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noridal · 1 year

Note

free space just means you get to check it off no matter what, no conditions for acquisition :) and do u have other Florida man ship u like besides the pinnacle of Florida? letting u choose 🩵

Oh so you really want to watch the world burn, uh? Well, you'll get a long post about my thoughts on what I've seen in my time of hyperfixating on our lovely Captain.

Starting off strong, we have Flyoming:

The fandom decided that these two gotta be married for that one scene where they stand next to each other, and I'm not having it™. Don't get me wrong, asshole/ray of sunshine is a delicious dynamic, except this is not what's going on here. I like to think that if they're married, they're constantly trying to poison each other or choke their husband in his sleep. They're fucking the same guy because their marriage is open (of course) and enjoy having threesome or regularly attend their favourite swinger's club (to distract themselves from how bad it's going). Why don't they get a divorce? The hatefucking is too good.

Honestly, Wyoming is secretly terrified of Florida (as everyone should be) and Florida, well, dislikes Wyoming (as everyone should), but they can't say it out loud because it wouldn't be nice :)

As colleagues they totally work, maybe even friends. But romantically? This is a trainwreck, RvB fandom.

Let's move on with exactly fucked once(1), Flucker:

I'm unsure wether this would be marked as canon or not. Because Florida definitely would fuck Tucker, but Tucker is too caught up in his "must pretend to be straight" pantomime. Still they both fucked Church at least once. Either way, Flowers/Tucker is either one sided (from Florida's side) or Tucker secretly wants to bang but he isn't ready to admit it.

The potential is there, though. Florida has a daddy kink? Well, Tucker got pregnant. It would make sense if Florida was into that too. Parenting Junior is something Florida would mess up terribly, although I'm pretty sure he'd love his alien kid as much as he seems to love everyone in blue base.

Setting that aside, I'm pretty sure that if Tucker ever got curious enough to try, that would be his first and last time doing whatever Florida's into. Kid's too proud to have someone call him baby boy more than once.

It's great material for a long fic which is half about Tucker coming to term with the fact he's bi and half about how much fucking Captain Flowers was weird af. Or, a pretty steamy single chapter smut fic talking about that one time. Either way I'm going through their tag because there's so little material it only takes 10 minutes.

Talking about daddy kink, it's time for the daddiest ship of them all:

This is the kind of ship that at first you see and think "wtf this doesn't make any sense", but the more you look into it the more you realize these two dads have something in common.

First of all, the comedy here. The irony of Sarge falling for the blue Captain is pure gold. In a barbecue situation, they'd talk non-stop about their adopted kids. They both are definitely into fishing/hunting/diy shit, and exchange progressively more huninged survival tips to each other. Honestly, they just get along.

Another version of them that tickles my brain is "dating before PFL/Blood Gulch" so that. Makes them exes? Either way these guys are old and must have their fair share of dating experience by the time we see them, and once again it would be ironic putting them against each other. Or, since Florida was the one picking the people on red team, you can also picture this as "he just wanted really really bad to have his lover back".

Also, they both have a boner for murder.

In conclusion, there's lots of room for comedy and angst, according to the way you decided to frame it. This could be the dumbest enemies to lovers (to enemies again?) ever, with a twist of feelings in between.

More red team shipping! We have Flonut:

This is THE comic relief ship. Honestly. Flowers and Donut would simply get along, talk about interior design, yoga, and make double entendre 24/7. It's impossible to tell wether they're talking about some Bulgarian sex position or just pudding. The ultimate twink/daddy relationship in RvB.

I like to think they are dating and pretend this doesn't get in the way of their job because they only do it on the weekends, or something. The odd thing is that it works, I can totally see Florida complimenting Donut's aim after getting shot in the stomach, which makes everyone else uncomfortable. The rest of the blues and reds currently discuss wether or not they're really dating despite the both of them stating it openly more than once.

I also like to think that when Doc shows up, he'd join their dates and the three of them definitely have the best of times.

Flowers' death robbed us of many nice things but this is probably one of the best ones.

Bonus crackship:

When confronted with the question "would you fuck your clone?" Florida definitely answers that he's done it already. I'm scared and I will not elaborate further.

#agent florida #rvb #red vs blue #asks #red vs blue ships #captain butch flowers #lavernius tucker #agent wyoming #rvb sarge #rvb donut #franklin delano donut #longpost

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ratsoh-writes · 2 years

Note

ya i know but his dad bod will happen eventually

it will be the daddiest bod

Fun fact: a lot of monsters gain weight when they or their mate become pregnant. It’s a thing a soul does to soften them up for the kid. So he’d probably get a dad bod if you ever got preggers.

And Jupiter would loose his Greek god muscles and look more like rancher if he ever had kids lol. He could gain them back eventually. But each kid puts the chub back on.

