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greysfall · 3 years

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My 4444-word review of NEO TWEWY (with personal illustration + heavy spoilers)

My overall critical score for the game is 7.5/10, while my personal enjoyment score is 8.5/10. This review is posted as I have 80% completed the game, got the secret ending and achieved the Angel psychic rank. I’ll first start with the main pros and cons as follows.

PROS:

- Enjoyable as a whole, still upholding the first game’s spirit in world building and sharing the same backbone - which was mostly revealed in the Secret Reports, it’s impossible to grasp the story without reading them.

- The new cast and new game is charming in their own way

- The old cast’s return is one of the biggest highlights for sure, it was fun and impactful. Everyone stays true to themselves and also had their own stories wrapped up nicely.

- Boss designs are cool, new pins are fun to use and collect

- The connection between the old and new cast is well written and executed, including but are not limited to the tension between the old and new protagonist, the weird but fun interaction between the 2 Composers, the new friendships revealed and formed

- Sho being in the main cast is something so uniquely TWEWY and uniquely Sho

- Still good music

- Still many fun side quests, some of them really uphold the same quirky spirit of the old game and some are surprisingly touching

- Many new nice stores and yummy looking foods to explore

- The map is really easy to memorize for me, it’s fun to travel around the “current” Shibuya to see all the differences compared to the past

- The social network is crazy and interesting to read through

- Has an anti-frustration system to help 100% complete the game more easily and earn money faster, so post-game is relatively managable.

- Overall, I really feel the efforts the team poured into making this as their passion project, not just during the development process but for all the last 14 years. They showed the vision of what they wanted to make, at the same time giving something to both the old as well as new fans.

CONS:

- The biggest problem with the game is scenario writing. The story is so heavily back-loaded. The director himself thought it would be better to balance out the tension flow by adding more at the beginning but gave in to the scenario writer in the end, probably due to time pressure. This results in an underwhelming execution of characterization and lots of wasted potentials for the first half of the game.

- I struggle to view it as a stand-alone game, since the backstory and the old cast both play such an important role in the core of the game. If someone plays this game without having played the OG, they can only enjoy it on surface value at best.

- The new cast is nice but most of them aren’t quite as intriguing as the old cast, maybe it’s cuz they’re all too nice deep down that they lack a little bit of an edge, of that batshit craziness that everyone in the OG used to have? I think some characters (Fret, Nagi) ended up weaker in terms of characterization because the writer is too afraid of making them unlikeable – which kind of backlashed cuz they only became likable in the most expectable way to cater for a specific group of fans. I would have wished for the other team leaders to be more crazy too, had they not suffered 30+ loops of the Game…

- The CAMERAWORK IS HELL.

- Gameplay does get tedious at certain points with all the time travels.

- Shiba is so badly written as a villain, some Shinjuku characters should be given more screentime cutting into Shiba’s– like Hishima or Kaie or even, Hazuki (though his limited presence also solidified his importance).

- Some of the main character designs, for example Beat’s hairstyle and his food reactions are hilariously bad. What’s the point of covering up most of his unique facial features?

- Some of the minor/side characters’ design are too cool for them to have such a small role (eg: Ayano, Eiru). Ryoji did get much screentime but is nowhere as fun as Makoto was.

- Overall the scope of this game is made a little too big for the team to handle as perfectly as the last game that was very compact, it felt somewhat rushed in development too so the missing pieces are clearly there in the final picture

The entry fee versus paying for it all in the end

An important difference between the Neo game and the original Shibuya game was that the Shibuya rule asked for an entry fee that is the Player’s most important asset, stated as a chance the Composer gives them to reexamine themselves. Meanwhile, the Shinjuku rule neither encourages nor allows personal growth and ultimately aims to erase as many Players as possible. It’s a pity we were never introduced to the full Shinjuku rulebook, as it seems like the system there focuses more on building up power and a grand government to compare with the individuality-driven system of Shibuya.

When you have to compare the new game and the original game (OG), this is an important factor to consider. Also, the OG has a serious storyline running through and through, locked with a different partner/GM creating unique atmosphere for each week and you don’t get to see your old partners again until the end. NEO’s team system does not allow such deep insight and communication between the Players. All of your teammates are always there throughout, the dynamic does change with each new addition but it is not as prominent as a partner change.

Another important factor is how the OG was built from scratch for a new platform as “something no one has ever seen before”, while Neo recycled a lot of old unused ideas from the previous development (check out this interview for more details). The development team for NEO lacks 2 key members and had a change of writer so the final product is not as strongly bound together as the last game.

The new cast is definitely inspired by today’s teenagers (from the view of creators), compared to the old cast they’re more sociable and always seem to take whatever works for them despite feeling unstable inside. They are all innocent and genuinely nice kids, avoiding to hurt each other to a degree that they end up keeping some sort of distance. They’re also unable to communicate at deeper levels, always stagnant at this half-baked stage of equilibrium without any motivation to get to the core of things. That is the cost of entering the game without an entry fee, without even dying or having a reason to be there/to fight seriously. These kids were stolen from the RG into a Game that was decidedly the worst environment for them to change or develop, just wandering around cluelessly to find a way “out” until tragedies started to unfold one by one and they ended up being charged the total sum of the price for their actions – ultimately losing everything in the end.

That is, I believe, a story arc which can resonate more to the youth of today rather than of my generation. If the message of the old game was to “listen”, enjoy life to the fullest and accept to trust others, the message of the new game is to “speak up” from the inside, trying to understand yourself and take actions instead of just going with the flow and finally, to take responsibility for such actions.

If Neku was handpicked by the Composer for being the special one with an all-dense soul to ensure victory of the game then Rindo was just a normal kid chosen out of random by Kubo to be his back-up plan, who just happened to have a high enough imagination to awaken the incredible power from his pin. Rindo was then officially chosen by the Composer as Josh picked up and handed the pin to him again, this time not as Josh’s personal Proxy – but as the Proxy to represent the normal people of Shibuya and via whom he could gamble if humans can fight for their own fate.

The underworld heroine and the hero with little of his own

Shoka is for me a refreshing and layered heroine. She’s the kind of character that took at least 3 trials of creators to form as a complete individual – that included Nomura who gave her the base design and Reaper background, Gen who gave a more cunning touch and the writers who made her English dialogues more punchy. Dishonesty equals “tsundere” is such a cliché, so the English writers tried really hard to avoid that trope in my opinion, while still letting her good intention come through.

She serves as the character who is informed of everything the players should have known, and there was almost nothing she could do about it. Almost. Until she met Rindo.

They were drawn to each other by sharing a state of “not having anything of their own”. They both started out with not being able to truly know themselves, Shoka even hated her RG life but also managed to mature from that stage before Rindo. She must have vibed with Shiki’s love and passion in the Gatto Nero threads, initiating her connection with Shibuya and understanding herself more. With Shoka as Swallow, they were able to open up to each other and offer mental support… but was still not getting to the centre of their problems because for all this time, Shoka could not tell Rindo the most important things about herself.

How did Shoka feel when she met Rindo at the UG? She probably didn’t want to hope that he would live the day until she witnessed the Twisters’ potentials. From the very beginning, they were both incredibly conscious of each other and also constantly frustrated that the person they happened to “notice” was such a condescending bitch/a clueless loser. The Shinjuku Reapers are overall quite drunk in power and uncompassionate to Players, Shoka included. She is also a master of dissociation, which results in her constant boredom, tone swings, haughtiness and subconsciously distancing herself from the friend – the boy she cares about – from false hope, as she judged from facts that it was a hopeless situation where nothing could ever be. Maybe she is naturally a bit of a chameleon just like her name suggests (Shoka 紫陽花 = hydrangea, the color-changing flower), so putting on an act and always dissociating herself from what’s important was easy, while hiding her contradiction was impossible. It was the ex-Reaper Beat who broke it out to her, that she should decide whether she really cared and wanted to do something for a change. He knew how it felt like to cross that line, and knew she wanted to too.

Shoka is endeared by many of the Shinjuku Reapers and has shown independent acts of kindness (the Shinjuku ghost), proving that her kind and truthful side is as real as her harsh and dishonest side – which makes her a nice mirror to the previous heroine Shiki, who also embraced a dichotomy of self-complex and self-love within her character. In the end, she was the first of the new cast to ultimately accept all that is important to her and independently made the decision to help save Shibuya despite all costs.

She was jealous at Rindo’s interaction with Tsugumi and Kanon but remained silent cuz she wasn’t at a place to have any say about it. She also didn’t reveal about Swallow because that would only add an awkward irrelevance to their current situation, as she was too ready to face erasure at the end of the Game. She only wished to “play a game” with him, be it FanGo or the Reapers’ Game. The tension that the team could only feel at the end, she’s felt it the entire time. The song “DIVIDE” is applicable to not just one bond in the game, but it always makes me think of theirs. There is always a “divide” between her and Rindo throughout the course of their journey, as the living and the dead, as a Player and Reaper, as someone who has a place to return to and someone who doesn’t, someone who knows little but wields too much power and someone who knows a lot despite not being able to do much.

“If only I had the chance to connect with you on the other side

But time goes on, and without us realizing it

The battle is getting heated

Time goes on, and without us realiazing it

Divided again”

To be honest, maybe I didn’t grow any affection for the new main cast from Rindo’s perspective but from Shoka’s. Since I started to sympathize with Shoka, I started to see the boy in a more “real” way. The real Rindo, behind his peaceful façade with others, would lash out on Shoka for her unfairly harsh attitude while none of the others cared. He could also subtly feel that mantle of unspoken secrets from her, her own contradictions, the unresolved chemistry between themselves – and not knowing what to do with it rather than to feel angry with all the unfairness he could not process. (As a Libra too, he’s triggered the most by unfairness!)

It is actually a positive development as he’s at least “reacting” to something strongly now rather than to keep evading his problems. During my replay, I clearly saw the difficult situation Shoka was in, her remaining harshness after the Motoi incident was due to her internal struggle with a mission to save her own life, versus a chance to really be with the team. Her decision was to do both at the risk of losing favour from both sides. Rindo started to accept her layer by layer, as the person who resonated the most to her contradicting nature from the start and knew that via learning her resolve, he has learnt his too.

Later into the game, she even got too much of his attention. Maybe even without knowing she’s Swallow, he’s familiar with her thinking direction and Swallow had always been closer to him than any other friend. It was only after she had to betray her important ones twice that she could start being truly honest. The scene when she died a 2nd time left a strong impression in me, the little reveal let Rindo know that he is also losing Swallow as he’s losing Shoka – and that only death could drive the last secret out of her. Her final “Later, loser” echoed through Rindo as it was the final truth, with only him remaining to hear it: they had actually, already lost everything.

Rindo was the boy who never dared to face all that matters to him until he lost it all, fighting an unfair battle in the faith that they would somehow still win. Shoka was the girl who always knew what was dear to her, but never dared to think she could be together with them ever after and still threw her all into a battle she knew was losing. I think they stir each other on naturally to fill out their gaps, similar to what the Shibuya game partner systerm would have aimed for. The end reward was a little divine intervention to help close up the divide between them once and for all.

During the game there was not enough space to process anything personal so at the ending when they officially became “friends”, it was an important affirmation of their bond. Some people complained it was friendzoning but it’s not, they just have arrived at the perfect place to start something more. “From now on, we will truly be together” – I read it as that kind of message.

The heroine from a lost battle, with her story taken away

After reading the secret reports and playing the game to be surprised of how small a role Tsugumi had in the main game despite being the “Hype-chan” thought to be a major character of the next TWEWY installment, many fans would feel sad at a missed opportunity to see the Shinjuku arc in full depiction.

It was shown clearly that, a Shinjuku arc was very carefully planned out and is a vital part of the whole story, yet it could not be made due to various circumstances behind the development scene. I would assume, that the team were not able to make a TWEWY game that ended on a despairing note, but it already happened in their mind, thus becoming a mental burden that forced them to break away from it and started the game anew with NEO. A significant part of NEO became the healing arc for the Shinjuku characters, especially for Tsugumi though I really wished more emphasis should have been placed on her rather than Shiba. We didn’t even get to see her brother – Shinjuku’s Conductor who had a vital role and instead was given the clueless Shiba, who had absolutely no idea what’s going on all the way until the last day in NEO. It’s as if Tsugumi has had her story stolen away from her, because her own battle ended with a saddening loss.

I think every time the game creators look at Tsugumi, they would feel that sadness too. Maybe to them, she is a bigger character than what is seen by the fans, as despite their failed effort to depict her story, she’s lived in their mind for all these years through periods of destruction, healing and rebuild. Though it is a pity we could not get to experience the full scope of the Shinjuku story, the creators was clear about the place they wished for it to arrive at.

Individuality, connection and the social network

The team system adapted from Shinjuku rulebook does not allow much room for personal development, as the team dynamic is closer to a work relationship forced to bear results, than a spiritual bond to max out all corners of understanding as found in the partnership system. The old Shibuya system allowed only 1 winner and 1 week limit per game, while the new rule declares for a 1 winning team and only the team at last place will be erased – the other teams will enter another loop. Furthermore, whichever team to challenge the unwinnable Ruinbringers will face the risk of ending up dead last followed by erasure. As a result, the longest-standing teams are most likely not the strongest ever recorded, but the ones who have figured out a strategy to simply survive until something changes, enjoying their newly found social constructs while they are at it. Basically, it is a system to hypnotise players into the illusion that they are still “living”.

Therefore, we as players would not get to the core of each Player individually as fast and directly as we did in the last game. The Twisters were able to stand out not because they’re powerful, they only started to have a real chance after growing enough to each form a meaningful and personal connection to another teammate. It did not come as a team, nor did it intiate from the existing friendship between Rindo and Fret. In fact, I did not find much solidity or anything truly note-worthy about the main team and new characters within themselves until they started clashing with other team members, Reapers and new recruits from week 2 onwards. Rindo found his personal development with Shoka (via a clash with Motoi and pretty much a mini dating sim between them), then via the confrontation of his role with Neku; Fret found his with Kanon then Nagi, the team learned about the real Neku via Beat, Neku entered the UG via Coco’s wish to save Tsugumi… it was not the team but their personal links that empowered them to fight and solve each of their problems.

The other team leaders may have failed because they did not form such personal links, after 30+ hopeless loops Fuya’s team all fell apart to pursue their own interest even at the cost of erasure, Motoi quit his KOL façade to work like a dog for the Reapers (probably to save just his own ass not his team), while Kanon dropped her tricks to find changes via honest cooperation in acceptance of a fair loss. The despairing note in that is huge without making much of a scene because their failure didn’t happen at their best effort to “win”, but in their last attempt to find a way “out”. Even Shiba got his way “out” in the end thanked to his personal friendship with Hishima and Tsugumi.

Something has shifted in the mindset of the game creators in the last 14 years, as both games are about “connection vs individuality” but the last game focuses more on connection between just individuals and this one on the overall network that is formed out of those individual connections.

The introduction of Beat into the main cast was truly the bridge between old and new, they helped each other out in several turns before officially recruiting him. Beat is a character whom a lot of fans including myself have felt somewhat concerned about after Neku disappeared from the RG, so when the new kids welcomed Beat with warm and organic interaction and Beat seemed happy, I started to feel like I wanted to help them out too! I think the overall team chemistry is enjoyable enough for new players, but I could warm up to the new kids more from the pov of a returning character – whom I’m glad to be Beat, as the older brother figure who is genuinely kind, fun, serious and upbeat at the same time; who is needed and needs the kids in return.

The social network is a fun and refreshing feature. You can read all of the crazy tidbits about Shibuya and the links each character have formed with the town people, it’s also fun to visualize how the characters act off screen. Characters’ profiles provide extra insight into their background too, like how it reveals Tsugumi has been friend with Coco during her time in the RG. During the game when not all characters have showed up, you can sometimes guess which empty spot will belong to whom. For example there is a 1 character linking to Neky that is not linked to anyone else, so I could guess that was Joshua, and that another character linking only to Joshua was probably Hazuki, hinting that the 2 Composers are related before either of them even showed up.

Hazuki only showed up for 5 minutes, but his presence is so vital and true to the game that I think he is the most memorable out of the new cast. The two Composers have such an intriguing bond, with their yin/yang or phoenix/dragon themes, opposite color design, the sempai/kouhai tone and the way they keep some sort of distance/work relationship as if it’s mandatory between Higher beings, yet at the same time they can talk so casually because they are truly equal – and different from one another. I have written a separate meta on them here.

Some people pointed out, that all Shinjuku characters’ names and themes are based off Hanafuda cards and the Phoenix in Hanafuda belongs to the Paulownia suit – which is Joshua’s name flower. This is so interesting because it feels like the creators somehow saw it as a sign to interweave the Shibuya and Shinjuku storylines together. Though it doesn’t come out much on the surface, it’s fascinating nonetheless considering both Josh and Haz had at some point interfered with the other town’s affairs.

“Shibuya tour with Haz” was such a special scene, as it happened between 2 characters who do not/no longer have a reason to care about Shibuya, on the subject of what is worth saving about Shibuya. Hazuki carried out the purification of Shinjuku and stepped in to restore Shibuya just as part of his job and unlike Hanekoma or Joshua who both possess profound understanding of humanity, he really didn’t know humans at all. Rindo’s irrational wish invoked in him a sense of curiosity, to try gambling on something irrationally and learning a bit of what his senior have experienced. With all the pieces put together, it provides an overview on Higher beings as a whole, and that Joshua and Hanekoma are really the odd ones out with Hazuki being somewhere in between them and the rest.

The old friends

It’s easy to have returning characters overshadow the new cast as they have already matured out of their personal story arc and stayed in our hearts for all this time. In the end, I have managed to enjoy both the old and new cast separately and altogether, and they will both find their own place in our memory of this game for the long term.

Sho is truly as crazy as ever, the game wouldn’t be the same if Sho is any less of what he is. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like Neky or Beat is younger than Nagi at all, with moments when it seems like Neky has aged 14 years instead of 3 years. His friendship with Coco surprised me pleasantly, and their interaction together with Beat was fun to watch. Rhyme’s found a new dream and her friendship with Kaie is precious too, especially considering that she can still talk to him online after the game ended. Josh and Neku’s interaction suggested that they have resolved the past and are on equal terms now, they even parted ways in good spirit and I don’t feel any worry about them like I did before.

Neku and Shiki’s reunion scene was beautiful, theirs is such a special bond that it has grown and supported them even without being able to see each other. I am so happy to see them all again and that they stay true to who they are, albeit looking more grown up, cooler and happier than ever before.

Overall, NEO can’t become a classic on par with the OG, but is definitely a good sequel and a good game in its own rights. I’m happy with whether or not there will be a 3rd game to complete the 3 monkeys theme, but if there will be – I hope the creators can really find the time to learn from the last 2 games and start over with a fresh mindset and strong core.

#neotwewy #neotwewyspoilers #ntwewy #ntwewy spoilers #neo the world ends with you #twewy #review #meta #neo twewy #shoka sakurane #rindo kanade #tsugumi matsunae

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lightrises · 3 years

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"Only in allowing her to pass..." — Hornet, The Radiance, and the means by which Hallownest turned its victims against each other

A quick note: I read Hollow Knight as an anti-colonialist text. As such I'll be touching on topics related to colonialism as it's depicted in the world of the game, and said analysis will reflect both a sympathetic take on The Radiance and a critique of The Pale King that won't pull its punches. If this sounds up your alley, hello and thank you for the read! Let us be sad about these bugs together.

———

So!! A while back I realized something about pre-canon that felt rather... "curious" is one way to put it, I think. To wit: for all the effort and scheming and determination The Pale King poured into trying to get rid of The Radiance, neither of his plans involved directly killing her.

Was that his long game? Well, sure, that seems clear enough. His tack changed from luring the moths away from their god and creator to a more literal form of incarceration once the infection became a factor, but at its core the end goal never really changed—The Pale King very sincerely wished to destroy Radiance via obsolescence. The Seer lends us foreshadowing to confirm as much:

[Image descriptions: Two screenshots from Hollow Knight, showing the Seer and Ghost in the Seer's alcove at the Resting Grounds. Across both screenshots, the Seer tells Ghost the following: "None of us can live forever, and so we ask those who survive to remember us. Hold something in your mind and it lives on with you, but forget it and you seal it away forever. That is the only death that matters." End description.]

(Which, by the way and given the context, talk about an extremely unsubtle allusion to cultural genocide huh!!! Whew.)

In any case, we're left with a whole bunch of machinations which build up to... well, two very roundabout attempts at committing deicide. That's kind of weird, all things considered! Why not just do the deed in one fell swoop and get it over with?

This could be for any number of reasons. Maybe the king was devoid of the means to instantly kill another higher being. Maybe his personal sense of scruples stopped him short of signing off on MURDER murder (although, y'know, the aforementioned genocide + eternal imprisonment = still cool and copasectic apparently!). Maybe the long drawn-out cruelty was the point. Maybe the idea of playing fuckign 4D chess with the circumstances was too delicious for him to pass up—that man did love to tinker and stick his claws where they sure as hell didn't belong—or maybe it was a little bit of All The Things. Who knows!!

