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knifedancer · 4 months

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What-If: MultiFelix

What if Felix met Multimouse before his appearance in canon?

What if Adrien wasn’t the only blond crushing on a super heroine in the family?

~~~~~~~ “Shit!” Felix cursed as he dodged a wayward akuma blast, the wall of the store he had been hiding beside becoming nothing more than a crumbling pile of bricks in his wake. He stumbled as the ground shook again, hazel eyes darting around to seek out another route away from the battlefront before the akuma-of-the-week targeted the blond directly instead of the thinning crowds around him.

‘There! I can hide in that alley!’ Felix rushed forward, panting as he sprinted across the street towards perceived safety. However, just before he could breach it, another blast struck the building to the left and the debris blocked the mouth of the alleyway – a few bricks slammed into his left leg, their bruising impacts ripping his pants and leaving a smattering of cuts on his thigh. By the way the material of his black slacks bloomed matching glossy spots, there were likely more bloody wounds than those visible through the tears. Cursing under his breath, he spun to his right to begin limping further down the avenue when the sound of maniacal laughter sent chills down his spine. Felix turned and dropped into a fighting stance; hazel eyes focused on the threat approaching slowly. The akuma was dressed as a Medieval court jester; bells jingling as they bounced from foot to foot, legs and arms as pale as snow and unnaturally long like some sort of spider. Eyes wild and toothy grin wide, their head tilted like an inquisitive puppy looking at a new toy.

‘Well, new fear unlocked…’ Felix thought, his rising panic hidden behind a carefully constructed mask of indifference and splotches of plaster dust.

“When I was a lad, I was gloomy and sad / As I was from the day I was born / When other babes giggled and gurgled and wiggled / I proudly was loudly forlorn. / My friends and my family looked at me clammily / Thought there was something amiss…” the akuma’s unhinged, sing-songed limerick coming out dejected as it approached slowly, their grin temporarily dropping into an overexaggerated frown. Felix took a cautious step back, was this the victim’s backstory?

“What else could he be but a Jester? / A Jester? A Jester! / A funny idea, a Jester!” Suddenly the akuma’s mouth stretched up into an unnaturally feral grin, like some sort of horror game villain – equal parts terrifying and disturbing that would certainly not haunt his dreams later – and squealed with joy, clapping its hands around their marotte. “Only the sharpest eye, the keenest nose / the quickest ear and the fleetest toes / Can ever outfox the Jester! Can ever outfox the Jester! / Only the stoutest arm, the bravest heart / with a magic charm and a good head start / Will ever outfox the Jester!”

The hazel-eyed teen braced himself to fight as the akuma lunged with a sharp jingle, marotte extended above their head as if to club the blond over his skull rather than shoot a blast from the tip. Out of nowhere and with a quiet fwip, a pink jump rope shot in front of the jester, tripping them. Just as soon as the rope appeared, it retracted in the blink of an eye and, in its place, a grey dressed figure somersaulted in the air directly above the flattened akuma. Time seemed to slow as Felix watched her pink hair ribbons flutter in the air behind the space buns holding back her hair, tresses as dark as a raven’s wing. His breath briefly caught as bright, bluebell eyes flashed – focused and calculating – from behind the edges of a baby pink domino mask. She brought her black booted feet together and ruthlessly planted them directly into the back of the akuma’s skull, impaling their head into the pavement like some sort of avenging Valkyrie taking down a mythical beast. Felix felt breathless and his knees turned to putty watching the graceful, powerful display. Just who was she?

Shaking off the foreign feelings clouding his mind, the blond limped backwards, unsure if this lithe woman was a friend or foe. Perhaps she would attack him next. Why did he feel a thrill at the idea of sparring with her? Focus! The movement drew the attention of those enchanting blue eyes. She squeaked in surprise, as if just noticing him for the first time. However, they took on an intelligent gleam, quickly assessing his physical state – those eyes pausing on his leg – as she approached him with her hands outstretched in a placating manner. “Um. Excuse me, garçon, I’m here to help. You need to evacuate. Are you badly injured?”

Ignoring the way that her sweet voice – which sounded like silk wrapped around steel – made his heartbeat quicken, he evaluated her for a threat. She was petite and so thin that it looked like the next strong breeze might knock her over. Hazel eyes trailed down the woman’s grey suit – lines of pink breaking the black and grey tightly hugging her tiny frame, the fabric caressing each toned curve and valley in a way that made his mouth run dry – before taking note of a familiar pink jump rope hanging around her waist like a tail. He relaxed fractionally and cleared his throat. “You were the one that tripped him before, weren’t you?” he questioned, gesturing to the now thrashing akuma attempting to free itself from the ground. If Jester had not been struggling to free themselves, Felix would liken the akuma’s current state to an ostrich hiding their head in a hole – the blond choked on a laugh over that mental image!

The grey suited woman glanced back and nodded, “I apologize but…we need to get you out of here before Jester sees us and decides to get revenge.” She drew out the jump rope and stepped into his personal space. Felix realized just how much shorter she was, the top of her head just barely clearing his shoulder, before her words finally registered.

“W-wait, what are you—OOF!” The lithe figure quickly lifted him in a fireman’s carry over her shoulder with shockingly little effort before whipping out the rope and tugging them into the air as if snapping a rubber band. Watching the ground flash by beneath them at a dizzying speed, Felix was pretty sure he was going to be sick. ‘What a way to go…throwing up while escaping an akuma, being manhandled by some superhuman, spandex wearing, midget!’ He refused to admit that this position also provided a lovely angle on some of her finer assets…which was distracting enough to assuage the rising bile in his throat.

With a jolt, they landed on a rooftop, but she only paused for a moment. The woman returned the rope to her waist and shifted him into a bridal carry before dashing quickly across the uneven terrain as if it were second nature. Felix’s arms instinctually wrapped around her neck in a desperate attempt to prevent being dropped. He glanced over her shoulder to see the rapidly expanding distance from whence he was kidnapped – perhaps rescued? – off the street while the wind whipped noisily past his ears. ‘It appears she’s just as strong and fast, even with my added weight,’ the blond thought with mounting admiration. The grey suited woman began to slow and hopped onto a flat roof with a small garden next to a fire escape, finally halting their advance and gingerly returning him to his feet. The blond attributed his racing heart from the unexpected flight rather than their proximity.

“Sorry about that! We didn’t have much time and I needed to get you away from that akuma before they freed themselves. You should be safe here and, if you’re not in too much pain, you can easily take the fire escape down to the streets. Just try to avoid Rue de Rivoli or else you might bump into our crazed jester friend again.” Her lips curved into a gentle smile that made him feel fluttery—er, reassured.

Felix furrowed his brow, “Who even are you?”

The woman blinked and opened her mouth to reply when a cry of “MOUSINETTE!” came from his right, followed by a black blur crashing into the grey suited woman. She stumbled back a few steps with a giggle that sounded like wind chimes dancing in sunlight. Wrapped around Felix’s savior, belt tail seemingly interweaving with the hanging jump rope length, was none other than a grinning Chat Noir. “What are you doing here?! Milady said she was sending in help, but I didn’t think she’d send you after…” The cat hero trailed off, one hand gesturing towards her mask. Now what was that about?

“O-Oh…Yeah…She said that it was just temp-temporary since she’s…uh…” The young woman glanced over towards Felix and then back to Chat, dropping her voice to a soft whisper, “…indisposed.”

“Indisposed? But isn’t her kwam—” Chat Noir looked confused before finally realizing they had company, his mouth dropping into a silent ‘oh’. “Gotcha. Ixnay.” Then he grinned again and ruffled her hair, “It’s good to see you again, Little Mouse! No one deserves it more than you!”

Her cheeks flared in rosy embarrassment and her lips protruded in a pout at the hero’s praise. “Um…I-I…Thank you, Chat. That’s very sweet but…uh, don’t get your hopes up?” The mousey girl cringed and backed away, tugging her jump rope free as she prepared for her departure.

Felix’s lips quirked up slightly at her increased nervous vocal quirks, ‘First she’s badass, then she’s adorable. Just who is she?’

“Since you’re more, uh experienced than me, wo-would you mind checking out this man’s le-leg? I’m heading back to see if Jester has um…broken free from where I…uh…left him.” With that, she scurried away, using her jump rope to swing back towards the akuma.

“Wow! You don’t know it, sir, but you’re a very lucky man… saved by THE Multimouse!” Chat crowed with joy while slitted eyes watched her disappear from sight.

“…Multi-who?” Felix questioned awkwardly, wondering why the cat hero appeared to be so excited.

Chat chuckled softly before turning to him, “Multimouse. She’s smart and funny and strong and sweet…She’s one of the temporary heroes, our greatest strategist (next to my Bugaboo, of course)! Our heavy hitter!”

“Is she some sort of stealth hero? I don’t recall ever hearing about her online…” In fact, he had researched all the heroes before this trip and found not a single mention of a mouse hero.

The black clad cat deflated slightly and sighed, “Yeah…she’s only been out once or twice before this…never really been caught on camera but something happened last time and…well, Ladybug said we couldn’t call her back out. I guess Milady decided it was enough of an emergency… Not that I mind!”

Felix took in the goofy smile that slowly stretched across Chat’s face while he looked off in the direction Multimouse had retreated. Suddenly he felt nauseous, as if something ugly was twisting up and clenching in his stomach, causing his neck to burn red. Unable to control his emotions any longer, his tone became clipped and hard as a lump of anger gripped his vocal cords. “Aren’t you…supposed to be in love with Ladybug?” Did he sound jealous? It was definitely not jealousy!

Chat Noir’s eyes widened comically, his arms swinging wildly in the air as if to physically dispel any misunderstanding. “Yes! Milady is the only one for me! B-but—wait...” Green eyes narrowed with suspicion and the cat stalked closer to the injured teen, his entire demeanor flipping like a switch: from nervous house cat to dangerous panther. Felix struggled to keep himself calm and attention locked on the approaching predator so that he could leap away at a moment’s notice. The cat leaned into his face before a huge grin broke through, his voice a smug murmur. “Do you have a crush on Mousinette?”

Now it was Felix’s turn to panic – eyes widening, heart racing, body trembling, and face burning red – as the image of a grey suited, blue-eyed Valkyrie popped up in his head. His mind replayed the way the breeze tugged at the ribbons in her hair, the obvious strength her petite body contained while effortlessly holding him, the intelligence that showed in her eyes, the blush painted across her cheeks and a giggle that made something inside him sing!

‘Oh…’ he thought dazedly. Sure, Felix had always heard of ‘love at first sight’ but had excused it as nothing more than romantic fantasy! Some unrealistic and overused movie trope! Yet here he was…falling for some mystery heroine that hadn’t even spoken more than a handful of meaningless sentences to him. Mortification bled through the warmth expanding in his chest.

Chat Noir’s grin became sharp, as if he could hear the hazel-eyed blond’s heart beating in time to the heroine’s name. “You and I aren’t so different; I was the same way for Ladybug. Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me.”

~~~

He refreshed the Ladyblog and scrolled through the latest posts for possibly the hundredth time, the habit becoming a daily routine for the blond. There was no real evidence of Multimouse’s existence, merely anecdotal or the occasional passing comment about a pink jump rope appearing during a time of crisis. The only images captured during the Jester akuma were blurry and taken at too far of a distance, Felix checked. Thoroughly. He questioned his memory more with each passing day as little details seemed to slip away, like a well-worn film played so many times that the sound and images began to distort. He could recall that her voice and laughter were sweet but why was it so hard to remember the exact tone? Was she really as lovely as in his dreams? Did her eyes sparkle like the sun glancing off a lake’s surface or were they more like the color of a cloudless sky at noon? What was the shape of her face like again? Did she have freckles?

Frustrated, the blond refreshed the page yet again.

The next time that Felix visited Paris, he watched the skies for a streak of grey and pink. No matter how many akumas appeared, it was simply the original pair: Ladybug and Chat Noir. His attention was divided between his phone and the skies, constantly hoping for another glimpse of the heroine that stole his heart; enough that even his cousin seemed to notice the level of his distraction.

“Hey Fe, you seem really out of it. You okay?” Adrien asked, concern seeming to drip from every pore.

Felix sighed and dropped his phone back down into his lap, “Yes. Apologies, cousin, I’m simply…” He made a motion with one hand as if scrolling through a list of words before settling on one, “…distracted.”

The model approached and hung himself over the back of the couch like a discarded throw blanket, glancing down at what had captured his interest on the screen. “Oh, are you checking out the Ladyblog? My friend, Alya, actually runs it!”

The hazel eyed teen turned with interest, desperately he tried to keep hope from bleeding into his voice. “Do you know if she has a database of images of the various heroes, perchance?”

“Besides the gallery on the blog itself, no, I don’t think so. Why?”

Felix’s posture deflated a bit as he stifled a groan, “It’s…nothing.”

“Are you looking for a certain hero, maybe?” Adrien innocently asked.

“No!” The Londoner answered a little too quickly, unable to keep his ears from turning bright red as he denied the question emphatically.

A playful grin spread across the green-eyed blond’s face, “Yes, you are, Fe! Who is it? Was it a temporary hero during that attack you were caught up in last time?”

He gripped his phone and clenched his teeth, attempting to stifle the spread of the blush now blooming across his cheeks. Good gods, he would never live this down…but his cousin was a fan of the heroes, surely, he might have some information? He hated feeling vulnerable. Felix pressed his eyes shut as if pained to admit it, his voice coming out as more of a whispered hiss than he would care to admit. “…Yes.”

Adrien seemed to light up, “Really? Who was it?” Bouncing like a puppy with a new toy, the model’s eyes gleamed. “Viperion? Or perhaps Ryuko? Rena Rouge? Or...Carapace?! No judgment.”

Felix scoffed and looked down into his lap pensively, his fingers gliding over the darkened surface of his phone’s screen as he struggled to open up. “No…none of them. She doesn’t appear on the Ladyblog anywhere and there’s no pictures of her in battle…I—”

The model gently set a hand on his shoulder, finally hazel met green. “Hey, it’s okay to have a crush on whoever it is. I mean I…” He watched as his cousin blushed, his eyes looking out the wall of windows with a dreamy, far-off look. Felix couldn’t help but think that his cousin looked like some sort of melancholic-romantic lead pining for their lover. “I’ve…had a huge crush on Ladybug ever since she saved me.”

The formal boy stared at his cousin’s profile, dumbfounded at finding common ground with his lookalike. They had been raised so differently, had lost contact, lost parents, and pursued different routes in life… The model was like sunshine incarnate while the magician resembled that of a thunderstorm. All their lives, Felix had always been compared to Adrien and found lacking. Perhaps they weren’t so different after all?

Adrien sighed softly and turned his gaze back towards him, excited once more. “So? What was she like?”

“She…” He allowed his eyes to drift up briefly as he recalled the encounter once again. “She was…strong and agile. Small, but powerful, like some sort of petite battle angel.”

“Yeah… I’m a sucker for a strong woman, too.” Adrien climbed over the sofa and settled beside him with a chuckle, leaning back so that the model’s face looked up at the ceiling. “And beautiful.”

“Graceful,” Felix supplied with an agreeable hum, lost in thought as his eyes drifted down to his lap once again. Fingers tracing the edges of his phone case as the image of bright eyes framed by a pink mask flooded his memories.

“Kind,” his cousin sighed into the air around them, his mind’s eye bringing forward images of his Lady.

“Capable.”

“Smart.”

“Clever.”

“Confident.”

“…yet adorable.”

“Especially how her nose crinkles when she laughs…”

“Laughter that makes your heart dance.”

“And a smile that makes you feel warm all over.”

“With blue eyes as clear as crystal…”

“Hair the color of the midnight sky…”

Felix laughed wryly, “Almost sounds like we’re in love with the same girl.”

“Oh gods, I think we have a type!” Adrien’s whole body shook with his laughter.

“Seems so, cousin!” The formal boy’s chuckles died out as the original issue arose to the forefront of his mind yet again. “At least you can find pictures of Ladybug all over the blog. Multimouse doesn’t appear on camera nor is she called out much. It’s…It’s like she never existed!” He ran a hand through his hair in visible frustration.

“Yeah, I’ve…uh…heard rumors of a mouse hero. But I’ve um, never seen her myself,” the model admitted while twisting his ring. “Wait! What if I ask Chat Noir – he, uh…patrols nearby sometimes – to get you a picture?”

Felix scoffed at the idea, “That’s not likely to happen. Even that cat mentioned that she is hardly ever called out to help. Besides, I don’t need any of the heroes to find out about my…inclinations. They might think I’m some sort of stalker and never call her out again.” Crossing his arms, he glared at the tops of his knees.

“Oh. Um.” Adrien seemed to deflate a little, his eyes twitching back and forth pensively as if trying to find an answer. “Then…what if you describe her to me and I can try to get my friend to draw her for you? His name’s Nathaniel, he’s really good – even has his own Ladybug comic book! Here, I’ll show you some of his work.”

Felix watched as his cousin pulled up a few screenshots he had saved of the bug heroine – obviously full colored, pre-print cells from the final draft – and was begrudgingly impressed. “That…that might just work. I…” He furrowed his brow and cleared his throat; an uncomfortable tightness having lodged deep in his chest. Hazel eyes rose to look into the model’s face once again, his voice a murmur of gratitude. “Thank you, Adrien.”

