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silverzoomies · 7 months

Text

Monster Mash

peter maximoff x reader smut

warnings: shameless smut, smut, kissing, porn with plot, halloween, zombies, biting, undead, undead!reader, gender neutral reader, zombie kink

word count: 11,996

a/n: first of three peter-centric halloween fics!! hopefully i'll get them all posted before the month ends!! timeline here is extremely fuzzy, and might not fall in line with canon. it's kind of super ambiguous.

the usual apologies: clunky writing, potentially ooc peter/other characters, inconsistencies, ending's super meh, etc etc etc. idk if peter would realistically be down to bang a cute, zombified reader. but hey, it's fiction. why the heck not!

tag list (i remembered this time!!): @dewberryobssesed @violetharmonscupcake @kaismanwich @jellyluvr @icannot3 @taintandviolent @ahoyladiesz @scene-and-dandylover @quickandsilvers @luttic @billielourdslays

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October. Just a week before Halloween.

Peter didn’t celebrate the holiday too often these days. Not like he used to. Ever since he took up teaching at the X-mansion, he only participated in a handful of Halloween activities. The staple being - playing escort for mutant kiddos on trick-or-treating ventures. An activity he enjoyed a lot, since the kiddos referred to “Mr. Maximoff” as “the school's most awesome trick-or-treat buddy.” Which had nothing to do with Peter swiping a little extra candy - for the kids, of course - when the other teachers weren’t looking. Swear on his life.

Another Halloween festivity he loved? The school's annual, X-family Halloween party. The team generally left Peter in charge of decorations, considering it took him no time at all to set them up. Professor Chuck himself - legendary baldy - always played host at those parties. As per tradition - after the party died down - Peter cozied up in the living room with the team. They’d gather together to watch everyone’s favorite horror flicks on VHS.

He really couldn’t wait for this year’s festivities. Peter looked forward to those after-party, horror movie marathons every year. Movie nights with the team? Pretty freakin’ awesome. If only for two reasons: The abundance of sugary garbage to snack on. And the way Ororo loooooooved snuggling up with him on the couch. Being so hot natured helped. Living life in the fast lane - operating like a human furnace - sure had its perks sometimes. ‘Ro’s cuddling made an excellent distraction from Peter’s unbridled loneliness. Haha...

C-...Consider that a topic for another day. Moving on.

On horror movie night, Peter inevitably saw the jumpscares coming leagues before anyone else. It never failed. He’d call them seconds ahead of time. With ‘Ro lying at his side, and his arm wrapped around her waist. Peter would exclaim, “Jumpscare!”, breaking the tension heavy silence amongst the group. Spoiling whatever movie played. Everyone hated it, of course. Kurt growled at him. Animalistic, but nowhere near intimidating. Jubilee pelted Peter with popcorn.

Peter just couldn’t help himself. Those scares were so predictable and boring sometimes. Sure, he liked horror movies enough. With all the gnarly gore and twisted kills. But they never freaked him out, since he didn’t spook easily. His incomprehensible reaction time made terror a tough game.

All that being said...

Even with his totally outrageous bravery streak, Peter - guilty as charged - sure had his candy-ass moments.

This current mission proved, without a doubt, one of the spookiest situations he’d ever landed himself in. He could feel it in the air tonight. And not in the groovy, Phil Collins way either. An ominous sense of uneasiness crawled across his skin. Eerie vibes sent chills creeping up his spine like spiders through a web. Peter wished he could fast forward to Halloween night on the couch with ‘Ro. Heck, he'd even take decorating duty over this any day of the week. At least he could go all out, and have his own fun with it.

For an October’s night, the weather seemed uncannily coincidental. Drops of rain showered from a mass of black clouds. A sharp crack of lightning struck the ground, with a roar of thunder following in succession. It rattled the very foundation of the abandoned lab Peter found himself exploring. As part of a last minute, late night mission.

Below his feet, tiled floors laid in disrepair. Dirtying the mismatched laces of his untied sneakers. Peter snuck his way through murky hallways, his heightened senses buzzing on edge. Fight or flight kicked into high gear, making him all the more sensitive to any outside stimuli. Another echoing roar rumbled through the building, threatening to topple its cracking walls. Peter worried the ceiling might cave in at any moment.

A terrifying thought. But it happened to be the exact reason Hank chose Peter for this mission to begin with. Should shit hit the fan, Peter could skedaddle at the speed of light unscathed. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy. Unlike his other team members, who might risk being flattened like a pancake. Under the weight of, not one, but two floors above.

…Speaking of pancakes. Peter should definitely drop by a mom ‘n pop diner before heading back to base. He could really go for a fresh stack of late night hotcakes right about now. Warm and soft. With chocolate chips melting on the inside. Caked in sticky syrup and slathered with butter. Oooooh! And a little bacon on the side. Not too crispy, not too flop-

His mouth watered, and Peter blinked. Wiping his jacket sleeve across his lips, he redirected his attention to the task at hand. Focus, Quickie. He had a job to do, and he didn’t wanna be stuck doing said job all night.

The lab sat nestled off the coast of some island with a foreign name. Super hard to pronounce. Peter couldn’t remember it off the top of his head. Prior to this assignment, he’d never even heard of the place. But apparently, neither had anyone else. Hank sent Peter in search of what he dubbed leads on a mystery project. Something to do with scientific documents.

If he found any, he’d read their info over to Scott. Who would then relay that same intel back to Hank. Like an insanely boring game of telephone. Why Peter couldn’t speak to Hank directly was anybody’s guess. Too busy with his super secret project thingy-majig, possibly?

Hanging from Peter’s stereo belt alongside his old Walkman, a walkie screeched with a shrill chirp. A shock of alarm shot straight through Peter’s veins, making him jump. Scott’s voice crackled from the speakers.

“Any updates, Pete?” Scott asked, “Tell me anything you got. Even if it seems boring. Just hit me with it. It’s gotta be better than waiting around here in the lab, doing nothing.”

Peter held a compact flashlight in one hand, searching the lab’s pitch black halls. Most of the rooms he passed looked desolate. Barren and dusty. Save for the odd desk or empty cabinet. Peter wondered if they’d all been ransacked when the place closed down. The ceiling leaked rain from the floors above, dripping onto Peter’s bomber jacket. At the edge of his vision, he caught a rat scurrying by. But otherwise, not much else.

Pulling the walkie from his belt, he brought it up to his lips, “Uh. It’s dark and kinda spooky here. Saw a rat. Storm’s not gettin’ any better. It keeps shakin’ the whole place.” Peter shook his head, “If it doesn’t let up, I’m gonna have to split. Don’t wanna wait around to see what happens next, y’know? Over."

On the other end of the line, Scott breathed an annoyed sigh. Even through low-quality speaker fuzz, Peter could tell the sigh lacked any real spite.

“Peter. We’ve been over this. We aren’t using decades old, two-way radio communication. You really don’t have to say over. ”

Peter drummed his free hand on an empty desk. Following the beat of Sweet Poison by Naked Eyes, as it played from the only earbud he wore. He wanted to keep one ear open, just to hear Scott clearly. And mayhaps because he felt the teensy weensiest bit paranoid by his lonesome in the lab.

“Copy that. Over.” He grinned to himself.

The further Peter explored the lab’s halls, thick layers of mucky green seemed to take over. If he had to guess, he assumed Hank didn’t consider masses of moss “key intel.” Every few feet Peter stepped, he tore his way through another wall of cobwebs. Lots and lots of creepy cobwebs. Reduced to undying boredom, Peter took to karate chopping them. Might as well have fun in the face of ennui.

Half second flickers of lightning cast the lab in gleaming flashes. Bringing Peter’s attention to more rooms he missed. He wandered through some old offices. Or what he thought were offices, anyway. The trashed state of the rooms made it hard to tell. Nothing within them had withstood the test of time. Peter even tried poking around with some clunky computers. No luck. Dead as doornails.

“Found some computers. C64’s, I think. Haven’t seen one ‘a these bad boys since forever ago. But they’re totally busted.” Peter reported into the walkie, banging a fist onto one of the computers, “Yep. Busted. Over.”

Before leaving the room, Peter fucked around. Knocking over a computer monitor for no reason at all. He snatched a few, grubby pens from a lone desk. As well as a cracked coffee mug that read “I try to tell chemistry jokes, but there’s no reaction.” Just for the heck of it. Why not swipe some keepsakes, eh?

After what felt like a geological age of scouring, Peter eventually stumbled upon more filing cabinets. Stuffed to the brim with research documents and science-y records. Sighing, he pulled each drawer open one by one. Peter read the dusty files, sharing intel with Scott over the walkie. For every document Scott dismissed, Peter tossed them carelessly aside over his shoulder.

Antsy to wrap the mission up, grab some pancakes, and race home for a game of GoldenEye; Peter rushed through the last few folders. In hopes of finding whatever specific file Hank needed. But upon the last one, Scott broke some totally bogus news.

“Sorry about this.” Scott sighed, “Those files? Yeah. Hank says they’re all duds. No dice. You think it’s safe to keep looking? You might have to check the second floor.” He mentioned, to Peter’s dismay.

Peter bumped his head into the filing cabinet, groaning aloud. With a kick of his foot, he closed the last drawer and trudged onward. Oh well. The speedster could totally manage. At least he brought mix-tapes to keep his mind occupied. Along with extra tapes stashed in his belt pockets for good measure. Without music, he’d be so outrageously miserable on a mission like this.

Shining the dinky flashlight, he scanned the first floor area one more time. Just to be sure. The flashlight’s glow passed a set of double doors, leading to-

Wait. Back it up a sec. Double doors? Quietly singing New Order’s Blue Monday to himself, Peter moonwalked backwards to observe the doors again. Knitting his brows, he blinked. Stumped.

“Yo. Scotty. Got another room on the first floor. Gonna check it out real quick. Over.” Peter reported, clicking the walkie into place on his belt.

Another echo of thunder rattled through the lab, shaking the floors above. Lightning illuminated the halls in temporary flickers of white. Peter stared at the large set of doors, totally bamboozled. He couldn’t comprehend how he missed them before. When he knew for a fact he checked every nook and cranny. Inching closer, he eyed a sign pasted on one of the doors. In a rough scratch of permanent marker, the sign read:

Reanimation experiments in progress. Do not disturb!!

Reanimation? What, like…of the dead? Pfffbt. No way! Could this spooky place get any spookier? Peter swallowed an uncomfortable wedge in his throat. Shaking off any chills threatening to overtake him, he shined his flashlight through one of the door’s windows. Peter scanned the area for anything useful.

Inside, he clocked an operating table. Close to that, a lone cart cluttered with rusty, surgical tools. Cracked computer screens lined one of the walls, more advanced than they should’ve been. At least for the era they originated. Tangled cables ran along the floor, leading to something in the shadows. Peter couldn’t make it out.

He arched a brow, finally locking his sights on - Aha! Jackpot! More filing cabinets. Hopefully, they held his ticket out of this creepy place. Fingers crossed. Peter burst into the room in a flash, kicking up dust in his wake. Tearing through another wall of cobwebs, he surveyed the area again. Making a mental note of every cabinet he could see. Enough to keep him busy for the next hour, he guessed. Peter slumped his shoulders, huffing an aggravated groan.

Talking to Scott through the entire process made it more bearable. Being so no nonsense and straight forward, Scott had no problem retaining the info Peter shared from every file. Which saved the speedster any hassle of repeating himself, or having to explain things he didn’t understand. Science? Not really Peter's area of expertise. He thought himself more of a tech, or music guy.

Luckily enough, Peter found whatever documents Hank sent him after. A deep dive into every folder, in every drawer, in about a dozen different cabinets were all it took. Had Peter aged another thirty years? He sure as hell felt like it. No sweat! Mission accomplished. Time to bid the old lab goodbye.

Peter flew through the rest of the cabinets in less than a second’s time. Triple checking for any intel Hank might find compelling. He skimmed some records documenting the “reanimation of dead tissue.” Hm. Actually, blue beastie might potentially find that fascinating. “Reanimation” of the dead didn’t exactly sound too commonplace in modern science, did it?

In a folder, Peter discovered a file. Clipped with a photograph of - hellllllllooooo there! Someone…kinda cute. Very cute. Peter whistled, piercing the quiet thrum of distant rain. He read on.

Oh. The cute someone. They died. Tragically perished. Hit by a car back in the 80’s. What a bummer. One of the scientist's brought them to the lab as a test subject. Used for some twisted experiment in reanimation. The kicker? They proved to be the lab’s first and only successful trial run. Of around fifty different, reanimation trials. Yikes. That's...a lotta dead bodies.

These scientists successfully revived the dead? Peter doubted it. Over a decade had passed since then, and no one ever used the technology mentioned in the files. This lab's research couldn’t be as successful as they documented. Or something must've gone wrong, for them to give up and shut down the lab's operation completely.

Yeah. Treating human corpses like science fair projects for school? Super warped. Hank, wacky in his science ventures, totally found macabre shit like that interesting. Shrugging, Peter tucked the manilla folders he gathered under an arm. He grabbed his walkie, and reported to Scott.

“I got somethin’ else Hank might be into. It's totally messed up, he'll love it. But-uh…if that’s all he needed? I’m gonna jet now, ‘kay? I can’t take another minute in this scary ass place. Over and out.”

Before making his leave, Peter glanced around the room one last time. He appeared near the operating table in a picosecond, his brown eyes scanning the cart next to it. Curiously, Peter picked through some rusty, surgical tools.

Upon finding a scalpel in fairly okay condition, he swiped the tool and slipped it inside his back pocket. Whistling to Oingo Boingo's No One Lives Forever - in hindsight, kind of ironic - playing from his Walkman, Peter raised a foot to kick the cart. Watching it roll away into a nearby wall. Hasta la vista.

As Peter steered away from the operating table, a monstrous shadow loomed at the edge of his vision. His heart rampantly pounded in his chest, his senses still high strung. Jumping back with a terrified gasp, Peter climbed halfway onto the operating table. He fumbled for his flashlight, pointing the glow at the massive bundle of darkness. The light shook in Peter’s trembling hand.

But it-...oh. Phew! Nothing to be afraid of. Hah. What the heck was Peter gettin’ riled up for?

Like something straight out of science fiction, Peter’s shadowy monster proved nothing more than a giant pod. He squinted, moving towards it until close enough to observe it more clearly. The tech appeared big enough to hold a person of his size. Or, hell, maybe even someone of Beast’s size. Peter ran a hand along the surface of the pod, gathering a layer of dust on his fingertips. Scowling, he shuddered, wiping the dust on his jeans. “ EUGH! Eck-” Peter exclaimed to no one, “What’s up with this dusty, old thing??” Glass encased the outer layer of the large machine. It might've been see-through, if not for the unsanitary grime blanketing the entire thing. Years upon years of soot build up. Peter tried wiping the dust away with his elbow, to no avail. He couldn’t see inside, even with the aid of his flashlight.

Puzzled, Peter darted around the room in a silver blur, searching for clues. A switch of some kind? A secret code? He tampered with everything from the cracked monitors on the wall, to the colorful cables lining the floor. Peter even tried prying the pod open with a rusty hammer he found. Still, it refused to budge. Even with the power of speedster strength. Was it made of adamantium or something?

Sighing, defeated, Peter tossed the hammer away. It crashed into one of the screens hanging against the wall. Shattering the crystal display upon impact. Whoops. Oh well. How much more damage could be done to the place? Not like anyone would be making renovations anytime soon. Not in the middle of buttfuck nowhere island.

Making an accidental misstep, Peter slipped on his untied shoelaces. His ankle entangled itself in a circle of cables on the floor, and he lost his balance. Tripping, Peter stumbled backwards into some busted machinery, knocking his head. His back collided with the hard, metal surface behind him.

