#the classics have so many great and weird stories

[roosterforme]

Covering the Classics Part 2 | Bob Floyd x OC

Summary: Anna knows her new coworkers want her to meet their friend Bob. But she's too hesitant, afraid to get herself in a situation where she's pining after someone new. During a spur of the moment shopping trip, Bob is delighted to bump into a woman he can only describe as adorable. Too bad he's never been great at the follow through.

Warnings: Fluff, angst, adult language, eventually 18+

Length: 3600 words

Pairing: Robert "Bob" Floyd x Female OC (this story is part of the Beer Boy/Sugar and Jake/Jessica universe)

Covering the Classics masterlist. Check my masterlist for more! Thank you to @mak-32 for the beautiful banner!

By the end of her first week teaching, Anna had learned many things, almost like she was a student herself. That nice, secluded ladies' restroom she found was secluded because one of the toilets regularly overflowed. The coffee in the teacher's lounge was actually disgusting, but the donuts were available every day. And Dr. Pham from the sociology department asked her out three times on Thursday, apparently because she wore her hair in two braids like Princess Anna from Frozen, a mistake she wouldn't be making again.

And she was so tired. She started to lose her voice on Friday morning from how much she had to talk in her lectures. She took the wrong notes to class with her and had to improvise an hour long class on Emily Dickinson, because she was too afraid to give one of her students the keys to her office door. So she sweated it out, but managed to sound somewhat coherent as she dismissed her class at noon.

She pressed her lips together. If she ran to get her sandwich and peanuts really quickly, she could join her new friends by the weird tree. After two days of joining them for lunch, she really liked both of them. She just didn't want to get their hopes up about their friend Bob whom she was supposedly perfect for.

Anna wasn't perfect for anybody. And frankly this Bob guy sounded like a dreamboat, which just made it worse. He'd probably laugh after taking one look at her, and if she opened her mouth and tried to talk to him, he'd run away scared. She already turned down their invitation to go to the Navy hangout bar on Saturday night, citing that she was too exhausted. But it was really because she needed to stand firm with herself and do everything she could to protect her feelings from now on. 

After another few seconds of contemplation, she went to her office and got her lunch before heading to the quad. But today it was just Jessica there eating lasagna and garlic bread from a plastic container while Anna's stomach growled in jealousy. 

"Hi," she greeted after she chewed up a bite of her perfect looking lunch. "It's just us today. Dr. Rosenthal apparently had a bunch of questions about the math curriculum and took Advanced Calculus out for a long working lunch at Covewood."

Anna had barely been in the city for more than two weeks, but even she had heard of Covewood. "That's a five star restaurant. A romantic date night hot spot."

"Mmhmm," Jessica agreed as she sunk her perfect teeth into the garlic bread.

Anna realized her own experience was fueling her next sentences, but she said them anyway. "Isn't she married? Her husband is okay with that?" she asked softly.

Advanced Physics burst into laughter. "Bradley loves Dr. Rosenthal. He's in his seventies, and he's one of the sweetest people at the school. They have him over for dinner sometimes. He actually did my tenure review."

"Oh," Anna replied, embarrassed that she could hardly relate to someone who trusted their spouse. "That actually sounds really nice."

"Hey, are you sure you don't want to come out tomorrow night? No pressure. I just think you'd have a fun time. The guys are all sweethearts."

Anna looked down at herself and her sad sandwich. She didn't even have money to spare for a beer that she would probably drink half of before she wanted to leave. And it didn't matter if the guys were sweet, she knew her two new friends would be champing at the bit to see how she and this Bob person interacted. "Not this weekend," she replied. "Maybe another night."

Instead of socializing, she spent her Saturday window shopping in North Park. She had a budget of exactly zero dollars, but she could entertain herself for hours this way. She gasped when she found a two story bookshop that claimed it contained new and used and rare finds, and she ran across the street to get to it. 

It was darker and quieter inside than the sunlit, traffic filled streets, and when Anna took a deep breath, it reminded her of a cozy library. The clerk behind the register waved instead of speaking, so really, it just kept getting better. When she noticed the wooden sign on the wall informing her that The Classics were upstairs, she made her way up the creaky steps to a loft area with row after row of tall shelves. 

"Perfect," she muttered, walking to the end of the open space and turning down the last tight row of bookshelves. She wasn't alone, but the only other occupant was a tall, slim man with broad shoulders and tidy, sandy colored hair. He seemed to be so absorbed by what he was reading, he didn't look up when Anna reached for an enormous copy of Shakespeare plays.

She almost moaned out loud; it was annotated and contained every play she had to teach in her Thursday morning English 300 class. It was well worn, and the cover felt nice in her hands. Shit. Of course it was seventy bucks. That was more than she spent on groceries last week. Maybe she could expense it to the department? She should probably know how to do that. Maybe she could text one of her new friends and ask if that was allowed. 

But she slid the book back into place as a Vonnegut she didn't yet own caught her eye. She reached out for it with a steady hand, but as soon as her fingertips met the spine, a much larger hand, complete with graceful yet calloused fingers, wrapped around hers. Everything suddenly smelled clean like soap and also intriguingly like tea leaves. And then she heard a voice next to her ear that made her bite down on her lip as a ripple of pleasure teased her spine. 

"Oh. I'm so sorry."

--------------------------

Bob had never been to this store before, and he wasn't really planning on stopping by today, but Mickey dragged him in and then ditched him for the children's section at the back of the store. Bob looked around downstairs, but as a poetry fan, he found that section to be seriously lacking, so he headed up to the loft instead.

He considered himself well-read until he realized how many classic novels he'd never even heard of before. And they all sounded really depressing. Which was kind of the point, he supposed, but if he was going to get something new to read, he was in the mood for a more upbeat story. Maybe a romance or a European adventure he could get lost in. Maybe a sweeping, romantic tale where the nice guy gets the girl for once. 

After several tries, he still wasn't finding anything close to what he was hoping for. As he re-shevled The Bell Jar, he decided to just reach for a book at random. Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut? Maybe that would be more his speed. But when he reached for it, his fingers wrapped around a soft hand complete with glossy, burgundy fingernails instead of the actual book. He jumped an inch in the air, because he hadn't even been aware anyone else was in the aisle with him, let alone a woman who smelled like sweet perfume.

"Oh. I'm so sorry," he stammered, already mortified. Then she turned to look at him over her shoulder, and he wanted to jump off the loft railing and run out the shop door. There was only one word to accurately describe her: adorable. She had dark red hair done up in a messy braid, big brown eyes, and a smattering of freckles across her nose. "Oh."

"It's okay," she replied softly as she tried to hand him the book. "You can have it."

He shook his head, completely distracted, as he kept finding more things about her face that he liked. A grin curled along his lips as he said, "No, it's all yours. Really. I was just looking for something new to read."

She glanced down at the cover and then back at his face, and maybe he was imagining things, but it looked like she was blushing a bit. "Wow. I wasn't really expecting anyone else to be interested in reading a sarcastic take on global destruction on a sunny Saturday afternoon."

His eyebrows shot up. "Is that what it's about?"

Her laughter was also adorable. "Yeah, I mean... it's Vonnegut," she said with a bit of an eye roll. Oh no. She knew what she was talking about, and he kind of didn't. He was probably about to sound like an idiot. 

Bob cleared his throat and pointed at a random spine to buy himself time. "What's this one about?"

She cocked her head slightly to the side and said, "Two murders and a kidnapping."

"Oh," he said with a little laugh. "No thanks. How about this one?"

He wasn't even looking at the books now at all, preferring to watch her facial expression change as she checked another title. "Oh, that one's good. Also about murder."

He chuckled and pointed at another. "This one?"

She smirked and looked up at him. "Jealousy, rage, hatred, and also a lot of murder."

"Wow," Bob replied with what he was sure was a stupid looking smile. "I was hoping for something a little tamer? Perhaps less murder-y? Maybe I should go down and look in the children's section?" He jerked his thumb over his shoulder and listened to her laugh again.

"I could recommend a few books with little to no murder. Maybe even a happy ending," she told him, and he watched as she pushed her braid over her shoulder. 

"I'll believe it when I see it," he said as he crossed his arms over his chest. To his shock and amazement, her gaze followed his movement, and her blush returned.

When her tongue darted out between her lips, Bob could feel his heart beating in his temples. Her brown eyes drifted back up to his face, and he wondered if this was how Jake or Bradley used to feel when girls paid attention to them at the bar. It was decidedly really exciting. 

He was going to be bold like his friends. He was going to ask her for her number. Maybe he'd see if she wanted to help him shop for some books, and he could buy her that horrible Vonnegut that she wanted, and then he'd ask her very nicely for her number. 

"Floyd!"

Bob watched you jump as Mickey's voice echoed through the store.

"Floyd! Let's go!"

"S-Sorry," Bob muttered, stepping past her and heading for the loft railing. "Just... hang on for one second?"

As soon as Mickey looked up and saw him, he said, "We gotta go, man. I got some books for my nephews, but we'll be late to grab a drink before D&D if we don't leave now. You know how she gets when we're late." He was shaking a bag of books and heading for the door.

Bob did know for a fact that Jessica got annoyed when they showed up late because they got hungry or distracted on the way to The Hard Deck. "Just give me a minute," he told Mickey, but he was already outside. 

He swiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and turned around to find the aisle empty. Oh no. He checked the next row of shelves, and the next, and the next, until he got all the way to the stairs, but the adorable redhead was nowhere to be found. And he had no idea what her name was. 

"Hello?" he called out softly, checking each aisle again until he was back where he started. Bob might have believed that he imagined the whole entire exchange with an attractive woman, except that there was one book propped up against the others right where he and she had been standing. 

"A Room With a View by E. M. Forster," he mumbled as he picked it up and turned it over in his hands. He glanced around again, but she was well and truly gone, leaving nothing except for what seemed like a book recommendation. 

"Floyd!"

Bob sighed and tipped his head back in frustration. "Coming!"

He descended the stairs slowly, head swiveling in every direction, searching for brown eyes and a braid while he held the book. Gone. He paid for A Room With a View and headed outside to find Mickey looking quite annoyed. What he didn't see was the mystery girl watching him from the far end of the loft.

-----------------------

"She was real," Bob insisted as he held his glass of ginger ale a little tighter. "Just because you were too busy yelling doesn't mean I made her up in my mind. She had red hair and brown eyes."

Mickey gave him a skeptical look. "That's actually a really rare combination. And I know for a fact you happen to have an excellent imagination, my friend."

Bob cradled his forehead in his hand. "Why didn't I ask for her name and number?" Then he paused. "You know what? It doesn't even matter. There's no way she would have agreed to give it to me." 

He thought about the book he bought sitting on the front seat of his truck next to his dice bag and character sheet, and he considered just going home for the night. Maybe he could start to read the book. Maybe he'd feel like writing.

Then he felt an arm slip around his waist. "Hi, Jessica," he said as he blushed when he looked down at Jake's petite girlfriend. A second later, Bradley's wife was next to him as well, and Bob realized they were wearing matching smirks.

"Hey, Bob," Jessica replied, giving him a little squeeze. "We were just wondering if you happened to like redheads."

Mickey snickered before he tipped his beer bottle back and finished the drink. "He loves them. Daydreams about them."

Bob shot him a withering look. "She was real."

"Who was real?" Bradley's wife asked as her husband came up behind her and set his chin on her shoulder. Great, now he was going to have a full audience of people informed about his embarrassing afternoon of not even knowing how to ask a woman what her name was.

"There was a cute girl at the bookstore in North Park earlier," he muttered. "She had red hair, and I fumbled the ball."

Bradley chuckled. "You know what your problem is, right? You're too nice. Sugar met me when I was an absolute fuckboy, and she fell hard."

"I've been having a decade long lapse of judgement," she replied, and Bradley kissed her neck. "Don't listen to him, Bob. Girls love nice guys."

But Bob knew they didn't. Even the woman from the bookstore dodged him after approximately five minutes of flirting. If you could even call that flirting. He finished his ginger ale, and said, "We need to go. It's almost time for D&D. I'll drive."

Mickey nodded and said, "I'm ready." He could probably tell Bob had reached his limit with this conversation. His friend may be an extrovert to the extreme, but he was good at recognizing when Bob needed a break.

Jessica nodded as well and patted him on the chest before she pranced off into Jake's open arms. They shared the most adorable looking kisses before Jake straightened out her glasses and tucked her hair behind her ear. "Have her home by midnight, Bob!" he called as he released her. 

Bob nodded wishing there was someone besides the elderly woman who lived in the duplex next to him that cared if he was out past midnight or not. Even though he always looked forward to playing Dungeons & Dragons, he kind of wanted to head home and call it an early night. Nothing sounded as good as sending an email to Nat before reading his new book. But he would wait until later, and maybe he would even be in the mood to get his laptop out.

-----------------------

Anna went back to her studio apartment empty handed. Well, that wasn't quite true. She didn't buy any books, but she did splurge on a six dollar bottle of wine which would probably taste disgusting. She just hoped it would help her sleep through the night after reading some sad poetry and eating a piece of toast for dinner. 

That guy from the bookstore was going to linger in her mind for a long time whether she wanted him to or not. She was more attracted to him after five minutes in his presence than she was to Kevin at any point in the past five years. And if she was going to start thinking about Kevin, she was probably going to cry. 

The toast was good, but the wine was bad. And she did cry a little bit. She was never going to get attached to the idea of being in a relationship ever again. She was never going to have herself that level of intimacy just to have it ripped away. She wouldn't allow it. Relying on herself would have to be enough. Handsome strangers with muscular, veiny arms and cute glasses who made her laugh were not part of the plan. That's why she ducked behind the end cap after she left him a book she thought he might like. She watched him buy it for himself, which left her almost breathless. If she allowed herself to, she could picture him sitting in a coffee shop sipping some tea and reading that book.

"Enough," she whispered, vision a little sloppy from the wine. She opened up the website called PoetsAmongUs, read a bookmarked collection about how good it would feel to be loved completely, and passed out. 

The realization that she was going to have to spend all of Sunday afternoon getting ready for the week was made slightly easier by the fact that she only had four hundred square feet of space to clean. And then she thought about the beautiful home she once had in New Jersey, and she had to finish the bottle of wine to help her get through her notes on The Great Gatsby.

She was still thinking about that hot guy with the glasses on Monday when she grabbed a donut from the teacher's lounge. Indulging in a little fantasy here and there about being loved and cared for wouldn't be so bad. And putting his face to it just made it even sexier. When she wasn't teaching, she let her mind wander to some possibilities that would never happen again. Pretty eyes, lean muscles, soft looking hair, pink cheeks. He probably had nice friends, too. He probably never cheated on anything in his life.

"Hey, Anna? Are you alright?"

