#the angst that could come from it is just beautiful | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

oharaslover · 2 days

Text

i bet on losing dogs

part two of congratulations

pairing: miguel o’hara x fem reader

contents: more angst (to nobody’s surprise), clothed grinding, and masturbation (f)

synopsis: after going through a toxic cycle with his ex girlfriend, miguel learns that maybe he does deserve some type of love in his life.

author’s note: hi guys 😋 (with the intention you don’t hate me after this part)

word count: 6.4k

I always want you when I'm finally fine

Miguel had you placed in his lap, his lips ghosting on your neck in only a way that he was familiar with. His fingers gripped on your hips, moving you against his clothed crotch. Your hands wrapped around his neck, pulling him impossibly closer to yourself. The touch of him was consuming you completely, but the fact was that you wanted nothing more but to be completely absorbed by him.

You were fueled by the desperation of almost losing him, your body practically melting as his hands travelled over your body. It felt like he was exploring you for the first time, his fingers ghosting across every expanse and curve of your body. "You were always so beautiful," the sudden whisper by your ear had goosebumps forming all over your arms. He had a smile plastered on his face, the type of smile that allowed you to see the slight imperfection in his teeth. The one that you loved so much.

"I missed you," you didn't recognize your own voice, you were breathless. So affected by so little. "Yeah, what'd you miss about me?" his tone carried a teasing tone, his lips on your collarbone to leave a couple marks on there. Marks that conveyed that you still, undoubtedly, were his. You placed your hands on his shoulders, using that as leverage as you rubbed your aching cunt onto his thigh. "I missed everything about you. Your besitos, your back rubs, and the way you fuck me," you managed to get out, finding it difficult to form any actual sentences now.

"That's it, use me however you need to," he whispered against your skin, his tongue licking a stripe down your neck. The contact had you shivering, your cunt brushing up against the tent in his pants. Your hips swiveled as you moved against him, the friction stimulating your clit. "You're gonna cum from just my lap, hermosa? ¿Me extrañastes tanto?" his voice took on a taunting tone as he saw you squirm in his lap, getting close to your orgasm. All you could do was nod to his question, biting your lip to stifle any moans that were threatening to come out.

(you missed me that much?)

"You know I'll always wait for you, right?"

Now that part had gotten too unrealistic for your own sake. You opened your eyes, a discarded pizza box in the middle of your hotel bed and a vintage science fiction movie from the 20's playing on the television. If only you could've convinced yourself to stay in that dream for just a little bit longer. At least so you wouldn't have to deal with the insistent throbbing in between your legs.

Strings of slick connected your cunt to your panties when you slid them down, your walls clenching around thin air for some kind of friction. Maybe a cold shower would help? You weren't exactly responsible for your water consumption if it ended taking too long. You stripped off your pajamas, getting in the shower and closing the glass door behind you.

Your hand ghosted down to your vagina, your fingers running against your folds before you stuck one inside. Damn it. Despite the fact that you knew what made your body tick, you just couldn't find relief. Not when the dream was in the forefront of your mind. Not when you could practically feel his touch on your skin, leaving you all too desperate as you tried to imagine that your hands were his instead. You brought up your free hand to your hardened nipple, pinching it between your pointer and middle finger.

It was almost comical the way that your fingers left you feeling much more empty than when you started this whole ordeal. Another reminder that Miguel wasn't here. You shortly established a rhythm, pushing your fingers in and out on your cunt to get off. Your bottom lip was captured in between your teeth as you resisted the urge to moan, like people hadn't done more obscene things in these hotels. The cold water hit your clit, the swollen nub throbbing for some kind of stimulation as you worked yourself open.

You applied some pressure to your neglected clit, ranging from rubbing it in small circles to pinching it in between your fingers. Anything that would make this end. You chased the all too familiar feeling, the coil inside you tightening up before snapping in half. Your slick coated your fingers as you came, the cold water a stark contrast to how ignited your body felt right now. As much as you tried to convince yourself on the walk over to this hotel that you needed to get over him, you didn't know how you would even begin to start with that process.

You hated feeling this way, unable to get over Miguel. But in a way, how could you when everything just felt so unfinished between the two of you? Even before you left for California, the time between the two of you had been too short.

You leaned your body against the cold shower tiles, closing your eyes as the after effects of your orgasm washed out. Despite the fact that the throbbing between your legs was gone, you couldn't ignore the way your heart clenched at just the memory of tonight. 'Fiancée' kept running through your mind, how the man who seemingly had no intention of settling down was now about to become somebody's husband. Maybe you should've just gone back to sleep.

You truly hated Miguel O'Hara.

You hated his stupid crooked teeth. The way that his cheeks curved up when he was actually amused by something. His stupid geneticist jokes. The way that he seemed to know your body better than yourself, working you like an instrument with every single encounter. How his eyes only seemed to be reserved for you in every event, like you were the only one worthy of being looked at by him.

But most of all, you hated the way that your stupid, bleeding broken heart only seemed to beat for him.

"You could've told her the truth instead of letting her mope around the place like a kicked puppy," Tempest told Miguel as the two of them stepped into their shared apartment. He didn't need much more specification on who she was talking about, not when most of his attention had been on you for most of the night. The way that your emotions were so clear to see despite the smile that you forced on your face. How he wanted to kiss that little frown off your face.

Tell you that's it's always just been you.

He undid the buttons of his shirt, sitting down on the couch to take off his shoes. "Her and I were never anything serious, I don't have any reason to explain things to her," was the same excuse that he gave himself over and over to justify why he kept this a secret for so long. Tempest let out a scoff, but she didn't add much more to that as she slid her heels off. He itched to go and help her, but he knew he'd probably get a heel thrown at his head if he did.

Tempest went over to her own bedroom, making a beeline to switch out of the clothes that she'd chosen for the night before going back over to the living room. "Take it from the dying person. There's nothing selfish about wanting your own happiness," she told him, walking past his bedroom to head into the living room once more. Now there was food for thought. Prioritizing his own happiness instead of trying to fix the things around him. A thought that he didn't want to entertain right now.

He headed out of his room after changing out of his clothes, rubbing his eyes as he headed into the kitchen to get a glass of water. "You would've been a decent poet," he steers the conversation into safe territory, conversation that didn't involve how he was feeling. "Not really. I was gonna pursue something in sports, maybe in sports medicine," she responded, walking over to the kitchen where he was standing. Tempest was fairly decent at discerning when he wanted to drop a subject, so she decided on doing just that.

"Goodnight, Miguel," Tempest spoke up after a while, her body exhausted from the events of the day. She'd skipped out on her daily nap to go to the party with him, her body facing the consequences now. Not that she'd ever voice any concern though, not when she was getting free food and a free place to stay. As well as access to low cost healthcare.

"Good night. Let me know if you need anything," Miguel told her, passing her a bottle of water so she'd be able to take her night pills. Tempest looked over at her pill box reluctantly, taking out the small capsules before gulping them down. No matter how many times she swallowed the pills, the process of keeping them down never got any easier. Tempest gave him a small thumbs up, heading over to her bedroom and closing the door behind her. Not that he'd miss any movement that she made with the thin wall separating them anyways.

Miguel laid down in bed with one hand behind his head, his gaze directed at the ceiling like it would reveal some kind of magical answer to him. He had no actual responsibility to stay loyal to you, yet he knew that if the roles would've been reversed that he would've lost his shit. That he would've gotten down on his knees and begged you to reconsider, reconsider the happy moments that the two of you had together. Albeit, most of them short and temporary but still sweet.

He was doing this to help out Tempest. Yet, she showed more interest in having him be with you than he did. She probably felt guilty for being stuck in such a predicament with him, the thought backed up by the one time she'd asked him what he got out of this. He wasn't completely sure what he got out of this arrangement, really, but he knew was that some part of him felt inclined to.

One of the things that he did know was that he needed to see this through after what he’d promised her.

"Ay mierda," he muttered to himself, trying to shake the remaining salt out of the container. A couple specks fell onto the chicken he was cooking, barely enough to cover a millimeter of it. He turned down the heat on the stove, going over to his cupboard to rummage for some extra salt. He had everything in there, an assortment of oregano, paprika, cumin and yet, no extra containers of salt. He looked over at the electronic clock on his wall, trying to discern if he had enough time to go to the grocery store before realizing he had work in an hour.

The idea of potentially bothering his neighbor was almost enough to get him to turn around but he decided to stick it out. What was the worst that could happen, anyways? That they turned out to be a serial killer and his knock on the door was the last thing that they needed to snap? Fat chance. "Just ask for some salt. It can't be that bad, right?" he muttered to himself, looking over at the door as he brought his hand to knock. He swallowed back some of his nervousness, forcing himself to bring his hand over to the wood.

Miguel knocked on his neighbor's door, tapping his foot as he waited for an answer. Sounds of scuffling could be heard inside but the door remained closed. He knocked once more, hoping that this one would warrant some type of answer. "It's not a marketer or something, just your neighbor! I just need some salt!" he called out, realizing afterwards that he probably looked like a maniac shouting in front of a door. The thought of someone passing by and seeing him like this immediately made him press his lips together and wait in silence.

Miguel accepted defeat after waiting for an answer for a couple more seconds, heading back to his apartment. He didn't have enough time to rush out to get more salt without risking being late for work, deciding instead to just go ahead and make himself a microwave dinner. "Wait, sorry," he heard behind him, turning around to see his neighbor poking her head out through the door. Well, at least she didn't look like a serial killer. Still, he wouldn't let his guard down just yet.

"I have a bit of extra salt. You can come inside while I go get it," his neighbor continued, opening the door a bit wider just to let him in. The space was much more different to his own, much more full of ambiance and personality. While he used his apartment as just a place to sleep in whenever he came back home from Alchemax, he could tell that his neighbor had spent the time in making sure that this apartment was well loved.

His eyes darted down to the multiple bills scattered around in her kitchen table, his curiosity getting the better of him. Cancer treatment bills. None of them which lowered from the thousands. Tempest came back with the container of salt in hand, rushing to scoop up the papers before he saw too much. A couple of them flailed past her grip, slowly swaying from side to side before falling on the floor. Not that it helped, he already got the basic idea. Most of those were past their due date.

"Your insurance doesn't cover for some of it?" He knew he should've kept his mouth shut by the way Tempest immediately shot him a glare, but he just couldn't help himself. A part of him couldn't help but worry about the type of cancer treatment she was receiving, if any at all. Tempest let out a small huff, her arms folded across her chest. She was trying to put on a tough persona, but Miguel was able to look past that.

"I don't have insurance after I had to quit my job. I'm not exactly eligible for any services either so it's been purely out of pocket. Hence the whole bills on the table thing," Tempest finally spoke after she realized that her glare wasn't affecting Miguel the way she intended.

"Well.. my work offers insurance to those couples who live together and married couples. The guarantee for it working when you're married is much higher," he spoke up after a while, leaning behind one of her kitchen seats. To think he came over for a bit of salt and now he was making a whole wedding proposal. "Should've left you outside to get your own salt," Tempest muttered, almost laughing at how insane the situation sounded. Getting married just to get the treatment she desperately needed.

"You know, people technically get married out of love. Out of convenience, maybe. But just for insurance purposes?" Tempest brought up the topic, her arms folded as her gaze scrutinized him. As hard as she tried, she couldn't figure out why he was doing this. For a stranger, of all things. A part of her felt that this wasn't just from the kindness of his heart.

"You're acting like that isn't a marriage of convenience."

"Nobody's gonna believe that we suddenly just want to get married."

"Nobody else matters."

Tempest continued to throw out a couple of excuses to try to scare away Miguel from the prospect, getting met with rather simple solutions to her concerns. Damn it, as much as she hated to admit it, he was pretty decent at convincing her of this idea.

While you were in the shower last night, you'd gotten a message from Gabriel asking if you wanted to come over to his place. To which you agreed to eagerly. You were planning on watching romance movies for the day while shitting on them for the unrealistic expectations they set, maybe ordering a bottle of wine and pizza if you were feeling up to it.

"You couldn't have told me that you were planning on staying in Nueva York from now on?" his voice called out from the kitchen, Romeo Santos' 'Imitadora' playing in the background. He lowered the volume on his speaker when he listened to your footsteps approach, setting down the knife he had in hand. He was in a much better state than you'd expected, you were expecting to find him in a bathrobe with sunglasses on after the copious amounts of tequila he'd had last night.

"And you couldn't have told me Miguel was engaged? I almost made a fool out of myself," you countered, leaning against the counter as the different spices filled your nose. A mixture of adobo and garlic sizzling on a piece of meat he had on the stove. "You always make a fool out of yourself, though. Remember that one time you fell at the pool during my 21st birthday?" he retorted, leaning against the kitchen counter with an amused smirk on his face.

How could you not. You'd gotten more drunk than Gabriel that night, mixing up all different types of alcohol in an adventurous pursuit. You'd drunkenly called Miguel to pick you up after the night was over, stumbling over your feet when you walked over to his car. The two of you drove around most of Nueva York, though all the buildings blurred together in your inebriated state. One of the best memories that you had despite the throbbing headache that followed the next day.

The two of you ended up at a greasy burger spot on the skirts of town, though that burger had tasted like a slice of heaven the minute that it touched your tongue. You didn't remember that much about the event itself, but you could remember the overwhelming amount of safety that you felt with him. How comfortable he made you feel in his presence. How he entertained every single of your stupid remarks without much resistance, even adding onto it at times.

He'd taken off your heels and changed your clothes into something more comfortable, showing no reluctance to do so. "Shh, it's okay sweet girl. You just drank too much," he whispered in your ear, his hand rubbing small circles as you were leaned over the toilet throwing up. "I'm never touching another glass of tequila again," you groaned, a lie to both yourself and Miguel. He continued to rub your back throughout the ordeal, staying by your side through it all. "Yeah, I'm sure you won't," he remarked, handing you a napkin once you were done.

Every memory that you had in Nueva York was tainted in some way by Miguel O'Hara.

"I didn't think the two of you had anything serious going on anymore, I'm sorry. I would've said something otherwise," Gabriel finally said, adding in the tomato that he'd cut along with the onion slices. Fair point. You didn't really have a reason to expect anything, not when you and Miguel were just sleeping around with no semblance of commitment. "Nah, it's fine. I shouldn't have expected that he'd just be here waiting for me," you responded, glancing over at the stove as he cooked.

You looked down at your phone, a notification ping bringing your attention to it. You weren't expecting to see a message from Miguel, surprised at the fact that he still even had your number. Your eyebrows practically shot up to your forehead upon reading the contents of the message, an invitation to his engagement party with Tempest. You debated on not going but you looked over at Gabriel and asked,

"Hey, how do you feel about going to Miguel's engagement party as my plus one?"

Tell your baby that I'm your baby

You weren't sure who was the bigger idiot in this situation. Miguel for inviting you to his engagement party or you for actually accepting it. As much as you were willing yourself to be mature throughout this situation, you didn't have this much maturity in you. His apartment was adorned in a mix of gold and yellow, a couple streamers hanging off the walls and a couple balloons bouncing around. "Maybe we should go. Get some food at the bodega," you suggested, looking over at Gabriel.

"No way, you dragged me out here now we're gonna stick it out," Gabriel's words came out muffled as he stuck a hors-d'oeuvre into his mouth that a butler was passing around. Miguel had really gone out for his engagement party. "I'll get you food from another place?" you tried another approach, hoping that maybe he would ease up this way. He pointed with his mouth over to the wide array of plates set up at a table, the good looking much more inviting than any bodega you had in mind. You really didn't have any proper reason to leave.

Gabriel left your side upon getting approached by a couple of family members, some third/fourth cousins that had been dying to see him again. You looked out from a distance to see him dancing around with them, anything that would be a nice distraction from looking around for Miguel. Your eyes always managed to find him in whatever room you were in. Not that it was too hard of a task, though. You stepped outside to catch some air, to convince yourself that you could last at least another hour at this event.

You didn't fit either of their lives anymore. As much as you desperately wished you did. The thought had come to you while you were in the balcony, looking out at the night sky. Everyone had someone else to converse with, someway of knowing each other. The thought stung more than you could've imagined, that you were still stuck on memories and a fling from the past while Miguel had been perfectly capable of moving on. The champagne that you had in your hand went down easier than the realization of the bitter truth.

"Hey," you didn't need to look behind you to recognize who'd just stood next to you, the scent of his cologne practically gave it away before he even got the chance to approach. "Hey," you returned the greeting, keeping your attention out on the night sky. "Is the party not up to your liking? You don't have to be outside, y'know," he told you, stepping just an inch closer to you. A scoff escaped from your lips before you got the chance to stop it, an incredulous look on your face when you turned to face Miguel.

"Are you seriously asking me that? You invited me to this engagement party knowing damn well about our previous history together. You didn't even bother to tell me you were engaged. If we weren't dating, then we were at the least friends."

"I wasn't sure how you were going to react to it. You and I didn't exactly have anything all that serious," Miguel realized it was the wrong thing to say upon seeing your expression, the way your face scrunched up in disbelief. The excuse had worked pretty well to get Tempest to leave it alone, so he figured that it would've worked on you too. Never had he regretted saying something so fast.

"Seriously? You think that I hooked up with you throughout these years just because you were a decent lay?"

"Well, what else am I supposed to think? It's not like we did a lot of talking when you came over those past couple times."

"It was because I loved you, you idiot! If it was just about the sex aspect, I would've hooked up with someone back in California!"

"I was gonna tell you at the party that I intended to stay in Nueva York this time around. So I guess we'll be seeing more of each other," the words ran through Miguel like a cold bucket of water, the meaning of your words not at all lost to him. You had wanted to try again. Miguel wanted to pull you back into his arms, tell you that you were the one he envisioned having a future with. But... he didn't. He let you run off, looking at the back of your head before you eventually disappeared.

He stood at the balcony, letting himself ponder about a different alternative to this one. One where Tempest wasn't sick and didn't require his help. One where you'd never left for California, where you stayed by his side. Where the two of you would clean dishes, a cumbia playing in the background as the two of you basked in each other's presence. Where that would just be enough. Where this engagement party was for the both of you, an engagement ring on your finger. A thought that he entertained more and more often.

"Oyé, Tempest doesn't look too good," Gabriel's voice took him out of the fantasy he was in, immediately turning around and scanning inside of the apartment to see if he could find her. She looked winded, despite the fact he knew that she hadn't done much dancing tonight. "Alright, thanks," he cleared his throat, opening the glass door leading back to his apartment before going over to her. "Try to stand up for me, can you do that?" he spoke just low enough for her to hear, putting one hand on her arm.

She'd been sick for a couple weeks now, he knew that much. But he'd never seen her get this bad. The thought was enough to scare him into shooing all the guests away, rushing Tempest to the nearest hospital that he could find. "Come on, stay with me," his voice wavered, seeing the way that Tempest struggled to stay awake. Damn it, he'd never forgive himself for not taking her earlier to the hospital if she didn't get better. He put her favorite song on the radio to see if that made a difference. It didn't.

He rushed with her into the emergency room, beckoning for a nurse to come over after getting Tempest seated down on a wheelchair. She was still conscious, but she was unresponsive to everything going on around her. Her breathing sounded strangled, like the action itself was causing her pain. He found himself with his head buried between her hands, praying for the first time in a couple years. The action was strange to him, but he needed to have someone to depend on in this situation.

If only he'd come when these symptoms started to present themselves.

Tempest wobbled over her feet as she made her way down the small stage that the wedding boutique had set up. Miguel let her lean her body against him, her hand tightly pressed against his chest for some kind of support. "You okay?" he'd seen her get worse these past couple of days, but he decided it'd be better not to push her too much. "Yeah, it's fine," she sounded like she'd just ran a marathon, her chest heaving slightly as she tried to regain control of her breathing.

It'd be better not to make a scene out in public.

"Talk to me, what's going on?" Miguel prodded as the two stepped into the apartment, helping Tempest sit down on the couch despite her protests. She did hate when she got treated like she was weak. Tempest shook his hands off, taking a sip from the water bottle that he'd brought over. He could tell she was just itching to tell him that she was fine, not that the lie would do either of them any good though. "The treatment's just taking more out of me than I expected. The one today just left me feeling particularly weak is all."

"The doctor said it should be expected, Miggy," though the nickname annoyed him to no end, he knew better than to deny a dying person this small thing. Though the excuse didn't sound too coherent to him, he decided he would handle this the way that Tempest wanted to. Instead of him reassuring her, she was doing the task instead. Miguel really needed to do a better job at being a fake fiancé. He let out a small sigh, sitting down by her side and looking over at her with concern etched across all over his features.

"Just tell me if it ever gets too serious, okay? If you ever start to feel too sick or too fatigued. I'll take you to the hospital and I'll get you the best shocking cancer treatment there is, okay?" He told her, taking the water bottle once she was done with it. "I know and I appreciate that, more than you know. But I'm fine, I'll get used to the treatment plan eventually," she responded, the two of them getting into a conversation about what they wanted to order. He always ended up getting what she wanted to regardless.

He thought she was doing better after that, but maybe she'd just done a better job at hiding her sickness away from him. He'd seen her smiling and tending to her plants, even going as far as humming to them. An activity that distracted her from the fact that she couldn't be outside for too long. Little did he know that while the flowers bloomed and thrived under her care, she was decaying with each passing day.

I'm losing by their side

The doctor's words were starting to blur into the background, something about how the treatment plan had been too aggressive. That her body couldn't take it. It all sounded the same to him, really. Just pure gibberish that was meant to rationalize the loss. "If you knew she couldn't take it then why'd you force her into such an aggressive plan?" Miguel kept his distance as he spoke, every word coming out like venom as he looked at the doctor. His hands balled up into fists but he remained in the seat where he was.

Last thing he needed was to deal with both a funeral and a bail hearing tonight.

"We thought that it was the best approach. She never complained about it," the doctor told him, keeping an even tone as he spoke. Miguel's stare was full of disgust, disgust at the way that he somehow made it sound like it was Tempest's fault. He should've gone to someone better, should've done a number of things differently. He really should've been less desperate when trying to help her. His brother's words ran through his head, so many should'ves and not enough doing. And now Tempest was no longer in his life.

The treatment plan wasn't something that was meant to heal her completely, but it was something that was meant to slow down the rate that the cancer was advancing. Instead, it'd only shortened the time that she'd been given. He blamed himself for not listening to her when she'd expressed that the medication and the levels of chemotherapy were starting to become too much, each session leaving her weaker and weaker. He blamed himself for not being able to save her even if the task was practically impossible.

He played with the engagement band that had once been on his finger, waiting absentmindedly for the doctor to come. He was still processing the fact that he wasn't going home with Tempest tonight, that he'd eventually have to go back home to an empty apartment. Nothing ran through his mind as the doctor gave him the full report of what happened, his gaze empty as he looked at the blank wall. No amount of details would change the fact that he wasn't able to save her. As hard as he tried to, he'd failed not only her, but also himself.

He couldn't bear going back home now, getting welcomed to an apartment that smelled like Tempest all around. From the cookie batter that she'd been making earlier to the scent of her perfume permeated on the couch cushions. It was all too much. Having all these little reminders with the knowledge that they'd soon fade away with time. So he found himself driving over to your place without much thought. Your presence was a calming one, one that would anchor him down to earth before he did something stupid.

Headlights flashed in a flurry of colors, the brightness on some of them almost hurting his eyes as he sped down the streets of Nueva York. "What the shock are you doing, man?!" He heard an angry driver scream behind him, a loud honk following after. He should've been more cautious, he really should've. Cars were swerving to get out of his way on the road, a train of honking following him with every red light that he disregarded. But his brain was on autopilot. His only mission was to get to you.

A distraught Miguel was not what you were expecting to see on your doorstep at two in the morning, but yet here he was. His eyes were brimmed red, tears leaking out of him like a faucet as they combined with the rainfall. His grey Alchemax hoodie had turned into a darker shade, his body shaking in front of you. He hadn't even registered that you'd opened the door, his attention on a speck of dirt that laid on your doorstep.

His body clung onto you when the door swung open, holding you the same way a child would hold a teddy bear for comfort. "I couldn't save her," he babbled, his throat raw as he spoke. After the initial shock fizzled out of your body, you rubbed his back in an attempt to calm him down. "I tried, te lo juro que trate," he repeated as he held you close to his body, needing something to stay stagnant for now.

You stayed quiet, providing him the comfort of your presence and your touch. His shoulders shook with each sob that escaped his body, his chest heaving as his lungs struggled to catch up to him. "I know you tried, Miguel," your words fell on deaf ears as he continued to sob, his grip on you tightening. Something to tether him to reality. "I did, I really did," he whispered, sniffling before more tears began to roll down his cheeks. You'd never seen him cry this much before. Never seen him cry ever, actually.

You set the cup of tea down, his hands shaking as he reached over to grab it. A couple drops fell onto the floor when he tried to get a good grasp on it. "I'm sorry, I know I'm making a mess out of your apartment," he'd made a wet spot on your couch after taking a seat, not that it was your first concern at the moment. "Hey, no. You've got nothing to apologize for," you assured him, taking a seat next to him.

You placed a hand on his shoulder, gently rubbing it as he took a sip from the chamomile tea that you'd brought over. His throat bobbed as he struggled to keep it down. A part of him was convinced that he didn't deserve to be treated this way, with such care and delicacy. After he'd treated you like something disposable, as something that didn't matter. But he couldn't help and be selfish, enjoy the feeling of having your concern directed towards him. Of having you still care about him.

"Thank you," his voice was hoarse, his cheeks completely tear-streaked as he looked up from the floor over to you. He got up from the couch, taking off the wet hoodie that was practically pasted onto his body by now. "I have some clothes that you can borrow," you told him, seeing the hesitation in his face as he debated on taking off the rest of his moist clothing.

You took out a black shirt and a pair of grey sweatpants that he'd let you borrow one time after staying at his place a couple years back. A pair of clothes that you told yourself you'd throw away time and time again, only to let them reside in the back of your cabinet. You were thankful that your reluctance to move on really paid off in this moment. You made your way over to the living room, not feeling comfortable with leaving him alone for too long while he was feeling like this.

You passed him the dry set of clothes, picking up the wet pieces from the floor before leaving to the kitchen to give him some time to change. You set the dry clothes in the dryer, starting up the first round before walking back over to the living room. Miguel's movements seemed delayed as he struggled to put his shirt on, like his brain wasn't communicating properly with his body at the moment. "Here, I got you," you instinctively found yourself needing to help him, pulling the shirt down to cover him up.

He looked like he was on the verge of collapsing right on your floor.

You'd grabbed a blanket over from a closet, placing it down on the couch cushion next to him as well as a plush pillow. "Try to get some rest, okay?" you told him, shutting off the light before starting to make your way back into your bedroom. "Do you mind staying here with me tonight?" his voice was unnaturally quiet. You were sure you would've missed it had you not been paying attention. You weren't sure what the protocol was for sleeping with somewhat of an ex but you decided to oblige.

His arm snaked around your waist in an attempt to hold you close, his body heat practically radiating onto your own body. His body shook behind you but he made no noise, an occasional sniffle here and there. It pained you to see him this upset, without being able to do much other than just offer him your comfort. You wanted to be able to take away his pain despite how upset he'd made you these past couple months. It pained you to see him so helpless, so willing to blame himself despite not having any actual fault in it.

You weren't sure how much time had passed when Miguel's body finally fell slack, snores the sound of lawnmower escaping from his lips. Every time that you tried to adjust his body, the grip he had around you tightened in an attempt to keep you in place. He couldn't bare to lose you too. Even if it was just for a couple seconds. You shut you eyes, trying to will yourself into falling asleep. After a while, you just stopped trying and let yourself get consumed into sleep.

tag list 🫶🏼: @yougavemeyourheartyouknow @lazyjellyfish300 @pxtched @nympholove @ifiwasaguybrickedup @yournextbimbogf @nixinluv02 @lizaistewdelulu @swiftiegirliepop @1800-get-alife @cl3stevu @mvlanchqly @tomalymme @boringpersonality @laysmt @scaryplanetdestroyer @crimin4llyins4ne @cheerrioeoz @peachey-pie

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miley1442111 · 3 days

Text

fix it together- a.hotchner

a/n: i imagined a fem reader but as per usual, imagine what you like :) thank you guys for all the love on the first part of this!!!!

please don't read if you have emetophobia!!!!

summary: aaron said some horrible things. He's trying to fix it, right?

pairing: husband! aaron hotchner x wife! reader

warnings: mad angst, aaron is so mean, reader believes she is a bad mother, heartbreak, feelings of disappointment, reader is pregnant, talks of pregnancy, talks of vomiting and morning sickness, happy ending :)

part 1- fix it.

Aaron

The last few weeks had been… tense. Going back to work was fine and we still acted like a couple, don’t get me wrong. Yet, everything felt disgustingly different. The gifts hadn’t been working. The dates hadn’t been working. Every second of my days were spent thinking over what I’d said on that horrible night. Did I ask for an annulment? What was I thinking? I love you more than anything, I want you forever. Since the first date I’d known you were my girl, my forever girl. Every night I’ve been trying to make it clear to you that I want you. That I think you’re a good mother. Even the nights you'd stayed at Penelope's.

After Jack's birthday, you'd gone to Penelope's for 3 nights, I only saw you during the day at work, and even then you didn't look at me, let alone speak to me. You came home because you missed Jack.

Since then, you’ve been distant, focusing on work, or Jack more often than not. So I decided something.

I made all the distractions go away. Jack went off to his cousin's house, and I pulled us out of work for a full week, much to Strauss’s annoyance. Only thing is that I hadn’t told you.

Well, this better work.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Honey?” I cleared my throat, still groggy from waking up a few minutes prior. You weren’t in bed, you’d recently stopped our regular 5 minutes of hazy cuddling as we both wake up. My third favourite part of the day. My second favourite being when you come to me at 2:07pm everyday at work and give me a kiss, my first favourite being the kiss and hug you give me at the end of the day, just after tucking Jack in. All three had stopped in recent weeks.

“Yeah?” You called from the bathroom, doing your regular morning routine.

“I called us out of work,” I yawned and heard your quickened footsteps, then you appeared in front of me. You looked so beautiful, as always. A random and oversized t-shirt and a pair of shorts that left little to the imagination. I started to sweat just thinking about it.

“What? Why?! We have people who need our help, we have cases-” You started rambling as I got up and cupped your face, kissing you.

“Because I need you. I need you to be you again,” I whispered against your lips, hoping this would work. “So we’re going to have a nice few days, yeah? Today we have your appointment and we’ll have another talk. Then we can just relax for the rest of the week.”

