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courtoftheold-fashionedloverboy · 1 year

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Birthday -- Joel Miller

AN: first time posting my writing. I suck at writing and I wasn’t going to post this but it made me really happy so I hope it makes someone else happy even if it’s just one person. This is completely self indulgent so I might have gotten things wrong especially since I’ve only seen the show. Feedback is welcome! Thank you. I was also listening to “Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy” By Queen when I wrote this because that’s how Joel Miller makes me feel. I tried to write how I feel Joel talks, but I prolly botched it lol so I’m sorry

Pairing: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Warnings: little bit spoilers for episode 9, in the beginning. pure fluff and bad writing. Age difference implied. I did not give an age for the reader but I imagine she is in her 20's. Joel is in his 50’s like in the show/game. reader uses she/her pronouns but no physical description is given. Please let me know if I missed anything. Thank you.

Summary: It’s your birthday and Ellie bakes you a cake and Joel gets you a gift.

Word count: 2,493

Today did not feel special, despite it being your birthday. Ever since the outbreak, it had only been about surviving. You never felt like celebrating your birthday, especially not when your family was gone. What was there to celebrate?

You were currently in Jackson having stayed with Joel and Ellie after everything that had happened.You were sitting outside writing in your journal, writing about how dreadful today was. Ellie was inside or so you thought.

“When were you planning on telling us today is your birthday Y/N?” You turned over and noticed Ellie behind you. You quickly shut your journal. “Sorry, I wasn’t trying to snoop.”

“I know you weren’t.” You sighed, “And I wasn’t planning on telling anyone that today is my birthday.”

“Why not?” Ellie asked as she sat down next to you.

“There’s nothing worth celebrating.”

“There is. We’ve managed to survive.”

“I know, it just doesn’t feel that way when my family is gone.”

“We’ve all lost someone, don’t you think the people you’ve lost, that we’ve lost would want us to find joy where we can in this world?”

You turned to face her. “Yeah, I think you’re right. You’re very wise for a kid you know?”

“I like to think I am, so, can we celebrate?”

“Sure, but don’t tell a lot of people. I don’t like making a big deal.”

“Does that include Joel?”

“Uh sure, I guess, if he wants to celebrate with us.”

“He’ll want to, don’t worry.”

“How are you so sure?”

“I just know these kinds of things.” She got up. “I’ll leave you to your writing, I’ll come back for you when it’s time to celebrate.”

“Okay. What are you planning?”

“I just thought we’d go to the movies and maybe make something to eat together?”

“That sounds good.” You replied. Little did you know Ellie was planning a small gathering. Ellie left and you continued to write, but instead of something bad or sad, it was something much happier.

——

Ellie went to find Joel to let him know about Y/N’s birthday. She was hatching a plan to get them to admit their feelings for each other. “Hey, Joel?”

“Yeah?”

“Did you know that today is Y/N’s birthday?” She asked.

“No. I didn’t. How’d you even find out?”

“I accidentally saw her writing about it in her journal. I asked her about it and and she said it was her birthday and she said she wasn’t planning on telling anyone. I convinced her to celebrate.”

“She never talked about her birthday in all the years I’ve known her. What do you need me for?”

“I need you to get her something.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s her birthday and she deserves something nice. Duh.”

“And that’s all there is to it?” Joel asked, not quite believing that that was all.

“Yes.”

“I don’t believe you. What are you up to?”

“Nothing.” Joel gave Ellie a look. “Can’t you just get her something without questioning my motives?”

“No I can’t, not when I know you got somethin’ up your sleeve.”

“I’m not going to tell you. Just get her a gift.”

“Fine. What should I even get her?”

“I don’t know, something nice. Something that she’ll like.”

“Yes, because that narrows it down.”

“Well you’ve known her longer, so you figure it out.”

“Gee, thanks for the help.”

“You’re welcome.” Ellie smiled brightly at him.

“And what are you gettin’ her or you ain’t tellin’ me that either?”

“If you must know, I’m baking her a cake.”

“Good luck with that.”

“I don’t need luck. In fact, I’m a really good baker and it’s gonna be the best damn cake ever, so you better make your gift good.”

“Fine, now go. I gotta figure out what to get her.”

“Get it by 6, I’m throwing her a little surprise party at Maria and Tommy’s. Also if you see her don’t tell her about it.”

“I know how a surprise party works kid.”

“You’re also not good at shutting your mouth around her.”

‘What’s that s’posed to mean?”

“Oh, would you look at the time? I gotta go.”

“I get it, don’t tell me. See you later Ellie.”

“See you Joel!” She said and left

—

You were reading a book, when you felt someone tap your shoulder. You turned around. It was Ellie. “Hey Ellie, what’s up?”

“Maria sent me, she needs your help with something.”

“Okay, tell her I’ll be there in 10. By the way are we still going to the movies later?”

“Yes.” Ellie said and then left. You finished reading the page of the book you were on. Then you realized you looked like a mess, so you went to go change into something clean. It was also your birthday so you might as well try to look nice, especially if you were going to celebrate later with Ellie and maybe…with Joel.

You went over to Maria’s and knocked on the door. No answer. You opened the door and entered. Maria and Tommy always said if they didn’t answer it was okay to come in. “Maria?” You called out. No answer. You looked for her in the kitchen and the living room. No sign of anyone. Maybe she was out back, like she sometimes was. You decided to go to the backyard and see if she was there.

You opened the door and immediately you heard. “Surprise!” You saw Maria, Tommy, their baby, and Ellie smiling at you. You didn’t see Joel and your heart sank, but you didn’t let it show. You smiled and gave each one of them a hug as they said “Happy Birthday” to you.

“Thank you all. You didn’t have to do this.”

“When Ellie told us it was your birthday, we knew we had to do something. Even if we haven’t known each other long, we consider you family.” Tommy said. Tears filled your eyes.

“Thank you.” You looked to Ellie and said, “You were right. There is something worth celebrating. This family.” They all smushed you into a hug. After a minute they pulled away.

“I have a surprise!” Ellie shouted.

“What is it?” You asked.

“Maria and me made you a cake!”

“Thank you Ellie and Maria!” You said and Ellie went inside the house to go get it.

Ellie entered the house and noticed Joel looking at you longingly through a window. “You know, staring at her like that won’t do you any favors.”

Joel turned around, “Huh?”

“Look, I know you have feelings for her, so when are you going to tell her?”

“How do you know?”

“Joel, you stare at her like an idiot every time she’s in your presence.”

“I didn’t know I was that obvious.”

“Well you are, so tell her.” Insisted Ellie.

“She’s not going to wanna be with an old man like me.”

“Don’t you think that’s for her to decide? When you make up your mind tell her.” Ellie grabbed the cake and went to go back outside. Joel hesitated for a bit, but followed Ellie outside. He saw Y/N and immediately lost his breath.

You saw Ellie come out with the biggest smile on her face and an absolutely beautiful cake, covered in your favorite colors. Maria, Tommy and Ellie began singing “Happy Birthday”. You were so focused on everyone that you didn’t notice Joel come in behind Ellie until he joined in the singing. You heart skipped a beat when you locked eyes with him. You gave him a smile and he smiled back. After the singing was over, you cut the cake and handed everyone a slice.

“This is delicious Ellie and Maria!” You said after tasting your first bite.

“You have Maria to thank for that. She helped me a lot.” Ellie said.

“I’m sure you would have done great regardless of my help. You’re pretty good at this.” Maria responded.

“I agree.” You said and you gave Ellie a hug.

You finished your cake and excused yourself to go to the bathroom. When you came out, you saw Joel standing around in the living room. He turned around to look at you and he quietly said “Wow, you look beautiful.”

“Thank you, Joel.” You decided to say, even though you knew he probably didn’t mean for you to hear it. He looked away, as if he was having trouble looking you in the eyes.

“You, uh weren’t s’posed to hear that.”

You decided to tease him. “Does that mean you’re taking back what you said about me being beautiful?”

Something in him shifted and he decided to be bold. He looked at you. “No, I don’t wanna take it back because I mean it.”

“Do I still look beautiful even after a day of hard work? That’s when I feel the least beautiful.” You don’t know why you admitted that last part.

“You always look beautiful, even then.” You were suddenly feeling shy that the man you were in love with was calling you beautiful. You were silent for a while, neither of you knowing what to say.

You spoke first. “I was starting to think you weren’t coming.”

“I was always meaning to come, just not late. The reason I was late was because I was trying to figure out what to get you for your birthday.”

“You didn’t have to get me anything, I appreciate you just being here. Your presence is the biggest gift I could get.”

“Ellie insisted I get you a gift, and I think it was a good idea.” He grabbed a leather bound journal from the couch and handed it to you. “It’s not much, but I know you love writing.”

“Joel, I—I wouldn’t have cared if you got me a pen, or a card or nothing at all. This is perfect. Thank you. I love it. I love you.” You said those three words unintentionally but you were feeling so overwhelmed that they slipped out. He came closer to you. You looked down, hoping you didn’t just ruin everything.

“Hey, look at me.” Joel said as he lifted your chin. You stared at his beautiful brown eyes. “I was s’posed to say that first.” Your breath hitched. “I love you too, Y/N.”

“Really? You’re not just saying it out of pity?”

“Look at the inscription in the journal.”

You opened the journal and saw Joel’s familiar handwriting. The inscription said:

“Y/N, I know you’ll make good use of this journal. You write so beautifully and I hope you never stop writing. I also hope that you continue to share what you write with me. I want you to know that it brings me such joy to hear you tell me your stories and poems. I admit, I wish that you would write something about me in there. You have been such a bright light for me these past few years. You mean the world to me and I love you, so, so much. — Joel”

You had tears running down your face. “Don’t cry darlin’. I meant every single word.” He cupped your face and wiped the tears with his thumbs. His face was so close to yours.

His gaze flicked to your lips. “I want you to kiss me, please Joel.” And he did. He kissed you softly, as if you were some delicate porcelain doll that would break if he kissed you too hard. You pulled away. “Joel, you can kiss me harder than that, I promise I won’t break.” He kissed you again. This time a little bit harder, and the kiss felt like it lasted for hours.

You both pulled away and he put your foreheads together. “You don’t know how long I’ve been wanting to kiss you.”

“Me too.” You smiled and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. He pulled you into an embrace as if he never wanted to let you go and so you said, “I’m not going away. Ever.”

“I know and I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Finally!” You both turned to the voice and saw Ellie.

“How long have you been standin’ there?” Joel asked.