A genuine smile stretched across the model’s face. “Hey, what is family for?”

~~~

A few weeks later, a small package arrived at Felix’s door in London with a return address from Paris.

Retreating to the privacy of his room, the blond allowed his emotions to go unguarded as he quickly peeled back the tape with anticipation. A small gasp echoed in the silent room as hazel eyes finally laid upon the contents. Inside the rigid packaging and protected by a stiff plastic sleeve, lay three realistic drawings of various sizes and poses, all professionally colored and inked in a way that made it seem almost like the heroine could jump straight off the page.

“Multimouse…” his whispered voice filled with awe and admiration.

Felix pulled the largest image from the sleeve, an action shot that he had described in great detail – repetitively – to Adrien. Jump rope curled around her waist, ribbons blowing in the breeze, her booted feet together and arms extended above her head as she came down upon the akuma… Suddenly he felt as if he was right back in that moment! The artist had drawn her form as if hovering in the air, looking like an instant frozen in time, and filled in the background with a simple watercolor burst that accentuated the grays, pinks, and dark blues in the rest of the piece. With trembling fingers, he reverently traced the curve of Multimouse’s domino mask. He gazed into the bright blue eyes that had bewitched him and haunted his dreams. Somehow Adrien’s artist friend had even perfectly captured the determined sparkle in her eyes!

Gently setting that drawing aside, he pulled the medium sized image out next and found another action shot of the heroine mid-flight. Jump rope extended beyond the paper’s edges, legs extended behind her in freefall, her eyes partially closed against the wind whipping at her face – it was a beautiful vision! However, what captured his interest and stole his breath was the bright smile stretched across her face. She looked so carefree and relaxed, as if she were simply patrolling the rooftops with the rest of the team. Had they used Ladybug for reference? Or did someone see her recently?

No, if she had been seen, it would have been on the Ladyblog.

Placing that piece beside the other on his desktop, Felix finally pulled the last from the sleeve. Unlike the others, this one was laminated and covered by a sticky note in Adrien’s usual scrawl.

Dear Fe, I asked Nath to make this one small enough to fit in your wallet. We asked my very good friend, Marinette, to pose for it. I hope you like it! ~AA

The hazel eyed teen scoffed and peeled it away, freezing once he revealed the image beneath. The mouse heroine was pictured sitting on the edge of a building, reclined back on one arm while glancing over her shoulder almost flirtatiously, the sunset and Eiffel Tower behind her so that part of her face was cast in shadow. One delicate hand was brushing her bangs from her eyes, a shy smile upon her lips, her body language open and comfortable. The angle was close enough to make out long lashes and a light blush on her freckled cheeks. It almost felt as if she were looking right at him!

Knees shaking from the weight of his overwhelming emotions and eyes still locked on the small drawing, he sat heavily into the desk chair with a sharp creak in protest. Felix raised a hand to his chest, as if trying to calm the rapidly thumping organ currently threatening to flee from his body. His imagination ran wild – supplanting memories of the Jester with daydreams of shy smiles, sweet giggles, and teasing banter as they watched the sunset…

‘Wow…’ thought Felix, looking back over the three drawings before his eyes settled back on the one still in his hand. ‘I don’t know how I’m ever going to return the favor for this… Perhaps I can help my cousin with his crush the next time I visit?’

After all, what could possibly go wrong?

~~~~~~~Author's Notes: I had a this thought and decided to type it up. I'm the only one to blame here. I couldn't stop myself if I tried. I swear, I don't know why my brain spits this stuff out…

Jester lines are modified prose from character dialogue in 'The Court Jester' (1955).

Jester's visuals were inspired by a combination of Spinel (corrupted) from 'Steven Universe', Joker from 'Batman', and Huggy Wuggy and Mommy Longlegs from 'Poppy's Playtime'. Disturbing enough? Check.

Marotte: Originally the medieval fool's stick or sceptre, a short rod topped with a small head.

Adrien hints about Marinette's secret mouse identity, said hint goes right over Felix's head.

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rogersideup · 1 year

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The Senses of Steve

Taste

Series masterlist

Previous part: Smell

Summary: With no one around, and nothing but a head massage to occupy your mind, you finally felt like you knew where you belonged.

Word count: 14,580

Warnings: My blog is 18+ only. All minors or blogs without an age in bio will be blocked. Minors DNI.

Authors note: Hi besties! We’ve finally made it to the end :,) this chapter is currently un-edited because I wanted to push it out without you guys having to wait another day. I’ll be back to edit it and add proper content warnings tomorrow. Thank you for all your love and support on the series and dealing with the mistakes if you’re seeing this before the edit. I appreciate you all sm <3

"Here!" Steve announced as he walked into the room and placed a glass of freshly made iced coffee onto your vanity from behind you. "Drink this, coffee usually relaxes you, right?"

Your hair was up in a high messy bun and your makeup was only halfway done. You definitely looked a little crazy, but you kept telling yourself to trust the process. At some point you'd look like the best version of yourself, but right now... "Thank you, Baby." You smiled, dropping your eyeshadow brush from your hand to pick up the coffee.

He was right, vanilla cold brew was one of the most comforting tastes in the world to you. You drank it every morning without fail, sometimes you'd go for a second cup mid-day as a pick me up. Through good days and bad, you could always count on a good cup of coffee to wrap your senses up in a big hug and comfort you through any chaos life threw your way. One sip in and your nerves were slightly calmed, not enough to stop overthinking everything about the night ahead.

"Your dress is almost done being ironed, I'll grab it since I have to go get my suit anyways." He told you with kind eyes looking into yours through the mirror. "How are you feeling?"

His big warm hands gripped your shoulders, rubbing and squeezing away at the muscles to try and ease the anxiety. Tonight was a big deal, all of the avengers were asked to partake in an after award ceremony for the bravest men and women in the military. As a team you would smile, shake hands, and thank those for the sacrifices they've made after they were awarded with titles of great honor. Some people work decades for titles like these.

That in itself wasn't the issue, if it was just that you would have no problem attending.

The problem was that a few avengers let it slip that you would be receiving your own award tonight. The highest award the nation had to offer for gallantry, the Medal of Honor, all because you ran into that building with that bomb.

Oh, and your mom was going to be there receiving her own award.

Said mom you haven't spoken to since eighteen years old. Doesn't know anything about your life Mom.

"I don't understand why I need an award for doing what I signed up for." You huffed. "Oh you did the bare minimum? Here's a shiny medal!" you mocked, finding any and all ways to not show up tonight.

"What you did was not the bare minimum." Steve giggled at your antics. "You deserve the award, and you deserve to accept it." He kissed your cheek. "Stop deprecating the value just because you don't want to go. This is a big deal, we're going to celebrate our brave girl accordingly."

"Steve?" You questioned, he leaned down to rest his chin on your shoulder to get a better view of his favorite face in the mirror.

"Hmm?"

"Do you remember the year 1941?" You asked rhetorically.

"No, not at all." He shook his head with a mischievous grin.

"Oh, so you don't remember when you stood up the United States Senator in a room full of reporters and 10 members of the Parliament by not accepting your Medal of Honor?"

"Doesn't ring a bell" Steve giggled.

"Huh" You contemplated his lie.

"What can I do to make this easier?"

"Promise me we can leave right after it's over?" You begged.

"Promise." He agreed.

"Yeah? And what if the senator comes up to you and is like 'oh! Captain Rogers! It's so nice to see you! Let's have a fourteen hour long conversation about the political climate of our country that's so boring our partners are going to want to gauge their eyeballs out!' Hmm? Then what?" You challenged, earning more laughter from Steve.

"I'd say, sorry Mister Senator. My beautiful girl just got her Medal of Honor and has very important business to attend, I hope you have a wonderful night." He assured you.

A groan full of nothing but pure dread slipped past your lips as you slumped forward letting your elbows hit the vanity and your head fall into your hands.

"Baby, it'll be fine." His serious voice came out.

"I don't want to see my Mom." You complained fully understanding that you probably sounded pathetic to him. "I don't want to see my Mom, I don't want you to have to see my Mom, I don't want to hear anything she has to say, I don't want to have to fake a smile for a crowd as she walks across the stage we're on, I don't want to shake her hand, I don't want pleasantries, professional courtesy, and small talk where she pretends to care about anything I've been up to just because I'm an avenger now."

"What are the chances this is going to go poorly?" He asked.

"90 percent" You mumbled.

"That's a 10 percent chance that it'll go well." He raised. "We've made miracles happen with less than that, yeah?"

"I think the only thing worse than seeing her again going poorly is it going well. I don't want that." You lifted your head. "I don't want anything to do with her."

"Okay." Steve nodded in understanding, pressing a series of gentle kisses to your shoulder. "Then take it for what it is, okay? One night. Just a couple hours where you have to coexist in a room with someone who's a stranger now. You shake her hand once, you smile for the photo. Then when the time is right, you accept your award from all of us, we shower your in all the love and pride we could possibly give you, then we sneak out have some fun at the private after party, and the two of us will go to bed peacefully and completely relieved that the night is over."

"You missed a huge part" You reminded him. "Socializing, mingling. We're always expected to mingle."

"And I'll be with you the whole night" He grinned. "If she approaches, I'll do whatever I can to get you away. I'll make sure nothing terrible happens."

"How do you feel about tonight?" You questioned, trying to check in on his mind.

"Fine. Not too keen on meeting someone who caused you so much pain but getting to celebrate you outweighs all of that."

"You're too sweet for your own good, you know that, Rogers?" Your eyes closed and your face scrunched up with delightful giggles as he purposefully placed feather light kisses in the crook of your neck to tickle you.

"Remember how you got your dress altered?" Steve asked.

"Uh huh?"

"Took all that pretty fabric off the bottom cause it was too long for you." He smiled, still looking at you in the mirror. "I had them turn some of the extra fabric into a pocket square for my suit so we can match. Doesn't that make you like... a million times more excited to go?"

"A milliondy-trilliondy times more excited." Your smile stretched from ear to ear.

"It's going to be so great. Everyone in the room will know that the prettiest, bravest girl at the event is all mine cause I get to carry a little piece of your dress in my pocket."

"You're so sweet, I'd be lost without you." His arms wrapped around you from behind, and squeezed you generously.

"I'm the lucky one" The smile in his voice was apparent. "I'm going to the store really quick with Bucky, when I get back I'll bring your dress."

"Thank you" You appreciated his warmth for the last few moments with a big deep breath, lifting your hand up behind you and placing it on his cheek. The little hairs growing along his jawline were longer than you've ever seen or felt them since meeting him, it made you smile knowing he was feeling far too lazy to shave.

"Don't worry, I'll get rid of this thing on my face before tonight." He read your mind.

"I wasn't worried." You opened your eyes to read his expression. "I think you pull it off nicely."

"You know how much I hate shaving" Steve pouted.

"So why not grow a beard?" You questioned with a tiny bit of skeptical confidence.

"I don't think people want Captain America to be anything but clean cut." He admitted.

"I think Steve should be whoever he wants to be, and Cap is just going to have to be okay with that." You smiled as he nudged his cheek further into your hand. "You're perfectly capable of saving the world with a handful of hair on your face."

"I'll take that into consideration, beautiful." Steve giggled and kissed your hair once more. "I'll be back soon."

"Okay, have fun with your boyfriend!"

"I will" He laughed. "I love you, you're going to be fine."

"I love you too."

Steve came back about an hour later with your dress when you were finally done with your makeup and just finishing up your hair with a final run through of hairspray to keep all your hard work in place.

The both of you get dressed together and you couldn't help but to be endlessly thankful for him in those moments. He was helpful from cracking jokes to ease your mind, making you laugh as he cursed his three piece suit for being so confusing and having too many buttons, down to helping you zip up your dress and insisting on buckling the straps of your heels.

When you were both fully dressed, perfumed, and styled to the public's standard you took one final look at each other. Your shaky hands reached to straighten out the dark teal colored satin pocket square made of your dress, and centered his tie one last time before his hands caught yours.

He kissed the back of each one and professed that you were the prettiest girl he's ever seen, and in true Steve fashion, admitted that you were, in fact, so pretty that you still made him nervous.

Your love was so sickeningly sweet that the only thoughts that filled your head as you walked down to the event was questions of how you got to be so lucky, and what you could've possibly done to earn the life you had. The life where you were an avenger, and your boyfriend was quite literally the superhero of your dreams.

The same superhero tale that was told to you as a kid, the very one you dreamed would sweep you off your feet and provide you with the love you desperately needed and craved when you laid awake at night as a teenager, wondering what you did to deserve a dead father and a mother who didn't love you.

You had him now. You felt proud that you didn't need him to complete you. That teenager angst of two half's coming together to make a whole had been thrown out the window and been replaced with something so much healthier, and safer. You and your knight and shining armor were two wholes that enjoyed the luxury of love and affection. You could only hope that your growth shined through your posture and glowed through your skin with a golden, glimmering sheen.

You grew exponentially faster and larger than life since the last time your mother saw you. All you wanted now was for her to see it with her own eyes, and drink in the harsh reality that you were whole without her. Though not by choice, you were whole without your father. You are whole without your superhero, but a little extra shiny and radiant with him by your side.

You stepped through the large double doors into the luxurious and lively event room, a nostalgic wave of emotion overtook. It felt like parent open house night in elementary school, that after school event where your parents come to see your classroom, meet your teachers, and see some physical proof of your hard work.

This time your artwork didn't hang on bulletin walls with your name signed at the bottom with glitter glue, you weren't reading your poetry to classmates and their parents, your teacher wasn't praising you for being a joy to have around and a good example for your peers.

You couldn't help but to wonder if she felt the same- if your mother had grown and changed in your years of not speaking. Perhaps she bloomed and blossomed the same way you did, the harsh reality of life turning you both into diamonds. Maybe she was whole without you too, maybe she found the half of herself she lost with the passing of your father. There was a chance she was golden and glimmering, shining brightly with radiant wisps.

Steve pulled you out of your thoughts by squeezing your hand with excitement as he recognized a handful of friendly faces he hadn't gotten a chance to see in a while. You shared that joy with him when you finally worked up the nerve to look around the room too and being met with a whole bunch of old colleagues, mentors, and commanding officers you were more than happy to introduce to Steve.

Most of them reunited with you through kind words, congratulations, and praises higher than you thought you deserved. You accepted them modestly, mostly because if you didn't Steve would fight you tooth and nail until you did, then invited them to the private after party in the private sector of the compound.

If you didn't invite people to your own after party, then Tony would be the one to fight you.

As more familiar faces approached to reconnect, you soon found yourself in a bubble of love. The smile on your face never dissipated and laughter began to slip out as if you had nothing to be worried about in the first place.

The room continued to fill and more people began to take their seats in time for the ceremony to start. The Avengers were expected on the stage the whole time to take pictures and congratulate those who received their medals, so before they started their work, she wanted to loosen up a bit and start the night off right.

Steve was having a conversation with a group of people you didn't recognize, so you made a brave choice. When the moment was right as to not interrupt anyone, you let go of his hand and placed it on his upper arm to grab his attention. He leaned over a bit to hear you more clearly in the crowded room. "I'm going to grab a drink really quick, I'll meet you on the stage okay?"

His eyes became concerned and he continued leaning down to speak quietly in your ear. "You want me to come with you?"

"It's okay, Honey, it'll be fast." You reassured him. "Can I get you anything?"

"I'll have what you're having" he grinned and sent you off with a quick kiss to the crown of your head.

"Okay, I'll see you up there" His actions brought a smile to your face as you walked up to the bartender.

You waited in line before placing an order for two drinks, and as you waited for them, a hand landed on the curve of your waist.

"I made a promise to stay with you all night, I can't break it." Steve reminded you.

"Well I'm feeling better than I thought I would so it's perfectly okay if you do." You let him pull you close into his side, his big hand was keeping you warm.

"Is she here yet?" He questioned.

"Haven't seen her" You shook your head.

"Right now I think I might be more nervous than you are, I keep looking for features of your face in every person I talk to wondering if it might be her."

"Well, I've always been told I look more like my dad anyways." The bartender handed her the two drinks, she grabbed them both with a polite thank you and handed one to Steve. "these should help."

"Do you think she knows we're together?" He asked, trying to further understand the situation at hand like he was plotting the best way to fight a battle.

"Look at us" You giggled with a slight snort between your first and second sip. "Matching bracelets, matching outfits, I think the whole world knows we're together."

"...and that article was published in tmz last week" he thought out loud. "I'm just trying to figure out if she would approach me."

"Maybe." You shrugged. "But her opinion of you means shit to me."

Steve took a long sip of his drink, silently praying he would experience a miracle and maybe feel even a slight buzz from the alcohol. "I've never met any of your family before, even if you don't care I still feel like I care."

"Steve" Your hand found its way to his chest. "Everyone you've met tonight, the team, literally the people we both live with and see every single day are more like my family than my mother is. You have met my family, and news flash, they all love you. Everyone loves you. I love you."

"So if she hates me?" He asked.

"You get to join the club! She hates me too" You smiled, Steve bit the inside of his cheeks to try and hold back a laugh at your statement before shaking his head. "You're so handsome."

"You're deflecting" he raised an eyebrow.

"No I'm not" you denied. "I'm simply distracted by your beauty."

"You know, I've been thinking about what you said earlier." Steve let you know.

"Oh no, I say a lot of things all day long."

"I think Cap is okay with trying a beard"

"But you just shaved like an hour ago" You pouted.

"Steve shaved what an hour ago?!" Natasha's voice rang from behind the two of you.

Steve scoffed like a disappointed dad at her innuendo. "My face."

"I'm trying to get him to grown a beard."

