Certain Doom (DA Soulmate AU)
A/N: I am not even remotely sorry.
“So have you chosen a canon Inquisitor yet?”
Yes! My first elf girl who romanced Cullen.
“Whichever character you use to build the world state for your next game is the canon,” Lisbeth explained. “Mine is an elf, too, and I romanced Cullen, too. I’ll fight you for him, Ashley!”
u guys and your jocks i swear
i only have the one playthrough and i’m romancing solas for the lols so idk
my canon is unwritten undefined so we’ll see i guess?
We can share him, Liz.
Thunder rolled, rattling the windows and making Lisbeth jump. “Oof! It’s storming here so I might cut out,” she said apologetically. “If that happens I’ll just restart the stream, no worries.”
Storming here too! Ashley replied in the chat.
yeah same Hayden agreed. weird
“It’s not that weird. Storms happen. Speaking of, how should I upgrade Bethany, you guys? Do I make her an ice mage, or...?”
One second, storm is picking up and I need to check my windows.
ICE ICE BABY
Back! Is Force mage unlocked yet? Been forever since I played DA2...
ICE ICE BABY!!!
OMG fine do ice or Hay will never let it go.
Let it gooooo, let it gooooo, can’t hold it back anymooooooore!
“Okay, ice it is,” Lizbeth said, smiling at her friends’ antics.
FUCK THAT WAS CLOSE SHIT SH
you ok Ash???
o fuck ME
“Hay?” Lisbeth called, frowning at the chat log. She waited a few seconds before calling their names again. The number count on her stream hadn’t changed, so their systems were still logged on and watching her playthrough. But... they weren’t answering. The hairs on Lisbeth’s arms and the back of her neck stood on end all at once. She shivered, looking to the windows where the constant flicker of lightning kept illuminating the driving rain.
It looked like the lightning was getting closer, maybe she should-
Her world dissolved into brilliant white.
It took three blinks for Ashley to realize something was wrong. That wasn’t her ceiling, this wasn’t her bed - what the hell? She sat up and looked around. To her left was a person, curled up with their back to her. To her right, another person, curled up with their back to her. She made out red hair to her left and dark brown to her right. Ashley was the only conscious one, and while that remained true, she intended to find out as much as she could.
She stood up and dusted herself off, frowning when she realized that her clothes had been changed. She’d been in pajamas, but now she wore a green coat over a simple gray tunic and pants. There was a soft gray cloth wrapped loosely around her neck and when she felt behind her head she found a hood. Hayden ran her fingers over her hair - wrapped in a complicated braid and significantly longer than she remembered it being - and froze when her fingers encountered delicate fleshy points.
Pointed ears. Elf ears. What?
Hayden turned and saw that the brunette was sitting up, one hand to her head. Now that her hair had shifted, she could see that this person also had pointed ears. “Hey...” Ashley said, awkwardly waving.
The brunette looked up, squinting and revealing large, luminous hazel eyes set in a delicately featured face that screamed Disney Princess™. “Ashley?” she said, looking confused. “You look...elfy.”
“Hayden?!” Ashley dropped to her knees and immediately grabbed the smaller elf into a bear hug. “Hate to break it to you, but you are also elfier than normal. Wait, is there a normal amount of elfiness we should be shooting for?”
Hayden laughed and hugged her back. “No clue. Think that’s Lisbeth?”
They broke apart and turned to the last person, still unconscious on the ground. “By process of elimination, probably? But where are we, why are we elves, and what the hell happened?”
There was a low groan from the third person, and then vicious grumbling in what Ashley recognized as German. The body on the ground flopped over, revealing a thunderous expression made even more ominous by the thick brows overshadowing dark eyes that looked-
“Ja? I mean, yes,” the redhead said, sitting up. “What-?”
