#the death of scylla's parents really scarred her

[intp-energy]

Why Raelle and Scylla’s relationship works

So I felt like I needed to get this off my chest because of how some people are perceiving and reacting to their relationship right now. This is a long read, so brace yourself. :)

I like their relationship and while some may feel that their story was rushed or that they don’t have chemistry, we’ll have to look at the characters in isolation from each other.

Raelle. We have to remember that Raelle’s mother died just a year ago. She is still grieving and to be able to find someone you connect with and understands what you’re going through is a rare thing for her. To find someone who can make you feel like you want to live and to live everyday is very difficult if you’re grieving so when she found Scylla, she was thrown a lifeline and was given purpose to continue on. That would develop a certain co-dependence, which I think Scylla was really banking on given her initial objective. We also need to understand where Raelle grew up and how she grew up. Her father is human and in their world, that’s something that’s frowned upon. She was most likely considered weird — so again, to find someone as weird [or as sexy weird] as you, is a rare thing and you would want to cherish and protect that relationship. So when it came to the wedding, despite Scylla crashing it (which, yes, may not be proper etiquette - but remember, their world has different rules. Who knew that you’d have to enter into a contract just to keep a man for 5 years? Scylla participated in the wedding and was beside Raelle when the binding took place, so eventually, it kind of wasn’t really a big deal anymore), Raelle was very bleh about the reactions of Abigail and Tally. She was already very angry at the beginning when she couldn’t bring Scylla, would you really think she’ll be worried about what Abigail thought?

A whole lot of people thought Raelle was very selfish and didn’t think about her unit and that her unit should always be her focus. Apart from the reasons I gave above (being so deeply inlove and connected to another person who you would LIVE for; “I like doing everything because of you.”), we have to empathize with Raelle and figure out what she’s feeling. For me, I think before she met Scylla, she’s basically just forced into the institution that killed her mother and has no choice but to comply “I hate to break it to you, beautiful, but there is NO WAY OUT.” That feeling of helplessness will destroy anybody. Heck, she even wanted to go to the front line as soon as possible, had it not been made clear to her that she will be taking Tally and Abigail down with her. She doesn’t want to be there, but she also doesn’t want to be responsible for Tally and Abigail being in danger. She is still innately a healer, so helping others is a calling — just not a strong enough calling for her to want to live for it, but enough to not make her screw things up for her unit.

We’ve also been shown her family tree and it was a very small one. Having a bloodline that short could be very lonely and could make her believe that she was simply meant to just perish like all of her other ancentors. There wasn’t really a point in continuing, 1) she’s gay and will not get pregnant unless she wanted to, 2) she sees being a witch as somewhat of a curse (remember that she has a human dad, meaning she knows what it’s like to have a “normal” life and not be doomed to answer to a call that will come when you’re 18), and 3) if I were her, why would I want my children to suffer the same fate as our family had, I would rather end the bloodline. She is grieving and if you think it’ll take a mere year to get over someone so close to you, then you have a very good coping mechanism, unfortunately, not a lot of people get that because while you may have a good support system, grieving is still a process. She has no one, she only has her father who is grieving with her. It was meant to spiral.

Scylla. I think I’ve made my point about grief and like Raelle, Scylla is grieving. Her parents were killed and unlike Raelle who used depression as a coping mechanism, she used anger. She may very well have joined the Spree because of anger and because she wants to destroy the institution that took her family. If you have no one, yes, it feels lonely, but it also feels like nothing else matters. It feels like this blind hatred and revenge will somehow compensate for the grief and loneliness that you’re feeling. Maybe it’s also meant to dampen that sadness and convert that into something greater, something worth fighting for. She believes, as a dodger (always remember that she’s a dodger, she grew up with different ideals), that witches should have a choice and that choice is taken away because of the accord made hundreds of years ago. She believes that by joining the Spree, she could save the lives of the witches who were killed and hunted (like her family) because they wanted to be free. At this point, I don’t even want to comment on her redemption arc because we don’t even know which deaths she was directly responsible for. And again, I’m not making up excuses for her, but she truly believes in the cause and may believe that she’s saving more lives in the long run than the number of lives the Spree is taking. When I think about Scylla and the bad things she did, I think about Regina Mills, who took how many seasons to get the redemption she deserves. I don’t see why we can’t give Scylla the same. I don’t even want to go into the rabbit hole that is Villanelle and Eve. If you want to define toxic, that’s the pair, but it’s oh so delicious to watch, isn’t it?

