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soulren · 10 months

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Go spend some time on male pattern baldness or male(AMAB) balding forums/subreddits and such. I did after realizing it is happening to me and the ammount of people who truly don't realize how BRUTALLY it tanks people's confidence and mental health is insane.

There's no cure to baldness by the way, and it can start at any time and there's no way to predict how fast or slow it will go. The only real working option is a daily pill that usually just halts it, but it can stop working or just slow it down or cause major side effects. To regrow you have to use a daily topical solution, or use a roller to wound your scalp. None of these are surefire by the way, and if you stop them you'll just lose your hair and whatever you regained. It's a daily involved thing that might not work and often at best just retains. The best drug, the one that occasionaly gives regrowth, also causes shedding at the start, and can have side effects from growing breasts to brain fog to EDsyfunction(sorry, censoring cause tumblr). Now, those are INCREDIBLY rare and almost never happen but it weighs heavily on the mind of those already spiraling.

But that's just background. What I'm here to talk about is the pure woe you'll see on those forums. People speak as though their lives are over, as though they've lost every chance of finding a woman(predominantly, there's a running idea in such places that women don't like bald men or like them less) or doing anything. You can read countless stories of people who describe that they no longer go outside, are now filled with anxiety and self-hate, have gone from extroverted to never showing their face. And some of these people are kids who lost their hair in high school or even before, or are holding as best they can to a very receded hairline and feel like there is nothing they can do.

And then there's something touched upon far less in those communities, but is important to bring up here; baldness and masculinity. There's the horror of knowing so much of society sees a bald guy as a very masculine guy, at seeing that the best advice for being hot and bald is "grow and beard and big muscles bro". Imagine now you're AMAB balding and nonbinary, or a trans woman who doesn't want to be on hormones.

Just genuinely take the time to look at those forums no matter who you are. Understand what these people go through, what I am currently going through. It is soul-crushing, spiraling, brutal. I have the dream of one day being like Brennan Lee Mulligan or Matt Mercer and starting to lose my hair made me feel like I could never. I felt like and still feel like I would have to be masculine, have to be a bro-y dude, have to look older than I was(I'm fuckin 22). It was the feeling that I could never dress feminine again, never present as a woman when I wanted to again, that I'd always be viewed as a bald guy before anything else.

This is an incredibly vulnerable post for me, and I hope it reaches you all as well in a kind and understanding mood. There's a tendency online for people to joke about baldness, to make fun of it, to treat it as a playfull silly thing but it fucking ruins lives, and it shouldn't. It happens to half the population's sort of bodies and very often. It should just be a neutral thing. You don't need long hair to be feminine, you don't need hair to be feminine. You don't need hair for anything. I guess I'm just saying in general that everyone should be kinder about balding, more understanding, and view it with as much import as they'd view the pixels between this sentence and the next. None at all, I mean.

And for those like me, very feminine guys who wanna keep that and don't want a beard and are terrified of balding, here's some names and I do hope others that see this will add more; Mr. Bruce (also in The Correspondents(band) Alex Ward in LA By Night Jason Carl in LA By Night Cecil Baldwin of Welcome To Night Vale Bob The Drag Queen RuPaul(in looks alone, I know about the whole fracking stuff but this post is about looks) tananasho on instagram Also your mannerisms and style of dress will convey femininity far more than your hair. Yea sure a front-on neutral shot of you may not and maybe you need makeup and stuff, and hell maybe a lot of people might reject you more but it'll just filter down to the people for you.

And to all you artists and writers and creatives; make more bald characters. Try it out. Feminine ones, masculine ones, all sorts. None of the copout nonhuman sort, just dudes and girls and mates and individuals who are all sorts of things and also bald. It might make a few of the people going through the various vortexes of pain that balding causes feel a bit better.

And to those noticing I did not adress female hair loss much here, that was intentional. I am AMAB and currently a nonbinary guy who goes by any pronouns but often likes to present as fem. I learned I was possibly losing my hair and lost two months of my life, no work or going or anything, to male hair loss forums and research and spiraling. Checking my hair twenty times a day, unable to sleep, unable to eat, unable to think. And my situation was NOT unique, but it also did not give me any experience or understanding of female hair loss and what AFAB people may go through with that, so I don't feel knowledgeable enough to speak on it. Also living with baldness WILL get easier and you will find something that works for it, by virtue of simply living with it. Things get easier with time.

#bald #balding #hair loss #hair #hair care #minoxidil #dermaroller #baldness #bald and feminine #bald fem #using a lot of tags due to this being triggering for many and cause I want it to be seen #and because I want those who went through what I did to be able to find it #mpb #androgen alopecia #also I know this post is long but I'm not sorry cause it's important. If even one person has a bit less stress then that's good.#feminine bald man

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gallus-rising · 6 months

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hmmmmm vague Dungeon Meshi thought that all "humans" used to be the same but became slightly different "races" bc of the Winged Lion's interference

when it meets people for the first time they don't seem to have the proportions of any fantasy race in particular

very slightly pointed ears. short & stocky and lankier builds. clean shaven despite being functionally cavemen at this point but also thick body hair

then around the time it gets locked away in the dungeon people with more distinct features start showing up asking for specific characteristics

a stocky bearded man asks for his people to be immortal. a taller person with pointed ears asks for it to be shorter. a short guy with a rounded face asks for lifespans to be even shorter. in the background someone with elf-y ears wants to use magic while someone with tallman-y ears wants to be strong (note: there's also someone asking for a common language so there's that mystery explained (except for whatever's going on with kobolds but that's a different tangent))

that would explain why mixed race individuals like Marcille age at unstable rates. there'd be no way to reconcile everyone's desires for their family members lifespans and traits, so whatever happens happens (possibly based on past people's wishes for their children sort of all becoming "canon" at the same time)

would also help explain why "human" is an umbrella term, but there's disagreement on how it's used. in the Northern Continent "human" is defined by having the same number of bones, so tallmen and gnomes are both humans despite having very different proportions, but tallmen and orcs aren't both humans because despite having more similar proportions as orcs have hooves and horns thus giving them a different number of bones. meanwhile in the Eastern Archipelago tallmen are just "humans" because they're shorter than ogres (i can't find the omakes with this trivia explained way better but Dude Trust Me)

#dungeon meshi #*furious pecking*

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fox-guardian · 2 months

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[ID: Digital drawings of Needles from The Magnus Protocol on a gray background. He is a thin, shadowy figure in a brown raincoat with the hood up and dark gray pants and gray shoes and black fingerless gloves. His only visible facial features are his large eyes and mouth, and needles make up his eyebrows and poke out of his chin like a goatee. He also has needles coming out of his fingertips. The first drawing is a bust showing him smiling at the viewer, and the second is a full body drawing of him posed as though walking with his hands near his sides making clawing gestures. He is smiling at the viewer with extra needles poking out from between his teeth. end ID]

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a hesitant needles design!! keeping my design pretty vague and ambiguous for now, waiting until we get more description cuz i feel like we're def going to soon enough. I imagine the needles are usually under the skin and then poke out as needed (i just drew them as brows and beard to get the Needles Thing across) (no i did NOT mean to give him a goatee it just happened)

#fg's art #the magnus protocol #tmagp #needles tmagp #needles #needles tw #i really like this guy #i Do have a more solid mental image of him but im just hesitant im like Too Excited ough #also it's like. really different from the needles designs i've already seen and i'm Anxious About It <3 but maybe i just haven't seen enoug #edit: not me forgetting to trigger tag the needles guy. FOR NEEDLES.

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chellestrash · 7 months

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Habits to break

Frank Castle x F!Reader

Summary: Frank comes back from a job and once again you're the only person he can ask for help.

Word count: 1.5K

Warnings: Strong language, angst, blood, strong language, mentions of violence.

A/N: Day three for the @bernthirst-events BeardthalBash. Frank again! Thank you @chelseasdagger for the help, couldnt have done it without you!

No plans. That was the plan for the night. Nothing to do, nothing to think about, just you, your TV and a couple of big blankets on your couch. Frank made sure to let you know beforehand that he would be ‘handling some bullshit’ job today, so you assumed you weren't supposed to sit and wait for him. You knew he'd be okay, he always was… Still, it was difficult to just tell yourself to go to sleep; to get in bed when you know he is away, close your eyes, and just pretend everything was completely fine. No matter how much he'd reassure you and no matter how much you trusted him with this, it never really got easier.

You do your best to keep your mind busy. With a TV show in the background, you get around to some of the work related things that need to be dealt with. With multiple things around you to focus on, you managed to keep your thoughts in place, keep your mind occupied for the better part of the evening.

That is, until now. Looking towards the front door, a response to the quiet click of the main lock, you breathe out deeply, relieved. Frank grunts loudly, stepping into the apartment before you hear the heavy duffle bag hit the wooden floor. You smile, watching him wrestle with his combat boots in the dark for a moment, and you part your lips to greet him but the words freeze, stuck in your throat the second Frank hits the light switch.

“Shit.”

His eyes meet yours, and it's clear he didn't expect you to still be awake, waiting for him. No matter how many times it happened before, he still never let himself expect this of you. The light, despite his wishes, reveals his current state to you and your stomach drops instantly. His face, hair and beard are covered in bruises and blood, some of it dried, some of it still fresh. Same with his knuckles, his hand shaking slightly. The dark stains now impeded in the fabric of his clothes, the few bandages now soaked in the maroon liquid tied around his upper arm.

A frustrated:

“Jesus fucking Christ, Frank.”

Is all you manage to muster up as you push yourself off the couch and quickly cross the living room to get to him.

“Are you-”

“I'm fine.”

He cuts you off quickly and attempts to squeeze past you. But you stand your ground, blocking the way and not letting him brush this whole thing off like he usually would.

“Doesn't fucking look fine.”

You try to keep your eyes on his, but he never looks at you. His gaze focuses on nothing in particular, just off into the distance, past your head.

He mumbles and in a perfect representation of the irony of the universe, a dark drop of blood drips from his nose and onto the wooden floor. You quickly reach up to grab his face and make him look up at you, but Frank Castle is not really a great choice when it comes to practicing your reflexes with. In one quick motion he dodges your hand and his fingers wrap around your wrist. He's faster than you are, stronger, but he glares down at you into your eyes, unintentionally giving you what you wanted.

“Frank.”

You speak up firmly, glancing around his face. Your eyes scan the damage in more detail now that you got him to look at you. The dark, multicolor bruises look deeper than the ones you'd normally see on him. The cut on the bridge of his nose as well as the one on his lips are now dried. But the blood from his nose is still fresh, slowly dripping down just to stop on his dark facial hair. Even with the thick beard, you see his jaw tighten as you move your hand closer to his face.

“Frank, this doesn't look fine.”

You point out, and he lets go of your wrist. The guilt grows heavy in his chest as your voice shifts from angry and frustrated to clearly worried.

“Just let me do this, okay?”

Your voice softens even more when you notice him actually trying to listen to you, not just acting on his Frank Castle pride. He swallows hard, closing his eyes, and you watch his jaw tighten before he nods slowly, his eyes focusing on something behind you again.

“Yeah?”

Asking again you want to ensure it's a conscious decision, something he thought through and wasn't just pushed to accept.

His features soften and his shoulders drop. His eyes scan around your face, his lips part slightly, but the words never leave his mouth. He doesn't have to say it, not this time. You know now that he means it.

“Okay.”

You agree, nodding in the direction of the living room.

“Right, couch.”

Without a word, Frank makes his way over to the couch while you step into the bathroom to grab the first aid kit from under the sink. After taking the necessary precautions to make sure everything is as sanitary as possible, you set all the tools down on the table. Frank straightens up slightly, clearing his throat while he watches you prep everything. You go over the list in your head. At this point, you've done it enough times you're pretty sure you'd be able to stitch him together with your eyes closed. Turning to face him again, you scan over the clothes on Frank's body. Once again, your attention focuses on the deep, dark stains in the fabric.

“Yours?”

You ask, throwing your leg over his lap in an effort to get closer to the wound and bruises on his face.

“... Some of it.”

He admits, and you nod slowly, leaving that confession without a smartass comment this time.

“Okay.”

Brining the clean, damp cloth up to his face, you hold his chin up gently with the other hand. Turning his face slowly from side to side, you focus on attempting to clean up the damage as much as you can.

Focusing too hard to notice the change in Frank's demeanor, you don't see the way his eyes fix on you. Watching as your eyebrows pull together or how you bite down on your lower lip, how your head tilts gently to the side as you offer your time and attention to him. His hands move from the couch to the back of your thighs, holding you firmly close to him. The slow movement of his rough fingers acts as reassurance, a silent confirmation that your presence is wanted.

“Hurts?”

He shakes his head slowly, responding to the quiet question when you switch from the cloth to some disinfecting wipes.

“How many were there?”

Frank hesitates for a moment and you pause, watching him turn his head to the side. He swallows hard, and once again you feel the tension rise throughout your body.

“Frank.”

"Don't."

"Frank."

You repeat firmly.

"Leave it."

He warns, but you couldn't give a fuck about his intimidation tactics anymore.

"Frank, how many?"

You push, not necessarily sure why you needed to know, but part of you just wanted him to be honest with you this one time.

