#the adhd was a huge one but i’m like. i still feel that way | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

firsttimewriter92 · 1 year

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Heyo! I’ve requested this to a couple different writers just to see the way it differs and so far Im still waiting for them to respond, which is fine, but I was hoping I could at least request it to you as well :)

I have ADHD and other mental conditions and stuff and was wondering, if it doesn’t make you uncomfortable, that you could do the 141 + Konig where the reader (female) had ADHD and was super energetic and talkative the entire day and the boys were just stressed out from the long day or a bad mission and had said something hurtful to the reader, which caused them to either try and suppress their ADHD ticks or just talk less and become less energetic and social.

I’m a sucker for angst cuz I’m sad and lonely lol 🥹. If you could please do this or at least think about it that would be amazing, thanks 🫶🫶

Hello, my love. I LOVED your ask and gave it a shot. I hope you´ll forgive me that I only came up with something for Ghost, Price and König so far. Maybe I´ll do another part with Gaz and Soap.

As I don´t have ADHD or know anyone who does, I really hope I catured what it´s like as best as possible. Please let me know if there´s something wrong. Please enjoy and don´t feel lonely! There´s a whole community for CoD out there who welcome you with open arms! <3

Warnings: angst, panic, yelling, cursing, fluff, hurt/comfort

Words: 3.001

Ghost

You were just putting away the dishes from your dinner when you heard the front door open. Your heart lurched into your throat knowing who just came home. You bolted around the corner and there he was. The hulking figure of your boyfriend Simon. His frame took over most of the space of the short hallway as he moved to take off his jacket. You knew he needed a little time to adjust before he would be able to give you attention so you waited, though still hopping from one excited foot to the other quickly. Grinning wildly and lightly giggling.

You heard a long sigh coming from Simon and your heart sank a little. It must have been a draining mission. He lifted his head and his dark eyes looked at you wearily. You stopped hopping immediately and a cold, cold shiver ran over your back. You saw the haunted look in your boyfriends eyes and you didn’t know how to help him best right now. Then, to really spike your panic, you saw Simon shake his head and move backwards to the door. “I can´t deal with this tonight” was all he murmured before he turned and left your shared apartment, leaving you standing there with the most horrible feeling in your stomach.

Simon was at a loss. He was sitting in a quiet corner of his favourite Pub, sulking into his pint. The last mission almost cost him every single one of his team members. Johnny was still in hospital. He just couldn’t deal with bubbly, happy or hyper right now. At least that´s what he thought. His fist clenched around the glass when he tried to suppress his self-loathing. Wasn’t your talkative person and happy nature exactly what had enticed him in the first place? What was he doing? Instead of listening to you ramble about your day, about the newest plant you got or how much you enjoyed cooking this new dish, effectively draining all the bad thoughts from his mind, he was sitting alone in a Pub, still thinking about the horrors of the last couple of weeks.

He knew all you´d wanted to do a couple of hours ago was envelop him into your arms and making him feel home. A huge gash opened in his chest. Growling at himself he stood and left the Pub. He had to see you right now.

In your apartment you sat on the couch, trying to read one of your favourite books and not feel rejected by the one you loved. You really tried to understand why he left. Why he left you with these words hanging in the air. Where you really too much? You were just excited. Was that too much as well? You felt your eyes sting. The front door opened and your heart plummeted into your stomach.

He needed space, so you stayed seated and decided you wouldn’t bother him with your presence until he really wanted it. At the door, Simon waited for your hurried footsteps, craving your hug more than anything. But nothing came. No footsteps, no happy squeal, nothing. He knew he´d fucked up big time then.

As he walked into the living room and saw you sitting on the couch, his heart squeezed painfully when you wouldn’t look at him. He heard you sniffle and immediately went over to you. “I´m sorry, dove. I´m so, so sorry” he whispered when he sat down and immediately pulled your whimpering form onto his lap. You held onto his shirt and marvelled in his scent and warm, firm chest. Simon buried his head into your hair and still continued to apologise. “I stepped over the line when I said what I said, my love. I can deal with it! I need your bubbly self, especially now. I´m so sorry.” His big arms caged you in and slowly you came down. Warmth and love melted into your veins again as you spoke.

“If you need more space from me when you come back, just let me know before you come home. So I´m not a bother.” You heard a desperate sound crawling up his throat when he repositioned you to look into your eyes. His big hands were framing your face when he said in a choked up voice “No. No, don’t ever hide who you are from me. I´m the one who needs to work on this. You did nothing wrong.” He sighed. “I thought I couldn’t deal with it but the truth is, it made everything much worse. I need your adorable rambling when I come back so I don’t have to think about what happened. It just took me a while to realise and I´m incredibly sorry. I´ll do better, I promise. I love you.” You shook your head and lovingly stroked his face. “Just let me know exactly what you need and I´ll adjust. Just don’t push me away like that. I love you just as much.” He kissed your fingertips, your nose, your forehead and finally your lips. “Never again, love. I promise.” You smiled against his lips and kissed them again.

Cuddling on the couch for several minutes he could feel the words stuck on your tongue just dying to come out. “What is it?” he asked with a grin. You grinned back just as wide. “I bought a new plant” you said with a giggle. Simon sighed happily and nodded his head. “Of course you did” he said lovingly. “Go on then, show me.”

Price

John had been home for about three days now and was still on edge. He really tried not to let it show or not make you worried about him. He still had a lot of paperwork to fill out and visits to the base. You wanted him to feel as comfortable as possible so you decided to really scrub down the flat.

You were really proud of yourself when you finally came to the last room, John´s office. It smelled of leather, John and faint cigar smoke. Smiling fondly you looked at the clean and organised desk. John´s things always had a designated place to be, at least on his desk. Smiling giddily you took a picture frame into your hands. It showed John and you at one of Gaz´s barbeques. John had a beer bottle in hand, red cheeks and smiling so wide, his eyes were completely closed. The picture was made just as you´d jumped onto his back clumsily, almost making him fall. You were perched on his back, your arms thrown around his shoulders. John was leaning forward slightly but already had one hand securely and possessively on your thigh, holding you to him. At this very moment you felt so incredibly lucky to have met him.

John came back later that evening, just as you started preparing dinner. He looked exhausted and a little annoyed as he entered the kitchen and living space, smiling at you shortly and kissing your forehead. You hummed sweetly. “I cleaned the whole apartment today” you said grinning. John raised an eyebrow and looked around. His lips twitched. “You did good, love. Everything´s so orderly.” You knew how much he loved it when the lovely chaos you preferred living in was a little more controlled. You giggled and kissed his cheek. “Get washed up, dinner will be ready soon.” He gave you a grateful smile and nodded, leaving the kitchen.

Several minutes later you heard heavy footsteps stomping down the hallway. Curious you looked at the door just as John walked in. His shoulders were tense and his blue eyes blitzed dangerously and annoyed. “Did you clean my office as well?” he asked quickly, crossing his arms over his chest. You blinked. “Yes, why?” you asked. He shook his head and huffed. “Then I´m sure you can tell me where the bloody hell my work phone is!” You took a short step back when you heard him raise his voice that way. Slight panic settled into your chest. “Uhm” you said and tried to think if you saw his phone. “I´m not sure if…” “You´re not sure? Ok. I´m sure,___. It was on my desk when I left. You know how important that thing is? Where did you put it?” Your head was reeling when you really tried to think if you removed the phone from his desk. “I-I don’t remember” you said breathlessly. John groaned.

“You know, what good is it that you finally clean up your clutter if you remove the things that I actually need?”

Immediately after he closed his mouth he saw you fall into yourself. Your shoulders sagged, your whole face showed panic and bewilderment. Worst of all however was the moment he saw all the light vanish from your eyes. He knew instantly he made a huge mistake. Yes, he was annoyed, but it wasn’t like the phone was gone forever. The both of you just had to find it. When you turned around he knew you didn’t want him to see you like that. He felt terrible. You´d put up with his demeanour for the last couple of days and the first inconvenience made him explode like that. He heard you sniffle.

“___” he said in a small voice, walking over to you. “___, love, I´m sorry. That wasn’t fair of me to say. It´s just a phone. We´ll find it.” He saw you nod but you didn’t turn around. “Baby” he tried again. This time you did turn around and his heart almost gave out. Your eyes were brimming with tears but they looked at him with no emotion at all. Your mouth was a straight line and your jaw was set. “You know I have trouble remembering things. You know that keeping up with one task at the time is basically impossible for me.” He nodded and hung his head. “I know” he said slowly. You huffed. “I´m sorry. I´ll find your phone as soon as dinner is ready.”

John shook his head, walked over and turned off the stove. You looked at him curiously. He grabbed your hand and led you over to the sofa. He urged you to sit down and the moment you did, he knelt on the floor in front of you and touched his forehead to your knees. He breathed you in for several moments before lifting his head. “I really should learn how to prioritise things better. I know how to keep everything orderly and all that but…now it´s not only me and my job. Now it´s also you and me. I sometimes forget about that, my love and I am sorry.”

You looked down at him and felt your anger, embarrassment and shame slowly fade. You nodded weakly. “My sweet girl” he whispered and held you face in his palms. “I really appreciate that you did this. That you put up with me as well. I know I haven’t been very communicative with you.” You lightly shrugged and he shook his head. “You can´t just let me get away with these things, my love. Please. I know it´s hard for you, but you can hold me accountable for what I´m doing or saying.”

“Okey” you said and breathed in deep. “You´re right. What you said was absolutely uncalled for. It hurt and embarrassed me. I´m not proud of the way I let things go sometimes. It takes an immense amount of effort to even come to the point of wanting to organise and clean stuff.” John stroked his thumbs lovingly over your cheeks. “And I´m sorry about your phone, John. I promise, I´ll help you find it.” He sighed deeply and pulled your head towards him. Hesitating for a moment to see your reaction, you smiled at him and leaned down more to kiss him. A relieved breath escaped his nose when he kissed you back right away. You detached from him again and with pure joy he saw the light back in your eyes.

