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straightouttheslendermansionn · 1 year

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𝑳𝒂𝒅𝒚 𝑮𝒖𝒖𝒋𝒊'𝒔 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝑭𝒐𝒓 𝑨 𝑺𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝑴𝒂𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒏!?

𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒓: Yae Miko

𝑺𝒚𝒏𝒐𝒑𝒔𝒊𝒔: Yae is a diligent kitsune with a broad imagination. She needs ideas to keep the publishing house thriving, and would go to any lengths to get what she needs. However, what if pretending to be in a relationship with a shrine maiden isn't just for the sake of inspiration?

𝑪𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈: Just really fluffy and just a little gay. Love you guys!

As sly as a fox is she, with her wits always about her but her playful nature running amok. The look in her eyes always either gleaming with a hint of mischief or glaring with the utmost solemnity. Yae is revered on all of Inazuma’s islands and even across the sea, where gods and their retainers alike recall her name and commend her for her power.

That being said, having the Lady Guuji casually walk up to you and strike up a conversation would have been unheard of. Especially if you’re a mere shrine maiden. She runs the show, always stern and diligent, expecting the same of those operating the Grand Narukami Shrine. This line of work is very sacred after all.

“Good morning, Y/N.” Yae greeted you as she walked over to where you were sweeping the deck of one of the small buildings. Everything in your brain was put on pause as you processed her greeting.

“Good morning, Lady Guuji!” You replied timidly, almost completely caught off guard by her specifically greeting you. The closer she got to where you were, the more the sinking anxiety feeling grew within your chest. She never usually has time for conversing with the maidens, so you start to worry that you either did something wrong or have boatloads of work– comparable to the cargo held in the ships that come in from Liyue Harbor.

You tried to focus on the task at hand– sweeping and cleaning up the shrine’s decks. Breathing along with the broom strokes, trying to calm down and catch your breath. However, the only sweeping actually happening was Miss Yae sweeping you off your feet. As per usual, it isn’t difficult to find yourself enamored by and in fear of the kitsune, but how could you not? With those purple eyes boring into your soul, you could drop dead any second.

“Why so scared? You did nothing wrong. You can untense. As if you even need my permission to do so.” She attempted to assure you with a slightly teasing tone. You let out a nervous giggle and tried your best to steady your breath and slow your racing thoughts. You propped the broom up onto one of the railings and turned to face her, bowing and coming back up with a sheepish smile on your face. Your expression is riddled with awkwardness and fear.

She was trying to put you at ease, look eased, dammit!

“Is there anything important you need to make me aware of, Lady Miko?” You asked, expecting her to issue you orders or commend your upkeep of the shrine and walk away.

“Actually, I do have something I’d like to talk to you about. I feel this isn’t the time or place though, so all I ask is that we meet at the Uyuu Restaurant at your earliest convenience. Sound good, little one?” She asked with crossed arms and a smile. You nodded.

“Of course, Lady Guuji.” You accepted her invitation, still very nervous. She chuckled at your worried expression and smirked.

“Glad we arranged this. I hope to see you soon, Y/N,” She sang before walking off. You waited for her to leave before continuing to work, as she instantly rushed off to check on other areas of the shrine.

What exactly did she want? You wondered to yourself. It would have been a valid question, had your words not been caught in your throat. It’s really hard to think when her sakura scent is wafting into your nose, her eyes are only on you, and that smile of hers on her face. You’re aware that she is planning something, but cannot pin down exactly what.

Could it be something to do with the Shogun? No. She would have known better than to choose a simple shrine maiden. Chances are, she would have called upon that traveler, the one Yae called on to assist her in bringing the Shogun back to her senses. Surely they would be a thousand times more effective and helpful than you.

It definitely wasn’t something regarding shrine work, unless, of course, it is. She has had plots in the past where she would have shrine maidens play roles to assist in the success of her plans regarding the supernatural. This matter didn’t seem to worry her that much though, she didn’t seem too serious. Of course, the kitsune was careful and excelled in masking her true intentions and emotions, but it seems that this wasn’t something too urgent.