But interrogating The Pale King's methodology on this count isn't what I'm here for, at least not really. The main reason I raise this question at all is that in her own way, Hornet did too.

"I'd urge you to take that harder path... "

See, going by The Pale King's actions and what The White Lady explicitly says, they both foresaw two outcomes wrt the infection: it can be allowed to spread, or it can be contained. At Teacher's Archives, Quirrel acknowledges the fact that Ghost is expected to do... something about this, but he doesn't elaborate on what HE thinks that's supposed to be apart from the obvious "Gotta bust into Black Egg Temple first". Hornet is the one person who presents to us—to Ghost—what's framed as a third option: confront and destroy the infection at its source.

And she doesn't bring it up like it's just another tactic for Ghost to consider, prim and indifferent to what they would do. She nudges them towards it, actively, up to the point where she throws herself into the fray against Hollow at a juncture that's uniquely dangerous to her and her alone just to make that option feasible.

Even when she's couching it in disclaimers that this is still Ghost's decision to make (and let's be fair, she's extremely not wrong about that lol), no one can pretend Hornet is unbiased. It's obvious in that buttoned-down Hornet kind of way that she is way the hell done with the increasingly tenuous stalemate that's kept Hallownest's desiccated corpse from collapsing in on itself. Personally it's hard for me not to read some Toriel Undertale-esque "My father was too entrenched in his own foolishness to pursue any course of action that would have DEFINITIVELY ended this" shade into her stance here, regardless of whether that's strictly true in canon.

And that bit—Hornet's hopes for an end to Hallownest's stasis, moreover her grim calculation of what needs to be done to get there—that's the bit I find super interesting but likewise tragic and depressing as shit, on multiple levels. In no small part because a) canon itself gestures towards Hornet feeling conflicted about the very plan she's pushing, and moreover b) she has at least two (2) damn good reasons to feel that way.

So, what do I mean by that? Let's look here first:

[Image description: A screenshot from Hollow Knight, of Hornet and Ghost inside the Temple of the Black Egg, standing in front of the unsealed egg itself. Hornet has been struck by the Dream Nail and her dialogue is displayed as follows: "... Could it achieve that impossible thing? Should it?" End description.]

As the curtain is about to drop on things one way or another, Hornet thinks,

... Could it achieve that impossible thing? Should it?

Now, looking at that last bit it's easy to go "Oh no, Hornet's worried that Ghost won't survive killing The Radiance!" And I do think that's part of it: Hornet is, categorically, not her father. By endgame it's clear she's not content to view her Void-borne siblings as tools to be used then disposed of. She's also well aware that as a healthy autonomous Vessel amongst the countless dead, Ghost is the only person left alive who has a fighting chance against The Radiance. Knowing someone is the only qualified candidate for the job doesn't make encouraging them to embrace a probable death sentence any less of a bitter pill to swallow, though. And odds are on that this sentiment extends to Hollow too, who IS going to die no matter what happens here. To put it bluntly, it's more than reasonable to conclude that Hornet hates the absolute fuck out of this.

But I don't think that's all there is to it either. Remember what I said earlier about The Pale King's bids for genocide? Well, it's not like the man deigned to limit his efforts to just the moth tribe.

"We do not choose our mothers... "

On top of everything else—an infected Hallownest being all she's ever known, the fact that she only exists because of the infection, the list goes on—Hornet has spent her life wedged into a position that's been uncomfortable and terminally unglamorous at best: she is both a daughter of her father's kingdom and of Deepnest.

Deepnest, which like the moths and many others was here long before the wyrm and his lady wife swanned onto the scene and the God Become Bug laid claim to everything the Light touched plus a considerable amount of change. THAT Deepnest, which has fought claw and thread to retain its sovereignty against same-said settler king, and for which Herrah not only surrendered her life but also agreed to bed her worst enemy, all in hopes of securing a viable future for her people (put a pin in that last part by the way, I'll come back to it soon).

Two Worlds, One Family (Ft. An Indigenous Woman Trying Her Damndest To Work With What She's Got Versus An Imperialist Who Only Signed Up For This Because He Needed The Political Favor THAT Badly, So It's The Height Of Dysfunctional Actually). Fun times!!!!

The baggage this entails for Hornet is gnarly enough without implications made by The White Lady and the pre-canon timeline of events and even Team Cherry's dev notes that the king may well have looked at baby Hornet, gone "YOINK", then ensured she spent the lion's share of her childhood reared within the pearly auspices of his Pale Court*. That would be rather advantageous for Him Specifically after all, the potential to mold a born foe into a future ally and even have her trained in combat under the same tutelage as her doomed sibling. And far be it from him to stop a grown Hornet—his own flesh and blood too!—from making Deepnest her forever home if she so pleased. He totally wouldn't be reneging on his "fair bargain made" by doing this one simple thing until Hornet came of age, not t e c h nic c a l l y.

If that is indeed the case, there's a non-zero chance Hornet's formative years were a hot mess of cultural alienation and being a good deal more privy than most to just how much of a bastard her father could be. There's an equally non-zero chance that at some point she stood or sat within earshot as The Pale King finally, finally dropped all pretense and euphemism to name the Light for precisely what (for who) it was.

See, in conjunction with the question that started this whole dang train of thought I've been asking this one too: Does Hornet know? When she speaks of confronting "the heart of [the] infection" does she know she's talking about not just a literal person but someone very specific? The Radiance, who god though she may be shares skin in the game alongside Hornet as a native woman screwed over by the same settler king, likewise deprived of her kin and saddled with a life gone horrendously pear-shaped?

I'll assume for the sake of exploring the possibility and because I think it's a likely one anyway that yes, Hornet does know. She knows, and despite everything can't help empathizing. She might even look at Radiance and see bits and pieces both reflected and slightly inversed in her own mother: Radiance was forced to the sidelines while her people—her children, the brood she was meant to lead and care for—died out under The Pale King's rule, and it's no stretch to assume she's at least as upset about that as she has been about everything else; Herrah too took drastic measures for her people's sake, trying to head off annihilation by relegating herself to the sidelines in an act that was as much calculated risk as an attempt to find wiggle room and leverage in the face of a nasty proposition.

A calculated risk that, if things continue as they are, might well amount to nothing as the rest of Deepnest gets eaten alive by the infection. It survived The Pale King's advances for so so long, only to fall here. Herrah's sacrifice would be for naught; the other tribes—themselves the king's victims—would keep succumbing to the infection too.

And this is where things fall apart.

"... or the circumstance into which we are born."

Let's be clear: I think Hornet is wise enough to know what's what here, that all the carnage and suffering falls on her father's head for starting this slow-motion trainwreck in the first place. Hallownest wasn't always Hallownest. This domain was Radiance's home first, along with many others. It was the worm-turned-king who rolled up on the scene unsolicited and decided this was a ""'problem""" that had to be """solved""".

But the fact of the matter is that he's gone and The Radiance is here, raging, seemingly inconsolable. Above and beyond being Deepnest's rightful heir, Hornet isn't in a position to countenance more splash damage even if the grief and fury fueling it makes perfect sense. She can understand without ever bringing herself to love Radiance, and she can bend her knee to practicality even if she hates the everloving shit out of it because the fact that it "has" to end this way isn't fair.

This lends itself to one last awful conclusion: that Hornet has probably considered and (rightly or wrongly) discarded the possibility that Radiance can be saved, at least not without dragging more collateral along for the ride. If even her mother and every other enemy to the king seemed to dismiss talking Radiance down as an option way back when... well. Why should Hornet hope for any better after things have escalated so far?

Again, it's practical. A practical net good is what Hornet strives for. And again, it fucking sucks.

For extra tragedy points, this makes Hornet's extended crypticness around Ghost followed by her last minute casting about for a reason to tell them "Wait, don't; not just yet" that she never voices even more of a gut punch. She can't bring herself to burden Ghost with the context that haunts her so, least of all when it might weaken their resolve to go through with what (she thinks) needs doing.

It's the "same song, different verse" which led to the mantis tribe and Deepnest being pitted against each other: Hallownest rigged the game so that two women who could have been powerful allies—who have a mutual vested interest in driving out settler rule—wound up poised as enemies instead. And how awful is that? The king for all his being extremely fucking dead still gets the last laugh, because outside of a miracle the game never manifests Hornet can salvage what her mother started and look forward to a future where Deepnest pulls itself back from the brink if and only if The Radiance dies.

Resolution comes at the price of a completed genocide. Add two more dead siblings to the unconscionable pile thereof, while we're at it. That's what it boils down to whether or not Hornet can bear to articulate it as such, and there's no grace or even a properly bittersweet ending to wring from this clusterfuck. And that is rough.

———

* This has been better explained elsewhere, but a quick rundown: The White Lady tells Ghost that Hornet and Herrah "were permitted little time together." On its surface this can be taken to mean that Hornet was still very young when Herrah was shipped off to Eternal Dreamland—except this doesn't jive with the fact that we meet Hornet as an adult. If the stasis kicked in once the Dreamers went to their rest, which in turn halted the aging process for every living bug in Hallownest, AND before all this Hornet experienced little by the way of quality time with her birth mother... I think you can see where I'm going with this.

To top it off we've got Team Cherry weighing in ominously from their dev notes on Herrah: "As part of the agreement for her alliance and her role as a dreamer, King gave her a child (Hornet). Was she allowed to keep this child or was she taken away?" This isn't confirmation by itself of course, but given additional canon details (see above): Can I get a "yikes" in the chat fellas.

#hollow knight #hornet (hollow knight)#hornet hollow knight #hk hornet #the radiance #hk radiance #herrah #hk herrah #hollow knight meta #sup folks it's been a minute since i dropped a whole dang essay but Here We Go!!!!!!

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boymeetsweevil · 4 years

Text

and then there were finals

Grouping: Reader x College BF!Mark

Word Count: 2000 exactly!!

Warnings/Themes: too many friends too many finals makes for a h*rny couple, graphic but still sweet? penetrative, mentions of oral, creampie...

Prompt: “mark lee from nct! college au and NSFW. finding time in between studying for finals.” this is a sequel to and then there were two

A/N: This commissioned fic is part of the Changes with Luv project, hosted by FicsWithLuv. Here you can find more information about the project, cause, places to donate, and ways to commission a piece or offer your services if you are a content creator. Thank you!

It’s a universal fact that no one likes taking finals. Obviously the tests, the presentations, the papers are the worst part. But the buildup isn’t great either.

Mark grinds his teeth while watching you from across the room. You’re focused on the textbook laid out in front of you where you’re spread out on the floor. All the other available surfaces are taken up by your peers. Lucas and his work are sprawled over half the kitchen island, Taeil on the La-Z boy. Mark, Jungwoo, and Taeyong are sequestered on the sofa.

He turns another page in his music history book without reading a single line. Instead his eyes follow the curve of your spine exposed from your shirt rucking up after you’d settled onto the rug. Your leg is hitched almost lovingly over your discarded backpack. While you do calculations for physics, Mark tries to calculate the last time you two were intimate. He can’t even remember because Taeyong keeps asking questions to fill the holes in his notes about orchestral composition.

Eventually Mark just tosses Taeyong his notes so he can spend a bit more time studying the way you gnaw on a pen thoughtfully. His blood feels like it’s simmering by the time he gets the courage to ask if you want to ‘take a walk’ to his place for a study break. But then—

You check the time and then look up from your scratch paper, “Jungwoo, ready to go?”

“Basically. Let’s get there a little bit early so we can stop and get coffee first before the study group. I really need it, I’m dying.”

“Oh, good idea.”

If it weren’t for the fact that there are still a bunch of people in the room, Mark might have wept a little bit. The preparation for finals has left basically no time for ‘alone time’, and it’s taking its toll on him. He does his best to tamp down on the frustration and convinces Taeyong to quiz him on Tchaikovsky.

Mark pushes you against the brick side wall of his apartment building exterior a few days later. You let out a surprised but pleased sound and let him grind against the curve of your hip. His breath comes out in hot sighs on your neck, interspersed with small grunts. He missed having your skin under his palms and practically purrs when you rake your teeth over his adam’s apple.

“You know you have to be at the studio in 5 minutes, right?”

“Kun can wait,” he huffs. With both hands he fondles your ass slightly rougher than normal. It gives him the leverage he needs to press your clothed hips even closer. “He’s always late anyway. I really have, like, 20 minutes.”

“Is 20 minutes enough?”

He wants it to be enough. He wants it to be enough so bad. But this collaboration is worth 35% of his grade and thanks to Kun’s characteristic tardiness, they’re way behind schedule. Besides that, he’s feeling so pent up that 20 minutes would probably just be a fraction of the foreplay. Mark’s silence is enough of an answer to your question, so you redo the buttons of your shirt that he opened prior and smooth down his hair.

“Don’t start anything you can’t finish.”

His forehead hits your shoulder and he lets out a sigh.

“Yeah, yeah,” he mutters. “But one of these days, it’ll happen.”

He gives you a look that makes goosebumps break out on your arms. You send him off with a peck and make the trek to the library.

A few days later, you’re back at Mark’s place. You’re cozied up to him on the two person sofa while some of the others work in the other parts of the living room. Mark’s dorm is a one person apartment dorm, so there’s less room than in your suite. One by one though, they start leaving. Johnny ends up leaving because the diorama he’s building for engineering gets too big to continue there. Jungwoo and Doyoung leave for another physics study group. You stick around because the last one wasn’t helpful for you. Yuta mentions something about going back to his and Johnny’s room for a video game break. That leaves you, Mark, and Donghyuck.

Donghyuck doesn’t budge at first and continues to type away at his computer. But when Mark’s hand stops circling your ankle aimlessly and begins making a purposeful trail up your leg, he gets the hint and packs up while cursing under his breath. The door slams shut and Mark gets up to go make sure it’s locked. The sound of his footsteps echoing through the halls and doors opening and closing pulls you out of your focus.

“What are you doing,” you sit up on your arms, peering down the dark hallway. Mark emerges looking like an excited puppy.

“Everyone left.”

“I see that,” you say. He pulls his hoodie and shirt over his head in one swift move, then begins working on the opening of his jeans. “Oh.”

Immediately, you begin shucking off your own bottoms. Mark leads the way to his room with you shedding layers behind him. You laugh at the speed he uses to run to his room and pick up your own pace. Even though the apartment is empty, he still closes the door behind him like you’re being chased. As soon as he locks up, he’s tackling you to the bed.

“Wait, wait,” your breath comes out in amused heaves as he swipes at your shirt. “Don’t you have to meet with Kun again?”

Mark doesn’t look away from where he’s working on unhooking your bra, but he shakes his head. “I stayed up ‘til 4 last time so I could finish it.”

“Mark, that’s not healthy.”

“I’m plenty healthy,” he grins and grinds against you as proof. He definitely feels healthy and ‘awake’.

You pull him in with a matching grin and kiss him until you’re panting. Meanwhile, he takes his time inching your soaked panties down your thighs. You kick them off into some unknown direction and hitch a leg over his hips to pull his groin to yours. The slick that welcomes him has him groaning a curse into your mouth.

“I’ve been thinking about this for so long,” he mumbles.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Mark sneaks a hand down between your bodies and rubs lightly at you. “Every little thing you did drove me crazy this week.”

“I know, me too.” Your moans act as accompaniment for the slick percussion he sets up between your folds.

“As soon as I was too busy to touch you, I had to touch you.”

You let Mark edge you on his fingers for a good while before rolling over so you can take him into your mouth. He’s all soft sighs then, caressing your face with his dry hand and looking down at you with worried brows. When he hits the back of your throat, his hips start to stutter up.

“D-don’t start something you can’t finish.”

Part of you wants to spite him and finish him off right there. After a few months of having sex, you know some good ways to get him off efficiently. But the way you clench around nothing at the sound of his moans tells you that you’d rather he finish inside you. So you let him pull you in by the hips and spend some time kissing his own flavor off your tongue before sinking down on his length. It’s been long enough that there’s a pleasing tightness behind the stretch and you run your nails over his pecs lightly. When you’ve adjusted, you begin to rock fluidly over him.

“Shit.” The curse is so quiet, you nearly miss it.

His head is thrown back and the way his jaw clenches tell you that he’s likely already experiencing some sort of honeyed agony. Judging by the veins protruding in his forearms, he’s resisting the urge to take control of the rhythm and set an athletic pace after all the waiting. You’re grateful for the patience because you’re still gathering your bearings. Leaning down, your chest grazes against his and you leave a kiss on his slack mouth.

Your words come out airy as the gradual up and down becomes easier, slippery.

“I missed this.”

“Tell me,” he whispers.

“I missed the feeling of being full,” you can feel him pulse a bit. “And I miss you coming inside.”

“Fuck, that’s hot,” he laughs like he can’t believe the current situation.

Mark plants his feet onto the mattress then to meet you halfway. The extra effort on his part has him hitting deeper inside of you. You feel fuller and that only makes you drip around him more. The sounds are obscene and you might be inclined to slow down out of embarrassment if it were any other time. But you feel parched like you can’t get enough of him. Each thrust forces a wanton moan out of you. The best you can do is bring a hand up to your mouth so you can dull the sounds by biting a knuckle. Mark isn’t having any of it, though.

“Let me hear you. There’s no one else, let me hear you.”

Suudenly he sits up and takes you into his lap. The angle makes stars pop up in the corners of your vision and also gives him the opportunity to lap teasingly at your nipple. It also puts your mouth much closer to his ear. He can’t piston up into you quite as well, but in this position he can grind against the spots that he knows make your breathing hitch. As a music major, perhaps he’s more sensitive to auditory stimulus. Your broken pleas are almost enough to set him over the edge. To make things last, Mark focuses on alternating between gentle, wet kisses to your chest and letting his teeth scrape against you ever so slightly. The sensation changes from smokey to sweet. Your hand tangles in his hair and you let the moans pour out. No better catharsis could have come during finals week, you think.

“Mark. Mark, I’m gonna come.”

“Same, just—wait for me.” He rearranges you quickly. You’re on your back, this time with your feet pointing to the wrong side of bed. Mark hitches one of your legs over his hips and returns to the heavy pace before. You tilt your hips just right and suddenly his thrusts are zeroed in on a spot inside you that has you crying out and arching below him. The orgasm that washes over you makes you grip him like a snug vice. The pleasure surges over him and draws a long whimper from between his lips. He spills into you in spurts of warmth before pulling out and collapsing next to you.

“How was that?” You’re sure you could predict the answer from the contented way he closes his eyes.

“Great.”

His answering grin is sleepy but he still looks handsome. Even with the dark circles from working so hard as of late and covered in a fresh coat of sweat. He looks like he’s fallen asleep, but when you go to plant a kiss on his lips, he moves up to deepen it. A warm palm pulls you in gently by the nape of your neck. You let him kiss you for a few moments before pulling back.

“Where you goin’?”

“Doyoung is studying at the library. I thought I’d get some last minute studying in before the test tomorrow night.”

“No, stay. What do you need me to do? I can test you. Give me your flashcards, I’ll test you.”

You pretend to weigh your options. Leaving the comfort of bed just to go over one topic and then chat with Doyoung before bed or staying in with your naked boyfriend and trading kisses for correct answers.

“Babe, really?” He whines when your decision making takes too long.

“Just kidding. I’ll stay.”