“Let´s have dinner and then we´ll look for your phone, yeah?” you asked. He nodded immediately and helped you stand again. He pulled you close by the waist and peppered your face with little kisses until you giggled and tried to wriggle out of his hold.

“Can I help?” he asked. You nodded and gestured towards the fridge. “Could you please get the meatballs out?” John nodded and opened the fridge. Stunned, he stood in front of it for a bit too long. You looked over to him questioningly. “John? What is it? The meatballs are right there.”

He nodded slowly and then his shoulders started to shake with laughter. “What?” you asked perplexed.

John, still giggling, closed the fridge with the platter of meatballs in one hand and his work phone in the other. Your eyes went round and a blush crept up your neck and up to your cheeks. “Oh, Jesus…”

Both of you started laughing again and John went over to you and held you in his strong arms until you both stopped, short of breath. He leaned his head against yours and very softly said “I love you so much.”

König

Laughing hysterically at one of Soap´s jokes you clutched König´s arm next to you and buried your head in his shoulder. The latest mission was over and the 141 decided to wind down at one of the local pubs. König had asked you to join them and shortly after you walked into the pub and jumped into your lovers arms without hesitation. He lifted you up and swung you from side to side before holding your face gently and kissing you long and hard. The whoops and hollers from Gaz and Johnny were ignored by the two of you. You were just happy to be with each other again.

Your happiness bubbled through every pore in your body, the alcohol in your system making you relaxed and buzzing. You´d bantered with Soap the whole evening. The music and over all volume of the pub forced you to raise your voice once in a while. No one seemed to care though.

With a light kiss to König´s cheek you excused yourself to the bathroom and stumbled over to the little door. König watched your with fond eyes, his heart swelling by the minute. Soaps elbow connecting with his ribs and he gave him a sly wink. “So, when´re you goin´ to ask the lass ta marry your arse?” he asked. König´s face lit up immediately. He grinned shily. “I do have the ring already but…I´m really not sure when I should ask.” Johnny nodded. “Best not wait too long my friend” he said wisely. “Yer not the only one noticin´ her. She surely knows how to present herself.” He winked at König.

König´s eyes had a soft look in them. “Yeah, I know.” He said and sighed deeply. “She´s a LOT!”

Just as he said it, he felt your presence next to him and smiled up at you. Said smile vanished immediately when he saw the hurt on your face. He was a bit bewildered as to why you looked at him like her whole world just collapsed. Without saying anything you turned around and stormed towards the doors. “___!” he yelled and scrambled from his seat in the booth going after you.

Outside he looked left and right quickly and spotted you walking briskly away from the venue to his right. He started running and thanks to his long legs it didn’t take him much time to catch up with you. The moment he reached out for your arm and you whipped around shaking it off, his heart broke into a million pieces. Tears were streaming down your face and deep, deep hurt was still edged onto your features. “Liebling, what-?” “I´m a lot, huh? König, do you have any idea how embarrassing that was? You making fun of me in front of our friends?” You hiccupped and wiped your face with your sleeve.

König´s heart began to hammer in his chest. “Making fun of you? I didn´t. How could I make fun of you?” He started hyperventilating a little when you flinched away from his touch yet again. “What´d I do?” he asked in a panicked voice. You huffed disbelievingly. “You said I was a lot to handle, König. That´s so…rude. You know I can´t control how loud I am sometimes.” König´s eyes went wide.

“A lot to handle….” He whispered desperately. “No. No, Liebling, that´s not what I meant at all!” You gave him a questioning look. “I´d never say something like that about you.”

“Then what did you mean? König, saying someone is a lot, is quite-“

“A lot of perfect!! You´re…you´re perfect” he almost yelled at you, desperate to bring his point across. “I sometimes don’t really know the words to express what I´m trying to say but, mein Schatz….I´d never willingly hurt you or try to put you down like that.”

A feeling of shame overcame you. Here was this wonderful, soft man just trying to get through the day as best he can. You should´ve considered that English wasn’t his first language.

“König” you said breathily and reached out your hand which he immediately took. “I´m sorry. I should´ve talked to you first but…you know, being a bother or too much….it´s just one of the things that make me very insecure.” König lifted your hand to his lips immediately and you could have cried again by the way he so gently kissed your knuckles.

“You´re not too loud, or too talkative, or too forward. You´re too much…you! Sometimes I don´t know how to tell people that I would literally kill for you. That I would do anything to make you happy!”

Your arms wined themselves around his neck as you pulled him down for a passionate kiss. “I love you, König” you said against his mouth. “I´m sorry I stormed out like that.” He shook his head and brushed his nose with yours. “I love you too, my love. So much.” You grinned and hugged him again, having to stand on your tiptoes to do so. He pressed another kiss to your forehead. “Will you come back inside? The evening is still young” he asked. You nodded immediately and took his large hand in yours.

König´s heart raced and he knew exactly what to do to erase every single doubt from your mind. As he guided you back to the pub, his other hand that wasn´t holding yours gently thumbed at the locket around his neck, containing the ring he wanted to give you since day one.

_________________________________________

Thank you so much for reading. Please let me know in the comments what you think about this take. A like and reblog is of course always appreciated <3

Love you and stay safe!

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actuallyadhd · 4 months

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As someone with adhd who is struggling and still recovering from a major burn/total collapse. How does one deal with failure when you know that this failure was still a massive improvement like I probably failed two of my classes but also the fact that I made it to class 80% of the time and only 20% of my dishes were left dirty long enough to turn into a science experiment as a win but that doesn’t matter to the rest of the world. I feel both like I’m improving and getting a better grip on things and also like an absolute failure who can and should be doing so much better. I don’t ant to improve I want to succeed but I’m stuck and don’t know how to like I’m drowning and don’t know how to ask for help because it feels like I shouldn’t.

Sent December 7, 2023

Okay, first of all, HOORAY FOR MAKING IT TO CLASS AND KEEPING YOUR DISHES CLEAN! Regardless of anything else, those are two huge achievements. I don't care what the rest of the world thinks, I care that you did something that huge for you.

I also completely understand feeling stuck, feeling like you're drowning, feeling like a failure, not feeling able to ask for help. I'm not great at dealing with it yet, but I can at least tell you what's been helping me a little bit.

Redefining "success". Society has all these expectations about what constitutes success and how people should achieve it. I do my best to dump that stuff when it comes up, because it's just not applicable to me. (This is not easy.)

Doing "the next right thing". Sometimes the only thing you can do is the thing that makes sense in the moment. That has to be okay. So when you're feeling stuck, think about the one thing you can do right then to help you get where you want to be.

Reaching out for help, or at least for advice. This is not easy, but if you can find somewhere to go for support (like here!) it will be really good. I recently posted about some personal stuff in a Discord server and found out that some of the others there have the same problems. I also posted about some different personal stuff on Reddit and have gotten some great suggestions for how to deal with them. Both places have offered support in different ways, and that's what I need sometimes.

Here are a few tips about redefining success.

Think about what you really want to achieve. Just you.

Think about what you actually need in order to do that. For example, if you want to be a published author, do you need a degree in creative writing? If not, what do you actually need?

Think about how you can get what you need and achieve your goal.

Success doesn't have to mean "perfect" any more than it has to mean "rich". When I was working in Early Intervention, we considered a skill mastered when the student was able to do it correctly 80% of the time. It sounds to me like you did that this year, even if it didn't result in passing grades.

When you don't get that 80%, look at where things broke down so you can try and keep that from happening next time. For example, did you struggle with completing assignments on time? Maybe you need to get extensions on the due date. Maybe you need to break an assignment down into smaller steps and give each step a deadline so you can get it done and turned in on time. I obviously don't know, but if you need help figuring that stuff out we can help if you give more details.

Followers, do you have any words of celebration or encouragement (or both!)? Please share!

-J

#justanothernerdfighter #adhd #actually adhd #asks #school #executive dysfunction #success

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batwynn · 9 months

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Some examples of stims I did while growing up until I was forced to stop each one by an adult in my life:

Humming/whistling

Copying bird whistles

Chewing on my hair

Chewing on pens/pen caps/pencils/etc.

Matching a sound from around me

Repeating words/phrases frequently

Making ‘weird’ sounds with my mouth

Tapping something/tapping a finger or foot

Singing what I was doing

Blinking in patterns

Constant doodling

And undoubtably more that I don’t even remember.

The result of being forced to stop stimming no matter what stim I tried:

Constantly anxious. Constantly.

I started picking at my skin and pulling out my hair.

More outbursts and/or more shut downs.

I formed a stutter under even the smallest amount of stress.

I became less social. Didn’t talk as much. Didn’t feel comfortable communicating to anyone.

I was markedly less happy.

Restless and unable to focus because stimming helped me work with my ADHD side as well.

Confusion, hurt, and isolation because I was then aware that I was ‘weird’.

I formed a huge distrust of adults around me, including family. Which lead to me getting in trouble for not ‘respecting authority’. (Aka: I asked questions and didn’t take what everyone said as a fact.)

I developed depression.

Oh, and I was still bullied for being ‘weird’ so stopping stimming didn’t even help that. Surprise!

Eventual outcome as an autistic adult:

Constant anxiety that I often can’t source and don’t know how to sooth anymore.

No self soothing techniques work or feel ‘natural’ anymore.

I lean heavily on disassociation to get through the day and/or during stressful moments.

I’m accused of faking it, lying, etc. by people because I learned to mask my autistic traits as best as possible.

Frequently don’t have the language for when I’m overwhelmed, and frequently misunderstood when I try to explain that something is bothering me like fabric texture or sounds.

Treated like I’m incompetent, a child, or a collection of both if I don’t behave ‘perfectly’.

