#the founder of evil magic
When so many want you dead, it hardly seems good manners to argue. I’m atheist, but when God sends me to Hell, I want Him to hesitate. I have never done a crime. Not once. Not twice. Possibly three times, but definitely not four. Just because I’m helping you doesn’t mean I care. Your death would be a minor inconvenience. That’s all. I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.
Wei Wuxian at the Burial Mounds
Nie Mingjue: You’re pretty dumb.
Lan Xichen: Thanks.
Nie Mingjue: Why are you thanking me? I just insulted you.
Lan Xichen: All I heard was “You’re pretty.” I’m focusing on the positives in life.
The worst part of MDZS is that Wei Wuxian doesn’t remember being dead. Imagine the humour of him forgetting he’s alive and walking head-first into a wall, reinforcing the “crazy Mo Xuanyu” theory. /j
Wei Wuxian: We’re as thick as thieves!
Jiang Cheng: Okay.
Wei Wuxian: As juicy as burglars!
Jiang Cheng: Stop.
Wei Wuxian: Just a couple of dummy thicc stealy bois!
Wen Qionglin: What do we say to that?
Wei Wuxian: More beers, less tears.
Wen Qionglin: No!
Jiang Wanyin: Why is it that whenever I talk to you, I want to punch you in the face?!
Wei Wuxian: ...‘cause you’re mean?
Madam Yu: Can you do better?
Wei Wuxian: For a price.
Jiang Wanyin: The fact that you're still alive fills me with mass amounts of feelings.
Wei Wuxian: Good or bad?
Jiang Wanyin: I'll let you figure that one out.
Jiang Wanyin: Did you have to hit me with a corpse's leg? Was that really necessary?
Wei Wuxian: Necessary, no. Hilarious, yes.
Jin Zixun, exacerbated: There's an unspoken rule where if this many people are trying to kill you, then you should be dead already!
Wei Wuxian: Yeah, well, they all suck at killing.
Wei Wuxian: Lan Zhan, you have endured war and injury and tragic loss.
Wei Wuxian: ...So sorry again about that last one.
Jiang Wanyin | Jiang Cheng
Wei Wuxian, at any given time
Lan Wangji: Right now, I don't know if I want to kiss you or shove you off a bridge.
Wei Wuxian: Can I pick?
Wei Wuxian: [walks into the room without a shirt on]
Jiang Wanyin: Hey, topless.
Wei Wuxian: Well, you don't have to rub it in that I'm single.
Wei Wuxian: I'm just glad I didn't send any drunk texts last night.
Lan Wangji: But you did?
Wei Wuxian: What?
Lan Wangji: You sent me a text saying, "if you ever want your dick sucked, I'd gladly volunteer."
Wei Wuxian: Oh, that wasn't a drunk text.