#ksmutclub #changeswithluv #nct smut #mark lee smut #nct scenarios #mark lee scenarios #nct imagines #mark lee imagines

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mistaeq · 3 years

Text

➵ fugo + katherine's fluff alphabet [@pr3sa 's birthday gift]

pannacotta fugo x katherine lancaster [@pr3sa 's vento aureo OC]

arguments: fugo's a feral man, so his anger issues would be really triggered, if he happened to argue with kathie. luckily, he's learning to manage his issue, thanks to his wife directly, and he'd never do anything to her while angry.

babies: he keeps on denying it, but he's a better father than he likes to admit. he's always saying he's the worst, but the truth is kathie is grateful everyday, for he's the man whose children she gave birth to.

cuddles: pannacotta's a sweet man, but i won't deny katherine probably has to be the one to pull him into a well deserved session of cuddles. he's never sure about it at first, but as he gets used to his wife's arms' warmth, he'd rather not go away. just like showering.

dora's random hc: okay here's an interesting headcanon about katherine and fugo. katherine is best blueberry girl with an amazing voice and amazing skill with music, super beautiful girl, and fugo's just a lucky hoe because he gets to kiss her everyday. fuck you fugo. oh and their creator is awesome. like really.

effects: fugo changed completely when he got to know kathie. she always accepted him the way he was, and as a way to thank her, the boy trusted her completely and evolved day by day into the new man he is.

first date: you know how pannacotta's iq is incredibly high and stuff? well, throw it all out of the window, because during his first date with kathie, his words got stuck in his mouth the whole time, and couldn't manage to pour his heart out properly.

giggle: everyone admitted that since katherine and fugo started dating, the man's become way more lighthearted about stuff, and thanks to her, he can be heard giggling even at midnight, probably thinking of an inside joke of theirs.

honesty: he knows how much his wife suffered for men lying about their intentions in her regards, but he's always been more than honest about his love and appreciation for her.

indoor: sometimes the couple happens to be stuck indoors because of bad weather, for example. when they don't cuddle, fugo would probably try to get katherine involved in playing a board game. chess and monopoly are his favourites.

jealousy: he used to be jealous of the gang at first, but now he trusts both his friends and above all his wife. still, when a man he doesn't know gets too close to her, fugo sometimes gets suspicious or worried. just until his doubts don't disappear.

kiss: oh please katherine, shower this man in kisses and tell him he's worth a lot, fugo will melt. pannacotta enjoys being kissed more than being hugged. kisses are part of those kind of things he sees as more intimate than hugs, just like lovemaking and so on.

love letter: pannacotta is so shy, come on. under that thick layer of anger, lies one of the shyest people ever. he'd definitely use love letters to communicate his love to kathie sometimes. not the most romantic she's ever read, but she's happy.

miss you: oh man. those times when they've been apart after fugo left the gang. without katherine by his side, pannacotta felt just like his life could be ruined. he could have gone with them, he could have protected her. fuck. he was regretting his actions so much, praying he would have been able to see her again, alive.

newborn: after kathie gives birth to their newborn baby twins, he feels like he could run around the moon with his bare feet only and come back on earth. he's gonna definitely cry, maybe just not in front of his wife. man is so happy he can't hold back.

oh no: he doesn't pull many pranks on katherine. she's definitely and easygoing girl, but he knows he lived through some traumatic experiences, and doesn't want to scare her, even for a prank only. he just does innocent stuff like hiding her shoes or eating her favourite pastry before her, but not much more.

presents: pannacotta is the one who knows katherine's tastes the most, out of all of passione's member, but he's gonna need other members' help to choose the presents for her, for fear of getting something she already has or something she'll dislike.

qualities: he fell in love with katherine because she never criticized him for his personality. she listened to fugo's story, she supported the man's effort to get better, and never ever tried to change him or rush him into eliminating anger from his life. she's respectful and he cherishes it.

reading: he's not perfect, but pannacotta can definitely tell when his better half is down or is in a bad mood. what he does is sitting next to her and and gently asking what's up. if he can help, he'll definitely not move until he manages to.

stand: oh, purple haze loves kathie, it's just a little worried about what it might do to her with its uncontrollable anger. it wouldn't be the first time that stand goes berserk when it shouldn't. pannacotta loves seeing and being with the pied piper, though...

together: fugo likes to eat together with kathie, otherwise his will to eat disappears, it's almost like children who refuse to do something unless a specific adult is with them. a day on which she wasn't there, the gang had to put a photo of her next to the table.

unexpected: he would learn to dance for katherine, since she loves so much to make people dance with her pied piper. at least he'd do it with cognition and sense, when it happens. it would be a big surprise for kathie.

vacation: being part of an organization like passione, they wouldn't have much time to think about a vacation. but for pannacotta, every day spent at home with his wife instear of being in the streets, fighting against other stand users, is a well deserved vacation from fear and from danger.

wedding: during the marriage ceremony, he'd have a huge smile on his face, which is a coping mechanism in order not to cry out of happiness. he doesn't want to breakdown in front of his new wife and in fronf of all the guests, but he'd be so thankful to kathie, it will be difficult to resist.

e(x)es: well, fugo hates every man who had to do with katherine before and would love to see them perish for how they treated the most amazing woman of his life. so yeah, he won't even have to worry about exes coming back to her. he'll kill them, in case.

year: oh, his head would go crazy thinking about what to do for an anniversary. pannacotta has so many ideas about a romantic date, that every single one of them starts looking too simple for such an amazing girl as kathie. he doesn't realize she'll be happy with anything he does.

zzz: after the first time you sleep together, he doesn't want to ever stop, he feels happier and calmer if katherine sleeps beside him, so he can easily know if she's fine and whether she's sleeping calmly, dreaming or having nightmares. nighttime matters a lot to him.

#jojo's bizarre adventure #jojo no kimyou na bouken #jojo part five #vento aureo #pannacotta fugo #fugo x oc #katherine lancaster #pr3sa

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itsclydebitches · 4 years

Note

Is buying the new Harry Potter game supporting transphobes because I've been seeing a lot of that on twitter? Not playing it. Pirating is fine, but actually paying for it.

Hi, anon!

I’ve seen a lot of the same and had initially thought to post my thoughts on the issue… before I got a very angry ask condemning me for a post where I admitted that I thought the game looked great and was excited to play it. I can no longer link to that post because I deleted it: a late night, impulsive decision made in an effort to try and protect myself from further flaming. Thus, I considered ignoring this ask under the same justification… before realizing that it might not matter in the long run. The Harry Potter: Legacy trailer has been out for just a few days and already I have gotten that furious ask, been told off by a friend for mentioning the trailer, and was questioned (antagonistically) about why I had added a Harry Potter related book to my Goodreads list. They’re small and potentially coincidental anecdotes, but it feels as if any engagement with Harry Potter is slowly coming under scrutiny, not just the (supposed—more on that below) crime of purchasing the new game. Given that I will always engage with Harry Potter related media, if there’s any chance such subtle criticism will continue regardless of whether I make the “right” choice to boycott the game or not, I might as well explain my position. Especially for someone who asked politely! Thanks for that 💜.

Which leads to the disclaimer: Any anon hate will be unceremoniously deleted. This is a complicated issue and I intend to write about it as such. I ask that any readers go into this post with good faith and a willingness to acknowledge that this situation isn’t as black and white as they may prefer it to be. If that’s not something you can emotionally handle—which is 100% fine. Some subjects we’re simply not inclined to debate—or if you’re just looking to get in a cheap shot, please hit the back button.

Right. Introduction done. Now here’s the tl;dr: saying things like “Buying this game is inherently selfish/transphobic” isn’t the hot take people want it to be. Is boycotting Legacy one (very small—we’ll get to that too) way of showing support for the trans community? Yes. Is buying the game proof that you’re a selfish transphobe? No. This isn’t a bad SAT question. Legacy boycotters are to trans supporters as Legacy buyers are to ___? The argument that someone is selfish for buying the game is basically that you are choosing a non-essential video game over the respect and lives of trans individuals, but the logic breaks down when we acknowledge that purchasing a game has no real life impact on a trans individual’s safety, support, etc.

“But Clyde, you’re giving Rowling money. She is then using that money to support anti-trans organizations. Thus, you have actively put more harm into the world.” Have I? I’m not going to get into whether/how much/what kind of money Rowling is receiving from this project because the fact is we don’t know and we’ll likely never know. Suffice to say, she probably will get some portion of any $60/$70 purchase. The real question is whether those sales have any meaningful impact. Reputable information on Rowling’s net worth is hard to come by, but it seems to be somewhere between 600 million and 1 billion pounds. Or, to put it another way: a fuck ton. And money keeps rolling in from a franchise that is so, so much bigger than a single video game. It literally doesn’t matter how much money you might put in her pocket via Legacy because she’s already so goddamn rich she can do whatever she wants. If Rowling wants to give a million dollars to the heinous “charity” of her choice, she can. She will. You are not directly contributing to this horror because that money may as well already exist. Every person in the world could refuse to buy this game and she’d shrug, going about her disgusting life because it literally does not affect her in any meaningful way. You’re refusing to give the murderer a knife when they’re got direct access to a knife-making factory. Horrible as it is to hear, you can’t stop them from doing something horrific with that tool.

For me, this is the straw argument of the Harry Potter world. Not straw as in strawman, but literally straws. Remember how everyone was talking about plastic straws, swore off them, and subsequently deemed anyone who still used one to be selfish people who didn’t care about the environment? It didn’t matter if you had a certified “good” reason for using one (disability) or a “selfish” reason (carrying straws everywhere on the off chance you wanted a drink is a pain in the ass)—you’re a horrible person who wants the planet to die. Same deal here. If you can swear off straws, great! Do what tiny bit of good you can. But if you can’t or even don’t want to give them up, the reality is that your “selfishness” doesn’t make a significant difference in the world. The amount of plastic corporations are pouring into the ocean makes your actions inconsequential. It’s not like voting where every small, individual act adds up to a significant total. This is your lack up against others’ staggering abundance. It’s not adding a few drops of water until you have a full bucket, it’s trying to un-flood the boat with a teaspoon while someone else is spraying it with the hose. Have you, on the most technical level, made a difference by moving that teaspoon of water out of the boat? Yes. Is it a difference that holds any meaning in regards to the desired outcome? Not really. Now apply all that to Rowling. She is so phenomenally wealthy—with additional wealth coming in every day—that your purchase of Legacy is a teaspoon of water in her ocean of funds. It’s inconsequential.

“But Clyde, buying this game would support her and supporting her sends the message that what she believes is okay.” Exact same argument as above. JKR’s fame is so astronomical that no video-game boycott could ever make a dent in it. For every 100 people who swear off her work there are another 1,000 who continue to engage with both her writing and the writing related to her world because she is that prominent. Harry Potter is one of the largest franchises of all time, second only to things like Pokémon and Star Wars. This isn’t some indie creator who you can ignore into silence. The reality is that Rowling is here to stay and we have to take far more substantial acts to counteract that influence.

Even more importantly, buying the game is not evidence that you support her views and the black and white belief that it does is an easy distraction from those harder “How do we improve the lives of trans people?” questions. I started compiling a list of stories with problematic authors only to realize the number of incredibly popular texts with awful histories attached to them unnecessarily increased the length of an already long post. Everything from Game of Thrones to Dr. Seuss—if you love it, chances are one of the authors involved has a history of misogyny, racism, homophobia, etc. Which I don’t say as a way of excusing these authors, nor as a way to silence the justified and necessary call outs on their work. Rather, I bring this up to acknowledge that engaging with these stories cannot be concrete evidence for how you view the minority group in question. The reasons for consuming these stories are incalculable and at the end of the day no one needs a “correct” reason for that consumption (my teacher forced me to read the racist book, I only watched the homophobic TV show so I could call out how horrible it was, etc.) If fiction were an indicator of our real life beliefs we’d all be the most horrifying creatures imaginable. I may be severely uncomfortable with the queer baiting in Supernatural, but if a friend says they bought the DVD collection my response is not, “How dare you support those creators. You’re homophobic.” In the same way, someone purchasing Legacy should not generate the response, “How dare you support her. You’re transphobic.” There’s a miles’ worth of pitfalls in connecting the statements “You purchased a game based on the world created by a transphobic author” and “You yourself are transphobic.”

So if buying Legacy does not add additional harm to the trans community from a financial perspective, and it doesn’t make a dent in Rowling’s platform, and playing a game is not evidence of your feelings towards the group the author hates… what are we left with? “But Clyde, it’s the principal of the thing. I don’t want to support a TERF” and that is an excellent argument. Your morals. Your ethics. What you can stomach having done or not done. But the “your” is incredibly important there. People need to understand that this is their own line in the sand and that if someone else’s line is different, that doesn’t mean they’re automatically a worse person than you. For example, I have made the choice not to eat at Chick-Fil-A. Not because I believe that me not giving them $3.75 for a sandwich will make a difference in their influence on the world, but because it makes a difference to me. It helps me sleep at night. So if not purchasing Legacy helps you sleep at night? That’s a fantastic reason not to buy it. But the flipside is that if someone else does purchase it that is not a reliable reflection of their morals, no more than I think my friends are homophobic for grabbing lunch at Chick-Fil-A now and then. Sometimes you just want a sandwich.

“But Clyde, why would you want to buy it? Rowling is such a shit-stain I don’t understand how anyone can stomach supporting her—whether that support has an impact or not. Maybe someone eats at Chick-Fil-A because it’s close to them and they’re too busy to go elsewhere, or it’s all they can afford, or they don’t know how homophobic they are. There are lots of reasons to explain something like that. But you’re not ignorant to Rowling’s problem and there’s no scenario where you have to play this game, let alone spend money on it. So why?”

The reality is that I will likely be buying Legacy, second-hand if I can, but new if it comes to that, so I’ll give some of my personal answers here, in descending order of presumed selfishness:

5. Part of my work involves studying video games/Harry Potter and as a researcher of popular culture, my career depends on keeping up with major releases: good and bad. I often engage with stories I wholeheartedly disagree with for academic purposes, like Fifty Shades of Gray.

4. I find the “Just pirate it!” solution to be flawed. I’ve spent the last four months struggling to get my laptop fixed and I currently have no income to buy another if it were to suddenly develop a larger problem. I am not going to risk my $2,000 lifeline on an illegal download, no matter how safe and easy the Internet insists it is.

3. We’ve been told that Rowling has not been involved in Legacy in any significant manner and I do want to support Portkey. No, not just financially because I know many others have insisted that everyone good has already been paid. Game companies still need to sell games. That’s why they exist. There’s a possibility that a company with just two mobile games under its belt will be in trouble if this completely flops. Is my purchase going to make or break things? No. Same reality as whether it will put new, influential money in Rowling’s pocket to do horrific things with. But I’d like to help a company that looks as if they put a lot of heart and energy into a game only to get hit with some real shit circumstances outside of their control. Even if they’re not impacted financially or career-wise… art is meant to be consumed. I know if I wrote a Harry Potter fic and everyone boycotted it because they want nothing to do with Rowling anymore, I’d be devastated. Sometimes, you can’t separate supporting the good people from supporting the bad. Not in a media landscape where thousands of people are involved in singular projects.

2. I’m invested in reclaiming excellent works created by horrible authors. That’s fandom! We don’t know much about Legacy yet—this is pure, unsubstantiated speculation—but this new story could be a step forward from Rowling’s books, giving us some of the respect for minority groups that she failed at. That’s the sort of work I want to promote because Harry Potter as a concept is great and I think it’s worth transforming it for our own needs and desires. The reality is that as long as Rowling is alive she’ll benefit from licensed material, but if that material can start taking her world in better directions? I want to support that too.

1. I literally just want to play it. That’s it. That’s my big justification. I think it looks phenomenal and I was itching to get my hands on it the second the trailer dropped. And you know what? I’m not in a good place right now to deny myself things I enjoy. I don’t need to tell anyone that 2020 has been an absolute horror show, but for me certain things have made it a horror show with a cherry on top. Not a lot gets me excited right now because we’re living in the worst fucking timeline, so when I find something that makes me feel positive emotions for a hot second I want to hang onto it. I have no desire to set aside that spark of happiness in a traumatic world because people on the Internet think it makes me selfish. Maybe it does, but I’m willing to let myself be a bit selfish right now.

Which circles back to this issue of equating buying a game with active harm towards the trans community. It honestly worries me because this is a very, very easy way to avoid the harder, messier activism that will actually help the queer community. When someone says things like, “You’re choosing a stupid video game over trans lives” that activism is performative. Not only—as demonstrated above—is purchasing a game not a threat to trans lives or ignoring the game a way of protecting trans lives, it also gives people an incredibly easy out while still seeming ‘woke.’ Not all people. Maybe not even a significant portion of people, but enough people to be worrisome. “I’m not purchasing that game,” some people post and then that’s it. That’s all they do, yet they feel like they’ve done their duty when in fact they’ve made no active difference in the world. Are you donating to trans charities? Are you speaking up for your trans friends when someone accosts them? Are you circulating media by trans authors? Are you educating your family about trans issues? Are you listening to trans individuals and continually trying to educate yourself? These are the things that make a difference, not shaming others for buying a game.

All of this is not meant to be an argument that people shouldn’t be absolutely revolted by Rowling’s beliefs (they should) and that this revulsion can’t take the form of rejecting this game wholeheartedly. This isn’t even meant to be an argument that you shouldn’t encourage others to boycott because though the financial impact may be negligible, the emotional impact for you is very real. I 100% support anyone who wants to chuck this game into the trash and never talk about it again—for any reason. All this is meant to argue is that people shouldn’t judge others based on whether they purchase this game (with a side argument that we can’t limit our activism to that shaming). That’s their decision and this decision, significantly, does not add any real harm to the world. Your fellow Harry Potter fan is not the enemy here. We as a community should not be turning our visceral on one another. Turn it on Rowling. She’s the TERF, not the individual who, for whatever reason, decided they wanted to play the game only tangentially related to her.

If Twitter and Tumblr are any indication, I can imagine the sort of responses this post may generate: “That’s a whole lot of talk to try and convince us you’re not a transphobe :/ ” For those of you who are determined to simply things to that extent, there’s nothing I can say that will change your mind. Please re-read the disclaimer and consider whether yelling at me over anon will benefit the trans community. For those of you who are still here, I do legitimately want us to think critically about the kinds of activism we’re engaging in, how performative it might be, whether it harms the community in any way, and (most significantly) whether it’s actually moving us towards a safe, respective world for trans people to live in. Personally, I don’t think telling Harry Potter fans that they’re transphobic for buying Legacy will generate any good in this world, for them or for the trans community.

At the end of the day only you can decide whether you can stomach buying this game or not. Decide that for yourself, but make that decision knowing that there’s no wrong answer here.

#harry potter #mymetas #Anonymous

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colony22graphics · 4 years

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❝Shine on, diamond.❞

◆ member since: nov. 22, 2013 ◆ longest character: alexander donovan ◆

@alexander-donovan, Well, here we go.

Rory, there's no way on earth I could possibly describe what you've done for this community. Aside from making it all in the first place, constructing the post-apocalyptic sandbox we all hold so dear, you also pay attention to how it's executed---from basic principles of operation and how we ought to respect each other as players, down to the smallest, weirdest headcanon. It matters to you---which I think is probably the best way to summarize your energy and wisdom, the Rory-ness of it all:

Things matter. People matter. Caring matters.

In a world where we're pretty damn used to moving from one diversion to the next at a moment's notice, you make something that's absolutely set apart by saying, resolutely and passionately, that what we do here really matters.

And you're right, to think that. If you need any further proof that you---Rory---matter, you can look at me writing this damn letter (and swearing every three sentences, sorry). But you in your extremely Ro way, said hey, six years fucking matters, and so do all the people we play with, so let’s get mushy on the main and tell them. And I can tell you to your face you're right and this was a stellar idea because... I do that now. Because of your influence, I'm a better person, one who does actually try and tell people what I think.

You challenge people to care, and to translate their caring into something others can recognize, and reciprocate. You’re never afraid to point out the importance of saying things and leaving a meaningful mark, becoming an active part of our community instead of staying in our own heads (as introverts on the internet are prone to doing).

You're also a hell of a writer, which is inspirational in itself, and I can’t leave that out of it. Your dedication to your characters, to their motivations and struggles, shines through in every post you make, and you don't let fear or insecurity take root or stop you from doing what you love. You know it's not about achieving perfection, but about collaboration and growth. The way we write is an exercise in discipline and embracing the joys of language, it's not meant to be fine art (though a lot of the stuff you come up with off the cuff blurs the line between the two on a regular basis.) It's really very rude how talented you are.

I won't talk too much more about you and me personally because you already know it pretty well, but I will mention that when I offered to help out with tech stuff, you don't even know how impossible being a full mod felt for me, at the time. I'd just come out of some rough experiences and was ready to never do that again. But over the years, you gave me steps that I could take only when I felt comfortable, and let me accept only the responsibility that I thought I could manage (though you always told me you knew I was more than capable of handling it). In a very real way, with your patience and understanding, you gave me back my confidence, and my willingness to be vulnerable. That's something I won't ever forget.

You have my respect and my friendship, always.

And dear lord, if Tumblr has managed not to self-destruct in the next five or ten years, I really hope we're still around doing this shit. No place I'd rather be.

Love you, Ro.

<3 Lottie.

