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#the frog thing is done with this shit
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Local Gay Extremely Confused By Legalese And Selling Stuff
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abelllia · 2 years
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Help I've ranted about Elias so much to my non-tma-listener friends that when I talked about horse plinkos and who mine was they both immediately clocked in with "Elias?"
*screams* I truly want to throw him to the sun lmao
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harrylights · 11 months
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emo-batboy · 6 months
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Things Battinson Totally Did During His First Year of University
Using Unhinged or Odd Things I Also Did as a College Freshman :D
Note: for this list, let’s believe Bruce was living in an (admittedly expensive and swanky) dorm because it is required for first-years, especially those entering at a young age, and Alfred told him he needed to make friends. Also yes I did every single thing on this list. I never claimed to be a role model
Bruce, to his TA: I’m so sorry I’m late to class. I gave blood a few hours ago and almost fainted on the way here, but it won’t happen again.
Signs up for a class called “Age of Dinosaurs” despite it not being required whatsoever and proceeds to work his entire schedule around it
Bruce: Your mental health is super important. If you think you should see the on-campus therapist, go see them. Friend: Fine. I’ll sign up for therapy if you sign up for therapy too. Bruce: Hold on-
Finds a loophole in his housing contract that allows him to get a pet frog, calls him kermit :)
Gets a second frog because Kermit was lonely, names it Constantine after Muppets Most Wanted, then realizes that they’re gay for each other. Wonders if the rainbow-colored rocks he got them triggered anything
Swings dramatically between calling Alfred every single day and ghosting him for weeks, cries when he realizes what he did
“Accidentally” joins the student body council, doesn’t know what he’s doing, gets re-elected anyway
Molds a dragon out of Laffy Taffy instead of doing his work
Bruce: *joins Honors, gets all A’s, takes the max amount of classes, has several minors, overachieves* Also Bruce: I’m a failure.
Breaks into a building after hours to study because NO ONE KNOWS HOW TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AT THE LIBRARY
Bruce: I will not get seasonal depression this year. Bruce: *gets real and seasonal depression that year*
Meticulously schedules his day with a color-coded planner because if he sits down for too long, the thoughts will consume him
Gives a presentation to his rhetoric class on how much he likes Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse (it is 20 minutes long)
Successfully allocates funding from the student body council to pay for free feminine products in the dorms OUT OF SPITE because someone said it couldn't be done. fuck you, Andrew
Bruce: It is not an all-nighter if I go to sleep before my first class. Friend: It is 7:30am, the sun is in the sky, and your first class is at 12:30. Bruce: But I am getting sleep.
Refuses to go anywhere without his backpack because what if he needs three notebooks at once
Loses over 20 pounds because ✨stress✨ and scares the shit out of Alfred when he comes home for Thanksgiving
Argues with his TA over the one (1) question he got wrong on his Dinosaur exam
Bruce, calling Alfred: Hello father figure. How do I do taxes? Do I have to do them myself? Also, I think I’m having a panic attack.
Joins in on a charity arts-and-crafts project that gives kids books with matching activities made by volunteers, proceeds to commandeer the project because “it’s not color-blind friendly” and rewrites the instructions for everyone
Makes a murder wall
Goes to one (1) sports game and proceeds to leave in the first ten minutes because it’s way too loud wtf is wrong with people
Professor, addressing the lecture hall: I dare you to write an essay about these two sentences. Bruce: *writes an essay about six words, gets a 100, never even read the book*
Crawls into the ceiling for some alone time
Ghosts someone after a date because he’s too scared to tell them he didn’t know it was a date in the first place and now he feels bad
Classmate: How tf does he walk across campus that fast? I go in the same direction he does on my bike, and he’s always ahead of me. Bruce: *is gay sprinting to Dinosaur class*
Refuses to let others use his Favorite Pen TM
Constantly gets mistaken for a Grad Student because he is “so wise and mature” (bestie, that’s the autism)
Alfred: *casually mentions he got into a car accident through text* Bruce: *replies with a meme while hyperventilating because he doesn’t know what to do with that information??!*
Wears a suit to one of his finals
Regularly eats non-organic food for the first time in his life, proceeds to learn about several allergies Alfred forgot to mention he has
Writes “What is a Hot Pocket?” in calligraphy and proceeds to laugh his ass off alone in his dorm because he is so exhausted he’s reached the point of delusion
Locks himself out of his dorm right before class, frantically asks the floor group chat if someone can help, proceeds to tell the nice gay man on the floor who saved him “I love you” because his social skills have hit rock bottom
Makes a little music album display next to his desk for his favorite band (Nirvana) His friends call it a shrine, and they are technically correct
Has a blacklist of people he refuses to interact with because Reasons
Counselor: What do you want to do when you graduate? Bruce: *gestures vaguely*
Refuses to take the bus because there are people in there and he doesn’t like those
Loses one of his frogs, how tf did he do that, they’re fully aquatic, oh fuck, this is probably why they got rid of that loophole a year later because unbeknownst to Bruce, he accidentally started a frog revolution in the dorms, btw he SWEARS he did not mean to do that
Has two trash cans in his room: one for the Good Garbage, and one for the Bad Garbage. Only Bruce knows which is which
Bruce: *writes a creative piece about a ship’s final thoughts as it sinks, bringing its passengers down with it* TA: Absolutely lovely, Bruce, but are you okay?
Goes on Night Walks, keeps himself safe by maintaining a level 12 resting bitch face at all times
Earns the nickname “8th floor cryptid” after pacing the halls at 3am when it’s too cold for Night Walks (honestly tho how tf didn’t he get the nickname earlier?)
Bruce: Do you think a depressed person could do this? Bruce: *has a manic episode*
Okay that's all love you BYE
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thechekhov · 1 year
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Hey.
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please vote.
In ANY country, but specifically if you live in the US, are of age, and are capable of it in any shape or form. Even though it’s not presidential elections. Even though you might think it won’t matter. 
Please vote. 
I understand it’s not easy all the time. I realize that saying ‘your workplace is legally required to let you go vote’ doesn’t do squat if your boss doesn’t care about the law. I am familiar with how difficult it is to have to slog through campaigns full of catchy, nice-looking words that, upon closer inspection, reveal a much more sinister and selfish political goal. 
I was able to vote by mail in my state - by ordering an absentee ballot online, having it sent to me, filling it out, and sending it in by mail again. It was great because I had the time to sit with it and read through all the options presented before me. 
There are MANY states which require NO-EXCUSE-NEEDED absentee voting. (As in, they’ll simply send you a ballot in the mail if you ask.)
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Please, if you find it difficult to vote in person on the day of, check and see if it’s possible for you to vote by mail. In many cases, your state site may have an easy online application for you to order your ballot and receive it as quick as 2-4 days. 
Many states also allow you to vote early, on a day that you actually have off!
https://www.vote.org/early-voting-calendar/
And as for the ballot itself - tons of websites now offer you on-demand lists of people on your ballot, with explanations on their states and what they’re about - and the only thing you need is your zipcode! I typically use the one my state provides, but you can also get them for basically anywhere by going to this website:
www.vote411.org
And look...
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I know it isn’t a walk in the park, and I know politicians disappoint many of us, and it’s A) difficult to trust them and B) difficult to know you’re voting for a person who will make good choices. But we live in an age of information where we can look up what people’s stances are, what they’ve done in the past, and this is MUCH EASIER than it once was!
Don’t let people persuade you that voting does nothing! Look at Brazil!
 People who tell you that voting is useless are trying to stop you from voting - BECAUSE THEY, THEMSELVES, ARE OFTEN VOTING.
I come from an actual country where our votes haven’t meant SHIT for 20 years in a row. This shit built up slow and steady - boiling the frog, as it were. The US is far from perfect. But it’s far from pointless to vote, and KEEP voting. 
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chrollohearttags · 8 months
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okay, we know musician!eren is a freaky lil’ frog. That he loves doing all the things to please his lady and sometimes, he can’t control himself. But he definitely underestimates the lengths that (y/n) will go to just to see him satisfied. He loves to think he’s corrupting you or teaching you all the nasty shit that transpires in the bedroom. He always takes it to the next level…but one night? You send him into shock like he’s never seen when you take the reigns.
walking into the bedroom in nothing more than a robe, not saying a word..not a single thing underneath as you push him down on the bed and tell him to lay back. “Let me ride that fucking face.” He’s not used to you taking control and being so domineering but once he gets a taste of you dominating him, he wants nothing else. Especially when you cloud his view with nothing but your thick thighs, wrapping them around his head as you straddle from the bridge of his nose to his pouty little lips….smacking your own ass as he carefully devours your cunt. “Put your tongue in it, baby. Right there…” encouraging him as he grunts underneath, loving every second. Whether he can breathe or not is not none of your concern. But you can sense just how much he loves it when you turn around after twerking on his upper half to see his cock standing at attention. With his pretty features coated in your slick, it’s your turn to return the favor. Doing so by gliding your tongue down his chest and abs, something he’s done to you many of times. But not before kissing at his nipples and making this supposed alpha male twitch and shudder like a little bitch. “F-fuck..that’s—“ “feels good, doesn’t it?” Questioning with quite the devious glare on your face. Knowing that he’s about to really lose his mind when you move your mouth to the tip of his dick; making suctioning motions on it which always gets him to shuddering.
he’s so sensitive, it’s an absolute shame…poor thing’s clutching the bed by the time you really get into it. Eating his dick up as if you’ve been starved for it. Let saliva ooze and seep all down the sides as you take it to the back of your throat with no regard for your own breathing. “Princess..s-shit! You gotta slow down…oh my god.” “I’ll stop when I’m ready. This my dick.” You care even less when he busts a nut in the back of your throat and you just keep sucking without a care. Gulping, gagging and slurping noises filling the once quiet room, right along with Eren’s pathetic moans. His chest and stomach are caving so bad that he looks as if he’s hyperventilating. Alternating between his balls and slimy shaft..it’s as sexy as it messy and he doesn’t want you to stop. However, he knows he can’t last if you keep this up.
which is exactly why you waste no time climbing on top and riding him until this man’s eyes are permanently residing in the back of his head. Something that doesn’t take much when he’s already so depleted but once that tight little pussy starts gripping around him, he’s losing it. Stuck even!…
“Wait, baby…I don’t think—“ but you don’t need him to think, move or even speak right now..all you need him to do is lie there and let you fuck him senseless. Bouncing and burrowing that heavy ass down on his dick until it’s swallowed him whole. He’s never had anything like it. Watching your perform tricks he didn’t even think possible. From riding on your top toes to doing splits. The entire time, that slimy mixture drenching his entire pelvis..the pretty pearlescent fluid all a result of how good it felt. You even spread your own cheeks open so he can see firsthand how insane your grip is. Before long, he’s exploding yet again with another mind numbing nut and this time, it’s spilling inside of you. Only because you refused to let up and told him simply: “come in this pussy or you not coming at all..” and he tried not to be so weak..damn, he’s doing the best he can but he’s never had anybody fuck him like this. And after two emptied loads residing in your womb and his legs practically shaking, you decide to let him go..leaving him with nothing more than a kiss on the head as you hold him close to you and let him calm down. “It’s okay, baby..just breathe.”
knowing you just took his soul and set it in a fucking jar. Needless to say though..he’ll need that treatment more often.
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dilatorywriting · 1 year
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Monster Mayhem: Lion's Pride [Part 3]
Gender Neutral Reader x Leona Kingscholar Word Count: 6.2k
Summary: Your new job as a Full Time Royal Therapist does not pay nearly as well as you'd like. Or, Leona is more of a problem child than he would ever admit, but you're surprisingly okay at dealing with that.
[PART 1][PART 2] [PART 3]
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Sometimes you felt like you hardly knew what it meant to be a functional person, living a comfortable life on the fringes of society. So in comparison, trying to think of what it meant to be an actual prince, ruling over all of said society was something you literally could not comprehend no matter how hard you tried to wrap your head around it.  
“If you’re a Prince, what were you doing in a hole?” you asked, because you had far too many questions and concerns, and this one at least seemed easy enough to address. And also because you were genuinely pretty curious.  
The newly dubbed ‘Leona’ twitched against your back and you felt the low rumble of his snarl work its way from the depths of his gut all the way up through his chest and out his mouth.
“Holy shit,” Ace wheezed. “Screw this. I’m getting out of here before I wind up implicated as an accessory in your murder.”
And so your trusty friend abandoned you to the wolves lions?—darting away so quickly he always forget his bag, shoes, and everything else in the process.
