#the concept is being sl*tty in space | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

moonlit-positivity · 4 months

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I think i can finally put into words why I hate the concept of forcing people into this idealistic version of ""self care uwu"" because none of these recovery blogs will actually recognize how agonizingly painful it is to be abused as a kid, being constantly told you're a fuck up, having your body boundaries violated by your parents'/adults' authoritative power trips, and be basically treated like a slave in which you as the child are seen as dirty, filthy, sl*tty, greedy, "asking for it" etc. AND THEN ONE DAY YOU LEAVE THAT SHIT AND NOW SUDDENLY THE ANTIDOTE IS TO ""LOVE YOURSELF""???????? HOW COME WE DONT TALK ABOUT HOW HARD IT IS TO GRASP THE CONCEPT OF BEING LIED TO AS A FUCKING CHILD TO THE POINT OF SELF SACRIFICE FEELING MORE SAFE THAN THE CONCEPT OF YOU BEING TREATED LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING?????? Because that shit is humiliating, to actually sit with the crushing realization that you don't actually have to continue believing the shit they brainwashed you to believe about yourself- and that can be equally as traumatizing and I don't think I ever see this talked about in recovery spaces- how the concept of neglecting your hygiene, self care, self sabotage, etc, can actually be a mine field of self persecution but the fact that it's actually so necessary and needed just as much because it's you basically taking back your right to choose how you want to handle this until you can actually stomach the grim reality a little bit better. And I wish wish wish so much that more recovery spaces would talk about this, because it's actually so NORMAL. To neglect care and self sabotage, because it's how you need to control the things you went through. Like yeah of course it's toxic and it doesn't feel good, but thats the point- NONE of this recovery bullshit "feels good", not when youre having to come face to face with your own family/loved ones/caregivers etc and the horrible bullshit they put you through, when you were in no position to fight back-- when will we FINALLY acknowledge that the most important aspect to healing and recovery is YOUR OWN AUTONOMY-- YOUR RIGHT TO DECIDE FOR YOURSELF- what ""self care"" and all this other bs is supposed to look like??? Because for some of us- a vast majority I'd wager- have NEVER EVEN HEARD THE CONCEPT THAT WE DESERVE BETTER TO BEGIN WITH?????? Like yeah okay!!! LETS TALK ABOUT THAT!!! let's talk about how not taking a shower can actually be a self inflicted punishment and the antidote is not to simply ""force yourself to take the shower"" but to rather allow yourself to have this moment of misery so you can foster a little more self compassion for what you've gone through??? And acknowledge that even if you can't take a shower it doesn't change the fact that you are inherently worth the effort to allow yourself full control over this situation???? Because in those moments it's rarely about the inability to shower- it's about how id rather be smelly and stinky because as a child my parent took full liberty over my body without my consent and now as an adult in recovery this is how I've chosen to reclaim my own autonomy over what I had to go through and still be loved and cared for anyway????? SELF CARE IS NOT ALWAYS FORCING YOURSELF TO FEEL BETTER. SOMETIMES IT IS SO NECESSARY AND VALID TO LET YOURSELF ROT JUST BECAUSE YOU GET TO CHOOSE. YOU GET TO DECIDE. CAN WE PLEASE ACKNOWLEDGE THIS TOO!!!

#ptsd #recovery #trauma #boundaries #mental health #healing #self care #positivity #autonomy #emotional freedom #emotions #emotional work #self sabotage #anger

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