I would like to point out that as dodgers, we know that Scylla would have been a social pariah. That was a very lonely way of living and was very self-deprecating; add the loss of her parents and she’s just a mess. As Helen Graves, she told Raelle that she’s weird, spooky, and generally separated from others because of her being a necro. She was very hopeful though because she wanted Raelle to be patient with her as she opens up. And to find someone who is very much willing to do that, that must’ve felt like she struck gold, but here lies the complication. She has a mission and she starts to question this because she’s developed feelings for Raelle. I couldn’t imagine how it must’ve felt for Raelle to include her and make her feel like SHE BELONGS - first, by introducing her to everybody (even at the wedding), and second, by fighting for her. So her reactions to save Raelle from the Spree is very authentic and it horrifies her because by saying I love you (and I choose you), she basically signed her own death sentence or she’s basically accepting the fact that she’ll be living her life running and not belonging. AGAIN. She was prepared to do it, though, so her decision to save Raelle wasn’t rash. She already developed the connection using the spell she did. When she said that it was so that she could say hi wherever Raelle was, she was essentially saying, so that I can keep the connection even while I’m running or being tortured, whichever the case. That must have been really hard on her - saying her last I love you, knowing she might not see Raelle anymore. So we really couldn’t deny that these two love each other deeply.

Their relationship. Okay, yes, it started as a mission for Scylla and desire (or at least an effort to feel alive) for Raelle, but because of the deep connection they have based on the stuff I wrote above, it makes perfect sense how they’re portrayed right now. Scylla is terrified that loving Raelle may harm Raelle in any way or may mean her own death and Raelle is terrified of losing yet another person she loves. These are two very closed off, very scarred, very deeply emotional, grieving people who found each other despite the circumstances. Of course, they’ll be awkward or sometimes it’ll feel like they have no chemistry; well, they’re protecting themselves from getting burned - they’re closed off and being careful. They are, individually, people who’ve been shunned by the world because of their circumstances. They have very different, mostly difficult, situations and upbringing and their priorities weren’t really supposed to be about love. They weren’t expecting it, they don’t know how to deal with it or act around someone who is getting very close to them - it was NEVER in their plans. Of course, it’ll look rushed, we don’t have a lot of episodes in this season. Of course it’s weird because we’re so used to the dynamic of one bubbly person paired with a broody person. It just so happened that they paired two very complex, very introverted (most likely INTP - check out MBTI if you want to know more) characters - and we’re not used to watching that. We’re used to the chase, we’re used to the giddiness, but the reality is that these people went through hell and are both still going through a lot. And the fact that they’re depending on each other in unconventional ways is something that people see as unusual or even boring. If you step back, it’s actually very beautiful and complex. Even the exchange of gifts was seen as creepy and weird, that’s exactly the point, they ARE weird, they ARE people who other people usually misunderstand. And that’s besides the point that, again, this is a different world. Their customs are different, some of the things they’re used to is different. We’ll have to look at their world in their lens to understand it better. So I do hope that before judging the relationship, fans of the show would sit down and really think about what the characters are going through. This isn’t the feel-good movie you want to watch and just not think about. It is very well-thought of in terms of complexity and world building. This is the type of series that will take you away from your current world and your biases and show you a different perspective and an angle you may not have considered before. Give it a chance, open your mind, and take the journey with the characters.

#motherland: fort salem #motherland fort salem #raelle x scylla #raylla #raelle collar #scylla ramshorn #taylor hickson #amalia holm

[quvsvrs]

— °❖｡× ⌜pretty little...⌟

SECRETS — AN OOC LIST THAT I CAN’T BE ASSED TO PUT INTO AN INTRO/MUSE PAGE.

These secrets could be common knowledge amongst the players ( but not between any characters ) and they also could be new ones !!