“ Auuugh. Shit.” Peter muttered. He didn’t understand how he could be so goddamn clumsy all the time, given - what the professor called - his mutant gift, “Ow. Dammit.”

He must have triggered a switch when he tripped. Suddenly, a loud hiss seethed through the air like a bus braking to a stop. A slow moving cloud of smoke rose from inside the pod. As it spread, filling the room, the fumes turned radioactive neon in color. It swarmed Peter’s nostrils, overflowing his senses with an earthy scent.

“Uhhh…uh oh.” He mumbled, “Is that supposed to happen?” Acting in haste, Peter scrambled to free his ankle from the cable’s tight grip.

A corpse reanimation research lab.

Nope. Noooope. He’d seen Return of the Living Dead enough times to know - whatever the hell’s happening now? Bad news. Couldn’t be good. Peter suppressed the urge to scream like a frightened child. A buzzing voice chimed from his walkie, startling him further. Dammit all, Scotty! He almost sent Peter into cardiac arrest for a hot second.

“Peter? Hey-uh, are you there? You alright? You didn’t stop somewhere for pancakes again, did you?” Scott crackled through the walkie, but Peter didn’t respond, “Better bring enough back for the whole class.” He joked, sarcastic.

Peter gawked at the sight before him in a mix of horror and confusion. Completely petrified, as Oingo Boingo played through his ear. The neon smoke emitted from the pod began to clear, revealing a body inside. A dead body.

Your dead body, to be specific.

Somehow, Peter recognized you. But that didn’t make any sense at all. He knew for a freakin’ fact he’d never seen or met you a day in his life. Unless… oh. Oh, holy shit. He hurriedly grabbed the extra folder he’d taken and opened it, just to glance between you, and the photo inside. And sure enough… The first and only successful trial run in reanimation.

Oh. Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no. Peter’s eyes blew open wide. His stomach dropped twenty thousand feet through the ground, plummeting to the Earth’s core. Swallowing thickly, he observed your slumbering body from his position on the dirty floor.

Your skin appeared ashier than it naturally should be. Y’know, on account of being dead and all. It more closely resembled a subdued, greenish color. Kinda Frankenstein-esc. Stitches lined each and every one of your limbs. As if some psycho nut job took you apart and sewed you back together again. Judging by the info in your file, they probably did. Embedded into your neck, were two bolts on either side. Also very Frankenstein-esc. You reminded him of a wax dummy on the set of some low-budget, horror flick. It’d be kinda funny, if he didn’t feel seconds away from screaming in horror.

You could be a dummy, if Peter had any luck. Yeah. This mission? Surely just a super elaborate prank set up by the team. Like a haunted house tour, made to scare the silver pants off him. Those sly dogs think they’re so slick, huh? ...R-Right?

Peter took a deep breath, keeping his terrified gaze fixed on you. In his ear, the funky tune came to an end. The lab fell into a deafening silence. Only broken by the faintest pitter patter of rain, and a quiet clamor of thunder now echoing at a distance. Signaling the passing of the storm. One less thing to worry about.

Though, he’d much rather agonize over a building’s foundation crumbling. He could handle a weather-related disaster wayyy better than a zombie coming to life, to - potentially - gorge on his flesh.

Raising his flashlight, he pointed the glow at your lifeless body. Again, Peter breathed a long sigh to ease his panic stricken nerves. An interference of crackling static ripped through the walkie then. Loud, and shrill enough to cut glass. At that very moment, your eyes - once locked in eternal slumber - popped open freakishly wide.

Oh. Oh hellllll no. Fuck that. Fuuuuck that.

Peter’s hunch proved totally right. You weren’t just dead. You were undead.

“ Mmmmmm nope.” Peter mumbled to himself, swiftly shaking his head, “Nuh uh. Nope.”

Shaking with adrenaline, he glanced between your dead-eyed gaze, and his trapped foot. Okay! No problem-o! Not a problem at all. For an X-Man, zombies made an easy foe, right? Peter could totally just-...

Just vamoose! Make a break for it! Right now!

Like, now.

Peter hadn’t run away yet. Why hadn’t he run away? Hellllloooo? Ground control to Quickie! Time to make a quick exit, and head for the hills. Lest he become zombie chow.

Stunned, Peter remained petrified. In an uncannily slow movement, you rose from the pod like Nosferatu out of a coffin. Peter cursed under his breath, willing his terror to take a one way ticket outta there. He needed to come to his senses, and fast. Even as Peter tried to move, his paralyzed state caused him to fumble again. His movements lacked their natural fluidity, and his blood ran cold.

Like a total doofus, in his failed attempt to escape, Peter tangled his foot even deeper through the cables. Sometime in the last thirty seconds or so, he dropped his flashlight. Within the inky darkness, he could barely make out your shape as you moved. You groaned a long, croaky sound. Guttural, like an eldritch abomination.

Another crash of lightning showered your living corpse in a white luster. Peter made direct eye contact with you. A gaze between life and death.

A yell vibrated through his lungs and bounced off the walls of the room, as Peter finally screamed. Your slow moving, zombified body climbed from the pod much like a spider. Stumbling at first, you connected your bare feet with the dirty, tiled floor. Once you found your balance, a cracking sound erupted from your limbs. Your bones clicked and popped audibly into place. Peter scowled, physically cringing.

Another scream tore from the depths of his chest, “SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!” He shouted.

You dragged your feet in a limp, moving towards Peter with a slow gait. Stitched arms reached out for him in an unhurried motion, “ Luhhhhhhhh- ” You choked on a groggy gurgle.

Fuck. Fucking shit fuck. You definitely wanted to feast on his juicy brains and smooth flesh. No denying that. It had been, like, a decade since you last ate anything. And Peter probably looked like one hell of a snack right about now. Not even in a totally kinky way.

“WOAH, WOAH, WOAH! Hold yer horses there, baby! Yer gettin’ a liiiitttle too close fer comfort now! C’mon, huh? Do you really think I’m on the menu? ‘Cuz trust me. If yer gonna eat somebody? I shouldn’t be yer first choice! I really don’t taste all that great!” Peter yelled, throwing a hand out momentarily before returning to the tangled cables. He huffed an uneasy laugh, “SHIT! Yer not listening, are you? Ahaha! Yer gonna eat me. Totally gonna eat me. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck-”

Peter tore at the cables wrapped around his foot. Acting as quickly as his petrified state would allow, he pulled the scalpel from his back pocket. But the dull razor’s edge refused to cut through the wires. Dropping the useless tool, he ripped into the cables one more time using all his strength. Only to free himself a millisecond too late. Always late. You lurched forward, making grabby hands.

Quicksilver vs. an actual, real life zombie. If he made it out alive, that’d make one helluva story.

But-

Wait a damn minute. Hold the freakin’ phone. Why were you…looking at him like that?

The glazed over eyes of a living corpse opened up, all big and doe-like. Gazing at Peter in - no mistaking it - infatuated fondness. Your supple lips parted with a wide smile of pure delight. Like sunshine peeking through hazardous, storm clouds. You leapt forward unexpectedly, squeaking a raspy squeal. Burrowing your face into the warmth of Peter’s chest, you linked your arms around his neck. Holding onto him tight.

“What the-” He whispered, looking down at your messy head of hair.

Uh. Okay. So, that just happened. Weird. Why weren’t you feasting on his flesh? Wasn’t he supposed to be your first meal since zombie hibernation, or something? Didn’t you wanna go chomp chomp chomp, and turn his guts into mush?

Peter realized, looking at you up close, you appeared perfectly clean and preserved. You didn’t reek like a dead body. The earthy scent on your cold skin wasn’t too unpleasant either. It smelled herbal. Floral, even. Your smooth skin lacked any signs of rot. Aside from one or two lesions revealing rib or arm bones. Kinda...freakishly cool. The surface of your skin looked see-through, with veins weaving underneath like intricate wiring.

A little spooky, sure. But not all that scary to look at, surprisingly enough. Not like Peter expected, anyway. As you snuggled closer into Peter’s body, he began to realize how oddly affectionate you were. Very out of character, for a zombie. You squeaked an unintelligible noise, attempting to communicate. But you just couldn’t form the words. Maybe your speech capabilities fizzled out after years and years of unending silence.

Peter creased his brows, lowering his defenses and calming himself down. Another thirty seconds passed. His brains remained intact, and you hadn’t made him your next meal. He pulled the earbud from his ear, hooking them around his neck and pressing pause on the Walkman. Craning your neck back, your glassy eyes met Peter’s own. You grinned so big and joyful, gleaming the innocence of a pure-of-heart, golden retriever. Despite being totally bizarre, Peter found your sweetness...sorta...weirdly cute.

“Uhmmm…hi? Hey. Uh-why’re you lookin’ at me like that?” He laughed, a little uneasy.

Maybe your affection stemmed from something simple. If Peter were locked up in a cramped pod for so many years, he’d be ecstatic if someone finally freed him. You were probably just uber thankful he’d broken you outta that pod thingy. And you showed gratitude through touching, since you couldn’t exactly flurry him with thank yous. He could accept that. Sure. For now.

The walkie hanging from his belt droned a buzz, and Scott’s voice called out. Peter finally reached for it, maneuvering between his body and yours. Your arms stayed around his neck, your body hanging like a stubborn monkey’s from a tree.

“Peter? Do you copy? Peter, are you there, man? Talk to us. Please. Should we send someone over to assist?” Scott asked, his voice itching with alarm. “Yeah! Yeah, nah. Uh-hey, Scotty! Hey, I’m here. I’m oka-...dude, it’s fine. Nothin’ to worry about. Seriously. But…I do kinda have a situation here? Over.” Peter replied.

Scott exhaled a relieved sigh on the other end of the line. In the crackling background of the walkie, Peter heard Jean’s voice. She asked, “Did he say over ?” Followed by a series of hushed chuckles. Peter smirked to himself.

“Oh! Oh my god. Thank goodness, Pete. We were all getting pretty worried about you over here. What’s going on? Are you still at the lab? You said there was a situation. What kind of situation? Did that old place finally cave in?” Scott asked. Many, many questions.

Peter heard even more frantic, muffled conversations in the background. While he couldn’t understand them, he recognized the voices. The entire team had gathered, just to make sure he made it out alive. Awww. How sweet. They were worried about lil ol’ him? If Peter hadn’t had the bejesus scared out of him not even five minutes ago, his heart would’ve melted.

“Heyyyy, guys! Uhhhh…soooo…I might’ve found, like, a zombie? No joke. Like, a real zombie. But it’s not tryna kill me. It’s-” Peter paused, raising a brow. You fluttered your lashes, giving him a coquettish look, “Bro, I think it’s makin’ eyes at me. Legit. Kinda weird, right? Definitely not what I was expecting. But it’s totally fine. I got it all under control now. Over.”

A long silence fell amongst the walkie’s noise. Until Scott finally responded in monotone.

“Did we hear you wrong, or did you just say you found a zombie?” He asked, his tone carrying a hint of disbelief. As if expecting Peter to say - Psych! Fooled ya!

Peter parted his lips to confirm. But the abrupt tickle of a chilly kiss on his neck silenced him. You stood up on your bare toes, giggling sweetly. Across his hot skin, you peppered your chapped lips. Instantly, Peter froze in place again. Shudders rang through his body. He reached for one of your arms, tugging you to try and pull you off him.

“Uhm. Y’know what? It’s no big deal. B-But yeah, it’s a zombie fer sure.” Peter tugged your arm with more insistence, urging you to let go. But you persisted, giggling into the crook of his neck, “Like I said. No worries here. It’s not like I’m in da- haaah okayokayokay-”

Your feather light kisses became soft, kitten licks. Flicking Peter’s flesh with your slimy tongue, you squealed, tickled pink. Peter jolted, shivers sizzling down his spine. He tilted his neck to the side, wincing. Over the walkie, he heard Hank’s gruff voice.

“Peter! It’s Hank-” The blue beast said, as if Peter couldn’t already tell based on his growly tone, “Are you a hundred percent sure the undead creature isn’t dangerous?” He asked, buzzing through a scratch of interference.

Coldness slathered and swirled Peter’s neck in slow circles. Fluttering his eyes closed, he replied, “N-Not dangerous. Ohhhh. Definitely not dangerous. No danger here. All good. Over.” Again, he tried to pull you off.

Your discolored arms tightened their hold around his neck and over his shoulders. Cooing noises dripped from your tongue like honey, so sugary sweet. You swiped his skin with your tongue, nuzzling your cold nose into the heated crevice of his neck. Pressing your body closer into his, you squirmed, littering him with zombie kisses.

Peter tensed, apprehensive of your affections. He didn’t want to be too harsh or aggressive towards you. Worried that any sign of conflict might make you snap. For all he knew, you might go bonkers and brain hungry. Really, he should’ve gotten it over with and pushed you away. Before you took things a little too far. And you did. Your teeth sank into his neck, lightly nibbling his flesh. As you pressed yourself even closer into his proximity, your breasts - covered only by a ragged crop top - met the swell of his broad chest. WOOOOOAH! Talk about twisted! Sure, okay, maybe your bites turned him on, like, a little. Flooding his body with a pleasant, all-over shudder of pleasure. But he couldn’t just fold for a zombie, could he? That’d be disgusting!

It’d be gross, right?

A subconscious desire in the recesses of his lonesome mind told him he wanted - no, needed - the attention. He hadn’t been intimate with anyone like this since the pogs fad. Easy, now, Peter! Down, boy.

But…shit. As much as he wanted to give in, he couldn’t. Not for a monster. A living corpse, left cooking in a secluded pod for a decade. Cloaked in discoloration and held together by expertly crafted stitching. Not entirely mindless, but so dense, you hadn’t the forethought to ask - “What happened? Where am I? Who are you?” No. Instead, you went after him the moment you saw him, showering him in bubbly, zombie lovin’.

He…shouldn’t find that hot. His fingers shouldn’t be tightening around the walkie, and his groin shouldn’t feel as scorching as it does. Oh, man. Could Peter be any more doomed? He’d have to be mad desperate - way out of his mind - to reciprocate your affection. Raising the walkie again, he cleared his throat.

“Hiya, Beastie. A-Acutally, I think they-...the zombie really, really likes me.” Peter added for no reason at all. You nibbled him a little harder, and he winced again.

“Well, now! That’s good then, isn’t it? Better than the alternative, I’d say! If at all possible, Peter, you should bring the creature with you. I’d like to look it over. Maybe run some tests. Figure out what brought it to life! This could be the secret to reversing brain death!” Hank chimed, excited.

Peter rolled his eyes. Of course Hank wanted to poke and prod at you like some little, lab rat. He opened his mouth to respond, but choked before he could get a word in. Your dull teeth clamped roughly into his neck. Peter braced a free hand on your hip, his thumb digging into the cool, exposed flesh there. Now, suspicion began to dawn on him.

You could be a clever, little zombie. Capable of luring Peter in with flirtatious wiles and sweet touches. Once he let his guard down, what if you planned on tearing into his guts? Well played, smarty pants zombie. Well played. But Peter caught onto your little game. You couldn’t get anything past him.

Instead of slurping his blood like a 7-Eleven slushie, or ripping your nails into his taut muscles; you suckled his skin lovingly. Pulling tiny hickies into his neck. Squealing and giggling in that girlish fashion, playful with every nibble. Peter gulped, biting his lip between his teeth. No way in hell he allowed a zombie to give him hickies.

…Except he did. So what? No harm in it, right?