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tomlhardy · 5 years

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#when i show a meme to my dad on my phone

#keanu reeves #hes such a dad #the daddiest dad to ever dad #hes like squinting and shit #go buy glasses grandpa #john wick #john wick 3 #bbc radio 1 #radio 1 #bbc #gifset

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rob-pattinson · 4 years

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JON HAMM Tom Ford A/W 2020, Los Angeles › February 7, 2020

#jhammedit #jonhammedit #usernastya #usermike #useralex #jon hamm #event #edit #*#for nastya <3 #daddiest daddy to ever dad

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actualhumansunshine · 6 years

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niall and jade, allentown | 02.09

#niall #solo niall #flicker tour 2018 #fwt18: allentown #09.02.18 #mine #m:gifs #DAD NIALL VIBES #THE DADDIEST DAD VIBES TO EVER DAD #:'/ :'/ :'/#the 'i made these gifs at 2am but no one's gonna see them at that time' queue

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itsxroxannex · 2 years

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Dadmare de daddiest dad ever : ) Noot belongs to Jokublog Killer belongs to Rahafwabas Dust belongs to Ask-DustTale Horror belongs to Sour-Apple-Studios

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haexhanize · 2 years

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☾ 𝐡𝐪 𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐬 𝐚𝐬 𝐝𝐚𝐝𝐬; feat. kuroo, iwaizumi, sakusa, osamu & suna ☽

☾ KUROO TETSURO; ☽

• i know for a fact this mf is cracking dad jokes thinking it’s the funniest thing ever, but his kids literally look at him like 😐 when he does it.

• whenever his children’s friends come over to play, he tries to pull the ‘cool dad’ act and the friends are literally in awe of him every. single. time.

• will tutor his kid whenever they need help with school work and is quite patient with them if they get it wrong.

• brings his kids to the office sometimes and all tetsuro’s colleagues awe over them (especially if they’re babies).

☾ IWAIZUMI HAJIME; ☽

• daddiest of them all

• i feel like hajime would be super supportive of his kid(s). like whatever they’re into; sport/art/hobbies, he will be there to make sure his kids will enjoy it no matter what. and he’s not one to force them into anything either.

• he can get quite protective when it comes to his kid’s safety. also a bit aggressive.

• there was a time he went to parents teachers evening and one of his daughter’s teachers had to explain to him how his daughter had gotten into a fight with a fellow classmate and iwaizumi’s first reaction was, ‘well did she win 🤨’.

☾ SAKUSA KIYOOMI; ☽

• is actually good at handling babies even though he thought he wouldn’t be good at fatherhood

• i feel like if he had a daughter, he would be head over heels for her. would do absolutely anything for her.

• his daughter would also inherit his curls, so he likes brushing and styling it for her. is also good at styling her in clothes and plus his daughter is a fan of modelling so it’s a win for her.

• he didn’t have time to drop off his daughter at school in the beginning, but ever since he overheard her talking about a ‘cute boy at school’ to mum, he began dropping and picking her up from school every day, casually scouting the area for said cute boy.

☾ MIYA OSAMU; ☽

• likes to teach his kids how to cook. every saturday or sunday, him and the kids have a tradition where samu would pick what to cook/ bake, and him and the kids would then cook whatever that item is and serve it for dinner. it’s a way for bonding but also teaching them culinary skills.

• the casual parent but he knows the line between casual parenting and lazy parenting

• osamu is family oriented so he likes to plan family trips to different places. he likes travelling to other countries for big holidays like christmas, summer, etc etc. and he keeps a photo album of everyone travelling all around the world.

• spoils his kids with whatever they’re into. dolls and toys? a whole toy box full of ‘em. drawing and painting? enough art supplies to last them a life time. his kid likes to read? there’s a library expansion to the house.

☾ SUNA RINTARO; ☽

• likes to spend quality time with his kids

• i feel like if him and his spouse get into an argument, he picks up his baby, goes to the car, and just drives around until he calms down with his child choosing from his music playlists. it’s a whole vibe tbh

• was actually scared to become a father cause he thought he wasn’t going to do a good job, so he bought lots of parental books and went to parental lessons so he could be a good father.

• has the responsibility of bathing the kids and when he’s done, he has a habit of rocking them to ease them into a sleep. it’s literally the cutest thing ever.

#haikyuu headcanons #iwaizumi hajime #kuroo testuro #miya osamu #suna rintarou #haikyuu sakusa #haikyuu!!#haikyuu dads #haikyuu fluff

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justalarryblog · 2 years

Text

🍁 Home Alone by @foreverfanficaddict (803) | General Audiences

Louis is bored out of his mind as he is home alone... or so he thought.

🍁 know you better. by @wabadabadaba (20k) | Teen And Up Audiences

It didn't help that oftentimes Niall and Zayn's other friend, Louis joined them and from all the stories Marcel has heard about Louis, he was positive they wouldn't get along. From their description, Louis was loud, annoying, and competitive. He liked to tease Niall and Zayn mercilessly and he was creative. Being a tattoo artist, Louis knew things about art that Marcel would simply never understand due to his analytical mindset. He was the complete opposite of Marcel and Marcel didn't think he would ever last in a social setting where he had to be with Louis.

or the one where Marcel and Louis fall in love.

🍁 The Daddiest Place on Earth by @chloehl10 / lovelarry10 (23k) | Explicit

dilfs_atdisneyworld: Ooh he's popular. Is it me or has it got hot in here? #dilf #hothothot #gimme

louist91: What the hell? Why the fuck am I on a DILFs page again?"

dilfs_atdisneyworld: louist91, Hello! You're on here because you're a DILF. A dad I'd like to f...😜

Louist91: dilfs_atdisneyworld Oh my god. Fuck off mate.

