. And that creates a bubble for us where we often feel like less because we see our own pain but no one else’s. On the other side of the coin, constantly seeing social justice stories about terrible things in the world is depressing and can become too much. Learning to use social media selectively was one of the best choices I’ve made for my mental health.
EIGHTEEN: Clinginess does not show dedication. Messaging someone several times a day and expecting an immediate answer and several long conversations is not healthy. Perhaps wishing they’d send a ‘not feeling up to it’ or ‘I’m busy but we’ll talk later’ message is normal, but when you’re getting anxious or upset that they aren’t hanging out with you for one day out of seven in a week, you need to take a step back. If you don’t, you’re going to end up exhausting the other person and potentially straining if not flat out ruining the friendship. Plus, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to realise that while keeping in contact is important, meeting up with people when you’ve had time away and actually have something new to say makes those trips extra special.
NINETEEN: Sometimes you just have to say ‘I tried’ and walk away Life is ever moving. People change, relationships change and time stands still for no one. And sadly this means that relationships you had when you’re younger reach a point where they no longer fit into your or the other person’s life. If possible, it’s always best to take steps to fix it, but that’s not always an option. If it’s reached the point where it’s causing you pain and you don’t see a way forward, it’s time to let go, regardless of how hard that is. You are not a bad person for walking away from something or someone that no longer makes you happy.
TWENTY: Like attracts like Socially, what you put out into this world is often what you get back. If you’re constantly surrounding yourself with toxic people, they will attract more toxic people. Same if you are projecting negative thoughts and actions. You need to be the change you want to see in your world, and once you’ve made that change, your whole world will dramatically improve.
TWENTY ONE: Nice doesn’t always mean good Growing up, I had a nice father. He rarely yelled at us and basically let us do whatever we wanted. So when things got bad enough with me that the abusive friend I mentioned earlier threatened to bring a gun to school and shoot all my friends in front of me and I knew he could access said gun, I went to my nice father thinking my mother would yell at me. My father looked me in the eyes, said “I’ll be thinking about you” and went off to work as if I had just told him I had the flu. He was also the type to not say when something was messed up and then admit he knew later when someone else called it out. So yes, my father appeared to be a very nice father, but he was never a good one, nor did he ever try to be. As time has passed, I realised that while my mother may not have been perfect, she did everything she could to be a good mother despite her abrasiveness.
TWENTY TWO: Life is unfair, so it’s up to us to make it fair This is pretty straightforward; the world is not going to become a better place unless we make it one. There is absolutely no point and little hope waiting for others to make a change because they’re probably waiting for you to do it.
TWENTY THREE: Learn to ask for help When I was a kid, I used to always told “there’s always going to be someone better than you at everything” in a negative context. And maybe they’re right, I’m probably not going to be the best at anything in life. But that’s not necessarily a negative thing. If there’s always someone better, there’s always someone to ask if you get stuck. Trying to struggle your way through something you can’t handle alone doesn’t help anyone. I know it’s scary to put yourself out there and feel stupid, but the absolute worst thing that can happen is you ask and they say two puny letters “No” in which case you’re no worse off and can go ask someone else until you get a positive answer. Seriously, learning to swallow my pride and anxiety and just ask for help drastically improved my life from that point on.
TWENTY FOUR: Recovery is everything. As cool as tumblr makes it seem, blaming the world for your issues and making self depreciating jokes only gets you so far. Eventually, you’re either going to hit rock bottom and just continuously bitter and depressed at the world or you can choose to get better. Or maybe you do both; I certainly did. And it sucked. Hating everything sucked. But honestly, putting in the amount of work for the slow process of recovery did too. The difference is that even if it’s not immediate, recovery changed everything for me. Not only am I doing better than I was while at my worst, in many ways, working out the issues I have has made me feel like I’m doing better than I ever was. I’m more optimistic yet realistic yet at peace with myself and I never would have found that balance without the choosing to recover. And so many people I know have said the same. So don’t give up. Choose recovery. Choose life. Choose yourself.