(Oh, by the way, I took the liberty of adding something else, under the cut. I knew that I would never be able to cover everything, and that I’d run out of words, so I turned to others to fill in the gaps and maybe it’ll help convey it all a little more properly. Many thanks to everyone.) ❤

—- Happy Colony 6th Anniversary —-

RO, YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE GIFT. I’m incredibly grateful all those years ago I saw that Bones bio and decided to join this crazy little family because that is exactly what you have created with the Colony: You have made a family. You have always been a pleasure to write with, a hard-working and careful admin, and now this second go-round I'm happy to call you a good friend. I wanted to mirror your sentiment on my anniversary post, it is amazing how time rewards our patience with this second meeting! I owe you a very real debt because thanks to this group when a friend let me down whilst I was on a different goddamn continent, thanks to you, I found Cassie there to help me out! The group is an extension of you: thoughtful, kind, emotional, and funny as hell. - Nicola

Rory, your dedication to the Colony (and previously Belvedere) astounds me every day. Writing with you is an absolute joy, thank you for all that you do for us!! - Cassie

RO HOLY COW!! It's insane to think of being part of something so wonderful for so long, I can't imagine how proud you must be to call this place home. I absolutely love writing with every character I've gotten to interact with, you approach your characters and this RPG with such a passion, it's always made getting to be part of it all the more special to me! To many years to come! - Molly

The things I admire most about you are your kindness, your compassion, your understanding and the way you always make the best of a situation. You've been nothing but welcoming and kind to me since I've had the privilege of joining this insanely talented and incredible group, and every day I am in awe of the love and care and detail you pour into the rpg. You have been so supportive over these past few months, every day I consider myself insanely lucky to have met you. I adore you and I'm so happy for you that you've come so far in your own personal journey, you truly do deserve all the happiness in the world. - Lou

Ro, you’re an absolutely wonderful mod and person. I’ve never met a more dedicated and creative mod in all my years on this website. You’re an astounding writer and creator who leaves me wanting to be better. You’re a wonderful person to write with and an even better friend. I love you and all the work you do for everyone in this group. Thank you for creating this fantastic place and starting this wonderful family. - Lee

Thanks for always being so open and welcoming! It's been such a blast writing with you. - Ren

Your commitment to this game and its players is absolutely next level, and it shines through in literally everything you do for us. I haven’t felt so at home and so comfortable in an RP in such a long time, possibly ever, and I know so much of that has to do with the amazing environment (both IC and OOC) you’ve spent such a long time painstakingly and lovingly cultivating. This RP wouldn't be the incredible space it is without such an incredible and dedicated team of mods. I hope you know how much I appreciate all you do, and how much I flippin' love ya! - Alex

Rory, you're a perfect admin and an amazing friend! You've always made me feel so welcome here, from day one, and my heart feels warm and fuzzy when I think of you. I utterly adore all your characters and your writing is just brilliant, it's always so much fun to brainstorm and write and plot with you. Thank you, thank you, thank you! - Ellie

When an rp has a lifespan of not just a year or two, but SIX FREAKIN YEARS, you must look to your leader. Ships don’t sail without a captain, and you have been the most loyal, loving, and adventurous captain to your crew. Congratulations on this amazing accomplishment, love. xoxo. - Amy

Rory, I just wanted to thank you for how welcome you've made me feel since I joined the group. It takes a special person to be an admin (dedicated, patient, and just a little bit weird), and the six years you've been running this group is a testament to how well you do it. You've got incredible creativity and passion, and I know I'm not the only one that feels so lucky to write with you in this world you've built. Congratulations on six years! Here's to many more. - Nick

RORUUUUU. I literally have no idea where my life would be now if I'd never met you. I've said it before and I'll say it again, you inspire me to be braver and stronger and more self-loving. Thank you for being my friend even after all these years. - Mika

I don’t think I can concisely put into words how much you mean to me, but I’ll try: we first met in 2012 and through all these years you’ve continually inspired me with your talent and hard work. You’re more than just an incredible friend, you’re an ICONIC leader that has the determination and talent to keep this group running for six amazing years (with the help of your equally talented and wonderful co-mod, naturally, wink wonk). The Colony is a family to me, and I think to all of us, even before it’s a writing group. It couldn’t be what it is today without someone as tirelessly understanding and creative at its helm. You’re an absolute gift, you’ve been there for me through thick and thin, and I’m grateful every day that I get to call you a friend. - Maddie

Ro, you have been so kind and amazing since day one! You have this astonishing energy and a kindness that honestly makes the colony feel like another home. You’re such a phenomenal writer, and have made this rp a community like no other. I can’t quite put into words how much I appreciate you, and how much effort you put into everything you do. You’re so talented and I feel incredibly lucky to say I’m a part of this community. Thank you for being you. xxx. - El

The Colony has been a living, breathing world in which to create, and the key piece - creativity - is embedded in your DNA. You aren't just an enthusiastic mod. In some aspects you are the Col. I know you want everyone to feel included and allowed to be inspired by the writing of others rather than hemmed in by rules and egos so many other groups have. Thank you for throwing all your characters at me when one of mine has some wild scheme. I've said before your writing is cinematic in its expression and it always challenges me to want to (try to) write on a higher level. I'm grateful to have you as a sounding board when I get stuck in the mud of my own self-doubt with writing. Thank you for just being a friend as well and letting me ramble too. It is impossible to sum up this wildest of rides out of all my writing adventures so, much love, as always. xx. - Cat

#col22graphics #alexander donovan #corbin ealy #teilo aisling #adrien bennett #felix turner #orson hurst #cr: lottie #cr: rory #6th year anniversary

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mrpotatobrown · 5 years

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73. DREAMS come true

3... 2... 1... Blast Off! And the drawing’s Done. I’m most of all happy with how fast I doodled it out using Microsoft’s free ‘Notebook’ drawing/writing software on my Tablet, and that’s truly down to the app’s accessibility. Could I have used more powerful sketching software? Yes. Would it have resulted in a better drawing? Probably. But trying to juggle layers in Sketchbook or fight with the insufferable clunkiness of Photoshop is just something I don’t enjoy facing, and so I’ll stick to my quick simple doodles. And I’m happy with that.

Because making it all result oriented can sometimes destroy the enjoyment of the process, (not that I’m saying a result isn’t important, rather the journey is equally crucial) and I openly admit that I sketch away on Notebook because I enjoy it for many of the same reasons I adore writing: It’s the fastest way to get my ideas down.

Throughout my entire childhood, my imagination was fast and fickle, Ideas rushing in faster than I could output them, which resulted in a short attention span on any projects that took longer than, well, a sit-down. And so when a tool pops up that allows me to get ideas down faster, which potentially cuts out that “Photoshop” middleman, it ALWAYS draws my attention, especially if it yields the same high-end results.

But, as a filmmaker who wants to dabble in music, Game design and anything and everything, these tools seldom pop up. Sure, everything’s most certainly become more user-friendly, especially with such game engines like ‘Unity’ and ‘Unreal 4′ now becoming freely accessible, cutting out a lot of Dev. time/hurdles. But these advancements have never articulated in the form of tools that make animating, game design, music and everything in-between feel as intuitive as the sketch I did above on my Tablet or the essay I’m plonking out on my keyboard as we speak (or read).

Until recently, most notably announcements of an upcoming Tool made at the last Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3).

But let us jump back a moment for there’s an origin to this great new tool; an earlier iteration that’s celebrating it’s Ten-year anniversary right now, a birthday I’m personally celebrating with the way it changed games/creativity forever. I know that sounds hyperbole, but trust me when I say this comes from the most Sincere place in my heart, a heart that yearned throughout my entire childhood as I stuck together simple stick men levels in Alien Hominid (Ps2, 2004) or laid out cookie cutter racetracks in RC Revenge Pro (Ps2, 2000) for the game I speak of next brought that childlike wonder back into my heart. I’m speaking of the warm, fuzzy, ambitious and very successful:

Released Ten years ago by Media Molecule (also known as Mm), a small team compiled of such visionaries like Alex Evans and Mark Healy which was founded in 2006*, their first outing on Ps3 from a distance looks like a simple fabric styled platformer. But sown (excuse the pun) deep into the fabric (sorry) of its very roots were creative ideas that grew larger than life.

* 2006 also being the year they released ‘Rag Doll Kung Fu’ which was the first third-party game to be distributed on Steam. Their progressive thinking was there from the start.

The articulation of these ideologies can be best expressed through Mark Healy’s early foray into game development when he programmed titles for the Commodore 64 (Console, 1982, also known as C64). The C64 was the Guinness Record champion for most units sold at 10-17 million units, a record laid to rest with future consoles such as PS2 hitting over 155 Million. Yet, in recent interviews, Mark has spoken of those open source tools that allowed him to create with relative ease, and how as future consoles rolled out into people's homes which ended up selling more and more with each passing generation, that accessibility to create was lost. I mention the word ‘accessibility’ like a broken record because that’s the very word Media Molecule seem to have as their unofficial modus operandi. It’s their very soul!

And it was this very soul that was poured into their 2008 juggernaut, Little Big Planet (Also known as LBP), which was teased far earlier than it’s release (to my impatient frustration); I saw the announcement perhaps a year before, the game post-phoned, but I had a taste of the potential and it was the only thing my heart called out for every day leading up to its release*. Finally, a game that gave me the tools to make my very own games.

* This part was actually true. Extreme? Sure, but I was stuck on an Farm growing up so it was the light in my tunnel.

The Puzzle Platformer’s official slogan was “Play, Create, Share”, basically boiling down to a Gaming Youtube with the tools ready built in. Here’s a cute 10-year-old trailer that best expressed this warm fun collaborative charm and it’s progressive stance on creativity (as well as one of the funkiest Game soundtracks from recent memory). You could make levels with ease, publish, get “views” (in this case, plays) and “likes” (expressed through Hearts) and then surf Mm’s servers to play other's creations. The first worry expressed by Critic’s was that no one would want to make levels, but Youtube as a creative platform was already the monolith of proof that this was not the case; people wanted creative output, and once the game was released with Metacritic scores averaging around 95% the Game sold well and the coMmunity was born.

The creative tools were easy to grasp but hard to master, the layers of ways to utilise them for more complicated contraptions and professionally polished levels took time to learn; fumbling around to mediocre results might draw you to the conclusion that quality couldn’t be obtained, but Mm cleverly put those anxieties to rest by including a campaign that was built exclusively with those very same tools. You had no excuse apart from “lack of practice”, and this pushed the coMmunity to make all kinds of contraptions from Mm’s physics-based engine, including someone building a fully functioning Calculator (the Creator even allowing you to fly around Jet-pack style to see how complicated the mechanisms were; turns out, very).

LBP 2 built on that success, implementing a new refined tool called ‘Logic’ (among other improvements) which was an array of different microchips with simple functions that could be wired together to essentially ‘code’ objects to do your bidding. It was deceptively simple and never bogged down the ease that was at the heart of LBP’s Creative tool-set. The step up between games showed up past ‘peak’ coMmunity created inventions (namely the previously mentioned calculator) as bare-bones in what you could achieve with this new instalment.

I poured hours into these games, playing every LBP sequel; the future iterations were handled well by Sumo Digital (LBP 3) and Tarsier Studios, Double Eleven and XDev (LBP Vita). Mm also produced the Bafta-winning Vita/Ps4 Tearaway which I’m part way through now, enjoying endlessly in an attempt to fill the void till their next highly anticipated game.

For once again they’ve teased a pipeline title which the public await with bated breath; their next instalment in their Creative franchise (and the very reason I’m writing this article) doesn’t just build on their previous efforts of community-based tools but fully realises them. They finally made what I and many others have always wanted, a Gaming engine with the ease of drawing; a level creator that’s as simple as me typing on this keyboard; the true Youtube of gaming:

I love the LBP franchise a whole lot (still play it now), but whatever I built always felt a construct of ‘LBP’; the most approachable expressive tools I’ve ever used still restricted by the 2.5D realm of Sackboy’s recognisably cloth based world, and while you could creatively open up the borders to reveal new perspectives and ways to make games there was always the nagging feeling that you weren’t truly making YOUR game, you were making a game for Mm. This wasn’t their fault, and it’s not like you could point at any other accessible tool to exemplify these faults, because Mm was leading the charge, and still are. But this upcoming release of their new title aptly named Dreams (Beta 2018, full release TBA) shows with ease that Mm doesn’t just continue to lead this push forward, but are doing so with such an extent as to potentially shake up the gaming industry; for you truly are now making YOUR game.

Strong words are easily backed up with results I’ll show further down, but the final hurdle on their next instalment’s success isn’t just the quality or function of the final output (which Mm shows with confidence on their near-weekly streams and collaborations with other gaming developers via Twitch/Youtube) but with how the market will react to it, or if they even will react at all considering a relatively quiet reception in the wake of AAA games like Red Dead 2 and other heavyweights.

But before we discuss that further, speaking of a game like this with mere words doesn’t really do Dreams justice. I’ve watched nearly every video they’ve released across this last year so here are, in my opinion, the videos that best exemplify what their upcoming game/tool has to offer:

Trailer (TGA 2017 Trailer), which is the shortest of the bunch, quickly highlighting the general feel and look of Dreams.

Game Informer’s playthrough of campaign levels, which is fantastically demoed by Veteran Mm founder and C64 programmer Mark Healey.

A run through of fun bite-sized levels made by their team, showing off the astounding variety and how each level flows into the next like a Youtube playlist.

And should you choose to watch only one of these videos, choose this next one; Game Informer’s Rapid-Fire Q sesh (with other Mm Founder Alex Evans), which isn’t just informative but should also be commended as creative and engaging journalism at it’s finest, running at the speed of a scripted TomSka Sketch* (It should be noted that Game Informer has been hitting it out of the park over the last month with their fun and insightful cover of Dreams).

* ’TomSka’: a popular Youtuber, famous for the ASDF Cartoon sketches and his fast and frentic comedic sketches. He’s done much, and with such a consistently recognisable style and tone across all projects it could be argued he’s an auteur, which excites me greatly that Youtube can own such a phrase and that ‘auteur’ could also translate to the users on Dreams (the platform I indulgently want to be referenced coining the term ‘Youtube of Gaming’. I’ll stop saying it when everyone else starts.)

TL;DR to sum up those clips: Dream’s works. Not just in regards to it building on LBP in every conceivable way (especially in being fully 3 dimensional) but also being easier to use, with motion controls utilised to essentially free-mould the level around you, and the jump between creative and playing being even more seamless; I was previously going to link three individual videos, title-ing them ‘PLAY’, ‘CREATE’ and ‘SHARE’ respectively, knowing there are such videos that focus on each aspect out there (shown at this year’s E3), but the Videos linked above demonstrate far clearer how the boundaries between those three different worlds are getting harder and harder to define; less “Play, create, share” and more “placrehare”... which isn’t as catchy but you get the idea.

Above: Picture of the Mm Team taken by Game Informer during their visit.

Everything about this game covers all aspects of game creation, even in terms of building a CV the defines your best skills (Animator, Modeler, Musician etc.) and then allowing you to allocate different roles to different creators (if you so wish). Objects/characters/music/levels etc. can be shared and remixed, creating a library of never-ending stock objects which either help fill in your weaknesses or set up a foundation to build on. Everything is built around a coMmunity which is so heartwarming considering an industry which, much like the film industry, is very clicky and “who you know”.

To prove how Mm appose this, and help highlight their deep-set sincerity, online creators from some of the finest levels on LBP were later hired by Mm to work in their company on future projects based on how well they grasped the tools. Mm recognised them for their talents and allowed these artists to flourish, artists who may have never broken into their dream profession without that much-needed step up.

This harks back to that phrase I’m trying to coin: “A Youtube of Gaming”. Film-making has gotten far more approachable over the last 10 years with equipment becoming progressively more affordable and every PC/MAC coming pre-loaded with editing software. The ability to share with ease online has helped many Video creators land roles in the industry or even create their own*.

* Youtube channels FreddieW (now named Rocketjump) and Corridor Digital (founded by Niko and Sam) springing to mind; their effects driven action/comedic shorts is what made many even consider film-making as an option (they even put out free tutorials/BTS) and their channels frequently collaborate with each other, other channels and even known names (Smosh, Key and Peele, and Jimmy Kimmel to name a few).

And so this is what makes Dreams so special; a chance to lower down the industries’ impenetrable defences and highlight player’s hidden talents with a tool that’s grown beyond ‘making levels for Mm’s games’ and matured (while retaining its essential charm) into a fully fledged game engine*.

* Many of you might think I’m counting eggs before they’ve hatched; understandable, but even if the game came out as a mere shadow of it’s intentions (which at this lately developed stage I doubt considering their showcases), the idea is already there. With VR and motion controls improving across all platforms there will doubtlessly be an imitator who can pick up where they left, improving from their failures. Failures I believe unlikely due to Mm’s track record of achievement and future support (they’re very involved with their CoMmunity, hence why I’ve placed a Mm in every use of the word CoMmunity (not my idea btw, Mm do this themselves)).

But more importantly than this future engine’s apparent depth is it’s accessibility, which cleans the slate of any straight up coding (LBP’s ’Logic’ is still there in spirit), rubs away clunky creation and puts all the tools under one roof with a platform to share and collaborate on. An infinite world of infinite creations that you can join your friends to play, Sofa sharing or online, streaming through playlists or creating, new content or remixed, in infinite combinations with infinite flexibility with an accessibility that has been unheard of until this game/engine.

Above: Front Cover Mm did for Game Informer’s November issue, which was created entirely within Dreams.

Which brings me to why I’m writing this article. I’m not writing extensively of the tools you can use, I’m linking other journalists’ work and mostly speaking of Mm’s past and what their new game could mean; so what’s the function of this? Well, as mentioned earlier, their success on something so CoMmunity led will be based on how the CoMmunity utilise it, which first and foremost means they need a CoMmunity to start with. And as also mentioned earlier, I think the reception for this game is relatively quiet compared to larger AAA games; this feels wrong to me in so many ways, as Dreams with the right support could literally shake up the gaming industry and influx a new wave of creative talent, showcasing an entourage of new ideas; a French New Wave of Games but, well, British (at least in origin). And I want this to be heard. I’m writing this article because I want to support them, in an attempt to build awareness. Because I want them to succeed. For their success will change so much in so many innovative ways.

When I saw all this beautiful creative potential oozing from their E3 trailers earlier this year something inside me changed. It wasn’t a new feeling, not at all, rather a familiar one; one I missed. It was that childlike wonder I had so long ago; that awe and glee when I watched the announcement trailer for LBP; the many days I sat scribbling and doodling on the floor as a child in those long stretched out Summer holidays; those 3 hour long GCSE English Language exams where I would write out whatever story popped into my head (honestly, only exam I ever enjoyed). Those are some of the happiest days of my life: pure unchained creativity with seamless tools.

Finally, those days are returning. Finally, I can be a child once more. And hopefully, so can you <3

#blog #blogger #news #writer #writing #gaming #gamer #game #2018 #Dreams #media molecule #playstation #ps4 #LittleBigPlanet #little big planet #Mm #Future #Potato #writerblr #writers on tumblr #E3

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maiden-of-wolves · 6 years

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Ariel & Fox - Persistence

“Meeting” Scene Part 1 Part 2

This is a really long one. And we learn that Ariel’s not really a brat, ‘just' suffering on the edge of a mental breakdown from the stress. Depression fueled by anxiety is a potent cocktail. TK just brings out the drama in me. xD

This is definitely an AU to my normal AU with Ariel. She does struggle with this normally, but not to this degree. It was an interesting experience to write.

Please, if you’re battling with depression, don’t read this chapter. It will almost certainly be triggering.

Ariel spent that evening curled in bed, finally allowing herself to de-stress in the only way that worked and she could access in this world: crying. It was a pathetic pastime, but it worked. She’d had a hard time reconciling the healer that had helped her so gently and sweetly with the man who’d all but threatened her life for telling the truth. In the end, she found there was nothing to reconcile: the latter was clearly who he was. She had to give him props for being able to act so well and have a brilliant bedside manner. In one way, she wanted to figure him out and he was fascinating, but she simply didn’t want to keep risking her emotional health just to solve a puzzle. She could sleep, eat or drink some lyrium to recover her physical or even mental health… but her emotional self? That was nigh irreparable sometimes.

She forced herself to turn her thoughts to more pressing matters: the impending alliance and the fight that would ensue afterwards. Her warnings had gone virtually ignored, though it seemed like Cullen was taking some of her suggestions in putting up further spiked walls around the perimeter. Perhaps it was just because that they didn’t take much in the way of extra time and resources.

In the following weeks she poured herself back into learning Trade and pushed her curiosities about Fox aside. Venna would sometimes check on her and ask for her advice. Taevel, a young city elf recruit that had taken her under his wing since he was part of the party that found her, came to take her to training sessions every couple days. Other than that, she was left to her own devices. That was a bad idea. She fell into several different projects to keep her mind occupied and only ventured out in between to grab some bread, sneak a flask of lyrium and fill a bucket with water. She slept, but fitfully as she did her best to avoid spirits that sought her out like bugs to a light. It didn’t help that she saw and heard people’s nightmares as she walked. She wanted to help, but she was too exhausted and numb to actually put forth the effort to watch much less figure out a way to soothe them.

Had she had a mirror in her little cabin, she’d have noticed her weight loss, darkened eyes and limp, straightened hair as time went by. Varric invited her to games at the tavern and she alway politely declined with a sweet smile. He even sent Taevel once, clearly hoping to use her fondness for the younger male to coax her out. It received the same response. It was only when she had her latest project ready for testing that she came out, terribly proud of herself. She waltzed up to the watch post that was normally empty as it overlooked the lake and acted as storage. The two story height of that structure was perfect: high enough to possibly catch the updraft but not high enough to seriously hurt her if it didn’t work.

She was adjusting the stiff wings on her harness into place when she heard someone yelling at her.