***

Louis. Harry. Instagram. A whole lot of confusion and a whole lot of laughs...

🍁 might we be stardust stories by @ryanreynolds (25k) | General Audiences

"It was easier being at war."

In which werewolves and vampires have been fighting each other for a century, and Harry and Louis' marriage is what's gonna bring peace to the realm. Hopefully.

🍁 Under your skin, Over the moon by @softfonds (35k) | Explicit

If there was one thing Harry didn’t expect the day before his uni graduation, it was for his long lost grandmother to show up and tell him he’s actually a prince that's next in line to rule Genovia. He also didn’t expect to fall for his royal advisor, who happens to hate his guts. A Princess Diaries AU.

🍁 The Happiest Season by @sadaveniren (37k) | Explicit

“You’re going to spend Christmas - and your birthday - with his homophobic WASP parents? That’s gonna be hell.”

Louis closed his eyes in frustration. “It was either that or be apart and I don’t think that’s gonna be good for either of us this year, you know?”

A fic loosely based on Happiest Season but make it ... different

🍁 For You I'd Bleed Myself Dry by @daggerandrose / amomentoflove (49k) | Explicit

Harry is cold. His bones ache. Every movement draws a whimper from his cracked lips. The stone underneath him is practically like ice. He’s numb, but can clearly feel the sharp pains on his neck every time he visits him. Below the icy cold, the achy bones, and the pain on his neck, Harry Styles is pissed. There’s a fire burning in his mind and the anger for the man who keeps him imprisoned is the fuel. He despises him, the man who feeds from him and is a daily reminder that Harry’s suffering won’t end. The man who keeps Harry so weak that he can barely move most days. Harry’s waiting for the day when his owner will go too far and finally kill him. Death must be better than this cold hell he is in.

It won’t happen, though. He has a way of keeping Harry’s heart beating. So for now, all Harry can do is wait for death to come.

He’s been waiting for years.

Part 1 of For You I'd Bleed Myself Dry

🍁 After Dark, After Light by @becomeawendybird / QuickedWeen (71k) | Explicit

Harry Styles is the laird of Clan Edwards who is just trying to keep his clan afloat when they get word that the Mackenzies have been cutting a swath through the Midlands and beyond, and their sights are set on the northern Highlands next. In an attempt to garner extra protection for his clan, Harry sets out to mend his father's past wrongs and ally with their neighbors to the west, Clan Sutherland.

Louis Tomlinson is the mysterious commander of the Sutherland army sent back with Harry on orders from his laird to help shore up Clan Edwards' defenses. As the winter draws nearer by the day, the two are thrown together to prepare for the invasion that they expect as soon as the ground thaws.

🍁 For Reasons Wretched and Divine by @indiaalphawhiskey (94k) | Explicit

Ten years ago, Harry Styles was just a nerdy kid with one friend and a debilitating crush on the captain of his school’s football team. He thought the stars were smiling down on him the day he and Louis Tomlinson were paired for their end-of-term Literature project. But because Harry’s life is decidedly not a fairytale, the budding friendship quickly leads to the least happy ending of all time.

Now, Harry Styles is a household name. Barely twenty-seven with two Grammy nominations to his name, the singer-songwriter is poised to take the music industry by storm with his highly anticipated third album. So, what happens when the best producer in the business is also the only person Harry’s vowed never to speak to again?

An AU in two parts. Two boys, two stories, and hopefully, two chances at love.

🗓️ January Fic Rec 🗓️ February Fic Rec 🗓️ March Fic Rec 🗓️ April Fic Rec 🗓️ May Fic Rec 🗓️ June Fic Rec 🗓️ July Fic Rec 🗓️ August Fic Rec 🗓️ September Fic Rec

Here is my tag for my Monthly Fic Rec and here is my fic tags! 💖

#fic rec #october fic rec #28th appreciation #hlcreators #tracksintheam #trackinghome #hljournal #trackinghappily #monthly fic rec

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shimano-futoshi · 2 years

Note

So you gave us your best yakuza daddies list.. What about 10 of the least-daddiest?

You asked for it... And now You Will Get It! Welcome to shimano-futoshi's TOP TEN LEAST DADDIEST DADDIES OF THE YAKUZA!!!

And Now... NUMBER 10....!!!

10: KANDA TSUYOSHI:

Me: Can we get Shimano? Mom: We have Shimano at home. Shimano at home:. What a disgraceful excuse for a daddy. Like, it's obvious he's trying to be Japan's Next Top Shimano but it's FAILING. You are FAILING, Kanda. Do us a favour and just go. Leave. You will NEVER BE A DADDY!!!

9: SHIBUSAWA KEIJI:

Wow. Just wow. You didn't even try, did you Shibusawa? That underwhelming suit, that hairstyle you'd catch on a twelve year old trying to look like his favourite Tick Tock influencers. And what have you brought to the Yakuza, Shibusawa? Oh? The final boss of Y0? The shadowy manipulator behind the curtain? Oh, yes, I remember that, but only because you SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN!! Talk about disappointing villains. Should've stayed the tertiary, mate. Never will you be DADDY!

8: NIHARA TAKASHI:

Look, Nihara, I like you. I really do. More... Granddaddy material though. I get what you're trying to do, but I don't think it's working. Like, "acting chairman"? Really? Big whoop. I'm sorry grandpa, but I hope you've got your bus pass, because only DADDIES will be getting a ride home with me!

