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#the dude is always trying to self-soothe some internal emotional problem
maybedefinitely404 · 3 years
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Day 29: Prinxiety/Loceit (pt 4)
Aaaand, part 4, the finale! 
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
@tsshipmonth2020
Day 29:  You have a telepathic link with your soulmate until the two of you meet.
Content warnings: discussion of conversion therapy/after effects, PTSD, food mentions, anxiety/panic attacks, internalized homophobia, mentions of the foster system/abuse (mental, emotional, neglect, past eating disorder), minor self harm/blood, mentions of dissociating.
Word count: 5.1k
Despite Roman’s claims that being around other people would only distract him, and he didn’t want to have to walk to the library every time he had homework, Patton’s constant pleading eventually broke him down. Now, much to his roommate’s delight, they spent every night in the middle of the study floor in the library, and Roman found that he actually looked forward to it. Sometimes someone he knew would walk by, and give him a valid reason to take a short break, and having other people around somehow motivated him to work harder. He was starting to understand the appeal of the place. 
Now, Patton and him were spending their afternoon there between classes, both working on their own projects and sharing a bag of popcorn twists. It was the only oil soaked snack that didn’t leave much residue on their fingers. Roman was deep in thought, struggling to remember an especially flowery Shakespeare monologue for a mock audition next week, when Patton kicked his leg under the table.
“What, Pat?” He took another moment to finish the sentence before he tore his eyes away from the book, surprised at his roommate’s barely contained excitement. 
“You’ve been humming for half an hour!” 
He hadn’t even noticed. He tended to do it a lot without realizing; humming along to his soulmate’s music. Ever since he’d come back almost a year ago, an occurrence he’d never had explained but held onto with fondness, Roman’s heart jumped every time his music played. It was just like old times, their old system immediately reinstated, and more than once he’d found himself singing along to the melodies in his head. Patton knew this, and could probably tell by the genre whether Roman was listening to his soulmate’s songs, or just had his own earworm.
“No, no, no, I like your humming! That’s not the point!”
“Then what’s the-”
“The guy behind you has his earbuds loud enough to hear!”
Roman strained his ears, and yes, he could barely hear the music coming from behind him. He definitely hadn’t noticed before, too deep in thought to notice something so trivial. But Patton was always on high alert, never able to keep his mind on one thing at a time. 
“Okay, but what does that ha-”
“You’ve been humming the same songs as he’s been listening to for half an hour, Ro! I think he’s your soulmate!”
Roman’s eyes widened and he spun around, effectively dropping his book onto the ground. Yeah, if he concentrated, he could tell that the song in his head was the same as the one just audible through the other’s earbuds.
“Are you sure?”
“Positive!” 
That’s all the convincing Roman needed. He jumped to his feet and rounded the other table so he was face to face with the stranger and knocked on the table a couple times. When he made eye contact, he thought he saw fear in the other’s face, but that couldn’t be right. Roman was not intimidating. The man at the table reached up to pop out one of his earbuds. 
“Hello lovely, I have a question for you,” Roman purred, dropping onto his elbows on the table. 
“I- I don’t-”
Apparently that counted as a meeting, because in that moment, the music in Roman’s head faded into nothingness. And he could tell it wasn’t just the music being paused. He was left with a neutral emptiness he hadn’t felt in a long time, a silence that was rare, and an innate knowledge that it had happened: their link was no longer necessary and had dissipated. Roman grinned wide, barely concealing a squeal. 
“You’re my soulmate!”
He didn’t know what reaction he was expecting, but he sure as hell hadn’t expected the man at the table to get up and sprint out of the building at full speed. 
“Stay here, Ro,” Patton was suddenly at his side, laying a hand on his bicep, “I’ll go after him. I don’t know what just happened but I don’t want it to happen again.”
Patton scooped up the other man’s things from the table and jogged out the library door.
-----
Virgil didn’t know where he was going; he hadn’t planned on running out of the library. Dammit, he hadn’t planned to run into his soulmate. And he knew that was his soulmate, and not just some weird coincidence. Because the moment they’d locked eyes, it was as if something in his mind had snapped, like a rubber band that had always been there but the pressure was so constant he didn’t notice it there until it was gone. Their bond had snapped; it was no longer necessary, because he’d met his soulmate. 
He recognized the guy, just barely. They were in the same first year math class, a course often taken by upperclassmen (probably like his soulmate) because they’d put off getting a math credit until their final years. Logan had warned Virgil of that when he was choosing his first year courses, and so he was safely getting it out of the way so he could focus on his major in the coming years. 