Could the Lady Guuji herself be asking you to accompany her as a friend? That would be sweet but doesn’t ease you or shake your skepticism. As unlikely as this seems, she does like watching people squirm in her presence, it can be fun for her if she’s in a playful and jovial mood. But you? Really? You shake the thought, highly doubtful that this is actually the case.

Throughout the day, your racing thoughts began to fade as you performed your duties. Assisting in practices and performing simple exorcisms (or rather, faking it because the person in question isn;t actually possessed), deciphering fortune slips, etcetera. By the end of your day’s work, you had almost completely forgotten about Lady Guuji’s request until thinking about dinner.

You hurried down the steps of the shrine, all the way down Mt. Yougo and through the grassy fields into Inazuma City. Upon nearing the restaurant, Yae already stood, anticipating your arrival. She didn’t notice you at first, this led to you tapping her shoulder and slightly jumping back when she turned to you, smiling.

“I expected you to take longer,” she laughed “shall we head inside?”

You nodded your head as she made way for you to walk through the doorway first, she immediately followed. The lights inside were charming and the setting itself was nice and cozy as well. Yes, you’ve been here before, but never appreciated it as much until being invited by her. You noticed every little detail of the place; from the various scents moving through the air, to the creaking wood and chatter from other patrons. All of these surroundings occupied your mind, consumed you as a distraction from the butterflies fluttering in your stomach.

The two of you sat at the bar, where you both ordered the ever-popular tonkotsu ramen. The silence was awkward at first, even though the ambience of the other customers made up for the lack of conversation from the two of you.

“Aren’t you going to thank me for inviting you out tonight, Y/N?” the kitsune joked. Due to your tenseness and nervousness, you had to fight the urge to apologize profusely.

“My apologies, Lady Guuji. I am very grateful for the invitation and am glad to be here with you tonight. Thank you.” You responded, almost like you were reciting something pre-rehearsed.

“You are allowed to call me Yae, you know? I understand that you’re caught off guard but I imagined that the shock would have worn off by now.” she remarked.

“It’s kind of… see, you’re highly revered and in all honesty, I’m glad you invited me out tonight but I couldn’t quite put my finger on the reason.” You explained to her, trying your best to avoid eye contact, yet stealing glances every few words or so.

“Let me explain.” She smiled and cleared her throat subtly.

“Recently, my ideas for writing have run dry as of late. Then it dawned on me that maybe something different is in order,” She started, “After all, Yae Publishing House is renowned for paving the way, is it not?”

“What might that be?” You asked, your interest piqued.

“Well, how many romantic light-novels have you seen with two female protagonists pining for each other?” She proposed. Come to think of it, she has a point. There aren’t very many or any at all. None that are well-known anyway.

“That does sound interesting, especially since I’m big into light novels, I haven’t yet found any with that being the focus. I would definitely read it, that’s for sure.” You beamed. Yae chuckled, thankful for your insight.Your bowls of ramen were gently placed in front of , the steam warming your face and the scent making your mouth water. You were still intent to hear her plans, so you gave her a look that urged her to keep speaking.

“Come now, eat. I didn’t invite you out for you not to eat, after all.” She smiled as she raised her ladle full of pork broth up to her pink lips, savoring every last drop. You couldn’t help but stare at her pleased expression, but looked away as she noticed you looking. You heard her giggling as you picked up the noodles in your bowl and began slurping them up with delight.

After thoroughly enjoying your meals along with each others’ presence, Yae shifted in her seat to face you.

“Oh yes, one part I failed to mention,” she recalled “The reason I invited you to eat and speak with me on this matter.”

“You didn’t just want my input?” You asked her. She shook her head and giggled.

“No, I had something else in mind,” she started explaining “I wanted to see what it was really like, being in a relationship with a woman, solely to assist with writing these two characters. What do you think?”

“You’re not proposing–” You were taken aback, absolutely shocked by what the kitsune was insinuating. Your face turned a bright red and she smirked at this physical response.