“Long enough to know my plan worked. Do you know how hard it was to get you two together?”

“I knew you were up to somethin’.”

“But you can’t be mad can you Joel?”

“I guess not. Thank you for the nudge.”

“Nudge? I’m offended, that was a push. You wouldn’t be here kissing if I didn’t do something. You two are such lovesick puppies it hurts.” Joel rolled his eyes.

“Thank you Ellie, for the push. We were being idiots this whole time.” You said

“Yes you were but I’m happy for the both of you.”

“C’mere kid.” Joel said to Ellie and he gave her a hug, that you joined in as well.

After a while Ellie said, “All right, lovebirds. Time to go back outside.”

“Fine.” Joel grabbed your hand. “Let’s go darlin’.”

“Can you give me one last kiss?” You asked.

He gave you a short kiss. You pouted and he said, “If I gave you anymore, we’re not going back outside.”

“Ew, get a room! Or at least wait until I’m not here.” Ellie said. You and Joel both rolled your eyes.

“We love you too Ellie.” You said.

“Yeah, yeah. I love you both, now let’s go outside.” You followed her outside with Joel’s hand in yours, something that didn’t go unnoticed by Maria and Tommy.

“Finally.” Said Tommy. “You both were such idiots.”

“Yeah, we know Tommy.” Joel said.

“I’m happy for you brother. I really am. You deserve to be happy.” Tommy gave Joel a hug. He then gave you one. “Y/N you’re a keeper. Now be sure to keep him in his place.”

“I heard that.” Joel said.

“Don’t worry I will.” You replied smiling.

Maria also hugged the both of you. “I’m happy for both of you.”

“Can we dance now?” Ellie asked.

“Of course. Play whatever you want Ellie. The box of records are over by the record player.” Maria said.

A familiar old love song started to play. “Of course Ellie chose a love song.” Joel said.

“Care to dance?” You asked and held out your arm.

Joel kissed your hand. “I’ll always dance with you, sweetheart.” You smiled and put your arms around his neck. He put his hands on your waist and you danced to the music.

You two were in your own little world, smiling like the love sick puppies you were. “I have something to tell you.” You said to Joel.

“What is it?”

“The poems I’ve shared with you weren’t about an old love like I said, they’re about you. I just never had the guts to tell you.”

“I think that deserves a kiss.” Joel said and he kissed you.

“More dancing, less kissing!” Ellie shouted. You both laughed. You danced the night away with the love of your life and your found family. This is the life you searched for and you finally got it.

#joel miller x reader #joel the last of us #the last of us #joel x reader #tlou show #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel tlou

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ranboo5 · 10 months

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Ooh, you mentioned c!Techno — any c!peerpresurduo headcanons? I may or may not be a bit obsessed with them :)

REAL AND ALWAYS TBH CPEERPRESS THE WORLDDDDD when I was more I active I was fully a cpeerpress blog at heart tbh and I like to think in essence I still am... they really are all that matters. Under cut for. Oh my god I was worried I wasn't gonna be able to deliver but THEMMMM

Headcanons wise I'm not gr8 at dragging up novel stuff on the spot BUT . I do like to think wrt offscreen interactions - I laruve cRanboo litol Hypixel backstory . The fashion thing is extremely covered ground but I do thing they discuss also specifically the angle of like . OK so going off Techno's skin Ranboo's skin and hell even applying it to Squid's tuxedo I like 2 think that fictional Hypixel fashion sense/movements just kind of are like that (see: Myzzy design!!!) so I think they should trash on people's wardrobes. - Idr if I ever posted this but it's fine. Philza being the kind of guy he is definitely has some kind of preserved:tm: cellar and he among other things at one point gets into keeping a ginger bug. He produces a decent amount of pumpkin sodie using the farm and the bug and ofc his store is officially open to both of the other commune denizens, which they both do interpret as an "at all times" thing. Which it is, even if Phil didn't necessarily intend to get woken up by the world's unstealthiest insomniacs walking into his house in the dead of night in search of a carbonated drink - I don't know if they run across each other during this or if it's during an excursion of some kind but I have the image in my mind so strongly that at one point in conversation Ranboo as like a haha yeah semi-sequitur just drops an episode of The Horrors as like . It's not Quite a litmus test but it's there, both spontaneous and dragged out like pulling teeth somehow, and even someone more astute than Techno wouldn't have a clue what to do with it. Fortunately, Technoblade, being greatly socially competent at Chilling and Having Fun, takes only a second before going "oh yea. HATE it when that happens." I don't know what the Horrors being obliquely referenced in just enough graphic detail to be unsettling while also deeply useless in figuring anything out are so I also don't know if Techno knows how it feels:tm: or not odds are strong either way tbh but regardless of that he DOES say "oh yea. HATE it when that happens" - on a lighter note one day Techno gets sick for an excursion and fervently denies this, which Ranboo dutifully yes-ands while also handing Techno tissues every five minutes - Ranboo once explained the cobblestone decisions made about the sky city EXTENSIVELY to Techno, and in this explanation also never got around to mentioning what they were building or why. Techno didn't ask. - Techno successfully taught Ranboo at least one recipe that he did not know prior to teaching it as if he'd known it for years. If this happened multiple times it has a roughly 50-60% success rate wrt making things that are good - I think it does matter that during and leading up 2 Ho16 proper Ranboo was not in contact w/ people at the commune . After it respawns somewhere locally it takes off in disgust as soon as it can, makes for the mangled desert, falls asleep in an alcove of sandstone somewhere and is awoken when a wandering enderman chances upon the sand it's walled off with, and before it can say anything they ask Ranboo if it's lost. The question pulls him up short and he finds himself saying something like "a little bit, I guess," and the language isn't as clumsy in their mouth as it was last month and a nondescript memory of talking at Phil slowly clicks into focus Techno is dealing w/ his Distraction Of The Week when Ranboo walks back into the commune -- this week he's reading about bead recording and is trying to figure out if and how to apply this to Syndicate signaling. It's not going great. Anyway the snow rustles and Ranboo clambers awkwardly over the fence across the yard, and when Techno throws him the "sup" he just stops mid path to his house and walking circles into the snow explains that he is going to bed which manages to start a ten-minute conversation about nothing that lasts until Ranboo attempts to lean on a fencepost in fidgeting and nearly passes out asleep on the spot, in similar kind to when you pop into a Discord call for "just a minute before bed"

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honourablejester · 1 year

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My sister and I were talking about Fallout, and we were just idly considering, if you had a Fallout game set in Ireland, what would the setting be like? Considering Fallout’s particular alternate 1950s post-apocalyptic B-movie setting. How would that mesh with Ireland’s peculiarities?

(Sidenote: I’m talking specifically about southern Ireland here, and in particular small town Ireland is what I’m familiar with)

And we figured some elements of Fallout: Ireland would be:

Pre-war nuclear powered farm equipment. Tractors are the foundations of Irish society. Rusted nuclear tractors are going to be a strong setting feature.

Mutant sheep. What brahmin and bighorners are to American Fallout, sheep are going to be to Irish Fallout (well, and brahmin). Farming is huge in Ireland. And it’d be funny and/or terrifying to meet massive wandering herds of mutant sheep wandering around the landscape. That typical Irish encounter, where you have to pause on the road to wait out a farmer moving a herd of sheep, only now you’re on foot and surrounded by Fallout sheep.

Fishing fleets. While Ireland does have a military and a government, they’re not really the institutions that the American military and government are? In a post-apocalyptic setting where order broke down, the factions in Ireland are going to be significantly more localised. But certain industries would absolutely remain big enough to be factions, and the fishing industry is 100% one of them. An Irish fishing fleet stood off a Russian naval exercise IRL. So. Fallout: Ireland could definitely have a floating militarised faction based entirely on the pre-war fishing fleets.

(You might have the Rangers as a military faction. The Ranger Wing is probably the part of the Irish military that does have a mythology to it)

Speaking of factions, if national order breaks down and fractures, the two units it’s likely going to break down into are: parishes and GAA. Particularly if we’re basing it off an alternate 1950s Ireland.

Parishes: Fallout is weird about religion, and appears to mostly try to avoid it. Which … will be difficult in an Irish setting, especially if the game is located near the border, but lets say we do the Fallout thing and lose most of RL religion. What weird cult is going to replace it? And, in Ireland, the rituals that might stick will probably be things like the grottos and wishing wells and pilgrimage walks, and most of those are related to Mary (at least in Catholic Ireland). So … there might be a goddess cult? The Blue Mother. Probably with a lot of water associations. In terms of the physical art and statues and the physical rituals that might survive, a lot of it will probably feature Mary.

Doing a Fallout and avoiding religion probably will be wise in a Fallout: Ireland setting, just to avoid recreating The Troubles post-apocalyptically. Though, depending on where you set the game, you probably can have corrupted remnants of the conflict. Whether you should is a different question.

GAA: And in terms of tribes, if society devolves, in Ireland it will devolve around the Gaelic Athletic Association. Because your local club is the defining feature in Ireland, especially in the 50s. Those are your colours, those are your allegiances. The only other main contender is family, so you could also have good old fashioned familial tribes (the mammy mafia, 300 year old ghoul grannies running familial gangs), but GAA will also be a significant local focal point.

Which brings up the fun option of post-apocalyptic hurling. Because. Look. Hurling was always warrior training. Part of the myth of Cú Chulainn, how he got his name, was because Setanta, his boy self, killed a massive hound by driving a sliotar down its neck with a hurl, and became the ‘hound’ (cú) of the smith Culann (the hound’s owner) to make up for it. Remember talking to the guy in Diamond City about his post-apocalyptic interpretations of pre-war baseball? In a Fallout version of Ireland, the post-apocalyptic and pre-war versions of hurling will not be that far apart. Sliotar grenades that you launch with a hurl strike? Genuinely something several hurling teams have probably thought about IRL. Hurls will be a standard melee weapon in Fallout: Ireland.

In terms of the B-movie elements, the mutants and cryptids and cults that make up the Fallout landscape …

There’s going to be a lot of mutant horses. Irish myth is full of horses. Kelpies. Pooka. There’s going to be mutant carnivorous bog horses, and camouflaged mutant ‘ghost’ horses that can drag you across half the map. There’s also going to be mutant deer. There might also be mutant elk. Like radstags, but bigger. And quite possibly a lot more aquatic wildlife. Ireland’s an island nation. Mutant pike. Mutant seals. Mutant dolphins. Ghoul seals. Possible sentient seal people, maybe as the supermutant equivalent? Kind of merge supermutants and mirelurks, and likely call the end result Formorians.