“Twelve.”

He grunts, a barely audible whisper.

“Twelve?! Jesus, Frank…”

No response this time. With his jaw clenched, he reaches for the wet cloth in your lap.

“I can do it if-”

“No.”

You pull your hand away quickly. You knew he could handle it, he proved it many times before, but at the same time...there were too many close calls. Too many times you sat by his side, waiting for him to wake up again, unable to even take him to some hospital. Three guys? Four? Shit, you watched Frank take out seven or eight people alone but, fuck, twelve? How?

“No, I got it…always do.”

You focus once again, now visibly upset, brushing your fingers through the curls of his beard and your eyebrows pull together. With a loud sigh, you attempt to get the dried blood out of the thick hair.

“You don't have to-”

“Frank, stop. Just fucking- just stop.”

The room immediately falls completely silent. Frustrated, you damp the cloth into the bowl of warm water again before lifting your hand up to his face again.

“I said I’ll do it. So I will do it, and then I’ll stop fucking bothering you with this. So just fucking, let me do this!”

You finally snap and Frank pulls his hands away, lifting them up, attempting to provide the needed space. Closing your eyes, you sigh loudly before hiding your face in your palms.

The couple of minutes of silence feel like hours as you attempt to slow the pounding in your chest.

Frank whispers your name softly, carefully.

“I'm sorry.”

He follows, and you move your hands down, your eyes now on his. There is no attempt to avoid your gaze anymore. His lips parted, his head moving gently from side to side as his breath hitches.

“I'm sorry, okay?”

He continues, his fingers brushing over your wrists gently.

“I'm sorry about this..I-I-I-”

You let him speak, trying to read his thoughts, to understand what he's trying to say before he actually does.

“This isn't…I shouldn't just-”

His body is completely tense again as he fumbles with the words, not sure how to properly articulate his own thoughts.

“I'm just…I'm sorry.”

Although repeated once more, the words never lose their meaning.

“Don't…don't be, just…”

You manage to get the rest of the blood out of the hair on his face.

“If you die. I'm gonna kill you.”

Glancing up into his eyes again, you catch his small smile and the tight grip inside your chest loosens.

He nods slowly, pouting as he does. His hands are back on your body, thumbs slowly rubbing against the sides of your body.

“Make sense.”

“Good.”

With a quiet sigh, you move back to check the progress.

“Done?”

He asks and you blink a couple of times.

“What?”

“Is it-”

“Oh, oh no, you need a fucking shower, Castle. This is not coming off.”

He nods, agreeing with your words, before turning to look towards the bathroom.

"You coming or-"

"Oh don't fucking push it, Frank.”

He swallows hard, nodding slowly one more time.

"Yes, ma'am."

#frank castle x reader #frank castle #punisher #beardthalbash #jon bernthal #frank castle fanfiction #jon bernthal fanfiction #beardthalbash2023 #bernthirstevents

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lainiespicewrites · 4 months

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The Christmas Cabin 2-Ice skating

I'M SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG! I genuinely intended to get this posted before Christmas buuuuuuttt I ended up with a horrible toothache ache and that was a whole thing. And it's real hard to feel sexy and write smut when your tooth is screaming at you.. and then the holidays.... ugh ...ANYWAY here is part 2 of the Christmas cabin! Happy New Year Y'all!!!

Warnings: Umm So much smut! Cursing, rough sex, daddy kink, oral. the usual suspects

Per usual I was to excited about posting this so I probably/definitely didn't proofread. so Yes I do own those mistakes. I'm sorry. I'm human okay!

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After a perfectly relaxing night I had some of the best sleep in a long time. In the morning I actually woke up before Sy for once and snuck downstairs to make breakfast. I turned on some soft christmas music in the background and sang to myself in the kitchen while I cooked. Aika made her way downstairs at the smell of bacon. I couldn’t help but laugh when Sy stumbled down the stairs a minute behind her.

“Like father, like daughter.” I teased. He smiled and came over kissing my shoulder.

“Smells amazing baby, you didn’t have to cook.” He said.

“You always do it for me, go relax,” I smiled at him. He walked over and let Aika out the back door. Then he sat at the breakfast bar watching me. I looked up at him with a raised eyebrow.

“What?” He smirked.

“Enjoying the show?” I asked. Trying to play coy.

“Only thing that would make it better is if you were naked.” He winked. I blushed and bit my lip trying to focus on flipping the pancakes. When I finished cooking we sat at the little table. Sy pulled me into his lap again. “I like having you close to me.” He mumbled as he nuzzled his nose against my neck, softly tickling me with his beard. I let out a little whimper trying to hold it together.

Things had sort of slowed down a bit in that department and I know it was driving him crazy. I had been teasing him a lot lately too. But he was never one to push for anything. He was always respectful of any boundaries, not that I was ever afraid he’d cross any. But it’d been a week or so since we’d been intimate. He was sick with a cold last week so we hadn’t stayed together much and when we settled into bed last night as much as I could tell he was trying nothing happened. It was torture for me too but I liked that I held all the cards. And it made it so much more fun, when we finally did get there.

“Sy, we’ve got things to do today. Don’t distract me.” I pouted, wiggling a little in his lap. He chuckled, squeezing my hip to hold me still.

“We’re on vacation baby, we ain’t got nothin to do.” I could feel his smirk against my neck as he started to leave a trail of wet kisses from my shoulder to my ear. He really knew what he was doing. And it almost worked.

“But Bear,” I turned in his lap so I was straddling him now. His hands went right back to my waist. I wrapped an arm around his shoulder and the other hand was absentmindedly drawing shapes on his bare chest. “We gotta decorate the tree. And you said something about an ice skating rink, that sounds so fun baby, can we go?” He let out a long sigh and shook his head. I could feel the deep laugh in his chest.

“You’re killing me Sugar, you know it?” I smiled, still scratching at his chest hair. “Yeah, I’ll take you skating baby girl.” He kissed me softly.

We finished breakfast and got dressed for the day. I annoyed him some more and put the christmas music on again when I drug the ornaments back out. I started singing again in the living room while I wrapped garland around the tree. I was lost in “o’holy night,” when I felt his arms around me again.

“Hey handsome,” I smiled. He rocked us back and forth for a moment, laying his head on my shoulder.

“You never told me you could sing like that baby, I could listen to you all day.” I blushed.

“It’s nothing, just enjoying the music.” I said.

“You sound like an angel, sugar, I could listen to christmas music all day if it was coming from you,” He kissed my cheek.

“You’re so sweet. I guess I didn’t realize you’d never heard me. ” I turned in his arms, pecking him on the lips softly. “We can work on the tree later. I’m really excited to go skating!” He slid his hands down and smacked my ass and I let out a squeal. Logan chuckled.

“Alright Darlin’, go get in the truck.”

After a short drive into town we parked outside of a local public park. The ice skating rink wasn’t all that busy today which was great, because I was sure to fall a few times. It’s been years since I've been ice skating. Logan immediately grabbed my hand when I hopped out of the truck. He kept me close the whole time we walked around the park. We finally found the place to rent our skates and settled on a bench outside the rink to put them on. “Okay, I’ve gotta warn ya, you remember when we were bowling, and you asked what I can’t do? This.. this is what I can’t do.” I tried really hard not to laugh. Because he looked so serious. Really I tried. But I laughed so hard I snorted. He pouted. “You making fun of me baby?” He asked.

“No, no it’s just,” I took a deep breath trying to calm down. “I didn’t actually expect you to be good at everything Sy. I’m probably not going to be good at this either.” I chuckled. He smiled a little, brushing his thumb across my cheek.

“Such a sweet girl,” he mumbled. “You always find the bright side to everything, don't ya?” I blushed.

“I’m a high school counselor Sy, it’s my job. At least to try.” I brushed my fingers up and down his big arm a few times. “You’re stalling,” I chuckled. “You can’t be that bad Bear.” His eyes lit up from the nickname. I don’t know when I started using it. But he accepted it without hesitation. I think he honestly liked it. During all of this back and forth I’d managed to get my skates on. “You can’t back out on me now, you promised.” He chuckled.

“To be fair, I promised to take you skating, I didn’t promise I would skate. My balance is horrible.”

“Yeah all those big muscles make you top heavy,” I winked. “Come on big guy, we’ll get you one of those plastic penguins to hold on to.” He raised an eyebrow and smirked. Finally putting on the skates.

“You makin fun of me?” he asked.

“Me? Never!” I chuckled.

I tried really hard. I did. Let the record show. That I attempted not to laugh. We walked out to the ice on wobbly feet. I had a pretty rough start myself. I had to hold on to the ledge until muscle memory kicked in. I was still a little shaky. But I was able to slowly skate along the edge of the rink. Sy… well, the funniest thing I’ve ever seen is a big, strong, 6’1, rugged, grizzly bear of a man, afraid to fall.

“I can’t do it,” He shook his head, he had a white knuckled grip on the ledge.

“You sure as hell can’t do it if you don’t let go, Logan,” I bit my lip to keep the smirk off my face.

“I’m gonna fall on my ass if I do.” He grumbled. I skated over to him and gently grabbed his arm. He looked panicked. My poor Bear. He was never gonna live this down.

“Come on baby, you can hold my hand, I got you.” I teased. He rolled his eyes.

“I hate you,” He he mumbled

“You do not,” I giggled as he grabbed my hand, slowly letting go of the wall.

“You know if I fall you’re going down with me.” He stated. I pushed off slowly. As tightly as he was holding my hand you’d think I was giving birth. I pulled Sy along with my trying to coach the coach. But it wasn’t going well.

“It’s a good thing you don’t like hockey.” I snorted when he stumbled again trying to push off from the wall. We almost made it around once. He leaned in close and growled in a low voice.

“You’re pushing your luck today little girl.” I bit my lip and smirked. I loved getting him all riled up like this. The thing is. Our relationship is much more than sexual. But in all honesty we can’t get enough of each other. I love pushing his buttons. I know that it sets something off in him. The night after our first date, he was so dominant and in control. And I loved that. I did everything I could to bring that out in him. Sometimes it meant being a brat. He’d never admit it. But he enjoyed that too.

“Ooh I’m so scared, you can’t even stand up straight without losing your balance cowboy.” I smirked.

He grabbed the wall with one hand and grabbed my waist with the other spinning me around to face him. I almost lost my balance but I held onto the ledge keeping me upright. He licked his lips looking me over.

“If I could, I'd bend you over right here for everyone to see, baby girl. You’ve been teasing me for days. You wanna keep pushing it? we won’t make it home before I fill up that pretty little pussy, do I make myself clear?”

“Crystal,” I let out a deep breath, keeping my eyes on his. Even off his game, he was still so intimidating and intense.

“I’ll give you a headstart back to the truck.” He smirked. Again, I tried. I couldn’t help myself. I started to skate back to the entrance but I stopped and looked back at him.

“Not like you’d be able to keep up anyway Daddy,” He stopped and stared at me, raising an eyebrow.

“Get your ass in the truck, now.” he growled. I bit my lip and nodded. I switched back to my regular boots and returned the skates. Logan was only a few steps behind me when I started to walk out to the truck. I was almost there when I felt grab my hip and spin me around. He backed me up against the passenger door cupping my jaw and tracing my lips with his thumb. “Give me one good reason not to bend you over the seat and take you right here.” He mused. I pouted and laid my hand on his chest.

“It’s cold Bear,” He chuckled and pressed his body closer to mine, completely pinning me to the truck. He slid his hand down to my neck resting his thumb and fingers on either side squeezing softly.

“You got yourself into this sugar, don’t play innocent now.” He finally leaned in and kissed me roughly, keeping his hand on my neck. I moaned into his mouth, letting him take control. Reaching between us I slid my hand over the growing bulge in his jeans and squeezed teasingly. He moaned, dropping his head to my shoulder.

“What’s stopping you?” I smirked. He was putty in my hands now. He kissed my neck softly letting his hands wander over my curves. He stopped suddenly and chuckled to himself.

“A public indecency charge, get in the truck baby girl, I’ll deal with you at home, this ain’t over,” he said and gave me one last kiss before he opened the door for me and smacked my ass as I turned to hop up into the truck.

The whole drive home he had one hand on the wheel and the other on my inner thigh. It was… well, it was never innocent, but it was less intense at first. He just rested it there letting me know he fully intended to keep me in check. It was so hot. I felt hot all over. With just one little touch. It sent sparks through me. That with one touch, one grip, he asserted his dominance. Maybe it was just because I let him. Or maybe it was because he was such a force to be reckoned with that something so simple demanded respect. Eventually, he started to move

his hand farther up my thigh, massaging it with his fingers and rubbing in slow circles with his thumb.

All I could think about was feeling those fingers inside me. His thumb pressed against my clit. I let out a pathetic whimper when his hand slid back down my thigh, his thumb brushing over my knee.

“Something wrong, sugar?” He looked over, that shit eating grin on his face, and caught my eye before looking back to the road.

“Your teasing,” I pouted. He raised an eyebrow and chuckled.