She looked up from her bag of peanuts and realized she'd been so deep in thought, she wasn't paying attention to the lunch conversation. "I'm sorry," she replied, fighting the urge to groan. She wasn't very good at this stuff and should have probably just eaten lunch in her office like she did the past few days. The fact that it was Wednesday and she was still distracted was concerning to her. 

"Don't apologize. You just seem lost in thought," said Jessica as she ate another perfect looking lunch. 

"Do you want some chips and hummus? Bradley packed me too much food today," her other friend said. And of course he did, because he sounded like a damn dream.

Anna ate a few chips and sighed. "Have either of you ever had your heart smashed to bits?" She didn't really mean to say that out loud, but now that she had, she was met with an awkward silence that she wanted to run away from. 

"Yeah," Advanced Calculus replied softly. "And I did it to myself."

"Not my heart as much as my hopes and dreams," Advanced Physics added. "But for me, I think that was much worse."

Now the silence that followed wasn't quite as painful, but Anna was still a little embarrassed. "Yeah. All of the above." She cleared her throat and tried to think of something else to talk about, but her mind was still on the bookstore. "Hey, why didn't you tell me that San Diego is full of hot guys? They are literally everywhere. I went window shopping in North Park and got sucked into a bookstore, and I bumped into a guy with glasses who smelled so nice."

"Ohhh, what did he look like?"

Anna sighed. "You know how you can just tell a guy is really strong even though he doesn't have bulging muscles?"

"Mmhmm."

"He was like that." Anna bit into her sandwich and chewed it slowly. "Pretty eyes, kind of the color of a lake. Sandy hair. Wire glasses. Soft spoken. He smelled like a cup of tea." 

A few seconds later, she was snapped back from her drifting thoughts as Advanced Calculus asked, "Did you say this was at a bookstore in North Park?"

"Yes," Anna replied with a nod. 

"Did you get his name?" Advanced Physics asked. 

"No," she answered, still embarrassed over the fact that she hid from him.

And then she thought she was going to get whiplash again.

"Was he about six feet tall?"

"Was he slim but not skinny?"

"Did he blush when he smiled?"

"Will you please come to the Hard Deck this weekend?"

--------------------------

Bradley is so proud of the fact that Sugar fell for him when they were in college. Beer Boy just gets better with age. This little Bob and Anna meet cute might spell disaster when they figure it all out! Thanks to @mak-32 and @beyondthesefourwalls

PART 3

@thedroneranger

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#bob floyd x oc #robert bob floyd x oc #robert bob floyd #bob floyd #bob floyd imagine #robert floyd imagine #robert floyd x oc #bob floyd fic #bob floyd fanfiction #robert floyd fic #robert floyd #top gun imagine #top gun maverick imagine #top gun fanfiction #top gun maverick fanfiction #roosterforme #covering the classics

[monrageo]

Saw a lot of Spider-Steve art so I had to jump in. Most art modernised him but I want my 80s, mallrat, neon lights Spider-Man + I wrote his origin story. *POSES FOUND ON PINTEREST*

Also Steve looks great in the classic red and blue but I wanted him to have his own costume so yellow he shall be. Now onto my headcanons.

In a world where Hawkins is a megapolis a teen boy gets bitten by a radioactive spider in 83’ while visiting Hawkins Lab (Think less abandoned more Oscorp/Alchemax) and so it begins. He starts doing small good things around the city, experimenting with his powers.

But he isn’t thinking about being a superhero or anything close to that (I imagine the drawing with the sweats and goggles is his first “costume”). Then he gets with this amazing girl-Nancy Wheeler.

Life is looking up for Steve he’s got these weird powers that get him to be the basketball and swim team captain. He’s popular, he’s got this amazing girl that inspires him to be better and better.

He looses his popular crowd friends, he wants to be better. He starts thinking about the superhero thing and actually goes through with it. He isn’t shouting it from the rooftops but news is getting around that a guy in spandex is busting criminals- Spider-man/King Spider.

Steve gets cocky, thinks he’s on top of the world, untouchable. Then Will Byers goes missing-that’s a whole separate story. Nancy and John start their investigation. Steve gets jealous etc.

In the end a battle breaks out and Steve is unable to save one person-Barbara Holland. His girlfriend’s best friend. That of course destroys Nancy. She doesn’t know Steve is Spider-man, she seeks comfort in him but things are not the same.

There’s this whole thing with Jonathan, the obvious attraction, the compatibility. But also Steve’s guilt, his self hatred. He realises he was too blindsided by his cockiness. Barb’s death is on his hands. He breaks up with Nancy and solely focuses on being the best Spider-man he can be.

That of course costs him friends etc. but when you’ve been through what he has high school drama just seems pointless… and so King Steve falls from the throne.

I imagine the Nancy story line parallels the Gwen Stacy one in the original comics (without the death and clones), maybe Nancy even blames and hates Spider-man the way Gwen did… that also contributes to the Stancy break-up.

Perhaps Nancy becomes hyper focused on catching this Spider-man so he can be held accountable for Barb’s death.

Anyways now Steddie, I think Eddie would love Spider-man / King Spider he’s some guy with spider powers and bright spandex that helps people, super camp, Eddie would love him.

I think Steve starts noticing Eddie in a new light when his lunch table tirades now also include how awesome spider-man is. This unapologetic support makes the now loser Steve feel like it is all worth it-the stress, the pain, the loneliness-

Tough he of course knows Eddie isn’t talking about him, he’s talking about Spider-man, the hero. Not the former popular guy Steve Harrington.

I have many ideas regarding a Stranger things!Spider-verse and which characters could be what. Maybe Barb’s death was something Lizard-like, but upside down version. Like something from the lap infected her? I like the idea of Steve’s father being involved in the labs, perhaps as a Norman Osborn parallel, without becoming the Goblin though.

The goblin/Norman/Harry Osborn storyline could be reimagined with Tommy perhaps??? Then Venom with Eddie (so perfect) or Billy (a tragic end)??

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #spiderman #spidersona #digital art #monrageo art

[adventures-in-mangaland]

I'm going with 10 All Time Classics from the Captain America (MCU) fandom. I mean, they're all classics to me, at least. In no particular order:

1. This, You Protect by owlet

First installment in the Infinite Coffee and Protection Detail series, which are all amazing. It's a “Bucky escaping Hydra and rebuilding his sense of self” fic, which he does while spying on Steve. With eventual Avengers Family and a lovely cast of OCs bonding with Bucky in the meantime. It has a very distinctive perspective and writing style; Bucky's in constant internal (and sometimes accidentally external) dialogue with himself, making it hilarious and tragic all at the same time. I love it. I've recently been getting into The Murderbot Diaries by Martha Wells and this Bucky has a similar sassy-but-vulnerable vibe? Read this if you like that, anyway.

2. The One Who Knows by Dira Sudis (dsudis)

This is a Political Animals AU, in that no-powers Steve is inserted into the Political Animals world and Bucky is TJ. Discusses being outed and depression but is ultimately hopeful. The author is one of my all time faves and has written lots of great stories for this and many other fandoms.

3. Blue Scales by chaya

Steve is a merman AU. He's still Captain America, though. It's crack with heart, I love it.

Best line: "May your scales and your love story be our weird secret forever.”

4. Our Lingering Frost by eyres

AU where Bucky is rescued from Hydra in the 50s (?) and so is around for Steve to be found.

5. Assets Out of Containment by follow_the_sun

It's a classic to *me*, OK? Bucky goes undercover at Jurassic World just as that movie's plot kicks off. They're Hydra dinosaurs! It's just great. Also has a podfic and crossovers with Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

6. Not Easily Conquered (series) by dropdeaddream and WhatAreFears

Some of the greatest fanfiction I've ever read, the whole series is epic. Anyway, it's a "Steve doesn't go into the ice" AU with added queer angst when (never sent) love letters from Bucky resurface. I particularly like the second installment in the series The Thirteen Letters, which are just Bucky's letters and are insanely well-written.

7. to memory now I can't recall by Etharei

Time travel AU! Featuring post-CATWS Bucky accidentally switching places with CATFA era Bucky.

8. If Wishing Made It So by Leveragehunters (Monkeygreen)

Genie!Bucky AU! This author is great at writing AUs with fantasy/genre elements, it was hard to choose. They've also written an excellent werewolf!Steve AU and a horse!Steve AU that I really love.

9. Into That Good Night by Nonymos

An Interstellar AU! Very angsty and tragic but with an eventual happy ending.

10. Goodbye Piccadilly, Farewell Leicester Square by Speranza

Speranza must be one of the best writers in the fandom, so it was hard to pick just one of their fics. Other strong contenders were All the Angels and the Saints and The Fifties, so check those out too! But this one has a special place in my heart. Steve, Tony and Natasha accidentally time travel to WW2 London, leading to an accidental run-in with CATFA-era Bucky. The author does tragic and romantic time travel tropes so well, but with a happy ending.

I now realise that most of these are AUs, so here’s a bonus rec for a non-AU in-universe story that’s severely underrated and deserves more love:

+1

Heart, Have No Pity on this House of Bone by Sena

This story follows Bucky in-action in the Pacific Theatre. It’s very well written and, from what I can tell, well researched. Steve only appears in Bucky’s imagination and the story focuses on the horrors of war rather than romance, but it’s gripping! And it explores unrequited love, being closeted and period-typical homophobia, which I also enjoyed. I’m still holding out hope for a sequel.

#wow throwback #found this in my drafts #originally intended for international fanworks day #yikes #anyway #fic recs #fic rec friday #international fanworks day #captain america #fanfiction #mcu #stucky #nostalgia #kind of an old fandom for me now #but still #classic fics #fandom classics #stucky fic recs #stucky fic #my fic recs #my fic rec posts

[ceilidho]

hi hi hi ceil! I hope you're doing well. My new year's resolution is to read more books, and I was just wondering if there were any you would rec? I really enjoy the stuff you right, and wondered where you get the inspiration from

hi hi!!!! im doing great actually, i had a nice day :))

oh i have SO many!! these are just my personal favourite and i read a lot of literary fiction and non-fiction and 'weird' lit, so hopefully something on this list sounds fun to you:

glass, irony, and god by anne carson [poetry - although i would recommend absolutely anything by anne carson]

half-light: collected poems 1965-2016 by frank bidart [poetry - honestly one of the poets you MUST read if you love poetry in my opinion - bidart, carson, dionne brand, louise gluck, paul celan, maggie nelson, adrienne rich, rainer maria rilke, t.s eliot, jan zwicky, kahlil gibran]

rings of saturn by w.g. sebald [literary fiction - unnamed narrator takes a walking tour of suffolk, england, and the book is about the encoded meaning found in everything; i love sebald so so much]

house of leaves by mark danielewski [architectural / weird horror; cult classic; spooky and eerie in the best way; high concept, a bit complicated to follow but worth it]

drive your plow over the bones of the dead by olga tokarczuk [fiction / thriller, a bit - read this last month and this book hooked me oh my god, it was so good]

severance by ling ma [apocalyptic / post-apocalyptic - possibly one of my fave books in this genre]

the overstory by richard powers [environmental fiction - multiple different narratives that sometimes converge, sometimes don't; truly had me weepy at points] (also, if you like environmental books, the golden spruce by john vaillant)

the complete cosmicomics by italo calvino [strange literary fiction, short stories - oh these are so delightfully strange and zippy and weird, they feel like eating starbursts or something!!!]

underland by robert macfarlane [non-fiction - this consumed me for days when i read oh my god. all about underground structures, catacombs, caves and caving, mines, radioactive waste disposal, etc]

the lonely city by olivia laing [non-fiction - a sad book, but still hopeful; she has such insightful commentary on art and queer history too]

the library at mount char by scott hawkins [weird fiction - so cool, SUCH a cool fun book oh my god. very interesting premise and executed to perfection]

some other names i'd recommend: eileen myles, maggie nelson, rebecca solnit, and ursula k. leguin (for your scifi/fantasy needs)

#book recs

[sugaredrhubarb]

Reading with Ru: Aug/Sept Fic Recs

I know I'm certainly in need of some positivity and escapism lately, so I'm gonna try to do semi-regular fic and book recs! Starting with a retroactive what I've been reading from the past couple of months with this account! (I might go back in time and make an all-time rec list later)

COD

starting with cod because i know most of you go here

Sergeant Squeaks by @charliemwrites - (series of one-shots ghost x reader and price x reader separately) both one of my favourite reader characters and my favourite canon setting depictions of Ghost and Price. their own weird brands of showing love are wonderful; the tension leading to getting together is fantastic, and the sex is super enjoyable.

Ghost Stories by @kneelingshadowsalome - (ghost x medic!reader) I'm repeating myself, but I love Salome's writing. This is where I was first introduced to it, and I think it's really special. Ghost POV as he struggles with developing and then accepting love. felt so real and grounded. angsty and then fluffy, and you can't help but adore the reader as well.

saltwater by @ceilidho - (ghost x reader) It's pretty unlikely any of you don't know Ceil, but on the off chance you haven't given this one a read yet, it really is a must. I lump praise on her pretty regularly, but I don't know anyone who is able to portray their character's emotions as intimately as Ceil. her ghost feels really grounded in all his complexity. there is a common theme in these recs of really enjoyable reader characters, and this is not an exception; the reader feels like a full but still ambiguous character who is vulnerable and strong and really great.

don't leave me locked in your heart by @ohbo-ohno - (ghoap x reader dark!) we all know bo, we all love bo. I always love the way she depicts ghost and soap's dynamic changing and evolving to include the reader. the descent into dark territory in this is really really fun. It's also just hot and well-written! if you haven't read it before, go read it, and then go read all of bo's drabbles and asks on here. genuinely one of my favourite dark but still fun writers. I think she balances it really well.

body electric by @yeyinde and Afterburn by @sprout-fics - (141 + Los Vaqueros x reader) a classic. I've returned to these so many times. sometimes you just want to read dirty, filthy, well done, smut and then warm cozy aftercare. not to wax poetic about pure sex (except that's exactly what one should do), but I think it can be really hard to write group sex like this and still have such insightful and individual glimpses into each character and dynamic, and Lev does it wonderfully. and then it's also hard to find good aftercare fic, and Sprout's feels like literal aftercare for both the reader character and the reader.

other fandoms

tried to curate to themes i think overlap in some of the cod works! and I think most of these can be read fandom blind.

i revisited @winterrose527's fic in August, and even though she already knows how much I love her work, I won't skip a chance to repeat it. Anna writes for asoiaf and is pretty much the queen of Robb Stark/Myrcella Baratheon, but I would say the modern AUs (my favs) can be read almost completely fandom blind. Any contemporary romance enjoyer would love her work. I'm really partial to her kid/single-parent fics. I think it's so hard to get right, and I always adore reading her kid characters and how she approaches love stories when kids are involved. anna's works are always brimming with love and incredible platonic, familiar, parent-child, and romantic relationships (if kid fic isn't your thing she also has a ton of other great fics). personal favs: We Could Be a Little Something, And There They Are, All the Same

Lawless by @goldcranes - (arthur morgan x ofc) age difference, cowboy love story, essentially a romance novel. if goldcranes has no fans, I'm dead. I encourage you to explore her work; very few people write as strongly across multiple fandoms as she does, and each of her works feels like a really strong love story with special characters.