And, speaking of Formorians, there has to be at least one enemy type with a massive eyebeam, because Balor of the Evil Eye. Think an assaultron’s eyebeam, but on something wholly organic, a supermutant equivalent. An elite Formorian variant.

There could be an interesting merging of ghouls and the sídhe, now that I think about it. The people of the barrows, the people of the mounds. The people of Ireland Before, who moved into a underground otherworld when the bombs fell. You could definitely do something with ghouls and the sídhe, in an Irish Fallout setting. And actually, if they do take more elements of sídhe, the ghoul faction might well be a respected faction, more so than many of the American Fallout games. Ireland has more of an ancestral/elder respect element going (‘back in my day’), and ghouls would be where knowledge survived. So you could very easily have a powerful scholarly ghoul faction under the banner of the Sídhe. College is a big thing in Ireland. Fallout 4’s CIT, in a Fallout: Ireland that could so easily be a ghoul faction, centred on one of the University Colleges or Institutes of Technology That could actually be a faction divide too, the humanity-focused UCs vs the technically focused ITs. You could have ghoul college factions.

Then there’s the question of where to set the game. Realistically, it’s going to be Dublin, because Fallout games tend to be centred on urban centres, and in Ireland Dublin is the city. I sort of don’t want it to be set in Dublin, but likely it would be. And you would have some interesting locations in the Dublin environs and things like the Wicklow mountains for the rest of the map. You have the airport, the port, Phoenix Park, outlying areas like Greystones, Bray, Howth, Balbriggan, Lucan, and possibly Naas or Dundalk in a DLC. You’d have the north/south divide as a possible faction boundary. Put the ghoul Sídhe in Trinity College.

(Thinking about that, actually, Ireland doesn’t have a lot of actual underground spaces. We don’t have a metro/subway/tube, almost all our transport is surface transport. So the subway stations that are such a feature of most Fallout games will not be a thing in Fallout: Ireland. But we do have older spaces. Newgrange, Knowth, Dowth, the passage tombs. Souterrains. Medieval cellars.)

It’d be fun to set it somewhere else, though. Waterford, Cork, Galway, Derry. Not Limerick. No offense to Limerick, but I don’t know if I’d want Angela’s Ashes: Fallout Edition. Although Limerick does have a lot of interesting hinterlands. So does Galway. Galway might let you use a post-apocalyptic Burren as a more alien nearby landscape.

… Anyway. That was a whole conversation. How to convert the Fallout setting and themes to a post-apocalyptic Ireland. Heh. Fallout is quite specifically America, building on 50s Americana mythology. But there are elements that would merge interestingly with an Ireland set in the same universe.

#fallout #fallout setting #ireland #post-apocalyptic settings #converting fallout for an irish setting #long rambles #fandom shower thoughts

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every-dayiwakeup · 1 year

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🌊The holy trinity 🙏

🌊Billy in his relationship coach era 🛹

🌊💈They sure had a ball

🌊 It’s true

📢🦌 Heather’s question

🌊 Decisions decisions

💈🌊Sleepy & Horny

💈🌊When they share one brain cell

💈🌊 Steve is Billy’s #1 supporter

🚿🌊💈RIP Tommy

💈🌊 RIP Tommy: The Sequel

🌊💈Is this not what happened?

🌊💈He’s up for everything

🌊💈50/50

🌊I thought you were American🛹

💈🌊 King Steve’s true power ft. Cat!Billy

🌊The results are in

🌊💈Mood

🌊He said please

🌊💈Look at Billy, Steve

💈🌊A few hours later...

📸🌊💈Sleepy boys

💈🌊 Oh Steve

💈📣🌊 Tummy ache troubles

💈🌊 Steve is looking disrespectfully

🌊And the lord said onto Moses...

🌊💈Cum queen Billy

🌊Why not, Jason?🏀

🌊💈Cumit to it

🌊💈🍉🍊🍌

💈🌊 Dammit Steve, not again

💈🌊 First fight as a couple

🌊 Billy’s asking the real questions💈🎤🍕🦌🚿

💈🌊 Tit Topics

🌊💈Disgustingly in love

🌊💈🧍‍♂️

💈🌊 System processing

🚿💈Anyway

🌊Daily dickfirmations

💈Steve’s autobiography

🌊A dramatic tale 🧇🛹

🌊💈Billy’s got game

📔The Origin of Mean Steve 💈🦌

🌊💈Just guys being dudes

💈The struggle is real

🌊💈 The Adventures of Billy the Life Coach

🌊”Start”

🌊Make it make sense

🌊💈Billy’s got game

🌊💈 Billy's midlife crisis

📣 Wise words from Queen Heather

🌊 Why Billy grew out his hair in the first place

💈🌊 It's about the Catholic guilt

🌊 Jason's oddly specific nightmare🏀

👑🌊 They complete each other

👑🌊Steve's fashion crime

👑🌊 Anyways

🌊👑 Billy's on the job

🌊👑Dynamic Duo

🚿💈🌊Whose hole are you talking about, Tommy? 🤨

🌊👑Billy’s inner monologue Pt 1

🌊👑Steve’s so done with him

🌊👑Billy’s inner monologue Pt 2

🍕📸 Jargyle Weedventures Pt 1(?)

👑🌊Good question...

👑🌊Billy's never beating the babygirl allegations

🌊ScArY

🌊Angstfirmations

🌊👑 The triumphant return of Mean Steve

🌊👑You learn something new every day

🌊Not a rickroll

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humandiversity4 · 2 years

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AGE - AGEISM IN THE FASHION INDUSTRY

HOW OLD IS TOO OLD?

The pressure women face to defy ageing is a subject I’ve spoken about many times in the past. While our male contemporaries are viewed as distinguished and wise, women are subject to the double whammy of ageism and sexism. With one or two exceptions, female broadcasters and more generally women on TV and in the movies, are allowed to grow old as long as they look a certain way. Tweaked to take the years off, old but not too old. And when we’re ‘grey and stout’ rather than being valued for our experience and wisdom, we’re simply replaced by a younger model.

In a recent report entitled Retiring Ageism, SunLife (a financial services company for the over-50s) claimed that ‘ageism is everywhere’ and stated that ‘78% of Brits over-50 said they haven’t seen an accurate representation of their age bracket from companies or celebrities in the past year.’ And ‘56% feel most misrepresented by the fashion industry.’ Yikes.

It’s no secret that fashion labels tend to prioritise youthful aspiration over a realistic depiction of what their customer actually looks like. Up until quite recently, older women were pretty much absent from advertising despite the 50-plus market being responsible for 51% of the UK’s total wealth and the largest growth area for fashion expenditure. Between 2011 and 2018, there was a £2.9 bn (21%) growth in spending on clothes and shoes by the over-50s; set to increase by £11bn from 2019- 2040 according to the International Longevity Centre. Say hello to the Power of the Silver Spend, the Grey and Stout Pound, or whatever you want to call it. Brands who are honest with themselves about who their target customer actually is, that use relevant and realistic models – and provide us with good quality basics – are going to reap the rewards.

Fashion should include everyone. Women of all ages, sizes, ethnicities, women with disabilities, non-binary women. The landscape has changed but diversity isn’t a fad or a hashtag. One older woman on a website (or a catwalk) is not enough.

HARVARD REFERENCE

Alyson Walsh. (2020). Is The Fashion Industry Ageist?. [Online]. That’s Not My Age. Last Updated: 5 October 2020. [Accessed 19 September 2022].

HOW YOUNG IS TOO YOUNG?

Living a life many young girls around the world dream of, Sofia Mechetner is opening the Paris fashion show of one of the world's most famous labels, Dior. She is 14 years old, an age some feel is too young to be working in a cutthroat industry.

"I feel ready and I am not alone, I am being looked after, closely," the Israeli model said. "They are treating me really nicely here ... They help me. So the fact that I am 14 years old is not really an issue."

Mechetner, who used to help her mother clean houses to make ends meet, was catapulted into the limelight in July when she opened Dior's haute couture show wearing a sheer white dress.Her appearance drew criticism and stirred the debate on where to draw the age line in fashion, an industry often criticised for using skinny models. "Before she started with Dior, she was cleaning houses with her mother. So if she is not too young to clean houses, I don't think she is too young to walk on a show," Mechetner's agent Rotem Gur said.

The use of young models in fashion is not new. Kate Moss was scouted at 14 while Naomi Campbell was 15. However there have been industry moves to make changes, notably during the biannual catwalk shows. Designers contracted to London Fashion Week must use models aged 16 or over. New York has similar age guidelines.

HARVARD REFERENCE

Reuters. (2015). Too Young?. [Online]. Fashion Network. Last Updated: 8 October 2015. Available at: https://ww.fashionnetwork.com/news/Too-young-teenage-model-spurs-age-debate-in-fashion,580520.html [Accessed 19 September 2022].

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amphtaminedreams · 2 years

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Well it’s Far too Late to Call This “Winter Fits”: Lookbook No.19

Hellooo to anyone reading!

Happy end of seasonal depression hours! Supposedly! It’s only now that we’ve entered August that I’m finally no longer freezing my tits off but alas! It’s summer now, right?! Well into it! I’m trying for 5 minutes not to think about the role that climate change plays in the heat we’re experiencing right now to avoid the ever proliferating sense of impending doom and I’m about to (probably very poorly) help myself do that by throwing it back to winter, the end of which was supposed to be my personal deadline for this post. At this point, this is less a winter outfit diary and more Outfits of the Year Part 1. But let’s not call it that officially; it feels a little too close to the format of my fashion week recap posts and I don’t want to end up giving off the impression that I too am out here showcasing head to toe Balenciaga or something. Unfortunately, *manifesting* that I have the kind of money to afford that only goes so far. Oh, to be a nepotism baby and be free of the shackles of a life spent in retail until I get myself tens of thousands of grand in debt funding a degree which *may* then grant me access to a job where I can finally afford a can of chickpeas because the year is 2030 and they’ve now gone up to £5 per pea. No one has truly stared into the soul of the cost of living crisis like a retail worker who’s taken a 49p label off a shelf edge during an SEL audit to replace it with a 94p one. Let me say, they weren’t even good chickpeas. Took an hour to soften, FFS. Oh, the trials and tribulations of vegetarian cooking.