“—doing?!” was the only thing she could catch as Venna came running up.

“I’m testing my project,” Ariel answered simply, offering her friend a delirious smile. “Just let me try it and I’ll be right down~”

“You’re gonna break something—”

Ariel shrugged, using the movement to help straighten out the wings. “We’ll see.” With that, she ran along the platform and leapt off.

Venna immediately began reaching out with her magic to catch her, but paused when Ariel apparently did catch some kind of updraft and she fluttered upward a good twelve feet. As quickly as that came, another gust knocked her off balance. Her fall would be quick and jerky. Thankfully, a thick bed of air was awaiting her decent and she only made a small oof in response to landing instead of the likely snap that such a harsh landing on the chilly, hard ground would have provided. “You really are insane...” Venna sighed. “Good thing I was here. Look, at least let me know when you’re going to test these things next time.”

“You’ve got better things to do than baby me,” Ariel replied, chuckling as she hopped off the bed of air and inspected her wings. Nothing was broken, which had her beaming. The first test was a partial success!

“It’s not ‘babying’. It’s caring. And we’re supposed to be friends, right?”

“Well, I’d hope,” Ariel replied, her beaming smile slipping into a self-satisfied grin. “I mean, you protected me from Cassandra and Cullen at first and we talk a lot.”

“We used to talk a lot, you mean,” Venna mused.

“Huh?”

Venna just gave a heavy sigh at that. It was little use telling her she was different. Instead, she shifted to the topic she’d intended to find her for. “There was a really good hunt today, so I wanted to make sure you came to eat something. You can’t live off bread and lyrium.”

Ariel quirked a brow and gestured to herself. “I had fat to spare,” she joked with a lopsided grin, shaking her hips to illustrate the looseness of her clothes and for added emphasis patting her stomach.

“So you did,” the Herald sighed again. “But you’re out now and at this rate you’ll need to ask Josie for a new outfit. So please stop. You’re worrying me. And Taevel. Creators, you’re worrying Varric! Though he’d never say it. He just asks about you and says you won’t play Wicked Grace.”

“I won’t play a game where I always lose? Shocking!” Ariel replied, dramatically raising a hand to her mouth and pretending to be terribly surprised.

Venna snorted and shook her head but continued on. “Point is, you need to come out more. Don’t make me drag you to the meal tonight.”

“Sure,” Ariel replied, reinforcing her answer with a quick nod. “Now that I’ve got this sorted for the moment I can take a break.”

“And you need to stop taking lyrium.”

Well that dampened her mood. She almost snapped a part of her wing harness while putting it away from the strain she put on it while distracted. “Don’t we have a fair supply now? I thought you secured some recently.”

“Yes, but it’s getting harder to deal with what you’re taking. You don’t need it, so stop taking it. I’ll make sure to tell the Quartermaster and any surface dwarves that handle it to not give you anymore.”

Ariel pursed her lips and stared at Venna. “But it helps me focus.” It was a simple argument, but truthful.

“To a point that you don’t eat more than once a day. And I assume you’re doing something similar with water, but enough to keep you on your feet. Do you even sleep? ”

“Eventually. And?”

“Scouts coming back say they always see light in that window we fixed for you no matter when they come back. Some joke that you’re afraid of the dark.”

Ariel shrugged, completely discounting the idle chit-chat of soldiers and scouts. “I’m being productive.”

“You’re pursuing projects,” Venna corrected her, gesturing to the now folded wings behind Ariel’s back. “Take care of yourself instead. Then we’ll talk getting possibly a quarter of what you’ve been taking.”

No other logical argument came to mind, so Ariel concluded that she’d lost this argument. “Fine,” she sighed.

“You’ll come?”

“Yup.”

“I’m coming to drag you out if you take too long.”

“I know.”

They were friends. Perhaps not always friendly, but still friends. Venna watched Ariel until she could no longer see her among the trees before heading into the walled portion of Haven. She didn’t have to go get her, as the brunette merely dropped off her harness around her desk’s chair before heading back out as promised.

By the time she left she felt full to bursting and she’d mixed it with a fair amount of alcohol. She vaguely remember something about singing and clapping. As she stripped down to her undergarments and settled under multiple layers of furs and then a sheet, she smiled to herself. For the first time in a long time she felt optimistic that she’d have a good night’s sleep and maybe— just maybe— she would be exhausted enough to not have to deal with the Fade.

A few days later, when she was writing notes - in Trade! - a polite knock came on her door. Venna’s insistence had brought Ariel back to a decent state, but without lyrium she was extremely tired. Even the idea of having to move to answer the door made her yawn, but she got up and wandered over anyway. “Who…?” she started, opening the door without even thinking who it could be. “Oh. You.” Probably the last person in this camp she wanted to see, but she wasn’t about to lose her manners.

Fox stood in her doorway and repeated his ostentatious bow from their first encounter. “You look much better, good. I was going to have to have the cats come scratch at your door if you didn’t return to regular meals, since you react so… violently when people do such.”

Ariel snorted, though the noise caught in her throat and turned into an odd, amused growl. “Ah, at least Mr. Sa’alle can learn!” she joked, her lips twisting into a smirk. “And for future reference I only did what I did because you attempted to corner me.” Again her mind wandered to a place she didn’t want it to, realizing that she rather enjoyed watching him. She did her best to push her thoughts fully onto the conversation and not how easily one could get lost searching his eyes. The hidden commentary of him actually paying attention to her despite his hostility during their last conversation was enough to draw her attention. “Though honestly I’m surprised you ever noticed me,” she admitted. “I kept far away from you, since our last encounter was, at the very least, strained. One I’d rather not repeat.”

Fox shrugged, but otherwise didn’t comment.

“In any case, to what do I owe your visit today?” she asked, tilting her head a good 65 degrees in her unconscious and oddly dog-like show of curiosity or confusion. “You’re not here to check up on me, it seems, and I see no kitten bribe this time…”

Fox held out a small, green, sateen pouch with an iron chain hanging out of the top. “From what you’ve told the Herald, thing will come to a head once the Breach is sealed. I thought it best to deliver this before that time.”

For a few long moments she just stared at it. “What...is it…?” she started, carefully reaching out and grasping the chain. Ariel cursed herself for being so trusting, but just pretended it didn’t matter. With just as much hesitation she gently pulled the pouch strings to see what it was hiding. The moment the bag loosened, she pulled it off. Her head tilted the opposite direction as she held the lantern it had revealed in front of her face. She had been expecting something fancy, as that just seemed to match Fox’s personality, but this was a fairly simple construction and without any real flare. The sharp purple glow that flickered at the center was what was most interesting. “Is that...lighting?”

“Yes. A flameless lamp. Judging from my conversation with Solas, touching the glass should not trigger your resistance, but I thought it best not to risk it, hence,” he paused, gesturing to the crude iron around it. “You may be able to brighten or dim it on your own, but Solas was not forthcoming on your outward magical abilities.”

She straightened her neck, eyes widening and nodding as she listened. At his mention of Solas’s lack of information, she offered a nervous laugh. “Yeah, that’s ‘cause I’m still figuring that out,” Ariel admitted, her free hand rubbing at the back of her neck. “But this is really helpful for me. Thank you, Fox!” For once she actually smiled at him, full teeth. It was brief and she immediately moved away to try and figure out how to set it up on her desk.

“It’s mostly for in the field,” Fox said as he watched her. “The glass is nigh unbreakable and I imagine you won’t want to lose it before reaching…” He paused again. “Skyhold, you said the fortress was called?”

“Good to know. I won’t have to have a panic attack when I inevitably drop it,” she joked. His pause made her look over and just set the lantern down on her desk. “Yup,” Ariel replied easily with a nod, still figuring out just where to put it. She stared at the ceiling, wondering if she could just bash in a nail or two and hang the chain from that. “It’s amazing. I can’t wait to explore it.” She paused, chuckling again, though this time the sound was quite mirthless. “Well, that’s assuming I survive long enough to do so.” After a moment, she shook her head. There was no point getting dragged down in that. Again. Beating herself up for not being stronger wasn’t going to make her any better.

“What is going to happen, then? I caught the tail-end of the Templar refusing to evacuate people on a whim, but no details.”

Unlike before, Ariel decided to couch her words as best she could while still telling the truth. “A battle,” she replied. “A big one. But not from anyone that they’d be expecting.” The fact that Fox refused to call Cullen by his name was a little irritating to her, but she let it go. She wasn’t going to soothe over an entire lifetime of pain with blunt facts and he didn’t like her so there was little use in trying to suggest any changes to him. “Even though Cullen protested, I see that he’s OK’d several more spiked walls. So maybe he’s just hedging his bets with the cheapest defences he can think of that would still theoretically be useful.”

“You said there’s no magic where you’re from, so perhaps you simply don’t understand just how little magic it would take to destroy ‘several more spiked walls.’” Fox shook his head. “You should be insulted.”

“How can I be?” she asked in return. “As he said, technically at this point my suggestions are merely a ‘whim’.” She paused only to shrug before continuing. “Venna listens, but she is only a figurehead at the moment. Her advisors are the ones that hold the keys to the kingdom, so to speak, and I am not one of them. Both Venna and I have suggested magical defenses, but neither Cassandra nor Cullen will allow it. For various reasons, that— while they make sense— are bordering on paranoia. Leliana doesn’t fear that kind of magic, but is unwilling to alienate the templars. So, we are stuck. Council-style leadership tends to lead to equitable endings, but sometimes they end up deadlocked like this. No method is without flaws.”

“And that is why councils should not make strategic decisions that endanger hundreds of lives and incompetent, Chantry-sanctioned torturers shouldn’t be given leadership. Nevermind it, could you not make smaller predictions so that they believed in your abilities? Surely there’s something provable.”

Ariel let out a heavy sigh at his description. It wasn’t that she disagreed— frankly, she kind of agreed, but it wasn’t her call and it wasn’t the smartest option; they’d quickly be overwhelmed with opposition if the Inquisition became a massive mage army with clever and powerful mages at the head. No matter how empathetic they may have been. Ariel wasn’t from here and Venna was a dalish elf. The general unknowing public would rather have their teeth kicked in than accept help from a group like that. While she completely understood his hatred, it was surprising that an otherwise smart man like Fox would not see the basic lay of the world around him. Pushing a cart sideways doesn’t make it move. Especially when you’re not strong enough to make it topple. “I have,” she explained. “I told them who Krem was when he came to camp and that they should recruit the Chargers. That their leader would bring valuable information. I also knew and spoke of details of Leliana’s time with the warden that had apparently never been put into print. I told them what they’d find at each meeting place for templars and mages. It’s not enough.”

Fox leaned against the doorframe and lightning magic crackled along his staff’s blade. He kept tugging on his braid. “So either all three are so blindingly, pitifully, insufferably incompetent that there’s no feasible way they survived into adulthood.” He smirked. “Or, the prophecy simply will not let its machinations be avoided.”

Ariel hooted in laughter to herself at the sharp stab at the advisors. It was harsh, far too harsh, but she couldn’t deny it was truthful. “Oooh-ooh,” she paused, sucking in a breath through her teeth. “Ow. Wow… better be glad you’re talkin’ to me and I find that funny. I doubt they’d laugh.” She really didn’t want to think about his latter suggestion, but it made her sigh again. The noise was much quieter than her previous reaction and slowly the gaiety left her features. “I wonder what I’ve already changed, just being here,” she admitted quietly, fiddling mindlessly with the top of the lantern Fox had given her. She appeared to be staring at it but her focus was really on nothing. “But, if everything works as it did… there’s no way they’ll be able to say I’m not telling the truth. I just wish it wouldn’t take the casualties it will. I know a few who are in places you can save during the battle and I intend to make sure everyone makes it who can.”

“If the prophecy is immutable, there’s no sense worrying about it.” Fox shrugged. “Though now I will say I’m rather perturbed you suggested I bring mage children here for protection when you knew it would fall with extreme casualties.”

“There’s an escape tunnel. The casualties will be almost exclusively foot soldiers and support personnel. Children would certainly be the among the first to be protected and led out,” she replied.

“Clearly you’ve never worked with children on any sort of scale,” Fox said, chuckling.

Ariel gave him a deadpan look, her voice terribly sarcastic. “Clearly...”

He pointed at her. “Two score children in an emergency with almost no life experience outside of confined cells in a tower and with unstable, untrained, volatile magic is a recipe for disaster.”

“Right,” was all that she offered. She wanted to point out that it was said in good intent, but she was starting to get the feeling that that didn’t matter to Fox. “Kids also didn’t have magic back home. Just as a small reminder. Not that it matters, since you didn’t take me up on it. And I’m not in charge of anything. Good thing, too, it seems.”

“Then you might do well not to chide others for rejecting your offers, well-intended as they may be. And as a small reminder getting five children to walk in the same direction on a good day with the promise of treats at the end is a trial on the best of days, let alone two score with magic.”

“Okay, alright,” Ariel sighed, just utterly out of emotional energy. At this point, she just wanted him to leave. It was nice of him to bring her the lantern and it was really interesting… but the rest of this was another emotional rollercoaster and she wanted off. The reason why she’d avoided him so intently was staring her in the face. “Is there anything else you’d like to whip my tiny ego with, or is this session done? I’m sure you have better things to do with your time and talents.”

“Where’s this escape tunnel? I’ve not heard of it before, so doubtless it could use improvements before it’s needful,” Fox said, ignoring her self-deprecation.

Nope. Apparently he wasn’t going anywhere. Great. “Chancellor Roderick said it was a path you’d take on the summer pilgrimage and that it’d be overgrown. It’s not explicitly said where. Since Venna’s close to being ready to choose, I was planning to look for it soon. Just in case.”

“Hm, I’ll see if he deigns to tell me. I tick almost as many items on the heretic checklist as Venna.” He laughed. “Maybe I could leverage his desire to be contrary. Do you want to know where it is if I find it?”

The question echoed in her mind, overriding the concern she suddenly felt on behalf of Roderick. She didn’t like the man, but Fox was terribly intimidating when he wanted to be. Do you want to know where it is if I find it? It implied another conversation with Fox. She didn’t want that. But, at the same time, she wanted to know. It’d be useful. At the very least she could direct others to it. “Yeah. Good luck getting Roderick to tell you… but I suppose if anyone here can, it’s you.”

“Thank you. If not him, surely there are still pilgrims around I can…” He trailed off. “I’ve been made to believe that Nightengale is very good at her job, but you’re saying only the Chancellor knows of this path?”

“Supposed to be,” she answered. Ariel barely stopped herself from saying, ‘that’s what the story said’. It was still in the back of her mind, but she didn’t want to get him pissed off again if she could avoid it. “Leliana is really good at her job, but she and her scouts aren’t all seeing. And sometimes they don’t look in the right places because they seem insignificant. There are only so many hours in a day.”

“No, you misunderstand, I think this is another part of the prophecy at work. For whatever reason, it needs him to be the one that reveals it. For all we know, the Fade is blocking off any independent knowledge of it. Fascinating, if inconvenient.”

Okay, that settled it. She was going to find that damn path. It had to be somewhere around the chantry because that was the fallback point. Ariel didn’t care if she’d look strange feeling the walls for a secret passage. She just wanted to beat down this idea that the ‘prophecy’ couldn’t be changed.

“Maybe,” she offered, not wanting Fox to have any idea about her intentions. Seeing how he tended to spot her around anyway, she doubted she could hide it indefinitely… but hopefully long enough that she could find her target and be allowed one moment of satisfaction.

“If he tells me where it is, we have our answer. If not, I’ll call Ivan in. He’s more familiar with that sort of thing.”

Well that’s new, she couldn’t help but think. This clever bastard has good enough friends that he can just call on them for help? Thankfully, all that came out of her mouth was, “Ivan?”

“My retainer. He oversees the staff watching the children, mostly. Terribly practical man. He’d be able to reinforce the passageway, as well.” Fox nodded, seemingly to himself. “I’ll call him in regardless.”

Oh. So it’s not a friend. Just a guy he can order around. That fits. “Should you remove him if he’s helping with the kids, though?” she asked, only partially asking because she was legitimately concerned.

“...There are plenty of staff. Just how slipshod of an operation did you think I was running?”

Her face blanked again, tone just as flat despite the colorful vocabulary she was about toe employ. “I wasn’t trying to insult you. Jesus Christ on a fuckin’ stick. Do you comb everyone’s words for insults or is that honor distinctly mine?”

Fox just stared at her in confusion. “You explicitly asked if he could leave without it being a detriment. That’s not picking apart your words.”

“Then you could have just said ‘there are plenty of staff’. No need for the bullshit dig at my intelligence. Again.” She sighed again, something that just Fox’s presence seemed to illicit even more than normal. There was just no way to fight back with this asshole. He just got to walk all over her and it was entirely infuriating. She wasn’t a damn doormat and she certainly wasn’t stupid!

“It wasn’t any more a ‘dig at your intelligence’ than your questioning of my decision to summon him was an attack on my ability to run things properly. Perhaps it is due to things being so different in your place of origin, but you seem to be taking everything I say in the worst way possible.”

She groaned, wandering over to her desk. Ariel knew she wasn’t good with people, but this was just ridiculous. “I am entirely exhausted and in a world that—while I know a great deal about it—is in so many ways entirely foreign to me,” she started, barrelling on even as she pulled out her chair and sat down. She leaned over the desk, placing her head in her hands and just raised her voice to keep talking even though she was staring at her desk.

“I suddenly found myself able to use magic shortly after arriving, which, as you remember is not part of my world. This fancy new power I’ve never seen in person’s unstable, so I was a threat to those around me but there was no way for me to navigate daily life properly without assistance because of this new magical ‘talent’, not to mention that it’s not ‘normal’ magic so I really have it all cut out for me. That makes me a burden. My worst goddamn nightmare. I’m supposed to be a goddamn fuckin’ adult but now people have to baby me to keep other people safe?!” She ran her hands into her hair, gripping it, shocks ran along her skin and through her hair. For once she was too emotional to even register the pain that came with the unconscious usage.

“Then, on top of that I keep getting sick ‘cause the bullshit here isn’t the same as at home. So I’m even more of a burden. Weak physically and a danger to those around me. So it’s like, why are they even keeping me around? Isn’t it better for everyone to just force me to write everything I know down and kill me? So, since they apparently aren’t going to do that, I do every damn thing I can to help people or improve myself so I’m less of a complete failure at life and never ask for assistance. Because the moment I do, I’m a burden.” No one ever said these things to her, Ariel realizes even as she speaks, but it all comes out anyway, including the tears that she was trying her hardest to keep away until he left.

“Then you and your distracting eyes and pretty hair and soft smile come along and turn all that upside down; forcefully deny me the only way I know how to not be a damn burden. So I get around it, try to stop it, and it’s straight up stolen from me because Venna somehow thought you’d help me. I had to relinquish what little control I had over myself just because everyone else thinks they know what’s good for me,” she coughed, taking in a deep breath both because she needed to and to clear her sinuses from the tears that were still slipping over her cheeks.

“Then I make the fatal mistake of having feelings and thinking you give any single shit because you cared about my health— because, you know, I kinda trust Venna and her assessment of people— when in fact you just wanted to pry the ‘prophecy’ shit from me and fuck off. And intimidate the fuck out of me in the process, of course. You’d seen what an overload of magic does to me, then put on a lightshow right next to me while clearly pissed the fuck off about how I talked. Not that it stopped me, because, clearly, I’m stupid as a goddamn rock. Magic wasn’t a thing, and I haven’t been in battle yet. It’s terrifying when it’s not coming from me. I felt that lightning in my bones. Every hair stood on end. I tried not to think about another overload from a powerful and pissed off mage, one that could kill me this time and probably think nothing of it. I still think about it even though I did my damndest to throw myself into anything else so that I wouldn’t have time to think about it. Or you.” She paused only to take another deep breath to try and clear her airways before dragging her hands out of her hair. They slammed onto the desk with a sense of desperate frustration, crackling loudly with sparks that almost reached the ceiling. Thankfully the wooden desk and papers didn’t seem keen on catching fire for the moment.

“And NOW you show up here with a cute and interesting gift and for a moment I feel like maybe it’ll be okay. Then I get myself dragged into arguing with you about stupid shit that I admit was stupid but keep somehow stepping in every. Single. Goddamn. Pothole. Possible. It’s like my words are a shovel and I say even one,” she emphasized her word by putting up a finger for a moment before putting it down. “And I just fuck up. Entirely. I can’t handle my magic, so I’m nothing but a danger; I get sick from anything and everything so I’m nothing but a burden; I can’t fight so I have to be taught, taking away resources from actual fighters— so I’m nothing but a burden yet again. Now I can’t even talk?! What does that even mean? Do I need my mouth sewn shut like those Saarebas? It brings me back full circle! Like, why the fuck don’t I just write down every little detail I can think of to the stupid fuckin’ ‘prophecy’ now that I can actually kind of write Trade? Then I could just ‘disappear’ and everyone’d be better off! Including me!”