You waved after him as he departed, knowing full well that he’d wind up stumbling back within the week, maybe two at most. He always did, no matter how much he complained about your Present Company. Plain old ‘murder’ was actually one of his more polite accusations. When he’d run into your Hunter friend the first time, Ace had gone on a wildly incoherent rant about how he was going to find your corpse strung up in a tree like some weird, ritual, sacrifice. And then that had devolved into something-something cannibalism or other. The visiting Hunter had just thrown his head back and laughed, positively enamored with the grisliness of it all. Ace had vanished for almost an entire month after that encounter, but he did come back—glaring up at you with a miserable pout like you were the one who’d gone and fucked off for thirty whole days.
Leona snorted and you felt the puff of breath against the back of your neck.
“Coward,” he grumbled, though he didn’t sound particularly displeased about your friend’s sudden departure.
“Fear lets us be brave,” you responded, wise as a sage. Or maybe an old frog in a puddle.
“Yeah?” he intoned, rolling his eyes. “And when’s that little rat ever been brave?”
“There’s always tomorrow,” you chirped, and that snort turned into something dangerously close to a chuckle. Which—gasp!—how dare such a pleasant sound fall from the lips of someone so obstinately determined to be otherwise! You grinned at the low tones of it, only for the snickering to cut off sharply in his throat once he’d realized what he was doing. And then of course he shoved you forward and out of his lap with a great amount of indignant snarling.
You laid there for a few minutes—face down in the sun-warmed grass and laughing quietly about just how ridiculous this stupid Lion was, before finally sitting up with a pleasant stretch. He could put on airs all he liked, you knew there was kernel of something far less angsty and murderous buried at the heart of him.
“So,” you hummed, lazily making your way back to your feet. “What exactly have I done to draw the realm’s Prince to my doorstep?” You squinted at him suspiciously. “You’re not here about the fairy gate thing, are you? Because that was actually an accident.”
“The what?” he frowned, brow pinched in confusion.
You waved him off. “Ah, nothing, nothing.”
Something in his jaw twitched, like now he was going to push the subject out of principle of you being shifty. But he just sighed and brought a hand up to pinch at the bridge of his nose.
“I need your help,” he said finally. Just as crabby as the first time he’d asked, if perhaps just a touch less imperious.
You arched a brow. “I think you’ve mentioned that already, yes.”
Silence.
The Lion stared you down with a slowly deepening scowl, and you stared back with a smile as placid and unmoved as the shallow pond you’d nearly drowned Ace in not an hour before.  
“If I apologize, you’ll help me?” he asked after a long moment, the question turning sharp at the end on a bitten of growl.
“That’s what I said, isn’t it?” you hummed back and he crossed his arms stubbornly over his chest.
“I’m sorry,” he said, with all the pleasantry of someone undergoing a root canal. And all the sincerity of Ace swearing that this was the last time he’d get caught evading the tax man, promise.
You sighed, feeling a bit cheated. But you hadn’t really stipulated anything beyond those two little words leaving his mouth, so if anything, that was on you.
“Alright,” you huffed. “What is it you need help with?”
The Lion glared at you suspiciously for a long moment—glowing eyes narrowed into slits and tail twitching back and forth like he was swatting flies. Finally, he sighed and lifted his hands out in front of him with a pointed flex.  
“It’s not supposed to be like this,” he frowned sourly, wrists twisting to display the pointed claws tipping his fingers. “I’m not supposed to get stuck in between.”
Your eyes traced the fluffy tufts of his round ears, the black-tipped tail swishing irritably at his hind, and allowed yourself a melancholy sort of huff.
“But you look good like this,” you pointed out sadly. Because he really, truly, did. Leona without his squishy lion ears would just be… grumpy. Miserable, and angular, and angry. Nothing soft worth coddling at all.
“That’s not the point!” he snapped, baring his overlarge canines at you. There was a darker cast along his cheekbones that seemed to be making a valiant effort to crawl all the way up into his fringe. “And don’t fucking say that!”
You frowned. One second this stupid dick wanted to be praised to the Heavens and back! Practically swanning about, demanding you bow down and acknowledge his blatant superiority. But, oh no. Apparently your meager half-sentence masquerading as a compliment was too much for his delicate, princely, sensibilities.
“Fine,” you griped. “You’re ugly.”
He growled—low and rumbling—and if he was anymore of a cat you’d say you could see his hackles raising in indignation. But before he could launch into another vicious, verbal, evisceration of your person, you cleared your throat loudly in an attempt to get him back on track.   
“What do you mean by ‘stuck in between?’”
He sneered down at you testily for a moment before reaching up to pinch at the bridge of his nose again and letting out a put-upon sort of sigh that was not at all indicative of the fact that he was the one asking you for help.
“The Shift. When you found me in that pit, I should have been able to Shift between that form and this one without issue,” he frowned, brow tugging down tight with something a bit more disquieted than his usual, flat, annoyance. “The iron was a problem, but once I was out of the trap, it should have been fine. I’ve dealt with cursed snares like this before, and the effects have never lingered as long as this one has.”
You blinked owlishly. That did sound… fairly unpleasant. And honestly, if you were in his position you’d also be at least a little concerned that something else was at play. But, still, all that being said—
“I’m sorry,” you frowned, more or less genuine. Perhaps leaning a bit harder into less.“But I don’t understand how that has anything to do with me.”
“You were down there with me,” he argued. “You dismantled the trap.”
Uh, yeah. By messing with bits that looked breakable until they broke. Not exactly a high-level intellectual pursuit.
You didn’t say that, of course. Because after a few days watching you scuttle about your homestead like a particularly vocal lizard in the dirt, you were sure he already thought you were stupid enough without you outright admitting to it. Nevertheless, the Lion observed your zip-lipped silence with an ever-deepening scowl.
“You took it apart,” he tried again, nearly a growl.
“Yes,” you said with a nod.
“You know how you did it,” he continued, firm. At your lack of affirmative, he pushed again. “You know. I watched you do it!”
You raised your hand nervously and made a little so-so tilting motion.
Anyone less refined would no doubt have had their head in their hands at this point, but Leona just curled his lip at you and looked like he was fighting valiantly not to put your own very silly head through a wall.
“It was charmed,” he spat. “Bound up with talismans, and cursed down to its very moldings. That isn’t something any random farmer could walk up and break.”
“Oh,” you blinked, taken aback, and struggled to recall if there had been anything so obviously enchanted about the trap you’d fiddled into bits. “Was it?”
And head had officially met hands. He ground his clawed fingers into his temples like you were a headache that with enough determination and massaging he may somehow be able to will away.
“Couldn’t you go just home if this is such a big problem?” you asked, still genuinely baffled at it all. “Get help from your family? I mean, you’re a Prin—”
“No,” he interrupted, emerald eyes gone glacier cold.
You frowned, as unimpressed by his prickliness as you usually were. But something in you was hesitant to prod at whatever it was that had managed to tug a feral rage so tightly across his face—like drawing a shade over a window until the entire home was cloaked in shadow, or slipping away behind a carved mask too heavy to ever wear comfortably. It was an expression so sharp and so bitter that if you hadn’t only just yesterday watched this stubborn man lounge about in the sun as your chickens hopped all over him like he was the world’s most carnivorous jungle gym, you wouldn’t ever have known that they could be the same person at all. 
“Alright,” you shrugged, and some of that angry, hunched, defensiveness eased into confusion.
“Hah?” he frowned.
“Alright,” you said again. “We’ll figure it out here.” He glared over at you balefully, and you waved off the obvious retort on the tip of his tongue about something-something-you have no idea what you’re doing-something-something-dangerous risks and lifelong consequences-blablabla. “I have a friend who would know a lot more about those kinds of traps and talismans that I do. He could help, probably.”
“Probably?” he scoffed. Though when he rolled his eyes, they weren’t quite so hate filled—lids hooded with a familiar, begrudging sort of irritation rather than outright malice.
“He’s a bit of an enigma,” you explained—wiggling your fingers in a little, sparkly, dance to emphasize the, well, enigmatic part.
Another huff. But amidst that grumpy bellyaching, you watched those fluffy ears of his slowly perk back up atop his head, and his tail swish leisurely behind him. The Lion certainly didn’t look happy (but did he ever? So was that really a fair comparison?), but he definitely seemed like he’d thawed into something less ‘frigid dead of winter’ and more ‘unpleasantly nippy spring morning.’
“Weirder than you, herbivore?” he sniffed, looking down his nose at you and crossing his arms loosely over his chest. “I find that hard to believe.”
Normally you would too. But, well…
“He’s charming,” you chirped pleasantly, and Leona’s face twisted up like you’d served him a bowl of rancid yogurt.
.
.
That night you composed a letter to your dearest Hunter friend. You thanked him for bringing you the White Moor Stag, elaborated a bit on the new marinade you’d been experimenting with, and then ended the whole thing with a polite plea for his aid in deconstructing the mechanisms of a magical trap you’d encountered. You bribed one of your two carrier pigeons with some snacks and watched it fly off into the unknown with a little, cream-colored envelope tied to its foot. Message talismans were much simpler and far more convenient, but the Hunter always seemed to appreciate the personal touch of postal birds.
Leona glared at you from the window, and made some dramatic swipe at your pigeon like he meant to knock it out of the air. The poor bird tottered about like an overfilled water balloon—jiggling and wriggling in its roundness before eventually righting itself and continuing on into the sky with a warbled coo coo.
“Don’t be rude,” you huffed at him.
“I can’t believe you still won’t let me in,” he sneered from beneath the fluff of that blanket you’d gifted him. “I apologized.”
“Yes, but you actually have to mean it,” you explained, not unkindly, as he prowled just beyond the glass. “But we’re making progress!” you beamed. “That’s something! Maybe you’ll make it in here within the next five years, hmm?”
“Or I could just wipe out the entirety of your ridiculous dirt farm now,” he threatened, a bit of that sandy magic swirling sinisterly along his fingers.
“You certainly could, your highness,” you agreed easily. His lip curled unpleasantly, but that glowing, gritty, arcana faded away and he didn’t move from where he’d tucked himself up under the duvet.
After another solid fifteen minutes of his pissy glowering and barbed insults, you pointedly unclipped the ties on your curtains and let them fall shut so that his ridiculous pouting was hidden away behind the thin, cotton, mess of poorly stitched flowers and herbs.
(You did leave a nice dinner plate on the ledge before that, with extra portions of meat and a neatly frosted cookie for dessert. Because as much as your day had been a bit rough, you had a feeling his melancholy extended far beyond being left out in the dark for another evening.)
.
.
The next morning, your doddering pigeon returned with an elegantly bound scroll—all embellished with golden filagree and tied up in a neat, crimson, bow.
“Why does this freak call you ‘mon cher ami,’” Leona sniffed, tongue curling awkwardly over the unfamiliar words.
You sighed and debated snatching the letter back, but all that would probably culminate in was the paper in tatters and a smug beastman lording his superior letter-wrangling skills over your head like a trophy.
“It’s just one of his little ticks,” you explained with a shrug. “I told you—he’s charming.”
“Ah, yes,” Leona drawled, tracing a claw along the parchment’s edge with a soft shhhhhft. A raised, white, line cut across the paper’s surface like the beginnings of a wound. “Waxing poetic nonsense in a foreign language. Rambling on about all kinds of useless fucking garbage. Charming.”
“You,” you snipped, reaching out to smack at his tightening grip before he could rend the poor correspondence to bits, “are not one to talk about ‘charming.’”
“Oh?” he scoffed. He maneuvered around your tutting to hold the letter over your head. Typical. When you leaned forward to try and wrangle it back, Leona leaned in closer—eyes going hooded and lips curling into a smug little smirk that promised all sorts of trouble. “Haven’t had any complaints about that before. Who’d be saying otherwise?”
“The person you left stranded at the bottom of a pit, you inglorious oaf,” you griped. His ears immediately swiveled to pin flat against the top of his head, and you used the distraction of his indignation to finally snatch back your prize. “Besides,” you huffed, straightening out some of the new wrinkles. “Not very Prince-like, is it? A real prince would have swept in to save the idiot in distress. Sword drawn, banners flying,” you sighed, a bit too besotted with your own imaginings. “Why did you have to be such a dick, huh? Ruined my fantasies for the rest of my life.”
“And what?” Leona snapped. “Some rogue bastard sending you cursive garbage does it for you?”
“Better than being left for dead in a hole after saving their life,” you smiled—perfectly, poisonously, pleasant.
Leona rumbled something indiscernible under his breath and turned to glare petulantly off across your garden.
“Besides,” you hummed, looking over the letter. “There’s more important things. Like this—right here. Do you know what a self-bored stone is? He’s thinking maybe there was a process like that with the iron shackles. Or maybe something to do with seeping the components in herbs… Hmm…”
“Whatever,” Leona scoffed. “I��ll try whatever it takes to fix this shit.”