Back to the point before this turns into a chickpea brand tier ranking though-this year I have been making an EFFORT with my day to day outfits. I unintentionally played myself when I turned up with a full face of makeup and a cute outfit to my first seminar of the year because since then I’ve felt this self-imposed pressure to keep it up. This is even though actual term time finished back in March; it’s wild given I still associate breaking up for “summer” with sweaty classrooms and walking home in my secondary school blazer with a big time SULA giving off big Rihanna “shine bright like my forehead” meme energy. Don’t get me wrong I’ve loved the content of my course but a 5 month break is like…ahhh, chef’s kiss. Uni is so INTENSE. You can dedicate 90% of your free time to studying and still be ridiculously behind, and I genuinely wonder on the daily whether I have genuinely lost a significant number of brain cells over the last few years because to be real, I properly coasted through that year of history undergraduate and A-levels were probably the last time before this year I totally threw myself into something. Yeah, first year ended in weeks of all nighters but ya know, probs wouldn’t have found myself in that situation if I’d paid attention to the course or done any of the reading for the entirety of the rest of the year.

-23/01/22-

(blazer from Primark*, beret from Topshop*, argyle mesh socks from ASOS, turtleneck from charity shop, shirt from charity shop, boots from ASOS)

It is really daunting doing a degree you genuinely enjoy because when you flop, the imposter syndrome is veryyyy real. I have to keep reminding myself that I don’t lack understanding or ideas, I’m just not used to writing in a formal, unbiased style which psychology as a discipline is utterly obsessed with given the whole inferiority complex surrounding its status as a “proper science”. PLEASEEE, not a statistics module making up a solid 50% of my course for the entire 3 years. STATISTICS. In the wise words of Katya Zamolodchikova:

I almost did a maths degree because as a subject it was pleasantly straightforward to me until I remembered oh my god, do you really want to spend 4 years learning about distributions and probability and yet…here I am, doing exactly that. Here’s to me spending a significant proportion of my summer doing an SPSS basics course in the face of the realisation that I cannot, in fact, get through this degree just trying random buttons. Maybe, possibly, my decision to see the tutorial workbook as optional in spite of all evidence saying otherwise was a mistake, tehe. I have many regrets xoxo

-14/01/22-

(blazer dress from Topshop, boots from Koi Vegan Footwear, body chain from _chain_mail on Depop)

So why is it that I’m out here posting this months after teaching finished? Well I have work work (the do it til you die literally just to survive type, love that for us) and until a few days ago had a piece of coursework due, originally with a MARCH deadline, that I requested enough extensions for that they ended up just deferring it to the end of the academic year. And then I missed that too-yesterday morning I finished up the coursework, and it took me half an hour to write what it had taken me 3 days to write in the 72 hours preceding that deadline. Stress really hinders your ability to string a sentence together so take that as my way of justifying my messy posts. Case in point: back to this post’s purpose. I wore some cracking stuff this year. Despite this self-imposed pressure, putting together an outfit and allowing myself a couple of hours to do my makeup to go onto campus has been so therapeutic for me, like genuinely one of the small pleasures in life. People look at me like I’m insane when I tell them I’m voluntarily getting up at 7 for a 9:30am so I have time to get ready, and yeah, I naturally only tend to sleep for a couple of hours anyway but I would likely still get an early start regardless as it truly is such a confidence boost and motivation to properly throw yourself into the experience when you make an effort and feel good about yourself, even if that is a bit superficial of me to say. Romanticise the fuck out of your life and all that, do what you need to do to motivate yourself! So based on that, I’ve been able to put together a little outfit diary of some of the the outfits I’ve been really feelin myself in over the past few months. As is tradition, there is of course the few outfits I planned in my head which never materialised because I am theoretically a lot more social than the reality which is to say that I cancel plans like nobody’s business. My social battery drains like my iPhone post introduction to a Primark portable charger . I think I convinced myself during the pandemic that I was much more of an ambivert than I actually am, lol.

Also, I know. Given I was blasting the heating in Valencia in April, that I would really be wearing any top with that much exposed flesh at any point before this July heatwave is sounding a lot like fiction. But that’s because once I knew the outfits these started as were never leaving my room, I spiced them up a little bit, okay!!! We’re in the realm of experimentation now anyway. It’s a sentiment that I’ve seen a lot of people echo lately but I’ve become so hyper aware lately of what is “on trend” and how quickly that passes because of this whole phenomena of micro trends which definitely isn’t caused by but has also def been exacerbated by TikTok and the need to brand fucking everythingggg as some kind of aesthetic. So, whilst it had the unintended consequence of me becoming some what of a clothes hoarder, I’ve definitely been trying to plan outfits over the last year that make use of clothes that I bought when they were in every high street store and trying to incorporate them into outfits differently.

Look 1

Making this Vanessa Mooney mini playsuit appropriate for colder weather was a little tricky and obviously I went too extra with it to actually wear it out but it has defo forced me to be more creative and made me think more creatively. Yes, that’s me framing outfit planning as some kind of brain workout, I said what I said. But it’s the closest thing I do to using actual brain cells lately so allow it. I have to really big up Steal the Spotlight for inspiring me to do this because she really makes the only YouTube fashion videos I still watch and I am constantly wowed by how creative her outfits are. I truly miss the days when I’d get excited to watch unsponsored lookbooks and fashion content wasn’t primarily accessible via the medium of a less than 30 second clip where a teenager talks about how ugly something everyone was wearing a couple of weeks ago now is. I feel like I am super out of the loop not having TikTok because people really do reference them like they’re common knowledge and I do want it SO BAD but I am determined to wear what the fuck I want and feel like I am serving without knowing that its apparently been done to death or is a “trend” we should forget from a few years ago. Steal the spotlight and Vogue Runway with a little fast fashion browse for styling ideas are really all the fashion content I’m consuming these days but you know what? Playing a little game of Cher’s closet from clueless in my head is a fun one.

-06/01/22-

(t-shirt from Topshop, jeans from YesStyle*, faux leather blazer from Nasty Gal*, corduroy jacket from freyax19 on Depop, beanie from Primark*, with Doc Marten Jadon platforms)

I’m not going to make up some story about where I planned on wearing this outfit but it took me a long ass time to work out how TF I could wear a turtleneck under this playsuit. In steps the Minga Venus top which I once made the mistake of wearing to a concert. It was November but concert venues seem to truly have their own microclimate and I was boiling hot. That taught me two things-one, that humans packed into a venue like excitable sardines in a tin definitely smell exactly like what a can of sardines if you left them in the sun for long enough would smell like, and two, that velvet turtlenecks do a marvellous job at conserving body heat. I loveee any piece of clothing that strays from your typical print, especially anything that incorporates art. I recently found another Alphonse Mucha print mesh piece from UO on Depop and my hand has never hit that add to basket button so hard. This one is in COLOUR!! But anyway, a white silk bodysuit with a velvet Venus print top felt like a very decadent combo so I took it all the way with the celestial print Koi boots that are still probs my fave piece of footwear of all time. The whole outfit suddenly became very 70s bohemian mystic and did I fulfil my brief of tilting the aesthetic balance more towards Mick than Bianca Jagger with the fur trim House of Sunny coat? Perhaps not. I wanted some darker, grungier details but somewhere between low-rent glam rock and Studio 64 inspired seems to be where the needle landed and you know what, I’ll take it. A rock and roll take on fairy core I hope (that’s a thing now too apparently, to what exactly it applies idk but if we’re talking TikTok aesthetics, it’s better than “clean girl”).

-02/01/22-

(argyle top from Urban Outfitters*, denim flares from sallllll on Depop, trench coat from charity shop, leather blazer as before, heels shown from Koi Vegan Footwear, with Docs as before)

Ngl, I’m still kinda on the fence about the vinyl jacket. It precluded the UO green fur trim jacket and it was from Depop, back when I was scouting it under the illusion the multiple fur trimmed jackets I already had were not enough. To give myself some credit here, I was deep into my end of year deadline crisis, or what I thought was my final deadline-related crisis, and given these jackets were all at home, I’d kinda forgotten they all existed in my temporary insanity. The issue with Depop is that you can’t see the quality, and when it turns up and it isn’t what you hoped, there’s not much you can do about it. The vinyl isn’t the best quality and though it’s probably fair for the £30 the seller charged me, I found it still retailing for £60 on H&M. Moral of the story is that if you’re looking for something quality, as I was with one of those decadent vintage looking fur trim coats, maybe go directly to one of the vintage Depop stores or go somewhere you can see the piece in person. When I put it with the Vanessa Mooney playsuit and the Venus print top it worked out okay but I rarely know what to wear it with on a day to day basis.

-01/01/21-

(dress from Topshop*, leather blazer as before, beanie as before, turtleneck as before)

-01/02/22-

(two piece from miajohnson26 on Depop, boots as before)

-20/01/22-

(blazer from Nasty Gal*, shirt from charity shop, coat from Collusion, argyle mesh socks as before, choker from Regal Rose, with Docs as before)

Look 2

I wish I could say I held out longer on buying this Ragged Priest cardi than I did. My friend messaged me they had a sale and I can’t lie..I ended up browsing. She is truly the main culprit in 75% of my shopping addiction relapses. Never use a new ragged priest drop to test your willpower-you will come away feeling like a giant, broke idiot. I know, I know, you can get granny cardigans second hand anywhere. Believe me, I scoured Depop. But it’s true what they say we always want what we can’t have. I thought I was getting what I couldn’t have, ya know, getting my cake and eating it, but joke was on me because turns out the thing that I actually wanted and can’t have is a decent balance in my savings account after also deciding to buy the jeans I told my friend I also liked and definitely WOULDN’T be buying. Such is life. Anyways, this is an outfit I DID genuinely plan to wear out during one of the by all other accounts “spring” months which are actually, in my mind, winter months. Idc, April is still winter to me.

The jeans are from Depop, previously Weekday, and I fucking loveee them. Plus, the seller was such a sweetheart they included the dark wash pair they were also selling in for me. Absolute babe behaviour. They’re absolutely hated by my parents and my sister, confusing to put on when drunk, and get me scowled at by old people. But hey, they’re cheaper than the similar pair I almost also brought from the ragged priest, so I count that as a personal win.

In terms of accessorising, I didn’t know whether to lean fully into the grungy element of things or to channel that 2013 Joanna Kutcha vibe. I think that’s the last time I had my finger on the pulse of anything culturally relevant and it’s clearly stuck. Technically though, I guess I did both by including the Fila Disruptors though I will always see them as the kind of shoes boys in my year at secondary school would call “gothy” on the same grounds they applied that label to wearing dark red lipstick. The shock. The horror. Basically, they make me feel like I can stomp on shit n that’s all in the nature of the rebellious spirit that drove a 90s girl band, right? Pls, I wish I could sing or play some kind of instrument so I could take part in a revival of that era because god knows we need it more than fucking ever.