"You missed a spot" She reached up and poked his chin, naturally he looked down at where her finger was pointing and she took the chance to drag it up his face to annoy him like two children in the elementary school playground. "Ha-ha made you look" she taunted.

You let out another adorable half snort as you laughed at the banter.

"You're so lucky we're in a room full of people right now or I'd be chasing you around the compound." Steve stated.

"So scary" you lied and over exaggerated your words, throwing your hands up in defense to hype up Steve's words. "Natasha, I'd be scared if I were you."

"Yup. I'm terrified." She said flatly. "Anyways, I was told you needed to get your freshly shaved face up on that stage. You too, teal dress."

"Sure thing" Steve nodded, and offered you his arm to walk over together.

The two of you followed Natasha since the three of you needed to get to the same place anyways.

You took your spot between Steve and Sam, anxiously playing with the straw in your cocktail as you felt eyes on you from all over the room. Once the guest speaker started, you tried your hardest to keep your eyes down on your feet to avoid meeting the gazes. Sam caught on to your nervousness, and in attempts to ease your mind he subtly put his arm around you.

He grabbed Steve's wrist and booted his arm off of you, just to take the formerly occupied spot and pull you into his side. Steve looked over at him and quickly shot a questionable sad puppy dog face, and Sam used his free hand to motion for him to relax.

"See this woman in the front? Blonde hair black dress. I saw her trip over her own heel in the parking lot earlier." Sam whispered in your ear. "And the guy next to her, blue suit, tried to catch her but ended up falling on his butt."

You tried to contain the laughter as to not draw attention to yourselves, trying your hardest to uphold the Avengers respectful and professional reputation. To get him back, you gently nudged him with your elbow and stepped away from his hold.

Focusing on the speaker made time fly so fast, before you knew it they were presenting you with your medal. Since you weren't technically in the military anymore, and the avengers held a special place in the hearts of the nation, an exception was made and rules were changed so that the team were the ones to present the medal to you at this ceremony completely separate from the rest.

Tony was able to say some remarkably kind words about you before placing it around your neck, surrounded by the very team who you thought all deserved it more than you did. They were the ones who assisted you in that very moment, the only difference between them and you was being in the right place at the right time.

As it was placed around your neck, you had no choice but to look straight into the crowd of people who were clapping for you. Unexpectedly, someone stood from their seat.

It caused a ripple of everyone else following the lead, and before you knew it everyone was standing. You wish you could tell them to stay seated, you wish you could hand the medal right back to where it came from, but you were stuck.

Your eyes were now glued on the woman who stood first for you. Your own flesh and blood, aged a couple years, grey streaks littering the hair color you once knew, standing and clapping for you with a smile full of pride smeared across her face.

Maybe she did change, but your teenage defenses came flooding in and your felt yourself become small. You shrunk inwards, prepared to tiptoe quietly as to not mess up the smile on her face that was always so fast to disappear at the smallest of accidental disappointments. The chances of her getting better were slim, but the chances that she was smiling and clapping for you, her precious daughter, was all a show for her own peers in the section around her was larger than your life itself.

Steve sensed your drop in confidence the very moment it happened, and followed your gaze. When he saw her he didn't even need to ask for confirmation, because although you denied your similarities, he found a woman who shared your smile and nose.

Unsuspectingly, you started receiving hugs and congratulations from each avenger. When Steve left a quick kiss on your cheek and pulled you in for his turn, you took the chance while you had it.

"She's here." You told him quietly, pretending as though he was congratulating you again for the millionth time that day alone.

"I know, I see her." Steve let you know. "Are you okay?"

"Yep" you had to keep it short and sweet to stay inconspicuous.

You managed to hold it together regardless of your personal feelings. Steve was right, there was so much love and happiness to be spread around tonight surrounded by your colleagues that you managed to bite your tongue and swallow away the bitter taste her presence left in your mouth.

When it was her turn to shake hands and take pictures with the team, they all did you a solid by taking up all the available space surrounding her. You managed to get away with a disingenuous smile at the very end corner of the group photo you knew she was probably dying to post on social media to show off your success.

The same success she had no part in nurturing, no reason to be proud of.

Years of your professional life was spent perfecting a handshake that was firm enough to show confidence, and soft enough to come across as friendly. She got your absolute worst, a single shake with a flimsy grip.

Petty? Maybe. Immature? Possibly. But you made it through a night you were dreading for months, so you were just proud of yourself for getting through it.

The moment the event was over and your professional engagement was no longer required, all of the Avengers were ushered off the stage and into the back halls to go straight to the private after party.

As insisted, you were going to have a fun time and nobody was going to take any excuse as a valid reason to not let loose. The moment you made it into the room where the party was, Tony placed a shot in your hand, and you immediately took it.

The vodka shooting down your throat pulled your mind away from the icky feeling that lingered in your soul. Your medal was taken off your neck by staff you'd trust with your life and was placed in a safe locked box in your room.

Music started, heels came off, and more people arrived to fill all the empty and quiet places with nothing but love.

Bucky and Sam grabbed you mid conversation with your old commanding officer and you were flung over Sam's shoulder. More shots, so much dancing with whoever could get their hands on you.

Every once in a while you'd look around to find Steve, and he was always somewhere around the room being pulled in a million directions talking to someone new with a big smile on his face. He seemed to be having just as good of a time as you were.

A few hours and a few shots went by before you needed a break from the high energy on the dance floor, so you grabbed a water and sat at the bar next to a friend you were happy to catch up with.

You swore you chatted her up without a care in the world, fifteen minutes felt like three hours. She got up to go to the bathroom and you chugged down the rest of your water before another person approached you.

"What's a pretty girl like you doing at a place like this all by herself?" Steve spoke smoothly like he was in an old time movie.

"Well you see, I'm not one to frequent a place like this, but it was dark and stormy out. I needed a warm place to go." You went along with the joke, your eyes did glance out the window to make sure it was, in fact, dark and stormy out. It was probably getting late but you had no concept of the time at the moment.

"Well, did you find it?" He questioned.

"Find what?"

"A warm place to hideaway from the storm?"

"Well, I certainly found a handsome fella to occupy my time while I wait for it to pass. With a face like that I outta' come around here more often." You shamelessly flirted with your own boyfriend.

"You found just the right man, Miss. You know, a beautiful dame in a dress like that in this part of town is quite dangerous. I'm going to have to beat everyone away with a stick." He smirked.

"Yeah? What would I have done without you?" You bat your eyelashes.

"Who knows." He shrugged.

"And what would those people have done to me?"

"They wouldn't appreciate you the same way I do." He shook his head.

You stepped closer to him and he took the chance to put his hand on the small of your back to keep you close. Feeling quite possessive of your sweet soldier, you claimed him too with a hand on his chest as you leaned in to make it a little more provocative.

"So, what would you like to do to me?" You blinked slowly.

His mouth dropped and cheeks flushed as you started pushing his buttons in a room full of people closest to you.

"Seems like you're not such a nice girl after all." He shook his head, eyebrows still raised and cheeks stippled with shades of pink.

He looked so cute like that.

"Never said I was, Captain." You instigated once more, definitely a little too drunk for your own good.

"Okay that's it" Steve laughed. "You're in for it now."

"No I'm not." You denied in a fit of giggles as you started taking big backwards steps towards the exit.

"Where are you going?" He questioned, taking large playful steps towards you. "You can talk the talk but can't walk the walk?"

"Oh you wanna walk the walk right now? In front of all of these people?" You questioned, getting ready to run. "Never knew you were such a... voyeur."

"Baby, you're bad." Steve laughed as you turned around to face forward and squeaked out a drunken giggle, running barefoot through people trying to lose him.

He followed as fast as he could to the best of his abilities until he saw you run right out of the party ballroom into the more calm and quiet compound hallway.

With no people in his way now, he was able to pick up his speed and catch you from behind the second you let your guard down. His arms around your torso allowed him to pick you up and twirl you around causing another eruption of laughter.

He couldn't help but to laugh at your chaos and take on your contagious smile when he spun you around once more to face him.

"If I'm so bad then why'd you run after me?" You laughed, very gently play punching him.

He did a very good job at blocking your punches just as gently as you threw them at him.

"You're so bad" he repeated, shaking his head once again. "And when you walk around looking like this?! Truly a danger to my health and well-being"

"I feel like you brought this upon yourself." You threw the tiniest of punches to his shoulder, but his hand caught your wrist. "Who let you think that Captain America in a three piece suit was legal? Hmm? You're killing people, Stevie."

"You're so drunk" Steve laugh rang out.

"You're not drunk enough" You bantered.

"I tried to match you, but it's not working."

"Well obviously you're not trying hard enough!"

"Have you eaten anything in the past few hours?" He asked, poking your sides to instigate your childish laughter.

"You're so pretty, I'm going to eat you" You caught his arm the same way he caught yours a few seconds ago, and took a big ol' pretend bite right out of his bicep.

"Maybe you need more water" He rubbed the part of his covered arm that you pretended to bite, unable to wipe the stupid smile off his face.

"Bucky!" You exclaimed as Bucky walked out into the hall.

"Are you trying to eat him?" Bucky asked. "I came to rescue Steve from the cannibal in the hallway."

"You can't blame me, he looks and smells so yummy." You defended yourself, lifting Steves arm up to Bucky. "You want a taste?"

"I'm good." Bucky laughed, grabbing Steve's arm and placing it back down to his side.

"More for me" you shrugged.

"Sam and Nat wanted to know if you would take another shot with them?" Bucky asked what he actually intended to come all that way for.

"I don't know if that's such a great idea, big guy over here thinks I should be eating more food and drinking more water." You shook your head with a smile.

Bucky gasped and wrapped his arms around you from the side, cradling your head in his metal hand. "Steven! You're trying to sober her up? On her big night? You monster!"

"She tried to eat me!" He defended himself, hands up in defense, cheeks starting to feel sore.

"He sucks" Bucky rocked you back and forth. "Another shot?" He asked again.

"Will you hold my hair back while I puke?" You questioned right back.

Bucky released you and stepped away. "Sorry, not my job. Steve can help you out with that"

"I'm trying to prevent that" Steve defended the situation.

"I don't know who I'm supposed to trust anymore!" You said dramatically. "You both wouldn't hold my hair back for me, that's so mean"

"I didn't say that" Steve denied.

"Bucky, I don't think Steve would love me if I was a worm" You told the other soldier.

"I'm sorry, Doll. I would love you if you were a worm even if he didn't." Bucky played along.

"If you were a what?" Steve questioned, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"A worm, Steven." Bucky scoffed. "If she turned into a worm, would you still love her? Really, it's a simple question."

"Baby, if you turned into a worm I'd make you the worm house of your dreams and take care of you." Steve claimed your statement to be false.

"Ha! ...and Bucky wouldn't even hold my hair back."

"Which is exactly why you're my girl and not his." Steve proudly claimed you, following Bucky's actions and claiming you in his own arms after seeing you wrapped up with his best friend.

"Hey, give her back!" Bucky pouted.

"Nope, all mine" Steve denied as you laughed in his hold.

"I guess I should tell Sam and Nat no more sho-" Bucky started, but was cut off.

"Chameleon?" A fourth voice made you freeze in place, and the nickname you haven't been called since childhood made your once happy heart sink to the pit of your stomach.

You didn't want to look, you didn't want Steve to let you go, and you hoped that it was an odd coincidence from a stranger trying to pass through the halls.

Unfortunately, life doesn't always work that way. Steve slowly let you out of his arms, immediately fixing his tie and pressing down his suit jacket while standing tall.

Bucky cleared his throat, "Yeah, uh, I'm going to go find Sam and Natasha." He turned on his heels and walked right back into the event.

Steve didn't really know what to do in that moment, but you knew that you felt stone cold sober now and you wished you could go back to three minutes ago when you were having a blast annoying the soldiers.

"Captain Rogers, honor to meet you." Your mom appeared in front of you, reaching her hand out to shake his for a second time tonight.

For the first time ever, you saw Steve in a moment of being rendered speechless. He didn't know how to respond, if it was appropriate to congratulate her on success in the military, or if he should be yelling at her for being unauthorized in a high security building approaching a private event with no invitation.

He shook it, and opened his mouth hoping that something, literally anything would come out. Instead, she spoke once again.

"You two seem to be comfortable with each other!" She enthused. You knew where this was headed, and you immediately wanted to cry. "And my gosh, my little chameleon, you've become not so little anymore. I hardly recognized you, you've grown into yourself so well... an avenger? Wow."

"Is that so hard to believe?" You questioned, speaking your first words to her since 18 years old.

"Do you remember that photo of you that your dad took when you were 8 years old? The one where you were running around the back yard with a plastic Captain America shield?"

"Mom" You warned, already feeling embarrassed enough to want to fall through the floor.

"I still hear that tiny voice screaming loud enough for all the neighbors to hear that you were going to save the day. And here you are." She looked from you, to Steve, then back at you with judgmental eyes. "Yeah. It's a little hard to believe."

There was no super hero in the grand scheme of the entire multiverse that could come and save you from being belittled in front of Steve. You knew he couldn't cut in unless she was being downright disruptive, and he couldn't leave and live with himself for breaking a promise to you.

"And why is that?" You shrunk into yourself and glued your eyes to the floor, suddenly remembering your bare feet.

You were no longer glowing or radiant, you didn't feel quite as big as you did all those years away from her. You knew now what she saw, a drunken disappointment in the hallway, an imposter, a mess with no shoes taking advantage the only man who could fill the broken void of your childhood.

But you never thought of Steve that way, and certainly that's not why you fell in love with him. Standing in front of her and next to him, you had never felt so insecure.

Did you subconsciously fall into the lap of this relationship to heal parts of yourself that therapy couldn't? Was it weird or morally wrong to be romantically involved with Steve? Did you trap him with a sob story and make him feel too bad to leave?

Holy shit. Did you have do defend this behavior and your relationship in front of your mother?

Maybe it was time to retire this career and start a new one somewhere else. Something small and simple, maybe a barista in an independently owned coffee shop, or a florist spending your day with your nose deep in the flowers.

"I guess when you were a kid you were just so focused on yourself and so... heartless... it's hard to imagine you living a life revolved around selflessness and empathy." She spoke so casually you almost accepted those words as true.

You could hear Steve take in a big breath, he squirmed in place, visibly uncomfortable with the situation and upset by her words.

"Heartless" you repeated quietly. The room spun around you but you weren't sure if that was the anxiety or the alcohol. "Selfish. How? How are those the only two words you could think of to describe me when all I did with my life before adulthood was take care of you?"

"Take care of me?" She scoffed. "You know how hard I had to work every day to keep food in your mouth and a roof over your head?"

"That's the bare minimum you sign up to do when having a kid." You mumbled.

"After all these years I thought that maybe you would've changed your mind about me being some sort of villain."

"You've done nothing to change my mind. No apologies, no effort to mend our relationship..."

"Maybe it'll take you having your own kids to understand how hard it is to be a mother." She cut you off. "But seeing as you can't treat your own flesh and blood with respect, you aren't fit to be one yet."

"I think you've mistaken this event as an open house, and I think you're here way past your allotted time." You finally spoke up.

"And this continuing to be your behavior even under today's circumstances and in front of one of the most respected men in the world is disappointing." Her voice got louder to undermine the fact that yours did too. "Imagine explaining this to your 8 year old self. What would she think? I know your father would be disappointed at best."

"What exactly are you here for, ma'am?" Steve instantly snapped when she tried to weaponize his very existence using her dead father.

Your vocal cords were tied tightly into a knot, nothing could come out, you could barely breathe, and a single tear fell down your cheek. In attempts to not let her win, you wiped it away as quickly as you could.

"I wanted a chance to congratulate my daughter, but I'm not so sure she deserves that anymore." She spat venom at you. "You know, a flashy title and a medal around your neck means nothing without a family to love you."

"She does have a family that loves her, they're all in that room right now." Steve proudly wrapped his arm around you and pointed to the party. "There's a reason why you aren't allowed in there, so I suggest you leave. Especially because I'm sure your commanding officer would be disappointed to hear that you're continuing this dishonorable behavior in front of one of the most respected and remarkable women in the world."

You couldn't even help the sob that escaped the back of your throat before covering your mouth with your hand and hiding your face into his side. He could've used his own title and authority to scare her off, but instead he picked you up off the floor she held you down on and placed you on a pedestal above her head.

She tried to make you feel small, perhaps that's how she always saw you, but Steve always thought you were larger than life. His actions and words continued to prove that in every difficult situation.

He was always so soft and kind around you that you forgot that he even had such a stern and commanding bone in his body.

"She is my daughter." You mother stood her ground.

"You do not own her. Leave." Steve practically growled.

The silence was loud as she scoffed and walked off with a stomp in her feet, hands balled into fists.

Steve left you for a moment to tell the nearest security to escort her out and make sure she actually exited the premises this time, and by the time he got back and placed his hands on your shoulders to console you, he was nothing but soft again.

Your hands hid your face, too embarrassed to even speak to him at the moment. Overwhelmed, ashamed, consumed by anxiety on the brink of a panic attack, you couldn't step foot in that room again.

Not with tears streaking your mascara and the hem of your dress bunching against the floor due to your lack of heels.

Steve felt his heart squeezing in his chest when you couldn't even open your eyes to look at his face, he could only imagine you were feeling belittled and embarrassed. He would do anything to take that weight off your shoulders, make sure you knew that you had nothing to be ashamed of, but no words would break through the barrier you had to build in order to protect yourself.