His breathing was choppy and strained as he tried to calm down his panic attack, dropping onto the ground under a large tree. He couldn’t keep running lest he collapse and draw more attention to himself, and that was far worse than anything he could imagine. Fighting the urge to scratch at his skin, he buried his head in his hoodie clad arms, fumbling with one hand to free his phone from his pocket. 
It’s actually a guy, it’s a guy, he’s gay, wrong wrong wrong-
No, not wrong. It’s not wrong.   
Yes it is, it’s going to hurt, you’re going to hurt, wrong wrONG WRONG!
His hands were shaking far too hard to text but he tried anyways, begging Janus to come pick him up early. Logan wouldn’t be done work for another couple hours, and usually Virgil would be fine just doing homework until his dad was ready to drive them home, but he didn’t think he’d be able to handle being on campus much longer. 
“Hey, kiddo?”
Virgil’s head jerked up just as he clicked send, fighting every urge in his body to bolt again. It wasn’t the guy… his soulmate… but someone else he hadn’t met before, panting. 
“Heya, my name’s Patton! You ran out without your stuff, so I brought it!”
Oh, he was holding his backpack, and his folder under one arm. Virgil was just trying to encourage his legs to move, to stand so he could take his things, when the stranger dropped into the grass in front of him. He flinched. 
“Here ya go,” He pushed it towards him like a child trying to coax out a scared cat, “I’m so sorry me and Ro scared you. He just gets over excited sometimes. I promise he’s actually very gentle.”
Virgil stared, pulling in a halting breath. 
“The guy who ran up to you, that’s Roman. I’m his roommate, by the way. I’m Patton. Did I introduce myself? Doesn’t matter. I’m a third year psychology major. Roman’s in third year too, music and theatre major.”
He should probably introduce himself too, but his hands were frozen, clamped around his phone, and he found his voice wasn’t cooperating. That didn’t deter the other dude, though.
“Here, I wrote out both of our numbers. Roman feels super bad for scaring you, so you can take your time, if you want.” He delicately placed a ripped piece of notebook paper on the backpack between them, “His is the first one. But I put mine in there too, so you can text me if you want to talk. The more friends, the better.”
Virgil’s phone buzzed, alerting him of Janus’ response.
“I’ll let you be, okay? Remember to text!” With an exuberant wave, he dashed back to the library. Virgil read Janus’ panicked message, asking what had happened, in a bit of a daze. His dad agreed to come get him, so he stuffed the paper into his pocket and slung his backpack over his shoulder.
-----
Janus had asked him not to go into his room when he was so worked up, instead giving him free reign of the living room while the older restarted the dinner he’d abandoned in favor of picking his son up. He’d turned on the TV for Virgil, changing the channel to a nature documentary, given Virgil his favorite weighted blanket, and left him with strict orders to call him if he started spiraling or needed a hug. 
The distraction had worked for a while, the soothing voice of the narrator almost lulling him to sleep, until his racing brain had come to the conclusion that this was the worst thing to ever happen in the history of ever and that he was going to die alone. He’d been a little hopeful that his soulmate would be a girl, to somewhat appease his trauma, but life was never that easy. A part of him had also been a little miffed about that hope, because as much as he liked to pretend, he had a preference for boys. A big preference. And his soulmate was cute. 
“Everything okay, Virgil?” Janus called through the pass through window into the kitchen, taking his eyes off his food preparation to watch his son’s pacing. 
“Yup!” He lied, picking and scratching at the skin of his hands out of his dad’s view. The pain settled him a little, giving him something he could control, but he knew he’d get a figurative slap on the wrist for it later. A concerned slap, not an angry one. Maybe more of ‘a cuddle on the couch and wrap the little patches of broken skin and an update with his counsellor’. So not really a slap. At all. As it usually went. 
Everything was wrong. What kind of shit first impression had he given his soulmate? Getting up and running away like an actual child? And that was only part of it. He was damaged goods, a broken person, who needed more help and reassurance than any other person. How could he explain to his soulmate that he was the cause of his problems without making him feel guilty? That wasn’t the life the man had signed up for, wasn’t the soulmate burden he’d wanted. He would want someone easy, someone who wouldn’t have panic attacks when they got shocked by a door knob, who didn’t stop eating when they were scared, who pressed pause on life when he woke up in a dissociating headspace. He couldn’t say that to him. He’d lost everything, that vague musical connection to an invisible soulmate, that had given him a subtle hope. It had been a quiet illusion, a promise that he’d be fine if it were never fulfilled. Knowing there was someone out there, providing him music, had been enough. But now…
“Virgil, hold these for me.”