“Y-Yeah. Sure. I’m good. Great. Just hangin’ out with my new zombie buddy. It’s totally not gonna eat my brains. Like, zero percent chance I’m gonna die an ugly, zombie death. So, y’know, Beastie, don’t lose any sleep over it.” Peter responded, before following it up with a condescending, “Over.”

On the walkie line, Peter heard a series of groans and faint giggles. Followed by Hank’s voice, as he passed the walkie back to Scott. The X-Men’s laser eyed leader sighed, his tone unamused.

“Whatever, Peter. Just…just hurry up, will you? And bring those documents over for Hank. Thanks.”

Peter tried, and failed to keep his composure. A cutie pie zombie kept macking on him like a lovesick puppy, and he had no clue what to make of it. You sucked more sloppy, violet marks into his neck. Tugging his skin with your teeth and nibbling like you couldn’t get enough of him. Peter’s skin flared up in cold creeps, as you trailed your chilly lips to his shoulder. Pulling his jacket and the collar of his shirt aside, you spoiled him in more undead affection.

“Gotcha. Copy that. Ov- mmm -” Peter whispered a moan, replying with a rushed, “Overandout.”

He clipped the walkie back onto his belt. Attempting once more to pry you off him, Peter gave your arm a strong tug. A little more forceful this time around. As you finally dislodged yourself from his neck, Peter took a few steps back. Avoiding any stray cables on the floor.

Now, with some distance between the two of you, he cleared his throat. Peter brought a hand to his neck, grazing fingers over the love bites you left behind. Tiny splotches of purple pooled with offsets of scarlet. Faint teeth marks left grooves in his skin. He hissed.

Giving you the freedom to pepper him with hickies might not have been the smartest idea. Hopefully, you didn’t infect him with some sick, zombie disease. One with the potential to end humanity as he knew it. He couldn’t cope with the weight of that responsibility on his shoulders.

You gawked up at him with those big, adoring eyes. Excitedly, you squealed, hopping towards him with your eager arms outstretched. Hoping to pull Peter into another close hug, just so you could litter him in more nibbly, love bites. He raised an abrupt hand, maintaining distance. Peter cleared his throat again. His cheeks burned hot, doused in bright pink.

Totally not fair, the way an overly affectionate zombie got him blushing.

“L-Listen. Uh. Yer sweet, but-” Peter started. Subconsciously, his gaze drifted down your body. He observed the stitches sewn into your neck and limbs. His dark chocolate eyes followed the rips and tears in your skimpy shirt. The flimsy garment revealed a tiny peek of your - admittedly pretty - breasts. And Peter swallowed, his throat running dry, “Uhhh…you can’t keep doin’ this, okay? The-” He wiggled his long fingers, gesturing to his neck, “The hickie thing. If yer gonna come with me, we gotta lay down some ground rules. Alright? You get me, babe?”

You tilted your head to the side, blinking slowly. Gazing at Peter with a look that told him you didn’t understand. But you didn’t seem to give a shit either way. You reached for one of his hands, a dazzled smile curling into your lips. Purring a candied noise of affection, you brought his hand to your cheek and nuzzled his palm. Your lips gently kissed each fingertip. Peter pulled a face, knitting his silver brows.

“Why’re you so damn-” He shook his head, “Whatever. Listen. Can you, like, chill out? No biting, you understand?” Peter paused to make a chomping gesture, clicking his teeth. But this only made you giggle. Which, unfortunately, he found super infectious.

Peter chuckled, scoffing playfully, “Stop that! I’m totally serious! No biting. No licking. No kissing. Like this. You see this?” He gestured to the hickies on his neck, their trail leading under his shirt, “No more ‘a that, you feel me? I dunno how I’m gonna explain this to the crew back home. They’re gonna think we got, like, freaky ‘er somethin’. Yeah. Can you imagine that? Like I’d ever fool around with-”

Fluttering your off colored lashes, you tilted your head to the other side. You parted your chapped lips, squealing as you edged his fingertips into your mouth. Pressing the salty pads to your bitter tongue.

“Oh! EUCK! Gross! Don’t-” Peter scowled, jerking his hand from you in less than a millisecond. With a horrified look, he observed his fingers as if they were germ-infested specimens, “Yer a real weird one, babe.”

His guard fell. While Peter kept his perplexed eyes on his fingers, you leapt forward. Burying your face deep into the fabric of his shirt, you squealed. Gleeful and bubbly. Peter groaned, only half-annoyed. He made a move to push you off him again. But your precious, little purring noises changed his mind. Peter couldn’t find it in himself to put his foot down.

Turns out he had a weakness. Cute, overly affectionate zombies. Who woulda thought?

Whatever. Peter had wayyy more important things on his plate. He knew he should gather up those folders he dropped, along with anything else he lost during his freak out session. Once he did, he needed to get the two of you out of this dingy, old lab asap.

“ Mmmmm …n-need…” You hummed your first word, before squealing, “Loooooove~!” Your voice strained, rattling like you’d been pounding down cigarettes by the plenty.

Peter’s eyes widened, and he let his sizeable hands fall to your hips, “Di-...wait a sec, did you just talk? Holy shit! You can talk?” Peter asked, dumbfounded, “Woah! Wow. Uh…so…you got a name? Can you at least tell me yer name?”

Your case file hadn’t listed your name, leaving you reduced to a number. Pretty messed up, if anyone were to ask Peter. Either you still didn’t understand him, or you couldn’t remember your own name. Instead of giving him an answer, you nuzzled your face in his chest. You tittered, so soft and smitten, your ragged voice muffled by the fabric of his shirt. Cold, tiny zombie hands tickled the back of his neck, raking gentle nails down his torso.

Standing on your toes, you connected your cool lips with his neck all over again. You kissed your previous love bites, as if doing so would heal them entirely. Ashamed of himself for letting it happen, Peter stifled a groan.

"Y-...You don't remember yer name, do you?" He mumbled. Peter's strong arms wrapped around your back, pulling you in, "That is...a seriously messed up situation. But, hey, I'm here fer you. Don't worry, 'kay? We'll get you to a safe place, and you can start over there. Sound good?" His caring nature shined through. But male horniness abruptly overshadowed it, as your wet tongue tickled his skin.

A guilty part of him, overrun with sympathy, felt bad for you. Those scientists hadn’t treated you like the victim of an unfortunate accident. More like a toy. Meant to be ripped apart, played with, and abandoned. It seemed wrong to perceive you in a frisky light. But then again…you wanted love. You may as well have been begging for it.

Love. One of the first words you spoke since your undead coma. Not that much of a surprise, if he thought about it. As a science experiment, loneliness probably consumed you. Even before your decade-long slumber. In a way, Peter understood. He too felt haunted by a longing for affection for far, far too long. In his mind, that made the two of you kindred spirits.

Ahhhh …dammit. Peter just couldn’t resist you and your sweet wiles anymore. His self control steadily slipped from his weakened grasp.

“ Mmmmm! Wa-....waaaant…love~! Neeeed… mmm …lo-....love~!” You squeaked, your cold tongue curling over a fresh, purple mark.

“C’mon, baby. We can’t-...you really have to stop this. We gotta head back to base, like, now. Everyone’s waitin’ on me, and I-” Peter muttered, and you pulled back. Gazing at him with that mystified, doe eyed look. Like you saw the beauty of the cosmos in him, and him alone. Your lips sparkled, wet from your lovin’. Peter clutched your hips firmly. His jeans seemed...somehow tighter all of a sudden, “Would ya stop lookin’ at me like that?”

“Looooooove~?” You cooed, your voice taking on a lustrous, but groggy tone.

“Yeah. I know. But…” Peter sighed, letting his hands feel up and down your curvy sides, “Yer gonna get me in soooo much trouble. But, fine. You win, okay? What kinda love are we talkin’ 'bout here, babe? You wanna hug? Want me to-uhm…to plant one on you? Is that it?”

You perked up then. Peter took it as a sign you understood him, more than you let on before. He arched a brow. At this point, why even hold back? Because you were dead? So what! Who ever said zombies couldn’t be smokin’ hot?

If he messed around with you just a little, no one would ever know. Which…made the concept even more enticing. You could be his little secret. An affectionate secret he’d forever bury in the ground. In place of the grave those scientists never gave you.

Peter fluttered his eyes closed, finally giving in to your closeness entirely. Lowering his big hands, he grabbed your ass. His palms squeezed over the torn, booty shorts you wore. Never did he imagine - upon exploring some horror movie, science lab - he’d feel up a cutie pie corpse’s plump bottom by the end. What a way to end a mission. Life worked in some wildly bizarre ways sometimes.

Kissing a zombie? Not as gross as he thought it’d be.

Okay. Maybe for, like, half a second. But the earthy taste on Peter’s lips didn’t faze him much. Once he pushed past the initial ick, he embraced you fully. Peter decided he didn’t give a flying fuck how unsanitary zombie smooches might be. Uncoordinated lip motions lured him in further. Pinkish teeth grazing his bottom lip between kisses. Soon enough, they turned sloppy, and Peter found himself frenching the living dead.

Zombie make out session. An experience he hadn’t planned to check off his bucket list. But now, he could.

One of his hands gripped your ass. While his other held your face and pulled you in for more tongue action. In the midst of swapping spit, you sought every opportune moment to nibble him. Peter couldn’t help but be super into it. You mewled softly, giggling when he gave your booty a hard squeeze. Chuckling, he parted from your lips to look over your greenish face. Your eyes bulged so big and wide, pupils an off-grey color and impossibly huge. Wonderstruck by his very existence. Darting down to capture your lips again, Peter stumbled forward. He guided your body towards the operating table, knocking you into it. Your hips collided with the edge, causing a loud, vibrating clang. The rough motion worried him enough, he stopped sucking face just to confirm you were alright. Peter feverishly kissed your cold lips, his hands exploring your body. Feeling stitched skin under his fingers.

You pulled from him with a joyous squeal, but Peter followed. Confused as to why you stopped, until you dove for the untarnished side of his neck. Dull flats of your teeth chomped straight into his flesh, grinding a little too roughly for comfort. Peter winced with a start, ceasing his love on your bootylicious bottom.

“N-No! Noooo! Hey, baby, look at me.” Peter snapped his fingers to get your attention. Not that he wanted to be so demanding. But you needed to understand his boundaries, before you tore into his flesh and guzzled his blood. Instantly, you reacted, retracting your teeth from his neck. You moved to make eye contact, and Peter fixed you with a soft gaze, “What’d I tell you, huh? Look, it’s not that I can’t appreciate some neckin’. 'Cuz I totally can. And I really dig it. Like, a lot. But you can’t be munchin’ on me! Really freaks me out when you do that.”

You angled your head again, curious. Doe eyes gaped at him with fluttering lashes, innocently confused, “ Mmm. Giv-....Giiiiive…love?” You croaked, pawing at Peter’s chest over his shirt, acting so needy.

He couldn’t begin to understand what you meant, or what you imagined love to be in your head. Were you really so desperate to bite him? Or, were you asking for something else? Wanton, bedroom eyes dawned your pretty face. Plush, ashy lips parting. You pawed his chest again, your blunt nails scraping across his shirt. In your desperation to communicate your-uhm…needs, you jutted your hips forward into his jeans. “L-L…Lo-” You started, throaty voice oozing innocence. Though, the look in your lidded eyes betrayed said innocence, “Loooooove. Need. P-Please?”

Peter’s eyes popped open, as realization dawned on him. Oh. You meant you needed-... Ah. He understood now. The unreasonably cute, living corpse he found - dormant in a pod for, like, a decade - wanted to bump uglies. Great. Awesome. What the hell was he supposed to do about that? Fulfill your unbridled desire? C’monnnn. Didn’t boning undead cuties come with any moral implications? If he took you to pound town, would that make him a necrophiliac? Peter really didn’t wanna be labeled a necrophiliac.

But hypothetically, what if he admitted his own desperation to himself? He always fumbled every time he tried to step up his game and woo the ladies. Not like he had any game to begin with. And tonight, there you were. Practically begging for him to take you. He should acknowledge the fact that, yeah - no matter how much he tried to pretend otherwise - he found you very hot. So, ludicrously hot. Zombie traits and all.

And regardless of how many times he second guessed himself - at the end of the day - his dick didn’t have any qualms about zombie hanky panky.

Peter’s hand traveled up, thumbs curiously tracing the rough lining of your neck stitches. Before toying with the rusted bolts an inch or two above. Testing if you could even feel it. You didn’t react, and Peter wondered if scientists used those bolts to revive you. Did they awaken you Frankenstein style, with sharp surges of electricity? Or did you come to life by other means? A glowing, reagent liquid, maybe?

Hesitating for a fraction of a second, Peter tugged the front of your loose top down. A pair of off-green, zombie melons jiggled freely. Stitches circled each breast, and Peter may or may not have thought they looked hot as fuck like that. Call him inhumane, but he really dug your whole monstrous babe aesthetic.

His hands kneaded the softest pair of undead knockers he ever felt, making you squirm under his touch. Peter grinned, pleased with every choked squeak leaping off your lips. He flitted his dark gaze up to your face, then back down to your breasts; back and forth, back and forth. Admiring the delicate expressions you made, your precious face scrunched in pleasure.

“Damn. Anyone ever tell you how pretty you are? ‘Specially like this.” Peter chuckled, pinching and twisting your perky nipples, “Bet those bad guys never did. Sucks fer them. Yer a total babe. And sooo fuckin’ cute. Makes me want you all fer myself.”

Sooooo…about your…cooch situation. Yeah. Uh…Peter might’ve been somewhat worried about that. Taking your condition into consideration, he felt himself overcome with hesitance. Fearful that your-uh…flower, so to speak, may have withered away after a decade of darkness.

What about diseases? The thought made Peter squeamish. Even though you appeared and smelled relatively clean, you still hadn’t showered in a long freakin’ time. Then again, protection existed. Not to mention, you were so, so needy and cute. Your body looked undeniably amazing, and felt so soft. Fuck it. With some reluctance, Peter willed himself to test the waters. For your sake, but also for his own. Just to make up for the years he spent wishing he could get laid again.

A win-win for you both.

Tugging your tiny shorts down your smooth thighs - finding a little struggle along the way, since the meat of your thighs proved an obstacle - Peter snuck his fingers under the hem of your worn panties. The millisecond before his fingers met the supple curtains of your pussy, he second guessed himself for the zillionth time. Peter’s subconscious doubt pestered him enough, he almost withdrew his hand completely.

But the precious whimper you made gave him enough encouragement to keep going. His thick digits cautiously braved forbidden, undead territory. Finding an overabundance of cool, silky wetness between your lips. Peter swallowed hard, knitting his brows as he scoured for your clit.

“Jesus, baby.” He muttered. Judging by your bubbly squeak of delight, Peter assumed he found what he’d been venturing for. Leaning slightly forward into your proximity, Peter circled your stiff, little nub, “You want it bad, don’t you?”

“G-...G-....Gooooood! Mo-....More? More!” You mewled, clenching fists into his shirt. Mindlessly, you canted your hips, seeking his crotch. “Hey, it’s whatever you want, pretty.” He mused with a smirk, voice tender, “Relaaaax. I gotcha. I gotcha. ”

His fingers drew downwards, teasing for a beat before cruising into your silken entrance. Lush, deathly cold walls welcomed his digits in a loving hug. Beckoning Peter to sink them in deeper. You held his shirt like a lifeline, moaning an angelic, rattle of a noise. Pulling you closer into his warm body, Peter lowered his head to your shoulder. Thin strands of silver hair tickled your cheek. His thick fingers curled, hooking into a cushiony spot inside you. Your near-empty eyes saw hot flashes of light.

“L-LOOOVE~!” You whimpered through hitched cries.