You needed your own time and space to break that down, and you would. You were brave enough to do so. Just not right now, not when you desperately needed a bulletproof casing to keep all of the harsh words and criticism out of your mind.

"Baby" Steve's hands traveled from your shoulders up your neck and onto your own hands that hid your face. "You're okay, I love you. It's okay"

"I have to go" Your voice shook.

"That's okay" His thumbs ran along the backside of your hands. "I know you need some alone time, but would you like me to walk you home or are you going to be okay getting back on your own?"

"I'm fine." You inhaled deeply and rubbed your face once more before dropping your hands and crossing your arms over your chest tightly. "I'll be fine."

"Alright" Steve kissed the top of you head. "I'll come check on you in a bit."

It was hard for him to let you walk away by yourself when all he wanted to do was make sure you got home okay and tuck you in tightly under your blankets, but letting you go alone was what you needed in that moment so he forced himself to take that step back.

He walked back in that room and explained the situation to Tony and Bucky, and stayed a little while longer acquainting himself to all the important people in your life who loved you so deeply.

About an hour and a half later, it was well into the middle of the night and guests started leaving so he took the opportunity to sneak out and contemplate his next move on the walk back.

He didn't want to bother you or make you feel pressured into being around him if you still felt defensive, but the thought of you sleeping in a cold bed alone all night when you were already so sad made him want to cry a little bit.

He decided that the best thing to do was to change out of his formal wear and into some sweats before going into your room to check on you. Maybe some extra comfort would be beneficial to the both of you.

Unlocking his bedroom door and stepping through, he kicked off his shoes and ran a hand through his styled hair before noticing the lump under the covers of his bed. It made his heart beat a little faster before it melted into a puddle.

He changed into sweatpants and a hoodie as quickly as he could, as he brushed his teeth he took note of how you turned off the soundproofing to hear the rain putter against the roof and floor to ceiling windows.

Once he was ready to submit to the night, he walked over to the side of his bed you were sleeping on. Normally it was his side, but he could tell you planted yourself there for a reason, and who was he to disturb that?

He kneeled next to the bed, and only when he tucked your hair behind your ear did he notice that you were sound asleep.

All the makeup you worked so hard on was gone without a trace, your eyes were swollen and your nose was stained pink. Although you were sad, he couldn't help but to smile. He thought you looked just as beautiful this way.

Realizing he didn't want to wake you, he planted a feather light kiss to your head before walking back to the other side to slide in next to you.

Though he tried his hardest, you woke up to slowly being engulfed by your favorite strong arms, and pulled against your favorite warm body. You shuffled backwards a bit to meet the front of his body with the back of yours, one of your hands intertwined with one of his while the other held onto his forearm that was keeping you safe and secure. You brought the back of his hand to your mouth before kissing it and tucking it into your chest close to your heart.

"I'm sorry" you sleepily mumbled, feeling a pang of physical pain as he held you so tenderly.

"I'm not allowing you to apologize for something that's not your fault." Steve denied. "None of that has ever been your fault."

"You shouldn't have had to hear that, or see me like that. So, I'm sorry."

"You shouldn't be." Steve settled, his chin nuzzling into the top of your head. "I'm sorry you've been treated like that for so much of your life. You deserved so much better."

"I'm not allowing you to apologize for something that's not your fault" You repeated his words. "Thank you for sticking up for me, that's the first time anyone has ever spoken up to her."

"Anytime, Princess." He squeezed your hand. "I hope you know that you aren't the one your father would be disappointed in."

You nodded, feeling the tears rush back to your eyes. If you speak another word they would flood the gates and flow until you got yourself to sleep again.

"He would be proud, so so proud of you. I'm proud of you. Everyone in their right minds is proud of you, and the world owes you an un-payable debt."

"I didn't even do anything that special" Your voice accidentally jumped an octave higher in your losing battle against your tears.

"Yes you did, and I'll shout it from the rooftops until you understand." He squeezed you a little tighter. "I think the whole world of you. No matter what your role, daughter, avenger, friend, girlfriend, maybe even mom one day if you want to be, you hit the ball out of the park. You exceed all expectations, and if someone can't see that, that's on them. That's not on you. I'm the luckiest man in the universe to have the privilege of loving you."

"I love you so much" You told him, squeezing your eyes shut to try and stop the tears.

"I love you too." He calmly exhaled. "Are you feeling okay? Do you need a snack or some water?"

"I'm okay, I think I just need to sleep." You slowly flipped onto your other side to face him.

"Okay." He let you dig your face into his chest as he held you tightly in his arms to hide you away from the world that had hurt you tonight. "Wake me up if you need me, alright? Sweet dreams, sweet girl.

"Sleep tight." You mumbled into his chest.

He woke up pretty late the next morning given that everyone had been awake until 2am the previous night. The sun was shining aggressively bright through the large windows and hitting his eyes, he could hear birds chirping and the hustle and bustle of whatever was going on outside. You weren't with him in bed, but he could hear the sounds of cookware in the kitchen, the unusual whirl of the mixer being used.

He got up and stretched, not even bothered to fix his hair before dragging his feet all the way to the common area that was oddly empty except for you.

You could hear him coming, the shuffling socks on the hardwood was a dead giveaway. He stopped and looked around before blinking slowly at you in confusion.

"Where is everyone?" He questioned sleepily, sitting down on a stool at the island and letting his head and back slump forward onto his elbows.

"Deployed." You answered, measuring out powdered sugar to add to the butter and vanilla in the mixer.

"Really?"

"Yep" you popped the P dramatically. "Literally everyone but us two got put on emergency last night around 4. They must've heard what happened and decided to cut us some slack, we have the whole place to ourselves." You grinned with amusement.

Your dimpled cheeks were so refreshing to his worried and busy mind.

"Hmmm" he hummed, closing his eyes and letting his mind wander for a while.

After a few minutes, you placed a cup of coffee in front of him just how he liked it before rubbing his back and kissing the adorable blonde mess on top of his head. "Still sleepy?"

"I'm getting old, baby. I stay up late for one night and I feel like I have to sleep for two days to recover." He complained, perking up at the smell of coffee.

"Well, you can sleep all day if you want and nobody is here to make fun of you for it." You noted, stopping the mixer once your frosting was nice and smooth.

"Sounds so nice" Steve yawned after taking down some coffee and letting his head fall again.

As you put the frosting into a piping bag with a metal tip on it, you mind couldn't escape last night. You were trying your very hardest to disregard all the weird thoughts your mom planted into your head, especially the ones about your relationship with Steve.

You never questioned the dynamic before, no one has ever brought it up, but now you were clouded and fogged by worry.

A morning alone with him should feel domestic and happy, a small glimpse into what the future could hold if you chose that for yourselves.

Rain falling outside, both of you bundled up in your coziest clothes, your extra lazy boyfriend falling asleep slumped over the island with a hot cup of coffee, homemade cupcakes that were begging for some frosting.

People would kill for moments like these, and you couldn't even enjoy it through your racing heart and even faster mind. Your mom made you question your intentions with your sweet boy with one single glance, and now you couldn't help but to feel like he deserved better all over again.

You should've been brave and stood up for yourself. You should've told her how you really felt, aired out all your dirty laundry, screamed it from the top of your lungs, but instead you mumbled and muttered and cried.

Brave, mighty, strong, none of those words seemed to suit you. Maybe this really wasn't the job for you, and that feeling of uncertainty you had the first few weeks here was more of a gut feeling you weren't cut out for this.

You mindlessly piped frosting onto the cupcakes and got halfway through the dozen before Steve's head popped up in realization and pouted.

"You're baking?" He asked.

"Mhm" you nodded quietly, eyes fixed on the cupcake you were working on.

"Not feeling very talkative?"

"Just a little tired, that's all." You tried to convince him you were okay as to not inconvenience him any more than you already have.

He didn't do much in response to that, and it made your heart sink. You fully convinced yourself that he had given up on you.

You officially annoyed him and pushed jokes too far while you were drunk last night, you shouldn't have let Bucky hug you the way he did, maybe you should've found a different color dress that matched your complexion a little better.

"Oh my god!" You squeaked in surprise when you were lifted up and placed sat on the counter. "What the heck, man?!"

Piping bag still in hand, cupcakes pushed out of the way, Steve stood between your legs. You didn't even notice him get up or hear him coming.

"I love you, do you not understand that?" Steve questioned with all the seriousness in the world dropping from his tone.

"I'm confused" You cocked your head to the side.

He took the bag of frosting out of your hand and placed it on the counter. "You only bake when you're sad. I can tell your mind is running away from you, and you're shutting me out."

"I didn't mean to shut you out" you admitted sadly, your gut already telling you what's coming.

"You don't have to lie to me and say that you're tired instead of saying what's actually wrong. You know I can tell the difference."

"I'm sorry, I- it's just tha-" you scrambled to try and explain what what going on in your head. "I'm trying to process. That's all."

"You still won't even look at me." Steve told you, coming your hair through his fingers. "Why?"

You made it a point to look at his face, and all you saw was golden honey, the sweet angel who you've grown to love with all your heart.

You sighed and slumped.

"You can tell me the truth" he reminded you sweetly.

"My mom takes my self esteem and crushes it into tiny little pieces" You let the words leave your mouth. "Right now, I'm trying to convince myself that everything my brain is telling me is a lie and that I deserve to be here with you."

"Look at me" He grabbed hold of your chin between his thumb and pointer finger to direct your head back up. When you looked him in the eyes, he continued speaking. "I love you. All of you. Everything about you. If you need me to say that a billion times to believe it, I'll do it."

"Do you want a cupcake?" You offered, picking up a frosted one off the counter.

"I love you"

"There's no sprinkles yet but I can put some one really quick"

"I love you"

"It's vanilla cake with american buttercream" you started unwrapping it.

"I love you"

"I know you like cream cheese frosting but we were out of cream cheese so this was the best I could do."

"I love you"

"Steve" You complained.

"Hmm?" His hand rubbed your thigh while the other remained on your back.

"Will you please eat this cupcake before I lose my mind?" You pleated.

He took it from your hands and put it to your mouth prompting to take a bite first, and once you did he took one too.

"Oh my god" he thew his head back. "So fucking good. Another reason why I love you so much."

"Steve"

"What?"

"I love you" You told him.

"I know you do" He set the other half of the cupcake down, taking note that he would definitely finish it later. "Quite honestly, I'm a little offended that you don't know that I love you. Means I'm not doing my job right."

"I know you do, you're doing your job very well." You told him, he pulled you forward so he could touch just a little more of you.

"But?" He raised an eyebrow.

"But... how I'm feeling right now is not your fault. You shouldn't feel a responsibility to fix it. I'll be okay, I just need some time."

"Can I have more frosting please?" Steve asked politely.

Too wrapped up in your own mind to verbally respond, you grabbed the piping bag next to you, and squeezed some onto his finger that he had held out and waiting.

He quickly smeared the frosting onto the tip of your nose before his cheeks turned pink and a laugh escaped.

"Oh you suck" You but the inside of your cheek to try and contain the smile you didn't want him to know you had. "Jokes on you, you didn't even get to eat anymore frosting. Let me help you out with that"

You squeezed the bag as hard as you could over his lips, he turned his head to try and get away but it ended up smearing all the way up the left side of his cheek.

His mouth hung open for a moment in surprise before swiping it off his face and into his mouth.

"Just as delicious when I eat it off my face" He stated, then boldly licked it off the tip of your nose. "And yours"

"You're crazy" You said while wiping your nose with the back of your hand with joy that seemed to be breaking through the thick barrier of sadness. "And still so handsome, even with frosting face"

"Yeah?" A lopsided smile poked through.

"Yeah"

Steve grabbed the sides of your face before going in for a steady kiss, lengthy and impassioned. Just his lips alone were telling you everything you needed to know, like he was speaking to you through through physical touch. Just when you started to feel like you needed to catch your breath, he pulled away and let his forehead settle on yours.

"However you feel, however she makes you feel is not your fault." He whispered against your lips. "But what I'm never going to let her do is dictate the way you feel about yourself, and let her get into your head about the way I feel about you."

In a moment of lust and desperation to not have to process the hard emotions that came with the words he was speaking to you, you initiated another buttercream flavored kiss. Vanilla and sugar tasted oh so sweet on his tongue as his hands traveled down to your hips. Once again, the unfortunate human need to breath to survive got in the way of your plans to shut him up.

"I've never doubted your ability to keep up. You are your own toughest critic. I've never met anyone more capable of being here and being mine." He continued, planting a few quick pecks to your silky smooth lips. "I thank the universe for you every day, and I love you."

"Damn it, Steve." You dramatically flailed your arms before running your hands up his back. "How do you always know what to say and do to make any situation better? How are you this perfect?"

It started becoming a little hard to speak between kisses, and even though you were now glued to his front and latched onto him like a koala, you still couldn't seem to get close enough.

"I just thi-"

"Will you stop for a second and just keep kissing me?" You spoke against his lips. "I can't get enough of you."

"Yes ma'am" He nodded with shades of pink quickly stippling across his cheeks before following strict orders.

Passing time was a concept that completely dissipated as the two of you entangled yourself. Seconds, minutes, hours, none of it mattered. Not when your mouths tasted like cupcakes and your bodies were so warm to contrast the winter rain hitting the windows.

Your hands were never shy to roam and dance around his incredible body, you loved gliding your hands over all the smooth bumps and ridges of muscle. As you snuck your hands up the back of his hoodie, they found their rightful place on his shoulder blades. He physically shivered and you could feel goosebumps raise on his skin causing both of you to giggle into each others kiss.

"You know the good part of the whole team being gone is that we get to eat all the cupcakes by ourselves" Steve spoke again now that he found a natural break in the heat of the moment.

"I'm sure you'll have no issue accomplishing that" You agreed with him.

"And you know the other good part of the whole team being gone?"

"Hmm?" You questioned.

"I get to take my time with you." He kissed the very corner of you jaw right under your ear. "Savor every square inch of you" working his way down your neck, he made it to your collar bones. "You get to be as loud as you need, and I get to take you right here, right now."

His words got you worked up embarrassingly fast. The crimson headache flooded all of your logical reasoning, and every single part of your body was aching to get him closer, take him deeper, crawl into him. It was intoxicating.

"People eat on this counter, baby" You tried reasoning with him, though you were a little more than excited for what was about to come.

"I'll clean it" He pulled your sweater over your head just to be visibly annoyed by your tank top underneath. Attaching your mouths in a steamy kiss dialed up a thousand degrees, more worry filled your head.

"The cameras" You wined feeling like there were too many obstacles in the way. "What if someone hears us?"

He had never been this risky or adventurous before, it had your head spinning and your center throbbing with need. "Friday" Steve called out to the artificial intelligence controlling the building while working off his own sweatshirt.

"How may I assist you, Captain?" She responded just as he got it over his head and tossed it on the floor.

"Turn on private sector soundproofing, and turn off visual and audio recording" He had to practically pry you off of him as you started making advances on him, your hands wandered down the front of his stomach while you kissed his shoulders in attempts to get his pants off.

He caught your wrists in his hands and shook his head before attaching your lips together hungrily as Friday assisted in the necessary steps before the two of you could shed more layers.

"Request complete."

"This isn't about me, so don't even try it." He informed you, voice husky with arousal. "I want you to feel how loved you are, so all I want you to do is relax, feel good, and take it. Okay?"

"That seems a little unfa-" He cut you off by attaching your lips and grabbing the bottom of you tank top to pull over your head.

"Okay?" He asked again once you were in sweatpants and a bra. It was less of a question and more of a demand.

"Okay" You released a shaky breath and a semi-nervous nod.

No matter how many times you found yourself in this position with him, you never found yourself to be less nervous about it. He always made you feel comfortable, cared for and so so good, but he was just so incredibly beautiful and commanding.

It was like ravenous butterflies exploding out of your stomach, and flooding upwards into your racing heart, tingly lips, swarming in your brain. Just looking at his blown out pupils and fast breathing made you feel needy and restless until you got exactly what your body needed.

He pulled your body closer once more, kissing you as one hand unhooked the back of your bra and the other held the back of you head steady. You shrugged it off and he tossed it onto the floor.

Steve couldn't help the satisfaction as you began to take off your own pants for him, so quick to trust him and allow him to make you feel good that you did the work to get him exactly where you needed him as fast as you could. All while his hands massaged your boobs, nipples between his thumb and forefingers, and his lips sucked and nipped at the sensitive skin on your neck that always left you whimpering.

"You looked so beautiful last night" he stated as his hands made their way to your hips, they squeezed gently before they removed the last remaining piece of fabric from your body leaving you completely bare for him. "I thought, wow how could anything be more beautiful than my girl right now? Then I woke up and saw you, and somehow I'm having those same thoughts all over again."

He kissed slowly down your body while pulling you forward to the very edge of the counter, and just as his lips made it to your lower belly, he stood back up and kissed your lips. He used his own body to encourage you to lay back onto your elbows as his hands massaged you thighs, they squeezed and moved in appreciation, celebrating how strong and soft they were. A risky movement occasionally sent a finger too close to where you needed him, and when his mouth attached to you right nipple, you almost saw stars.

Steve pulled his favorite sound out of you, tiny whimpers traveled from your throat, into his ears and right to his dick. Pleasuring you was his greatest form of gratification, nothing made him harder more than knowing you felt good.

"Baby" You complained, obvious need dripping from your voice.

"What's wrong, honey?" He pouted at your whine, almost mocking you.