-23/02/22-

(flares from Collusion, bucket hat from babbiebp on Depop, coat from charity shop with patches from PatchShopLtd, fairycakes & pastelriotshop on Etsy, red leather blazer from beawilson on Depop, Fila top from phoebemckk, and shirt worn underneath from Zara*, with Docs as before)

-06/03/22-

(coat from Urban Outfitters, top from Ebay, bodysuit from Gilly Hicks*, skirt from immysurridge on Depop, hairband from zenacowen, with Docs as before)

Look 3

For this look, we have another fur trim green coat. And yes, it’s under the leather blazer that I wear to death. I would call it my grinch era since I can’t seem to resist anything green and fluffy RN but I don’t think it’s so much an era as a frightening kindredness of spirit with that guy that runs kind of in reverse where Christmas is one of the few days of the year I’m actually in a BETTER mood. Now I can’t lie, these were a couple of my fast fashion purchases of the year-the coat was retailing for about £90 in UO when I first saw it and this, my friends, is where browsing is dangerous bc when I saw it reduced down to £40 like…my heart jumped out of my chest. I sound like a broke record at this point but completely ethical purchasing or just even LIVING in this world is a fucking task and a half. I consider myself someone who tries my best (god do I miss Milkybar and god does it hurt walking past a white chocolate and salted caramel Extreme cone on Clubcard offer, god damn you Nestle you morally corrupt evil incarnate company) but you don’t work in a shitty job just to wallow in self-loathing every time you buy yourself a new coat. I’ve never regretted spending money on outerwear and me and this baby were a love at first sight kinda pairing. The slip was a Topshop piece I got through ASOS (can we please talk about how much of an UPGRADE Topshop has been on the receiving end of since it went online? I hadn’t seen anything I liked in there for years beforehand, everything was bland af, I can only imagine cutting the costs of renting out premises has allowed them to become a little more experimental again) and the others are old pieces I know have been included in a few past look books. I’ve also worn the celestial print mesh top (originally UO), boots (Koi Vegan Footwear) and the velvet baker boy (from the Oxford St. Topshop, one of the few irl stores I still used to find gems in right up until the end, RIP my friend) to absolute death but I will never fall out of love with anything remotely 70s Bohemian luxe.

-31/01/22-

(dress from Urban Outfitters, beanie from ASOS, coat as before, top worn underneath from Urban Outfitters*, with Docs as before)

-15/03/22-

(coat as before, sweater vest from Daisy Street, cargo trousers from debbiec101 on Depop, bag from Urban Outfitters, with Fila Disruptor Ii Platform Wedge trainers in white*)

-27/03/22-

(coat from Topshop, shirt underneath as before, sweater vest from YesStyle*, bag as before, trousers from rachelgriffihs12 on Depop, sunglasses from Ebay, Docs as before)

Look 4

Honest answer? Of the following 3, is this jumper more Jennie from Gossip Girl, Effy Stonem in season 3 of skins, or Eugenia Cooney? I don’t know how I feel about any of these things. I cringe a little at the possibility any of those 3 may be perceived as my intention. But I think I watched the entirety of Gossip Girl too recently (don’t bother) to completely erase it from my brain and if my reaction to seeing Ollie Barbieri on the tube the other day is anything to go by, clearly the Skins influence remains strong despite the shivers of embarrassment my 2013 Tumblr presence still sends down my spine. It was definitely NOT supposed to be a “fuck u mum n dad U DON’T UNDERSTAND ME!!!” moment. I’m not familiar with my k-pop references before but I’ve definitely subconsciously picked up on that punky, early 2000s Avril lavigne but make it spicy vibe and that, my friends, was the intention. Trust me, they’ll refer to this period of fashion as early 2020s does y2k MySpace girl and early 2020s does y2k bimbo like they do “y2k does 70s boho” in a few years time. And then give it a few more years and it’ll be “early 2020s does y2k does 70s boho and has a baby with 2020s does y2k bimbo too”. The more I make these predictions the more I am coming to the conclusion that the best way to sum up fast fashion trends atm is that they mutate and breed like viruses.

-09/02/22-

(dress from Motel Rocks*, top from kk0103 on Depop)

Anyways, the jumper is a lil Ebay number and true to trend mutating form, I brought the old y2k Avril style boyfriend jeans in too, which I had long lusted after since the whole Cargo trousers thang begun; pockets, flexibility and comfort are rarities when it comes to women’s clothing so these were a worthy investment. Following true early 2000s chick flick logic, you can’t go Goth and skater, right? Wrong. Is it just me or were they one and the same at secondary school? There was always a sickly looking quiet boy who you would’ve forgot was even in your year if it were not for the daily sighting of him sloping away from his group of Pierce the Vail groupie girlfriends with his skateboard at the end of the school day. Again, the filas are out n as if I didn’t need to draw from any other style, I bought a bucket hat in. IDK, I feel like they’re cuter than they are a street style staple when they’re fluffy lol. Fluffy makes anything cute (okay Rubeus Hagrid, I hear u say).

-10/02/22-

(leather blazer as before, argyle mesh socks as before, Doc Martens as before, bag from Primark*, corset from madeyoulooks on Depop, white shirt underneath as before, plaid skirt from YesStyle*)

-13/03/22-

(slip dress from kaoanaoleinik on Depop, corset from hanpiercey, white shirt and turtleneck as before, boots as before, with Crikey BB Poppy Lissiman bag )

-27/01/22-

(dress from glorres on Depop [altered], leather blazer as before, beret from ASOS, Docs as before, sherpa coat from Topshop*)

Look 5

I go through stages of being obsessed with this Fila top and the varsity thing when you toughen it up a little with the rest of your pieces. I don’t know if a trench coat fits the brief but I thought it worked as a whole with the platform FILAs to give a boarding school but like…make it a bit teenage angst kinda vibe. Kinda like Poppy Moore’s (if you weren’t obsessed with Wild Child in your adolescent years, what were you doing with your life?) L.A girl take on her boarding school’s uniform but less a necessary evil because I was sent there for a giant rager in a Malibu beach house and more because I like…set fire to the staff room at my private school or something. Anyways, a tennis skirt will never not be a staple for me. Their reach extends far beyond the gilded American Apparel obsession era. So j just went full school girl with it. If St.Trinidad’s didn’t further add to the overwhelming body of evidence that a collegiate influenced look didn’t slap with consistency I don’t know what will do it for you.

-14/02/22-

(coat from Out of the Ordinary Clothing, leather blazer as before, velvet bakerboy from Topshop*, flares from seren_richards on Depop, bodysuit from sashabill, Docs as before)

-16/02/22-

(mesh flares from Urban Outfitters, pleather waistcoat from ASOS, top underneath from Urban Outfitters, red leather blazer as before, Afghan coat from louisemarcella on Depop, beret from Ebay, Docs as before)

-18/01/22-

(beret from New Girl Order, skirt from Urban Outfitters, leather blazer as before, shirt from Ebay, Docs as before)

-20/02/22-

(beret as before, sweater vest from Juicy Couture, plaid skirt as before, shirt as before, coat as before, with Fila Disruptor Ii Platform Wedge trainers in black*)

So! That’s it for now! I doubt I will be doing a summer outfits post; we’re already well into the summer now and if British weather follows it’s usual pattern, I’m sure we’ll be back to the usual August school holiday showers soon enough. I do have a plan to make a sort-of outfit post from the holiday my sister and I went on to Disneyworld. Because yes, I literally took a ridiculous amount of photos, want to give my unsolicited opinion on every bit of food I ate (because being obsessive about food is one of my few remaining personalities traits at this point) and justify to myself why spending all that fuckin money was worth it, tehe! I’m already deluding myself into thinking I am capable of saving the 3 grand it’d take to go again this summer because I know it may be the capitalist Mecca of America but given all the childhood nostalgia it brings me I’m willing to overlook it. I would also love to do a proper lookbook again soon kinda along the lines of the Euphoria/Sitting Front Row at..etc. but I am stumped for ideas and I only treat myself to new clothes a few times a year now so I lack the materials. Creativity will strike at some point, I hope!

Anyways, thank you as always for reading if you did so! I’ll get back into it with another fashion week recap soon and am currently deciding whether to do a Haute Couture Week post after my F/W22 posts or just kinda do a brief interlude with it, mostly on the basis it could probably fit in one more compact post. I also do wanna get that Disney content in there bc…like I said, we’re all allowed just a *little* dip in the ocean of extreme capitalism now and again right? I got my karmic punishment when I paid $8 for a “Cheshire Cat” twist on my last day in Magic Kingdom and found that it tasted like an underwhelming version of the Costa Coffee one. I dropped this thing on the floor and ate it anyway because I will be DAMNED if I let that thing go to waste after realising only half way through the holiday that I could actually just fill up my water bottle at the water fountain near our hotel room and store it in the fridge to chill it overnight rather than spending $5 on ridiculously fucking tiny bottle of Dasani water every morning. If my delusional hope of a trip there next summer (doubtful based on my awful money management skills) comes to fruition I will most definitely be going with a much thriftier mindset and the staunch resolution NOT to feel morally obligated to tip. That moment when the girl at one of the EPCOT kiosks turned the card machine around after handing me a single bottle of overpriced water, which they took their sweet time retrieving anyway because there was a small bee in front of the fridge, should’ve been a turning point; you live in ALLIGATOR country, ffs. And I just paid you an extra $2 because I couldn’t look you in the eyes if I didn’t. I have cleaned up a person’s literal shit from the shopfloor at work and been threatened ad naseuam by every local crackhouse resident when I politely ask them not to steal 8 bottles of wine for the third time that day and yet half our customers don’t even say thank you when I step out the way to let them pass whilst trying to carry a 3 pack of 5 litre bottles of water one handed. So on that happy note, wishing ya all the best and again, thank you so much for reading if you got to this point! I’ll be back soon!

Lauren x

*old pieces (last stocked over a year ago) marked by asterisk

#ootd #outfitdiary #fashion #fashion inspo #fashion inspiration #personal style #style #style inspo #thrift #sustainable fashion #second hand #winter #winter fashion #styling #grunge #throwback #london #londonist #street style

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orlissa · 10 months

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June Reading Summary

I almost forgot about this!