“Mhm?” Peter laughed, impishly nibbling his lip, “Feel that lovin’? Feels good, doesn’t it, baby?”

Keeping you distracted for a temporary moment, Peter dotted your neck in warm kisses. Subtly easing his fingers in and out of your velvet pussy at a quicker pace. Your knees buckled, trembling the faster he moved. Until his motions became brutal. With a perfect curl, speedy digits rammed repeatedly into that spongy spot you loved. Your sugary sweet, unintelligible whines rose in volume, as your sticky, little, zombie cunt quivered.

You gnawed powerful bites as you came, your teeth digging into Peter’s neck. But this time, he allowed it. He forced himself to muscle through the pain, holding your shuddering body close, “ Shhhh. Shhh. It’s cool, baby. It’s - ahh - it’s cool. That's it.” He cooed with a careful tone, stroking the back of your head and threading fingers through your ragged hair.

Easing his fingers from your cunt, he double checked the digits, making sure nothing seemed off. Your release felt thicker and stickier than any living person’s, but didn’t have much of a scent. While usually he looooved to taste the aftermath of a total cutie’s orgasm, Peter opted not to. Sure, your wetness didn’t appear radioactive or hazardous. But the thought of guzzling zombie honey put him off a little bit.

“G-....Goood?” You ogled Peter with half-lidded, glassy eyes, your lips parting in an irresistible giggle.

Peter bit his tongue. Alright. Maybe he…could give it a shot. Just this once. Zombie love liquor couldn’t be deadly or anything, could it? Disease-ridden, maybe. But Peter knew a hyper-intelligent doctor who could whip up a cure for most ailments. Guess it didn’t matter anymore. By the time Peter second guessed himself yet again, he’d already sucked his fingers clean. A bitter thickness lingered on his taste buds. Peter salivated at the thought of drinking down more.

“ Mmmm … mhm …not bad.” He chuckled, lips humming around his fingers, "I'd go fer seconds." He added with a wink, making you laugh.

Yikes. If Hank only knew how reckless Peter acted in the presence of some zombified cutie. He’d lock him up in the infirmary and run a thousand tests on him. Just to make damn sure Peter hadn’t contracted anything lethal.

Politely pushing you off him, Peter turned his head. He double checked the perimeter for any signs of life, despite the lab being totally desolate. Hopefully Summers hadn’t sent anyone after him, since the speedster took way too long returning to base. Unbuttoning his jeans, he pulled his hard length from the fly. Almost immediately, you gasped in elation. Tickled squeals danced on your discolored tongue. Thick, and flushed a dark scarlet, Peter’s cock throbbed in his hand.

"I'm guessin' you like what you see?" He snickered, giving his dick a firm stroke, "I like what I'm seein' too...if you couldn't tell." Every word Peter said, every charming smile he gave, seemed to attract you considerably. Drawing more kittenish giggles from you.

With your freezing, zombie mitts, you ungracefully reached for him. Cold fingers squeezed his cock, stroking in a clumsy motion. Peter drew in a sharp breath, the cool sensation of your hands arousing his nerves. Even if your hand to gland combat lacked any skill, it felt damn awesome to be touched like this again. He stepped forward, his giant hands grabbing your hips. You played with him as much as your little, unbeating heart desired. Tugging his burning hardness with an overzealous grip.

You tried lowering yourself to the floor, your mouth falling open, tongue gliding over your lip. But Peter instinctively stopped you. His hands darted to your shoulders, pulling you into a standing position. He preferred if you didn’t take your biting addiction downstairs. Visitations of the oral variety were closed to any undead visitors. At least, for right now.

“Y’know, I don’t usually like goin’ all the way on the first date.” He spoke, fishing his wallet from the back pocket of his jeans, “Like, call me an old soul 'er whatever.” Peter worked quickly, pulling a condom out of his wallet. He slipped the latex over his length, “But I can make an exception. Just fer you, cutie. But this stays between us, yeah?”

You nodded, pushing yourself up onto the dusty, operating table. Peter cringed, curling his lip out of concern for you. This couldn’t be sanitary. Dragging his attention from the filth under your bottom, you parted your knees. With your body angled backwards, you pointed eagerly at your panty-clad pussy. Soaked and dripping under the thin fabric. Peter’s breath hitched.

“Looooooove~? M-Ma…make?” You cooed, scooting a little off the edge of the table. As if tempting him to give in and fuck you already, you wiggled your ass. Like a beautiful, monstrous display of stitches and postmortem skin. All for the speedster's taking.

"I-I mean-uh...sure. If you really want me to. What kinda guy would I be to turn you down?" He awkwardly joked, fighting his nerves.

Peter pushed a strong hand against your inner thigh. Warm on your deathly cold flesh. He pulled your thin panties to the side, teasing your glossy slit with the head of his cock. You whimpered, cute noises bubbling in the back of your throat. Edging you for a beat more, he slid the teary eyed tip over your clit. Before sinking his length through your walls. Inch by pulsating inch, he bottomed out in a flash, tip kissing your cervix.

“ Wohhhhh, fuck.” He groaned. A new kind of coolness enveloped his cock, plushy and soft. Hooking your stitched legs over Peter’s shoulders, you tilted your body. Inviting him to submerge as deeply as your tight cunt would allow, “Oh, baby…yer so-...ah, fuuuuck. ”

"G……..Goo-......Gooood~!" You whimpered, squeezing your eyes shut. Your strangled voice erupted in a mantra of lustful squeals.

By some act of divine intervention, Peter could feel the swollen, unyielding lusciousness of your pussy. Walls wringing his cock, like you wanted to suck him dry of everything he had. He swiftly rutted into your cunt, hard enough to make you bounce against the table. Peter’s sluggish eyes followed your breasts as they bobbed. Titties jiggling with such a soft, sexy whirl; He felt his cock twitch inside you.

Leaning down, Peter loomed over you, the rough fabrics of his clothes sliding along your bare skin. He kissed you tenderly, a little heedless. In the midst of fondling your precious, stitched breasts, Peter's hot palm curiously pressed against your chest. Feeling...nothing. No heartbeat, no blood flow. A little spooked, he refocused his attention. Playing with your bouncing, zombie titties again.

"Feels so-...you feel so good, holy fuck -" He moaned, his voice catching in his throat, "So pretty. L- ah ...love how tight you are." Playfully, Peter lost himself in the moment. He pulled a nipple between his teeth, suckling one of your Frankenstein tits, "Loooove these zombie boobies. Hah -oooohhh, shit-"

Lying in slumber for a decade must have left you majorly sensitive. In just a few more, aggressive, bunny humps; you came again. Hypnotic delight burst through your core, pushing you to the point of tears. Your pussy fluttered, sticky wetness gushing around his cock. Reaching up to link your arms around his neck, you clawed little etchings into his skin.

“M-Mmmmmooore~! More, mmm- ...more~!!” You pleaded, coaxing Peter to drill you with all the energy he carried. Not to toot his own horn, but - little did you know - he harbored enough energy for a hundred men. And then some.

"You w- fuck -want more? Want more, baby? God, yer gonna make me-" His voice wavered between moans, "G-Gonna make me lose it-"

Peter’s mischievous eyes met yours, as you gave him that doe eyed look he couldn’t fucking resist. Sharp jabs of his cock sped to a blur, slamming into your cunt in a brutal display of his strength. Keeping himself balanced, hands pressed to the table on either side of you; Peter showed no mercy. Abusing your precious, syrupy walls with a ruthless pace. But not fast enough that he’d tear his means of protection. A harsh surge of heavenly pain flared up inside you, as he tore into your pussy and bashed your cervix.

"LOOOOOVE~! Ah~! Peeeetur~!" In a moment of post orgasmic clarity, you called his name. Slurred, and barely recognizable. How'd you even know? Had you picked it up from his walkie conversations? Damn, his zombie buddy's more perceptive than he thought. Peter snickered, finding your pronunciation ridiculous. But the cute, needy sound of his name on your lips triggered something.

" ’Mgonnacum- ” Peter whined, his brutal pace more inconsistent and sloppy, “Gonna-...feels too good o h fuck oh fuCK -”

A pearly white burst of thick heat stuffed the latex of the condom full, threatening to make it pop. Burying his nose deep in the crook of your neck, Peter moaned. Guttural whines ripped from his chest, drying his throat. Panting - not from exhaustion, but overstimulation - Peter loosened his muscles. In mellow, post nut bliss, he almost overlooked the sizzle of static buzzing from his walkie.

“Peter? Peter, answer me right now. So help me god. Everyone’s worried sick about you! Do you read me? Peter, I said, do you read me? Please!” Scott pleaded through a mix of agitation and genuine distress.

Peter drew out a long, hard groan. Pushing himself up a little, he fumbled lazily for his walkie. A sluggish grin curled into his dimples, as he nibbled his lip and winked down at you. His eyes half lidded and hanging heavy.

“Mmmm…’M fine. ‘M fine. ‘M fine.” He chuckled, overcompensating for himself. He knew he’d be in mega trouble with the crew by this point, “It’s all-uh…all good. Jeez, Summers. Did ya think I was dead ‘er somethin’? Haha…” Peter drolled, his tone slower than usual. He withdrew his softening cock from inside you, watching while you squirmed. On your back, you appeared a blissful, fucked out mess. Ultimately satisfied. Mission accomplished, “Don’t worry so much, bro. I was only takin’ my new, zombie buddy out to-uh…tooooooo…an arcade. Yeah. An arcade.”

On the other end of the line, a silence fell. Peter filled it with an, “O-Over.” to compensate again.

“...You took the zombie…to an arcade?” Scott responded, an edge of irritated disbelief in his tone, “Peter, are you out of your damn mind? Do you not realize how much of a risk that is? I can’t even-...your priority for this mission was to retrieve those documents for Hank. Doesn’t it seem irresponsible to be dragging an unknown, undead creature around a public place? I can’t even believe you!” He heard Scott scoff, “Now, will you please return already with those documents? We’re all waiting on you. Bring the zombie too.”

“Uhhh…yeah. Sorry ‘bout that. Dunno what came over me. Sure. Okie dokes. Lemme, uh-” Peter spoke, playfully fighting you off. You reached for his neck, trying to pull him back down for post-sex cuddles, “Lemme grab ‘em. They’re goin’ hog wild with skee-ball right now. Crazy, right? They scored, like, sooooo many points. You should see all the tickets we got, man. We could totally get one ‘a those jumbo prizes. Say, Scotty, do you want, like, a giant Mighty Mouse?”

“Maximoff.” Scott replied sternly, without a beat of hesitation. His frustration oozed through the speakers, and Peter could feel guilt itching at his conscience.

In the background, Peter overheard someone - though he couldn’t guess who - mutter a, “Is Mighty Mouse even a thing anymore?” Oh. Once Peter returned, he’d be in for it. Royally fucked. Figuratively, and, thankfully, literally. In the short, momentary instance of silence between walkie communication; Peter disposed of the condom and straightened himself out. He disappeared for a millisecond, snatching a fresh towel from some luxury bath shop all the way in Paris. Dousing the cloth in warm water, he wiped you clean upon his ultra speedy arrival. Before helping you redress, making you look…somewhat presentable.

“Fine. I totally get it, okay? Look, man. I’m sorry. But can ya really blame me fer wantin' to hang after the experience I just had? Doesn’t matter. Be there in a flash. M-Maybe don’t tell Hank, though. If you can hel-” Peter rambled sheepishly, slinging the towel over his shoulder. He stepped backwards, extending a hand for you to take.

“Pietro Maximoff, I am beside myself with you!” Hank started, clearly agitated, cutting Peter off.

Peter groaned, mumbling quietly to himself as you took his hand, “He told Hank. He did it. He fuckin’ told him. Shit. I’m so fucked. I’m so, so fucked.” In a motion to guide you off the operating table, Peter pulled you forward by your hand.

“I have several questions. Why would you bring an undead creature to an arcade? What were your motivations behind taking the creature out, on a recreational activity? The potential danger or damage to the arcade and its patrons is far too high. And, furthermore, Peter, is there any scientific value to observing a zombie around arcade equipment? I understand you have this insatiable need to act out, but this is ridiculous! It is our duty, as members of the X-Men, to protect humanity from all threats. Including potential zombie related incidents at public arcades. Now then, please return the specimen immediately for further observation.” Hank ranted on and on and on and on-

A noise, like fabric tearing, cut uncomfortably through the air. Weak stitching around your elbow ripped loose, and Peter pulled your forearm clean off. Hank’s tirade met an abrupt end, as a blood curdling scream rocked the entire room. “Peter? Peter?? What’s happened? Peter, are you alright?” Hank panicked over the walkie.

Past the edge of terrified, shocked to the point of nearly pissing himself; Peter screamed. He wiggled his hand, trying to let go of your lone arm. But your hand held his tightly, your grip refusing to ease up. Once he finally freed himself, he expected your arm to drop to the floor. But your little fingers moved, crawling like spider legs. A zombie’s dislodged arm creeped up Peter’s shoulder over his jacket. Some real, Evil Dead kinda shit. He smacked at it, shouting like a housewife frightened by a mere mouse.

“YEAH!I’mfineI’mgreatI’mawesomesorryit’snothing.” Peter responded, rushed and unclear, “O-Over?” He cringed, scowling as you hopped off the operating table to retrieve your missing arm.

“...Pardon?” Hank asked, tone puzzled. Peter swallowed, shuddering while you pulled your freakish, deadite arm off his shoulder, “Are you…sure you’re alright, Peter? What’s going on? You’ve been acting awful strange tonight. Is there something on your mind?”

A lot. Peter had so much on his mind. Like, the totally real fact that he boned an undead, Frankenstein babe, for one.

“Uhm. It’s-...it’s nothing. Seriously, don’t even worry, Beastie. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Just-uhm…lab’s still-...there was some thunder, and the building-uh-” Peter nervously rambled, struggling to find his words, “Over.”

Another pause drew out long enough for Peter to realize his mistake. He cursed, smacking himself on the side of the head. How could he be scatterbrained, to forget his own lies in a matter of seconds? He had a feeling, deep in his gut; Hank would rip him a new one tonight once he got back. “...The lab? Peter…didn’t you just tell us you were at an arcade?” Hank asked, reasonably suspicious.

Peter’s voice broke as he replied, “I mEAN-” He cleared his throat, “Uhhh-...heh. I-I ran back! Forgot-uh...there was somethin’ I forgot. Like I said, doesn’t matter. I’m totally fine! I’m juuust peachy! Hang tight. I’ll be right there. Over and out.” Peter took a second to collect himself, clipping his walkie to his belt. He silenced the device, ignoring any further questions from Hank. Subconsciously, Peter took a step back as you reached for him again. His veins vibrated with a buzz of adrenaline. With your arm dismembered, you moved abruptly forward. Nuzzling your face into Peter’s chest, the same way you had all night. Still just as smitten with him. Groggy purrs rumbled in your throat.

Rolling his eyes, Peter patted your head, smoothing out your ragged, messy hair, “What am I gonna do with you? Yer nothin’ but trouble, y’know that?” He teased, pinching one of your cold cheeks, “Whaddya say we get outta here already? But I gotta make a couple ‘a pit stops. And you gotta behave yerself. Don’t get any funny ideas about eatin’ anybody.” Peter wrapped an arm around your waist, holding you close. Pointing at you with an accusatory finger.

You tilted your head, confused again. Peter really couldn’t get enough of that cute, clueless look. Hank and Scott had no idea what they were talkin’ about. His zombie buddy? Totally harmless. You’d never even hurt a fly.

Okay. First order of business. Find a Mighty Mouse plush, just to really sell his arcade story. After that, he planned on snatching you some nicer clothes. Anything to protect your modesty. Thirdly, Peter wanted to teach himself some gnarly makeup tricks. Cover up his hickies. Yeah. No sweat! He could do all that in a flash.