Talked down to a lot.

Still picking at my skin and pulling out my hair. 🥲

Constantly feel like I’m lying about who I am/ frequent identity crisis and impostor syndrome mix up.

Trouble with relationships/friendships to different extremes. (Ex: I was groomed as a kid/teen and didn’t know until I was in my late 20s. Have trouble keeping friendships because I just don’t know how to interact with people the ‘right way’.)

I had to teach myself a lot of ‘regular’ social cues and behaviors by mimicking people around me. That unfortunately doesn’t alway work, and/or comes with accidentally mimicking a personality trait/quark/etc. which leads to people thinking your mocking them or copying them.

A lot of rage for the people who treated me like shit my entire life for being autistic.

Moments of feeling very small and childish when things are out of my control.

Feeling guilty/uncomfortable about some things I like because they’re considered childish. (Ex: stuffed animals.)

Fear of any and all interactions with strangers. Fear of not being able to predict where the conversation will go. Fear of extreme negative reactions even when it doesn’t seem realistic for that to happen.

And more that are so ingrained in my life that I don’t even recognize them anymore.

I can’t not think about how my life could have turned out if those adults had let me be comfortably autistic. I can literally see physical differences in old photos of me, where I just stopped being me. Where the happiness and honesty were bullied out of me. And were my stims and behaviors that bothersome? No, actually. I had already learned to do different stims in different environments so I wasn’t being noisy when I needed to be quiet etc. But that wasn’t good enough, so every stim and every ‘weird’ behavior had to stop. Why? Because these adults had a power over me and other children like me, and they liked to abuse it.

It’s abuse. The end.

#autistic stimming #being autistic #ADHD #actually autistic #actually adhd #TW: abuse #tw: grooming #tw: depression #tw: anxiety #tw: ableism #tw: skin picking #tw: hair pulling #long post

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goldensunset · 1 year

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hi so i’ve already said a thousand times how sora failing the mark of mastery exam (when he did everything he reasonably could’ve; it was rigged against him bc of unfair interference) and being belittled for not being strong enough (without receiving much in the way of actual constructive advice, just getting laughed at) is sooooooo adhd

but also think about how sora actually was considered strong enough once upon a time. it’s not like his entire life has been marked by failure or and yen sid is just dunking on him for that. sora was a special amazing kid, chosen by the one and only keyblade. sure he knows he wasn’t its first choice and he struggles to embrace his role as a hero at first but once he does he shines. there’s nothing sora can’t do! sounds like a textbook undiagnosed adhd gifted kid, right? growing up being told you were just so special and cool

but then you get older and you fall off the curve. your brain differences stop working for you and start working against you. now suddenly you’re no better than anyone else around you. maybe you’re actually worse than the others because now you’re at the point where you have to try but you never learned how to try because success used to come naturally

think about how ‘the keyblade’ isn’t a thing anymore- it’s just ‘a keyblade.’ sora is now surrounded by lots of other wielders in his life, who just come in one after another. by kh3 it’s clear that having a keyblade, while still relatively rare in this modern world, maybe isn’t quite that special after all

there’s that awkward feeling of ‘hey am i really all that important in the world after all/maybe they’d be better suited for this than me’ but now there’s also the ‘how come i’m not even as good as i used to be’/what went wrong with me’. that’s a pretty awful double whammy of a self esteem blow. like idk imagine if you were that super smart neurodivergent kid and then when you grow up you find yourself placed in a group with a bunch of super smart neurotypical adults and you’ve evenly matched in achievements. except at this point they’re getting better and you’re getting worse

oh also the way that even though he’s getting dunked on he’s still being trusted with huge responsibilities anyway. imagine being told you suck at everything and your failures are your fault but then being told you still have to go on a mission to try and get stronger. i think tanking someone’s self esteem like that is probably going to make it hard for them to get better. it’s just a vicious circle. like sora is made fun of but then it’s brushed aside as hey we’re just joking around buddy we’re your friends! we still need you! even though you kinda suck! do this for us! we love you! like ouch. and sora is just :-) :’-) :-) ok! the whole time

tldr idk

#kingdom hearts #mine: kh #sora #is this coherent or interesting or real idk

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rustic-space-fiddle · 3 months

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Lil rant (MAYBE PJATO SHOW SPOILERS?)

Lots of opinions up ahead so uh, look out.

I’m watching the PJATO show and I really love some parts. The casting—they’re all wonderful (literally everyone, Mr D is hilarious) and any fears I had have been quelled because they’re all amazing and the trio fit their characters well (even IRL and they’re so precious). Camp Half Blood — so well done. The cabins are huge, the colosseum is just what I imagined, and they really did great on making it properly large and vibrant. I love it. Some of the extra beats they’ve added to make it better expanded beyond the strictly Percy POV in the book have been good. Annabeth and Grover chucking Percy into a fountain to try to heal him was hilarious and totally in character—probably my favorite part so far. Also: AHHHH SEAWEED BRAIN!

But is anyone just feeling… like the pacing is super slow? Like I get that us “zoomers” have tiny attention spans and stuff but “The Horse and His Boy” was my favorite Narnia book and I read LOTR when I was 11 so I don’t think my attention span is quite so bad. These kids got ADHD and it feels like every talk and every scene just drags. Every time I think the energy is gonna rise, it gets smacked back down by lackluster scene climaxes. Again, I’m not trying to say we need more explosions or booms or arguments, just that I]it isn’t even remotely eliciting the same kind of goose-pimple/heart thumping moments I remember from the books. I reread them constantly and it’s always thrilling.

And the music… someone I was watching it with said it sounded like generic Marvel music, and they’re kinda right. I can’t remember a single note from the score at all, and I’m always listening to movie/TV scores because they’re like listening to the story in music format! PJATO’s score though? Can’t even remember it. I can’t remember any of it even being used in certain places. I thought they’d try to get older instrumentals to make it unique, like lyre AND electric guitar in the mix, but honestly I can’t even remember what it sounds like. That’s bad, right?

[[EDIT: I just looked up the score on Spotify and it was literally made by the people who did the “God of War” game score. There’s no freakin way this music is bad. I’m gonna listen to it alone later. Maybe it’s just set really low in the mix… ]]

The “death” of Sally Jackson was so lackluster. Just a standard medium long shot, can’t even remember if the music flourished or dropped or anything. Their acting was great, but it was framed so poorly that it just felt… idk…

The pacing feels like it’s something I would do as an amateur who doesn’t yet understand how to edit on my first few write-up’s of a script. I’m not trying to be mean or unfair because I REALLY wanna love this show and I genuinely love a lot of stuff about it and I can tell that so many people are working so hard on it, but holy moly I feel my brain begging for someone to do something impertinent and just slap the show into a roll whenever I’m watching it.

There’s another issue I have with the timing of the most recent episode but I don’t wanna go much further.

Again, this is all opinion and not meant to say anyone shouldn’t like the show or that the people in it are stupid because they aren’t at all and people should like it! I’m just saying that as someone that really appreciated the pacing of the books (that was quick but never sacrificed the storytelling and slowed down when it needed to), I am really feeling that this show isnt shaping up like that. Additional note: I’m not even saying that the pacing of the show needs to BE the pacing of the books. I’m just saying that the pacing of the books is one of the things that made it so good and I really haven’t read many things with pacing of that quality.

Aaaanyway feel free to disagree with me or roast me alive. I just haven’t seen anyone talking about it and I wanted to rant a little and see what other people thought. I’m still gonna keep watching because I think if they can fix the pacing, imma really freaking enjoy this and in case they do, I don’t wanna miss it. And because I’d rather have more PJATO show than less!

#Rusty rants #pjato spoilers #pjato show #percy jackon and the olympians #mild spoilers #critique #please don’t hate me #Mr Riordan I’m sure everyone is trying their best #but this pacing is seriously gonna be the death of me #if I was 10 I would get bored and turn it off #I’m powering through because I love pjato and I wanna support this cast and the team’s hard work #long post #pjato

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titan-god-helios · 8 months

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man special interests are confusing istg cause i dont know if i have a spin or not ???? i get hyperfixations and hyperfocused for sure and i have some topics i constantly think about but i dont get the same feelings towards them that a lot of people get when they think or interact with their special interests

for example, i THINK my special interest is autism and adhd, as well as neurodivergence and mental disorders//disabilities in general because i constantly think about it and i constantly feel my skin crawling with the need to find more fun facts and read more studies and watch more videos but at the same time i dont get giddy with joy or whatever from it, just reallyreally interested and hooked for lack of better wording.

and in the past i’ve had longer hyperfixations like my obsession with dogs and dog breeds and the history of dogs when i was younger, or my intense love for harry potter (WHEN I WAS YOUNGER i now do not endorse or support the franchise at all due to the jk r*wling bullshit which is a shame because it was such a huge part of my childhood and yet i’m one of the people she hates and is a bigot towards), or even my love for greek mythology and mythology in general and rick riordan’s books. i have/had masses of knowledge of all of these, or even a little knowledge and just a big desire to think or interact with them by daydreaming or writing or researching or whatever, but i feel nothing towards the majority of them. in the end though i do think they were/are special interests after some research and finding people who are the same. so yeah !! to anyone who isnt sure whether thay have spins or not (you can still be autistic and not have special interests btw, its not unheard of or even uncommon), a special interest is literally just a thing or topic or even person you have a deep desire to interact with in some way. you don’t have to feel anything towards it !! you can even dislike or spite the special interest’s subject and still have a special interest related to it, which is wild !!

#autism #neurodivergent #asd #actuallyautistic #its the neurodivergency #being autistic #neurodivergencies #actually autistic #special interest #special interests #neurodiversity #neurodivergency #audhd

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copperbadge · 2 years

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I’ve been doing more research on ADHD after the diagnosis, specifically watching some channels that you guys and others have recommended, and it’s actually a fascinating process coming at the diagnosis from the far side of forty instead of the near side of twenty.

