#the batfam can cook

[oumu-omu]

Batfam: Oh sure we can! (track Jason)

----------------------

Bruce: You know you can stay, do you?

Alfred: Indeed, but I'm sure Master Jason might take care of them.

#jason todd #red hood #batfam #dc #batman #tim drake #damian wayne #cassandra cain #dick grayson #stephanie brown #alfred pennyworth #fanart #he just woke up #+ ik few of them also can cook bt to me only Alf & Jason is best cooker which is y they visit (breaking) his apartment lol

[batfamhyperfixation]

Jason: Ew, this tastes gross *turning to Dick next to him and holding it out to him* try it

Dick: What? No way, you just said it tastes gross, why would I try it?

Jason: fine *turns to Tim on the other side of him, holding it out* try this

Tim: *takes a bite* Yeah, disgusting

Damian: Oh please, Drake's a baby, let me try it

Tim: *passes it to Damian*

Damian: *Tries it* Eww, yeah, no, this is gross

Steph: *Takes it from Damian, trying it* makes me want to vomit, try it Cass

Cass: *Takes a bite* yeah no, please never get this again, you want some Duke?

Duke: Why not *takes a bite* Meh, it's not horrible, it's just not good

Dick: Well now I feel left out

Duke: *hands it to Dick*

Dick: *takes a bite*

Dick:

Bruce, in the background: *slaps his forehead* why are they like this

Jason: You wanna try Bruce?

Bruce, dad who feels bad when he says no to his kids: *pained smile* *through clenched teeth* Suuuure...

Dick: *hands it to Bruce*

Bruce: *takes a bite, spits it out into his napkin* Awful, truly atrocious, I'm going to sue, that was so awful

#they are all smart #but when put together they can be dumbasses #they go from like that big brain meme individually to like 2 braincells collectively when put together #im basing this on me with my own siblings #so i know this is just how siblings are #one is like this tastes bad then hands it to another person to try and that just continues til we all have tried it and agreed #but they are also biased cause they all have alfreds cooking regularly so they try something else and are like wtf #alfred spoils them rotten when it comes to good food #batfam #batkids #bat family #jason todd #dick grayson #tim drake #damian wayne #stephanie brown #cassandra cain #duke thomas #bruce wayne #incorrect batfamily quotes #it was gonna stop at bruce being like 'why are they like this' but then i was like... wait a minute #bruce is definitely the dad who cant say no to his kids #and the second part was born

[breadandblankets]

duke, heading into the kitchen:

doug, watching from the couch as the kitchen suddenly starts lighting up like someone is arc welding in there:

duke, walking out with a steaming mug of tea:

doug, turning to elaine who is doing a sudoku with her legs thrown over his lap: "your son-"

elaine, raising an eyebrow: "My son?"

doug: "He's your son when he does something freaky."

#duke thomas #doug thomas #elaine thomas #batfam #bread talk #i just saw that tea post get circulated as batfam members and i was thinking about microwaves #microwaves are a type of electromagnetic radiation and therefore fall under duke's power set #reminder that not only can duke melt your dna he can also cook u like a hot dog #light powers are so fucking cool #anyway point being i want duke to try to fucking boil water with his powers #he doesn't put the cup noodles in the microwave anymore because he Is the microwave #this will probably also work its way into the wip im writing rn

[riverside--wren]

I just had an idea for a batman au permutation

Reverse robins au where their current physical ages are reversed, but the order they were born is NOT reversed

So like Jason still dies and comes back (could still be for Robin reasons or could be for Crime Alley reasons) except he’s been dead for four years, and everyone else has aged in that time while he has’t aged a day.

Dick gets taken by the court of owls and becomes immortal unaging prepubescent child until the Batfam rescue him find a way to make him age normally again so he is not permanently stuck being babey.

Damian was a test tube baby like some versions of canon, except the assassins really didn’t want to deal with a small child, so they just kept the accelerated aging on until they could plop out a newly formed 12 year old infant.

Tim.

So Dami would look 24 but only have the lived experience of 12 of those years

Tim would be 17

Jason would be 15 in both looks and mind, but be born 19 years ago

Dick would have been born 24 years ago and have up to that many years of memory (depending on how long the Court kept him comatose), but permanently has the appearance, mindset, and undeveloped brain of a 12 year old.