Oh. And late night pancakes. Peter refused to skimp out on those. He’d been craving them all night, and his body desperately needed to replenish its energy. Surely, the gang back home wouldn’t mind. After everything, they totally wouldn’t be supremely pissed and fed up with Peter’s bullshit. And the waitress serving at whatever diner he picked? She wouldn’t bat an eye at some undead, zombified customer, would she?

Why's he even kidding himself?

Gathering Hank’s files, Peter tucked them under his arm. He zipped around in search of whatever other knick-knacks he lost, including his fallen flashlight. Stepping towards you, Peter brought his earbuds to your ears. He exchanged the tape in his Walkman for another, aiming to keep you entertained with music while he traveled at superspeed. As soon as the tune graced your ears, you leapt in place. Squeaking a surprise chirp. Your shoulders bunched, and you darted your hazy eyes around.

“Hey, easy, easy-” Peter reassured, cranking the volume down low so you could still hear him, “It’s just music, baby. It’s nice, right? You like it? You like-uh…you like the Monster Mash? Crypt Kickers? Bobby Pickett?” He gestured with his hands, suggestively raising his brows, “We had a graveyard smash, didn't we, eh?” You simply stared at him, clueless as usual. Huffing, Peter pressed a kiss to your forehead, “Seriously. What am I gonna do with you?”

You clutched your dislodged arm tight, cradling the appendage close. Throwing a quick glance your way, Peter shook his head. He pulled his goggles over his eyes, and braced a warm hand at the back of your neck. The few seconds before he took off, he leaned in close. Hearing that Halloween melody playing from the earphones you wore, he quietly sang along.

As much as he liked cuddling ‘Ro on Halloween, horror movie nights; A new idea crossed his mind. He might just snuggle up on the couch with someone special this year.

#peter maximoff x y/n #peter maximoff x you #peter maximoff x reader #txt

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flower-boi16 · 5 days

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Top 5 Best & Worst Characters in Hellaverse

So, for the most part, Hellaverse has pretty meh to bad characters. Buuuuut, there are a few decent/good ones, so, just for fun, let's go over the top 5 best AND worst characters in Hellaverse (in my opinion).

5. (Worst) Stella

So Stella. Stella, Stella, Stella...you had so much potential to be interesting...but you just...aren't. Just for the record I don't think making Stella abusive is a retcon since it doesn't contradict any of her past behavior in season 1 minus like...one background painting.

That's not really my problem with Stella being abusive. My problem is that it makes her boring and the show does that as a way to woobify Stolas. Really not much to say, she's just...boring.

5. (Best) Octavia

It's pretty funny how Octavia is pretty much the most beloved character in the critical community. She's both decently likable and is a bit interesting when you look at her, as she's a girl who was negatively affected by her fathers' actions and is dealing with the negative changes that have happened to her due to her parents always arguing...

...also her father is Stolas so she is therefore the most sympathetic character by default. Really, there aren't that many good characters in either Hazbin or Helluva, and Octavia isn't an amazing character, she only appears in like, two episodes, but she's still fine by herself and is one of Viv's better characters.

4. (Worst) Charlie

I already made a full post about the issues with my problems with Charlie as a character so I won't once again go very deeply here. You're probably wondering why Charlie is even here to begin with since I stated that I don't exactly hate her.

...well, just because I don't hate a character doesn't really mean I like that character. A majority of Hazbin's characters have similar problems of not being that developed at all and the development they do have often feels rushed. The reason why I put Charlie as the 4th worst character in Hellaverse is because, well, out of every character in Hazbin's main cast...Charlie is just kind of the one with the biggest issues.

Again, I already talked about my issues with Charlie in my post about her but just to recap; Charlie suffers from being heavily underdeveloped, she isn't a very compelling protagonist and has 0 growth throughout the show. She learns absolutely nothing. Her mentality is never once challenged by the narrative and she is always portrayed as right and anyone who disagrees with her is automatically wrong, and she also feels heavily overshadowed by the rest of the cast despite being the main character.

Charlie is also not the best person at times like some people have pointed out (she KNOWS THAT ANGEL IS BEING ABUSED and she chooses not to do anything about it. Wow, what a great friend), and overall she kinda sucks as a protagonist.

4. (Best) Lucifer

I've seen Lucifer gain a lot of flak from people with them calling him a bad person and it's not entirely unjustified. I can definitely understand why it may be hard to sympathize with the guy who literally greenlit annual genocides of his own people because he thought that they deserved death.

Not to mention him calling Charlie a "failure" in the pilot which is just...never addressed here. Also it's fairly weird that despite Lucifer being the sin of pride...he isn't really prideful of anything...? So ya, there a few issues with Lucifer as a character.

In spite of that though, I don't think that Lucifer is a particularly bad character. If anything, he's actually one of the more well-developed of the main cast and he has an arc that's decently compelling...?

He initially started out as a dreamer, someone with many creative and imaginative ideas for Heaven, but his ideas were always rejected and he was seen as a troublemaker by the elders of Heaven.

After he was cast down to Hell as punishment for accidentally letting evil seep into the world, he lost his will to dream and fell into depression, having a heavily cynical view of Heaven and Hell due to his past experiences. He closes himself off and doesn't stay in contact with his loved ones, mainly his daughter due to his depression. He tries convincing Charlie into his cynical views because he doesn't want his own daughter to face the same crushing rejection he faced.

However, he reconnects with his daughter and brings back a spark in him that was lost long ago, and he promises to support Charlie and her dreams, despite his depression not immediately disappearing.

Admittedly that part is pretty rushed, like Charlie just says "but dad...mah people!!!!" and he's just like "ok". Again, it's not perfect and has some small issues, but compared to most of Hazbin and Helluva's other characters, Lucifer's arc is far more well-developed and is interesting in it's own right. If anything, Lucifer thinking that his people deserve death simply shows his cynical mindset that he's had for years, and Charlie's able to bring back that dreamer that was crushed long ago.

So ya. Lucifer is not amazing, but I like him. He's neat.

3. (Worst) Chaz

Chaz sucks. Chaz is a character that only exists just to make a bunch of unfunny sex jokes and nothing else. He is completely one-dimensional and is nothing more than a walking sex joke. And his "jokes" aren't even remotely funny.

I really don't have much to even say about Chaz. He's just THAT one-note.

3. (Best) Velvvette

I've talked about my thoughts on Velvvette before so I won't go too in depth here again. Buuut needless to say I think she's probably my favorite character in hellaverse. She's one of the few antagonists Viv's made that's actually entertaining and fun to watch, with a well-developed and charismatic personality that's not just "asshole who swears a lot". She isn't the best character in hellaverse though, but she has far more depth as a character compared to most of the other antagonists.

2. (Worst) Adam

I've spoken about my thoughts on Adam before multiple times so at this point I don't know if I have anything left to say about him. Adam is a boring, one-dimensional character with very little depth or personality as a character. He only exists just to be a pure straw character so he can be proven wrong by Charlie.

He can't have any real depth as a character because he only exists just to be torn down by the story. Again, already talked about that in a previous post so I won't go too in-depth here, but needless to say...ya, Adam still sucks.

2. (Best) Alastor

Like Lucifer, I've seen Alastor gain a heavy amount of criticism but personally, like Lucifer, I think Alastor is one of the better characters in the main cast. The has a sense of mystery and intrigue to him that makes him pretty interesting as a character. You're left wondering what his whole deal is & what he's planning.

That combined with Alastor's charisma makes him an entertaining antagonist for the show. He's one of the few characters that I'm interested in to see what they do with in the next season. So ya, I like Alastor...

Now time to get to a character that makes me want to punch myself in the face.

1. (Worst) Stolas

.....Honeslty what can even be said about Stolas that hasn't already been said? I've made so many posts complaining about this stupid owl and you already know my opinion of him at this point. If you really want to know every single critique of Stolas I have, read every post I've made that's tagged "anti stolas". But...I'll just say this.

Stolas could have been a good character. Hell, he could have been the show's BEST character. He had all the potential to be super interesting and compelling character with a great arc...but instead, Viv decided to completely retcon everything season 1 established in order to try and make Stolas an UwU soft boy the show REALLY wants us to sympathize for, in spite of Stolas being a bad person.

I'm sorry if I can't sympathize with the guy who SA's an lower class imp for his own pleasure and frequently neglects his own daughter and pays more attention to st. imp. And, as an artificial way to make Stolas sympathetic, the narrative has to wipe away any actual flaws he has and demonize any character that even remotely gets upset at his actions (which I talk about here), because god forbid we hold Stolas accountable for ANYTHING right? We have to coddle and absolve him of ALL his mistakes despite his flaws being what made him interesting in the first place.

Stolas NEVER grows or develops as a character because of this and so he has basically no character arc. Not only is he a poorly written mess of a character...he's also just BORING now. There's nothing interesting about him anymore, he's just an UwU sad sack. He had so much potential to be interesting but that potential was completely wasted in favor of this bullshit.

And THAT's what makes Stolas SO FRUSTRATING. Really, he pretty much represents HB, and, to an extent, all of Hellaverse as a whole; it started out good with a lot of interesting ideas and potential but through bad writing, all of that potential got squandered and now we're just left with a completely disappointing mess.

Stolas is the worst character in the show because he's the only one who legitimately FRUSTERATES me. He's my least favorite character in all of fiction and a complete mess.

1. (Best) Sera

I already talked about Sera before in a previous post so I won’t go too in depth here, but Sera is one of hellaverse’ better antagonists for having more depth and nuance as a character. She’s the head seraphim of Heaven and greenlit exterminations in order to protect Heaven….and Emily.

In spite of that though, she clearly doesn’t want to do this and is only doing it because she wanted to try and protect her people, and Emily, who she clearly cares deeply for as her older sister. She’s a lot more compelling as a character that most of hellaverse’ antagonists, not being good or evil but rather morally grey, having nuances to her as a character.

To me, Sera is the best character in all of Hellaverse because she's the one with the most nuance and depth compared to 90% of Viv's other characters, especially her antagonists. She actually has REAL DEPTH and complexities to her that make her a lot more interesting compared to most of Viv's characters. Hell, most of the characters in the best list are put there BECAUSE they are just more developed than most of the other characters (which just shows how bad Viv is at character writing)

Like Alastor, she's one of the few characters that I am interested in seeing what they do next with season 2, as she is likely going to get a redemption there. Well just have to see. But for now, Sera is the best character in all of Hellaverse.

So...ya...that was my top 5 best and worst characters in Hellaverse...

....bye.

#vivziepop critical #hazbin hotel critical #helluva boss critical #helluva boss criticism #vivziepop criticism #hazbin hotel criticism #anti stolas #spindlehorse critical #spindlehorse criticism

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catindabag · 5 months

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TBOSAS on Crack short take (47)

Felix: Hey, guys, please settle down and listen to me-

Clemensia: Class Pres, why is your hair bubblegum pink today?

Felix: Well, Clemmie, that’s a funny story. You see, a certain someone happened to steal my very expensive Ravinstill exclusive shampoo and replaced it with pink hair dye-

Androcles: It wasn’t me! I swear on my mother’s cooking that it wasn’t-

Felix: Andie, your mother doesn’t cook.

Androcles: Oh, yeah.😐

Coryo: Let’s just go straight to the point, Class Pres.

Felix: *sighs* Fine. So I’ve gathered everyone here to discuss our upcoming PTA meeting this Friday-

Hilarius: PTA meeting?! With my father?! Class Pres, I’m not sure about that-

Felix: Calm down, Heavensbee! Your creepy old man is not even allowed to go near our school.

Urban: True. He can’t even go near us without Dean Highbottom calling the Peacekeepers-

Hilarius: You don’t understand! My old man will try to sneak into that meeting either way!😫

Coryo: Well, if he does, we can always call the President to punish him indefinitely-

Urban: Or strangle him ourselves for the greater good of Panem-

Hilarius: Hey!😠

Urban: Just saying~.

Sejanus: I’ll protect you from that creep, my Coryo, my love!😍

Coryo: Sure, Babe. Whatever you say.

Io: By the way, Hilari, how many restraining orders does your father have?

Hilarius: 42-

Felix: It’s 77 and counting. But anyway, Dean Highbottom told me to list down the parents who would be attending our PTA meeting this Friday. So-

Livia: Obviously, my ever fabulous mama will represent thee~!😌💅

Pup: Meh Daddy~!😘

Felix: Stop saying “daddy” like that, Pup.

Florus: Both or none. Depends on my crazy dad’s mood.

Dennis: Sorry~. My mama can’t attend this week. She’s too busy running the Capitol black market and trading illegal magazines with Cardew’s mom-

Livia: You lying little shi-

Felix: How about you, Urban?

Urban: Same with Florus.

Felix: And the rest?

Io: Both will come as usual~.😎

Arachne: My pushover big brother will represent me as always.

Androcles: My mama and her camera crew-

Felix: Andie, we’ve talked about this issue before. Your mother can’t bring her camera crew to our PTA meetings again-

Androcles: They’ll pay everyone 20 bucks for a feature.

Festus: Free money?!

Coryo: Free money!!

Persephone: I love money!

Dennis: Oh, yes~. Mah money~.😏

Felix: Fine! But this is the last time-

Gaius: Class Pres, can my crazy grandmother attend for me?🥺

Felix: The one who fought and defeated the rebels with a giant toothpick?

Gaius: Pretty please?

Felix: Sure. She’s a war hero.

Palmyra: Can my unhinged mama and her delicious pies-

Felix: No. Next.

Hilarius: My father-

Felix: He’s banned. Next.

Hilarius: My mother-

Felix: She’s banned too. Next.

Vipsania: My gym instructor-

Felix: Nope. Next.

Lysistrata: My drug- I mean, medicine dealer?

Felix: For legal reasons, no. Next.

Iphigenia: The pizza delivery guy next door-

Felix: Not a parent. Next.

Domitia: My emotional support cow-

Felix: Too hairy. Next.

Apollo: My imaginary friends-

Felix: Not real. Next.

Diana: My cute stuffed animals.🥺

Felix: Sure. Why not.

Apollo: That’s not fair-

Felix: Next!

Coryo: I’ll bring my cousin Tigris. But if Highbottom’s drunk, I’ll summon the ghost of my gorgeous dead dad instead.

Sejanus: My Ma will represent!

Coryo: Will she bring food?🥺

Sejanus: Always, Babe. Always~.😘

Coryo: I might kiss you right now-

Lysistrata: Kiss him, Coryo! Kiss him!

Coryo: Not now, Lizzie!

Felix: How about you, Creed?

Festus: My whole family’s going.

Sejanus: The whole Creed Clan?!

Festus: Yup! Free food is free food.

Pup: Especially when Ma Plinth’s the one cooking it.🤤

Juno: Well, whatever, peasants. My royal daddy will represent for me as usual~.😌💅

Urban: Nobody asked you, Juno~.🙄

Juno: Suck a di-

Felix: How about you, Clemmie? Is your dad going too?

Clemensia: Depends~. If my mom wins their annual wrestling match, then she’ll be the one attending-

Vipsania: Wrestling match? What kind?

Clemensia: Do you truly want to know, Sickle?😏

Vipsania: Yes-

Felix: Nope. We don’t wanna know about that, Clemmie.

Persephone: Well, I think my old man-

Coryo: Wasn’t Nero Price banned from the school grounds last year?

Persephone: My dad was banned?!

Coryo: Yes.

Persephone: What for?!

Felix: Cannibalism allegations.