The Odyssey by @sunlightmurdock - (bradley bradshaw x reader) 1980's roman literature prof x virgin student - no need to know top gun. katie's work is another entry in the 'feels like it stands really strongly separately from the source material' category. she has multiple ongoing AU's that I really love, but this one is a favourite. i think she does complex characters really well - their actions always feel intentional, and as flawed as they are, I always love them.

Wouldn't it be Nice by allyoops - (m/f captive A/B/O) if you aren't reading original works smut on ao3 you are missing out and allyoops is a great place to start for noncon, dubcon, age gap, taboo etc. enjoyers. they have a ton of works; usually one shots with lots of really delicious dynamics and different settings and tropes.

An Intoxicating Presence by FormerlyIR - (mob a/b/o haladriel) MOB. A/B/O. HALADRIEL. picks up with Halbrand in prison thanks to undercover FBI agent (and his mate!) Galadriel. does that sound crazy and awesome? well it is. mix it with Gal's internal struggle, the added complication of omegaverse, and overall great writing. really fun and really damn good.

civitas terrena by banalityofweevil - (darklina) angel Alina on an exploration of love in immortality with fallen angel Aleks. honestly, it's just a must-read for enjoyers of writing. incredibly creative with divine (literally and figuratively) imagery. i think one of my comments was on the precision of lulu's diction and I really stand by that.

tinsel into gold by ribbonedhare - (darklina) ddlg and cnc friends, this changed me. it is so warm and soft and my god, is it good. just scrumptious.

Be My Babydoll by KittyDruthers - (darklina) ddlg dollification need I say more

check the reading with ru tag for more!

#reading with ru #if you read any of these and wanna yell about em with me my asks are open! #fic rec #ao3 #fanfiction #fanfics #cod #darklina #fanfic recs

[rainybubbles]

How do COD men confess to you ?

Ghost, Soap, Price, Gaz, Alejandro

If you want more context here the part 1, and 2

G H O S T :

-At the end of your shift, he was waiting for you.

-And Max.

-Because Max was a cute puppy who stole his heart, but he would never tell a soul.

So yeah every day he wasn't on mission. He knew that at 10 pm, he will be at this little pet shop.

-Because he loved how your smile was appearing when you recognized him.

-He loved how you still joked about the ropes he bought or even how when he walked you back home, you were trying to go out of your way to make this walk longer by taking him to the little restaurant.

-This little restaurant, that you chose on purpose, because it has 4 fire escapes, and a perfect view on the outside.

-You knew him.

-And you didn't step back.

-Well in fact you didn't step back when he was just a creepy man who bought ropes at 3 AM, so he -sincerely doubts about your survival instinct.

-So yeah...

-But how did he confess, you're asking me ?

-Well, he didn't.

-Ghost has too many issues to open his heart like this.

-So you decided to make a moove.

-A classic move with a little declaration and a gift.

-Yeah.

.

.

.

-So you bought rope.

-Yeah.

-I know this doesn't sound good.

-It sounds even like the beginning of a horror story but wait.

-You decided to send him a package.

-And in this package you will put a rope tied in a heart form with a letter.

-Telling he took you heart in hostage and you would like him to keep it.

-...

-Seems weird, but it kinda fit your meeting, so it seems like a cute idea.

-Until three months passed and you had no news.

-Not even a letter.

-You didn't panic because sometimes his job was like this, he told you.

-But the problem was you had to move out.

-And even if he had your number, Ghost changed his phone regularly to prevent from some undercover shit.

-Besides your job at the pet shop, he couldn't contact you.

-So you tried to ignore your removal.

-But at the end of the fourth month, you had to admit this relationship will never had an end.

-And you mooved out of the country.

-A bittersweet ending.

-You felt like you were reading a fluff story but forgot to read the tag "hurt/no comfort".

-Shit.

-Maybe next time you should read the tag of your fucking love life.

-Like "a rope man will steal your heart" "angst" "sad ending" "slow burn" "fucking weird story" "not a happy fidelity card guy" "maybe he was into bondage but guess what ? We will never know lol"

-Maybe you were crying when you saw a rope in a DIY shop after this.

-Or not.

-Your dignity and ego will never recover from this memory. (neither did the sales assistant who was just here trying to help you)

-So you tried watching around, maybe the destiny would help you.

-Maybe a tall masked man will appear at your door at 2 PM, under the rain saying he has always loved you and....

-And you don't open the door for your own mom because you're too scared that she could be someone pretending she's your mom so you hoped he wouldn't do this.

-Yet two months after your removal, you had a call from your previous boss.

-You usually avoid calls, but you knew he wouldn't call you if it wasn't important.

-So you answered and...

-He was telling you a package with your name was delivered to him.

-And when you asked what was in it.

-He answered.

-"A fidelity card for rope, with a yes on it."

-You never smiled that hard.

-(Ghost found your new contacts thanks to Lasswell later, to confirm you both confessed to each other.)

S O A P :

-You had kept in touch.

-Through letters and some texts, when Soap was allowed to send them, you started to have a great friendship.

-But lately in the memes that Soap sent to you, you found a lot of references to the French girls in general.

-Firstly you didn't pay attention.

-Until that night.

-When you saw Titanic again with your parents.

-And it clicked.

-The French girls scene !

-By you stopped.

-Why would Soap make implicit reference to this ?

-Then again you remembered his drawings.

-He sent you some of them in his letters.

-When you get back to your home, you gathered them, looking if maybe he had made a portrait of you or had made a joke that you didn't see.

-But it was just random sketches.

-You stared at Ghost sketch eating an ice cream when you noticed something on his mask.

-He had a "W" on it.

-You searched through the sketches and...

-"U to the mow, I go you will" you said out loud after collecting the letters and tried to figure out what he wanted to say.

-And you tried to understand it.

-But except this fucking "mow" and "will"

-You didn't find any coherence in it.

-Did he want to ask you to mow his lawn in his garden ?

-But he didn't have a garden.

-And why a "U" and then a "You".

-Why, why Soap would even do this ?

-He was not the kinda guy that do this.

-"...I think I'm too stupid to find out this shit." you admitted.

-Well maybe your French girls scenes will not be romantic.

-So you texted him saying, you understood he sent you a message.

-But you didn't find how to translate it.

-And he texted you the answer.

-"Will you go out with me ?"

-...

-"Did Price give you the idea Soap ?" you answered.

-"Wait, you didn't answer."

-"Did Price give you the idea ?"

-"You think I couldn't be a romantic, love ?"

-"I think we're both too stupid to create a thing like this, love."

-"... it was L.T"

-"he...Ghost ?"

-"Yes."

-"...did he love titanic ?"

-"he had a collection about it."

-"...wow."

-"yeah."

-"To answer, yes, I would love too. But never ask again advice from Ghost, I don't want to end on an iceberg."

-"Yes, love."

P R I C E :

-Soap and Gaz with a broken arm led to your confession.

-They were both drunk and knew their captain had a thing for you, and it was reciprocated.

-Especially after Price offered you some chocolates to make clear he was interested in you.

-But nothing was happening.

-So with some scotch, and very bad ideas, Gaz and Soap decided that their time to shine had coming.

-They were the Cupids of the base.

-And what had Cupid ?

-Wings.

-If they used their wings to bring you from your office to Price at the bar, then he would be happy and more relaxed in this context, and maybe he will confess.

-Yes.

-Except.

-They didn't have wings.

-So when they jumped out from the roof.

-Their arms broke.

-And who was the doctor at the base ?

-You.

-You didn't go out because you were busy to treat their arms.

-"Maybe we need some bows next time." Soap whispered but it was more like he shouted in Gaz's ears.

-"And some white underwears! Cupid has that. I'm sure if we wore this, it will work for sure." Gaz answered.

-"And what about not jumping from the roof and not drinking that much, hmm ?" you asked.

-"Sssshhhh, we're in a confession plan right now. You can't stop us." Gaz said trying to put his finger on your mouth but ended up to do it on the wall next to you.

-"I'm calling Price to take you back to your bed, you're both too heavy for me."

-"We could walk."

-"It's not walking the problem Soap. It's where you could go."

-"hmm."

-So you called Price.

-The problem was he asked you why.

-Why did the boys jump out from the roof ?

-You blinked.

-He would know when he would come here.

-So you decided to gather some courage and-

-"They try to make us confess by bringing me to the bar with you. But they believe they were angels and could fly."

-The silence was so loud.

-He hung up.

-You sighed.

-Well at least, you said it.

-You didn't expect a yes, but at least an answer would be the minimum.

-When later, you heard a knock, you didn't make the effort to look up.

-You heard Price taking the boys to their beds and the door closing.

-But few minutes later, you heard a knock.

-Surprised, you stood up.

-Maybe someone else has drunk too much and-

-"John." You said surprised.

-"I intend to ask you out with some roses, and tomorrow but I guess two drunk soldiers with broken arms beat me."

-"The experienced strategist beat up ?" you joked.

-"I guess so. I'm sorry it was done like this, love."

-"I don't care honestly. As long as it's you asking me."

-He smiled and took your hand slowly.

-"Well, I can't wait for our first date, then."

-"'Hope Soap and Gaz will not be there."

-He laughed.

-"I can't promise that." he smiled.

G A Z :

-A meme.

-He sent you a meme.

-To confess.

-But you never answered him.

-And when he saw you, you never talked about it.

-So...he understood he was rejected.

-And he was okay with that, hell it was normal.

-He just thought it was reciprocated because you had what seems like dates with him.

-Maybe he mixed up signals.

-So he just never talked about it again, because he didn't want to make you feel awkward.

-But one day during lunch, he heard Soap talking with you.

-"So you got a new one, uh ?" Soap asked.

-"I didn't have the choice. His ass fucking destroyed the previous one."

-Gaz stared at the floor.

-He didn't know you had someone.

-Maybe that was because you never-

-"L.T has a cake, that's for sure." Soap joked.

-Gaz suffocated.

-You-

-And Ghost-

-And Ghost's ass-

-"That's not funny Soap. He fucking destroyed my phone just by sitting on it. It's not a cake. It's a fucking breeze block at this point."

-Your...

-Oh.

-oh.

-FUCK.

-He realized.

-You didn't ignore him.

-You hadn't see his message.

-"How does it happen ?" he asked to be sure of his conclusion.

-"I just let my phone on a bench, and he sat without looking, that's it. But because his ass is apparently more solid that my relationship with my father, or even the fucking Vivelle dop gel, he broke it."

-"Fuckin' hell". Gaz said

-"You can say that again. Why are you asking, by the way ?"

-"I sent you a text and you never answer, so I was wondering why."

-"Now you know. But I will answer, I manage to transfer my data and texts on my new phone."

-Gaz didn't feel well now.

-Soap was here.

-And your phone in your hand.

-Meaning he will see your reaction in live and with a public.

-Like he was on the set of a TV show. But here he could gain your heart and not $100,000.

-But you didn't say anything, neither did open it.

-You just sit and talked with him and Soap like it was not important.

-Because of course you couldn't know what was his text.

-So he waited.

-All the day, for you to open this fucking meme.

-To see it.

-And at midnight.

-He received a Mister Worlwide saying yes.

-Never he was so happy to see this bald head

A L E J A N D R O :

-He had everything planned.

-The moment, the place.

-It was going to be a big thing.

-He talked Rudy about it and even the 1-4-1 during a mission.

-Because Soap teased him about you.

-So he explained how he was going to ask you out and-

-Laswell stopped him.

-Their communications were not over.

-She heard everything

-And when Laswell ordered you to tell the location to Price

-He understood you were on their mission as a technician, and you heard all of it.

-The only thing that could kill Alejandro is Alejandro after all, right ?

-Even when it was dying of embarrassment.

-He mumbled some insults in Spanish and tried to hold his head high.

-He had everything planned, and just a microphone ruined this ?

-No,no, no, no he refused.

-He met you because of those mics, how they dare to betray him like that ?

-He ignored this and finished the mission.

-But on the way back, he heard your voice.

-"Good job guys. By the way I would love going on a date with you, Ale. If you needed to know after...this."

-You know the smile he did, when they interrogate Valeria ?

-It was one hundred brighter right now in the car.

-Soap even wore sunglasses to protect his eyes.

-Alejandro was so fucking happy.

-Maybe he did not hate the mics.

-Even though he's persuaded that someone hacked them this particular day.

___

If you want more : here.

I'm sorry that it took so long to post this part, but when I posted another COD about how you meet Farah, Alex and Konig I had a comment saying it was shit.

And I know my English sucks, so I deleted it and hesitated to write again..

Maybe I need some readers to help me, or maybe this comment was just hateful, I don't know.

In any case, sorry for the mistakes, English is not my first language !

#call of duty x reader #ghost x reader #captain price x reader #alejandro vargas x reader #gaz x reader #kyle gaz garrick x reader #soap x reader #cod x reader

[nipuni]

Doctor Who status report! Writing these I'm realizing I only ever feel compelled to share my opinions on media when they are positive lmao makes for rather boring commentary probably!! but I only care to share the things I love, I would be a lousy critic 😆

We are half way through S7 and I can say now that S6 was a big improvement from S5 for us! It was really fun! we have been rating every episode and keeping season average scores and S5 was the lowest we ranked so far out of all but it was still enjoyable honestly! Someone in the comments in one of my reports mentioned that each doctor's first season is usually their worst one and I'm also noticing this! I think Ten's first season was his lowest ranked out of his three for us too even though all his run was super high. Matt seems more comfortable in his doctor's portrayal by now and he is also more goofy which I personally always love 🥰

S6's arc had us terrified and puzzled the whole time it was very engaging!! and some of the episodes were devastating like "The girl who waited" and just everything about River Song always, The Silence creatures are so unnerving and cool and it had a ton of really classic episodes with great concepts. We were kind of disappointed with "the doctor's wife" episode though I'm a bit mad about it because I feel it had some great ideas but the way some elements were handled ruined it for us (mainly the Tardis's whole characterization and the Doctor's reactions to the situation felt so flat and out of character it was weird) so much wasted potential! but overall it was a great season!