#anyone can do whatever they want with this i have to many writing projects already #batman #batfam #batfamily #reverse robins #tim drake #dick grayson #jason todd #damian wayne #talia shows up at bruce’s door with a whole child says ‘i cooked him for too long’ and just leaves #bruce just goes ‘well i guess i gotta put off my plans to go to the circus today #also jon can still be aged up by volcano to keep him the same age as dami

[androgynousartbaguette]

Batfam Incorrect Quotes

Jason, walking into his apartment: Hello, people who do not live here. Duke: Hey. Tim: Hi. Damian: Hello. Steph: Hii! Jason: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only! Dick: Alfred's out of town and were hungry

#batfam incorrect quotes #jason todd #duke thomas #tim drake #damian al ghul #stephanie brown #dick grayson #batfamily #batsiblings #incorrect batfamily quotes #Jason Todd can cook #Jason can cook

[rougerave]

"Bruce Wayne can't cook to save his life." That's a load of bullshit. Listen Bruce can cook, he just doesn't have the time for it, and the fact that he hardly passes as functional human being.

You can't tell me that in all his traveling he hasn't picked up something. If he can remember miniature details for a case that was three years ago, he can remember recipes.

Listen other than Alfred, Martha Wayne was the only person who knew how to cook. Martha wasn't going to let her son become like his father it that department. She and Alfred taught Bruce everything from the correct utensils to how to properly spice meat, "BBQ spice is not for chicken Master Bruce, have some class."

That was one thing Alfred and Bruce still kept doing after his parents died, and because of this he becomes an amazing cook.

When he meant Taila, trust and believe that she went Gordon Ramsey on his ass when she taught him how to cook the meals of her homeland (that's when he fell in love with her. I refuse to believe anything else on this matter), and obviously as he traveled he gained more knowledge on different dishes. Most from his masters and some from random old ladies that he came across.

The problem comes when he desides to take over the company and become the cities regular furry problem. He just doesn't have time and this leads to his kids never finding out. They grow up knowing that Alfred cooks. They also don't know that on rare occasion that Bruce is free he would sneek into their apartments and make food that can be frozen and reheated, because just like him, his kids can hardly pass as functional.

And that's how Jason found him, one random Tuesday. There his father was, floating around in a black AC/DC t-shirt, gray slacks, sparkly pink crocs(Dick), Jason's apron (because Jason is the only kid that knows how to cook) and the Rolling Stones playing form a speaker that was definitely Tim's. Bruce only glances at him before speaking, "Go change, wash your hands, then come cut the carrots." then goes to drain the pasta, and because Jason is to stunned to speak he goes without a word.

Jason doesn't bring it up, so Bruce won't bring it up.

One thing he does do every night is make Damian, Duke, Tim and Steph's school lunch. He strongly objects to the idea of his babies eating Gotham Academy/University powder egg shit. No sir.

That's how the family found out. That was funny.

"I once saw you put salt and vinegar Lay's in bread."

"Not my finest moment."

They tell Dick. He laughs in their face until he sees his dad in his kitchen cutting onions without flinching or wiping his eyes.

"You have no soul."

"Yes I don't. Wash your hand and cut that baby marrow."

"But I don't like baby marrow." he complained as he washed his hands.

"I have no soul, right?"

Dick sticks out his tongue, he get whacked by a wooden spoon.

#Bruce the chef #Batfamily shenanigans #Damian tears up #Jason and Bruce cook together as therapy #Bruce Wayne #Alfred Pennyworth #Jason Todd #Dick Grayson #Batfam #Batkids #Someone make a AU out of this please #Get threatened by their father who is holding a wooden spoon is scarier than his disappointed voice #Martha Wayne would be proud #Cass found out when he helped her with a case in Hong Kong. #She is very much in love with his food and trust and believe she would brag about it at any point. #Thalia sends recipes to Bruce so he can make them for Damian and Jason

[nicomoon69]

I like the batfam happy too so here’s a lil HC :)

since I do HC Jason as Chinese as well as a cooking enthousiast I think he bonds with Cass and Damian through food

Jason will mostly make them dishes he knows, either the few from his youth or the one’s he learnt to make with Alfred when he was living at the manor BUT whenever Cass or Damian has a special request he will learn to make it for them

also since I am Chinese and am projecting I think Jason should be specifically from Beijing which means his dishes are Beijing style

that really doesn’t mean shit to most people, but just know that it means whenever Cass and Damian request something it’ll be very different from what Jason knows

anyways I just think that Jason would feel a bit responsible when it comes to keeping the Chinese spirit alive between the three of them. not only cooking them food but also popping up around the manor when it’s Chinese new year or mid-autumn festival

#batfam #batfam hc #dc #dcu #dc comics #jason todd #asian jason todd #cassandra cain #damian wayne #dc hc #batsibs #jason todd can cook #my brain

[undertheredhood]

tim drake is the one person nobody is going to steal food from because the only type of meals that tim knows how to make are those five minute depression meals that looks like it could kill you if it touched your tongue.