Persephone: That’s a lie-

Coryo: He literally almost bit off Highbottom’s foot when he found out about the Heavensbee Hall Flooding Incident.

Persephone: He did that to defend me!

Felix: He also bit Professor Click’s hand-

Persephone: He was hungry!😭

Coryo: And stole all of Ma Plinth’s ham sandwiches from her body bag.

Persephone: To be fair, my daddy thought that there was a literal dead body inside her bag-

Felix: Still banned. Next.

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dee-is-for-lots-of-things · 2 years

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An Unnecessarily Comprehensive Sandman Reading Order

Having now read EVERY comic that I could find based on, using characters from, or tying in with @neil-gaiman‘s Sandman series, I thought I should provide what is, as far as i can tell, the definitive list of everything Sandman, in roughly the order of publication, and also what I thought of them. Warning: there’s a lot of it (over 580 issues in two and a half months).

Sandman (1989) #1-28 [Neil Gaiman] (x) (x) (x) (x) (x) (x) (x)

Obviously we start at the beginning (I hear it’s a very good place to start) with the first 3 main arcs of Sandman plus some single issue stories. This is where the series really leans into the horror side of “dark fantasy,” and I for one love it. Idk, there’s not really much to say here. This is a Sandman blog, we all love this series here, or at least like it enough to talk about it. Go reread this stuff. It’s fuckin good.

The Books of Magic (1990) #1-4 [Neil Gaiman] (x)

The original Books of Magic series is essentially a guided tour of the DC universe’s magic side. Each issue focuses on a specific part of the universe, most of which are callbacks to comics that, I promise, you do not need to have read. The main three reasons to include this is: a) it’s fun, b) Tim as a character gets his own series which becomes part of the Sandman Universe relaunch, and c) it’s a nice place to learn a bunch of DC magic stuff which might show up later without having to drag yourself through the wiki and or read a thousand other comics. Then again this list is over 570 comics long, so maybe that second part’s not much of an issue here.

Sandman (1989) #29-31, Special #1, #32-50 [Neil Gaiman] (x) (x) (x) (x) (x)

This begins with the Distant Mirrors collection (rather than placing them in the Fables & Reflections TP) and runs all the way to the end of Brief Lives and the Ramadan issue (essentially the end of Distant Mirrors, albeit two years later). Brief Lives and A Game of You are still my favourite Sandman collections, the best examples of what I call “human Sandman,” focused on dreamers and their lives and all that, and “Endless Sandman,” focused on the affairs of Dream and his funky family.

Death: The High Cost of Living #1-3 [Neil Gaiman]

The first Death spinoff! It’s based on the one-day-as-a-human thing she does, it’s a lot of fun, and other side characters from Sandman make an appearance! Look, we all know these are good. I don’t have as much to say about them as I do about the obscure comics from the early 2000s that it feels like only I read.

The Children’s Crusade: The Children’s Crusade #1, Black Orchid Annual #1, Animal Man Annual #1, Swamp Thing Annual #7, Doom Patrol Annual #2, Arcana (The Books of Magic) Annual #1, The Children’s Crusade #2 [Neil Gaiman, Nick Foreman, Jamie Delano, Nancy A. Collins, Rachel Pollack, John Ney Rieber, Alisa Kwitney] (x)

This is a crossover between all the big Vertigo titles, focused on the children of each series. Don’t worry about what’s actually going on in the individual series the annuals are from, but the overall plot (by Neil Gaiman) focuses on what the Dead Boy Detectives (Charles and Edwin from Sandman #25) have been up to since escaping Death. They get more very good spinoff content later on, and apparently they’re getting a tv show soon which should be fun.

Death Talks About Life [Neil Gaiman] (x)

This is the short AIDS educational comic. John Constantine has a banana. I like it, I think it deserves a place in this list. Apparently Neil Gaiman almost got arrested for it which is some king shit honestly.

The Spectre (1992) #19-22 [John Ostrander]

This is a very meh arc of a Spectre series that I have not read anything else of. But Lucien is in it briefly so I did read this bit. And in my opinion? Completionism was not worth this boring comic.

Sandman (1989) #51-75 [Neil Gaiman] (x) (x) (x)

The big finale! Worlds’ End and The Wake bookend the massive 12 issue The Kindly Ones arc, so I think keeping all of them together makes a certain amount of sense.

The Books of Magic (1994) #1-20 [John Ney Rieber] (x)

The start of the proper Books of Magic ongoing series (this series being one of my favourite things I’ve read for this) expands nicely on what we know about Tim from the Neil Gaiman miniseries. A lot of plotlines also get picked up from the Children’s Crusade event, and stuff from there is explained and expanded upon. Look, I love this series so much and I think that, while what the Sandman Universe reboot did with it was entertaining, this is still much better.

Sandman: Midnight Theatre [Neil Gaiman, Matt Wagner]

This explores the golden age Sandman, Westley Dodds, and also gives a look at Dream in captivity. The actual Sandman content isn’t a huge part of it, mostly focusing on character that are presumably a part of Vertigo’s Sandman Mystery Theatre series of which this is technically a spinoff. Still, it’s enjoyable, the art is nice, and we get a nice look at the Order of Ancient Mysteries that we don’t really see in Sandman.

Death: The Time of Your Life #1-3 [Neil Gaiman]

Death spinoff 2! This one focuses completely on Hazel and Foxglove after A Game of You and The High Cost of Living, and is less about Death herself (although this isn’t the Death spinoff with the least Death in it. We’ll get there).

The Books of Magic (1994) #21-32, Annual #1, #33-38 [John Ney Rieber] (x)

More of a transitionary period in the series, Molly gets sent off on her own subplot while Tim wanders aimlessly around America for a bit. The America stuff can get confusing and disjointed and doesn’t quite fit into a compelling coherent narrative, but Molly’s plotline more than makes up for it

The Dreaming (1996) #1-16 [Terry LaBan, Peter Hogan, Alisa Kwitney, Bryan Talbot, Jeff Nicholson] (x)

While the best bits of this series are yet to come, there are some good stories in this first, more loosely connected section. That being said, the first 3-issue arc in particular isn’t exactly a perfect example of what the strengths of this series will be, and really it’s just treading water waiting for a writer to come along with a good overall vision for the series. Don’t worry, that’ll come.

The Books of Faerie #1-3 [Bronwyn Carlton]

This seems like a fairly standard telling of an origin story, but it actually ends up providing insights into Tim’s actual true parentage which was left entirely up in the air in the issue of Books of Magic that this picks up from. Which is nice, because I was kinda confused.

The Dreaming (1996) #17-25 [Caitlin R Kiernan, Al Davison, Peter Hogan]

This is really where this series starts to show what it’s gonna be good at. The arc that begins in #17 is the first to be written by Caitlin R. Kiernan, and introduces characters, concepts, and themes which will become very important when they eventually take over writing the series, as well as just being really fucking good.

Vertigo: Winter’s Edge #1 [Neil Gaiman, Caitlin R Kiernan, John Ney Rieber]

These winter specials are always something of a mixed bag. For what’s relevant here, Neil Gaiman offers a Desire-based story which is confusing and vague and has little to do with Sandman aside from featuring an Endless, the Books of Magic segment is just a short and inconsequential adventure for Tim, and Caitlin R Kiernan clealy shines when they provide a Cain and Abel short which is both a fair bit of fun and establishes concepts and themes which will become very relevant for some of their later writing.

The Books of Magic (1994) Annual #2, #39-50 [John Ney Rieber]

It’s time for a big ol’ finale for the John Ney Rieber run on this series! A whole bunch of characters return! Excitement! Action! Magic! Chocolate! A surprise twist involving a character from very early on in Sandman! What more could you want, really?

Destiny: A Chronicle of Deaths Foretold #1-3 [Alisa Kwitney]

This is essentially a series of historical stories that loosely connect to one character who is somewhat linked to Destiny. It’s good, even if the stuff about a huge plague in the 21st century is a weird read now, and the individual issues are also pretty long. Don’t go in expecting a spinoff starring Destiny or providing insights into how all his shit works. The story is rather built around him, like a lot of Sandman around Dream, or the next-but-one item on this list around Death, and if you take it with that in mind you’ll enjoy it more than if you expect something it’s not.

The Dreaming (1996) #26, Special #1, #27-34 [Caitlin R Kiernan, Len Wein, Peter Hogan]

The Many Mansions arc, beginning with #27, is the first section of The Dreaming that’s felt like it’s really shaken up the status quo, and has taken big risks with the characters in service of the story. One of the main strengths of the series, in my opinion, is the fact that it allows what were simple running jokes, exaggerated horror hosts, or side characters to Dream’s angst a time to shine, both in the sense that they get the spotlight, but also that they are allowed to change, grow, and don’t end up in the same role as the series continues.

The Girl Who Would Be Death #1-4 [Caitlin R Kiernan]

This is a spinoff of The Dreaming and ties in with characters that Caitlin R Kiernan has already established, as well as establishing a few more, rather than being a sequel to Gaiman’s previous Death series. As with much of their writing in this universe, it’s got a brilliant atmosphere and fascinating characters. Also, it’s now canon that Death was at least one lesbian’s gay awakening which I think is the most realistic thing that’s ever been shown in any Sandman comic.

Vertigo: Winter’s Edge #2 [Neil Gaiman, Peter Gross, Caitlin R Kiernan]

The Sandman segment in this one is much stronger in my opinion, pulling on threads that are hinted at and explaining things from Sandman to give a good look at Death as an actual character. The Books of Magic story is the same sort of thing as the previous years, just a nice inconsequential short story with Tim. Again, though, Kiernan’s The Dreaming story is the best of the ones that I bothered to read, setting up things for the future and also providing some down-time to acknowledge the way that the status quo has shifted.

Sandman Presents: Lucifer: The Morningstar Option #1-3 [Mike Carey]

The beginning of another major spinoff line! This one’s fun, and also the start of the Sandman Presents collection of miniseries that came out from 1999-2004. Its plot also sets up the events of Mike Carey’s subsequent Lucifer series, so read this is you want the start of that to make any sense at all.

The Books of Magic (1994) #51-56, Annual #3, #57-63 [Peter Gross, Peter Hogan] (x) (x)

Idrk what to say here, I’ve already talked at length about how much I love this series. The exploration of private school culture is interesting even if it doesn’t last, and the multiversal implications of the Other are also very fun. That being said, sometimes the Peter Gross run does feel like it’s repeating what happened earlier (awful things happen to Tim’s dad, Tim gives away his magic, an imposter Tim takes his place, idk).

Sandman Presents: Love Street #1-3 [Peter Hogan]

I have no idea if this miniseries contradicts any of John Constantine’s established backstory from Hellblazer but personally, I really enjoyed this one. It finds a way to involve itself in the Sandman universe that justifies its Sandman Presents title, even if the fact that it’s a Hellblazer book could have been more clear. It’s also good to see more of the dreaming during Dream’s absence, and show what the dreams themselves actually did then.

The Books of Faerie: Molly’s Story #1-4 [John Ney Rieber]

IF you can get past the fact that this series has the ugliest art out of any comic I’ve read, the story here is really neat and it’s always nice to see Molly back, and any exploration of Faerie is usually enjoyable. Just, give yourself a second to get used to the art. Molly really doesn’t look like herself.

The Dreaming (1996) #35-43 [Caitlin R Kiernan] (x)

The culmination of Echo’s story has a big ol’ pile of transgenderism, and despite what certain other sandman blogs will tell you, the ending of Fox and Hounds is not just a repeat of The Wake and really, I don’t know how one might come to that conclusion. For one thing, it’s not the end, nor is it as grand in scope, and for another, it scratches my brain in a particular way because, on a more meta level, the ending grapples with how the concept for The Dreaming differs from the concept of Sandman, and how that difference impacts the story and the characters.

The Books of Magic (1994) #64-67 [Peter Gross]

While I know that part of the whole point of this series is that Tim can’t really settle down anywhere for long, this little home he makes in these issues is by far my favourite and I wish it had lasted longer than the Peter Gross run on the series. Also, this is where I started my “hey Tim... you ain’t cis” crusade and I need everyone to know that this child is very very queer.

Vertigo: Winter’s Edge #3 [Neil Gaiman, Caitlin R Kiernan, Peter Gross]

Another weird Desire story that I’m not too fond of from Neil, and Kiernan’s Dreaming segment is nice enough, but my favourite is the absolute pure fluff of the Books of Magic part, which crosses over with Sandman again and also seems designed to make me ship Mary and Joh as hard as humanly possible and, believe me, I do.

The Books of Magic (1994) #68-75 [Peter Gross] (x) (x)

Another big finale, and this one actually represents more of an end of an era than #50 did. Gross ties it back in with the very beginning and resolves a bunch of loose plot threads, as well as giving cameos to a bunch of characters from the John Ney Rieber issues so that The Names of Magic can transition to a different sort of story. It’s just a shame that we have to ditch the entire recurring cast again. Ah well.

The Dreaming (1996) #44-49 [Caitlin R Kiernan]

This is just the Trinket arc which resolves, or at least brings back, most of the loose ends to do with faerie, with Cluracan and the Nemesis and Nuala returning, and also brings back everyone’s favourite transphobic witch.

Sandman Presents: Petrefax #1-4 [Mike Carey]

Look, word of warning, there are a lot of slurs used here by a writer who evidently does not know that’s a slur for romani people. Gritting my teeth and putting that aside, when this series actually gives Petrefax something to do that’s relevant to his skills it’s quite fun. But that only happens a couple of times in the whole series, a significant proportion of it is just fantasy worldbuilding I really don’t care about, and also did I mention they keep saying a slur? Because they do.

Lucifer (2000) #1-13 [Mike Carey]

I wasn’t immediately a fan of this series, but once it starts building out its recurring cast and gets into the characters a bit more, this is really fun. I was 100% sold by #4.

The Dreaming (1996) #50-60 [Caitlin R Kiernan, Bill Willingham] (x) (x)

Another series draws to a close, and while the last arc could have maybe done with another issue just to give it a little more time to flesh things out and provide a satisfying conclusion for every character, this series is so good, if you don’t mind it the fact that it all basically gets erased from contuniuty by the time of the Sandman Universe publishing line (I guess due to the New 52 or some other DC relaunch, or at least that’s the excuse that I expect they used) I would absolutely recommend it as a followup to Sandman, especially if you don’t want the shift to modern comic styles that the other option leaves you with.

The Names of Magic #1-5 [Dylan Horrocks]

Since Books of Magic #75 ended with Tim proclaiming that he finally knew who he was, was free from his destiny, and wasn’t going to be looking for someone to lead him, and now he was meeting his future on his own terms, having his first move be “ask for help” and then have him shoved in the direction of school by a bunch of more established adult characters seems kinda antithetical the the whole point of that last series. Still, this sets up the next series neatly and isn’t too annoying to get through.

Sandman Presents: Merv Pumpkinhead, Agent of DREAM [Bill Willingham] (x)

This book is one long extended James Bond joke. I do not care about James Bond. What’s going on? Why should I care? Why did the woman have sex with a pumpkin man? Help.

Lucifer (2000) #14-32 [Mike Carey]

Ahhh, now we get to the good shit. The Lucifer series reaches its first Big Event Where A Bunch Of Shit Goes Down in the Paradiso, Purgatorio, and Inferno arcs. I don’t know enough theology to tell you if most of this comes from Jewish or Christian teachings but it’s interesting and probably at least slightly heretical so I’m down.

The Little Endless Storybook [Jill Thompson]

This is cute. No other reason needs to be provided. Read it, it’s cute. (Also if you can find a copy I imagine it is a much better experience if you have a physical copy)

Sandman Presents: Dead Boy Detectives #1-4 [Ed Brubaker]

If slightly frustrating with its actual detective side, this is a fun series that explores the boys and how their ghost powers actually work, and I look forward to what the next writer decides to do with them (and apparently they’re getting a show!! fuck yeah) (also uhhhh more like gayboy detectives amiright gamerz?)