“Only for the purpose of writing this story. After all, I can split the sales with you if that’s a motivator of yours.” She proposed.

“No, no! I’m not money-hungry for anything, I’m just–” You shook your head and waved your hands, but she interrupted the oncoming explanation. She already knew.

“I know, I know. This is completely uncalled for and it concerns you that I proposed this out of the blue. Truly I understand,” Yae sympathized, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder “You have all the right to reject this offer. I will not force you to assist me, but I’d very much like it if you did.”

“I…” you tried to speak, but couldn’t muster up the words. While yes, this was quite uncalled for, you weren’t uncomfortable. Flattered, maybe, but not shifting and squirming because you wanted to leave. Only because this was quite sweet, in some weird way. She said it was fake but sincerity was sprinkled in her voice.

“I… I have decided… I will help you with this investigation of yours.” You accepted, turned away from her out of embarrassment.

“Are you certain? You look like you're quite bashful and unsure.” She asked to confirm, and you faced her.

“Miss Yae, all due respect, who in their right mind would reject an opportunity like this?” You deadpanned, causing her to giggle in response.

“I suppose you have a point.”

“So does this mean…?” You asked, raising an eyebrow. She nodded and smirked.

“Hopefully we’ll make the best of partners, my dear Y/N.” She cooed as she handed the man behind the counter a pouch of mora. She then proceeded to get up and offer her arm. You got up and grasped her forearm and smiled up at her.

“Shall I walk you home?” She offered, a loving smile on her lips. You nodded and averted your eyes shyly.

“Yes, Miss Yae.” You grinned from ear to ear. You’d cover your face if you could. A feeling was boiling in your chest and you had no idea what it was. Not anxiety, not fear, but admiration? No. Too soon. That couldn’t possibly be it. It’s only been minutes.

“Alright, lead the way,” She said as you two headed out of the restaurant and into the beautiful night.

This is all just for the sake of inspiration, right? Then why does it feel so real?

A/N: Hi guys! I've had this idea in my brain forever and if you want the whole story (I haven't finished the second chapter yet lol), I will be regularly updating it on Wattpad! This post is the first chapter and the link below is the same thing but if you'd like to support the book, it'd mean a lot! <3

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firephoenix2020 · 2 months

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HUMANS I GIVE U MY GENSHIN AU INCORRECT QUOTES~

Ships: Zhongli x Nightmare, Terry x Venti, Xiao x Aether, Devil x Ash

[ocs: Nightmare, & Terry are twins, & Ash & Devil are their parents]

Zhongli & Nightmare are Xiao's adoptive parents.

Ages: G!Aether min 500, A!Xiao 2000, Arc!Venti 2500, D!Zhongli 6000, D!Nightmare: 7000, D!Terry: 7000, D!Ash 8000, D!Devil 8000

[D! = Dragon, A! = Adeptus, Arc! Archon, G! God from another realm]

TW: Swearing, mentions of Drugs, mentions of smoking, mentions of weapons, mentions of being stabbed, Ships you might not like, Weird/toxic family relations [Nightmare & Terry], mentions of Funerals, mentions of death, I think that's all-

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Aether: You know what I’ve realized? Xiao: Some thoughts are better left unsaid? Aether: Nice try, anyways-

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Devil : *talking about Terry’s funeral* You do know we’re burying a great person today! Zhongli [& Nightmare], shocked: Did someone else die?

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Xiao: Can you cut me some slack, Aether? I’m sort of in love. Aether: I’m sorry, but that’s really not my problem. Xiao: I’m in love with you. Aether: *blushes* Oh. That brings me in the loop a little.

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Terry: Pfft, you should meet Venti, they're such a tsundere. Aether: They… they just stabbed you. Terry: So cute.

Nightmare, in the background: wtf bro-

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Xiao: How many children do you have? Nightmare: Biologically, legally, or emotionally? Because there is a difference.

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Terry: Something tells me Devil 's going to be a bit more unhinged today… Devil, holding a lit match and a bag of cheetos: Leave me be, Ash isn't home to stop me, I'm going feral.