She seemed to go quiet for a moment, taking several deep breaths, her face running through a plethora of expressions. It settled, strangely, on a tiny smile and a thousand-yard stare. “There’s plenty of wild animals around here,” she spoke up again. “None the wiser ‘cause they’d eat everything,” she continued, actually letting out a mirthless chuckle at the idea. She shuffled her papers around, trying to find one that was relatively empty before pulling it to the front and grasping for her pen. “Or maybe I could just wander into a patch of rogue mages. The overload’d kill me, I’m sure. Or those twitchy rogue templars, after seeing a little fireworks display to confirm my magic. I’m sure they’d know where to stab.”

She wrote out the Trade for ‘The Prophecy’ and underlined it at the top of the page. The thought of this is all that matters echoed heavily in her mind. Externally, nothing changed aside from her tapping the page a few times before actually beginning to write in her very rudimentary chicken-scratch about what will happen to Haven. “Or maybe I should talk Cassandra into getting a Rite done on me.” While normally the idea of the Rite of Tranquility horrified and terrified her, in this moment it wasn’t either. She’d still ‘live’; enough to talk and give them the information they needed whenever they needed it. It was the smartest option. The best one. “It’d be nice to not have to deal with the Fade. Or emotions.” She muttered several things under her breath as she kept working, completely ignoring her puffy, tear-stained face and slight trouble breathing. The only partially encouraging sign was the fact that her magic was no longer flaring up. She had a path now. Multiple choices in how the ending went, just like the game. Except, this time, the choice really was hers.

A cat meowed loudly and headbutted Ariel’s leg. Absentmindedly, she reached down and petted the cat. “I can’t play now.” She wrote fairly quickly for someone that normally felt very uneasy about her ability to write Trade. Haven will be attacked. By an army bearing no flag.

“I don’t expect you’re up to much of anything,” Fox said gently. He’d move further in from the door, but had left his staff there. He was standing out of arm’s reach and was hunched a bit so as to not seem so tall.

“I can write,” she answered, no real inflection or emotion behind the words. It was just a statement of fact. “And that’s all I need to be able to do now.” Varric knows who leads this army. A creature, once a man, but now a darkspawn. A man who walked into the Golden City and found it empty.

“I shudder to think what kind of horrible place you came from that you think so little of your worth. People have value, prophecy or not.” Fox sighed. “And you can keep writing, but I assure you Venna will burn whatever it is, if only to keep you from doing something drastic.”

She laughed at that, a terribly hollow sound from her normal happy bray of a laugh. Still, she didn’t look up. “You assume that Venna will know a damn thing. It’s the smart choice. I give everything I have to offer, everything important, and I stop being a drain on resources.” She continued writing. Hawke killed him, but he doesn’t stay dead. Any blighted creature nearby is his new host and he is reborn. This includes Wardens.

“I was given this house so I wouldn’t be as much of a danger. Drain. Could be used in so many better ways. A longer term clinic, a schoolhouse for the few kids that are here… so many ways. Yet, here I am, taking up space because I’m dangerous.” Another paragraph. He’ll come with a dragon that looks like an Archdemon. While this is his greatest tool, it is also his weakness. Since it is also a part of him, if you kill the dragon, then kill the Blighted Magister Corypheus and have no tainted people or creatures nearby… he will die.

“I can tell her everything you’ve said here, which will, to your mind, increase the burden you’re putting on her, or you can stop for a moment and speak with me properly.”

Ariel swore he’d be able to hear the gears grind to a halt in her head. She certainly felt them. How dare he? She had a plan. A good plan for once in her goddamn life! And he just watlzes in and ruins it. She hadn’t said all this, nor felt most of this until he showed up and started messing with her. And now he was going to put her in a position of being the worst kind of burden there was: emotional.

She did what she always did when she was trying to school her emotions: take a deep breath and let it out slowly. The cat rubbed up against her leg again and shockingly she rolled her eyes. She knew it was Fox, but there had never been a time that she’d turned down a cat’s affection with anything less than an apology. She shook her head, leaning over to wrap her hand around the cat’s middle and quickly shifted it up into her lap. Ariel made sure it was at least somewhat situated before pushing with her feet against the desk to drag the chair back. Looking at Fox was the hardest part. She immediately took notice of what he’d done, gaze flickering to the staff by the door and back to him. A laugh welled up in her throat at the fact that he was even hunched over a bit, but thankfully she swallowed it down. For more grounding, she indulged the cat that was headbutting her arm for attention. “So? I’m stopped. For a moment.”

“How many refugees has the Inquisition taken in?”

“I have no idea,” Ariel answered flatly. “I’ve never helped with admissions.”

“But there are some. Do you consider them worthless burdens? Do you think Thedas would be better off if they died or disappeared?”

Ariel finally saw the connection he was trying to draw. “No,” she answered slowly. “But I’m not just some desperate field hand looking for shelter from demon-spewing rifts. I’m a mage. And an unstable one at that. It’d be like taking in a dracoling. I’ve burnt down two buildings while I was sleeping already. Guess you didn’t hear about that yet. Or maybe you didn’t ask if anyone knew me. Though Venna probably wouldn’t have told you either.”

“Do you think I should throw out the children that start fires, then? Simply because their magic is uncontrollable from fear and worse?” Fox quirked an eyebrow.

“You really think I’m a monster, don’t you?” she asked, words spilling out of her mouth before she could think on it. “That’s inhumane. They’re kids! Who would do that?” She looked away from him, mumbling onwards, “I mean, I guess some magic-fearing parents might, but that’s still awful!”

“What about the teenagers? At what age do they stop being children? When should I tell my people to kick out the ones that haven’t the control? Did your story tell you about the Harrowings in the South? Should I institute those?” He examined his sleeve and brushed off some dirt.

“Yes, they told me about the Harrowings. They shouldn’t be done on anyone that’s just brought in. Regardless of age. Even those that are prepared are often too terrified to do well. And that’s not right. It’s throwing bait fish into the water with sharks and expecting the bait fish to escape.” She sighed and shook her head. “But I’m not in charge of your kids, so these questions are just a theoretical exercise.”

“So you agree that throwing them out, forcing them to learn at some set pace, threatening them with Tranquility if they don’t perform certain standards is ridiculous at best? That’s my impression.”

“Yeah,” she muttered in reply. She knew what he was doing: he was attempting to systematically dismantle her own feelings and the manipulation was quickly pushing her back into fury. First he denies her the way to remove the burden of sickness because he knows better, now he throws away a sacrifice of a willing participant because, no doubt, he thinks he knows better? She seethed internally, but for the moment it remained hidden. “But do you think it’s alright to allow someone who is terrified of their power and finds the removal of emotions as a boon rather than a deterrent request the Rite themselves?” If he was going to speak in hypotheticals, so could she. It would certainly be an interesting answer, considering he was a mage. From Tevinter, where that Rite is probably akin to a terrifying ghost story told to mage children to scare them into behaving.

“Absolutely not,” Fox said when vehemence, “because that is not what the Rite does. Divine Justinia discovered that. That’s the entire reason the South is tearing itself apart. Tranquility does not remove emotions, it makes the Tranquil unable to act on them. They are forced to bottle them up, just as you have since you arrived here. The Tranquil Pharamond went mad when the Rite was reversed.”

Ariel had known that most went mad when the Rite was reversed, but she hadn’t been aware of the idea that it didn’t at least dull emotions. “That would be like… a spinal injury. Unable to communicate, but still very much aware.” Her brows knitted, eyes closing a moment later. “I haven’t kept them bottled up the entire time,” she finally spoke up again. “My mind just…” A heavy sigh escaped her lips and she shook her head. “I’m beyond useless when I just let myself feel what it’d want me to. Anxiousness over a failure two days past that blows up into stress and tears because I can’t fix it. Depression follows the tears. Mania— the spurts I go through where I can focus… is the only way I get anything done. If I take a break, I’m almost immediately back to anxiousness, stage one. I can reason with myself until I’m blue in the face in that state, but it doesn’t stop the stress.” Speaking of which, she paused, to wipe at her face before more tears fell. “I had ways of coping at home, ways of releasing stress properly. And meds. Don’t have those here. I’m telling you, Fox, it would be much better for everyone if I just wrote everything down and disappeared. I’ll probably eventually work myself to an early death if I don’t get caught up in a fight I can’t win when Haven’s attacked.I might as well make sure that I write everything down before then. Just in case.”

Fox spent several minutes thinking before he finally said, “So you’re aware, academically, of the depression and that it can be treated?”

“Yes,” she replied, her voice little more than an exasperated sigh. “But we don’t have the meds necessary here to treat it properly and I have no idea what kinds of natural remedies could be made in its stead.”

“Believe me, the Circles of Minrathous and Asariel alone would fall if there was nothing to be done for depression. Nevermind the Magisterium at large. I apologize for not realizing sooner this was a problem. I have been busy, as you can imagine.”

“No,” Ariel snapped, though her voice was choked. She wiped at her face again and sniffed, trying to allow her anger through the stress. “You’re not going to take on my goddamn mental problems. You’ve got far more important things to be doing than babysitting a grown woman who should be able to take care of herself. Shifting the massive burden onto you is still a damn burden! Just… stop…”

“Ignore that for a moment. Academically, tell me, this kind of hopelessness you have, this desire to be Tranquil and thoughts of worthlessness, do you acknowledge that it is part of the condition? You said knowing doesn’t make you feel better; I don’t expect it to, just tell me again, that you know these things are symptoms.”

“Of course it is!” she replied with a breathless and mirthless laugh. “And I do my best to make sure no one else feels like this. ‘Cause it feels like absolute shit.”

“Yes, so if these feelings are merely a symptom of the larger problem, do you think it’s responsible to act on them in this fashion?”

“‘This fashion’?” she echoed. “I’m afraid you’ve lost me.”

“You feel hopeless because of the depression and instead of treating that depression, you are acting on the hopelessness. I suggest at least trying some of the tinctures for it before resigning yourself to death.”

“Who knows if they’ll even work,” she mused. “Considering that magic doesn’t. And the illnesses are different. I’d try ‘em, if that’s actually a thing. But who knows.” She let out another breathless and mirthless laugh, a tiny smirk pulling at her lips. “They might kill me. That’d be nice.”

“I think your disinterest in trying is likely another symptom.” He sighed and rubbed his temples. “It will take some time for the tinctures to arrive from Asariel. My mentor will mix them himself, but time. Will you at least stop planning for death until then?”

“It was a joke,” Ariel assured him, her laugh actually accompanied by a toothed smile. “One in poor taste, maybe,” she admitted. She was relieved, were she honest with herself. Her smile barely faded as she looked down at the cat that had been obediently sitting on her lap this whole time despite her outbursts. In the back of her mind she was fairly certain it was due to Fox’s charm over it, but she was grateful regardless. “I…” she started again after a few long strokes at the cat’s fur. She looked up at Fox, worried again but hopeful. “Are you certain this isn’t a burden, Fox? You have a lot to do. I don’t want to make things more difficult for you.”

“Ordering a tincture is no trouble. I’ve a letter I was sending already, though I’ve made a note that Haven might not be the return destination. Even if you lost your memories today, Venna would lose her mind if something happened to you. Perhaps when you’re more settled we can be friends.”

She had no idea why just the mention of a maybe friendship made her happy. Unconsciously she rocked side to side for a moment as she let the information sink in. “Well, I don’t think she’d lose her mind,” she finally said, laughing softly as she looked down again and moved her hand to pet around the cat’s chin. “But she’d probably be sad, I guess. I make her laugh sometimes and don’t treat her like the Herald.” She swallowed, feeling a bit silly for what she wanted to say, but decided to say it anyway. Nothing could be more ridiculous than what she’d already done, after all. Looking up at Fox again, she offered a rather timid assurance. “I’ll work hard to make sure I can be a good friend.”

Fox nodded and stood at his full height. “Good. I’ll check on you later, too, but I need to send that message to Ivan, as well.”

Ariel smothered a laugh in the back of her throat. “Honestly,” she began with a small exhale. “I’ll probably be asleep. I was running on fumes. On emotion, even. I can’t run on nothing. Maybe things will leave me alone in the Fade if I just lay down there, too.”

“We can only hope.” He nodded to the cat. “He’ll stay with you tonight. Longer, if he likes you. I’ll let you know about the passage.”

She looked down at the furball in her lap, smile flashing across her lips again. “Well, maybe I can bribe him with food when I can drag myself back out of bed. I’d love a furry friend.” A sheen appeared in her eyes again and she frantically wiped at them before looking up at Fox again. “Thank you. And, I’m really sorry. For everything.”

“You’re welcome, but don’t apologize for needing help. It’s what makes us people.”

“Is that it?” she asked, a faint smile on her lips but a rather confused expression her face. “That’s the puzzle piece to make humanity. Needing help? Hm.” It was certainly something to think about. She was raised to be fiercely independent, partially because help would be given if you asked but held over your head later. A reminder of how you failed.

Fox smiled, but it was wane and didn’t reach his eyes. “As much as I’ve been able to see.” He cleared his throat and his expression shifted back to soft kindness. He stepped towards the door. “Regardless, I’ll leave you to your rest.”

The wish had been in the back of her mind since he’d insisted their were methods for treatment but she’d pushed it away. As the opportunity faded, she found herself scrambling. She gently picked up the cat in her lap and set him down just as gingerly. He meowed at her, then yawned, as if upset that she’d moved him from his resting place. “Fox? Can I… uhm…” She felt weird asking about this, honestly, and the embarrassment was clear on her face. But, she reasoned, it would have been weirder to just do it. “Hug you?”

Fox held up his hand to stay her movement for a moment, then patted himself down. There was a quiet sizzle as he deactivated the active spells on his robes. “Of course, though given your reaction to magic, it would be best to ask first. As you saw.”

At first she just tilted her head again, confused by his reaction, but as she watched and felt her hair briefly flutter at the back of her neck from the released magic it made some sense. For the moment she was distracted from her actual request and blinked several times as she tried to process exactly what she’d seen. “Ye-yeah… do all Tevinter robes do that?”

Fox opened his mouth immediately, but then closed it. “I’m not sure. Better to be safe than sorry, though. We’re very casual with magic use, unlike here in the South.”

She nodded, mentally noting that she’d need to ask Dorian if his had that kind of thing on them too. She really didn’t want to feel overloaded if she could avoid it. It was weird, but she had to actually gather courage to move. When she did, though, she made sure that her furry friend wasn’t by her feet or in her way before all but jumping into him and wrapping her arms above his waist. She was actually glad for the height difference because it was easy for her to bury her face in his chest. The immediate scent of metal that greeted her nose made her wonder if she’d bitten her lip in the movement but a quick swipe of her tongue proved otherwise. A faint undertone of freshly baked bread was soothing and she barely kept herself from pulling out a very weird ‘you smell nice’.

Fox patted her back gently. “Get some rest, Ariel. The attack is soon and there’s much to do.”

Well that wasn’t helpful. Ariel heard the thought echo loudly in her head. While the reminder may possibly have been necessary, the timing was horrendous. “Right,” she muttered, pulling away entirely without so much as another glance at Fox. Any gaiety that she’d come to the interaction with was gone. Her mind immediately began running through scenarios. Going through what she’d have to do to make sure the key support characters would survive. Running over possibilities regarding possible changes since she was here. She already knew she’d have to go with Venna— Ariel was 99.9% certain that the voice she always heard calling for her in the Fade was Corypheus. His intervention, or perhaps that of another Evanuris beyond Solas, were the only possibilities she’d ever come up with while turning the situation over and over in her head. She wandered back to the bed, sitting down. She could still easily see Fox and the door. “Thanks again,” she offered. It was the only thing she could think to say. He’d already told her not to apologize.

Fox continued leaving, but stopped at the door. He didn’t turn to look at her. “I’m neither stupid nor oblivious. I won’t push now, but if you don’t take care of yourself, I will go to Venna.”

“I never said or implied you were either of those,” Ariel growled. For a brief moment she’d felt like they’d actually made some progress, but here they were again. “But go ahead, keep accusing me. It makes me want to disappear even more.” She barely bit back a comment about making a pact with a demon for invisibility so that they couldn’t find her until it was too late. That would indeed be stupid. Any pact with a demon went poorly, from what she knew, and she wasn’t willing to test if it could be otherwise.

“I can’t spend all evening holding your hand and convincing you these aren’t accusations. I can only imagine no one’s shown any concern towards you that’s not been rooted in cruelty that that’s the only thing you can hear, but that can’t be fixed at once and I can’t be expected to know exactly how to phrase things.”

Honestly, she wasn’t sure how else he could have meant what he said, but there was no argument to be made and even if there was, she was too tired to make it. “No, I suppose you can’t. And I certainly don’t want you sitting here babying me. I just need to learn to shut up. Or, at least, think about the larger context first.” She shook her head, disappointed and exasperated with herself. “Thanks, Fox. And sorry. Again. I’ll just curl up with my temporary furry friend. Thank you for bringing him.”

“He will stay as long as he’s needed. Rest. Rest and remember that you agreed not to do anything permanent until you’ve tried the tinctures. People are worried for you.”

“I know,” was all she offered in reply, but to what statement she didn’t specify. The cat was staring up at her from the floor and she managed a small smile for him. She didn’t bother removing her clothes as she moved the furs and sheet, knowing that she’d taken off her boots when she first came back and that is the only thing she cared about in terms of messing up her bed. Slipping under them was more comforting than she’d thought. The weight keeping her still and the warmth she naturally radiated was trapped in an intense heat that just barely stayed below the level that would have her sweating.

#OC: Ariel Grace #AU to my AU #co-writing #tk-duveraun #Fox #writing #mention:#suicidal thoughts #tranquility #depression #severe depression

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tjroewrites · 6 years

Text

The Winner Takes it All

Pairings: Castiel x Reader

A/N: The reader’s home life that is described in this pic is, in summary, mine So, this one-shot is pretty personal for me. Basically, I wrote down what I wish someone would say to me. But hearing it from myself was empowering enough. I hope anyone that lives in a similar situation reads this and hears what they need to hear to give them hope for their future. Thanks for reading, y’all.

Prompt: The reader and Castiel play a game of Uno.

Warnings: Mentions of family death. Broken homes. A bit of angst (c’mon, you can’t be that surprised. This is me we’re talking about). Fluffy ending.

Word Count: 2.7k

Y/N slapped her card onto the table with a smirk. “Blue six.”

Cas squinted his eyes. “My card was red. I thought the colors had to match.”

“But both cards were a six.” She wagged her brows. “As long as the color or the number matches, it can be played. Doesn’t have to have both.”

“This game is strange.”

“Quit whining and play a card.”

They were the only two in the bunker. Dean and Sam had left for a beer at one of the few bars within the Lebanon city limits. Y/N was still feeling the effects from last weekend, when Dean had suggested a ‘family outing.’ The next morning, she woke up on the bunker’s kitchen floor with her shirt on backwards and a half empty Coors Light still in her hand. Yeah, she needed a break after that one. And Cas wasn’t one to enjoy one of Dean’s buck-wild escapades. So, there they were, seated across from one another at the table in the middle of the bunker; Y/N sipping on a soda while Cas watched. When Y/N had suggested a round of Uno and he had looked at her like she was speaking in tongues, she knew what their night would consist of. Dean and Sam would go wild in the Kansas streets. Y/N would school Cas in the art of a classic card game.

Cas searched his hand before settling on one. He gently slid a yellow six on top of her card. “Is that allowed?”

“There you go.” Y/N smiled. She played a yellow two. “See, you’re getting the hang of it.”

“Human games are so intricate. There are so many rules.”

“Angels don’t play games up in heaven?” She watched him sift through his cards and plan out his next move. His eyebrows furrowed. His head tilted slightly. His lips moved in a subtle fashion as thousands of strategies played through his mind. Everything he did, no matter if it was researching a monster or washing his hands, he put so much thought into. So much effort. Less because he needed to, more because he actually cared about the outcome. There wasn’t a man on the planet with more compassion and drive than Castiel. She took another sip of soda to hide her smile. “What do you do to pass the time, then? Twiddle your thumbs?”

“We don’t have thumbs.” He placed a card. A yellow four. “We have wings.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Time is not so much of a concept in heaven as it is on Earth.” Y/N picked through her cards. She settled on a green two. “Thousands of earth years could pass and it would feel like nothing to an angel. I have lived for millennia and it feels similar to a blink of a human eye.”

“So, these last few years on earth have probably drug on for you.”

“Yes.” His eyes darted from the card she placed and back to his hand. “But not in the way you think. I have enjoyed my time on Earth. Regardless of the obstacles and trials I have faced.”

“You don’t have a card to play, do you?” Y/N quirked a brow.

He sighed. “What happens now?”

“Draw from the deck ‘til you do.”

He began to pull from the pile one by one. He huffed out a breath after the third card. “None of these are suitable to play.”