When had Logan gotten home? He put his hands out obediently, clenching the fingers over the ice cubes placed in each palm. The sensation startled him and sent a shiver up his spine.
“Four, seven, eight. Ready?”
He followed the breathing pattern eagerly, feeling the curls of anxiety in his stomach slowly settle into butterflies. When he was breathing normally, an overwhelming sense of dizziness almost knocked him over. Logan took his arm and led him to the couch.
The next moment, Janus was kneeling in front of him, rubbing disinfectant into his few bloody scratches, the melting water dripping through his fingers and onto the carpet. 
“I should have noticed,” he murmured as he stuck a couple bandaids onto each hand, refusing to meet Virgil’s eyes.
“Don’t blame yourself, Janus. I don’t think it was happening for too long,” Logan assured, running a hand down Virgil��s spine. “Did this have to do with the reason you left school early today?”
Virgil nodded.
“Are you nonverbal?”
“No,” he choked, clearing his throat, “Just dry throat.”
“I got it,” Janus leapt to his feet and hurried to the kitchen.
With a heavy sigh, Virgil leaned into Logan’s side, the hand on his back traveling to wrap around his shoulder comfortingly. The last drops of the ice cube hit the carpet, and he dried his hands off on his jeans. “I met my soulmate today.”
“I see,” Logan said. For the umpteenth time, Virgil was beyond grateful that Logan was an expert at masking reactions. It made difficult conversations easier.
“It’s a guy.”
“How did that go?”
“I ran out of the library and had a panic attack. His roommate brought me my stuff and gave me their numbers. I made an idiot out of myself.”
Logan was quiet, giving Virgil a little squeeze. A water glass was pressed into his hands and Virgil downed the whole thing, passing it back to Janus, who placed it on the coffee table. 
“I think… I think I’m magnifying. Maybe.” He described his thoughts that led to his spiral as quickly as possible, feeling slightly pleased when Logan agreed with his hypothesis. 
“You are definitely magnifying. Good job for recognizing that, Virgil. You don’t even know him, much less what he thought of your interaction.”
“What’s our next step?” Janus spoke up, resting a hand on Virgil’s knee and rubbing it with his thumb.
He shook his head. “I don’t know.”
“Can you sleep on it, and message him tomorrow?”
Virgil thought about for a second before shaking his head even harder, “No. I have class with him tomorrow, and we’re getting a study guide for a test. I can not miss it. But what if he comes up to me, or wants to talk, and I embarrass myself again, and-”
His dads both hushed him at the same time and he took a deep breath, closing his eyes against Logan’s side. “What do I do?”
“You could message him tonight,” Janus drawled.
“Are you crazy?” He shrieked, “No! What would I even say? ‘Hey, you freaked me out today, sorry for running like a lunatic’?!”
“Why not explain the cause for your hasty escape?” Logan piped in.
“That’s way too much to load onto him as a first conversation.”
“Not all the gory details, just a vague explanation. That’s how I started talking to Logan,” Janus stated, adjusting his position on the floor. “If he’s your soulmate, Virge, he’ll be okay to deal with this. It’ll come out eventually, and if something else happens, it will be nice for him to have some context.”
Virgil groaned. “I hate when you make sense.”
“We can help you construct an adequate message.” Logan squeezed him again, meeting Janus’ eyes with a small smile.
“Fine.” Virgil snarled, pulling out his phone and the two numbers, typing the first one into his ‘new contact’ list. “Okay, what do I say?”
-----
V: Hey, I’m Virgil. We met earlier today. In a manner of speaking.
R: OMG, hi! I’m Roman. I am SO sorry for startling you!
V: It’s okay. It wasn’t your fault. 
R: I still feel bad DX
“He feels bad, what do I do?!”
“I would suggest explaining the reason you ran off to ease his concerns.”
“Me too. But ask first, and don’t give more details than you’re comfortable with.”
V: Can I be brutally honest for just a second?
R: Should I be nervous? Haha go ahead!
V: I was forced into conversion therapy about a year back, and I still carry a lot of the trauma with me. That’s why I ran. It was just gut instinct.
“He’s not responding, oh god, he’s going to block me, why isn’t he responding?!”
“I assume this news would take a moment to process. Focus on your breathing, Virgil. Don’t magnify.”
“You also sent it, like, ten seconds ago.”
R: Holy shit, that’s terrible. I’m so sorry. 
“...That’s not what I expected.”
“This is a regular reaction from a human being with even a lick of common sense, Virgil.”
“Seconded.”
V: It’s okay, I have a really great support system now. 