(the rest of the batfam aren’t picky eaters and will probably eat anything but they’d rather drink paint thinner straight out of the container than ever consume anything that tim makes)

#batman #batfamily #batfam #tim drake #tim drake wayne #timothy jackson drake #timothy drake wayne #the rest of the batfam are side-eying so hard when they see him cook #see the ingredients being eaten on their own fine & understandable but why is he putting them together? #even bruce isn’t this bad #and that’s saying something #they don’t know how tim can still ingest those monstrosities without blinking #tim drake is a menace #one of the few times cass and jason get along is when they’re judging tim over his food choices #tim is the spleenless robin #tim might be smart but he’s also the biggest moron alive

[lost-batarang]

Harvey, walking into the kitchen next to Bruce: Excited to finally see your kitchen- bet Alfred's gonna cook something up much better than those pots of expired ramen noodles we had a few years back, am I right?

Bruce: Alfred's on holiday.

Harvey, turning towards the kitchen: Huh? Then who's gonna be cooking- Oh. Dear god, Bruce. Are these..

Bruce, doing TheBatman glare at all his kids: My kids are going to be cooking tonight. A gift, they said, for pranking me on patrol.

Damian, wearing a seemingly orange robin costume, destroying a pumpkin with his bare hands: FATHER! DAMN THIS PUMPKIN PIE! IT IS UNCOOKABLE, AND TASTES VILE!

Jason, bringing bat-cow into the kitchen: Who wants steaks?

Damian: TODD! I'll kill you for this!

Jason: Bring it, brat!

*Damian and Jason beating eachother bloody*

Dick, who was decently microwaving ramen, now trying to stop the fight: Guys! Guys, guys, guys, Harvey's here! We've got to make good impressions!

Tim, blending toast, unable to hear anyone over the sound of the blender: What was that, Dick!?

Bruce:...

Harvey:....

Bruce:....

Harvey:....wanna buy takeout?

Bruce, through gritted teeth: Sure.

#batfam #bruce wayne #batfamily #batman #jason todd #red hood #tim drake #dick grayson #damian wayne #batbros #batboys #just ignore the fact that some batboys are missing #jason tried to get duke to come but duke told him to fuck off because 'nobody other than alfred in this family can cook without starting 16 #forest fires' #bruharvey #harvey dent #robin dc #nightwing #two face

[glittering-moonlillie]

Damian Wayne Headcannons <3

Damian, at the beginning of the relationship, is never one to be openly emotional with his lover. Since he grew up as nothing more than a killing machine, he never quite reconciled with his feelings, preferring to push them deep deep down until he was nothing more than a stoic. It didn’t help that his father carried the same toxic behavior either. Eventually, with the help of you and the rest of his family, Damian began to slowly open up. Key word: Slowly! The most important thing to remember is to approach the relationship with patience; Don’t force him to open up to you, but also don’t neglect how he might feel. Just being there for him will make it easier for him to express how he feels. 

Adding on to the first note, don’t be alarmed if Damian is not the best at comforting you in the beginning. Like I said, he is terrible with expressing himself emotionally so that leads him to feel awkward when seeing his loved ones show vulnerability. It’s not that Damian doesn’t love you, he just is unsure of what to do. Damian would probably resort to asking for help from either Dick or Alfred (maybe even Jon), which might seem negative at first, but if Damian is openly asking for help with something he is not good at, you should probably be flattered. Damian might also ask how you preferred to be comforted when having a bad day, albeit in a slightly snarky manner. 

Whatever kind of affection you love most will be the one Damian tries to reciprocate with. You like physical attention? Don’t expect to leave Damian’s arms for a very long while. You want praise and affirmation? Damian will whisper soft words of encouragement and admiration until you’re squealing into his chest. Anything and everything he will do his best to fulfill! 

Damian is terrible in the kitchen. I do not care what anyone else says, they cannot convince me that he is a good cook. Growing up, Damian was always served food from his grandfather’s servants or from Alfred (when he moved in with his father). It was only until he rolled up his sleeves and attempted to make you a nice breakfast did he realize that he had no idea how to make pancakes…or scrambled eggs…or anything really. That morning, you woke up to the fire alarm go off and Damian swiftly trying to take out the fire ablaze in one of the pans. 