Hunter: The Age of Magic #1-11 [Dylan Horrocks] (x)

It seems the little nosedive Tim’s story took in Names of Magic was only a short one, because right out of the gate Age of Magic is fantastic. The timeskip is slightly disconcerting, but it means we can skip all the “Tim learns magic” “Tim fucks another girl” “Tim discovers things” stages of his schooling and just have him finish and leave as quickly as possible, after using the setting to establish all that it needs to, and Tim can be free to do his own thing rather than being stuck in a “misadventures at the magic school“ style story.

Sandman Presents: The Corinthian #1-3 [Darko Macan]

This one’s mostly atmosphere, but it’s good atmosphere. It’s nice to see a little of the original Corinthian (rather than the rebooted version from The Dreaming) and how exactly he went bad, and what he was doing while Morpheus was imprisoned. Apparently elements of this (with the Corinthian’s experience in WW1) will be involved in the show, which is good because I can point at the screen and go “ooh! ooh! I know this one!” while my dad’s trying to watch, which is always fun.

Sandman Presents: The Thessaliad #1-4 [Bill Willingham]

I really wish I could like the Thessaly spinoffs. I love the character (despite her being claimed by TERFs apparently) and I wish we got more of her history, more of her being ruthless and cold and calculating, I’d especially love it if we explored how her normal life functions and how she does magic, but no, instead we get comedy hijinks with Fetch, the most annoying character to be introduced so far. Also the art is by Shawn McManus who is by far my least favourite Sandman artist and the only thing I actively dislike about A Game of You.

Lucifer: Nirvana [Mike Carey]

This is one of those fancy graphic novels with painted art and so on, but all that achieves is making it harder for me to focus on the story really. Tethys the Raven shows up which is neat. At least The Dreaming is still canon at this point.

Hunter: The Age of Magic #12-25 [Dylan Horrocks] (x) (x)

Big wrap-up of everything established from Names onwards, and a good end to the series, even if bringing back Molly again starts to get slightly tiresome (just let her live her life away from Tim. She’d be fine).

Sandman Presents: The Furies [Mike Carey]

Some of the Sandman Presents stories are spinoffs, or stories that happen to be set in the universe, but this really does feel like somewhere between a sequel and an epilogue to The Kindly Ones, giving Lyta more resolution than she got in the few pages she showed up in during The Wake. The “fancy graphic novel” problems I mentioned with Nirvana do make it a bit annoying to read, but it’s a good and interesting look at a character who got slightly left behind by the story once she’d succeeded in killing Dream off.

Hellblazer: Lady Constantine #1-4 [Andy Diggle]

I’m sure there’s parallels and references that I don’t get because I’ve only read the first few dozen Hellblazer comics, but this was really fun! Johanna is such a fun character and I loved her dynamic with her kid even if I knew they were gonna snuff it the minute they showed up.

Lucifer (2000) #33-40 [Mike Carey]

The Naglfar arc is my favourite sort of comic arc: every recurring character thrown together on a mission and forced to get along. Also, shit goes down with god and while I’m not gonna pretend to know what the precedent is for all this in the Tanakh or in the christian Bible, I’m enjoying whatever is happening immensely.

Sandman Presents: Bast #1-3 [Caitlin R Kiernan]

This is Caitlin R Kiernan’s last offering to Sandman, and it’s also one of their best. The exploration of Bast as a character and how the death of gods actually works is really good, honestly just read it, I’m not sure what else to say except it’s a shame this is the last comic of theirs in this universe.

Death: At Death’s Door [Jill Thompson] (x)

This one’s just a fun look behind the scenes of Season of Mists with Death, Delirium, and Despair dealing with all the dead that have just turned up. The style is so fun, I love the vibes, and also anything that gives Delirium a lot to do is an instant favourite.

Sandman: Endless Nights [Neil Gaiman]

The first of Neil’s followups, and while some of the more abstract or disconnected stories like Desire and Despair’s feel like they’re just there to fill space and give a chapter to every Endless, the (small) through-line of Delirium’s grief is really nicely done, and, again, this captures the consequences of and provides a followup to the ending of Sandman in more depth than The Wake did

Lucifer (2000) #41-49 [Mike Carey]

This part of the series splits its time, mostly focusing on Elaine and Mona’s fates, along with the rest of the supporting cast, while Lucifer does important overall plot things with the angels. I’m not complaining, though, this series has such a good cast of characters and I’d happily read a spinoff with any of them.

Sandman Presents: Thessaly: Witch For Hire #1-4 [Bill Willingham]

Reaching the end of the Sandman Presents series and this is how the original line of spinoffs ends. Not with a bang, but with an aimless and annoying whimper that really isn’t doing any of the things I want this character to be (except murderous. I do enjoy when she kills people). But I think Bill Willingham is somewhat allergic to writing a story with a dark tone that isn’t filled with constant jokes. Like, yes, having comic relief is important in every story lest it become grimdark edgy nonsense, but I would rather see Thessaly at her most fucked up and evil without a ghost trapped in a mirror doing a Funny Bit every other page. Maybe that’s just me, though.

Lucifer (2000) #50-61 [Mike Carey]

Reaching the endgame of the series, and almost every element that was set up gets involved in the last few dozen issues. Not sure what to say, this shit’s just really fucking good. Go read it!

Dead Boy Detectives (2005) [Jill Thompson]

If your detective story ends with the detectives putting together the clues to solve the mystery and publicly confronting the villain and then the villain explains that actually it was all innocent misunderstandings and they’re not guilty at all, I think maybe you shouldn’t be writing detective stories. Also all the crossdressing jokes got old very fast. This is by far the worst of all of these, and there’s some bad shit on this list at points.

Lucifer (2000) #62-75 [Mike Carey] (x)

The gert massive finale of this fantastic series really doesn’t disappoint. Characters get their arcs resolved in a mostly satisfactory manner, it does what DC did a few decades earlier in Crisis On Infinite Earths with resolving a multiverse in a much neater and less confusing way, and we learn that the god of the DC/Vertigo universe looks like the stereotype of a tory civil servant from the 1970s.

Madame Xanadu (2008) #6 [Matt Wagner]

The way Death is used in this is really interesting. For one thing, according to Death the whole “i give you a __” ritual is just set dressing for the intent which summons the Endless, so either Burgess did something really wrong or Death can tell when it’s a trap and tell when someone just wants a chat (and Dream is too stupid to tell and was also understandably destracted in 1916).

The Brave and the Bold (2007) #1-12 [Mark Waid]

The "Lords of Luck” arc, if kinda confusing, is interesting and brings in the Destiny elements in a cool way, even if the way they write Supergirl is sometimes uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh gross. The “Book of Destiny” arc, by contrast, is just a series of tangentially linked stories and some of the most generic superhero comic stuff I’ve ever read, and the Book itself is only an afterthought in #12. Also, they gave Destiny the fancy Desire font instead of the harsh bold italics. Come on guys.

Action Comics (1938) #894 [Paul Cornell]

Another standalone Death issue within a broader series I have no interest in reading. She’s fun here too, and I always enjoy someone making Lex Luthor have a little bit of an existential crisis. This also seems to be the first significant appearance of Death outside Vertigo since the imprint began, as TBATB is for Destiny and Metal is for Dream.

Sandman: The Dream Hunters #1-4 [Neil Gaiman]

The story that Neil Gaiman accidentally trolled a bunch of academics in a tiny afterward to this story is very funny to me. I read the comic version rather than prose, I’m sure the prose is also very good because (shocking) Neil Gaiman happens to be a good writer.

House of Mystery Halloween Annual #1 [Bill Willingham, Mark Buckingham]

Not much here innit just a fun merv story. If I wasn’t going for 100% I would not have even brought this up.

Dead Boy Detectives (2014) #1-12 [Toby Litt, Mark Buckingham] (x)

This is THE Dead Boy Detectives series, it’s the best by far because, amazingly, if you let your detective characters do detective work, the story is more engaging! Also, the series introduces a fantastic supporting cast, and actually delves into Charles and Edwin’s characters and all their masses of trauma from, y’know, being murdered. Also got me excited about the tv show they’re apparently making. Please let it be like this series and not like the shitearse Jill Thompson one. Please.

Sandman: Overture #1-6 [Neil Gaiman]

I have no idea why the reading list on the back of my copy lists this before Preludes and Nocturnes. Like yeah it’s a prequel technically, but if you hadn’t read Sandman before, reading it first would be a very bad idea since it hinges on lore from the series and also spoils the ending if you didn’t know what happened. If you have actually read Sandman though, yeah it’s fucking good idk what to say. It slaps.

Lucifer (2016) #1-19 [Holly Black, Richard Kadrey]

Honestly, I would have enjoyed this regardless of the writing because it has my favourite artist from my favourite Marvel series, Loki: Agent of Asgard (go read it. do it.), but the writing is also fantastic. It’s the perfect example of a followup that on the whole respects the original series, the themes established, and where the characters were left, before bringing things back into the fold in a realistic way to do something new with them, instead of just resetting continuity so that you don’t have to deal with somebody else’s recurring cast, *ahem*, the entire Sandman Universe reboot you do good things but you could leave some of this in canon, *ahem*. (Speaking of The Dreaming, the inclusion of Matthew makes this the first concrete confirmation that the 1996 series isn’t canon any more, which did make me a bit sad). Well worth a read if you’re a fan of the original!

Dark Nights: Metal #1-6 [Scott Snyder] (x)

It’s your usual boring comic book crossover event. Dream shows up and it sort of sets up the Sandman Universe series, but mostly this is about the usual multiverse bollocks that DC always does. "Batmanium” did make me laugh, though.

Sandman Universe #1 [Neil Gaiman, Simon Spurrier, Kate Howard, Nalo Hopkinson, Dan Watters] (x)

Plenty of setup here, but since I have no idea where any of it’s going I think I’ll just... Let my reviews of the series themselves do the work here instead.

The Dreaming (2018) #1-12 [Simon Spurrier] (x)

The issues with the start of this series are a lot more complicated than just “bad writer” or “incorrect characterisation”. In some cases the old characters are spot on, and the new characters are all fantastic, but something about the way Merv and Lucien develop in the first few issues feels a little forced. This series could have absolutely benefited from what the original Dreaming had - short story arcs focusing on specific parts of or people in the Dreaming that slowly, slowly come together to form a larger whole - and just slowed down the breakdown of Lucien and whatever they were going for with Merv enough that we get a good sense of where it comes from. Instead (probably more due to editorial rushing and a need to get the Big Threat of the first arc in the picture by the end of #2 to appease convention in modern comic storytelling, than the intentions of the writer), the political commentary and character progressions end up a bit hurried and I’m left with a feeling of “Yes logically I get how we got here, but like... how did we get here?”.

All of that being said, once it manages to get into the swing of things, this series is honestly a worthy successor to the original, even if I’m still annoyed about it replacing the original continuity entirely. The way that other Sandman characters are slowly brought in is really nicely done, and the development of the central mystery is intriguing and develops at a perfect rate to give answers, but also keep my interest going.

House of Whispers #1-12 [Nalo Hopkinson, Dan Watters]

Now this feels like Sandman. I love the characters, both human and godly, and the Ananse storyline makes me fall victim to my greatest weakness once again: stories that are about stories, that acknowledge that they’re stories, that twist the narrative of the tale it’s spinning and in doing so acknowledge the consequences of the characters existing in a world defined by narrative conflict. That’s my shit! Also I think it’s really cool that a comic published by one of the big two comic companies has a nonbinary character that uses neopronouns who also defines zirself as queer. Ze are iconic.

Lucifer (2018) #1-13 [Dan Watters]

The style and tone of this is very different to the other two Lucifer comics, and it exists outside of the continuity established by them (hence Lucifer having no scar, Remiel and Duma still ruling hell, Mazikeen’s dialogue takes a while to get used to, etc). Instead of being about the end of the universe and Lucifer’s attempts to get out from Yahweh’s rule while also saving the world surrounded by a huge supporting cast of characters we sympathise with instead of him, this series makes Lucifer pathetic in the best way. It’s much more introspective, and focuses on Lucifer, his ex-lover Sycorax, and their son Caliban, and how their relationships evolve. Also, the art is by far the best out of any of these Sandman Unvierse comics.

Books of Magic (2018) #1-13 [Kat Howard]

Again, a very different take on the same character. I’m not sure I like this one as much as Lucifer though. The focus is on the Cold Flame and Rose from the original Neil Gaiman series, although some elements from the Rieber/Gross series make it through, in particular some interesting things are being done with Tim’s dad. This is fun enough, and I’m interested to see where it goes, but I still much prefer the style of the original.

The Sandman Universe Presents: Hellblazer [Simon Spurrier]

This one-shot spins out of the 1990 Books of Magic miniseries, and explores what the fuck was actually going on in that potential future they showed. I’m sure it also ties into various bits of Hellblazer but, as already mentioned, I haven’t read more than a couple dozen issues of that series yet and it still made sense.

The Dreaming (2018) #13-20 [Simon Spurrier] (x)

The finale to this series is so good! Like I said earlier, the way that the mystery is slowly revealed works so well, and bringing all the threads together slowly is so satisfying when a writer can do it well. Also, the things it does with Lucien as the narrator in a meta sense is very fun.

House of Whispers #13-22 [Nalo Hopkinson, Dan Watters]

The way that this series builds its characters and worlds is so good, the balance between the human and godly characters especially. I’m also a big fan of how weird-looking the Corinthian is, I think some artists forget to draw him like a nightmare who’s slightly out of sync with reality in a “he looks creepy as fuck sometimes” kinda way.

Lucifer (2018) #14-24 [Dan Watters]

Word of warning: you will need to find the 3rd TPB collection if you want to read the actual conclusion of the Wild Hunt arc, because #19 was never published and the next collection was #20-24. I think it had something to do with covid, idk. Putting that aside, the art here is great and I love the way Lucifer works in this series. Probably the best of the initial four Sandman Universe lines.

Books of Magic (2018) #14-23 [Kat Howard, David Barnett]

The second half is much better than the first (as it seems is the case with a lot of these) , and the finale arc pulls in a few other Sandman related characters which are all fun (even if they don’t always make sense entirely). It’s still nowhere near as good as the original Rieber/Gross series, but it’s fun in its own way.

John Constantine: Hellblazer (2020) #1-12 [Simon Spurrier] (x)

I have not read enough Hellblazer to compare it to what came before, but this is an absolutely fantastic series. The tone is brilliantly managed, the supporting cast is endearing, John’s arc is engaging, and the series knows when to be funny, when to be brutal, when to be horrific, when to be tragic, when to be political, and when to force me to look at a drawing of Boris Fucking Johnson.

The Dreaming: Waking Hours #1-12 [G. Willow Wilson] (x)

This is the most Sandman-feeling SU series, and I mean that in a good way. We get a good amount of seeing Daniel in action, the cast of new characters are all fun, and it feels like a good followup to The Dreaming without stepping on its toes - it uses the new characters as a natural part of the universe, and utilises the plotlines left hanging in a good way. My only real problem with it is a problem I have with a lot of comic series that only run for a dozen issues - the wrapup is a bit rushed to fit it all into one issue, we don’t really get time for the characters to settle into their endings before it’s over.