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Zhongli: Why are you late? Nightmare: A technical error occurred, causing an unexpectedly long bout of unconsciousness. Zhongli: Overslept? Nightmare: Overslept.

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Venti: Where are my fucking keys? Terry: Venti, Razor is around, can you say it a little nicer? Venti: May I ascertain the whereabouts of my FUCKING KEYS?!

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PAST! [about 1000 years before the timeline we are at in the rest of the quotes, basically when Zhongli was trying to get Nightmare to marry him]

Terry, about Nightmare and Zhongli: My god, would you two just get a room already? Nightmare: Excuse me, Terry? Terry: You both just keep agreeing about horrifying things and relishing everybody else's misery. So seriously, when's the wedding? Zhongli : … Venti: I ship it! Xiao, who hasn't mentally prepared for both his Parental figures to actually be married: CAN YOU NOT?

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Nightmare: You disgust me. Terry: *eating a kitkat sideways* I realize this and don’t care.

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[siblings lol-, oh btw Nightmare is based of me, Terry is based of my younger brother, Ash is based off my mom, & Devil is based off my dad]

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Devil : I'm so tired of this life. I want to be a roomba. I want knives taped to me. And I want to be set loose.

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Aether: *eating a cinnamon roll* Xiao: Cannibalism. Aether: *confused chewing noises*

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Ash, carrying a box: What would you say if- if I, hypothetically, came home with 7 kittens one day? Devil : … Devil : What’s in the box? Ash: What woul- Devil : Ash, what’s in the box? Ash: I think you know.

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Zhongli: If God’s ever been mad at anything I’ve ever said, he hasn’t done shit about it. Zhongli: So he either doesn’t care or he’s a coward.

[boy you are a god- still added this tho bc it was fucking hilarious]

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Devil: I can’t believe all these people are wearing black. black is supposed to be my thing, they’re all just posers. Ash: Devil, for the last time, we’re at a funeral.

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[About when Zhongli was 100, Nightmare was 1100, & Ash was 2100]

Nightmare: I don’t remember that. Ash: Do you remember that night last week when you slept in a revolving door? Nightmare: …No. Ash: Okay, do you remember when you were chased by those wild dogs for two miles? Nightmare: Not especially, no. Ash: It was in between those two things.

Worried Baby Zhongli noises: ???

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Aether: Okay! Let’s play Kiss Marry Kill! Aether: First who would you kill? *Ash points at Venti* *Zhongli points at Venti* *Devil points at Venti* Venti: *shrugs* I would kill me too.

Terry: ?????

Nightmare, laughing her ass off: HOLY ARCHONS-

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Ash: Are you laughing at that video of Nightmare and Aether fighting? Venti: No. Venti: I'm laughing at the comments.

[Nightmare whooped Aethers ass btw, ain't no way he was gonna beat a psychotic 7000+ dragon lol-]

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*Having a argument*

Venti : Go fuck yourself. Terry: Come over here and fuck me yourself you coward!

Nightmare: if you're gonna do that you both better go back to your house, there is no way I'm letting u two fuck each other in my kitchen.

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[None of them canonly smoke in my au btw]

Nightmare, rubbing their temples: I am not proud of what I am about to say, but someone get me a cigarette. Ash: But Nightmare, we don't smoke. Nightmare: Cut the crap, Ash. I'm not an idiot. I know that one in five people smoke. Nightmare: *points at Zhongli* One!* points at Xiao* Two! *points at Devil* Three! *points at Venti* Four! *points at Ash* Five! Nightmare: Now, I am going to close my eyes, and when I open them, there better be a cigarette between these two fingers! Zhongli: *puts a cigarette in Nightmare's hand* Nightmare: Thank you Love. …Light? The Squad: *all simultaneously pull out lighters*

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Aether: If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're impressed. Xiao: But you do know better.

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Xiao: Aether, why are you crying? Aether: This book is so sad!! Xiao, picking it up: But this is my diary-

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Venti: Good news! I didn’t screw up! Terry: … Venti: I screwed up less badly than usual! Terry: … Venti: Screwed up with less immediate consequences than usual.