Then S7 so far we watched up to "The bells of saint john" and our favourite has been "The angels take Manhattan" we love the concept of the Weeping angels and this one was terrifying and back to their original lore! and the ending was so unexpected! We also met Clara and I love her too honestly I'm terrible at rating companions because I love them all I think they all bring something new and special to the story I end up loving everyone 😭 We have seven episodes left with Eleven ahhhh time to suffer another regeneration soon!!

About the writing I think as we watched we grew more used to the differences and they became less jarring, though when I think back to the RTD era I feel I loved it because of the writing while now I sometimes I feel that I love it despite the writing, if that makes any sense? I still do love it but it feels like wrestling with Moffat a bit! lmao. He gets a bit repetitive and too on the nose and ..weird about women and overly grandiose at times still but now we know to expect it 🤣

Also another unrelated observation but we feel that Eleven seems younger than Ten in many ways. I know their personalities are supposed to change and they are not necessarily linear but it's something curious we both noticed! And Eleven is such a clingy soft little man!! baby!! very cute!! I love him I'm excited to see how the change to Twelve is going to feel!! I have no idea what to expect from Twelve I'm so curious!!

We are consuming this series so fast and we don't want it to end!! 😭 I have such a gigantic backlog of art I want to make about it by now, I keep thinking of ideas as I go and I don't have the time to draw them yet because of work!! AAAAA the moment I meet the last of my current deadlines it's over for you all!!

Anyway that was very long I'll go make dinner and watch some more 🥰 I hope you all have a good night and a great start of the week!

#doctor who #personal #this show is now our comfort show forever #DW report

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - It's weird where I am right now, Okay?

Organized, in each category, by ones I'm enjoying most at the top. However, I've put quite a few on hold for travel reasons.

Oct 2023 Wk 4

Only a few screen shots for you this week, my hotel wifi is actually THAT bad.

Ongoing Series - Thai

My Dear Gangster Oppa (Thurs iQIYI) 1 of 8 - Classic unlucky in love failed crush on straight bestie = both v queer and v emo yaoi. I gotta say I like these actors way better in this than their previous series, and maybe that’s because Tew is more like Tul and I just like Meen better when he’s… erm… mean. All of which is to say, this is off to a wonderful start and I am about to lose my very sleep deprived little mind... ready for a ABL ecstasy rant?

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH I CAN'T EVEN.

"I play support because that way everyone is happy to see me show up," might be the single best moment of characterization BL has EVER seen.

Look here, in the grand cornucopia of BL universes this is my metaverse. It's pulp... but relatively high production. It has an established pair that I know I like... but who were given crap before. It's a tidy little script, it's not gonna run too long, and it's ALL the archetypes and tropes I love but rarely see. It's Japan's style otaku plus Korea's style gangster, Thailand's style friendship group, and it arrived out of NOWHERE. It's Korea's IP & money, Thailand's talent, and China's streaming service.

Do we know what the hell is going on?

No we do not.

Do we care when it's this much fun?

No we do not.

(In this I speak for everyone... no, EVERYONE.)

This show I why I got into BL.

Don't bother me with trifles. Me and My Dear Gangster Oppa are sailing off into the infinite pixilated sunset together, thank you very much.

Dangerous Romance (Fri YT) ep 11 of 12 - I managed to watch most of it on low rez before YT "discovered" I was in Asia and therefore could not be allowed to watch Asian shows. (AKA my VPN failed me.) But it seemed like a good ep.

My Universe (Sun iQIYI) Lucky Love ep 10 of 24 - I enjoyed this 2 part installment, it’s a bit of a sad sack recovery SAGA, but the acting is genuine, the couple believable, and the story felt particularly queer to me. 7/10 but close to an 8. It was really quite charming.

However: Next week looks not good on many levels - it's horror and I spotted guitar. Which is even more horrific. 

Absolute Zero (Thai Weds iQIYI) ep 5 of 12 - do temporal paradoxes exist in Thailand? That is the question. I gotta say Tor (Ongsa) is carrying this show and is doing a really great job, it's just the story itself doesn't resonate with me. Ugh it's so sad.

Is it, indeed, better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?

We only on ep 5 and had a full story arc already, there is A LOT more to go.

Venus in the Sky (Tues iQIYI) 9 of 10 eps - the fact that in losing Sky Venus also lost his surrogate family explains his resulting bitterness a little bit more. I wish we had gotten this back story much earlier. Still stupid pulp made me cry, which of course means it's back in my good books. This story is slow as fuck, but I'm going on a rollercoaster with it.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Kiseki: Dear to Me (Taiwan Tues Viki & iQIYI) ep 11 of 13(?) - I love them, okay? All of them. This is a great sappy classic Taiwanese BL and it is my baby and you can’t take it away from me. MINE. 

You Are Mine (Taiwan Fri Viki) eps 8 of 10 - oh noes it got sad, I thought they would at least would have had drunken sex before the drama. Sigh. Still the kissing was good, as it should be from Taiwan.

If It’s With You AKA Even If I Fall In Love With You AKA Kimi to nara Koi wo Shite Mite mo’ (Japan Gaga) ep 4 of 5 - Amane is so brave. About being gay. Being out. Confessing. Its admirable if scary. Otherwise this ep was pretty slow. 

Bump Up Business (Korea Gaga) 3-4 of 8 - how do I feel about this show? Conflicted. Are OnlyOneOf doing a great job? Yes, actually. Am I enjoying it? No, not really. Is this anyone's fault? I don't think so.

The little linguistic negotiation was cute tho. And we seem to have gotten idols kissing in a BL both in the same group, so that glass ceiling dildo has finally been broken.

NineMill are unexpectedly good, also KB plays a great evil ex. Of the 3, I think only Nine is good enough to go into acting permanently (but he's not tall enough). Still, all hail OnlyOneOf... kings of the "gay concept." You boys make me v nervous but as couple-branding goes, you just out branded Thailand. Mad props baibies. Legit never thought I'd see the day.

Trust Korea to be in it to win it.

Mr Cinderella 2 (Vietnam Sat YT) ep 6 of ? - i pretty much just forgot to watch this.

It's Airing But...

I Feel You Linger in the Air (Fri grey) ep 8 of 12 - I will try to watch and do a series review in November but... not sure I will be able to. Fingers crossed.

Love in Translation (Sat iQIYI) ep 8fin - completed but I couldn't catch the last ep, my final thoughts in Nov.

Only Friends (Sat YT) ep 12 fin - completed, but see afore mentioned YT issues. I'll review it in Nov. I anticipate better internet soon.

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 1 of 10 - I find this series more fun to binge, so I'm waiting until it completes its run.

I Cannot Reach You AKA I Can't Reach You AKA Kimi ni wa Todokanai (Japan Tues Netflix-Japan & ????) - in classic JBL fashion, I Cannot Reach You could not be reached. 

Can I Buy Your Love From A Vending Machine? AKA Sono Koi, Jihanki de Kaemasu ka? (Japan cinema release in-country only) - This one is a movie from Japan so in customary fashion who tf knows when (or if) it will get international distribution. Salaryman Ayumu Koiwai just can't tear his eyes away from the strong, muscular man as he checks on the stocks of the vending machine in his office.

One Room Angel (Japan Gaga) - adaptation of Harada’s manga of the same name (which I did not like) about a convenience store clerk who's stabbed, nearly dies, and returns home to find an angel waiting for him. With only 5 eps and a good chance this won’t end happy, I'm gonna wait and let you tell me how it goes.

Next Week Looks Like This

Upcoming October BL

10/31 SHADOW (Thai Gaga) 1 of 14 - this is a horror BL featuring ghosts and other paranormal elements in a high school setting. I'm not wild about Thai horror (or horror at all). It features Singto (who did paranormal BL He's Coming to Me) opposite Fluke N (who's done a couple horror's before). Also Fiat. Dan suffers from sleep paralysis, and in his dreams he sees a shadow that suffocates him. It gets worse when he transfers schools.

Upcoming November BL

11/3 Twins the series (Thailand ????) 1 of 10

11/17 Pit Babe (Thai) - Pavel my love!

11/19 Bake Me Please (OhmFluke but not, Thailand)

11/22 7 Days Before Valentine (Thailand) - horroresk

11/25 The Sign (Thailand) - horroresk

11/30 For Him the series (Thailand) - high heat

VIP Only (Taiwan) - may be delayed/canceled

Cooking Crush (OffGun, Thailand) - may be delayed, there some kinda gossip/rumor/shade happening at GMMTV

Wuju Bakery AKA Space Bakery (Korea) - this one may be DOA

2023 forthcoming BL master post (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED).

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

My Universe - I just enjoyed the angle of this kiss shot.

Uh huh. Sure, honey. (Bump Up Buisness)

COULD THIS EXPLAIN THE SNUFFLE KISS?!!!!

(Last week)

#this week in bl #My Dear Gangster Oppa #may be the greatest thing ever to happen to me #My Universe: Lucky Love #My Universe the series #TulHin #Meen Nichakoon #thai bl #Venus in the Sky #Bump Up Buisness #Korean BL #OnlyOneOf #japanese bl #taiwanese bl #upcoming bl 2023 #november bl #Kiseki: Dear to Me

[wuffgang-ameowdeus-moozart]

Aren't you tired of forced romances with no chemistry that only take away from the actually interesting plot? Don't you just want media where romance isn't portrayed as being superior and more important than (queer)platonic relationships?

Well, my exhausted aro ass is too, so here are a few tricks and wisdoms I've gathered over my years of being a-spec (which is all of them) on how to avoid romance (in media) in a very allonormative society 💚🤍🩶🖤

(this is a rec list btw. no I am not shitting on the shows that I tagged, quite the opposite)

1. Middle Grade

I get if you aren't really into that, because it is kind of annoying to be pointed to literal children's literature when all you want is a story that isn't constantly being interrupted by describing the main guy's heated eyes for the twentieth time.

However.

It is true that in middle grade, friendship is always more important than romance. Because, let's face it. Making two eleven year old characters kiss is kinda weird. So even if there is a romance, it isn't very prominent and treated more like friendship and/or a puppy crush. Plus some stories get surprisingly dark?!?!

Examples

- Howl's Moving Castle (Diana Wynne Jones), technically a romance in the end, but mostly focused on found family, shenanigans, and finding your own value

- House of Many Ways (DWJ). Yes, again. I really like her books okay? They always have something so fantastical and whimsical about them. This is my other favorite book by her and it has literally no romance at all. Plus a hmc cameo that is so fun !!

- Coraline (Neil Gaiman). Maybe this is cheating because I never actually read it. However. a) the movie traumatized me. b) Wybie was added to the movie, he doesn't exist in the book, so if "power of friendship" isn't your thing this will be great. Probably vibes over plot.

Flyte (Angie Sage). Technically this is the second book, but I never read the first one and still understood everything. Once again, no romance at all. A fun read, which can get surprisingly dark at times.

2. Short Story Collections

Once again, I get it if it isn't your thing. Short stories are - as the name reveals - short. Which means: no worldbuilding, very limited narrator, open ending, no time to really get attached to characters, etc.

But.

The cool thing about collections, is that they always have a certain theme. And as long as the theme is not romance, romance will not be the focus. Even if there is a romantic relationship, it will be used to explore this theme since there simply isn't time for anything else.

Examples:

Life Ceremony (Sayaka Murata) This is the book that actually made me figure out: hey! I do actually like short stories !! The main theme is basically about being different and it plays a lot with body horror and the perception of your own body in contrast with how society sees it. There is even a story about two women who platonically live together and raised multiple children!

Canterbury Classics: Classic Tales of Horror (introduction by Ernest Hilbert). As the name suggests, this is a collection of horror short stories, featuring well-known authors such as Bram Stoker, Edgar Allan Poe or Charlotte Perkins Gilman. As these are classic old tales, the language is a bit complicated at times and you can read them for free on Gutenberg. However, the book is very very pretty and the introduction is very interesting (Origins of the genre, specific tropes and monsters, etc.)

3. Podcasts

PODCASTS!!! If you follow me, you are probably already aware of those. However, in case you don't, let me introduce you to the wonderful world of Audiodramas.

The cool thing about Podcasts is that pretty much anyone can do it. All you need is an idea, a mic, a lot of motivation, and you're pretty much set to go. No producers or publishers you need to get approval from. So it is only natural that this medium is filled to the brim with queer creators. Basically every character is somewhat queer. It's awesome.

Examples:

- The Silt Verses. I adore TSV. I listened to the first season like, four times. (the second one is good too but OH MY GOD THE FIRST ONE). And one of the main characters is canonically and explicitly aro!! Sister Carpenter, I love you with my whole being. And the great thing is, it is very clear that the writers love her, too!! There is a lot (like a LOT) of body horror so it isn't for everybody. But if you think you can handle it I really recommend it. (Plus, not any romance plotlines at all !!)

- Wolf 359. This is one of the older ones and it is really good. It's a bunch of restless and very unwell people stuck in a spaceship under the unforgiving rule of capitalism. However bad you imagine it, I can assure you it is worse. But the really cool thing is that there literally isn't any romance at all. Like, there are great m/f friendships but they never even hint towards a romance. Some people are so unused to that that they literally ship the main dude with the fucking robot AI. (don't worry, not an actual romance plot).

- Girl in space. I am sure you will be absolutely shook to know that this one also takes place in space. It is about a girl. In space. Shocking, I know. Except that she has been on her own for well over a year when suddenly a fleet of strange ships arrive and kidnap her. There is also a very asshole-y robot. And questions about what makes us human. And found family!! And a goat. And cheese. Just go listen to it okay. This is also one of the shortest ones of the list, so maybe a good start.

- Malevolent. I have to confess that I personally am not a huge fan of this one? Like the premise is really cool - a detective who wakes up blind and with a demon in his head who can see through the detectives eyes. What the fuck?, you may ask yourself. So does Arthur Lester. Mysteries and other dimensions and a whole lot of pain ensues. Harlan is undeniably an awesome VA and a great writer, but his stories just seem a bit too repetitive to me? Nonetheless I know of lots of people who enjoy it a lot. Trying to define the relationship between Arthur and John (his demon) is perhaps the biggest mystery of them all. (Jk. there are multiple murders and stuff. they've really got other priorities)

- Middle:Below. This is another short one and probably the least famous of this list? It's about this funky lil dude with a ghost roommate and a cat who can talk (.....or can it?). There is a m/f friendship but it never turns into a romance (wow it is possible!!). They all go on adventures on the dimension between life and death. Despite the description, this is literally just a comedy. A bit spooky at best. Reminds me a bit of scarier kids cartoons like gravity falls.

4. "Gay" movies/series in countries with homophobic censorship

Now you may think, "hey that seems like a bit of an asshole move!". And you would be 100% correct in thinking that.

However.