Safe to say that Damian was banned from the kitchen forever.

Damian treats you like his big teddy bear, but not in the way you think. Instead of the classic “spooning” method most couples would use, Damian likes to pull you halfway onto his chest. This way it’s easier for him to hear your heartbeat and keep you protected in case of any emergencies. It’s also easier for him to pepper your face and neck in kisses in the morning! 

Damian’s sketchbook is filled to the brim with pictures of you. He has this special way of drawing you perfectly, as if you had no physical flaws or imperfections. You can’t put your finger on exactly what he changes however. In reality, Damian just draws you how he sees you. 

Animals. Animals Everywhere. Some nights, usually after patrol, Damian will sneak back home with a new random animal in his arms. “It was a cat on the street!” He would exclaim. “How could I possibly not take him with me when it’s pouring rain outside?”

Somedays, he will bring home more…exotic animals…not unsimilar to Batcow or Jerry the Turkey. 

Damian’s favorite place to kiss you is on the forehead; it’s chaste enough for in-public-situations while also showing how much he adores and loves you. 

This man will tease you, it doesn’t matter if you are his one and only. Teasing you, especially if you are easily flustered, lets him gain a sense of control. The control he desires isn’t out of malice, no, he just prefers being more…dominant 

This doesn’t mean that he isn’t opposed to you teasing him back. If you are able to retort his snarky or jeering, he may as well drop down to one knee on the spot 

On the weekends, you guys spend a lot of time at Animal shelters and Sanctuaries. Both of you have made a habit of adopting the old animals that would have been put down since no one had bought them. You try to give them the happiest life possible before they pass away

Expect him to propose in about 3-4.5 years (depending on how much you knew him before being in a relationship) 

Damian is a cuddle bug, fight me. He isn’t a huge PDA person but once you both are home, he will tackle you into bed and hold you in his arms for hours

Every night before patrol, Damian Wayne kisses you like it is the last time. That's not to say that he thinks he will die, but he does it anyway as a preemptive measure in case he gets extremely hurt.

#Damian Wayne #Damian Wayne x reader #Robin x reader #DC comics #Batfam #Batfamily #Romance #Fluff #Damian can never have too many pets #All of his pets formed to create The World Order #Damian is terrible at cooking change my mind #He managed to set the water on fire #Damian my beloved #Robins

[kasonkodd]

roy cant cook for SHIT. bro only knows how to make hot dogs and macaroni… sometimes theyre put together!!

#yk what #while we’re at it?? DICK cant cook for shit either. #out of the batboys and roy jasons the only one who can actually cook #batfam #dc batman #roy harper #royjay #jayroy #arsenal #dc comics #dceu #dcmultiverse #dc #dc universe

[heroesriseandfall]

I think I should use this graphic when introducing people to Batman comics.

Image description: An edited art piece from Batman: Hush of Bruce Wayne as Batman with a serious face and slightly hunched with muscular arms spread in a ready to fight pose. The background has been edited white and an arrow points to Batman’s head with text saying:

vigilante widely trained in many fields

single dad

can’t make an edible sandwich

This indicates he is all those things. End ID.

#bruce wayne #batfam #batman #dc comics #batfamily #funny business #heroesriseandfall #dc #He knows advanced chemistry but he can’t cook without burning something. #he can design a mech suit but can’t fold laundry #unequal skill distribution. i claim him (autistic)

[francisofgotham1]

Bruce Wayne Can Cook 3

Since Bruce would be genuinely good at "foreign" food, I think he would definitely take an interest in aline cuisine. So, after getting to know the Justice League a bit better, Bruce would definitely ask the more non-human members for family recipes or for food from their planets/societies.

And, as is with most things, it all started with Clark and Diana (I mean, those three are basically triplets separated at birth for how close they are). They are immediately on-board because honestly, they are just as curious about Kryptonian food as Bruce is. The next several hours are comprised of these three (with Dick, Jason, and Donna tagging along) going through the entire Fortress of Solitude archives and storage looking for recipes, ingredients, equipment, just about anything related to food. Once all of that is gathered, the actual cooking process begins, complete with kitchen chaos (aka the Bats, Wonders, and Clark shouting suggestions across the kitchen).