I have a ton of coping mechanisms, which I developed because “Well, I’ve got to deal with life somehow”. In the evaluation I had with the psychiatrist, I was basically diagnosed on them. Some of the more simple ones really seemed to fascinate him, like taking the doors off my kitchen cupboards and hanging my keys on the knob of my self-locking door.

Many of the videos are about helping younger people develop these coping mechanisms -- not relevant to me, generally, although some of the tips are still useful, like the idea that whatever you’re doing to cope, it’s meant to lower the demand on executive function. I’m fortunate in that my diagnosis is inattentive, I don’t have the hyperactive angle, and thus don’t have a ton of need for fidget toys or sensory stimulation in the way the videos talk about. The fidget spinner I have is cool because it’s Captain America, but it doesn’t like...help, per se, and after about two minutes I get frustrated with the fact that there’s no result, it doesn’t produce anything. I do best in meetings and classes when I have something to occupy me, but it can’t be tactile, it has to at least partially engage my brain, and knowing that I need a brain-fidget rather than a hand-fidget will be helpful in coming up with appropriate (and socially acceptable) workarounds.

Not sure what to do with all the discussion of emotional regulation; I feel like I’ve got that bit figured out but also like maybe my solutions aren’t the healthiest, so we’ll see.

I think perhaps the most useful thing is the idea of identifying a need or issue and then finding a workaround for it as a conscious process, which is usually something I do instinctively. This one video was about going to Target specifically to shop for products for kids that could still help adults with ADHD, and while most of it was fidget toys, I liked the idea of browsing with the focus in mind of finding tools for workarounds. Which led to the idea of, well, what am I working around? and the concept of consciously identifying ADHD-specific issues. So that’s something to think on for a while -- aside from the Adderall, what are solutions to specific ADHD-driven issues I have?

I suspect because I am older and well-trained in problem solving I may not get as much assistance from videos or books about living with ADHD as a younger person might, as I might have as a younger person. I think I may look for something more along the lines of a layperson’s medical text; I’d like to know what we know about how ADHD affects function, because that will be more helpful to me in identifying ways my experience of reality is not neurotypical, and then I can come up with my own workarounds. Because it is a trifle frustrating to look for more information and get a lot of stuff -- useful stuff, just not useful to me -- about fidget toys or bullet journaling. :D

Plus...the biggest hurdle I’ve had is an inability to start and carry-through tasks, and the Adderall does a great job with that, so a huge looming issue is resolved, or at least on its way to resolution. Other than that I don’t really see many problems that are going unaddressed, but that’s where a more thorough knowledge of the actual biology might help me shift perspective.

Anyway. Get in losers, we’re going to Target even if we don’t need fidget toys, because Target is fun to shop at.

#sam has adhd

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greenokapi · 3 months

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So… what do y’all do when you wanna do a bajillion things but you can’t settle on which thing to do so you just kind of end up doing nothing?

… lissen I’m still only recently diagnosed with adhd so I still don’t know how to work with it… I wanna draw so many things, wanna make merch, comics, I wanna write a fuckton of silly cringe fanfics… I wanna make videos? Like maybe youtube videos rambling abt stuff while drawing but then I don’t know if anyone would even be interested in that, and besides I haven’t done video editing in…. Probably close to 20years? What program should I use? Anyone got any tips on that?

I also wanna make stuff, lil bead things like these guys I made a while ago for example

I also wanna try doll customization cause it’s kinda only been the last decade or so where I’ve allowed myself to like dolls… reasons for that being … uh… gender stuff… it’s like only now in my life, around 30 have I finally gotten somewhat close to getting a grasp on my gender and sexuality, and I never even really realized before that this was something I had a problem with? Which probably makes no sense tbh…

I also wanna do sculpting and even paint, after art school teachers made me feel like I should never paint again bcs idk man I wasn’t up to their standards 🤷

And… I wanna do all this stuff but not only does brain say ‘adhd my guy’ but there’s also my increasing health issues that… I mean I’ve always had them but I guess getting older makes it harder and harder to constantly deal with them… and that’s another thing I never really realized was so bad until back when I was in Japan in 2015-2016 as an exchange student and would have to go to the hospital increasingly often bcs of pain nobody could diagnose… aand then I was shamed for it bcs having to go to the hospital in the middle of the night sometimes was a huge hassle to the dorm staff, idk I was a problem…

Since then I’ve had two operations and will probably need to have more in the future. Also, amusingly, when I finally got diagnosed I was looking at the list of symptoms, all of which I could relate to in at least some way, but the ones that stood out, for some reason, were ‘constant exhaustion’ and then below it was ‘insomnia’ and… maybe I’m not actually lazy when I’m tired all the time? But y’know, I don’t really wanna use a chronic condition as an excuse to just do nothing, plenty of ppl have chronic problems but still do stuff with their life… but when I think like that I also remember this isn’t a ‘pain competition’ or something like that and different people just have different capabilities to deal with chronic pain and such… idk, I honestly think I’m still trying to come to terms with the realization that being exhausted and in pain all the time probably counts as some kind of disability….. but I don’t feel like I’m allowed to say I’m disabled bcs I do also have good days, you know? I should probably try harder to just DO things?

Ahem, it’s like 9AM and I haven’t been able to sleep and stuff hurts… I just wanna go do something productive but instead I’m whining on here which I probably shouldn’t do bcs this is the internet and strangers can see what you post and maybe use it against you but also sometimes you just really wanna rant into the void… or maybe more like semi-void cause idk, maybe someone reads this and can relate or give advice or just talk or something? Buuut you suck at talking… then later you feel embarrassed about your tired rambles and probably end up deleting them and just bring them up in therapy later like you should…

Anyway, until this embarrassment pops up I’m probably gonna try to find some painkillers and go draw or something -3-

#Rambles #Negative #I guess #sorry about that jgchhf

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sapphire-weapon · 10 months

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In an attempt to organize all of my thoughts and finally get this shit out of my system, I wrote up a complete, comprehensive listing of all of the things I loved about Final Fantasy XVI, all the things I hated about it, and all of the things that were equal parts good and bad.

Massive spoilers abound here. Hopefully, by the end of it, it’s easier to understand why I’m so stuck on this game and why I can’t really settle on a firm opinion of it being good or bad.

FFXVI is an excellent game, except for all of the ways that it sucks.

BAD

- Some quality of life issues. The inability to pull up the world map from town or the middle of a zone was huge for me. Having to fast-travel to an obelisk to go to the actual exit of a zone just to go somewhere else was an extra unnecessary step that didn't need to happen. The inability to switch your button inputs was obnoxious, too, and hitting R1 to dodge never came to feel natural. I also hated that I couldn't turn off certain elements of the HUD. Just little things like that, here and there.

- The treatment of female characters leaves a lot to be desired in this game. There are only four major, named female characters in this game: Jill, Anabella, Benedikta, and Mid. The only one who didn't get cheated/fucked over by a lack of care from the writers was Mid -- and, wouldn't you know it, she has the smallest role of the four of them.

I'll go into the whole thing with Jill when we talk about her character specifically, but Anabella is basically like "what if Cersei Lannister was explicitly a Nazi and then, instead of having a dynamic character arc, she just killed herself?" Anabella's entire character motivation is literally just "because eugenics" -- and, as a result, basically all of her character dialogue is centered around that point. The game never goes into who she is as a person outside of being a Nazi bitch. She has one interesting conversation with Clive towards the end of her role where she surprises the audience (and Clive himself) by saying "It should've been you [, not Joshua, to be Phoenix's Dominant]! Why couldn't it have been you?" but then the conversation gets cut off because the Bahamut fight has to happen now.

And the one window of opportunity where it looked like her character was going to get deeper -- when she looks at Joshua and yells "I will not let you take me, shadow!" and makes us think that maybe she's not actually a Nazi and has been Ultima's thrall since maybe before Clive was even born? Instead of going into it, she just kills herself and then is never mentioned again outside of "hey remember that time when mom" stories.

Benedikta didn't fare much better. She was actually a really great character with a fantastic role back when the theme of the game was still "the consequence of unchecked power and anger in the blind pursuit of vengeance" -- but as soon as the game decides it's suddenly not going to be about that anymore because fuck you, you kind of just have to look back on Benedikta and ask "What was the point of her, actually?"

And Mid, again, is fine -- but she also doesn't do a whole lot. She's your token engineer/genki girl character rolled up into one. Think X's Rikku but with more actual charisma/likeability and no battle prowess so she never actually joins your party. And she doesn't even come in until halfway through the game.

And that's it, that's your female cast. There are other side characters like Charon and Vivian -- and Charon is great for a myriad of reasons -- but they're still just minor side characters.

- Eikon battles. I know that this is going to be the most contentious thing I say in this write-up, so let me just say that I am already aware that this is actually mostly a me problem. For whatever reason, my particular blend of astigmatism and ADHD made it almost impossible for me to follow anything that was happening on screen during an Eikon fight, with the exception of Garuda and Titan. Everything else was just too much happening all at once. And the very final Eikon fight you do? I could not make heads or tails of ANYTHING I was looking at because of the color palette, and I just kind of had to mash buttons and hope for the best.

But that's the only part of it that's a me problem. the rest of it is legitimate criticism. We need to talk about all the stupid bullshit that actually happens in those fights.

We need to talk about the fact that Phoenix and Ifrit did the fusion dance in outer space while fighting Bahamut. Because that shit almost made me turn the game off and never turn it back on again.

