Angstober Day 26
The Day I Lost You
Spoiler: This is an excerpt from Favorless
It’s hardly comfortable to be letting someone who’s his enemy touch him this personally, especially when he can’t even sense him or his intentions. Feeling so much had hurt, but feeling nothing hurts even more, and it’s far more terrifying.
He’s not expecting the Jedi to be quite so gentle about treating it, either. No one’s really taken care of him since his mom. And that was so many years ago, he’d long forgotten what it was like. It was something he knew he’d never have again, because she’s gone.
Grief still threatens to overwhelm him when he thinks about her too long, remembering her smile and her gentleness, and – He’d lost her not long before becoming a Sith, and he was still struggling with that, with how was he supposed to just move on and keep living when he’d ended up with Sidious.
“Use your pain to fuel you. It… is a gift if you choose to use its power,” Sidious had always told him. It took him time to understand how that even made sense, but that never made it stop hurting.
And… now is not the time to get lost in thinking about her.
But it’s jarring to see a Jedi acting the way Anakin always imagined they did, back in the days he was still with his mother, and dreamed that one day he might become one. That changed after it was the Sith who rescued him, after he realized how corrupt the Jedi truly were.
They left him on Tatooine, like all the other slaves, because they never mattered. They didn’t think his mother mattered, either, and she died because of it. That… isn’t something he can forgive.
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Lost and Found
Angstober, Day 26: The day I lost you
Fandoms: Doctor Who, ST: Strange New Worlds, Battlestar Galactica, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, ST: Voyager
Ships: Tenth Doctor & Donna, Batel/Pike, Pike/No. 1, Adama/Roslin, Tara/Willow, Janeway/ Chakotay
AO3 link
four drabbles about losing someone you love and one about finding them
The Best Temp in Chiswick
I didn’t know today would be the day I lost you.
If I had, maybe I would have done something differently. But then, knowing me, probably not.
Maybe I would have let you choose our destination. Just one of thousands that you’ll never remember.
Would you have chosen the future? The past? The present but somewhere else entirely?
I’ll never know. I never asked. Too busy saving the galaxy again.
Actually, no.
You saved it this time.
You were - are - the best of us, Donna Noble. But you’ll never know.
You’ll just settle for being the best temp in Chiswick.
Number Two
I remember the day I lost you. Actually, it was the day I realized I’d never really had you to begin with.
It was the first time I saw you with her.
I saw how easy you were with her, how she made you smile. And later, I saw how hard you fought for her - fought me for her. How far you’d go to keep her in your life.
You won’t even commit to a vacation with me.
But of course you won’t. That would mean leaving her.
The day I lost you, I knew: I’ll always be Number Two.
Frak Pythia
The day I lost you should have been the best day of our lives. Instead, it was the worst day of mine… and the last day of yours.
This isn’t the way it was supposed to go - and don’t start quoting Pythia to me. Frak Pythia! This may have all happened before, but it didn’t have to happen again.
You earned so much more than death. You earned the chance to feel grass beneath your feet, to see the sun and the lake and the mountains from our cabin. To wear my ring while you could still know its meaning.
Darkness
I lost myself, on the day I lost you.
I cradled your lifeless, blood-soaked body in my arms and my whole world turned dark and … I’m not proud of what I did in the darkness.
As it turns out, you were right to be afraid of my power. Of me.
I’ve learned to control it, to keep the darkness at bay. But it isn’t easy.
But then, nothing is easy without you.
You are and always have been my guiding light. You kept me from succumbing to the darkness. In your memory, I will continue reaching for the light.
Vows
“The day I found you, I thought I knew who you were: a dangerous terrorist, a wild rebel, a criminal. Instead, I found someone else entirely: a man who is fiercely loyal, caring, thoughtful, and the other half of my soul. Turns out, I found exactly what I was looking for.”
“The day we were pulled into the Delta Quadrant, I thought I was lost forever. I was willing to sacrifice my ship and my life because they meant nothing. I may have lost my ship, but I found a life and a peace I had never dared hope for.”
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