“The week?” you stressed and I rolled my eyes, kissing you again. Your lips were so perfect. You’d brushed your teeth, not that I mind your morning breath. Not that I mind anything about you.

“Please,” I was begging and I wasn’t even ashamed. “Please honey,” I wrapped my hands around your waist, trying to persuade you.

“Aaron-”

“Don’t call me Aaron,” You’d stopped calling me the usual ‘baby’ or ‘darling’, or my favourite ‘love’. “Please. I want to be normal again. I don’t want this distance, I adore you more than anything.”

I could tell you felt conflicted. I hurt you. I know I did.

“Aaron,” another stab to my heart. “Fine, we’ll take this week off, and we can… talk.”

“Thank you my love,” I smile, pressing kisses along your exposed collarbone. You chuckled. I’d missed your laughter. I’d missed you.

“Ok baby, come on, I need to shower,” you giggled against me and I could feel my heart mending. Baby. I couldn’t stop the grin on my lips. I let go of you, but not before kissing you again. My perfect wife.

“Can I join?” I smirked, and you scoffed.

“Don’t push your luck Hotchner,” You chuckled. This was it. This is what it used to be. Flirty, loving, and fun. Before I ruined everything.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

You

Forgiving Aaron was the easy part. Worrying if every parenting decision was the right one, was pure agony.

Is it wrong to say that like that? Should I have done this a different way? Was that right?

And your brain’s personal favourite:

What would Haley have done?

You were beating yourself up about it all for the past few weeks. You felt you had ruined Jack’s birthday with your own insecurities, since he’d asked if you were alright the day after.

Telling Jack you were pregnant was a highlight from the past few weeks. He was ecstatic to find out he’d be getting a little sibling. He already wanted to meet them and he understood that there would be times where either of you wouldn’t be able to play with him when his sibling arrived.

Aaron had been grovelling to the highest degree. Flowers once a week, date nights, house chores, taking paperwork from you so you don’t need to do it, getting any and all pregnancy cravings, and helping you deal with all your morning sickness and migraines.

It was maddening. You were going to go insane if you weren’t careful.

Yet, you felt like every second of every day was spent thinking about your parenting choices and just wondering if having another baby was even a good idea. Would your new child even like you? Would this ruin your relationship with Jack? What was going to happen when they grow up? Did Aaron really think your parenting is terrible?

Ok, so maybe you haven’t forgiven him just yet. Or at all.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

You lay back in bed, a book in hand as Aaron pressed a soft kiss to your shoulder. You stared at the words on the page, trying to make sense of them when your brain was so clouded. Your levels of anxiety had risen greatly, which you both knew was not good for your baby. Aaron had been trying to lift some of the stress off your shoulders with his constant doting, but you knew that the stress was Aaron. From the moment you woke up to the minute you fell asleep, you felt like you were putting up a show. Being the perfect wife, perfect (probably shitty, you thought anyway) mother, perfect agent. It was exhausting. You wanted to go back to before, back to when you didn’t have to pretend everything was alright.

You pushed him off you and lay on your side, a regular occurrence. Aaron felt dejected. He’d hurt you so badly, and he didn’t know what to do to fix it.

“Baby?” he spoke into the room.

“Yes Aaron?” You answered.

“Do you still love me?” He asked in a small voice. He felt raw and full of emotion. Honestly, he was terrified of the answer.

“Do I still love you?” You scoffed. “I think I should be the one asking that. You were the one mentioning getting an annulment.”

“You know I didn’t mean it like that… I was just-” He tried but you shot out of bed, staring at him with an anger in your eyes he could only describe as animalistic.

“ 'You just' what Aaron? What?!” You squealed, all the emotions that you’d let build up, coming out at once. “I’ve been trying to be a good wife, to be a good mother for the past 4 fucking years Aaron. I have been that for you, I have been that for you and Jack, and I’m so happy to do it because I love the both of you more than anything! And all I ask in return is that you love and respect me! That is what you promised me on your wedding day! You didn’t fucking do that. You threw our marriage under the bus and compared me to your ex wife, the second you got slightly stressed. I’m sure Haley did a much better job than me Aaron, I’m sure she did! But I’m here Aaron. I love you. I love Jack. I have dedicated my life to the two of you, to our family! And now I feel like I’ve made a mistake in doing that, because the second you get overwhelmed, I’m in the first person that gets thrown under the bus?! To get reduced to nothing by you?! That’s not fucking fair Aaron, It’s not fair! And the worst part is that I fucking forgave you weeks ago, but I can’t forgive myself! I feel like such a shit mother every single day! I feel like I’m failing everyday, and that our baby will fucking hate me because it’ll somehow know that I’m the second choice! That it’ll know you’d rather be with someone who’s dead! So don’t come to me asking stupid fucking questions like that when you know the fucking answer Aaron. You don’t need to humiliate me more than you already have.”

You walked out of your shared bathroom, down the stairs into the living room, and sobbed your eyes out.

Aaron sat up in the bed, thankful that Jack wasn’t home today, but devastated by your words, and his actions. Why had he even brought up an annulment?

He couldn’t even begin to dissect the feelings he had when the bile in his throat suddenly came on and he had to run to the bathroom, and spill it into the toilet. Your words hit him like a knife, throwing his own words back in his face in the most disgusting way to do it, directed at you. You were an amazing mother, an amazing wife. And yet, you thought you were worthless. He had made you feel worthless. He felt terrible. He didn’t want Haley. Yes, he’d loved her for a long time, yes their divorce was heartbreaking. But he loved you now, and he didn’t ever want to take that for granted. He’d gotten two people who loved him unconditionally, two people who loved him enough to have a child with him, two people that would put themselves in harm’s way for him.

And he fucked it up. Twice.

He followed you downstairs, standing in the doorway as you sobbed into the couch cushions, then walked over and put a hand on your back. You didn’t push him off, that must be a good sign, right? He moved you to sit on his lap, your head in his shoulder as he calmed you down.

“I’m so sorry Y/n. I was awful to you. I don’t want an annulment, I never want an annulment. I know it sounds bad but I was just so used to Haley hanging a divorce over my head for so long, it just came out. You are who I want, who I would choose, every single time. You are a good mother. You’re going to be a good mother. I’m so sorry I ever made you doubt yourself. That I ever made you doubt me. I never want to hurt you like this again. This is the worst thing I’ve ever done, I’m so sorry,” he whispered against your skin. “I’m so sorry.”

You let out a half chuckle- half sob and pulled away. “Aaron, I need you to swear to me that you will never fucking bring up us breaking up again, unless you actually mean it.”

“I swear.”

“And I need you to promise me that you’ll work on stopping all the reactive bullshit we’ve been doing,” You sighed.

“I promise.”

“Then, I think we’ll be ok,” You smiled softly and kissed his cheek, settling your head back against his neck.

“So we’re ok again?” He asked hopefully.

“Not yet, no,” You stated and his hope vanished.

“Honey-”

“We will be, soon.”

He smiled again. You were his, always. Just as he was yours, always. Anything, you could get through.

Together.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

criminal minds masterlist :)

people that asked to be tagged: @michasia24 @pear-1206 @randomrosie01 @tonystankhere

#criminal minds #criminal minds imagine #bau team #criminal minds fandom #criminal minds fic #criminal minds x reader #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner fluff #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotch imagine #aaron hotchner smut #aaron hotchner fanfiction #ssa aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner imagine

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f1smutwriter · 3 days

Note

Could you write something where Charles is dating a plus sized girl and she’s insecure but he shows her how beautiful she is? Please :)

|PERFECT (cl16)

|𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐋𝐞𝐜𝐥𝐞𝐫𝐜 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

Summary: She’s feeling a bit insecure about how her body look. But to Charles she’s perfect

Warnings: SMUT! dirty talk, praising, oral (fem rec), unprotected sex (like love making but wear protection gosh), creampie, pet names (my beautiful girl, good girl, mon ange), breeding kink, bit of angst, cockwarming, fluff so much fluff, more that I probably missed

Notes: I feel like I’m getting better, and again request are open and if you did request something I promise you it’s coming out soon

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As I look at myself in the mirror I just start tearing up. Hating the way my body looks. I was never the skinny girl that guys lined up from. I was always the friend of the skinny girl, or my sister was the skinny girl. That's why when Charles will tell me I look beautiful I don't believe him. I put on a long sleeve pink shirt and a white tennis skirt on feeling confident. But when I looked at myself in the mirror I hated what I saw.

I looked like a monster. I had extra fat around my stomach, my arms weren't skinny, and my thighs were huge. I just look at myself in disgust making me cry more. "Mon ange what's wrong" Charles asked me concerned as he holds me up so I don't fall. "I hate myself cha, I hate how I look. Why are you even with me you should date someone pretty" I cried making it hard for him to understand me.

“Someone pretty but I do have someone pretty. I have someone so beautiful that it makes me want you all the time” He whisper to me softly making me wipe my tears. I look at him with my tear stained cheeks sniffling. “R-really” I say as he cups my face and wipes away the tears. “How about I show you baby, would you like that having me show you” He asked me in a gentle voice making me nod. “Go lay down my beautiful girl let me show you how much I love you and your body” he whispered in my ear making me squeeze my legs together.

I walk to the bed and sit down at the foot of it. He looks down at me holding my chin so I can look at him perfectly. “Gosh you’re so pretty with your little puppy dog eyes, Mon ange” he whispered softly making me squeeze my thighs harder tighter. He saw mh action making him chuckle softly. He slowly kneels down in front of me, not breaking eye contact for a single second.

He looks at my top biting his lip as he stares at my boobs. “Can you take this off so I can see these pretty tits” He grumbled as his gaze on my tits don’t break. I take off my shirt and unclip my bra making him groan getting the full view. “These are breath taking, one of my favorite things Mon ange” he murmured while taking one of them in his mouth making my breath hitch from the sudden pleasure.

I feel him suck on my soft skin making me gasped, as he nips softly. He sucks love marks on my chest making me whine. He kisses down my chest to my stomach. I feel his teeth gaze my stomach, then he kisses down to my waist line of my skirt. "We're gonna keep this on okay, you look so pretty to take it off" He growled as he kissed up my thigh. He moved my skirt up letting me see him between my legs.

As he slid my pink laced panties down my legs, he stares at my bare pussy making me close my legs close insecurely. "Leave them open, want to see this pretty pussy" He said spreading my legs again making me feel more insecure. He slowly licks my clit making me gasp, closing my thighs around his head making him groan. "I-i'm sorry baby" I say widening then not wanting to hurt him. "No I love it when you squish me, okay good girl" he said before going back and feasting on my cunt.

I start babbling nonsense trying to get away from the intense pleasure. “Fuck this pussy is the sweetest, can’t get enough of you” he muttered against my clit making me scream out in pleasure. “So sensitive huh, that’s why you’re so loud so responsive” he chuckled making me cry out feeling tears stream down my face. I feel his fingers tease my aching hole, slowly pushing them in. I moaned loudly feeling full just from two fingers. “I know baby, but daddy’s is gonna have to stretch you out. Y’to tight” he whispered before going back and sucking my clit.

I feel him curl his fingers hitting the perfect spot in me that only he could touch. “Found it huh the precious little spot that makes you cum all over my fingers, and tongue” he grunted before pounding his fingers into the spot that makes me see stars. I let out quiet moans the pleasure being to much that I can barely make a noise. “M’gonna c-cum” I stuttered out making him chuckled softly.

“Yeah this pretty little pussy gonna cum all over my fingers, gonna show me how much of a good girl you are” he teased making me moan louder and louder. “Yeah you are, only I can make you feel this good huh, only I can taste and fuck this tight pussy” he said going fast making my legs tremble and the knot in my stomach growing tighter.

“Cum, cum all over my fingers beautiful girl” he whispered in my ear making me scream out as I cum all over his fingers so hard I almost get light headed. He licks up all the cum that I give him making him groan causing vibrations go travel up my body, I close my legs from the overstimulation whining softly. “Want a condom or raw today princess” he whispered to me as he stroked his already hard cock to get himself ready.

“R-raw please” I say softly making him chuckle from my response. “My polite little girl” he whispered before running his leaky tip over my abused cunt. “So wet mon ange” He groaned before pushing into me making me gasp at the stretch. “Fuck s-stretching this pussy so wide, a-always s-so tight for me” he grunted before moving his hips with slow thrust.

“Cha-Charlie f-faster” I cried out while wrapping my legs around his waist encouraging him to go faster. His hips start going at the speed that I wasn’t, making me moan out. One of his hands holding my leg while the other grabbing my tit making me cry out as he pinched my nipple. “Fuck I’m so deep huh baby in this pretty stomach” he grunted “always in your tummy huh baby” he groaned before going faster now hitting my g-spot with every single thrust. “Found it” he gloated before pounding into me making me cry out.

“So fucking pretty when your getting fucked baby, remember that your the most beautiful girl ever” he groaned him feeling his own release. “Love your personality, your pretty face, and- fuck, your pretty fucking body love fucking you mon ange” he groaned feeling himself on the edge. “Cum with me my beautiful girl” he said while moving his hand that was grabbing my tit to my clit rubbing it in circles bringing me straight to my climax. “Fuck gonna put a baby in you baby you’re gonna look so much more prettier then you already are” he groaned softly. As he felt me tighten around him he groaned shooting his seed into me. He slowly fucks me through my orgasm, once I came down from my high he holds me in his lap cuddling me.

“Did so good Mon ange, so good my good girl” he praised me as I slowly fall asleep on his chest. “I’m gonna be right back let me go clean you up” he whispered trying to slip out but I stop him. “No please stay in me” I begged him softly making him smile. “Okay baby I’ll stay in you” he whispered before cuddling me to sleep. “I love you Charlie” I whisper half asleep in his arms. “I love you so much more Mon ange” he whispered back before we fell asleep.

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Notes: stop to the girl who requested this I’m so sorry it took this long. I really hope you like it because I love this, most wholesome/dirty thing ever and I’m living for it. I hope you love it girl!

#f1 smut #charles leclerc #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc smut #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc fluff #formula 1 smut #charles leclerc x female reader #charles leclerc x you #charles leclerc blurb #charles leclerc fanfic #charles leclerc x female oc #charles leclerc f1

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a-case-of-attachment · 1 day

Text

The Lamb & The Serpent

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

Pairing: Lucifer Morningstar x sinner fem!reader

Rating: 18+

Warnings: Lucifer being a chaotic mess, mentions of sex, swearing, awkwardness, angst, Lucifers past relationship with Lilith, misunderstandings, all the angst, Lilith being a bit of a bitch, mistakes are made, heartbreak, jealous Lilith, or is she just manipulative, who knows, I do I know.

Please click -> here <- to read on AO3

Lucifer was a mess.

It had been days since Lilith had shown up on his doorstep, acting like it wasn’t a huge deal she was back and looking just as perfect as she had when she had walked out on him all those years ago. Things had gone badly. Admittedly Lucifer hadn’t handled the situation very well, probably making it ten times worse than it should have been. He had never been all that good at dealing with strong emotions though, neither his own nor other peoples. Nor was he any good with highly stressful situations and unfortunately for him, Lilith’s return covered both those things. It probably wouldn’t have gone so badly if you had been at his side keeping him grounded and calm, but he had managed to mess that up as well, potentially ruining one of the two good things he had going in his life.

Lucifer had still been struck dumb, staring at Lilith like the world was ending when you had come down the stairs, all sleep soft and wearing nothing but your matching duck slippers and the shirt he had been wearing the day before. He hadn’t noticed at first, seemingly frozen to the spot but he had seen Lilith’s eyes flick up to something behind him, her smile falling into a frown as she narrowed her eyes. It had been your confused call of “Lucifer?” that finally had him moving, slowly turning his head to look over his shoulder at you. Your eyes franticly moved between the two of them, searching for some kind of explanation and clearly growing more worried when you didn’t get one.

Hindsight was a beautiful thing and as Lucifer looked back on what had happened that day, he wished that he had gone to you then. He wished that he had wrapped you in his arms and sworn he hadn’t known she was coming back. He should have told you then and there that he loved you, that he wanted to spend the rest of forever with you and that there was nothing left between him and Lilith for you to be worried about. He should have done a lot of things, things that would have saved you and him a lot of pain and heartbreak, but he hadn’t and instead Lucifer had gotten to watch as hurt and embarrassment flashed across your face, Lilith’s voice loud and clear as she asked, “really Luci, a sinner?”

You had tugged down the hem of his shirt, your embarrassed blush deepening as you tried to hide the fact you were naked underneath. His shirt wasn’t quite long enough though and all you did was flash them a glimpse of the teeth marks he had left on your neck the night before; still angry and red despite having been done hours ago. Lucifer didn’t know what Lilith had done but your eyes had snapped to her, going wide as you pressed a hand over the marks on your neck. Tears welled up, clinging to your lashes and threatening to fall but you had been quicker, hurriedly insisting that you “should go,” before you had turned away from them, disappearing up the stairs as quickly as you could whilst pulling the back of his shirt down.

He had just stood there, staring at the spot you had been and failing to understand what was going on. This wasn’t how the day was supposed to go. Lucifer had plans, had wanted to spend the day wrapped within your arms and basking in the love and happiness that you inspired within him. Everything was wrong though, that happiness having vanished the moment he opened the door. It was like the last eight years hadn’t happened, Lucifer right back at the beginning of the end for his and Lilith’s relationship. He felt like a hollowed-out shell, mind numb and empty as he continued to exist who no purpose or direction in his life, alone and unwanted. Lucifer knew that wasn’t true though. Things had changed so much since Lilith had left; he had changed. He wasn’t the same sad and broken man he had been, having found a new lease of life with Charlie, the hotel and you. He knew all this and yet that didn’t change a thing, Lucifer was still adrift within the darkness of his mind, trapped in the past and watching his future slip away.

Delicate fingers curled around his wrist, a thumb gently rubbing circles against the delicate skin. Wordlessly Lucifer turned back toward Lilith, eyes fixed on where they were touching. Her fingers were cool, her pail lilac skin in stark contrast against the dark black of his own. Before, when they had still been happy and in love this had meant everything to him. He had craved her touch, lighting up like a star when she so much as brushed a finger against his. After she had left Lucifer had longed for it, dreamed about feeling it one last time and crying when the memory of it had started to fade. He had been a mess to start with, missing her like he had lost a limb, but as the years had passed he had come to terms with it, missing the closeness of another more than her specifically. Now it felt like a band of ice around his wrist, a chain that weighed him down and dragged him back to the past where he desperately didn’t want to be.

It hadn’t felt like they had been stood there that long but the sound of hurried steps on the stairs said otherwise, Lucifer so caught up in his head that you had enough time to get dressed and pack the small bag you had slung over your shoulder. He had turned to look at you, Lilith’s icy cold grip still in place and chasing away his natural heat. Lucifer didn’t feel right, all out of sorts and halfway between loosing control and shutting down completely. Maybe if he had a better grip on his mental state, he would have shaken Lilith off, dropped down to his knees in front of you and begged for you to stay. He didn’t though and when he turned to look at you all he found was resignation and loss, your gaze focused on where he and Lilith touched.

You didn’t even look at him as you walked past, head down and eyes fixed firmly on the floor. Not even when he said your name, sounding just as desperate and lost as he felt. You did stop though, head turned ever so slightly in his direction so you could tell him that “its ok Lucifer, just, we’ll talk later yeah?” You don’t stick around long enough for him to answer, pressing yourself against the wall just to be as far away from Lilith as you can. Without even a glance backwards you disappeared down the street, pulling your hood up as you went to hide your ears. It wasn’t until after you had gone that Lucifer realised that you had still had his shirt on, the slightly rumbled fabric only just visible under your jacket.

It cracked his heart to watch you go, the feeling that he had just lost something important sinking into him like a weight. It’s to much like watching Lilith walk out all those years ago, except this time Lucifer doesn’t want to let you go. Doesn’t want to just stand there and let this happen because he doesn’t want to lose you. Doesn’t want to wake up seven years from now alone and depressed, hating himself for not doing something to keep you by his side. He can’t go through that again, he won’t. Lucifer loves you, more than he thought he would ever be able to love another again. If he could tell you that, if he could make you understand the depths of his devotion to you than maybe you wouldn’t look at him like he had ripped your heart out and trodden on it. Maybe you would say it back to him and Lucifer would get to hold you in his arms again.

He doesn’t even realise his halfway out the door until Lilith’s grip tightens, your name dying on his lips as he snapped his head back to glare at her. He had been halfway through demanding she let go when Lilith had cut him off, her voice gentle and calming as she urged him to “let her go Lucifer. You’ll only make things worse for her if you make a scene out on the street, especially looking like that.” It’s only then that Lucifer really notices his state of dress. Feeling exposed and embarrassed Lucifer had curled in slightly on himself, wrapping his arms around his chest in an attempt to hide his half-undressed state. It was stupid, Lilith had seen him with far less on before but now he felt vulnerable, ashamed of the state he was in. Not because of what he had obviously been doing with you to get in this state but because of Lilith herself. She looked immaculate, not a hair out of place or a single smudge to her makeup. She looked every bit the queen of Hell, stood tall and proud like everyone was beneath her and in that moment Lucifer felt just that, his fears and inadequacies come rushing forward and swallow him whole.

Lilith was right. If he went after you now, he would only make things worse for you. He was good at that, making things worse despite his best intentions. You were clearly hurt, thinking Heaven knows what about him and why Lilith was at his door. You had needed him to reassure you of your place in his life and his feelings towards you, but he had done nothing like the pathetic coward he was. He didn’t deserve you, had known it all along yet he had still pursued you, somehow managing to convince you to give him your time and affection but all it had gotten you was hurt, and it was all his fault. He never wanted to hurt you, never wanted to be the reason you looked so lost and broken and yet here he was. The very reason you had fled his home with tears in your eyes after having given him one of the best nights of his life. Why was he like this? Everything he loved always got twisted around and turned into shit, like his very touch was a plague on all of creation.

So lost in his darkening thoughts, Lucifer didn’t even realise he had been moved away from the door and led into the parlour until Lilith was gently pushing him down onto the couch, her ice-cold hands pressing down on his shoulders until he slumped back into the plush seat. She sunk down next to him, close and yet somehow miles away. They sat in silence for a while, Lucifer trying to keep his tears at bay so he didn’t seem even more pathetic than he already did. He was the first to speak, unable to stand the silence a moment longer. His voice sounded as small and broken as he felt, it nothing more than a whisper as he asked her “why are you here Lilith? Why now?”

As it turned out Charlie was the reason she had come back, having heard about the hotel and the fight with Heaven that their daughter had led. Lilith had been worried and impressed, proud of Charlie for standing up for what she believed was right whilst afraid of how Heaven would retaliate with Adam dead at the hands of a sinner. Lucifer had sat there, listening to Lilith talk about Charlie, the hotel and Hell like she hadn’t been gone for almost eight years, not really paying attention as his mind began to fill with static. It was all just pointless noise to him, Lucifer mindlessly humming and nodding along at what he hoped were all the right points. He felt numb, hollowed out and empty. This morning he had been so happy, full of hope and excitement for the future but now it was all gone, Lucifer unable to drag those feelings back up despite how badly he wanted to.

He wanted to go back to this morning, to the very moment he had opened his eyes and realised you were in his arms. He would do things so much differently. He would have woken you up there and then to tell you how much he loved you, told you of his intentions to make you his queen one day and asked for your permission to scream his devotion to you from his window for all of Hell to hear. He wouldn’t have gone downstairs, definitely wouldn’t have answered the door no matter how loudly or persistently Lilith had knocked. Lucifer would have stayed wrapped up in you, safe in your embrace and completely ignorant of the world beyond his bedroom walls. Maybe then you would still be here with him. Maybe then Lucifer wouldn’t feel like he was already losing you before he even had the chance to truly have you.

Charlie had turned up at the door not even an hour after you had left, eyes wide and full of disbelief as she stared at Lilith like she wasn’t sure if her mother was real or not. Apparently when you had arrived back at the hotel you had run straight into Charlie, barely managing to get out that “your mums back in town,” before you practically ran off in the direction of your room. Charlie hadn’t stopped to think things through, running all the way to Lucifers home to find out if you had been telling the truth.

Not wanting Charlie to see him in such a state, Lucifer had simply waved his hand and he had been stood there in his suit, his hair perfectly quaffed and not a single trace of flour to be found. It hadn’t been till later that Lucifer had realised his rushed gesture had also gotten rid of the melted candles and flower petals from the night before, his heart clenching painfully at the fact that it was all gone. His night of love and passion with you swept away like it was nothing. Like it was something shameful to be hidden away from those closest to him.

It had been easy enough for Lucifer to fake a smile, greeting Charlie with a level of enthusiasm he really couldn’t muster. She had given him a confused and worried look, but it had been easy enough to direct her attention onto Lilith, Charlie eager to fill her mother in on everything she had missed. For hours Lucifer had listened to Charlie talk about everything and anything that had happened in her life since Lilith had left, skipping no detail though she often got ahead of herself and had to backtrack so what she was saying made sense. The whole time Lucifer had said nothing, fake smile still in place as he summoned cake and tea periodically throughout the day. Charlie tried to get him involved but his short one-word answers didn’t really open up the conversation. The only thing that got any sort of reaction from him was the mention of you, Charlie excitedly telling Lilith about how nice you were and how helpful you had been with the hotel, completely oblivious to the fact Lucifer had gone rigid at the mention of your name.

Lilith had seemed worryingly interested in you, shooting Lucifer knowing looks that had him wanting to sink into the sofa and disappear. He felt judged, like Lilith was pulling apart every little thing about him and inspecting it for flaws, weaknesses that could be exploited. He didn’t want her attention on you, didn’t want you to feel the same level of uneasiness he did so he tried to move the conversation on, his laugh clearly fake and not hiding his nerves in the slightest as he insisted that Lilith didn’t want to hear about his personal life. Lilith had easily brushed off his attempts, asking if the “helpful little lamb at the hotel is the same one I found half naked on your stairs this morning? I must say Lucifer she looked quite, ravished. Do you take all the hotel staff home or just this one in particular?” Charlie had blushed at that, falling uncomfortably silent as Lucifer had covered his face with a hand, his cheeks burning red with embarrassment.

He knew what he should say, that he should tell Lilith that it was none of her business because she had been the one to leave him eight years ago and disappear from Hell, even though she insisted she had been down in Gluttony the whole time, witch was one of the biggest lies Lucifer had ever heard and that was saying something. He should tell her that he had moved on, that he loved you and that what she was implying was so wrong it wasn’t in the same universe. Lucifer knew exactly what he should tell Lilith but just like every other time his words failed him and all he could get out was a meek pathetic sounding “she’s nice.” Even Charlie was looking at him like he had gone mad, probably not understanding why he wasn’t gushing about yours and his relationship like he tended to, and Lucifer did want to do that. Wanted to scream his devotion to you from the rooftops but Lilith’s knowing gaze over her teacup had him faltering, not wanting to share any more of his relationship with his ex-wife than already had been.

By the time Charlie was getting ready to leave it was late and Lucifer was exhausted, wanting nothing more than to crawl into bed and hide under his duvet as he finally got the chance to talk to you. That was if you were still awake and if you accepted his call. His plans to grovel for forgiveness were quickly brought to an abrupt end though when Charlie had asked Lilith where she was planning on staying. When Lilith had said she would just go to a hotel Charlie had obviously offered her own, excited to show Lilith everything she had been working on. Lucifer though had panicked at the suggestion, frantically blurting out that she could stay “here! Lilith can uh stay here. In the house. With me. Here’s fine. Yes, it is. No need to go all the way to the hotel when there’s a perfectly fine bed upstairs. NOT my bed. A different one. At the other end of the house. But still here, and not the hotel.” He was rambling, he knew that, but he couldn’t have Lilith going to the hotel. Not when you were there.

Charlie had been reluctant about it all, but Lilith had agreed and soon enough it had just been Lucifer and Lilith stood in the hallway, Charlie having headed back to the hotel with a promise that they would come visit so she could give Lilith the grand tour. It had been awkward, Lucifer feeling like he was trapped in a cage with a wild animal that was sure to attack at just the slightest movement. Lilith had been the one to break the silence, asking about her room and reluctantly Lucifer had led her up the stairs, feeling very much like a man on the way to the gallows as he went straight to her old suites. She had thanked him for letting her stay, even going as far as to tell him that it had been “nice to see you again Luci.” He had mumbled out some sort of reply along the same lines, bidding her good night before quickly heading to his own room.

It looked exactly the same as it had when he had left it that morning, except instead of you in his bed it was just the blanket he had conjured for you, haphazardly thrown across the wrinkled sheets. Lucifer didn’t even bother to get undressed, crawling onto his bed and cuddling the plush blanket to his chest. It still smelt of you, of the night before and the morning after, of all his hopes and dreams for the future he so desperately wanted with you.

He had tried to call you, laying on his back and staring up at the ceiling as he listened to the phone ringing and ringing. It wasn’t until the third time he tried calling that you picked up except it hadn’t been you. Well, not just you. Angel Dusts voice had been the loudest, loudly proclaiming that “I don’t care if he’s the king of this shit hole, I’ll tell him exactly where he can shove his... HEY! Watch where your grabbing,” before the line went dead. Lucifer tries calling back, but it doesn’t connect, and he’s left feeling defeated, the phone falling from his grip as he rolls back over. He could go to the hotel, but he doubts that would end well. He doesn’t want to upset you any more than you clearly already are and there’s always the chance that Angel will try and shoot him on sight. Not that it would do anything more than tickle, but he highly doubted you or Charlie would appreciate him dropping Angel Dust through a portal to the other side of Pentagram City.

Sighing Lucifer curled tighter around the blanket, burying his face into the plush fabric and breathing in the slowly fading smell of you. He clings to it like somehow that will stop you from slipping through his fingers, like if he holds on tight enough you wouldn’t possibly be able to leave him. What if it’s not enough though? He’s hurt you, his failure to act causing you to flee like there was already nothing to keep you here. By giving you time to think is he just making it easier for you to walk away, thinking that he doesn’t care? But if he showed up at the hotel, desperate and close to breaking would you finally see that he just isn’t worth it? Feeling like nothing he could do would be right Lucifer pressed his face deep into the blanket and silently he cried out his frustration and pain, his whole body shaking with every sob and sharp breath.