"You're such a tease"

"We've got all day" He devilishly grinned, more fingers grazing your center. "So much time"

You felt so needy, throbbing beyond comprehension you couldn't even help yourself. You needed something, anything. "Please" you begged.

"How would you like me to please you?" He asked, just the idea of getting to choose made you let out a little noise.

Steve knew that you were completely oblivious to the way your hips were subtly rocking back and forth to try any feel anything at all, your thighs squeezed together to try and create friction. He wasn't having that, so he spread your legs apart and stood between them again so you physically couldn't close them.

"Something, anything" Your head spun.

"I just love you so much that I want to kiss every inch of you." He justified his actions. Holding onto your wrist, he kissed all the way down your upper arm to the back of your hand. Grabbing the piping bag once more, he squeezed frosting onto your two dominant fingers before shoving them into his mouth to lick it off and letting them linger while he coated them the best he could. You were speechless and so turned on that you we're convinced the pressure in your pussy would make you explode if you didn’t do anything about it soon.

"I want you to love yourself as much as I love you" He popped your fingers out of his mouth and guided your hand downward, making you touch yourself. "And since you're feeling too desperate to let me warship you the way that I want, you're going to practice some self love."

You couldn't even control yourself as you ran your fingers through your folds before adding pressure and drawing little circles around your overly sensitive clit. Letting out a moan, you couldn't believe how good you felt. All of this behavior was so new to Steve, it was naughtier and dirtier than your very private and vanilla prince ever let on. The whole scenario added to your pleasure as your mind ran laps around how hot it was.

"There you go" he sighed, finally feeling like you could both have exactly what you wanted.

Usually you'd feel a little self conscious under anyone's watchful eye, let-alone someone who looked like Steve, but his eyes were telling you that he wanted to devour you whole.

More moans continued to slip out past your mouth as you pleasured yourself in front of him, and he massaged, nipped and sucked anywhere he could get access to.

"How does that feel, princess?" He questioned, kissing you before you even got the chance to answer. "You making yourself feel good?"

"Mhm" You moaned out something close to a response.

"You look so pretty like this" He spoke into the shell of your ear. "Is this what you do when we're away from each other?"

"Yeah" you squeaked. “Miss you too much when you’re gone”

"When you send me all those naughty pictures when you know damn well there's nothing I can do to help myself?" He teased. "It's even more beautiful in person- watching you get off and I'm not even doing anything to help."

"Steve, please" You moaned, his words carried you a lot further than you'd like to admit.

"Nuhuh. Nope" He denied. "I'm not even going to think about touching your pussy until you give yourself all the love you need. Make yourself cum, then I'll consider."

New mission in mind, you started working towards your goal. Slipping in two fingers, one after the other while continuing to play with your bud made that fire in your belly burn even brighter.

Steve could tell you were getting closer, all he could do was prey that you'd climax soon because he's never wanted to please someone more than in this moment. You just looked so helpless, but that was something you'd have to get through all on your own.

"Besides, I'm enjoying the show a little too much to put an end to it yet." He smiled.

Although he was putting on a front, he wasn't a complete asshole and he still wanted you to feel his love stemming through every moment your bare skin was under his hands, so he continued to play with your nipples to deliver as much gratification as he could without touching you where he vowed not to.

More moans flowed and each one was louder and more worked up than the next, that pressure kept building and that fire kept burning hotter and hotter but it never snapped.

Thoroughly frustrated, you babbled out what you think was along the lines of "ugh,baby, I can't. I can't- please"

"Yes you can" Steve reassured you. "Come on, sweetheart, make yourself cum."

You thrusted your fingers in and out of your hole a little faster, rubbed your clit a little harder, and felt all the more frustrated.

"You make such pretty sounds, my love." He cooed in your ear. "We've got so much time, why do you want to cum so fast? Hmm?"

"I want you to fuck me" You cried out.

"Wow, all this just for me?" He asked. "Can't even imagine how pretty you'll sound when I finally touch you."

The pressure built and built...

"I've never wanted to make love to you more than I do right here, right now. Cum for me, let me make you feel good honey." He whispered.

His lips met yours once more then...

Snap.

You gasped and moaned a little louder than usual, Steve smiled against you.

"There she is!" He exclaimed proudly as you painted and tried to catch your breath. "How was that?"

"So dirty." You finally giggled, feeling a million pounds lighter with release. “I love it when you’re naughty like this.”

“You left me no choice” Steve tucked your hair behind your ear. “Are you feeling okay?”

“Oh, I feel great” You nodded with a tired attempt at a smile.

“Yeah? You wanna keep going?” He questioned searching for a genuine response. “This is all about you, my love.”

His genuine concern for your well-being during sex always made you want him even more.

“Please.” You nodded before reaching your hands around his neck and pulling his bare torso against you and attaching your lips. All you wanted in that moment was to feel his skin on yours.

“Need a break?” He offered.

“Steve”

“I love the way you say my name” He admitted, kissing your nose.

“Will you please just fuck me?”

“I will” He reassured you. “…eventually.”

You closed your eyes and accepted that you would get what you wanted with time.

“But for now, I have other plans.” He stood up to his full height, never allowing his hands to remain still against your skin. “Just relax”

“It’s a little hard to relax with you between my legs” You admitted.

“That sounds like a personal problem” he stated before sinking to his knees, and his hands finally making it to your pussy. His thumb very gently started working your clit again until he felt like you were ready to take his fingers. After sliding one in and curving it slightly upwards, your beautiful sounds came back to warm his soul. “Poor baby, you’re so wet.”

“Wonder how that happened” You sassed, eyes remaining closed to try and allow yourself to actually relax and concentrate on the sensation he was providing to your body.

With no warning, his thumb disappeared and was replaced by his mouth. His tongue explored for a few moments before his lips attached and started sucking and licking your bud.

It pulled a heavenly moan and you rocked your hips before falling back onto your elbows, your fingers lacing in his hair. Steve’s head popped up in a small moment of concern.

"Sorry, did I hurt you?” He asked, hands roaming the curves of your hips.

“God no- that felt so good” You shook your head, opening your eyes to look at him. “Keep going.”

“Okay, let me know if something hurts” He said, you knew he was always scared of not knowing his own strength accidentally hurting you. This conversation happened a minimum of once per every sexual interaction you two had.

"Darling... I'm not made of sugar" You reassured, caressing his head in your hands.

"You sure do taste like it" He retorted before attaching his mouth again.

His mouth was so warm creating a lovely contrast between the cold marble counter you laid on and his fingers made good work of that spongy spot inside your hole that he loved to call his best friend.

“Holy shit” You gasped, trying to bring back lost air from your lungs. “Oh fuck, yes, right there, keep going” you exclaimed as his mouth deliciously worked your clit in tandem with his fingers. That fire came back and burned bright with a vengeance.

You tried your hardest to keep your hips still, but the feeling was so overwhelming you couldn’t even control your movements.

Steve loved it when you started riding his face because he knew he was doing his job right. He was rewarded with your fluttering walls gripping onto his fingers, you dripped down his chin and coated his mouth deliciously.

“C-an you even breatmmmmm holy fuck” You cried out.

Quite honestly, he could’ve cum in his pants just from the noises you made alone. If he wasn’t so entranced by the taste of you on his tongue, and focused on making your mind think of nothing but him and his mouth he would’ve told you that he didn’t need to breathe, and that he could always catch his breath after he died of suffocation.

If that’s how he left this world, he would have gone a happy man.

“Right there, right there” You moaned out, completely unsure of how he even knew how to make you feel this good in the first place. “Just like that”

Since he was a smart man, he kept doing exactly what he was doing. His mouth continued licking and sucking as his fingers remained at the same pace.

As you panted and babbled out words and sounds that no longer made sense, he couldn’t help but to focus on the way you tightened around his fingers. You were so warm and wet his cock was twitching desperately in his pants, impatiently waiting for its own turn to please you.

Apparently, his mind ran so far away from him that he didn’t even notice the way you shuttered and bucked your hips right before your second orgasm crashed over you so hard that your legs shook and you couldn’t even squeak out a sound if you tried.

It pulled his mind right back to you, and he continued the motions with his tongue, licking up every last drop until your head lulled to the side and your body went limp.

You managed to produce a few pathetic whimpers as he continued going, it was becoming a little too sensitive to bare so grabbed his face and pulled him up. “Okay, okay, holy shit”

“Wanna taste?” He asked before hungrily attaching your lips.

It was intoxicating what he did to you. Your body felt limp and spent as if you could sleep for two weeks without a single care, yet when he attached his soggy face to yours and the taste of buttercream was replaced with your own essence, you found the energy to sit yourself up and kiss him until you were the one suffocating.

You reached for the band of his sweatpants, and he was two steps ahead of you trying to kick them off without having to remove his grip on your body.

Pulling them down for him, he was able to step out of them while keeping his mind and body focused on making out with you. You did the same with his boxers, and when his dick sprang free all you wanted was to take it into you hands.

It was his turn to gasp as you reached between your bodies to stroke him. He was hard as a rock, already twitching and leaking out in anticipation.

Just looking at it had you gushing all over again, completely unable to grasp how you could possibly be the one making him so pathetically hard without a single touch.

“Do you see what you do to me?” He questioned, taking himself into his own hand and pumping while you spread your legs in anticipation.

You nodded and gulped down a mouthful of drool, just wishing he would let you taste it but you knew that wouldn’t slide in this very moment. “Please, let me feel you.” Your arms found their way around his neck.

“You sure?” He checked in one last time just to make sure.

“Are you going to make me do it myself?” You asked desperately, only moments away from sticking it in for him.

“I’m all yours” He told you before stepping towards you one last time to close any distance, then slowly slid in the tip.

Watching your face warp with pleasure was the most beautiful sight and it gave him the butterflies every single time. As he kept slowly pushing his length into you, it felt better than a physical connection. It was always more than that.

It felt like intertwining your souls, becoming one being together. And when he was fully sheathed, he never failed to be incredibly loved by you. You gave him so much of yourself, so much of your body, so much of your trust that he felt a responsibility to do the only thing he could- make you feel just as loved in return.

No matter how hard he had to fight the urge to move, he always waited until you moved first. His eyes squeezed shut and his mouth parted as you gave him the physical green light to start rocking his hips.

He started slow until he could feel your body relax around him, then he thrusted faster. “There you go, you’re taking me so well Honey”

You felt absolutely ethereal, letting go of every single thought that wasn’t Steve in that very moment.

As he continued to thrust into you, he laid you back util you were fully laying on the counter with your legs crossed around his back. He leaned over you and cradled his hands under your head to hold you close and make sure you were comfortable.

He kissed you passionately, sweeter than sugar as your hand roamed his back and the other squeezed the back of his neck.

You moaned into each other’s mouths as he found that sweet spot inside of you once more, and your mind went completely numb. He detached your lips but kept his face close to maintain eye contact.

“You’re absolutely decadent, my sweet Angel” he panted, and although his thrusts were slower than his normal pace, it felt overwhelmingly good. He was conveying his message perfectly, this was nothing but making love. “Nobody could ever make me feel the way you do, you know that?”

He continued hitting your sweet spot over and over again, making your eyes squeeze shut and your waist curve up off the counter.

“Open your eyes, sweetie, let me see your face”

You listened to his words, and he smiled when he saw your eyes again. His face was full of pleasure, and the thought of him feeling just as good as you were made your walls squeeze tightly around him.

“Holy shit, baby.” His head dropped into the crook of your neck as he savored your warmth, but it quickly popped back up again to look at you. “I love you so fucking much”

“I love you too” You moaned, running your fingers through his messy hair.

His thrusts turned into deep, long strokes that had you seeing stars.

“Oh my god, oh my- jesus” you gasped, fluttering around him.

“You feel so fucking good” he cried out. “Only you. You are the only one who could ever make me feel like this. Do you understand how incredible you are?”

You whimpered some more, holding onto him for dear life, “Steve-“

“I know, baby.” He kissed you, and when he attached his lips to your mouth he felt you fluttering even more.

So, he kept kissing you and trying to hang onto the pressure building in his own stomach as his balls twitched with every thrust.

You two stayed like that for a while, holding each other in your arms, kissing until you couldn’t breath, basking in the pleasure of each others bodies while he tried to fuck the very concept of your own greatness into your hard head.

Nothing but the sounds of moans, breathing, and skin slapping filled the room while you opened your eyes and looked up at him again.

Your heart skipped a beat or two as the realization of what he’s been trying to tell you finally sank in. Tears filled your eyes as you really looked at his sweet face, and his love clouded all of your senses.

You looked deeply into his blue eyes that held nothing but admiration for you, they were turned slightly upwards, desperate to make sure you understood the gravity of his true feelings. He touched your body in all the right places to make you feel all the right things, but at the same time he touched your heart and connected your souls. You could hear verbal affirmation of your effects on him. Heavy breathing, heavenly moans, and constant declarations of love. He genuinely meant and believed in every single one of them. The smell of his fresh cologne and your bodies mingling filled your nose, with the occasional whiff of vanilla cupcakes. But you were okay with that, vanilla always reminded you of him. When you tasted the product of your sacred love on his lips, it all seemed to make sense. You loved him, and he loved you back.

It really was that pure. It really was that simple.

So when there was physical evidence that you finally understood his point, and you made love to him so decadently, the efforts of his love washed over you once again.

A big physical release, along with a big mental release of all the self doubt you had been harboring since the moment you met him in that hallway.

His love spilled into you as the euphoria set in your brain, and you held him as close as you could. Sitting up as his movements became still, your arms locked him in tight, and your face shoved into the crook of his neck.

He left little kisses on your shoulder as he pulled out. He could’ve been speaking words to you, but you didn’t hear them. All you cared about was soaking in this moment.

Especially when he picked you up in his strong arms and you wrapped around him like a koala. He brought you into his room and got the two of you snuggled up in his bed for maximum comfort.

He could always clean the two of you up later, and the clothes on the kitchen floor weren’t going to run away if he didn’t immediately retrieve them, but right now was a moment that needed to be savored.

The two of you caught your breath together amongst the soft blankets against your bare skin.

Your arms squeezed him nice and tight before your body went limp against him. Snuggled up to his side with your head on his shoulder, legs tangled, your hand on his chest and his hand playing with your hair.

You intertwined your free hands, they rested comfortably on his stomach and your eyes focused on the matching friendship bracelets that have seen better days.

With no one around, and nothing but a head massage to occupy your mind, you finally felt like you knew where you belonged.

It was a place where you didn’t have to change yourself as a defense mechanism like a chameleon.

You didn’t have to put yourself under so much pressure that you shifted into something completely different like carbon into a diamond.

You didn’t need to save the world and all the people in it to prove your worth.

You were already worthy.

You belonged with Steve.

“I love you” You told him sleepily and spent.

“I love you too” You mumbled back, kissing the top of your head.

He smiled knowing that this time, you genuinely believed him.

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onceuponastory · 1 year

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home for christmas - bucky barnes x reader

Plot: When it doesn’t look like Bucky will make it home in time for Christmas, he promises to make it up to Y/N. Pairing: TFATWS Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader Warnings: A few small mentions of Bucky’s past, but other than that it’s just sickly sweet fluff. But, as always, if I miss any triggers, please let me know. Notes: This was written as part of a Secret Santa fic exchange for the Thot Neighbourhood discord server. I drew @breakablebarnes, TFATWS Bucky, the dialogue prompt: “But I’ve been such a good girl” and the festive device of some hot cocoa. I hope you like your fic!

Not beta’d, so all mistakes are my own. Thank you to @thesundrop / @astartothemoon for my divider!

“Come on Bucky, are you sure you can’t?”

“Yes.”

“It’s just-”

“I know. But I’m sorry Y/N, no. I can’t. We’re under pretty strict orders here.” He sighs, and Y/N can just picture the look of disappointment on his face. No doubt his mirrors hers perfectly.

“But I’ve been such a good girl!” Y/N exclaims. Her words make Bucky stop before he can even think of a comeback, and Y/N regrets her word choice right away. “Okay, maybe that one was too much. Seriously though, you’ve been working really hard these past few months, and it’s almost Christmas. Are you sure you can’t be home sooner? I don’t want you overworking yourself.” A sigh sounds on the other end of the phone. However, it’s not an angry or frustrated sigh. It’s a disappointed one. One that makes Y/N feel guilty.

She honestly doesn’t mean to pester him so much. After all, she knows Bucky is trying his best to get Tony to change his mind and let them go home early. And of course, she knows that Bucky’s work as an Avenger is incredibly important, far more than her job could ever be. She’s so proud of him for going out and saving the world, the same world that only a few decades ago treated him so horribly. Now, he can show everyone he’s the hero that she knew he always was, and prove that his past doesn’t define him.

Still though, Y/N doesn’t want him overexerting himself to prove that he’s worthy of everyone’s forgiveness. The missions have been getting longer, and she’s often received text messages from Bucky all hours of the night, making her even more worried about her boyfriend’s sleep levels. Even though he pretends to be strong, she can tell how tired he is, and see how his past still affects him. Bucky’s the kindest, bravest soul she knows, and she just wishes he believed in himself more, and saw himself as the person she knows he is. Someone kind and loving, despite everything that he’s been through. In her mind, he doesn’t need a thousand missions under his belt to prove that he’s a hero. But until then, she’ll tell him what a wonderful person he is as much as she can.