R: That’s good. I’ve never experienced anything like that, so I can only imagine how hard that was. 
R: I don’t expect you to answer if you don’t want to or don’t know, so please don’t feel pressured, but do you know what kind of soulbond we have? Is it platonic?
“Shit, fuck, who do I answer that?”
“With the truth, I’d imagine. Do you have an answer to his question?”
“Remember what I told you, kid. Your own pace.”
“Logan, if I explain it, can you put it into words? Please?”
V: I’m not averse to a possible romantic relationship in the future, but at the moment I am still learning to become comfortable with myself, as I have negative connections to that part of my identity that can become problematic if not properly worked through at my own pace.
R: Give me a couple seconds to decode that
V: My dad wrote it, he’s a prof. I have both of them helping me not freak out right now. 
R: You might want to date one day, but you need to take it slow because of your trauma. 
V: Uhm… yeah. I could have said it like that. 
R: Is talking to me upsetting you? We can always talk another time.
V: No, I’m okay. 
R: Okay, then as far as I’m concerned, we move at your pace. That’s not an issue for me at all. 
“I… oh. He’s… wow.”
“I agree with your sentiment.”
“I like this boy already.”
“DAD!”
R: Your dad’s a prof? 
V: One of them is. He teaches at our school, Prof Sanders. 4th year chemistry?
R: Oh shit. I’m in his class.
V: Lol he thinks he knows you
R: You have two dads?
V: Yep
R: That’s so cool. I’d really love to meet them.
V: Wow, we met today and you’re already wanting to meet my parents?
R: Heeey, I want to meet them as a FRIEND. 
V: My dad says after the semester’s over, you’re free to come by
One at a time, Virgil’s dads left him on the couch with an ear to ear grin, Janus to reheat dinner and Logan following him just so he could cling to his husband's waist as he moved around the kitchen. Neither of them wanted to disturb the little bubble their son was in. 
-----
In the weeks following, they’d started to sit together in the one class they shared. Virgil had begun to join him and Patton on their nightly library study sessions, and after some more gentle convincing, had given in to sitting with their whole friend group during meals at the cafeteria. He was growing more comfortable with Roman, no doubt about that.
Didn’t mean he wasn’t fighting off an anxiety attack as he waited by the door to get picked up for their first outing alone.
He kept checking his phone and glancing out the peephole as Janus ran calming fingers through his hair. Virgil leaned into the touch instinctively, consciously slowing his breathing as Janus hummed. Logan was watching him from the entrance to the hall, leaning on the kitchen door frame. There wasn’t much he could do, but dammit if he wasn’t going to watch his son go off on the most anxiety inducing situation of all of their lives.
“You’ll be okay, kid,” Janus muttered, pressing a kiss to the crown of his head. “You’ve been friends with him for a while now, and he said there were no expectations. You’re in total control here.”
“What if I have a flashback, or a panic attack, or go nonverbal or something? He’s going to freak the fuck out and then all the work will be for noth-”
Logan spoke up. “You’re worried about things that may not even happen. And besides, haven’t you spoken to Roman about these things already?”
“A bit. Not in detail,” he whispered.
“I would suggest you do so, today if possible. It will make any possible situations that arise easier and less jarring to deal with.”
Virgil looked up at Janus, a pleading look in his eyes.
“He’s right, kid. The sooner you get it out of the way, the better.”
There was a knock at the door and Virgil nearly jumped out of his skin. To his disdain, Janus backed away until he was next to Logan, gesturing at the door with a small smile. Virgil growled out a curse and opened the door, the scowl on his face melting into a sickeningly authentic smile.
“How’s my favorite emo? Hi Mr. Sanders, hey Prof.”
“Hello.”
“Salutations.”
“Your favorite emo?” Virgil snarked, pulling on his jacket. It wasn’t cold, not in the slightest, but he’d rather have the extra layer.
“You’re the only emo I know, so the choice is easy.”
“By process of elimination, doesn’t that also imply I’m your least favorite emo too?”
“Don’t start this again, Mr. Son-of-a-professor.”
“I’ll start it if I want to!”
The door closed behind them with one final wave to his parents, and the house was quiet. Janus leaned into Logan’s waiting arms, resting his head on the other’s collar bone. 
“He’s all grown up.”
“That he is, my love.”
-----
Virgil smirked as Roman set out a large cliche picnic blanket, gesturing for him to sit. He did, crossing his legs and leaning on his knees as the other began to unload the basket. 