I don't care that it happened, necessarily. I care how it happened. That whole time, I just kept repeating in my head "thirteen years. Clive thought Joshua was dead for thirteen years. THIRTEEN YEARS. THIR.TEEN.YEARS. HE HAD REGULAR TRAUMA FLASHBACKS ABOUT IT. HE ALMOST KILLED HIMSELF OVER IT. AND THIS IS WHAT'S HAPPENING ON MY SCREEN RIGHT NOW BEFORE THEY'VE EVEN SAID HELLO"

The entire game is so serious and grounded and somber and gritty, but the second an Eikon fight starts, it's suddenly Dragon Ball Z, and we're expected to just go with it. And I mean, I love Dragon Ball Z. I've been in that fandom for over 25 fuckin years. But the Eikon battles were so tonally dissonant from the rest of the game that it was immersion-breaking and jarring every single time. Clive and Joshua actually have the dialogue exchange of "What can we do against that kind of power?" "We'll just have to believe in our own." before even having the "holy shit you're alive" conversation.

THIRTEEN YEARS.

THIRTEEN FUCKING YEARS.

I can't. It was awful. But this also ties into...

- The story/story structure in general. I've talked about this before. Used the analogy "if you took the cast of Uncharted and put them into Indigo Prophecy" but I've actually thought of one better. FFXVI is like a version of Silent Hill 2 where, halfway through the game, James reunited with Mary because she wasn't actually dead at all, and then the two of them teamed up to fight god. But then she died for real right before the ending. But then she came back again after, so it's still fine, actually.

That's Final Fantasy XVI.

The entire first half of the game is a red herring. It's bullshit. It's garbage. Throw it in the trash and forget about it, because the game sure as fuck did. FFXVI sets itself up to be a game about the person that Clive has chosen to become in the wake of his horrible trauma in a world that has taken so much from him. Then, at about the halfway point, the game goes "jk that horrible thing that Clive's entire personality has been shaped around never actually happened" and all of Clive's trauma symptoms literally disappear and are never brought up or alluded to ever again. Now, suddenly, the game is not about his personal quest of self-discovery -- but rather is now just Diet Supernatural: a story about the bond between two brothers who have to face off against god and defy their own fate.

cool.

And Clive and Joshua never talk about it. There's never a "hey what have you been up to for the past eighteen years?" conversation. No. After their super short-lived tearful reunion, they just immediately start interacting as though the two of them have always been together and they both know each other super well inside and out, despite the fact that the last time Clive saw Joshua, Joshua was eight fucking years old. And now he's a 26-year-old twink who's carrying an eldritch horror around in his chest and who lowkey wants to fuck Cid's daughter and is possibly bisexual and also wants to fuck Dion. And the last time Joshua saw Clive, Clive was a fifteen-year-old Good Boy who was a proper role model and just wanted to be loved and noticed. And now he's a 33-year-old former serial killer (and the "former" part is even questionable) who killed literally hundreds of men and then tried to kill himself in an attempt to avenge the murder of Joshua, which never actually fucking happened.

coolcoolcool.

I hate this fucking game.

But I also love it.

GOOD

+ The game gave me on-screen naked Clive not one, not two, but three different times. And of those three times, two of them ended up being sexual in nature. And the other one is uh... him naked and in chains, screaming and cursing and crying. thank u Yoshi-P. thank u.

+ Every character that's not listed on the "both good & bad" list, but I need to give a special shout-out to:

+ Ultima as a villain. His general vibe gave me the heebies in a way vidya villains haven't in a long time. His character design is phenomenal, his voice actor knocked it out of the park, and he has just enough of a background that you get where he's coming from, but it's not so over-explained that you wind up wanting to take his side instead (which has been a pitfall of Final Fantasy games in the past)

+ Music/sound design is excellent

+ This game is a graphical marvel. There's no disputing it.

+ Maps are a perfect size and make the world feel real

+ Worldbuilding is probably the best I've seen in a Final Fantasy title, if not in video games in general. Every nation in Valisthea felt distinct. Every location was fully thought-out, had its own history, and made sense. This is the only game that I have ever, in my 33 years of life, actually walked around every single town instead of running. I was that immersed in the world.

+ The combat system -- though I would technically list this as "good but with room for improvement." I disagree with Ryota Suzuki's opinion that this is the best combat system he's ever made. It's not. DMC5 is better by leaps and bounds. If FFXVI had an expanded abilities section that allowed you to put points into getting new moves and different regular melee combos (in addition to all of the Eikon abilities that are already there), then the combat would be Suzuki's best made. It's still great, don't get me wrong. But as someone who came into this game with a Devil May Cry background, my only options for regular attacks being Square, Triangle, Square+Triangle, Square+X and then nothing else was... lacking. Give me more of Nero's moveset, and that's the winning formula right there.

BOTH GOOD & BAD

Jill Warrick + fantastic concept, design, acting, and dialogue - underbaked and shoehorned backstory - shoved out of the story at basically the zero hour to make room for a male character

Personality-wise, Jill is one of the strongest-written women in Final Fantasy. Full stop. She stands shoulder-to-shoulder with greats like Aeris and Yuna in the sense that she feels like a real person with her own strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes, vulnerabilities, courage, causes that she fights for, moral lines she won't cross, etc. etc. Very rarely does she just feel like an extension of Clive, or like she's only there to service his character arc/characterization (except towards the end, but we'll get to that later). She's likeable and consistent, and the game does a good job of making you want to be with her. I love her, and I want to be her when I grow up, but until then, I'll settle for just being her friend and braiding her hair at sleepovers.

Unfortunately, Jill's greatness pretty much only extends to her personality. They tried to give her a war criminal background, but the writers didn't really seem to care about it too much. She has an entire gameplay sequence/arc dedicated to her trying to confront/settle her war criminal past, but the game never really goes into what, actually and specifically, she did? Sure, she was put out onto the battlefield and killed a lot of soldiers, but she keeps referring to "horrible things" that she's had to do, and the game never decides to tell us what those horrible things actually were.

We're told that the guy who was keeping her captive also did horrible things -- worse things than Jill, herself, even had to do -- but we don't get to learn what these things are, either. We see him about to human sacrifice two kids, but is that really all it was? Child murder? Honey, it's war. Child murder happens. From the way Jill talks about it, it sounds more like horribly violent sexual assault and gruesome, drawn-out torture, but... shrug, I guess. We'll never know. We're not allowed to know. All we're allowed to know is that Jill just has to kill him, and then her past will be settled. So she kills him. And then her past is settled.

And she has to settle her past so that she can feel justified in standing at Clive's side until the end of his fight... but then she's not allowed to do that. Because the story is so shitty.

At the halfway mark, when the game stops being about Clive's journey of self-discovery and starts being strictly about ~brothers~, Jill gets shoved out of the story in order to make room for Joshua to step in. The game uses the contrivance of Clive taking Shiva from her in order to justify Jill's disappearance from the narrative, but there's two big fucking problems with that:

1. Dion had Bahamut taken from him by Clive, too, and yet he still retained his Eikon powers because he just believed in himself really hard -- and we have no reason to believe that Dion's will is any stronger than Jill's. Jill went through an entire arc of making sure she was able to stand as Clive's equal, and then... nope. 2. You can re-recruit Jill into your party in order to do sidequests and explore the world with her before leaving for the final Ultima battle, and she still uses all of her fucking ice powers.

So, there's no actual reason for her to be excluded from shit other than "shut up it's about brothers now." The game even has the audacity to have Joshua say to Clive "we need to remind Jill that she's still one of us." How about this, Joshua? How about Clive and Jill should be the ones reminding you that you're one of them, since you only came into this story halfway through it and didn't actually build up a bond with either of them in adulthood like they did with each other???

Truly, horrendously awful. Jill should've been at that Ultima fight, and I will die on this hill.

Dion Lesage + INCREDIBLY compelling story overall + excellent emotional pull, strong personality + best gay rep I've ever seen in a game, I think. the fact that he's gay is actually the least interesting thing about him. - does not get enough screentime for how important his character is

I'mma just say it. Final Fantasy XVI should have been a deuteragonst setup akin to Yakuza 0 where you swap back and forth between Clive and Dion, because Dion is way too important to the story to get as little attention and screentime as he does. His struggle with being the only person with any power still in the Empire who has a sense of integrity is super interesting, as is his inner conflict of trying to reconcile who his father used to be vs who he's become. Dion Lesage answers the question nobody asked of "What if Faramir of Gondor was a gay dragon who actually staged a coup?" And it's just excellent. His frustration and his anger paired with his sense of justice and empathy makes him so incredibly compelling.

And even after the political side of the story winds down in the wake of the chaos and bullshit that's being wreaked on the Ultima side of things, Dion is still crucial to the plot. Clive could not have won against Ultima without Dion. And to not go into that more -- to not go further into Dion's drive to continue moving forward, or his vision for the Empire and the world and what he personally feels like he owes to humanity and how all of these pieces fit together -- is so disappointing. There's an obvious emotional void where more of Dion's character story should be.

If we do ever get DLC for this game, the very first thing we should get is a Dion DLC.

Joshua Rosfield + just an absolute delight of a character personality, probably one of my favorites in the whole game + interesting concept - has absolutely no business being in the story at all past the tutorial

I don't normally like Joshua's character archetype. "Somber, mystical twink" has never been a type to do it for me.

But Joshua is incredible -- because they actually allow him to be more than just his archetype. Most times, the somber, mystical twink is only every allowed to be somber and mystical. That character's role is to be the arbitrary keeper of magic bullshit. You're meant to want to protect them, but they don't have a whole lot going on beyond that particular purpose. But Joshua is allowed to joke and laugh and be angry and romantic -- just be an actual person.

One of the best scenes in the game is when he hauls off and just decks Clive right in the face. It's so shocking in the best way possible. He's not angry because of plot reasons getting in the way of his somber, mystical bullshit. He's angry because his brother pissed him off -- because, sometimes, people do shit that just pisses you off. And for tiny little twink Joshua to not use magic, but to just rear back and swing at the 250+lb slab of beef that is Clive and shout at him for being an asshole just felt so real and so human, and I felt so connected to him in that moment.