“Can dish it out but you can’t take it huh?” He smacked my thigh and smirked “fuckin love that sound.” He groaned and I let out another little whimper. “Bad girls don’t get treats darlin’ , you know that,” I pouted, laying my hand on top of his and rubbing the back of his hand with my thumb

“I’m sorry, Bear,” I said softly. He hummed turning his hand and tangling our fingers together. He brought my hand to his lips kissing my knuckles.

“Sorry ain’t gonna help you now baby doll, your fate is sealed.” I swallowed hard but I could feel my excitement begin to pool between my legs. When we got back to the cabin Logan barley had the truck in park before he jumped out. I just got my door open when he grabbed me by the hips and wrapped my legs around his waist pulling me out of the truck.

“Fuck,” I breathed out, holding onto his shoulders as he carried me inside. He kicked the door closed behind him and walked inside dropping me on the couch. He pushed his knee between my thighs and leaned down, crashing his lips to mine. I barely had time to catch my breath before he started pulling at my clothes. He made quick work undressing me. Tossing my sweater to the side kissing and sucking at my chest while he worked on getting my bra out of his way, and then pulling my leggings and panties off in one swift motion.

“Look at you,” he groaned, pulling away to admire me. I blushed instinctively trying to hide myself still not used to all of his love and attention. He grabbed my wrists pinning them to the arm of the couch with one hand while the other started to snake up my thigh. “Mm don’t hide darlin, Daddy wants to see his girl.” I bit my lip and nodded.

I kept my eyes on him the whole time. He used his knee to spread my legs wider and caressed the crease in my leg with his thumb. He was so close to where I needed him it was making my head spin. I whined softly grinding against nothing and he chuckled. “You’ve been a real fuckin brat today you know that?” He shook his head and tutted disapprovingly. “What am I gonna do with you?”

“I said I was sorry,” I pouted. He smiled softly

“I know you did, baby girl,” he sat up and pulled off his shirt. He leaned down and pressed a sweet kiss to my lips. “And you really meant that huh?” He kissed my body. Stopping to pull my nipple between his teeth and teasing the other with his tongue. My back arched, moaning softly. As I nodded.

“I did, Daddy,” I breathed as he settled between my legs. He ghosted his thumb over my clit and smirked. He took his time kissing and biting at my inner thighs making sure to mark his territory. I was squirming beneath him dripping on to the couch. I bit my lip holding back a moan as he finally teased around my clit with his tongue. It took everything in me not to beg. It’s what exactly what he wanted. All at once he sat up on his knees and quickly flipped me on to my stomach pulling me up slightly so I was on my knees and I was on full display for him.

I heard the slap before I felt the sting. His hand came down hard on my ass.

“And I said it was too late for sorry baby.” I heard the smack again this time on the other cheek and squealed in surprise not expecting the second blow. “You think its fun to tease and make fun.” He growled in a low voice. He leaned over me his hot breath against my ear. He pressed his bulge against my aching pussy and I grinded against him trying to get some friction. He reached around and grabbed my neck holding me against his chest. “I’ll show you what Daddy can do sugar. And your gonna take it like a good girl. You understand me?” He pressed further into me and I nodded moaning. He grabbed my jaw turning my face to look at him. “Words baby.”

“Yes, Sir.” He growled deep in his chest and kissed me roughly.

“Thats my girl,” He groaned as he pulled away. I heard the metal clang of his belt and the sound of it dropping to the floor. He pushed his jeans and boxers down his thighs and immediately lined the head of his cock up with my entrance. He ran his head through the wetness there moaning softly to himself. Then without warning he fully shoved himself inside me. I let out a strangled moan struggling to get used to his size. Sy is in no sense of the word a small man. And as many times as we’ve had sex I still have trouble taking all of him. And with no prep before hand. I could feel him stretching me open for him.

He moved his hand around my neck to grip my hair making me arch for him. With the other on the back of the couch to steady himself, he started a relentless pace. Slamming into me and making me feel every inch of him. I was a mess underneath him moaning and crying out his name while he pounded into me. He shifted behind me pulling my hips up and thrusted back into me the new angle hitting my spot repeatedly. “Fuck Sy please,” I begged. I didn’t care anymore all I wanted was for him to make me cum for him. I need the release. I could feel it building quickly. The knot forming in my stomach. Despite his reckless pounding I knew he was still only getting started. Letting out soft little groans every time he sunk into me.

“You wanna cum baby?” He smirked, releasing his grip on my hair and delivering another sharp smack on my ass. I moaned loudly and nodded.

“Please, it feels so good!” I whined. Tears stinging my eyes now trying to wait for his permission.

“Brats don’t get treats Sugar,” He chuckled. He slowed his thrusts and pulled out of me completely. I whined, looking back at him pleadingly. He stood up and picked me up off the couch, I wrapped my legs around his waist and he pinned my back to the wall. He teased my entrance with his cock slowy pushing in again. I held onto him as he started to fuck me against the wall. I kissed him roughly moaning into his mouth as he picked up his pace again.

“I’m so sorry Bear,” I moaned starting to feel the fire build in my stomach again. God this is what I loved and hated about him. He was so fucking stubborn and incredibly thorough. He wasn’t gonna give this up. “I-I shouldn’t have teased you.” I stuttered trying to stay coherent. He smirked kissing my neck and grabbing my hips helping me meet his thrusts.

“Mhmm,” He groaned into my neck, “What else baby?” he teased. God I didn’t know if I could last I could already feel my legs shaking. I knew he could to.

“I won’t do it again. I-I promise, I love you baby, just please please let me cum.” I don’t know if I was making sense anymore. I would do anything for him at this point. He reached one hand between us rubbing my clit with his thumb and I screamed out his name letting my head hit the wall.

“That’s my good girl. I love hearing your desprate little moans. Cum for Daddy baby.” He kept his thumb on my clit while I barried my head into his neck moaning his name and letting my walls clamp around him. My whole body spasming while he holds me up. I let out a deep breath and he chuckled kissing me softly when I raised my head from his shoulder. He walked back to the couch and sat with me in his lap straddling him. Still fully hard inside me. He had incredible stamina but I knew he was desprate now too. I felt him twitch inside me begging for release. I braced myself on the back of the couch and started bouncing in his lap it wasn’t long before he was cursing under his breath. And grabbing my hips trying to take control again.

“Such a good girl, you look so good riding me.” he groaned smacking my ass as I countineud to ride his cock. I could feel another orgasm building. The thought of him filling me up making me feral. I moaned chasing my orgasm. I let him guide me on his cock as he started to get close himself. “Gonna fill this pussy up baby. Wanna see you dripping with my cum.” He moaned. Kissing me roughly and thrusting up into me he let out deep growl as he released inside me I continued to ride him as I reached my own high.

I collapsed against him in his lap. Laying my head on his shoulder as he wrapped his big arms around me holding me against his chest. After resting for a few minutes I broke the silence preparing soft kisses on his neck.

“Thank you for taking me ice skating baby,” I giggled. “Even though you hated it.” I felt him let out a deep chuckle from his chest.

“Any time baby girl. You know I’d do anything for ya, even if I suck at it.” He smirked. I snorted.

“You really almost had it bear.” I teased. He raised an eyebrow a mischievous look in his eye.

“You tryna go for another punishment?” He asked. I bit my lip.

“I don’t know if I could handle anymore.” I blushed.

“We’ll see about that,” He smiled and kissed me passionately.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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queenofspades6 · 1 year

Text

The Monster you wanted me to be - Kaz Brekker x reader

REQUEST: “i’ve been thinking of like a fic where reader is like not innocent but doesn’t like killing people and kaz tells her she needs to grow up or something so after some time she ends up being like super badass and just like batshit crazy and comes back from a mission just drenched in blood and kaz like reflects on what he’s created because he liked her but didn’t mean to turn her into this and they have a conversation.”

Warnings: Violence. Murder. Rape. Blood. Touch aversion.

Author’s Note: I loved the idea! Thank you for the request! I hope you liked it! It was so fun to write it! I may have added to much violence, and background for reader, I hope you don’t mind! Enjoy!!!

———

Kaz Brekker was the one who saved you. Usually, you didn’t tell people how you first meet Kaz Brekker, because who would believe you? When it happened, you were a young girl with no family left, no home, and no money. So when a man named Pekka Rollins found you begging for food in the street, and promised you a marvelous and wealthy future you couldn’t say no. You were not naive, but you had nothing left. It was going with Pekka Rollins or dying in the streets. What you didn’t know was that Rollins wanted you to be his prize, the beautiful girl he would sell for the highest bid. At the time you didn’t know...

Pekka Rollins brought you most of the time when he had to meet with investors, promising you to these men if they made a deal.

You didn’t know until that one evening Pekka had told you to dress well and show some skin. You had purposely worn a red gown with cleavage, firmly believing that Pekka wanted you to look beautiful to help him make a deal. And it did. You thought at least Pekka would respect you, but he didn’t.

You learned the hard truth after a promising deal, when he told you to go home with a huge, bearded man that had stared at you all night with desire. He told you to please the man, to be gentle if that was what the man wanted, that if he was to slap you, you would be still and accept it. You had frowned, and grimaced, telling him you wouldn’t do it, but he grinned at you.

“You will. You owe me money now, you can’t go. And if you ever do, I’ll find you, and you’ll regret saying me no.” He whispered into your ear.

A single tear had run down your cheek, he had licked it with his tongue, making you want to vomit.

“Don’t cry sweetheart, it will make him push harder, you don’t want that, don’t you?”He muttered, caressing your cheek.

***

You didn’t cry.

This night would always remain in your memory. It was probably the worse night you ever had. The man had beaten you until you were bleeding and had pushed into you without warning.

It hurt, you remembered. You hoped to fall unconscious, but your body betrayed you. You had screamed once while he pushed harder into your core, and then you stayed silent, and remained still. It was hopeless to scream, the man was loving it even more. He wanted you to cry, but you couldn’t let him win, so you repeated these words in your head until he was finished: ‘I can survive everything’. ‘I can survive everything’ ‘I can survive everything’ ‘I can survive every-‘

After this dreadful night, Pekka had asked you to sleep with other men to conclude deals. The times you said no, you were almost beaten to death.

The day when you met Kaz Brekker had been one of these days when you had said ‘no’. Pekka punched you until you vomited blood. Your upper lip needed stitches, and your side was bleeding.

You needed a drink after being beaten so badly, and while going to the nearest tavern, you noticed three armed men trying to steal the jewelry of an old woman. Even if you still tasted blood in your mouth, you ran towards the attackers, and fought them until they ran for their lives. You didn’t kill them, you couldn’t.

Kaz Brekker had watched the entire time. He saw you, a frail and bloody girl defending an old woman in a street with your bare fists. With no weapon, you defeated the men, and helped the old woman go back to her house.

Kaz had followed you for hours in Ketterdam’s streets, watching your every move. That’s when he saw you stealing people’s wallets without them noticing, and that made him convinced he needed you as his crow. Since then, you had always been a Crow, a young girl who knew how to handle blades and especially firearms. There wasn’t a single day when he regretted hiring you. He paid off your debt, and promised himself to kill Pekka when he could.

For Jordie, and you.

***

You loved to think you were a friend of Kaz. Even if you wished you were more. He always asked if you were alright, always tried not to involve you when it was about Pekka Rollins.

He never mentioned once, to anyone that Pekka had forced you to be an escort. Nobody knew. Dirtyhands had let people think you had stolen something from Pekka, and that was why Pekka wanted his money back. Nobody questioned Kaz when it came to you, nobody dared.

He was always thoughtful with you, always considerate. Sometimes he sent you jewels, leaving a necklace on your bed with just a note with a crow drawn. You knew it was him, because you had looked for these notes in his office, and you found multiple. So he must care, right? If not, why bother with all this?

***

Even if you worked for Kaz for years. He never noticed that you didn’t wish to kill. You had promised yourself to try with all your might not to kill. Of course, Kaz Brekker couldn’t know. He didn’t need to know, until one day, he asked you in his office. Alone. Right now.

What had you done? Dirtyhands usually summoned all the Crows in his office, not just you.

“Kaz.” You greeted him.

He acknowledged your presence with a simple nod.

“I need you.” He declared, his tone grave.

If it was not Kaz Brekker saying this, you would have thought it romantic.

“What do you need me for?”

“There is a man I need you to kill. I’ll give you the name, the address, it must be done tonight.”

“I don’t kill.” You retorted without a second thought. You couldn’t bear taking a life and watching someone you killed die.

“You don’t kill?” Kaz repeated, a menacing tone in his voice, and his eyes piercing through you.

You tilted your head in disagreement.

“I need you to kill this man.”

“I’ll say it again, Kaz, I don’t kill.”

“Why?”

You saw something passing in his eyes, but you couldn’t decipher what.

“Because I can’t.” You replied.

“Oh yes, you do, Kaz started raising his voice, just grow up, you’re living in Ketterdam, Y/N, if you can’t kill, you won’t survive in the Barrel.”

Determined not to yield, you crossed your arms and shook your head.

“You are going to kill this man, Y/N, because if you don’t, you are of no use to me.”

You felt anger rushing through you, and sadness. You thought maybe Kaz had appreciated your presence, but that was a lie. Another lie from a powerful man. You were only an investment. Only one of his girls.

You didn’t answer, and quickly approached the door, ready to live.

“Y/N, don’t you dare leave this room!”