The next day didn’t go any better, but it didn’t get any worse. He feels exhausted, not having been able to get any sleep the night before as his guilt and self-loathing had gotten the better of him. He truly hated himself for how he had delt with things the day before, feeling that he had not only let you down but himself as well. He needed to fix things, make sure you understood that his behaviour yesterday didn’t have anything to do with any feelings you thought he still might harbour for his ex-wife and everything to do with his delicate mental state and eons worth of feeling like he was incapable of doing anything right. Lilith’s unexpected arrival had taken him back to that and instead of standing his ground Lucifer had crumbled, taking you with him.

He does try and call you again, several times but just like the night before they don’t connect, and Lucifer begins to sink further into himself. He lets his wings drape across him, blocking off the world along with most of the light. He wallows in the darkness, self-pity getting the better of him as he lets every mistake he had ever made since the dawn of time replay in his mind like a greatest hits reel. He spends the day like that, still clinging to the blanket and making himself feel a thousand times worse. No one bothers him, not even Lilith and though he hopes that by some miracle you will come through the door he knows it won’t happen, halfway convinced that this is just another level to his punishment for defying Gods wishes. It seemed fitting that he would be sent someone so perfect he couldn’t help but falling madly in love with them only for them to be snatched from his grasp when he was at his happiness, and it be all his fault.

At some point Lucifer does manage to get some sleep, having cried himself to sleep, to exhausted to keep going. He’s woken up only a few hours later by someone knocking on his door, Lilith’s voice slightly muffled as she calls through the thick wood that she was “going out. Charlote wants to introduce me to her friends and show me this hotel of hers.” Lucifer is up and out of the bed in seconds, practically tripping over his feet and blankets in his desperation to get to the door. He yanks it open, frantically calling out that he’s “coming! To the hotel. I’m coming to the hotel as well.” Lilith’s only a couple of steps down the hall, her surprise quickly morphing into a wicked smile that has Lucifer thinking that he might have made a mistake by being so franticly insistent that he come with her. It’s just, you're at the hotel.

Lucifer missed you, probably an unhealthy amount considering it had only been two days since he had last seen you but that didn’t make it any less true. He wanted to see you and the easiest way to do that would be to go with Lilith to the hotel and if he could function as some sort of buffer between the two of you then that was even better. Lilith’s interest in you had worried him and Lucifer didn’t want her to start interrogating you like you had committed some sort of crime by being with him. More than anything though Lucifer doesn’t want you feeling uncomfortable in your own home, and Lilith being there was sure to leave you feeling uneasy.

It wasn’t just to act as your knight in a white suit though, Lucifer was hopeful that by going to the hotel he would be able to fix whatever damage his actions or lack there of had caused. He wanted to get you alone, preferably before tea and whilst Lilith was off with Charlie having her tour of the hotel. Lucifer would probably be able to bribe Nifty to chase off Angel Dust as well, insuring he would have the time to talk to you and hopefully be able to convince you to give him a second chance. He was terrified that he had already messed things up beyond repair though and that cornering you in the hotel would just get him a slap and a demand to leave you alone. If you did say it was over Lucifer would accept that. Sure, he would be heartbroken, but he didn’t want to cause any more problems for you. But if there was even a glimmer of hope that things weren’t over for the two of you than Lucifer would grasp it with both hands, determined to prove himself to you.

Lilith had made a comment about his dishevelled state, but Lucifer had been to focused on his plan to really register any ill intent behind her words, agreeing that he was “a bit of a mess.” All it took was a snap of his fingers and Lucifer was ready to go, not a single hair out of place and his suit and shirt wrinkle free. Lilith had been watching him, brows furrowed as Lucifer practically bounced down the stairs. He couldn’t help it; he was excited to see you and full of hope once more.

He had opened a portal to the hotel, trying to put as much distance between himself and Lilith as he possibly could just to emphasise that they weren’t actually together even if they arrived together. Lucifer had not been expecting to find the parlour already full, seemingly everyone currently staying at the hotel filling the space. Lucifer had frozen, eyes wide and unsure what to do with the sudden attention, his happy smile faltering. Lilith though had just breezed through the portal, all smiles and kind words as she greeted the sinners excited to see their Queen like she knew them all personally. Lucifer had shuffled in behind her, uncertain and awkward as the portal closed behind him and suddenly feeling out of his depth, having avoided any sort of large gatherings since before Lilith had left.

He had forgotten how much the residents of Hell had flocked to her, hypnotised by her voice and desire to raise Hell up from the cesspit of sin that it was. She truly was beautiful when in her element, glowing with a confidence that Lucifer had always been in awe of. She had always been a magnificent performer though, able to turn a crowd with just a smile and now was no different. Now that he wasn’t so blinded by his infatuation for her, Lucifer could see Lilith’s interactions with the sinners for what they were, a performance designed to draw people in and win them over. That wasn’t to say that she didn’t genuinely care or believe in what she was saying but she just kept a part of herself back, her true self hidden from the masses. No one else seemed to notice, not even Charlie as she excitedly introduced Lilith to Vaggie and the others, practically vibrating as she jumped from one introduction to another, pulling Lilith along behind her as she went.

As the crowd moved Lucifer finally got a glimpse of you, sat at the bar with Angel Dust and looking down at the drink in your hand like your whole world had fallen apart. You had dark circles under your red rimmed eyes, a clear sign that you had been crying. His heart tightened painfully at that, knowing he was the cause and wanting to punch himself for it. Angel leant in, whispering something that had your head snapping up and eyes going wide as you locked your gaze with him.

It was like everything else around him vanished, Lucifers entire world narrowing down to you. It had only been a couple of days, but Lucifer felt like he hadn’t seen you in forever, his heart swelling with longing whilst it cracked with regret and shame. You seemed just as trapped by his gaze as he was yours, his own feelings of longing reflected back at him but instead of regret he found only resignation and acceptance. You offered him a sad shaky smile before looking away and turning your back on him. It felt like an end, like everything Lucifer had wanted was slipping through his fingers like sand. No. That couldn’t happen, he wouldn’t allow it. You couldn’t just give up like that, like what you had shared hadn’t meant enough to you to even try and fight for it. Lucifer was halfway across the still crowded room before he even realised he was moving, trying not to be too aggressive as he pushed sinners out of his way in his haste to get to you.

Lucifer wasn’t quite quick enough though, Charlie making it to you before Lucifer could. She smiled brightly as she introduced you to Lilith, spinning you round and into her side so she could sling her arm over your shoulders in an awkward hug. Your initial shock didn’t last long and in the blink of an eye you were offering Lilith a bright smile, bowing your head slightly as you greeted her with surprisingly genuine politeness. Lucifer got there just in time for Lilith to answer your greeting, her violet eyes dragging over you in obvious appraisal as she told you that “Charlie has told me so much about you.” You and Lucifer both flinch slightly when Lilith says that, making it blindingly obvious that Lucifer hadn’t been the one to bring you up.

You recover from the metaphorical blow first, eyes dull and smile forced as you spoke about how happy you were to be helping Charlie with the hotel and all the hard work she had been putting in to making it work. It’s awkward, and uncomfortable for everyone involved apart from Lilith who doesn’t seem to notice you are looking at something over her shoulder instead of at her, nor that Charlie’s eyes are darting between the three of you or that Lucifer has tugged his hat down slightly, looking pained and embarrassed as he tried to catch your eye to no avail.

He can’t take it anymore, wanting to get you as far away from this train wreck of a situation before it gets any worse. His nervous laughter is loud and awkward when he cuts Lilith off before she has a chance to speak again, franticly trying to turn her in the opposite direction as he asks Charlie “how about that tour huh? Lots to see before Lilly’s got to head home.” He doesn’t realise the mistake he’s made until he sees the gleam in Lilith’s eyes and his stomach drops like the floor has just disappeared out from under him and he’s plummeting down into the unknown darkness below.

Lucifer hadn’t meant to use the old nickname; it just having slipped out in his desperation to get her away from you, but it was worse than just that. So much worse because Lilith had said “It’s lovely to be home again. I really had missed it up here in Pride and being back at the manor with Lucifer again, it’s just like old times.” With every word Lilith said Lucifer could see the light dimming in your eyes, your ears twitching downwards and smile clearly starting to strain. Lucifer tries to tell you that it’s not how it sounds but he can’t even get your name out before Lilith is looping her arm through his and pulling him along as she starts her tour of the hotel, Charlie quick to catch up with Vaggie not far behind. Craning his neck round Lucifer hoped to catch your attention but what he sees is you downing the drink you had been holding before practically slamming the glass down on the bar and quickly making your escape in the opposite direction they were going. Angel Dust is the one that catches Lucifer looking, shooting him a mean glare and using all four hands to flip him off before he goes after you.

Lucifer doesn’t pay attention on the tour, letting Charlie talk and Lilith lead him along by the arm. He’s too busy berating himself to listen to what’s going on let alone take part, mind firmly stuck on you and the dull emptiness you had looked at him with. How could he have been so stupid? He should have realised what him letting Lilith stay at the manor would look like to everyone else and especially you. He had been so desperate to keep her away from you that he hadn’t even stopped to think about the damage it would cause letting her stay with him for Heaven knows how long. Of course it would upset you. He would be angry too if you had an ex-partner move in next door to you at the hotel out of the blue. He really was an idiot. An idiot that was making everything worse just by existing. He really needed to talk to you, get all these mistakes and misunderstandings sorted out before they became too big to fix. He just needed to go find you, hopefully somewhere private where the two of you could be alone and just talk it out though if you wanted to scream, he didn’t think he would begrudge you that, not after how he had acted.

Lucifer had tried to slip away when Charlie had started talking about how she was planning on filling all the empty rooms. He had tried to be as discreet as possible, gently slipping his arm out from under Lilith’s and taking a small half step backwards. That was as far as he had gotten though before Lilith was grabbing hold of his hand and quite literally pulling him into the conversation, turning everyone’s attention on to him as she had asked about his role within the hotel. He had tried to laugh it off, insisting that he was just the financier but then Charlie had started insisting he was more than that, tugging him free of Lilith’s hold and having him lead the tour with her.

Any other time Lucifer would be ecstatic, proud of his little girl and everything she had achieved. Not that he wasn’t proud of her, but he couldn’t help but feel that with every step he took further into the hotel he was losing his chance to make things right with you. She looked so happy though, arm looped through his and smiling brightly as she told Lilith some of the tamer stories she had of the current guests. He couldn’t ruin that by running off, no matter how badly he wanted to. So, Lucifer had stayed, enjoying the time spent with his daughter and trying not to think how every second he spent casually touring the hotel was another second you had to convince yourself that Lucifer wasn’t worth the time you had given him.

It was late once the tour was over, it having taken a lot longer this time round compared to when Lucifer had been the one being shown around. He couldn’t blame Charlie for being excited and wanting to show the place of, but they hadn’t needed to look at every floor, over half of them just the same generic corridor with rows of identical empty rooms. Feeling frustrated and desperate Lucifer had been quick to usher Lilith through the portal, practically shoving her the last few steps before calling out that “I’m going out. Don’t wait up. Bye,” and letting the thing snap closed before she could say anything. Charlie and Vaggie had been shocked at his behaviour, but Lucifer had waved them off as he took off running towards your room. He was a man on a mission, and he wasn’t about to let anyone get in his way. He was going to your room, and he was going to explain everything to you, grovel on his knees for forgiveness if he had to and make it 1000% clear that he was not interested in starting anything with Lilith again. You were the one he wanted, not her.

The problem was you weren’t in your room, Lucifers insistent knocking either going unnoticed or ignored. He had panicked a little then, worry creeping up on him as he tried to think of where else you could be. He had seen you with the spider earlier so maybe you were still with him? It was a bit of a long shot considering how long ago he had seen the two of you together, but Lucifer didn’t really stop to think about that, spinning on his heals and heading down to the bar in search of Angel Dust and hopefully you.

That hope is short lived because when Lucifer skids round the corner he finds the bar practically empty, the only person inside being Husk who was slumped over the bar, halfway through a bottle of presumably cheap booze. Lucifer startled him when he slams down his cane on the bar top, demanding to know if he knew where you were. He wasn’t being very polite, but Lucifer was desperate, feeling like every second that went by was a second he was closer to loosing you entirely. Husk had given him a look that Lucifer could only describe as disappointed, sighing heavily as he told Lucifer that you were “out. Angel Dust and Cherrie decided she needed to let loose after that shit show this morning.” That hurts, Lucifer wincing at the reminder of how awkward things were when he and Lilith had arrived at the hotel that morning. He sinks down onto a barstool, arms wrapping around his head and crushing his hat as he let his head smack against the wooden bar top.

Out. You were out with Angel Dust and that cyclops women doing Heaven knows what and all because he was too much of a wreck to stand up for himself and deal with things the correct way. He could go after you, could demand that Husk tell him exactly what bar or club you had gone to but in the end what would that accomplish? He would make a scene, probably make a fool of himself for all of Hell to see and make things worse for you in the long run. But what other choice did he have? To just sit around at the bar and wallow in self-pity like the pathetic idiot he is, waiting for you to return to the hotel just so he could ambush you as soon as you came through the door? Angel Dust probably wouldn’t let him get within ten feet of you, uncaring that Lucifer was the king of Hell and knowing that he would never hurt the sinner because that would upset Charlie.

He could just leave. Go back home and wait till the morning before trying again. The thought of going back to the manor with Lilith made his stomach turn slightly, not wanting to be trapped in there with her and all the painful memories her presence pulled up from the dark recesses of his mind. It wasn’t just that though. Lucifer got the horrible feeling that if he left without doing anything at all that would be it. There would be no chance to talk and fix things in the morning. These last few months of happiness gone in a flash, leaving Lucifer all alone once more.

Husk doesn’t let him wallow for long, practically slamming a glass of some deep amber looking liquid down in front of him. He doesn’t look happy but that’s normal for him and Lucifer accepts the drink with a mumbled “thank you,” before taking a tentative sip of the smoky liquid. He promptly almost chokes on it when Husk speaks, eyes going wide as he tells Lucifer that he isn’t “one of those bar tenders that listens to your problems and dishes out advice. They're your hang ups and fuck ups not mine, deal with them yourself. That being said, that girl cares a lot about you, and she deserves a helluva lot better than being dumped like hot trash as soon as your ex come back around after up and leaving your sorry ass. So how about you ditch the pity party and actually fix your fuck up whilst you still can because, taking a girls virginity then moving your ex-wife back in the morning after? That’s fucked up even for the King of this shit hole.” Lucifer sits there, eyes wide and grip tight enough on his glass that it starts to crack. Little fractures that spread across the glass like spiderwebs.

Was that really what people thought? That he had been using you as a stand in and that as soon as Lilith had shown up again, he had just abandoned you for her? Was that what you thought? He sees you then, that resigned and accepting look in your eyes as you stare back at him. It’s like you had been expecting this to happen and had come to terms with it long before you had needed to. This whole time had you always been waiting for him to break your heart, expecting him to want nothing else from you other than to be a stand in for his estranged wife? His wedding ring glints in the light, a cruel reminder of his painful past and rapidly disappearing future. He suddenly understands why you had never brought it up, had never asked him to take it off. You had never been expecting him to, accepting that when it came to Lilith she would always be his greatest love and that you would never come close to holding a place like that in his heart.

The glass shatters in Lucifers hand, liquid spilling across the bar top as shards dig painfully into his palm. Vaguely he hears Husk cursing but Lucifers to preoccupied to really hear it. You had it all wrong. Yes, Lucifer had loved Lilith and despite everything they had been through and how her very presence reminded Lucifer of all his short comings a part of him would always care for her. She was the mother of his child, his first love, his first everything and they had eons of happiness together, but it hadn’t been enough to survive the worst of times. Lucifer had moved on, his feelings for Lilith now more like that of a dear old friend then a lover.

Lucifer loved you. Was madly, deeply and irrevocably in love with you. He would bring paradise to Hell just to see you smile. He would pull the very stars from the sky to show you that they paled in comparison to your eyes. He would build you a grand palace if you asked, would fill every room with rare jewels and riches. He would have the very streets of Hell scrubbed and cleaned so you didn’t have to walk amongst the filth and bloodshed. Lucifer would grant your every wish and desire. He would let you sit upon his throne whilst he curled at your feet, head in your lap and content to have your fingers in his hair. He would give you anything including himself, would even cut out his heart and offer it to you on a silver platter if that was what you need from him to truly even begin to understand what you meant to him.

He’s actions had been rash and desperate, clouded over by the past and his own failings. He would make it right though, would fix his fuck up as Husk had so eloquently put it. He was right after all, you deserved better than thinking you were anything less than everything to him. Shaking the glass from his hand Lucifer had stood, nodding his head and thanking him for “the advice,” before turning and heading towards the hotel doors. He ignored the other mans shout from behind him, his mind preoccupied with his forming plan as he started on his walk back to the manor.

That night Lucifer moved out of the manor and into his rooms at the hotel.

Lilith had been waiting for him when he returned to the manor. Though she made it look like she had just been enjoying a glass of wine and a book in the parlour, Lucifer knew she had been just passing time till he came back, probably expecting him to be heartbroken and so in need of comfort that he would just walk back into her arms. Well, she was wrong. Lucifer wasn’t heartbroken, not yet anyway. Clearing his throat Lucifer had stood in the hallway with his head held high and determined gaze fixed on Lilith who had turned slightly to look at him over the back of the sofa. His voice had been clear and steady as he told her that he was “moving out, tonight. I’m going to stay at the hotel for now until another permanent living arrangement can be made. The manor is yours, do with it what you will.”

Lilith had looked a little taken-a-back at his statement, gracefully rising to her feet and trying to dissuade him from his decision as she came round the back of the sofa. Lucifer had stayed firm though, holding a hand up and cutting her off before she could even get close to convincing him to stay. Instead, he was honest with her, his stern determination softening slightly as he explained that he “should have moved out years ago. This place holds to many memories, not all of them good and I have been keeping myself locked away in her for too long. It’s time I let go of the past and moved on with my life and I can’t do that here.” The with you goes unspoken but Lucifer can see the flash of understanding that lights up Lilith’s eyes. She leans back against the sofa, her hands curling around the edge and nails digging in slightly. Neither of them says anything, don’t really even look at each other as they both process what Lucifer had just said.

He hadn’t been planning on saying it but that didn’t make it any less true. Lucifer had been holding onto the past in many ways he hadn’t even realised, not just the ring but the house as well, it still being the exact same as it had been when Lilith had left. Nothing had changed for so long, Lucifers life stagnant even as he clung onto a time long since passed. But things were changing now and for the better. His relationship with Charlie was getting better every day and he was finally starting to take more of an active role as King of Hell, and then there was you. His sweet little lamb who had been the first person in a long time to make him feel like he was enough just as he was. Lucifers life had been good, or at least it had been right up until a couple of days ago, but Lucifer was going to fix it, and this was the first step to doing so.

Lilith was the one to break the silence, finally looking at Lucifer as she asks, “she isn’t just a fling, is she?” He’s not expecting that, eyes wide in his surprise but it fades quickly, Lucifer smiling his first genuine smile in two days. He doesn’t hesitate this time, his voice found as he admits that “no, she isn’t.” Lilith takes it all surprising well, telling him that she’s glad he had found someone who makes him happy and admitting that she had been “rather jealous when I first saw her. You will apologise to her for me won’t you Luci? I wasn’t particularly welcoming, and I would hate for my behaviour to come between the two of you.” Of course, Lucifer assures her that he will, smiling brightly and trying to hide the small thrill he gets at knowing that how happy and in love he had been had made Lilith jealous. Lucifer does laugh though when Lilith asks him if you realise how lucky you are to have Lucifers love and devotion, insisting that he was the lucky one. You could have anyone you wanted but you had chosen Lucifer and that made him the luckiest person in all of Hell.

He and Lilith spend almost an hour talking after that, Lucifer telling her how you two had met and how he had gone about courting you. Lilith seems genuinely interested, laughing at his failed attempts at flirting and even teasing him about his incapability to realise when someone what flirting with him. It’s nice, reminiscent of eons ago when they had still told each other everything, open and honest in a way that they hadn’t been towards the end. It changes nothing about his decision though and before the hour can pass fully Lucifer is excusing himself to go pack, politely declining Lilith’s offer to help. They don’t say goodbye, Lilith offering him a hopeful “see you soon?” that he finds himself repeating back to her. Maybe not tomorrow or the day after but at some point? That would be nice. Maybe even a family dinner, especially considering it would now involve you and Vaggie. He didn’t doubt that it would be awkward to start with, but he had his own hopes that somehow it would all work out in the end.

It doesn’t take him all that long to pack, everything important boxed up and moved to the hotel with a snap of his fingers. It’s not like he had much of importance to take with him anyway. A few trinkets he had picked up over the centuries and things from Charlie’s childhood that had sentimental value. There were photos and paintings that he wanted to keep, like the one of Charlie in her strange gothic phase or the one of her as a baby sat on top of a large rubber duck and smiling brightly as she laughed. There were so many of her at different stages in her life, ones of him and the other sins as well as the few friends he had made down here but there were also ones of him, Lilith and Charlie that he couldn’t bear to part with, the three of them smiling and laughing together that were important and precious memories from his past. He didn’t think you would begrudge him those, but he didn’t want you to think his memories with you were any less important to him. He hoped that one day soon he would be able to place photos of you amongst them, your bright smile and infectious laughter lighting up his walls just like they did to his life.

Eventually all that’s left for him to take are the pyjamas you had gifted him along with his duck slippers and the blanket he had conjured for you. They’re all folded neatly, stacked in a little pile on his bed that he scooped up into his arms and holds close to his chest. He gives the room a once over, eyes lingering on the bed as he recalls how peaceful and content you had looked curled up on the sheets. He’s half tempted to take it with him, the memory of your first time together such a bright spot in his life that he doesn’t want to leave a single piece of it behind. It wasn’t the bed that had made your night together so perfect though and taking it with him would just be impractical. With his mind still full of you he had opened a portal and stepped through into his rooms at the hotel, not feeling even a speck of regret at his decision.

Once the portal is closed Lucifer places the pyjamas and slippers on his bed, fully intending to wear them when he got into it later. For now, he keeps hold of the blanket and makes his way out into the halls, heading towards your room once more. His nock is gentle and steady this time, but his heart is beating just as rapidly as he waits for you to answer. You don’t, clearly not yet back from wherever Angel Dust and Cherrie had taken you. That should worry him slightly, but he trusts you, knows that even angry and hurt the most you will do is have one to many drinks and he trusts Angel to look after you, his own reforming conscience preventing him from letting anything bad happen to you.

He should go but he had come here for a reason, and he didn’t see the harm in leaving the blanket in your room to find when you got back. Maybe you would even find comfort in it, curling up in the plush fabric like he had the night before. Lucifer tried the handle on a whim, not expecting the door to actually open and yet it does, the soft click sounding far too loud in the otherwise quiet corridor. He steps inside quickly, shutting the door behind him and grumbling about you being far too trusting for living in Hell. Lucifer fumbles for the light switch, eventually just giving up when all his fingers find are wall and door frame. Instead, he clicks his fingers, the lights coming on instantly and filling the space in a warm glow.

Lucifer has been in your room before but never alone and never without your permission to be there. He feels like he’s trespassing. Like at any second alarm bells are going to start going off and metal bars will spring up to cover the windows and door, trapping him inside until you finally come back and find him huddled in a corner. He knows that’s not going to happen but that doesn’t stop him from feeling like he’s doing something wrong by being here without you or your permission. Deciding that he had already messed up by coming in here Lucifer quickly marches across the room and places the blanket down on the end of your bed, a quick wave of his hand summoning a white and red rose that smells like candy apples that he gently placed on top of the folded fabric.

He's back out the door within minutes, lights off once more and hiding what he had done. He feel’s giddy and nervous as he makes his way back to his rooms, like a teenager leaving a love note in a crush’s locker. Lucifer is hopeful though, that somehow his offering will have you at his door before the night is over. Either to talk or to throw the blanket in his face, but still at his door none the less. All he needed was that chance. The chance to reach out and hold your hand and tell you he was sorry for the hurt he had caused. The chance to promise you that his heart was yours and offering to give it to you on a silver platter if that was what you needed to know his feelings were true. Whatever you needed from him Lucifer would give it to you willingly, would offer you the universe if it would offer him just a glimpse of your smile once more. Whatever it takes, Lucifer would show you where his love resided and hopefully start to build a future with you at his side. Together again and stronger for it.

So lost in his thoughts Lucifer did not see the violet eyes that watched him from withing the darkest shadows. As he disappeared around the corner the shadows shifted, taking form as they moved closer to the door he had come from. Pail lilac fingers curled around the handle, the door opening just enough for the shadow cloaked figure to slip through into the darkened room, the door closing silently behind it.

@viannasthings @loquacious-libra @misfitgirlwrites @nanamunath @cherry-cola-100 @a-okay-rj

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zealousllamawolf · 11 hours

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Getting Lost in the Woods (Alastor x Reader)

!!Minors Please DNI!!

Parings- Alastor x Reader

Summary- Alastor finds a way to help you when you're in a desperately trying to subdue your need to kill.

Word Count- 2.5K

Warnings- talks of murder

Tags- blood obsession, light sexual tension, angst

~Alastor’s POV~

Out of the demons in hell you had to be the one to capture his every waking thought and dream at least when he did sleep which was not frequent. Alastor’s been watching you for the past couple weeks since you arrived. There were moments you slipped away from helping the rest of the residents where you would break down privately in an empty room or hallway, but already overstepping by sending his shadow to follow you he got the sense you wouldn’t like it if he came to check up on you in the middle of a private conflict, but that didn’t stop him from feeling like he should be doing more for you.

Alastor’s grin strained, thinking back to when you walked into the hotel shaking with a knife gripped in your hand. Completely soaked in blood from head to toe, blouse ripped from the neck down falling over your chest revealing a plump breast peeking out from your bralette. Your hair was caked with congealed blood and the rest around your face, neck and arms drying as it dripped down in streaks.

He watched as you fall to your knees in the middle of the lobby as he stood by Husk next to the bar. The knife clattered to the floor making you flinch, forcing you to look down at your bloodied hands tears falling- no pouring out of your eyes. His eyes skimmed the rest of your body as your chest heaved with sobs quietly coming out of your cracked and ripped lips.

Alastor refrain from thinking how beautiful you look in that moment, agony and trauma shadowing your features, before he walked over to you taking off his pin stripped coat and wrapped it around your shoulders, kneeling he snugly wrapped it around your chest coving up for decency, not because he wanted to be the only one to see what lines just under your blood-soaked clothes.

That’s when you looked at him, staring deep into Alastor’s eyes. What he saw made his breath catch. Your eyes were filled with a frantic look of desire and terror. The look in your eyes caused him to see himself in the mirror looking back with the same look after he had returned home shaking from his first kill.