It does also mean that the main relationship of the story can never be explicitly romantic. They can allude to it, they can try to show it. But they can never confirm. So it is very easy to interpret them as having a QPR. (because tbh I don't think I've ever seen one on television.)

Examples:

The Untamed. Look. I am aware that the first episode is so fucking atrocious, all right? And no, the CGI does in fact never get better. And sometimes the translated subtitles are a bit awkward. But I swear that it is so good. Trust me on this one, okay? Just make it through the first ep. It's a wild ride. Lan Zhan I love you. (However the book it is based on (written by a woman) depicts them being in an explicitly romantic relationship, with lots of very inaccurate and badly researched smut, so the fandom pretty much sees them as exclusively romantic.)

- Word of Honor. Very much in the same vein as The Untamed. Except that the first episode is less horrible. And the one dude has a very fruity fan. And they also raise a kid together. And the costumes of the villains are really fun!! I actually never finished this one tbh. I know that the book it is based on has one very extremely terrible ableist plot point, but I don't know if that made it into the show since I never got that far

The Devil Judge. The last two were fantasy, this one is a dystopia. Very tense and interesting. There is a romantic subplot (typical childhood friend vs bad boy love triangle), but he rejects the childhood friend and they can't exactly show him and the "bad boy" (who is actually a judge. and also kinda his sugar daddy) as explicitly romantic for the reason above. They also live in the same house and cook together and take care of a child together. Can totally recommend.

Assassination Classroom. A bunch of students have to kill their teacher who is an alien. that's literally the plot. I cried so hard at the finale. Nagisa and Karma have MASSIVE vibes and you can't convince me otherwise. (There is a romantic subplot that does end in a kiss, but they agree to continue as friends since those were..... extenuating circumstances. The dude very clearly is not into her). Nagisa also very aro-spec coded imo.

5. "Straightbaiting" Anime

Sometimes Anime does this thing (which I personally find very hilarious) where a boy and a girl will have no other romantic involvements or love interests while growing closer and closer, but never get together. A bit like reverse queerbaiting.

Examples:

- Fairy Tail. The ultimate power is friendship anime. That is all you need to know. (I should also perhaps warn you that the end of the last arc (and the sequel series, but we don't talk about that) are huge letdowns. Like the buildup? So good. But....welp. If that doesn't bother you too much and the idea to have a group of people be the main character instead of one person only, this may be the series for you. Just do yourself a favor and skip all the filler arcs

Soul Eater. I really love the vibes of this one. Once again, most of the fandom likes depicting them as explicitly romantic, but they never canonically are. It also reminds me a bit of creepy children cartoons. It is also where the superior fictional school exists, Devon. Frankenstein teaches there (the dude, not the monster). People transform into badass weapons. Nobody can convince me that Make Albarn is not a trans woman. However the ending deviates a bit from the manga, and I personally think the anime one is a bit worse

Noragami. This one will always hold a special place in my heart because it was the first anime I really watched. This one also has people who transform into weapons, but the vibes are very different. It goes a bit more into Japanese folklore in case that interests you.

Bonus: Canonically Aro/Heavily Aro-Coded Characters

They were not anywhere above because the stories they are in didn't really fit any of the categories. But they exist!

Wolf (Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts). I adore Wolf. There is also barely any romance. Like, it will seem like it at first, but don't worry, it's only straightbaiting. There is a romance subplot but it's very brief and very much in the background. Overall very good aro show 👍

Isaac (Heartstopper) Very queer show, very high likelihood that you already know of it. The series per se is very romance focused, but as far as I've heard the a-spec rep in S2 is really good

Georgia (Loveless). Actually never read it. But, well. Title pretty self-explanatory dare I say. By the same author as Heartstopper (Alice Oseman)

Chance/Chris and Shadow/Ryan (woe.begone) Are explicitly in a QPR together !! they are also probably the healthiest couple in the podcast lol

Henry Clerval (Frankenstein). Henry is the "a couple of besties!!" to Victor's "we look like a couple <3"

Barbie (Barbie 2023) If you've seen it you know what I mean.

Jo Marsh (Little Women). I never read the book, but Jo in the 2019 movie??? very sus.

I would also recommend checking out Japanese books! I personally think they are much better at writing romance than the western people lol. It's more about knowing each other and sharing your views of the world, thus changing each other and leaving a mark forever, even if the relationship ends. (studio ghibli romance vibes). My favorite Japanese book doesn't have an English translation :(

aber an alle Deutsch-Sprecher*innen: Die Katzen von Shinjuku (Durian Sukegawa) -> og title: Shinjuku no Neko

Can't think of anything else right now, but please leave some of your own recommendations! Hope this helps ^^

#aro #aromantic #aroace #aroallo #neil gaiman #diana wynne jones #flyte #sayaka murata #the silt verses #wolf 359 #girl in space podcast #malevolent #middle:below #podcasts #fairy tail #soul eater #noragami #assassination classroom #word of honor #the untamed #devil judge #kipo and the age of wonderbeasts #woe.begone #wbg #heartstopper #alice oseman #frankenstein #barbie #greta gerwig

[meteor752]

I rewatched ever after high with my girlfriend after like, six years

We had…thoughts

Do you guys think fairytale people look down on those who aren’t from a fairytale? Because, Ever After High seems to be the most like prestige school, but not everyone can go to it. Is there like racism going on between fairytale people and normal people?

It’s said many times that Apple will be like, the future queen, but when we meet Snow White she’s a fucking capitalist. Also Apple being queen means kinda nothing cause half the school are royalty and will grow up to become kings and queens. That title doesn’t mean anything

We had like, ten kids from wonderland, but no Oz kids? I feel like a Dorothy child would be very obvious, like what the hell, same with the witches

The school actively encourages evil people to be evil, then become surprised when they are evil. Like, Evil Queen cursing Wonderland and almost taking over the world? That’s on you, principal

Also can we place lock up the principal in jail? He lied and manipulated his students, stole from Raven, and kept his brother cursed and locked up in the basement. Like, ???? The brother comes back and is just like “Oh I missed you so much brother” like no!!!!!! Get that man out of here!!!!!

Do the fairytale people reproduce like, asexually, or do we have a ton of inbreeding between the royals? Well, it would be the most realistic aspect of the show

Hot take: Apple is a great character. Like yeah she’s a little selfish, but when we’re shown how she was raised it’s fully understandable that she’s so obsessed with fulfilling her destiny, but she’s never rude or bitchy, not ever really to Raven. Also she gets better! Active character development! She’s one of my favorites

Why the fuck is Allister frolicking in Wonderland. Bro Alice came back, she left that place, yet everyone is just like “Yep he’s a wonderlandian”, like no! Also he’s a royal? Bro you can’t be a royal, you were actively rebelling against your story by going to wonderland early

It’s a little messed up how many of the kids are like, being forced to die. Like Ramona? She will be fucking gutted after eating her sister if she goes with her story. Like what is this school, what are these rules?

Apart from Sparrow, surprisingly, everyone of the boy designs are so fucking boring. Ew

I love the direction they took for Briar. I think they kinda realized after the first episode that shit, it’s kinda weird that this girl who’s destiny it is to sleep for 100 years to just be fine with it. Briar is also one of my faves

Speaking of the sleeping beauty story tho, do you think it’s rare for the school to have a sleeping beauty? Cause we’re shown that this school has housed like, generations of fairytale characters, but since Sleeping beauty clocks out for a hundred years, and probably only had a child after that, they must only get her like, every fourth or fifth generation. Kinda interesting actually

Daring X Cerise > Daring X Rosabella. Like idk, maybe it’s that Cerise can like, fully challenge him in his views, forcing him to become better in a way. Like, with Rosabella it feels more like an “I can fix him <3” mindset, while with Cerise it’s more “I can knock him down a peg”. I just thought they had a better dynamic, idk

Speaking of the Charming family, gf and I fucking hate Dexter’s name. Like, Daring and Darlings names match each other so well, not just that they sound alike but that they have meanings. Dexter is just a boring name

We tried to come up with name ideas, Dating was the funniest one to us, but we thought Dastardly was kinda fun.

Like, our thought process was that he was meant to be like, the classic jealous twin brother, always looking to sabotage his perfect older bro, except he wasn’t that at all. Like, a running joke would be that it would look like he was sabotaging Daring, or like being mean, but then the camera would like zoom out or smt and show that he was like, playing a video game or just doing something completely different. It would have been more fun, plus it would have given Dexter like an actual personality instead of just, inferiority complex the person

Dashing could also have been an idea for a name

Kitty should have a tail. As should her milf of a mother have. Also like, real cat ears instead of just a hat or a headband. It feels obvious

I mean Bunny has actual bunny ears, plus she can transform into a bunny, but why is the cat just like A Girl

How can Hunter belong to both the Little red ringing hood story, and Snow White. Is his dad just a mad multitasker, or does he have two dads? I like the second option honestly

The storybeat of the characters all living through each others story honestly should have been like, an entire special. It’s the most interesting thing the show did, and I wish we could have seen more, cause it lasted only like seven minutes. But that gives us more time to see that thrilling book all storyline, amiright?!

Briar’s moment was especially heart aching, and I wish we'd gotten more of it

But like, since Briar as the evil queen saw Apple poisoned instead of her mum, does that mean that Raven was talking to herself in her story

But at the same time, Blondie saw the current queen of hearts instead of Lizzie, so like what's going on

Snow White and The Evil Queen have like the vibe of high school rivals/ex girlfriends, and they did go to school together, but like Queenie is literally her step mom. Like what. If Raven were to live out her story, would that mean that she would marry Apple's dad? Whoever that is?

The more you think about the lore of this world the more it doesn't make sense, but it also becomes like incredibly dark

The Pied Piper is one of if not my favorite fairytales, but I hate how he is represented in this show. Like he kidnapped children and then drowned them, that man shouldn't be a teacher!

Also white queen is a teacher at ever after, yet her daughter is still in wonderland. Like bitch just left her there, what the hell.

I love that they didn’t make any of the princesses stuck up bitches, like Descendants did. Like, the girls are all kind, with vibrant personalities and a lot of love for the people around them. The closest thing to the “mean girl” stereotype is Duchess actually

But Duchess makes total sense! She fucking drowns at the end of her story, of course she wants another one. Why is Raven’s rebellion praised but Duchesses scorned? Also why is she a royal, girlypop is literally trying to steal other people’s happily ever after, she a rebel

There is more I can say, but this post has already been deleted twice from my drafts, and I am scared of it, so it’s better to get it out now

Also, as a final little send off, here’s my ranking of the characters, and the ships

#Ever after high #Ever After high thoughts #Apple White #The Evil Queen #Raven Queen #Allister Wonderland #Ramona Badwolf #Sparrow Hood #Briar Beauty #Daring Charming #Cerise Hood #rosabella beauty #Darise #Dunno if that’s the ship name but it should be #Dexter Charming #Darling Charming #kitty cheshire #Bunny Blanc #hunter huntsman #blondie lockes #Lizzie Hearts #The Pied Piper #Duchess Swan #The White Queen

[pink-evilette]

Hey girl! Before I ask, I just wanted to say I love your blog-especially your taste in movies! I've watched so many good movies from you! I noticed you kind of gravitate more towards campy, trailer park-esque vibes, which is something I also adore. I was wondering if you could think of any movies that have that specific vibe, that also fit with coquette/faunlet vibes. Thanks! And once again, love your blog!

Hi! Thank you so much for sending me this ask and for supporting my blog, I really appreciate it ♡

I try to watch lots of films that relate to the coquette/faunlet lifestyle and I'm constantly discovering new movies (@coquette-club is currently posting about lots of great films to check out)!

I love campy, trailer park/motel/road trip type films because that sort of lifestyle has always been interesting to me and I have seen many great films over the years that feature these motifs so here's my little list for you ♡

American Honey (2016)

Star is a young girl living in poverty with her dysfunctional family until she meets a charming stranger in a supermarket. They go on a road trip selling magazines door-to-door and meet many interesting people along the way. It's a beautiful film about growing up, first love, identity and features mainly unknown actors and improvised lines to feel even more gritty and real. Sasha Lane is incredible in this film and I adore her ♡

Black Snake Moan (2006)

Christina Ricci plays a young woman who is lost in life and suffers from nymphomania and Samuel L Jackson's character Lazarus attempts to cure her by imprisoning her with a chain around her waist. It's a seriously weird film and you've probably seen the clips of Ricci dancing with the chain, but it's also pretty enjoyable and features some really awesome blues music, southern sleaze and skimpy coquette outfits ♡

Hick (2011)

This one is a classic in the coquette world, Luli has become an icon to us with her dreams of running away to find fun in Las Vegas after being abandoned by her family at 13 years old. She hitches a ride with a cowboy and sleeps in a trailer, does cocaine and robs a convenience store (and that's just the first act). It's a super grimy film and I enjoyed the visuals too ♡

Ripe (1996)

Two orphaned sisters flee a car wreck and hitch a ride to a dilapidated army camp, where they stay with the grumpy caretaker and cause chaos wherever they go. It's really hard to find but worth the watch if you can, the aesthetics are so sickly sweet and feel just like Video Games by Lana Del Rey mixed with the warmth of a summer day ♡

A few miscellaneous:

Where the Heart is (2000) // Bones and All (2022)

~ Natalie Portman's character lives in a trailer park and is abandoned pregnant by her boyfriend in a wallmart

~ Road trip love story, our main characters steal and squat in various trailers, farms and other lodgings

The Florida Project (2017) // Drop Dead Gorgeous (1999)

~ A single mother lives in a motel in Florida

~ Teen beauty pagent star lives with her mother in a trailer

I really hope this is helpful! There are probably others but this is all I can think of for now, and there are many more similar to this that I haven't yet seen! Thanks again for the ask ♡

#love letter #meg's movie club #american honey #black snake moan #hick #ripe 1996 #where the heart is #bones and all #the florida project #drop dead gorgeous

[sam7sparks7]

Salaar is my favourite queer movie of the year which is not a queer movie (it is seeped in heavy stereotypes about almost everything and has many triggering scenes so don't go watch it without being aware of all that it contains)

Man it has such great narratives.

The main leads they are childhood best friends, the prince, Vardha and his enforcer Deva

A sweet montage of them chasing each other around when they were kids is shown

They give their everything for the other, then have to seperate for years

The present story hints at them being estranged, but the events from the past show them being each other's supports

There's a whole sequence of the prince touching his enforcer, a hand on his, an arm around his midsection and the cutesy scene where Vardha falls asleep with his head on Deva's lap and Deva puts a hand over his sleeping prince's heart (swoon!)