You clapped him amiably on the shoulder. “That’s the spirit, tête de noeud!”
“The fuck did you just call me?!”
“Poetic nonsense,” you chirped, and Leona looked half ready to drop you back into the hole where he’d found you.
.
.
The first attempt to aid the Lion Prince in his conundrum didn’t go particularly well.
You’d tried to work off of the whole ‘overlap with a self-bored stone’ theory, but all that really amounted to was you gesturing like an over-serious crossing guard for him to walk under every low hanging branch, every arch, beneath the stunted beams of the chicken coop. You dangled rocks from strings and waved around your little creations like slightly more dangerous pompoms.
Penelope clucked irritably when one of the pebbles fell with a plunk into her nest, and Leona frowned up at you from where the wayward chicken had firmly situated herself in his lap.
“How was any of that supposed to help?”
You drew a blank and promised to try something new tomorrow.
The next day you tried herbs. The Hunter had listed off quite a few that were known to cause lingering issues with magical creatures, and you harvested the lot of them from your garden with ease. You held them up to Leona’s face one by one, brow furrowed in concentration, as you waited for… something.
“How is this any better than the rocks?” he complained.
You pushed the bright, butter-yellow, blossoms of some Saint John’s Wort under his nose until he sneezed and shoved you away with a slew of indignant threats to your person.
The following few days were spent perusing your meager library. You carted every book you owned on magic, and binding rituals, and rune smithing out into the yard. Leona looked over at the slowly growing pile of tomes with a truly unimpressed scowl.
“You could have just invited me inside,” he griped, rolling his eyes. He was splayed out in the grass at your side, his head tossed lazily across your lap after he’d complained that he needed at least some leverage to see what you were trying to read.
“Nice try,” you hummed, reaching for your page of hastily scribbled notes. “But you’re not getting off without a genuine apology that easy.”
A week passed in this fashion, with you attempting to string together more and more ludicrous ideas—throwing everything you had at the wall and hoping something, anything, would stick. But Leona’s ears stayed tufted and round. That tail seemed to only grow more twitchy, his claws longer and sharper.
You sent the Hunter another letter and waited anxiously for a reply. When it arrived the next morning, Leona snatched it from your pigeon before you’d even made it out your front door. It was a miserable sort of day—pouring rain and with nothing but the grey cloud cover overhead to color the world.
He read it over once, twice, before dropping it to the ground. You could see the tendons twitching along his jaw, could practically hear his molars grinding in his frustration.
You plucked the note from the grass and looked it over carefully.  
‘Mon ami, while I am loathe to address this, perhaps it is not the make of this trap at all that is causing such a vexation? Is there any chance that rather than this being a lingering malady, that this friend of yours was simply unable to overcome the initial curse in the first place?’
You glanced back up at Leona, who was intermittently clenching his fists at his sides. You could see the harsh indentations from where his claws were digging into the skin of his palms.
‘Sometimes such things just happen, je crains. The flesh may be willing, but often the spirit is weak. You mentioned this Roi du Leon has a powerful family he may turn to for assistance. Certainly one of them may be strong enough to overcome this curse for him, even if he perhaps is not.’
“Of course it’s all because I’m a fuck up,” Leona snarled. Some of that spitting, sandy, magic of his seeped into the air. It bit at the rain like an overeager dog. You could see it dancing along his skin—fighting to pull his features one way or another.
“He didn’t say that,” you pointed out gently. “And even if you were, there’s nothing wrong with needing help sometimes. Your family—"
“—Would rather I keeled over dead and stopped sullying my brother’s perfect fucking reputation!” he snapped. “Heir to the King’s Roar,” he scoffed. “Stupid. I was never going to be a king to begin with. And even if I had been born first, they would have deposed me to put their flawless, favorite, golden boy on the throne anyways.”
That... That was a lot. You stared at the pacing Lion with wide eyes—unsure how to help, unsure if any attempts to do so would only make this worse. This was—this was so above your ‘happy, homey, hermit’ paygrade.
“Of course this is all because of me,” he hissed, that roiling, angry, arcana coiling around him like curdled milk. The pupils in his eyes flickered oddly from round to thin-cut, hard, lines. Beastly. “Of course it was because I wasn’t good enough.”
“Leona,” you tried, as gentle as you could be.
The Prince threw his head back and laughed. And laughed, and laughed.
“I should have known!” he cackled, borderline hysterical. “I should have fucking known!”
“Leona—” you tried again, reaching out a hand.
Only to be immediately knocked on your ass by an explosion of magic.
You’d heard of self-destruction—of implosion. The arcane wonders of the world were a wily and unyielding mistress. While creatures like Leona who were so naturally steeped in ancient magics and sorcery could control that beast more adeptly than some little mortal like you, it didn’t make them any less susceptible to its dangers. If anything, they had it worse. It was like sitting in a shallow stream versus wading out into a roaring ocean. So much more opportunity, such a higher aptitude for greatness, but far too easy to drown beneath the churning tides of it all.
The inky, geometric, swirls along his arms pulsed like a heartbeat. They crawled along his skin and traced black patterns into his veins. Even you could feel the horrible, dark, stickiness of it—as the magic ate him alive. His face twisted back and forth between human and animal, and you watched him contort and snarl under the weight of it before turning on you with a vicious roar.
Uh oh.
The first wave of magic seared the ground, leaving nothing but strange, grey, sand in its wake. The more he snapped and clawed wildly at anything and everything, the more that dusty desert spread. You managed to hop out of the way of most of it—sparing a single, sad, thought for all the poor plants you’d worked so hard to cultivate dying a miserable, grainy, death.
The next arc of magic shot straight from his clawed fingers, and it managed to catch the flesh of your forearm. It was sharper than any dagger or sword that you’d ever had the pleasure of accidentally nicking yourself with, and it tore its way down your arm like a raging beast, leaving an eerie, tacky, bubbling mess in its wake. And ouch did it hurt—like someone was taking a fistful of coarse sand and rubbing it into the open wound. You ground your teeth against the strange, gnawing, sensation and hastily wrapped a bit of torn fabric around the weeping gash to keep it a bit more contained. You waited for the worst of it to pass, for that initial bite to fade into a more manageable throb. But it didn’t. It just got sharper and tighter, hotter and hotter. For a moment it felt like your skin was crackling—like firewood popping and splitting beneath the weight of a blaze. From across the field, Leona made a noise like a hurricane given voice, and you bit back a groan.
‘Oh come on,’ you hissed to yourself. ‘Not now, please.’  
And while you’d been mostly referring to the Lion losing another brick of his sanity fort, your wound seemed to pulse at the command—a sensation not unlike the soft drone of the wards carved deep into the support beams of your dilapidated home, and an impression of words tingling along your nerves without any real shape or form. ‘Alright. Later then.’ Like a breath of wind along your fingertips. That pulsing doubled back, and the wrap you’d hurriedly tied around your forearm hummed low with gentle arcana.   
And then the cracking stopped. Just like that. Like it’d given up on eating you alive and decided to head home early for the day.
Huh, you though a bit dazedly, before hurriedly ducking out of the way of another swipe.
You clutched your still smarting but at least now functional arm to your chest, and Leona turned on you and your ethereal booboo with a raging snarl. But then that glowing glare caught on the blood trailing down towards your wrist in too dark, too thick, rivulets and his eyes went wide. It wasn’t much, but the strange bought of shock rocketing through him gave you a handful of seconds of ceasefire. You reached into your pocket with your uninjured hand and pulled out a thick bit of cardstock. This was supposed to be for emergencies, goddamn it! And you’d spent so much money on this stupid little thing! And—
You shook off the mildly delusional complaints bogging down your brain and unfolded the paper between your fingers. The sigils inked into it hummed against your skin, and the rain sluffed off its face like the cold and the damp were no bother at all.
“Fucking—” you flung the talisman at your ridiculous, rampaging, guest. It fluttered like the beat of a hawk’s wings and dove towards him with just as much vicious precision. “GO TO SLEEP!”
The enchantment smacked into his face with an echoing THUNK and you watched those too-bright eyes of his roll up into his head as he collapsed to the ground in a heap.
With the main source of all the Magical Warfare knocked unconscious, most of the miasma began to disperse—like dust caught up in a gale. The rain washed away the rest. It slid into the mud and seeped back into the earth. The plants and animals seemed to give a collective sigh, and some of your more courageous chickens even started to venture in close to peck at the leftover destruction.
You approached the felled Prince hesitantly. The talisman had been meant for subduing an enemy with a more human constitution, so you doubted it would keep him down for very long.
“Hey,” you grouched, poking his side. He twitched a bit but didn’t move otherwise. “Hey, asshole,” you tried again. Still, nothing. Uh oh.
You reached down to wedge an arm under him and hoist him upright. The singed skin of your forearm brushed along his jaw as you attempted to maneuver his bulk, and his nose twitched sharply at whatever scent was trapped in the dark, cracking, gash there. His brow scrunched up like you’d just doused him in spoiled milk, so naturally you went about waving your wounded flesh beneath his nostrils like the world’s strangest smelling salts.
After a moment he blinked back awake, face twisted up into the most properly disgruntled mien of distaste that you’d ever seen on a person who’d only just barely managed to claw their way back into the world of the living.
“Herbivore,” he rumbled, still looking more than a bit dazed.
Good enough.
You manhandled him back onto his feet as best you could—turning yourself into an impromptu crutch to try and get him mobile again. The sand shifted and sank beneath your heels, making dragging his ridiculous, dramatic, ass even more of a challenge. As you hauled him towards your cottage, you complained to him in earnest. Every little irritation under the sun. Half because you’d probably never have another opportunity to bitch at him so thoroughly without getting your own earful of grievances in return, half to keep him conscious—keep him focused on staying here. With you. And not… Wherever it was he’d gone in those moments of delirium.  
“I still don’t get why you call me that,” you griped, readjusting your grip on him when he’d started to slide down to the point his nose had buried itself against your collarbone. “Herbivore. I’ve cooked so much meat for you since you decided to crash here. Talked about how I prepare it, and the flavors I experiment with—I literally gave you some from my own sandwich when we first met! That I ate the rest of! In front of you!—”
When you finally herded him over the threshold and into your little cottage, the wards and their protection slipped around him like the soft current of a stream. You hardly even noticed the way the old magics ruffled his hair—and that was only because you were actively looking, half convinced the house was still about to toss up an invisible barrier and send him sprawling back into the dirt.
Leona wobbled on his feet, and his eyes were still too far away and grey.
You grabbed him by the ear and maneuvered his too-tall self into one of your rickety kitchen chairs. The wood groaned under the sudden press of his dead weight, but it didn’t collapse beneath him so it wasn’t worth fussing over. Once you were certain he wasn’t about to fold over sideways and crumple to the ground (or at least, that he was angled enough over a rug that he wasn’t going to crack his head on the stone floor), you rushed off to your bookcases and shelves and began hurriedly rumaging through your collection of nonsense.
The charms, the charms. Where were your emergency charms?! You’d thought you left them right there on the—Ah! There we go.
You pulled the raggedy binder from its place on the shelf, blew away the coating of dust that had settled over the top of it, and returned to your patient.
You flipped open the worn leather hooks and began sorting through the dozens upon dozens of sheets of enchanted parchment within. They were unimpressive—just small, rectangular, bits of faded paper inlaid with the softest kinds of magic. Not meant for much more than coaxing warmth into chilly limbs or placing a soft kiss over a scraped knee. But medicines were medicines—whether arcane in origin or otherwise. If you—if you just doused him in the things, that would probably work. Right? Of course it would. That made perfect sense.
So you slapped the first talisman square in the middle of his forehead. Leona swayed at the wet SMACK of the paper gluing itself to his soaked-through skin, but aside from the faintest, startled, widening of his eyes, he didn’t do anything else to complain. So you stuck the next charm to his cheek, and then another on the opposite one too.
“Magic overuse is dangerous,” you chastised as you went about layering a veritable novel’s worth of pasty, paper, enchantments up his arms. The soft spells worked their way into his skin, and you watched those twisting, black, shapes skitter back up towards where they’d once sat peacefully curled around his bicep. “Are you trying to kill yourself, hah?!”
Instead of snapping back at you like normal, he just sort of… sat there. Accepting your angry accusations in frosty silence. He absolutely looked like a cat that you’d fished out of a bag in the river. Pathetic, and sad, and droopy. And… quiet. So, very, quiet. You frowned, because as much as you didn’t particularly enjoy being insulted every minute of the day, the Lion’s biting little remarks had become… familiar, at the very least. Even if they weren’t entirely pleasant. Even if he was far from pleasant.