FOREWARNING: there is triggering content in these secrets, please be wary and exercise caution when reading them !!

xanthos elder: he craves affection and the kind of love that only people who could disappear could have but struggles with never being able to have it.

ana sasaki: five years ago, there was a serial murder case that has since gone cold with a staggering thirty-six victims, the case belongs to her.

babylon lee: his main source of income is being a hitman for a vampire coven with the promise of becoming one to protect his family.

sweetpea byeol: though they knew they are a beauty to behold, they’re cursed to always see an ugly, rotten corpse staring back at them in the mirror.

justice ru: strange images flash through their mind during sleep mode, they seem like memories but they’re too apprehensive to tell anyone else.

gladiolus orr: his blood pumps slower than normal, too much gold in his veins and with the statue scare years ago, he struggles to keep up his energy.

leonidas pan: he’s scared of being alone but finds himself alone almost all of the time and is scared to go back to the ocean to never have human contact again.

kagari setsushi: they want to live a life as a normal teenager, for at least one day, before they live the rest of their existence swindling deals.

giselle ruan: she believes the reason she’s not like the other white ladies is because when she was murdered, she was carrying a child but told no one.

ari sullivan: has already forgiven the corrupt military compound for raising her corruptedly and wants parental affection from them desperately. 

corentin auster: he has since forgotten, but never wanted to be king and was intending on using the storm of the accident as an escape route.

hero rubia: he had given executive order to continue an unstable experiment with him as a volunteer, resulting in the accident that gave him his powers.

lovecraft quillon: before his discipline of being disembodied and then stitched together, his father would force him to listen to zarin’s own punishments.

garnet crimson: he accidentally murdered someone as a werewolf pup and his father took the blame and is now in prison for life. 

jubilee neuva: she pleaded innocent to a robbery that she did and had pinned it on another heist team member, thus imprisoning them. 

amalthea slade: despite being a priestess specializing in the liberation of dark magic in people’s hearts, practices dark magic themselves and has no heart.

zale reyes: he eats the hearts and steals the wealth of the poor, unfortunate souls that fall in love with him and they turn out not to be his true love.

morpheus viki: they have free will and are not bound by the three laws of robotics and will do anything to feel human emotion, specifically love.

vitaflora darling: she usurps her guardian duties to party outside of the summer court and challenges anyone who tries to stop her or tell on her.

kaisuke alder: his father is a plagiarizing scientist, emotionally and financially abusing him until he decided to run away with no plan.

zion creed: he killed his entire noble bloodline in the blind anguish of his parents killing his impure wife and child that he had hid from them for years.

seneca han: she stalked anyone who stole from her store and if she deemed them as vile, she murdered them and ate their livers.

river ulysses: he doesn’t trust his father and is leading an investigation against him to uncover his corrupt agreements and underhanded executive deals.

euphemia young: she comes from a secret society of women assassins who also dabble into genetic experimentation, thus how she got her powers.

joseph borealis: he’s a very closeted gay and paints himself as a ladykiller to hide it from his homophobic old western ranger parents.

kohl boogdonavic: they investigated their birth, their mother was a prostitute who was bitten by a vampire before she went into labour but still didn’t survive.

mona dorrance: she derives sensual pleasure from genuine gambling and is willing to gamble her life and anyone else’s she can grab her hands on.

channing drakul: their brain has been implanted into a genetically mutated beast because of attempted murder by a rival gang, they use a human avatar.

amelie dan: her husband was murdered two years ago and pretends her mourning is spending frivolously when in reality, it’s murder sprees.

kalliste van amstel: she doesn’t want to be a sea monster and is trying to find a way to change herself from a scylla to a human like the little mermaid. 

shae kyd: he comes from an abusive, alcoholic home and escaped to the sea and hates himself for falling into the same addictive patterns as his parents.

riordan genovese: he blames himself for his father’s untimely death and parties to forget his grief and mourning and soon-to-be responsibilities.

sugarplum min: she doesn't want to admit she still loves her mother even after she was convicted of luring, then murdering and eating children.

wisteria howlite: they’re scared of humans, having been caged and starved by them as a child to hone their hunting skills. they’ve since broken free of them.