7: SHINDO KOJI:

Do you like daddy's katana, kitten? This guy looks like he frequents right wing message boards and that IMMEDIATELY DISQUALIFIES HIM FOR DADDYSHIP. I don't care how many slurs you call me or how your dad will get me banned from Discord, you will not be a daddy for as long as I live and breathe, Shindo!. And no, I also don't care that your "kittens" seem to think so. They're stupid and probably get their DDLG knowledge from Tumblr.

6: TACHIBANA TETSU:

Hm. Ok, ok, like, I get you. Sugar Daddy and all that, but you're just too TWINKY, Tachibana! It looks like your face hasn't changed since you were 5! Don't get me wrong, you're adorable, but DADDIES AREN'T ADORABLE! Goodbye, but take this link for my Amazon wishlist with you if you'd rather be above a few more on this list ;)

5: NISHIKIYAMA AKIRA (PRE-EVILIFICATION):

Suffers from Tachibana-itis... Too twinky! Too adorable! Don't worry, Baby Nishiki, you will grow up to be quite the daddy one day, but for now, we will have to wait... However, I am getting quite impatient. Wait, are you? Are you crying??? That is NOT DADDY BEHAVIOUR! GET OUT, you're making the chair soggy!

4: MEDIA KING:

There is nothing "king" about you, Media King... Daddies must be clean, well dressed, and humble. But you look greasy, are dressed in these gaudy, awful clothes, and are a self proclaimed "king"? I'm afraid your words mean nothing because DADDIES ARE CHOSEN, and you certainly haven't been, today! Also, why did your boss fight have to take so long to get to? The mere fact that I had to see your Bars Go Up for HOURS made me sick of you before we even met.

3: PATRIARCH GONDAWARA:

How much more opposite to a daddy could you get, Gondawara!? Diapers are for BABIES, dummies are for BABIES! You don't see any DADDIES DOING POOPY in their pants, do you?! No, I didn't think so! You may be number one baby, but you are number three worst DADDY! Now get out of here, I'm sure it's nap time.

2: NISHIDA:

Babyface strikes yet again, but dear Nishida here hasn't even TRIED to do anything to up his daddiness... You see, DADDIES TAKE CONTROL, Nishida, but you're content with being number two. That's just not going to cut the mustard, but I'm sure you'd need someone to do that for you anyway! Now go on, shoo, I think I hear Majima calling for his tea!

And, finally, the LEAST DADDIEST DADDY OF ALL YAKUZA EVER IS...

1: TERADA YUKIO:

What have we learned in this list? That daddies must be HANDSOME, able to take CONTROL, have an IMPECCABLE WARDROBE, and be SURE OF THEIR DECISIONS. Terada. You fall into ZERO of these categories. You look like a sentient thumb, the Tojo was in shambles while you were chairman, your outfit is atrociously boring, and you couldn't decide if you wanted to be dead or not! Look at you. What a disgrace! Truly the WORST DADDY to have ever lived, died, lived again, and died again! My only regret is you not dying for a third time! Oh, and you also KILLED THE NUMBER ONE DADDY SHIMANO! Even if you worked your hardest. Bought all the plastic surgery you could, wrangled the Tojo into submission, replaced all your clothes with Gucci and decided to Live On... You could never be a Daddy. Not after what you've done. Your Shin (Shimano Sin) is too great, and for that you will remain Yakuza's Least Daddiest Daddy for the rest of eternity.

#ShimanoAsks #YAKUZA'S LEAST DADDIEST DADDIES #You knew it was him. You knew Terada was going to be number one.#Sizable Content #Honourable mentions include Bob Utsunomiya for Clown Reasons. Habu because of the lack of decorum.#and Okudera because Daddies don't have beef with bears simple as. They would simply Deal with the Bear #rather than moping around in the crappy cold cabin in the middle of nowhere. THAT IS NOT DADDY BEHAVIOUR

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contrispos · 3 years

Text

Episode 14 - War-Mantle

[Star Wars: The Bad Batch]

Tears: Out of stock. Will to live: Never heard of her. Will to absolutely fucking smoke Dave Filoni: Very much fucking extremely present.

(Also: Sorry there was no post last week, I was dying over Tech’s light bomb)

——

What’s goin on

clone

who

hold up

that’s a monster doggo

he has weird armor

IS IT WOLFFE

OR GREGOR

ITS GREGOR INNIT

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH OMEGA TWIRLING HER LITTLE PEN THINGY LIKE HUNTER

HUNTERS FACE

REX??????

BY BOY

AN OLD FRIEND HUH

HOW THE FUCK DID REX AND GREGOR MEET THO

IS IT WOLFFE??????

what was rex doing huh?

TELL ME

CC- 5576

THATS GREGOR INNIT

YE ITIS

yea exactly listen to echo dudebros

okay now listen to MY CHILD OKAY

ya need food brothas

no okay now it’s omega

what the fuck is happening

okay THAT IS HANDS DOWN THE FUNNIEST WRECKER SCENE IN THIS SHOW

Echo’s got a point… OooOah yeah, Tech’s got a point… Well the kid’s got a point… BEST THING EVER

ALSO

THE SMILE AFTER HE SAYS ECHO HAS A POINT

HSBAOSIDVS AKDJDHEHSJD

SOOOOOO CUTTTTEEEEEEEEE

hunter looks as confused as i was

YEAH HUNTER

CHECK IT OUT

kamino?

wha?