The hand still on the handle, you opened the door, and left the room, slamming the door with all your might. You almost smirked knowing the whole Crow Club would hear.

You passed through the people in the crowd of the Club. You spotted Inej, and Jesper at the counter of the bar. But you couldn’t face them tonight.

Kaz wanted you to kill someone. But how could you? You knew that if you did, you would not stop. It would become easy. So easy to take a life, to watch someone take his last breath, and smile.

How many times Pekka Rollins had taken lives without remembering the faces of the dead? And Kaz?

You pushed away the thought. Pekka and Kaz were different, but weren’t they both using you like a puppet only to serve their ends?

You wanted to scream, to go back to your room in the Crow Club and forget that this ever happened. But you couldn’t.

You looked at the small piece of crumbled paper in your hand. Kaz hadn’t noticed you had taken it from him. You looked at the name and the address written in Kaz’s handwriting before folding it and putting it in your pocket. One look at your revolvers displayed on your nightstand gave you all the answers you needed.

Kaz wanted a monster, then you’ll give him one.

***

“Boss. You here?” Jesper asked and entered Kaz’s office without knocking.

“Jesper.”

“What happened? I saw Y/N leaving your office in a rush.”

“It’s none of your business.”

Jesper rolled his eyes.

“What did you do this time?” The Zemeni boy asked.

“I told Y/N to kill someone, and she didn’t want to.”

“And? Why did you ask her? Nina, or Matthias could do it, why Y/N? Or I could do it. I never miss a target.” Jesper winked at Kaz, a malicious grin on his lips.

Kaz sat, and sighed, holding his cane between his hands, and looked at Jesper.

“What?” Jesper asked. ”I am looking good, I know.“

His hand still on his cane, he looked away, avoiding Jesper’s gaze.

“What if Y/N never comes back, Kaz? Did you think about that?”

Kaz groaned.

No, he didn’t think about it. He couldn’t. He didn’t bear the mere thought of never seeing you again.

And what if Pekka found you? He tried to push away the thought of this first time his eyes set on you. So frail. Bruised and bloody, but still standing triumphantly.

“She will come back.” Kaz declared, almost as a prayer.

“What if she doesn’t?” Questioned Jesper.

“Then we let her go.”

“No! She’s been part of the crew ever since you took her in. She is one of us, Kaz. Inej didn’t want to kill either and you let her stay, why not Y/N?”

He didn’t realize his breathing was heavy, and that his hold on his cane had tightened. No, she wouldn’t leave the Crows, the Crow Club and the Dregs. No, she wouldn’t leave him.

At this moment, Kaz Brekker felt lonely. Even if Jesper was there in his office, something was off.

“Leave, Jesper.” Kaz asked, almost wishing Jesper would stay without a word.

“Kaz, you can’t let Y/N leave! You care about her!”

“Leave! Now.” Dirtyhands shouted.

Jesper raised his hands and left the room.

Miserable. That’s how Kaz felt. He put his face in his hands, sighing loudly.

What if you left?

Since that day in the streets, he knew he wanted to protect you from Pekka Rollins, from Ketterdam, and himself. He had tried. He prevented you from ever being involved with Rollins or even with the Dime Lions.

Sometimes, you would enter his office late at night while people were playing Poker in the Crow Club, you would wait for him to talk. About anything. At first, he found it annoying, and hated when you did that, but now he secretly treasured these moments. He wouldn’t admit it, but you could make him smile.

The first times you came to him late in the night to talk, he stayed silent, and you were the only one to speak. Through your secret meetings, you told him about Pekka and the men that had raped you. He had mentally taken note of the names, and these men were found dead a few days later.

But now how was he supposed to forget?

***

A body was lying in a pool of blood.

The feeling in the air was foreboding. The bloodied knife on the desk was displayed on the kitchen counter.

A young woman was looking for a towel or a piece of fabric in the cupboards. Taking her time, she opened them one by one, and when she finally found a blue towel, she took it and wiped the bloody blade of the knife. The woman glanced at the corpse and was tempted to clean the mess.

There were sheets of paper soaked in blood placed on the ground. The woman had read them all.

The man had his mouth open almost as if before dying he had screamed.

Albert Ackers was a slaver; he separated the children from their families to sell them to the highest bidder. Maybe he had deserved it.

The woman unfolded the little note in her pocket with the name of the man, she brought the flame of the lighter near it, before letting the paper burn.

***

The door of Kaz Brekker’s office opened suddenly, Kaz frowned.

“It’s done.” You muttered, looking Dirtyhands in the eyes.

He nodded, grateful you finally returned home.

Home.

This was it then? His home, your home? The crows’ home? You were going to leave his office, without another word.

“Y/N, wait.”

You closed the door, leaving him in the dark again.

***

Kaz Brekker never regretted anything in his life. Until he asked you to kill Albert Ackers. He knew the man was the devil himself, but he should have respected you enough to let it go.

And now you ignored him all the time. Late at night, the door of his office was always ajar where it never was. Each night, the Bastard of the Barrel was waiting for you to come.

You never came.

***

You were only there when the Crows were waiting in his office to discuss a contract. Kaz had noticed you didn’t hesitate to kill anymore. You could be ruthless, and even cruel sometimes. Kaz Brekker hated himself for that. He had taken what he loved the most in you. He loved how compassionate you were, always willing to help even if it meant hurting yourself.

Kaz regretted deeply what he had done. Even more when he began to find every night a new jewel he offered you, displayed on his bed. How he hated himself...

He had lost Jordie, and now you. What was the point of being the King of the Barrel, and having thousands of kruge if he couldn’t have what he wanted?

***

“Y/N, what happened between you and Kaz?” Inej questioned you.

You were sitting at the bar of the Crow Club drinking alcohol with Inej.

“Nothing.”

“Y/N. Everyone noticed the changes in you and Kaz.”

You shook your head, avoiding the Wraith’s gaze.

“Y/N, what happened?” Inej asked, putting a hand on your arm softly.

You finally dared look at her, almost shamefully.

“He wanted me to kill someone, and I didn’t want to.”

Inej raised her eyebrows in wonder, listening to you carefully.

“I killed the man, Inej.” You confessed. “I did it for Kaz.”

“That’s why you’re ignoring him?”

You nodded.

“I am a monster, now. The monster everyone wanted me to be. I became what I despised, and the worst, Inej, is I think I like it.”

Inej approached you and caressed your arm gently.

”You are no monster.”

***

The Crows were reunited in Kaz’s office to steal an ancient weapon worth thousands kruge. You all discussed with the details, and when it was settled, the Crows began to leave, you were going to follow them, until you felt a soft hand on your arm.

“Y/N. Stay.”

“Why? To remind me I am just another investment. Just a puppet to take care of people? No, thank you, I am good.” You declared, almost angrily.

“That’s not true. Stay.” He muttered, praying you would listen for once. “Please.”

His hold on your arm tightened, you pushed his hand away as if it was poisoned and left the room.

Here he was. Alone at last. Again.

***

Kaz had given Nina, Matthias and Jesper a mission to retrieve folders from an important man in Ketterdam.

There were many disappearances these last few months, and Kaz had heard this man was probably involved. Disappearances were not good for business, Dirtyhands had to take the matter in his own hands. He needed information.

The plan was perfect: breaking into the man’s mansion which was heavily guarded, stealing the folders, and leaving. What Kaz didn’t know was that you were going too.

Nina, Matthias and Jesper had agreed to let you go with them. In case things went wrong, another person would come in handy.

You all entered through a window as silently as possible. You looked around you, and stared at the room you were in. Firearms of all length were displayed on the walls. It was a splendid weapons room exhibiting firearms with the most advanced technologies. Jesper made a little scream.

“God answered my prayer!” He whispered. “Am I dead because it’s like being in heaven.”

“Jesper, focus.” Nina reminded him while Matthias was guarding the door.

Matthias glanced at Nina, letting her know it was time to look for information.

”Go with Matthias, Nina, I am going to stay with Jesper. Be fast.” You told her.

She nodded and followed Matthias down the corridor.

You stared at Jesper, your hands in your hips, a frowning look on your face.

“What?” Jesper questioned, kissing a gun.

“Jesper, we need to go.”

“But Y/N, have you seen these guns?”

You nodded, and he sighed, feeling disappointed. Jesper kissed the firearm and caressed the soft metal. The cold metal felt good against his skin.

“Take some if you want.” You told him. “But be quick.”

He almost embraced you but was too preoccupied to gather some of the most amazing guns he had ever seen.

“We need to move.” You said, crouching and watching the hallway.

Jesper followed you when you advanced in the hallway. There were so many rooms, how were you supposed to find the good folders? Hopefully, Nina and Matthias would have more luck.

You began to look for the folders in the rooms, Jesper looking for the bookshelves, and you for the desk. Nothing.

“Oh. That’s good, you need to hear that, Y/N.” Jesper exclaimed, a hand open in his hands.

“What? You found something.” You whispered, almost expecting he found one of the folders.

“Yes, I did! Watch that.”

You looked at the pages Jesper showed you, it was about some Saint of firearms that never missed his target.

“Jes, stop that. We are not here for that.”

“But Y/N, what if the Saint is me?”

You stared at him incredulously, wanting to laugh out loud. You tapped him in the shoulders, and Jesper being Jesper let the book fall out of his hands. It fell on the floor in a loud thumb. You hoped nobody had heard.

“What was that?” A distant voice cried.

You heard footsteps. Two people. In the hallway. You told Jesper to stay still, and when the guards opened the door, they never saw what was coming. You threw a dagger in the neck of the first one, and with grace, you were going to slit the throat of the other one, but Jesper shot.

You groaned. Now everyone knew you were here. Thank you, Jesper.

“To my defense, he tried to kill you.” Jesper declared.

“Come on, we need to find Nina and Matthias, and the folders if we have time.”

You moved without a sound, Jesper following you closely when you heard a woman screaming.

“It’s Nina!” Jesper shouted.

Both of you didn’t wait, you ran towards the sound. There were more guards waiting, and one was pulling Nina’s hair.

Without thinking, you threw yourself at the man, a knife in the hand. You stabbed the man in the neck while he kicked you in the stomach. You stabbed him again in the heart. His breathing stopped. You were covered in blood. You could feel the liquid running down your cheeks and your lips, feeling the metallic taste.

“Damn, Y/N.” Nina muttered. You ignored her, and asked:

“Do you have the folders?”

She nodded.

“We need to go fast.”

Matthias, Nina and Jesper followed you to the nearest room. You opened the window slowly. You heard male voices in the hallway. You were glad you had locked the door, but it wouldn’t last long.

You gestured to Nina to go first, and then Matthias helped you through the window. Jesper did the same, and Matthias came too. All of you began running on the roof following the same path you used to come. At least you were all safe and you had the folders.

***

You threw the folders all soaked with your blood on Kaz’s desk. His arms were crossed as if he had expected Matthias, Nina and Jesper to come back. He was furious you went too.

“This is what you wanted.” You exclaimed and held his gaze.

Kaz noticed how drenched in blood you were, the skin above your eyebrow open, and wounds on your arms. You did kill after all. Dirtyhands would have preferred you didn’t.

Nina said something, but you were too caught up in Kaz’s gaze to hear.

“Ugh, if you’re going to stare at each other all day, then I’ll let you to it. I am hungry.” Nina declared, already leaving.

Matthias followed her, a shy hand on her back. Jesper followed them too.

You stayed. You didn’t know why, but you remained still. Kaz stood up, and advanced towards the door. He closed it behind Jesper.

Now it was just the two of you.

“Y/N.”

You plunged your gaze in Kaz’s, almost losing yourself in his ocean-blue eyes. Even if you were angry with him, you couldn’t hate him, even if you wanted to.

“Kaz.”

He examined your face and your body for any wound, he found multiple. You were covered in blood, soaking his office with the dirt of your boots.

“You went with them.”

It was more like an understatement, than a question. Watching you wounded and bloodied made him feel bad. Terribly bad.

You nodded, a hand on your hip, waiting for him to speak.

What was it Kaz wanted to say? He had prepared what he wanted to tell you, but now no word came.

“Are you done? Because I desperately need a shower.”

“I am sorry.” He whispered eyes fixed on the ground.

“What?”

“You heard me.”

A small smile was drawing on your lips. Was it real? Did Dirtyhands really apologize to you?

“Stop smiling.”

“Was it an apology I heard from the Bastard of the Barrel?” You questioned.

“I told you, Y/N, I am sorry. For everything.”

You sighed and were ready to leave.

Kaz put his hand on your arm, tightening his hold to make you stay.

“Sit on the desk.” He commanded you.

You did as you were told. With the back of your hand, you pushed the documents on the desk, and sat, feet no longer touching the ground.

Kaz had a bowl of hot water in his hands, he put it carefully on the desk with a clean towel. Your eye caught a needle and thread. You winced at the thought of the pain.

Not leaving your gaze, Kaz gently removed his black gloves. You swore you saw him shiver.

He took the clean towel and put it slowly in the bowl, and then with meticulous precision, he approached it to your face.

The towel touched your face, caressing the skin to remove the blood. You didn’t close your eyes; you were staring at Kaz the whole time. His eyes were focused on his fingers and the contact of the towel on his skin.