“Help me,’’ barely audible you whispered though trembling lips. You looked back down at your hands releasing his eyes from your intoxicating stare.

~~~

Alastor travels in the shadows through the hotel hallways until he reaches the lobby where you stand by Angel hovering over his phone at the bar, talking about whatever was on the screen. Taking you in he notices your twist on the staff uniform. Swallowing he looks down at your black jeans hugging your bottom snugly, through half-lidded eyes he drags his gaze up your body, trailing along your red semitransparent flowy top, just sheer enough to see a lacy, black, skintight tank top you wore underneath.

He shifts into the shadows and pops up right behind you, leaning forward to look at the cursed technology over both Angel’s and your shoulder, leaning closer to you he breathes in your scent, his grin softening.

Like raspberry and vanilla, just like mama’s breakfast, he thought. Before he could get carried away with your smell he reads the text in the search engine, ‘Where to hike in hell?’

“Are you sure this is the type of place you want to go sweets?” Angel asks wearily, scrolling though the photos.

Alastor notices your jaw tense and back stiffen. “Yes, I need somewhere I can let off steam with no distractions and I usually retreat around nature dead or not.” Your face scrunches around the word dead, making Alastor wondering why you avoided the topic of death around everyone at the hotel.

You haven’t opened about your bloody start living at the hotel despite Charlies probing questions. Alastor knew this since he didn’t miss a single group session regardless of if you saw him or not. He had hoped during the times he was not present physically maybe you would open up and let him see the real you under the cracked mask you wore in front of the crew, just like his smile although his was permanent.

“I may have a solution for you (y/n).” Alastor makes himself know making both Angel and you jump. “We surely can’t allow one of our hotel staff get lost and killed in that wretched part of hell.’’ His grin slowly turning malicious. “You only go there dear, if you want to sell your soul to weak desperate demons.” Alastor leans closer to your face saying, ‘’it’s a kill or be killed type of place,’ he draws out the word ‘kill’ watching for your reaction which pleased him to see a twinkle in your eye just when he wanted you to.

So, she fancies killing, the hungriness in your eyes told Alastor all he needs to confirm his suspicions making him grin coyly down at you. He watches as your face flushes red making your already adorable face more appealing. You bring your hand up to your throat and rub it around the base of your neck nervously.

“What’s your solution?” You ask puzzled, but the hopeful prize of being able to smell and roam free in the woods again making your whole-body hum.

“Come along precious one.” Alastor takes your hand, surprising even himself as he intertwines your hand in his pulling you close, he wraps an arm around your lower back curling his hand around your waist pulling you taunt against his body. Your gasp did not miss his ears when the world around both of you dissolved into blackness before fading away leaving you standing alone deep in the middle of a flush mossy dense wooded area next to a large pond with a dock going out into the open water.

Alastor lurks watching you from the shadows of the large cypress trees, branches draped with long grey-green droopy moss. He watches you as a large wide grin takes your frowns place, lighting up your eyes as you take in the beauty of the bayou, you look up at the sky he sees your chest hitch up. He follows in your pursuit as he looks up at the night sky, stars scatter every inch, the moon slowly rising slightly hidden behind the treetops.

It never ceases to amaze me, Alastor thought letting his guard down, his grin becoming a content, thin smile. When he finally tears his gaze off one of the biggest wonders of the world and back to where you stood, you were not there. Instead, you were laying on your back in the middle of a soft moss patch, pressing your face into the ground. You looked enthralled at the scent, making Alastor’s ear twitch forward picking up your long sniffs, intriguing him. Since you didn’t notice his lack of presence lost in your own piece of bliss.

Shifting into the shadow he fades in at your side, standing over you he says, “You look like you are enjoying yourself.” Startled you whip open your eyes to find Alastor looking down at you softly. “I must say, I am quite envious.” Alastor’s grin stretches reveling his sharp teeth. “Don’t worry dear, I am happy to give you a moment of peace,” cooing when your eyelids close halfway, relaxing further into the ground. Alastor stays silent for the time being waiting for you to speak, enjoying your small smile as you take long deep breaths.

“Oh, how I missed this. It’s like being wrapped up with nature itself,’ you say breathlessly.

Alastor chuckles “My, you say that with such conviction darling.” He charmingly.

“Oh, come lay down,” you say patting the ground, hearing you say that so casually made Alastor’s face grow hot, his static becoming louder. “It’s weird when you stand over me like that” you chuckle lightly, “I want you to enjoy this will me.”

Alastor didn’t trust himself to speak so he lays down on the moss next to you. Looking up at the sky, sliding his hand over to grasp yours intertwining your fingers together he feels your body shudder.

“Are you cold (y/n)?” Alastor asks teasingly knowing you only shuddered at his touch, the cool air had nothing to do with it.

You laugh and say “Oh not at all,” shocked he that you would bashfully lie, but instead you surprised him even more when you said, “When I was alive I would spend days out in the wood in just my bra and panties,” he looks over at you, seeing your eyes glaze over at the memories, you continued, “Those days involved me frantically trying to convince myself not to hit the local bar and stalk a random man who showed signs of being abusive towards his partner.” Shake your head clearing your mind from your daze. “I am so-“

Alastor cuts you off by running a clawed finger back and forth on your wrist reassuring you. “Don’t, your laying next to a serial killing demon, whatever you say will not change my view of you” he chuckles, “Pfft, light stalking is a breeze compared to what I have done.”

“That’s not all that I did” you say slowly, he could see you deciding whether you would continue before you chuckle lowly, “No, I would seduce them, ha, of course they would cheat on their one and only.” You laugh dryly, Alastor seeing you gulp as tears formed in your eyes. You push on, “It would be so easy, so easy to lead them to the back of my truck. All of them were so eager to take my body. I would be so aroused as I kiss them but not from them.” Alastor sucks in a breath, captivated hoping you would say want he wanted to hear next, he started to feel the growing tension in his gut. “I wanted to bathe in their blood Alastor, needed to feel their blood pour over my body as I jammed my hunting knife into their jugular.” You use your hand to demonstrate, clutching your first with force before releasing the tension, making his cock twitch against his pants “Feeling their blood pour over my chest, my body slick with their blood.” You run your hands up your body before gripping your throat closing your eyes at the thought before opening them again looking towards Alastor.

It took everything in him not to pounce on you right then and there, hearing you reminiscing made his cock throb with aching. He rolls on to his side dragging his claws up your arm, making your legs instinctively rub together, noting that he knew you were aroused by your story.

“Tell me, it that what you did before coming into the hotel?” he lowers his voice thick with lust.

“Yes” you gasp. “I relished in killing demons post dying. I knew I was in Hell, so I fulfilled all my darkest desire for weeks.” You copy Alastor and roll on to your side facing him, edging close enough for your breath to be felt on his lips. “I was overstimulated when walking in the hotel knowing if I continued, I would turn into something I know I am not. I needed help so I came here,” you sigh and close your eyes as Alastor cups your cheek running his thumb across your cheekbone.

“I for one am thrilled to have another killer in the hotel.” Alastor says making you giggle and open your eyes, your laugh sounds like music to his ears, he started to wonder what other sounds you would make at his behest.

“I haven’t even told you my worse quality yet,’ you say meekly, causing him to slip out of his fantasy.

“I am sure it nothing worse than eating the flesh of the ones you killed, I have that covered dear.” Alastor smirks at you, knowing you couldn’t top it.

“Well, it’s sort of similar and its only enhance since dying” Alastor furrows his eyebrows before realizing want your trying before you speak. “It’s blood,” your words rushing out, “I love to drink it. Just the smell of it makes my mouth wat-.“ Your voice tailing off as Alastor removes his hand from your cheek he brings his clawed thumb up to his lips purposefully cutting into his flesh. A line of blood bead to the surface.

‘’May I kiss you?” Alastor’s voice dripping with need and anticipation.

“Y-yes,” you pant desperately, moth slightly open.

Next thing Alastor knows he is pulling you on to his lap making you staddle him, he reaches up and grabs both of your cheeks pulling you down to meet his ripped lip. Once your mouth touched his, he felt your tongue instantly swipe across his lower lip lapping as much blood as you could making his hip rut against your core. You moan at the hard sensation you were feeling though your clothed cunt, with desperation you grind up and down his length making him go crazy from the friction.

Alastor’s hands slowly slide around to the back of your neck pulling you as close as possible tasting his blood in your mouth as he explores with a feverish tongue. The sounds as you get lost in his touch make Alastor want more than has every wanted with another soul.

He couldn’t stop himself as he suddenly flips you on to your back, straddling your hips without breaking from the kiss. He feels your body tremble as he slides a hand down your body until he reached your clothed cunt slowly cupping your mound fully with his long-clawed fingers. Before both of you could get further lost in the heat of the moment, he hears someone call in the distance towards his room.

“Alastor, we need your help. Nifty got stuff in Husk’s ice machine… Again,” Charlie calls from the edge of the bayou. Alastor pulls back with a groan and settles down on his knees which makes him rest his groin between your legs. He peers down at you and curses Charlie.

Your hair was a tangled mess, your face flustered, chest heaving, with his diluted blood around your open lips. Unable to convince himself not to, he pushes his hips forward against your center, sees your eyes go wide with need and a gasp escape your lips.

“Okay, I’ll meet you downstairs” Alastor calls back to Charlie.

He leans down and touches his lips softly to your lips, whispering. “You my dear, stay right here till I get back.” He grips your hips and grinds your core against his own letting out a groan before disappearing completely in the shadows.

~~~

A/N Oh to be laying under the stars in Alastor's bayou. Hope you enjoyed the story, let me know if you are interested in a smut part 2

#angst #hazbin alastor #hazbin hotel radio demon #alastors bayou #alastor x y/n #alastor x reader #alastor fluff #sensitive alastor

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hongthoven · 2 days

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do not disturb ✘ seonghwa x reader (smut)

one-shot ✦ 3.1k w pairing ✦ seonghwa x fem!reader au ✦ Ateez OT9 (reader as 9th member) tags ✦ smut; established relationship; jealous!hwa; voyeurism ; reader is close with Mingi; bit of angst if you squint summary ✦ while on tour with your band, it's finally time to relax for a couple days in Paradise. At least that was the plan until your boyfriend gets jealous of your sudden proximity with another band member. 18+ only | mdni

notes ✦ this was a request sent to me weeks ago ♡︎

networks ✦ @newworldnet

pls reblog & comment if you like it 𖹭

You didn’t know how long you had been here. All you knew is that the sun was slowly going down and your entire body felt sore, starting with your back as it hit the wall at a strong, steady pace.��

“Hwa— slow down, they might— hear us” Your words were barely mumbled through heavy pants as you looked up to meet your boyfriend’s gaze, his entire face showing signs of exhaustion mixed with his typical manic stare. There was something in his eyes telling you not to push him too far, although you might have done that already, all prior decisions leading to the moment he had lifted you up from the floor and unexpectedly slammed you against the nearest wall with his lips already feasting on your neck.

“So what? Let them hear you” His voice was cold as stone, like a command, and with the blink of an eye, you knew exactly who “them” truly meant to him. Mingi. Whose room just happened to be next to yours. You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t noticed the fuming look on your boyfriend’s face the minute your feet had left the ground only to climb onto Mingi’s back and perch your bikini cladded butt on his shoulders. Actually, anyone could tell Seonghwa genuinely hated the idea of you two paired together, even as a team over a silly beach game Yeosang had suggested, calling it “team building” with a chuckle when it had done nothing but push Seonghwa over the edge of whatever sanity he had left.

“Now that’s just stupid, someone could get hurt…” Seonghwa stated as soon as he was paired with Wooyoung over rock paper scissors, purposely ignoring the little celebration dance you and Mingi had quickly come up with, as the opposite team. “Isn’t the whole point of this vacation to actually rest, by the way?”

“Relax, party pooper! Some of us would like to have fun… now giddy up, beautiful!” Although Mingi meant no arm, his words reached Seonghwa like a bullet right to the head as he struggled to compose himself, his eyes glued to his friend’s hands— painfully gripped to your thighs. If his heart wasn’t beating like crazy already, seeing Mingi’s face comfortably tucked between your legs was his last straw. Everything suddenly turned into a blur as he reluctantly lifted Wooyoung off the ground to help him up. The least he could do now was to make sure this game wouldn’t last long enough for him to spiral into more sinister thoughts— like the devastating eventuality of Mingi feeling your flesh through the thin fabric of your bathing suit. Or you getting worked up over the mere friction of his hair against your slit. Every nasty, fucked-up thoughts he could have were now piling up into his head until he couldn’t think straight any longer.

“Let’s get this over with” You knew he meant every word literally and judging by the look on his face, Seonghwa wouldn’t hesitate to go hard on his bandmate, even if that meant for you to fall head first into the water in the process. Nothing else mattered but for this nightmare to end and for his visions to stop. Anything seemed like an excuse for him to dive deeper into paranoia— the way your hands were framing Mingi’s face, sometimes to the extent where you had to pull at his hair a little not to fall back, sending him to a darker place and a scenario that definitely involved your fists tearing his brown strands apart while you came from the constant flick of his tongue against your clit. Lucky for him, Seonghwa had been paired with the noisiest member, Wooyoung’s excited yelps coming to the rescue everytime he drifted back into the absolute nonsense of his vivid reveries.

“Watch out!” Wooyoung’s high-pitched voice was the last thing he heard before everything turned to a sapphire blur as the youngest dragged him along through his fall until they both disappeared under water. Everything seemed so much more peaceful down here, from the muffled sound of voices to the infinite quietness of the Abyss— and for a second, Seonghwa felt suddenly thankful for the short yet unexpected lull of his defeat.

“Baby, are you alright?” Your voice sounded familiar yet faded from his blocked up ears. Eyes red with salted water, Seonghwa struggled for a while, adjusting to the brightness of the sun as he finally found your gaze, pleased to find his favorite face painted with worry— yet your body still attached to Mingi whose hands were now tightly locked above your knees, keeping you still as you towered over everyone from 6 ft above.

“C’mon man, don’t be such a sore loser!” Mingi called out as Seonghwa decided to escape without a word, his feet anchored into the sand as he walked back to grab his clothes on his way back towards the hotel. But as all the members were quick to joke about Seonghwa’s tendency to turn into a grumpy mess anytime he failed a game, you couldn’t help but notice the slight difference in your boyfriend’s attitude this time. He wasn’t angry over the game. He was entirely consumed by jealousy.

Running in the sand wasn’t your best decision, but still an unexpected work-out, especially when Seonghwa’s legs would take a single step when yours needed three to four more, but eventually, you managed to catch up with him, your hand instantly wrapping around his arm.

“Hwa? Is everything okay, baby?” If facing his broad, muscled back wasn’t enough to dismantle you, the look of absolute rage on your boyfriend’s face as he turned around definitely sealed the deal. With his long black hair pushed back, his caramel skin merely sunkissed and a few droplets plummeting over his cheeks like a comforting memory from the Sea, Seonghwa looked absolutely ethereal, making it hard for you to focus on any of the words coming out of his plump lips.

“Let’s not do this here” He almost commanded, his mind still playing tricks with him as his eyes lingered over your body and how tightly hugged you seemed in that bikini now that it was soaked, your nipples perking against the fabric as goosebumps traveled up to the back of your neck under Seonghwa’s touch. With his palm pressed to the small of your back, his pace more determined than ever, Seonghwa led you back to the Hotel, his lips completely sealed through the entire walk to your room.

There wasn’t much of a fight, let alone a talk happening as you reached the corridor, waiting for Seonghwa to unlock the door with the plastic card you’d been given when checking into the fancy hotel for a couple— much deserved— days of vacation in the middle of touring Europe. While Greece wasn’t on the few stops planned for the Summer tour, you were the one suggesting the destination, your body craving some sunlight and delicious food while bonding with your members. Sometimes it wasn’t easy being the only girl among eight, only male members, but somewhere along the way, these guys had quickly become your chosen family. Brothers, for most of them, with an obvious soft spot for Seonghwa who had been promoted to the boyfriend status within months of putting the group together. Mingi was close behind, his contagious smile and perpetuous cheerful mood always coming handy in times of stress or hardcore promotion— though it sometimes dragged you into a difficult position within your relationship.

And now here you were— taped to the wall with Seonghwa’s hands keeping your legs tightly wrapped around his hips as he rocketed himself into you. By now, your bikini top had risen above your breast from your boyfriend constantly pulling at the fabric without much patience, eager to attach his lips to your sensitive skin, the flick of his tongue over your erected buds almost sending you over the edge as you clenched endlessly around him.

Seonghwa was — for the most — a gentle yet passionate lover. Always taking his time to get you hot and bothered, nose deep into your cunt while edging you just the right amount before he decided to have you in his own way. But somehow, his jealous side turned him into a whole different person. Whenever his boyfriend ego was triggered, he suddenly became a man on a mission, eager to claim your body and to make sure you knew who you belonged to.

The room was filled with an obscene mix of your moans and the perfectly cadenced sound of your skin slapping against his, air heavy and warm, almost suffocating as your neck found a collar in the shape of Seonghwa’s lean fingers wrapping tightly into your flesh, forcing your eyes to meet his dilated pupils.

“You’re gonna cum for me, love”

Not a question— very much more of a statement. There wasn’t a second of hesitation in his tone as the words slipped off his lips like a command. You were gonna cum for him.

Still, the fact he made sure to use one of his favorite pet names was enough of a hint for you to find comfort in his usual warmth.

And with a single nod, you allowed Seonghwa to ruin you some more.

With long strands of black hair plastered all over his face, tangled into a thin coat of sweat like a chaotic mix of spiderwebs and some glue, Seonghwa looked absolutely dismantled— so far from the perfectly neat aura he typically brought into a room and though you could barely think straight as he hammered his hips between your abused thighs, you couldn’t deny the sparkle of pride in your eyes as you realized no one else would ever get to witness this version of him.

Pins and needles were slowly invading your legs, creeping up your thighs from being held up against a wall for too long but all thoughts were long gone when a particular sharp thrust sent you off, forcing your eyes to roll at the back of your head as the taste of blood finally hit your tongue, teeth sunk into your bottom lip until the skin broke from the permanent pressure.

You felt it coming, the familiar warmth knotting at the pit of your stomach, flames licking at your cheeks as they turned a brighter shade of pink from gasping for air. Eyebrows knitted together, Seonghwa’s gaze found your face— you knew he could feel it too, the way you were clenching so much harder around his throbbing cock, how your velvety walls swallowed him with such ease as he suddenly got sloppier with his thrusts— and when he leant just enough for his lips to ghost over yours, his breathing tickling your tongue as your mouth awaited desperately for the kiss you had been craving for too long, a sudden whine traveled up from your throat, dying in the air still hanging between your faces as his mouth failed to connect with yours.

Desperation found its nest in a soft grunt as you tilted your head back, hitting the wall behind you while Seonghwa smirked in victory. He had you precisely where he intended you to be. Putty in his hands. Desperate. A single tear prickling in the corner of your eyes from the lack of compassion he was providing while still driving you to the finish line.

A knock on the door suddenly dragged you out of your thoughts, your eyes instantly landing on the corridor, irrationally worried someone may have complained about the noises coming from your room— and while it would be the perfect time for a break, Seonghwa unexpectedly decided to ignore the intrusion, his fingers pressing into the flesh of your ass as he hammered himself into you harder than ever. If you weren’t too dizzy to think straight, you could see the adrenaline in his eyes, the thrill of getting caught and the twisted urge to let whoever was behind the door know he was balls deep into your cunt and unavailable to greet them.

The knocking eventually stopped after a few attempts, leaving you nervous, breathless and worried about the consequences while hoping it was just one of the other members and not some concerned employee of the hotel or even worse, your manager.

“Lost in your own thoughts, love?”

You had been downgraded to just “love” , no longer his , but he still loved you.

“Worried someone might hear us? Mingi, maybe?”

Though you knew what this was all about, having Seonghwa express himself and boldly mention his band member as the issue was a new perspective. Not only was there anger in his eyes, but you could now perfectly see the hurt in his black pupils and the way he frowned. That was the look of a man too scared to admit he felt threatened, a man who feared to lose you, as insane as it sounded to you— you were hook, line and sinker in love with Seonghwa and never in a million years would you dare look at someone else. How could you, when he was exactly and precisely what you needed?

“Speak of the devil” Seonghwa added, forcing you to frown a little as his hand reached for his phone on the table right next to you. You had missed the buzzing sound of a call, deeply anchored into your own thoughts, but when your eyes caught a glimpse of Mingi’s name on the screen, you couldn’t miss the way your heart almost stilled in your chest.

Moreover, you went absolutely livid when Seonghwa decided to answer while still perfectly sleeved into your cunt.

“ ‘sup man? “ he simply asked, his phone tucked between his shoulder and ear while pushing himself into you at a slower pace but so much deeper, stealing an unfortunate squeal out of you. Head foggy with nerves, arousal and fear, you could hear the muffled sound of Mingi’s voice on the other side of the line as Seonghwa found some sadistic pleasure in keeping the conversation casual. Like he wasn’t wrecking your insides.

Looking into your eyes with a devilish smile, you could see the darkness draping over your boyfriend’s face as he moved you to the table, sitting you comfortably on the edge while pressing a palm on your stomach so you would lay back on your elbows just enough to enjoy the show he was about to put on.

His phone laid next to you now, Mingi on speaker, making you nervous and exposed while Seonghwa pushed your legs apart, kneeling in front of you while keeping the conversation going with his friend— something about a song they were working on together the night before and struggling with some lyrics, not that you cared much about it when Seonghwa’s tongue eventually pressed flat against your slit, collecting your arousal with a single, strong flick as you shivered uncontrollably against the table.

Everything felt so wrong, so perverted, like he had invited Mingi to join a private party of two, offering a chance for him to stand in the corner of the room, cock in hand, while Seonghwa made sure to show exactly how you liked to be owned.

Arching your back to push yourself further into his tongue, you could already see some stars dancing on the ceiling, almost dragging the air out of your lungs as Seonghwa wrapped his lips around your clit, sucking at it like a starved man, making a show out of it.

“Anyway— are you guys coming down for dinner?” Mingi voice interrupted, forcing your hands to cover your face, teeth pressed around your thumb as you tried your best to compose yourself, to stay quiet as you squirmed and shook into Seonghwa skilled hands.

“Maybe later— had a late snack” Seonghwa muffled, his tongue flicking around your sensitive bud as you soaked his chin, praying that the awful sound of your own depravity couldn’t be heard over the phone.

“Yeah you sound like you have a mouthful” Mingi joked, laughing at the realization as he eventually ended the call. And while you should have been mortified, the way Seonghwa looked up to smirk triumphantly almost sent you over the edge.

Seeing you squirm and clench around nothing, Seonghwa traveled up to find your lips, pressing a palm against your mouth while the other guided his hardened member to your aching hole, pushing himself in one hard thrust without warning. Screaming into his hand, head tilted back and almost over the edge of the table, you could feel the way it rocked against your back, ready to collapse as Seonghwa fucked himself into you at the roughest pace, printing the varnished wood into the back of your thighs.

“Fuck— Hwa— I’m… close” you were a blurbing mess at this point, almost drooling into his hand as he traveled his gaze back and forth, smirking at the way you swallowed him perfectly and up to your perfect, fucked out face.

“You are, uh? I can feel it…” his teeth sunk into your flesh, biting into your collarbone as he bottomed out one more time— and then nothing.

Gasping for air, your whole body still trembling from skimming over the edge, you looked up to see Seonghwa unfolding himself off your embrace, pulling out and tucking himself back into his underwear.

“Wh—what are you doing?” you dared to ask, sitting up although your entire body felt like it was about to collapse. Sore and halfway between climax and deprivation.

“I’ll go work on that song with Mingi” he smiled, leaning for a quick peck on your lips as you stared at him, completely puzzled. Offended, even.

“Are you fucking kidding me now?” you were fuming at this point, ready to put on a fight according to his next answer.

“I said you’d come for me, my love, I didn’t say when”

You watched as Seonghwa gathered his clothes, fixing himself up in the mirror and pulling his messy wet hair into a tight bun with only a few strands framing his face. You had never felt such an insane mix of humiliation and thrill all at the same time.

“You better be ready for me when I come back, I am nowhere near done with you” walking towards you, Seonghwa pressed one firm hand behind your neck, his lips finding yours— at last. There was something different about his kiss, more demanding, quite not as desperate as you wished it to be, but meaningful enough for you to know he wasn’t upset anymore.

“Maybe I’ll let Mingi watch, this time” he smirked against your lips, his tongue tracing the outline of your mouth at a devilish slow pace while a chuckle died in his throat— and while you hated to admit it, you could feel a fire sparkle into your guts at the eventuality.

#newworldnet #seonghwa smut #seonghwa x reader #ateez smut #ateez #park seonghwa

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moonlightazriel · 2 days

Text

Chapter 11: Illusions /// Azriel X F!Reader

Summary: They part on their journey to Koschei’s lair.

Word Count: 2,3K

Warnings: Some angst, mentions of fighting and blood.

Notes: I love this chapter so so much hehehehehe

Main Masterlist

Worlds Apart Masterlist

She woke up to a familiar smell, her face pressed against a soft, warm chest. Her eyes slowly blinked, and she looked up, seeing the most beautiful sight ever. Azriel rested peacefully, sun casting a glow to his brown skin, his hair softly falling on his forehead.

His lips formed a cute pout and he snored a bit. He looked so serene and pretty like this. She kept watching him, her finger tracing the contour of his jaw, watching as his long eyelashes fluttered open.

“Good morning.” He said, his voice raspy from sleeping. He caressed her cheek.

“Good morning.” She replied, yawning as she got up. “We have to prepare, we will travel tonight.” She announced, going to her bathroom and closing the door.

Azriel sighed happily, waking up with her was something he dreamed rather frequently, and he hoped their relationship improved to the point that they would do this forever, he wanted to wake up to that beautiful face, trace her scar and make love to her before going out to training, he wanted to be able to bring her breakfast in bed and always see that beautiful smile across her face.

He got up, opening the door and poking his head out, looking at both sides before he sneaked out, just to bump in none other than Elain. He scratched his head, feeling a bit embarrassed as she looked at him up and down. He opened his mouth to say anything but he was interrupted by Lucien coming out of her room as well. The three stood there, facing each other in silence.

It was Elain who started to laugh, her airy giggles filling the hallway, prompting the two males to laugh too.

“Now that’s embarrassing.” She said, and Lucien walked closer to her, his hand brushing hers.

“I have to say that the Mother indeed has a good sense of humour.” Azriel said, eyeing the couple. “But I’m glad things worked out for you two.” Lucien relaxed at that.

“Same Az, same.” She replied, before grabbing Lucien’s hand and walking towards the dining room. Azriel entered his chambers, locking the door behind him, laughing to himself.

⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆

“Azriel, huh?” Lucien said, he watched as she tied her bags across the saddle of Meraxes, offering to take their clothes for them.

“What?” She yelled from up there.

“Saw him leaving your room this morning.” Lucien laughed.

“When you left Elain’s room?” She quipped, making the male blush.

“I took her home yesterday, she said she wanted to talk.” Lucien scratched his head. “We talked almost all night, she opened her heart and I opened mine, we’re ready to start again, courting each other the right way.”

Lucien held his bag above his head, throwing it to her open hands, she clutched it, tying against her own bag. Sliding down the wyvern’s leg, she wiped the sweat out of her forehead.

“We talked too, after last night I couldn’t stand being alone.” She said, patting Meraxes on the nose and walking with Lucien back to the house, Azriel’s bag already up there.

“I’m glad things are going great.” He pulled her closer by the shoulders and she rested her head against him with a smile. “We deserve it.”

“We definitely do.” She agreed, and the two parted ways. Nesta had called her for training later that day, since Gwyn had morning duties and couldn’t attend.

So she followed to the training ring she went to last time. Nesta and the females greeted her, and they started to train, with basic exercises to prepare their muscles first, then hand in hand combat.

Nesta paired up with her, they bowed to each other in respect before assuming their fighting positions. The two circled each other, studying their movements and looking for any breach so they could attack.

Y/N noticed the opening in her left flank and the smugness on Nesta’s face, and she knew it was on purpose, aiming there before she crouched, spinning and hitting Nesta’s legs with her own, sending the female stumbling down on her back. Nesta gasped as the air was knocked out of her lungs, jumping until she was back on her feet, lunging for the female.

Her fist hit the side of her ribs, making her groan and punch her hands away from her body. Nesta grabbed her by the neck, prompting Y/N to sneak her arms from under Nesta’s, forcing her to let go of her neck, she forced Nesta down, her stomach colliding against her raised knee.

A punch to Y/N’s face, making the skin go purple immediately. The two kept going at each other's throat, Y/N would never go easy on her because she respected Nesta as a warrior, and she was glad Nesta was doing the same to her, putting all of her efforts in trying to win the sparring match.

Twenty minutes later, blood and sweat mixed as the two kept landing blow after blow. She was getting tired, so she wrapped her legs around Nesta’s torso, pulling her down with her, locking her arm in a breaking grip. Nesta groaned trying to free herself but Y/N gripped her harder, not allowing her to.

“Tap out.” She ordered and Nesta huffed, tapping her leg three times, Y/N let her go, getting up and helping Nesta back to her feet. “It was a good match.”

“You’re very good, you should join us more often.” Nesta offered, smiling at the female and Y/N nodded.

“Let’s think about it.” She said, wiping the sweat off her forehead with a cloth Emerie offered her. She stayed with them, eating sandwiches and drinking cold tea by the sparring ring.

The females sat together, laughing and talking about training, some more shy than others, just nodding and not actually talking. Nesta noticed how Y/N looked at them, slowly sliding until she was sat by her back, Y/N turned her head, looking at Nesta with only one eye open.

“They come from the library, each female there has a tragic story and that is their safe space. I convinced them to train so they would never be vulnerable again.” She whispered and Y/N nodded, she had no idea.

“That’s really nice of you, giving them a second chance.” She smiled.

“Everyone deserves a second chance.” Nesta had a distant look on her face, and Y/N remembered the story Nesta had told her.

“I’m glad it’s you then, they have a lot to learn from you.” Nesta rested her head against her back, feeling happiness settle in her heart, the only one that had appreciated and supported her like this besides her Valkyries, was Cassian. It was a nice feeling having someone complimenting and being proud of her like this.

As the females left the ring to go back to their lives, Nesta guided Y/N back inside, pulling her towards her bathroom, where she forced her to sit on the sink counter while she cleaned her wounds, they looked worse than hers. She healed slower after all. Nesta cleaned the blue blood smeared across her face, and then pulled out a little bottle from inside the cabinet.

“For the swell of your eye.” She handed the potion, watching Y/N dump it in one strike. “I don’t want Azriel pestering me about it.”

“He wouldn’t.” Y/N reassured, feeling her eye starting to open little by little, soon only the purple marks would remain.

“He cares a lot about you, of course he would.” Nesta jokes, getting away from her and starting to clean her own face.

“You think so?” She shyly asked, getting out of the sink.

“Yeah, I do.” The female replied, and Y/N nodded.

“Thank you for the potion.” She said, hearing Nesta hum in agreement as she exited the bathroom and went towards her own room to have a shower.

⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆

They sat there, having dinner. Y/N had spent the rest of her day reading the diary Morrigan had found, it talked about old gods and how they got to Prythian. They would travel all night and stay at the manor Lucien lived with his friends. Despite taking her bags for him, he would winnow first, to prepare the house for them, while Y/N took Azriel on Meraxes with her.

She kept quiet, still a bit uncomfortable with the pity stares the inner circle directed at her, especially Feyre. She tried to ignore but it was hard, so she just sat there in silence, eating her food and drinking her blood that Amren had provided for her again, in a way to comfort her for what she had seen yesterday.

“Are you ready to go?” Azriel asked as he noticed her empty plate.

“Just need to grab something.” She said, excusing herself and walking back to her room, to brush her teeth and get her sword. After she was done, she got back to the dining room, where everyone shared their goodbyes to them.

“Please come back to us.” Feyre begged as she hugged Y/N, the female swallowed the lump on her throat at the sight of the teary eyed high lady.

“I will.” She promised, parting their hug and going to another pair of arms, one by one, they hugged her like she was never going to be back. They enjoyed having her around and despite wanting to help her to go back, they didn’t really want her to be gone from their lives.

“Let’s go.” Azriel urged, pulling her by the hand towards the balcony Meraxes waited. It felt weird flying with something else that it wasn’t his own wings, but the distance he would take days to achieve, Meraxes could in hours.

So Azriel shut his mouth, hugging her waist as he sat behind her, a belt steadying him into place. Meraxes started to fly and it felt so different, the winds were stronger and he was faster.

“Do you remember the way?” She mocked, sensing the tense male behind her.

“Just go in a straight line and we’ll be fine.” He said above the sound of the wind.

“Hear that boy?” She asked Meraxes. “Let’s go then.” The winds intensified as the wyvern beat his wings faster, soaring over the city and towards the Band of Exiles home, where they would stay and watch Koschei closely.

⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆

“We’re just a day away from the house.” Azriel said looking at the map, they had stopped in a hidden place around the Spring Court border. Since she refused to leave Meraxes behind, they could only travel at night to keep him hidden from curious eyes.

“Great.” She said finishing with the sheep she was feeding the wyvern. Azriel had flown to a nearby city to get two of them for Meraxes, Lucien had guaranteed he would have enough to feed him for as long as they needed to stay.

Meraxes loudly burped after he finished his meal, receiving an incredulous glare from Azriel and a scoff from his rider. “You’re so nasty.” She had said, just to be rudely pushed by his nose, making her lose balance and fall on her ass. Azriel started to laugh, receiving another scoff from her.

“Keep laughing and I’ll keep the tent just for myself.” She threatened and he lifted his hands in surrender.

“I won’t.” He promised, and she got up, her hands dirty as she groaned. “There’s a lake nearby if you want to clean yourself.” She started to roam around her things, pulling a pair of lighter clothes and a towel.

“Be right back.” She said, turning her back to him and swaying her hips away towards the lake.

⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆

She had left for at least 20 minutes, and Azriel was starting to get worried, he shared a look with Meraxes and the thing nodded, like he understood that he should keep guard while Azriel searched for her.

He walked towards the lake, finding her discarded clothes both dirty and clean by the shore. He couldn’t spot her on the lake either. So he followed the wet trail that led him towards the closed parts of the woods.