And the scene where he and Mid meet for the first time -- fantastic. Incredible. Amazing. Wouldn't have changed a single thing about it. Especially when Mid goes around giving everyone hugs later on and she kind of hesitates before actually committing to hugging Joshua. Love it.

Joshua is a character that is full of very pleasant surprises that make him feel multifacted and real. And so, when he does do his somber, mystical bullshit -- I actually cared and found it interesting. I found myself rooting for him and invested in the things he was learning and how he was piecing it all together. I was super into his secret hunt for Ultima and the fact that he was housing an eldritch horror in his chest.

There's only one big problem with Joshua: his continued existence in the story makes the entire narrative shit. And that's not his fault. But it is the reality.

I love Joshua Rosfield. I would fucking go out with him if he asked. I would give him his own game if I could.

But he should've never been written or allowed to exist, for all of the reasons I listed in the story section of the "bad" column.

And that just fucking sucks.

Clive Rosfield + I love him, your honor + I absolutely love him + I want him to make tender love to me in the black of night under a full moon as the sound of the ocean waves crashing against the sand fills in the empty space around us, just as he did with Jill - his entire character concept gets fucking deleted at the halfway mark of the story and is never seen or referenced again

Clive is special. He's the best example of positive masculinity this side of Kazuma Kiryu. He's not just a power fantasy; he's a caretaker and a brother and a son and a friend and a boyfriend. He cries visible tears on-screen at least half a dozen times in this game. He's allowed to be vulnerable in a lot of different ways. He's willing to say the words "I love you" in front of other people. His cries for help are genuine and real -- when Clive talks about suicide, he means it.

But he's also a killer. And he's myopic. And stubborn. And ruthless. Clive is a self-centered man who doesn't actually care about himself at all, and he tends to warp the world around him in his destructive selfishness. And I say all of this as praise for his character, by the way.

Both versions of him are great -- tortured Clive and brother Clive.

The issue is that there's two versions of him, and there really shouldn't be.

I won't keep beating the dead horse that is FFXVI forgetting what its own story is about and completely changing course halfway through, but the character that suffers most because of that decision is Clive. If you connected with him as a fellow trauma survivor, you're going to feel very alienated by him in the latter half of the game when he's suddenly not anymore.

I'm not saying that Clive should've been in a constant state of trauma throughout the entire game -- I'm saying that all of his trauma symptoms shouldn't have just disappeared and been forgotten about. Even with Joshua returned to him, that doesn't undo the damage that he sustained over the course of thirteen years of his life. Or, at least, it shouldn't. That's exactly what happens in the story, but it shouldn't be that way. The fact that he never even had a line akin to "I can't lose you again" when he's holding Joshua's lifeless body at the end was mindblowing. Clive didn't blame himself or hearken back to any of that old hurt at all, and I don't know how no one on the entire dev team didn't point this out. Because, as a result of that, his reaction to Joshua's death doesn't feel sincere.

It almost feels like the devs had two different versions of the game written up -- one where Joshua stayed dead the whole time, and one where he was never meant to have been dead at all -- and then they mashed the two of them together for the final product. As a result, Clive actually feels like two distinctly different characters sometimes. There's not an obvious throughline for him that there is with someone like, say, Cloud, who also had to go through a similar journey of trauma processing.

Again: both versions of Clive are great. But he should only have been one character with one continuous arc; not two different character concepts rolled into one.

Clive & Jill's romance + built up slowly and carefully over time; the bond feels real + very real in the sense that they're both in their 30s and are still just kind of aimlessly trying at a relationship, but not really sure where to go or how to get there + Jill's love for Clive literally saves his life during the ending - their romance is the excuse the writers used to delete Jill's importance in the story towards the end

Because of the way that the story plays out, it almost comes off like Jill's entire purpose was to build up a romance with Clive and nothing else. Like, they have a whole game's worth of bonding and development and all that other fun shit -- but the second she finally sleeps with him, she's out of the story. She's done.

I trust I don't have to explain why that's a problem.

So, they have this weird thing going on where they are simultaneously the best and the worst romance in Final Fantasy. The building of their relationship is incredible; the way that they bond and interact is organic and genuine. And they even actually get to be an actual couple in this game, which, to my knowledge, didn't really happen in any other Final Fantasy. They don't just have the one Big Romantic Kiss; they have several over the course of a pretty wide swath of time. Clive takes Jill out on a date and asks her where she wants the relationship to go. Like, actual real boyfriend shit happens.

It just happens at the expense of Jill's relevance in the narrative -- which just straight-up isn't fair.

Oh, and if you're not sure what I mean about Jill's love for him saving his life, go here.

Ben Starr (Clive)'s voice acting + absolutely stand-out fantastic in full cutscenes - so horrible in sidequests it felt like he was given no voice direction at all. every single line of dialogue is delivered exactly the same. every time. and it's a fucking shame, because Clive is actually hilarious, but the botched delivery of the lines does not convey it.

A "more mature" Final Fantasy + the blood and sex and brutality was great and helped the characters feel more like actual real people. letting the characters curse was also great, but - bro tone down the swearing. it's cartoonish, after a while. almost started to feel like the writers were having a competition to see who could use the word "fuck" the most amount of times in a dialogue exchange. they used "fuck" for literally everything, when probably a "shit" or a "damn it" would have been better. and this is coming from someone who says the word "fuck" all the fucking time.

Sidequests + when the stories in the sidequests are good, they're GOOD. like, REALLY REALLY GOOD. - when they're not good, they're awful time-wasters and - there's no way of knowing whether a quest is going to be important/compelling or a waste of time when you start it, so every initiation of a quest is a roll of the dice - the actual activities you do during the quests are MMO-tier fetch quests or quick combat quests, which, to be fair, is also the same as the substories in Yakuza -- but the thing about Yakuza substories is that they're so over-the-top ridiculous that you don't notice that you're just performing very basic actions. the bad/boring sidequests in XVI really make you notice that that's all they are.

And that, my friends, is the summation of the strange paradox that is Final Fantasy XVI. Simultaneously one of the best and one of the worst games I’ve ever played.

#final fantasy xvi #ffxvi spoilers #i don't expect anyone to actually read this whole thing #i just needed to get it out #for my own sanity

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cowplant-pizza · 1 year

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hey guys this is a huge personal rant about my irl so if u dont wanna read it just scroll!!

so as some of u will know i am disabled with fibromyalgia, hyper mobility and also depression and anxiety.

i started a small biz to try to help bring funds in as i cant work a proper job (i was even told by my dr that working was out of the option)

im feeling doubly, even tripley sorry for myself rn because not only do i have a disability, but i have it so bad that i can’t even do what most people with this disability can do (work part time or even full time in some cases)

my disability took away my dream from working with animals because its such a labour intensive job

i saw a silver lining in creating my small business because it was something i was really passionate about and was actually doing really well

in 2020-2021 i made £21k which is a reasonable salary for someone with no qualifications (i had to drop out of school due to my disability) and also a small business in their first year of existing

however since covid has “ended”, and lockdown was lifted, my sales have plummeted. the following year i only made £4k

this year i’m sure i’ve made even less

i cant keep up with my business because i’m way too stressed about money. stress makes fibromyalgia waaaay worse for those wondering

i cant sleep at night. i have awful insomnia. but when i do finally get to sleep, i cant wake up. i describe it as a sleep coma. its like sleep is literally pulling a blanket over my head and suffocating me back to sleep. i actively fight with my body every day for the ability to wake up

once i wake up i have minimum energy. this is spent doing small everyday tasks like watering my plants, playing with my dogs, putting away laundry, showering ect. once those tasks are done, i’m spent. i could sleep again. i have no energy or motivation to work on my business

but some days i dont even have the energy to do those small things

i just sort of “zombie mode” along all day. time goes quickly and slowly at the same time

i thought i’d been awake like 30mins earlier but it had been 5hrs and my dinner was ready

i’m basically always confused and not with it. earlier i put a tissue on the side and my mug in the bin (still with cold tea in it) instead of the other way around. i put soap in my hair and shampoo on my body puff

i dont know what to do

i have a drs appointment on 16th but that was booked over a month ago and its only over the phone. i rang today to try and book another one (because you can only discuss one issue at a time), and opted for the callback service (if your past 5th in the queue you press the callback and keep your spot). i was 8th. i never got a call back

i honestly just feel like the entire world is against me

im trying to get an adhd/autism diagnosis because i know something is “wrong” up there but i cant even get a regular appointment let alone a referral

i get no support from my government. no benefits. i scored a 0 on my PIP interview. im going to try for universal credit but someone recommended waiting for my adhd/autism diagnosis to really push them to give it to me but, as i said, i cant get an appointment

im making about 50-100 per month

i dont see anything bright in my future

if you read this far honestly your a gem. im sorry for burdening this on your shoulders. i just needed to write it down and get it off my chest

#personal #dl #non sims

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greghatecrimes · 6 months

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I like you and i don't think you're a bad person but I feel like you don't understand Thirteen as a character, you seem to idolize the hollow caricature of her you've created that allows you to insert yourself inside. I'm telling you, you don't need to look like Olivia Wilde to talk about your passions and interests!

You don't have to attribute these things to a fictional person, you can let go of the mask and just be truly you! I promise you will find a new appreciation for Thirteen, and more importantly yourself. I wish you all the peace and love in the world, and I hope my words help you find yourself. Take care 💖

Wow, this was so enlightening for me about my insecurities and the inner workings of my psyche! Even more than five years of therapy, EMDR, and an entire psychology degree!! Anon, I’m assuming you’re the same person that sent me the ask I answered this morning. I see now that I assumed wrongly when I answered that ask under the belief that it was just genuine curiosity. The huge irony here is that I’ve grown a lot over the past five years, and lately I’ve been reflecting on how I’m in a place now where I’m perfectly happy to be who I am, to love what I love, to be unapologetically me. As a follower of my sideblog on tumblr (not even my main blog!!!) you’re only seeing a tiny portion of who I really am as a person (because I KNOW you’re not someone that knows me in real life). Having said that, it certainly takes a HELL of a lot of audacity to come into MY inbox and tell me on anon that you think you know me and my insecurities and how I think about Thirteen better than I know all of those things about myself.