Deva is the ultimate protective boyfriend, with the classic 'no one is allowed to touch him' dialogue

And the way Vardha absolutely trusts him so much, like there's an action scene where everyone is scared of what Deva is doing and Vardha is over there standing with a smile on his face and his eyes closed, like he really said, go on bae do your thing

They also do some evil plotting to shake up the political structure of the country together when locked in cells side by side

And they fight side by side while bantering!

Also, it's not just them who are so queer for each other.

Vardha's older sister has a weird possibly toxic codependency with her handmaiden and his macho violent trigger angry older brother keeps letting a guy repeatedly cling onto his muscular bare arms

Hmm, maybe the royal family of Mannar has something in its blood

I told my parents I loved the movie and they asked me why and I was immediately forced to think of a reason other than 'it was so gay' XD

#salaar #salaar: part 1 - ceasefire #devaratha “deva” raisaar #vardharaja “vardha” mannar #salaar spoilers

[thefaiao]

What are your inspirations for drawing? Like other artists or things

I'll start with my biggest inspiration, which got me into art as a whole: Adam Adamowicz. I got introduced to him through Skyrim concept art, but I honestly think his Shivering Isles concepts are some of the best concept art out there. You can see how much he just takes an idea and completely sores with it. A torrential stream of beautiful sketchy goodness.

I love Oblivion's flat ass dough faces and early Xbox 360 charm, but this shit is simply crazy. Look at this, it makes you wish to dedicate your life to bringing this to life, as all good concept art should. It inspires more of itself.

I could post all the images there are out there, because I sincerely think this is the type of work that has stuck with me the most. It's something to strive for. You can see it for yourself instead. That was what got me started. After that, and through my journey on Tumblr and Twitter, I think what stuck to me the most was the art done by small artists, my "compatriots". The things you don't see. There is so much love in little things, and maybe in another universe there are entire cultures dedicated to them. I wish we had time to explore each and every one of the smallest pieces of media, especially narrative media, weird media.

I'll concede that it's a bit of an abstract thing to be inspired by, but once you realise how much work goes into the smallest of things, I believe you'll find inspiration anywhere you go. I think the reason why my Batter drawings are the way they are is my inspiration from just the design of letters and fonts in general. I think making something that blurs the line of symbol and representation over and over is fun.

One artist that has stuck with me is the late great Gunner Leatherwood. He passed away earlier this year. I watched this guy grow from a hundred followers to thousands. I saw his art improve. I think that inspiration transcends just the visual aspect of the art. It's a story, a lived experience, as all art is, but I felt I understood it much more. I think going after and following these small artists pay off because of this. Everyone can make something truly great, and some people have and no one noticed. Many amazing animated movies have been made, but never got to the people who would understand them, who'd have dedicated themselves to easing other people into it. We like to think we understand media in a completely intuitive, isolated fashion, but it's not true at all. Our shared experience contributes to classics being recognised and loved. Sometimes you need the right person at the right time to understand. Gunner was a great artist because of how intuitive and visceral his drawings were. It was like he was drawing from his entire life experience to express himself in a page. At first he had little control of it, but with time it was molded and polished so that the madness was discernable, but not gone from the drawing. His mindset for drawing was fun, and he too was always going after small artists of all kinds.

But going back to Batter drawings and abstraction, an artist that has also inspired me over the years in that aspect of bluring symbol and representation into one solid thing, and similarly started somewhat small like Gunner, is Matt Lesniewski. His hatching is out of this world, and his character design is evocative and never boring. The characters are huge balls of symbols made into physical objects. Recently he straight-up draws the belts of characters floating. It's wonderful.

Another artist that does this bluring very well, and is very inspiring, is nailgun waowao. They really, well, nail the appeal of making images that have all the defining elements of a certain scene or character, but open closer look they are fragmented and completely abstracted. It's like a bigger image overlayed with many smaller stories and symbols.

But to go back to talking about active inspirations that came before, and got to me to where I am at the moment, it's a bit harder. I can't really make it sound smart besides going "uuh I don't know like abstract stuff, cubism idk lol." Just try to appreciate the great things your friends make, and try and work together to make something even greater.

Some of the most improvement I had in art was from learning with friends. Art ultimately is a form of communication, understanding other people and yourself will make you better at it. Technical skill is fun and speaks for itself, but your experiences will reach much deeper. In a world where we can't even begin to compreehend the powers that be, loving and understanding what is close is probably gonna make your life and art much better.

#long

[sgiandubh]

That night, in Madrid

If I were one of the Anti queens, I would start this post on a very condescending note: remember that night, in Madrid?

Or something along those lines, ugh.

Of course you remember. Even I remember the 2022  Esquire Man of the Year Awards. It is one of the first events I followed live, lurking in the shadows and hoping someone would notice the elephant in the room.

Rivers of pixels have flown on Tumblr following that event. Why did S take the car for a 200 meters ride round the corner. What exactly did that reporter mean with the „man of your life” silly question. And yes, how moving and heartfelt his acknowledgement speech was. Everything about that night has been parsed, over and over and over again, to the point of nausea and subsequent word vomit.

But, to my knowledge, nobody paid attention to Cristina Castaño's short speech, moments before she presented an award to Fernando Líndez. Bless his heart, I have no idea who he is and what he does for a living, and anyways, he is not important in my story.

You can find the clip on this page , under a classic clickbait title (Cristina Castaño y su ligoteo con SH/CC's flirting with SH): https://www.esquire.com/es/actualidad/a42253896/cristina-castano-premios-esquire/

The elephant enters the room at the 0:49 mark. This is what she says, in plain, audible - albeit strong-accented- English:

You can hear him laugh first. Then everybody does. This was supposed to be, and it was, some light, Spanish-style banter. But to a shipper's ears it did sound almost like an outing of sorts (LET ME FINISH) or at least as some weird, open secret situation, shared by many in that room. Enough to make me stop in my tracks.

You can screech to your heart's content that I am biased. But then so is Esquire Spain's editorial team. Somewhere else on their website (https://www.esquire.com/es/actualidad/a42254186/premios-esquire-sam-heughan-cronica/), damage control and retcon were in full swing:

Translation is mine, for what it's worth: " Above all, Cristina Castaño who, in a delirious turn of events, told S: `I am a ginger. Well, I look lrish/Scottish. S burst into laugh, since she told him that in flawless English. Cristina, my friend, you are great".

The problem is, Cristina Castaño never uttered the word "Scottish", which would considerably water down what she really said. Listen again. Just Irish. Not a trace of Scottish. Zero.

What did he do next? He thanked an Irish woman in his speech. His Irish woman. Right after his mother.

Fan service my (right) foot.

[nestofstraightlines]

I saw a post noting the Hitchhiker's Guide vibes in Wild Blue Yonder, and noticed the replies were full of Doctor Who fans to whom the references were news - fair enough, obviously, Tumblr has a young and international population.

Most Who fans probably know the name Douglas Adams if only vaguely - that this independently successful author was also at once stage in the late 70s Script Editor for Doctor Who and himself wrote three very well-regarded serials for the show.

They may also be aware that he's a particular influence on New Who partly because of that direct connection, and partly because he's kind of to British and/or comedic science fiction what was Tolkein is to fantasy.

So the suggestion you try some Adams if you're a Doctor Who fan is probably not a new idea. But for many, diving into fairly tangentially related fiction from 40+ years ago might not seem very tempting on those grounds alone.

But just in case no one's told you, what Hitchhiker's Guide can offer you as a New Who fan is kind of more New Who.

As I say, though Adams was only briefly (though significantly) in charge of Who itself, his influence on modern Who writing is almost as big on its own as the rest of Classic Who combined.

And it's not just the voice and humour that will ring a bell.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is what happens when you tell the Doctor Who story but take away the Tardis from the Doctor figure. It's a twist on the Doctor Who format where an alien grabs a human away from Earth to travel through a mad galaxy with them, but this alien has no transport of his own and must thumb a ride, and instead of a Littlest Hobo urge to fix every bad situation he stumbles into wishes only to have a good time (bit of a Hartnell touch there I guess).

Crucially I'm not describing a parody of Doctor Who. I don't now that Adams was even super conscious of this read of his most famous tale. But he had certain archetypes in his brain and the comedy writer's habit of wondering 'what if X but Y' and what you get from it could absolutely be described as the Doctor Who show of a different timeline. Something which offers all the pleasures of Doctor Who approached from a different angle.

Finally, in terms of what format to seek out (because Hitchhiker's exists as a radio serial, a set of novels, a TV series and a much later film adaptation) I'd strongly recommend the radio series. In general, and specifically as having the most of offer Doctor Who fans.

The books have become often regarded as somehow the central 'canon' because people assume as books they must have come first. In fact the radio series came first.

I also think it couldn't be more perfect for Doctor Who fans because like that show it's got all the pleasures of great performances as well as the great writing (there is a Hitchhiker's TV series but trust me when I say this is tale built for audio). It's not just full of great performances delivering Adams' comedy perfectly, it also feels huge; the music and sound design evoking such an existentially big, grand, weird, thrilling universe. So especially if you already like Big Finish stories but haven't listened to Hitchhiker's Guide before, you've got such a Who-ish treat awaiting you.

(Toppodcast dot com has it all available.)

#the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy #doctor who #douglas adams #cw warning naturally for the occassional piece of language or framing #nothing egregious that I remember but it's an older text now

[ficthots]

Almost

A/N: Jesús I’m so sorry this has taken as long as it has. Anywho, this one was a blast to write! Look at how great that picture is of the man of the hour! As always let me know what you guys think and enjoy! (Friends to lovers) *also I’m posting this on my phone so if the format is weird I’ll fix it later*

Word Count: 7.9k+

Everyone knows the story. The one where she’s the girl next door and she’s hopelessly in love with the boy next door. There can be some variations in the plot depending on the circumstance. For example, sometimes he doesn’t seem to notice her or give her the time of day. Other times they’re best friends and she’s been harboring this ridiculous crush on him since the first day they met. Eventually, the boy comes to his senses, realizes he doesn’t want the extremely popular cheerleader, but the girl who’s been right there his whole life.

Taylor Swift even has a song based on this tale. She’s not the only pop star or country star, whatever she is now, to take this classic and turn it into a massive hit. It’s incredibly corny and unbelievably predictable, but people eat it up each and every time. Were you a part of that group? Not necessarily. Honestly, it was your least favorite kind of love story.

Which is why it’s all the more embarrassing that you were embroiled in it anyways.

Did you enjoy being a stereotype? Nope. Did it mean you weren’t one? Nope. Hopelessly embarrassing was the fact that you ticked off every single marker point.

Girl next door? Check. Boy next door who she’s been in love with since day one? Check. Best friends their entire lives? Check. Boy comes to his senses and realizes that what he’s been searching for has been right in front of him this entire time? Not quite. Again, thank you pop stars everywhere for that infamous line.

You had been friends with Josh since your first day of first grade. Family having just relocated from some bordering state, the new neighborhood in Michigan was full of kids your age. The twins that accompanied their mom to your front door as she delivered fresh baked brownies as a welcome to the neighborhood were the first ones you got the chance to meet.

Hiding behind their moms legs, she encouraged them to say hello to you. When you invited them to play on the new jungle gym your parents had set up for you just a few days prior, the rest was history. Hardly ever apart from that day onward, you took to Josh exceptionally fast. He was much more outgoing than his counterpart, always having you in a fit of giggles.

The crush part? That happened almost immediately as well. Taken by how brave he was by jumping off the swings into the grass in front of him, you were in awe. Ever since that day, you knew you were positively smitten with Joshua Kiszka.

You recalled fond memories and times spent with the boy who had quickly become your best friend. Getting in a fight with some douche in middle school who had called Josh weird, more movie nights then you could count, Josh waiting with your mom after your driving test to see if you had passed.

It was utterly annoying how many of your memories he was in. Even more bothersome that you enjoyed having him in all of those memories. Even though it stung like a son of a bitch that he was.

It was those things which would always cause the feelings to bloom after being dormant for a long winter. Made you nauseous just thinking about it. Sure, most people develop crushes on close friends at one point or another, but in your case it was disgusting how infatuated you truly were with the boy. And did he feel the same back? Not to your knowledge or understanding.

Were there times where you were beginning to wonder if maybe your feelings were being reciprocated. Of course! You were only human for god's sake and not too shabby of a person in your personal opinion. Winter formal was a perfect example of one of those instances.

This was the dance in high school that officially morphed the teenager from an awkward, clunky child to that of a blossoming young adult. It was a big deal.

Nearly everyone had dates to the swanky sophomore event, including your best friend.

You on the other hand hadn’t been asked by anyone. As the dance loomed closer and closer, no prospective dates on the horizon for you, Josh did the unthinkable for a high school boy who understood the importance of this event in your eyes.

He called his date and canceled on her so that he could be your date. What was a heartbroken, insecure young lady now had the best guy of all to accompany her to the dance. Tear streaked face and all, he escorted you to the dance and you two had the best time. Even indulging you with a slow dance. By the end of the night, you thought Josh was looking at you…differently. In a way that you had only dreamed about over the years of friendship.

When he walked you to your front door, you thought this might be it. What better way for it to be happening? He had dropped his date to make sure you weren’t going alone, it had been an incredibly romantic and fun night, this had to be it! Your first kiss, with the boy you were head over heels for.

Instead, he smacked your arm, thanked you for a good night, and walked over to his own home right next door. The ol’ Pittsburgh goodbye they called it. Rooted to your spot dumbfounded and utterly disappointed, you felt so stupid for thinking that he was going to look at you as anything more than just a friend.

Your mom had thrown open the front door, ecstatic to hear about how the dance had gone, but you ran past her. Only muttering that you were fine when asked what was wrong, you bounded up the stairs past your father, too.

You went to your room and sobbed for the entire night. Swearing to yourself that no matter what, you would never get your hopes up like that again. You avoided Josh for as long as you could the following days, but when he arrived at your house wondering what the heck was going on with you, your defenses were down.

It was pure torture living like this. Seriously, straight up hellish. Not able to figure out why you could not get over the man that had held your heart in his hand without even knowing it for years. Danny was even at a loss.

During the course of Josh becoming the front man for Greta Van Fleet, you took to the black sheep brother. Completely by accident, but hey at least you had Danny now as well. It had been after a hang out at his apartment where he had cornered you in the kitchen.

Pestering you until you finally admitted your feelings for Josh. He truly did not understand why you had the emotions and feelings you did for the boy, but he supported you nonetheless. A little too much for your liking.

Over the span of the next several years, he was always whispering in your ear that if you just told Josh how you felt, he more than likely would reciprocate what you were feeling. It didn’t matter how many times you told Danny, he would never understand. Jeopardizing that friendship and bond with Josh just simply wasn’t worth it.

Danny swore up and down that no matter what you said to Josh, you would never lose him like how you swore you would. Agreeing with him, you told him it wasn’t Josh you would lose, but the opposite. Josh would lose you. There was no possibility that you would ever be able to face him or continue on with how things had previously been. It’s just how it was.