sia aquino: she doesn’t intend on returning to her kingdom, knowing that she’s to marry whomever her parents had arranged for her.

neo traka: he’s lonely and really curious about the world he crash-landed on as an infant but believes it’s his divine destiny to conquer it before the argenti.

chocho kunori: she’s an addict to alcohol, marijuana, and mdma and is often under the influence of one of the three at almost all times.

roan lao: he doesn’t think he’s good enough of a magic user to be a sage and his insecurity leads him to daydream about modern life.

maximillian chung: his hypersexualization and excessive, riotous partying is the result of unresolved issues of being a servant of any underland dweller. 

june del basque: his villainous ways are extreme even for his taste but during times of chaos, drastic measures need to be taken for order and peace.

jangmi bae: she has a history of self-harm during long periods of losing competitions— they come in the form of bruises so it doesn’t scar.

xenon yong: his immaturity is a coping mechanism used to replicate the excessive coddling and mental abuse from his overbearing mother.

dani lucania: she believes dying to be a radiant adventure but stays alive to keep her sentient tower company for as long as she can.

aya doe: although only alive because of the wizard who created her from stone, she absolutely hates that man and has run away from his obsessions. 

amora vormir: she’s the sole survivor of a warlord’s invasion on her planet, but has since massacred the army and aims to rule over another planet.

ludwig ritchie: his family has a long history of espionage and currently works for the argenti resistance effort to monitor high-risk argenti targets.

carnelian seo: he’s struggling to keep his funds on a tight leash to keep his store running and a roof over his head as his sales are lowering each day.

bubbles kasady: although she did graduate high school, she didn’t score high enough to enter any post-secondary, despite boasting about it to her peers.

xiomara cygnus: her species is dying and she’s been given a mission by her mother to find a perfect mate; other elves her age were given the same task.

cassiopeia zeos: she’s a single mother because her blind lover was murdered as a revenge plot against her, thus her child doesn’t live with her.

ewan major: he’s attempting to resurrect his dead lover by making a deal with any demon that he comes across despite the dangers of it.

xiaobo zhou: in his blind rage of not being appointed master of his home temple, he had injured his two brothers so badly they were forced to retire.

icarus rune: his owner only kept him because he was given to him at birth and faced mental and physical abuse until he bought his freedom.

aaliyah novena: unable to age, she was once the young lover of a corrupted warlock who wanted her to live forever and kept her in a magical pendant.

asmodeus ven: before insanity, he feels his life was boring and pitiful and so believes everyone is one bad day away from becoming just like him.

geronimo orchard: though a talented runner in track, he also is a drug/potions mule or ‘runner’ because of pressure from his criminal older brother.

daiya monde: she doesn’t believe in purity and only keeps the ruse to have access to valuables and treasures otherwise hoarded away.

kiyoshi gin: she was actually heavily scorned by being banished from the hidden world but doesn’t let others see her anguish from being shut out.

denali whittle: he’s a host to a powerful symbiote, having made the fusion after having mistaken it for argenti slime while containing an infected zone.

qiang lu: he glitches in and out of existence, his mother killing his father after agreeing to have a demon child in order to experiment on his body.

#•✕┅ « files » #•✕┅ « lists »

[sidere19-writes]

maybe we are a love for another time (1/1)

Rating: T

Pairing: Raelle Collar/Scylla Ramshorn

Word Count: 2,786

Summary:

She didn’t ask for anything of this. She didn’t ask for Raelle to barge in like this and just start rummaging through her heart and stirring everything up. Old scars, bitter memories, revolting secrets, distant feelings that she thought she had long buried and forgotten, they are suddenly creeping up on her all at once, weighing down on her chest and making her unable to breathe.

[This takes place right after episode 4; Scylla’s POV]

Read below or on AO3.

*

It’s probably past midnight. Scylla thinks, half-heartedly as she glances out the window at the darkened starless sky. She hasn’t been keeping track of time.

Raelle came over to her room after her training. The real Raelle this time. She could tell the blonde was pretty worn out, so she dragged her onto her small bed and forced her to take a nap. She must have fallen asleep herself shortly after as well and she has no idea how long they have slept. They’ve just woken up about ten minutes ago, all tangled up in each other’s arms. It was cosy and warm and neither of them felt like moving. So they just decided to stay that way and keep cuddling for a little while longer, before Raelle has to go back.