This is actually HILARIOUS to me, because I WISH the things I “hide behind a character”, as you would say, were as simple as passions and interests. When I was talking about attributing emotions to fictional characters, I didn’t mean silly things like the fact that I like video games, or being a cat person, or even deeper things like being autistic/ADHD (which I 100% admit, when I headcanon the House characters as neurodivergent, that is me projecting because I wish we had more ND representation in media. And you know what? PROJECTION IS OKAY. this is TUMBLR. I reblog fucking pony versions of my favorite characters! I write crack headcanons! Bestie, I’m just trying to de-stress on this blog. 95% of the stuff I post here is not as serious as you’re trying to make it.) Here’s the short version of my REAL “insecurities that I project into a hollow caricature of Thirteen” for you: I grew up being abused. I wasn’t allowed to express any emotions. Ever. I wasn’t allowed to have any needs. Ever. Now I have post traumatic stress disorder and my life is a mess. My life kind of sucked for the first 21 years and guess what? It still kind of sucks right now! I write and think about Thirteen processing trauma she might have faced in her life because it’s cathartic to me as someone who is healing from their own trauma, and to help myself cope with living in an actively stressful/shitty environment. (And guess what? It's a clinically approved coping mechanism. I highly doubt my therapist of five years would let me invest so much time and effort and emotion into a hollow caricature of a person that leads me to lose sight of who I really am!)

This is fanfiction and tumblr headcanons, not a published writing gig. You clearly care too much about my characterization of Thirteen aligning with yours, and unfortunately for you, I don’t. I write what I write because I want to read it. If you want to write her a certain way, no one’s stopping you! Make your own tumblr posts! Write your own damn fanfics! I’m not the authority on Thirteen and I’ve never pretended to be. If you don’t like anything about my characterization of Thirteen, then fucking move on. I’ve put way too much time and effort into giving everyone in my life the benefit of the doubt and striving to be the bigger person, to be the nicest person. And you know what? I’ve spent my entire life being ashamed of what I think and doubting everything I feel. I’ve already got five years and counting of working to undo that damage. I’m not about to let an anon on tumblr make me feel the same shame and doubt about my thoughts and writing for one of my favorite characters.

#ask #anon #goodnight. i am logging off for the night and if anyone needs me you can reach me on discord

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thescarletwitchsapprentice · 2 years

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Imagine: You, a student at Kamar Taj, catch the attention of an unlikely person for a particular reason. (Yandere!Stephen Strange/Yandere!Doctor Strange x autistic!ADHD!fem!reader)

*Not my GIF

(CW: Heterosexuality, slightly-big but legal age gap, magic violence, the dove isn’t dead. it’s only slightly injured, death threats but from the reader, executive dysfunctioning)

Author’s Note: This idea just came to me on a whim. So....I don’t know too much about Doctor Strange or Christine, but I saw MoM....six times. I decided I wanna expand my horizons maybe a little.

Reader is 18+. Also Strange is autistic because fuck Benefit Cucumber for what he said about us autistic people.

You feel like you’re falling behind.

Even with all of your practice, you’re behind a lot of the other students because it’s not being taught in a way you understand. Even with Wong’s extra tutoring sessions, it’s still difficult to understand.

So you dive into as many books as possible, even breaking into Wong’s study, trying to understand the science behind it. Before you know it, you’ve made a whole-ass mind map and somehow end up hyperfixating on the multiverse. By the time you look up from your other mind map, it’s past midnight, you’re hungry, thirsty, and have to use the bathroom.

As you attend to your needs, a certain sorcerer happens to pass by what you’re working on, but stops when he sees how extensive your research is.

“This doesn’t look like Wong’s handwriting....” he ponders.

When you come back, you come to a halt and gasp. Strange looks up.

“Oh shit!” you exclaim. “I’m-I’m sorry, I....I know I’m not supposed to be in here, but....I’m just.....I--”

“You’re trying to understand the magic you’re struggling with,” he finishes.

You nod.

“Yeah....how did you--?”

“I’ve seen you struggle during lessons.....I suggest slowing down and focusing.”

“Already tried that, genius,” you scoff. “But ADHD and autism can be bitches sometimes.”

Strange studies your work some more.

“This is.....extensive,” he comments. “Have you been working on these all day?”

You nod.

“I’ve been trying to figure out if there’s some sort of formula or technique or science behind magic and how I can apply it to my studies, but then I got sidetracked when I saw a passage in a book about the multiverse, so I got caught on studying that. Did you know that there’s a theory that dreams are essentially ways to look into the lives of our multiversal selves? If that’s true, then there’s a universe somewhere where I’m the Sorcerer Supreme. However apparently some people aren’t able to dream because there’s only one version of them throughout the entire multiverse, so they have no multiversal selves to look at. One of these books mentioned that this is common in those who have the power to travel across the multiverse, which is very rare. I feel like I’m getting close to something huge, but I’m not sure what it--”

You realize you’ve been blathering on and stop yourself.

“Sorry, I--I tend to get carried away when talking about things I’m passionate about,” you apologize sheepishly.

“No, it’s....it’s fine,” Strange says, seemingly a bit dazed as he looks at you. “Listen, I won’t tell Wong you were in here, on the condition that you come with me to the Sanctum tomorrow.”

“Why would I go with you?” you ask bluntly.

“Because I have more books that you can read that may help your research.”

This catches your attention and you nod.

“Okay, I’m in.”

“Meet me by the entrance tomorrow morning at 7 am,” he tells you.

You nod and head off to bed. As Strange teleports the research to the Sanctum, he can’t help but think back to how passionate you were discussing the multiverse. It almost reminds him of....

“Christine,” he says in a low voice.

Yes....you remind him of Christine. But she’s married now, and in every other universe, it seems him and Christine are destined to fail as a couple. So if he can’t have her......

His mind begins to form a plan.

==========================================

You wake up and head out to the entrance to Kamar-Taj as soon as possible. When you arrive, you see that Strange is waiting there.

“What about the research?” you pant.

“I teleported it to the Sanctum,” he answers before opening an orange portal.

The two of you step inside into the Sanctum. While you take it all in, Strange sets up a few last minute things.

“C’mon,” he says after a few moments. “I’ve got the study all set up for you.”

He takes you upstairs to a study and you’re blown away by the sheer number of books in it.

“Is....is this really all for me to study?” you ask.

He nods.

“Go wild,” he says, indicating to the desk with your research on it and a pile of books to get you started.

Excitedly you rush over and dive right in, losing track of time. What feels like only a few minutes turns into twelve hours. The moonlight shines in the window of the study; that’s when you notice how musty it it.

Going over to the window, you try to open it, but it shocks you with a sort-of orange magic. Yelping, you jump back and begin to worry.

You rush over to the study door and find that it’s open. The hallways are quiet, so you sneak over to the stairs. You try to go down it, but find that you’re thrown back once again by orange magic. Then you attempt to portal out, but realize that your sling ring is missing. Your heart pounds wildly. You rush around the upper floor, desperately seeking a way out, but everything is blocked with orange magic.

“What the hell is going on?!” you whimper.

“Are you finished already?” a familiar voice asks behind you.

Yelping, you whirl around to see Dr. Strange and you breathe a sigh of relief.

“Thank God. Strange, you need to help me. I’m trapped on the upper floor by this weird orange magic--”

Suddenly you stop as the memory of teleporting to the Sanctum resurfaces to the front of your mind.

“Orange magic....” you whisper.

“Is something wrong, (Y/N)?” he asks, stepping forward.

You step back, realizing what’s going on.

“Strange, please....” you pant. “I dunno why you’ve trapped me here, but you have to let me go.”

“Why would I?” His voice sounds sinister, making your blood run cold. “Why would I when you’re so thorough about research that you’ve found answers to questions that sorcerers have been asking for centuries....Christine Palmer?”

“Wha....? That’s....that’s not my name--”

“Are you sure? Because you remind me so very much of her.”

Your heart is racing, and not in the good way.

“Wong won’t let this slide, you know,” you threaten. “He’ll get suspicious when I stop showing up to lessons and then you’ll be exposed.”

“I’ve already taken care of that,” he says casually. “I told him that I’m taking you under my wing for studies at the Sanctum.”

“....I-I’ll...I’ll...” You’re losing footing.

“You’ll what, Christine?” he asks.

Anger seethes through you.

“I’ll kill you!”

You lunge towards him, but suddenly find yourself levitating in the air, making you cry out.

“....I wouldn’t try that if I were you, Christine.”

He keeps you in the air as he walks you away from the stairs while you cry out, begging for him to let you go. He brings you into a grand bedroom and sets you down on the bed before putting a forcefield around you.

“Since you’re so insistent about running away from your future,” he tells you. “I’m going to make sure that you know where you belong in the present, Christine.....with me. Now get some sleep. I need you awake tomorrow for more of your research.”

He shuts your door, and you soon hear the click of a lock and see the doors glowing orange. Your heart sinks as you realize the truth.

Your fate is sealed.....

#yandere doctor strange #yandere doctor strange x autistic reader #doctor stephen strange #doctor strange #yandere marvel #yandere avengers #marvel #avengers

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salora-rainriver · 17 days

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*taps mic*

The thing about meditation is that it’s never just meditation,

(Hey- You there! Peeps with ADHD who are sick of being told to meditate! This is for you! This is about that frustration and the problem with that advice!)

There’s hundreds of spiritual meditation traditions in the world, and thousands of ways in which you (yes, you) could hypothetically begin to meditate.