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dragon430 · 2 years
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Fanfic 20 Questions Tag Game
Thanks for tagging me @nellblazer but I’m actually still waiting on an invitation to join A03 😅. But since this seems pretty fun, I’m just editing this game for my works in general.
1. How many works do you have? For things that I’ve posted I’ve got 4 series (18 chapters) and 17 one shots. For WIPs I honestly lost count after 500 something.
2. What’s your total word count? For posted works (minus headcanons): 69,503 words For posted works and WIPs (minus headcanons): 4,008,715 words
3. How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they? For my posted works I’ve written for: American Gods, Doctor Who, Fantastic Beasts, Free!, Glee, Gravity Falls, MCU, Pirates Of The Caribbean, Rise Of The Guardians, Steven Universe, Soul Eater, Umbrella Academy & Voltron If you count WIPs I’ve written for pretty much every fandom on my commission sheet.
4. Top 5 fics by likes? 1. Child Of The Angels (Doctor Who: 11th Doctor) 2. Crystal Clear Affection (Steven Universe: Steven) 3. Dissecting Frustrations (Soul Eater: Stein) 4. Animalistic Love (Soul Eater: Multiple) 5. The Hermit In The Dark (Rise Of The Guardians: Pitch Black)
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I respond to every comment because you guys are nice enough to leave them and you’re also the ones who like my writing so it’s the least I can do. Though if it’s for a request I hold off on answering it until I’ve actually finished writing said request.
6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? Well, I haven’t finished posting any of my series so I can’t really say without giving away spoilers.
7. Do you write crossovers? As long as I it makes sense, I am all for crossovers. I mean I have 15 WIPs for different crossover series and I’ve been known to commission some crossover pairings as well.
8. Have you ever received hate on a fic? I’m a pretty small writer so I haven’t gotten much besides people telling me I’m taking too long to post. Or the two people who left rude comments about my series and how much they disliked them and yet they kept reading the chapters 🙄
9. Do you write smut? if so, what kind? I don’t currently cause I’m honestly not that good at it. If I were to try to practice more with it, then I probably will in the future though.
10. Have you ever had a fic stolen? As I’ve said I’m a pretty small writer, so I don’t think most people are interested in stealing my stuff or at the very least I haven’t heard about or seen anything stolen.
11. Have you ever had a fic translated? I have not.
12. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Not any of my stuff posted here but when I first started writing fanfiction I co-wrote or collaborated with a few stories. I decided to not post those here though cause truthfully, they were pretty shitty on my part 😅
13. What’s your all-time favorite ship? I have too many to pick favorites 😂
14. What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? I want to finish all my WIPs though I’m not really sure how many I will be able to get to because of how busy I’ve been or will be.
15. What are your writing strengths? In my opinion I would say world or character building, horror/gore, setting/background descriptions, and some good one liners. Others have also told me that I’m pretty good at writing fluff too after reading Crystal Clear Affection.
16. What are your writing weaknesses? Um...everything I didn’t list above 😅
17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in another language? I would love and very badly want to do it in some of my fics. But I get a bit paranoid about getting some things wrong and accidentally insulting someone who speaks the language so if I do it, I will probably be keeping it to a minimum so that doesn’t happen.
18. What was the first fandom you ever wrote for? I’m pretty sure it was Soul Eater as that was also some of the first fanfiction I ever read.
19. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? Oh yikes. That’s kinda hard because I like all the fics I write but I also like them for different reasons.
For Child Of The Angels I adore taking Reader from an essentially abusive place and giving her a home amongst other creatures that most people consider as monsters. That’s always been a very interesting troop for me and working in the Doctor as being the “hero” to try to “save” her from the monsters that she considers as family is something I live for.
For Crystal Clear Affection I love the childhood friends to lovers troop because it’s so easy but also so pure to write. Steven and Reader are the only ones of their kind and despite being so different personality wise they come to rely on each other because of it and are completely open with everything. And eventually they get so close that they start pretty much acting like a couple without actually being one and I find that adorable.