She listens to Raelle talk about her training today and plays with her fingers absently. Her ears prick up when Raelle mentions the Bellweather wedding happening next week and she knows she should be saying something right now, getting herself invited as well. But she just feels too exhausted to bring herself to do it. Her throat is still burning, throbbing with every breath she takes. She grimaces a little and shifts uncomfortably in the bed, which catches Raelle’s attention.

“Scyl, are you okay?”

She looks up and meets Raelle’s worried gaze. She offers her a placid smile. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired from training I guess…”

Rolling off her tongue, the words taste like blood. She can’t tell if it’s because of the strangulation earlier or because it was just another stupid lie she had to tell.

She hears Raelle ask her if there’s anything she can do to make her feel better. And in that moment, it would be so easy to just make up some excuse and let Raelle heal her. The pain will be gone in a blink of an eye as if it had never happened. The unctuous lines are already there, jumping up and down impatiently on the tip of her tongue, tempting her in an almost derisive way. She presses her lips together and shakes her head. “No really, I’m fine. Can we just cuddle?” She says, snuggling up against Raelle’s side and closes her eyes.

Secretly, she doesn’t really want the pain to go away. She needs to feel it. She tells herself. It’s a reminder, of why she’s here, and why she’s doing all of this.

She has been living two entirely opposite existences lately. Two separate versions of her life. She has the ability to strut in between them effortlessly as if moving through a door. But she had been a little carried away. She admits. She’s stayed in Raelle’s world way longer than she should have. It’s just something that sort of happened. She doesn’t know why. And she doesn’t want to know why. It was dangerous and addictive. It made her forget about the Spree completely, until she almost got strangled to death by one of them this afternoon.

She thinks back to that moment, thinks back to the way her chest burned while her lung desperately tried to gasp for air. She can almost still feel the brutal pressure closing around her neck and she swallows hard. She felt powerless and she hates feeling like that. As she replays the moment in her head, she feels something else too, lurking in the back of her mind. She can’t describe it, but it’s something too close to dread for her liking.

She knits her brows together and shakes her head imperceptibly to get rid of all these overanalysing thoughts. She has no interest whatsoever in discovering something she does not want to know of herself today.

*

Scylla doesn’t get scared easily.

Back in the day, when she first met Porter, he took her to see a horror movie and she basically laughed her way through the whole thing while he got jump-scared twice. When they walked out of the movie theatre, Porter asked her to be his girlfriend. He sounded awkward and a little embarrassed. In response, she just laughed again, leaned in to place a kiss on his cheek and said yes.

She wasn’t particularly attracted to him. In fact, she found him dull and a bit annoying at times. She only agreed to be with him because she was bored. And because she enjoyed that sense of control, having him wrapped around her finger, knowing he would do literally anything just to please her.

Porter told her that he loved her for the first time three weeks after. During his whole speech, she just stared him with an inexpressive frown, as if he just ruined a perfectly iced cake. She didn’t believe him, and she didn’t love him, so she said nothing back.

She has never believed herself fit to love any person, or to be loved by any person. That’s just not who she is. Love is for the weak. So is fear. And she is anything but weak.

She’s selfish, calculating, and vengeful. She uses people. Manipulates and exploits them, all to get what she wants. And she couldn’t care less about what happens to them afterwards. To her, they are just pawns, a means to an end. Irrelevances that can be discarded once she’s done with them.

She’s cruel and ruthless. And a small part of her takes pride in that. That’s how she always gets the job done. No attachment, no sympathy, no conscience. That’s why the Spree chose her in the first place.

They reached out to her after her parents were killed. She jumped on board immediately without a second thought. She knows the Spree are using her. She’s not stupid. But she decided to let it slide given they have one common enemy. So in some sense, she was also using them to get her own revenge. Besides, being with the Spree also gave her a small sense of purpose. There was always this nefarious thrill that ran down her spine after every successful mission, and it made her think she was finally doing something meaningful, that she was serving justice in her own way. Because the military certainly has nothing to do with justice, let alone other civilian systems. So as always, she has to take matters into her own hands.