“Then keep going.” Y/N snorted.

He grumbled something under his breath.

“Come again?” She asked. A grin split her face. He was a sore loser. How adorable.

“I said, this game is frustrating.” The tight line of his lips relaxed after the fifth card. “Finally.” He all but threw the card on the pile. A green eight. “I have bones to pick with the creator of this game.”

Y/N laughed. “I’m sure he’d love to sit down with an Angel of the Lord and discuss his family-based card game.”

“Family.” He repeated, training his eyes on her. “Did you play this game with your family?”

Her family. Memories of her early life came pouring through her mind like a freshly thrown flood gate. Her baby sister’s smile. Her father’s laugh. Her mother’s hugs. It felt like yesterday that she was still living at home, attending the local community college and working at a sandwich shop. Now, she was a hunter; living in an air-tight vault in the center of the states with two problematic brothers and a fallen angel. It wasn’t what she pictured her future to be like. She wondered if her father would have been proud of her. She sniffed. “My dad wasn’t one for card games. Unless it involved sports of some kind.”

“He was an athlete?”

“Best golfer in the state.” Damn, she didn’t have anything. She drew a card from the pile. A wild card. She placed it on the table. “I choose red.”

He tilted his head. “We can choose colors?”

“Only if it’s a wild card.” She pointed at her play. “If you play this card, you can choose the color. In this case, I choose red.”

“So that is what that card is.” He muttered, a smile playing on his lips. Oh, no. She didn’t like that look. He cleared his throat and let his face fall into that same expressionless stare he was so good at. “You said the card is red?”

Y/N nodded. He studied his hand for a moment before speaking again. “You said your father golfed. As an occupation or for leisure?”

“Leisure. Could have gone pro in his younger years. But he married my mom instead.”

“So, he chose your mother over his athletics.” He put down a red card. It was a skip. “I assume this is playable.”

“It’s a skip turn card.” Y/N must have been speaking in tongues again by how he looked at her. She chuckled. “It means that the next player can’t go until next round. Since there’s only two of us, you get to go twice.”

“I see.” Cas’ lip pulled in the corner. “Did he regret his decision?”

She hesitated for a moment. “Sometimes, I think he did.” He looked up at her from his hand of cards. The lump in her throat swelled a bit more. It took a couple of hearty swallows just to push it down. “Don’t get me wrong, he loved my sister and I. Raised us up right and made sure we had food on the table. But him and my mom… they couldn’t ever sort the shit out in their marriage. I can’t remember them saying that they loved each other one time in my life.” This was not how she imagined this conversation to pan out. Judging by the way his eyes nearly rolled out of his head, neither had he. “Jesus, I’m sorry, that’s some deep shit right there. I haven’t even mentioned that to Dean or Sam yet.”

Cas began to set the cards down onto the table. “Y/N, we don’t have to- “

“No, no, it’s not that I don’t wanna tell you.” She straightened up in her chair and cleared her throat. “It’s just been a long time since I’ve even talked to anyone about that. Kinda weird to hear it out of my mouth again, you know?”

“I think I do.” He lifted the cards once again but didn’t take his eyes off her. “I appreciate you sharing with me. Self-disclosing about such affairs can be…difficult. If not painful.”

“It doesn’t hurt as much anymore.” His stare returned back to his cards. Hers didn’t. “It was so long ago. Years. But sometimes when I look back it feels like last week.”

“When was the last time you saw your family?” He played another card. A wild draw four. That bastard. “Green.” He offered a smug smirk.

Y/N groaned and drew four more cards. “Had to have been at least five years ago. Before I was a hunter.”

“Do they know that you live this life?”

“Never got to tell them. They died a few months later.”

She didn’t want to see his expression, so she looked back at her hand. She had nine cards now, thanks to Cas. Four reds, a yellow skip, a blue switch, two regular blues and one green. She placed the green card.

“That’s why I became a hunter in the first place.” Y/N continued. “I left home to try and find myself. Traveled around the state for a while. Met some new people. Saw some great cities. I felt like the life I had been living wasn’t leading me anywhere. Figures, the second I leave…” She trailed off, her gaze flying to the ceiling. Her eyes burned hot behind her eyelids. Damn it, not right now. Not in front of Cas.

“It isn’t your fault.” He finally said, placing another card. A green zero. “How could you have known?”

“I should’ve been there to protect them.” She drew two cards until she found one playable. A yellow zero. “If I hadn’t left for my stupid fucking adventure, they’d still be here.”

“You can’t think like that.” A wild card. “Green.”

“Jesus, you got any greens in your hand or what?” She had to draw three until she found one. He cracked a smile. “You’re killing me over here.”

“Quit whining and play a card.” He threw her words back in her face. Y/N snorted.

“Easy to be the bigger person when you don’t have half the deck in your hand.”

Their sudden silence seemed to echo off the walls of the bunker for a lifetime. Cas played a green nine. Y/N played a blue nine. Cas put down a wild draw two. Y/N tried not to flip the table. Who the fuck shuffled this deck? She had just drawn two when he broke the quiet moment. “Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“You said that your parents did not love one another.”

“Still hung up on that, huh?” She scanned her hand with the utmost concentration. She had at least fifteen cards now. He had five. She had to buckle down if she wanted to win this one. “Like I said, not a big deal. I’m an adult now. I don’t give it much thought.”

“Are you afraid that will happen to you?”

Her heart sputtered in her chest. She knew what he was referring to. For their ‘family outing’ last weekend, they had settled in at Pooches bar near the center of town. It was the only pub that got rowdy on Friday nights. A few drinks in and, as usual, Y/N had started to feel it. It was about then that a young farm hand began to chat her up: bought a round, spun her around the dance floor, let her beat his ass in a game of pool. He was easy on the eye. Genuine. Respectful. The kind of guy you bring home to meet your folks. It was clear he was more interested in getting to know her than he was in a quick fuck and leave. It wasn’t the first time she met a guy like that. Lebanon may be smack dab on the corner of ‘redneck’ and ‘blue collar’ but it sure bred some wholesome men. But even after knowing all that, she still couldn’t open up. Still couldn’t put herself out there. So, just like every other guy, she slipped out without hardly a goodbye. Left him out to dry like a line of fresh laundry on a summer’s eve.

Was she afraid? She’d never thought about it like that. Thought it was just the down side of being her father’s daughter. Let as few people into your inner circle as possible. Easier to live that way. But maybe it came from somewhere deeper. Deeper than her father’s lessons and her natural God-given beliefs. A part of her that she could never outrun, no matter many miles she drove.

“Maybe.” She wasn’t sure he’d even heard it. What a stupid thought. Of course he did. He was an angel.

Cas looked at her. Really looked at her. The kind of look that every girl dreamed a man would give her. A gaze so soft, a pool of blue coating her in his warmth and protection. An entire summer sky shone back at her. Her breath caught. “Why?”

“Because my parents- “

“You are not your parents.” His cards lay abandoned on the table. She hardly blinked before he was in the chair beside her, his fingers around her wrist and squeezing gently. Together, they lowered her cards to the table. “You are your own person. Your parents’ way of life does not dictate your future.”

Y/N couldn’t formulate a sentence. So, he continued.

“They made their choice. That was theirs to make. It isn’t your fault that they ended up that way. No matter how much you blame yourself.” She didn’t realize how much she needed to hear his words until he spoke them. Tears pooled in her eyes. “You can’t punish yourself for their actions. You are free to make your own choices. Have your own experiences. Fall in love, take risks, enjoy what this life has to offer you.”

When she nodded, the floodgates opened. Years of buildup fell from eyes and trailed down her cheeks. He held her face in his hands and wiped them away with his thumbs. “You are an independent woman, Y/N. A strong and comforting force in this world of uncertainty. A bright light in the dark. You are capable of anything and everything.”

There were a select few that knew about her family history. Her best friend from community college. That random gas station attendant she had broken down in front of on her way back from her family’s service. Her long-lost aunt who had moved to the United Kingdom a year after her sister’s passing without hardly a goodbye. But none had really understood where she was coming from. Bruce from the Gas n’ Sip just offered her a Cola and an awkward one-armed hug. Christine had forced six tequila shots down her throat to numb the pain. Her aunt just avoided it all together. But Cas… he understood. The force of heaven was hardly the traditional ‘Nuclear Family’ ideal. His entire existence was full of nothing but inner-family conflict. He was derived from chaos. He was chaos. But wasn’t that all she was, too?

“So, what’s next for the great Y/N Y/L/N?” His voice was a rumble from his chest. Like the gentle roll of thunder during a summer storm. Truly a phenomenon worth experiencing. Worth knowing. And just like that, she knew exactly what was next.

When their lips met it was exactly how she imagined it. Soft. Fleeting. Unhurried. Natural. If it had been an hour before she would have ducked away with a beet red face and a mouth full of apologies. But not now. She was too far gone to care. She had no apologies to offer.

They pulled away. And then he smiled. That rare, toothy smile that showed a mixture of both Jimmy’s time and his own. Enough to make her forget everything. Enough to give her hope.

“You are.” She pushed her chair until their thighs sat flush against each other. Their lips all but touching. Her fingers finding the hair at the nape of his neck. “You are my next adventure.”

The next morning, when the brothers asked about their night, it was with groggy voices and steaming cups of coffee. Cas sat in his original seat from their game of Uno and watched Y/N clean the forgotten cards from the table.

“Looks like the game ended with a bang.” Sam nodded toward the remaining cards scattered across the wood. She finished packing them inside their box and closed the flap. “Who won?”

Cas met her stare. He had to bite his lip to keep from grinning. The boys hadn’t noticed his mis-matched buttons or his crooked tie. Not yet, anyway. Y/N just shrugged.

“Me.” She smiled. “Definitely me.”

Castiel Tags: (not sure if this is how it works, bear with me)

@kristendansmith

#castiel x reader #castiel x you #castiel x y/n #cas x reader #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural oneshot #supernatural one shots #the readstiel collection

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ubercharge · 7 years

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life’s like playing minecraft with your friends. everyone needs to learn some degree of self-sufficiency if they’re not leeching off of people who are kind and/or have a fuckton of resources. generally you gotta be able to feed yourself, keep yourself alive, be able to find/create shelter, be able to gather resources for and create tools/weapons/etc. but if you’re gonna be playing for longer than like 10 minutes on survival, you need to have some basic understanding of the game (it’s like having to understand SOCIETY and whatever your relevant surroundings for life, school/work, and social network are)

then you got a bunch of people who play the game differently (and people who live life differently). you’ve got people who pour a lot of time and effort into the actual mining part so they can accumulate those mining resources. some people who just kinda dig around a lot, some people who have calculated networks on specific levels so they can maximize diamond gain. which could probably in some way be connected to putting effort into wealth? like sometimes you dig for a long time but you don’t find jack shit but a lot of cobble to stuff your inventory.

there are people who put a lot of effort into farming, even manually hunting down animals and painstakingly luring them back into a pen before they can start breeding and multiplying them. some people who, like miners, just kinda farm a lot or are very dedicated to their small/medium farm, and people who’ve either bred their animals a LOT so you have these pens with like a hundred cows clipping into each other mooing loudly, or efficient setups where there are a hundred cows but in a very small space clipping into each other so to breed them you take like five stacks of wheat, go into the pen, and right click your fucking heart out. i don’t know what comparison to make with the farming shit. ii’m sure there’s something though. maybe related to whatrever we cultivate. like. our image? no that’s fucking stupid. i was gonna say friends, but that was an even shittier idea

there are people who are seriously just out here to murder as many mobs as fucking possible. as soon as the sun sets, they have their enchanted weapons on, they’re sniping shit from fifty metres away with a OHKO as soon as it spawns under the moonlight, they’re charging into dungeons with no armour and a stone sword, they’re thjrilled when they hear zombie growls underground and they dig towards the mob noises, they may or may not suck at parrying and timing their shots and aiming but they’re having a good time killing shit. then they use their lvls to enchant more weapons. they’re the ones begging for the ops to enable pvp. and this is lkike life too. somehow. i don’t know. thjere’s always someone like this

there are people who tame like one wolf or ocelot then they end up with a hoard of twenty or a hundred. especially with wolves, which are easier to find and tame. ngl i am always this fucking person. also can we talk about how if you hit even one dog of someone who has a lot of them, you will die pretty much fucking instntaly if you don’t have high lvl armour cuz you just get fucking swarmed by fifty dogs and the perosn who tamed them can’t help you,. sorry about that. anyway maybe this one we can compare to social media or friends, except for the pet connotations, or the murder connotations, ostensibly

then there’s the one wguy who just wants to BUILD SHIT but it’s creative mode and they keep getting their ass exploded by creepers and they’re the one asking the admin to change it to creative mode except nobody else wants to play in creative mode. and this is like. i doj’t know. content creators. artists. there’s a sad artist joke here SOMEHWERE

there’s like, griefers, even if you have nice friends, god there’s always at least one griefer. and sometiumes it’s by accident like someone’s running from a creeper and they think they’re safe in/near someone else’s house but them BAM you’re wrong. and half the house is exploded. and sometimes there’s somneohne who crafts flint and steel cuz they want to watch your log cabin burn down in front of them, because they know you just went to bed, and they ligve for fire

and then there are the furry roleplayers with fursona skins. don’t tell me these people don’t exists. i know i’m inebriated bt there’s literally no fucking way there aren’t a ton of these people trying to make some kind ofl minefraft recreation of second life... second lifecraft. yes this is like life too. the furries in minecraft represent the furries of real life

i’m too drunk to finish this text post i thouight it was gonna go places but it reverted to furries, like with everything fucking else on the intenret

#hey guys i’m going to play some drunk qp after i make this post #dave.txt #text heavy

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cophoenixseo · 4 years

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Get more website traffic in Chandler

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Being visible on the very first page of Google will offer your business a stamp of approval that can be the difference in between somebody clicking your listing (ranking) or your rivals.Finally, do not forget the role that favorable reviews play in getting your target consumer to call you. It’s a reality that even if you rank higher than your competitor if they have more stars revealing outstanding reviews, this can make all the difference in your conversions. For numerous service based businesses, reviews are essential.Search engine optimization increases website traffic as the greater you rank, the more visitors you will have to your website and the more opportunity to own awareness of your service. Though traffic from natural search is totally free, developing exposure requires time and effort, as Google has actually decreased ranking results substantially over the last couple of years. Nevertheless, the benefit of SEO is that unlike Pay Per Click, once you stop investing, there is a slow decay to the rankings. This does not mean that you shouldn’t continue purchasing keeping your rankings, but it means that you do not have to invest the exact same quantity.As an outcome of the points above, natural online search engine traffic by method of search engine optimization can provide an improved ROI over traditional types of paid media consisting of PPC. While SEO is at first not low-cost or easy, it remains in the long run far more affordable than many other marketing techniques and delivers more powerful brand name awareness and traffic to your organisation website. Unlike paid search marketing or Pay Per Click, complimentary traffic from Google does moist up the minute you stop paying.There is a tactical advantage with optimizing your website for better discovery on Google since once you’ve developed yourself in the organic results, your rivals will be unable to buy their way in as they can do with PPC. Likewise, a higher percentage of users click the organic results as we formerly mentioned. This means that SEO will produce more clicks from a natural search listing than from a highly put paid ad. To make the most of visibility and clicks, you will want listings in both paid and organic results. Keyword-level experimentation is needed to ensure that you are not spending for clicks that you could get totally free, but to optimize results and that is qualified leads, some services discover that visibility in both paid and natural listings are needed.Because of the constantly changing and vibrant nature of the web, lots of company owner and marketing executives discover that working with a specialist digital marketing and SEO consultant is the best method for them to guarantee the very best results. Organic traffic can take time, and the competence needed to beat those above you in the SERPs is significant. Which is why, if you are just starting out, and the keywords you are targeting are already “owned” by high authority sites, you may need to reassess your technique.A skilled search marketing expert should have the ability to aid your team in developing content properties to online search engine ranking supremacy. A top ranked seo business will show their worth by assisting you build safe, sustainable links so you can achieve the site rankings that will move your company to the next level.Click here to receive a free SEO analysis and discover how search engine optimization can impact your business.Discover what local SEO in Chandler Arizona can do for your business online presence. Watch this video:

Get more website traffic in Sun City West

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wineanddinosaur · 4 years

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The 10 Best Drinks Movies of All Time (and What to Sip While Watching)

Relaxing with a great drink in your hand and an excellent movie cued up on your screen is one of life’s great, simple pleasures. It’s also something many of us have more time to do now than ever before.

Perhaps it’s no coincidence that many of the best movies of all time include a heavy focus on imbibing, from ongoing thematic references to entire booze-soaked plots: The night of excess and its regrettable decisions; the plot hatched in the bar’s back booth; the frat house party; the alcohol-fortified hero.

If discovering the perfect match between a glass of wine and a bite of cheese amplifies the pleasure of both, then why not do the same by finding the just-right drinks to pair with the best drinks movies?

Of course, even if you’re stuck Netflix-and-chilling by yourself, there are now ways to get friends in on the fun virtually. For instance, with Netflix Party, you can synchronize playback through Google Chrome while participating in a group chat through the same interface.

From iconic films to debauched comedies, here’s what to watch — and what to drink while you do.

10. The 007 James Bond Franchise

Few movie characters are as inclined to imbibe as James Bond. Author Ian Fleming both giveth and taketh away, though. While he’s responsible for the creation of the Vesper, his words haven’t always been to the betterment of booze: Some say that “shaken not stirred” stunted the advancement of cocktails for decades. (Hate-mail disclaimer: Martinis are a personal matter, so make them as you please).

As you’re working your way through the anthology and arrive at “GoldenEye,” switch up your drink to the cocktail of the same name. It’s the house cocktail at the GoldenEye Resort in Jamaica, and was concocted by Chris Blackwell, Rock & Roll Hall of Famer, creator of Blackwell Rum, and owner of the estate since the mid- 1970s.

According to Blackwell, the drink, which fittingly is a visual match for its name, was a creation of convenience. “I simply put equal amounts of pineapple juice and rum in the cocktail shaker and took a sip,” he says. “It was too sweet, so I added some fresh-squeezed lime to taste. And there it was.”

It’s a welcome drink for his guests, and a new drink for you to sip on while watching Brosnan-era Bond. Blackwell is even collaborating on a 007 Limited Edition of his rum, which will be released this fall in conjunction with the franchise’s 25th effort, “No Time To Die.”

9. Wine Country

The newest edition to the list of best drinks movies is 2019’s “Wine Country.” Directed by Amy Poehler, and starring a six-strong cast of female comedic heavyweights, the movie is centered on a 50th birthday weekend getaway in Napa Valley.

When you can’t head out for a weekend of in-person wine tasting, bring the wine into your living room. A number of Napa Valley wineries are currently offering virtual tastings. The list includes AXR Winery, B Cellars, Clos du Val, Round Pond Estate, and St. Supéry Estate Vineyards & Winery.

Sign up for one, do the tasting, then start the movie and polish off all those bottles you just opened. Or pair with any Napa Valley wine to feel the “Wine Country” vibe.

8. Cocktail

“Cocktail” stands tall 32 years later as the zenith of bad 1980s cocktail culture. Neon lights, flair bartending, and cringeworthy shot names — it’s all there, now with some measure of nostalgic appeal (who doesn’t want to sidle up to a beachfront bar these days?).

Of course, there’s no shortage of options for what you should be imbibing while watching. One needs only to pull up the “The Last Barman Poet” scene, in which Tom Cruise mentions a dozen different concoctions: “The Sex on the Beach, the Schnapps made from peach, the Velvet Hammer, the Alabama Slammer. I make things with juice and froth. The Pink Squirrel, the 3-Toed Sloth. I make drinks so sweet and snazzy. The Iced Tea, the Kamikaze, the Orgasm, the Death Spasm, the Singapore Sling, the Ding-a-ling.”

Thankfully, if you can’t quite settle on any of the above, Cruise’s character has mercy on us at the end of his recital: “America you’re just devoted to every flavor I got. But if you want to get loaded, why don’t you just order a shot?”

7. The Frat Party: Animal House and Old School

“Old School” and “Animal House” together represent the classic new and, well, old school takes on the frat movie. You’re probably never going to agree with your dad on which is better, either. It’s a generational preference whether you lean into the John Belushi-powered 1978 film, or the 2003 flick with Will Ferrell, Vince Vaughn, and Luke Wilson.

What everyone can agree on is that you’re drinking beer for this movie-drinks pairing; there’s no way around that. And not a 4-pack of your favorite triple dry-hopped, semi-naturally fermented, seasonal farmhouse hazy IPA, either. This calls for a case of your cheap, collegiate, macro beer standby. Maybe it’s Schlitz, maybe it’s PBR. You do you.