He found her there, drenched and coated in blood. Her sword hanging from her hand, and laying limply by her side, was Azriel. He looked at her and at himself laying there, with an open neck and blood pouring out of the wound.

“You appeared out of nowhere, saying that you had something you wanted to tell me.” She started, and Azriel looked at her again, swallowing as he took in her naked form? Blood coated her full breasts, her soft waist and the lower parts of her body like she had bathed in it. “When I got here you tried to fucking kill me.” She gritted her teeth, and Azriel slowly got closer to her.

“That was a Puca, they create illusions to try and lure people.” He grabbed her hand and she flinched. He slowly pulled her hand up, above his heart. “See? It’s beating, I’m real.” She looked at him. “Let’s get you cleaned up.” He kept looking at her eyes to avoid looking down.

She quietly followed him, going to the lake as Azriel discarded his own clothes, going after her to help her clean. He pulled her close by the waist, the water above her shoulders, not dark enough to hide her frame from his curious eyes.

“I thought it was you.” She said quietly.

“It’s okay, I’m here now.” He pulled her chin up, eyes drifting to her lips as a thought crossed his mind.

Puca’s assumed the form of what the person desired most to lull them and kill them after. His dead body replayed itself in his mind, meaning that the Puca knew this was the only way to convince her to go with him.

With that in mind, Azriel lowered his head, capturing her lips in a kiss.

⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆

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#acotar #azriel shadowsinger #sarahjmaas #moonlightazriel #azriel #shadowsinger #azriel x reader #night court #azriel x y/n #velaris #azriel spymaster #azriel x you #azriel x oc #azriel acotar #worlds apart fic

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jumexju · 2 days

Text

CIRCLES

Fic Type !! : Series / Fluff / Some angst

CW !! : Nothing really

Summary !! : Two worlds collide when Gojo comes across a certain edgy 6-year old & decides he needs a babysitter to care for the kid. As you step into his world, he realizes just how different you are from him. They say opposites attract, but is it really true?

Note !! : I visualized a poc reader while writing this, though it can be read by anyone

WC !! : 2k

✦ MASTERLIST

CHAPTER I

The pitter-patter of the rain could be heard faintly as you looked out the window, trying to drown out the voice of your teacher who was lecturing Satoru for going overboard during a mission, again. The raindrops fell & landed on the window, allowing you to see how they slid across the glass. You didn’t hate the rain. In fact, it was quite beautiful to you. But you hated getting wet. Soggy socks weren’t exactly an ideal.

It reminded you of the things you didn’t have. Like new shoes for example. The rain would always find a way to get into your socks through the holes in them, you remembered getting sick in middle school because of it. Your mother didn’t have enough money to buy new ones, so you had to wear those until they eventually wore down to the point you had to get new ones. Thankfully now, your situation has changed. You were a jujutsu Sorcerer now, so you didn’t have to worry that much about money.

Being the quiet kid meant that you’d overheard conversations quite often. Not because you were trying to eavesdrop, people just tended to forget you were there.

“So, you need help taking care of the kid?” Shoko lifted a brow at the white haired sorcerer.

He sighed, “Yeah.. I get called on missions a lot n’ can’t really look after both of them. Plus- They’re menaces. Well, Megumi anyways.” He complained about the kid.

Shoko tilted her head, taking the lollipop out of her mouth. “So you need a babysitter?”

“Basically.” Satoru rested his chin on his palm as he looked out the window, obviously bored.

“ I think I might know someone.” Shoko said quietly.

Satoru lit up, “Really?”

You were about to walk out of the classroom before you heard your name fall off Ieri’s lips. You mentally groaned, you’d heard enough to know exactly where she was going with this. Still, a little extra money couldn’t hurt right? You turned on your heel & faced Shoko. Satoru had an annoying smile on his face. “What's up?”

“Would you mind helping Satoru babysit?” She put the lollipop back in her mouth, “He’ll pay you.” Shoko added. The both of you had been friends since you were first years so she knew about your siblings & how you’d grown up. She was one of the only people you trusted with that information since you know she wouldn’t mouth off and tell anyone else. It’s not like you were ashamed, but you’d rather not have a certain rich kid try to use that against you.

“Really? How much?” You lifted a brow as you crossed your arms.

“Anything you want, money’s not an issue.” Satoru smirked and finished his can of soda.

“.. Okay then, give me some time to think about it.” You told him, “I’ll have an answer for you by tomorrow night.” As you slid the door to leave, you felt cold fingers wrap around your wrist. You jolted before looking up & seeing Satoru towering over you.

Satoru let go of you, “Uh.. Shouldn’t we exchange numbers?”

You froze, “Oh. Yeah- We probably should..”

He laughed a little & handed you his phone, you did the same. You pressed in the numbers & saved it, typing your name above it. “Here,” He handed you your phone.

You took it, your warm fingers brushing against his cold ones. “Thanks,” you said before telling him goodbye and continuing on your way to your dorm.

“She’s a little uptight.” Satoru commented.

Shoko laughed, “Give her some time, she’ll warm up to you. ..Hopefully.”

“Hopefully??”

The ringing of your alarm woke you up, it was 6am. You sighed and rubbed your eyes, despite it being a Saturday, you didn’t want to sleep in today ー you had other, more important things to do.

Like getting more cheesecake.

Unfortunately, your love for sweets was greater than the fear of getting a cavity from them. For a while now, cheesecake was a comfort food you often indulged in because it could keep you full & it was also tasty. Ensei’s Bakery always had the best cheesecake. However, when you stepped out of your dorm, phone in hand ー you found yourself within the sights of a certain blue-eyed boy ー Much to your dismay.

You were going to pretend you didn’t see him walking along the hall until-

“_____!” He called after you with the playful smile he always wore.

You stopped in your tracks, looking back at him as he caught up with you. “..Gojo.” You lifted a brow, wondering what his business with you was. You told him you'd text him tonight didn’t you?

“No need for formalities, just call me Satoru.” He smiled as he walked beside you. “Okay..” You said with a little hesitation in your tone. “So.. What do you want?” You looked up at him, still skeptical that a guy like him would actually choose to be near you. It’s not that you had low self-esteem, not at all. It’s just that well, it was unusual for you to be with someone so popular. You mainly kept to yourself so it felt weird to you.

He chuckled, “Where’re you going?”

“Ensei’s Bakery.” you answered curtly.

“Really? I’m going there too.” He smiled to himself. Though you were a little rough around the edges, Satoru tried not to make it personal. You were probably like this with new people, just like Shoko said.

(Newsflash : Shoko didn’t say that. You just were caught off guard by his ‘friendliness’ towards you.)

“I heard the cheesecake there was good so I’m checking it out.” He looked down at you, his boyish smile still painted on his face. You looked up at him, his words seemed to brighten up your uptight mood.

It was one of the first times he saw you smile.

You looked ahead, “Yeah the cheesecake there is exceptional. Creamy but not too heavy. It’s good.” Your fingers fidgeted with the keys in your pocket.

“What do you recommend?” He asked curiously.

Your brows furrowed a little as you thought about it. He noticed the way you brought your thumb up absentmindedly while you contemplated your answer. “Mm.. The Red Velvet one is really good.. But the Chocolate one is good too.. That's a difficult question..” You mumbled that last part, a little embarrassed at how you were letting yourself ramble in front of him. “My favorite is the one with both Strawberry & chocolate though.” you told him.

He teased you about your sweet tooth & kept the conversation going with you as you two walked. He asked about your family but your answers remained vague, he guessed it was just a sensitive topic so he left it alone. Soon enough, you two reached Ensei’s Bakery. Satoru held the door open for you, you thanked him for the gesture and as soon as you stepped in, you could smell the sweet aroma of baked goods ー it was heavenly to you.

It seemed to appeal to Satoru as well, evident by the expression of bliss on his face. “Look, the cheesecakes are over here,” You pulled on his sleeve softly. His eyes widened behind his shades as he glanced at all the different cakes & sweets in the glass casing.

“There’s so many to choose from..” His smile was almost infectious, you could feel the corners of your lips lifting up. “That's the one I like,” you pointed at your preferred Cheesecake on display. “I see why, It looks good..”

“____!”

You turned around, looking for who had called your name. You smiled when you saw Keisha, one of your friends from childhood. “Isha, Hi!” You walked up to the counter where she was working.

“How are you?” She asked with a warm smile. Her light brown skin bathed in the warm light as she walked around the counter to give you a hug. “I’m good,” you answered as you returned her hug, “How’re you?” She told you she was well before leaning close to you and whispering, “Who’s that? He’s cute..” She giggled as you lifted a brow. “Cute..?” You chuckled dryly, “You mean Gojo?”

“Is he your boyfriend or something?” She nudged you playfully.

“Don’t kid yourself, he’s your new customer.” you joked. You couldn’t really imagine ever being close to a guy like him.

“Really?”

“Maybe,” you shrugged and went over to Satoru, “You know what you want?”

He leaned back up, “Yeah.” You followed him to the counter, Keisha smiling as the tall man walked over to where she was at. His smile was bright.

“Hello, what can I get you?” Keisha shot a smile at you who stood beside him.

“Hi,” he greeted your friend warmly, “Can I get one of everything?”

You eyed the bags hanging off Gojo’s arms, a little impressed at his ability to spend that much. ‘I guess the rumors really were true..’, you thought to yourself as you tried not to make it obvious you were staring. Unfortunately, Gojo was a keen observer.

He smirked. “Do I really look that good? You keep staring at me so I’m assuming I do.”

You scoffed and looked off to the side as you both crossed the street. “Whatever helps you sleep at night.” You half-joked. “Why’d you spend so much? You could always come back y’know.”

“Money’s not a problem for me.”

You glared at him. It was like he was flaunting his money. “Clearly.” you muttered, then sighed. You couldn’t really say anything to that. It wasn’t like it was his fault you weren’t born into a rich family like he was, so why should you be ticked off that he had more than enough money?

You were envious though.

It was hard not to be.

Soon enough, you two were back at Jujutsu Tech. The walk there was mostly silent, save for a few bits of small talk. As you were about to depart from him, he stopped you. His large, warm hand on your shoulder.

“..?” You looked back at him.

“Here.” He handed you a box of one of the cheesecakes he had gotten. You hesitated taking it from him but it was okay since he was offering, right?

“.. What’s the catch?” you narrowed your eyes at him.

“Nothing?” He laughed, “Just thought it’d be polite to show some courtesy to my future babysitter.” His smile shone brighter than diamonds.

“How do you know I’ll even say yes?” You deadpanned as your hands held the box of cheesecake.

“I know you won’t say no.”

As much as you hated him being right ー He was right. You didn’t say no to his offer. To be fair, you were going to be compensated so that was the upside to this whole thing. You untied your bonnet and freshened up your hair, staring at yourself in the mirror as you got ready to go meet the kids you were going to babysit.

You only hoped they weren’t too annoying.

Gojo headed to your dorm, it was around the time he told you he was going to pick you up and he thought it best to be early. It wouldn’t exactly look right for him to show up late, right? He absentmindedly scrolled on his phone as he waited outside your dorm room, patiently waiting for you to come out.

And when you did, he couldn’t really believe it.

You looked.. Different.

“You..” His eyes widened behind his shades as he looked at you, your black maxi dress showing off your physique. The vintage necklaces on your neck styled beautifully matched with your earrings and the bangles on your wrists. They added the right pop of color that contrasted your dress.

“You’re early.” You didn’t pay much attention to his reaction, “We should get going. It’s not exactly good parenting to leave kids on their own, Gojo.”

He caught up to you, walking beside you as he led you to Ijichi’s car. “You look nice.” There was a ghost of redness on his cheeks if you looked hard enough. To say that Gojo was stunned at your ‘casual’ look was an understatement. This was a deep contrast to how you usually dressed. Granted, Jujutsu Tech did require you to wear a uniform so it was rare to see anyone in different clothing. Nevertheless, it was hard to miss someone who looked as good as you.

Especially when you did it so effortlessly.

“Thank you.” A small smile tugged at your lips as you took his compliment. Gojo opened the door for you, getting in beside you as Ijichi drove you to Gojo’s apartment. “So, Megumi and Tsumiki huh?” you asked, “Two girls? You must have your work cut out for you, Gojo.” A soft chuckle made its way out of your mouth.

“Girls?” Gojo lifted a brow, “Oh- No, Megumi’s a boy.” He corrected you, laughing a little.

“He’s a boy..??” you laughed at the revelation, “Did his parents name him?”

He laughed along with you. Seeing as Megumi wasn’t exactly a boy's name, your reaction was appropriate. “His father did, I think.” Gojo replied. “It was his father who told me about him actually.”

This piqued your curiosity, “Did he ask you to take him in?”

“No. He told me his son would be sold to the Zenin’s and to do what I wanted with that information.” Gojo explained. “I decided that I'd train the kid instead.”

“That’s awfully nice of you,” you joked as you looked out of the window, “What happened to his dad?”

“.. I killed him.” His tone wasn’t lively like before.

This caused a crease to form in between your eyebrows. It seemed to be a sensitive topic, you decided not to touch on it any further. Maybe Shoko would tell you.

“.. I see.”

“We’re here.” Gojo perked up, not wanting to ruin the mood with the story of how or why the kid’s father died. You thanked Ijichi before leaving the car, Gojo had opened the door for you of course. “So what’re they like?” You asked Gojo, a bit nervous to meet them since you didn’t know how they’d react to someone new.

“Tsumiki’s a ray of sunshine, Megumi on the other hand is a little reserved but he’ll warm up to you eventually.” He said with a smile. Gojo seemed more animated whenever he spoke about his adoptive kids. He seemed to have an ambition to shape them.

Maybe Gojo wasn’t entirely as bad as you thought.

The jingle of Gojo’s keys was heard as he took them out to unlock the door. Once it was open, you walked in to see the place completely empty. It was huge, you weren’t even sure you could call it an apartment. “This is where you live??” You were in awe at the spacious kitchen and the pristine-looking living room.

“Yeah?” Gojo chuckled before calling out for the kids. “Megumi! Tsumiki! I have someone I’d like you to meet!”

“What if they’re sleeping?” You asked as you looked up at Gojo.

He shrugged, “Well now they aren’t,”

“‘Cuz of your yelling,”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” He went to the kitchen, deciding they’d probably come out when they were ready. “Want somethin’ to drink?”

“You got cranberry juice?”

“That’s oddly specific.” He remarked as he opened the fridge. “But yeah, I do.”

You sat on the stool by the counter, patiently waiting for the kids to magically appear. Unfortunately, this allowed your thoughts to run rampant. Like, what if they didn’t like you? What if they never warmed up to you? You snapped out of it when Gojo handed you a glass of cranberry juice. “Thanks.”

Right before you were going to take a sip, you felt a tug on your dress.

“Who’re you?”

Below, next to you, was a small kid with black hair that stuck up. He had a defensive look on his face. You guessed this would be Megumi.

“I’m _______. Your new babysitter.”

Do not translate or copy my works on other platforms.

#gojo #gojo satoru #satoru #satoru gojo #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #gojo x reader #gojo fic #gojo fluff #megumi #jjk megumi

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fortheloveofwonderland · 2 days

Text

Midnight | Chapter 19 | SR

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

A/N - a slight jump forward in time here. For the sake of this, Spencer’s mom lives back in Vegas.

Chapter Summary - after finding a new place to settle down, things finally seem like they might be looking up for you and Spencer. Meanwhile Luke refuses to rest while he continues searching for you.

Pairing - unsub! Spencer Reid / Fem! Reader

Category - dark angst | smut | very eventual happy ending

Warnings - cleaning up a crime scene, burying bodies, fingering, handjob, swearing, vomit, brief mention of depression, penetrative, unprotected sex, lying.

WC - 5.7k

Chapter 19 - Stitch Me Up

Two Months Later

The desert city of Twentynine Palms, California was located in the Mojave Desert and sat on the northern side of the Joshua Tree National Park and promoted the motto “a beautiful desert oasis”.

It wasn’t small but it was huge either, with a population of around twenty five thousand, making it a great place for two people to hide in plain sight. And given its desert location, the temperature this time of year was over one hundred and five, a stark contrast from tiny little Colorado mountain towns.

Samuel and Violet Truman of Arizona had moved out west and rented themselves a little fully furnished three bed, single storey home on Chia Avenue in a quiet suburb of Twentynine Palms. They arrived two weeks ago after spending some six weeks travelling the states with their travel companions Jack and Lily Waters.

From the outside their home left a lot to be desired, with its rickety metal fence and lone palm tree in the sandy front yard. But the inside was so modern and sheek that the couple had signed a lease on the spot.

From the outside looking in, you and Spencer were the idyllic all American couple. And admittedly, from the inside you were also pretty damn happy.

Since fleeing Crested Butte in the middle of the night two months ago, things had changed dramatically. That night you’d waited until Luke had stopped patrolling your cabin before getting Mary’s body into the trunk of the Nissan. You’d scrubbed every single inch of the house until it was cleaner than when you’d arrived, tweezed the bullet out of the wall and filled in the hole left behind, before gathering all of your belongings and getting the hell out of dodge.

On the way out of town you had begged Spencer to make one last stop. He wanted to refuse, you could tell, but he was trying so hard to make you happy, to make up for the way he’d been treating you that he agreed and pulled the Nissan to a stop on the street outside of McGills.

It had been late and all the lights were off so you’d ducked down the side alley towards the door that led up to his apartment. You’d had no idea if he’d be there but you’d prayed with every fibre of your being that he would. And by some stroke of luck, he answered the door after you’d knocked twice.

“Rose,” he folded his arms across his chest and leant against the door jamb. “Or should I say, Y/N.”

“I heard Luke spoke to you.” You gnawed on your lip as Jesse regarded you like the stranger you were.

“He did. I have to say, I did not expect you to be FBI.”

“Yeah.” You nodded. “It’s a long story. I just wanted to come by and apologise for everything. I probably really shouldn’t have let myself follow you out of the Nickel that night.”

“I’m glad you did.” He nodded, dropping his arms to his sides. “Even though it didn’t work out between us, it at the very least got me out of my slump. Maybe now I can actually put myself out there again, you know? Now I’ve gotten over that first hurdle.”

“You’re going to make some woman very happy someday.” You smiled, subconsciously taking a step closer.

“It’s a shame it couldn’t have been you.” He shrugged wistfully.

You swallowed thickly, glancing down the alley and noting that you couldn’t see the Nissan from this position, or more importantly, its occupant couldn’t see you. You stepped even closer to Jesse and cupped his cheek.

“In another life maybe.” You whispered. “I’m leaving town.”

“I figured as much.” He nodded as your hand wandered down from his face to bicep. “You could stay, you know? With me. You don’t have to go just because he wants you to.”

“You have no idea how tempting that is. But I can’t.”

“I know.” He sighed, suddenly gripping the back of your neck. “I’m going to miss you.”

Suddenly he’d slammed his lips against yours in a kiss so passionate your legs had buckled. If Spencer knew how you’d said goodbye to Jesse, he most likely would have gone back and killed him. If he’d known you’d let Jesse finger you in his doorway while you jerked him off in return, Spencer would have certainly murdered him and probably enjoyed it.

But clearly you had a better poker face than you realised as Spencer simply drove off as soon as you were back in the car. And on the drive the only thing you’d thought of were Jess’s last words to you.

“I wish I’d gotten a chance to love you, Y/N.”

But at some point you had to let that go.

Mary’s final resting place had been a hole in the ground in the Beaverhead-Deerlodge National Forest in Montana, almost eight hundred miles north of her hometown of Crested Butte. The Nissan met the same fate as Spencer’s Volvo a further five hundred and fifty miles east just outside of Medora, North Dakota.

Spencer purchased three pairs of bus tickets: one down to Texas, one out to Minnesota and one to Iowa, the latter being the ones you actually used. It took the better part of an entire day on a sweaty, smelly bus before you arrived in Cedar Rapids.

You checked into a cheap and dirty motel under the names of Jack and Lily Waters and spent almost the entire night having sex. Thoroughly exhausted in the morning, Spencer found a used car lot and using his Arizona licence in the name Samuel Truman, paid cash for a black Chevy Impala.

For the six weeks that followed you travelled up and down the country in much of a zigzag, alternating between your two pseudonyms, back and forth so the BAU would never find you. You spent six weeks in multiple different cheap motels, fucking like rabbits every step of the way.

You’d never felt so intrinsically linked to someone the way you did to Spencer in those six weeks. And it seemed he’d finally found his bliss as he didn’t kill once.

Eventually when enough time passed you’d choose to settle down in California. But unfortunately the mundane realities of life would ultimately be your downfall.

You stood up from the bathroom floor with a groan, wiping the back of your hand over your mouth and padding over to the sink. You stuck your mouth directly under the faucet and drank from it to wash away the taste of bile on your tongue.

You’d been throwing up on and off for some weeks now but you simply put it down to the residual stress of being on the run. You exhaled heavily before shuffling back out into the bedroom where Spencer still lay naked on top of the sheets.

“I’m mildly offended.” He offered you a wistful smile.

“I’m sorry.” You grumbled, flopping back to the bed next to him.

“It’s ok. Just never had anyone need to throw up whilst sucking my dick before.” He chuckled, wrapping his arm around your shoulders.

“It’ll teach me not to eat hotdogs from a gas-and-go.” You sighed. “I can try again if you’re still in the mood?”

“After I just listened to you puke your guts up? I’m suddenly not very horny.” He pulled you closer so your head was resting on his chest. “But seriously, are you ok? You’ve been getting sick a lot lately.”

“Yeah I guess it’s stress or something. I’ll be fine.” You nuzzled against him, placing your hand flush against his chest over his heart.

You smiled as the ring caught the light and found yourself moving impossibly closer to Spencer. His grandmother's old ring had been upgraded, as had the one he wore, for newer silver matching bands inscribed on the inside with partners in crime.

One of your stops on your travels before you’d made your way to Twentynine Palms had been in Atlantic City at a seedy motel just off the main strip. After a few drinks one night as you walked by a little drive-in chapel, Spencer had a proposition for.

“What would you say I said we should get married?” He pulled you to a stop on the sidewalk.

“Married?” You glared at him.

“Right now. Partners in crime forever.” He grinned at you.

“You’re joking, right?” Your brows furrowed.

“I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life. Before we get swallowed up entirely in the lives of Samuel and Violet, I think Spencer and Y/N need to do this one last thing.”

And really there had only been one answer to that. You and Spencer had been bound for life the moment you’d left DC with him, you were as good as married, so why not make it official?

If your old team were to ever find one last trace of Spencer Reid and Y/N Y/L/N it would be the signing of marriage licences in a little Atlantic City chapel.

Spencer purchased you the new rings as a surprise and that along with your rose gold heart necklace, were your most treasured possessions.

“You don’t need to be stressed, sweetheart. It’s over, we’re safe now. I’ll never let anything bad happen to you.” He cooed, kissing your head.

It really was amazing the difference a few months could make. Of course things weren’t ideal, you’d always be on the run, never able to return home but things with Spencer were as close to perfect as they could possibly be.

Since fleeing Butte he’d been wonderful, the Spencer you’d known was still in there somewhere. You may be on the run but as long as this was the Spencer you woke up to every morning, you didn’t mind at all.

But Spencer was wrong, things were far from over. At least you’d always have these moments to look back when everything came crumbling down. But for now, despite the stress within you, you knew Spencer was all you needed to feel whole. You and Spencer were two broken halves but maybe together you could patch each other up and finally feel complete.

***

Two days after Luke Alvez arrived back from Crested Butte he received a phone call from the diner owner's son.

Jesse McGill had informed him of the mysterious disappearance of the girl Mary, whom Luke had met at the diner, which was followed in quick succession by you and Spencer’s sudden departure from the town.

It really didn’t take a genius to put two and two together. But unfortunately for Luke it did take a genius to pull it off and Spencer was sure to leave behind no trail, no scrap of evidence. And two months later and Mary still hadn’t been found and the BAU had no leads on you and Spencer’s whereabouts. You’d well and truly outsmarted them.

In his spare time, which was very few and far between these days, he poured over the Duncan Green case file as well as images of the sparkling clean cabin you’d left behind in Butte in the hopes that maybe he’d missed something. He stayed late in the office every single night and looked for any reports of sightings of you and Spencer as Emily had officially registered you as missing persons. He scrolled through police databases for any other occurrences that might point to where the hell you were.

He’d discovered two bodies buried in woodlands across the country which were similar in MO to Green but with no pertinent links between them, the BAU couldn’t investigate.

Lyle Smith was found in a shallow grave with his throat cut in the Hoosier National Forest just north of Jasper, Indiana. The body of Brett Carlisle from Wichita, Kansas was found in the Rita Blanca National Grasslands in Texas. Both bodies had been subject to the elements but deemed to have been dead since before that little Nissan was picked up on Elk Avenue for the first time. So maybe Spencer had been on some kind spree since he’d left DC.

And that brought him onto the discovery of the burnt out Nissan, near identical to how they’d found Spencer’s Volvo. They’d spent three days searching the area surrounding where the vehicle was found for Mary’s body only to come up short. Of course, Spencer wasn’t stupid, he wouldn’t dispose of a body anywhere near the car.

The only lead Luke had really had in the last two months was the filing of a marriage licence in the state of New Jersey. It was like a big middle finger in his face, clearly you’d both wanted him to find it. He’d driven to Atlantic City on one of his rare days off and canvassed the area near the wedding chapels, showing your photographs to anyone who would look. But he knew you’d be long gone.

If he could just find a way to connect any of these crimes to Spencer, or to find Mary’s body then maybe he could convince you to come home. He was sure you had nothing to do with any of this and if had solid proof that Spencer had murdered one of these people maybe it could be his way to form a wedge between the two of you. No matter what happened, Luke would never stop trying to protect you.

But god if it wasn’t taking its toll on him.

Luke Alvez was, in no uncertain terms, coming apart at the seams. The stitching holding him together had been removed thread by thread and at this point there was barely anything holding him together. Emily had expressed her concerns for his mental health, suggesting he seek medical help for what she had dubbed a depressive spiral.

His response had been simply, “you’d be depressed too if your best friend had married a murderer” which had pretty much shut down the conversation.

He knew he was devolving, he’d seen it hundred of times before. His apartment was a mess of case files, innocuous accounts of possible sightings and potential victims of Spencer. He barely slept, running mostly on coffee and energy bars. He was almost certain he was getting an ulcer.

But he wouldn’t let this go. He couldn’t shake the feeling that you weren’t safe and he couldn’t rest until he knew you were. Maybe this obsession would eventually kill him, but it would be worth it to be able to free you from the clutches of Spencer Reid.

***

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” You scurried back to the car with your best apologetic smile as you slid into the passenger’s seat and Spencer pulled a face.

“Did you puke again?” He frowned at you.

“No.” You shook your head.

“You were peeing again? You went when we got here.” He started the engine.

You weren’t exactly sure where you were headed, Spencer had simply told you that you were going out for the day and with nothing better to do you’d followed along. You were somewhere along the I-15 heading north about two hours away from Twentynine Palms, at a gas station. You’d only stopped long enough for Spencer to fill up the Chevy and have a coffee and you’d used the bathroom twice, which was very unlike you.

“I know, I think I drank too much coffee this morning.” You mused, putting on your seatbelt.

“You always drink too much coffee, but that’s an entirely different conversation.” He chuckled, putting the car in reverse and pulling out of the space.

As he merged back onto the interstate you twirled your wedding band around your finger, watching the way his caught the sunlight through the windscreen and you smiled to yourself.

“Where are we going, Spence? Not that I don’t like a spontaneous road trip but I thought we’d settled now? Driving long distances usually only equals bad things where we’re concerned.” You rolled your bottom lip between your teeth.

Spencer removed one hand from the wheel and brought it to rest on your knee while he smiled at you softly.

“We’re going to see my mom.” He spoke happily.

“Oh.” You nodded with a soft laugh. “Ok, good. You had me worried for a second.”

“I told you sweetheart, you don’t need to worry about anything. Not anymore.” He gave your leg a squeeze, the adrenaline pulsing through his veins.

His bloodlust had been sated for the past two months but now it had come back with avengence. He needed to kill and he had a particular target in mind who he was sure would satisfy his urges more so than any that had come before.

But it was better to keep you in the dark. You were so happy lately and Spencer loved it when you were happy. He’d use visiting his mom as a distraction and he’d sneak off and extract his plan solo. You’d never need to know and your blissful little bubble didn’t need to be popped.

It was a win-win.

He ran over his plan in his head as he drove, making sure he had all the little details secure in his mind. There was no margin for error here, this had to be the perfect kill.

The two of you mostly stayed silent until he’d made it about another half hour up the interstate and you huffed out a loud breath.

“Goddamnit,” you grumbled. “I need to pee again.”

***

Visiting Spencer’s mom had been pretty safe for the two of you given that if anyone ever asked her if you’d been here, she most likely wouldn’t remember. You spent a few hours with her upon your arrival in Vegas before Spencer took you for a three course meal at the very expensive Capital Grille on Las Vegas strip.

After he walked you down to Caesars Palace in which you expected to be having drinks and were extremely surprised when Spencer strolled up to the reception desk stating he had a room reserved under his other alias Jack Waters.

A bellboy led you up to one of the top floors and showed you to the Palace Premium Suite. You stood in the middle of the grand living room while Spencer tipped the young man and once the door was closed and the two of you were alone, he sidled up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist.

“You like it?” He spoke as he kissed the side of your face.

“Wh-what is happening?” You laughed, still in awe. “What did I do to deserve this?”

“Consider it a belated, one night honeymoon.” His lips trailed down your neck. “And I guess just a small token of my gratitude for everything you’ve done for me. I know I have a hard time saying how I feel but I love you so fucking much and I am the luckiest man in the world to call you my wife.”

“Spencer,” you sighed happily in your arms. “I love you too. And I’m the lucky one.”

“Ok, now we’ve got that out of the way, tell me Mrs Reid, where would you like me to fuck you first?”

You moaned at his words, turning yourself around in his arms and attaching your lips together.

“What are my options?” You spoke against his lips, feeling his dick growing hard as he pressed into you.

“Well there are multiple couches, a four poster king sized bed, a pretty decadent bathtub, or there’s my personal favourite option…” his hands wandered under the hem of your shirt and over your back.

“Which is?” You took hold of his lapels, tearing your lips away from his so you could look at him.

His pupils were already blown out with his lust, his lip quirked up into a sinful smirk.