June was a really good month for me reading wise: I finished 6 books (okay, I have a couple of pages left from the sixth one, but let’s say I have finished it), and most of them were *chef’s kiss*

With these I’m at 34 books read (without the double reads), which is not bad at halftime when my goal is 50

But let’s see what we have:

Laura Wood: The Agency for Scandal One of the best YA books I have ever read, no joking. I flew through the 500 pages long book in a single day. Late Victorian Era! All-women’s detective agency helping out women! Mystery! Political intrigue! Romance! Humor! An optimistic heroine! Honestly, I just loved the whole of it. This book deserves a whole lot of hype.

Laura Wood: A Single Thread of Moonlight So this one actually takes place in the same universe as The Agency for Scandal, and is set after it (TAfS is set in 1897, this one in 1899), but this one was published first. It’s basically Count of Monte Cristo meets Cinderella - our heroine ran away from home seven years ago, fearing for her life, and now she returns under an alias to prove that her stepmother murdered her father. There is also romance. I’ll be honest: I really enjoyed this one, but not as much as The Agency for Scandal.

Alyssa Palombo: The Spellbook of Katrina Van Tassel So... I think we, as an audience, have been spoiled? We hear the name Katrina Van Tassel, and immediatelly think of the Tim Burton Version or the Sleepy Hollow series version, which are steeped in dark magic and intrigue and power... and we forget the original KVT. This book doesn’t -- it’s actually way closer to the Washington Irving story than any other adaptations. And in itself it wasn’t bad -- it was a solid book -- it’s just with this title you expect more of a Sleepy Hollow series vibe. Instead the first part is a romance, with Katrina and Ichabod suffering in a very romantic fashion because they cannot be together due to their difference in station, then that fateful Halloween happens, and Katrina spends the remainder of the book trying to figure out what happened to Ichabod. Once again: go in expecting a kinda period-accurate romance, not a tale of dark magic, and you’ll have a fun time.

Bonnie Garmus: Lessons in Chemistry Masterclass in writing, honestly. I either stop here, or write a full essay, so I’m just gonna stop here.

Katharine McGee: American Royals It has a very interesting premise: what if America became a kingdom instead of a democracy, and since they did not show example, most monarchies around the world remained to this day? The book follows 4 POV characters, the heir apparent/crown princess, her younger sister, and two girls, a “girl next door” and a ruthless social climber, both competing for the attentions of the thrid royal child, the sole prince, all amidst modern media attention. I actually really enjoyed this book, I think the author handled the theme and the situations really well, although it felt like four POV were a little too much for a book of this lenght. And also, all the time I just wanted to see a whole damn history textbook of this alternative timeline :D

Livia Blackburn: Feather and Flame Some time ago I translated a Disney Beauty and the Beast novel, the first book in an anthlogy series, which deals with princesses becoming rules. This one belongs to the same series, and focuses on Mulan. Mulan is, without question, my favorite Disney princess, so I went in with high hopes. They disappeared by like page 50. There are like three stages of reading this book: Stage 1: There is no Mushu. No Yao. No Ling. No Chien-Po. This is a travesty. Dishonor on you, dishonor... Stage 2: Mulan arrives at the imperial city, the emperor names her his heir, then dies, and Mulan becomes Empress. She deals with insecurities and slimy minister and the prospect that she can never be with Shang properly. This bit is pretty good. Stage 3: Mulan is forcibly removed from the imperial city, and you facepalm every other page because she keeps doing Dumb Stuff. Also instead of dealing with the political intrigue, we go into another war situation with the Huns, which is just maddening, because 1, it’s pointless bloodshed 2, we have already dealt with war in the movie 3, you will never do a better representation of the terrors of war than Mulan’s company finding the burned down village. Never.

#orlissa reads

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bionic-beth · 1 year

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Have you ever cut your own hair? Yes, when I was 4 or 5 while my mother was on the phone and my father was taking a nap. What do you eat most frequently? A lot of chicken and beef, mostly. Sometimes pork or turkey. Are you a fan of video games? Not necessarily. What's your favorite color combination? Black just goes with everything, so that’s easiest. Did you share a locker at school? No, I never had to do that. What's one sport you could never play? Basketball, because I’m short AF. Blue or black ink? It doesn’t really matter to me. It depends how the pen writes. Have you ever sang karaoke? At home, for fun, as kids. What was the last concert you attended? I haven’t been to a concert in years. Have you held anyone's hand in the past week? Many times, yes. What's your favorite perfume/body spray/cologne? I just use the sprays from Bath & Body Works. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? Not very long at all. What is the oldest age you think should wear makeup? I mean...until you’re dead? I think you asked this question the wrong way. How old were you when you went on your first date? I mean, my ex & I used to get dropped off together at movies starting in high school. What's your nationality(ies)? Sense of dark and inappropriate humor. Are you an open book? It depends on the person - but sometimes. Do you think you're a good secret keeper? Yes, I’d say so. Name one fashion trend you could never follow. Uggs or Crocs. Do you prefer long hair or short hair? It’s mid-length right now. When do you plan to go to sleep tonight? Whenever I start feeling tired. Has anyone besides your family seen you naked? If so, who? Yes - middle school & high school gym...and my ex, and Jess. What exotic animal would you love to have as a pet? I think that exotic pets belong in the wild. Do you want kids when you're older? I have three bonus kiddos and I love them so much. Did your parents sign you up for anything you hated as a child? Girl Scouts, every sport under the sun (though there were a few that I actually did enjoy out of the bunch) Where's your cell phone? It’s in my pocket. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? This is always a hard one... What are your feelings about Octomom? I don’t have any feelings towards her. Do you know of Smosh? No, and I’m too lazy to Google it. Do you drink enough water daily? I definitely do not. Is your diet healthy? It’s reasonably healthy. It’s all about balance. What's your favorite fruit? Strawberries, mango, green grapes. What was your favorite Halloween costume? I just dressed up as 50 Shades of Gray for this past Halloween. (a clean version with dirty connotations, covered a black t-shirt in gray paint swatches LOL) Have you purchased any cool objects from a foreign country? Yes, I own lots of things Made in China. Are you on a laptop or a desktop computer right now? I’m on my laptop. Where do you plan to post this survey? Just here on Tumblr. Do you remember anyone's number by heart? There are a few peoples’, yes. Are you a morning person or a late night owl? I’m technically neither. Name something you will never try in your lifetime. Bungee jumping, skydiving, etc. What do you think is your biggest flaw? I constantly put myself down and talk poorly about myself. First physical trait you notice in the sex you're attracted to? I’m attracted to peoples’ personalities. How about personality wise? See answer above. Are you sick often? Yes, I have a shitty immune system. Would you rather have strept throat or an ear infection? I never enjoy getting both at once, either. When did you last shower? Earlier this morning. Do you have neat handwriting? I’d like to think so. Printing, anyways - not cursive. Are you a messy or organized person? I try to be clean and organized. At what age do you hope to get married? I don’t think I want to do that again. Is being thin really all that great? It depends on how “thin” thin really is. Which of the seven deadly sins do you think you're most guilty of? Gluttony, because delcious food. How much time have you spent on the computer today? This is my first appearance so sfar today. What size shoe are you? 6 and 1/2 in womens. How was the weather today? It’s sunny and warm (for November, that is) Do you live above, below, or on the Equator? I live above the Equator. Do you know how to use Photoshop? I have no need for PhotoShop. Admit it, you're thinking about someone right now. I mean, yes - now I am. Where is he/she? In the other room. Where was your first job? Babysitting for relatives and neighborhood kiddos. Favorite year in high school? The year I got the fuck out of there. East or West? I live in the NE part of the US. Where did your first kiss take place? On the lips. What color do you wear most often? I wear a variety of different colors. Who was the last person you talked on the phone to? Probably Jess. I don’t speak to many people on the phone. Have you ever done your own laundry? Yes, I’m an adult and physically capable. Have you ever been to a night club? I have not. Are you allergic to anything? Sunflower butter. What's the best place you have ever eaten? I don’t eat at “good” places. LOL Do you own a hair straightener? I do not. I have no need for it. Are you barefoot right now? I am indeed. Are you subscribed to any magazine? Not since when I was back in high school. Puppies or kittens? We pet for both teams in this household. If you had a billion dollars, where would your first investment be made? A home library, because I love to read. Actually, my first answer should’ve been paying off the house and the 3 kids’ college educations, I suppose. Oops LOL Who is the best artist you've seen live? Imagine Dragons. Any major plans coming up this week? Nothing out of the ordinary. Did you know they never told you Arnold's last name in Hey, Arnold? That’s okay, I never had a need for it anyways. Would you rather watch a romantic comedy or watch a thrilling horror movie? A romantic comedy, for sure. Why is Paris Hilton famous? She’s not as popular as she used to be. How is your hair styled right now? It’s not styled. Favorite person that you've talked to today? My girl - and our kids. Do you need AC right now? Today, yes - it’s turned on. What do you think about cheating/cheaters? They suck, obviously. I’m not really sure what else you’re asking here. Do more people call you by a nickname or your first name? Lots of different nicknames. I’m never Elisabeth unless I’m in trouble or signing my full name as a signature or something like that. Name something you're proud of. Making it this far in life. How much does it suck to learn something 'the hard way?' It doesn’t suck as long as you learn something. Are you a hopeless romantic? Only to a certain extent. How do you feel about couples who say 'I love you' too soon? Good for them. Say it if you feel it. Just realize that the other person isn’t obligated to say it back until they’re ready. Both of your feelings are valid. What's the most recent favor you've done for somebody? Let one of our kids attend a playdate. Are you at home right now? Yes, there’s nowhere else that I would be right now. What did you last spend money on? Food, bills, etc. Does any accent annoy you? No, but some are difficult to understand. How about turn you on? Not necessarily. Are you wearing any jewelry? Not at the moment. Do you get along better with your mom or your dad? I don’t get along with either of them anymore. Are you craving anything right now? I need to decide what to do about lunch. What's worse: Crocs or Uggs? Both of them. Do you knock before you open doors? I always tend to. Do you know what a sock on the doorknob means? Yes. Chocolate or vanilla? Depends on the food. What's your zodiac sign? Sagittarius. Does Fred from Youtube annoy you? I don’t know who that is.

