#the coping mechanisms being primarily sheer fuckit ego and excessive study

[elainemorisi]

I’ve now had two of my closest friends say, almost verbatim, “hah, I can’t even imagine you socially anxious”, which is... very strange, but also hey, three cheers for adequate coping mechanisms?

#in the last like two weeks to be clear #the coping mechanisms being primarily sheer fuckit ego and excessive study #I guess by now I am legitimately not made anxious #but I was when I met them! #not remotely to the degree I was talking about in both cases aka the degree I was as a small kid but still #and now is only because I've engineered my life such that I almost never encounter a situation that would still trigger anxiety #which yeah is in significant part because I'm old enough to just know that nothing that bad can possibly happen #but also nothing in my personal or professional lives depends on better-than-fine socializing #I'm sort of curious whether parent-socializing will tweak it again #because there at least in theory my kid might share in consequences so you can't just Well Fuck You I Didn't Care Anyway your way out #but also this part of the world is pretty damn chill so idk if it'll even be a thing #anyway! I knew the coping mechanisms functioned perfectly well I just didn't expect them to be that invisible? #and these friends are respectively genuinely a natural #and the like... single person on the planet who I might grant has more insight into me (on some things/if she uses it) than I do #which is normally a conceit I find EXTREMELY stupid #ymmv on self-awareness I guess but seriously people? anyway