You accepted it and you just wanted Danny to as well. He swore he would never understand fully why you would want to put yourself through that time and time again, but you ultimately told him that this was how things were and he needed to be the one to reach that level of acceptance that you had.

Even as you got older, watching Josh turn into the celebrity he was always meant to be, performing night after night, your heart still seized up whenever in his presence. Josh had convinced you to relocate to Nashville, stating that there was no way he could live without his best friend not being as close as you had been for years.

He had only been moved for less than three months when he called you, literally begging and pleading with you that he would do whatever it took to get you there with him. That there was no way he would be able to do this without his guiding star. How he was wandering in the desert and without his fixated star to point him in the right direction, he was hopeless.

Josh always had a way with words.

In layman's terms, you picked up your entire life and moved it. For him. You were so in love with him that it even shocked Danny as he helped the move into the apartment. Only shooting him dirty looks as he stared at you in the befuddled way he was, you realized how ridiculous this all seemed.

But it didn’t matter because it was Josh.

He had kept it secret for years and you knew there was no chance of him saying anything to anyone. Sure, it was unbelievably painful to see the conquests Josh was engaging in as he waltzed around the world with his siblings, but Josh wasn’t the relationship type. Or that’s what you used to console yourself because he had never made an actual move with you.

It was also one of the rotated excuses you fed Danny as he would bring it up to you. Josh had said time and time again that domesticity actually frightened him. He was used to this rockstar lifestyle and just the thought of settling down with someone was enough to set his skin aflame.

This was one of the things you had known about him your entire life. He had sworn off serious partnerships ever since high school. It just wasn’t the life for him. It killed you, but it was his wish.

That’s why when he began dating her, you didn’t think twice about it. Just another fling that he would eventually tire of before moving on to the next, maybe to you. Chances of that were slim, but hope propelled you forward.

Josh brought her up to you on a grocery trip he promised to accompany you on. Grabbing a bag of rice, you hardly stopped when he spoke. “I went out on a date last night,” humming as you checked the item from your list, your eyes moved back up and scanned the racks. “She was great actually. I don’t know what I was expecting, but she was fun to be around.”

Snorting at his words, you gave him the look that screamed, be realistic Josh. “What? I’m serious! I really like this girl,” he laughed through his words, but you only rolled your eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Can you grab me that jar?” Pointing to the one you needed, he scowled at you.

“Thank you for listening and being of help,” his words were dripping in sarcasm, but they had you stop moving the cart as you walked together. “Joshua. Come on, I know you. Relationships aren’t your thing, which were your own words by the way. You see how hard it is on Jake and Sam with their relationships, it’s also why Danny is no longer in one. I just want you to do what’s best for you.”

His brow furrowed as he thought about your words. “So, I’m just supposed to be alone forever then?” Scoffing, you began pushing the cart again. “Not what I said. All I’m saying is just take a moment and really think about this.” He huffed, but followed along with you, grabbing a box of cereal he knew you loved.

“Asshole.” He mumbled under his breath, but you heard. In retaliation you shoved the cart in his direction causing him to topple into the shelving unit. Bursting into laughter, his face was beat red in embarrassment, but couldn’t contain the laughter seeping out as people eyed him.

“You’re gonna pay for that.” And that was practically the last you had heard of her. Josh hadn’t brought her up again. With another tour impending and an album wrapping up, you didn’t give it a second thought when Josh withdrew from you a bit.

This was typically what he did when he needed his attention to go elsewhere. Especially on something as important as an album and tour. Danny on the other hand was constantly bugging you to spend some time with him and when your schedules finally aligned, you trekked over to his house for dinner and a movie.

It was when there was mention of her for the first time from someone other than Josh. Catching you entirely off guard, you and Danny were sitting at his kitchen island, munching on the last remnants of dinner when he brought it up. “He’s still seeing her.” Your brows contorted in confusion, speaking through a small bite of food.

“What?” He set his fork down, eyeing you to see what your reaction was going to be. “Josh. He’s still seeing her. Been a few weeks now.” It felt like a punch to the gut, but you did your best to play it off. “Thanks for the update, I guess?” You laughed, but Danny didn’t match your faux enthusiasm. “I met her for the first time. We met her for the first time.” You only hummed in response, using the napkin to wipe at your mouth, meal now finished.

Thoughts ran rampant in your mind. Was she the reason he was constantly blowing you off? Was she the reason you hadn’t heard from him in a week? This was the longest he had ever spent in a fling. What the hell did that even mean? It didn’t mean anything because at the end of the day it was still Josh.

Knowing you only had another moment to respond to Danny before he noticed something was off, you placed your plate in his sink, acting occupied with this task. Back facing him so he couldn’t see your response that you knew would be plastered to your face you finally answered.

“Yeah. How was it?” You inquired, not because you were actually interested in knowing, in fact it was the exact opposite. You didn’t want to know. At all. He leaned on the kitchen island directly behind you. “He really likes her.” You snorted, finally turning around to see Danny’s apologetic face staring down at you.

Shaking your head, you pointed your finger at him. “Don’t.” His hands went up, a shrug following. “Don’t what? I’m not doing anything.” Your head cocked at him. “You’re giving me that look.” Brows furrowing in response, he feigned innocence.

“What look? I’m not giving you a look.” Your arms crossed soundly over your chest, irritation starting to bubble up. “Yes you are! It’s that look that you give me whenever you tell me about a new Josh interest. I’m telling you, it’s going to be just like the other ones.” The waver in your voice was something you prayed he didn’t notice. Trying to sell yourself that bogus excuse.

Was it bogus?

He shrugged again, arms crossing over his chest, tongue poking his cheek. “I don’t know, star. This one seems…different.” You shook the words off. “Josh would’ve said something to me by now if it was different.” Your fingers made air quotes around the final word.

With your back now to the drummer again, his words sat heavy on your shoulders as they left his mouth. “Would he?” That was a damn good question. Would he? Josh had never shied away from giving you details about various entanglements, but he hadn’t so much as peeped about this one.

Would he?

It was what was replaying over in your head as you sat on his sofa. The first time you two had hung out in almost two weeks. Why was it making you so upset? Because you knew the actual reason why he hadn’t seen you. Traces of her were all over his house despite his efforts to hide it from you. He was outright lying to you. It stabbed you in the chest when he tried to feed you the lie.

They had been adamantly working on getting the nitty gritty details about the tour nailed down. That was what Josh told you. Danny told you something different. He was lying to you. Josh never lied to you. Until now.

Not on purpose anyways.

Of course, small white lies here and there were normal, but given the details Danny was giving you, Josh was blatantly trying to hide her from you. You just didn’t know why. Did she not know about you? Did Josh not want her to know about you? Why?

Josh threw a piece of crumpled paper at your head, laughing when your attention snapped back to the present, pulling you from your thoughts. “Where have you been? You’ve been off in wonderland all night. What’s going on?” You only plastered a smile on your weary face, offering a small shrug.

“Just,” debating on actually talking to him about this or giving him the option to tell you in his own time, you spoke, “just super tired from work is all.” It was Josh. He would tell you. There was obviously a reason why he hadn’t yet. You just didn’t know it.

It turns out the reason why he didn’t inform you of their…entanglement was because of how he wanted to do it. “I want you to meet her.” He finally blurted out one night. This evening had been spent in your home, a proclaimed self care night by Josh. According to him, your shitty moods around him and your constant excuse of work killing you, meant it was up to him to fix it.

So, here you were, sprawled out on your couch with him. Both wearing face masks, nails drying from the new polish he had gotten you, eyes shut with ice packs over your sockets, it caught you off guard.

“Huh?” You questioned, trying not to move your face with the mask on it. “I want to take you out to dinner so you can meet her. Seriously star, you’ll love her. She’s great.” Being able to use the mask as an excuse not to respond, your stomach was doing somersaults at just the thought of sitting at a table with whoever this girl was.

Feeling his finger poke your cheek, you pulled the ice packs from your eyes and narrowed them at him. “I don’t know, Josh.” Giving you the best puppy dog look he could, pushing out his bottom lip. “Please, star? It would mean so much to me. You’re my best friend and I really think you should meet her. Please?”

You gave in. It’s why you were sitting at an incredibly high end restaurant, waiting for them to arrive. Checking your phone to see a message from Danny, asking why the hell you would agree to something like that, you flipped it back over to be face down when you spotted them coming towards the table.

Standing to greet them, Josh pulled you into a tight embrace, a fake smile plastered to your lips as you took her in for the first time. Offering your hand and name, you didn’t hear her response. She was breathtaking. In a ridiculous sort of way that made you question what kind of genes ran in her family. Or if this was class a work done by some surgeon in Florida or California.

Sitting back down, you nervously shifted in your seat. Alone on your side of the table, Josh’s arm draped over the back of hers. Both of them beaming with happiness and joy. Your energy did not match theirs. Josh finally broke the tension you were almost 100% positive only you were feeling.

“Sorry we were late, star. Traffic was a-uh, nightmare.” His small chuckle at the end and the blush tinting his cheeks informed you right then that they had not been delayed by traffic. Waving him off, you chugged an entire glass of wine. “It’s fine. Oh-excuse me sir! Another glass please,” you asked the waiter, tapping the rim to let him know it was urgent.

Your ring clinked against the glass loudly as you repeatedly hit it, nervously waiting for the server to come back with the bottle.

It was truly the only way to get through the night. Yet, you did somehow manage to get through it. It was excruciating, but you did it. Sure, you were a bit past buzzed, losing count after the fourth glass of wine, but it was enough to get you through it.

She was a captivating person, that you could admit. Having traveled so much of the world by such a young age, a college degree under her belt, possibly another in the near future, and working for a fashion app you had never heard of, but apparently was quite popular.

It made you hate her even more.

Not bothering to offer a large goodbye to the pairing, you hurried off in the opposite direction of where they stood, Josh confused by your behavior tonight. Hailing an Uber, you had him deliver you to the only place you could think to go.

When Danny opened the door and saw your mascara streaked face, his seldom gaze met yours. Falling into his open arms, you wailed into his chest. Smoothing down your hair, he patted your back with his free hand. “I know, star, I know.”

You crashed on Danny’s couch that night. Soundly snoring away on his sofa, he sighed, removing the heels from your feet, seeing your phone screen light up repeatedly. Josh asking if you had made it home safe and if you were alright.

He stepped out of the room, dialing Josh who picked up immediately. “Hey, I saw your messages to star and I wanted to let you know she came to my house.” An immediate breath of relief expelling from his lungs. “Thank god. She was a bit,” Danny cut him off.

“Drunk? Yeah, I know. She crashed on my couch.” Josh sighed, telling Danny to have to call him in the morning. It was the last thing you wanted to do. To discuss the events from the night before. Wanting to permanently erase the traces of it from your mind all together.

Not wanting to leave Danny’s a minute before you absolutely needed to, he pushed you out of his front door to see Josh’s car parked in the driveway waiting for you. Pouting at Danny, his stern gaze peered at you. “Go. I’ll be here if you need me.” Huffing you slowly made your way to the Jeep.

Immediately turning down the loud music blasting through the speakers, you groaned. “A bit hungover are we?” He laughed, handing you the sunglasses you always kept in his car. Grumbling in response, he started the drive to your apartment.

“We need to talk about last night, star.” Sighing, you rested your forehead on your palm, elbow on the windowsill. “Pass.” You said, but Josh put the car in park after having got your coffee for the day.

Sipping the cold liquid, you sighed with the caffeinated relief. “Why did you go to Danny’s?” His tone sounded hurt and unsure. “What?” You said with a small laugh. “You get drunk at a very important dinner for me, hardly utter a goodbye, then run off to Danny’s house. Is there something going on between you two?”

Your jaw hung slack, immediately shaking your head. “Oh my god, no. He’s just a good friend. It’s just that he,” trying to decide how to word this properly, you sat on your response for a beat. “It’s just that Danny and I are the two lonesome folk of the group so we hang out to keep each other company. That’s all,” you assured Josh.

There was no possibility of telling him the full truth, but that was pretty spot on for what you could give him. It wasn’t far from the full truth at all, really. You and Danny were the only singles of the group, therefore he could relate to what you were feeling. Kind of.

Josh bought it. Squeezing your hand over the center console, the familiar coldness shocking your system as he did. “I know. I’m sorry,” you offered a reassuring smile, relaxing into the seat and asking him to drive you home. He did and the entire way, he didn’t mention her once.

He never did. Following the disaster of a first meeting, Josh got a sense that you weren’t the biggest fan of his interest so in order to keep things calm, he simply didn’t bring her up. You were fine with that at first.

Until it felt like he was explicitly leaving out most of the details of his life and what was really happening to him. Conversations were growing shorter as he came up with little to talk about given he was around her so often, there were few stories that didn’t involve her. That was when you actually saw him anyway.

Those nights that had once been a comfort and familiarity to you were sparse now. Few and far between to happen. When you would text him asking if he was available, you typically weren’t getting responses for over twenty-four hours. Instead, you found yourself wandering over to Danny’s more often than ever.

He was a true comfort, no longer pestering you about the crush he didn’t understand, but enjoying your presence. Movies, food, even self care nights had seemingly transferred over from your best friend to Danny.

Sitting on his sofa, face masks adorned, a knock on his front door startled you both as you cackled at the movie playing on his tv. Danny hurried to the door and pulled it open to reveal a frizzy haired boy whom you hadn’t laid eyes on in weeks, nearing a month now that you thought back on it.

Josh leaned around the boy after seeing what was on his face and saw you settled on the couch. His brow furrowed and irritation bubbled up. “What are you guys doing? Danny I’ve been trying to get a hold of you,” Danny pulled his phone from his back pocket at those words and saw a few missed messages from the man in front of him.

“Okay, well you found me, what’s up?” Leaning against the front door, your head craned to see Josh. “We’re having a selfcare night!” You called out, watching as Josh’s jaw set. He only hummed in response, eyes never leaving your relaxed figure. A shirt of Danny’s on you as well.

“I-um, we need you to re-record a part of Sacred the Thread. Didn’t come out like we were hoping,” Danny’s brow muddled together. “Yeah, alright, I’ll come by tomorrow.” Josh blinked up at the younger drummer and nodded curtly.

Turning on his heel, he didn’t say anything else as he left. Danny shot you a wild look as you two burst out laughing. “The hell is his problem?” He spoke as he collapsed back down next to you. Shrugging, you hit play as the show started back up. “It’s Josh, you know how he gets.”

When the timer on your phone went off, you grabbed Danny’s wrist, dragging him to his bathroom. “C’mon, masks need to come off.” He followed you without any restraint.