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Ash: :) Nightmare: >:( Ash: Turn that frown upside down! Nightmare: ):< Ash: Not sure what I was expecting…

[this is way too accurate to me and my mom irl lol-]

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Ash : Wanna get out of here and grab a bite to eat. Venti: I don’t usually eat with losers. Ash : Neither do I but I asked you, didn’t I?

[My mom hates Venti, But my Brother loves him lol-]

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Zhongli : This can’t get any worse. Can it? Nightmare: Sure it can- just give me a minute.

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Zhongli: The real treasure was the memories we made along the way. Terry: I almost died. Zhongli: That… was my favorite memory.

Nightmare, laughing her ass off: Agreed-

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Terry: Heyyy Venti, how’s your… drink?? Venti: What do you mean drink? It’s coffee. Terry: You sure?? *Looks to coffee maker* Venti: *Looks to coffee maker* *Cement sitting beside the coffee maker* Venti:…I’m on my third fucking drink right now, I should be dead. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nightmare, looking at their watch: It has been 2 hours and sixteen minutes since I’ve been insulted. Nightmare: It’s been about 5 seconds since I’ve been assaulted, but let’s not talk about that.

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Terry: Shut up, you’re messing with my train of thought! Nightmare: I thought you didn’t have a brain and now you say you have thoughts?

[Me & My brother irl:]

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Venti: *slowly pushes a cannon into a 17th century bank* Okay everyone, be cool. This is a robbery.

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Venti: Why don't we just call it, "M.C. Donald's?" Xiao: Because it just sounds like a stupid rapper's name. Aether: It'd just be like- "Eyo, it's ya boy, M.C. Donald!"

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Venti: Look at the buns on that guy! Nightmare: *lying on the floor, covered in hamburger buns* Fuck you. Terry: This is the comedy police! The joke's too funny! Venti: I'm not going back to jail!

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Zhongli: The ‘how the fucks’ and 'why are you so dumbs’ don’t matter. All that matters is that I have a new gun.

Nightmare: *was the one who bought him it* ^^

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*Terry is laying on the floor with their eyes closed* Nightmare: Hey, are they sleeping or dead? Zhongli: Hopefully dead, I hated them. Nightmare: Yeah, me too. Terry , sitting up: First of all, fuck you guys.

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Venti: You call yourself my soulmate, but where were you when my meme only had four likes? Terry : Making four accounts. Venti, tearing up: Really…?

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Zhongli: You wanna fight?! You got one! Venti : Okay! *raises fists* *Terry runs in, scoops Venti up in their arms, and runs away carrying them* Zhongli: Zhongli: What?

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Xiao: Due to personal reasons, I will be fucking sinking to the bottom of the ocean in a large metal box. Terry: Did Aether say 'I love you' and you said 'Thanks'? Xiao: THE REASONS ARE PERSONAL–

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*The gang when they drop food on the floor* Ash: Aw man. *Throws it away* Terry: Five second rule! Devil : Foolish germs, thinking they can stop me!? Eats it off the floor Nightmare: *Sobs on the floor*

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Ash: Hey, Joe said he's coming over this afternoon. Terry: Cool. Ash: Do you know who Joe is? Terry: JOE MAMA! Nightmare, not even looking up from their phone: Damn, that backfired.

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Devil: Can I have some water? Terry: *starts chugging their water bottle* Terry: *chokes from drinking too fast* Terry: *spills water all over themself* Terry, coughing: I don't have any water.

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Venti : As someone who has a long history of not understanding anything, I feel confident in my ability to continue not knowing what is going on.

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Terry: A party is a celebration of a life, bringing people together to let the guest of honor know how much they’re loved. Nightmare has done so much for us. This is our chance to do something for them. Zhongli: By forcing them to have fun at a party that they don’t want to be at? Terry: I knew you’d understand.

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Zhongli: What's gone wrong, Aether? Aether: Hey! That’s one hell of a thing to say to a person. Just because I’m calling doesn’t mean there’s a crisis. Zhongli: That’s technically true, I suppose. Why are you calling? Aether: Well… There’s a crisis.