The dampness on his skin was starting to curl the edges of your talismans, and you reached forward with a huff to at least pull the freezing, soaked-through, vest off his shoulders. The leather jacket landed with a wet plap on the stone floor, a cold puddle already pooling around all its stupidly intricate, embroidered, edges. Something fluttered out of one of the open pockets—small, and off white, and crinkled. You stepped over the whole mess to retrieve a pile of towels and didn’t give it a second thought.
“Make a mess of my home, why don’t you,” you complained, dropping one of the towels over the entirety of his head before reaching forward to start drying him off with perhaps a bit more force than necessary. “Drip all over the floors I just mopped, why don’t you. Be emotionally constipated and almost turn my whole yard into a sand pit, why don’t you—”
A hand reached out to snag your wrist, and you let him pull you away from your attempts to rub all that stupidly thick hair straight off his head.
From beneath the curtain of the cotton towel, you could see Leona glaring at the long, dark, scratch curling along your forearm. It certainly wasn’t… nice to look at. The gymnastics of getting him into your cottage had managed to displace the impromptu bandage, so the whole of it was just there. Bruised, and dark, and odd looking. But ugly or not, it was hardly bleeding or anything anymore! And he was the one who had almost just self-destructed in your front yard!
‘Think of the accusations!’ you wanted to wail. ‘Can you imagine the garbage I would have to deal with if I wound up with a dead royal fertilizing my garden?! No thank you!’
But before you could complain about his fussing, his claws flexed against the soft skin of your palm and you saw the muscles along his forearm tense—like he was fighting to keep still.
“You should be dead,” he muttered, terse.
You huffed. “Look, I know you think humans are all sorts of pathetic, but I’m not that—”
“You should be dead,” he repeated, sounding as if the words had to tear their way out of his throat—scraping like shards of glass all the way up.
You stared at his dark eyes and dripping bangs—the shadows playing across his cheeks and the strange, hollow, wrongness that had settled over all of him. With a heavy sigh you plopped yourself down into the chair across from his and dragged a handful of the leftover charms your way. Pointedly, you took one and slapped it over the wound. And then another.  
“See?” you said, flexing your wrist in his grip to put the creeping, black, cut on display. The talismans glowed softly against your skin and the lingering whisps of darkness licking at the the injury began to fade. “All better. Not something a dead person would say at all.”
Leona frowned, but at least it looked a bit more annoyed than outright bleak. And besides, frowns were better than whatever that stoic, expressionless, numbness had been.
“Though I appreciate your concern,” you grinned, pointedly sharp and prodding. Like a toddler standing by with a stick, hoping to poke out a reaction. “Truly, whatever would I do without the Great Lord Lion there to fret over me?”
But instead of the acidic ‘I wasn’t fucking worried,’ that you were expecting, or even a more muted grumble of dissent, Leona’s brow just pinched in displeasure and your awkward attempts at teasing faded into terse silence.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered, almost too quiet to hear—his head low and eyes lower.
You sighed and twisted your wrist around to pat at his hand. There was the faintest tremor in his fingers and you tangled your own between them to give him something to squeeze, something to hide the shiver of lingering malaise that he would no doubt deny with his dying breath. You observed the stern, tight, expression warping his otherwise handsome face—the miserable, puckered, angle of his mouth and the way the emerald of his eyes was cut through with a shadow of genuine remorse. You reached out with your other hand to pet at his soft, round ears. They squished flat beneath your palm and your lips twitched up into a fond, little smile. Leona tipped his chin just enough to glower at you from beneath his bangs with no real heat, and you sighed and gave him one more pat for good measure.
“You’re forgiven.”
.
.
.
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solarmorrigan · 8 months
Text
(Slight disclaimer: I haven't seen S2 in almost a year and parts of it are hazy, so if some details here seem repetitive/don't quite match up... don't worry about it, I love you <3)
cw: anxiety, mentions of past child abuse
-
Steve had not, for the record, wanted to spend his Saturday tromping around by the stream in the woods searching for tadpoles. He’d wanted to go to the movies, or maybe get lunch, or even just hang out, but Dustin had insisted, and now Steve is slopping through the muddy grass and trying to figure out if there’s any way he can get them home without getting the inside of his car filthy.
(Probably not.)
It’s not that he’s opposed to getting his hands dirty when he needs to, it’s just that hunting for baby frogs doesn’t seem like a need to Steve, no matter what Dustin says. He probably shouldn’t be such a pushover for the kid, but– Steve’s actually a little worried about him.
He’s been in a nasty mood for the last couple of weeks, alternating between snappish and sullen, throwing biting comments at Steve that go beyond his usual know-it-all lilt, or else going silent and only shrugging when Steve tries to ask him questions.
And Steve’s trying not to take it personally; they’d hung out a lot through the winter and on into the new spring, and he knows Dustin isn’t normally like this, and he doesn’t think it’s anything he’s done (Dustin keeps seeking him out, so it’s probably not him), but it’s definitely something. So when Dustin had actually suggested something for them to do, had actually seemed excited about it, Steve had been hard pressed to say no.
Even if it meant mud.
“Hey,” Steve calls as Dustin pulls ahead of him to start climbing down the embankment that pens in the stream. “Watch it, alright? It’s slippery.”
“I know what I’m doing, Steve,” Dustin snaps, and Steve can practically hear him rolling his eyes.
“Fine, sorry for giving a shit if you break your leg or something,” Steve mutters, beginning the precarious trip down the embankment himself. “You don’t have to bite my head off.”
Dustin sighs. “Whatever.”
Steve shakes his head. He really hopes this isn’t just the start of puberty, or something. He doesn’t think he can handle another four or five years of this attitude.
(He doesn’t even question it anymore, the assumption that he’ll be around as Dustin continues growing up; it just seems like kind of a given.)
“So what are we doing here, again?” Steve asks when they reach the stream.
“I told you: we’re looking for tadpoles.” Dustin tosses a glance at Steve. “Baby frogs.”
“Yeah, dude, I know what a tadpole is, I did actually pass second grade science,” Steve snarks back. “Why are we looking for them, though?”
“I need them for school. For a science project,” Dustin says, peeling off to start looking in the shallow edges of the stream.
“Right…” Steve moves off in the opposite direction, looking for the shape of a thing he remembers seeing in a science textbook probably too many years ago.
They search in silence for a little bit, nothing but the sound of the woods and babble of water between them, but Steve keeps half his attention on Dustin even as he looks. If the kid falls in the stream and drowns, Claudia will never forgive him. He twitches a little when he watches Dustin skid over a rocky patch on the bank, but he finds his footing quickly enough, so Steve keeps his mouth shut.
“You’re not gonna, like, experiment on these things, are you?” Steve asks idly, finally tiring of the silence.
“Of course not!” Dustin exclaims. “I’m just gonna study ‘em. I’ll give them a good home and everything!”
“Alright, alright.” Steve holds up his hands in surrender. “Just checking that it’s not going to end up like the last time you brought in something weird from outside.”
Dustin stops walking, going quiet for a long moment, and when he turns around Steve is startled to see that he looks pissed.
“I’m not actually an idiot, Steve!” he barks. “I can tell the difference between a frog and some kind of alien monster!”
“Okay, sorry, I didn’t–”
“It’s not like I saw D’art and thought he was anything from around here!” Dustin goes on, stalking back towards Steve. “I didn’t think he was just some kind of fucked up frog! I knew he was something different, there was scientific merit in wanting to study him, and I’m sick of everyone acting like it was just some stupid mistake!”
“I didn’t mean to– Careful!”
Steve has no time to do much more than shout a warning and throw out a useless hand as Dustin goes skidding back over the slick, rocky patch, then slips and goes down hard, catching himself on his hands and one knee.
“Shit, Henderson, are you okay?” Steve is kneeling in front of Dustin in a blink, already searching for visible injuries; he’s probably fine, it hadn’t looked like he’d hit anything vital on the way down, but it couldn’t hurt to just check.
Dustin doesn’t move, his head still hanging between his shoulders, his back so tense he’s almost trembling, and worry starts to bloom in the pit of Steve’s stomach.
“Henderson?” Steve tries again, and that’s when he hears it – the sniffle.
Shit.
“Hey. Dustin,” Steve says, slipping into the same calm, firm register he uses when he’s lifeguarding, without even realizing he’s done it (honestly, he’d had to deal with a lot more kids with scraped knees than he had potential drowning victims when he’d worked at the public pool); he cups his hand over the back of Dustin’s neck, squeezing gently to get his attention. “I need you to let me see. I need to make sure you’re alright.”
Slowly, Dustin shifts so that he’s sitting with both knees bent in front of him, though he keeps his head bent down – and that’s fine, Steve won’t make him look up just yet. Instead, he does a quick inspection of everything else; both of Dustin’s palms are a little scraped up, and one is bleeding a bit, but it’s his knee that got the worst of it. It looks like it caught and scraped on the sharp edge of a rock, leaving a bleeding strip of skin that curves across the surface of it.
(It probably wouldn’t have been so bad if Dustin hadn’t insisted on wearing shorts in March, but whatever. Now really isn’t the time to argue about practical fashion.)
“Okay, this looks like a pretty shallow scrape. I bet it stings like hell, but it’ll be a million times better once we get it cleaned up,” Steve says, framing the wound with gentle fingers, careful to avoid the drip of blood streaming down Dustin’s shin.
Still, Dustin says nothing. He’s practically trembling now, sniffling again, and Steve frowns.
“Did you hurt yourself anywhere else?” he asks.
Dustin shakes his head.
“Are you sure? Did you hit your head when you went down? You should let me–”
“I’m not hurt, Steve, Jesus fucking Christ!” Dustin snaps, finally looking up; his cheeks are red and his eyes are watery and he’s clearly trying hard to hold everything in, so Steve does his best not to rock the boat too hard.
“Okay,” he says, low and smooth, still stuck halfway in crisis management mode, “then can you tell me what’s wrong?”
“Everything!” Dustin chokes. “Fucking everything is wrong, okay? I keep – I keep having nightmares and I feel like I haven’t slept in weeks and I’m so tired.” He loses the fight with his tears and they finally spill over, running down his face. “And my mom was talking about Mews the other day, like, just stuff he used to do, and she misses him even though we have Tews, and sometimes I feel like I killed the stupid cat, and I just–”
“Shit, dude, I’m sorry.” Steve reaches up and cups his hand right at the juncture of Dustin’s shoulder and neck, giving him another gentle squeeze. “You didn’t kill your cat, okay?”
Dustin gives a congested snort that’s distinctly lacking in his usual derision. “Yeah, I know that about the same as I know there’s nothing coming to get me at night, but I still can’t sleep.” He sniffs again, reaching up and trying to smear his tears away with the back of his hand. “I’m so done with this, I just– I want it to be over. It’s supposed to be over.”
There’s a little tremor in Dustin’s voice, and Steve’s heart breaks a little bit, because he knows exactly what Dustin means – he knows what the nightmares are like, he knows the guilt over things you can’t change, he knows the feeling of jumping at shadows. And fuck, the kid’s still so young.
(Never mind that Steve’s not even scraping nineteen yet. Never mind that.)
He should probably talk to an actual professional, or something—get some real help—but Steve isn’t sure there’s anyone out there that Dustin can talk to about government coverups and literal monsters from a hell dimension beneath their town. He’s not sure if there’s anyone even qualified. And while Steve sure as hell doesn’t feel qualified to do anything, either, he’d been there with Dustin when it happened, and he’s here with Dustin now, so he’s going to do his best.
“Okay, c’mere,” Steve says, giving one of Dustin’s arms a tug.
Dustin doesn’t argue, doesn’t even question him, and that’s almost more alarming than anything else; he follows Steve a few feet over to a grassy patch at the foot of the embankment and leans heavily into Steve’s side when they sit down again. The grass is a little wet, but Steve doesn’t even feel it as he wraps an arm around Dustin’s back and pulls him closer.
They spend a minute with Dustin’s face half buried in Steve’s shoulder before Dustin gives a muffled grunt of annoyance and tries to pull away. “This is bullshit,” he mutters.
Steve quashes the way he wants to flinch at the declaration and looks down at Dustin instead. “What?”
“Sitting here crying my ass off. It’s stupid. I’m being a baby,” Dustin says, trying to wipe his face clean even as more tears replace the ones he’s just dried away.
“It’s not stupid. Crying is normal,” Steve says.
Dustin scoffs, still trying to pull out of Steve’s hold, but Steve keeps a hand in the middle of his back, unwilling to let him go far.
“I’m serious,” Steve insists. “It’s, like, a normal body reaction, or something. It happens. People cry.”