He tried to touch your cheek with his thumb. The touch was unbearable, but he stroked the skin nonetheless. He closed his eyes and sucked on his breath.

“You don’t have to.” You told him, noticing his invisible pain.

“I want to.”

I need to, he wanted to say.

Then he removed his hand from your face and watched your arms. You began taking off your shirt. Kaz broke your gaze, shy at the thought of seeing more skin on your body.

He washed the blood from the towel and took another one. He rubbed the excess of blood from your arms, brushing your skin and sending shivers down your spine.

“Why?” You whispered.

He plunged his eyes into yours, and you thought he looked like a little boy, not Dirtyhands.

“You’re hurt, it’s my fault.”

You desperately wanted to say ‘no’, and he needed you to say it. But you didn’t, you knew better.

“Your debts to me, to everyone in Ketterdam no longer exist. You are free.”

You nodded, not really realizing what happened.

“Free to flee wherever you want, I’ll give you money, you can even buy a house, begin over.”

No answer.

“But...”

“But?” You asked.

“But you are free to stay. You’ll always have a place here. You’ll always be a Crow.”

“Am I not an investment anymore?” You questioned eyebrows raised in wonder.

“You never were.” He muttered.

“That’s not what I felt.”

“I am sorry for Albert Ackers. I knew you didn’t want to kill, I forced you to do so, and now... “

“I am the monster you created. You wanted me to kill, I kill now, isn’t that good enough for you?” You shouted, taking the bloody fabric from his hands.

“It was already enough. You were already enough, Y/N.” He whispered.

“I became what you wanted me to be, Kaz.”

“I didn’t want that, Y/N.”

“Me neither.” You replied.

“You’re already enough. Stay. Stay with the crows. Stay with me.”

“I am a monster, Kaz.”

“You are not.”

“I am. And you know what’s worst? I don’t mind it, and that scares me.”

“Do you remember the faces of the people you killed?” Kaz asked.

”Each of them. Every night.”

“No monster would remember their faces.”

You closed your eyes, and let the tears run down your cheeks.

“What am I becoming, Kaz?” You cried.

He stood still, staring at you crying, scratching his hands. He wanted to hold you but he couldn’t.

Slowly he touched your shoulder and caressed it. You welcomed the contact and took his soft hand in yours. His breathing became heavy, but his eyes were still locked with yours.

“Stay, Y/N. Stay with me in Ketterdam. We’ll try to tame our demons. Together.”

You nodded, and approached your delicate hand to his face, waiting for him to refuse. He let you touch his cheek even if it burned, and he wanted to scream, but he didn’t. You deserved the world, and for you, he needed to face his demons. Eyes in his, you approached your mouth to his ear, and whispered:

“Together.”

———

If you liked it, don’t forget to like, and comment, it motivates me to write! Thank you!

———

If you liked this x reader, you may love this one with Kaz Brekker:

⬇️ ⬇️

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allthecastlesonclouds · 4 months

Note

tell me about drawtectives. what is this little show.

oooooh my god oh my god. they are my guys. so.

drawtectives itself is a youtube series created by julia lepetit on Drawfee. it's an rpg mystery show– s1 is a murder mystery, s2 is just a mystery– that doubles as an art challenges show. she draws all of the backgrounds and npcs and most of the assets (the 'cutscenes', you could call them) and then the team gets together, knowing absolutely nothing besides what julia's asked them to prepare, and does some funky improv to create a very funky storyline.

there are 3 players and one dm; the pcs are rosé, york, and grendan/grenda/grandma/gma, and the Big NPCs are Jancy True (s1/s2) and Eugene Finch (s2) and they're, in their own words, a found family, so. beloved. their backup plan if all their jobs fail is to move out east and open a bookstore. jancy and eugene have fully accepted their titles as mom/ancestral ghost and son despite meeting each other likely once before the drawtectives dragged them together. overall though if i had to summarize, it's a bunch of friends getting together, making a bunch of puns, appreciating julia's art, and laughing together. the vibes are 10/10 so loving. in writing the transcripts i've written (Karina laughs) (Nathan laughs) (All laugh) So Many Times it's just fun.

so there's three pcs. first one we meet is gyorik 'york' rogdul, who's a half-orc come to the city to learn about his mother's culture. he is the character we have by far the most lore for– if I compiled all the lore I had about the Northern Tribes and Wild Trains, I think the document would be multiple pages. he's also illiterate, which was an interesting decision for the english major of the group to make (in other words, York Will Not Be Illiterate For Season Three bc Y'all Cannot Read) and morally gray if you think about it too hard (he killed his own brother) but yknow he's hot so it's okay. they're all hot any crimes committed are okay. he's also aroace (confirmed by the player, which is!! vibes!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TELLING ME @axolotllee!)

rosé is the Human Rogue and the youngest of the party; her main trait in s1 was Millennial and she Dealt with that. she, in contrast with York, has so little lore we are scraping the barrel. she was a thief, then left everything about that life behind and changed her name to rosé when she went to work for jancy. she lied on her resumé. she knows how to sew; she's sewn Pockets of Holding on most of her clothing. she bonded with a stray cat that lived outside her last apartment. she's three credits short of graduating college. she's, in addition to being a drawtective, jancy's intern, and cried when jancy got her a cupcake. she won't tell her best friends when her birthday is or where she goes to school or what her last name is. that's all we know about her and i love her and she could probably kill someone as she has multiple knives on her person and does not use them. she's bright and funny and can be pretty dark but really does find the humor in it which is. wonderful.

so grendan highforge starts out as The Snobby Rich Boy which. already love the trope something Always Happens To Them if they're a pc. then through s1 they make an offhand comment about a character (faucon, whose name is pronounced 'falco') and how if her name was pronounced that way it'd be grenda. faucon asks how they feel about it. they are caught very off-guard by that and then ask to be called it for the next hour or so. then the next witness calls him gma, and then grandma, and then. yeah she realizes she's genderfluid. and he uses any pronouns and has a full beard and also wears a romper and loves dogs and the player is the Most Experienced TTRPG-er so through maybe using resources a bittt grandma is the most observant character of all of them. he's also a dog walker and a lightweight and does canonically have druidic magic though that was Not Touched On Much and showed up to their first day on the job slightly stoned (they did stop doing that though.) she carries around a box to make the height difference (york is 7'. grendan is 4'. rosé is 6'. you can see the formatting issue) slightly less difficult. she doesn't know how rhinos reproduce but has had a fascination with them since a police chief said one might've committed a crime. i think they could kill someone by talking too much but they don't actually have the strength or dex to do Jack Shit.

and jancy true is the head pi (a great many of the characters are puns and i love it so much) and is there to make sure things get done and clues don't get missed. she has a cochlear implant and uses a cane and solved s1 just by Reading The Paper and hearsay. she solved about half of s2 before Someone Stopped Her. she says hello children to the drawtectives and it is such a fond thing. eugene is. a guy who i love. julia started the show thinking he would be some mysterious character to join them and then made the wonderful improv decision– avoiding having to do npc-npc conversation– of saying 'yeah eugene is spinning a camera on its stand' and rosé just says so gleefully. 'guys. i think he's stupid.' and he became their son. his character is a lot of The Plot of s2 so i don't want to get into it too much but. jancy and eugene my beloved.

they're just. such a family. to quote nathan (grenda's Player) from the s2 talkback: "That's one of my favorite things about this show, is we came in with these vague ideas for characters, and just playing them with each other, they became friends and became better people as a result of knowing each other and solving mysteries. ... Like, we all kind of independently made our characters people that either were distant from their families or, you know, just had tenuous connections to other stuff, and so these are, like, the realest connections they have in their lives."

and then karina (rosé) about 10 seconds later: "Yeah, we love a found family where they bond over just being the worst."

god. them. they're chaotic and loud and feel very real to me. they have excitement and are pretty bad at social cues but they love each other and want to die together because they would hate too much to be separated. i could articulate this better but it's one in the morning and they mean a great deal to me.

#ren <3 #GOD THEY'RE MY GUYS #'my guys' really is the shittiest group of found family to exist. god. the bad kids the virals the crows and now the drawtectives. wow.#drawtectives #fuck it we're maintagging this #i'm realizing i probably should've written more about the premise of the show– s1 is a murder mystery; the murder of sorin justice.#his wife lotta justice hires jancy to solve the crime and jancy wanted to train proteges so here they are!!#s2 is. you wake up on a train with no memories. why are you here where is jancy DID YOU JUST SEE A MAN GET MURDERED WHAT'S HAPPENING #it's genuinely a really funny show and has Very Good Vibes and. i love it. the prompts are horror if you think about it which. i also enjoy #but the cast were all members of collegehumor up until jan 2020 so. they know comedy.#plus they're all very close so they know each others' boundaries #and i'm talking i guess #questionnn!#also. lmao it really does seem like grandma is my favorite #tbf she is. but rosé's paragraph should be longer i love her so much it's just. hard to describe.#thank you thank you for letting me talk about them i love them <3 <3

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dandelion-blues · 2 months

Text

Bittersweet Blood

Summary:

What if Sally Jackson was actually Loki Odinson, and as a result Percy is born half Greek god and half Asgardian god?

…

"A half-blood of the eldest gods." Then, Poseidon loses all the color on his face as realization hits.

Loki sees this and says, "The prophecy doesn't say half-god it says half-blood of the eldest gods, and we are two elder gods from two different pantheons. Our child would be considered-"

"A half-blood." Poseidon finishes grimly, remembering the fates warning him, teasing him, of the fate of their unborn child.

…

This story will mainly follow the MCU's movies and Percy's quests will still happen, but they will largely be in the background. Thus, this will follow Percy and Loki as they interact in the MCU. Also, how Percy being a half-blood from two pantheons will affect him and those around him, and how different his life is growing up is as a result.

Next Chapter

Chapter 1: The Fates' Warning

Percy has known magic all his life, or well most of his life. The way the air vibrates with its whispers, and the plants live and breathe in the world's magic. Magic was all around him, and he was not exempt from the world's magic. However, he truly only gained sight when his mom showed him the realm's magic. Her own magic - green as emerald and humming with hidden power. Percy's mind was blown. He always had this itch, this sense, that he was missing something, as before he would perceive the strange and mystical and magical as a blur, a shadow to his senses, and would forget them in time, but this was what he was missing in all his first 6 years of life.

Before he was too young to understand the way he breathed and lived in magic everyday, and could potentially harm himself or others in attempting to control something he wasn't ready for, so Sally gave Percy a charm to prevent him from truly perceiving magic. If this was Asgard Percy would never have needed such a thing, but this was Midgard, or Earth. Earth, or rather humans, were not ready for a toddler to wield experimental magic. However, now Percy knew how to keep secrets, and he needed to learn his heritage, his right, to magic. It was time for Percy to learn of his Nordic heritage, for Sally is no ordinary magician, they are a deity, a god - they are Loki Sal Odinson and Sally Slyvie Odinsdottir, the child of Odin and Frigga, the sibling to Thor, and Perseus Freyr Lokison's mom.

______________

One day Loki was being mischievous as usual and felt the need to be in a feminine form and dress in a very sexy red swimsuit just to see how many heads she turned. She still kept her tall height and slim body, albeit now more feminine in form. Her face remained angular with high regal cheekbones, and small pouty lips. She, however, turned her dark black hair almond, and her emerald eyes turned turquoise that shifted to the green or blue of waters nearby in order to remain separate from her regular form.

Now she just needs a new name. Hmm, she feels like a princess, so she’ll call herself Sally. She laughed to herself, but then as she headed towards the ocean she met the most stunning man. From his tanned mediterranean skin, to hair as dark as night but still somehow glowing warmly in the sun, and eyes like the very ocean's themselves raw, powerful, and beautiful. His form is sturdy but relaxed, with muscles defined in golden armor. A well trimmed beard on a strong jaw and nose, with full lips, and high cheekbones. This man was a god, Sally was sure of it, as sure as her own mouth was hanging open.

The strange thing was the man seemed to mimic her stunned expression. Well Sally doubted that this man knew Sally was a goddess, since she sealed her magic after becoming Sally to hide her aura from even Heimdal so her father Odin wouldn't notice her, but this man still stood there starstruck.

Sally snickered, and then full blown laughed and her brown curls fell into her now swirling blue eyes. It was like those midgardians shows that she sometimes snuck out to see where it was love at first sight, and here she was trying to be the stunning one but she ended up being stunned as well.

The man’s face became pinched, wondering why Sally was laughing. Sally had to stop herself by laughing, it was unbecoming of a princess of Asgard. “S-sorry,” Sally said after her laughing petered off, “It’s just well in your golden armor and everything, and with how handsome you look, I thought ‘this man must be a god.’” Sally's face then got really red, did she just say that outloud?!

The man had a stunned expression on his face, then smiled, “I’m glad I’m not the only one who had similar thoughts as I thought ‘oh, this person must be a goddess.’ You happen to be right in your thoughts though. Tell me since you can see my armor, you must be a mortal able to see through the Mist, do you know of the Greek gods?”

Sally blushes at his compliment. Then she thought about what he was saying. He thinks Sally is a clear-sighted mortal. Maybe she can play around with him a bit, without having to worry about diplomacy.