[lol Father-In-Law & Son-In-Law having a normal conversation]

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Devil : Hey Zhongli, Nightmare just broke my seashell lamp. Zhongli: Neat. I’m gonna die alone. Devil : Okay, you win.

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Terry: Hey, do you know the password to Nightmare’s computer? Zhongli: Fuck you, Terry. Terry: Hey!! Zhongli: No, you misunderstood, the password is "fuckyouTerry". Terry: Oh, no numbers? Not very safe.

[Not her password btw lol-]

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Aether: A SPIDEEER!!!!!! Venti: KILL IT! SMASH IT! Terry : BURN IT! Nightmare: STAB IT! WITH A KNIFE! GET ME THE SHOTGUN! Ash: Awww, it’s so cute! Look at it!

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Drunk! Aether: Babe, you're so funny! Nightmare: We have 1492 days until your tragic premature death. You will break my trust three times before that happens, but I forgive you. Drunk! Aether: Awwww, that's sweet of you!

Nightmare: Aether where is your Boyfriend even?

Drunk! Aether: idk-

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Nightmare: Alright, listen up you little shits. Nightmare: Not you Aether. You’re an angel and we’re thrilled you’re here.

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Zhongli: Don’t be sad! Nightmare: Why not? Zhongli: Zhongli: I don’t have a good answer.

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Xiao: Play to your strengths. Terry: I haven’t got any!

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Terry: So what are your political beliefs? Venti, awkwardly trying to impress them: Well, I think Pikachu would be a lot more powerful if he had a gun.

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Devil : I feel like the world would be better if I'd never been born. Ash: Aw… that's not true. Ash: It'd be exactly the same. Ash: You're not important.

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Xiao: If I see a bug, I simply leave the room elegantly and require someone else do something about it. Xiao: If no one fulfills my wish, I simply never go back in there.

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Xiao: I know where you live. Devil : Where? Xiao: In a house.

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Zhongli: Dearly Beloved, we are here today to remember Nightmare, taken from us in the prime of life; when they were crushed by a runaway semi, driven by the Incredible Hulk. Nightmare: Aww, you knew my favorite cause of death.

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The gang responding to being stabbed by a sword Devil : Rude. Aether: That's fair. Zhongli: Not again. Nightmare: Are you gonna want this back or can I keep it?

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*At a dinner party, the guests converse while the host is away* Xiao: So how do you know the host? Venti: They were a former vegan, and they bought milk. Terry: That BITCH! Aether: I pulled them over for money laundering. Devil : I'm chaperoning their dinner party. Zhongli: They stole a baconator! Terry: That BITCH! Xiao: I tanked the store they were managing and they convinced me to quit from one of the only jobs I've ever had. Now I'm living off of unemployment checks and fear!

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Venti: So what’s for dinner? Terry: I can’t tell you, it’s a soup-prise! Venti: … Venti: Is it soup? Terry: I soup-pose it could be! winks Venti: Please, enough with the soup puns! Terry: Wow, you’re soup-per mean. Venti: STOP! *one hour later* Venti: It’s fucking tacos?!?!?!

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Zhongli, about a fight between Nightmare and Terry: It scares me how many knives were involved. Venti: There… weren’t any knives involved though? Zhongli: That’s what scares me.

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*The squad is asked what they would do with 5 children with only 3 chairs.* Zhongli: Get two more chairs! Devil: They can get their own chairs. Terry: Make them fight for it. Nightmare: You only need one chair to beat them all with. Xiao : I would never be near children. Venti: Kill two.

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Devil: Hey. Ash : Hey? Devil: I can't sleep. :/ Ash : I can. Goodnight.

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Zhongli: Do you know the ABCs of first aid? Nightmare: A. Bone. Coming out of the skin is very bad.

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Zhongli: I love hearing Nightmare shouting at someone else. It makes such a nice change.