Meditation isn’t one thing. It’s not sitting in lotus pose 🧘‍♀️ and emptying your mind.

Meditation can be done sitting in a chair, kneeling on the floor, laying in bed, standing, walking, even dancing! (please look up whirling dervishes)

Meditation also isn’t done for just one thing. It can be done to pursue inner peace, focus your mind, leave your mind, gain greater awareness of the outer world or the inner world, and even attain a higher level of spirituality (whatever that means for you / your religion).

“Mindful” meditation is done to exercise self-awareness and reduce stress.

Christian mystics meditate in the pursuit of understanding God.

Zazen is practiced as part of the daily traditions of a monastery, a mandated period of rest after a long day of spiritual and physical labor.

Often, people will “try meditation” AKA walk into a Mindfulness guided meditation, be told to focus on their breathing and let their worries go,

Then get frustrated because the Thoughts keep coming faster than they can push them away. And then they walk away deciding this isn’t for them.

Just so we’re all clear: no. You’re not supposed to push the thoughts away.

You’re supposed to notice the thought is there, take note of it, and then let it go.

Trying to push thoughts away just creates a “don’t think of pink elephants” situation, where thinking about not thinking about it makes you think about it more.

Hey, dude with ADHD, thanks for sticking with me. I’m sure i don’t need to tell you how annoying it is to hear “you should meditate” and then you’re stuck there going “but I cant just sit down and Relax for an hour bro” and then they straight up don’t believe you.

Yeah what if we had a deeper understanding of what meditation was and someone said “you know if you feel like you can’t sit still, maybe going for a walk and Focusing on the sound of your footsteps might do something”?

Does that maybe sound a bit more appealing?

Or maybe before you go to bed, you put on some music or the sounds of rain, and let it carry your thoughts somewhere peaceful and dreamlike as you Listen Closely?

Maybe you could dance? Or chant? Sing, even?

Run your fingers over some object and ruminate on its texture?

Meditation is a huge and diverse array of practices. The only thing they all have in common is that you enter some sort of peaceful trance as you do it.

However the hell you get there.

So yeah, I think people should be specific before they suggest “meditation” to someone.

Cause I know for a fact that sitting in an uncomfortable pose and doing Nothing for an hour won’t fix me,

but I sure as fuck Feel Something when I go Deep Listening to the sound of cicadas in a forest while Twin Peaks synth hums a mysterious drone over the misty scene. Or yanno, whatever the fuck sounds I’m feeling like at the moment.

Also, walking in nature feels good. I could go for a walk every so often.

Hey y’all, it’s springtime in the northern hemisphere right now. you might find some flowers if you go walking!

Edit:

“writing a thingy about meditation for adhd folks but also making it a massive wall of text is very gabycore xD”

Added page breaks and formatting and also some colorcoding. Hope that helps with readability. I have The Tisms, ok?

#meditation #neurodiversity #adhd #autism #actually autistic #but also I want the hippie bitches to listen too #so they can go ‘oh. i see ive been doing this all wrong’#n correct the behavior. be specific. think about who youre talking to.#i wil not rant about the commonalities between meditation and stimming thats for another fucking day

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rainbowrenjun · 10 months

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15 questions, 15 mutuals

tagged by @boochans (ty!!!<3 even tho it took me like a week lol)

1. are you named after anyone? nope! unless you count the fact that my mom loves british tv so she gave me and brother very british names unintentionally lol 2. when was the last time you cried? yesterday i teared up but i can't for the life of me remember why. if we’re talking a proper cry tho i don’t remember but it couldn’t have been long ago bc i’m a big cry baby like crying doesn’t register as a big deal to me atp like that’s just my life baby 3. do you have kids? noooo omg i’m still trying to figure out how to take care of myself😭 4. do you use sarcasm a lot? idk what counts as a lot but i have been known to be sarcastic 5. what sports do you play/have you played? never been a huge sports person but as a kid i did soccer, golf, and a bit of karate 6. what’s the first thing you notice about people? i’m not sure maybe their outfit? or maybe hair color/style bc that's the easiest way to tell people apart imo 7. what’s your eye colour? light blue 8. scary movies or happy endings? not a big movie person but i’m always down for a good comedy so i guess happy endings 9. any special talents? not that i'm aware lol (unless having such bad adhd that adderall makes me sleepy is a special talent🤔) 10. where were you born? this feels like a security question so i’m gonna keep it vague and say the west (of us america) but i only lived in that town as a baby im not a true West Coaster™️ 11. what are your hobbies? giffing, trading/collecting kpop stuff, video games (esp rpgs!! give me recs if ur into rpgs 👀), writing (fanfic but also original stuff that i can never seem to finish), used to be really into makeup but i fell out of it during the pandemic, reading (i tend to not read for 6 months and then read 300k words in one sitting. all or nothing🫡 also if u read danmei or wlw stuff give me recs:3) 12. do you have pets? yes i have a 6 year old cat (thalia) & a 2 year old dog (mochi)! 13. how tall are you? roughly 5’5 14. favourite subject in school? social studies! 15. dream job? author has always been my childhood dream that's carried into adulthood if i can ever finish a damn novel, but rn i'm trying to attempt college (again) to go into a history related field!

tagging (if u want to ofc :3): @minchanz @mistarover @taeminnomuyeppeo @twiceland @jsuh

+ bonus visuals references of thalia & mochi 🥰

#tag games

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lizzylucky · 1 year

Text

Thoughts and Observations From The Movie, Part 2/4

Welcome to part two of the silly things and fun details I picked out from the Rise movie!

My sister and I often pause the movie here to reread the options on this whiteboard for destroying the key, and it never fails to make us laugh. My one question: when and how did they test Donnie’s stomach? He wasn’t even there!

Also, feels like a callback to TummyTello, somehow. It also leaves me wondering why Donnie’s Stomach was an actual idea for destruction, regardless of whether it involves TummyTello. Guy must eat some crazy stuff XD

Further content below the cut!

“So… You’re Running Out of Ideas.” by Syr E. Piphany.

Okay, okay, bear with me- I actually have a little theory for this one. This is a screenshot from when Leo asks Donnie to locate Raph. Donnie tells him that Raph is practically- and then that he actually IS- on top of them. What I noticed here is that on this visual locator he has, none of the little character icons are oriented the same way their real life counterparts are. All six characters are in the same area and standing pretty close to each other, and I would assume that, kinda like google location sharing or snapchat location maps, you have to zoom in further on the map to get more specific locations.

This kinda sounds like it’s going nowhere, but what I’m getting at is the idea that when multiple people are in the same location, given that we know the icons will not be oriented perfectly to the people they represent, they’ll probably appear in the same orientation every time.

Which would mean!! that Donnie has intentionally designed his tracker app to have icons show up with this orientation when people are close together, furthermore meaning that he chose to put his big brother in the center of them all on purpose. As an artist myself, this could be coincidental, but very rarely are things like this done without purpose, and I like to imagine it’s a subtle way to represent Donnie thinking the absolute world of his big brother; that he would turn to Raph for guidance even before Splinter, whose icon is on the other side of the circle from Donnie’s.

I also love that the icons for Donnie’s best friend and Donnie’s “twin” are on either side of his.

And, as one last afterthought, I think this could also be a subtle nod to how Raph’s krangification becomes the center of the story and main motivator for all the characters for a huge chunk of the movie.

Does ANYONE ELSE SEE THIS?????

That absolutely looks like a masked face in the biogrowth at the top of this building. In truth, it actually looks a lot more like one of the paper ninjas than it does the Shredder, but the similarities are still there, and it works as further evidence that the Shredder and the goals of the Foot Clan were all hinged around the Krang.

Is anyone else floored by the size of this skull that Krang 1 or whatever is sitting on? I always would forget about it pretty immediately given Leo’s cheeky “surprise!” here, but this thing looks like the head of a freakin’ dragon or something. I wonder what it is? And how it got to, let alone died in, the technodrome.

One genuinely non-serious theory my sister and I occasionally talk about is the idea that the technodrome is actually a massive egg, and this was the incomplete embryo of whatever it would have become. Further non-serious evidence, which can be seen in the next images, is that the technodrome, in spite of being extremely technologically advanced, is clearly… alive, not just pure tech. Actually, everything the Krang use seems to be bio-mechanical in nature, to some degree.

It will probably be made pretty clear here that Donnie is my favourite character, just a fair warning XD But man I love this scene- one, because of the Autism-ADHD solidarity shown between PB&J immediately previous, and, two, because it’s actually a seriously incredible show of strength from Donnie.

Many fans of Rise, and of Donnie especially, also have Autism (like Donnie is confirmed to have) and/or ADHD (including myself) and understand that sensory issues mixed with New Things You Don’t Understand can be absolute hell. Like, ruins your day, renders you inactive, unfocused, nonverbal, made to be a shaking ball of anxiety, hell. Not always, but the point still stands.

Additionally, and as much as I am all for Donnie’s softshell not being seen as a big weakness because it’s natural and still more protection than any normal person has (not to mention the advantages it offers him in terms of swimming and flexibility (also probably feels really nice for scritches and sleep piles)), it actually does seem a relevant point here that this is, technically speaking, the most vulnerable part of Donnie’s body. So actively choosing to expose it to an unfamiliar and highly advanced, invasive and living technology on top of the difficulties that come with the above described neurodivergent tendencies goes against his nature in so, so many ways, but he does it anyway.

Mikey being worried about his vulnerability here, in spite of feeling out of place before, makes a lot more sense from this perspective. Knowing all that, honestly-- it just never fails to impress me.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #save rottmnt #save rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #save rise of the tmnt #rottmnt movie #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles movie #rise of the tmnt movie #analysis #screenshot #theory #rise leo #rise donnie #rise raph #rise mikey #fan content #it just me

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