‘The Greek pantheon,’ Sally thought surprised. Hmm while this man only appears to be in his mid twenties now, he has an aura of power around him. More so than many of the other Greek gods she had met. The only one that fell close when she attended a meeting between all the gods years ago was the arrogant fool, the king of Olympus, Zeus. Now that she thinks of it, his appearance bares a striking resemblance to Zeus with their strong features and striking eyes. Well, this man’s eyes are the everchanging greens and blues, swirling with power, like the sea. The sea! Is this man Poseidon?! The king of the seas and brother to Zeus!

Maybe she should mess with him a bit, play the foolish mortal, her need for mischief coming out to play.

“I’m quite familiar with the Greek gods, after all the monsters I see roaming this land. Now are you perhaps the king of Olympus, Zeus?” Sally asks, hiding her grin.

The man she is absolutely certain is Poseidon, sputters insulted.

Sally can’t help it but she laughs at his indignant expression, “I-I’m k-kidding, you must be the god of the seas, Poseidon.”

“You know if I didn’t find you so intriguing, I might have smited you for that. For that I must ask what your name is, so I can know that name of one so bold and beautiful.” Poseidon says teasingly with a smile.

Sally blushes again and smiles at Poseidon, “Well if you must know my name is Sally.” She grins sensually then and says, “Well if you find me so intriguing, why don’t you take me out to dinner.”

Poseidon goes to grab her hand, bowing down to kiss her hand, “With pleasure my lady.”

‘H-how can he just turn the tables like that?’ Sally thinks blushing profusely, trying to hide her face away, thinking she must look like a strawberry by now.

Poseidon laughs at her attempt to hide her blush, and holds out his hand. She laughs alongside him and grabs his hand walking alongside the beach with him.

They end up talking about their interests and likes and get to know each other along the way to their destination. Sally doesn’t reveal that she is actually a goddess, since she’s just here to have some fun, but she does tell Poseidon about her family and her adventures, and just makes them seem human. The world seems to fall away as they look into each other’s eyes and hear the enchanting tones of one another's voices. Slowly starting to fall for one another, but they take their time. They do have all the time in the world after all.

Sally ends up staying in a cabin on that very Montauk Beach, and Poseidon and her end up going on more dates and learning more and more about one another.

Sally eventually reveals that she is gender fluid when she feels more masculine again after a few dates. He doesn't change his body to match, because as Sal now, he is still playing the mortal, but wants Poseidon to know. Poseidon just smiles and accepts him, and lavishes him as a prince (even though Poseidon doesn't know yet who he really is, that he really is a prince).

Loki won't admit it, but he cried when Poseidon just accepted him. He never had the chance to really express himself before, and here was someone just casually accepting him for who he wasm

Sally though mostly stays in feminine in mind, as she won't have the chance to be a female once she returns home besides the occasional dressing up in her room, and perhaps feels the need to overcompensate subconsciously. Sally knows her time on Midgard won’t last forever, and she’ll have to return soon.

However, the summer turns to fall, and eventually winter, and Sally still stays in the cabin she bought on the Montauk beach where she first met Poseidon. She fell into a routine of pretending to be the mortal Sally Jackson (she decided on that last name when she lied and said her father's name was Jack and decided to have her last name be a homage to her Norse heritage), and spending time with Poseidon. They eventually fall into bed together, exploring their bodies together, and finding pleasure in one another.

Sally felt that her time was almost up on Midgard and she would have to return to Asgard, as she couldn’t hide from Heimdal and her father forever. She delayed it as much as possible, but now something in the air felt ominous like the Norns were warning her of something to come.

She enjoyed her time here on this planet for as long as she could, but she really didn’t want to leave. Sally fell in love with Midgard, she felt accepted and loved in a way she never felt before. Not even with her mother Frigga. As much as she tried and Sally loved and adored her mother, Frigga never truly understood her.

______________

It was when the year finally turned anew in January and it officially became the Midgardian year 1999, Sally started to feel sick. She was throwing up, and feeling light headed. What was happening to her? Gods don't get sick.

The revelation, however, came upon her shortly when she was telling one of the friends she made on Midgard how she was feeling. She still couldn't believe she made a friend! After all, Loki never had friends on Asgard, people were either too frightened by their status as prince, or thought that they were too weird and strange with their magic and interests in books instead of swords.

Sally became friends though with this person by leaning into her mischief, something no one back home ever appreciated aside from her mother Frigga. Thus, Sally pranked this fifthly scum of a human being, who wouldn’t stop hitting on her with nasty comments, to question his reality. She did this by getting all of his employees (Sally couldn’t believe he even had a job let alone employees) to agree and tell him that the sky was green, and the grass was blue, and so on and so forth. It only took a little bit of persuasion, and money, to do. Sally after all is a princess and is well forthcoming in both. One of his employees though was very enthusiastic, for she was tired of this geezer’s underhanded and sexist and racist comments, but needed the money. This happened to be Malia, a beautiful, tall Hawaiian woman with almond colored skin and dark curly hair who worked three jobs to provide for her three kids, and used to do wrestling in her free time at a gym when her husband was still alive, but had to quit to provide for her family.

Thus, Sally setup all the employees who worked at this man's laundry mat with more money than they’ve ever seen in a month for each day they worked to gaslit the fool into losing his sanity. In just a month, with employees all the more eager to come in and get back at their boss and earn some money, the walrus of a man, who stank worse than trash, cracked and ran outside yelling at people that the world was ending, and everyone was crazy. It was fantastic! All the employees cheered, and ended up making more money than they did in a whole year or years in just a month, and went on to find better jobs and do things and buy things they never were able to before after the laundry mat "unexpectedly" closed down.

Sally doesn't even remember the man's name but it seemed fitting. G-something Ugly, or something similar. Oh, it was Gabe Ugliano, but all his employees called him Smelly Gabe behind his back! Sally really hated that man after hearing and seeing more of how he treated everyone around him, and was glad that he was gone.

Malia was glad Smelly Gabe was gone too, and actually personally thanked Sally, tears in her eyes, and invited Sally into her home. She was going to lose her family’s home, and because of Sally she wasn’t, and her and her kids just wanted to show their appreciation. From then on, Sally and Malia became close friends, and could always find company in one another to talk about their struggles, or anything they needed. (Well, Sally could never bring herself to tell Malia who she truly was, for that would endanger Malia and Sally couldn’t do that to her friend.)

At least Smelly Gabe was good for something though, he got Malia and Sally to become friends after losing his sanity!

In any case, Sally lamented to her best friend Malia when they were finishing up with their food at a café about feeling sick lately and described feeling light headed, having cravings, and feeling more emotional than normal.

Malia had this look in her eyes, that she knew what was what, "Tell me, have you and your lover boy had sex in the last month or so."

Sally looked confused, "Yeah why?"

Malia shook her head, her black curly hair falling in her face, unbelieving at her friend's obliviousness, "Well, you might want to check and see if you're pregnant, sweetie." She swept her long hair back out of her face, and her brown eyes looked into Sally’s blues.

Sally looked at her friend shocked, "Pregnant?!" Sure Sally had a physical female form full time these days, but she never considered that idea that she could actually get pregnant. Heck, even her myths that she heard about her getting pregnant with Sleipnnir was actually because of accidental magic and not… what she heard in the myth. Was she really pregnant? Sally looked down at her flat stomach, thinking of Poseidon and her together all of those times.

Malia sighs, "Oh honey, it's okay. I'm a mother of three, and while kids are a lot of work, they also bring the greatest joy that I could ever have. I'll support you no matter what though, dear." Then she gains a serious expression, "And that lover boy of yours better shape up, or he can expect a beating from yours truly." Malia flexes her muscles to prove the point.

Sally's worried expression gained a small smile at her friend's antics, "I just never thought it was possible." Then she goes to hug her friend, "Thank you for everything Malia."

"Of course, hun." Malia smiles hugging Sally back, "And while I'm 99% sure you're pregnant, why don't you get a pregnancy test back at the pharmacy to make sure."

Sally's smiles and nods, "I'll see you later to tell you the news," and she heads out of the café waving goodbye to her friend not planning on going to the pharmacy, as she had other ways to test if she was pregnant.

The cold brisk air of January hits her. However, like any other time she was exposed to the cold, it doesn’t bother her, it almost seems to energize her. She never dwells on these thoughts though, how different it made her, yet again, from everyone else, as she always distracted herself from these thoughts, not wanting to accept how different she was yet again.

Sally wondered if her child would have her same disposition, if she truly is pregnant, and whether she wanted that solidarity with another being or if she wanted them to be ‘normal’.

Sally shakes her head, it doesn’t matter, she might not even be pregnant, and either way any child deserves to grow up how they wish to be and not be ostracized for being different like she was, no matter if they are like her or not.

She was still lost in similar thoughts though, and what ifs through the whole walk home, worried that by being the child's mother it would doom them to be different and ‘other’.

Even still, she always wanted to be a mother. To care and love for her own child, to be a mom.

Thus, Sally reaches her cabin, not even remembering how she got there, as she was too lost in her thoughts. Was she really pregnant? She breathed out, well only one way to find out. She reached for her magic, knowing intimately how to cast the spell she needed when she helped out in a healing center before.

Her green magic exploded out of her fingertips. The magic that she kept sealed away to hide herself bursting out of her in energizing waves. She knew she would have to hurry before the worlds of Midgard and Asgard aligned and let Heimdal see her. She casted the runes into the air, once again memorized by feeling how alive magic felt and let the runes sink into her. She waited a moment, feeling the magic buzz underneath her skin. If nothing happened then she wasn't pregnant. However, the magic alighted, and she saw green light up all around her. She really was pregnant! She jumped for joy, and proceeded to breathe in her magic one more time before she had to seal it again. The buzz was gone, but her joy radiated in the air.

Oh this is so exciting! She is going to be a mother. Is she going to have a boy or girl? You know what, Sally doesn't care just as long as they are happy and healthy. She wondered if the baby would have Poseidon's ever changing sea green eyes, or her natural emerald eyes. If the baby would take after her in magic, or perhaps the baby would be a fighter like their uncle Thor. Then, Sally's smile fell. Her baby could never go to Asgard and meet Thor, or her mother Frigga because her father Odin would never approve. Would Odin even let Sally have this baby, when not only will she be the mother and not the father, but the baby will be half Greek?!

Sally clutched her stomach protectively worrying about all the unknowns. For now though, she looked longingly at her bed. Deciding that she needed a rest first, before she dealt with reality again. She fell into her bed's comforting embraces and fell into oblivion.

______________

Loki, or rather Sal (the masculine name he came up with for Sally), woke up. Still when Loki was male in mind, he preferred Loki, but well that's a dead give away to his identity, and he couldn't have that.

In any case, Loki groaned remembering all the revelations that happened to him earlier. He really was pregnant. He looked at the clock ticking down on his nightstand, 8:00 pm. Loki breathed out, he must've been exhausted if he 'napped' for 6 hours. Loki steeled his nerves, he needed to tell Poseidon, so he prayed to Poseidon. Loki couldn't delay this anymore and lie to him especially now that they were having a baby together.

Poseidon arrived shortly after in a burst of blinding light. Loki closed his eyes more from the sheer light being emitted, than the actual danger of seeing Poseidon's divine form.

Poseidon looked to Loki frantically, hearing the distress in his tone when he prayed to him. "Sal, what's wrong?" He looked at him searching for any injuries, somehow always knowing that when Loki presented as male, even when his form didn't physically change.

This comforted Loki, in Poseidon's worrying, he in turn felt less nervous, and stated "I'm pregnant."

"W-what?" Poseidon asks, stunned. Then, gained a stupidly huge grin on his face. "That fantastic news!" However, he then thought of the prophecy about a half-blood of the eldest gods. He shut his eyes, feeling the remnants of the fates when he still held the domain of prophecy telling him of his unborn's child's doom. He already felt like mourning a child who wasn't even born. He was brought out of his spiraling condition, though, when Loli brought his hand to Poseidon's arm and looked into his eyes worryingly.

Loki breathed out, unsure why Poseidon's mood took such a drastic turn. He knew Poseidon was like the ever changing sea, from the gentle tides, to the roaring storms, and that Loki fell in love with all of him, but this was something different. However, he loved this man, and he needed to tell Poseidon who he really was.

'Yes,' Loki finally admitted to himself, 'I love Poseidon with all my heart, even though I knew it couldn't last. At least I could have him now, always in my memories, and now a piece of him forever in our child.'

Loki decided to just rip the bandaid off, thinking that the midgardian's metaphor was fitting, "My name is not not really Sal Jackson. I am Prince Loki Odinson of Asgard." He decided to transform externally to make his point clear, careful not to mess with his internal womb, his form changing back to his original wavy black hair and emerald eyes. He looked into Poseidon's eyes searchingly, waiting for rejection. His green magic briefly casted into the air before quickly receding into his skin.

To say Poseidon was shocked would be an understatement, and exclaimed, "I thought you were just an Asgardian, I didn't know you were a god."

"Now I know this looks…" Wait Loki thinks, "You knew I was an Asgardian?!"