“Okay, so for sandwiches, I have turkey, peanut butter and jelly, and ham. Patton made me bring apple slices because he’s a dad, but I’m sure we can convince the ducks to eat them.”
To prove his point, a group of ducks paddled out from under a weeping willow half submerged in the creek.
“I like apples,” Virgil defended, grabbing a slice from the open container and shoving the whole thing in his mouth. “How many people were you intending to feed with that much food?”
Roman pouted from behind a container of potato salad. “I had to show off my food skills, duh.”
“You made that?” Virgil asked with raised eyebrows as Roman set out a tin of mini quiches and a smaller one stacked with brownies and cookies. 
“The cookies were Patton’s, but he insisted I take some. And I would have bought more, but…” He tipped the basket towards Virgil, revealing the bottom absolutely filled with different canned drinks and water bottles. “I didn’t know what you wanted to drink.”
Virgil actually did laugh as he stretched forward to snag a Doctor Pepper, taking another apple slice as he sat back. 
“Do you have a sandwich preference?” Roman asked, choosing a Sprite for himself. 
“Turkey looks good.” Virgil said before his choice paralysis could come into play, breathing a sigh of relief as Roman handed one of the sandwiches to him. The less stress he added to his own life, the better. 
Roman had been right to bring an assortment of food, because dammit, he was a really good chef. Virgil was nervous to try a quiche, since he’d never had them before and the texture was odd to him, but Roman assured that if he didn’t like it, he’d eat it instead. Apparently he wasn’t eeked out by germs. After a nibble though, Virgil ate almost half the tin. Who knew cold eggs could be good? Roman took the ham sandwich, and they split the PB&J. The ducks were more than pleased to be given Roman’s half of the apple slices but Virgil refused to share, since fresh fruits were still a treat after a life of preserves. The younger wasn’t a huge fan of the potato salad, so Roman eagerly finished it, seemingly more excited to move onto the desserts but not wanting to leave any leftovers. 
They were just finishing up the frankly absurd amount of cookies and brownies when Roman broke their casual bickering, chasing a chocolate chip bite with a long swig of Sprite and tossing another apple to their swarm of awaiting ducks.
“So, tell me a bit about yourself, Virge.”
“What do you want to know?” Virgil replied, leaning back on his hands. 
“Anything, really. Childhood, siblings, favorite color, darkest fear.”
“Quite a spectrum, there.” There was a lot he could talk about, but he felt it might be better to get the bigger things out of the way. Janus was sort of the leading expert on this kind of thing, so his advice had probably been sound. He brushed his hands together to get the crumbs off them as he spoke, “Okay, so I grew up in the foster system.”
Roman tried to hide his wince. “Ouch. I’ve heard a lot of bad things.”
“It’s fucked,” Virgil drawled, stretching his arms above his head with a yawn, “I spent most of my time in a group home, though, because I was called ‘difficult’. No one wanted to deal with my ass.”
“Why?”
“Mmm, ran away, didn’t listen, talked back, antagonized any biological kids.”
“So like, a normal teenager?” The last apple slice was sacrificed to the feathered hoard. 
Virgil snorted, “Yeah, but I came with a receipt. And I kind of liked the group home more.”
“How many kids were in the home?”
“Never more than fifteen. It was a big home. But they circulated, and I was like a housecat. Never gone for more than a month.”
“Jeez,” Roman sighed, taking a sip of his soda. 
“My foster homes weren’t better.”
“Oh?” It was a subtle encouragement to keep talking, but now it was getting into territory that Virgil liked to avoid. 
“One of my foster houses was really neglectful, forgot to give us food, didn’t let us do laundry, that kind of stuff. Gave me a wicked ED. I was twelve.”
Roman grimaced.
“My next one was more emotionally and mentally manipulative. I was kind of made into a babysitter for their younger bio kids. I had to get them ready for school, make them dinner, just basically be a parent. After I ran away from them, they started having trouble placing me. I was older, had a shitty record, kind of a left over. I mean, I deserved it. I was a dick.”
“You were a kid, Virgil.”
“A kid who chose to make his own life harder.” He shrugged, “That’s why I was placed into… that home. They were a last resort place for other ‘trouble kids’.”
Virgil took a deep breath and, with Janus’ words in his mind, began to explain his attempted conversion; the slip of tongue that led to the placement, the verbal abuse, food deprivation, electroshock therapy, the snuck antipsychotics, forced isolation, ending with the day the wife had called the police behind her husband’s back out of guilt and he was rescued. 
Roman was quiet for a long minute after he finished talking, staring entranced at the can in his hands. The ducks had dispersed during Virgil’s story, upset at the lack of food. 