Slowly but surely, it evolves from cooking to a borderline science experiment:

Whatever they don't have, Bruce substitutes it with a close Earth equivalent.

Hoping that Earth and Kryptonian ingredients don't cause conduction chemical reactions (cut to the Bats dropping salt with some Kryptonian something and then running behind the Wonders and Clark).

Dick, Bruce, Jason, and Donna saving some of the more reactive ingredients for later.

Bruce and Clark really squinting at some of the Kryptonian translations.

Results are recorded with an insane amount of detail.

Maybe a full-on food fight breaks out.

The final result is a messy kitchen/laboratory, everyone exhausted but happy, and an interesting combination of dishes that are 90% Kryptonian and 10% Earthling. It's not their favorite, but they definitely enjoy it.

Once Kara shows up, she becomes the official taste tester of the group because she's the only one that actually remembers what this stuff is supposed to taste like. They also search her ship for more ingredients.

This turns into a tradition/hobby for the JLA: every time a new out-of-world hero joins the team, the DC Trinity go over and ask for ingredients/recipes, and then experiment for hours on end. Accidentally, Bruce ends up becoming the "comfort food" guy for the whole League (but mostly for the Supers and the Martians). While it is not a perfect replica, it's filled with something extra that helps them remember home and become calmer.

#batman #dc comics #bruce wayne #batfamily #batfam #jason todd #dick grayson #red hood #nightwing #donna troy #troia #wonder girl #dc robin #robin #headcanon #ramblings #Bruce can definitely cook #Just not the way that Alfred does it #They call on Alfred and Ma when it comes to the baking #cooking #superman #clark kent #diana prince #diana of themyscira #wonder woman

[psalmsofpsychosis]

so anyway fuck DC, i'm tired of the same-plot-different-shoes stories give me weelchair-bound Bruce Wayne in his 50s making a bat sanctuary in the Wayne Manor gardens and discreetly doing detective work while his kids run the errands, and his worst case is Joker that he meets by the end of story and Joker kisses him on the cheek and tells him "thank you for all your hard work," before he fuck offs again.

#I have been watching a lot of super heartwarming mobies to heal myself from 2023 basically #and i keep thinking about whether we actually can do a playful calm batman scenario. and the answer is WE FUCKING CAN #it's just that everyone in the dc writing department is braindead with 67 years of therapy due #anyway i'm pitchin' #Bruce reads Alfred convoluted bedtime stories while the kids bring him info #and he can't punch the villains anymore so he goes to the spot and holds a therapy session for them #he cooks and knows 990 different salad recipes #throws himself a little dainty birthday part on his birthday when he thinks noone is watching #Bruce in a bathtub with Tim washing his hair and back as he recites case details from memory #Damien shoving a whole muffin into his mouth when he's done listening to him #Batman #Batfam #batjokes #Bruce Wayne

[msfcatlover]

Personal headcanon: Jason sets aside one (1) day each month which he spends making bulk-servings of freezer-friendly healthy meals. These are then used to restock whichever of his safe houses is running lowest that month. This means he has good-quality, healthy food on hand no matter how tired he is (prep/cooking/cleanup take so much time & energy,) enough to share with anyone who needs it, and enough that his siblings can drop by an empty safe house to grab a bite if they need it for whatever reason (though he reserves the right to complain about that ’til the end of time.)

It also means that every single one of Jason’s safe houses has one of those sideways, deep-freeze, murder-freezers. Which are, honestly, better than most space heaters, full of food, and are a standing threat whenever anyone drops by unannounced. So everyone can make all the cannibal jokes they like, ‘cause who’s really winning here?

#jason todd #batfam #batman #red hood #Jason Todd can cook #red hood jason todd #robin #mine #my writing #// #Jason on multiple occasions: ‘’The next food thief to break in here is gonna find your severed head in that freezer Timbo.’’ #Tim slurping his soup just to be obnoxious: ‘’You’re not going to leave it on Bruce’s pillow to see when he wakes up? Loosing your flare.’’

[batarangsoundsdumb]

fanfic author: 'bruce cant cook'

me, squishing their face between my hands: have you tried teaching him?

#im sorry besties but half of the shit you say sometimes make me go 'mmh this can be solved with some time and patience' #cant cook? ok just teach him then #cant drive? ok just teach him then #cant express emotions? ok so therapy for him then #im sorry like i know a guy who could barely make pasta a year ago and now he's a cook in a highly exclusive restaurant #you cant tell me he cant LEARN #dc #dcu #batman #bruce wayne #batfam