“You don’t,” Dustin shoots back, and Steve can’t help the instinctive huff of this-isn’t-actually-funny-at-all laughter.
“Yeah, man, because I’m kinda fucked up.”
It’s clearly not the reaction Dustin is expecting, and he stares up at Steve with furrowed brows. “What?”
And– well, fair’s fair, isn’t it? Dustin told Steve what’s bothering him, so Steve can open up a little bit in return, can’t he?
Besides, he can’t really think of any other way to convince Dustin that he’s not just pulling some cool, tough guy shit.
No, he doesn’t stop to cry, but it’s hardly even a choice anymore.
“I used to cry really easily, actually,” Steve says, looking away from Dustin and staring out at the stream instead. “Like, over everything. Literally cried over a glass of milk I spilled once.”
Dustin gives a wet huff of laughter, and Steve allows himself the tug of a quick smile.
“My dad fucking hated it. He was always telling me to stop whining, stop crying, stop acting like–” –a little bitch, Steven. Alright, maybe Dustin didn’t need to hear everything his dad had said to him. “He said I needed to toughen up, be a man. The last time I really cried, I was, like, nine, I think? I don’t even remember what it was over, I just remember that it pissed my dad off. And he said he’d give me something to cry about, and, uh–”
Steve can feel Dustin going tense under his palm, as if he’s afraid of what comes next, and that’s fine. Steve has no problem stopping there; it’s not a story he’d relish retelling in its entirety.
“Anyway, after that, I just kinda… made myself stop. Just like he wanted. And honestly?” Steve blows out a breath, still staring hard at the stream. “It just makes everything worse, holding that shit in. Makes you feel like shit.”
Makes you want to make other people feel like shit, too, because at least it’s an outlet.
“So, whatever. ‘Be a man.’ That’s bullshit.” Steve has known for years that his dad is an asshole, that the things he says are shit, and maybe he’s never known what to do in the face of it, maybe he’s never reacted in a way that’s healthy or even safe, but that doesn’t mean he has to spread the disease around. “Don’t be like me, man, be like you. Cry if you have to.”
Slowly, Dustin wilts back into Steve’s side, curling up under his arm and burying his face half in Steve’s shoulder again.
“You’re actually really smart sometimes,” Dustin mumbles against Steve’s shirt, and Steve snorts.
“Yeah, once in a while I might have some shit worth listening to.”
Dustin’s shoulders start shaking again, so Steve slings his arm more tightly around his back, and Dustin wraps an arm around his middle and clutches at Steve’s sweatshirt. At this point, it’s probably beyond stained with mud and snot and the blood from Dustin’s palms, but Steve can’t really bring himself to care. It’s not like it’s his favorite.
It isn’t the most comfortable place for a breakdown; March in Indiana is still chilly, and the grass is still damp, and the ground is hard, and Dustin’s cap keeps jabbing Steve in the collarbone, but Steve isn’t going to move until Dustin is ready. So they stay a while.
(Steve does end up knocking Dustin’s cap off, because it really is annoying, but he can’t help the little trill of fondness that goes through his chest when he realizes that he can faintly smell the shampoo he’d recommended to him.)
Finally, Dustin pulls away with a heavy sigh, snatching his hat back up and placing it firmly on his head, and Steve takes that to mean that it’s time to go.
“Alright, I’ve got a first aid kit in the car, and I think we can at least tape you together long enough to get back to my house,” Steve says, heaving himself up off the ground.
“We didn’t find any tadpoles, though,” Dustin says, looking back at the stream. “I seriously do need some for my project.”
“We can come back tomorrow,” Steve says, even though he really doesn’t want to spend his Sunday tromping around by the stream in the woods searching for tadpoles.
“Yeah?” Dustin aims a hopeful little smile up at him. “Can I stay over?”
Steve shrugs. “If your mom says it’s fine, yeah.”
(They both know she will.)
“Awesome.” Dustin grins, but it’s a pale shadow of its usual intensity; the kid looks wrung out.
Steve glances up the embankment and then looks back at Dustin.
“Hey,” he says. “You want a lift?”
Dustin, who had been preparing to start the climb back up, looks over at him in confusion. “What?”
“Up the hill.” Steve jerks his head towards the incline.
“How?”
“Piggyback ride. One-time offer.”
“Dude, it’s steep as shit. And I just had a growth spurt,” Dustin scoffs. “There’s no way you can carry me up that thing.”
Steve smirks. “Wanna bet?”
“What do I win?” Dustin asks.
“You get to pick the movie when we get back to my house,” Steve offers.
Dustin chews it over for a moment, then nods. “Deal.”
“Deal.” Steve kneels down. “Hop on. And try not to choke me.”
When Steve stands up again, Dustin settled against his back, he realizes he may have slightly overestimated his own abilities; light, Dustin is not (the kid’s almost fourteen now, Jesus H. Christ), but Steve isn’t one to back down from a challenge.
He starts up the embankment.
“When I win, after you drop us both back down the hill,” Dustin says, “I’m gonna pick Ghostbusters.”
Steve groans. They’ve watched that movie a hundred times now, and he has his limits. “When we get to the top, and I win, I’m going to pick anything but Ghostbusters.”
“Dream on, Steve,” Dustin pats his chest, and Steve keeps climbing.
They’re about halfway up when Dustin laughs in his ear, clutching more tightly around Steve’s neck as the incline gets steeper. “Holy shit, you’re actually doing it!”
“Told you,” Steve says, proudly sounding only a little strained.
He does have to drop Dustin’s legs and use his hands to make sure he doesn’t lose his balance when they get near the top, which does result in Dustin choking him, but Steve gets his revenge by wiping the excess mud on his palms off on the front of Dustin’s shorts once they get over the edge of the embankment.
(“Dude, what the hell!”
“You were already muddy!”)
Still, Dustin laughs and chatters all the way back to the car, still a little more quietly than usual, but Steve doesn’t think he’s seen him smile this much in weeks, so the strain he can already feel setting up in his legs and back is probably worth it.
And they will not be watching Ghostbusters (again) when they get back to his house, but maybe he’ll pick one of the Star Wars movies instead.
He can’t fix everything for Dustin, but he can at least make sure they have a good night – and sometimes, that’s good enough.
[Prompt: Piggyback rides]
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not-magdi · 7 months
Text
Face Masks
Summary: Pablo discovering the wonderful world of face masks
Pairing: Pablo Gavi x fem!reader
Warnings: none just pure fluff
Words: 534
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Skincare was extremely important to you. You enjoyed having a nightly routine, which helped you stay calm and sane despite your hectic life with your boyfriend, Pablo Gavi.
You have your serums and your creams all nicely lined up on the bathroom shelf. All organized by colours and sizes, it's your little happy place.
Pablo didn't understand it at first, not getting behind the idea of standing an hour in the bathroom, smearing different things on your face. But after you explained their importance to you, he accepted it. He still doesn't understand it but learns to live with it.
You're currently standing in your holy bathroom, applying a face mask to your face, as you feel two hands snake around your waist.
"When are you coming to bed amor.?"
"Soon, I'm almost done."
Dipping his finger in the container, he plays with the mask and draws a disgusted face.
"And you put that on your face because you want to?"
You chuckle and nod your head, finishing applying it to your face. Then, an idea sparked in your mind.
"Hey, can I apply some to your face?"
"Absolutely not!"
"Come on, pleaseeeeee?"
You try to give him your best puppy-dog eyes, and not surprising you at all, it takes exactly one minute for him to budge.
"Fineee, but my face better be as soft as a baby's butt after this"
You celebrate your success for a second before you beckon him to sit on the counter before you. Finding the most stupid headband you own, you put it in his head.
Taking a step back, you admire how your boyfriend looked with his hair all put-back. You started to laugh at the sight before you. He looked like a little kid with his little frog headband.
"You having fun, cariño?"
"Yes, very much."
Composing yourself, you start to apply the mask to his face. Which was harder than you might think because that little shit kept trying to move away all the goddam time.
"Amor, that's cold!"
"Yeah, yeah, I know. Beauty is pain, baby. Beauty is pain."
After you finished applying the mask to his face, you took a good look at your artwork. It was the cutest thing you have ever seen in your entire life.
Pablo's face, completely covered in a white face mask, with a pout on his lips, was a sight that was now permanently burned in your brain.
Grabbing your phone, you take a photo of this sight to post it afterwards.
"Really, you gonna take a photo of my suffering?"
"Yes, now come here. I wanna take a selfie too."
You take a few selfies and cuddle up on the bed to wait until the masks are dry.
"Amor, are they supposed to burn?"
"Uhh, yeees?"
You let out a sigh of relief as you hear the timer go off. Dragging Pablo to the bathroom, you wash the mask off his face, chuckling at his surprised face, when he feels how soft his skin got.
"Dios mio, it's so soft!"
"I know, face masks are awesome right?"
"Sí, cariño, we need to do this more often OK?!"
Laughing, you nod your head, kissing his cheek, happy how excited he got over face masks.
your_username
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Liked by pedrigonzáles, mikkykiemeney and 430.000 others
your_username couldn't convince him to keep the headband 😂
tagged: pablogavi
pablogavi: love you ❤️ and my soft skin
pedrigonzáles: Stylisch hermano 😂
⎮pablogavi: Ey, your skin is gonna thank you afterwards
pablitooogavi: Not Pablo being obsessed with face masks 😂
⎜liked by pablogavi
mikkykiemeney: How did you get him to do that?!
⎜your_username: I bribed him with food
user7325384: Hahah, I love them
fcbarçalover: Couple goaaalllllsss!!
gaviisthebest: If they break up I'm gonna need therapy
⎜liked by your_username
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melancholypancakes · 11 months
Text
I don't know why no one has done this but we need more Actor! Wally Darling x reader from the Actor AU where he's all sassy and diva.
If human readers, definitely his assistant, hair stylus, bodyguard or producer ;)
Human x puppet would be an interesting romance fanfic especially considering Wally would fall for this human.
could be fluff or angst, the angst would be funny in my head like it could be his Assistant or hair stylus would be tired of his shit XD
For example, Wally basically treats Y/n bad for too long and they're not having it.
Wally just understand his feelings for Y/n so he starts denying his feelings.
He never admits them and it’s too late.
they had enough and decide to leave “Welcome home” for the “The muppets show”.
{…}
*Basically Wally being rude to them and Y/n just can't seem to take it anymore*
"Just schedule it for next week and no MISTAKES." Wally demanded.
However, Y/n was done.
“You know what. No. Fuck you.” Y/n glared daggers at Wally as he gasp in diva
"What? No?! Why not!" he exclaims for an answer.
"I'm leaving." they glared at him with a dark stares as they get ready to leave.
“You can’t leave! I am the one who decides whether you stay or no! Now fix my hair! .” He angrily stammers.
“Oh bite me you piece of shit. I quit! Go hire another poor soul to be your play toy.” They continue
“Kermit the frog would treat me better than you asshole. I might as well be his assistant at his muppets show!” They babble on as they pack their things.
Wally tries to stop them from leaving but they push him away, “Do not. Call me.” They angrily leaving the studio leaving sally on the floor heartbroken as his hair messy and tears fall down his cheeks, regretting not tell them his feelings sooner.
{…}
So yeah, heavy angst or super fluffy would be great 😌
However, Puppet reader though 😏😏 personally I got with Gothic puppet but since it applies to everyone.
Puppet reader would be Wally best friend since they were surrounded by silbing Divas their entire lives.
They would be part of the cast as the next door neighgbor but not the main cast until wally and the reader are paired as a romantic dynamic duo in the show.
They end up getting close despite Wally's diva attitude and the reader use to it as wally reminds them of their older sibling.
Wally ends up befriending the reader "unwillingly" and they get closer than friends 😏😏
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user2772636 · 1 month
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Douzième Fille
12th girl
××《☆》××
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××《☆》××
A new task; Kidnap some frogs and a film to get an hour study session with the Annick Sabiani. Things are still unstable with Joseph. Maybe Callum could help. Your fear of hopping creatures makes a boy forget what went wrong.
===
Joseph Descamps x Reader
Warning: frogs (whoevers scared of them), swearing, boys being boys, angst
Also, yes, I do know harry potter, I was in both that and the marauders fandom (esp marauders)
===
===
Chapter six: Mischief Managed
===
"Sophia Loren is so beautiful." We look up at a movie poster, stating that only eighteen above can watch.
"What about Brigitte Bardot?"
"My mother says she's vulgar."
"Apparently, we can sneak in through the back door." Simone points towards the cinema.
"How do you know that?" I ask her, curious.
"A boy told me." It's definitely Jean Pierre.