“We’re way up high, with some of the best views of Vegas.” He tugged your shirt up, quickly getting it over your head and tossing it aside. He took hold of your biceps and turned you back around to face the huge floor to ceiling windows overlooking the strip, his lips moving back to your ear. “My choice would be to fuck you up against the window. But that’s just me.”

He was already leading you towards the windows, lips sucking the flesh of your neck, his free reaching between your bodies and unhooking your bra. He quickly got it off your arms and dropped it on the floor, and you made no protest when he pushed your front up against the window. You hissed slightly at the cool glass as it touched your nipples and Spencer smiled to himself.

It was all a part of his plan. He would render you dumb with sex then run you an indulgent bubble bath with a large glass of wine to soothe your post-coital muscles. Then he’d tell you he’d left something at his mother's facility which was purposefully on the other side of town to buy him some time.

He’d tell you he hopefully wouldn’t be gone long, but traffic on the strip at night could be a nightmare and he’d be back as soon as possible. He’d inform you of the bar and the spa downstairs if you wanted to use either while he was gone.

And while you were preoccupied having a drink or getting a massage or whatever, he would seek out his target, slice his throat and be back before you knew it, with any luck rejuvenated enough for round two.

He continued kissing your neck while he started unbuttoning your pants and you helped him wiggle them down your legs and kick them off. You could see Spencer in the reflection in the window start to work on the buttons of his shirt. You caught his eye and he smiled at you.

He shucked his shirt off and pressed his bare chest against your back, caging you against the window with his hips, his hard cock pressing into your back. His lips moved back to your neck and worked on sucking deep bruises into your flesh whilst one hand wandered over your stomach and quickly dipped inside your panties.

You closed your eyes as two fingers were soon pressing inside of you, his thumb massaging your clit. You rolled your ass backwards, grinding against his erection but you wobbled a little on your legs at the feeling of his fingers inside you.

With your eyes closed your mind wandered of its own accord. There were times when you and Spencer were together that you found yourself thinking of Jesse, most specifically the last time you’d seen him when he’d fingered you in his doorway.

It was entirely involuntary, you certainly didn’t mean to think about him and his strong tattooed arms and the large vein in his forearm that pulsed when his fingers were inside of you. You didn’t mean to imagine his wiry beard scratching your face as he kissed you. And you most definitely didn’t mean to picture him fucking you whilst Spencer was. Sometimes it just happened.

Spencer was by no means an idiot and he knew you still thought about GI Mountain Man. He knew exactly what you looked like post orgasm and he’d known what the two of you had been doing when you’d said goodbye to him, even if you’d tried hard to hide it. There had been three, maybe four times when you’d said his name under your breath when he was fucking you but you’d never seemed to notice.

Of course it bothered him, a part of him wanted to drive back to Butte and kill Jesse just to make himself feel better. But he was trying to be better for you and so he ignored the occasional slip of the tongue.

Your hand snaked around his wrist, holding him firmly in place in your panties. He knew you were thinking about Jesse now, call it intuition, or gut instinct, but whatever it was Spencer knew.

He used his free hand to relieve himself from his pants and move them down his thighs enough so they were out of his way. He was almost positive that Jesse wasn’t as big as him, couldn’t fill you up the way he could.

In one swift move, he removed his fingers from inside of you and hurriedly plunged his cock between your legs, causing you to gasp and fall flat against the window. Your eyes sprung open at the sudden intrusion and you made eye contact with him in the reflection.

“Jesus Christ, Spence.” You panted as he bottomed out. “A little warning next to him.”

He chose to ignore you, placing his hands flush on the glass either side of your head as he started thrusting into you. He kept eye contact through the glass, not letting you close your eyes for fear you would start thinking of Jesse again.

It’s not fair. I’ve done everything for her, I fucking married her and it’s still not enough. What makes him better than me? Why is he still on her mind?

He tried not to let his anger cloud his judgement and had to rein himself back from fucking you too hard. He forced himself to slow down, thrusting you languidly against the window. You moaned in sync with one another while the Strip below illuminated you both in its chaotic glow.

You kept your eyes on his in the reflection while he fucked you and all thoughts of Jesse left your head. When you were clenching around him, legs shaking from your impending orgasm, he took hold of your left hand and ran his fingers over your wedding band.

“You’re mine.” He mumbled, his face contorting as his own orgasm snuck up on him. “Mine. My partner in crime, my wife, my…fuck.”

He groaned the last word, head falling to your shoulder as he suddenly came inside of you. You whimpered as he filled you up, pushing you over the edge and your legs almost gave up with the force of your orgasm.

You fell back against Spencer’s chest, his arms holding you up right even though his own legs were shaking. As you fought to catch your breath he peeled you away from the window as he slid out of you and helped you over to the couch.

You collapsed onto it, panting heavily and pulling Spencer down with you. He laid his head on your chest and listened to the sound of your erratic heartbeat.

You laid like this for a while until you were both breathing at a normal rhythm and Spencer untangled himself from your arms and got to his feet. He tucked himself away and tugged his pants back up before buttoning them.

“I’m gonna run you a bubble bath.” He smiled softly down at you.

“You gonna join me in it?” You smiled back sleepily.

“Sadly not, I realised I left my wallet at Bennington.” He went to head towards the bathroom but he didn’t get far.

“You had your wallet at dinner.” You sat up, frowning at the back of his head.

Spencer froze in his tracks. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.

“Uh,” he turned back to face you, quickly trying to think on his feet, which would be a lot easier if his head wasn’t still hazy from his orgasm. “Not my wallet, I meant the burner phone. I should go and get it.”

You scrutinised him for a moment but thankfully for him your own head was also bleary and wouldn’t allow you to think too much into it.

“Ok.” You shrugged, flopping back to the couch.

Spencer exhaled heavily, continuing on his way to the bathroom. He started the water, pouring in an ample amount of bubble bath and leaving the tub to fill.

“There’s a bar downstairs and a spa, even a casino. If you get bored with the bath and I’m not back, go nuts.” He spoke as headed back into the room, locating the bottle of red wine he’d had sent to the room before you arrived.

He made quick work of the cork and poured you a large glass before coming back over to the couch and dropping down next to you. He handed you the glass and you sat yourself up against the cushions again.

“Hmm I like honeymoons.” You smiled, bringing your glass to your lips and taking a small sip.

Moments later your face fell and you gagged, thrusting the glass back at Spencer before leaping from the couch and running as fast as your legs could carry you to the bathroom.

Spencer heard the toilet seat slam back against the cistern and then the distinctive sound of vomiting echoed around the room.

Realistically he was smart enough to figure out what was going on, as were you, but both of your heads were clouded by other thoughts and so you both missed the obvious.

Spencer padded back to the bathroom and found you on your knees, wiping your hand over your mouth. You looked up at him with large, sad eyes.

“The wine turned against me.” You whined. “Goddamn gas-and-go hotdogs.”

Spencer smiled sadly at you and slid to the floor next to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders as the bath continued to fill behind him.

“Are you going to be ok if I pop out?” Please god say yes, I need this, it has to be tonight.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. It’s passed again now, I guess I just won’t be drinking any wine tonight.” You sighed. “You go, do your thing.”

“As long as you’re sure.” Spencer pushed himself back to his feet and then held his hands out to help you up.

“Of course. Do you think you’ll be gone for long?”

��No idea, traffic at this time of night will probably be a pain, but I promise I’ll hurry.” He stroked your hair back from your face.

“Ok.” You nodded, lowering yourself to sit on the edge of the tub. “Go, I’m fine. I can run a bath.”

“I won’t be long.” He went to kiss you but then thought better of it as your breath smelt like vomit. Instead he kissed his first and middle finger and then placed them on your lips making you chuckle.

Soon he was heading out of the room in search of his bag so he could change into jeans and t-shirt. The weapons were in the Chevvy’s glovebox, ready for their next assignment.

He dressed quickly and got his shoes on, throwing on a hoodie before grabbing the car keys and heading to the door.

“Be safe, sweetheart.” He called as he reached for the handle.

“Love you.” You replied and it made his heart swell every time he heard you say that.

As he opened the door, his wedding ring caught his eye and he rolled his lip between his teeth. He forced open the door, ignoring the way his heart practically exploded when he looked at his ring. He had a job to focus on.

But the truth was, you were the only thing keeping him together. He was lost and you’d found him, taken him in and patched him up. His scars both mental and physical didn’t phase you, if anything you’d loved him harder because of them. You’d fixed him up in ways you’d never understand and he hoped he wasn’t making a huge mistake in what he was about to do.

He was fairly certain you’d never walk away from him, that nothing he could do could be worse than the things he’d already put you through. Because he was sure one day all that thread keeping him together would come unravelled and if he had no one there to stitch him back up again he would be torn so deeply there would be no repairing him. And god only knows how quickly a broken man would devolve.

No, it's no wonder I feel broken,

Are you the one to fix me up, patching up the work they done?

Try and sew me,

So thread the needle, tie it off, teach me how to trust someone.

Really hoping that you stay,

That you never walk away,

Every word I shouldn't say, I shouldn't say, I shouldn't say it.

Do you feel the stress in me,

Steady bursting at the seams?

You're the only one I need to make me complete, yeah.

Stitch me up, stitch me up, don't tear me apart,

I've been stuck in the rut, patched up in the dark.

Stitch me up, stitch me up, there's pins in my heart, oh,

Pardon all my precious scars.

No, it's no wonder you've been feeling,

Like a doll in lost and found, so mistreated, thrown around.

Who you kidding? (You kidding),

Every flaw and every fray, that's what makes you sexy to me.

Really hoping that I stay,

I could never walk away,

Every word we shouldn't say, we shouldn't say, we shouldn't say it.

Do you feel the stress in me,

Steady bursting at the seams?

You're the only one I need to make me complete, yeah.

Stitch me up, stitch me up, don't tear me apart,

I've been stuck in the rut, patched up in the dark.

Stitch me up, stitch me up, there's pins in my heart, oh,

Pardon all my precious scars.

Elegant and broken, tasteful, tattered clothing,

I guess we've been caught in the middle of love.

Motive through emotion, damaged but we're golden,

I guess we've been caught in the middle of love.

Elegant and broken, tasteful, tattered clothing,

I guess we've been caught in the middle of love.

Motive through emotion, damaged but we're golden,

I guess we've been caught in the middle of love.

Stitch me up, stitch me up, don't tear me apart,

I've been stuck in the rut, patched up in the dark.

Stitch me up, stitch me up, there's pins in my heart, oh,

Pardon all my precious scars.

Really hoping that you stay,

Pray you never walk away,

Pardon all my precious scars.

Stitch me up, stitch me up, there's pins in my heart,

Oh, pardon all my precious scars.

@bubblebuttwade @jay-2s-world @daddy-dotcom @nomajdetective

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid smut #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x fem! reader #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction

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xurory · 17 hours

Text

TORN APART BY FATE

paring(s). blade x fem! reader

summary. even in the toughest of times, my heart remains yours. / inspired by this tt

cw. lovers to enemies :[ 3rd person pov. lowercase intended. fluff to angst cs i can :3

"xing, try this on." the feminine voice echoed in his ears, his gaze setting on the girl who placed a flower crown on his head. she was always one for creativity, always finding ways to feed her undying boredom. "do ya like it? yes or yes?"

yingxing cocks a brow at her statement as she started giggling upon his reaction, "i know you do." and she was never wrong.

he gladly kept it on, standing beside her sitting figure on the grass, watching the sun melt. she called it that. "jing yuan told me you were going something tomorrow, where's that?" his expression tensed up the moment she mentioned his plans.

the raven haired guy went silent for a while, before crouching down beside the girl who tore her gaze away from the sundown just to focus on him and only him. "it's nothing urgent. i'll come back after a few hours, thats for sure." that earned a nod from her.

his eyes focused on her face, gorgeous. he thought. just how could someone as delicate as her be comfortable to let her guard down around him? he knew about her 'unbreakable' trust for him, but still.

yingxing's love for her was beyond everyone's imaginations, honestly bigger than his will to live. in all seriousness, he was ready and determined to die and get tortured if it meant he was assured of her safety. so...

why were your eyes so full of hatred for him?

she stood there, her glare piercing right through him like a dagger. the grip she had on her sword was strained. "how dare you fucking show up in front of me and act like everything's okay!?" she shouted, almost sounding like a cry for help.

the pain in her voice was awfully noticeable, fighting back tears just to keep on her strong and tough facade. don't you dare show weakness. she thought to herself, but she knew deep inside that if anyone was watching the fight, they would instantly know that the enemy himself was her weakness with the way she hesitated with every move.

"if you would just let me spea-" she cut him off instantly with your blade almost touching his neck, but he was quick to react and block her attack using his weapon. "fuck you and your shitty explanations." surprisingly, he managed to push the sword away from her grasp which left her without anything to defend herself with.

the first thing that came to her mind was to tackle him down, and so she did. normally, he had the power to dodge an attack like that, but he purposely didn't. despite being a little smaller than him, she launched at him and successfully had him under control against the ground. oh how beautiful she looked aboved him.

to his surprise, the girl pulled out a knife coming from her pocket. aligning the weapon above his heart with shaky hands, which indicated how much she was against herself at that moment.

"go ahead. it's yours, anyway." blade pats the spot where his heart was sitting, waiting to get absolutely tortured. but even if she actually did so, he would thank her over an over again. after all, he remained hers after all those years of hating each other.

he caught a glimpse of her eyes watering upon what he had just said, tossing the weapon aside and getting off of him. soon, it started to rain.

"y/n. come inside, stop playing in the rain like a child." yingxing called out at the girl twirling outside, having the time of her life under the pouring rain. "you're no fun!" she stuck out out her tongue at him, making a silly face.

the sight of her being excited about simple rain brought a smile to his face, even though he knew that there was a chance that you would fall ill after a few. he couldn't ruin your happiness, how could he?

the wet drops fell on both figures on the ground, with the other facing directly to the sky with his eyes closed and the other burying her face against her palm to muffle her sobs. soon, blade sat up straight and stared at the back of her head, hesitation to speak.

"im sorry." the words that came out of this mouth were quiet, but were loud enough for her to hear despite the sound of rainfall. that was all she ever needed. to hear him genuinely apologize for utterly ruining her.

at the end, she was willing to take him back in her arms no matter the circumstances they went through together and alone. his apology was all she desired during the years she spent alone, without anyone but the comfort of her own presence.

it hurts, real bad.

#honkai star rail #blade x reader #blade x female reader #honkai x reader #hsr x reader #xumi.ww #honkai star rail x reader #hsr angst #blade angst

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aysegust · 2 days

Text

MORE THAN A HEALER. - K.B

Pairings: (Kaz Brekker x Reader)

A/N: Hello beautiful people, I hope you’ll like this part. I kinda feel doubt writing this… I wanted to show as much of Kaz’s vulnerable side. Which was ultimately is Y/N… I kinda mess up with the storyline of the canon but who cares? We are doing what we want. It’s a fanfic! I ended things openly so maybe I’ll write a third part but I don’t think so here is the final part of Just A Healer fiction.

Word Count: 3.279

Warnings: Slight abuse but nothing further, mention of Wylan as subtle. :) Angst but Fluff in the end.

You can read the first part here: Just A Healer. - K.B

It all happened too fast, so quick.

One thing you knew was how ugly Pekka’s face at the moonlight the next thing you knew was the pain behind your back.

Suddenly, the loss of vision and consciousness was just beginning of something disgusting.

It all happened too fast, Y/N.

Slowly, when your eyes opened, you looked around. Your vision was still blurry at first but after few seconds your eyes adjusted to the light.

The place surrounded in a dim light whereas it was cold and concentrated. But where were you? You thought to yourself. The place looked like it was a dungeon and the window was barely just there. It was so small that you couldn’t see outside that much.

You closed your eyes for a moment. Trying to memorize every detail about why you were here and what happened.

“Shit.” You cursed bitterly. Pekka found you were a Grisha and wanted to hurt Kaz so you were kidnapped and yet the worst part is… Pekka Rollins isn’t going to be the one who kills you, it will be Kirigan. That son of a bitch. You thought.

You touched to your neck and healed the wound. Well, it was a benefit for you to be a healer, you could heal yourself quickly. You got up after the dizziness was over. You looked around and there wasn’t any useful for you to protect yourself from. There were only straws on the ground.

You sighed and the looming feeling hit you again. Just like before. What if Kaz wouldn’t find you? What if he thinks you betrayed him too?

But he was a clever man, he would investigate this. Your thoughts went on and on again. Not before you got cut by Kirigan’s shadow… As the thought crossed your mind, you heard a sound. Footsteps.

Suddenly the door opened and you saw Pekka’s guys. You could handle the two of them in a combat fight but there were coming three more.

One of the guy smirked devilishly to you. “Don’t be naughty, you witch.” He said harshly. You wanted to punch his nose but you were outnumbered. Quickly that guy handcuffed you and put a chain on your handcuff. He was leading you forcefully to walk behind him.

As you unfortunately, forcefully walked behind him, you looked around. Observing the place and the Dime Lions. It was cruel, walking straight to your death.

But you had to put your shit together. You weren’t going to give up so easily. You will gonna escape that place, you just needed the right moment.

As you went outside through the doors, you looked at the Harbor. Either you were going to face Kirigan or he was coming for you.

As you saw six guy in the corner of the deck, you then looked at the three guy on the ship. Well, it wasn’t going to be easy. Hell, when things were easy?

You closed your eyes for a moment. Walk through the fire, Y/N. You thought to yourself, trying to encourage yourself to make everything better, you opened your eyes and looked at the sky.

Maybe he was worried?

Was he?

Three hours passed, you were supposed to meet Kaz in his office. Well, he wanted to debrief you about the upcoming plan he was working on. He had already told Inej and Jesper but he wanted to talk to you about it alone.

Well, your presence calmed him. He wasn’t much of a man shows himself but around you, at least his thoughts were stable and he can feel himself relax a bit. Not only you were just a healer, but his healer too.

Of course, he thinks you are more than just a healer. Because you were gracious. Everything he wasn’t be and deeply inside, he admired it. The pasts of himself, his crows wasn’t bright.

If it were bright then none of you wouldn’t be in the Barrel.

You were a precious asset for the team and Kaz, well, he felt more than that but he was just too scared to admit it. How could he?

Feelings are just a burden. Caring only makes you weak and Kaz couldn’t be weak.

He is feared, the Dirtyhands. Bastard of the Barrel. The trick is the not love anything else. He always thought it. Whenever doing some paperwork or looking at building map’s, sometimes you crossed into his mind. Recently, the severe times of you crossing into his mind just rises and he felt, he felt uncomfortable but weirdly good.

So, three hours passed… where were you? Kaz. thought to himself. He got up from his chair and walked out from the door to heard the loud noise coming from the tables. He looked at the bar-side and no trace of you.

Then he saw Inej, the Wraith, entering to the Crow Club with worrying glances. Their eyes met briefly and Inej straightly walked to Kaz’s side.

Kaz felt uneasy but he didn’t show it. He just stood there monotony. “Kaz, we need to talk.” Inej said with a hurry. She looked really worried.

Kaz led her to his office and once the door’s closed, he turned to her and waited for her to speak.

“It’s about Y/N.”

Kaz never felt this fear before. The way his heart beaten so fast, it was cruel. It wasn’t fair. He looked at Inej as his eyebrows furrowed. “What happened?” He said curiously not showing Inej how he is feeling inside, that anxious feeling grows bigger every passing second.

“I was wandering around the Barrel, and catching up with some informations.” She paused to catch a breath. “There are rumors about a Grisha in the Barrel. A Healer.” She stared at Kaz for a moment. “Turns out Pekka Rollins, caught the Grisha and he is going to send the Grisha back to the Ravka. Through the Fold.”

Kaz closed his eyes for a moment. He needed it. Suppressing what Inej said was a hard truth. “It is Y/N. Pekka Rollins caught Y/N.” Inej said it with a pure worry. Her eyes flashed so wide and she feared of losing her dear friend.

Kaz’s whole life stopped at that minute. The man, who took his brother from him, is going to took his healer from him too. He couldn’t.

Kaz couldn’t let that happen. He waited to take his brother’s revenge. He couldn’t lose Y/N. He couldn’t.

He looked at Inej with anger range filling his eyes. “Find out where Pekka hides Y/N, if he’s going to send her to Ravka, they will be on the Harbor. So it must be close to that place.”

Inej nodded and walked hurriedly towards the door then she looked back at Kaz. “What are you gonna do?” She said softly. “I’m gonna make him suffer.” He replied coldly.

After Kaz came up with a plan, it wasn’t going to be easy but they had to save Y/N. So that’s what mattered. He tried to calm himself, he had to get his things together for your sake. But Kaz wanted revenge. He wanted blood.

As they pulled you over harshly and forced you to enter the ship, they threw you to the basement of the ship. As you whined in pain, you blinked rapidly and looked around. After you were pushed, you felt dizzy but you closed your eyes and pulled yourself together. You gotta do something.

There must be a way to get rid of these handcuffs, you thought. You got up and looked around. There were stocks of some oranges, cucumbers and other conserves.

After quietly searching the basement, you saw a dagger. It was placed closer to the fruits. You took it and tried to open the handcuff with it. It was hard, since you were handcuffed and trying to hold the dagger while working hard for opening the handcuff, you sweared.

Being a soldier and being one of Kaz’s crows helped you learn new skills. You were talented, strong. You weren’t weak. Most Grisha’s in Ravka prejudiced healers. They thought they were weak whilst they had several powerful gifts. But you never saw your gift as a weakness. It was your biggest strength.

After putting a work on it, you unlocked the cuffs and brushed your palms lightly. You took the dagger and closed your eyes for a moment. Your heart raced so fast, you had to collect your thoughts.

You opened your eyes and walked slowly to the stairs. As you slowly opened the cover, you heard footsteps, so you closed it back and pulled yourself back. Then you heard a man’s voice. The guy was laughing and the next minute, he opened the basement’s door. He looked at you on top of it and smiled at you cockily.

Of course you sat back before he opened the cover, you acted like you were cuffed. He then slowly walked down the stairs and closed the cover. “Look at you, witch.” He smiled. “When I’m finished with you, you are gonna regret why you just didn’t kill yourself.” He smirked disgustingly and placed his hand on your chin harshly. He then, licked your cheek. You felt disgusted and you squeezed your eyes shut. “Oi, the thing’s I’m gonna do to you…” He whispered to your ear.

You slowly pulled the dagger and while he was kissing your neck, you stabbed him on his chest. Then he whined in pain and looked at you with shock. “When I’m finished with you, you’re going to regret why you, just didn’t kill yourself, you fucking bastard.” You whispered with anger. Then by the time he was about the react your words you broke his neck.

You got up and took a deep breath. There was eight of them left. You stayed still for a moment. It was all happening too fast, your mind was spinning and you just felt the fear mixed with disgust so badly.

Then as you hurriedly walked to the upstairs, you opened the cover but you heard a muffled sound. Something was odd. You slowly lifted your head and looked around.

As the Crows located where Y/N is, they went on their way, Inej was on the roofs, as ready as she’ll be, Jesper was very furious when he learned your kidnapping. Jesper and Kaz went to the Harbor and while they were hiding behind some of building, they saw you with handcuffs, as they forced you to walk to inside of the ship.

Kaz looked at the rooftop and tilted his head. Inej understood that the plan was on. The Wraith, as she landed on the ground, she hid so perfectly behind the shadows. Well, she was tiny but very strong. She hid behind some of cargo sacks. There was two man standing close to her, so Inej moved behind them silently and slit their throats ever so flawlessly.

There were three guys on the ship, while two of them were standing on the deck. One of the guy on the ship walked to the basement while there was two of them stayed present on the ship. As they were controlling the area.

It was Jesper’s turn. Now it was time to expose themselves. Jesper walked arrogantly on the ground. He looked at the two man. “It’s restricted area! Go away,” One of the guy, whose were standing on the deck warned Jesper as he was walking closer to them. “But would that be fun? Seriously?” He then hit the guy’s face with his gun.

As the other guy reacted to Jesper by pulling his own gun, Jesper grinned and fired his gun. “Never dare to held your gun to me again!” He lashed out and looked at the two guy on the ship. They were trying to hit Jesper with their guns but Jesper’s reactions was too fast.

Then he pulled his own pistol and as he is being the Sharpshooter, he never misses.

After Jesper’s killing the other two guy, Kaz walked to the deck and got on the board. As the basement’s door opened and revealed you to his eyes, your eyes met and he felt his heart skipped a beat. “Kaz?” You said surprisedly. He didn’t understand why you got surprised about seeing him.

You quickly pulled yourself and walked to his way. As you looked around, you saw the other men of Pekka’s bodies around the ship and the deck. “You came for me.” You looked at Kaz and felt tears brimmed in your eyes.

He furrowed his eyebrows. As he was about to say something, Jesper pulled you in a tight hug. Was he crying, what? You thought. “Jess, are you crying?” You smiled with tears. “You bloody idiot! Of course I am!” He pulled you closer to himself, suddenly you were out of breath. “Jesper! You are squeezing me-“

He let you go softly. “I’m sorry, Y/N. It’s just you know…” You smiled and squeezed his hand. While Kaz backed away, Inej hugged you softly. You could see the tears in Inej’s eyes. Which ached your heart.

“We have to go, there would be a mess.” As Kaz said, you and Inej let go of each other. You looked at Kaz. “What?” You asked. Kaz looked at you briefly. “This is just one thing, Pekka Rollins wouldn’t know what hit him.” He said with harsh tone.

“Kaz, what did you do?” You asked worriedly. He looked at you bitterly. “Something I should’ve done before.”

He didn’t reply anything further as all of you went back to the Slat. Well, while you were on the way back to the Slat, you watched Kaz. All of the way back… You just feel this thing inside you, where you couldn’t just pretend things anymore.

When you went back to the Slat, you heard a loud explosion coming from the streets. “What is happening?” You said it confusedly. Jesper glanced at you softly. “We are gonna be in a big fight, Y/N.” You looked at him as your eyebrows furrowed. “What?” You didn’t understand. “The boss, well, he just blew up The Dime Lions.” Jesper looked at you amusedly. You were in a utter shock as you heard what Jesper said.

And there was a boyish looking guy appeared as he was walking out on Kaz’s office. “Who is that?” You asked as you showed the boy who walked out on Kaz’s office. Jesper amusedly grinned. “He is the one who blew up the places.” You looked at Jesper with wide eyes. “Bloody hell..” You said.

After you left Jesper’s side, you walked hurriedly towards to Kaz’s office. You knocked the door and after a moment you opened it and saw Kaz was looking to the sky. “Can I come in?” You said softly.

He then turned to you and gestured you to step inside. “Kaz.. Did you blew up Pekka’s properties?” You looked at him worriedly which he was finding it uneasy. He was fighting himself everyday trying to keep you in a distance but after today, he just wanted everyone who wronged him, pay.

“I did.” You looked at him in a shock as he said it. For a second he refused to meet your gaze. You didn’t know what to say to him. You weren’t expecting him to save you up in the first place but he did. You approached slowly to his side. Careful to not bother him.

“Thank you, Kaz.” You were feeling this thing in your chest, whenever you see him, your heart beats faster. He was just so distant but after tonight, hearing what he did… maybe he cared for you.

“You are welcome.” He said quietly while he looked at you in a different way. But all you were wondering why he did all of this. You needed a clarification, an answer. What he did was a huge thing. “Why?” You said, nearly a whisper. He raised an eyebrow at your question. He knew what you were asking, he was just choose to ignore it.

But you insisted. “Kaz- Why did you did all of this? It’s a declaration of a war.” You were trying to reason with him. The question you wanted to really ask was hanging dry in your throat. He was watching the skyline of Ketterdam, there were noises. After the explosion, siren sounds and other’s faded in distance as you went on. “Why did you save me?”

The question you asked triggered something him in inside. He closed your eyes for a moment as he tried to collect his thoughts. “You are one of us.” He said straightly. “Crows are loyal to their fellows. One of them in the pack gets hurt, they will protect them.” You looked at him. Your eyebrows furrowed.

“While I was in that dungeon, the thoughts were going on and on in my mind…” You admitted softly. “I thought lot of things, primarily how to escape this place but something happened… and I thought-“ You paused. His eyes were on you at the whole time you were speaking. He was observing every little detail about you. Every little mimic, expression. His heart crushed when he saw tears in your eyes.

“I thought maybe, uh, you would think I betrayed you.” He looked at you with a furrowed expression. You didn’t look at him so you explained further. “You know, I betrayed my own country. I ran away from the King’s orders. I know you don’t trust me and I felt maybe you thought that way too after my disappearance.” You said it without catching a breath.

You were too scared to meet his gaze. “No.” It was hard for Kaz to open up his feelings. He had just shown the world that he cared for his crow. Which was a weak sign for the others. But he could’ve manage it. He could’ve make them suffer. Because he was feared. He declared a war against Pekka. But the way you said these things pissed Kaz.

Well he didn’t trust you for a long time. Of course, Kaz is a careful man. Man of mind and he is too cautious when he takes a move. But after seeing what you do, helping his crows and proving your loyalty at every time. of course Kaz trusted you.

“Y/N,” Kaz whispered. His voice sounded crispy. “I do trust you, more than you know.” You looked at him as a tear slipped away to your cheek. “I cannot offer you more but, never forget that you are valuable to the team…” He paused, struggling inside. Because once he admits to you, it would change everything.

“Valuable to me…” You smiled softly. You wouldn’t push him for anything. “Thank you, Kaz.” You said it again. “If we go to a war, we’ll go… I’ll always be there for you.” You said surely. What you were feeling Kaz was more than just companionship, you loved being near to him. It doesn’t matter how twisted he is and well, you loved him.

It was all you needed to hear. So you stepped away and approached to the door side. He turned and watched you to walk away. For once, don’t disappear. He thought. He looked at his gloves and closed his eyes momentarily. “Stay,” He said briefly. It sounded like a muffled sound but you heard anyway. You paused at your step and didn’t dare to look at his way.

“Stay here.” He said and then you turned to him. When you met his gaze, you felt the warmth inside your body. Who knew, in Kaz’s coldness, there was warmth.

#kaz brekker #shadow and bone #kaz brekker angst #kaz brekker x reader #kazzle dazzle #kaz brekker x you #reader insert #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker x y/n #kaz rietveld #kaz brekker x fem!reader #kaz brekker fanfic

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bearw-me · 2 days

Note

Absolutely loved that last Carmilla one you did. Could you do a Carmilla x g/n! reader angst turned fluff. Basically insecure/low self esteem reader starts doubting why Carmilla is dating them, they keep hearing what others say and start to think they don't deserve her, she finds out one day.

the angst! the romance! the carmilla hugs! (also ty! I'm glad you liked my writing enough to request something lol!)

𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐚 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐞!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𐐒 includes : carmilla carmine x gender neutral! insecure! reader, zestial/ velvette/ overlords mentioned 𐐒 cw : angst, fluff, self-doubt, hurt/comfort, bullying reader?, hugs/cuddling, crying, reader and carmilla make-out whatt 𐐒 summary : You scroll for too long, obsessed with the idea that Hell is right. . . maybe you don't belong with Carmilla? But then again, she won't really let you go, no matter what anyone says. 𐐒 word count : 946 𐐒 note : just static in my head

You stared with a broken heart at your phone screen, the blue light casting an already darker shadow over your face as you stared at the headlines.

'Carmilla Carmine's New Love Affair?!'

You skimmed over the sub-headers, the bold texts shamelessly poking at you from head to toe, devouring your dignity in one fell swallow.

You groaned, letting your head thump against the cold tile of the kitchen counter.

Is that what they really thought about you? Is that what all of hell was saying? Carmilla. . . The thought summoned tears to your eyes.

Although it was extremely unhealthy to do so, and you thought better of it. You kept scrolling.

The V's, who basically ran the media within the Wraith ring were all talking about it, plastering your face next to hers in an attempt to tear you both down.

The feeling in your hands began to disappear, remembering with darkening vision how the overlords looked down at you like you were something to pity.

Something worth looking down on.

Especially when you stood next to her. . .

The deadliest arms dealer in all of hell.

Even Zestial? The doubt clouded your head like thick rain clouds. Maybe he thought you weren't good enough either. . . just gave you his blessing out of pity.

The way he looked at you, you remember, his shadowy features slumping whenever he turned his attention towards you.

You let the phone go, or maybe it shook out of your trembling hands?

A long, drawn out sigh fled your lungs, quickly replaced by a shaken breath.

At least the marble slab beneath your arms was cool, it felt good against your flushed skin.

Maybe I don't deserve her, the thought tore at your throat, pulling tightly until you couldn't help but let out a quiet sob.

How would you tell her? How would you just. . . let her go without all the questions and hurt?

"Is something wrong, mi corazón?"

You jumped, Carmilla's large hand encasing your quivering shoulders. You were so lost in your thoughts that you hadn't heard her come in.

"No! Nothing's wrong," you promised. . . unable to look her in the eyes.

"What's this?" She reached for your phone, the blue light flashing momentarily against her grey skin.

"Don't!" you insisted, grabbing the phone from her and practically smashing it onto the counter face down. "I was just- I was just reading something. . ." you tried.

"Why won't you look at me then?" Carmilla grabbed at your face, forcing you to look at her.

The way her eyes softened, a burning rage always locked behind them. . . and her beautiful hair was down. A soft cape draping around her figure and spilling over her shoulders.

You couldn't bear it.

The way she grit her teeth in worry. It felt like you didn't deserve it. Didn't deserve her.

You cried in her hands, closing your eyes so that you didn't have to see her reaction.

And she let you, bending down some to hug you close and tight, rubbing your back until all the pain had fled.

It was another couple of minutes until it felt like it was over, the silence encasing you as you sniffled, trying to hide the embarrassing sound in her skin.

"I know what troubles you these days, my love," she pulled away from the hug, able to properly hold eye contact with you.

You must've looked pathetic.

She smiled, the white fangs biting into her lower lip "How beautiful you are," she whispered, brushing the side of your face and feeling the heat beneath your skin.

"Come here, let's talk about it." Without another word, she lifted you up-for just a moment- and whisked down the quiet halls of her penthouse to the bedroom.

She took up the spot next to you, draping her leg over yours and pulling you closer "I know how you must feel," she stared, propping her head up with her hand, the other coming to rest behind your back. "I just want you to know that I love you, mi corazón, with all my heart. . . that is a promise I make to only a few."

She stroked your side, a bashful smile crawling over her her dark lips "Ay dios mio," she muttered, "You hold my heart like no other will."

The confession, no matter how little or how much you heard it from her, filled your chest with sunlight. A feeling of falling in love that you've felt a handful of times. . . but when it came from her. . . it was new again; and so overwhelming.

"Carmilla?"

Her eyebrows popped up in silent question, before you moved forward, taking her lips in yours. Warm and soft as she kissed you back. She let herself fall into your arms, grabbing at your neck for support while you cradled her head, breaking the kiss for just a moment so that you could pin her under you.

You relished in that split moment.

Carmilla laying beneath you, hair splayed out like a halo around her head, black lipstick smeared down and an evil, needy grin spreading across her face like she'd bite you.

But maybe that's what you wanted.

"I love you," you stated, the confidence in those three words- in the way she made you feel- was enough.

She laughed, a sexy little ringing in your ears that made your heart skip a beat. "Oh mi corazón, you make me feel young again." She pulled you down into her chest, smothering you in kisses, the two of you giggling like a pair of young lovebirds.

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things-arent-what-they-seem66 · 2 days

Note

Okay I got more angst prompts, not from the list this time. Consider:

After the final battle, after the hotel is rebuilt, when Lucifer finally gets the chance to go home and rest, it all hits him at once. Adam is actually dead. He didn't feel bad about it in the moment at all but now it's hitting him that Adam is dead and gone and oh no I killed one of the first people I ever loved. (Niffty wouldn't have been able to kill him if not for Lucifer, so he would have enough reason to blame himself) He's struck by grief, that love having never truly left. Charlie finds him, and comforts him.

Mayhaps her reaction finding out that her father loved Adam, their enemy? Mayhaps Luci's reaction when Adam respawns as a sinner? Up to you!

Indigo (struck with the desire to hurt my favourite characters emotionally)

*Sips coffee* Ahhh, after battle angst. Thank you for this! Please send more if you'd like :)

Lucifer hadn't had time to really let it sink in now, in his new room alone. He sat down on his bed, his chest weighed like a ton of bricks.

Adam was dead. He was dead dead as in no coming back. He still remembers the angelic blade going through the angels chest. All that blood.....

Lucifer felt his eyes pool with water. His first love was dead and he let him die. His heart clenched in his chest. Fuck. He thought he was over Adam, but guess not.

At the moment he didn't care. He was still angry that Adam would try and hurt Charlie. But he was going to let him live, Adam may have been an asshole but he was HIS asshole.

Then Charlie's little friend killed him.....

"Fucking hell." He swore as he scrubed the tears from his face. Closing his eyes, Lucifer could still see Adams face. Not the one from the battle field. The one in the garden.

Even then his eyes were bright and golden in color like honey. Soft brown hair ruffled and wild on his head, smile wide and breathtaking. Oh, how Lucifer wished he could go back to those days.

'Will we be friends forever, Luci?'

'Every day is amazing when I'm with you.'

'Luci, I think I lov-'

"FUCK!" Lucifer screamed, he gripped his hair painfully. "I'M SORRY! I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE I'M SORRY!!" He sobbed. He was just destined to never save his favorite human was he? Adam was all he ever wanted and now he was gone for good.

"Dad, are you busy there's some- Dad? Are you okay?" Charlie came in and sat down beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"No." Was all he said, the guilt was weighing on him.

Charlie frowned. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I loved him so much."

Charlie blinked and looked at her dad. "Who?"

Lucifer sniffed. "Adam." Not the answer Charlie thought she'd hear. "He was my first love Charlie, I was there when he was made from the dust of the earth. I showed him how to do many things. That man on the battlefield, the one filled with hate for demons. That was my fault. When your mother came into the picture I was blinded by her beauty that I didn't see who she really was." This was not a conversation to have right now. "I broke Adams heart when I chose her. I ruined something beautiful for something extra."

"But, he was the enemy. How could you love him?" She just didn't understand.

Lucifer smiled sadly. "You didn't know him like I did. The beautiful soul I knew he always was." And he was, Adam had a soul that shined so bright it was blinding. He just had up so many walls after Eden.

"What if he's not as dead as we thought?"

"Huh?" Lucifer looked at his daughter. "What do you mean?"

Charlie bit her lip. "That's why I came up here. Adam is here. Downstairs. As a sinner."

Lucifer never ran so fast in his life. Faster than Charlie could keep up, her cries in the distance. He flew down the stairs and stopped in his tracks when he got to the lobby.

There he was. In all his glory. Adam stood with his back to Lucifer, he had long black and gold horns that curved around to the back of his head like his exterminator mask horns. He was looking at his newly formed demon hands, black up to his elbow with claws sharp like knives. His robes were now black and red, slightly tattered and still dirty. He had hooves now and likely a mouth full of sharp teeth.

He was beautiful.

He was alive.

"Adam?"

Adam jumped at the sound of his name and turned to face the devil. "Lucifer." His voice sounded rough but the same. His golden eyes were firey with anger, Lucifer could just imagine how he felt about being a sinner.

"You're here?"

"I know, the fucking shocked too."

Even if he hated him, Lucifer could deal with that as long as Adam was alive and well. "Gonna give redemption a shot?"

"Might as well." Adam crossed his arms, an unimpressed look on his face.

"Swell! Let me give you the tour and get you settled into a room." Lucifer took Adam by the hand and led the way, all while the sinner followed him, grumpy and cursing under his breath. "You know, if you ever need protection down here. I'd be willing to provide it."

Adam scoffed. "Yeah, for my soul."

Lucifer looked back at him. "Would that really be so bad? To be completely safe, always?" His voice echoed around them. "I would never let anything happen to you, Adam."

He didn't miss the way Adam's face pinched pink at his words.

Maybe second chances do happen.

#adamsapple #hazbin hotel adam #hazbin hotel lucifer #lucifer x adam #ask

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blessedwithabadomen · 2 days

Text

in love with the mess - day twelve

summary : Aubrey is going on tour and, for once, she's decided to focus on having as much fun as possible. Oli can be a little shit but he does nothing short of adore Audrey and... well, maybe Noah a little, too. Noah likes the flirting, as long as no one gets too close, emotionally. But what will happen when the three of them take it too far?

content : smut (p in v, oral (f receiving), dirty talk, some degradation), angst, fluff, Yungblug appearance lol

length : 8.3k

tags (let me know if you want to be tagged!) : @veronicaphoenix @cookiesupplier @lma1986 @jilliemiw86 @bngurngheart @lacktoesandtoddlerants @narcissisticbehavior81 @flowery-mess @shilohrosechicken @justeli6 @starvingarsyn @floatinglikeaswan @blacksoul-27 @somebodyels3 @kageyasma @spikeisdaddy @broken0mens @sunsshinesunny

a/n : time to find out what you've been craving to know for a week! enjoy and leave a comment 💕💕

•••

day twelve

Spending the whole night talking after an exhausting show, knowing fully well we had an early bus call, a four-hour drive to London, soundcheck and another show, wasn’t the wisest decision Oli and I had ever made, but it was a completely necessary one.

It started with a lot of confusion and reassurances that I’d heard correctly.

“Say that again,” I whispered. I didn’t care that he was still inside of me or that our sweaty bodies were sticking together or that my thighs were in danger of cramping as they wrapped around him that little bit tighter. Right now, it was just Oli, his eyes, more beautiful than I’d ever seen them, and those words hanging between us. “Please.”

“I love you, Aubrey,” he repeated. Something in his face changed. Like a weight being lifted. Like there was a new lightness in his being from having said those words out loud. He was earnest. Everything about him screamed honesty. But believing it was another thing. After pining for him for so long. After wondering whether I should let him know about my feelings just this morning.

“You mean that?” I asked, unable to keep the worry to myself. I needed to know. If not now, I’d question it forever. “You’re not just saying that because you just came in me, right?”

“Fucking hell, Aubrey,” Oli laughed. Taking hold of my thighs, he removed them from his waist, then pulled out slowly, discarding the condom. He didn’t hand me a tissue or a wipe but I couldn’t care less about possibly leaking on his sheets. There were more important things. When he lied down next to me, his hands found my body again, holding me close, bringing our foreheads together once more. “I didn’t mean to tell you that way, yeah? But I mean it. I might as well admit it now. I love you.”

I was convinced I was going to wake up from this dream any minute now. Things like these didn’t happen. Wishes didn’t come true like this. But Oli felt nothing short of real in my arms.

“Again,” I demanded.

“I love you.”

I had to bask in the delight for a while. Giggles and smiles and soft kisses peppered all over his face followed. Then, more questions.

“How long have you known?” I whispered, still, as if we were discussing a secret that was just ours, just for now, before the rest of the world was allowed to listen in. Now that the seal on his secret was broken though, I wanted to learn every single thing about it.

“Well, once upon a time, many, many years ago, I entered my tour bus and the first thing I laid my eyes across was the greatest ass in the world in the tiniest pair of hot pants sticking out from my bunk because someone had gotten mixed up on where they were supposed to sleep-”

Oli avoided the playful slap coming his way, catching onto my wrist and pressing a kiss on it before letting go again. I could feel him smile on my skin.

“You absolutely did not fall in love with me from seeing my ass before you saw my face.”

He sighed in mock annoyance. “You’re really going to make me go all sappy here, aren’t you.”

“I’m not letting you out of this bed until you do.”

“That’s not as much of a threat as you think it is.”

I allowed him to press a kiss to my forehead but pulled back quickly. He wasn’t going to get away with not answering, not now. I was desperate for every tiny sliver of truth I could get from him.

“I happened gradually, you know?” Oli explained and I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d ever seen him this serious, this sincere. “I think it’s been in the making for a while. But when we didn’t see each other for, like, a year, it just hit me differently. So me inviting you on this tour might just have been a tad selfish.”

I couldn’t even blame him. Not for this. I knew he hadn’t expected anything of me when he offered to get me a job on this tour. And realistically, none of us could have seen coming what had transpired in the past days. But suddenly I was more thankful than ever for that fateful phonecall just a few months back.

“I’ve been in love for you for a while,” he admitted. “But now I also know that I love you.”

He got buried under a plethora of kisses for that alone.

The kissing distracted us for a while. Every time I looked at him and those eyes that suddenly shone so clearly with love, I couldn’t stop myself from grabbing his face and pulling him close again. It was like a drug whose dosage had just increased tenfold and I wanted more and more and more. Only when he finally separated from me for a moment, his eyes not quite shining the way mine did, did I realise.

“You don’t need to say it back,” he mumbled, stroking my hair in such a delicate manner that I wished I could purr to convey just how perfectly comfortable I was. He was trying to be brave. As if it was okay for him that he’d just bared his soul and I’d simply taken it all with open arms and a smile. As if he didn’t need to hear those words just as badly. That he could accept if I didn’t feel the same.

In reality, I’d simply been so caught up in this utopia that had just opened up for me that I’d not even noticed I hadn’t said it. Those three words that had been swimming in my brain for longer than I’d consciously been aware of.

“Oli,” I whispered, laying both of my hands on his cheeks so I could direct his face back toward me. I needed to make sure he was looking at me, really looking at me. I knew he would have trouble believing it otherwise. “Oliver. I love you.”

“Are you-”

“Yes. I love you. And I’ll tell you a thousand times if you let me. I’ve been thinking about telling you I’m in love with you so many times, you have no idea. Just going over it in my head again and again. I was so scared to say it and ruin everything. But if I’m being honest with myself, I couldn’t have held it in for much longer. You simply had the guts to say it first.”

“Aubrey-”

“No. Shush. I love you.”

I couldn’t tell how many times we repeated those words to each other. Neither of us seemed to be quite able to grasp the novelty of the situation. How everything between us had changed now, officially. No more backing away. No pretending that we were just having fun, no strange friends-with-benefits situation that kept crossing lines. It was terrifying as much as it was absolutely exhilarating.

When night slowly started giving way to morning though, our ridiculous happiness experienced a bit of a damper. It wasn’t just the fact that a new day was starting, throwing us into new chaos and questions on how to navigate whatever we now were. It was also the knowledge that this mess didn’t just include the two of us.

“What about Noah?” I unhelpfully threw in. I didn’t even know where to start that discussion. I didn’t even know what needed to be discussed after all.

“I don’t… I don’t want to stop. Whatever we’re doing with him. It’s just…”

“Me neither.”

A sigh rattled through Oli’s chest, so deep and full of worries that I couldn’t help pulling him a little closer, as if that would alleviate his stress or somehow make the situation better.

“I’m not sure what I want. In the long term.”

I let the silence fall for a moment. He was so deep in thoughts I almost felt bad about pulling him back to reality. But he was in danger of going into overthinking territory again.

“Do you know what you feel for him?”

Maybe it was the darkness embracing us that made it a little easier for Oli to talk about it. Maybe it was the euphoria still coursing through his veins. Maybe we’d managed to elevate outselves to a new level of trust between us.

“I think…” He paused for a moment. I didn’t say anything. I simply allowed him to take the time to sort his thoughts as much as he was able to. “I think I know. Somehow. I’m just not sure if I can put it in words yet. And Noah…”

“Yeah,” I agreed. Even if he hadn’t said it out loud, I had an idea of where his train of thought was taking him. “He’s… I think he needs some more time.”

“Do we tell him?”

“Tell him what? That we said ‘I love you’ to each other?”

“That you’re my girlfriend.”

The blush came so abruptly and with such heat, even before I’d fully registered his words. Suddenly, my heart was beating with the insane intensity of being in love once again. I didn’t know if I wanted to throw up or laugh until my body gave up, just to alleviate the feeling.

“Am I?” I giggled, much more high-pitched than I usually sounded, but my voice was beyond control. “Is that what we are now? Girlfriend and boyfriend?”

“Fuck off,” he exclaimed, but he was sporting a smile so big I could see his sharp canines. In an instant, his hands moved, suddenly tickling my stomach and all I could do was cry out attempts of ‘no’ and ‘stop’ while gasping for air and struggling to get away. “This is not funny.”

He was laughing out loud anyway. When he stopped, fingers still hovering in dangerous places, my breathing quick and hectic, he stared down at me with a grin.

“Say you’ll be my girl or I’ll keep this up until bus call.”

I had no fight in me and no energy to survive another attack.

“I already am. I’m your girl, Oli.”

I could have stayed in our little bubble of love forever, doing nothing but staring at Oli and reminding myself that this was real. That he loved me. That he wanted me. Even with the nagging feeling in both of our beings that we hadn’t quite figured it out yet. Not with the third puzzle piece missing.

I wondered how Noah’s night had been. If the guys had managed to talk to him. How he felt. If his bed had seemed as empty as ours.

The ever-increasing alarm on my phone, still somewhere in a bag in Oli’s living room but rising in crescendo to the point where we easily heard it still, reminded me that I was waiting for some sort of information from Nicky. It was enough motivation to get up and get ready for the day. Just about.

Kicking Oli out of bed with me (under loud protest about his lack of sleep which I really couldn’t undo), I quickly made my way to my phone, caring much less about being completely naked than the sound that was starting to grind my gears. Two messages were waiting for me. I swiped away the one from my roommate, who unfortunately now possessed my number after I’d called her, deciding that her question about when I’d pick up my stuff could wait another day. The other one was more interesting anyway.

Unknown number Barely got anything out of Noah last night but I think he’s open to talk to you if you have some time. Maybe hop on our bus for the ride to London? I’d made sure the two of you get some space. Let me know so we don’t drive off without you. Nicholas Ruffilo

I chuckled at the way he signed the goddamn text with his whole name as if this was a business transaction, then added his number to my phone.

“Oli!” I shouted for him. His head poked around the corner almost immediately. “Mind if I drive to London with Bad Omens? Nicholas said Noah might talk.”

“You’re my girl for, what, four hours and you already leave me for another band!” He exclaimed, approaching me with long strides, hands immediately on my bare ass. He had only just managed to put on a pair of clean boxershorts and I repaid the gesture by letting my fingers trail down his chest. “Unbelievable.”

“I’ll make sure to make it up to you when we get there.” My fingers ghosted over his bulge, just for a second, before I pulled away completely. As much as I wanted to play him, I knew we had no time and several people waiting for us. “You can decide how.”

“That’ll do,” he chuckled, pulling me in for a kiss so bruising and passionate it almost knocked me off my feet. “I kind of need to run an errand before bus call anyway.”

“An errand?”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll call you a cab to drop you off there and then I’ll see you in London, yeah?”

I worried about it immensely but there was no chance he was going to tell me anything so I nodded instead. I needed to get dressed and leave soon anyway if I was going to make it on time. Oli had already pressed his phone to his ear, the ringing loud enough for me to hear, but even with the other person picking up any minute, he couldn’t seem to help himself as he started at me and mouthed another I love you.

I couldn’t blame him. I wanted to tell him the same words for the rest of my life.

•••

Nick greeted me with a hug when I found him in the car park which felt new but not entirely unwelcome. He looked pretty fresh and awake which I took as a good sign. I hoped it would mean no one got terribly drunk last night. And that it ended on a good note, without any fights or insane stress to either party of the band.

“How was last night then? And this is not a small-talk question.”

Nick chuckled as he let me through the parked cars and busses. “Not terrible, which seems like a win. We let him know we were worried about him and he basically apologised which was unnecessary. There’s… a lot going on in his brain I think. But toward the end of the night he kept babbling about how he just wanted to talk to you, again and again.”

Nick caught my worried look immediately as we came to a half in front of the bus.

“He wasn’t drunk, don’t worry. He had like, two beers. I think he was just overly tired and… well, stressed. We got him into bed as early as possible but he’s a bit beat with the early start.”

“I think we all are,” I laughed, more to myself than anything else. I’d not gotten a single minute of sleep after Oli’s confession and neither had he. Which was why he was under strict instructions to spend the drive sleeping to at least have some sort of energy for tonight. I didn’t need to be responsible for him falling asleep on stage.

Nick agreed with a smile, unlocking the door. I was halfway to entering the bus when his hand on my arm stopped me.

“I think you could be good for him, you know. Both of you.”

I willed the blush to keep at bay. “Even Oli?”

Nick laughed, loudly bur earnestly. “Even Oli.”

•••

I found Noah in the lounge at the back, on his own, playing with his phone. He seemed surprised to see me there for a split second but then opened up his arms in a silent plea for comfort. Who was I to deny him. Leaving my bag right where I stood, I walked up to him, dropping down on the couch and pulling him into my arms. If they were anywhere close to being a safe place for him as his and Oli’s arms were for me, it was truly the least I could do.

He was so warm and comfortable against me that I silently hoped we would stay like this all the way until London. The motor of the bus had started, rumbling through the whole vehicle as we exited the car park, and I had to fight against the monotone lull that threatened to make me fall asleep. I wanted to talk to Noah first. Even if my eyelids were heavily protesting.

“Did you have fun with the guys last night?” I carefully asked.

Noah didn’t answer immediately. Instead, he proceeded to sink lower and lower, shuffle in his seat until he was basically horizontal, and then put his head in my lap. I slid a little further as well, trying to make my thighs a comfortable pillow for him, and started combing through his hair with my fingers. I figured he was a little bit like Oli - even if he was ready to talk, sometimes it was simply easier to do so without having to look at the other person.

“I missed you,” he mumbled. “And Oli.”

“That’s very sweet, but not answering my question,” I chuckled, enjoying the softness of his strands on my palm. “I hope they didn’t stress you out too much?”

“No.” A sigh. “If anything I’ve been stressing them out. I’ve been a little irate with them for no good reason.”

“Disregarding your judgement of it, there was a reason for it though, right?”

“I guess so.”

I poked his shoulder, unsatisfied with the answer, which took him by surprise because he twitched so heavily that he almost rolled off my lap and the couch. I slung one of my arms around his middle, keeping him in position.

“I’ve just been thinking about what we’re doing, a lot,” he admitted. “And every time the guys teased me about some shit regarding you or Oli, it just hit a nerve because I wasn’t figuring it out and it reminded me of the fact that I had no idea where this was going. I shouldn’t have taken my moods out on them.”

“I think they understand.”

“I think they can’t risk losing their frontman,” Noah commented, but even he couldn’t stay serious at the idea, a light and airy giggle erupting his throat that I couldn’t help but join. “I apologized to them. And I’ll make sure to… talk to people instead of figuring it out on my own. And tell them if they’re crossing my boundaries.”

“Well done, Noah.” I grabbed one of his hands, briefly bringing it up to my mouth to press a kiss on it before dropping it again, then resumed to comb through his hair. “Have you… have your figured out some stuff, though? About… about what you want? I know we had that talk in the pub a while ago where we agreed on just fun but…”

I let the question linger in the air. Truth be told, I was terrified of being any more direct. Of asking him straight out. I had literally just figured some things out with Oli mere hours before, now I was in the eye of the storm of another deeply emotional conversation and it left me exhausted and on edge. The idea of being the first one to speak up about what I was feeling proved to be a little too much right now.

“I lied.”

The short statement caught me off guard. I didn’t realise the hand in his hair had stilled until he patted at it with his own, trying to get me to continue. Only when I did, did he resume speaking.

“I lied when I said that. I… I never really wanted to just have fun. But the idea of anything more than that terrifies me.”

I wanted to ask him if it wasn’t a bit late for that. If he thought going out on dates, spending day and night with us, learning all about each other, sharing so much more than kisses still meant he was in safe territory. If he believed that he could be in the middle of this without catching feelings. But I didn’t.

“What is it about it that terrifies you?” I asked instead.

“What doesn’t.”

The urgency to prod further, force him to explain was burning inside of me, but I knew it wasn’t fair. Noah was already being more honest with me than he had been in days. The least I could do was have some more patience.

“I think I need some more time,” he finally said. “I want- I want to figure this out. Can you give me some time? All these new things in my head at the moment. I’d never even kissed a man before and now-”

“Now what, Noah? You can say it, you know. I won’t judge.”

“Now I can’t stop thinking about being on my knees for him all the time and letting him do whatever he wants with me.”

The heat between my legs erupted as suddenly as it did forcefully. Whatever I had expected, it wasn’t a confession of this sort. Of this level of honesty. And now that the idea was planted in my head, I knew I’d have the utmost trouble thinking about anything else.

But this wasn’t about me and my arousal, not right now.

“I’m pretty sure Oli would love to do that for you, darling. All you have to do is ask.”

“Maybe you could tell him,” he replied, so quietly I was barely sure I’d heard it at all. “And… and I’d like you to be there too.”

“Yeah? Is that what you want? For me to tell Oli to do you however he pleases? That you… want to be a good boy for him? Be told what to do? And you’d let me watch, too? Maybe get a little involved?”

He squirmed a little underneath my hands, but ultimately nodded.

“I’ll let him know, love. We have a lot of time tomorrow before the show. A lot of time to explore whatever you want, okay? Maybe…” I took a deep breath. “Maybe it’ll help you figure out what you want a little more.”

I could only pray it would.

•••

“Do you know if Dom’s here yet?”

Oli was walking half next to me, half behind me as I made my way onto the floor of the arena, awkwardly trying to rub my sore neck that had been through hell after accidentally falling asleep on the bus with Noah for… a while. I shook him off when Becky waved me in to the sound booth, feeling strangely awkward about his public display of affection when we hadn’t quite told anyone about this new development in our relationship.

It was weird, really. Just yesterday, I wouldn’t have minded, knowing that people would talk and gossip if they wanted either way. Now that I knew he loved me, wanted me to be his and that we hadn’t let Noah, who was fumbling around with his mic on stage, know anything about it yet, I felt a lot more nervous about how everything could be interpreted.

“Who’s Dom?”

“Dominic Harrison. Yungblud.”

“Right,” I sighed. Apparently my brain was so full of questions about my bloody love life that I’d completely forgotten about the fact that Oli was going to perform Obey with him today. I attempted to visualise the agenda I’d double-checked just before, knowing Oli would have to fend for himself a little more now that I was helping Becky out. “No, not as far as I know. He’s scheduled to come in for soundcheck.”

“Ah, boring,” Oli complained. “Well, I’ll leave you to… whatever you two need to be doing here then.”

“Wait,” I called after him after he had already turned away. “What was that errand about? Everything go alright?”

“Everything went perfectly. You’ll find out later.”

He left me with a smug look on his face and an undefinable feeling in my stomach. Asshole. He knew very well I was going to be thinking about this for the foreseeable future.

At least work actually distracted me sufficiently enough that it wasn’t quite as torturous. Becky did her best to dumb down everything she was explaining to me to a level that my brain could at least somewhat process and I was very thankful for it. I could tell she wanted to throw all the technical jargon at me, but that would have simply ended up in even more chaos. It didn’t mean I wasn’t willing to learn - anytime we had a small break in between things that actually needed immediate attention, she explained every single step, every decision, every reasoning behind it in as much detail as she could and I soaked it all up like a sponge.

We successfully made it through Bad Omens’ soundcheck with minimal problems. Bring Me The Horizon went almost as perfectly, minus the fact that we now had to adjust Dom’s mic as well and Dom was so bloody excited about everything that he kept ignoring our questions and orders alike. Him and Oli were an explosive combination, but Oli looked so ridiculously happy that I couldn’t even be mad at them for slacking off.

“Alright, we’re done here for now,” Becky announced after we’d finally, somehow, managed to get both Dom and Oli in check enough to make sure they’d sound perfect on stage later. “You can take the next two hours off and then I’ll meet you back here?”

“Sounds perfect. Actually, I could very much do with a nap, maybe-”

“Aubrey!” Oli’s voice cut through the whole arena now that it was mostly quiet again. “Dinner with Dom and Noah! Come!”

I turned back to Becky with a sigh.

“No rest for the wicked, I guess.”

•••

If I’d thought having dinner at our hotel right next to the arena meant that we might finish quickly enough and give me time for some shut eye, I was solely mistaken. Noah and Oli were quite chaotic as it was - but with Dom added into the mix, I was surprised we didn’t get kicked out for the ruckus caused. Every now and then, Dom and Oli would get into ridiculously specific anecdotes from their respective hometowns, their accents growing thicker and thicker until all Noah could do was stare at them in utter confusion and amazement.

“So, who here is fucking because I’m getting mad sexual energy from all of you guys.”

On top of it, he seriously lacked a filter. I watched Noah closely, waiting for the awkward blush to appear on his face, but it didn’t happen. He looked mildly uncomfortable at worst and he was definitely not going to be the one to speak up, but it was a world’s different to the last time someone had insinuated the three of us were more than friends.

Oli, on the other hand, was more comfortable than ever. Maybe it was that Dom was a close friend and he simply didn’t mind sharing with him. Maybe it was down to the fact that at least he and I had gotten closer to officially defining our relationship. I embraced it either way.