If worrying about Bucky’s health wasn’t enough for her, this mission seems like it’s been going on forever. She misses not having him around, having him sleeping next to her and having his smiling face as the first thing she sees when she wakes up and the last thing she sees before she falls asleep. Especially now, in the run up to the festive period, it’s torture to be so far away from Bucky. Honestly, it feels like he’s barely home nowadays. Sure, as the girlfriend of an Avenger she knows that she signed up for this life…but that doesn’t mean that she can’t hate it.

“I’m sorry Y/N, but I can’t. Tony says we’ve still got some work to do here, so it’ll still be a few weeks before we can go home.” Her heart sinks, and she feels her entire body slump in disappointment. “I know. I hate it too.” Bucky says, as if he can feel her pain through the phone. He’s good at that: noticing that something is wrong with her and providing love and support before she even knows something is wrong. To her, that’s even more proof of what a good person Bucky Barnes is, and it shows he was never the monster HYDRA made him to be. And it also makes her love and miss him even more. “You know, I’ve been talking about you so much that I think Sam and Steve are going crazy.” She giggles at that, and Bucky does too. “God, I miss that noise so much. I miss you so much.”

“I miss you too.”

“You’re my favourite person in the world. Don’t you ever forget that.”

“Like I could ever forget. You say it to me every time we call.” She reminds him, sniffling a little. Despite how upset she is and how much she misses Bucky, Y/N curses a little at herself for crying. She’d never want Bucky to feel bad for not being able to come home sooner, or for him to think that she resents being with him. Because she loves Bucky Barnes more than anything in the world. A bit of distance won’t change that.

“Doesn’t stop it from being true, though.” She hears a noise on the other line, and Bucky sighs. “I better go. Tony’s shouting something, and you know what he’s like when he’s kept waiting. Don’t want a repeat of last year’s New Year’s Eve party.” He chuckles. The mention of the happy memory makes Y/N's heart sink as her yearning for Bucky deepens. She knows he’s trying to cheer her up and mask his own disappointment, but she also knows that both of them can tell it’s not working. They'd rather be laughing and making memories together here at home, rather than miles apart from each other. And she doesn’t even know when they’ll be able to do that again.

“I swear these phone calls get shorter every week.” She sighs.

“I know. If I can, I’ll call you tomorrow, okay? Love you.”

“Love you too.”

“I promise I’ll make it up to you.” He tells her before the call disconnects. And then, he’s gone. And once again, Y/N is alone.

A week later, Y/N comes home after another long day at work. The closer it gets to Christmas, she’s just as busy as Bucky. Bucky. Another pang hits her stomach at the thought of her boyfriend. Thankfully, they’ve spoken more on the phone since that call last week, and being so busy preoccupies her slightly. But that doesn’t mean she’s missing him any less. Christmas is almost a week away, and there’s still no word of when Bucky will be home. Hopefully, it’s sooner rather than later.

As she steps closer into her house, Y/N suddenly feels the hair on the back of her neck sticking up. Something seems off. When your boyfriend and most of your best friends are Avengers, you know a lot about personal safety and self defence. And that means that Y/N can tell immediately when someone’s been in her house. Her blood chilling, she steps closer into her hallway, rooting around in her bag for the panic alarm Tony gave her. She can almost hear Bucky’s voice in her head, telling her to just get out of the house and call for help. But when he left, she promised him she’d be brave, and there’s no better time to be brave than confronting an intruder on her own. As she nears her living room, Y/N’s heart is thumping so loudly it might break out of her chest. She takes a breath, expecting to see the room destroyed….

Yet, when she turns, Y/N sees the exact opposite. Her Christmas lights are all on, filling the room with a soft glow. Her fairy lights have also been strung up, adding even more light. An array of blankets, cushions and stuffed animals cover her couch. Everything looks so festive and cosy. Y/N walks into the room, her mouth dropping open in surprise. “How did-”

“Oh fuck. I wasn’t expecting you to be home yet.” The sound of a voice almost makes her scream…until she realises who it belongs to. Bucky. She drops everything, rushing into his arms without another word, almost knocking the pair off their feet. “Oof! Hey you!” Bucky chuckles, kissing her temple as he tightly wraps his arms around her.

“What are you doing here?” She asks, her voice muffled by Bucky’s shirt. “You said Tony wouldn’t let you go.”

“Turns out the mission finished earlier than expected, so he let us go home early after all. I thought I'd surprise you as an early Christmas present.” He explains, rubbing his hands across her back.

“I’m so glad to see you. I missed you so much.” She whispers.

“I missed you too.” They both hold each other close, grasping the other tightly. After so long spent apart, all they want is to keep each other close and to never let go. “That’s not the only surprise, though.” Bucky admits. Y/N frowns.

“There’s more? Buck, you didn’t have to. Having you home for Christmas is all I ever wanted.”

“I know. But you’re my best girl, and I promised I’d make it up to you, didn’t I?” He asks, and she nods. She swears she’s the luckiest girl in the world to have Bucky in her life. He loves her so much, and he’s so giving. “We’re going to spend the night watching all your favourite festive movies. So you go sit down, and I’ll be right back.” He orders, kissing her cheek. A few minutes later, Bucky comes back holding a tray with two mugs and a big bowl of popcorn. Sitting down, he passes over a mug, and Y/N takes a sip. As soon as she tastes the warm cocoa with whipped cream and marshmallows, she moans happily. The noise makes Bucky burst into laughter, and despite how much she wants to tell him to shove off for laughing at her, the sound makes her insides go all warm and gooey. Despite being called the Winter Soldier and the grumpy front he puts up in front of most people…Bucky is like sunshine personified more often than he likes to think he is. Or, at least he’s like sunshine to her. And maybe that’s all that matters.

As Bucky wraps one of the many blankets around them, his hand finds hers underneath it, and he gives it a squeeze. “Merry Christmas Y/N. I love you.” He whispers, smiling. Instead of replying with words at first, Y/N kisses him. The kiss is soft at first, but deepens as all the pair’s longing for each other is released. Bucky’s tongue slips between her lips, and the flavours of chocolate, cream and marshmallows dance across their tongues as his stubble brushes against her chin. The kiss is perfect, like a wish come true. And this one is well worth the wait. It’s so good to finally have him home.

“I love you too.” She whispers. “So much.”

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#Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes x reader #breakablebarnes #tis the season to be thot-y #bucky barnes oneshot #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fic #bucky x Female Reader #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky fanfic #tfatws bucky #the thot neighbourhood

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pauking5 · 5 months

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Addicting Taste Chapter 7

Synopsis: Enishi Yukishiro was on a mission to execute his piece de la resistance. A plan to avenge his beloved sister. Until you showed up. Will you be a part of his downfall or will you try to save him?

Pairing: Enishi Yukishiro x reader

Genre: strangers to lovers, sunshine and sunshine protector, comedic relief, angst, slow burn, some fluff

Word count: 11.4k+

A/N: This chapter is probably the bane of my existence. All I'm going to say is that it's one of my favorites and I am so proud of it. I hope Enishi figures his feelings out sooner or later. Hope you like it. Enjoy lovelies, Paula.

Now Playing: run for the hills by Tate McRae

Anger, fear and pain.

That was all you could feel as you laid on the floor in front of your bed. They had a boxing match in your head, throwing different thoughts into the middle of the ring to see which one had the most impact and could come up on top to win.

The anger argued that you had every right to go back in the basement and rip the man's head off. To pull out his guts with your bare hands as he would watch in horror. But that was Barairo talking. That wasn't you. She yelled at you to let her out the minute you laid your hands on his collar to show him just as psychopathic you could get. You tried to keep her away as much as you could but the second your eyes laid on your mom's necklace around his neck you wanted to throw the door to her prison cell open wide and let her devour everything in her sight.

And you almost did. If it wasn't for Enishi's hand latching around your hand to ground you and bring back to earth. Your eyes found his, pleading for destruction only to get refused by a wary shake of his head. You suddenly felt self-conscious as you registered that all the eyes in the room were directed at you with a mix of confusion and pity, the feeling you hated the most in the world because that was the only thing present in people's eyes every time they looked at you. Whether it was begging for food on the street or fighting in the rings, it was always there, reminding you that you had no safe place to call yours in the world anymore. That everything you knew was gone and you only had yourself to blame.

The fear insisted that it was all because you couldn't do more to prevent any of this happening. Your parents disappearing. The massacre written in the walls of the place you called home. Not being able to finish the job when you had the chance at your feet. All because you were scared and weak. You couldn't fight for them just like you couldn't fight for yourself back there on the hill when Enishi had to step in and save you. Or back at the casino where you almost got injured fatally because you couldn't pay attention to the world around you.

You tried to put on your bravest front when you trained with him, masking all of that fear even when you felt insecure about your lack of skills. You tried your hardest in training, but whenever you went one step forwards, you would fall four steps behind when it came to the real thing. It was the fear that made you run away, trying to hide yourself away in hopes no one could find you. Even if it meant hiding yourself in the depths of your soul.

In the end, the pain was the only one that could win the fight. It was the only thing you felt as you laid on the cold wooden floors staring at the ceiling day and night, clasping your mother's necklace close to your chest. Time stopped for you in that basement. The hands on the clock ceased their ticking as you drowned the sound out with your cries or your fits of rage directed at things in the room. that would end up all over the floor. The jungle of thoughts in your head was making you lose yourself and the only thing keeping you from spiralling was the hope that you would hear something about your mom.

I need you, mom. I don't know what to do without you. Please come back to me. Please tell me what to do to find you.

You couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't train. You couldn't function at all. These thoughts seemed to be the only ones keeping you sane enough in the confines of your room.

The only times you did leave your room was to knock on Enishi's office door to ask if he had any new information about your mother, be it any small speck of a lead on her whereabouts, her state or if your father was alive too. But the answer was the same each time.

He won't talk.

Enishi hated the way you looked more broken each time you came by. He tried to get you out of your room. He would bring you food and leave it outside of your door at lunch only to find it still there by dinner. He tried to get you to train but you refused to even hear it. The light in your eyes dimmed the more you stayed locked in your room and he was running out of ideas to get the you he knew back.

He tried to make that son of a bitch talk but he just wouldn't budge, no matter what torture techniques he tried with him. He wanted to have something to give you whenever you came around to keep you with him longer but every time he tried changing the subject you would run away back to your room.

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After two days of moping around in your room you finally decided to start training again. You needed to get better if you wanted to find your parents any time soon and strengthening your skills was the starting point.

Enishi saw your determination as you pulled him out of his office to train with you at random hours of the day or night. But he also saw that you were pushing yourself way too much. You wanted to get better but he wouldn't sit there and watch you hurt yourself like that willingly. So, whenever he refused training with you it was for the sake that you would take a break yourself. But you kept going. Whether it was raining or it was too cold to be outside you were there practicing with the sword until you got it right.

Last night it was raining heavily, the garden grounds turning to sloshy mud. But the storm inside of your heart was louder and more menacing than any rain mother nature could bring. Your clothes were soaked and stuck to you uncomfortably, hair wet like you just took a bath. With a solid grip on your sword you practiced thrusting until that one attack came out perfectly. You did it over and over, until the mud around you made it harder to continue.

-------

Waking up this morning was pure agony. You got a few hours of sleep from exhausting yourself enough to feel like you could fall asleep peacefully. It felt like the room was caving in on you and all you wanted to do was beg whatever force put you on this earth to take you back and leave you there if it meant that the throbbing in your body could stop, even for a little while. But you had to get up and go back to training because Enishi finally agreed to train with you again. It took a lot of convincing to get back to it together so you couldn't kick it away just because you didn't feel 100%.

The duvet around you was doing little to keep the warmth in as the room felt way too cold for your liking. You got out of bed with a groan, all of your muscles aching as you trudged to the bathroom with slow steps. Stopping in front of the mirror you took a look at yourself. If this was a zombie movie you would have gotten the lead role. The dark circles around your eyes looked like a raccoon's, a dark contrast to the paleness of your face. It scared you to look at yourself and the hollowness that consumed the light in your eyes.

You shook your head and turned on the tap, slapping some cold water on your face to make yourself look more alive. Your cheeks were weirdly warm under your cold palms but you brushed it off to be due to the sudden temperature change in the weather. With a bit of a struggle you managed to change out of your clothes and stepped outside of your messy room, making a mental note to clean it up after training.

You thought of stopping by the kitchen to put something in your system but you decided against it as you didn't really have an appetite. You drank some water but the liquid seemed to do more damage than aid your dry throat. Placing down the half drank glass of water in the sink you headed towards the garden. Opening the doors, you felt your lungs struggling to breathe in the chilly air.

Enishi was already there swinging around his sword to warm up. Sensing your presence behind him he turned around to you and scanned you quickly. He hasn't seen you in days and he could tell that something felt off about you today. Your shoulders were slumped over like you were in pain. Your eyes looked sunken in, worse than they were the last time he saw you. Not to mention that your normally rosy cheeks looked awfully pale for you to be anywhere near okay. Even your steps seemed slower. They weren't like your usual anxiety soaked steps whenever you came to train, but they were different. He wanted to ask you if you were doing okay but you beat him to it and changed the subject.

“Let’s-“ you started talking but your scratchy voice stopped you. Clearing your throat you tried that again trying to sound more convincing so you wouldn't raise any suspicions about your state.

“Let’s get this over with,” you said as you put on a fake smile. He took one more look at you and shook his head, moving to his place. He thought you would tell him if something was wrong but seeing as you were so hellbent on training he didn't prod any further.

He knew you practiced one move the most these days. A slash across the diagonal, good in any close combat. He wanted to see how you would use it against an opponent so you started sparring. He came at you slow at first to ease you back into training with another person. But the more you sparred he saw you were back to dodging his moves instead of attacking him. It confused him that you kept stepping back every time he came closer.

“You’re supposed to attack,” he said as a matter of fact.

“I know. I’m just trying to figure out a scheme of attack,” you lied.

You could barely keep yourself upright, legs feeling like lead every time you took a step. Dodging his hits took less energy than attacking him, but it still made you sweat more than you normally do during training. A fever was taking a hold of you and that was bad news. You didn’t know how much longer you could hide your predicament before he would take notice and bench you for an undetermined period and you didn't want that. But the sparring got to a point where it was way too intense, the cold air around you changing to an unbearable heatwave. Enishi continued to charge at you and you barely caught most of his hits. You felt like you were going to pass out if you didn't take a break.

One misplaced balance of your sword and Enishi was quick to notice something was wrong from the way you faltered when he swung from a closer distance. You took longer to lift the blade and tired out too easily when blocking his own. So he stepped back from you and put down his sword. You stopped and looked at him confused, hoping your body didn't give away too much about how shitty you were feeling. Straightening your back to look more stable than you felt inside at the moment, you tried to get your rapid breaths under control.

“Why are we stopping?” you panted.

Getting air in was a pain as less and less usable air travelled inside of your chest.

“You don’t feel well do you?” he asked, fixing you with his eyes in case you decided to lie to his face.

“I’m fine,” you said through gritted teeth. “I just want to get this move perfectly.”

He tilted his head at you looking for any signs you were lying and was surprised that he couldn't find any because it did seem like you were. He got pretty good at reading you in the month you already spent together and knew when to call it quits in annoying you or when you were overthinking. But right now it was hard to figure out what was going on in that head of yours. Your body looked ready to give out but your eyes were piercing through him telling him you were just too focused. He seemed to buy your doughnuts for now but he still looked a little worried.

“Are you sure you don’t want to take a break?”

“I’m sure.”

You looked too determined and he failed to see through that.

You resumed training, more forceful attacks coming your way. Enishi got too lost in thought to see that he was delivering blows a little too hard, like always. It was one of the things you liked about him the most: how focused he was on training. He would get really engrossed in it even if was just practice and usually you would be able to sense his attacks. But right now your senses were in overload.

You tried to hit back but the most you mustered was a slash that almost accidentally cut into his arm if it wasn't for his quick thinking to duck out of the way. He moved around you looking for your uncovered areas and you tried your hardest to spot him, breaths coming out heavier as you whirled around. Your swords clashed again and you almost had him when all of a sudden he went for a side cut from your left with his sword. You barely defended the hit by pushing your blade to catch his, the quickness of the move sending your vision spinning.

The exhaustion, the heat and the sweat clinging to your body overwhelmed you. You tried to push his sword once more before you leaned your weight on your sword for support, dark spots appearing in your clouded vision. You didn't even notice you were careening to the right until your blade screeched as it slid down the length of his all the way down to the hilt. Before you could hit the ground you heard the blades clang to the floor as strong arms secured around you to keep you upright. Your ears felt like they were stuffed with cotton unable to register that Enishi was frantically calling your name. A cold hand touching your cheek offered some relief from the warmth boiling your body. Your head fell on his shoulder and you looked up at him, eyes focusing enough to see the worry on his face. You could see his lips moving but none of the words made any sense until they finally made their way to your ears.

“I knew something was off,” he said looking down at you with a glint of guilt in his eyes.

“I’m fine,” you grunted regretting even speaking as it turned the mild headache you had into a drilling migraine. Your hand moved to hold your head as the pain only got worse.

"You're anything but fine right now."

The tone in his voice told you he was angry with you, probably for lying to his face that you were fine when you definitely weren't. And for continuing to train when he always told you that training without being in the mindset or the health for it was bad for you. But you refused to listen and look where that got you now.

"You're so fucking stubborn."

In a swift move, Enishi hooked one arm under your legs and secured the other around your back lifting you up to carry you back inside. He figured that staying outside in the cold would do you more worse than good. You wanted to protest but you didn't want to argue with him about your idiotic life choices right now, so you snuggled your head closer to the crook of his neck. that provided you some warmth as your body was now racked by chills. You felt like dozing off from the comfort of your temporary pillow until you felt the vibrations of his voice against your temple.