6. The Hangover (Three-Part Series)

We’ve all been there. A night gets a little out of hand. Memories are foggy. Everything hurts. Of course, this doesn’t usually involve tigers, Mike Tyson, potential kidnappings, and hastily arranged marriages. The antics only continue in later films, from Tyson-style face tattoos in Thailand to hasty trips to Tijuana. That’s what makes “The Hangover” great: It’s hilarious and relatable while still letting you off the hook, in an “at least my friends and I aren’t that bad” kind of way.

The truth is, you’re most likely watching this while nursing your own hangover. So mix up a Bloody Mary or something low-ABV with fresh juice to bring yourself back up to speed.

5. Swingers

“Swingers” sports the classic scene of Jon Favreau ordering a Scotch, “A Scotch on the rocks, please. Any Scotch will do, as long as it’s not a blend, of course. A single malt. Glenlivet, Glenfiddich perhaps. Maybe a Glengow… any Glen.”

The movie is also a favorite of the drinks industry today. “I love the movie ‘Swingers,'” says Elayne Duff, a consultant and strategist with Duff On The Rocks. For her, the 1996 movie brings back memories of the era. “We had a very cool version of this secret bar with a swing band [in the Lower East Side of New York]. I went there almost every Saturday night and drank Cosmopolitans; it was the ’90s, after all. This movie was money, as they like to say, so many great lines and Vince Vaughn was at his best.”

“Maybe I’ve been incepted by all the movie posters I’ve seen with Vince Vaughn, Martini in hand, or maybe it’s the way I can relate to both Mike and Trent at different times in my life, but I don’t think I’ve ever watched that movie without some form of drink in hand,” says Trevor Frye, the president of Wash Line LLC, who has also been running the B.A.R.E. SolidariT-shirt fundraising project, selling shirts and stickers to provide donations to hospitality professionals.

So drink a Cosmo, a Martini, any Glen you can find, or, in Frye’s case, just the whiskey of your choice. “I’d sip on a whiskey with some bite to it. E.H. Taylor Barrel Proof and Noah’s Mill are currently open on my desk, and either would do just fine,” Frye says. “And water; like a deli quart’s worth of water.”

4. Casablanca

If you asked any film buff to name the most famous movies, “Casablanca” would likely be on the list. This Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman vehicle happened to be set, predominantly, in a nightclub and casino, Rick’s Café Américain. (Word to wise: Don’t bother if you and when you find yourself in Morocco; the actual establishment may fall short of what you’ve envisioned).

There’s plenty of drinking in the movie, as you’d expect, and much of it is centered around Champagne. You’ll want to drink some bubbles yourself while watching, ideally out of a coupe glass to match the stylish, classic vibes. Intersperse that with the occasional French 75 or Champagne Cocktail, both of which are mentioned, to keep the mood going all night long.

3. Lost in Translation

What does Bill Murray whisper to Scarlett Johansson in the final scene of “Lost in Translation”? We may never know. What we do know is the line he says over and over again while filming his character’s television commercial, “For relaxing times, make it Suntory time.”

Unless you’re sitting on a secret cache of Yamazaki 18 year-old or Hakushu 18 year-old — in which case, we’ll be right over — a Highball is the way to go here, deploying a blended whisky like Suntory Toki and your favorite high-carbonation soda water.

2. Sideways

We all remember Paul Giamatti’s infamous quote: “I am NOT drinking any f*cking Merlot!” So devastating was the impact, that a decade and a half after the release of “Sideways,” California Merlot is only recently rebounding in the mind of consumers.

When you watch, consider doing the opposite of Giamatti and finding an excellent bottle of Merlot to accompany the film. There’s no shortage of serious, truly delicious Merlots coming out of California right now.

1. The Big Lebowski

The Dude and a White Russian. Name a more iconic duo; we’ll wait. The comedy classic from the Coen brothers is the perfect excuse to wear your pajamas all day long while steadfastly maintaining a drink in one hand.

The cocktail is easy to make, too: Just pour two ounces vodka and one ounce coffee liqueur over ice in a rocks glass. Top with an ounce of heavy cream. A flick of your wrist is the only stirring you really need. Up for an epic drinking-game challenge? Drink not only when The Dude drinks, but when the word “dude,” is spoken, which is apparently 160 times. Good luck!

The article The 10 Best Drinks Movies of All Time (and What to Sip While Watching) appeared first on VinePair.

source https://vinepair.com/articles/10-best-drinks-movies/

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isaiahrippinus · 4 years

Text

The 10 Best Drinks Movies of All Time (and What to Sip While Watching)

From iconic films to debauched comedies, here’s what to watch — and what to drink while you do.

10. The 007 James Bond Franchise

9. Wine Country

Sign up for one, do the tasting, then start the movie and polish off all those bottles you just opened. Or pair with any Napa Valley wine to feel the “Wine Country” vibe.

8. Cocktail

7. The Frat Party: Animal House and Old School

6. The Hangover (Three-Part Series)

The truth is, you’re most likely watching this while nursing your own hangover. So mix up a Bloody Mary or something low-ABV with fresh juice to bring yourself back up to speed.

5. Swingers

The movie is also a favorite of the drinks industry today. “I love the movie ‘Swingers,‘” says Elayne Duff, a consultant and strategist with Duff On The Rocks. For her, the 1996 movie brings back memories of the era. “We had a very cool version of this secret bar with a swing band [in the Lower East Side of New York]. I went there almost every Saturday night and drank Cosmopolitans; it was the ’90s, after all. This movie was money, as they like to say, so many great lines and Vince Vaughn was at his best.”

4. Casablanca

3. Lost in Translation

2. Sideways

1. The Big Lebowski

The article The 10 Best Drinks Movies of All Time (and What to Sip While Watching) appeared first on VinePair.

source https://vinepair.com/articles/10-best-drinks-movies/ source https://vinology1.tumblr.com/post/618095375287517184

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youdecode · 4 years

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Manifest Your Dreams [4 Powerful Steps To Manifest Desires & Goals]

While flipping her hair away which threatened to obscure the view, Sally introduced herself to the crowd with a wide smile.

Adjusting mic in her hand, she gathered her overwhelmed self together and greeted the audience.

Applauds traveled as tides, piercing through her ears reaching her heart already saturated with pride. The sound of applauds suddenly began fading, gradually blending with an awful-pitched tring tring.

And then tring tring did not stop until Sally crushed her dream – a life which she lived for a few moments.

Guess who Sally is? Me?

No, it is you.

How many times have your dreams become victims of the morning sun and got hunted by that same annoying alarm clock?

Lost the count? Well, good news.

Start counting those times as today you find a recipe to cook your dreams into reality.

Yes, manifesting-dreams can not get any simpler. Even if you never had any such dream and you have always stayed a day-dreamer.

Four-Step Formula of Manifesting Dreams

For manifesting your dream, for manifesting your dreams or for manifesting your goals, remember one key point: You are not a victim rather you are a creator of your reality.

I totally understand that it is so hard to transition from a victimized state to a creator state because our subconscious has been programmed in such a way.

The most common mindset which you will find yourself surrounded with is the victimized state.

Where people will surrender the circumstances, without realizing that they have been creating the very circumstances.

It might sound odd at first but it is reality. It is the game of your mindset. You will have to empower your reality.

How? Through your mind.

Let me tell you why you are not a victim but a creator in simple terms.

Average human being has . . . thoughts every day, and sadly most of them are not positive. Half of them are painful memories of the past and a few negative thoughts.

All those thoughts with strong emotion hit your subconscious mind which then creates a similar reality for you.

As this is what you have been attracting all the way. And then one question why the circumstances never change. The short answer is that because your thoughts do not change.

The same thought + same emotion enters the subconscious mind producing the same old results. [If you are not aware of the science of your subconscious mind then I highly suggest you look here]

So let me sum up the point: With the same old constant thoughts, you will only be able to manifest the same old constant past in the present and future.

Your circumstances thus will experience no flux. For manifesting your dreams, you need to have that flux, you need to have that change.

To manifest the wildest dream, just follow the simple recipe detailed below.

The whole process detailed in this article is extremely easy. You are a traveler who has to get from point A to point B. Point A is your dream and B is the miraculous reality. Let’s see the steps you need to take for covering such a distance.

Step 1. Let Go Of Past [Negative Thoughts & Resistance]

There are certain prerequisites for using the formula.

You can not attract positive, happy things in your mind if it’s cluttered.

Your mind is just like a glass full of water. If you want to pour in new molecules of water then existing molecules have to overflow and vacant space.

Your past, and the negative thoughts, all create resistance.

You have to let go of the resistance to welcome new thoughts else your brain will not be receptive to hosting them.

By resisting, you will be fueling. So let go but your conscious mind will not make it easy for you.

I am not much fond of this conscious mind {I know I have bais!}.

One needs to be extremely careful when listening to the conscious mind and when not to.

Sometimes, it will behave worse than a jealous girl who has a crush on your boyfriend. Yeah. It can become your enemy if you will allow it too.

Whenever you focus on a bright positive future, it will throw your past in the face. It with utmost accuracy provides you with a “logical” reason as to why your thoughts are impossible to achieve.

And there are 90% of the chances that you will listen to this so-called logical voice, as after all, we are all rational creatures, and then mourn the demise of your dreams.

You will further sink into your past, the pain will then self-replicate as the virus {your conscious mind here} has done the task.

If you are wondering why your mind will turn against you or why the conscious mind behaves in such a way.

The answer is simple.

Your brain loves patterns. It is afraid to make new connections. Thus one finds it so hard to make a change in life.

Thus, it becomes so hard to change a habit. Yes, it is so hard to make the first step toward a new step as your brain will have to create new impressions, new wiring.

If you try to disrupt the pattern then you will find resistance. But the key here is your persistence {wow it rhymed!}

There are several techniques to let go of the pain points which seem to have built a permanent nest in your head.

You can implement such a neuro-linguistic technique to detach from your past resistance that will just breed resistance.

The worst ghost of the past is regret. Yes, fear is also on the list.

You will have to deal with these ghosts once and for all so that they stop bothering you. Get rid of this ghost who possesses every potential of robbing your present from you. To live mindfully, you need to dispose of such baggage.

Remember you are not your past. You are not your thoughts. You are just energy. You are capable of infinity.

So if by now, you have decided to clear away the clutter through practical means then let’s jump to the next ingredient in the recipe.

Step 2. Set A Goal to Manifest A Goal

Now assume that Sally has performed an exorcism and gotten rid of her past ghost, from all of them {remember Sally was you}.

The step which follows is the clear identification of your dreams.

There is a huge probability that at the age of 8 you want to be a teacher, then by 12, you decide to become a doctor, by 15 your interest shifts towards becoming an engineer and then finally towards the end of teenage you settle for being a fashion designer.

But wait.

What was your dream again? Yes, that is the problem. The unclarity.

We ourselves do not know what we want. We even forget our dreams because we never pay attention to them, deeming them impossible to achieve.

I question what is your desire? Who do you desire? What is your goal? What house, relation, career, or health do you desire?

You really have to be good in the identification process.

Yes, you can desire countless things but remember the frequency with which you desire each thing must be high in intensity and the same.

The same here suggests that stick to one career goal, one type of dream house, one specific car, one specific person, and a specific lifestyle so forth.

As you can’t fry eggs and omelets from the same egg, you will have to be focused, decisive, and clear in your choices.

Be mindful of the thoughts as they should be positive.

The universe, the infinite intelligence, or the source {whatever you call it} does not process things in negatives.

Instead of 24/7 thinking about what you don’t want rather think what you want. If you think that you do not want to pile up bills by the end of the month, then guess what you will attract just that.

Rather change the formulation of your thought and give it a positive shift.

Think that you want this amount of cheque by the end of the month, and you guessed it right, the universe will get into work for manifesting that. {Yes, there are certain conditions like presence of belief and emotion}

Let’s address another side of this step of finding a goal. You have absolutely no idea what is your biggest dream.

It is quite normal to not see the desire in dreams or to simply daydream. In either case, do not worry. As there is a powerful tool that you can employ for this task.

Journaling. Yes, you have heard me right.

I am not talking about the diary type of journaling where you were narrating your whole day, yes I have been there so I know that.

I have diaries and diaries filled for that. But that practice did not give me the vision which self journaling did.

If you are not yet aware of the miracle of my triple G’s journaling technique specifically designed for manifestation then this you need to check that out. This article covers all about journaling in detail.

There is a special, most powerful technique I cover in my course for identifying the goal and your “WHY”.

Journaling truly taps into the subconscious mind and gets the answers to the vital question like why you desire something for wisdom, harmony, or prosperity.

I just want you to reach your perfect answers through any of your preferred ways.

I would like to address here that people do not trust the power of the universe and thus would dream according to their circumstances.

Are you like,

“Umm, it took me two years to buy that car so that means it will take me about 5 more years to get my dream house. Yes, so now I dream of that house”.

Please, if that is your practice then forsake it.

No matter how much you love the calculations.

You have to ask more than you need, more than you think you are capable of, more than you think you can ever get.

Do not take cues from the circumstances else you will not be able to tap into the true power of manifestation.

Just remember infinity.

After figuring out your goal, take an avatar of an eagle. Steal the laser focus which this beauty poses.

You need to give your attention to the goal.

You have to have a strong focus which brings further steps for manifesting your dreams.

Step 3. Manifest your dream by Internal Efforts

Thoughts

To manifest your desires you need to fuel your subconscious mind with a similar idea. You have to feed it and input your desire for deliberately attracting your goals.

This process is what I love because you are finally taking action. You are doing something to shift your mindset to 180 degrees.

Placing the desires at the back of the head would not get you anywhere so let’s see which actions will actually work.

How to divert most of your attention to your dreams? As

Visualization

I cannot stress enough the power of visualization as it frees you from the Newtonian world you are living in.

In this Newtonian world, we are bound by time and space but through visualization techniques, we transcend such dimensions.

Through visualization one is capable of evoking feelings and emotion is the engine of the subconscious mind.

Now how to practice visualization?

I would advise you to visualize the accomplishment of your dream before you sleep and after you wake up. Why? As during these states, the subconscious mind is extremely active and thus is receptive to your suggestions.

You do not have to go overboard. Even 5 minutes of a good deep visualization is better than the long surface level visualization.

It is all about the intensity. Let’s into some basic deep steps:

So you just have to spend five minutes each day. The visualization can be short but it should have several details.

Visualize where you are standing, what you are doing.

Feel your sense and note the experiences of the touch, hear, taste, and smell.

Remember Sally? She was touching her hair in the dream. She was hearing the applause.

In short, she was visualizing in her dreams and engrossing all her senses.

You can do the same. If you will visualize before bed then it is most likely that you will have the same dream related to your desire.

Again, after waking up {even before brushing your teeth}, you need to visualize for triggering and strengthening the image of the goal into the subconscious mind.

So Connect.

The most important factor in visualization is feeling good.

We have been wrongly reprogrammed where our mind thinks that the cause and effect principle is GOD.

But you do not have to cause something for an effect.

Are you waiting to be happy?

Will you be happy after achieving your dreams?

These limitations are set by yourself.

Learn to feel good without attaching cause to it.

Remember then the effect will automatically follow.

Don’t hold your happiness and put yourself into pause mode.

I urge you to resume it now.

We have made happiness the destination, the effect but it, in essence, is independent of any such categorization.

This emotion can exist irrespective of any cause.

It is upon us to decide.

So feel good throughout the visualization and throughout the day.

If you are questioning how to be happy. The answer is by living in the present moment.

Touch the present moment on a deeper level, experience the layer, feel the smell, sounds, and sights right now.

To feel happy act as if your dream has manifested. By acting means walking, thinking, dressing, feeling, and deciding in a way of your future-accomplished self.

Are you like, “Eisha, are you suggesting that I fake it till you make it?”

Well, no. I am suggesting PRACTICE until you make it.

I am suggesting TRAIN your brain till you make it.

I am suggesting to make a HABIT of being happy to become a powerhouse of attraction.

Start living the dreams in the present moment, start behaving and acting like an achiever.

Yes, the inner conflict will intrude but you need to avoid it else it can ruin the positive energy which you will be vibrating on.

By acting as if you have accomplished your dreams you will in essence tune the frequencies.

Sounds complicated?

Well, let me explain to you through an example.

There are several radio stations and each radio station works on a particular level of frequency.

To listen to your favorite show, you will have to tap into the specific radio station.

Similarly, to get your favorite things in life, you will have to match up with the energy of your dreams.

Your energy {emotions/thoughts/belief/intention} has to align with the energy where your dreams exist.

The manifestation of your dreams is nothing but the alignment of frequencies/energies.

Step 4. Manifest your dream by Physical Actions

There are certain physical actions you can take for making the inputting process much stronger.

Journaling

You can again make use of the journaling tool. Yes, this tool is absolutely vital.

Mindfully journaling is not only capable of goal clearing, but it is also capable of feeding the thoughts to dreams.

Life does not follow any rule but you can deploy certain rules for making magnificent life rules.

And such a vital rule is journaling. You can master the right way of future self-journaling with my triple G’s technique.

You might have heard of gratitude journaling but there is the right attitude of doing it for manifesting the dreams faster.

It is more than just developing an affirmative statement.

If you are not aware of the affirmations then these are extremely powerful for reprogramming your subconscious mind and attract what you dream.

One writes numerous empowering beliefs that make one closer to the big goal.

Some of such common affirmations are: I am financially independent. I am complete. I am financially secure.

I am divinely guided. I am powerful. But there is a lot more powerful stuff to explore in journaling other than just affirmations.

Journaling is a great way of channeling energy in the right direction.

I do not suggest keeping a worry list, as I suggest powerful alternatives instead.

Do check the life-changing stuff out here. If you want to skip it for now then simply journal every day and write on paper all your visualizations.

Write it, make it solid, make it permanent.

Practice diaphragmatic breathing.

You want to achieve mind and heart synchrony while inputting and feeding your dreams to your subconscious mind.

To achieve such mind and body coherence pay attention to the breathing practice. Practise belly breathing {we are attuned to breathe from our chest}.

You have to exhale much longer than the inhale { For instance if your inhale is 8 counts then exhale must be 10}.

Your aim is to activate a parasympathetic nervous system, a system responsible for rest response.

Start and end your day with contentment and this can be achieved by altering your breathing patterns.

Follow the breathing process with meditation. Many people ignore the power of meditation as they get so wrapped up in determining right and wrong methods.

Yes, there is a right and wrong method. The right method is the one which will work for you.

You need to meditate to quieten the monkey mind within. Meditation is a helpful tool in shifting your focus from one attention point to the other.

Live Your Dream

What?

This simply means that you treat your dreams like guests. Expect them so you have to do the preparation.

If you have been working to manifest your dream partner then shop things for the one like a t-shirt.

What if you are working towards attracting abundance? Well, then write yourself a cheque! I hope you got the idea where the whole purpose is finding ways of living the dream.

Don’t just expect, but live them. For manifesting-love, start complimenting yourself like your one and only will do.

For manifesting wealth, shift your identity and dress like you would dress when abundant.

By performing such acts and actually living the moment will multiply the vibration within you, boosting the attraction opportunities.

Final Words For Manifesting desire & Manifesting dreams

Yes, finally you made it till the end. A lot to digest but it is simple is not it?

Simplify your lives and magnify the results.

One thing which is extremely vital in manifesting dreams is to celebrate small wins.

First, recognize the wondering things which are unfolding and then appreciate.

By continuing the practice detailed above, you will be able to manifest things daily.

So be mindful of it.

Remember that you have to detach.

Do you like this girl crazy?

First, she asked me to focus all the energy and attention on a desire or goal and now she is suggesting detachment.

Well, clearly I am not. You have to let go of all the attachment with the OUTCOMES.

Direct your attention to the infinite desires but detach with the outcome.

Detaching is vital as remember you are not expecting anything but living the dream itself. If you will truly live the desire then it is, in essence, the detachment because you are not waiting.

If you will strongly get attached then you are limiting the possibilities which the universe can get you.

The problem which people face is, “I want results fast.”

By anchoring time with your dream, you are narrowing the chances instead of cultivating an open mind.

Just release your dreams if you face detachment issues, “Something better is manifesting right now. I am ready to receive my good.”

Yes, turn towards divine guidance, infinite intelligence.

Your soul is capable of seeing what you as a matter can not.

So ask the universe for the direction of your goals.

Ask the right questions, and you will truly receive the answers to your subconscious mind.

These answers which you will receive is what people call intuition.

Make your intuitive factor extremely strong. How? By identifying that the answers which you will receive will be from infinite intelligence.

Even if they seem to be irrational. I have this whole course designed for uncovering such mind-blowing techniques.

Lastly, remember that you are energy thus you have to treat everything as energy. One can not attract abundance by possessing energy of lack. Shift your lack. Switch that state.

Comments time, So Sally! Ready to manifest your dream?

What you are willing to manifest today. Make a wish down below and send it to the universe. Take action now, where commenting is the first small step.

The post Manifest Your Dreams [4 Powerful Steps To Manifest Desires & Goals] appeared first on You Decode.

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