“Can you blame me? Look at these two!”

Now it was my turn to blush, caused entirely by the way Dom was eyeing me up and down, one eyebrow raised suggestively, the look in his eyes unmistakable. He gave Noah the same treatment which simply ended up with him fixating very hard on what was left on his plate, randomly shuffling some food around, just to avoid the stare. Apparently, Oli treating him like eye candy was one thing, an essential stranger a very different one.

“It’s pretty hard to escape Oli’s charms,” I mused, playfully kicking him under the table.

“Is that what you call his dick?”

Oli erupted in laughter as Noah sank deeper into his plate, but even that didn’t fully hide the grin emerging on his face. “Fucking hell, Dom, I’m gonna have to pay off the waitress to keep quiet if you don’t stop shouting through the place.”

“What, you didn’t do that before I came? Bad planning on your part, pal,” Dom chuckled, heavily hitting Oli’s shoulder. “Right, gimme the details though. You three hooking up or are we talking something more? Because you know I love me a good threesome. For sex and anything else. From experience.”

“Wait, you’ve been in poly relationships?” I couldn’t help but ask. I’d never personally had the chance to meet Dom, so most of my knowledge came from interviews or social media or whatever escapade Oli decided to tell me about. This was new.

“Sure! The more the merrier, I say! Well, up to a point, after that you just kinda lose track, ya know?”

“Was jealousy ever a problem?” Noah spoke up out of nowhere. He’d been so quiet I’d almost forgotten he was part of this conversation at all. And now he wasn’t just joining it but posing relevant questions. It was hard to keep my mind at bay when it came to the possible implications of it.

“In which way?” Dom asked, suddenly more serious than he had been all day. As if knew how badly Noah might need some answers. Some clarifications. Some reassurance. I didn’t want to be too hopeful, but it seemed like a good sign.

“What if…” He swallowed, hard, as if on the edge of pulling back, making a stupid joke, get his shield back up so we wouldn’t see his vulnerable side. So we wouldn’t know. But, to my utmost surprise, he didn’t. “What if there’s just a different familiarity between two of them because… because they’ve known each other longer and they live closer together and… yeah.”

Oli really didn’t need to kick me but he still did, as if there was any chance in hell I’d not understood what exactly Noah was referring to. I tried desperately to make sense of it before Dom would start speaking again. Did this mean he actually wanted this? Us? Were the insecurities holding him back? Did he think he wouldn’t be a full part of this relationship if he agreed to it? That Oli and I, somehow, had something between us he’d never get to the level of? I had a million things to say but I knew it wasn’t my turn.

“Nah mate, you gotta let go of that kinda thinking,” Dom said. He had pushed his plate away and was now leaning on his elbows, on the table, staring at Noah so intently that the latter had no choice but to listen. “History doesn’t matter like that when you get into a relationship and neither does distance. So what if they’ve known each other for years? Unless you’re joining an existent romantic relationship, this is new for all of you and you gotta figure out how the three of you work together.”

Noah nodded, gravely, before going back to playing with the scraps on his plate, as Oli and I exchanged worried looks. Or were they hopeful? It was hard to differentiate all the emotions coursing through me. I wanted to know more, figure out what else had been plaguing Noah’s mind, but it was clear his moment of bravery had run out.

“Any more tips for the newly polyamorous then?” Oli asked with a giggle in his voice. Noah briefly looked back up at him with something akin to shock but hid it quickly enough that I wasn’t sure if anyone but me had noticed at all.

“Get to know each other as much as you can and never take anyone for granted. Make the distance work for you. Get everyone as involved as you can, but remember that when someone feels left out because of things like being far away, it’s not a matter of the other two loving them any less.”

“I think that’s the wisest thing I’ve ever heard you say, mate,” Oli laughed, causing a ripple of chuckles around the table as the tension fell off.

“And it’s gonna stay the wisest thing I’ll say tonight because as soon as I’m off that stage, I’ll get myself drunk, watch me.”

“Dom, you’ve already had two drinks,” I remarked, pointing at the empty glasses on the table.

“I never said I was staying sober until then.”

•••

The show went more than well. I had less time than ever to actually watch what the bands were doing on stage and just get myself lost in it, but now it felt like being involved, being part of it, in a whole different way. I was trying hard to keep up with Becky and her orders, but she kept enough of an eye on me that any mistakes were quickly spotted and fixed. It felt exhilarating. Even more so when I got showered in praise about how well I’d done for essentially my first ever life show afterwards.

Understandably, I was riding a high when I was picking up my stuff backstage, trying to figure out where everyone was. My phone quickly answered the question.

Oli You got a key to my room? Come round Got a surprise

Suspicious. Suspicious as hell, actually. Still, I did have that keycard and I couldn’t resist a good surprise. And with Oli behind it, there was no doubt I was going to like it. The walk to the hotel was quick, as was the ride up to the correct floor. I wasn’t sure what exactly I was expecting. Right now, it could truly be anything from Oli lying naked on his bed with whipped cream all over himself to a cosy movie night with my favourite hot chocolate.

Apparently, the surprise wasn’t a visual one though, because the only thing I saw when I opened the door to his room was Oli and Noah on the couch kissing so softly that it almost made my heart ache. They were fully intertwined, limbs entangled and all over each other and it gave me hope like nothing before ever had. That wasn’t making out or fucking for the fun of it. This was both of them pouring the emotions they couldn’t vocalise just yet into every single movement.

I briefly contemplated leaving, giving them some space and time, but I knew Oli had specifically asked for me and it simply felt too good to be alone with both of them once again. So, instead, I let the door fall back into the frame very, very gently, locking it for good measure. It was enough to get their attention. When they looked in my direction, both of them had glazed eyes and lips they’d kissed red and all I could think about was taking a picture to keep this image in my mind forever.

“Aubrey!” Oli called out, sounding as ecstatic to see me as ever. I was relieved to see Noah send a serene smile my way too. “First things first, your surprise.”

He was on his feet in an instant, rummaging through his bag. I shot Noah a look, but he simply shrugged his shoulders.

When Oli turned around again, his hands were behind his back, hiding whatever he had just located in his luggage.

“I know you’re not a fan of handouts, so I want you to know that this isn’t one, yeah?” Oli explained. “But I wanted to help out and I could, so I did.”

“Oli,” I whined. “Just tell me.”

“Just- before I give it to you, one more thing: This is completely on your terms and you decide how we do this, but… yeah.”

I didn’t immediately realise what I was seeing when Oli opened up his hand to me and revealed the item in his palm. In fact, I spotted the keychain first - the missing, beloved Powerpuff keychain I’d already assumed I would never see again, but here it was being offered back to me, now attached to-

Keys.

A pair of keys.

“Is that-”

“The keys to my place. Again, we can handle this any way you like, we can be roommates, I have a spare room I can empty out or you can just… stay with me. In my bed. And all. Up to you. But you have a place to stay, always. Temporarily until you find something new or… permanently. Okay?”

I wasn’t sure how I managed to let him finish his awkward and slightly jumbled speech before I all but jumped on him, arms wrapped around his neck, hanging on for dear life as I willed the tears to disappear. I buried my face in his shirt, hoping I wouldn’t leave a stain and I whispered words of gratefulness.

It didn’t feel like a handout. Not with him. Not when I knew he wouldn’t do this out of anything but love for me, never pity. And with the words we’d exchanged just that morning, it meant even more.

“Is that the errand you needed to run this morning?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled, almost as if a little embarrassed. “I’d been planning to get copies made for you for a while but that was the only time I could fit it in.”

“I can’t believe you had the fucking keychain all along and I almost cried on Lee’s shoulder.”

The kiss I pressed to his lips through my giggles, with so much force that I almost toppled both of us over, said more than I could in words. It was only when I let go of him and caught sight of Noah out of the corner of my eye that I realised how awfully quiet he was. He smiled up at us from where he still sat on the couch, but it wasn’t the honest kind of smile he’d graced us with earlier. It was stilted and forced and I knew exactly why.

Luckily, so did Oli.

“And now, for the sad-looking doe eyes over there.” Oli made a little spectacle out of pulling another pair of keys from his luggage, dangling them in the air like a prized possession. “I really tried to steal your keychain too but it was fucking impossible because I couldn’t figure out where you had it, but you get a set too. If you want. I know you have a place and all that but… You’re welcome at mine any time, no asking or prior notifications needed. It’s yours to turn up to anytime.”

If anything, Noah now looked a little embarrassed, possibly at Oli so easily realising what he was battling with and fixing it so brilliantly. I could just imagine Noah’s head spinning thinking Oli wouldn’t care for him like that, only for him to turn it around completely and proving he had, in fact, thought about this situation long before Noah had even known it would exist.

Noah sheepishly took the keys, letting himself be pulled into another kiss by Oli.

“So pretty when you blush like that,” Oli mused, which only deepend the colour on Noah’s cheeks, but even he had to chuckle then. Another kiss ended up on Noah’s nose, then on mine, and it was so unexpected and unfamiliar that it had all of us erupting in giggles.

It continued like that. There was no need to discuss what we were doing as clothes started dropping on the floor, all of us overly tired but needy and touch-starved and willing to push sleeping just a little further back to finally be reunited as the three of us. The atmosphere was lighter than it had been in a while and even though we all knew that there were things left to figure out and things left to say, just for the moment we let ourselves fall into the idea that this could be easy.

The clumsiness that came with it only spurred on the mood, Oli stumbling as he got stuck in his trousers, Noah throwing his own away and then immediately retrieving it to get the condoms from his wallet, neither of them succeeding in unhooking my bra until I swatted their hands away and did it myself.

I kicked my panties off without any further help, fearing we’d risk injury if we continued having any garments at all around us, and crawled up the bed, leaning back on my elbows, watching as Oli pushed Noah down next to me to kiss him again, their growing erections touching and letting moans erupt between them. I silently reminded myself to talk to Oli about what Noah had said earlier. Just seeing them together now manifested my wish to be there when they took their next step, if they let me.

“How about we get our girl here ready for us?” I heard Oli whisper against Noah's lips. “I get her nice and wet on my dick and then you finish her off.”

My breath audibly hitched, much to the amusement of both men next to me. In an instant, Oli moved from Noah to me, hovering over my body but denying me the kiss I was hoping for. Instead, his lips found my neck, leaving little love bites all the way down until they settled on my breast, eagerly lapping at my nipple until I was arching my back toward him, a hand tangled in his hair, quietly gasping for more. I didn't realise Noah was moving until I felt his mouth on my other breast. The pleasure was intense, shooting straight down my body as I wriggle under Oli. Both of them kept switching between sweet licks and kisses and teasing bites until I was sure I could feel the wetness drip from between my legs.

“One day, we'll make you come just from this, but tonight we've got other plans,” Oli grinned, pinching my nipple so hard that I cried out in surprise, briefly taken aback by how much I enjoyed the roughness of it.

I didn't have enough time to think about it when Oli and Noah removed their mouths from me, only for the former to descend on my pussy, leaving long, teasing licks on it before plunging it inside me. My hands immediately flew back to his head, but he only needed to look up and shoot a stare at Noah for the other man to understand. Immediately, my hands were removed, a tight grip on my wrists as Noah lifted them above my head, heavily pressing them into the mattress without any wriggle room.

“Come on, Aubrey, be a good girl for Oli. He's prepping you so nicely for our cocks. Doesn't have to do that, you know? We could just fuck you like this, see how much you stretch around us, how well you take us without any help.” I moaned so loudly at Noah's words that even Oli briefly lifted his head. “You want that, don't you? You want us to push your limits.”

Oli didn't give me a chance to confirm or deny as his strong arms flipped my body over on my front without any effort at all. Noah threw a condom at him, so perfectly in sync that I wondered just how much they had discussed beforehand. Oli pulled my hips up to meet his, his hard cock pressing against my arse while Noah grabbed onto my chin.

“How about you give me that mouth again while Oli fucks you good, hm? And don't you dare come until it's my turn.”

I complied willingly. Oli entered me slowly but in one single stroke until he was fully buried in me and my head dropped at the welcome intrusion, sweat prickling on my skin as I tried to accommodate his size. Noah didn't have any pity on me though as he sat down in front of my face, easily leading my mouth to his dick, forcing me to take it straight away. I moaned around his length as Oli started finding his rhythm.

“Fuck,” Noah moaned as he pushed my down a little further. “I've made some bad decisions but thank fuck they led me right here.”

“Yeah?” Oli piped up from behind me, briefly slowly down. “Some bad, bad decisions, Noah?”

The laugh ripped from my throat so harshly that I accidentally choked on Noah's cock before I freed my mouth, sputtering with giggles.

“Oh, come on,” Noah groaned, absentmindedly petting my head as he shot daggers at Oli.

“I'm just saying, you have a lot more sexy lyrics to choose from. Like the way you fuck, the way you taste and all that.”

I felt another bout of laughter rise up, but Noah obviously thought it was time to stuff my mouth again and pushed me back onto him.

“Why don't you stick to your own lyrics,” he mumbled, already getting distracted again by my tongue running along his length as I willed myself to take a little more every time.

“You know I might,” Oli remarked, resuming a hard rhythm that left me completely at his mercy. “I'm quite partial to I love the way you choke.”

The next thrust was even harsher, forcing me to indeed choke on Noah as Oli was now fully in charge of the way my body moved. Every time he almost pulled out, he dragged me back with him to the point where I barely managed to keep my lips on Noah's tip, then he pushed back in so doing that I came close to deepthroating him.

I loved it.

I loved being brainless, losing all my agency, being treated as nothing more than a little toy for them to play with. It had never been so incredibly obvious to me but I already knew I'd be begging on my knees asking for more soon.

Now, however, Oli was getting close, his moans getting louder and his movements a little sloppier and much too soon he was pulling out, wrecking me away from Noah and pushing me onto my back again. I watched, utterly restless and impatient and empty, as he shed the condom and started stroking himself. I'd expected him to ask to come on me, my tits, maybe my face but instead he was looking at Noah.

With a small nod, their communication completely silent, Noah moved toward him, slowly palming his own erection and within moments, Oli's eyes never leaving his, Oli came, covering Noah's chest and abdomen in beautiful streaks.

Oli fell onto the bed, utterly spent and showcasing a satisfied smile, but Noah was more hungry than ever. Fumbling with the night stand, he made quick work of putting on a condom, hissing at every touch as his thick cock immediately bounced against his stomach as he let go, before roughly spreading my legs and without any further warning pushed into me.

He was rougher than Oli, hovering over me as his arms caged me in, pressing his forehead to mine as he pounded into me so hard that I knew I'd feel sore tomorrow, but I welcomed it with open arms. I could feel the remains of Oli dripping on me, coating us both in it further. I let him push my legs backward, bent at the knees, almost folding me in half and the change of angle almost brought tears to my eyes. He felt even larger like this, moving against every single spot I craved with every thrust.

“Such a good little whore for us, letting both of us fuck you and just taking it all,” Noah groaned roughly. I was close to unravelling. “Can't fucking get enough, can you? Perfect little pussy that's just made for us. Come on, touch yourself, squeeze around me, I wanna feel you.”

It barely took a moment when I touched my clit, and when he gave me particularly hard thrust I all but screamed, grinding into him and against my hard, the whole world quieting down for a moment as my orgasm took me, prolonged by the way he sounded when he came too, nothing but bliss left in my body.

Oli welcomed me with open arms as Noah pulled out carefully, kissing my hair and whispering words of praise. A bottle of water was handed to me, then Noah appeared with a towel to clean me up. I hissed when he reached down between my legs, his rough treatment still tingling.

“Did I go too hard on you?” he immediately asked, halting his movements, worry in his eyes.

“No!” I immediately rejected his fears. “No, I loved it, honestly. Just a little sore now.”

He pressed a loving kiss to the inside of my thigh, then cleaned me up as quickly as possible. When he came back from the bathroom, he slid into bed next to us and I couldn't back bite a smile at the realisation that he'd chosen to lie down on Oli's other side instead of mine. He didn't hesitate as he moulded himself to Oli's back, looking so relaxed and comfortable. I crawled into Oli's arms too, noting that he looked just as happy about Noah's affections.

There were a million things running through my mind still. Questions about our relationship, about Oli’s and Noah's feelings for each other. A reminder I needed to speak to Oli about Noah's wish. A nagging desire to tell them I was realising just how roughly I liked it with them. But none of them made their way out of my brain as sleep took over all three of us, letting us fall asleep in a puddle of post-orgasmic haze and at least temporary happiness.

#Noah Sebastian fic #Noah Sebastian #Oli Sykes fic #Oli Sykes #Noah Sebastian x reader #Oli Sykes x reader #in love with the mess

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seungmoonandstars · 1 day

Text

𝐼'𝓂 𝓈𝑜𝓇𝓇𝓎 𝐼 𝓌𝒶𝓈𝓃'𝓉 𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒

Kim Seungmin/female reader

wc: 3.1k

synopsis: someone is cheating // pt 2

rating: angst/sort of fluff ꩜ -`♡´-

⤜ · · ♡ · · →

Now Seungmin remembers just how lonely he can get

The dorm is silent. It’s late and everyone is asleep, but he didn’t realize just how late it had gotten until he closed the door a little too loudly. He drops his bags and pulls off his clothes as he makes his way to the bed, tossing them and leaving a trail as he goes. Typically, he throws them right into his hamper, or folds them neatly on his chair, but tidyness is far from his mind right now—almost everything is.

But still, his mind is racing. It’s spinning and it’s aching, and his heart is, too. He feels outside of his own body as he replays the last hour in his head, and he just wants to wake up from this nightmare.

Seungmin crashes onto the bed. He hasn’t been here in a few weeks, at least not to sleep, and the bed feels all wrong. The thought of being here, and not where he’s supposed to be breaks him, and his breath catches in his throat as he desperately holds everything back. But it’s too much, and he has to cry. Silently, though—that much he can do. He turns and pushes his face into the pillow and lets go.

A text comes through, and the first thought that runs through his head—it’s you, it has to be. Pleading for forgiveness, and throwing I love you’s in every direction. It’s not until he looks at the screen that he remembers the shattered remains he left on the floor. But you have other ways; your laptop, mainly. If you really wanted to, you could reach him right now with no trouble.

This text is from Jeongin.

min is that you? I didn’t think you’d be here. Everything okay?

As quiet as he was, that was all kind of ruined when he had to blow his nose and breath properly again. And there’s something about a post-cry nose blow that’s just…obvious.

yeah I’m okay

Everything will come out in the morning anyway.

If you say so…we can have a drink and watch something if you want to talk

Jeongin isn’t just perceptive; he knows Seungmin well, and he knows when something is off.

we can talk tomorrow, I should sleep

Seungmin has no hope of sleep tonight.

· · ♡ · ·

The broken phone at your feet blinks pathetically, trying with everything it has to hold on and buzz a text message in. You don’t care, though. You don’t need your phone if Seungmin isn’t texting, or calling, and only realizing that now is your problem. You got complacent—apathetic over the months you’ve been with him. Unbelievably stupid. You’ve ruined the best thing that ever walked into your life. All you can think of now is every word you want and need to say to him, but you can’t.

No, you can. Your laptop is right there, on the coffee table. If anything, you can gather and organize your thoughts, because you can't imagine him wanting to hear from you tonight. Getting him back might be impossible, but this still feels necessary. Sending it off in an email is something morning you will decide on.

Minnie, I’m sorry it’s come this—I’m sorry you have to feel the way you do right now, and I need you to know how much it kills me that you’re hurting. I’m sorry that I’ve done so poorly as your person, something I should be better at by now, that I have to write to you this way just hoping you’ll read it. I’ve failed you, because I should have been stronger, and I should have been there for you when you needed me the most. Not stronger, no, just better…more perceptive and more understanding. I do know how lonely it gets for you, because you have mentioned it before, but I’ve been so selfish for so long. Getting to be yours for the last 2 years has been a dream. I never thought someone as sweet, and funny, and loving, and as beautiful as you would ever come into my life. I won’t try to explain my actions, because there is no explanation. I don’t deserve you, or your forgiveness. I broke your trust. I broke everything. I felt entitled to fix my loneliness when you were suffering with it, too. But you didn’t hurt me. You’ve never hurt me. I want you to know that I love you, though. I love you more than anything. You are irreplaceable and I will suffer without you, because I should.

Three, four times you read through it before deciding to hit send. It can’t wait until you decide to wake up in the morning, because sleeping tonight will be difficult—but crying is exhausting. You doze off for an hour, then jump out of it abruptly for no reason. Panic takes over, and your heart feels like it might explode as you orient yourself in a tangle of sheets. Seungmin isn’t here, and it takes a moment to remember why.

You smack the keyboard of your laptop until it wakes up, and the new email at the top of the pile makes the panic even worse.

RE: (no subject)

Twelve minutes ago.

You click it and brace yourself for more heartbreak; more difficult truth. An end.

· · ♡ · ·

Seungmin does decide to get up and get a soju, but he does it alone. He needs something to help him relax; numb things a little, and make his eyes a little heavier. The time between is spent looking through old messages between him and you, which is not making things better, but Seungmin wants to figure out where things went wrong. He gets as far back as four months of texts when a notification pops up on his phone.

You did exactly what I thought you would, he mumbles to himself. It’s an email, no subject. Before the little banner disappears, he opens it, and he devours every word far too quickly. Seungmin’s heart races and his stomach swirls as he scans each paragraph, and then he immediately goes back and starts again, slowly.

Now he has something more to dwell on. He gets up and heads to the kitchen for another drink, and when he returns, he just starts typing:

I love you, too. Before I say anything else, I want you to know that. I keep reading your email over and over as I type, because my head is a mess and I can’t focus much right now, but your words ground me. They always have. It’s been a while since you’ve given me a hand written letter, and this, of all things, made me miss that. You have a way with words that I just can’t seem to replicate. I’m hurting like I don’t remember ever hurting before. I feel opened up and ripped apart. I feel like I’m not enough, or I wasn’t enough. I was scared of a relationship because of this, I guess. Being away, not being enough, because I know I’m bad at expressing myself sometimes. Most of the time. Not being with you much makes it even harder. So I feel at fault, too. I need to own up to not always being there when you need me, even though it came with our type of relationship. I’m sorry it’s so hard for us to talk like this face to face…or for me to, I guess. I didn’t give you a chance.

· · ♡ · ·

That’s it.

You’re relieved, but you’re not sure if you should reply again. Leaving it at this until morning might be the best option. But what happens in the morning? Does Seungmin come back home? Will he reply if you email him again? Maybe he’ll sleep in late, leave again, leave you waiting for a message just like you did to him. You think back to the last time he was home, and how you weren’t even here because you ignored his text. Not just ignored, but didn’t even look at it to see that he was waiting and wondering why you weren’t there to greet him.

It feels like your heart is being squeezed just imagining his confused face. And then your mind moves to him…the other one, and it makes you sick thinking of him now. It should have done that before. Irreplaceable is exactly what Seungmin is, that was no exaggeration.

Luckily, you fall asleep with his words in your head; the I love you, the possibility of another chance. And your guilt, still, of making him think he hasn’t been enough.

· · ·

There’s hardly a chance to think of replying to Seungmin. You don’t sleep long, because once you’re awake, you’re awake. Showered, dressed, coffee slowly dripping in the glass caraffe. You prep enough in the hopes that he’ll have some, too, but that’s mostly wishful thinking—a desperate attempt at a manifestation.

A reply has been rolling around in your head since last night, and it formed into a solid set of paragraphs as you took your time in the shower, now you just have to sit and hope it comes out just as well. And you do open his email, but instead of typing, you grab a pencil and a piece of stationary from the desk—stationary you bought just for his letters. You haven’t touched them in at least a year.

It actually comes out easier this time.

Seungmin,

Might as well start properly.

You’ve always been enough. I see you struggle every day with balancing your work and your regular life…me, us. I don’t know what that’s like—

The sound of keys makes you stop. The slide of metal against metal as it’s pushed in and turned; every bit of it is so, so loud. You look again at the broken phone on the floor, not forgotten, but not even deserving of a place in the trash can. You couldn’t bring yourself to touch it.

When you look back at him, the first thing he does is find you, and then he looks to the aftermath of his out of character temper. Then back at you.

You set the pencil down and stand, but you don’t take a step toward him. Every part of you screams to be closer, though.

“Hi,” he takes a few steps inside, kicks off his shoes next to yours. “Morning.”

It’s nearly noon, but you can pretend you didn’t stay up and sleep in late. You haven’t had coffee yet, anyway, so that’s what you do—you force yourself to the kitchen and pour a mug, and then you pour the rest over ice for him.

He watches, but looks at what you were working on as he gets closer to the coffee table. You don’t say anything when he picks up the piece of paper and reads it, rereads it. “I got you something,” he says as he places it back on the table.

“Uhm…you did?”

Why would he do that? You don’t feel like you deserve his gifts at the best of times, so you certainly don’t want anything now.

Seungmin digs in the shopping bag and pulls out a little white box, opens it, and then hands you your new phone.

“I was out of line last night, when I…” he looks at it on the floor again, “I’m sorry.”

“No, Minnie…you weren’t, at all”

“You didn’t deserve my anger”

“I did, I needed it. I want it. Please don’t be nice to me.”

“Okay, if you really mean that…” He walks over slowly and picks up his glass, takes a long sip... “I’ve never felt so angry at you before. I didn’t think I could feel like that, honestly. And I was still holding back.”

“I could tell. Part of me wanted you to let go.”

“Let go, let go how? I could never hurt you.” His touch is a relief—the gentle slide of his thumb across your skin, his hand closing softly around your neck. A much different touch than last night. “Phone, yeah. Him, maybe.”

“That person is gone”

“Did it help…did he help? Were you less lonely with him?”

Thinking about it isn’t really necessary, but you take a long moment to look at Seungmin—his eyes are big and wet, and they’re puffy from not getting enough sleep, or crying. Most likely both, though you can only remember seeing Seungmin cry once in the time you’ve known him. And it wasn’t over you.

“No, I wasn’t. I think it was making me feel worse.”

“I’m irreplaceable, right?”

The tease in his voice is obvious, and his little laugh breaks every bit of tension in the room. You need to pull him in and kiss him, but whether or not you’re there yet is still a mystery. Instead, you shift slightly closer.

“Yes, you are”

He smiles. You’ve seen him smile like that before, and it’s always when he’s in a certain mood. Seungmin sets his glass down and takes yours from you.

“Seungmin”

The desperate whine just makes him smirk.

“Please, Minnie…I need you, so much”

“I know you do, I know.” But he grabs your wrists and stops you as you move toward his hips. “You have me. And I need something to.”

“Of course, anything”

“Can you finish your letter?”

· · ·

Seungmin is never fast in the shower, especially not after he’s been away for so long. There’s no need for him to rush around now—he knows he has plenty of time, and plenty of hot water no matter how long he takes. Typically, you leave him alone when he’s in there, despite the occasional urge to go in.

But this time, of all times, you decide to act on that urge.

There he is, behind the glass partition. Steam chokes the air, and condensation keeps his body mostly hidden from you, but he’s tall enough that you do get a peak—back turned, head twisted to the side so the water can beat down on his neck and shoulders. He rolls them, groans with relief, and sighs. It makes you dizzy.

Then he finally opens his eyes and sees you staring at him. He smiles so wide, with all of his teeth, and it’s the most beautiful sight. It’s as if nothing bad has happened, and nothing is slowly tearing the two of you apart.

“I think I’m finally losing hot water,” he muses, mostly to himself, but he doesn’t turn it off. What he does do is turn to you and fold his arms over the partition. He’s just tall enough. “Hi, do you have something for me?”

You nod, shyly, and you don’t know why. The way he’s looking at you seems brand new, and it feels so intense.

“Seungmin…” you start, paper clutched in one hand. You don’t think you even need to read from it now.

He doesn’t interrupt, but he nods and gives you another little smile.

“You’ve always been enough. I see you struggle every day with balancing your work and your regular life…me, us. I don’t know what that’s like. I don’t know how difficult and tiring it is to be on all the time, and to switch off when you walk through that door to me. I have it so easy—I get to hide away from everything, and then at the end of the day, or the end of the week, month…I get you, I get to hear your voice, and see your face, and I couldn’t ask for anything better…”

He ducks away, and the water is turned off as one more big plume of steam rises up and starts to clear. You reach for his towel, hold it open for him, and wait patiently as he drips and shakes his hair. It’s cute, and it’s the first time you’ve seen him do it.

“…because there’s nothing better”

Seungmin steps out and lets you wrap it around him. The water beading down his chest is too much, and as he’s tightening it around his waist, you lean forward and kiss him there. Muscle flexes as you pull away and place another one, and then another until your lips close around his nipple.

At any moment, he could pull away from you, because he hasn’t made his intentions clear yet. He could stay now, for a while, for the last time, or he could leave as soon as he’s dressed. The letter is written and read to him, though it was short, and maybe that was the last of your say on the subject. Maybe that’s why he showed up—that, and the phone.

No. Seungmin wouldn’t put in this much effort just to turn around and leave. He’s still upset, and he’s still confused.

He looks down at you and closes his eyes, savoring the warmth of your lips on his cool skin. It might be too much right now to touch again, but he wants to.

A hand up your back is all it takes to get a sound out of you.

“Hey”

“Yeah?” Your forehead presses against him and you avoid his gaze.

“Everything you said, just now and last night…” he stops and hmms to himself, musing out loud again, “and what I said. Why can’t we say those things to each other. Why did it take this, after so long?”

“Because we��re both afraid of being vulnerable with each other, at least on our feet.”

Seungmin laughs at that. “Yeah, I guess it’s a little different during sex, but even then…”

“Are you saying you want—“ you stop, but not because he interrupts you. You stop because you’re terrified of his answer.

“…to work on it?”

He can still finish your sentences. Maybe that’s part of the problem—thinking you can read each other’s mind, even though sometimes you absolutely do.

“I can feel your heartbeat”

And it feels like it could stop at any moment. It feels like you’re standing on the edge of a cliff, preparing to jump…to get pushed.

Seungmin pulls you even closer, and you wrap your arms around his waist.

“Is that what you think we should do?”

“I just want you to trust the person you give yourself to”

“Is it silly if I still trust you? I know you want me to stay, but the way you talk makes it seem like you’re pushing me away. Like you’re giving me an out.”

“No, it’s not silly. I don’t want to push you away, but I do hate myself more than I ever thought I could.”

“Maybe we’ve talked enough today. We both need more sleep…can we do that?”

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