"Is it Eugène?" Oh, Michèle.
"No, it wasn't." Simone shakes her head, and she's basically telling the truth.
We turn a corner. "You think I'll meet him someday?" Michèle asks Simone. I glance at the dark haired girl, worry spreading in me.
"Who?"
"Eugène."
"I don't know."
I stay quiet, a one-eyed boy in the back of my mind.
××《☆》××
Students enter through Voltaire High's gates and head inside the building.
I sit in the very front of my class, tapping a pencil against the table, anxiously waiting for my score.
"Pardine, 10." I sigh in relief, scanning the paper.
Frogs croak loudly throughout the room, making me shiver in fear. Small, slimy, hopping creatures were not my thing.
"And finally, Miss Sabiani, 12." Laubrac claps his hands, followed by the class. Annick has been glowing, much more social and vibrant. Good for her, comparing her old self to now.
I look back at my score, sighing. I could've done better. Could've gotten a twelve like Annick. I clench my jaw, disappointed.
Then, for the first time of many times today, a paper plane lands on my table. I furrow my brows, turning around to see who could've done it. None of them look suspicious, but Joseph looks nice. Too nice. And he's wearing green.
I turn back around, not knowing if I was flushed because of anger or because of him. Probably both. Annoyingly, both.
"Tomorrow, we'll all be dissecting frogs." My stomach reacts badly, making me gag silently.
Sure, frogs weren't my cup of tea, but dissecting them? I wouldn't even wish death on Joseph. Though, a part of me knows hatred isn't the reason for this.
I have noticed today that Joseph's been gloomy. He's off, and obviously not in a good way. His eyes that were once lit by its own sun dims down like when a storm approaches. And he's not smiling. I miss his smile.
No, I don't. I don't and won't miss anything. He hates me, and I guess I hate him, too. He decides to talk shit about me? The audacity of that man. I wish I could just grab his neck and strangle him and look at him and see his fucking pretty lips turn into a smile-
That god-awful smile. It ruined me. And I hate his smile. I hate it. I hate him.
××《☆》××
We're all gathered up in the courtyard, discussing our grades, when suddenly, boys started crowding near Annick. I overhear what they say.
"One hour with Annick!"
I furrow my eyebrows. One hour? That's what they're freaking out about? Well, it was Annick, and they were boys, so I guess I shouldn't be too confused.
"Hey, what's happening?" I walk up to Pichon, and he looks startled as he sees me.
"Annick is giving out an hour private lesson if someone steals the frogs and the film from English earlier for her." Pichon stutters out.
This morning, in English class, we watched a movie called "To Kill A Mockingbird", the film adaptation of the book. I guess Annick liked it so much that she wants someone to steal it for her.
In the corner of my eye, a tall blonde's wafting his arms in the air. I had a sudden question.
"Hey, do you have any idea why Applebaum stopped talking to me? I know it was from long ago, but I sometimes wonder what happened." Pichon pales, and my brows pinch together.
"You know how Applebaum's glasses went missing?"
I nod, remembering the day at the gym.
"Well, that was Descamps. After that, he came up to us and threatened Applebaum's eye if he went to talk to you again. Applebaum whined for hours to us after that. He said he lost his chance at the only girl who's ever given him one."
I chuckle absentmindedly, shocked at the new information. Then, I turn angry.
"Descamps, did that? Why? Why would he want Applebaum away from me?" Pichon scans my face, trying to see if I'm serious or not.
"You really don't know?" I shrug, suddenly embarrassed. Pichon scoffs. "He's in love with you, that's why. Even when he looked like he hated you, from how I saw it, he was so in love it turned him into a mad man. I always caught him looking at you or being near you, even if it was a hundred feet away. Wherever you were, he was, too." It's my turn to scoff.
"He doesn't love me. He hates me. I caught him in the halls, talking about me to his friends and saying I was too clingy." My heart shatters in my chest as I recall that moment.
"Wait. How could he say you were clingy?"
"We've hung out the past few days. He's stayed the night the day before I heard him call me that."
"What? You let him stay the night?"
"Yes? What's wrong with that? We're friends. Or atleast we were."
"Oh my god, no offence, but how could you be so daft? You love him, too!" Pichon says a little too loudly, making the courtyard glance at us before returning to their own conversations.
"I don't! Now keep your voice down, or I'll rip them off." I whisper-shout at him.
"You even talk like him." I roll my eyes at his conclusion.
"Anyways, don't be delusional. He doesn't love me, actually, quite the opposite, and I don't love him. That's that." There's a lace of disappointment in my voice, but I cover it up with a stiff face.
Pichon raises both his hands in mock surrender. "Whatever you say." He walks away, a smile dancing on his lips. I scoff.
He doesn't know what the hell he's talking about.
××《☆》××
I lean against the wall facing Michèle as we wait for Simone in the toilet.
"So?" Michèle calls out to the door.
"Yes, it's my period." The door opens, and Simone walks out. She closes the door.
"Is there a stain on your skirt?" Simone checks.
"No. But my underwear's ruined. The rest is fine. I put toilet paper" I notice how messy she looked. I comb her hair out with my fingers. She grabs her things from Michèle.
"You should go to the nurse, Simone." I tell her, worried.
"Yeah, my aunt will have pads." Michèle interjects.
"No, I'll be fine." I puff out my cheeks at her stubbornness, but dismiss it.
We start to walk, but after only a few steps, Simone clutches on her stomach.
"You definitely need to go to the nurse." She shakes her head.
"You poor thing." Michèle says as we continue to walk.
Once we make it out the door to the courtyard, Pichon pops out of nowhere. I squint at him, still pressed about earliers conversation. He just smiles at me.
"Michèle." He says. "Can I ask you a favour?"
"Sure." Michèle responds, walking down the steps with us.
"Do you know where your uncle keeps his keys? There must be spares. Y/N needs them, too." I raise my eyebrows in surprise at the bold question. Then I remember the Annick situation. I nod along.
A voice butts in. "Hey, are you nuts?" It's Dupin. "Don't involve the dean's niece." He's leaning against the wall with his hand on it, legs crossed. "She's gonna snitch."
"What's he talking about?" Simone asks.
"Oh no, not again." Pichon looks between us and Dupin then walks away. I look at him confused.
Michèle walks down to Dupin. "You think I'm a suck up because I'm the dean's niece?"
"Yes." I know that voice all too well. I look at Joseph, and we lock eyes. I scan his face. Nothing's changed much, but it feels like something did. He glares at me then stares baack at Michèle.
"Let's go, guys." Simone says, walking down the steps. Michèle follows, but I stay.
"I heard about what you told Pichon and Applebaum." I walk the down the steps, looking up at his towering figure. He glances at Dupin and his friend, nodding them to go somewhere else. They follow.
"What about it?" He tilts his head at me, hand in his pockets.
"Why are you threatening Applebaum's eye if he looks at me?" His jaw clenches.
He pauses. "Why not?"
"Why not?" I chuckle half heartedly. "Why not?"
"Did I stutter?" Wow, since when did he have sass?
"You're an asshole, okay? First, you talk shit about me to your friends, talk shit about my friends, then I'm now just finding out you threatened Applebaum?" I raise my eyebrows at this, disappointment seething through my teeth.
"Well, that's just life, isn't it?" What the fuck is wrong with him?
"What the fuck do you even mean? We were so close, Jo- Descamps. We were friends, didn't you think?" I stutter at saying his name, embarrassment coating my cheeks.
"Back to last name basis?" There's disappointment in his tone, but I somehow catch his eye glancing down at my lips. I flush more.
"Yeah. Why not?" I mock his words, jutting my head forward.
"Alright, Pardine. If that's what you want." He shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly. He's starting to piss me off.
"I didn't fucking want us to stop being friends. We had to because, for some reason, it's only now that I remembered you're an asshole."
"Whatever." He scoffs out.
"Fine." I stepped closer. I already feel his warmth.
"Fine." He steps closer. He smells the same. I wish things were still the same.
"Fuck you." That's the last thing I say before walking away, feeling his stare on my back.
××《☆》××
"Stealing Herman's frogs and Couret's movie? Did Annick cast a spell on them?" I exclaim, raising my arms. Michèle and Simone follow behind me.
"And Dupin calling me a snitch. I may be the dean's niece, but I'm no rat." Michèle says over my shoulder. I nod in agreement.
I glance at Simone, seeing her clutching her stomach. "You okay?"
"I'm fine." She answers simply, face grimacing.
"You should I ask my aunt to write you a note and go home." Michèle says as she rubs Simone's arm.
"You think?" Me and Michèle nod.
"Okay. I have to go to the bathroom. It's soaked already." I nod again and lead Simone to the bathroom door.
"Michèle." I stop in my heels as Simone turns to Michèle. "You should steal the frogs. That'll shut them up." We continue to walk.
I lead Simone down the staircase, her one hand gripping mine and the other on the rails.
"Are you okay, Ms. Palladino?" Ms. Couret says, looking up at the both of us.
Simone talks to Ms. Couret and I excuse myself. Before I leave, Simone looks at me, glancing at Ms. Couret. I remember the film then nod at Simone. She nods back. I go all the way down the stairs, going out to the courtyard and on my way to the gate.
This morning, Callum called. He told me he had some news. When I asked why he chose lunch time to tell me, all he said was it was so important that he wanted to tell me face to face, and as soon as he was on his lunch break. So, naturally, I agreed.
I see the Thunderbird from a distance, its colour eye catching. A tall frame with messy brown curls exits the car, making his way to me, a bouquet of flowers in hand.
"Good afternoon, beautiful." I roll my eyes at the name, smiling. He simply chuckles. I walk out the gate. He hands me the bouquet.
"What is it?" I ask, implying the news he wanted to tell me.
"Not even a hello? I'm hurt." I stick my tongue out to him. "Anyways, how do you feel about Paris?" My ears perk up at the mention of the city.
"Paris? I miss the place. Why do you ask?" My heart beats in excitement, not knowing what to expect.
"Well, the people loved you so much. The company that released the magazine contacted me to get to you." I raise my eyebrows as he pauses. He furrows his.
"You don't get it? They want you in Paris by summer because they want you to model! Like, professionally." My eyes blow wide open and I gape in surprise. My mouth open and closes, not knowing what to say.
"Callum." I stutter out. "Please don't lie."
"I'm not." Tears rim my eyes, and I blink them away.
"I swear Callum if you're lying-"
"I'm not! I swear on my life." He laughs, his breath blowing on my face.
"Fuck, Callum." I give him a hug, wrapping my arms around his torso, gripping him to stay upright, my mind unable to grasp whether this was real or not.
He wraps his arms around my shoulders, rubbing my back and kissing my hair. "You deserve this. I'm so proud of you."
I pull away from his chest, dried streams of quiet tears on my face. Callum still wipes them away.
"Let me take you out tonight." My heart sort of drops. I can't, I tell myself. Why can't I? Then, a one-eyed boy is in my mind again. Oh. I grip my bouquet.
"Sure." Joseph wouldn't care. I then realised that he probably never did. Whatever, it's fine. But really, it isn't. I shouldn't be thinking about him, I should be thinking about the fact people want me to model for real.
But I can't help it. There's a boy in front of me, a modelling opportunity, and a dinner to look out for tonight, but all I can think about is him.
Him and his ash coloured hair, eyes that change colour in the light, smile that makes my heart clentch in my chest, and his lips. His beautiful, plump, pink lips.
Then I look up at Callum, and he looks at me the way Joseph once did. And I crumble internally, realising how much this beautiful boy will break when he finds out how I feel about someone else.
Joseph never loved me. I don't think he did. I felt used, hurt, and betrayed after what I witnessed. And what's funny is the fact that after that incident, that's when I realised I loved him. I love him.
I love Callum, too. But the way I feel for Joseph, it's different. And it's too bad I realised I loved him and that he hated me too late. I can't help but love him anyway.
That's the thing with love, though. When you realise you feel it, you can't let go. The way it feels is so different, you're too scared to let it go because you don't know when or if you'll ever feel it again.
"I'll pick you up at 6?"
A pause.
"Sure."
××《☆》××
My footsteps echo through the halls, too loud, in my opinion. I follow Michèle, her eyes glancing at me from time to time. I guard the door as she walks in and grabs both of the needed keys.
She gives me my set, whispers good luck, and walks to her room. I part to mine.
I quickly unlock the room and close it behind me, a quiet click sounding around the empty class. The film was situated at the table, leaning against some books. It looked like it was meant to be stolen.
Then I hear footsteps shuffling outside. I get under the table, trying to figure out the noise. It was too flat to be heels, and it was too heavy to be a woman. It sounded like thudding than clicking. Then the door opens, and I see brown oxfords. I know those oxfords. They've been in my flat before.