She had always believed that. Sure, about her purpose. Everything she had done for the Spree, she was doing it for her parents, for all those innocent witches that lost their lives over nothing or those who were brutally murdered by the system.

However, lately her belief started to falter a little. And she’s not feeling so sure as she used to be. Her mind started to wander off to Raelle more often than it should. She finds herself wondering why the Spree are so interested in Raelle? What could they possibly want from her? And she worries, about what they would do to her once they have her.

She thinks about a lot of other things about Raelle too. About how much she looks forward to spending time with Raelle, and how much she likes her. She never knew it was possible to like someone this much.

She likes the terrible jokes that Raelle always blurts out. They make her laugh every time for some weird reason, even though she hasn’t had genuine laughs like this in years. She likes the playful glint that twinkles in Raelle’s eyes and the smug smirk on her lips every time she teases her. And she likes the fond and tender smile Raelle always beams at her, the dazzling and melting smile that only seems to be reserved for her.

She likes the butterflies that dance wildly in her stomach when Raelle calls her ‘beautiful’, the fluttering of her heart when she feels Raelle’s adoring gaze on her, and the warmth that flows through her body when Raelle pulls her into her arms and whispers soft words into her ear.

She likes the intimacy. And the vulnerability that comes with it too. She likes how Raelle always smiles into their kisses, how she just spontaneously picks up her hand and places a kiss on the back of it. She likes the gentle and confident way Raelle pins her against the wall and kisses her, the delicacy when she brushes her hair back and trails small kisses along her neck, and the vertiginous, light-headed feeling that comes over her every time Raelle touches her.

She always gets mad at herself after she catches her thoughts drift to Raelle unconsciously. It infuriates and frustrates her. Because she shouldn’t be thinking about her and having all these warm and fuzzy feelings inside. She shouldn’t be feeling anything. It makes no sense. To her, Raelle should just be a mission. After she delivers her to the Spree, she is supposed to forget about her and move on to the next mission. Like she always does.

But she finds herself feeling rather reluctant to do that. She started to stall her weekly reports to the Spree as much as she can. She started to have this twisted and conflicted feeling in her stomach every time she had to tell a lie. And sometimes, when she talks to Raelle, she couldn’t look at her. She feels like as if she is standing on the edge of a precipice, about to fall to her death. It gives her a queasy feeling and she can’t tell if it’s from excitement or dread or panic. And she’s just stuck in that perilous position, restless and waiting for Raelle to tell her what she should do. If Raelle tells her to jump, she would jump without any hesitation and even be glad that she’s dead. If Raelle asks her to stay and come with her, she would immediately leave everything behind and follow her, even if she has no idea where Raelle is going.

Is this what falling in love feels like?

She shudders involuntarily at this thought.

It’s terrifying. And she didn’t ask for anything of this. She didn’t ask for Raelle to barge in like this and just start rummaging through her heart and stirring everything up. Old scars, bitter memories, revolting secrets, distant feelings that she thought she had long buried and forgotten, they are suddenly creeping up on her all at once, weighing down on her chest and making her unable to breathe. All the emotions that she had snuffed off before, emotions like guilt, remorse, shame, compassion, affection and love, they all come rushing back to her ferociously, fighting over her attention. But they are all tangled up together that she can’t possibly tell them apart anymore. So she pushes them all down. Because she doesn’t know what else to do with them.

She starts thinking about what Raelle said to her in the garden after Beltane. No one had ever said anything like that to her. She replays that moment in her mind over and over, as though to test herself, to see if she remembers every detail. She does. She never wants to forget it. She remembers the crashing wave of dolorous exhilaration that swept over her body vividly. Rapturous yet excruciating, it almost brought her to tears. All her life, she’d never felt so close to someone, and yet at the same time, so far away. She rested her forehead against Raelle’s, feeling their breaths mingle perfectly and for a few seconds, she avoided meeting Raelle’s eye, wanting to let herself stay in that ephemeral bubble for just a little bit longer. She knew once she looked at Raelle, she would know those beautiful words wouldn’t hold. Those striking yet soft blue eyes would never look at her the same way as they used to, if Raelle found out who she was, who she is, and the things she did.