“I…”
Virgil waited for him to get up and leave, to say with false apologies that he didn’t think they would work out, that the connection was wrong. Because who would want to deal with him, his stupid trauma? But the man next to him didn’t move except to breathe, and Virgil took that as an invitation to continue, his tone quieter.
“I was super out of it for a while. Honestly, I don’t remember the rescue, or like a solid month after that, except for snippets here and there. The drugs were fucky. And then my social worker, god bless her heart, found Janus and Logan. Janus was in CT too for a while when he was younger, so they took me in. Took a long time, but I opened up to them, but by then I was eighteen. They still insisted on adopting me, though, and there’s absolutely no convincing Logan once he’s made his mind up, so… they did.” He waved his hands around a little. 
“Three months,” Roman blurted out of nowhere, making Virgil flinch.
“What?”
“Were you in ther-... CT for three months?”
“Two and a bit, why?” The moment it was out of his mouth, he realized the implications, and his heart froze.
“You were gone for three months. I thought you died, or… I don’t even know.” Roman looked like he was about to cry, watching Virgil imploringly. Him going MIA must have affected his soulmate more than he’d thought. 
“Two months of CT, and then another one before I got a new phone. I’m…” All the guilt he’d felt at the time came rushing back, the reminder of his soulmate’s music dwindling to almost nothing and him being helpless, “I’m sorry. Shit, I’m so sorry. That must have been…” 
“No, Virgil, you don’t get to apologize. That was not your fault.” He reached out a hand as if to grab Virgil’s and immediately pulled back, wringing his fingers instead. “Sorry, my choice of comforting is physical. But I won’t.”
“Thank you,” Virgil choked out, running his hands through his hair.
“Can you look at me?”
He did, taking a shuddering breath. He was moments away from a panic attack and he was not looking forward to that disaster. 
“You were being- quite literally- tortured for months. You were abused in ways that shouldn’t be legal, and you came out the other side stronger. Frankly, I’m amazed at your perseverance. You’re amazing.”
Simultaneously, Virgil felt a hot blush rise to his ears, and a sharp jolt run through his arms into his chest. He jerked violently, tipping over his own soda onto the grass. 
“Shit, did I say something wrong?” Roman gasped, reaching over to pluck up the can before it could spill more. It was already half empty, thank goodness. 
“No, I just… do that. Sometimes. From… CT. Kind of like ghost shocks, I guess.” Why couldn’t the ground just open up and swallow him whole, he wondered. He hadn’t done that jerk thing in front of anyone in so long. The last time had been in front of his now-parents, and they’d quickly grown used to it. He’d grown used to their own contact very soon and his twitches had stopped after he was accustomed to it, but it had never been directed towards him, and he had a feeling he’d need time to stop his impulse reactions. 
“And me calling you amazing…”
“Triggered them. It’s an exposure thing though, so I’ll just need to get used to it. Don’t blame yourself.” He dug the heels of his hands into his eyes until bright white flashes of light burst into his vision. Suddenly, he was exhausted. 
“Do you want me to drive you home?” Roman asked, already packing up their picnic basket. Virgil nodded, his social meter drained, and all ability to be a civil person was quickly deteriorating. His therapist said that would also begin to heal after a while. 
Roman was an absolute angel though, letting the silence linger so Virgil could cradle his slowly growing headache, even opening the door of his car like a perfect gentleman. As they pulled out of the parking lot, Virgil rested his head against the seat and let a tiny smile tug at his lips. It would be a long process to retrain his brain (in theory, he was okay with being in a relationship with a man, but actually doing it? Infinitely harder), but for once, he was actually looking forward to the process. 
Would you guys like a collection of one shots surrounding Virgil’s gradual warming up to his new family, a decent mix of angst and fluff? I have some ideas. 
Thanks for reading! Now, a taglist. 
@sapphic-satan
@anxious-logic
@wigsnatchedhoteltrivago
@extraintrovertedalien
@punk-academian-witch
@ray-does-stuff
@chimneychimney
@i-cant-find-a-good-username
@falsemood
@wtf-casper
@cpmansion
@killjoyjay
@fandomfan315
@anxious-darkwolf
@eternalmoonlight19
@winterwynd
@espepspes
@ironwoman359
@willowaudreykeyes
@mycatshuman
@weweregoddesses
@im-an-anxious-wreck
@imknittingahat
@surohsopsisofclouds
@korsaromantic66
@astraheart04
@quartz-z
@mikalya12
@koalas-in-coffee
@isabelle-stars
@a-ghostlight-for-roman
@existentialeggdogg
@pumpkinminette
@coffeeflavoredtears525600
@wyvern-tales
@heyhalloween
@grayson-22
@bullet-tothefeels
@mostlikelytokillyouwithaspoon
@lovelivingmydreams
@sarcasmremovedsoul
@crofterskinnie
@blissbiscuit
@baka-monarch
@lostspacecat
@green-call
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closetedfangirl6290 · 4 years
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Zuko and (teacher) Iroh high school au
(It’s been a hot minute but we back baby 🤗🤩)
Zuko
Senior
Fave subjects: Buisness and English Lit (surprisingly)
He used to only care about his buisness and economics classes because his father gave him a lot of pressure to have good grades and go to a good college/university.