And for Technical Artistry I am obsessed with taking a more closed off character (Tech in this instance) and pairing them up with someone who’s out there and ready to break down that person’s walls to offer them the affection they deserve (Reader). This is a troop that I personally love and can heavily relate to where one person is touch or attention starved or just not really in sync with how others act, and the other person can see this and wants to help by giving them the exact things they never got.
20. Tagging? @imaginethatneathuh
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aqueenpromised-blog · 7 years
Text
AYO ANOTHER MASTER TAG
I saved these tags separately because one lovely human bean, @rhysfcyre , tagged me in everything ten hundred years ago so I’m finally getting to of course ♡♡
THE LAST  1. drink: cafe con leche  2. phone call: my best friend 3. text message: my best friend  4. song you listened to: Touch My Body by Mariah Carey  5. time you cried: last month so much but I can’t recall a more recent time  6. dated someone twice: fuck no  7. kissed someone and regretted it: nope 8. been cheated on: yes  9. lost someone special: yes 10. been depressed: yes ??  11. gotten drunk and thrown up: one fucking time it was very anti-climatic I woke up felt sick and threw up in the bathroom then went back to sleep
3 favorite colors
12. black  13. off-white  14.  light brown 
in the last year have you 15. made new friends: yes 16. fallen out of love: kinda  17. laughed until you cried: yes 18. found out someone was talking about you: no ??  19. met someone who changed you: yes  20. found out who your friends are: yes 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: not on my Facebook anymore  general 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them  23. do you have any pets: yes, my little fat cat  24. do you want to change your name: no, i use to because for some reason people can say my name right but i’m over it  25. what did you do for your last birthday: my old friends and my ex threw me a surprise birthday party at the park that was cat themed my ex even wore a cat onesie  26. what time did you wake up: 9.00 AM 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: sleep, I took my melatonin and went to sleep  28. name something you can’t wait for: I’M LEAVING TO NEW YORK NEXT MONTH FOR DRAGCON I’M GONNA SCREAM  29. when was the last time you saw your mom: next question ♡♡ 31. what are you listening to right now: She’s Learning to Roll!  32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: no  33. something that is getting on your nerves: anything when I’m hungry I turn into a monster 34. most visited website: youtube  35. hair colour: black  36. long or short hair: long 37. do you have a crush on someone: hahahaha, no  38. what do you like about yourself: I’m pretty chill  39. piercings: septum, tongue, cartilage, surface triages, and  first and second lobes 40. blood type: A positive, I think ? 41. nickname: Nachita ♡♡ 42. relationship status: single ♡ 43. zodiac: Aquarius  44. pronouns: she/her 45. favourite tv show: ash vs evil dead, twin peaks, tales from the crypt, and american horror story 46. tattoos: none yet  47. right or left handed: right 48. surgery: three years ago in my ovaries to a remove a cyst  49. piercing: please refer to above  50. sport: hahaha                51. vacation: I usually I don’t go anywhere crazy but I’d love to go to Europe  52. pair of trainers: I got some good semi new ones from goodwill :D  MORE GENERAL 53. eating: i don’t think i’ve had anything yet  54. drinking: agua  55. i’m about to: redo my tumblr theme and then clean  56. waiting for: my best friend to wake up  57. want: to get a second job                                                                                           58. get married: at this point probably not gonna happen haha  59. career: I’m pre-med right now but I’m not sure if that’s what I really want  WHICH IS BETTER 60. hugs or kisses: kisses  61. lips or eyes: lips 62. shorter or taller: taller 63. older or younger: older 64. nice arms or nice stomach: arms 65. hook up or relationship: relationship 66. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant  HAVE YOU EVER: 67. kissed a stranger: no 68. drank hard liquor: yes 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: no 70. turned someone down: yes 71. sex on the first date: no 72. broken someone’s heart: yes 73. had your heart broken: yes 74. been arrested: no 75. cried when someone died: yes 76. fallen for a friend: yes DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 77. yourself: yes 78. miracles: no 79. love at first sight: nope 80. santa claus: no 81. kiss on the first date: nope  82. angels: no  OTHER: 83. current best friend’s name: jackie  84. eye colour: brown 85. favourite movie: that’s so hard: Sleepaway Camp, Bride of Chucky, Silence of The Lambs, Evil Dead 2, The Conjuring series, Pans Labyrinth, Rocky Horror Picture Show, and Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory 1971
