#the closest is ghostbur and the egg. i will think about them very hard | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

relaxxattack · 3 years

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contemplating if sending this ask is worth the c!sam discourse bc tbh I've been exhausted by it these past days but! you talked about sam and regret and - I feel like sam is in this position where he's constantly on the edge, because his problem is that he cares too much - he does regret a fuck ton, but he doesn't see any other way to do anything, and thus puts on this warden persona, a steel barrier between himself and his emotions, to be, he's the definition of "between a rock and a hard place", damned if you do, damned if you don't

I think a very good example is quackity's stream, where it's so clear how easily influenced he is, and how when he latches onto an idea, he gets tunnel vision. with tommy - he mourns and it hit him like a truck, but in his mind what could he do? as he said - dream could have used tommy as a hostage etc, and safety of the server, thus inescapability of the prison, is a priority. with ghostbur also - if he extended the bridge, in his mind, dream would most likely use ghotbur as a hostage and escape (dream hismelf called ghostbur a hostage, so), plus, with how much tommy's death in that cell fucked him up, I don't think he calculated the fact that tommy is armed, his brain just couldn't out tommy in that cell again, and that's why he put down the lava

he is very paranoid about the prison, fueled by isolation and time spent with dream, enabled and at the same time manipulated by quackity, fresh from the egg banquet which was a final testament of the fact that he can't trust any of his closest friends no matter how much he tries to help them and no matter how much they seem like they're trustworthy (the eggpire, hannah etc), drowning in guilt over tommy's death (remember the quackity stream and the ranboo stream in particular), with no support system, nothing there to at least suggest another direction, plus he has a natural tendency to bear everything onto himself - responsibility, faults, everything - regardless of what anyone says or does, and a tendency of getting tunnel vision when he latches onto an idea (for example that tommy was there to release dream, not kill him)

and let me say this - this isn't a justification of sam's actions, this isn't to say that what he did or said was good actually, nor is it to say that he wasn't at fault, because it isn't, what he said to tommy was horrible and uncalled for and it was still sam's actions, what he did to ponk, and what he allows quackity to do is horrible and wrong, and there's no debate about that, I'm not here to debate that

however I'm here to say that i think, to say that he's not unwavering in his actions, and to say that he's fine with them? to me it's wrong. when he says 'i will murder you' and 'im doing this out of my free will' and 'it was perfect when it was just me and him'? the tone he uses is a tired one, it's defeated, it's the voice of a man that knows what he does is wrong and hates it but doesn't see any other way

as cc!sam said - c!sam has to choose between what he thinks is good for the server, and what he personally thinks is right - these are not the same things to sam. (also cc!sam, when talking about whether or not c!sam goes to see dream/tortures him, said that c!sam would rather not see or be anywhere dream at all (and also that he doesn't torture him himself), which are his personal feelings, as opposed to what he's doing "for the good of the server" aka "it was perfect when it was just him and me")

so - how does regret factor into c!sam? I feel like he does not regret his actions in a way because he saw those as the only option - However, I do think that he regrets the very fact that it was the only option - he doesn't regret the actions itself but the fact that he, in his eyes, had to do them

please keep in mind that 4th paragraph, not trying to defend his actions or words here, nor trying to say that people have no right to be mad, I'm just saying that I think people greately overestimate sam's stability and "confidence" he has in what he does, I feel like people often mistake "he did his best in the situation he was in given his capabilities and mental state" with "he did good", and that's why when people try to explain sam's character they get angry. because no! he did bad! he did terrible actually! but the key here is why he did so badly, and why, because of his mental state, he didn't have the capability to do better

anyway sorry for the essay in your asks, I hope this is at least somewhat entertaining to read

i was absolutely terrified by the length of this when i saw it in my inbox tbh 😭 but the tone it was written in was pretty gently and your points were good and insightful so i was able to read it yes :]

thank you for saying this i think it was well-said

#sam meta

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