CRISSCROSS😘😘

RAMPASS🤬🤬

hollup

are they evacuating kamino

are the clones gonna be completely removed now?

well of course they are dumbass the EPISODE IS CALLED WAR MANTLE ITS LITERALLY THE DECOMMISSIONING OF THE CLONES

cadets🥺

sad life

they are never gonna become soldiers 😭

bish

whaddareya plannin

ya gonna leave or sum

ah yeah they are

why is it so satisfying when ships exit hyperspace

WHY IS ECHO GREEN

WHAT THE FAASAAAAAAACKKCKCKCCK

i am angy

come on tech

tHAt dIrEcTIoN

please

if anyone’s gonna know north and south and shit it’s tech

TECH MY BOY I STILL LOVE YOU REMEMBER THAT

hold up hunter gonna sniff something

sniff sniff

how the hell can he make out whether he was dragged or not

and how did he know the clone was hunted

how the f do hunters senses work??

TECHS VOICE IS SO ADORABLE I CANT FUCKING EXPLAIN IT

omg hunter is the daddiest dad to ever dad

WRECKER HOLDING A HAND BEHIND OMEGA

CAN YOU NOT

HOW DOES HE KNOW A SHUTTLE LANDED ON THE FUCKING GROUND

OH MY GOD

DID TECH JUST SLIP ON THE ROCK

he did didn’t he

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

how fucking fast are they climping

they are skilled af

damn brothas

OMG YOU CAN SEE HOW HARD THEYRE BREATHING

BITCH

TECHS EYES ARE SO PRETTY I CANT

those are stormies

i know it

stormy stormtroopers

oh no

i have a feeling this is bad

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

ECHO MY SON

SKAKO MINOR

BITCH

AH MY BABY

I CANT

IM CRYING SO HARD RIGHT NOW

THEY HAVE TO RESCUE CROSSHAIR NOW

HE IS BEING HELD AGAINST HIS WILL TOO

omg what is that game

ARE THEY PLAYING ON GONKY

AAHAAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

they are gonna die

i know it

those commanders look hella scary

hold up

is that delta squad

it’s the armor

TK TROOPERS

I KNEW IT

that clones voice is weird

GREGOR IT IS THEN

he also has two eyes so wolffe

HIS LAUGH

YES

CT-99’S

THEY HAVE A FULL ASS REPUTATION JUST WITH THE FIRST TWO DIGITS OF THEIR NUMBER

gregors arms are… uh… very defined

oh no tech failed

ITS OKAY BABY I STILL LOVE YOU

WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES

some are graver than other but uh….. nevermind

how the hell does a droid popper work on humans

pew pew pew

OH MY GOD SHES HUGGING LULA

BABY OMEGA IS STRESSED

SHE NEEDS HER EMOTIONAL SUPPORT PLUSHIE

wrecker

they definitely do not have everything under control

they are basically dying over there

HOW DARE YOU HIT MY CHILD

HE HIT TECH

HE KICKED TECH

YOU BITCH ASS FUCKING INCAPABLE FUCK HORSE ASSBUTT I WILL MURDER YOU

eyyy

echo blew up too

bond bitches

bond

HOW DOES TECH THROW A BOMB THAT CASUALLY

OMG OMEGA IS FLYING THE SHIP

TECH HAS TAUGHT HER HOW TO FLY THE SHIP

HOLY FUCKING SHIT I WANNA SCREAM

I STILL CANT BELIEVE TECH TAUGHT OMEGA HOW TO FLY THE SHIP

WHERE DID THEY DO THE TEST FLYING

WHEN DID THEY DO THE TEST FLYING

I WANNA SEE THAT

TECH

SWEETIE

I CANT

GONKY TO THE RESCUE

OMEGAS THEME

I CANT

gregor looks positively terrified

this stresses me out

HUNTER

STOP

WHY

I DONT LIKE THIS

HUNTER

STOP FALLING

STOP IT

STOP RIGHT NOW

WHERE IS A JEDI WHEN YOU NEED ONE

OH THATS RIGHT

THEYRE DEAD

GONKY

HUNTER YOU LITTLE SHIT

DO NOT

I ORDER YOU TO STOP

RIGHT NOW

OMEGA

STOP

I CANT HANDLE THIS

STOP

I CANT BREATHE

HER VOICE

THE PANIC

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

GO BACK THIS INSTANT

I DONT LIKE THIS

stop

HUNTER

WAS THIS WHAT THAT FUCKING TWEET WAS ABOUT

“sometimes even the bad batch has to follow orders”

FUCK OFF

lama su is gonna die i just know it

oh no

stop

i know what gonna happen now

crosshair

that’s what’s happening

nuh uh

i dont like it

it hurts

IT HURTS DO YOU HEAR ME

CROSSHAIR AND HUNTER MEETING LIKE THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANTED OKAY

I AM CRYING SO FUCKING HARD I CANT EVEN

DAVE FUCKING FILONI YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS

——

I know exactly what’s gonna happen now:

Hunter is gonna die

Crosshair is gonna die

Everyone’s gonna die

Filoni actually is kind for once and lets the batch have a nice reunion and be a family again.

its one of the above

and i am pretty sure it’s not the fourth…

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lumiereswig · 3 years

Note

hi hello HI so first and foremost your blog makes my heart go gnKRMSK and im in love. secondly eruhhh im not too certain if you’ve already received a headcanon-ask about this but what are your thoughts on the servants when it comes to dance? do you think some of them are more keen on it than others or are they all willing to twirl around in the ballroom for 5 hours?

this was such a good ask i hauled out my dead computer and physically kicked it until it woke up enough for me to type out this little response

so! heres the sitch on the staff’s Dancing Emotions™:

lumiere and plumette have been known to dance for 14 hours straight without stopping, not even for booze. lumiere and plumette really fell in love through dancing, dancing and storytelling, and when they’re in each others’ arms dancing and storytelling are one and the same thing anyway, right? my arms telling you the story of how we met and your hands telling me the story of how we fell in love and my face against yours telling you the story of how we’ll always be here, in this room, dancing arm in arm in arm in arm in arm.........

cogsworth: are you two quite finished yet

cogsworth tells you he can’t dance, and doesn’t know how, and doesn’t care to learn at his age anyway I mean it’s not like he’d be any good at it anyway and why are you grabbing his hand WHY ARE YOU GRABBING HIS HAND, but as we know from ‘be our guest’ once you get that bitch dancing he never fuckin stops. all of his moves range from ‘gibbon on cocaine’ to ‘flaunting sprinkler system,’ and i’m sure none of them are technically legal in any known ballroom dancing system, but they make him a great success at parties and stanley thinks he’s the raddest thing he’s ever seen.

madame de garderobe doesn’t really get a chance to dance because people are always asking her to be a walking Spotify (“can you sing ‘Shake It Off’?” “bitch do I look like a karaoke machine”), but when she goes she goes! fuckin! hard! like I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a wardrobe twerk but maybe you should be glad you haven’t

we’re all very glad cadenza never dances because belle spotted him once doing a little shimmy when britney spears came on and it was the daddiest dad moves to ever dad

mrs potts is his perfect counterpart in this respect because every time she even tries to dance chip yells “mOM THAT’S EMBARASSING!!!” and then she starts laughing so hard it makes all her moves even. worse

like. i don’t know who told her it was respectable to do the saturday night fever disco dance at a ball but this is why you never see her dance in the movie because she has been banished

cuisinier doesn’t do any partner dancing but he does this slow, languid, elegant swishing movement that nobody expected of him, just this dancing that’s just incredibly feeling himself, and he sings along as he dances beside the stove, twirling his spoon through the air in long spiraling designs, the dance of a man totally satisfied with himself and his fettuccine alfredo

chapeau is a marvelous dancer! truly marvelous! that’s what comes of being raised in a house with a mom and three sisters. chapeau’s mom loves ballet and instilled that love in him, and he once saved a traveling ballet troupe that came through the village when their lead gentleman twisted his ankle. (whether lumiere planted the banana on purpose to jumpstart chapeau’s dramatic career is a matter of heated debate.)

frou-frou does a great bob fosse impression but only if you ask very very politely

#also just to be clear: YES lumiere can tapdance NO he cannot be paid to stop #batb headcanon #beauty and the beast #batb 2017 #batb 1991 #(it's kinda whatever on which one it is)#beauty and the beast 2017 #lumiere #plumette #garderobe #cadenza #belle #mrs. potts #chip #chapeau #cuisinier

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inber · 4 years

Text

First Date - Geraskier AU Drabble

A/N: I wrote the dumb shirt prompt. I did it. Enjoy the silly fluff! Geralt is the Daddiest Dad. Also, thank you for your prompts! I am saving one or two/possibly writing one up as drabble. (Warnings: Minor injury, some blood, hospital)

Geralt stared at the business card in his hands, upon which a phone number had been scrawled elegantly. He'd been turning the matte paper over and over in his hands for awhile. Long enough that his tea had turned tepid when he went to sip it.

He'd been getting himself a mid-afternoon treat – this particular cafe had a lovely earl grey blend – when he'd accidentally picked up an identical order at the counter. Realising his mistake, he hesitantly called out for the 'Jaskier' that the tea was intended for. The man that had glanced up, grinned, and sauntered over was nothing short of exquisite. Immaculately groomed, dressed in a suit that was somehow both weekend-casual and smart at the same time, he had fashionably tousled chestnut hair and the most strikingly blue eyes Geralt had ever seen.

Geralt was acutely aware that his old jeans had a hole in the knee, and that there was a house-paint stain on his olive-green tee'.

“Sorry,” He mumbled, “Picked up your order. Same as mine.”

“But you said my name correctly!” The gorgeous creature enthused, “And you have delightful taste, if you're drinking the earl blend here.”

Somehow they'd lapsed into conversation about tea, Geralt fumbling all the way through it, and by the time his beverage was ready, he had Jaskier's number and a lunch date next Saturday. It seemed terribly surreal. He palmed his chin, realising he hadn't even bothered to shave, and wondered if it was the silvery stubble that had attracted Jaskier, or the lopsided bun Geralt had lazily piled his hair into. Holy shit, talk about out of his league.