APPEARANCE:
I am 5′7″ or taller
I wear glasses
I have at least one tattoo
I have at least one piercing ( i have multiple ) 
I have blonde hair
I have brown eyes
I have short hair
My abs are at least somewhat defined
I have or have had braces
There is something I would change about the way I look
PERSONALITY:
My Hogwarts house is: Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, Slytherin
I am an introvert
I like meeting new people
People tell me that I’m funny
Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me
I enjoy physical challenges ( it depends on the challenge lol ) 
I enjoy mental challenges
I’m playfully rude with people I know well
I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it
There is something I would change about my personality
ABILITY:
I can sing well
I can play an instrument
I can do over 30 pushups without stopping
I’m a fast runner
I can draw well
I have a good memory
I’m good at doing math in my head
I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute
I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling
I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch
I know how to throw a proper punch
HOBBIES:
I enjoy playing sports
I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else
I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else
I work out at least once a week
I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months
I have drawn something in the past month
I enjoy writing
Fandoms are my #1 passion
I do or have done martial arts
EXPERIENCES:
I have had my first kiss
I have had alcohol
I have scored the winning goal in a sports game
I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting
I have been at an overnight event
I have been in a taxi
I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year
I have beaten a video game in one day
I have visited another country
I have been to one of my favourite band’s concerts
RELATIONSHIP:
I’m in a relationship
I have a celebrity crush
I have a crush on someone I know
I have been in at least 3 relationships
I have never been in a relationship
I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them
I get crushes easily
I have had a crush on someone for over a year (if this is past tense)
I have been in a relationship for at least a year
I have had feelings for a friend
MY LIFE:
I have at least one person I consider a “best friend”
I live close to my school
My parents are still together
I have at least one sibling
I live in the United States
There is snow right now where I live
I have hung out with a friend outside of school in the past month
I have a smartphone
I have at least 15 CDs
I share my room with someone
RANDOM SHIT:
I have breakdanced
I know a person named Jamie
I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce
I have dyed my hair
I’m listening to one song on repeat right now
I have punched someone in the past week
I know someone who has gone to jail
I have broken a bone
I have eaten a waffle today
I know what I want to do with my life
I speak at least 2 languages fluently 
I have made a new friend in the past year
rules: put your top ten favorite tv shows below, and then write your favorite female character, favorite male character, and otp from each show and then tag ten people. 
1. ASH VS. EVIL DEAD 
- Kelly 
- Ashley 
- Amanda Fisher and Ash ( I don’t know their ship name )
2. TWIN PEAKS 
- Kimmy and Donna 
- Agent Cooper and  Deputy Andy ( fight me I do what I want )
- James and Donna or Andy and Kimmy 
3. AMERICAN HORROR STORY 
- Sister Jude Martin and Cordelia Foxx and Marie Laveau 
- Kit Walker and Liz Taylor 
- Kit and Alma ♡♡
4. BIG BROTHER 19
- Elena
- Paul 
- Mark and Elena 
5. DOCTOR WHO 
- Donna Noble 
- Matt Smith 11th Doctor 
- Rory and Amelia 
6. RUPAUL DRAG RACE 
- Katya Zamolodchikova and Trixie Mattel 
- Bianca Del Rio, Alyssa Edwards, and Bob TheDragQueen 
- Sharon Needles and Alaska Thunderfuck ; Katya Zamolodchikova and Trixie Mattel 
7. Friends
- Monica 
- Chandler 
- Monica and Chandler 
8. Orange is the new black
- Poussey and Alex
- HAHA NEXT QUESTION PLS
- Poussey and Taystee 
( I don’t watch that much television so i’m gonna end it here D; ) 
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