Poseidon shakes off his shock, and rolls his eyes fondly, "My star, I knew from practically the beginning. You practically announced it when you kept calling Earth 'Midgard.' Not to mention how little you knew of basic human culture."

Loki sputters and blushes, "I thought you didn't notice."

"I'm not that oblivious!" Poseidon says offended.

Loki raises his eyebrows challengingly, saying 'sure.'

"Are you really okay with this, though?" Loki says, gesturing to himself. "Don't you hate me now?!" Loki shouts, fighting back tears and looking away.

Poseidon sighs, his heart breaking at his love fighting back tears, "I know that we were just treating this as a fun fling, but I fell in love with you. I fell in love with your smile, your mischievousness, and your tenacity. Everything about you I adore, and even though this complicates the matter with the whole inter patheon mixing, I could never hate you, my star."

Loki looks up into Poseidon's eyes, only seeing love swirling in their green depths. Loki goes to hug Poseidon, wanting to be comforted in his large arms. Poseidon accepts. "I love you too," Loki whispers to Poseidon.

They stay in each other's embrace for what feels like hours, but eventually they separate and look at one another.

Loki's face then turns perplexed, "By the way what got you all worried earlier? You almost seemed like you were mourning when I told you I was pregnant."

Poseidon looks like he's been caught stealing a cookie from the cookie jar, if the jar happened to be Asgard's royal vaults, and the cookie was one of its most valuable treasures. He clears his throat, "Well, since I thought you were mortal before," and he continued almost inaudibly, "and there's this prophecy…"

Loki crosses his arms, "I can't hear you. Can you repeat that?"

"There might be this tiny, little bit," then Poseidon quickly rushes out, "maybe- world-ending-prophecy-about-a-half-blood-child-of-the-eldest-gods."

"What?!" Loki yells, practiced in Poseidon speech. "Tell me this prophecy now." Loki demands, his green eyes steely with controlled anger.

"It's fine love, you aren't mortal, so it shouldn't…" Poseidon trails off and gulps when he sees Loki fuming, "Umm well, it goes:

A half-blood of the eldest gods,

Shall reach Sixteen against all odds,

And see the world in endless sleep,

A hero's soul, cursed blade shall reap,

A single choice shall end his days,

Olympus to preserve or raze."

Loki looks terrified, his form trembling, as he processes the prophecy.

"W-what's wrong Sa-Loki?" Poseidon asks worriedly.

Loki looks into Poseidon's eyes terrified and demands, "Repeat the first line again."

Poseidon does so instantly, and processes the request. "A half-blood of the eldest gods." Then, Poseidon loses all the color on his face as realization hits.

Loki sees this and says, "The prophecy doesn't say half-god it says half-blood of the eldest gods, and we are two elder gods from two different pantheons. Our child would be considered-"

"A half-blood." Poseidon finishes grimly, remembering the fates warning him, teasing him, of the fate of their unborn child.

Notes:

While Loki is actually a fairly young god, he is still considered an elder god in his patheon.

And for anyone confused on the Sally and Loki/Sal naming, It will for the most part be Sally when female in mind, and Loki when male in mind, with Sal only coming to play in dialogue around and with people who don't know Loki's true identity going forward.

Also, I changed the expected birth year for Percy to 1999 for reasons, reasons which will work for the rough timeline I have for this fic.

Magnus Chase's gods don't exist in this universe (as I don't want to make more split personalities than necessary, and it won't work for this au). However, Magnus himself may make a cameo as a child of an Asgardian and Midgardian rather than Freyr.

Also, when this is posted on ao3, keep in mind that some changes have already been made.

Next Chapter

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cake-apostate · 5 months

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Astarion in Dracula

So people have noticed that in Dracula, Dracula comes across as suave and intimidating until you realize he does stuff like "I don't have any servants but I need to fake it, so I put on a fake beard and hat to pick up Mr. Harker, then I run back into my castle and change into new clothes," and, "I can control wolves, but there are no wild wolves in England anymore, so I run to a zoo and kidnap a wolf, then throw him through a window. The wolf placidly walks home the next day."

Now I'm imagining that something like this happens to future Astarion, and he's in a Dracula-esque plot where he is the vampire being hunted by a plucky band of normal people turned adventurers. While they're all like, "he is horrifying and must be a master strategist," he's being cringefail in the background.

My first caveat is that the plucky hunters should not be villainized, even if they are hunting (relatively) innocent Spawn!Astarion. They're not trying to kill him just because he's a vampire; even in the book, the hunters are after Dracula because he killed their friend and might kill others. They might be after our favorite vampy boi, but this isn't, "stupid vampire hunters harass innocent vampire for no good reason."

Depending on whether this is Spawn!Astarion or Ascended!Astarion, things might go differently.

Spawn

Centuries after the events of the game, after the end of Tav's natural lifespan, Astarion is still an adventurer, and has a house in Baldur's Gate. Maybe they did find a way to let him walk under the sun, or maybe they didn't.

But he's still immortal, and after a few centuries of staying in the same place for too long without visibly aging (he's still an elf, after all), he enlists the help of a solicitor to purchase a new house in Waterdeep and write up a will that allows his (totally real) son to inherit all his stuff. Things go okay for a while, but not-Jonathan Harker notices all kinds of weird stuff around him, such as the bottles of blood ("I'm a doctor, darling; it's a new kind of treatment called blood transfusion."), his lack of a reflection ("Trick mirror."), and possibly his red eyes and sunlight sensitivity ("It's the drow heritage, dear.").

Then after he finally moves to Waterdeep, some entirely normal serial killer shows up. And now not-Jonathan realizes that Mr. Astarion Ancunin was a vampire this whole time, and suspects that he's the one behind all the ghastly murders. Lots of paperwork ensues, and they discover both his life as a magistrate and his adventures during the games. If he can't walk in the sun, they conclude that he became a vampire after the events of the game because so many records mention that he was outside during the day, and lament how he was once a good man.

However, they never actually inform Astarion while they're hunting him that they think he's behind the murders. So he thinks they're after him for being a vampire, while they think that he's a gleeful murderer.

He could simply kill them all, but they're still innocent people who haven't actually done anything. He could also walk away, but he's not leaving behind all his stuff, godsdamnit! So he figures that the most fun would be to Scooby-Doo them out of Waterdeep.

Hilarity ensues. Everybody lives as well.

Ascended

For this one, Astarion is guilty, and probably was behind everything.

I admit I don't have much for this besides vibes, and those vibes are, "Ascended Astarion takes every possible opportunity to gloat that he's invincible." Not-Mina and not-Lucy are walking along the seaside one sunny morning, and they see him floating on an inner tube, wearing sunglasses and holding a tropical drink, shouting, "Come on in; the water's great!" Not-Seward and not-Van Helsing are at a medical conference and he's just there, waving at them. While they think they're safe in their houses, he breaks in and turns every bit of furniture upside down and write a note in the fanciest cursive saying, "Ahahahahaha! Mwahahahaha! Yrs. Astarion Ancunin."

Actual Dracula

I might actually make a fanfic for this.

So in this one, Astarion literally gets isekai'd into the plot of Dracula. Kinda. After Dracula finishes his correspondence with Jonathan Harker, Dracula vanishes and Astarion shows up in his castle. Some of the same story beats, but with different context.

I think Spawn Astarion would be funnier for this, because he'd be like, "damndamndamn, okay, deep breaths, I can work with this," while the Ascendant would try to take over Earth for real.

I also think that the best replacement for Dracula's 'brides' would be Sebastian. Sebastian might not be Astarion's spawn, but Astarion is partially responsible for him becoming one. I had also considered Tav as his spawn, or maybe the whole party, but the question of how they became spawn aside, they'd all be too sensible about this. This is Astarion's trainwreck.

Not all of Dracula's vampire weaknesses apply to dnd vampire spawn, and the ones that do might not work the same way. Turns out that holy symbols don't work on them at all, so none of the tricks with crucifixes and communion wafer would work ("I'm sorry, are you trying to murder me with crackers? *wry giggle* That's a first.") Dracula specifies garlic flowers while dnd goes for the more popular garlic bulbs, and the weakness to running water is "physically impeded from even using a bridge except at slack and flood of tide" in the book and "burns like acid but still possible to jump across" in dnd. Someone once pointed out that this is the first time Van Helsing ever dealt with a vampire, so he's throwing everything he can at Dracula without knowing for sure which things actually work.

The residents of the village around the castle notice that they aren't being bitten in the night, and that there are more dead wolves drained of blood. They still sit up at night with stakes in their hands, not unjustifiably. Astarion stays away, and hopes that their fear of the previous tenant is enough for them to not come charging in with stakes.

Jonathan showing up might be a complete surprise. Astarion and Sebastian have no idea what day it is, or how to read an Earth calendar, so even though they have Dracula's half of the correspondence, they think that he came and left, and Dracula with him. Jonathan thinks that Dracula forgot to pick him up from the pass, but his fear of not being good at his job led him to brave the woods the day after his appointment. During the day, of course.

Then Astarion is like, "Yes, I am Dracula," as he realizes that he can con his way into a ticket to a new city.

Jonathan talks to Astarion for hours about property law and suchlike because Astarion was a magistrate. Jonathan might ask more about his past, but Astarion deflects as much as possible.

From Jonathan's perspective, he's like, "Dracula is a fine fellow, so articulate and graceful," while Astarion is like, "Shit, he has to eat, doesn't he?!" and tries to make a halfway decent meal with Sebastian, both of them panicking.

"I do hope you enjoy wolf, it is a local delicacy."

"Really? Fascinating! None of the other villages I've stayed in served wolf!"

"It is a very local delicacy."

Would Astarion keep Jonathan hostage? I don't think he would unless Jonathan discovered his secret. But I can see that he would insist that Jonathan stay longer because he want to keep up the illusion of being a good host, and that includes driving him back to the last town... when he has no idea where that is. He could drive him to the village, if he wasn't sure that they wouldn't drive a stake through his heart right away. So while he keeps delaying, on the inside he's like, "Where are those damn maps?!"

I can see that Sebastian never learned to suppress his hunger. One night, Jonathan accidentally wanders into his side of the castle. Sebastian wants to just have a friendly chat, but his hunger wins out and he's about to bite him, so Astarion has to restrain him. Then Astarion feeds him a family of rabbits or something cute; he's not going to steal a baby.

Astarion and Sebastian won't board the Demeter, even if Dracula already has tickets. Stuck surrounded by running water with no animals to drink from? They'll just take the train, and then cross the English Channel on a midnight ferry or something. Not like they have the 'soil of your homeland' restriction. Of course, they're not paying for any of it; they're going to sneak aboard when nobody's looking.

Speaking of those boxes of dirt, Astarion is just happy to have a ton of property that someone else paid for, and is perplexed by the boxes. So he and Sebastian just use them to pot begonias or something.

Once the action shifts to England, the plot would change a lot more, since Astarion and Sebastian aren't actively malicious. I think they'd still end up in Whitby because Carfax Abbey might be the only decent home Dracula purchased; all the others were just cheap emergency safehouses to store his boxes of dirt.

Renfield can still sense when Astarion and Sebastian arrive, even though they're not the same kind of vampire. Astarion isn't above using him, and they both drink from him while Astarion promises to turn him one day. They never admit that they can't.

Speaking of turning, Lucy can't rise as a vampire either. I don't even know if they'd bite her to begin with; Astarion restricts himself to people they were going to kill anyways (and Tav). Lucy sleepwalking might be convenient for Dracula, who doesn't care if she wakes up halfway through or dies, but Astarion and Sebastian have more caution (and scruples).

But Lucy being bitten drives half the plot. Val Helsing only enters because Dr. Seward calls him in, the skeptics only believe in vampires once they see her rise from the grave, and everyone swears to avenge her death. If the vampires don't hurt Lucy, then the whole plot goes off the rails.

This brainworm has seized me and I am now thinking of a title. Astarion Annually? Count Astarion the Un-Dead?

#dracula #astarion ancunin #astarion #baldur's gate #baldurs gate astarion #baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate iii #jonathan harker

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oh-surprise-its-me · 6 months

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So one day, Jamie wakes up next to Roy and he notices Roy is shivering.

Turns out he's sick and apparently is ridiculous stubborn when he is. Wants to do all the things himself but Jamie refuses to let that happen.

Maybe he has a remedy from Georgie and Simon or he looks something up.

How does it go? 😁

Badly knowing that idiot.

When Jamie woke up and Roy was still in bed he knew something was odd. The man is almost always up before him on weekdays. And it’s a Tuesday. He’s shaking slightly.

Jamie brushes a hand over Roy’s hair. It comes away wet. Jamie flicks on the lamp and looks at Roy. Shit. He’s pale. “Oi? Roy? Wake up.” Roy mumbles and then sits up. “I’m awake. Ready to run?”

Jamie can only stare. “Uh? No? You’re sick old man. Back to bed and cold meds time.” Roy shakes his head and slides out of the bedding.

As soon as he tries to stand his knee buckles. He catches himself on the bed and slowly lays back down. “Alright. A bit more sleep. But grab my laptop. Call Beard yeah?” Jamie smiles at Roy. Must be bad for him to not want to go in today. “No laptop. Sleep”

Roy growls at him but is cut off by a cough. “Laptop Jamie.” Jamie sighs. He grabs the kindle instead. “Read babe. No work. Read or sleep.” Roy glares up at Jamie. “Lucky I love you.” Jamie kisses his cheek quickly “love you too!” He jumps out of bed to Roy’s protest and takes the stairs two at a time.