He glanced at his watch. The old Rolex was his grandfather's, and possibly the only expensive thing Geralt owned – and even then, it wasn't as though he'd bought it. All of his money went into his personal training business, or was spent on his daughter, Cirilla. It was almost time to swing by his ex-wife's house and pick her up for the week.

Ciri was almost eleven years old, but she was smart. Maybe she'd have some ideas about how Geralt could clean up for his date. He thought about asking Yennefer, but then he also imagined her rifling through his entire wardrobe with disdain, marching him out to store after store to 'give him a new look'. He cringed. Yennefer was once the love of his life, and now she fell into place as a best friend, but she was intolerably bossy when she was on a mission. Although Ciri took after her in many regards, he imagined the younger girl would be less likely to force him into... Calvin Klein? Geralt frowned, trying to recall the name of one designer. Any designer.

Christ, he was fucked.

----------------

“Dad,” Ciri huffed, taking Geralt's hand and tugging, “Not the sale rack. They’re on sale for a reason.”

“But these are fifty percent off!” Geralt said, holding up a pair of cargo pants, “And the legs zip off, so they can be summer shorts, too.”

The face Ciri made was the same one that she pulled whenever Geralt tried to force her to eat broccoli. “Cargo pants? Dad, gross. No.”

“They have so many pockets.” Geralt murmured, “You could store so many--”

“Put them back.” Ciri demanded, pointing, “No father of mine wears cargo pants.”

Geralt frowned, but he did as he was told. He had asked for his daughter's opinion, after all. They'd gone through his closet together, and whilst Ciri had come up with a few decent items to wear, Geralt had still felt unsatisfied and nervous. It had been fairly easy to coax him to the mall. So far, they'd picked up a pair of black Converse sneakers, which Ciri had assured him would match with a lot of casual outfits. They were comfortable.

“Ooh!” His daughter bounced over to a pile of jeans, and Geralt followed. They'd only been at it for half an hour, but he was already tired. “These are your size, try these.”

Ciri handed him a pair of dark-wash Levi jeans, and he eyed them with skepticism. “Honey, jeans don't usually fit my thighs.”

“Duh, these have stretch in them.”

Geralt looked at the price-tag, and flinched. “Christ, they're just jeans. We can get some from Walmart.”

“You mean the ones where the waist is too big, so you gotta wear a big chunky belt, and then they sag?” Ciri said, “No, Dad. Just try these on, okay?”

He sighed, and threw them over his arm. Ciri grinned in triumph, and added a second pair – just in case the first were too snug. Then she began pawing through shirts.

“Those are muscle shirts, honey. They'd be really tight.”

“Da-ad,” His daughter dragged out the word, “Why do you do all that gym work and then hide your body under gross old man shirts? Boys look nice in fitted shirts.”

“Gross old man--” Geralt scowled, and then added, “You shouldn't be thinking about what boys look nice in. Boys have no manners.”

“I know,” Ciri said, “I live with you most of the week.”

Geralt grunted, about to withdraw his point, but he doubled-down instead. “Exactly. Gross, old man, no manners.”

The little girl giggled, and he let himself enjoy the sound of it, softening the edges of the shopping torture. She picked out a couple of shirts, and added them to the pile in his arms. He examined them.

“'I'm Your Daddy'?” He read the cursive script on the first shirt, and quirked an eyebrow.

“Yeah, you are.” Ciri beamed, “You're the best Daddy. Even if you are a gross old man.”

Geralt melted, and pulled his daughter in for a hug. “You're the best daughter. Thank you for helping me.”

Ciri squeezed around his waist. “I'll always help you, Dad. Now, c'mon. Let's see how these fit.”

----------------

They left the store with the Levis, the muscle tee-shirt, and a new leather jacket. Overall they'd spent more than Geralt had wanted to spend, but he had to admit that Ciri made good points. The jeans fit him very well, and he only really needed a belt as an accent. The shirt was tight, but it did put his biceps on display, and he did work really hard to maintain his physique. The jacket made him look more put-together, and although he'd grumbled over the tag, Ciri had pointed out that he never spent money on himself, and it was a good jacket. It'd last.

He balanced out his guilt spending money on himself by buying Ciri a new backpack for school – she was rather taken by one that looked as though it was made out of dragon scales – as well as a new game for her little Nintendo thing that Geralt didn't quite understand.

“Where are the animals crossing to?” He'd asked in the game store, and his daughter had elbowed him. “Ouch. ...Is it like, a bible thing?”

The only thing that really mattered was that Ciri was happy. As they pulled into the driveway, he picked up their bags and the groceries they'd stopped for, giving his keys to his daughter so she could unlock the front door. He placed the outfit packages on the end of his unmade bed, and toted the food into the kitchen.

“Spaghetti tonight?” He called out.

“If you try and hide squash in the sauce again, I'll know!” Ciri yelled back, from her room.

Geralt smirked as he unpacked the groceries. Fine, then. He'd hide cauliflower.

----------------

Saturday came too quickly. He showered after a morning session with a client, let Ciri brush and dry his hair nice and straight – she said it looked better down – and then dropped her off at Yen's house. Usually he'd stay and chat, but he wanted to allow time to have a small mental breakdown before meeting Jaskier. He kissed Yennefer on the cheek and promised he'd pick Ciri up on Monday afternoon, as usual.