“Hey, stay awake. We’ve got to get your fever down a little before you sleep.”

You tried your hardest to keep your eyes open but the way he carried you lulled you to sleep and made you a little nauseous at the same time.

“Miyu, open your eyes,” he said sternly, picking up his pace.

“It makes me dizzy,” you croaked out annoyed at him.

“Then keep talking to me. Say anything, just don’t shut down just yet,” he asked you, concern too present in his voice for you not to notice it.

Why was he so worried? It wasn't like you would drop dead if you closed your eyes for a minute.

You tried to think of what to say that would be more than just rambling random words and you came empty-handed. That was until you looked up at him and you saw those crystal balls glistening in the dark hallway. His eyes.

“I like your eyes,” you said and he seemed to get a little taken aback by your confession as his steps slowed down.

Truthfully, it was something you didn’t want to tell him just yet. It was like your own little secret. You weren't one to fancy prolonged eye-contact with anyone or look people in the eye when they spoke. But you found yourself looking for his almost all the time. You admired the way they twinkled with every emotion he was feeling. Most of the time they blazed with anger at the world, consuming everything in their wake. But there were a few times where they twinkled with joy, whenever he talked about his sister or when he was spending time with you. There was something oddly comforting about them and they always put you at ease. Swallowing your pride for once you admitted to this secret out loud.

“What do you like about my eyes?” he asked, uncertainty behind his question.

If only you knew. I could write books and it still wouldn't be enough to describe what they make me feel.

“They’re dark and so full of pain. But they hold so much warmth in them. You don’t want to admit it but you’re not just a big bad mafia boss killing people for a living. You’re more than that, to me at least,” you said the last part in a mumble hoping he wouldn't hear it but he did, tensing slightly and halting his steps.

He looked down at your shivering form tucked safely in his arms. He had so much to say to you but he settled for a quick kiss on your burning forehead for the time being. It was the smallest peck, so soft you could have missed it if you didn't have your eyes open. It was his way of acknowledging the things you said and that you will talk more about it when it was time. But for now taking care of you was a priority.

In your dazed state you noticed he went past your room and he saw the confusion on your face.

"You're staying in my room for a while so I can make sure you're going to get better," he said as he pushed the doors to his room open, the warmth of his room surrounding your body. You whined in protest when he headed for the bathroom knowing exactly what he was thinking. You felt anything but ready for a shower right now.

He stepped inside and placed you on the floor an arm still around you in case you slid down to the floor. He turned on the water and let it get warm as he turned his attention back to you. You were gripping his tank top in a frenzy trying to hold yourself up against the bouts of nausea. He kept a hand around you to let you know he wasn't going anywhere and that you were safe in case anything happened.

"I know you don't want to take one right now," he said as he moved some hair away from your face. "But if you sleep this sweaty, you're just going to get worse."

You shook your head in his chest childishly but you knew there was no way to get out of it now. He wouldn't leave it alone until he saw you healthy enough to annoy again and you just had to accept his perusing.

"Just hold onto me and I'll do the rest, okay?"

Giving in to his pleas as he rubbed your back comfortingly, you nodded weakly. You hated how easily he got under your skin and knew everything that made you click in such a short time. Back rubbing was one of the things you loved and he always did it when he needed you to accept something that was for your own good.

He helped you undress discarding your sweat clad clothes to the floor. Once he took his own off too he helped you step into the shower. The warm water hit your body and the comfort made your knees weak. You remembered you haven't had a shower since your last one that was with him too, after your bathtub adventure before the mission. He still didn't replace the broken water tap and you had a feeling it was because he wanted you to shower in his room willingly without him whisking you away for other adventures. It was sneaky but you gave him credit for it being a smooth move to get closer to you.

He stepped in with you and checked to see if you were okay or ready to drop still.

"Let me know if it gets too much and I'll get you to bed, okay?"

You nodded and wrapped your arms around his torso with the little energy you had left. Your head laid flat to his chest where you could hear his heartbeat that seemed to be accelerating beyond a normal speed. He must have been panicking a little and you felt bad for putting him through all this trouble. You wanted to push him away and tell him to let you deal with the mess you caused yourself. He didn't need to take care of you like this, especially after you shut him out. You didn't think of his feelings at all and it made you feel even more guilty than you already did for everything else going wrong in your life.

But there he was, holding you close to him so gentle like you were made out of glass. He washed your hair, massaging your scalp softly to get rid of all the dirt that gathered there from your days spent training outside. It felt like he got rid of some of the dirt in your soul too. As cold as he was, he was the also the warmth you needed. You knew he cared even if he didn't show it a lot.

He tried to hurry, moving to wash the rest of your body as you looked ready to lay down on the floor of the shower cabin and just sleep there like it was a premium bed. He kept asking you things to keep you awake and talking even if all he received from you was a blabbering mess of mumbles.

Once you were cleaner than you have been before in your life, he turned off the water and wrapped you in a bathrobe. Leading you to the counter near the sink, he placed you on top of it while he dashed to his room to bring you some clothes. The warmth of the shower water was replaced by the cold marble surface that made your shivers return even worse than before, coming with a new wave of nausea. He started dressing you and you put your head on his shoulder, managing to only pull a blouse on you before he noticed the way you gripped his own that he threw on harshly before he came to you.

"What's wrong?"

You had your eyes shut tight trying to swallow whatever tried crawling up your sore throat.

"Miyu, look at me."

"I feel like I'm going to throw up-" you didn't even get to finish as the bile rose in your throat. You hopped off the counter and leaned over the toilet bowl emptying whatever your stomach gathered up. Enishi knelt down beside you a hand grabbing the hair out of your face while the other rubbed your back.

"What are you even throwing up? You haven't eaten anything in the past few days."

"My hopes and dreams."

He would have laughed at that if it wasn't for your head hanging above the toilet bowl. It amazed him how you still tried to ease the seriousness of the situation in your state.

When you were done you wiped your mouth on a spare towel and threw it in the corner, falling back into his chest. The shivers intensified as your whole body was now consumed by cold from all sides, the only source of warmth being the man beside you. He pulled you up from the floor, careful not to make you more woozy and took you to bed.

He placed you down on the mattress and tried to dry a bit of your hair and then let you lay down. You grabbed one of the blankets he put on the bed, wrapping your body like a burrito, while he covered you with the duvet. He had more blankets prepared in case you needed them and you made a mental note to thank him for the extra thought. The extra thoughts coming from him lately warmed you up inside because they were like little notes telling you he was there and ready to help with anything and you couldn't tell where all this care was coming from in the first place.

He got in bed next to you sitting against the headboard and you cuddled into his side, seeking his warmth. Your body couldn't produce enough heat even after the hottest shower you ever took and the fact that you were wrapped tightly in bundles. He shifted closer to you and carded a hand through your hair, which soothed your migraine.

"Do you need me to get you anything?"

You shook your head and grabbed onto his other hand pulling it on top of your stomach. He laced his fingers with yours. All you wanted was to have him next to you right now.

"I just need you here."

The last few days were hell to bear alone and it took ruining your health to notice that accepting help wasn't all that bad. Enishi was ready to help you no matter what you needed and you didn't know how to thank him. The way he cared for you was something akin to the care your parents gave you. As scary as it was to let yourself feel it you couldn't help but welcome it. Maybe a part of your chills didn't come from the cold but from the way he was acting towards you.

Emotions swirled around your head and everything suddenly felt too overwhelming. The muscles aching, the migraine, the pain that was numb for now but promised to return soon. You tried to hold the tears at bay but you couldn't. So you let them out unable to keep things bottled in anymore.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked as he cupped your face.

You tried to say something but all that came out was air through choked sobs.

"Miyu, what hurts? Talk to me."

"Everything," you cried out as you hid your face in his side.

You wanted to tell him every thing that hurt from the biggest to the smallest thing but you couldn't do more than tighten your grip around him. He moved to hug you, pulling you on top of his chest.

"I'm here. I've got you now," he whispered as he rubbed your back. "You're going to be okay."

--------

His heart stopped when he saw your eyes roll to the back of your head back there. He tried to keep the worry away but he couldn't help panicking a little when the familiarity of the scene hit him way too hard. A fraction of a vivid memory took him back to the day he lost his sister, a day he couldn't forget no matter how hard he tried.

The snow blanket that was forming around the woods made him smile. It wasn't long until he got back to the house and he could play in the snow with Tomoe. The recent times he went over to her place ended up in arguments and unwanted words thrown at each other all because he didn't want to accept that man for her. He was walking trouble in his eyes and Tomoe could yell at him all she wanted but it wouldn't change the disdain he felt for him. He hoped they could make up this time around and just forget about everything else.

Last time it snowed this much they made the biggest snowman. They placed him in front of the house and called him the guardian, decorating his face in an angry manner. His mouth was an intimidating sneer made from a few stones that matched the small twig eyebrows above his eyes. Tomoe forgot to pick up carrots but she used a sweet potato for his nose. It looked absolutely horrendous but it was their source of entertainment until the cold winter passed and the snowman melted with the coming of spring.

He went into town and picked up more sweet potatoes so she could boil some too. He almost made it to the house but stopped once he heard grunts nearby, followed by his sister's voice so he followed the sound, pushing away frozen tree branches until he reached the scene. His heart stopped at the sight.

Tomoe was holding tightly onto a man to protect him from the man he called trouble. The one she fell for, pushing her only family in the process. He slashed his sword across her back without a glint of regret in his eyes, crimson blood staining the white snow as she fell to the floor. He had the audacity to cradle her close to his body as he watched the light drain from her eyes.

He wanted to run to her and be the one holding her instead. He deserved to be the last one she saw before her eyes were consumed by darkness. But the fear kept him glued to the tree a few feet away, unable to move or do anything else but cry and blame himself that he couldn't do more.

He hoped he would never experience that feeling again but here he was, cradling you to his body like the world tried its hardest to take you away. Your cold scared him not because you looked the worst he'd ever seen you but because of how much pain you went through to get you in this state. He wasn't a fool. He knew this was the result of you closing yourself away from him and everyone else to process everything. You were living his worst nightmares all on your own and it made him want to burn the world. He knew he couldn't take your pain away and feel it for you even if he wished to.

He wanted you to talk to him. Tell him everything that hurt and ask him to fix it for you. Tell him that you needed him to hold the sky off your shoulders for a minute and he would hold it for as long as he could. But he couldn't push you. He knew better that help was best when it was accepted rather than forced. He just hoped you would ask for it and lean on him like you let him lean on you that rainy night in the garden. If you didn't find him in time he might have lost it completely and there would be no coming back from that.

He checked your temperature hourly, hand laid across your forehead hopeful that you would get better. Whenever it went up you would toss and turn around in your sleep, waking up abruptly to search for him in the dark. He tried to reassure you that everything was okay and that you had nothing to worry about as he went back to being your human pillow. Every time it happened you found his hand and held it close to your chest in a death grip until your hold would loosen telling him you fell back asleep.

The day turned into night and he didn't move an inch from his spot beside you. He just wanted to watch over you and keep you safe and warm, occasionally dozing off with you in his arms.

-------

You woke up to the smell of food. Sighing contently you opened your eyes and sat up slowly just as Enishi entered the room, a bowl and a mug of tea balanced carefully in his hold. He smiled seeing you awake.

"How did you sleep?" he asked as he placed everything on the nightstand to sit next to you.

"A little better. Is that for me?"

"Yes. It's porridge and some tea."

Porridge was the bane of your existence. As much as you knew it was what your body needed to get better you hated it with a burning passion. Your mother made it whenever you got sick and you always tried to convince the maids into eating it for you on the promise that you will stop being a trouble for them for at most a month. But they would always rat you out to your parents and you would get scolded for it.

"I want real food," you mumbled disappointedly. You puffed your cheeks and made puppy eyes at him to let you off this time but by the stern look on his face he wasn't buying your doughnuts anymore.

"You're getting real food when we're sure you can keep it down. For now it's this," he placed the bowl in your hands and waited for you to try it.

You took a spoonful and put it in your mouth only to grimace at the taste. This was anything but porridge.

"What the hell is this?"

"Hey, now. I know I'm not the greatest cook but you have to eat that whole bowl if you want real food."

He knew he botched the recipe but as bad as it tasted you needed the nutrients. You didn't eat anything in days and giving you a whole meal wasn't a good choice. He really didn't want to watch a rerun of your hopes and dreams spilling out through your guts again.

You sighed and ate a few more spoons until your stomach said it was enough and you handed him the bowl. He gave you the tea and you took a sip smiling at the taste as it was your favorite. At least he knew how to sweeten you. You placed it back on the nightstand and leaned back in bed.

"I have some stuff to work on in my office. If you need anything please call me. As big or small as it may seem."

He was coddling way you too much and it wasn't in his nature. You felt bad for keeping him away from his work. But he reassured you time and time again that it was okay to lean on him. Even if what went through your head wasn't a big deal. It came from a place of understanding and as much as he tried to hide it you could tell he went through the same thing.

You tried sleeping but every position you changed to seemed more uncomfortable than the previous. Each time you did fall asleep the thoughts that left you in pain for days on end would creep back into your mind and you would wake up looking for him. Deciding that enough was enough you decided to pay him a visit. Wrapping one of his chunkier kimonos around you, you stepped out of the comfort of the bed and went to his office. He sighed when he saw you come in like a lost puppy looking for its owner.

"You're supposed to be in bed."

"I was getting bored in there," you said as you walked to his couch and plopped yourself on it getting comfortable.

"Well, you're not going to find much fun here either."

You didn't really need any entertainment. You just didn't want to be alone and if you just sat there with him whilst he worked it was enough for you.

After a while, you dozed off on the couch to the sound of him scribbling away on paper. He heard your light snores and looked up from his maps to see you fast asleep, head nuzzled into the plush of the couch backrest with your knees pulled up to your chest. He smiled and shook his head at you walking to to your spot, He only now noticed that you were wrapped tightly in his kimono. It was a dark blue one he really liked because it was comfortable to wear. He thought you suited warmer colours until now when he saw you in blue. The material was big enough to be a blanket on your small form, falling over you so effortlessly. As if his aura rubbed off on you in a way that welcomed it rather than pushing it away like the other people he tried getting close to before. He knelt beside the couch and pulled it up to cover your exposed shoulder.

"You're so stubborn," he whispered.

He slid his arms behind your back and your legs and lifted you up to take you back to the warmth of his bed.

--------

The days passed by in a blur. You spent most of the time sleeping or annoying Enishi because he wouldn't let you do anything else. He benched you from cooking or training and it drove you insane.

It took about a week until he let you train again in a way that wasn't straining for you. Little by little you got your strength back and it showed in your sparring sessions. You could handle yourself better and it was all thanks to him and his incessant nagging telling you to rest and take it easy. As annoying as it was you had to accept his way of nursing you back to health.

You had a lot of time to think about everything, thoughts ranging from finding your mother to figuring out Enishi. His presence affected you in a multitude of ways lately. You contemplated his actions, his touches, his words. Every gesture he made towards you that you couldn't understand the reason of. It went beyond the sex drive you felt mutually and the thoughtless words said in the act.

It all started the night of the casino mission. You tried shaking off his words, convincing yourself it was just the lust talking for him and that it was the same in your case. But when you told him 'I need you' you said it with your whole being. And it seemed to change everything.

You started questioning if he felt the same things you did. If the hands carding through your hair or the late night conversations in the dark meant anything to him, because they meant everything to you. If they did, he was making a great job at hiding that because you spent the whole week analysing every single thing that happened to the both of you until you wanted to literally take a bite out of the wall.

As blind to the obvious as you were sometimes, you thought you could pinpoint where his feelings stood, but you often got side-tracked by the butterflies forming in your stomach while you watched him cook for you or tell you new facts about the swords you were training with. He did everything to turn you away from thinking too much and it felt like an avoidance tactic. You needed to talk about a lot of things sooner or later and you hoped it would be the first.

The next mission was nearing up and you shoved all of these thoughts under the rug for the time being. You needed to focus because it involved your mother. The man in the basement finally chirped after going days without basic necessities like food and sunlight. He gave Enishi a lead on your mother's whereabouts, restoring a little hope in your broken soul.

She was apparently working as a maid for a mafia he had ties with. They were throwing a ball to celebrate the birthday of their leader and she was going to be there. You took the information with a grain of salt because it seemed like it was too good to be true. You thought of the possibility that he just tried to lead you further away from finding her. But Enishi made everyone dig around and they found that the ball was truthfully being held tonight.

Enishi told you to stay put, insisting that it was only him who would go with the rest of the gang. You tried to convince him to let you come but he refused to hear it. So, like any kid getting told not to do something, you went and did the exact opposite, just getting dressed to kill.

You finished strapping your pistols to your thighs under the dress and looked in the mirror, smiling softly at the person starring back at you. She was so different from the person who came here a little over a month ago. She was so scared of herself, unable to let go of her past. But now she looked so confident in her own skin and so much more powerful. She was so much healthier too and back to herself that it made you proud. You blew a kiss to yourself in the mirror and winked at how pretty you looked. Confidence looked hella good on you.

Enishi told you about the mission a few days ago and you thought of every possible way to not let him leave in that carriage without you. It took a little prodding and the promise of a month full of desserts for the whole gang but you managed to coax Wu into keeping Enishi here as long as you needed to get ready.