“It’s me, Ashley, and that’s Hayden. I think...well, I think we might be in Dragon Age? Somehow?” She sat back on her heels and clenched her hands into fists on her thighs, trying not to freak out while she sorted her thoughts verbally. “We’re all elves now? And you look like that picture of your Inquisitor you showed me screenshots of, and Hayden looks like the Inquisitor she’s been streaming, so I-”
“You’re blonde, and very tall, and look sort of like a cat,” Lisbeth said bluntly. “Actually, the eyes are kind of creepy in this light...”
“I think they look cool,” Hayden said, giving her an appraising look.
“Not important right now, guys! We might be in Dragon Age! Dragon Age!”
“Yes, but where?” Lisbeth asked.
“And when?” Hayden chimed in.
“Hell if I know, but we need to find out, fast.”
It took mere minutes for them to sort out what they could, because it wasn’t much. They confirmed that yes, all of them had been morphed into their canon Inquisitors (only Inquisitor, in Hayden’s case), but with a few small changes. Hayden’s hair was significantly darker, almost black in the dim light of the tunnel they’d found themselves in. Lisbeth’s eyes were purple, which made her mutter about Mary Sues and bad fanfiction. Ashley’s eyes had been green in her Inquisitor’s canon, but the switch to amber-gold didn’t bother her, since it added to the, as Lisbeth put it, ‘creepy cat’ aesthetic.
None of them had the vallaslin they remembered choosing.
They were all wearing what looked like a facsimile of the Inquisitor’s gear in the game’s opening, minus most of the armor. Each of them identically outfited in green, gray, and brown. They had no weapons, and only thirty copper coins between them.
“We’re fucked,” Lisbeth said.
“Don’t be so negative,” Hayden chided.
“We’re fucked!” Lisbeth repeated, this time in a faux-happy chirp.
“We’re Schroedinger’s Fucked,” Ashley said. “Our state of fuckery is yet to be determined because we still don’t know where or when we are. Lets follow the tunnel and see where it leads.” She looked down the tunnel. She could only make out another fifteen feet before it took a sharp turn out of sight.
“You going anytime soon?” Hayden asked.
She shifted on her feet. “Yes, just-”
Lisbeth and Ashley exchanged grim looks before following Hayden down the tunnel. It took another ten minutes of walking before they saw signs of habitation. There was an offshoot to their tunnel that led to a door. Since the door had three obvious traps and probably at least twice as many ones they couldn’t see, they kept going.
Eventually, after several more nerve-wracking minutes, they emerged into a larger area, lit with torches. There were a few people waiting outside of what looked like a house, built up against a curve in the cavern’s wall. There was a sign by the door of the house, and the sight of it made Lisbeth grab both of her companions and yank them to a halt.
“We’re in Kirkwall!”
“Fuck,” Hayden sighed. “I haven’t played this one yet.”
“Yeah, well, it’s been several years since I played this one,” Ashley muttered.
They both turned and raised their eyebrows at Lisbeth.
“I haven’t played it in two years! I was in the prologue!”
“Do you remember what you chose? Odds are, we’re in your worldstate...” Ashley pointed out.
“Um... I was playing a Rogue Hawke, male because-” she paused and smirked at Ashley.
“Shut up,” Ashley hissed. She could feel her ears twitching as she glared. She swept her hands up and clamped them down over the pointed ends. “Shit, this is going to take some getting used to.”
“You’re one to talk,” Lisbeth muttered. “At least your ears are normal sized.” She reached up and poked at one of her own ears, easily the largest of the three of them. They’d all gone for wildly different looks when designing their Inquisitors. Aside from being elves, they couldn’t have looked more different from each other if they’d tried.
“Guys! Focus!” Hayden said, scowling at them.
“Okay, so we’re in Kirkwall. Great, not ideal but it could probably be worse. Now, when are we?” Ashley said.
“Well, if the clinic is there, then Anders will be there,” Lisbeth pointed out.
“Great! Let’s go, then,” Hayden said, turning on her heel and heading for the building. The other two scrambled after her, reluctant to enter but utterly unwilling to be left behind.
The clinic was large, and appeared to be in the process of expanding.
“Act Two!” Lisbeth murmured. “Must be!”