You heard from Josh first thing the next morning. Showing up at your doorstep, he barged into your apartment without any warning. Startling you, you nearly dropped your glass of juice as you shot daggers at him. “What the fuck, Josh?”

His hands landed on his hips, eyes bloodshot and staring at you. “I’m only going to ask you one more time. What’s going on between you and Danny?” Rolling your eyes you leaned against your counter. “I’ve already answered that and I’m not going to again. By the way, this is the first time you’ve spoken to me in what, three or four weeks, and this is how you do it?” Scoffing, you sipped the orange juice.

Noticing that his hands had a small tremble that he was trying to mask, he shook his head fervently, regaining your attention. “Sorry.” It was curt and short, indicating he didn’t truly meet it. Sighing, your eyebrows only raised.

“Anything else?” You questioned, clearly annoyed by how your morning was starting. He released a deep breath that he had been holding in his sternum. “Can-can we hang out sometime next week? Please?”

Your mouth set, shrugging at his question. “You know where to find me.” Not expecting that type of response from you, he looked taken aback. He left your apartment that morning and it was another few weeks before you heard a peep from him again.

The hang out that Josh requested didn’t actually occur until two months later. It wasn’t as easy going and comfortable as you reminisced on how things used to be. He had a permanent look of guilt plastered to his face from the moment he took you in.

It was only an hour later when Josh cleared his throat as you two ate in almost complete silence. Eyes falling to him, you saw a grin appearing on his face. One that you hadn’t seen in your presence in far too long. “I have to tell you something.”

Placing your utensil down, you didn’t speak as he reached behind him and grabbed a small gift bag from the counter. Taking out what appeared to be a small box, he slid it across the table to you, the lid opened.

Anger immediately pummeled you.

“You’ve got to be kidding me, Josh?” Refusing to touch it, you eyed him and the item in pure disgust. He laughed at your appalled reaction, cheeks tinting pink. “Yeah, that’s what Jake said too.” Standing from your seat, you peered down at him. “No fucking shit! What the hell are you thinking?”

He rolled his eyes in retaliation. “I love her, star. I have never felt this for anyone else in my life. Ever. I never knew that something like this could even exist! She makes me so happy and I make her happy. If I know she’s the one, which she is, then why would I wait? She and I can start our forever now.”

Shaking your head at his explanation, you stared at him like he was out of his mind. “Do you realize how insane you sound? It’s been, what, six months? This is a huge mistake in the making, Josh. You need to slow down and really think about this.” His smile never diminished as he stood.

“I have and I’m going to ask her to marry me, star.” You couldn’t stand there and listen to this. Turning, you grabbed your purse from the couch and quickly walked to the front door. With Josh hot on your trail, he was calling out to you.

“You’ve got to be kidding me. Are you seriously that upset? What did I do? Star!” He halted as he saw you get in your car, silent tears making streaks on your cheeks. “Star?” He asked once more, voice diminishing in volume as you pulled out of his driveway and went home.

Ignoring the texts and calls that he was bombaring your phone with, you couldn’t bring yourself to get up from your bed. It felt like your entire world had crumbled around you in the blink of an eye. The boy next door that you had been hopelessly in love with since you could remember had chosen someone else to spend his forever with.

Some people are destined to be your almost. Not everyone gets the fairytale ending of being with the person who they thought they were destined to be with. Just because that person might be meant for you, doesn’t mean you’re meant for them. There has to be people who don’t get the guy. That was your destiny with Josh.

Your almost.

A knock on your door woke you up from your partially sleepy mood. Opening the door, his face was fully covered by an enormous bouquet. Sighing, you leaned against your door as he pulled them down to reveal a small, unsure smile.

“I’m sorry. I’m an inconsiderate asshole. I’m stupid and insensitive.” Lips pursing ever so slightly, you chimed in. “Stupid sounds about right,” snatching the beautiful bundle of flowers, you left the door open behind you as you went to your kitchen and set the flowers in the sink.

Eyeing him, his familiar mauve tracksuit adorned you jabbed at him. “That tracksuit makes you look like a forty year old virgin, you know that?” He shrugged, bottom lip jutting out. “That’s a fair assumption to make.” You hummed.

Slowly approaching you, he gingerly pulled you into his embrace. “I really am sorry. I didn’t realize until you left how it must’ve sounded for you. You will find your person someday. I will make a more conscious effort to tamp speeches like that down from now on. You know how much I like to talk.”

You both chuckled, savoring the feeling of his familiar arms wrapped around your waist in a way you would never tire of. The words stung, but you knew he was being sincere. As sincere as he possibly could anyways. “Thanks Joshy.”

When he pulled back, his cold hands cupped your cheeks, a large smile adorning his face. That small tooth gap that you absolutely adored so visible from this close. “I love you.” You smiled back at him, hands holding onto his bony wrists. “Love you too.”

Josh remained at your house for the rest of the night.

He asked her only two weeks later. It was a big show he had put on for her. Their style you were assuming. If anyone ever asked you to marry them in that fashion you would’ve said no. It must’ve been perfect for her because to everyone's surprise she said yes.

Only six months together and they were engaged. Of course everyone was expecting a long engagement, but in some sick fluke Josh informed everyone at the same time that it was only going to be two months from their proposal date.

You were shocked to your core. According to Josh, they only wanted something small and intimate and because of that, it could be that quick of a turn around. One interaction. That’s all you had experienced with this person who was going to be marrying your best friend. In two months.

Sitting in Danny’s living room with the other siblings, you were all ranting about the pure absurdity of the situation. “This isn’t even like him! Since when has he wanted to settle down like this? And this fast? No, it’s not, Josh!” Jake’s voice was rising with every word he spoke.

Sitting on the couch, your arms were crossed over your chest, steam shooting from your ears. “Star, maybe you can get through to him! He listens to you.” You shrugged, making eye contact with the worried twin, Sam and Danny sitting there in contemplative silence. “I already tried. He is dead set on doing this, Jake. I don’t know what else to do, but this isn’t good.”

He harshly sat on the arm of the sofa, putting his face in his hands. “Fuck!” He yelled, throwing one of the items from Danny’s side table. “Hey!” He yelled at the action, Jake muttering an apology and retrieving the item to put it back in its spot.

You all sat there for hours discussing the situation at hand and what could possibly be done. The answer? Nothing. There was nothing any of you could do. Grin and bear it. The only way you were ever going to be able to do that was going to be to distance yourself from the entire event all together.

Easy enough. Until Josh approached you with a major question.

“Please, star!” You were eyeing him like you had no idea who the person was standing before you. “Josh, listen to what you’re asking me.” He nodded, somewhat understanding your predicament. “I know, but it would mean so much to me.” Sighing, you rubbed tiredly at your eyes.

“It’s weird, right? I hardly know her and-” he cut you off, slight irritation prickling his tone. “Exactly! You hardly know her and I’m about to marry her. She wants nothing more than to be your friend. Just go to the bachelorette weekend, I will pay for you, and just try to get to know her.”

His doe eyes stared widely at you, hope dancing in his dark irises. “Fine, fine. I’ll go.”

That’s how you got to where you currently are. Sitting in a dark hotel room, a bunch of drunk strangers passed out in the suite living room, contemplating your entire friendship with Josh and if this weekend had been worth it.

The door creaked open, startling you in the darkness, but when she appeared you slightly calmed down. The only person you somewhat recognized from the trip. “Hey, sorry I didn’t mean to scare you.” Putting a tight lipped smile on, you flicked the bedside lamp on.

“No worries. You okay?” She pointed at the edge of the bed, silently asking if she could sit there. Nodding, she sat giving you a genuine smile. “Thanks for being so cool this weekend, I know my friends can be kind of a lot.” You both laughed under your breath. “Ah, they’re not bad. Welcomed me right in.”

Her eyes lit up at that. “Good, good! I’m so glad. I wanted you to have fun this weekend and I really wanted to get to know you. You and Josh are so close and you know literally everything about him which I don’t, you know? You should hear how often he talks about you. Seriously, it’s so intimidating being around you. He has this phenomenal opinion about you and I just want us to be friends.” Your breath caught in your throat at her words, feeling it grow tighter with the praise you learned Josh constantly showers you in when you weren’t around.

“No, I’m none of that. Josh just likes to hear himself talk is all.” She bursted out in laughter, her next sentence making you halt your movements and truly question every decision he had made to get to this spot. “Does he really? I don’t know, he’s kind of quiet around me.”

You didn’t knock, the door was more than likely unlocked anyways. Bursting into his home, he was startled to see you in his house like that, but his mood immediately changed when he saw you there. “Star! How was it?”

“What the fuck is the matter with you?” His eyes blew wide, startled by your anger. “Excuse me?” Shaking your head quickly, you battled your thoughts. “How are you marrying this girl, Josh? You don’t know her! She doesn’t know you! At all! I mean for fucks sake you look fucking insane, Josh!”

He tried calming you down as he approached you. “Star, what happened? Did something happen on the trip?” You walked to him and grabbed his face. “Yes! I realized that I have no idea who you even are anymore. This is not you. This is not like you. You don’t do this shit. This is not Josh.” Your words evened out, but he only grew angry.

Pulling away from your grasp, he exploded. “I know what I’m doing. I’m so fucking sick and tired of hearing everyone bitch at me about this. It is my life! None of you, especially you, run it. I do! You are just the same sad and lonely girl that I’ve always known who tears down everyone's happiness, particularly mine when it has nothing to do with you. News flash, my world doesn’t revolve around you and I pray it never will! I’ve grown and maybe you need to too!”

Tears welled in your eyes, sniffling as your eyes fell downcast. His chest was heaving from yelling, but you couldn’t look at him.

“Okay. Well, then I will get out of the way of your happiness and entirely extract myself from your world then, right? Congratulations Josh. Have a great wedding.” He sighed, trying to backtrack on what he said. “Star, no hold on.” You didn’t stick around to hear anything else.

Nearly every single day Josh had hounded your phone trying to get in contact with you. Showing up at your door nearly every other day with a flower delivery for apologies. Each time he returned, the flowers remained on your doorstep.

Getting to the point where you were almost ready to block his number all together, you watched the days tick by, seeing his wedding date get closer and closer. An invitation having arrived in your mail weeks ago, but landed right in the garbage.

There was no way you were going to be able to actually attend the wedding. Of course you understood that his outburst had been in retaliation for the way you had spoken to him, but the burn of the words had yet to scab.

Danny stood in your kitchen, cutting up fruit as he shook his head in shock. “You have to go to his wedding, star. You can’t miss Josh’s wedding, are you crazy?” Rubbing the bridge of your nose, your eyes were pinned shut. “Drop it, Danny.”

Scoffing in response, he talked as he chewed on a strawberry. “No, I will not drop it. This is Josh we’re talking about. You are not going to miss his wedding. It would devastate him.” Grabbing a piece of pineapple, you took the moment of reprieve to craft your response.

You hadn’t uttered a word of the blowout that had occurred between you and Josh that night. Knowing it was an interaction of high stress and tension, you decided it was best to just let it lie. Sure, it complicated matters pertaining to you not attending the wedding, but it was a small price to pay.

Danny on the other hand knew something was wrong. There was no chance that you would actually miss Josh’s wedding simply because you had feelings for him and weren’t a huge fan of his partner of choice. That just wasn’t you.

Wanting to know the full story, if he pestered you enough he knew you would crack. And crack you did. In fact, it was a decade of turmoil and emotion slamming together in a horrific tsunami that would only leave deviation in its wake.

“God, Danny, why don’t you get it? I have been in love with that boy since I was a child! I pictured everything with him. This is tearing me up to witness this. I try to tell him how I feel and he throws in my face that I am sad and lonely and you know what? He’s right! I am sad and I am lonely. I spent so long holding out for someone that will never love me like I love them. I am tired and I just can’t do it!” Sobs wracked your body, face tight from the shed tears cascading down your swollen face, a shaking mess as you hiccuped.

Danny immediately dropped it, Offering comfort the only way he knew how to, he held you while you sobbed over the reality you faced. Your best friend was getting married in a week's time, you weren’t going to be there, you two had gotten into a knock out drag out fight, and to top it all off you were still alone and sad.

So, what did that leave you to do?

Sit on your couch for a week, self loathing and not offering anyone a definitive answer if you were actually going to attend the wedding or not. Instead, you wore an oversized t-shirt you had owned since middle school, hair an absolute mess, watching reruns of your favorite show that you had spent most of your childhood watching with Josh.

Shooting Danny a text that morning that your will not attend was set in stone, he didn’t tell anyone. Not until Josh approached him and asked if you had rode over with him. When Danny pulled him aside to break the news, you were happy you weren’t there to witness that.

It didn’t matter because he brought it to you.

Pounding on your door, a tuxedo-clad Josh stood on the other side of the threshold. You two stood in silence, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. Taking him in before you, you finally spoke first.

“Aren't you supposed to be-” he cut you off before you could finish, “Yes.” You nodded, blinking rapidly as your eyes fell down. “Okay.” Foot bouncing, you finally moved to the side letting him step into your apartment.

Jaw setting, you couldn’t take your eyes off each other. “What are you do-” he cut you off again. “Are you in love with me?” Swallowing thickly, your head began to move in response, eyes welling with tears, cottonmouth setting in. “Because I’m in love with you.”

Lips parting in awe, your chin trembled, tears silently falling from your eyes. “Ho-how?” You choked out, but Josh spoke loudly and quickly over you. “I was in the room, getting ready to head out to get to the altar and I was staring at this ring,” he pulled it from his pocket as he continued.

“Danny had just told me you weren’t coming and I saw her. She’s there fully ready in her dress, getting some photos taken or something, but I didn’t care. All I could think about was you not being there and if I needed you there that badly then maybe,” it was a shaky breath, hand falling as he held the ring still, “then maybe that meant something.”

Crossing the room, he stood directly in front of you. “I love you, star. You are my light, my being, everything I could ever want or imagine in a partner. You are the person I have to spend the rest of my life with because it just doesn’t make sense any other way. This ring is yours. It was only ever meant for you. There is no one else in this universe who I would want to wear this ring. It’s you, star. It’s always been you.”

Your hand covered your mouth as you choked out a laugh, knowing that Josh was offering you his hand right then. You nodded, a teary yes escaping your throat as Josh crushed you to him in a meeting you wouldn’t forget for the rest of your life.

Some people are destined to be your almost. Because not everyone gets the fairytale ending of being with the person who they thought they were destined to be with. Just because that person might be meant for you, doesn’t mean you’re meant for them. There has to be people who don’t get the guy.

That was what you believed your destiny was to be with Josh. Sometimes things work out in ways you never understand. Instead of being your almost, he was always going to be your forever.

Maybe fairytales weren’t so stupid after all.

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