Locke & Key/Sandman #1-2 [Joe Hill]

The first three-quarters of this are very fun, but it does get a bit boring once they go to hell. Lucifer feels out of character, and I do not have any idea what the normal Locke & Key series is about, so there’s no way for me to be invested in these characters. The stuff that actually takes place in the Dreaming itself is fun, though, and I like the look into Fawney Rig during Sandman #1. Also, it’s always very funny to see a series have to write itself around continuity and go “hey hang on, why don’t the various dreams go rescue Dream?” While we don’t get a satisfactory answer to that, it’s not really what they were focusing on anyway so I have no reason to get angry about it like some people might.

Nightmare Country #1-? [James Tynion IV]

This series is only four issues in at the moment so I can’t say anything conclusive, but it’s got some great creepy shit in it (some of it reminds me of Caitlin R Kiernan’s work with the Corinthian in the original Dreaming) and I was convinced enough by it to pre-order the next two issues, which I look forward to reading!

---

I’m probably meant to put a conclusion paragraph here but my English teacher would probably agree when I say I’m kinda crap at them. The best long series to spring from Sandman are Lucifer and Books of Magic, Caitlin R Kiernan was the best writer on The Dreaming, and Waking Hours is probably the best of the Sandman Universe books but you’re absolutely in safe hands with any of them. The Sandman Presents comics are good for the most part, but the quality varies wildly. Every time there’s a non-Vertigo series which involves Sandman characters it’s probably not worth it. Don’t bother with the Dead Boy Detectives graphic novel, read the Litt/Buckingham series instead. And most importantly, don’t tell me that I forgot that one 2008 (?) House of Mystery series. I did indeed forget it, but to be fair I didn’t know it existed until I saw a copy in the library the other day and I cannot be bothered reading it now.

#sandman #the sandman #sandman netflix #comicc #books of magic #dead boy detectives #the dreaming #nightmare country #sandman universe #hellblazer #house of whispers #lucifer #lily liveblogs #dream of the endless #death of the endless #the dreaming waking hours #vertigo #dc #lily dot tee ex tee

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oreharuuu · 1 year

Text

To be One (1)

Summary: Trying out the demo game for Yeri's new game was something you thought would be an exciting experience. You didn't think the first time you played the game would be so creepy.

Warnings: none

A/N: oop new series :) i wanted to focus more on the other series but it's too much of a good idea to pass on soooo

The feeling of boredness is seeping through your body. Glancing around at people around you having fun, you curse yourself for not having the skill to socialize with a lot of people.

You were invited by your childhood friend, Joy, to come to her annual party that she holds in her massive house every month. She told you it's because she's already used to having big parties like these for her friends, but you know deep down it's because she's lonely at home. So you never blamed her.

Plus her parties are actually fun and exciting. It's just you're not extroverted enough to initiate conversations first. Awkwardly smiling at old high school classmates, you tried to move away from the ever growing dance area near you.

Walking to the kitchen to grab another drink, you noticed the rest of your friends talking to each other, so you decided to talk with them instead of just standing at the party like an idiot.

"Hey, (name)! Where have you been?" Wendy smiled as she hugs you, Seulgi joining too before patting your back.

"Meh, not doing much. Just wanted to grab a drink before I saw you guys."

The three of you talked, catching up on what's going on with your life because it seems like everyone parted ways after graduating college, too busy with their own lives.

Wendy became a vocal teacher, teaching at a highly prestigious arts Academy with Seulgi joining her a few months later. Seulgi teaches dance, so you know the both of them liked their jobs but were too busy with the clashing schedules. Irene became a financial analyst, so of course she's working hard at her job that neither of your friends think that she joined this party. Wendy updated you that Joy is still doing modeling but she decided to take a break before continuing, wanting to relax for a bit.

"How's Yeri? Is she here?"

Wendy pursed her lips as Seulgi shook her head. "Honestly I don't know. A few people said that she's here, but I haven't seen her."

"I want to meet her," You pouted. "I heard she's developing a new game after the success of the first one. I've played it before and it was awesome!"

Yeri worked as a game developer. She worked at a relatively small company before they went successful with their first game. At first you didn't know what it's about, something called an 'Otome' game. But after playing it for a few days you were hooked. Maybe because you're a sucker for handsome men and the interesting storyline that made you played the game nonstop to earn many of the endings and achievements.

"I've played it too! Honestly Jisung's route was so exciting!" Seulgi squealed before you joined her as well.

"What?! I thought you agreed with me that Chan's route was better," Wendy gasped as she hits Seulgi on the arm. Seulgi and Wendy decided to debate on which boy is better, making you smile in amusement before deciding that the debate was going far too long. Excusing yourself you walked around the massive house, waving at Joy as she talks with people before going outside.

Not a lot of people were there, so you sat down on one of the chairs before exhaling loudly. Mindlessly scrolling through your phone, you didn't notice a figure walking right towards you before scaring you by grabbing your shoulders. Screaming, you flailed around before seeing Yeri laughing obnoxiously.

"You bitch! You scared me!"

"And I'll do it again if you'll have the same reaction," Yeri smiled as she wiped some tears away. You playfully stuck out your tongue before she sits down next to you, stretching her arms out wide before huffing.

"Why you lookin so stressed out? It's a party," You reminded her as she groaned loudly. "I do know that this is a party, but I had to accept a work call. So there goes my enthusiasm and now I'm just too lazy to go back into the mood."

"Work? Oh! About the upcoming game right?"

"Yup," She popped the 'P' as she grabs her phone. "It's already at phase three, which is pretty good. But it's still far from our target because we want the game to release in a few months."

You smiled as you peeked from her shoulder too see the concept plan. "Ooo, sounds exciting!"

"It is," She nodded. "But it's been kicking our asses. I don't know why but one of the lead developers just vanished all of sudden without any clues, like what the fuck? That's why we're panicking on what to do with the game."

You frowned before sipping your drink. Vanished? That just sounds unprofessional. "What do you by vanished?"

Yeri shrugged. "Don't know. His name is Johnny, good guy. But a few weeks ago he vanished without a trace. We thought he's been kidnapped or whatever but the police said that his belongings were all in his apartment. No suspicious activities whatsoever. It's like he...vanished from the face of the earth."

"Creepy," You shivered when a gust of wind hits you, reminding you of your thin clothes you wore because of Joy's persistence. "Well did any of you notice something weird in his behavior?"

Yeri frowned, humming as she tapped her finger on her knee. "I guess?" She started. "Before he's gone, he started acting weird. Saying the game was 'self aware' about our reality and it's alive all of a sudden. We just chalked it up as a joke, but it's weird thinking about it now."

You whistled. "Damn, that's actually scary. Imagine if the game actually came to life though, like that one Gravity Falls episode."

"Not scary to me, I'll gladly take Soos place for a hot babe to fall in love with me," Yeri snorted as you laughed. You both talked again about random topics, making you reminiscence about the time where all of you were just struggling college students trying to graduate. You remembered how all of you liked to stay at Irene's dorm, having sleepovers and working through assignments together even though you all have different majors.

Both of you fell into a comfortable silence, basking in each other's presence as you sip your drink while Yeri chewed her gum.

"Hey, (name)? You liked the first game that we released right?"

You huffed a laugh. "Not just me. Wendy and Seulgi were fighting about it before I walked away. But yeah, I really liked the game."

Yeri cleared her throat before clapping her hands together. "So! What if...I offered you to play our game?"

"Huh?"

"It's only an idea, but the team wanted another perspective of the demo game. Since Johnny decided to disappear," Yeri rolled her eyes. "What if I offered you to play it? We're at phase 3 so the game would still be a bit glitchy, but we're happy to accept—"

"Are you kidding me?!" You cut Yeri off, squealing in delight as you shook her body. "Why would I want to decline this offer? I would be so crazy!"

"Yes you would," Yeri snorted as she laughs.

"I'll be happy to play it! I'll give you guys some opinions about it too!"

"Great!" Yeri exclaimed before texting one of her coworkers. "But...don't spill any of this to Wendy or Seulgi. They'll kill me."

"Like they'll only kill you, they'll kill me too!"

♡

Thankfully, your work schedule was very flexible. Your company didn't need you exclusively on place at all times, so you can work at home where you're comfortable.

Already preparing drinks and snacks, you punched the desk in excitement as Yeri sent you the demo game through email. You downloaded the game before thanking Yeri through text, deciding to eat first as the game loads. When an unfamiliar tune started to play from your computer, you ran back to your room to find the game already at the starting page.

The game, 'Hala Academy', was basically an otome game like the previous one. Yeri did tell you that this game is more different in concept than the other one, so you're really curious on what she meant by that.

You clicked the start button, making yourself comfortable as you read through the short exposition text. Basically your a new transfer student at Hala Academy and you're trying to graduate the academy while falling in love with the many love interest on the game. Yeri told you that the system's more complicated than the other one, because essentially you still have to maintain good grades and your basic needs while juggling the storyline.

Unfortunately you can't customize your character yet because it's still in development, but your sadness soon brushed away with excitement as you started the game.

At first glance, it's all very polished. Yeri and her team did work on this game at the same time they're working on the previous ones. So you're really impressed by her work ethics.

Slapping your cheeks a few times, you clicked away as you read through text after text at the bottom so you know the basic storyline. You gasped when a boy appeared on the screen, jaw slack as you notice how good the art was.

Blonde hair, gorgeous eyes, a birthmark on the side of his eye; you described the man as angelic. You notice the bottom text appearing, hurrying to read it as you bit your lips.

"Hello there, you must be lost. A new student perhaps?"

You gasped again before squealing in shock when a deep voice spoke through your speaker. You didn't know they had voiceover! You held your face between your hand as you laughed out loud. The game just started and you're down this bad? You're royally fucked.

You quickly chose one of the options before waiting for a response.

"Ah, I was right then. My name is Yeosang, nice to meet you."

You clicked away whilst reading the text, eyes going back and forth between the text and the boy in front of you.

"Sadly I'm not your guide for the school tour today. But I can gladly escort you to the admin office so you could get your schedule there."

"Don't mind if I do," You smiled as you agreed with his offer. You noticed a heart appearing at the top of his head, the percentage of it slowly increasing.

Damn, this is more fun than the other ones.

Soon the scene changed where you assume the office is, Yeosang still on your screen.

"This is the office. The lady working here is great, but don't worry about her scary face. She's a softie."

Yeosang's face changed into a soft smile making you smile as well. A sudden ring made you jump in your seat before noticing it's the school bell. You noticed how fast his face changed from a happy smile to a sad one.

"Ah, I have to go to class. Oh! I forgot to ask your name, how rude of me. It's nice to meet you...?"

A box popped up asking your name. You hesitated, deciding to use your nickname you usually use for games or your real name. You decided to use your real name since it's only a demo, so you'll probably delete this one before downloading the finished one.

"(Name), what a beautiful name for a beautiful lady."

Your eyebrows raise in shock at how Yeosang said your name. Can they even do that? Usually they give some space before continuing with their line. But whatever, it's worth it anyway with his voice.

"It's nice to meet you, (name). I hope we'll have classes together."

"I hope so too," You mumbled as you clicked away, Yeosang disappearing from the screen as a lady popped up. Turns out it's a small tutorial before you actually play the game, making you hum in excitement as you played through the short tutorial.

Before you knew it, you went to classes. The work you did in class turns out was a small mini game, each classes holds a different game so you're not that bored. It's challenging enough and every time you win, you acquired different things.

"Okay, right now I have one letter. About twenty coins? And...a plushie?" You cocked your head, hovering above the items to find any description but you found none. So you texted Yeri, asking the purpose of these items.

Turns out the coins you could spend on different outfits for the boys, which is mind blowing. As for the plushie and letter, it's for maximizing your relationship percentage.

Closing the inventory, or your bag perse, you clicked away before another boy popped up. Your eyed widen at how broad his shoulder were, noticing the contrast between his body and face. His body looks muscular yet his face looks cute with cat-like eyes and a dimple.

"Hi there! You must be the new student. It's not common for the academy to accept students at this time. But don't worry about that! I'm Choi San, you can call me San."

"Cute," You mumbled softly, not noticing how San's character glitched a little when you said that. You picked one of the choices as you 'talked' with San.

"Oh yeah, our academy is very prestigious. That's why a lot of people are talking about you, especially someone entering with a scholarship."

"Yeosang? Yeah, I know him. He's my friend! He told us about you in class. I didn't believe him when he told us how beautiful you were, but now...I'll say your more than beautiful."

"My friends? Well...we're not always together. But! We do eat together if we can, if you want you could join us! It'll be so fun."

Just from these short interaction, San is a very interesting character. You noticed how he tends to ramble on and on, his voice talking first instead of the text like Yeosang did. Maybe it's a glitch?

When an option appeared where you could see your dorm, you didn't realize how San's character will follow you as the scene changed into your room.

"Ah! This is your dorm. Don't worry, we all start with the plain room. The academy will let you decorate so go wild!"

The tutorial popped up and you clicked on it, screen fading into black before the game showed you how to decorate the rooms and such. When the tutorial finished, you frown in confusion when you noticed how San was still there. But now...his face looked worried instead of the smile he wore.

You also noticed how another boy was beside him, with fiery red hair and a mole underneath his eye. Squinting your eyes you noticed how his face looked worried as well, before it changed into a smile.

"Ah! We were so worried when you disappeared on us like that!"

Disappear?

San opened his mouth before pausing. You noticed the game also paused, making you discover one of the first glitches you'll probably encounter. Before you knew it, a loading icon appeared before it's gone in a second, leaving your screen empty without any characters.

Only your room.

"What? Did the game crash?" You frowned. Clicking the exit button, you're more confused when the game played through like before, as if nothing's wrong. You decided to ignore the previous encounter and continue to play.

A lot of characters appeared, but you assume they're just for the plot to play out. Your so called enemy, Hwayoung, appeared and mocked you before leaving. It made you laugh at how lame her bullying was compared to the K-Dramas you've watched. It's only then you notice how it's already night in the game, making you go back to your dorm room.

But when you click the room icon, nothing happened. Clicking it numerous times didn't help as well so you closed the small tab containing the shortcuts for the game.

You screamed in fright when you noticed a pair of eyes looking at you closely before the game glitched out. You exhaled when the game returned back to normal, noticing a figure in front of you.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to scare you at this time, I was just walking to my room."

You sighed heavily as you brushed a few hairs away from your face, haphazardly clicking on an option that popped up whilst trying to calm your heart.

"You must be the new student. My name is Yunho, sorry again for the scare."

You frowned when you noticed how his eyes seemed familiar from the ones that stared at you. But only the eyes appeared, not the character. Was it even Yunho?

You clicked away to talk with Yunho, trying to ignore the growing uneasiness. The glitches in the game are so creepy that you had to report back to Yeri about it. Maybe tomorrow or when you compile enough evidence to report back to her.

Yunho seems nice, almost like a golden retriever. You giggle a bit when he tells a joke, noticing how his character flushed with red on his cheeks.

"Aww, so cute. I didn't know they could do that."

"Thank you."

Your smile dropped when you heard a response back from him. Did you hear that right? You shook your head, looking back at Yunho closely. Noticing how now his smile is tense, almost forced. Before you could click, his character glitches out in an instant, making you stare at the dark corridor of the school. As if Yunho never appeared.

Clicking back to your dorm, you sighed when the day finally changes to the second day. You hesitated to click on the exit game button, but decided you had enough for today. The game drifts to black before the cutesy theme song played and the starting screen was showed.

Turning off your computer, you shivered when you remembered back at the creepy glitches. Typing the problems on your phone, you decided to play tomorrow to collect enough evidence to show Yeri.

You just hope things are not as glitchy as the first time you played it. God you can't get that eyes out of your mind as you worked through the project.

#yandere ateez #ateez #ateez x reader #poly ateez x reader #yandere #ateez imagines #to be one

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