Enishi was pacing around, mid-argument with his second in command as to why he wasn't moving the carriages. Wu just shook his head and kept his mouth sealed shut as part of your deal. Enishi stopped yelling once he heard the click of an all too familiar pair of heels and cursed himself for being so blind. He should have seen it coming from the way you gave in so easily and stopped trying to convince him to let you come.

Turning around to scold you his breath got stuck in his throat. You looked breathtaking. Your hair was down to the side, locks falling in wavy curls over your shoulders. You were wearing the red qipao dress he bought for you at the market even if you hated his guts for buying it for you. But the dress seemed to have some major adjustments that altered it a lot from the original.

The constricting part at the top was turned into an off-the-shoulder neckline and the small slit on the side run up higher almost to your hip. The bottom was full of flares from the same material in a darker burgundy. The sleeves were now made into gloves that ran all the way up to your elbows, fabric at the end looking like scraps from the corset you wore the night of the casino mission. Your mother's necklace sat around your neck, red stone bringing out your eyes.

"Close your mouth, dearest. A fly might fly in."

You were satisfied by his reaction that if fuelled your confidence beyond the normal levels.

"Is that what I think it is? Miyu?"

You followed his eyes and noticed he was staring at the very familiar golden material running around the bottom that you used to amplify the dragon embellished on the slit by adding a few pieces of material to the red flares.

"You said I could borrow anything from your closet," you scoffed.

"I said borrow, not cut up to pieces."

"Oh, come on. It looks less like a wedding dress now, doesn't it?"

You batted your eyelashes at him and he huffed an annoyed sigh. Letting Wu help you into the carriage you got comfortable and smiled back at him. You knew you were in deep shit for countless reasons, but the biggest being that you cut up the really expensive golden kimono in his wardrobe. It was gathering dust in there anyways. At least you put it to good use.

"Shall we go?"

As angry as he was at you he was glad to see that mischief smile back on your face. He was going to let you off. For now.

"You will be the death of me one day, Miyu Hikari," he grunted before he sauntered in the carriage next to you.

He let his eyes linger on you for a few more moments. He couldn't help but admire the alterations to the dress and how skillfully they were done. It was clear as daylight you were a Hikari. You had craftsmanship running in your blood as much as you didn't want to admit it.

"When did you even modify the dress?"

"I think you forgot that you had me on house arrest for like a week," you said playing with one of the ruffles on your dress.

"It wasn't house arrest."

"It was."

"It wasn't."

"Twas," you sung.

"Twasn't," he followed suit.

The both of you erupted into a fit of giggles. It was your turn to let your eyes wander over his outfit, unable to get enough of it from just one look.

"You know, you don't look too bad yourself."

"I let Wu style me. Don't know if that was a mistake or not considering he wears furs like he's the madame of the house."

"He did a good job."

Wu had an eye for fashion and you had to give him that because when you stepped out of the mansion you thought you were hallucinating. You only saw a broad back clad in what looked like a western suit. You recalled him saying he would never be caught dead in something like that. Thank god you didn't miss the show.

The wind was knocked out of you when he turned around and you got a full view of the outfit. He wore a full tailored black suit. The vest sat on top of a white shirt, hugging his body like it was made on order. It was the sluttiest thing a man could wear. A silver chain ran from the vest to the blazer, matching the silver earring in his ear. Thoughts that weren't exactly pristine passed through your mind and it took a huge amount of rationality to not act them out.

The thing that shocked you the most was that he wore a fucking tie. You knew he hated that tie by the way he fidgeted with it to loosen it around his neck. He most likely contemplated arson from the way he looked at Wu. But he definitely looked the mafia boss part now and it made your knees weak.

"Why didn't you stay back like I told you?"

"I think it's fair to say you already know I don't listen to orders. And this is about my mom," you fidgeted with the piece of fabric in your hand. "I've spent so many years searching for any trace of them and I can't just sit back when we might know where at least one of my parents is."

He put his hand over yours and pulled it to his leg, rubbing comforting circles on your knuckles to ease your nervousness. He was doing it again. Getting you out of your mind to focus back to the present.

"I know. I just didn't want you to come in case it was a false lead."

"Even if it is we will check it out together."

The carriage came to a halt. You heard excited chatter and music which meant you arrived at the venue for the ball.

"You ready?"

"Always."

-----------

The place was nothing like you've ever seen before. You've seen mansions that looked like castles before, when you used to work the paid assassin gig for the rich and powerful, but none of them came close to this one. The sculpted fountains outside should have been enough of a giveaway that this place was scalded in gold and money that was murdered and stolen for. No human being should be able to have this much wealth especially when it wasn't theirs to keep.

The event was on an invitation basis and you were surprised to see Enishi pull out one with your names on it handing it to the men standing guard at the doors. Once they gave you the okay they opened the doors to let you in and closed them back up. You walked in and realised you were on the first floor of the building. Walking further away from the horde of people around the entrance, you scouted the place. The architecture was really European, column walls lined on every side supporting the building. The artwork on the walls was the same, the running theme of naked people painted angelically to depict romance sneering at you, as if to say you didn't deserve romance too.

You sighed leaning over the stone railing as you scouted out the place. You had a perfect view of the ballroom and all the guests that pooled downstairs. Most of them were couples of all ages, dressed elegantly in such a way that flaunted their wealth. The men smoked expensive cigars while their women had their necks decorated in rubies of all shapes and colours. You couldn't lie that you felt a little out of place.

The minute you walked in with Enishi on your arm chatter ceased and all eyes were on you, well mostly the female ones seeking something to gossip about. They started picking apart your hairstyle, your dress, your face. The fact that the man at your side chose you as a plus one instead of one of them. They called him 'too handsome to be real' while fanning their faces and you would have agreed if it wasn't for the intense urge to poke your tongue out at them. But you had to behave like a lady, so you settled for throwing daggers with your eyes their way.

You didn't know why you suddenly felt so protective of the man at your right. The group eventually scurried off, possibly terrified of your facial expressions, and it was weird that the satisfaction you felt was good enough of a reason to justify your actions. Enishi saw the exchange and struggled to keep his laughter in.

"I suggest you to keep your claws hidden tonight."

You turned to face him, eyes narrowing onto his. What was that supposed to mean?

"Are you suggesting I'm jealous or something?"

"Maybe."

"Last time I checked we weren't a couple or anything," you said wrapping your arms around your chest.

He looked around before he pushed you to a wall behind you, hands firmly gripping yours. Playfulness and seriousness were dancing around in his eyes and you couldn't tell which one peered more into your eyes right now. He stood so close to you that you forgot how to breathe. His eyes darted between your own and your lips, leaning closer to your face. Stopping just a few inches off your lips you felt your patience running thin. All you wanted to do was close the distance between you. He closed his eyes and blew a breath that hit your lips.

"Don't fall for me, Miyu," he whispered loud enough for only you to hear.

I think it's a little too late for that.

You had enough of getting teased so you made a move for his lips. Your lips barely brushed his before he pulled away from you, signature smirk on his face.

"We're on enemy territory so keep an eye out."

With that he turned around and walked off, leaving you there nothing short of confused. You released a breath and leaned on the wall for support, the ghost of his touch still lingering on your arms.

He was back to leading you on and you couldn't tell if it was just an act this time or it was what he actually felt for you. He was cold again but this time it seemed different, like he was forcing it. The minute you both stepped out of the house he would turn into this other person that liked taunting you.

You slept together for so many times and it still seemed to be no strings attached for him. But it made you crave more than that. You couldn't deny that your feelings for him were real but you couldn't tell if they were strong enough to push for them when you knew deep down that this back and forth will never be something more than that. And that kinda felt like an arrow was shot straight through your heart.

Every time you kissed him ran through your mind. You wanted to find at least one that you could hang onto that was sincere. But most of them were fuelled by anger and hunger. You never kissed each other with real feelings and you felt like a fool for thinking it could ever be more than back and forth with him.

You shook the thoughts form your head and walked to catch up to him. If it was up to you you would've left after that stunt he pulled. But you were here for your mom first and foremost. These mind games could wait.

Making your way downstairs into the main room where everyone gathered you looked around for him but he was nowhere in sight, figuring you lost him in the big crowd.

Great. What am I supposed to do now?

The band started playing a slow song and you recognised it to be the one of the tunes for the Viennese waltz. A small smile cracked on your lips at the memory of your father teaching it to you. He would place you on his tiptoes and swing you around the living room while your mother sat and clapped for you as your audience. They taught you all kinds of dances to help you fit in easier with the higher status people.

Didn't think the mafia rolled with this much finesse.

The dancefloor cleared as everyone split into pairs and you found yourself alone in the middle. As much as you would have loved to dance you didn't feel like it. You were about to walk off until an arm pulled you back, making you collide with a sturdy chest. The familiar jasmine smell was enough to make you grunt in annoyance as you turned to the man before you. He held your hand as he stepped away to do a curtsy, moving your other hand to sit on his shoulders as he gripped the other one. You tried prying your hands off but the hold he had on you was way too firm. He wouldn't let you go unless he wanted to and he seemed hellbent on doing so.

"Let me go," you gritted out. A few pairs looked at you struggling and you both flashed your fake smiles telling them kindly to fuck off.

"The music already started so let's just do this."

"I don't want to do anything with you."

You looked away from him getting into your position as you started leading him, stepping forward with your left foot. He tried to take the lead away from you but you were better at this than he was, getting your uncoordinated waltz in rhythm with the music. The weight you stepped with from side to side didn't go unnoticed. He could feel the tension coursing through you just from holding your waist.

"Why are you suddenly mad at me?"

"Because.."

Because you almost kissed me. Because the way you touch me makes me want to run for the hills. Because you're a coward and can't admit to your feelings. Because I hate you.

"Because what?"

You separated to do a spin and came back to him. His hands landed a little lighter on your waist this time around.

"I don't know I just am."

The dancing pairs around you faded to a blur as your bodies got closer and you spun together to the music, swaying left and right. The fact that he knew how to dance the waltz amazed you a little. He seemed to have a lot of tricks hidden up his sleeve.

There was no denying he liked the female attention. Even while he danced so close to you you could feel the lonely girls by the side of the dancefloor staring holes through the back of your head. You knew exactly how they felt because you couldn't help but swoon at his charms too. That was until you got too annoyed by his staring.

"Can you stop looking at my boobs?"

"It's not my fault they are up in my face."

"Jesus Christ."

Parting away from each other again, you lifted your palms to sit against each other. Your warm fingertips met his cold ones again as you circled each other. It took every ounce of self control in your being not to intertwine your fingers together. You were mad at how quickly you went from hating to appreciating him.

You went for the final waltz section of the dance and prayed for the music to end faster. He took the lead this time and you followed suit.

He kept his eyes on you the whole time trying to figure out what you were thinking in that little head of yours. The tension between you was suffocating. You were back to the normal push and pull, getting too close to keep his hands off of you, but too far to actually touch you. He didn't want to push you away or play pretend but he didn't know what else to do to keep his urges away. Staying away from you was better than being this close to you and not knowing what to do or say.

Getting too lost in his own thoughts he took a wrong step that made you lose your footing. You thought you were going to kiss the floor if it wasn't for his hands catching you. You were bent backwards with one of your hands fisted in the collar of his blazer. One of his arms wrapped around your torso and the other sat at the back of your neck supporting your head. Maybe it was the thrill of danger from all the eyes looking at you that you felt like you couldn't take your eyes off of his. He seemed so close yet so far, easy but so hard to get through.

The music ended and you stepped away from him thanking all gods for the late but welcome help. You needed a drink if you wanted to get through the night so you headed to the bar leaving him on the dancefloor.

---------------

You were on your fourth vodka cocktail when he joined you at the bar. You cursed your high tolerance to alcohol wishing to be tipsier than you felt so you could deal with him in a way that your conscience wouldn't scold you for.

"You should slow down on those."

"I can do whatever the fuck I want."

He didn't know where this attitude came from. He was a little annoyed by it but he brushed it off to be just one of your mood swings.

"Okay, so, what's holding us back from going in?"

"There's about ten armed guards on every floor."

"If that's a problem I think you're forgetting we took down a whole gang in that casino using our wits and wooden chairs."

"The problem is that once they see us coming they will sound the alarm to everyone else and we will be fucked. There's five mafias present and the last thing I want is a gang war."

"That's what you said last time and the Daos kinda went extinct the minute we got involved."

You had a point. But it was still too dangerous to go in through the front. He studied the map of the place countless times and knew there was a hidden staircase with access to all levels. It was typically the maids who had access to it. He looked around and spotted one at the far corner with a tray of finger foods in her hands.

"I will be right back. Behave yourself."

You would've smacked him if it wasn't for the crowd around you. Following him with your eyes through the sea of people you saw him approach a maid. What was he gonna do with a maid?

Your question was answered when you saw him plaster that playboy smirk on his face, leaning down to whisper in her ear. She giggled at whatever he told her and you gripped your glass tightly. The scene made your jaw clench even if you had no reason to feel like that.

Keep it together. We are not a couple. This is all just for show.

After more flirting, he came back and you threw the last contents in your glass down your throat. He dangled a set of keys in front of you and you looked at him confused.

"The maids have access to a hidden staircase at the back of the mansion. It leads to all levels including the top one where she said the rest of the maids are gathered up."

"Those open the doors to this secret magical staircase?"

"Yes."

Maybe you went a little too far with your sarcasm but it was the only way you could keep yourself from snapping at him. He only shook his head at you and lead the way.

You circled the entire mansion through the garden at the back. Whenever people passed by you, Enishi would hold your hand and smile to make it believable that you looked like a couple and that you weren't doing anything you shouldn't be doing. You played along leaning closer to him and smacking his chest as you laughed. It disgusted you, playing pretend like this when you wanted it to be real.

Once you were out of sight you looked for the staircase. You found it under a deep layer of wild vine and unlocked the doors, locking them after you entered. A few lanterns lined up the wall all the way to the top but it was still too dark to see anything. You went up first, lifting your dress up so you wouldn't step on it. The long ruffles covered the front part and you couldn't see where you were stepping. You got halfway up the stairs and placed your foot wrong on a step, stumbling backwards colliding with Enishi's chest for the second time tonight. One of his hands wrapped securely around your waist while the other gripped the railing.

"You should be more careful," he said breathlessly.

"I am-" you started but were cut off by the sound of guards patrolling at the top of the stairs.

Suddenly, you were pressed against the inner wall of the staircase, his body impossibly close to yours. The proximity made your heartbeat accelerated and you shut your eyes to take a few breaths in. The way his head dipped down to your neck gave you a thrilling sense of deja vu, reminding you of the night you hid in an alley from guards patrolling the city. You couldn't deny the attraction between you back then but you looked for every reason to do it now. Your hand laid on his chest and you could feel his rapid heartbeat under your finger tips. You opened your eyes and tilted your head at him.

If your body says it wants me why does your mind keep pushing me away?

His eyes turned from the top of the staircase to you laying on your lips again. He's gone too long without your taste and it was driving him crazy. All he wanted to do was kiss them sweetly until he drew blood. He thought just one taste would quench his thirst so he leaned down to you again. But this time, you didn't let him play with you.

The coast cleared and you pushed him away, making your way towards the top. You beckoned him over and checked the hallway to see it empty. He huffed and made his way to you.

"You take the ones on the left," he said.

"I'll take the ones on the right," you said at the same time.

You couldn't come to terms with anything and it pushed your buttons greatly. Shaking your head, you moved to the ones on the right without saying anything else. Wasting time you didn't have wasn't on your list right now. You needed to find your mom ASAP unless you wanted to piss off some blood-thirsty mafias by snooping around their palace.

Opening door after door you found either a guest room fixed up by a few maids or a storage space where they put cleaning supplies away. The next one you opened was a bathroom occupied by a couple who appeared to be making out or having a contest on who could eat the other's face off first. You couldn't really tell. They stopped their smooching to look at you startled.

"My bad. Uh... enjoy yourselves. Use protection," you yelled and closed the door leaning on it in embarrassment.

Enishi just closed the last door on his side and you looked at him hopeful only to have your hopes crushed when he shook his head.

"Only young maids on this side. What about you?"

"Loads of maids and I think I just cockblocked a couple."

He started laughing and you clamped a hand on his mouth reminding him no one needed to know you were there. You turned your attention back to the hallway. There was one last door to check on your side and you prayed to all gods she would be in there.

You moved to the door placing a shaky hand on the golden doorknob and you froze. You had no way of knowing if she was going to be behind that door or if something else would wait for you. You hoped you didn't come this far for nothing because if you did it would break you. Conscious of time ticking away, you drew in a shaky breath and tried to push through your hesitation and move your hand to open the door. But you couldn't open it.

Enishi saw you struggling. He knew how badly you wanted her to be inside that room. If she wasn't in there you were going to blame yourself for it even if it wasn't your fault. This was exactly why he didn't want you to come in the first place. He knew if there was nothing behind that door that it would break you. You hung with your teeth onto the little hope that the information you got from that asshole was true and he wished it was too.

He placed his hand on top of yours in reassurance and you looked at him. He was back to being his serious self, the Enishi who promised you he would help you get your parents back no matter what. With a deep breath, you both turned the doorknob and pushed the door open. Your breath got stuck in your throat at the sight before you.

"Miyu?"

No fucking way.

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#Addicting Taste #enishi yukishiro #rurouni kenshin #enishi yukishiro fanfiction #enishi yukishiro x reader #enishi yukishiro x you #running for the hills as we speak

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