Food. Soup. Mums recipe. He can do this. Get the groceries delivered. Start cutting onion. Chicken. All the potatoes. He can do it.

Jesus why is soup so hard. But he’s finished. Success soup and everything. He dishes some out and takes it up for Roy.

Roy who is curled around a pillow with bachelor in paradise on in the background. “That crazy Kat girl still there?” Roy slowly nods. “She is latched into him like a barnacle, she’d show up in his closet with his toenail clippings.”

Jamie let’s out a laugh. That’s at least a sign that Roy is feeling a little better. He takes Roy’s temperature again. Still warm but better then early in the day.

“Soup baby. My mum make this every time I was sick. Fixed everything.”

Roy blinks at the soup. “Thank you Jamie. Truly. Never had someone cook me real soup before just because I’m sick. Ate a lot of canned soup.”

Jamie clicks his tongue, “shame. Scoot I’m holding you.” Roy gives him a smile and slides forward.

Jamie sits behind Roy so he can lay on his chest. “Comfy. Should use you as a pillow more often.” Jamie presses another kiss to Roy’s head. “Always welcome babe.”

He leans and kisses Roy right on the mouth next. “Oi! Idiot! You’ll get sick!” Jamie laughs. “No I won’t old man I’m fine.”

Four days later Jamie is sick with the exact same thing. But at least they can kiss this time around.

#ted lasso #jamie tartt #roy kent #roy kent x jamie tartt #royjamie #jamie x roy #mac writes ted lasso #I hope you like !!

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fox-guardian · 7 months

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Asking about the stoker swap au, are we likely to see the whole America Thing? If not, will Trevor&Julia and/or Gerry be showing up at some point? Or is it going to be more like canon only this time Danny's there?

i haven't gotten that far in my planning but it'll probably go down smth like this

[ID: Several images making up a digital comic of Jon and Danny drawn on a brown background. Jon is a short, thin Arab man with dark curly hair pulled into a loose bun, with a mustache and beard. He is wearing half-moon glasses, black stud earrings, a t-shirt, shorts, socks and sneakers, and a sweater hanging off one shoulder. His right hand and the front of his neck are bandaged. Danny is a tall, beefy Latino man with short hair and a cut in his brow and he is wearing small hoop earrings, a button-down with the sleeves rolled up, a sweater-vest, trousers and dress shoes. Both Jon and Danny are riddled with circular scars. Jon is colored purple, and Danny is yellow.

Jon is walking while looking through papers as Danny leans in behind him, grinning.

Danny: (all caps) Heeeey Jon~! Jon: Hello, Danny Danny: Heard you're going to the U.S. Jon: That is correct Danny: And I'M coming with you~ Jon: You CANNOT come with me, Danny. It could be very dangerous and I don't want you to get hurt. (smaller text) or for your brother to kill me (normal text) And besides, the plane tickets and lodging have been booked already Danny, holding up a finger: Firstly, going with a buddy is much safer, and I don't want YOU to get hurt (smaller text) you've been kidnapped twice already Jon, glaring: mmgh Danny: (normal text) And secondly.... (Danny grins) hee hee Jon, anxious: Wh- Danny what have you done? Danny, close up and drawn with more detail and a shadow over his eyes: HEE HEE Jon, offscreen, fearful: DANNY

They are now drawn in less detail and merely headshots.

Danny, holding a hand to his chin, smug: I got my own tickets. And lodging. With you. Sasha helped me find the plane you'd be on and which hotel, so we can stay together for the WHOLE TRIP Jon, one tear falling from his eye, accepting death: (small text) even if I get back in one piece Tim is still going to murder me

end ID]

~~~~

so yeah it'll be Roughly just the same as canon only danny is also there. i want there to be Some difference but idk what it'd be. maybe danny will get jon to burn the whole book of the trapped dead to free everyone in there and then that'll be a whole thing but idk

(also i KNOW that's not how jon's lil world tour happened in canon but idc funny sillies etc)

#fg's art #the magnus archives #tma #jonathan sims #danny stoker #stoker swap au #fg's answers #asks #not me forgetting danny's brow cut in the Only Other Panel It'd Be Visible In #i definitely didn't Need to do a comic to answer this. but my god did i want to #i missed drawing them <3 #i know i said i was gonna post this either yesterday or Next Week but im impatient and i need everyone to look at them

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avengedbiologist · 1 month

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The Ainley!master's hair tier list.

Now I said I'd write an essay (which this could end up as to be honest) on the Masters hair in 'The kings demons', but that's not happening (unless I have a silly moment) but a tier list is happening.

I need people to know that I did hair, makeup and SFX at uni so I do not actually shut up about any of this. Also included are Tremas and some of the Masters disguises. This probably isn't all his appearances but it's all the ones I've seen so let's go ✌️

Tah dahh! So pretty. Now let's get chatting, starting at the bottom:

D TIER:

The ultimate foe, part of trials of a timelord. It's flat, his hair is always slicked back yes but, something about it in this, it's not insanely bad but it's not that good either.

Kings demons: Sir Gilles Estram (?) the wig itself isn't bad but sommat about the eyebrows and beard make me nauseous, maybe it's just the character itself I don't know.

Castrovalva: See 'The ultimate foe'.

C TIER

Keeper of Traken/Mark of the rani: again, nothing too exciting, just more loose than the D tier ones,, not bad.

B TIER

Portreeve- the wig is giving, they have to stop giving Ainley these (presumably) lace front wigs, like hello?? It looks so well made and I would love to make a beard like that (I'm not brave enough to hand make beards (yet). The style of the wig as well, the curls at the bottom?? The hair line?? Perfection! Also I know it's not hair but the facial SFX??? Hello??? I assume latex aging (if so Ainley is a brave soul, that shit hurts to peel off esp a full face). I say so many positive things but don't have it in S tier. Probably cause it's not my fave visually.

Survival- Now I know this is very much like those lower tier styles,,, I was going to say grey bits in his hair but I fear I'm seeing things so I'm going to speak about the beard and say that's why it's up there. It's wider and works very well for this, it goes out a bit wider and is also a bit lighter suggesting maybe the start of grey hair coming in,, girls getting older. Maybe this look is boring and basic but the episode survival just pushes it up. And the teeth??? I love when shows have good SFX teeth. I should really research how they did SFX teeth back then,,, it's probably the same as now really,, who knows.

What I'm going to assume is logopolis (I'm probably wrong) and city of fire, same as basic hair just has a better volume,,, who knew such small changes could make such a difference. I feel people don't notice these things but I do spend 90% of my time when watching TV shows looking at the hair.

A TIER

The five doctors/time flight- same shape but has more fluffier bits, feels more real or something I don't know, it just looks nicer! Could be on top but isn't the best show of this fluffy hair vibes. Also I don't know if it's a random shadow or sommat but I think I can see the master's beard lace line in the five doctors,,, but that's probably just me looking too hard.

S TIER

Destiny of the doctors- now I mentioned the greys earlier but this is what I'm TALKING ABOUT, wowie ! Idk if his hair is a wig or not,, but either way by god ! I'm so glad they didn't give him dark hair, he looks so good in this whole thing!!! AHHH!! Peak hair fr, AND !! It's slightly fluffy, not that stupid flat hair,,, perfect combo !

Keeper of traken/Tremas- megaslay with this whole look, I'm planning on hand making this wig/beard combo at some point that's how much I love it. The wig is just stunning, so sleek and nice and I originally didn't think the beard worked but it works, the hair frames the beard as well which is neato. The traken hairstyles actually mean so much to me oml. How the men's hair seems to be a sleek shoulder length cut and the women all have curls (at least the main cast idk about the background cast). I love when a planet has a set style 😝.

The kings demons: when I said the right about of fluffiness I mean this, the waves the looseness of the hair AHHHHHHHH! Love that, I eat it up. Idk why but it brings a sense of youthfulness to him. I get y'all r analysing the 5/Ainley stuff in that chameleon scene in the kings demons but all I'm doing is looking at the masters hair ! His hair isn't even like pulled straight back it goes to the side a bit, ugh it's perfect.

#uh oh im on my hair bullshit yet again #woopsie 👉👈#anthony ainley #ainley!master #the master #doctor who

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lifewillalwaysbe-lavieenrose · 6 days

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GUYS!! I saw Les Mis! In Munich!!!

Let's recap!

The Cast:

Daniel Gutmann as Javert. He was incredible. Definitely my personal highlight. Everytime he sang his voice just ROARED. And he was menacing holy shit. Aggggggh I'm normal about him

Barbara Obermeier as Eponine. When I first heard her sing in Act 1, I knew she was gonna kill it in Act 2. And she did.

Merlin Farcel aka Enjolras. His voice was so perfect I LOVED all the high notes, BUT:

The beard. Sorry, but in my world Enjolras doesn't have a beard. Plus, it makes him look like Peter Maffay

Madame Thenardier was PERFECT (I don't remember who played her that night😭) She was so funny and the audience really loved her.

The Music:

At first, I felt a bit underwhelmed by the orchestra. To be fair, I listened to the 10th anniversary recording SO much, that I really got used to that grand orchestra sound.

There was an electric guitar and at one point an electric bass when Javert sang, which I really loved.

During Master of the House/ Beggars at the Feast you could really see the orchestra bopping their heads and having fun and that made me very happy

I really loved the brass section, they really stood out (That French Hurn during On My Own????!)

The Costumes:

I don't know why, but the Les Amis were wearing these caps all the time. I have never seen a production with them in it. Is this a historically accurate thing?? I didn't really like them, they looked very plastic/shiny and fell out of place

I cannot find a picture but in the beginning of Act 1 Valjean wore a pink vest and then a purple coat which both looked very cheap and which I both didn't like (maybe it was because of the light? The colors felt very unnatural)

Eponine's outfit. At first I thought it didn't look shabby enough. But it looks so badass I'll let it pass

Why don't you let Enjolras wear his red vest??

What is Marius wearing? Goofy boy

Big Mad Hatter vibes from Thenardier. I loved his and the Patron Minettes outifits, they looked very edgy

This is perfect. Perfect. I only wished he had undone his hair for Javert's Suicide (he did, but only for the last 10 seconds)

The Stage:

The stage had a turning middle and stairs that could be moved around, similar like in Hamilton.

They did a cool transition with young Cosette walking up the stairs and old Cosette walking down

Also, they had some cool staging with buildings moving around for Stars. But I feel like there was almost a bit too much happening in the background for this song.

I don't know why they didn't have the Barricades turn and show Enjolras hang upside down. It's such a cool/tragic moment!

During the Barricade scenes, the stage sometimes felt a bit empty. I mean, there were always like 15 people standing around. Maybe the Barricades were to small/not high enough

Empty chairs at empty tables. Where were the empty chairs and empty tables??

In Everyday/A Heart Full of Love Reprise single leaves started falling down on the stage (Like Valjean entering the Fall/Winter of his life) I loved that.

Also, the parallel of Marius learning to walk again using a cane, and Valjean loosing his ability to walk using a cane. I never noticed this before!

There are SO many cool things about the staging I could talk about here. But I want to mention some other topics as well:

The "Spirit" of the Show:

There wasn't a single French flag to be seen. Some red ones, but no French flags.

In the trailer, the director said he wanted to create a more universal setting, speaking to everyone in the audience

I think that's a great sentiment but like. Everyone has French names. There were titles above the stage telling us the year and locations (Places in France) of the events. The title of the show is French.

So I think adding the flags (aka a bit more French nationalism?) would have seemed a lot more convincing for the cause of the students and the whole spirit of the show

But maybe this also has to do with the show being in German? I don't know and I'd really like to discuss it. Maybe someone here made a similar experience seeing it in another language

And last, but MOST importantly:

What about Valvert and Enjoltaire?

In the Confrontation, Javert and Valjean got really close to each other. And I mean fighting each other and then stopping just to sing directly into each other's faces.

Instead of running infront of the court in Who Am I, Valjean just goes to Javert and rips his shirt open? Okay, go off I guess

In Drink with Me, we have a platonic forehead touch between Enjolras and Grantaire. Sadly, that's all I noticed between them 😔

Also, the fact that Grantaire is supposed to be ugly/shabby/a drinker/a sceptic got totally lost, which really takes away from his character.

Conclusion:

All the actors were good, some of them were FANTASTIC. I'd watch it again just for the guy playing Javert, if I could. God, he was SO GOOD

The music was all it should be, maybe a bit too reserved (but again, this might be because I am so used to the 10th anniversary concert)

I really loved some costumes and I also really disliked some

The staging was great, some choices confused me (flags, barricades etc.)

Would I watch it again?

Absolutely!

To be clear, some of the things here might sound more negative than I actually mean. It's just that I have watched SO many different productions online, that I fixated on all the great performances and how I think they should be done. Of course everyone has different opinions here.

Okay thanks for reading if you made it here. Have a great day!

#les mis #les misérables #les mis munich #münchen #valvert #enjoltaire

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