#survey #random survey

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suckitsurveys · 2 years

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Do you remember much from high school? Knowledge wise? Absolutely not. Where would you go for the ultimate honeymoon? A really nice, all expenses paid beach resort with a waterpark. Can you access the roof of the building you live in? No. Do you know anyone who has a strong accent that is hard to understand? Yes. If you had to get a tattoo tomorrow, what would you get? A bug to start off my sleeve.

What was the last podcast you listened to? Do you listen to it regularly? Office Ladies. I love it! I haven’t been listening to podcasts much since I moved offices because now I have an officemate I actually enjoy talking to lol. Are you more of an optimist or a pessimist, and why do you think this is? I think I can be both. I have an overall optimistic view of life, but day to day pessimism takes over. When was the last time you moved house? almost 6 years ago. Have you ever held a gun? Did you fire it? A bb gun. Do you like simple questions or deep questions that make you think? I like a mix of both. How long have you been using Bzoink? I don’t use Bzoink, I steal my surveys the good old fashioned way lol. When was the last time you threw up? Why were you sick? I can’t remember actually. Are you on a first-name basis with your boss? (or last boss if unemployed) Yes. What brand is your laptop or computer? The one I am using right now is a Dell. My laptop at home is a Sony. Would you ever wear a bright orange shirt? Sure. What was the last thing you wrote in a word document? I had to write a response email when we were having an issue with access cards at work. I knew I had to send it a bunch of times so I just wrote it out so I could copy and paste. Who do you miss and what do you miss about them? My mother. I miss everything about her. What were the best and worst costumes you’ve ever worn? My favorite costume I’ve ever worn is a tie between Nyan Cat (2012) and Princess Carolyn (2018). I can’t think of any particularly bad ones Do you know anybody who is gay and married? Yes. What did you last take painkillers for? A headache. Are there any hobbies you want to get back into? Eh. Have you ever shared a home with a friend? No. What’s the craziest or weirdest place you’ve ever slept? On the floor of a gym? What did you have for lunch today and who made it? I haven’t eaten yet but I’m going to make myself some soup I think. Do you believe in anything supernatural like ghosts or ghouls? Sure. How many hours of sleep did you get last night? Not enough. Are you allergic to anything? How did you find out? Probably. What’s your favourite Thai dish? Massamun curry or Pad See Ew. Do you have any alarms set? What time and what for? Yes, a ton for waking up in the morning. What are you going to do when this survey is over? Make some lunch. Have you ever been on a date with someone you met online? How was it? Yes, that is how I met my husband. What colour is the rug in your living area? Tan. Do you call it a couch, sofa, lounge or something else entirely? Couch. Who is your favourite character on Friends? Phoebe and Chandler. When was the last time you used a pair of headphones and what for? The other day. I was listening to music and dancing around in my bedroom lol. Describe the temperature of the area you’re in right now. It’s currently 80F and sunny. Who was the last very physically attractive person you saw? Pete Davidson on my Twitter a few minutes ago ahahahahaha. Have you ever had teppanyaki? Yes. How long does it take you to get ready before you go somewhere? Depends. Do you find it difficult to get rid of material possessions? Sure. What sort of games do you like to play? Fun ones. What was the last candy you ate? Candy Corn. Have you ever been hit in the face? What’s the story? Yes. Do you know anyone who is deaf? Yes. Name one thing on your bucket list. Travel to all 50 states before I’m 50.

#surveys

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topscrapgoldbuyers · 2 years

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Exactly how to Locate a Gold Buyer

Discovering a gold purchaser is simple. The process generally complies with a set treatment, such as evaluating the gold and also checking its purity. Some buyers will certainly also evaluate the gold with an acid to determine whether it really is made from gold. An item of fashion jewelry that passes this test will be thought about pure gold, while an item that has been harmed will be less useful. To sell cash for gold, view here!

The area price of gold is the price at which gold is currently being sold. You must likewise examine the fashion jewelry for scratches or marks, as these will detract from its worth. Some customers are better than others. Online gold purchasers can be a wonderful option for selling your gold, as long as you follow a couple of straightforward standards. Be wary of any person that doesn't have qualifications or guarantees. You do not want to run the risk of obtaining scammed or otherwise obtaining the quantity you expect. Likewise, attempt to stay calm as well as professional during the procedure. There's no sense in hurrying into the sale or selling to the initial buyer you encounter.

An on-line gold customer will certainly have lower costs than a brick-and-mortar store. They can pay for to keep their margins less than brick-and-mortar shops. This suggests the party offering the gold will certainly obtain a much better rate than if it were offered in a brick-and-mortar store. Online gold purchasers generally give a prepaid mailer, along with insured shipping. Many will purchase gold and silver from individuals, so you can select a suitable purchaser to sell your own. There are some points to seek in a gold buyer. One of the most crucial thing to seek in a gold customer is a track record. If you're selling a piece of fashion jewelry, you ought to make sure that the customer has a reputation in the sector. Constantly want to turn down a reduced deal and also prevent taking care of unstable buyers. When offering gold, it's constantly a good idea to check out the online reputation of the customer before marketing to them. If you want to sell your gold to a jeweler, it's wise to get numerous quotes from various areas. To sell cash for gold basking ridge, contact this gold buyer now.

You should likewise be prepared to work out if you're offered a low price. Bear in mind to choose a buyer that specializes in fashion jewelry as well as will pay the marketplace price for your gold. You'll have the ability to obtain the highest possible rate if you comply with these pointers. You'll have the ability to market your gold for a greater price and also prevent getting scammed. Abe Mor provides higher costs for scrap gold compared to various other gold buyers online. Most "cash for gold" sites will just pay regarding 50 cents on the dollar for scrap gold. But Abe Mor will certainly give you up to 75 percent of the scrap worth of your gold jewelry. They likewise purchase diamonds. So also if your jewelry is damaged or has tiny rocks, you'll still get an excellent rate. Abe Mor additionally offers a price-match assurance. Find out more about this topic on this link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gold.

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nerdybookwormdetective · 2 years

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How To Select The Best Button Making Machine

A small thing as simple as a button can make a huge an impact on how your clothes appear. It can transform a basic shirt into a fashionable one when the correct form or color and size are used. Buttons can make an enormous difference in your business, whether it's a small one or a huge enterprise.

You can make fashion statements by designing custom badges and buttons that display your that you support your favorite ideas or social causes.

With the top button maker at your disposal you can turn your hobby into a company or turn your big-scale enterprise into something unique. Pin-making machines are available in a variety of brands and not all will suit your requirements.

Because you'll invest money into the best button maker, making sure to consider these points prior to deciding to buy one is a wise thing to do. Don't forget to listen!

Scope

Consider why you would need a button maker in the first instance. Are you a business person who needs a device that can produce large quantities of buttons that have various functions?

If you have to create buttons in large quantities and you will need the button maker regularly, then choose one that is sturdy and give you the option of making multiple sizes, using multi-molds and colors, and pin parts for badges.

If you're just seeking to expand your sewing skills by making some buttons, you'll require a button press machine that is of high-quality and is portable and easy to assemble. It's not intended to be used for heavy-duty tasks.

Structure

You should get an idea of the strength and durability of the maker of buttons is simply by taking a look at its design. Also, you should consider the materials that were employed to construct it. Stainless steel and cast iron are both good at resisting the rust. You could also choose one made from aluminum.

Check if the base of your machine is made out of acrylic or plastic. The machine should be safe for short-term, light use. However the side plates should not be damaged. They should be made from metal.

Machine Size

Find out the dimensions of the button badge maker as to where you will store it should determine the ideal size for you. Try to choose one that has a compact design for easy portability and storage. There isn't a need for a lot of space to make tiny items like buttons.

Speed

The speed of the machine determines the amount of buttons you can create per hour. A machine that produces around 300 buttons in an hour is essential if you're in the business producing buttons. However, for DIYers or small-sized businesses, a machine that produces 50 buttons per hour is enough.

Button Size

The size of the button can determine what kind of button machine to purchase. If you require sizes which are greater than 3 inches or smaller than 1.5 inches, it means you own an enterprise that is based on fabric. You should look for a machine that is able to create buttons of all sizes.

Look for buttons molds to check if they can be modified according to your specifications. Also, make sure to verify the capability of the machine to produce different shapes of buttons. This will enable you to obtain the maximum number of buttons.

Accessories

When buying a button maker accessories like cutters must be taken into consideration. Certain models come with an inbuilt cutter, while others do not. If you're looking for a specific shape, you'll have to buy an additional cutter.

Operation is easy

You need a button maker that's user-friendly and easy to install. You'll be amazed at how easy it is to setup each machine. These button makers don't require power or batteries, so they are very simple to use.

Find out how much pressure is required to make a basic button-making machine. This shouldn't be one with high pressure for a basic and basic button maker.

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waynedunlaptheorgandonor · 3 years

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also i was writing a scene where michonne was helping carol pick out a sexy outfit except it was impossible bc there is no such thing as a sexy outfit in 1966

i mean, look at this shit

the best writer in the world couldn't create suspension of disbelief strong enough to make this not abhorrent

anyway.

here's hoping to having the chapter done this weekend, like, please god let me have that

none of this important

k bye

#the 50s were so good fashion-wise #how did we regress so badly???#anyway #again don't write historical fiction it's awful #caryl fic #an unfinished memory #dunlap writes shit

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f1nalboys · 2 years

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Random Randy Meeks HC’S

here ya go :D thanks to those who were interested in these heheh

WARNINGS: some nsfw stuff mentioned throughout, mostly wholesome tho lol

Randy is Jewish and he takes it super seriously

His family does easter egg hunts though, Randy is so competitive it makes me laugh

He has so many freckles especially on his shoulders and back

His first tattoo is on his thigh and it’s a knife

You know, because of Halloween lol

He wants to get his entire leg done up in horror movie themed tattoos

MATCHING TATTOOOOOOOS

He’d do those couple tattoos where you each write out something in your handwriting and then get the others tattooed in a spot you can always see it

Randy can sing

He is so good at carnival games it almost worrying

He can win you the biggest stuffed animal you’ve ever seen

Randy is also good at those arcade games but he doesn’t really like any of the prizes so

Like a fucking angel

He gives his tickets away to kids who haven’t gotten any

He’s a big fan of DND and magic the gathering

More of a fan for DND though

He does not take it seriously, though, like character creation wise

Him and Tatum are besties and (because they fucking lived don’t talk to me) they hang out even as they grow older

Needs post it notes to keep his life in order and even that doesn’t help

Really neat handwriting

He really loves trashy reality TV, it’s a weird guilty pleasure of his

WEED SMOKER ALERT

Big fan of edibles and he is the type to get ripped off LMFAO

“$50 for a gram?? What a steal :D” and then its oregano

He plays animal crossing with his partner and they share literally everything

He brings gifts for said partner in the game and will text them if they’re not playing at the same time and is like “Check your house when you get on :)”

And it’s a random fossil or something

LOVE NOTES

Randy is a fan of poetry and will write his own even if he thinks they’re shitty

And if you ask enough he’ll let you read it but he’ll be so embarrassed im going to kiss him

He loves kids and is so good with them

He has a big extended family and lots of younger cousins that he watches and plays with on holidays and get togethers

They call him Uncle Randy :,)

He wants a big family when hes older but he wants to have a daughter first

Girl Dad Randy omg

He takes pride in being the ‘cool’ dad so he keeps up to date on the latest trends so he can talk to his kids about stuff

“Have you seen this dope tik tok?” “Dad don’t call stuff dope” “Is swag out too???”