“Maybe not,” Ashley replied. “Look, there’s-”
“Can I help you?”
The voice had all three of them turning to face the speaker. There was a tall human male with reddish hair pulled back into a half-tail striding towards them. He had a thick coating of stubble lining his jaw and looked tired.
“Oh!” Hayden cried out, curling over and falling sideways into Ashley.
“Is your friend ill?” Anders asked, speeding up.
Lisbeth raised her hands as if to ward him off: “She’s fine, thank you, we’ll just go now, we don’t want to be any-”
Ashley bodily picked up the smallest elf, backing away from the mage.
Too late, a wash of cool blue magic swept over the trio as Anders’ eyes lit from within. “Wait, you-” he froze in place, eyes raking over each elf in turn. “What have you-” he shook his head and swayed in place, eyes screwing tightly shut. Suddenly, little wisps of light started to emanate from behind his closed eyelids.
Lisbeth shoved Ashley towards the door, “Now would be a good time to-”
They booked it, ignoring the strange echoing cry that called for them to halt.
“What was that?” Ashley asked, poking Hayden in the forehead.
They’d sprinted till they’d found sunlight and what was probably the docks, based on the water, boats, and people bustling around. They were seated on some barrels in an out of the way corner, catching their breath.
“Ouch! Don’t Itachi me, you weirdo.”
“Well, stop Sasuke-style brooding, then.”
Hayden scowled, rubbing her hand over her heart. “I don’t know, I felt...something. Like a pull? I don’t know how to describe it. It got worse when I saw him, though.”
“That was Anders,” Lisbeth said, sounding shellshocked. “Anders.”
“We’re in Kirkwall, yes, Anders is here,” Ashley said.
“We have to stay away from Anders,” Lisbeth said firmly.
Hayden grimaced, but didn’t say anything.
“Hey, Liz - have you always had that tattoo?”
Ashley’s words had her frowning: “Tattoo? I don’t have-”
“Your hand, look at it.”
Lisbeth looked down at her hands, ignoring the way they’d gotten longer and skinnier since her transmigration into an elvhen body. There was nothing on the backs of her hands, but on the palm of her right hand she found three symbols that looked like a cross between hieroglyphs and cuneiform. The symbols were a vivid and sparkly pink.
“What the fuck?” she breathed. “What the fuck! What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fucking FUCK.”
“Shit, I think you broke Liz.”
“I didn’t mean to!” Ashley cried.
“What is this shit?” Lisbeth exclaimed before switching to German and going into a tirade neither of the other two could understand. She paced back and forth in front of them, kicking out at the barrels and walls as she passed them. Finally she stopped, fisted her hands at her sides, and yelled at the sky.
One of the barrels abruptly caught on fire.
“Hey, Liz?” Hayden called.
“I know this isn’t the best time, but I think you might be a mage, too.”
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I’m back! Or trying anyway. Woohoo, first fic post in like, over a year. Here’s the ritual conversation between Venna and Alistair. Enjoy. :)
Venna hesitantly made her way from her room to Alistair’s. Was this actually possible? Was Morrigan telling the truth or was this some sort of sick ploy? She and Morrigan were never terribly close but she held no ill will toward the woman, and, so far as she knew, Morrigan held none toward her either. And so Venna walked to speak with her best friend on behalf of the witch, in hopes of getting him to agree to a ritual that might save both of their lives.
She knocked on the wooden door and waited a moment before Alistair opened it. “Venna? What are you doing here? I would have assumed you would be with Zevran.” He said in confusion, but stepping aside to let her in nonetheless.
“I did go to see Zev,” she spoke softly, “but after telling him what could happen tomorrow...I couldn’t stay there. It would have hurt both of us more.”
“So why are you here then? I can’t imagine I’m much help given the situation.” Alistair’s concerned gaze made Venna look away. “I saw Morrigan leaving your room earlier. The look she gave me was icy, even for her. What happened?”
Venna sighed. “How are you doing now that you’re going to be king?”