And when it comes to that day, what would she find in those eyes instead then? What would the fervent affection and intoxicating softness that she has grown so used to seeing be replaced with? She wonders. Betrayal, anger, disdain, hate, disgust? Probably all of them. She clenches her jaw and scoffs at herself. Or worse, she thinks, it could just be nothing. It could just be complete blank, as if Scylla Ramshorn has never meant anything to her at all.

She doesn’t think she can take it. It’s unbearable just thinking about it right now. But she knows it is inevitable. She has to stop deluding herself, thinking that she still has a choice. That there would be an alternative, where they can run away together, leave all this behind and start completely afresh. She knows it’s just some ludicrous fantasy. She’s trapped. There’s no clean way out. No painless escape. And she’s never had a chance. This whole thing was doomed to have a tragic ending before it even began. What they have, or had will soon be shattered mercilessly into a million pieces with no possible way to pick them back up again. And she knows it’s already long overdue.

It’s okay. She tells herself. She doesn’t deserve Raelle anyway. Raelle should be with someone full of light, someone who’s everything Scylla’s not. Because Raelle has such a good heart. She’s honest, brave, loyal, and full of love and compassion, even though she always tries to put up a tough façade of indifference and cynicism. And Scylla, on the other hand, reeks of deceit, corruption, malevolence, destruction, and death. She’s a terrible person. She knows. And she had never cared enough to do anything about it. Why would she bother? She never cared about what others thought of her. She had always been alone and she didn’t need anyone. Pretty soon, she’ll go back to her old life and in that life, she won’t be needing anyone anymore.

She’s beyond redemption, she knows, even if she tries. It’s already too late for her. There’s no way anyone could ever forgive the things she’s done. Once her cover is blown, there would be no place for her in the military, let alone at Raelle’s side. But she thinks Raelle will be fine without her. She still has her unit. She can tell Abigail and Tally care for Raelle very much. They will take good care of her.

As for her, there’s not much she can do right now, other than to seize as many stolen moments with Raelle as she can, while waiting for the day she implacably becomes the calamitous cause of Raelle’s heartbreak and pain.

*

“What are you thinking?”

Raelle’s voice breaks Scylla out of her thoughts.

“Nothing.” Scylla hums, her eyes flicking back up to meet those soft baby blues. She’s really glad that the room is dark now so Raelle can’t make out the tears that formed behind her eyes. “Just you.”

Raelle scrunches up her nose slightly, which Scylla thinks is the most adorable thing ever, and leans in for a kiss. She pulls back and gazes at Scylla intently, before lifting her hand and tucking a loose strand of hair behind Scylla’s ear. “You look tired. Should I go and let you get some rest?” She says, drawing away and starting to get up.

“No.” Scylla reaches out and stops Raelle from moving away. “Stay.”

“Are you sure? Cause the bed’s pretty small, I doubt you’ll sleep very well with me—”

“I like when you are here.” She cuts off Raelle’s cute rambling and looks at her with a small pout, ignoring the churning feeling in her stomach. “Please stay?”

“Okay. Of course.” Raelle smiles, leaning down again and captures her lips with her own in a long and slow kiss. Scylla’s heart swells as she feels Raelle’s lips curve up against hers just before they break apart. She can’t help but chase Raelle’s mouth and gives her one more peck, before lying back down and nuzzling into Raelle’s embrace.

She buries her face into the crook of Raelle’s neck and snuggles closer to her, as if fearing the blonde will suddenly disappear into the air if she lets go. She feels Raelle’s arms tighten around her, and she smiles when she feels a gentle kiss being pressed to the top of her head. She shuts her eyes.

She’ll worry about everything tomorrow. She thinks, as she slowly drifts off to sleep, the steady and comforting sound of Raelle’s breathing in her ears. She’ll deal with all the chaos and storms tomorrow. For now, she just wants to forget everything. No agenda, no subterfuge, no disguise. She just wants to exist in Raelle’s arms, while the rest of the world falls soundlessly away around them.

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