I get up from my spot, accidentally hitting my head on the edge of the table. Hard.
"Shit, Y/N. Are you okay?" Descamps sprints over to me, hands cupping my head and inspecting the hit area.
"It's Pardine to you, Descamps. And no, do I look okay?" I push his hands away, fixing my hair and dress. I look up at him, and he's already looking at me.
"What now?" I groan, crossing my arms. Descamps raises his brows, crossing his arms, too.
"You think you're the only one who wants to get the film?" He bends down to reach my height. I flush at the proximity.
"I certainly was here first."
"Well, too fucking bad, because I have it now." He snatches the film of the table. I grunt, trying to grab it. He lifts it over his head, stretching his arm. He's smiling. How much I hate that smile.
"Fuck you, Descamps." I push him off, making my way to the door. There's footsteps outside again. I stumble backwards.
"Go, go, go!" I nudge Descamps to the table, planning to get under it again. Our knees push against each other as we try to fit in the small area. A couple of swears and names were silently thrown around but were silenced when the door opened slowly.
I held my breath as Descamps did. I absentmindedly grip his calf, and his hand was gripping mine. In other circumstances, he'd be whispering reassurances in my ear, holding me close with his arms, and kissing my head 'till I calmed down.
This wasn't one of those circumstances.
After a while, there was a snore. I furrow my eyebrows. Snoring? I slowly come out of the nook, not before Descamps pulls me back down and asks me what I'm doing. I shush him, going back up slowly. His hand is still gripping mine. It feels the same as it did all those other times.
I make it to the edge of the table, and across the room, one of the janitors was sitting on a class chair, snoring the afternoon away.
I sigh in relief, coming back down to Descamps. He raises his brows at me.
"So?"
"He's dead asleep."
"Do we stay here 'till he leaves?" I think about it for a moment.
"I guess. It'd be too risky to leave. The door's too loud."
"Fuck. I guess I'm stuck here with you." He rolls his eye. The audacity.
"Hey, I'm not the one talking shit about my friend." He scowls at me.
"Well, I'm not the one who's fucking assuming."
We argue whisper shouting.
"I saw you! And I heard you!"
"You don't know why I was saying that!"
"I know exactly why! You hate me!" That makes him shut up.
"What?"
"You hate me, Descamps."
"Why would you even think that?" There's a tone I can't tell. Like he's hurt, or in disbelief, or in denial.
"Because you're-" He cuts me off.
"Why would I ever hate you?" He squints at me a bit, voice wavering.
"You-" He cuts me off again.
"I could never hate you." Tears brim my eyes at his words. I look at him quietly.
"Stop lying, Descamps." My voice breaks.
"I-" He sighs, looking down at his lap.
I sniffle, wiping my nose. I turn around, back against his clamped legs. And he stays still. We've done this before. Except my back was against his chest, and he was combing my hair with his fingers.
"And Annick." I feel him tense.
"What about her?" I scoff in disbelief.
"You're doing this for her, right?" I turn my head, not really looking at him.
"What? Oh, no, of course not. I was here because Pichon told me, or really I made him tell me that you-" His voice gets cut off and I furrow my eyebrows in confusion.
"That I what?" I urge him to continue. Incoherent noises come from the back of his throat, stuttering against his teeth. He sighs, wiping his palms on the cloth of his knees.
"That you were coming here." It comes out as a mumble, and I almost didn't hear it from the way my heart was thumping and blocking my hearing.
"Why would you care?" There's a pause again, and it's suffocating.
"So that I'll know how easy it'll be to get it before you do." I snap my head forward, looking at the blank wood of the table.
A few seconds pass by. I hear his voice again.
"What about you? Why do you want an hour with Annick?" I keep my head straight this time while talking.
"I need to keep up with her." I shrug simply.
"Why? You're already doing so well in class." I flush at the compliment, but shake my head.
"Well, I could do better." I sigh deeply, seemingly annoyed at the question. I still want him talking to me, though.
"I mean, sure, but isn't it draining?" My hearing blurs for a second at the question.
"Of course it is." I keep my answer plain, but my voice breaks. I hear his heavy breathing.
"You know that I know how much you study. Even if we're... not so close as we were before, I still think you should take a break."
A memory comes to mind. I lean over my books on my bed, writing notes on the pages. Feet thumping against wood floors doesn't break my focus, but a hand caressing my back does. I still remembered the way he whispered against my ear, telling me to take a break. The way he cupped my hand to stop it from writing. The way that the bed dipped as he sat down and wrapped his arms around my waist. How much I missed those nights.
"You know, I used to fake studying so you could come close." I blurt out, not caring what I say anymore.
He doesn't respond immediately. "Yeah?" I hum in response.
"I used to make every excuse to come close." I shiver at the confession, wishing I could turn back time to every moment he came close and held me.
"It's too bad you're an asshole." He chuckles.
"Really is too bad."
I guess that was where the conversation ended, though I'm not sure, but after a while, we hear the janitor get up and leave. I slowly come out of the hiding spot, dusting my dress again.
Before I leave the room, a hand grabs my wrist. I don't turn around, but suddenly, my hands clasp a rectangular object. Descamps drops my hand and leaves.
When the door closes, I just stare at it. Then, I raise my hand. The film was in it.
××《☆》××
I walk with Pichon to the alley, watching familiar faces look at us. I avoid Descamps' gaze, focusing on Michèle and smiling at her.
"There they are!" One of them calls out.
"So?"
"We've got them." Pichon answers, dropping the bag. I hand the film to Annick, leaning into her ear.
"Descamps did it. Give him the hour." I purse my lips, then walk away from her. She turns her head to Descamps, and I'm too scared to see if she looks at him the way I used to. Well, really, I still do.
I walk to Michèle, smiling at her. Then I look at Applebaum.
He hasn't changed much, and when he catches me staring, he turns as red as his name and looks away. I laugh a little, then start to feel bad about the fact that Descamps had threatened him. I'll talk to him about it later.
We all lean and look at Pichon as he opens the pouch, frogs hopping out of it. I yelp, trying to get away from them.
"It only took five minutes?" Dupin asks.
"He's smarter than all of you." Laubrac answers.
"Can't wait to see Herman's face."
They start to grab the frogs and chase each other with it. Dupin lifts it up to my face, and I yelp, running away.
Strong arms lift me off the ground, the familiar scent of cigarettes and expensive cologne fill my senses.
"Come on, go chase Felbec or something. Not her." Dupin nods and runs elsewhere.
He gently places me on the ground again, cupping my face.
"You okay?" He whispers. I nod.
"Don't talk to Applebaum. I saw you looking at him. I know you know that I threatened him, it's only because he's a fucking weirdo and you know it. Please." He reads me too well. I nod again.
"Thanks. Now go home." He pulls his hands away, grabbing another cigarette.
I stumble backwards, walking away fully.
Almost halfway home, I remember leaving something. It was a tie I accidentally dropped when Descamps lifted me off the ground. It was pretty special, so I went back for it.
Turning to the now golden lit alley, my feet stutter to a stop when I see Descamps against the wall, some girl from school splayed over him, her hand on his chest and lips close to his.
The garbage rattles and their heads turn to me. I make a run for it, leaving the tie to be forgotten.
I should've known. He never loved me. He always hated me. Since when were they even hanging out? What if they were together the whole time? I gag at the thought.
I hate him. I hate him so much. But I don't.
Fuck, this hurts.
××《☆》××
End- Chapter six: Mischief Managed
Next- Chapter seven: Salvatore
××《☆》××
So that took SUCH A LONG TIME. Um very angsty good or very angsty bad? Idk if I spell checked or grammar checked this well, so if u see smth, dm me PLS
Also for the F1 fans, ik im late w news, but 1-2 ferrari, carlos pole after appendix got removed, ferrari and mclaren top 4 domination, hamilton and verstappen dnf, george flipping over on the middle of the track, and fernando alonso getting p1 for a few minutes. Austrailia GP will always be wild.
HAPPY READING!!! 6/10 CHAPTERS DONE
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lululandd · 10 months
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Ok I can't stop thinking about the froggie statues in the plants. (Find all the froggie figurines!) Reader should keep a teeny tiny one in her pocket so that when (if?) Ghost eventually invites her inside, she can sneak one in his apartment. 🐸
at peace;
pairing: simon ‘ghost’ riley x f!reader
wordcount: 1205
warning: fluff, froggies, simon riley is a fucking mess, part 2 of this fic
note: also on ao3
summary: what tendy said.
The last time he felt nervous to the point of nausea was a year ago, when he learnt of Graves and Shepherd’s betrayal. But today he felt even worse than that. He saw a glimpse of her daily, sometimes once every two days. The woman saunters to his balcony, waters his plants, wipes the little frogs clean—apparently he missed a little purple one by the orchid—and goes back upstairs. 
He bought different kinds of teas the other day, not knowing what kind she would like, and now the possibility of her not liking tea at all made bile rise up to the back of his throat. Why is he feeling like this? She’s just his neighbour. He’s just being polite by repaying her for making his fire escape look decent. He’s killed men numerous times before and felt nothing, but why is asking his neighbour to come insi—
Realisation hits as he ran for the sink.
He’s never invited anyone in before. Not even Johnny knows where he lives. This would be the first time since he moved here that he would invite someone inside. He looked around the place. Is this how normal people live? Could it be too… pristine? Too immaculate? Should he have at least one picture on a shelf? He glanced at the gloomy state of his apartment and decided he needed to add a little more…. life to it. 
He was caught off guard on his way back from his third trip to the store. He had a little shoe rack and some books on the backseat of his car. 
“Hey neighbour!” He heard her speak.
Fuck.
“Allright?”
She nodded. The woman had a cup of something he can’t distinguish but recognise the café it came from. “You need help?” She gestured at his car.
“Yes.” He answered without thinking. The word just fired out of his brain like a bullet; straight out of his mouth. He didn’t need her help, didn’t want her help. There’s a very empty picture frame on the desk next to the telly and he’s fairly sure she’d be weirded out by. “In a bit.”
She visibly backed off and he thought he had said the wrong thing when she just nodded, “I’ll swing by in an hour? That allright?”
“Yeah.”
He fixed his empty frame problem, placed the books down, and arranged all the extra knick-knacks he bought to somewhere he thought would look normal and presentable. It was after spraying his living space with some air freshener that he started questioning what he was doing. Why was he doing this? To what extent is he going to pretend he is a functioning human being? Would he have done the same thing if Soap was to come over?
A knock on his balcony door lets him know if he would pass as being normal to a civilian. He was greeted with a decent sized tupperware of brownies half shoved into his face. “So what am I helping with?”
Shit.
In his daze to make his place seem normal as possible he had cleaned and put everything in its place. “Sorry, fixed it actually. Fancy a cuppa instead?”
She handed him the brownies so she can take her shoes off. She left them outside by the plants, and saw they were just like them, colourful. He gestured to the sofa as he walked to the kitchen, “Any requests?”
He was unimpressed when she skipped the sofa entirely and walked with him to the kitchen. The girl probably doesn’t trust him with her tupp—
“Any would be fine, I’m not picky.” She instead sat on the dining chair that previously held his dying plant. The plant that started all of this.
“There’s a couple. White, black, earlgrey, chamomile, matcha, as—.”
“No way. Matcha? Do you have that whisk thingy too?” She moved her wrist around.
He opened a drawer and grabbed the wooden whisk and proudly held it up. “You want matcha?”
To his dismay she shook her head, “I’ll just have whatever you feel like having right now.”
“Guest’s choice.”
“I brought brownies. Host’s pick.”
“Matcha goes great with brownies.” He lied. He just wanted to see her eyes light up like earlier.
She nodded enthusiastically, “Whatever you say, you’re the tea expert.”
Fuck. She was just being polite and leaves everything to him because she thinks he’s knowledgeable. He needs more info about tea if he— If he what, actually. Why does he keep thinking about what she wants and what she thinks of him? Would he have thought the same if it was Price thinking he knows more about tea than he really does?
He was so absorbed in his own thoughts that when he turned around to hand her the tea, she wasn’t in her seat anymore. She was looking at the books he had put on the shelf. He had to walk over to hand her the mug.
“You a fan?” She pointed at his freshly purchased Dune books, he sees the sparkle in her eyes again and he has to disappoint her for the second time today.
“Haven’t read ‘em yet. Thought the covers looked interesting.”
“So you just… bought the whole hardcover set because they looked… pretty?” He notices the many crinkles at the edge of her eyes when she smiles. He would like to coun—
“Gotta match my new garden.” He nodded at the balcony. It was utter horseshite from his part but he must admit that the books did make the view prettier. He needs to take that into consideration when buying things now.