[She only yells at you when you do something stupid Zhongli-]

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Devil: What is this!? Aether : That’s the weight of guilt. Give in to the nice side. Help those unfortunate, and make the guilt go away, my friend. Devil: Ow! Make it stop! Aether : Surrender to your kindness, Devil. It’s nice to be nice. Devil: Your guilt is strong, my friend. But it is no match for the power of my selfishness!

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Xiao: I started school with straight A’s. Now I’m not even straight.

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Venti, who was dared to flirt with Nightmare: Is this mistletoe? Nightmare: Uh, no, no, that is basil. Venti: Too bad cause if it was mistletoe I was gonna kiss you. Nightmare: Yeah, no, it’s still basil.

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*Venti & Terry, in a room with Nightmare, Ash, and Zhongli*

Venti: It’s. . . calm in here. . .?

Nightmare: . . .

Ash: . . .

Zhongli: . . .

Terry: It scares me…

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Venti: Would you slap Terry- Nightmare: Yes. Venti: I didn't even finish! Nightmare: Sorry, continue. Venti: Would you slap Terry for 10 dollars? Nightmare: I would do it for free. Terry: Rude…

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Ash: You're violent. Aether: Yeah but I'm also short and that's adorable.

Xiao: Can comfirm.

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Nightmare, walking into their house: Hello, people who do not live here. Aether: Hey. Venti: Hi. Ash: Hello. Devil : Hey! Nightmare: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only! Zhongli: They were out of Doritos, 爱. [爱 means Love]

Nightmare: At Least Terry isn't here. . .

[He actually wasn't there lol-]

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Venti : They made Terry cry! Nightmare: Terry always cries! Terry: That's not true! *cries*

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Ash: Tired of just deserving better. Gonna start taking it by force.

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Zhongli: Dude, I will never forgive Craigslist for banning me after I wrote a post seeking a sworn nemesis. Whoever reported that is obviously my nemesis but I was so pissed.

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Venti: My friends say I'm the most charismatic out of the group. Devil : Well, you always have a smile on your face. Venti: Thank you. Devil : Devil : What drugs do you take?

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Zhongli: Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake. Venti: Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear. Zhongli: … Zhongli: You mean ring bearER, right? Venti: … Zhongli: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to MY & NIGHTMARE's wedding.Whispering: I just got her to agree to marry me too-

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*after discussing a plan* Nightmare: Does anyone have any questions? Xiao: Is this legal? Nightmare: Does anyone have any relevant questions?

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Nightmare: What do you want for breakfast? Venti: I WISH TO DEVOUR THE UNBORN. Terry: Terry: They want eggs.

Nightmare: why are u two even at my house again?

Terry: We were hungry and in the area-

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Xiao: Relationships should be 50/50. Aether cooks us dinner while I sit on the kitchen counter looking pretty.

[Xiao can't cook in my au, tho he and Aether do still live with Nightmare & Zhongli-]

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Ash: Venti, you look deep in thought. What’s wrong? Venti: Did you know you can look at any object and know what it’s like to lick it? Even if you’ve never touched it before? Ash: I’m never asking you anything ever again.

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Zhongli: Blue M&Ms are the best. Terry: WHAT IS THIS SLANDER? Zhongli: What about it? They are. Terry: I WILL NOT ALLOW SUCH LIES ON MY MINECRAFT SERVER! Terry: THE RED ONES ARE THE BEST! Zhongli: YEAH? WELL YOUR MOM'S A HOE! Venti: They're all chocolate inside, the colors don't mean anything. Devil: I like the yellow ones. Also why'd you call my wife a Hoe? Zhongli and Terry: SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!

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Terry: Thank you for not saying "I told you so." Xiao: When you’re as right as I am, you don’t have to say it.

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that's all for today, I think I went a little overboard so sorry about that! Hope you enjoyed it tho!

#oc x canon #lgbt #gay #genshin impact #incorrect quotes #genshin impact au #genshin au #zhongli x oc #zhongli genshin impact #zhongli #genshin zhongli #genshin impact zhongli #xiaother #genshin xiao #genshin #xiao #genshin venti #archons

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