When he got home, he took the clothes out of their bags, and dressed. Carefully, he cut the tags off, and tried not to wince at the gesture of commitment. He stood in front of the mirror, tilted his head this way and that, fussed with pulling his hair up or down, and eventually decided that Ciri knew better than him. Hair down, jacket loose, don't act like a dork. That had been her advice.

“Hey, Jaskier.” He practised in the mirror, “Oh, hello, Jaskier. Jaskier! How are you?”

How long had it been since he dated? He and Yen had split when Ciri was very young. She was now in a happy relationship with a man named Eskel, who Geralt had grown to respect. Geralt hadn't been able to settle, though. If he thought about it, the last date he'd been on was probably... three, four years ago?

“Fuck.” He told the mirror. Checking his watch, he realised that he needed to leave now, or he'd be late. Taking a deep breath, he squared his large shoulders, grabbed his keys, and tried to imagine that he was a confident man. Project it, and it will be so.

He drove to the cafe with white-knuckles on the wheel.

----------------

Jaskier was waiting, and Geralt felt bad, though he was technically on time. He recognised the other man even though he had his back to him. He was dressed in jeans, too, which made Geralt feel better. His coat was fitted and made of some kind of red velvet, and his ass--

Focus, Geralt told himself. He thought about that projection, and strolled over, tapping Jaskier's shoulder.

“Hey.” He said, and then remembered, “Jaskier. Hello.”

The slightly shorter man turned. “Geralt! Oh, it's lovely to see you again.” He wrapped his arms around Geralt in a friendly hug, and Geralt got a whiff of his aftershave, spicy and heady.

“You too.” Geralt managed, and then his brain sort of blue-screened. “Um.”

“Let's sit.” Jaskier took a few steps away, and then turned again.

It was then that he truly noticed Geralt's outfit. He took in the well-fitted jeans, the leather jacket, and then he read the text scrawled across the bigger man's pectorals. “Oh.” He squeaked, colour rushing to his cheeks, “Oh my.”

“Jaskier?” Geralt reached out a hand, “You look... you don't look well.”

“I'm fine!” Jaskier blurted. Then he took a step towards the seats, and promptly swooned like a starlet from the 1920's, falling to the floor in a faint. Geralt lurched forward to catch him, but he was half-a-second too late; Jaskier's head connected with the corner of a table, and blood began to pool on the ground immediately.

“Fuck,” Geralt hissed, and pointed at a gawking bystander, “You! Call an ambulance, now.” Then he bent down to administer first aid. “Jaskier? Jaskier, can you hear me?”

----------------

Some time later in the emergency room, Geralt's name was called. The waiting lounge was cold, and he'd zipped his jacket halfway up. Eagerly, he stood, and followed the nurse to a small room. Jaskier was sitting up, a bandage wrapped around his head, now clean of the worst of the blood.

“How are you feeling?” Geralt ventured, looking concerned.

“Like the biggest idiot in the world.” Jaskier admitted, “I skipped breakfast, and then, um, that shirt. I wasn't prepared.”

“What shirt?” Geralt asked, and then went to unzip his jacket.

“No, no no, I am not ready to see it again. Lord, Geralt. If you wanted to murder me, there are kinder ways to do it!” But Jaskier was smiling.

Geralt looked lost. “I... murder you? My daughter, she... well. Look, when we met, I saw how you were dressed, and I saw on your business card that you import European clothing, and I kind of panicked. Most of my clothes are athletic stuff. So I asked my daughter to go shopping with me.”

A light hit Jaskier's eyes. “How old is she?”

“Ten years and eleven months, in her words.” Geralt said.

Jaskier began to laugh. He clasped Geralt's forearm, giggling until the bigger man started to worry that the head trauma was worse than expected. His concern must have shown on his face, because Jaskier tried to compose himself.

“Oh, forgive me. This is both the best and worst first date I've ever been on. Am I correct in guessing that you might not have dated in awhile?” Jaskier wiped his eyes.

Geralt felt his cheeks colour. “That obvious?”

“A little bit. I have a few, um, things, to teach you. But first, you need to know that I asked you out because I liked what you had to say, and because you're absolutely gorgeous. You could wear a toga made out of a bed-sheet for all I care, Geralt. I don't judge people for what they wear. It's my passion, but it's not everyone's passion.”

“Oh.” Geralt bit his lower lip. “Well, fuck.”

“I'm sorry for ruining our first date by nearly knocking myself unconscious and bleeding everywhere.” Jaskier said.

“I'm sorry for presuming you were shallow.” Geralt smiled, just a little. “But, um. My shirt?”

When Jaskier lowered his voice and explained everything, Geralt flushed a deep scarlet, and zipped his leather jacket all the way to his throat. It was a good thing they were in an emergency room, because he felt fairly sure he might have a cardiac event. Yennefer was never going to let him live this down.

----------------

By the time they reached their six month dating anniversary, Jaskier had a neat little scar on his hairline, and Geralt had a gradually improved wardrobe – and a new understanding of modern slang.

Yennefer did not let either of them live it down.

#the witcher #the witcher au #alternate universe #geraskier #geralt x jaskier #fluff #humour #dad geralt #fic #fortune writes #witchernonsense

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