He also knew it was the only way for his father to stop comparing him to his sister.
Eventually after a while he stopped putting so much pressure on himself and letting his dad get to him.
After that he found himself enjoying his uncles class more and more (YES IROH IS AN ENG TEACHER MORE ON THAT LATER)
Rich international student/e-boy aeshetic: black supreme, champion and antisocial social club baggy shirts and hoodies, gucci belt, black jeans and sweatpants.
Sports/Extracurriculars: Basketball and student council
He and Katara have a fierce rivalry in the student council as they both applied to be president.
After an exact tie in the votes from the student body, eventually Zuko got president and Katara was given vice-president since they knew she had one more year of high school left (and the council was too scared too choose between the two)
Zuko was always an angsty moody boi (whats dif from canon lol) cuz he had a lot of his pressure from his dad to be on top of his studies to get to university and take over the family buisness.
On Mondays he just running on caffeine and like 2 hours of sleep so he is cranky(-er than usual)
He also used to only hang out with his sisters and her friends or just spend time on his own being the brooding bAd BoY™
Eventually Aang annoyed him into being friends and hanging out with his friend group.
Katara was skeptical at first but eventually warmed up to him and they became the most powerful, hardworking duo that made real great changes with the student council.
Aang taught Zukko to relax more, have fun at high school while still balancing academics and just manage the emotional pressure from his dad.
Toph just likes to provoke Zuko by pranking him and jokingly (cough not jokingly) flirting with him.
Sokka also just loves to prank and tease Zuko everyday.
"sOKKA. STOP WRITING LOVE LETTERS ON MY BEHALF. I. DON'T. NEED. A. GIRLFRIEND.
"Aaaw c'mon buddy when's the last time you got some since that Mae girl?
"...I will murder you."
"AGSHJKV AANG HE L P"
Uncle Iroh
Teaches English literature at the high school
He often supervises most of the after school charity/volunteering clubs run by students.
He also runs an after-school self-care/mental health clubs for kids who need that kind of space to express their emotions.
So many students thank him for starting this club and tell him how much he's helped them towards the end of their high school career.
He's one of those veteran teachers who had been at the school for a long time and is beloved by every group of students.
Kind, patient and passionate about teaching and making sure his students are happy, excited to learn and fully understand all the concepts he teaches.
Every student is so hype when they see him on their schedule for the year
"Who do you have for english?"
"OMG YESS I GOT IROH. ENGLISH IS GONNA BE LIT THIS YEAR"
"dUDE what LUCKYYY. I got Bumi 😞 I mean he's nice enough but he's lowkey weird AF and I really can't understand what he's trying to teach"
His lessons are always super engaging and even though he isn't one of those super hyper, loud teachers, all students no matter how sleepy or awake will always pay attention.
His classroom always smells like tea because he's drinking a fresh cup of tea every. single. lesson.
A group of students once gave him a custom mug that says "World's best tea-cher" (with the word 'tea' printed on a picture of a teabag)
Iroh hasn't stopped using that mug ever since.
He's often seen walking around the school balancing that mug on his laptop and teaching materials
Iroh was also good at recognising when students had crushes on each other and would arrange his seating plan according to his OTP's.
Sometimes he would tease the students about their crushes in class
He would also sometimes ask students to stay behind and give them advice on their crushes and how to ask them to prom/festivals etc.
Zuko visits Iroh everyday during his Lunch period since Iroh always wants to chat with him and check on him.
At first Zuko was constantly brooding and stressed everytime he went to chat
After becoming friends with the gaang his mood and mental health improved greatly and Iroh was incredibly happy to recognise that change in him.
Zuko also used to always fall asleep or just act unbothered during Iroh's class since he never saw the point of learning about English Literature.
Iroh didn't mind but still occasionally tried to encourage Zuko to participate by asking him questions or just acknowledging in class.
"What did you think of the symbolism behind the streetcar, Zuko?"