“I’ve been better. Everything seems more real all of a sudden. Like all the fighting we’ve done was just a dream up until this point. Tomorrow is the real one. The fate of Ferelden rests on it, and then it will rest on me. It’s too much to think about.” Alistair shook his head a bit. “Anyway, you’re changing the subject. You aren’t here about me. I’m tired not stupid, whatever you’re here for, Morrigan has to do with it. So, what did she want?”
“We need to talk.”
“That serious?” Alistair asked with a concerned expression. “You know you can talk to me Venna. What’s going on?”
“Alistair, you’re my best friend, you know that right?” Venna’s words sounded hesitant.
“I do,” he said suspiciously, “I see you the same way, but you’re acting very strange right now. Why so ominous?”
“You know I could die tomorrow. I’m...probably going to die tomorrow.” Venna’s breath hitched as she spoke her thoughts out loud.
“This is about the archdemon. If you’re asking me to help you run away I can’t do that, but I don’t think that’s what you’re asking”
“I...I need you to do something for me. And you really aren’t going to like it.” Venna told him seriously.
“I don’t like the sound of that. What are we talking about here?” He asked crossing his arms.
“I…” Venna took a deep breath. “I-need-you-to-have-sex-with-Morrigan.” She breathed out.
Alistair blinked at her before laughing. “Okay, that was a good one. What’s really up?” He stared at her unchanging face for a moment before it clicked. “You...aren’t joking. What are you going on about?”
“It’s for a magic ritual.”
“What?! Are you crazy? You want me to do some sort of magical sex ritual with Morrigan? You do remember our lamppost conversation yes? What on earth is this supposed to do?” Alistair’s confused frustration was clear in his rising voice.
Venna stared at her feet. “Stop the archdemon from killing the warden who strikes it down.”
“I…” Alistair’s expression softened. “Oh, um, I can see how that...might be important.” He spoke a bit softer. “But how does Morrigan even know how to do such a thing? And what exactly does this ritual entail?”
“I’m not going to lie to you Alistair. It will result in a child.”
“What!?” Venna flinched at the outburst. “What on Earth is Morrigan after, an heir to the throne?”
“I think she’s actually trying to make an old god baby.” Venna muttered.
“Oh, ‘cause that’s so much better. Here I was worrying about another bastard heir and I didn’t even consider a demon, dragon, baby...thing.” Alistair’s voice cracked at the absurdity of it. “Why should I do this?”
“I’d do it myself if I could!” Venna cried. “Please Alistair, I don’t want to die. I’m not ready to. All these months spent battling the dark spawn with death around every corner, and never have I felt closer to its grasp than I do now. Even Zev’s poison didn’t make me feel this close.” She took a deep breath. “Riordan is going to fail Alistair. Don’t ask me how I know, I just do. And you can’t risk the blow, you have to be king. So please, do this, do it for me.” Tears were rolling down her face at this point and Alistair was wearing a pained expression.
“Oh of all the times to regret being a man. Look, even if I did agree to this, and I’m not saying I do, how do we know it will actually work?” He paced away from her and sat on the bed.
“We don’t.” She said quietly. “But it’s the best chance we have. It’s the only chance we have. Do this for me and I’ll be in debt to you for the rest of my life, Alistair. I just want the chance to go home to my family.”
It was quiet for a long moment. “Are you sure we can trust her?”
“She’s gotten us this far. I trust her enough.” Venna responded.
Alistair took a deep breath. “Fine.” He looked at her. “I’ll do it, if only because the thought of you dying and leaving me to try and be king without your council is not a fond one. And you’re my best friend, if this can save you, then I’ll do it..” He stood up. “Where’s Morrigan? I want to get this over with. Before I change my mind.” He said heading for the door.
Venna turned to follow him. “Thank you.” She whispered.
“You are going to do all of my paperwork for six months after this is over and I have to do kingly things.” Alistair shot at her.
Venna huffed out a laugh. “I think I can deal with that.”
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