Randy loves hard rock music

He needs glasses to read heheh

Randy will go to college for film but he’ll minor in fashion idc he LOVES fashion and the trends throughout the decades

He’s also a history buff lol

Not one of those WW2 history nerds but he’s super into pirates

He’s a panty sniffer fight with yourself LOL

Randy will never admit it but he loves (and i mean LOVES) shitty horror movies

Like yeah he appreciates the ‘better’ films and has a hard rating system but look me in the eye and tell me he wouldn’t get high and watch Thankskilling????

Randy is a scrapbooker

He’s super sentimental and he writes in his journal everyday to keep a log of everything thats happened

Wants to have an apartment with his significant other with a cat and a few fish and maybe a gerbil

And he wants the place decorated in a way that shows how homey it is and how well loved the place is and he wants to be cooking with his partner and have the radio playing soothe jazz and he wants to wrap his arms around them and dance with them in the kitchen

GOD i want to make out with him so hard

Hes so submissive it makes me want to fuck him

Randy also does paint by numbers hehe

He lets you do his makeup and nails and literally anything else

Big fan of skirts and mesh tops

His happy trail….. God im salivating

He has his nipples pierced

And if he wasn’t super scared he’d get his dick pierced

HE GETS HIS TONGUE PIERCED TOO

Just imagine how it feels when he’s going down on you-

Doesn’t spend money much, more of a saver

But when he buys stuff it’s something he really really really wants

He can go three rounds minimum

Master at using his tongue mhm

I have so many more but i forgot them all lol

#f1nalboys masterlist #f1nalboys writing #f1nalboys works

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mrdarcygenderenvy · 2 years

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Bride & Prejudice RANKED on my own arcane system feat. special guest SHAZLEEN

On today’s installation of ‘ranking Pride & Prejudice adaptations by my own ridiculous system’, I’ll be joined by SPECIAL GUEST Shazleen Khan, famous author of internationally renowned gay webcomic Buuza and haver of wise opinions. And also the author of this great magical girl essay blog and the friend who I watched this movie with after not having seen it since I was a kid. Shazleen’s opinions are similar to mine only much more interesting and relevant so we’re keeping mine to a…

LIGHTING ROUND HARI OPINIONS!!!

OVERALL: I was somewhat skeptical about whether this would live up to my child memories but do you know? Imo it banged.

TAKES: Naturally there was some absolute tunes, some extreme time capsule fashion and Aishwarya Rai (Lalita, ie. Elizabeth) had some fucking points about colonialism. I LOVE a P&P where the heroine gets full into the opinionated rant zone, 10/10. Adaptation versions of Caroline Bingley (Kiran) and Lydia (Lakhi) were both SO good and the ‘hot accidental rain dream’ vibes were on point.

Even from my limited perspective Darcy’s ‘maybe I’m learning to be less racist now’ arc came across fucking weak, in that it was not an arc. He’s just a real dick at the start then shows up playing a drum and we’re expected to fully like and forgive him for some reason. There was some nuance in other places, it just felt like a full half hour was missing from the end. Even just from a narrative and 2004 standpoint, DEMONSTRATE SOME PERSONAL GROWTH.

you did it, racism is over

What you’ve all been waiting for: The Shazleen Interview

Thank you for coming today, Shaz (please imagine I’m a talk show host but from a late night show from the past, so we’re reclining in plush chairs in a sultrily-lit room with drinks and big hair.) So first off, what were your opinions on this adaptation - and what’s your level of interest in period dramas

Shazleen: Ok so I have a lot of opinions sorry this is gonna be my longass paragraph

So I distinctly remember watching this movie a few times as a kid, and it may be one of the first few I’d willingly watched by my own volition (probably because one of my friends as a tween was also wildly into austen at the time, and also musicals)

I think I had the opinion for a while after that it sucks that this movie has a white dude love interest- which I guess is still the mood after rewatching. However I truly did not expect some of the really big brain conversations that take place in this movie, about post colonialism and race.

Shazleen: I always remember the bit in this movie where Lalita talks about how at the time, India had only had independence for 50 years and was well on the way to becoming an economic power, as opposed to America which broke down into civil war around the same stage of its existence- but I really didn’t appreciate at the time how much they talk about things like diasporic politics with the guy who had emigrated to America and now looks down on his fellow indian community living bck home, and also the really nuanced portrayal of wickham.

I think when I was 12 or whatever I felt Wickham was the better choice, but now having literally aged and gaining life experience, Wickham in this movie is an even more insidious villain. Unlike Darcy, who’s just an ignorant dickweed, Wickham masquerades as someone worldly and open minded, when really he’s just as condescending and exploitative as any other gap year wanker on their white saviour pilgrimage across the imagined, savage east.

live shazleen comments from discord while we were watching it

Shazleen: Darcy’s redemption sucks here though, it’s sorta wild he plays a drum and then they smash cut to the double wedding. Also I still stand by it sorta sucks Lalita has a crappy white dude to deal with, though I suppose at the time this movie was made it was pretty good to show an interracial couple?? But I guess it’s 2021 and I’ve sworn off white dudes forever and I kinda wish she met some nice diasporic boy. Raj is literally perfect and right there though I guess, so I suppose the actual normal wholesome couple with no racism is already present?

Shazleen: Also irt austen, period dramas and adaptations, I truly feel there’s so much overlap between specifically south asian culture and that period of british history. Like the focus on class systems, family values and image, like c’mon this is the shit hindi dramas are built on. I’m surprised this isn't a more common crossover subgenre.

Hari: There are a couple of others that I personally haven’t seen so like… hmu if you wanna watch.

Shazleen: Fuck yeah dude let's go

Hari: I think for me, one reason period dramas spark joy/ gender envy is they often present a love interest with a sometimes-repressed but ultimately very caring, charming version of masculinity that an assumed female audience is supposed to be into. (Did gawky teenage me want to be a broody but ultimately misunderstood hero who’s very attractive to women, in a sick jacket and rumpled little poet shirt: of course.) Is there a particular character, film or genre that sparks feelings of ‘now that’s a gender I can get into’ for you?

Shazleen: I feel like my specific gender is just messy gender mysterious fuckboy with zero emotional capacity, so like I guess it’s just anime. Sometimes I look upon emotionally constipated anime lads like “ Man I wish i could just run around and obsessively do my specific thing I like to do and a girl would just like, be into that “

Yeah Hari I guess I do just want a nebulous gendered other to see the scummy ratboy I am inside and be like “I could make sure they eat 3 healthy meals a day.”

Hari: I dream of coming over and kicking down your door to feed u healthy meals, if covid blows over and I’m miraculously cured of my disability you better watch your BACK

Shazleen: my rat ass is ready

Hari: Moving on from your rat ass to some final questions: other old white ‘classic’ literature you would like to see made into an elaborate and dramatic South Asian musical complete with bangers, sexual rain scene etc?

Shazleen: Where’s my count of monte cristo hindi drama guys. I want a 5 movie film franchise, each film 4 hours long, with 10 songs, about my guy edmont dantes on his wild vengeance quest. To be honest I looked it up and there are SEVERAL desi adaptions in various languages, but I want a fucking big budget one yeah, put mr sharukh khan on that shit. Hire Amitabh Bachchan as the Villefort equivalent

Hari: biggest crush of this movie?

Shazleen: it’s lalita, she’s so beautiful, I would literally die for her. I’m crying every day, mr darcy get away from her please

Hari: 00s fashion hot takes?

Shazleen: I think it’s fun to see the kind of kameez’s we used to wear in the mid 2000s. Desi fashion trends don’t veer so wildly, but those y2k pastels are a definite throwback.

Shazleen: Also an impromptu Ranking of all the songs

The general vibe is that the singing is generally way better in hindi, but a few of the songs are ok in english.

6. Worst: Take me to Love - Sucks ass, it’s the classic walking through water we’re having metaphorical sex song, and it’s boring as fuck, they shoulda just let them sing in hindi.

5. My lips are waiting: A valiant effort by the singer, but it just feels like everyones singing out of key lol

4. A Marriage has come to town: The hindi segments in this song are pretty good, and while sometimes the english rhymes don’t hit, the general lyrics are perfect for the classic crowd scene banger. Bonus points for mentioning rasmalai.

3. Dola Dola: It’s a nice celebration song!! There’s nothing wrong with it and would be good BGM at a mehndi.

2. No Life Without Wife: This is a classic, a fucking tune, immaculate, the ultimate meme song. this movie gave us one gift it’s this one.

Hari side note: ‘No life without wife’ is actually a song that’s been stuck in my head on and off for 15 years and did not remember was from this film until rewatching, truly a tune

Shazleen: 1. Balle Balle: Ok I have to be real though, as important as memes are, the true marker of a great hindi movie song is the couple group dance scenes and whether it makes it onto the wedding playlist. And this one, has definitely been the BGM as I’ve munched some biriyani on an auntie’s special day, ygm.

FINAL RANKINGS

Wildness: 5/10, as Shazleen says, the premise is not that wild a combo at all, and mostly just sort of works doesn’t it

Mr Darcy gender envy rating: 0/10 he’s just like a hotel heir with noughties hair I fully hate

How much I have a crush on Elizabeth/ Lalita rating: 10/10, scold me with your thoughtful opinions

Shoutout to: ‘White backpacker Wickham who emerges from the sea to play wonderwall and naturally turns out to be the absolute Worst’ really is a great piece of adaptation and spiritually extremely Austen accurate.

OVERALL RATING: Yes

#bride and prejudice #bride & prejudice #pride and prejudice #austen adaptations #Aishwarya Rai

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