"Eh I dunno? Desirable?"
"Wordsworth sure loved nature, his description of it is almost...romantic! Do you understand the pun there, Zuko?
"No, uncle."
Eventually he found himself appreciating his uncle's lessons, enjoying English literature and could sometimes make some terrible jokes.
"Now class, as we know Wordsworths daffodils is a prime example of his message for us to appreciate nature."
"Uncle if I may it seems like Wordsworth appreciated a different kind of flower, if you know what I mean...I mean opium just to be clear."
Iroh always laughed at every single joke no matter how terrible just because he was overjoyed that his nephew was finally paying attention and engaging in class.
Zuko also started carpooling to and from school with Iroh.
He was sick of taking the private car with his sister and hier friends anyway (rich boy problems™)
In these rides to school they would either chat about general school gossip, have deep conversations about Zuko's future and what it means to learn or just sit in silence and listen to soothing music.
And now these car rides were the best part of both of their days and memorise Zuko treasured when he went to college/university.
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fairycosmos · 5 years
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my family is fighting and i’m trying so hard to be on the fence and love and help everyone, and i want to, but my own mental health was hard to deal with before this, and it’s even worse now that everyone is fighting, and i don’t wanna be a bad personality, but.. i’ve started doing bad things again over this and i can’t do anything right and just, ugggghhhh, i’m so sorry, 8 just wanna scream and rant and cry and uggghhhhh sorry
hey love. i'm so sorry to hear that, what the fuck. 😔 don't apologize, you are allowed to be upset. you're completely justified in wanting to scream and cry and rant, that's the natural human reaction to being so emotionally overloaded. it's ok let it out, to yell into pillows, to cry when you need to. even if you feel stupid doing it. preventing negative emotions is pretty much impossible, so your focus should be on how to cope with them in a safe way, not blocking them out completely. obviously you deserve better than such a stressful environment but i'm just speaking practically, is all. anyway, listen. it is not your job to solve your family's problems. especially if you're just young. it's quite literally out of your hands. they won't see sense until they take responsibility, and you can't force them to do that. they are adults, they will either sort it out or spend some time apart. either outcome, while it may be painful, is often for the best. ultimately, how they choose to behave is ENTIRELY on them. it is not a reflection of you or your worth as a person. and it does not mean that things will be like this forever. i mean it, i can't reiterate it enough. if you've already been struggling with your mental health, your mind is going to try and make sense of the situation using blame and self hatred. but you must try to understand that that's just a part of the self destruction, and it's not a trustworthy train of thought. recognizing when your brain is pointlessly turning against you is the first step towards deconstructing your own self loathing. which eventually may make you feel more able to deal with your family's bullshit. each part of the cycle feeds into the other, and if you need to break it by prioritising your own mental health, then you have every right to do that. in fact it's crucial. i know it's easier said than done, and maybe you don't know where to start, but it doesn't have to be an instantaneous change. just small efforts like removing yourself from family disputes, practicing self soothing exercises, journaling, and considering talking to a professional (such as your doctor, or a hotline, or a school counselor if you're of that age), all of that will make a massive difference. of course there will always be a part of you that rejects the idea of seeking help, but acting on that urge leads you nowhere fast. focusing on your own mental and physical well being until your family gets a grip, or until you can distance yourself from them, is truly the best and most realistic course of action. if you begin confronting your internal issues, then it may feel easier to confront the external ones.
i know that's all very daunting, so just take a moment. for now, all you have to do is make sure you're in a safe environment and give yourself a moment to reframe your circumstances. breathe, find a distraction. you're not a bad person for struggling, okay? that would make all of us bad people. the voice trying to convince you of that is the same voice that is making you fall back into old habits. its just changed its message to make you feel guilty, that's how untrustworthy/manipulative/false it is. look, you're doing so much better than you think you are. and someday, way way way sooner than you realize, you are going to be able to life a life that is completely divorced of your family's issues. you are going to get to choose who is in your environment, you are going to be shown the love you deserve. it's all a matter of time and giving yourself the tools to get to that point, regardless of what else is going on in your home. if they keep trying to get you to engage in fights, stick to neutral and vague answers. disconnect from the chaos, that's what i did. i know it's a shame, i know it's uncomfortable. but enough is enough. it's normal to want to protect yourself, and you should. i'll absolutely be rooting for you with my whole heart, and i'll truly be here if you need a friend. you are not alone. bottom line is you can't control where you come from but you can control how you react to it, to an extent. and i really believe in you and your ability to grow from this one step at a time. sending so much love your way dude
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