The way her face lights up to look up at him mimics the first time he had offered his space to her. “You mean it?”
He took a sip of his tea with one hand and crossed his heart with the other. He hoped this would distract her from his face because he was sure he was blushing. Where’s his mask when he n—
No.
Ghost doesn’t belong here, not now. Ghost will be needed someday when someone bothers her. Ghost will be sorely awakened that day when she tells him she shouldn’t be coming over anymore, but for the time being Ghost doesn’t belong here.
He reminded her about the brownies and glad that whatever bollocks he spewed earlier turned out correct. Matcha did go with brownies. The girl said so herself.
“I’m Simon, by the way.”
He got a call from Price that night, and for the first time, he was sad he had to leave. His mind wandered to his books and wondered if he will ever even read past a quarter of the first one. As he walked over to look at them, he noticed something.
There was a skinny little frog covered in glitter—standing upright with an unamused face—hidden behind the books and the empty basket he had up there. He then moved the frog front and centre, where it really belongs.
Or, that’s where he thought it does, until a week later. The glitter caught his eye as he scans the room one last time before leaving, so he snagged it from its perch and slips it into his inner jacket pocket, comfortably held against his heart.
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ahsoka-in-a-hood · 2 years
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My new favorite thing on tumblr.com is the discourse around how hard it is to leave the order you guys, they leave their members ‘with no life skills’ etc etc, ONLY THE CLOTHES ON THEIR BACKS, it’s so darlingly melodramatic that I’m low-key picturing some kind of ritualistic drumming out ceremony, possibly involving the knights chanting ‘shame,’ ‘shame,’ ala game of thrones, while every single council member gazes down upon them from on high, faces carved from judgmental stone, culminating in the poor sod spending their first night in rags sleeping at the foot of the temple steps,
okay, I am getting distracted. What I’m actually amusing myself with is picturing what Ahsoka, 16 years of age, can put on her CV. It’s a lot. Now I hate CVs so like I’m not about to write up hers but. It includes military command, references from at least two GALACTIC SENATORS who worked with her, references from at least two HEADS OF STATE. Engineering, piloting, teaching, combat, military command, special ops, investigation, geo-politics....... She is 16. This is an objectively insane CV.
Her level of education is so respected that a head of state invited her to guest lecture at their top academy when she was 14, to kids her own age, and she was poised and confident throughout. Her schooling gets outright called out as privileged by her coruscanti friends. Also like, please let me know when the standard US high school curriculum comprehensively covers shit like astronavigation.
Every time she is depicted with non-jedi kids her age she is depicted as generally more worldly and prepared than them. The mandalorian kids. Lux, Trace, etc. She’s never encountered deathwatch or the Pikes directly before she’s rescuing her friends from them, but she immediately knows what’s up because she is simply. Well informed. Unlike her friends. It’s not like she doesn’t also learn things from them in these episodes, but. She just knows a lot.
She also left the order with at a minimum multiple contacts in the senate, a friendship with the king of Mon Calamar (I think?) and the duchal family of mandalore, as well as some shadier contacts.
(Now it’s true that tcw never answered, or even asked, what kind of financial or otherwise situation the temple itself provides to help a jedi who wants out to find their feet. That’s not a question you can ask in Ahsoka’s case without also asking: where the hell was Padme’s support? Why wasn’t Ahsoka sleeping on her couch? That’s her sister-in-law! Actually this is a trick question because Ahsoka tells Anakin she needs to figure this out on her own. Without the council, and without him. So we’ll never know. Until disney churns out yet more content that may or may not contradict previous content.)
(Absolute props to Ahsoka that is 100% what I would have done at 16. That’s just what being 16 is like. Bad things happen and then GOODBYE I AM PUTTING A SANDWICH IN A HANKERCHIEF AND TYING IT TO A STICK AND WALKING INTO THE SUNSET I AM GOING MY OWN WAY I WILL SLEEP ROUGH I WILL GO WHERE THE WIND BLOWS THIS WORLD IS STRANGE AND CRUEL AND I MUST RELY ON MYSELF GOODBYE)
(and obviously like canonically the door was 100% open to her returning, anytime she saw them they were like so... any chance you’re done with your walkabout?... we still have your room ready... your frog grandpa feels so bad he literally had a bad trip vision quest where you were like dying and asking him why he abandoned you and we had to commit him he is very sad. except maybe we’re not actually going to say this because that would sound like a guilt trip.. but... lightsabers ? :3)
(Generally the disaster lineage are a deeply ridiculous dataset. When Obi Wan was contemplating leaving the order he was contemplating becoming the Duke-Consort of Mandalore. Anakin not only married money but was offered a job by the Chancellor at 12 (comics). I mean ANAKIN RUN but also imagine being 12 and the president of the galaxy says well if you don’t like it with your dad I’ll give you a job)
Ultimately when Ahsoka left she tripped and fell into job as a mechanic, immediately found herself bailing her new boss out of trouble, and was headhunted like a week later to be on the command team for a counter coup of a whole system. She was still 16. The rest of us can only aspire to these kinds of job opportunities.
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jordanhaszane · 2 months
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Dragons Rising Needs To Do Better With Zane
Fix Zane's character and make him not a stereotype, not a plot device, not treated like shit. I am tired of seeing Lloyd take Zane's characterization of the "one with visions" I do not care that Lloyd got the dragon steroid injected into him, that was what made Zane interesting because look guys Zane's having visions of something about the future that involves him being blasted into another realm and being a genocidal emperor (everyone didn't care about that) But no holy shit Lloyd is having visions about the ninja dying and a blood moon (everyone cares about that because it involves them all in danger)
I understand having new characters and balancing them with the old ones, I get that, but you could have written both Zane and Jay out of Dragons Rising and nothing would change.
Zane has not done anything to warrant him even being in the plot as of right now. He stayed behind with a frog and a picture of his missing half trying to open a portal that can clearly be opened by The Savior Himself Lloyd when he goes into Dragon Steroid Mode most likely. The only thing going for him is that egg and finding Pixal and I am genuinely interested in how that will turn out.
"But Dragons rising only started and they are introducing a lot of characters and plots and we are about to get season 2-" The egg that Zane was in and him finding Pixal can be done in 3 or 4 seasons, after that then what? What is left for him to do because he obviously won't do anything near what anyone else is doing, he doesn't have a student to train, he doesn't have Dragon Steroids, and his name isn't Lloyd or Kai He does not have any long term progression in Dragons Rising like Lloyd or Kai does and he will most likely leave the main cast that he barely felt like he was apart of after a few seasons (after the Egg and Pixal things are taken care of)
Yeah, it's not all about Zane, I don't want that to be the case. Arin and Sora are the best things to come out of Dragons Rising, but treating Zane (hell even Jay) like this is insulting. Zane is a great character with one of the best character arcs in the whole series and I just want something new with Zane and not just have him on screen for 3 minutes and not again until 5 more episodes. I want that arc to be whatever is going on with the egg. I want that to be what makes Zane have the character arc he deserves and has needed since Season 11. His character is balancing between getting absolutely fucked over by the writers and decent character arc.
Will I still watch Dragons Rising? Of course. Is it good and do I enjoy it? Hell yes. Will I enjoy it more if Zane has more to do? Absolutely.
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ofcowardiceandkings · 8 months
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companion piece of young Link
AAHH i finally finished something :'D
i've uh had some very specific Thoughts about Zelda's childhood for a while now so its about time i put them to paper - this is actually round TWO since the original doodles are lost to ... somewhere ... i like these second editions better though so alls well that ends well
we're looking at ages around 4, 7 and 10 years old here touchin bugs in the dirt, archery practice, and playing a lyre ;w;
more detailed Thoughts under the cut 💙
iiitssss customary ranting about my BotW/TotK opinions tiiiimeeee welcome my darlingsss jfkdjfkd 💙
i had a much more solid idea about where i was going with Zelda than with Link but some of it is kinda abstract or weird lol
we know a fair amount about her upbringing in general, or can infer as much from Zelda's interactions with her father and what they and people around them wrote. she was clearly a smart and vivacious kid with a strong personality from the start, no matter how much you sort of squash that shit for the public face, repression etc. so yknow, her mother's death when she was 6, awful. her father's change in attitude especially in her teens, awful. being under public scrutiny her whole life, awful. restrictive structure of royal life, dull (i bet it bored Zelda to death at times no matter how strongly duty-oriented she is). having said that though, she got by and just by looking at her study, she clearly got stuff done to herself - you can take the kid away from the science but the science stays with the kid !!!
additionally, forgive me for mentioning ... timelines ... but in my humble onion, BotW/TotK serve as a Dragon-Break scenario which are SO far in the future from other entries that ALL timelines will inevitably converge and lead to that point, so it doesnt matter any more (i dont like extended Timeline theory, Nindooty doesnt like extended Timeline theory, the current writing team seem to want shot of it, let me be). being a history guy i also subscribe to leaning on the LEGEND aspect of 100 and 1000 year games of telephone, it makes things spicy. tradition is a strange thing, we do things we dont have much of a context for anymore, we're still living with the cultural hangovers of people living when mammoths were around and no thats not hyperbole lol its WILD. ive typed around the point enough lets get going
she was a bugs girl !!!! she still IS a bugs girl lmao but if our 16 year old girlie is gonna pounce on frogs apropos of nothing, that 4 year old girlie is gonna go catch bugs in the Royal Gardens and freak out her maids or escorts with them, good for her 💅
the other two are where my timeline thing comes in; the triforce is never mentioned by name, its just there in symbolism ?? something about the blood of the goddess ?? divine sealing powers ??? no one knows in the same vein, i like to think that its traditional for Hylian Princesses to learn archery and play a lyre or harp ... but no one remembers quite WHY ?? so Zelda does. the Priestess-Princess* role means the public is aware that Zelda had formal singing training, but its not really common knowledge outside of the Castle that the Royal Girls do THIS (no one knows why that part is important either, but it stays in the Castle). she might be a little out of practice now, but give that muscle memory enough time and she might be able to really surprise people.
*this is part of the Japanese translation, at least in Kass' final song Zelda is referred to as an term roughly meaning Priestess-Princess - which makes total sense to me
ohhh my god i talked a lot okay i just love my gorl fhjdkfjdk
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actual footage of me explaining my shit and going way long
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gunthermunch · 1 year
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Come so far, don't lose me It matters where you are
[Transcript under the cut]
Lucas: luckily Pierce took all my frogs with him, i don't think i'll have the time to care for them. Lucas: also! Elsa and Max will be pretty close! Foxbury and Britechester have some kind of rivalry goin on right? Gunther: yes, to put it in some way. Wolfgang: enough with the bullshit, how hard did he push you? Lucas: i told you it was nothing! it's… alright. Lucas: things are okay, i think. That night i didn't even cry, seriously. Lucas: Max and i are still friends, that's all i care about. Lucas: all this time… he was just having a hard time figuring himself out. and i understand his reasons for not telling me before. Lucas: and for real, i'm not mad or sad at all, so, NO attacking Max! Gunther: goodness gracious i'm not hitting Ulrike's favorite anytime soon Marcus: are you guys done? mila says hurry up Lucas: almost! Wolfgang: yeah Marcus i think so. what's with the hurry… Lucas: oh- wait i… i'll check my daisies. Gunther: ok but- make it quick.
Max: i thought you wouldn't make it Lucas: who do you think i am Lucas: …when are you leaving? Max: now. what about you? Lucas: tonight, i'm almost done packing. Lucas: oh Max. i'm so excited, you're gonna blow them up!- metaphorically. Max: …you think so? Lucas: well of course! Lucas: i'm so proud of you Max, about… everything. Max: ugh… prom is a blob. Lucas: you took me by surprise. Lucas: turns out we are more alike than we thought Max: yeah… Lucas: I'm… gonna miss y- Lucas: it won't be the same without you Max: i'll try to visit, i know it's a long trip from Britechester to Henford but- i swear i'll try. Lucas: i know, messed up boomerang Max: chuckles Lucas: Listen Max i… i can't put it into words but, you mean so much to me. please remember that Max: enough mushy shit, farmer Lucas: hey don't cry… we'll keep in touch Lucas: you better get going Max: yeah… Luna's gonna cut my legs Lucas: have fun, text me when you get there Max: bye Lucas Lucas: …wait? Lucas: i love you. so much, Max. David: everything set? Max: yeah, we can go. Max: …stop the car, David. Max: LUCAS, WAIT! Max: I LOVE YOU!!! Lucas: haha! NOT MORE THAN I DO!!!
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